#so…it makes me wanna cry cause everything comes down to me—the mom

[paincest]

some excerpts from the life of odysseus who returned early and his spoiled 10 year old son:

in the first few days of his arrival, odysseus was feeling really down because he thinks his son hates him till one day, telemachus drags him to a field and introduces him to all his friends who are SOOO IMPRESSED with him

"WOAHHH DID YOU REALLY FIGHT POSEIDON" and telemachus goes "OF COURSE HE DID!!!!! HE'S MY DAD!!!!"

odysseus is just so so happy that his son is actually proud to call him dad that he had to punch himself to stop himself from crying in front of these kids. he spends the rest of his afternoon telling his son and his friends about his journey

their first real dad-son bonding experience is when penelope forces telemachus to go with his dad to some meeting and some asshole made a disrespectful joke about penelope. the kill mode switch INSTANTLY activated within the both of them

telemachus keeps acting like he knows what his dad and mom are talking about all the time so odysseus would just start making things up to see what telemachus would say. sometimes he does it as an 'aha! you little liar!' moment but other times, he just wants to test his son's creativity

odysseus: oh and i fought a varkagrog. you know what that is? telemachus: o-of course! the flying fish... thing... that turns into an uh, giant owl. odysseus who literally just jumbled random words together: yep. that one. you're so smart! telemachus, puffing his chest smugly: cause mommy teaches me everything and she's super smart!

odysseus and telemachus fights over who gets to hug penelope at night. mind you, penelope sleeps in the middle so obviously, they could just share her, but odysseus likes to tease telemachus.

telemachus on the other hand is genuinely Fighting For His Life here

it's all fun and games till telemachus actually starts crying and penelope scolds odysseus. no cuddles for the big man tonight

whenever telemachus is angry at odysseus, he draws on odysseus' face when he's asleep but it doesn't really work because odysseus just gets super happy about it, lifts him off the ground and kisses him all over the face and walks around the whole day with his face all smeared till penelope forces him to take a bath

whenever odysseus and telemachus return home from an outing or if penelope went out and just got back, they race each other to see who gets to kiss penelope first. telemachus is leading the scoreboard

(telemachus doesn't seem to realize that his dad is letting him win most of the time)

during odysseus' absence, telemachus would draw himself, his mom and dad all together but after a few years, telemachus stopped believing his dad is alive or even wants to come home so he ripped odysseus out of all his drawings but when ody finally comes home, telemachus secretly tapes it back together. odysseus pretends like he doesn't wanna cry whenever he sees the obvious rips that telemachus clumsily tried to mend

epic au where odysseus comes home 10 years earlier but that means meeting his son when he was just an immature spoiled mommy's boy who can't accept that his gorgeous elegant queen mother is dating this Rat covered in dirt and blood

[tacitusauxilium]

Honestly? I think I need a sedative and/or wine with the week I’ve had so far.

My mom has been in the hospital since Monday. She had an artery on her right side that had 99% blockage to her heart. They told her if she went to work Monday night or mowed the yard, she would be dead. The thought of her mowing the yard with my son in the house and her dead in the yard terrifies the shit out of me. So, she finally comes home tomorrow since she got her stent put in today to clear the blockage—through her groin, instead of her arm, cause she can’t make anything easy for herself. Then again, the smoking she’s done for 40 + years is finally catching up to her. If that doesn’t wake her up, idk what will.

Then my husband is in the ER today because he was having chest pains. Work wasn’t letting him go back to work (his HR was too high) and then that turned into an ambulance ride—turns out it was anxiety. The man was taking the memories he had with his father and turning them around and experiencing them again. Cause his dad died in a hospital and he hates hospitals—moms in a hospital, so on and forth. Not fun being alone with my kid who wouldn’t nap unless he was in my arms. I didn’t eat until 3pm today cause I was so drained. And also super not fun when the service desk lady asked if anyone could watch my son while I see my husband. I even said “my moms in the cath lab getting a stent put in and my husbands in the ER—I DON’T have anyone to help me” and smiled with my head turned. 😒

So, I’ve been off for two days for work and just having panic attacks over the stress of everything this week. I don’t get how my husband can play video games and relax while I’m laying in bed and trying to stop myself from being numb from everything. At least we will all be home together tomorrow.

[acexsmhking]

TICCI TOBY WITH A THING FOR KNUCKLE RUBBING LORD I BEG THAT IS THE REQUEST

𝐀𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐥𝐲

(𝗮𝗱𝘃.) 𝗜𝗻 𝗮 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗼𝗿 𝗿𝗼𝗺𝗮𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗰 𝘄𝗮𝘆

ׂ╰┈➤ Toby relationship knacks

note: i actually just got done with a full sobbing breakdown so this ask genuinely made me giggle i love you😭😂

Warning(s): GN!Reader, fluff nothing else<3 kinda..

No cause Anon you’re so right, like idk about anyone else but I LOVE knuckle rubs just in general and Toby 100% rubs your knuckles. All of them!!

Especially that little knuckle bone on your wrist tho I guess that’s a wrist bone.. what the difference..

But omg Toby LOVES hands; he loves holding your hand, kissing your fingers, your palms, EVERYTHING!

Toby is a very very touchy grabby feely person like 98.99% of the time. Of course he has his moments where that depression or anxiety hits all of us and he just,.. cannot handle any human interaction

But trust! He is holding your hands, thumb rubbing your knuckles, occasionally bringing your hand up to kiss.

And Toby is actually very open about PDA. Toby doesn’t really care about other people’s opinions or feelings if it isn’t you.. Tim.. Brian.. and Kate. So. Like. Ya know.

He keeps it more PG around them but 100% expect that if Toby ever does wiggle his way into town with you to go shopping he will slap your ass no care

So yeah no one is like shocked by just HOW often he kisses your knuckles. And it’s a lot

Toby pretty much is always with you, sure he heads off for house chores and maintenance and food but other that Toby is with you the whole 24HRS.

So he just… holds your hand. It’s really great actually. Toby doesn’t sweat, and he’s pretty chill not necessarily cold. So like it’s weirdly comfortable and satisfying to hold his hand

Sometimes he’ll hold your hand in his mouth if he’s doing something but still wants some body part of yours

We love the little cutie patootie

Toby 100% is the kinda guy that holds your hand when you guys have sex. I mean it, he loves it. He craves it. It’s just so.. close and intimate like those sappy old adult movies

*sobs*

Not to mention if YOU kiss his knuckles? Yeah he feels his heart tingle; back flipping, doing the tango. Toby is a very big emotion feeler. He feels rather intensely a majority of the time

Like he will break down crying holding your face telling you how much he loves you…

Me with my dog

But he is just a sucker for love. Don’t get me wrong, yes Toby has his moments, and his flaws, and lingering issues. But at the end of the day it genuinely is.. exhausting. And Toby isn’t just some emotionally stupid person he’s stupidly smart if anything lol

Especially canonically

And sometimes after eating a family of five, with your weird demon friend and masked adoptive mom you just wanna go home to your beloved and hold hands

Nothing wrong with that..

Omg going on dates Toby 100% holds your hand across the table. I don’t make the rules

(Ok sure your dates are always at home or the picnic table he built for you but it still counts)

He also LOVEEES how your hands feel, especially that soft skin one your knuckles. He had very very worked hands and just lovessss the differences in textures it itches something in his brain

Ride him, hold his hands as you bounce he will get you pregnant. Sucks if your a guy or mtf he don’t give a fuck. m!preg bitch take that

All in all. While Toby is 99.98% of the time a chaotic bundle of cannibalism, weird morals, demon possession and neurodivergence when he’s with you his only the neurodivergent and chaos LMAO

someone draw Toby kissing some hands<3

: ̗̀➛ Thank you again for this ask I have actually been so stupidly stressed today and this made me feel better. I promise Deer anon and other anon I am working on your requests too!! Just well tumblr decided not to save half the progress LMAO deer anon yours should come out tomorrow! — Ace

[6ix9inewiturmom]

The Scare- Chris Sturniolo

Summary: you end up having one of the biggest pregnancy scares of your life while chris is in boston

Warnings: Cursing, Crying, use of Y/N, talks of sex, taking a pregnancy test

A/n: may be tmi but lowkey relate to this so this was easy to write LMFAOO, ENJOY

PSA: DO NOT USE MY WORK FOR “inspiration” OR ANYTHING ELSE!!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Chris has been in Boston for the last 2 weeks, and he's finally coming home. I decided to shower and shave before he came home because that man is the most sexually active 20-year-old I've ever met, the Facetime sex at 3 am for him isn't nearly enough to satisfy both of our needs.

After my hour-long shower, I'm digging through my shared bathroom with Chris in an attempt to find my body lotion to prevent my dry ass skin in this heat when I find my box of tampons, which got me thinking I haven't had a period in a while and Chris and I aren't the safest people when it comes to sex because neither of us can even remember to put a condom on, it always fucks up my mood.

“Shit,” I say to my self.

Chris and I are only 20 and with his career there's no fucking way in HELL we can have a kid or even raise a kid, I am nowhere near ready to raise an actual child.

I open my Flo app and see the little circle that's normally red is grey ‘1 week late’

“Shit shit shit,” I say out loud again, panicking.

I can't keep it from him, he's gonna see the pregnancy test in the trash. Would he be mad if I kept it from him? Should I just tell him? Should I go to Tara?

After about 30 minutes of standing in the bathroom looking at the message in my phone, panicking about what to do, I just decided I was gonna tell Chris, he loves me, and we've talked about having kids way later in life anyway, he couldn't be mad.

I finally built up the courage and got dressed in a pair of tight ripped jeans and a baby tee, with some Converse, and sat on the couch waiting for Chris to come home going through Tiktok and whatever else was on my phone.

“BABY IM HOME” Chris yells from the stairs

I squeal in excitement as I spot Chris and run towards him. Jumping into his arms, he effortlessly lifts me, allowing me to wrap my legs around his waist.

“Umm Y/N there are other people here too you know? Also, Chris get out of the fucking way so we can fucking put our shit down” Nick says in annoyance.

“Well hello to you too Nick,” I say jumping out of Chris’ arms moving out of the doorway, and letting Matt and Nick come inside the house.

“Sorry babes, we've all been up since about 6 am Boston time trying to catch our flight we almost missed because your fucking boyfriend wouldn't get the hell out of bed” Nick replies sending me a soft smile and giving me a soft hug.

“To be fair none of us went to bed at a decent time, mom was making sure we had everything packed so we didn't leave anything behind” matt defends.

“Thank you, Matt, now Y/N do you wanna take a nap? I know we were gonna go out to dinner but I'm very fucking jet lagged and kinda just want to order dinner and watch movies with you” Chris wraps his arms around my waist nuzzling his head between my neck as my hands rest on his shoulders.

“Thats fine with me i don't mind” i pull away from his embrace and smile at him.

Chris grabs his luggage and my hand and guides me to our shared bedroom. As we enter the room he seats his luggage down and plops on the bed letting out a groan of frustration.

“I have missed this damn bed, don't ask me how I slept in that bed at my mom's house for god knows how long because this one is so much more comfortable,” Chris says adjusting the way he's laying to rest his head down on the pillows. “Now after 2 weeks of no sex and just my right hand, I'm gonna need to fuck the ever-loving shit out of you” he smirks at me patting his lap and signaling me to sit on it.

“Yeah so about that” give him an awkward smile “So I didn't know how to approach this to you, 'cause you know we're not the most responsible sexually active humans” I start babbling getting nervous of his reaction based on the puzzled look on his face.

“Y/N what the hell are you getting at? cause if you don’t wanna have sex with me right now that’s fine just say that, but considering our last facetime call the constant ‘oh chris i need your cock’ was really misleading to me” he says with a puzzled faced.

“Chris i’m late” i breathe out.

“late for what? did we have reservations for dinner? did you have something for work?” he says with frustration in his voice.

“No Chris my period, I'm late, my period is LATE, I'm 1 week late today,” I say aggressively from his lack of acknowledgement.

“wait we haven’t had sex in 2 weeks? i’m confused” he sits up moving to the edge of the bed.

“last time we had sex i was ovulating, remember when i told you like a while ago that if im ovulating means im FERTILE?” i say in frustration.

“Fuck” he runs his fingers through his hair “Did you take a test? Do you know for sure that you are pregnant?” he questions

“No, and no, I didn't wanna take a test without you, and I for SURE didn't wanna hide it from you,” I say softly sitting next to him on the bed.

“So why the hell are you freaking out now? You don't know for sure that you are” he asks placing his head in his hands.

“Because you and I are nowhere near ready for a fucking kid Chris, your career, and my inability to even fucking care for myself some days, yeah there's no fucking way I can care for a child who can't even speak on its emotions, Chris” I stand up out of frustration and start pacing.

I can tell Chris obviously got upset with my statement about our ability to care for a child but i was stressed and honestly wasn't thinking.

"I want you to know that I care about you deeply, Y/N. If you are indeed pregnant, please know that I will do everything in my power to support you and our child. Even if it means giving up my career, I will do it willingly. Let's go get a pregnancy test and we can talk about everything else later, okay? I am here for you, and I will always be." he says, his voice filled with empathy and understanding as he gently cups my cheeks in his hands, rubbing them softly up and down and warm smile spreads across his face.

As our eyes meet, a warm smile spreads across his face and I can't help but return it. He takes my hand in his and gently guides me towards the living room, his grip firm yet gentle. The coolness of his skin against mine sends shivers down my spine.

“Girl, were you guys arguing? Normally after we come home from Boston it's all ‘Oh Chris more, more’ typically a traumatic event” Nick says mocking me with a smile plastered across his face.

“Y/N and I are running to CVS so well be back in a little,” Chris says walking him and me down the stairs and to my car.

The drive to CVS was filled with a bunch of conversations and laughter, talking about if I was pregnant how we would raise our child, and Chris talking about the dad jokes he's gonna have, and considering he's a triplet he carries the genetic that I'm probably gonna twins or triplets.

“How many of these things do we need? What brand is best? why are there so many options?” Chris says holding 3 boxes of pregnancy tests and struggling to figure out which one to pick “fuck it why don't we buy all of them and use one pack tonight then we'll have the extra on hand in case our irresponsibility gets the best of us” he continues.

Chris and I walked up to the front counter and dropped the boxes of tests. The worker behind the counter took a look at the tests and then looked back at us, giving us a fake smile. After ringing up the purchase, we made our way to my car.

“So do you think you are pregnant?” Chris says breaking the silence.

“I mean normally my cycles are normal and a week late is not normal at all but it could be my hormones changing or something, but I do wanna make sure,” I say glancing at Chris nervously biting his nails.

“You were right about how irresponsible we are with our sex lives but when we first started fucking we knew the risk of everything and I mean our kids would be pretty cute,” he says placing his hand on my leg and rubbing a small circle with his thumb.

Chris and I pulled up into the driveway. As we got out of the car, he held my hand tightly and carried the CVS bag in the other hand as we made our way into the house and up the staircase.

“did you get any snacks?” Nick says eating a bowl of popcorn on the couch with Matt watching the most random movie on Netflix.

“Uhm no I just got a couple of personal things” I say nervously holding up the bag and sending a warm smile to Nick.

Chris and I pretty much B lined to the bathroom, anxiously “So which one do we use?” Chris says looking down at the boxes.

“Just give me the one that says Clearblue” i say softly laughing as Chris opens the box for me and inspects it before handing me the little stick.

“Do you want me to hold the stick while you piss? I'm sorry I have no idea how these things work” he says laughing allowing his back to slide down the wall and sit with his back against the shower door.

“Chris it's fine i know how to use these, believe me my friends in highschool weren't the most responsible either” I say laughing beginning to pee on the little white and blue stick.

“So how long do we wait?” Chris says helping me take a seat on the floor next to him.

“5 minutes” I breathe out setting a 5-minute timer on my phone and leaning my head against the shower door.

As we sat in the bathroom, waiting for the pregnancy test to show its result, the silence felt palpable. It wasn't an awkward silence, but rather a deafening one that seemed to fill the entire room. With just the two of us present, we anxiously waited for the five minutes to pass.

“Would it be a bad thing if I wanted it to be positive?” Chris chuckles.

“I wouldn't necessarily say a bad thing, there's a part of me that kind of wants it to be positive too” i smile back at Chris.

The alarm on my phone quickly broke the once-loving moment sending us into a panic. Chris and I stand up walking to the counter.

“Wait should we film it in case you are then we could always have it if you could be pregnant?” Chris’ gaze softens as he looks at me.

“Chris not the time” I softly laugh out.

“Right,” he nods smiling back at me. “WAIT” he grabs my hand “Whatever happens, I love you,” he says in a serious tone.

With a warm smile, I gaze lovingly at him and reciprocate his affectionate words, "I love you too Christopher." However, my attention is quickly drawn towards the counter where the pregnancy test lays face down, taunting my nerves. With trembling hands, I muster up the courage to pick it up and slowly turn it around to face me, my heart pounding in anticipation of the result.

‘Not Pregnant’

“YES, MORE CREAMPIES” Chris shrieks wrapping his arms around my waist and picking me up, and spinning me around as I giggle out of excitement.

He carefully seats me down back flat on my feet. Our moment was quickly interrupted by both Nick and Matt barging through the door.

“ARE YOU GUYS- wait is that a pregnancy test? Y/N ARE YOU PREGNANT?” Nick yelled as Matt's eyes widened at the little blue stick in my hands.

“Please for the love of god, I don't want a little Chris running around, or two, or even three” Matt places his hand on his forehead.

“No she is not” Chris chuckles at the boys’ comment.

“THANK YOU,” matt and nick say in unison.

“Wrap it before you tap it next time Chris,” Nick says walking away and back to the living room.

“Now I'll say it again, after 2 weeks of Facetime sex I would like to absolutely fuck your brains out” Chris says smirking down at me.

“Please do” I smile as he picks me up gripping the backs of my thighs as my legs wrap around his waist leading me to the bedroom.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

A/N pt 2: I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THISSSSSS AND TYSM TO @cosmicmistake42069 FOR THIS INSPIRATION!!

[jackmanbj]

happy wife, happy life

summary: your pregnancy mood swings are killing jack, he tried everything to get you happy but everything he tried fails.

requested by a lovely anon!💕

jack had just left the house to go get you some food, you wanted to stay home because this baby was kicking your ass.

jadore went with jack to go get your food so she could get some to.

stinka💕-baby what do you want?

you- i told you, canes.

stinka💕- i know baby, what do you want from canes?

you- oh sorry, can i get a 3 piece please?

stinka💕- of course

you put your phone down and started watching me before you.

not even 10 minutes into the the movie, you in tears, but it was to good to turn off.

jack helped jadore into her seat and placed her food down.

he quickly went to go get you so you can eat.

jack opened the door to seen you crying, eyes still glued to the screen, tissue in one hand and remote in the other.

“baby whats wrong??”

jack made his way over to you and wiped your tears off with his thumb.

“nothing..the movie is so sad though jack..” “baby, lets go eat mmh?” “ok..”

jack helped you up and started helping you make your way down the stairs to jadore and your food.

“whats wrong mommy?”

that made you cry even more, just jadore making sure her mommy was ok made you cry.

jadore noticed you starting to cry once again so she hopped out her set as fast as she could and ran over to hug your leg.

you bet down to pick her up.

“mommys ok sweet girl, lets eat eat?”

“yes!”

you brought jadore back to her seat and your both started eating.

“mm jack this is so good, want some?”

jack walked over a took a huge bit of your food and you just looked at him.

“really jack? i dont even want it anymore.” “baby finish your food!” “no! i dont want it anymore.”

you got up and picked up your phone and started walking back upstairs to watch your movie.

a few minutes later jack walked into the room with the word sorry written on his forehead that looked like it was written by a three year old.

because it was.

“read my forehead babe.”

you looked at his forehead and immediately giggled.

“really? i hope thats washable.”

“it is mamas, now do you forgive me?”

“yes baby boy i forgive you.”

jack had the biggest grin on his face as he walked over to you.

he stood on the side of the bed where you were, arms open.

you quickly got up to hug him.

“jack..”

“yes ma”

“i love you.”

“i love you more baby, more then anything in this fucking world.”

jack leaned down to kiss you and you quickly kissed him back.

jack started rubbing on your stomach, bending down to talk to her and kiss her.

jack planted 3 kisses on you before opening his mouth.

“hi baby, mommy and daddy cant wait to meet you, you’re going to be so spoiled by everybody, i love you so much. you have an amazing mom, sister, and uncles.” jack planted a few more kisses over your stomach before looking up to fine you once again crying.

“babe.”

“im sorry! that was just so sweet!”

jack chuckled and pressed play on your movie.

every once in awhile, sad scenes would come up making you cry but jack would always calm you down.

until the movie ended.

you were right expecting the most happiest ending ever.

but it wasn’t, in fact it was the saddest ending you genuinely ever seen.

and you wouldn’t stop crying, lord knows it was just the baby but jack knew it was hormones and the only way for you to stop crying like this would be for you to go to sleep.

“baby how about you go to sleep.”

you shook your head no then got up and went to the bathroom.

“wheres jadore?”

“taking a nap mamas why?” jack got up and made his way to the doorframe of the bathroom.

“nothing, i was just checking.”

you reached for the shower handle losing your balance but jack was quick to catch you.

“unt unt, mamas go lay down, you can shower later fuck that.”

“jack! i wanna shower now!” “no ‘cause you almost bussed your fucking ass, go to the bedroom.”

jack pointed to the room implying for you to go there.

you simply huffed and rolled your eyes.

at this point, you simply wanted to take your shower and relax, but no.

‘just because i was about to fall doesn’t mean im not capable of taking a fucking shower.’

you thought to yourself as jack finally walked into the bedroom to join you on the bed.

“ma.”

you simply looked at him before pulling out your computer.

jack reached over and took the computer out of your lap and closed it, placing it on his side of the bed.

you quickly pulled on his earlobe.

your nails pressing together slightly as jack whined in pain.

“give me my fucking computer jackman thomas.”

“yes ma’am.”

as soon as you let jack go he reached to grab your computer rubbing his ear in pain.

you took a look at jack to realize he was pouting and rubbing his ear.

“aww come here stinka.”

you pulled jack into your chest as he fake cried.

“jack baby im sorry.”

“you almost killed me!”

“dont you think thats a bit dramatic?”

you moved jack curls out the way exposing that huge forehead and kissed forehead before gently placing them back.

“jack your forehead is huge, i hope sarija doesn’t have a forehead like that, i was so happy when jadore didn’t”

“THATS UNNECESSARY! you know what, i hope they dont have your high. since you know, your 5’5 on a good day.”

jack leaned up to whisper in your ear “its never a good day.”

you push his head off your chest while giggling and jack was full out belly laughing.

“are you finally happy ma? youve been crying all day.”

you quickly pouted.

“im kidding babe.”

jack placed a kiss on your lips and you quickly smiled.

“im going take my shower jack.”

“take it in the morning, lets go to sleep.”

“fine.”

you laid down once again slightly agitated, jack reached over to rub your bump and of course you let him but you let out a angry huff

jack realized you were once again upset but decided to let you sleep and not speak on it.

‘im going to have to deal with this the whole rest of this pregnancy’ jack thought as he kissed your cheek rubbing your belly.

[its-echo-song]

Childhood AU Ch 1.

“Come on! You can do it!” Donny calls from the branches of a large tree, leaning down, gripping on to one and holding his hand out. “Here! Just make it far enough to grab my hand and I’ll help you up!”

“I don’t think I was made for this!” I call through huffs of effort as I grab onto the next branch, hauling myself up onto it and taking a moment to catch my breath. Donny laughs. “You think I was? Look at me!” I give him a questioning glance. “You’re the one up there.” “I’m the one that looks like the Pillsbury dough boy.” I laugh, shaking my head. “Shut up! You do not!” I pull myself closer, finally grabbing onto his hand and he helps pull me onto the thicker branch where he sits. He shrugs. “That’s what mom says, but she also says I’ll grow out of it once I start doing sports.” “That’s a mean thing to say, Donny.” He furrows his brows, giving me a confused look. “Not really? I mean- it sounds that way but you don’t know her like that, she doesn’t mean it that way.” I’ve been to his house a few times, his mom is rough- usually yelling at him or his sister over unfinished chores or being too loud. When his dad is home she’s either fighting with him or gone. 

“Well- you don’t look like that, either way.” He flashes me his usual, carefree grin. “I’m not worried about it! Anyway, we’re almost there, we’ve just gotta get a few feet higher and we’ll be able to see it.” “It better be as cool as you say it is.” “I promise.” We start climbing again, finally reaching as near to the top of the tree as we can. He points and I squint out to the distance- he’s right. Someone’s building a castle out past the park. “Woah!” I lean forward, squinting and trying to take in more detail. “It looks huge!” “I wanna go see it, but it’s so far.” I nod. “Yeah, we’d have to get your mom to drive us.” “She won’t, she doesn’t like that park.” “Why not?” He shrugs. “There’s one closer so why would she go all the way out there?” “Maybe we could take a day and walk. Bring snacks, something to drink… I wish I had a bike, too, it would be easier that way.” I don’t realize where my footing is, when I shift to look back at him I slip. There’s a long second where all I can think is I’m going to die- then everything goes too fast for me to process as I tumble downward through the branches. I try to grab on to them, find one that can catch me, but several snap with the force of my fall. There’s a strangely dull thudding noise, the wind gets knocked out of me, and I hear Donny screaming from the top of the tree. I try to keep my eyes open, I can’t tell if they’re blurry because my glasses are gone or from how hard I hit the ground, but eventually I can’t control it anymore and I slip into darkness.

I have to force them back open, struggling to regain control of my brain. Once I’ve managed it, though, my other senses seem to follow suit, restarting with a slow fade in. I recognize an extremely familiar sound, ma crying. I turn my head to the side and she grabs my hand. “Harvey! Honey, you’re-” She takes a break for a moment to sniffle, stifling her tears. “You’re in the hospital.” I try to respond, but my mouth is so dry that my tongue sticks to the roof of it. I just stare at her, hoping she’ll understand that I understand. “You had a pretty big fall, but you’re going to be okay. It’s going to be okay.” It’s more like she’s reassuring herself than she is me, as she repeats it a few more times. Eventually I fall back asleep.

When I wake up again I feel a little less groggy, sitting up and looking over to my right- instead of ma, Donny is sitting in the chair next to my bed. He looks up as I move, letting out an excited gasp. “Hey! I’m glad you’re awake!” I nod, still not feeling like speaking with how thirsty I am. I gesture for a cup. “Oh, dad asked the nurse earlier, they said while you’re waking up you shouldn’t have a cup cause you’ll be groggy but they have this sponge on a stick thingy-” He holds it up. “Sponge water!” I take it from him, thankful for anything I can get at this point. A few passes like this and I finally feel like I can talk without rasping. “Thanks Donny- your dads here?” “Yeah, he let me skip school. Mom wasn’t happy about it but I promised I’d work extra hard so I don’t get behind.” “I’m sorry.” “You shouldn’t be! If anyone should be apologizing it should be me. The tree was my stupid idea.” “I still have my own brain, not like you made me.” “I still feel bad.” “It’s alright- not like you knew. It was kinda stupid of me not to look at what I was doing anyway.” “At least you’re okay though. I thought you were going to be dead when I was climbing down.”

“Ugh- I thought so too… We missed the history quiz.” He laughs. “Good, I didn’t study.” “Mrs Brooks is going to make you take it tomorrow.” “Oh well. You’re more important.” I grin at him, laughing lightly- which sends pain through my body, but I ignore it. “Don’t let your mom hear that.” “She’d kill me, for sure.” The door to the room swings open, Donny’s dad and my mom step into the room. “Donny, we’ve gotta go home.” He says, giving me a sympathetic glance. “Sorry, Harvey. I hope you get better soon.” Donny stands up, only to be ushered to the door by his dad with a hand between his shoulder blades. “Uh- bye Harvey!” “I’ll see you tomorrow!” I wave at him just before the door closes behind them. Ma stands next to the bed, fretting over my injuries- checking them, though I don’t think she’s actually supposed to do that if I’m not her patient. “Ma, I’m fine!”  She huffs out a breath, stepping back and looking at me with teary eyes. “Do you know what could’ve happened to you? You could’ve died!” “But I’m okay! I promise!” “You- They brought you here and I was on shift and nobody would tell me what was going on. I thought you-” He voice breaks and she begins crying again. “Harvey, I can’t lose anyone else. Especially not you. You’re my rock.”

Guilt piles up in my stomach, I avoid her eyes. “I know. I’m sorry. I won’t do it again.” “No, you won’t. I shouldn’t have let you run all over god's green earth on your own like that- Sal and Christy didn’t keep an eye on you and I almost lost you for good.”

“It wasn’t their fault-” “-I know you see it that way but you’re not an adult, honey. They’re responsible for you when you’re over there and they let you get hurt.” “But-” “-I told Sal you and Donny won’t be playing together any more.” “What?! Ma!” Instantly, tears spring into my eyes. “No! Please don’t! He’s my best friend!” “He’s a bad influence.” “He didn’t do anything wrong!” “Harvey, I said no!” She snaps at me and I find myself going quiet. She sighs, slumping into the chair and rubbing her temples. “I’m sorry- I’m doing what’s best for you. I’m trying my hardest here, bud… I’m doing it on my own.” I hate seeing her stress like this, I hate when she feels like she’s failing me. I know she's doing her best, and I’m just stressing her out by fighting. I wipe my tears away and take a breath, trying to swallow down the misery. “I know… you’re doing good, ma.” She gives me a grim smile and grabs my hand. “You know I love you, right? I’ll always love you.” “I know, I love you, too.” It’s not the first time, it probably won’t be the last time, but I’m saying it out of habit more than feelings. Trying to fix her, take away the stress I’m causing. “Can I go home today, though?” She smiles at me, the tension leaving her. “Yeah. I’ll go ask when we can leave.” She stands and relinquishes her grip on my hand. It isn’t until I get home and into my bedroom, hours later, that I finally let myself cry about Donny. It hurts, my head throbs and my ribs send searing pain through me, but the sadness of knowing I won’t be allowed to be his friend anymore aches deeper than the physical wounds.

The hours pass and I remain in my room, wallowing. Ma calls me to dinner and I tell her I’m not hungry, even after she insists I come out to eat, I just tell her I’m too tired to. She sighs and closes my door again, I hear her turn on the tv and start watching some sitcom. 

I lay on my back and listen to cheesy dialogue and laugh tracks, trying to figure out what I’m supposed to tell Donny tomorrow.

Eventually I fall asleep, when I get up in the morning ma has already left for work. A note on the counter catches my attention, ‘come straight home from school and be sure to lock the door.’ I sigh, picking it up and crumpling it in my frustration.

I hate sitting here by myself, cleaning, cooking, and pretending I’m not home when someone knocks on the door. Donny had been an escape from it, an excuse to get away from the sounds of fighting neighbors that scare me, from the shouting of someone on the street, from loud bangs that I swear are gunshots. 

But what else am I supposed to do? I don’t want to cause trouble, I don’t think ma could handle the stress. It’s already bad enough as it is.

I grab my backpack from beside the door, checking that I have my keys, and lock up behind me before heading to school. Donny is waiting for me outside, as usual. “Hey! How are you feeling? I’m so glad you’re here, I was worried I’d have to deal with Mrs Brooks by myself.”  “It’s not like you skipped class, your dad called the school right?” “Yeah but I feel like she’s always mad at me.” “That’s cause you goof off.” He shrugs. “If it’s boring, it’s boring.” “Then don’t complain when she’s mad that you’re not listening.” “Okay, I should’ve known better than to try and get you to sympathize with me.” “What does that mean!?” “Teacher's pet.” He teases, nudging against me and laughing. “Of course you’d take her side, you’re mister perfect.” “Oh, shut up! I just understand why she’s like that, is all.” “Okay, whatever you say.” He starts toward the doors. “Let’s go before we’re late.” I know I have to tell him. Eventually I will, but I don’t want to think about it right now, and I don’t want to tell him while he’s cramming for the test retake. We have until lunch time. After that, I can tell him while we eat. But when the time comes, and we’re sitting in the too-loud cafeteria, I can’t bring myself to broach the subject. It’s Donny who ends up pushing the conversation to a point where I need to say something. “When you’re over today I’ll show you the new secret I found about the game- it’s really cool, there's this hidden area-” “Donny, I can’t come over.” I feel nauseous saying it.

“Oh. Well, okay, tomorrow then.” “No, I mean- my mom said we can’t hang out anymore.” “What?!” “Yeah… I guess we’re just stuck hanging out at school.” “No! That’s not fair! Why?” “Uh-” I’d rather not say, I know he feels bad for me falling in the first place. “I don’t know, she’s just… being unreasonable.” “It’s because of the tree thing, isn’t it?” I look down at the table, staring at my mostly-uneaten sandwich. “Yeah.” “That’s not fair though! You’re okay! And you shouldn’t be grounded because of me! It’s my fault!” “I’m- I’m not grounded. She thinks you’re a bad influence.” He stares at me, jaw dropped. “What?” “She thinks I’d never do something like that… if it weren’t for… you.”  “... do you think that?”

“What!? No! Of course not!”

“It’s just… I had to talk you into it and… I mean-”

“No, don’t even go there. It was still my choice. Anyway, it’s not like I died.”

He sighs and slumps down a little. “What am I supposed to do now?”

“Well- you’ve got other friends, don’t you?”

“But they’re not my best friend! What if I came over and convinced her?”

“That’s a bad idea.”

“Why? She’s gotta at least listen, she can’t just ban us from hanging out forever.”

“I really don’t think she’d like it, it might make her more mad.”

“Okay well… I guess I hope she changes her mind soon, then.”

“Me too.”

[agaypanic]

*runs in* i had a thought ‼️‼️ francis wilkerson. you two kick shit up before military school, being devious little creatures while dating. and then after he leaves military school, you two go to work at the grotto and start to settle into a nice and calmer life together *runs away*

Growing Up With And Dating Francis Wilkerson Headcanons

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A/N: modern au. au where francis doesn’t emancipate himself so he graduates at Marlin Academy. I just feel like it would make less of a plothole doing that instead of getting rid of piama or not having him go to alaska. I wouldn’t know what i’d make him do instead of working in alaska, but piama is kind of the reason francis ends up going from alaska to the grotto. Also warning for a lil nsfw/suggestive, but its only one part

***

Lois probably hated you lol

You were a troublemaker who helped her biggest troublemaker cause even more trouble

Even if you occasionally behaved better than Francis, you still weren’t a good influence

“I dunno, Francis.” You said, watching the piercer mark up your boyfriend’s face. “Your mom said that if you did this, she was gonna send you to military school. In Alabama.”

“Don’t worry, babe, she’s bluffing,” Francis muttered, trying to keep still.

“When you have to get up at six in the morning every day to do push-ups or whatever it is they do over there, don’t come crying to me.”

There was a brief pause before Francis answered where you watched the piercer put the needle through one of his nostrils. You winced at the sight, but your boyfriend didn’t seem affected much.

“Who am I supposed to go to to complain about my life?” Francis asked.

“Your mom? You complain to her about everything else.”

Francis laughed, and soon, a comfortable silence fell over the room while the piercer prepped a new needle.

“Hey, do you wanna get matching piercings?”

Safe to say, Francis got sent to military school

You were obviously both devastated and not surprised

He spends a lot of his phone calls on you

Another reason for Lois not to like you, because he usually racks up their phone bill because he wants to talk to you

But at the same time, your calls kept him motivated to stay on track with schoolwork

“Is the answer…” Francis trailed off, wondering if he should actually think or just guess. “B?”

“Wrong.”

“C!”

“Wrong.”

“A!”

“Even more wrong.” Francis groaned, throwing his head back in frustration as you laughed on the other side of the screen. “Next one.”

Francis sighed, looking back down at his practice quiz.

“How many bones are in the human body?” He read, scratching his head. He looked up at his computer just to see you looking back at him expectantly. “Two hundred and… six?”

“Ding ding ding!” You grinned, sitting back in your seat. Your hands reached down to the hem of your shirt, slowly pulling it up and over your head.

Francis was glad his roommate was in the rec room.

When he thinks about getting emancipated and going to Alaska, everyone’s pretty much against it

Except for Eric, since he gave Francis the idea

But you’re the only one Francis really listened to about how he’d probably ruin his life if he did it

This definitely warmed Lois up to you a bit more

At least to the point of being able to sit through Francis’ graduation together

“Move in a little closer.” Lois directed, waving her hands around as if to show you where to go. “Francis, lift your hand a little higher. Not that high!”

You and Francis snickered, finally posing in a way Lois liked so Hal could finally snap some pictures.

“So, how was sitting next to my mom the entire time?” Francis whispered to you.

“Not too bad, actually. I think she’s still riding the high of you not failing out of school.”

Now that both of you are out of school, you had to figure out what to do after

Francis knew he wanted to be as far away from his mom as possible

You weren’t opposed to exploring new places, so the two of you packed up and just started driving

Eventually, you found Gretchen, Otto, and the Grotto

“So, what’s your day looking like today?” You asked as you and Francis made your bed one morning.

“Just the usual stuff,” he replied, fluffing the pillows. “Few horse rides, gotta fix a fence, look after the stables.” Francis rounded the bed to reach you, looping his arms around your waist and pulling your back to his front. “But Otto gave us the evening off, so after six, I was thinking we’d grab some dinner and drive out to one of the viewpoints nearby.”

“Ooh.” You cooed, liking the idea. “Sounds wonderful.”

“After work, dress up a little,” Francis said, kissing your cheek before letting you go. “Trust me.”

“Is there some kind of surprise or something?” You asked. The two of you stepped out of your little apartment room at the Grotto, heading to the front office where you worked every morning. 

“I’m not gonna spoil anything.” He smiled, secretly playing with the small box in his pocket that held a diamond ring. “But you’ll definitely be surprised.”

***

Malcolm in the Middle Taglist: @rattilol

Francis Wilkerson Taglist: @tweedledipshit

[rpmemes-galore]

Sabrina Carpenter : emails i can’t send fwd album ... sentence starters

"Don't say sorry, now."

"Oh, you're so vicious."

"It was all so innocent."

"I can't read your mind."

"You miss me? No duh."

"You want me? I'm done."

"And if I do, then I blame you."

"Why you gotta be so vicious?"

"So why do you look so happy?"

"I like the way you like to laugh."

"Bet you wanna touch me, now."

"I've quietly carried your burden."

"Everyone thinks you're an angel."

"You're lucky I'm a private person."

"I get nice guys and villainize them."

"Oh, so you can reply, just to not me."

"And thanks to you, I can't love right."

"Were you lyin' to me and the family?"

"I still make excuses for you constantly."

"I'll drive you home, you drive me crazy."

"One year, ten thousand bad moments."

"Say it's hard, but you make it look easy."

"There’s no hiding from the thought of us."

"When I saw you cry, I didn't handle it well."

"You wanna discuss? Ugh, you disgust me."

"Oh, so you do have a type and it's not me."

"Yeah, I say I'm done, but I'm still confused."

"Your signals are mixed, you act like a bitch."

"And I tried to look for the best in the worst."

"Your corner in my mind is well-established."

"I wish we stayed just like we were up there."

"Didn't think about it when you let me down."

"But like, fuck me, that caused a commotion."

"I can't help myself when you get close to me."

"Tell me who I am, guess I don't have a choice."

"And God, I love you, but you're such a dipshit."

"I'm not catastrophizing, everything's derailing."

"It's times like these, wish I had a time machine."

"You're not my friend and, baby, you never were."

"Give me a second to forget I evеr really meant it."

"You don't feel remorse, you don't feel the effects."

"He's good for my heart, but he's bad for business."

"After the aftermath, I know you'll be coming back."

"Tell me I was more than just a decent opportunity."

"Don't think I'll find forgiveness as fast as mom did."

"You're good at impersonating someone who cares."

"Don't make me cuss you out, why'd you let me down?"

"Without you here, I don't know what to do with myself."

"I feel so much lighter, like a feather, with you off my mind."

"Or maybe I believed in all your lies, 'cause I believed in you."

"If I fall in love with all my problems, will they leave me, too?"

"'Cause you don't think you hurt me if you wish me the best."

"I'm too late to be your first love, but I'll always be your favorite."

"I think he's onto me every time I say I'm over that son of a bitch."

"I wonder how many things you think about before you get to me."

"If I could convince him, if he doesn't see it, then maybe it doesn't exist."

"But now you're takin' up my nights. Never been so glad to be so tired."

"How am I supposed to close the door when I still need the closure?"

"Well, this was really nice. Maybe we should do this on purpose sometime."

"You say that you need to be alone, but night and day, want me at your beck and call."

"And everyone thinks you're an angel... But shit, I would probably use different wording."

[scarisd3ad]

Jump then fall | Steve Harrington x reader

Chapter one - everything has changed

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Summary - after 7 years of being split apart from your childhood friend Steve you return to hawkins after your younger sisters tragic death, and parents messy divorce. But the Steve you came back to isn’t the same Steve you left behind.

"Steve!" Steve was surrounded by two of his new friends, Tommy and his girlfriend Carol, as I skipped up to him. They were both in 8th grade like Steve. carol looked me up and down as I stood in front of the trio. Steve had an annoyed look on his face from the moment I opened my mouth. Ever since he became friends with Tommy and Carol, it seemed as if I was just another inconvenience for Steve. "What?" the words are harsh as they come out of his mouth, almost like he was stabbing me right in the heart. But despite the achy feeling in my chest, I continued to talk. "wanna come over after school? My dad is working, so he won-"

"God, you are so annoying," Steve scoffs, which makes my brow furrow together in confusion. Steve has been a sweet boy ever since the moment I met him in kindergarten, but the moment he entered the 8th grade it was like a switch flipped inside of him. He no longer cared about his mother or his real friends he only care about popularity, girls, and being an absolute asshole to everyone around him. "Wh-what?" the words come out quiet and meek, the confusion still setting in as my eyes flicked from him to Tommy and then to Carol. Both his friends chuckled, probably because of the tears pooling in my eyes. "I said, you are fucking annoying! can't you go find someone else to cling onto?"

It seemed like time had stopped. Everyone around us stared, some laughed, and some whispered. Was I sent into a parallel universe because this wasn't the Steve I had grown to know? My chest heaved as I blinked back tears. "I-I'm sorry I thought-I thought-" I couldn't get the words out fast enough because Steve was shouting again before I could finish my sentence. "What that I was, your friend? I only hung out with you 'cause I felt bad that your sister died" This wasn't about Sara. He didn't need to bring her up. He knew it was a sore subject. The wound was still fresh. He knew it was still fresh. This felt like he was sticking a knife into that barely healed wound.

I want to punch him; I want to tackle him down to the ground and kill him just because he brought up my sister. "Your mom didn't even like you, so why should I? She dodged a bullet, leaving you." Maybe it was my mind making it up, but it felt like everyone around me was cackling at his words, at my tears, at my fists clenching and unclenching themselves. it hurt, it hurt so bad because I trusted him. I thought he was my best friend, but he wasn't. he was an evil lying bitch.

Before he can say anything else, I'm running away. I ran out of the school and to the group of telephones that stood outside against the school. I immediately punched in my father's work number as heavy sobs racked through my body. The phone rang a good three times before the secretary, Flo, answered the call.

"Hello, this is Hawkins police station. My name is Flo. How may I help you?" Flo was an older lady with dark hair and big, round glasses that sat on the brim of her nose. I sniffled before wiping my eyes. "He-hey Flo, can I talk to my dad?" I asked. Flo must've not noticed I was crying because she instantly transferred me to my father. The phone rang once before my dad answered, "Yeah what ya need?" Dad asks, "Da-daddy can you-you come get me?" I asked through sobs. I could almost hear the confusion in his voice as he asked, "What's wrong? What happened?" I don't answer due to the sobs that continue to erupt from my body. My brain was asking the same question repeatedly. Why would he do that to me? I thought we were friends. "I-I-please Dad," he grumbles quietly, "alright I'll be there in a few minutes."

I stood on the sidewalk with my arms wrapped around my body, waiting. Tears were still streaming down my cheeks when my dad's blazer pulled up beside me. I quickly get into the car, throwing my backpack in the back seat, and slamming the door shut before curling up in a ball, leaning my head against the glass. My father didn't immediately begin driving, instead deciding to interrogate me. "What happened? Did someone say something to you?"

"Steve," I whispered as more tears fell down my cheek. "Wh-what'd he do?" he asked, brows curling into a furrow. Dad knew Steve as a sweet boy, not someone who could ever hurt me. "He-he said...said I was annoying a-a-and that I was clingy." I said through sobs "And he-he said he was only my friend because he fe-felt bad because Sara die-died, that, m-mom didn't like me so why should he, a-and that she do-dodged a bullet leaving." His blood was boiling, I could tell. His face turned red, and he clenched his fists. Before I could even ask him what he was doing, he was already out of the car and halfway towards the front door. 

-

I wasn't a total nerd or loser. I was just normal, but I wasn't a Heather or a Carol. I was just me. I wasn't even the attractive type of normal person like Nancy Wheeler. I was just average. I was standing at my locker waiting for my friend Stephanie. We always met up at my locker before walking to English. Steph was popular. Sometimes I ask myself how I scored a friend like her. She was beautiful and kind. Everybody liked her and everybody had a reason why. The boys liked her because she was pretty, and the girls liked her because she was kinder than the other popular girls. Her curly hair bounced as she sauntered up to me. Her lips formed in a sweet smile as her hands pressed against her hips.

Her hair was pulled into a ponytail and a green bow was placed in her hair to match her green cheerleading uniform. "You coming to the game tonight?" she asked as she leaned her body against the locker next to me. "Maybe I Dunno. I have a lot of homework tonight," I whisper. I'm momentarily distracted by Steve walking by with his arm around his new plaything, Lisa Franklin, a cheerleader like Steph, but unlike Steph, Lisa was an absolute bitch. Despite the hurtful things Steve Harrington said to me, my crush on him never completely disappeared. Sometimes it felt like it was hidden away, but it was always there, simmering beneath the surface. 

Whenever I saw him walk by or heard him speak in any of our shared classes, my heart would skip a beat and my feelings for him would come flooding back. It was frustrating and confusing, but I couldn't help the way I felt. I feel two arms wrapping around my body, drawing my attention away from Steve. I glance over and see that it's Shawn Peterson. My relationship with Shawn is a bit complicated. We do things that most people in a romantic relationship do, but we don't use labels because he 'doesn't like labels'.

Shawn's a football player who's popular enough to be kind of friends with Steve. His hair is a dark, chocolate brown that falls in natural waves, framing a face that is both masculine and handsome. But it's his stunning brown eyes that steal the show, sparkling with an intensity that could make any girl weak in the knees. "So, you coming tonight?" he asks as he presses a kiss to my neck. I shrug my shoulders. "Maybe still Dunno though," I whisper. He groans as he presses a kiss just below my ear. "c'mon my parents aren't home tonight; we can go to mine afterward," I hum as I turn so I'm facing him. If I go, I have to tell my dad I'm at Steph's house and if I do that, I have the risk of him calling her parents to verify.

despite the risks, I smile up at him and whisper, "yeah okay sure." 

-

I sat on the bleachers watching as Steph cheered. my hands were buried deep into my pockets as I zoned out. No matter how much I loved Steph and Shawn, I'll always find high school football games a little boring. I didn't understand football and no matter how many times Shawn tried explaining it to me, I always left the conversation a little more confused than I was before. I feel someone sit down beside me, but I don't care enough to look to see who it is.

"hey," an all too familiar voice whispers. That makes me look up because I haven't heard that voice talking to me in years. Steve Harrington sat next to me, dressed in the same outfit he had been wearing at school earlier that day. I couldn't stop my heart from beating a mile a minute, and my hands beginning to shake. I can't tell if I'm nervous because I'm scared or because I have feelings for him. "What?" I mutter back, my voice a little harsher than I expected. Despite the fact he had been so mean to me back in 7th grade, I never wanted to be mean back. I couldn't get myself to do it.

"You here for Shawn?" Steve asks, his left hand tapping away at the metal bench. I nod replying "Yup" he hums as he nods awkwardly "Sooo...is he your y'know boyfriend?" I shrug "It's complicated..." he nods, a quiet hum coming from his lips. Why did he want to talk now? He hasn't talked to me in 3 years, but now randomly he wants to talk like nothing ever happened, like he never whispered to his friends when I walked by or spread rumors about me. "Why are you talking to me?" I ask brows curling in confusion as I stare up at him.

"wh-oh I-I just wanted to talk," he mutters back. he didn't want to talk for years before this, so why'd he want to talk now? After everything he's done to me, why now? I'm silent as I search his face for any signs that he's messing with me. But there's nothing, not a smirk, or some type of glint in his eyes, just brows furrowed together in confusion. I decided to look around to see if any of his friends were nearby snickering to themselves, but still, I didn't see any of them.

"wh-what are you looking for?" he asks. I quickly pivot my body towards him again. "Are you fucking with me again Steve?" he lets out a shocked little gasp before hurling into saying "No, no I'm not I just thought we could talk y'know since we haven't in a while" That infuriates me because he knows damn well why we aren't talking. "You know why we haven't talked in a while," I mutter as I scoot away from him. "c'mon y/n that was so long ago," he says, elongating the 'o' at the end of ago. I scoff rolling my eyes. "Yeah fuck you," I say as I scoot away from him a little more. He sighs defeated before asking, "How's your dad?" I shrug, muttering a quiet "fine," he nods awkwardly "You still live in the same house?" I shake my head. "No, moved a few years back."

We sit awkwardly, both of us not speaking as the football team comes running out on the field. Most of the people around us roar in applause and shouts of excitement, including Steve. he stands to his feet clapping before cupping his hands together in front of his mouth and shouting "Yeahhh Shawn!!" I cringe a little inside. Steve, like every other popular guy and athlete at the school, were filled with so much school spirit it made me physically cringe. he sat back down looking at me, as I stared at my feet trying to hold back laughter. "What?" a smile cracks to his lips as I let out a few quiet giggles. "Nothing...nothing" he laughs, and for a few quick minutes our old dynamic came back.

"Seriously? C'mon, what?" cover my mouth with my hand as I continue to laugh. I shake my head, refusing to say anything as our laughter dies down. And just like that, we were back to two estranged friends who hadn't held a conversation for more than 2 minutes for the past 3 years, almost. "y'know your dad punched me that day?" I look up at him, brows furrowing as I whisper a quiet "What?"

"He punched me when I was in eighth grade. " It all comes back, my father storming into the school after admitting to him what Steve had said to me. "good" I wouldn't normally expect my father, a grown man, to punch a 13-year-old, but in that instance, I don't blame him. If I was him and a guy like Steve had told my daughter the things Steve had told to me, I would've done more than just punched him. Steve laughs almost as if he was agreeing with me "Yeah...I was an asshole" I roll my eyes, was? Steve Harrington was still an asshole. "still" I say correcting him. Now it's his turn to ask "What?" I roll my eyes yet again as I say, "You're still an asshole", he frowns as he nods slowly "Yeah...I guess" At least he could admit it. 

-

Once the game ended, I bid Steve a quiet goodbye and went to the parking lot. I wait by Shawn's car for about 10 minutes until I see Shawn walking towards it, duffle bag swung over his shoulder, and hair damp. Steve walked next to him, both chatting about who knows what. Shawn drops his bag onto the hood of his car before scooping me up into a kiss.

Returning his kiss, I wrap my arms around his neck. I try to enjoy the kiss, but unfortunately, I can't because I can practically feel Steve's glare. I pull away, eyes meeting with Steve's. His brows are knitted together in an angry, or jealous type of furrow, and his arms are crossed over his chest. "You did so good out there," I say, pretending like I wasn't zoning out every 10 seconds. "mhm" Shawn hums before pressing his lips back against mine.

Steve clears his throat, making Shawn and I pull apart yet again. "well I'm gonna go. "See ya later, dude... um, nice talking to you again, y/n," Steve says before he starts walking towards his BMW, that was parked a few cars down.

The drive to Shawn's house is short and quiet. The only noise present is the low hum of the radio, and our breathing. When we get into his room, his hands are almost immediately all over my body. His lips touch mine, and his hands slide up and down the sides of my body before deciding to rest comfortably against my hips. The room is already somehow hot, and we're both out of breath when the sound of the phone (which sat on his nightstand) begins to ring.

BRINGGGG, BRINGGGG, BRINGGGG.

The sound of the phones rings is shrill and cuts through the quiet house like a knife. Shawn groans before pulling away from me. He crawls up his bed before answering the phone. Leaning against the headboard, he says, "Hello?"" in a very annoyed tone. "Oh, hey dude...no you weren't interrupting anything." the last bit drips in sarcasm as he says it.

"Yeah...yeah she's here, what'dya need?" I know he's talking about me because no one else is here, but I don't have a clue about who he's talking to. His brows furrow in confusion as the muffled sound of the other person talking comes out of the receiver. Then he scoffs as he shakes his head. "No, I'm not gonna do that sorry Steve." Steve? Why would Steve be asking about me? "Dude, you can't just ask me to do that" Shawn's eyes flick over to me before he whispers "I've gotta go alright? yeah, yeah, see you later." Shawn says before hanging up the phone.

"What was that about?" I ask. He hums quietly before hesitantly saying "Um...he just wanted to ask me if he could copy my homework" My brows furrow. There's no way Shawn would have made a big deal out of copying homework. They always copied each other work, so there was no way that's what Steve had asked. There was no world in which Shawn would have answered like that to needing to copy his homework.

As I press my hands into the soft cushion of Shawn's mattress, I sigh and whisper, "I should go... my dad's gonna be pissed if he finds out I stayed out late." Shawn nods before asking "Need a ride?" I nod, pushing myself up off the mattress and to my feet. "Yeah, but drop me off a few miles out. Don't need my dad knowing you're there."

A few years back, after my father's divorce was settled, and I was adjusted in school, my father sold our old family house. Claiming there were too many bad memories there, then he promptly moved us out to a cabin in the woods, much to 12-year-old Me's dismay. The cabin had supposedly been my grandfather's. his father, aka my grandfather, skipped out on the 'wondrous' opportunity to live in the shithole, so it had been abandoned for years since my great-grandfather died. It's a shitty log cabin, two beds and one bath that sat in the middle of the woods.

I hate being at that place alone. The doors creek, and the trees around it whistle with every gust of wind. I swear I'm going to be murdered one day in it and it'll be all Dad's fault for moving us out there. I didn't know why he couldn't have just moved us into some moderately shitty apartment or even keep us at the old house. 

-

Shawn's car slowly drives down a dirt road in the middle of the woods. His high beams shining ahead of us to make sure there wasn't some animal (or person) in our way. About halfway towards my house, Shawn stops the car. From there, it would be about a 10-minute walk up to the house. "I can walk you up there if you want me to," he says, his voice quiet as if he thought my father would somehow hear him all the way out here. "No, I'm fine...but thanks anyway. See you on Monday," I say as I push open the car door. I sling my bag over my shoulder as I begin the walk towards my house. Shawn waits until I'm out of sight from his car to turn around and it's the 5-minute drive back to the main road.

I arrive at my bedroom window. I don't even notice my dad stood leaned up against the door frame until I'm fully inside my room. I'm left staring at my father, who has his arms crossed over his chest, angrily glaring at me. "WHERE THE HELL WHERE YOU?" my mouth gaped open as I began to say something but decided it was better not to. "GO ON TELL ME WHERE THE FUCK YOU WHERE" I let out a groan as I matched my father cross my arms over my chest "I was at the football game," I say with an eye-roll as I toss my backpack on my bed.

He scoffs "THE FOOTBALL GAME ENDED AT 8:30 SO TELL ME WHERE THE FUCK YOU'VE BEEN FOR THE LAST 2 HOURS!" his voice echoes through my room as I begin to talk, "God you're being so dramatic. A few friends and I went to Shawn's to celebrate after the game." his face is red, and his fists clench and unclench before he begins to shout again. "YEAH, WE'LL SINCE YOU DONT KNOW HOW TO FUCKING PICK UP A PHONE AND TELL ME WHERE YOU ARE I DON'T WANT YOU OUT OF THIS HOUSE FOR THE NEXT TWO DAYS!" my eyes widen as I shout "What! that's not fair! I'm babysitting this weekend!"

"well, you're going to call whoever you're babysitting for this weekend and tell them that you can't make it anymore, and I don't want you using this phone this weekend either," he says as he goes to unplug the phone from the wall. I let out a loud dramatic "ugh!" which is then followed by me shouting "I hate you!"

As he walks out of the room he says, "Yeah well I fucking hate you too" I dramatically sit down on my bed before shouting again "You're such a fucking asshole!" he turns brows furrowing as he says, "What did you just call me", I'm not scared of him, I never have. He thinks I am, but I never will. "I said you're a fucking asshole," I repeat as my arms cross over my chest. He scoffs as he says, "I'll show you how much of an asshole I can be" before slamming my bedroom door behind him. 

I sit on my bed, arms crossed like a bratty toddler as tears pricked in my eyes. it wasn't fair. I've gotten home late a handful of times and he never gotten angry any of those times, why did he always pick and choose when he wanted to blow up? I wonder what it would be like right now if I was still in New York with my mother. would she be blowing up on me right now too? would she be cool about things like this? or was she strict? but I guess I'll never know because she gave up on me and our family.

I feel bad after fighting with him, I always feel bad. I know deep down he loves me; he just doesn't really know how to show it anymore. I crave that fatherly love that gets rationed out from time to time. I think that's why we fight so much; I crave the affection; he doesn't know how to show it. when he's not working, he sits on his chair, or in his bedroom practically in a catatonic state staring at the tv or a wall, we eat dinner in our separate rooms we don't talk unless we're screaming at each other, or I've got my head laid in his lap as I profusely apologize for what had happened. we're both traumatized i know that we both lost so much, but he should at least try. he knows I don't have any other parental figures in my life, and he still chooses to be distant and cold.

I sigh arms falling to my sides, pressing against my soft mattress. sometimes in the spur of the moment I wish he had died, and I know he thinks the same about me. I always feel bad afterwards though. even though I live with him, I don't know my father at all, he's a stranger to me. the only time we feel like father and daughter is when he's bossing me around. it's absolutely bazar that I feel the same way about my father that I do my absent mother. it's actually like they're both absent in their own ways, dad emotionally, and mom physically. he totally gave up after sara died, I mourn my father in the same way i mourn my dead sister. I just want the old him back, the dad who chased us around the park, and took us out for ice cream, the dad who never even thought to yell at me even if i had stollen a car.

I just want him back.

-

Taglist

@sheisjoeschateau @nothankyou138 @gleefulleve @luluw-20 @skrzydlak @halflifejess @natalie-flo @castleallherown

[7-starboi]

This is kinda long so I applaud you if you actually read all of it but this is what happens when you drink soju and take notes on all your commentary for a new bl episode...good luck🫡😂

Brooo such a cute way to start the ep, they make me sick 😅

They're so sweet it hurtsss, yotha I don't wanna be mad at you later ugh 😭

YOTHA HE JUST WOKE UP STOPPP😭

Faifa is such a little shit "good morning bro🤠"

"my brother is about to have friends"🤣

Oh shit here we go 🙄

Honestly she can be sad, but she did this to herself

YOTHA DO NOT TAKE YOUR ANGER AT YOUR MOM OUT ON GUN HOW DARE YOU, CALM DOWN

I want a hug from boom too🥺 but I know what you do sir and I don't like it!

I DID NOT EXPECT HIM TO SLAP HIM HOLY SHIT BUT LIKE KLAO YOU NEED TO CHILL

FUCK I DIDNT EXPECT HIM TO BREAK UP WITH HIM THAT FAST EITHER! HE MADE UP HIS MIND QUICK IG DAMN

YOU CAN CRY KLAO BUT HE LITERALLY TOLD YOU LAST EP HE CHOSE YOU BRO LIKE YOU GOTTA TRUST HIM, YOU DID THIS TO YOURSELF, NOW GO REFLECT I NEED YOU GUYS TO BE ENDGAME(even if it's a little toxic cause I just love aouboom together so much😭)

Side note, pepper has been in everything lately and I'm all for it cause he's fine af like he honestly just has to sit there and I could stare at him all day(and yes, he's that pretty in person and he's just the sweetest🥹🖤)

Yothaaaa you can see he's upset you gotta apologize better come onn, you're lucky he's such a good friend 😭

I KNOW A LITTLE OF WHATS COMING BUT THAT WAS HONESTLY SO ADORABLE I WAS SQUEALING HE WAS LIKE "IDK HOW TO FIX THIS, DOES KISS AND MAKE UP WORK?" AHHH

I seriously didn't think I'd like perthsanta this much but here we are and I love it

The background actors for little scenes like this are always the best bro and their friends teasing them is sooo funny 😂

NOOOO DONT GO TO THE BATHROOM GUN IM NOT READY FOR THE ANGST YET

ITS SO WEIRD SEEING BOOM KISS SOMEONE THAT ISNT AOU BUT I FEEL SO BAD FOR GUN NOOO😭

IT WAS JUST A TEST OF HIS FEELINGS BUT I HATE THAT GUN HAD TO SEE THAT HES GONNA BE SO UPSET WITH HIM AGAIN, IF THEY DONT RESOLVE IT THIS EP IM GONNA SCREAM

another side note tho, boom is still so hot tho like he's one of mine like forever 😍

NOOO THE MATCHING TATTOOS WHY IS THE ANGST GETTING WORSE😭

OH HERE WE GO HERE COMES KLAO LOOKING PISSED AGAIN OH SHIT

3 AGAINST 1 WTF AND KLAO COMING TO HELP HIS 'FRIEND' HELL YEAH BUT ALSO WHY IS AOU ALWAYS GETTING INTO FIGHTS EVERY ROLE HE HAS LIKE IM HERE FOR IT BUT DAMN AND ALSO YOTHA LITERALLY BLEEDING FROM HIS HEAD BUT STILL ASKING IF GUN IS OKAY? MY FUCKING HEART😭 THEY BETTER CLEAR SHIT UP SOON I CANT TAKE IT

I get why yotha was doing what he did but he doesn't just have himself to think about now and he's gotta think about what he wants and what he wants is gun and he fucked up🥺

I know they don't have the best relationship in this series but i love them so much together I'll take any fluffy crumbs I can get 😭 GIVE THEM THEIR OWN SERIES PLSSS BUT ONE LIKE WE ARE I CANT TAKE ANYMORE ANGST FROM THEM RN😭

YOTHA BETTER THIS RN I CANT STAND SEEING GUN CRY HES MY SUNSHINE GMM BOY GIVE HIM BACK DAMNIT

Arm is such a good friend🥺

STOPPP IT IM GONNA CRY WITH HIM GET THIS ANGST AWAY FROM ME SOON PLSS I NEED GUN TO SMILE AGAIN😭

I can't wait til yothagun get to arcarms level

AND JUST LIKE THAT HE WENT TO CLIMB INTO BED WITH HIM WHY DO THEY GOTTA BE SO CUTE IM GONNA THROW UP RAINBOWS EVERYWHERE I SWEAR

"I want gun back." YEAH YOU DI BUDDY, BE HONEST ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS A BIT LETS GOO, ARM WILL HELP YOU AND ITLL BE RIDICULOUS PROBABLY BUT YOU GOT THIS

Gay people man...that's all I gotta say about arm in this scene 😂

That was one of the gayest set ups ever😅(also if we don't say Taylor again I'm gonna scream, I love him🫡)

Arm matches all of his friends freak and im sooo here for it like give me book and literally anyone and he'll nail it 😂

okay I lovee the kisses don't get me wrong like I feel like they've had more than arc and arm atp and they're not even dating yet but pls HAVE A CONVERSATION IT WILL FIX ALL OF THIS AHH GET IT TOGETHER(and yes i know from the outside it's easier to yell at them and they're young but they were doing alright with it before gun saw yotha kissing someone else but he's just shut down now☹️)

"DO YOU WANNA WALK WITH ME?" I SQUEALED LIKE WHAT BUT THEN THE PREVIEW FOR NEXT WEEK AND THE "WILL YOU WAIT FOR ME?" LIKE I KNOW THEY END UP TOGETHER AND HES GOT SOME TRAUMA STILL BUT FUCK BRO HES THE "SUNSHINE OF THIS WORLD" AND HE LOVES YOU, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR

ENDING NOTE: I CANT WAIT FOR FAIFA TO GET HIS HAPPY ENDING TOO BUT IM NOT READY TO SAY GOODBYE TO YOTHAGUN YET, THEY BECAME MY FAVORITE SO QUICKLY AND I REALLY HOPE PERTHSANTA GET ANOTHER SERIES SOON CAUSE THEIR CHEMISTRY IS AMAZING

Side note to the end note: if Newton and po don't end up together I'm gonna be so sad like heart killers is starting something for them and I see it👀

[stilljuststardust]

I’m a 15 years old girl and my parents are very homophobic

Today my mom made me sat down because she thinks that I wanna turn into a boy and she told me for my old sis to also come downstairs to talk about it cause they found it weird mind you they’re very religious

After my big sis came downstairs my mom started talking about how I act like a boy when I’m a girl also that God made me a girl so why would I try to change into a girl and also said that if I keep acting like this she would take all my electronics

And send me somewhere else where I won’t see her and my siblings ever again

I’m crying so much because I did everything to change myself to become normal like others straight but nothing works and I found out that I want to be a boy I tried everything like manifesting being a man nothing it working and circumstances keeps getting worse and worse till the point it making me depressed like maybe I’m stuck this way maybe I will never be a man

I’m so scared cause she said if I don’t change I will not have access to phone I’m having a bad breakdown rn idk what to do anymore I’m so lost

But part of me still believes I’m a man no matter what

Hello, before I give you LOA advice let's talk

You ARE a man. You are a man. You are a man.

You are a man no matter what.

You don't have to do anything to be a man. It's who you are deep down in the pit of your soul. You already are a man.

Not just in an LOA sense, I'm saying this from a non-manifesting perspective: you are not a girl.

You will never be a girl, you never were. Do you understand that? Who you are as a person is a man.

I'm like you.

It's ok to be a trans. Being trans is normal. Half my friends are trans, I'm trans. You aren't alone, you aren't the only one. There is nothing wrong with you.

Firstly I would like to say, always always always prioritize your safety and well-being.

I know it's easier said than done but the closet exists for a reason. It keeps us safe. Do not come out if it would put you in danger. You do not have to be out to be valid.

I hate that my advice is to fawn and pretend to be something you're not, but its safest sometimes.

It feels so far away now, but there will be a time when you are free to be who you are. You will find people who support you. You will find people who are like you. When I was in your place 18 felt so far away and unreachable, but it's not. Freedom will come. Please hold on.

Link to The Trevor project. (Councilors and hotline for queer people who are struggling mentally)

Loa

At the end there will be a handful of LOA posts I think you should read/you might be interested in + subliminals for you. The most important one in my opinion being the one I list first.

The law gets over complicated alot. At the end of the day it boils down to this.

An assumption, though false, if persisted in will harden into fact.

An assumption being something you accept as the truth without needing evidence and persistence meaning you assume regardless of what the 3D shows you.

Essentially, you decide you have your desire and you are stubborn in that decision.

It's ok to feel intense emotions, it's ok to be scared and hurt and frustrated, you just have to assume that no matter what the physical world shows you you are undeniably biologically male.

There is no more advice to give, there is only the law. Assume, affirm, persist.

The posts

How I manifested my dream life with extremely hard circumstances (blushydior)

If it's too long a read (seriously I think you should read the whole thing either way) here's the parts I thought would benefit you the most

What you need to know about loa

How to ignore the 3D

Nothing is true until you decide it is

It's ok to feel like shit

Loa checklist

Subliminals and affirmation tapes

Revise past negative events

Desired body

Mind over matter

It's done

Your desire is a fact

I keep getting results

If you need motivation

@loasuccessarchive

[bluejaysandblackbats]

Eyes and Ears

Fandom: DC Comics, Batfam

Summary: An AU where Barbara finds Jason instead of Bruce.

Chapters: 44/?

Characters: Jason Todd, Barbara Gordon, Jim Gordon, Dick Grayson, Bruce Wayne, Sheila Haywood, Original Character(s)

Relationship(s): Jason Todd/Original Character(s), Past Barbara Gordon/Dick Grayson

Additional Tags: Canon Divergent AU, Older SIbling Barbara Gordon, Jason Todd-centric, Barbara Gordon is Oracle, Jason Todd is NOT Robin, Jason Todd Has Issues, Jason Todd Has a Crush, Adopted Siblings

Chapter Forty-Four: New Roads

After Jim gave Jason the keys to his car, Jason drove to Reese’s house to surprise him. AJ was the only one at home with Eleanor, which felt strange. “AJ, where is everyone?” Jason asked. AJ’s face was drained of all color. “What’s wrong?” 

“I’m sorry that I didn’t come to see you,” AJ whispered, “I’m going through some—. Can you keep a secret from Reese… and everyone?” Jason furrowed his brows as he nodded. 

“Before you tell me, are you in any kind of trouble with the—?”

“No, it’s not legal trouble. I’m—. I got Mason—.A few weeks before you went to Greece, Mason came over to swim and she threw up on the deck… And I—. She never gets sick, so I—. She’s late,” AJ confessed.

 Jason’s eyes widened, and he plopped down on the porch beside AJ. “What does she wanna do? How late is she?” Jason questioned. 

“She wants to keep it, which means we’re gonna have to tell our parents we—. God, Jason. I feel like such an idiot. How could I mess something like this up? I feel like I’m ruining her life,” AJ frowned. 

“Well, I don’t have a lot going on… So at least you guys know you have free childcare,” Jason whispered. 

AJ chuckled. “Jase, I’m sorry. I’m whining about something like this, and you—. How are you?” AJ asked. 

“Everyone’s worried sick… And I just want to get my answers and move on,” Jason replied, “You know what the weirdest part of it is? I wish she would’ve kept me for a little bit longer. I’m getting answers in bits and pieces and the more I find out, the less I know… I know it sounds messed up, but I’m glad you told me about your problems. It makes me feel better.”

“Well, you’ll never forget your sixteenth birthday,” AJ teased. Jason laughed and nodded. “Oh, and—. Hey, are you and Reese—? It’s not any of my business, but he’s been over there a lot lately...”

“I wanted to—. No. I thought I wanted to when I got back because I figured it would take my mind off of how—. I wanna wait a while. Figure out some stuff,” Jason replied, “Is Mason on her way here?” 

“Mason’s in the house… You can go in and see her,” AJ replied, “And can you take Ellie? I need a minute before I head back in there.”

“You good?” Jason asked. 

AJ smiled and nodded. “It felt good to talk to you about it. I wish you could be here when I tell my dad,” AJ replied. 

“Call me and let me know when,” Jason smiled as he took Eleanor inside. “Mason? Where are you?” 

“Jason, what are you—? I thought you were at home,” Mason smiled as she came down the hall. “You look good.” 

“So do you,” Jason smiled, “AJ told me about your situation,” Jason replied. Mason laughed before bursting into tears, causing Eleanor to cry as a result. “Sorry, girls. I just—. Mason, you know I’m gonna support you no matter what. You’re one of my best friends. Also, I’m homeschooled, so I’ll be able to watch the baby while you’re at school.”

“It’s so weird, Jason. Also, I can’t stop eating stuffed crepes and kimchi. It’ll change your life by the way,” Mason sniffed. 

Jason set Eleanor down in the bassinet on her stomach before hugging Mason. “You’re gonna be a good mom,” Jason whispered. 

Jason’s phone rang. “Hey, Barbie,” Jason answered as he hugged Mason and waved. 

“I want you to swing by and pick up your chaperone tonight at nine. I told Daddy you’d be at my place for a few days,” Barbara replied. 

Jason nodded. “But I won’t be, right? Is that what you’re saying?” Jason asked. 

“Mhm. Come by here and pick up your bag. I packed everything you’d need—.”

“I have my stuff in the car already—.”

“You have new stuff now. I think you’ll like it,” Barbara replied, “And I wanna say goodbye in person. I won’t be seeing you for a few days.” 

Jason stepped outside and hugged AJ. “Okay, Barbara… I’m on my way right now. Love you, bye.”

“Love you,” Barbara replied before hanging up. 

“Gotta go?” AJ asked. Jason nodded. 

“I’ve got a therapy camping thing… They say it’ll help me… Decompress. So, if you see Reese, can you tell him I’ll be back soon? And tell him I love him,” Jason whispered. 

AJ chuckled. “You sound like you’re going to war… But yeah. I’ll tell him,” AJ answered. Jason waved once more as he got in his car and drove away. 

**

Barbara snap buckled his backpack around his chest for good measure. Jason moved to unbuckle it and she shook her head. “So, which one of Charlie’s Angels are you sending with me? Kelly? Jill? Sabrina? Kris? ” Jason teased. Barbara smiled. 

“Think Kelly, but blonde,” Barbara replied. 

“Guess that makes me Bosley,” Jason joked. 

“Nope... Julie,” Barbara corrected him.

“Who?” Jason questioned.

“We haven’t gotten to that season yet,” Barbara smiled. She held Jason’s hand. “I’m not going with you.” 

“I know,” Jason answered, “I’ll be careful… And thanks.” 

Barbara pulled him into a hug. “Don’t thank me… Just come home in one piece. Okay?” Barbara replied. Jason nodded. 

“We still on code names? Or—?”

“You can use real names if you want. I trust them,” Barbara replied, “And they know me. I just wanted to maintain your privacy if that’s what you wanted.” 

Jason kissed her cheek. “See you soon,” Jason whispered as he headed out. 

**

Jason knocked on her door wearing his regular clothes. A brunette wearing a navy cropped jacket and matching sweatpants answered the door. Jason cocked his head. “Barbara told me you’d be blonde,” Jason replied. 

“I usually am… But not for this mission. I’m Dinah… A friend of Barbara’s,” she introduced herself. 

Jason shook her hand. “Jason,” he replied, “Did she explain the situation to you?” 

“She gave me a location and a picture. That’s it. What’s all this about anyway?” Dinah asked. 

“Let’s head out. I’ll explain on the way,” Jason answered. His stomach ached, and he wanted to call it off. But Dinah was there. Jason drove to the airport with her, and they stood together while Dinah flashed their fake passports and tickets. Barbara set up their cover as a brother and sister going to visit their mother in Thailand. Andrea and Eddie Erikson . Fake names for a fake family. 

It’d be over twenty hours before they arrived. And the thought of spending that kind of time on a plane with a stranger overwhelmed Jason completely. He turned away, trying not to panic as he looked out the window, but it all rushed to the surface. Every moment. He remembered waking up on the plane ride home. The way the authorities looked at him when they arrived. His throat caught. “Hey, are you feeling sick?” Dinah asked. She reached over and felt his forehead. “It’s something else, isn’t it?”

“I don’t wanna talk about it,” Jason replied. 

Dinah shrugged. “Okay, but you’ve gotta tell me something. Are you in danger?” Dinah asked. 

“No… I wish that was my problem,” Jason whispered. He was half out of breath, half out of his mind with fear. Dinah squinted at him. “I’ll explain when I have to… Not a second sooner.”

[shefaniquotes]

SHEFANI PLAYLIST (Spotify 🎧)

Songs that have been referenced by Blake or Gwen in connection to their relationship or are otherwise associated with them

1. Hotline Bling – Drake

💬 Blake: "Gwen sang it to me on 'The Tonight Show' one night, so ..."

🎼Call me on my cell phone Late night when you need my love I know when that hotline bling That can only mean one thing

2. Step By Step – Eddie Rabbitt

💭 Blake often sang this song in BSers Lounge – fans associated it with Shefani

🎼First step, ask her out and treat her like a lady Second step, tell her she's the one you're dreaming of Third step, take her in your arms and never let her go Don't you know that step by step, step by step, you'll win her love?

3. Leather and Lace – Stevie Nicks

💬 Blake: "We should [cover that song]." Shefani fans favorite since Gwen performed the song in December 2015

🎼But I carry this feeling When you walked into my house That you won't be walking out the door Still, I carry this feeling When you walked into my house That you won't be walking out the door

4. I've Been Lookin' – Nitty Gritty Dirt Band

💭 Back in summer 2018, Blake’s mom posted a video of them singing this song while driving in OK

🎼I've been looking for a love Someone to hold as I lay sleepin' I'm not talking 'bout someone Who's scared of promises Or keepin' 'em I'm just looking for a love To stand the test of time I've been lookin' for someone To be all mine

5. Baby I'm-a Want You – Bread

💬 Gwen: "What’s that song that I love…?" - Blake: "Baby I'm-a Want You by Bread?"

Blake on The Voice: "Gwen's not kidding. We listen to Bread all the time."

🎼Used to be my life was just emotions passing by Then you came along and made me laugh and made me cry You taught me why Baby, I'm-a want you Baby, I'm-a need you

6. There’s No Stoppin’ Your Heart – Marie Osmond

💬 Blake: "I love that song ‘There’s No Stopping Your Heart."

🎼I plan to be the one who sticks around Ooh your love could lift me up above the clouds I get so high when I'm with you, I may never come down When forever starts, There's no stopping, no stopping, no stopping your heart

7. I Want To Know What Love Is – Foreigner

💬Gwen: "You took a song that’s actually on my makeout playlist"

🎼I wanna know what love is I want you to show me I wanna feel what love is I know you can show me

8. So Small – Carrie Underwood

💬 Blake on The Voice back in 2016: "I completely got wrapped up in the lyrics of that song. You delivered the message to me tonight, and I totally related to the lyrics of that song."

🎼And what you've been out there searching for forever Is in your hands Oh, and when you figure out love is all that matters after all It sure makes everything else Seem so small

9. Haven’t Got Time for the Pain – Carly Simon

💬 Gwen: "I would dedicate this song to @Blakeshelton gx."

🎼All those crazy nights when I cried myself to sleep Now melodrama never makes me weep anymore 'Cause I haven't got time for the pain I haven't got room for the pain I haven't the need for the pain Not since I've known you

10. Stricken – No Doubt

💬 "She asked me if I knew the song Stricken and told me she recently sent it to Blake."

🎼I love you completely I guess I'm kinda mad about you I love you, I love you I do Love overcomes all of my senses Lowers all of my defenses, yeah

11. Defenseless – Kirk Jay

💬 Blake: “This is my life right now.”

🎼Oh, I'm defenseless Like a drought to a flame I’m defenseless Girl, when you say my name But the thing is I have never felt safer than this

12. Lookin' For Love – Johnny Lee

💬 Blake before playing the song: "I’ll try. I gotta do it for Gwen."

🎼Well, I spent a lifetime lookin' for you Single bars and good time lovers were never true Playing a fools game, hopin' to win And tellin' those sweet lies and losin' again You came knockin' on my heart's door You're everything I've been looking for

13. Turn Your Lights Down – Bob Marley and the Wailers

💬 Blake: "Gwen and I have a playlist. I want their version." - John: "It's a good love song for when you guys..." - Blake: "You're talking about loove."

🎼This potion might, this ocean might, carry me In a wave of emotion to ask you to marry me And every word, every second, and every third Expresses the happiness more clearly than ever heard (uh) And when I play 'em, every chord is a poem Tellin' the Lord how grateful I am because I know him (what? word) The harmonies possess a sensation similar to your caress (uh)

14. In Your eyes – Peter Gabriel

💭 The first dance song

🎼In your eyes The light, the heat (Your eyes) I am complete (Your eyes) I see the doorway to a thousand churches (Your eyes)

15. Islands in the Stream – Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton

💬 Gwen: "That song would be my dream if me and Blake could do that song together one day."

🎼I can't live without you if the love was gone Everything is nothing if you got no one And you did walk in the night Slowly losing sight of the real thing But that won't happen to us and we got no doubt Too deep in love and we got no way out

[arrowsperpetualcringe]

Ok

Internet is probably not the place to ask this shit but I'm tired n desperate, and I wanna know if anyone else has dealt with this sorta thing???

So like

I get these really bad headaches.

And I'm not talking like normal headaches, or migraines.

I'm used to those

Hell, I'm even used to really bad migraines that make me cry when I look at light!

These. Headaches. Are. BAD.

Like next level fucking awful.

It's located near the back of my head and base of my neck, and it's literally unbearable.

It's not like a normal headache, it feels like my fucking SKULL is splitting open back there!!!

And I'm not being dramatic! That's probably not what's happening, but that's the best way I can describe it!

It's so bad that it even though the main pain is in the back of my head, it makes my ENTIRE head throb!

It's so fucking painful!!!

It makes everything hurt!

Usually when I have a normal headache or migraine, I turn off the light, take some painkillers, sometimes out my head under a blanket for extra measure, and I fall asleep and BAM, it's gone!!!

These headaches. Are not like that.

Whenever I have them, lights on is like being in super ultra mega HELL, and lights off is like... Super ultra mega hell, except it's dark now. (It helps a little, but not that much.)

They're so bad I cry and wail loud enough for my mom to hear from the other room. Sometimes she'll have to come in and calm me down.

Again, they make my whole head throb. And I mean throb HARD. Like there's a whole heartbeat up there.

And these headaches I CAN'T sleep off. Because they're so fucking bad they keep me awake!

The only, and I mean ONLY way I could get it to die down enough to be able to sleep, or even to just be awake without sobbing and wailing, is to take more than the recommended dose of Extra Strength painkillers. (Like 4 at a time)

And doctor says that's a no-no, cause I'll fuck up my organs.

Obviously, I tried going to the doctor first.

But the first place?

Literally rejected me at the door because it's "just a headache" and they "wouldn't be able to do much for me here" (they were fucking whispering to each other and shit too)

Second place, I got in.

Did the ordinary shit, and of course, like I was sadly anticipating, they told me it was probably my diet and sleep.

Well guess what bitch

For the past month or so

I've been eating healthier, AND I exercise regularly.

AND THEY'RE STILL

HERE!!!

I'm posting this right now, because I feel the start of another one and I'm legitimately so fucking scared.

Like I hate this, I hate it so fucking bad.

If anyone like ANYONE has ANY fucking clue what's happening, please tell me

Someone please fucking help me.

[tadpoleponders]

AFTG Annotated Playlist: Song #1

Song: Head in the Wall by Ethel Cain

Author's Notes: I picture this song being Andrew at his lowest points, and this song in general is a really intense one so reader discretion advised!

TW for SH, gun violence, drug usage, SA

THANKS SO MUCH FOR READING I WANNA HEAR YOUR (polite!!!) THOUGHTS!! Please keep in mind this is just my interpretation of Andrew and this song, not everyone's or even the artist's at all. This is gonna be a series, and I promise the rest aren't going to be such a sucker punch in the heart!

Lyric analysis under the cut. Any lines not applicable to the scenario/character are strikethrough.

"Sometimes you make me wanna put my fucking head through the wall Sometimes I wonder if I even know you at all Fall asleep to the sound of your old rotating fan I cut the fuck out of myself and soaked the bed sheets with blood again"

A lot of this song I think is Andrew either talking to either Drake or Cass herself. We know Andrew used to sh as a way to cope with Drake's abuse, hence the last line. I think he also wondered if Cass really loved him if she didn't notice he was being abused, hence the second line. Obviously, he didn't know what normal family dynamics are supposed to be like as we know he was seven when something bad happened for the first time, but he was so desperate to be loved even just a normal amount from a parental figure that he was willing to put up with VIOLENT assault to just have a shred of safety under Cass's wing.

[Verse 2] I hold my head underwater just to drown out the noise It's always my fault, girls will be bitches and boys will be boys I know I don’t need you, but I'm terrified of letting you go Even after all the times you fucked the shit out of me while I was crying, "No"

Line one I think can be metaphorical in that Andrew tried to cope with things like alcohol, sh and nicotine that aren't beneficially in the end, hence holding ones head underwater, something that can very quickly kill you. The second line doesn't quite apply as the singer is a woman so she says girls will be bitches, but the boys will be boys thing echoes to what Luther probably said to him when Andrew tried to tell him about his abuse. Line three is in reference to Cass, Andrew thinking he doesn't really need her and knowing that it's probably safest to be entirely alone, but still inside being that scared child who just needs his mom. Line four is pretty explanatory again, talking to Drake, saying how he would put up with it if it mean he could stay with Cass.

[Verse 3] And how am I supposed to feel good about myself when everything I do is wrong? When I'm just an ugly bitch, a fucking freak, and I don't wanna go on? And I don't wanna leave my house, 'cause I know everybody’s staring at me now "Why the hell am I alive?" is what they think, they wanna take me down

Line one and two can be read as things Andrew feels because of the abuse in all of the houses he's been in. He's the only common denominator, so there must be something wrong with him, not the families. Obviously, it took enough of a toll on him he needed substances and sh to cope especially after Drake. The last two lines are in reference to the paranoia that comes with being abused, especially with mental illness thrown in. Whether Andrew was given his medicine for psychosis or if that was just the plea deal doesn't matter, being that abused for so incredibly long makes you so much more likely to develop mental illness and he def has something going on outside of PTSD. Either way, him believing others are out to get him in his roughest moments is why he's so vigilant anyway even if it is warranted sometimes.

[Chorus] And I can't get out, can’t run away, there's no escaping you now (There's no escaping you now) I'm gonna die all alone next to you in this piece of shit town And we've been cursed since the start, Jesus didn’t want us, no And you take all of your sins out on my body like everyone else does Shooting up our old school when we get bored of shooting up And fuck the cops, and fuck God, and fuck this town for ruining us And they'll put holes in all we own and in our heads, pumped full of lead You always told me I could only leave you once we're both dead

There's a lot to unpack here. One, no matter how far away he gets from any of his abusers, he can't escape what happened and the memories of it. Second line, I think at some point in the abuse Andrew must've thought Drake was going to kill him, and that night in Columbia he probably thought it was the end. And in a way, a really fucked up one, he did die right next to Drake, the last of his soul shattering into pieces like Drake's skull, in the piece of shit town of Columbia, in the place he wasn't ever believed.

The next lines I think are towards Renee, whose faith got her through rough times but that Andrew never benefitted from. You could also argue that even though it seems like Andrew initiated their sparring sessions and that it's consensual, I wonder if Andrew ever found the irony of her hurting him (and to be fair him her) as a way to cope, hence taking out ones sins on anothers' body.

I'd argue that the fuck this town part of the next line can be changed to fuck the system for ruining us, in reference to Renee and Andrew again.

The last line is Andrew's reflection on something Drake would've said to him (conjecture, but like it seems like something an abusive piece of shit would say) in a fucked up echo to maybe Cass saying the same thing when Andrew asked about the adoption potentially being permanent and him not having to leave, and she replies "You only have leave us when you die."

[Outro]

Sometimes you make me wanna put my fucking head through the wall Sometimes I wonder if I even knew you at all

*cries* okay thanks guys that's my cue to go sob until I'm a snotty mess about these characters I love Andrew and Renee so much they're so special to me.

[xoxo-sarah]

Bye Bye Baby // First Heartbreak

↝a/n: I kinda enjoyed writing this. Feedback is appreciated. ALSO next part of I Wanna Yours will be coming out soon!

↝pairing: Robin Buckley x fem!reader

↝ Warning: angst, break up, first heartbreak, out of character Robin (?), Mention of a character death, not correctly lined up lyrics with the Moments, timelines are all over the place- bare with me, not proofread

↝⎙ 7.5.24

(Lyrics are Bold.)

It wasn't just like a movie

The rain didn't soak through my clothes, down to my skin

Usually in movies, when the main character gets their heart broken, it is raining, becoming a dramatic scene that every teen girl was supposed to cry their eyes out over when seeing.

Your heart laid in a million pieces and there wasn't a rain drop in sight. This wasn't what you expected your first heartbreak to be like.

I'm driving away and I, I guess you could say

This is the last time I'll drive this way again

2 weeks later, no word from anyone. Not Robin, not your friends. You were tempting to get in your car and at drive until Hawkins and the memories faded into the far, far distance.

Lost in the gray and I try to grab at the fray

'Cause I, I still love you but I can't

"Robin, I..." The phone was held tightly by your hand close to your ear. You seemed to stay by the phone for the past week. Waiting for someone, anyone to reach out. Most of your hope was for the girl you prayed to see-hold...again. Before you could say anything else, you put the phone back into its holder, like you have at least 10 times.

Bye, bye, to everything I thought was on my side

The movie you used to rent, the one you loved so much you eventually bought- skipped. Many nights sitting on the couch of your family home, cuddled up with the person you loved, watching and laughing, maybe crying until it hurt, skipped. Bits and pieces breaking out on the VHS. The tape was glitching until the tape broke, the actual tape inside becoming a mess. It was as if the black block looked up at you, laughing. Mocking.

Bye, bye, baby

The pillow she'd barely sleep on, opting to sleep laying on your chest, somehow smelt like her. Not a purfume of cologne, her scent. One of the many things you loved, craved about her. You didn't know if you should wash it or hold it close, wishing with every ounce of your being that it was her instead. If it was her, the scent would never fade.

I want you bad but it's come down to nothing

You promised yourself to stop trying to contact her. If you had any self-respect, you'd stop. However, you couldn't help the feeling you'd get when the phone rang. It was embarrassing.

And all I have is your sympathy

Robin stood in front of you, fiddling with her rings, not looking you in the eye. She couldn't bring herself to do so.

"So, you're breaking up with me?" After a moment, she slowly nodded. "Can I ask why?"

Her heart broke for you when your voice broke.

You didn't blame her, you never could do such a thing. She didn't feel the same and that's okay.

It didn't make it hurt any less.

'Cause you took me home but you just couldn't keep me

"Y/n/n, I really am sorry." Walking towards your house, it was pure silence, only the sniffles from you and the rock that would slide under Robin's shoes, making her kick it along the side walk. Coming up to your drive way, she broke the silence.

Bye, bye, baby

Bye, bye, baby

Nodding, you continued towards the porch, wanting nothing more than drag yourself into your room and sob into your pillow, or maybe in the shower where you could blame the water for the liquid rolling down your face instead.

The picture frame is empty

On the dresser, vacant just like me

Week 1 your mom had done you the favor of getting everything of hers out of the room. Well, first she wanted you to get out of your room, but deciding on plan b as she sympathized with your first heartbreak. Thankfully she didn't think of Robin's pillow, but she took the picture. It was of you and Robin before a pep rally. She was in her band outfit while you were in normal clothes, ready to stare at your girlfriend in adoration at her talent, not paying attention to whoever was supposed to be the center of attention at the event. Your mother had caught the photo, always being one for capturing moments. It honestly hurt her to get rid of the picture. She really adored her.

I see your writing on the dash

"This car is literally ancient."

The old Chevrolet Bel Air was all dusty, your father not having cleaned it in probably 20 years, where the car sat in the garage, untouched. He had given it to you after you finally got your license, a spur of the moment. The car was a gift, so you didn't gripe about the dust. What did concern you was the way the car could probably fall apart from not running for so long, but surprisingly held up well. "Obviously." Robin sat forward, rubbing her finger on the dash, writing something, her finger coming back with a black mark.

Your nose scrunched in disgust. "Don't do that."

She made a sound of disgust before wiping it on her jeans.

"All jokes aside, it's a pretty car."

You couldn't agree more. The pretty red paint job was shiny after the car wash, almost blinding.

Then back to your hesitation

Reaching across, your hand making contact with hers, fingertips running up the inside of her wrist, moving up to intertwine with her slender fingers. She hesitated, looking down at your hand as you continued paying attention to the road in front of you. She relaxed her hand, letting your fingers intertwine into one comforting moment.

I was so sure of everything

As your fingers met, your lips twitched into a small smile, glancing over at her looking out at the blurred trees and houses. God, you would never get over her side profile.

Everything I thought we'd always have

Your eyes watched the old couple hold each other as they walked over to the bence a little aways from the park. As long as you went to this park, even as a kid, the couple had walked to the park, talking about whatever they wished, never seeming to run out of things to talk about. The women's wrinkled old hand moved to throw bread crumbs around, struggling to bend her knees to sit down on the old wooden bench, having her husband attempt to help. The old man tried to smile. Although it might have been a struggle to get placed, or do much of anything, you could tell the old couple loved every second of it because they did it together, they went through it together. Hearing commotion from beside you, you turned, seeing Robin's blushing face as she tried to clean the juice stain on the picnic quilt. She apologized profusely, trying to dab and drag with the napkins. The stain wasn't budging but you didn't mind, simply staring at her before you assured her it was fine.

Guess I never doubted it

"I adore you." You noticed every highlight she had gotten from the sun as you laid in your bed, the early sun lighting your room as you ran your hand through her hair. She hummed from her spot of your chest, sounding sleepy.

Then the here and the now floods in

Feels like I'm becoming a part of your past

Walking through the park, something made you look up, you didn't really know what.

A familiar brown head of hair was standing not that far away from the walking trail that you were on, subconsciously walking past where you had sat for a picnic with the person you would've easily grown old with, fed the bird with. She smiled at a red head, keeping a proximity that was obviously forced due to the peoples possible opinions that stood around.

Bye, bye, to everything I thought was on my side

Bye, bye, baby

You had to fight with yourself to turn away, look anywhere but her- them. For your heart's sake.

Your eyes landed on the bench. The empty bench.

I want you bad but it's come down to nothing

And all I have is your sympathy

When you went home, you couldn't help but ask your mom at dinner. "Mom, you know the couple who would go to the park and feed the birds?"

She looked up, her chewing slowing as she stared at you, before nodding. She swallowed before clearing her throat.

"Yes, Honey. Have you heard?"

"Heard what?"

Your mom glanced at your father from his spot at the table.

"The woman died a week ago, sweetie."

'Cause you took me home but you just couldn't keep me

Bye, bye, baby

As soon as you opened the door, you mother looked up from her place on the couch, smiling at your back. She always loved seeing how happy you were after dates with your girlfriend.

She was about to ask all about it before you turned around, lips trembling and tears cascading down your face. Her face fell as she got up, moving to comfort you.

"She broke up with me, mom." You sobbed in her arms, like you have plenty of times in your life. But this was different.

There's so much that I can't touch

Your sweet mother had put everything of Robin's in a cardboard box in the garage, ready anytime you wanted to do whatever- give it back or burn it, totally up to you. But every time you went into the garage, you ignored it. According to you, there wasn't even a box.

You're all I want but it's not enough this time

Speaking of the nonexistent box, you had reached for something hanging up behind it on the wall, something your father asked for when your arm bent, knocking the box forward and off the shelf. Everything scattered on the cold concrete floor. You huffed, bending down to pick everything up. Your fingers skimming over the soft clothing and knickknacks you bought her. Sitting the knocked over box upright, you began throwing everything in, trying not to pay too much attention to the old memories you were throwing without a care.

And all the pages are just slipping through my hands

And I'm so scared of how this ends

"Bug?"

Your father stood in the garage door, after not hearing from you after asking you to get the thing - that was long forgotten now- he came looking. He stopped, watching as you hunched over a cardboard box, looking up into the roof, trying to hold tears at bay. He frowned, moving forward and helping you up, leaving the box to deal with later, only wanting you to get inside.

Bye, bye, to everything I thought was on my side

"Steve," Acknowledging the man you saw before you, you couldn't help feeling a little happy about seeing an old friend, even if it was running into him in a store. You two had gotten along great, you considered him a friends. Robin trusted him with her life, so you would too.

He sent back a tight-lipped smile, seeming slightly uncomfortable with the whole interaction before he slipped past you.

Bye, bye, baby

"I'm doing great." Robin beamed, seemingly believing the smile you plastered on your face before she started up a conversation. It didn't help it was in the park yet again. There wasn't really any reason for you being here, the memories not doing you any good, but maybe a walk would. Atleast, that's what you told yourself. "Really great."

The lovesick expression she had in her face quite obviously wasn't for you, you're not sure it had ever been.

But she was happy.

I want you bad but it's come down to nothing

And all I have is your sympathy

Feeling weak at the knees after Robin walked off, you took refuge in the old bench. Oh the irony.

You were supposed to grow old with Robin and sit here. Grow old and feed the stupid bird with stupid bread that you'd eventually had trouble with with age. But Robin would help, smiling lovingly.

'Cause you took me home but you just couldn't keep me

Bye, bye, to everything I thought was on my side

"Hon?" Wiping at your eyes, you looked up. The old man kindly smiled, his old, shaky hands trying to motion to the spot beside you. "Oh no,-god. No- please. Sit." You scooted over more, wiping more at your eyes as he sat. You two sat in silence, not the usual uncomfortable silence most old men would have happening. This old man seemed like the sweetest man to ever walk this earth.

"She wasn't my first."

"What?" You asked because 1, you had barely heard him with how his voice wavered and 2, you weren't really sure what he was talking about.

"Becky, she wasn't my first girlfriend, or even my first wife."

"Oh." That had to be the old lady's name.

"I know you know of her, you'd watch with a smile as she fed the birds ever since you were little. Most people did." Above his lip wrinkled as he fondly smiled. "So many people have commented on our trip here. On our love."

"I'm sorry for your loss." You couldn't help but feel bad. He lost his woman who he loved so dearly that many people were as inspired by them as you were.

"Thank you, dear." He went back to before, going through the many comments people have made on the cute couple. "It took time. I had just got divorced. Becky nearly ripped my head off as I used a couple of my Pop's old pickup lines while I still wore a wedding ring. But she listened, she believed me. I'm thankful we both met that day, even under difficult circumstances. That girl might not have been the one, and that's okay. You'll find a Becky. Everyone will."

Bye, bye, baby

"They're adorable, aren't they?" You had turned behind, looking at your newly girlfriend, after seeing the old couple walk away, back to wherever they come from every evening. Robin hummed, running her fingers absentmindedly over the back of your hand, mind elsewhere. You two sat under the usual tree you always sat under.

I want you bad but it's come down to nothing

And all I have is your sympathy

"Thanks." Robin awkwardly grabbed the box out of your hand, moving deeper into her home to put the box down, seeing the top layer of everything she had left, not quite having the nerve to ask for everything back. Truthfully, she would've been fine if you threw it away or burned it.

'Cause you took me home but you just couldn't keep me

Oh, you took me home, I thought you were gonna keep me

"I'm proud of you, sweetie." You mother smiled at you across the table, reaching across the table to squeeze you hand before picking her fork up again. The proud smile never left her face. Your first heartbreak feels the worst for most people, the tears, the overthinking- scenarios running through your head of what you could've done to make her leave, what you could've done to make her stay. But you got over it. You're trying to heal and she couldn't be more proud.

Bye, bye, baby

Bye, bye, baby

•© 2021-2023 by xoxo-sarah•

•My work is not to be translated, copied, modified, and/or reposted on any other site without my permission. [!I don't give permission!]