#I hate myself week edit challenge | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

pajarinwrites · 2 months ago

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中秋节 | Wen Junhui x Reader

➳ fem!reader x jun

➳ wc: 6.1k

➳ TAGS: idol!au, established relationship

➳ WARNINGS: omg um, cunnilingus, jun is a SIMP, piv sex, unprotected sex (wrap it, my dudes), praise, just general adorable lovey dovey softness, but like medium rough sex? ig, not really rough?, i never know how to write warnings, just like i don't know how to write smut woops sorry

➳ AN: HAPPY MID AUTUMN FESTIVAL BITCHES and 女王们; this is only moderately edited bc i actually meant to publish smt for 中秋节 last year but i didn't finish it in time so here it is now (I’m sure it’s still autumn festival somewhere in the world…)! I LOVE WEN JUNHUI

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO WRITE SMUT I HATED THIS AHHHH i don't think i'll ever be able to write any smut in which the man isn't a simpering, whimpering, submissive, cowering, crawling, obsequious little simping piece of trash; it's just how i like my men, but i kinda wanna challenge myself some time, not this time though :P also i'm low-key proud of this smut? i used miraclewoozi as an inspiration bc their smut is literal art...

also, literally three pieces in one week??? WHO AM I??? this is more than in the entire year before combined, i fear lmao. sorry. i'm off to return to hibernate in my bog for another six months now thx bye, RIN OUT *drops mic

masterlist

Jun stepped out of the airport into the sweltering heat, but had to find that merely knowing the weather conditions was quite different from being prepared for them. Luckily, he had left enough space in his carry-on to take off the jacket and sweater that he had needed in chilly Seoul and during the flight – airplane ACs were notoriously unpredictable. Despite this, Hong Kong never seized to amaze him with its constant warmth. At least the eternal sunshine gave him a good excuse to wear a cap and sunglasses at all times.

He flagged down a cross-border cab because, frankly, he didn’t feel like taking the crowded metro all the way home. This way he saved himself from a lot of heat, hassle, and the potential of being recognised, even if it delayed him. As expected, the traffic in the city was a nightmare and he did make it home later than strictly necessary. He paid the fee, dodging the driver’s interested gaze, and mumbling a small “mh gōi” before dashing into his building.

When he was finally standing in front of his apartment door, Jun felt ready to just lock himself in his room for the rest of the night. That was, until the door opened to reveal his parents and little brother. Immediately, his frown softened and he dropped his bags to engulf them in one enormous hug.

“I missed you guys so much,” he exclaimed to groans from his little brother and a soft smile from his mother.

This was most likely going to be the last chance he got to spend more than a day or two with them. With their world tour and his busy filming schedule just around the corner, he wouldn’t have time for months.

Jun had spent years of Zhōngqiūjié apart from them. It wasn’t easy to watch most of his members be able to visit their homes and spend Chuseok with their loved ones. Some years it was only him, Minghao, and Joshua in the dorms. But he wasn’t going to dwell on that. Not when he could finally hold the people he loved the most in his arms. Well, most of them at any rate. He would never get used to having to choose between his biological and his chosen family.

His mother peeled herself away from him, squeezing his cheek and insisting that he had grown even more handsome over the last few weeks. His step father clapped him on the shoulder and asked him about the flight; his brother asked if he had brought him anything cool. Unable to stop smiling for even a second, Jun assented to both questions. He was led to the living room by his mother to sit and relax after the ‘strenuous journey’, giving him a moment to fish the presents out of his luggage, handing one off to his little brother.

“Thanks, gē!” YangYang exclaimed and bounded off to his room to open it in peace. Their mother called after him, “Don’t forget to do your homework before playing! Dinner will be ready in an hour!” Jun smiled, handing his parents the other one.

“You shouldn’t have! I keep telling you we don’t need anything.”

“But I want to get you guys nice things, mā.”

She looked trapped half-way between smitten and resigned, but accepted the present gracefully. With a kiss on the top of his head she stated, “You can rest a little before I call you boys for dinner. I’m making your favourite.”

He thanked her, foregoing the idea of retiring to his room in favour of joining his mother in the kitchen. Most of the ingredients were already laid out on the counter, but when she bent down to pick up something from the bottom shelf, she gasped, “I can’t believe it! Where did all of our rice noodles go? I don’t think this is enough. And I also forgot to buy bamboo shoots earlier!”

She turned around, apologetically, and murmured about having to go to the market real quick to get some. Jun held out his hand to stop her in her tracks.

“Don’t worry, mā. I’ll go get the missing ingredients, and you can get started on the other dishes.”

“No let me go, Jun. You’ve just had a taxing flight and—“ His step-father tried to intervene.

“It’s absolutely no problem!” Jun insisted, not paying his parents’ protests any mind. He grabbed his sunglasses from the side table by the entrance and was out the door before either of them could stop him.

Jun had missed their shèqū, its homely atmosphere, the bustling of the people on the street, and hence didn’t mind the opportunity for a late-night stroll. The closest super market was just down the short road at the main square, and he stopped by quickly before continuing on his way to the live market.

There was a certain nostalgia in going to the market like this, just the way he used to with his mother when he was younger. The stalls didn’t even seem to have changed at all. There was the same group of old ladies dancing in the small park to the side, and a little further down the road, a small group of children was taking turns, performing on a gǔzhēng. Jun watched the windows of his old piano school pass by, still partially lit as students practiced inside. At the corner of the next street was the second-hand book store they had often visited, next to the pharmacy in which he used to sit on the kiddie rides for ages, singing along to jiātíng chēnghu or liǎng zhī lǎohǔ.

Still lost in nostalgia, he stopped by one of the vegetable vendors to acquire the bamboo shoots. Jun enjoyed strolling the aisles leisurely, taking a look at all the things that were being sold. As he rounded one of the displays, someone else was cutting the corner in the opposite direction. Jun barely managed to dance out of the trajectory of them, murmuring an immediate, “Sorry, are you okay?”

He pulled down his sunglasses and looked at the person in front of him in worry. They looked up, locked eyes with him and whisper-screamed, “Oh my god! Wen Junhui?”

Jun was taken aback for only a split second, which he spent worrying he had been recognised, before he could place your face. He hadn’t seen you properly in years, just another name on the long list of people he had to leave behind. The last time you had run into each other had been during Rock With You promotions, when Minghao and he had taken time for their own schedules in China. His eyes crinkled in the corners but he still didn’t dare to take off his mask.

“It’s been so long!” He said instead. You had pulled him into your arms within a second, just a quick squeeze before remembering where you were. You pulled away, pouting, “You didn’t tell me you’d be back.”

“Sorry, it slipped my mind. I also didn’t think I’d have enough time to meet you. Not properly…”

You wiggled your eyebrows, “What does that mean?” Jun blushed, making you laugh. “I’m kidding, A-Jun. But I’m glad we ran into each other. I mean, what are the odds!”

“I didn’t even know whether you still lived here,” he admitted, sheepishly. But Jun wished profoundly that you could feel how earnest he was being. You didn’t actually seem to mind his failure to alert you of his arrival, despite your history. Instead, you continued in your usual chirpy manner, “Yeah, I managed to find work close by so I could stay here. But I’m here here just for the holiday. Staying at my parents, you know.” Jun nodded, accompanying you to the register under more animated chatter.

“Do you have to get anything else?” You asked after you had stepped out the open market. He negated, returning the question.

“Me neither,” you replied, hesitating shortly before continuing, “I guess that means we’ll have to part ways again…”

The way your voice trailed off and your eyebrows knitted together made Jun reply before thinking better of it, “Actually, I think my mā can wait for these bamboo shoots a little longer…” You face lit up with such intensity and immediacy that Jun had to chuckle.

“In that case let’s take a stroll through the park. I’ve been keeping up with Seventeen obviously, but I want to hear from you, personally, how you’ve been doing.”

Falling into step beside you felt so easy. Together, you walked the same paths you did when you were teenagers, talking about everything and anything – back before he had to leave for Korea. He talked a lot about the shoots, dorm fights and misunderstandings, and how much he had missed his mother’s cooking. You winked, asking whether he hadn’t missed you at all, and he couldn’t string together a coherent sentence in reply. Instead he sputtered for a few seconds before you let him off the hook.

“It’s fine. I was joking, Jun. Oh, look!” Jun was glad for the distraction as he watched you hurry of to the pavilion down the path. If you hadn’t changed the subject he might’ve said something stupid. But when you spun around to face him under the colourful roof, with the small pond and the bamboo in the background, he wasn’t sure that he wouldn’t say something stupid yet.

He was sitting next to you, listening to you rant about your catty co-workers, absent boss, and the general annoyances of adulthood, unable to stop himself from grinning like an idiot at the familiarity, the ease of the whole situation. At some point he shot his mom a text to let her know that he ran into you and to eat without him. She simply replied that he should take his time, but he felt like she was secretly glad to have the two of you reconnect. Your conversations veered from family to old memories together until eventually, when the sun had set almost completely, you got up abruptly.

“I should get back. My mom wasn’t expecting me back immediately but at this point she’s probably wondering if I’ve gotten lost.” Jun nodded, getting up with you and stepping out of the pavilion. You threw one look back over your shoulder before smiling down at your shoes.

“I don’t know if you remember but… this is where you said goodbye…” Jun blinked slowly before the memory registered. He couldn’t believe that he hadn’t immediately thought of the day he went to Korea, the last day he spent with you, the day he missed his chance to say so many things he had wanted to say.

“Oh,” he breathes softly, “yeah, I remember. But it’s not a very fun memory.”

Jun decides to look anywhere but you, at the trees lining the road home to his apartment building, the birds flying overhead, the children playing across the street.

“I have to agree. But I’m glad to have you back now. Even if it’s just for an afternoon.”

“Actually, you should visit tomorrow! If you want, of course. I don’t think my family would mind seeing you again after such a long time, and…”

He stops in his tracks. The two of you have reached the intersection at which your ways part. Jun turned to face you. The words were still stuck in his throat, just like all those years ago, just like every time he’s seen you since. But this time, with your hopeful eyes looking up at him, he takes a deep breath. This time will be different. He takes the leap.

“… and I’d also love to spend more time with you.”

You smile in reply, and agree to visit tomorrow. To say goodbye, you hug him again, and he feels like he’s floating all the way home. Maybe tomorrow he’ll gain the courage to tell you everything that he’s been keeping in his heart.

Their dorms were quiet, the shared living areas swallowed in darkness as Jun excited his room. He had been talking to his family via video call for the past hour or two, catching up and trying their best to celebrate Zhōngqiūjié together, even when they were physically apart. You had initially planned on joining the call, but there had been last minute plans that had kept you from it. Even though Jun understood, he had been able to help feeling a little crestfallen when you had told him about it. The two of you had made it work since he confessed to you a year ago, talking almost weekly on the phone because both his and your commitments kept you from visiting all too often. And since this year he couldn’t visit home because of the impeding comeback, he would’ve at least enjoyed talking to you on the holiday proper, instead of just during one of your regularly scheduled calls. Especially with how long it had been since he’d last seen you in person in June. To him, an eternity.

Vernon, Dokyeom, and Chan had returned to their families for the evening to celebrate Chuseok together, leaving the dorm deserted, save Jun himself. They’d all met up for lunch as a celebration before most left to go home. It was an effort by the Korean members to ease the homesickness of those that wouldn’t be able to see their families over the holiday. Seungkwan had ended up accompanying Vernon, while Joshua and Minghao decided to simply celebrate with each other, even though they hadn’t been lacking in invitations either. Jun had made the same decision. They had let him know they’d be out until the night but that he could join them at their apartment later.

Especially Dokyeom had had a hard time simply leaving Jun behind, but the older man had insisted that he was going to be fine, and that it would give him a chance to call his family in China. But coming out of his room and being greeted with a cold, dark apartment, made Jun question his decision. He sighed, contemplating for a second whether he should simply return to his room instead of feeling the hollow emptiness of their shared dorm. But before he could make a decision, the doorbell rang.

He wasn’t expecting anyone, so the sudden shrill of the bell surprised him. Maybe it was one of the members, back early. Maybe Minghao and Joshua had decided to surprise him at the apartment. But when he looked at the screen of the camera system, he was greeted with a sight wholly unexpected. His breath hitched as he looked at you, your eyes staring straight at the camera, a warm smile on your face. Jun buzzed you in, jittery with nerves as he worried you might disappear or he might wake up. You had been talking about your crazy workload and extra assignments for the past few weeks, how on earth were you here?

This has to be a dream, he thought, standing in the open door and waiting for the tell-tale ping of the elevator. When he heard it, he couldn’t even wait for you to round the corner. In slippers, he sprinted down the hallway to the lift, coming face to face with you as you were trying to heave your luggage out. Jun cast it aside, picking you up and spinning you around. He buried his face in the side of your neck, breathing in the scent of your perfume and your skin.

“How are you here?” He whispered after a good few seconds of spinning and listening to your tinkling laugh.

“Well, you know, I bought a plane ticket, went to the airport in Hong Kong, I got on a plane—“ Jun interrupted you by picking you up again, proclaiming his happiness while you insisted that he finally put you down. If he had been a better man, he might’ve listened immediately. As it stood, it took the two of you several minutes to make it the short way from the elevator to his apartment door, Jun stopping every few seconds to give you another spin or a kiss.

Once you had finally made it safely inside, he brought your luggage to his room, before returning to the shared space and staring at you in fascination. There you were, right in front of him, leaning onto the counters of his dorm’s kitchen as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

“How did you know I’d be home?” He asked and you giggled, presumably at his flabbergasted expression.

“I kind of asked the members for help…”

“What? Who?”

In hindsight, he thought he should’ve expected this. There had been a curious lack of invitations extended to him this year. Especially considering that Joshua and Minghao were still invited everywhere. And, thinking about it now, the fact that the two of them had insisted on spending the evening ‘outside’ without Jun had also been more than a little suspicious.

“Almost all of them helped coordinate it, actually. They all had to be in on it to some extent.”

“When did you start planning this?” He asked, making his way over to you. One last time, he picked you up, setting you down softly on the counter. This time you let him do as he pleased without protest, choosing to answer his question instead, “Like a month ago or so. When it started becoming clear that you’d have no chance to make it home this year.” Jun hummed in response, stepping closer to stand between your legs. His arms found their place around your waist.

“I’m so happy you’re here,” he murmured, resting his head on your shoulder and sighing deeply when he felt you wrap your arms around him. He wished you could stay like this forever, or at least for a very, very long time. You turned your head, whispering that you had brought yuèbǐng from Shenzhen with you and he nodded automatically. Mentally, he was still focused only on your presence, the fact that he got to hold you in his arms and use his thumbs to draw absentminded circles on your waist. If he hadn’t been so focused on your body, he would’ve missed the small hitch of your breath as he exhaled against the column of your throat. He smirked lightly, murmuring something along the lines of ‘we can eat them later’ before attaching his lips to the place where your shoulder and neck met. You gasped, more audibly this time as he sucked on the sensitive skin, following the line of your collarbone. You tugged at his t-shirt, whispering that you should move to his bedroom but Jun smirked against your skin, slowly pushing up your shirt. As he tossed it over your head, he whispered, “Don’t worry, we’ve got the apartment to ourselves all night.”

He smoothed his hands under your thighs, grabbing onto your plush flesh and cursing the layer of your pants for stopping him from feeling your skin. Jun pulled you closer, to the edge of the counter, so that he could finally feel you pressed to him again, making his hands wander back up. He placed them on your waist, gingerly at first, as if you were going to vanish into thin air if he didn’t handle you with enough care. He still wasn’t sure you weren’t a figment of his imagination how you were sitting in front of him, hair and clothes messy from your flight, but your eyes shining so brightly he thought you were the most ethereal being on this planet. But when you bucked your hips forward against his, all that restrain flew out the window. He slid his hands lower from your waist, relishing in every inch of skin he got to touch along the way, before he settled them on your ass, encouraging your motions even further. Your arms tightened around him, one hand finding its way into his hair, the other toying with the collar of his t-shirt before slipping downwards and below the fabric to caress his back. He groaned, moving one hand - albeit reluctantly – away from your hips to tilt your head to the side. He was overwhelmed with your nearness, the swell of your breasts pressed against him, the smell of your skin filling his senses, spreading through him, expanding into every corner of his consciousness until all he could perceive was your presence, your breath, your skin on his.

You kissed him with so much vigour that he felt light-headed, the sparkle of your eyes encapsulated him, as if he was floating in space, surrounded by innumerable stars, twinkling around him. In his weightlessness, your hands were caressing him, still. You dropped them to the hem of his t-shirt, tracing along the exposed skin there as the rhythm of your hips never faltered.

You broke away, Jun following your lips with a whine. He wasn’t yet ready to leave your cosmos, but you pressed a soft hand against his chest, tugging his shirt off. Jun, personally, would have preferred to resume kissing you breathless right away, but you had other plans. Your hands returned to his chest, covering the expanse of his pectorals, gliding over the ridge of his shoulder, caressing every centimetre of skin while tracing the muscles across his torso. Every touch left a tingling feeling, pulling him deeper and deeper into your gravitation. His head was thrown back in pleasure, his eyes screwed shut while he tried (and failed) to even out his breathing under your attentive ministrations. When your hands returned to his chest and you flicked against his nipples tentatively, his head dropped forward in defeat, colliding with your shoulder.

He was breathing more heavily than he’d like to admit, as if he really was slowly rising through the atmosphere, the air becoming thinner and thinner. His cock was painfully hard, you grinding against it deliciously with every roll of your hips. Separated by way too many layers, Jun thought dimly before tapping against your ass, signalling for you to lift your hips off the counter.

You complied easily, leaning back in a way that allowed him to strip you of your comfy leggings. He watched you shudder at the feeling of cool marble under your skin, goosebumps forming at the sensation. Reverently, he let his hands glide up and down your legs, watching you shiver again, just from his touch. He hadn’t even realised that he had lowered himself down until one of your hands grabbed for his hair and tilted his head back.

Ripped out of his reverie, Jun stared up at you, towering over him, backlit by the kitchen lights. If it hadn’t meant leaving your reach, Jun would have fallen to his knees right this second. In this light, you looked like a higher being, come to cast divine judgement on him, a final reckoning. Jun found he would have taken any verdict, as long as it meant preserving your attention. He would have obliged any command, taken any punishment with equanimity. He would have taken Prometheus’ place, if it meant he could bask in your presence for another moment. He would suffer any acrimony, any scorn, any tribulation, if it meant your gaze would continue to rest on him like this – zeroed in on his face, your expression soft with adoration. He didn’t have to fear any judgment. The only thing written on your face was love. It was mirroring his own, he was sure, from where he was pleading for you attention from between your legs. You wouldn’t let him out of your sight, your fingers tugging at his hair with purpose. He angled his head, a miniscule movement, just enough to allow him to breathe a kiss against the inside of your thigh, a fluttering promise of continuation. If you let him. You loosened your grip, and Jun took it as the invitation that it was. His path mapped over the fat of your thigh, spilling over his kitchen counters, up one leg, down the other. All the while, he didn’t break eye contact, watching your expression crackle and slip, pleasure and frustration mixing in even measures as you breathed a plea, “Qīn'ài de, you’re teasing.”

His breathing became uneven, for just a second, at the term of endearment. You didn’t need to spell out your request. He could see it in the rise and fall of your chest, the sounds sneaking their way past your lips, the shifting of your hips – almost involuntary. The vision of you before him blurred as he tried to hear the rest of your declaration over the rushing in his ears. Your legs twitched under his hands; he didn’t remember when he had moved them there. But now they were here, holding your legs apart, leaving imprints in your flesh where they pressed against you. Jun searched your face for any sign of hesitance, any doubt, but he found none. All he could find was a sense of desperation clawing its way up your throat, leaving a blooming blush in its wake.

He still continued holding your gaze when he pressed his mouth to your core, pushing his tongue against the wet spot on your underwear. You gasped a little, hands twisting in his hair, the slight pain grounding him in this moment. His hands continued kneading your flesh, wandering, in feverish haste, across every expanse of skin they could cover. Above him, you writhed and moaned, his name leaving your lips as if you were now the one praying. Your head had tilted back slightly, breaking eye contact. But Jun’s gaze never left your face, drinking in every expression as he pushed your panties to the side to gain proper access to your sopping core.

“OhmygodJun,” you breathed, head lolling to the side when his tongue swirled around your most sensitive spot. One hand moved from your ass to your core, probing at your entrance just to feel you clench around him, hear the sharp intake of your breath. You tipped backwards, resting on your elbows as his name continued to tumble off your lips into the still air of the apartment. Jun’s other hand moved upwards, taking no care in pushing your sports bra out the way to grab at your breasts, pinching your nipples intermittently. He watched your chest heave as he slipped two fingers past your entrance at once, his tongue lapping between them, desperate to taste as much of you as possible. Your hands kept pushing him closer and closer, until his every sense was filled with you. Your taste on his tongue, your panting breath in his ears, the plush feeling of your thighs around his head. He moaned against your core.

Jun felt your high approach, maybe knew it was coming before you yourself even did, the way he could read your body in this moment, with how every fibre of his being was honed in on you and your pleasure.

“Jun, bǎobèi, I’m…”

His hand slid down to your waist, squeezing reassuringly. Jun felt you constrict around his digits, your moans growing louder and more desperate. He kept pressing his fingers into that spot that had you squeeze around him, kept his mouth sucking on your clit, humming at the flavour of you, until you peaked. You came with a cry of his name that made his chest swell with pride. Your thighs shut around his head like a vice, your hand evidently torn between wanting to pull him away and push him closer. Jun remained pressed to your core, lazily lapping at your release until your legs relaxed and he gained enough freedom of movement to lean back and search for your gaze.

Even though he had spent minutes staring at the ethereal picture of you earlier, he was still taken aback by your beauty: your hair even messier, your face blushed, your eyes glazed over in the hazy afterglow. He pressed another kiss to the inside of your thigh.

“How are you feeling, my love?”

It took you a few moments to answer him, calming your breath. A moment of which he took advantage to return to his full height, leaving kisses up your body on his way there. Once he was face to face with you, he brushed your hair out of your face, looking at you with devotion. You smiled back, softly, your arms wrapping around his shoulders and immediately causing a warm shiver to run down the length of his body. There you were, in his arms, gazing at him with love, bestowing him with whatever divine favour slumbered in your presence.

You leaned in closer, letting your breath ghost over his skin for a second before whispering, “I need you.”

Jun was sure he was about to malfunction. The way his body reacted instantly, unbidden, must have been proof of your power. He couldn’t suppress the groan that rose to the surface, betraying his helplessness in the face of you. But you only smiled, sliding off the counter, tossing your bra to the side, and leaning into him.

“I know you need me too, baby,” you susurrated against the shell of his ear, your hand falling to his crotch, smoothing over the outline of his cock against his sweatpants. Jun gasped when you gave his balls a squeeze, trailing your fingers back up, pressing them into his slit, already oozing with precum and staining his pants. He felt like melting, like he was Icarus and you were the sun, with the notable exception that your radiance was warm and welcoming. It didn’t burn him, it only made him feel soft, welcome, malleable. He melted at your touch, moulded himself to the shape of you.

Although Jun felt it was very much stating the obvious, he conceded, “I want you so bad.”

You smiled, discarding your panties in a swift motion, before turning around and bending over the surface.

“Then come get me.”

He only stared, transfixed by the way your muscles moved under your skin, how the warm kitchen light of his home cascaded over you, the way your eyes sparkled with mischief when you turned around to smirk at him. Jun’s mind was still fighting with the fact that you were real, you were here, and you were his. You cocked an eyebrow, watching him like a cat watched its supper. When he still continued to stare, your eyes darkened, beckoning him with intensity. You wiggled your ass at him, pushing it back so it grazed his throbbing dick. As you threatened to pull away again, Jun’s hands flew to your hips. You yelped at the sudden strength with which he gripped you, pulling you back against him once more, grinding down against your ass with such verve that your head dropped forward. A long groan escaped you as Jun crowded you against the counter, pushing you down and leaning over your back.

“You need me, huh?”

You nodded your head enthusiastically while meeting his thrusts, moaning his name again and again, and growing more breathless by the second. Jun wanted to tease you, he really did. He wanted to ask you how bad you needed him. He wanted to force you to be more specific, to hear you say how you needed to feel his cock inside you, hitting that spot over and over again. He wanted to make your pretty lips form all those filthy words, say his name, beg for him. But it had been months since he had seen you in person, it felt like an eternity had passed since his skin was last allowed to touch yours, a lifetime since he heard you whimper and moan and pant for him like this. So, he forewent any more teasing. Instead, Jun simply shoved his sweatpants and underwear down his legs, freeing his cock.

You whined at the sound of it hitting his abs, wiggling your ass again and breathing out his name in that way he would never grow tired of. He grinned, sliding his dick through your slick, nipping its tip against your clit, once, twice, three times. So many times that you whimpered, an indistinguishable string of supplications, whines of baby, please please please leaving your lips. Your forehead was pressed against the counter now, as if the cold, hard surface helped ground you in reality while Jun had his way with you.

When, finally, he slipped into you, both of you sighed. You voices mixing in the air of the kitchen that seemed to have been growing thinner by the second. Jun’s breathing was growing ragged, and he could tell you weren’t faring much better than him. He started moving, slowly at first, testing the waters and, yes, possibly also to rile you up a little more. But when you clenched around him, any self-control was thrown out the window. His hands on your lower back were shoving you down against the ice-cold surface, making you hiss. His hips snapping against your ass as he searched for that spot that would make you drool over the marble countertops.

“Fuck… yes! Baby, right there,” you groaned when he found it.

Jun leaned back down over you, his front pressed against your back, his hot breath by your ear, whispered prayers of your name escaping him. He drove into that spot relentlessly, repeatedly until you lost all function of speech, reduced only to swears and his name. Jun mirrored your vocabulary, one hand sneaking around your body to find your clit again and rub punishing circles. With the added stimulation of his hand, the pressure of his weight, and the way his cock was hitting that spongy part inside you again and again, you felt your pleasure crest alarmingly fast.

“Junjunjunjunjun,” you breathed, but, again, he somehow had known before you what was coming. His groans surrounded you, your perception narrowed to just the feeling and sound of him.

“Hold on a little longer, baby,” he breathed, and you barely registered it. Just nodding for the sake of nodding, praying his own release would find him fast.

“Doing so well, baby. So good for me,” he continued, almost to himself, baiting your release even more.

A few agonising, timeless moments passed until, “That’s it, let go. Come for me, baby. Come with me.”

Immediately, you released a sound somewhere between a groan and a whimper, you head falling forward again as your whole body tensed up. Jun followed your example, his head dropping against your shoulder as he drove his cock into you, prolonging both of your releases as much as possible, until the sensitivity forced him to pull out. He remained folded over you, so close that he could feel his cum drip out of you, landing on the kitchen floor with a small splat. The air felt too thin for any movement, so he remained draped over you, his thumb drew circles on your lower back until you returned to him, mumbling his name.

“Are you alright, qīn'ài de?”

You nodded almost imperceptibly, your hair sticking to the nape of your neck. Jun brushed it to the side, leaving a small peck where it had been.

“Nooo,” you whined, “I’m sweaty.”

“I don’t care,” he replied, matter-of-factly, smoothing his hand down your back one last time before peeling himself off you to get some tissue. His heart tore a little at the weak whine you let out in response to his absence.

“Don’t worry, I’m just trying to take care of you.”

You only whined more when he wiped the rest of your combined release from between your legs before also cleaning the floor. He caught your eyes from over your shoulder, smiling softly, and leaving another kiss on your back. After getting rid of the tissue, he pulled you off the counter, wrapping you up in his arms.

“You were amazing. I love you.”

He could hear the smile in your voice when you replied, “So were you, bǎobèi.”

“I can’t believe you’re really here…”

“I missed you something fierce,” you said by way of explanation.

“Me too. I miss you every day. Every hour.”

To his confusion, you smiled warmly at his pout, one hand caressing along the side of his face until it came to rest on his collarbone. You leaned in, lips ghosting against his in a silent promise, “Then let’s make the most of right now.”

Jun grinned, bending down to pick you up, laughing at the surprised yelp you let out.

“What on earth are you doing, Wen Junhui!”

“I think it’s time for a bath.”

“That is not what I was trying to insinuate!”

He wiggled his eyebrows, feeling his heart sore at your scandalised expression. Resting his forehead against yours, his eyes searched for yours, holding their stare for a few moments. With a smile on his lips and in his voice he murmured, “I don’t care what exactly we do in the bath, as long as we do it together.”

#seventeen x reader #seventeen fan fiction #jun x reader #wen junhui x reader #junhui x reader #junhui smut #jun smut #seventeen smut

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keruimi · 7 months ago

Note

Hey! I think your requests are open, but if not please feel free to ignore this!

I was just listening to Too Sweet by Hozier and had the idea of a reader who has a crush on (or is dating) Nishinoya and feels like she doesn’t deserve him

Falling In Love With Him

Pairing: Nishinoya x Reader

Warning: Comfort

Note: To write an angst story, I need an edit of them but I can't find anything so writing this is quite difficult but I seem to manage. My apologies if I decide to use another song for your request. But Thank you for the idea!

_____________________________

Admiring one of the best players in the school sports club is much more difficult than what I have thought. No matter how friendly he is to the people around him. Approaching him is like a damn challenge.

When a timid girl like me is the one who started to like him.

I was hopelessly in love with Nishinoya. Because I can put so much effort for him.

From the food I secretly give to him through Yachi. The notes I put on his table before he arrives back on class.

The nights I stayed awake just to think what I could do for him again.

Yet confessing was never one of them.

I once thought of it until I accepted that I am not deserving of him.

I can't taint a loveable man like him.

My mind is full of negativity. It feels like there's no positive things around me unlike him.

I am just an average student who is only good at one thing.

And that is my studies. The thing that made me feel like I am no one without it.

I keep chasing the academic validation I needed that I thought I shouldn't be in a relationship with anybody.

It was one of the reason why I never pursue the libero further.

I knew I couldn't give more than he deserve.

I'm Kazue Y/n, an average girl who can't have a leading man like him.

Until Intrams arrive. The time I feel like God showed another sign that I need to believe in.

A chance to move so I can obtain my happiness. And that's him.

A long week of Intrams gave me another chance to see him play in the court without getting scared that he would find out about it.

My eyes during his matches were always in him that I started to think...

Can I go closer to him? Can I close the distance between the two of us?

Can I take this secret admiration further?

"I'm so lost" I muttered while letting my body move on its record as customers piled up in our booth.

I sighed in annoyance with how timid I am in his presence yet can't stop thinking and even blabbering about my admiration for the libero.

It feels like all of my classmates knew how much I like Nishinoya. One time, they almost used Takeda-sensei so I can just enter the gym.

But it didn't happen because of the panic attack I had that day.

Yes, I really couldn't face him and I'm not even joking.

It feels like I prefer to move behind the curtains.

I want him to know me, love me like I did.

But I can't dream of it. It was simply impossible for me.

Because I'm scared on the way he would see me. Even though he is not the type of person to judge somebody.

I slap both of my cheeks to focus on the orders placed on the bulletin board.

I can't slack off because this is our test in another subject.

"Y/n!" I heard a male friend of mine call me from the front that made me peek on the curtains to look at him.

"It's time to switch" he told me as he stood up that made me go back behind the curtain to remove the apron I was using.

I planned to be an accountant that's why on this entire activity we are having, being a cashier is what I love the most.

In other words, I love Intrams week.

I sat down in the chair near the cash register to start taking orders when my hands halted the moment I looked up and saw him in front of me.

It felt like my heart dropped from my chest.

I just snapped out of it when I heard chatters behind the curtain that made me take a deep breath to calm myself down.

I can't hate them for this.

"Good Morning! What would you like to have?"

Those were the first words I uttered to him.

The first time we properly met and face each other.

And the reason why I decided to move up my game.

Because I want to feel the same happiness I felt during that time.

I found myself running to the gym where his match would be held the moment I heard their team was up next.

Until I felt like Yachi dragging me to a much better view when she saw me.

There I saw his skills that made me like him more.

I didn't regret admiring him at all.

There are times I urge Yachi to take videos of him so she can send it to me. Times when I couldn't prevent myself from cheering when he received a ball.

Those are the moments I confirm that this is not some puppy love or infatuation.

I did start liking him more than I thought.

I leaned on the wall behind me to catch my breath after all the screaming I did out there.

It feels like I'm more tired than the players.

I heard Yachi chuckling beside me as she lent me a bottle so I could take a sip from it.

"You really like Nishinoya-san" she uttered that I can't help but laugh.

"Yes" I admitted without any hesitations. Because it was true.

I don't know what I saw on him but I can't explain how my heartbeat skipped the times we walked past each other in the hallway.

His cheerful voice never made me get tired of hearing it.

The Man who I want to be with me.

In my eyes, he is my motivation to keep going.

But for him, I am just one of the many who admire him.

If he is just aware of the way I look at him. That wherever I go, he never left my mind. The way I hold back just so I can have the freedom to like him from a far.

Somewhere within me, wish he felt the same way. That no matter how hard I try to abandon my feelings, it just came back stronger than before.

But I don't deserve the love he is giving. Not even a percent of it.

"But he doesn't like me. He doesn't know me, nor look at me"

The same way I did to him.

"I should have been a manager" I joked but we both knew, I wanted more than this hopelessness of watching him from afar.

"But right now, I'm just his fangirl"

I stood up properly from my position and the girl I am with didn't waste any second and just started dragging me without informing me where we were heading.

But I feel like my world slowed down the moment I saw his figure among the crowd.

He was talking to the other players as Yachi dragged me closer, nearer to him who halted from drinking his water when his eyes laid on me.

Is this a dream?

Do I deserve this kind of chance?

"Nishinoya-san!" Yachi called for him and made me decide to stick my feet on the floor beneath me.

I don't dare go further...

Yachi looked back when she noticed I stopped. I took my hand from her as I hid it behind me so he wouldn't see how much it was trembling.

She didn't even give me a chance to bring anything

"Hello to you ladies!" He beamed and I felt how my cheeks warmed from his voice.

The voice I thought I would just eavesdrop from. I never dream that his words would be directed to me at all.

"What did you thought of the game?" He ask us but I knew he was talking to Yachi after noticing how I seem to preserve myself from them.

They could at least give me a warning so I can prepared myself.

"Miss" I flinched when I heard his voice louder and saw he is now in front of me.

Now my feet are also trembling from nervousness.

"Yes?" The stutter from my voice didn't go unnoticed that made him scratch his head.

"What did you think of the game?"

No matter how much I made it awkward for him, he still managed to lift a beautiful smile from his lips.

"You did great..."

I have a lot of things to say but I don't know where to start.

I bit my lips when I felt his silence as I closed my eyes shut.

"So great that I didn't regret admiring you at all"

And then I felt his eyes on me. I wiped the tears that fell from my eyes.

"Please stop staring at me" I mutter in embarrassment when I notice his gaze seems to stay in my trembling figure longer.

"Wow..." He whispered that made me look up to him and saw the shock he plastered on his expressions.

"You like me?" He ask again that made me took a deep breath before giving a slight nod.

Never have I dreamed that I would confessed, especially in public.

He was silent like it feels like he is trying to process everything before a grin lift from his lips and out of nowhere, I felt him twirl me around.

"You don't know how happy I am right now"

His words made my fear disappear as those thoughts that keep preventing myself from admitting my feelings also diminish from my mind.

The only thing that I thought that my feelings were the reason he is happy.

I made him happy.

And a smile finally lifted from my lips.

How did I get so lucky?

~•°•~

"Excuse me everyone, my girlfriend is coming through" his cocky words made me hit his shoulders before I took a seat on the end to not disturb the team more than I intended.

My boyfriend just love boasting me around. Especially to his best friend, Tanaka. Who is now glaring daggers at him.

I didn't mind them anymore and started preparing the first bento I made for him, which I already inform him yesterday.

But it seems like his antics is still not stopping.

"How lucky I am for my girlfriend to prepare my lunch. I don't deserve this"

I started to wish to melt there right now when he keeps pulling the trigger of his senpai's patience and the jealousy of his friend.

I hit his shoulder harder to shut him up and just start eating which he obliged when he notice how red I was already.

"Oh?" I heard him let a small sigh of confusion on his first bite that made me halt from taking my first bite.

"What is it?" I ask him as I put down my chopsticks and saw how he slowly chewed the food.

"Taste Familiar"

I smiled from his words before I started eating my lunch.

"Why does it taste so familiar?"

"Because she is the one who was giving the food to you after practice" Tsukishima's nonchalant statement made my boyfriend look at me.

"How did I get so lucky?"

Oh how much my chest warmed from his words.

I really did win him over

#haikyū!!#haikyuu anime #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu #hq x y/n #hq x reader #hq #hq anime #nishinoya yuu #haikyuu nishinoya #nishinoya x reader #hq nishinoya #nishinoya yū #nishinoya yu x reader

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ixhika-jsx · 3 months ago

Text

Ixhika's studyblr 𐙚 (introduction)

I started my studyblr not long ago then a week I guess ? No body knows bout me yet tho but that doesn't matter for me...what matters is that this is my blog - MY JOURNEY

Hey you all ,

Myself Ishika a.k.a eunhee

She/her - INFP - capricorn - age 15 and half (yes I am small comparable to my class because I skipped several classes)

Born on 11 january......

I would say I am 5'5 and healthy weight (so you all can visualise me if you want)

A high-school student from India- 11th grader - non medical, Which means my subjects particularly are:

• Mathematics (weakest subject for me)

• Chemistry (love and hate relationship)

• Physics (second fab)

• English (oml fab)

• Computer science (piece of cake for me)

I actually started my studyblr because I lost interest in studies while ago because of all the stress and pressure.

when I see the studyblr community I actually feel really United yk what I mean...

Intrerests: 🚦

There are lot of things that interest me like seriously.....

Dance , singing , playing basketball , editing videos ,

writing books (fanfics , thriller , actions mostly) ,

programming ( I am actually a full stack web app developer) ,

Baking , stock market ( if you know what I mean) , learning korean (I am kinda trying¿)

Well I am into kpop and kdrama too

Targets : 🎯

I am actually currently aiming for 11th final exam GPA to be 4.7 atleast

Next milestone is of 12th boards final exam GPA to be around same 4.7

Most important milestone and the second final one is that JEE MAINS AND ADVANCE exam (yes I am a jee aspirant)

I want to do something related computer science yk and forensic science so I dunno

My back up is a lawyer/judge in business because I am actually really good in social science subjects yk and business interests me a lot so yeaa

Final milestone is that I want to be a dance choreographer.....that's actually my dream...idc it can even be part time but I am not gonna abandon it.

MY THIS YEAR *BTS* BLACK SWAN CHALLENGE

CYBER FORENSIC INVESTIGATOR *MASTERPOST*

MY POST CATEGORIES:

#studyblr ixh

#diaries ixh

#life goes on series

#writing ixh

#tips ixh

#venting series

#black swan challenge

#achievement ixh

Thats it for the introduction I guess.....I don't think there is more to add in it...uhh yeaa 🏷

I wish to make friends here in this studyblr community !! So let's be friends? 🫶🏻📎

#intro studyblr #academic validation #academic weapon #light academia #student life #study blog #study #study motivation #studyblr #study with me #studyblr community #kpop #kdrama #korea

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superineffable · 4 months ago

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let me yap for a bit. i'm tired but have thoughts so i'm gonna let it out here.

i've been a member of dropout for only 5 months so far (been a fan longer but decided to buy a membership as a birthday gift to myself 💙 best gift ever) and i knew i wanted to get into d20 because i keep seeing out of context clips for it and i find them so funny even though i've never had any interest in dnd or any ttrpg content. so i started watching fantasy high because it was the first released season for d20 and because junior year was being posted/teased at the time. my thoughts were that by the time i finish the two seasons of fantasy high i could get to junior high in time for the finale. unfortunately, i did not expect to have my attention span challenged 💀

i loveee the characters (gorgug is so beloved to me) and i love the stories and the quests but sometimes the lore takes a serious turn for way too long than i can pay attention for and i zone out, so i'll be honest, there are parts of the story that i only piece together by context clues. but i enjoyed s1! and i'm still at s2. it's a bit harder to get through because there aren't any of the props or editing they had back then and it's a full livestream so i'm taking longer than i expected to get through the episodes. but i'm liking the story (though there are still some moments where i don't pay attention haha)

anyway! that really ruined my plan to watch junior high around the same time everyone else was watching it. prior to realizing junior year was ongoing, my plan was to watch the d20 shows in order of release, but, evidently, that isn't possible! i cannot pay attention despite wanting to 😭

i decided i'll finish fantasy high on my own time, put all the other d20 shows on hold because i cannot handle them together (i promise you, i don't think i fully understand the mechanics of the game yet). then watch one of the following once im done with junior year: dungeons and drag queen (cause i saw that clip of twyla and her thinking she's invisible), mentopolis (first d20 ep i watched when it was one free ep + i liked that clip of alex's character selling newspaper to a pretty aggressive man), starstruck odyssey (cause it sounds so cool), or a crown of candy (probably my first choice of the list, genuinely what i think would be my favorite based from clips i've seen of d20)

so tell me why d20 decided to do an action based story during a time in my life when i'm binging through action movies for no reason other than i felt like watching actions movies?! i had gone through the realization i didn't enjoy action movies as much if there's no comedy in it, so they really made sure to make an action comedy themed d20 show for me to enjoy (though i know brennan made it for izzy which makes this 100000x better). when i saw the trailer i kinda lost my mind, which was so weird because i genuinely haven't kept up with d20 shows except when i figured out which one was best to watch. then i made the decision to watch the first ep when it came out and i laughed so much 😭 it was the first d20 ep where i was genuinely devastated i finished an episode because it hit me that there isn't a next one until the next week. and then i was again devastated because it was only going to run for a couple of episodes 😭😭

but i am soooo obsessed with nsbu! paula is my everything and izzy plays her so wonderfully i am laughing as much as all the players when i'm listening to the show which is not good since i listen at work 😃 there's still very tiny moments where i get lost but i get swept up in the action again and it's soooo fcking cool and funny and i love all the characters so much oh my god im so happy there's another episode soon sjfhwknskks this really ruined my plans to watch everything in order, but i cannot hate it. i love this show so much.

i'm still watching sophomore year in between! almost donee !!! because i'm watching ally playing on nsbu & sophomore year at the same time, i really get the comments that are amused about the irony of ally being the one to keep the table on track. (actually wanted to watch d20 shows in order of release because i liked seeing someone's growth in learning a skill and wanted to see ally slowly get better at playing, but this is real good too.)

ok this went on too long i am Exhausted now. i really just wanted to say how much i love nsbu and that it's given me a whole new appreciation for d20 & other ttrpg (even though i think they mentioned they've done something different mechanics-wise)! if there's anyone who also wants to enjoy this veryyy long shows but get lost in the deep lore or the serious moments sometimes pls give nsbu a try because this is one of the most fun things i've watched in a while 💛

edit: also very cute i'm watching d20 live and they keep saying "when you're here, you're family" and i keep hearing nsbu saying "la familia" in my head

#dimension 20 #d20 nsbu #nsbu #fantasy high #never stop blowing up #dropout tv #might delete #just really wanted to ramble a bit #i love nsbu so much

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pixelnrd · 11 months ago

Note

hello! ive binged your blog this past week and have been so invested and impressed with how professionally everything has been done. I particularly liked the snippets of your 'process' you've hinted at in other asks. I havent been around since the beginning so i wanted to ask what inspired you to undertake such a large project! or, rather, did you expect it to be as big as it became? each generation has 70+ daily posts, their portrait headshots, family portraits... i love it! were you trying to build an audience when you started out? was it a covid project that you had time to build a huge queue for? i think ill be starting my own narrative simblr here soon and i'd love to hear your thoughts or advice about your journey with it, if any.

Hello and thank you for such a lovely message, it's so nice to receive feedback on the quality of my Decades Challenge because I do put so much effort in behind the scenes thanks to my agonising perfectionism!

As a project it has grown beyond what I thought it would be, to a point that I had to reign it back in in early-2022 because I couldn't keep up. I'll put more detail under the cut ✨

The Langstons started as a covid project in 2020. I was an unemployed student with a lot of time on my hands. I'd done legacies before and was pretty good at getting close to the end so that was the 'project', to do the Decades Challenge. And while looking for inspiration like cc and builds etc I found simblr and discovered people were posting their Decades Challenges here with narrative attached. By this stage I'd already played a fair bit into my Langston family (they had 4 kids by that point) so I decided to start posting my sims as well, which pushed me to put a bit more effort in with shots, story, editing etc because I had imposter syndrome. I didn't intend for there to be much narrative or story, and I think that's pretty obvious when reviewing the 1890s Langstons, but it started to grow as I was posting because I wanted to give my sim characters justifications for their life paths I was sending them on... and it all kind of took off from there, as a Decades Challenge story.

Covid over 2020 and 2021 in my country forced us into hard lockdowns, and over those 2 years I had heaps of spare time for home-based hobbies - so I just kept pushing myself to keep going with my Decades Challenge for something to do. I got really into creating storylines and costuming and wanting to do the project 'justice' because of how much effort was going in and how many generations I needed to cover to finish it. Then I stared doing lookbooks, creating portraits and character pages, and then making cc (which was a fun side project).

I wanted to build an audience at the start because I wanted to gauge whether anyone was as interested in my sims as I was in others', and when I stared getting feedback and responses to my posts it was very validating and flattering, so that spurred me to keep up. I never dreamed it would get the audience it has now! It's nice being told that something you are making is good. IRL at the time, I was pretty miserable - I graduated my Masters without a job, I was trying to conceive and failing, I was lonely due to covid and lost some of the best years of my 20s - but simblr made me happy and was a distraction from those hard things and so I really poured effort into the thing that brought me happiness.

2022 and 2023 forced me to pull back from my Decades Challenge project due to pregnancy and becomming a parent. It felt very natural to drop it at the time, but since finding my groove with parenting and my new life I still want to finish this project because it's been nearly 4(!) years of effort and I'd hate to leave it so close to the end. So that's why I'm still here - in a reduced capacity to what I was in 2020 and 2021 at my peak - trying to get it done. I don't post lookbooks or do cc anymore, because I just don't have the time anymore. But everyone is so encouraging, I have made some nice friends here and I'm constantly in awe of and inspired by the sims, content and stories others are creating. There is so much more potential for historical gameplay in the years since I started my Decades Challenge - farming! horses! infants! - and I hope that my project has inspired others to have a go! That's the best legacy I could hope to leave...

#asks #answers

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00queasy00 · 20 days ago

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20 questions for fanfic writers

me talking to my partner: wait am i fanfic writer??

partner: you literally have published stories on that fanfic website. you literally wrote a fic without art a few weeks ago.

me: hmmmm >__>

ANYWAYS thank you trippy <3 <3 <3

this was my first time looking at my own ao3 statistics :o ----------------------

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

16 works in total! most are art works for challenges or fests <3

7 written stories!! (wow wtf when did that happen?) one of them has art included.

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

10,845 words

3. what fandoms do you write for?

Mainly tomarry tbh, but also hazbin

4. top five fics by kudos:

ao3 is showing me a mix of my written fics and my art posting so...ç

in order:

Her silly speaker

(ART) the implicating scale

a very harry drawtober

Heaven

naughty pen and ink trolls

5. do you respond to comments?

i try to...like 80% of the time, but the 20% of the time i dont have anything additional to say - but i do read and appreciate every single comment <3 <3 <3

6. what is the fic your wrote with the angstiest ending?

none LOL i am a happy ending person

BUT maybe "haunting you", since theres no clear ending....i do think about finishing it.

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

mmmm maybe: The Golden Snitch Kiss ?

8. do you get hate on fics?

fortunately no.

9. do you write smut?

no lol

10. craziest crossover?

none since i dont have crossovers written :,0

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of.....

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

not that i know of..... x2

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

nope

14. all time favorite ship?

tomarrymort! the creators in this fandom are insanely talented and so passionate <3 thank you all for sharing your fancreations with us all!!!

15. what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

seamonster bait AU / champions AU / Cedric bullying AU

16. what are your writing strengths?

writing short stories

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

writing HAHAHA

okay but for reals, writing "in character". i struggle with lowering my own voice and letting characters talk through me instead. how do you guys do that?

also editing after the "shit draft / first draft" -> it is why i keep my stories nice and very short in comparison to other published stories hehehe

18. thoughts on dialogue in another language?

i like when authors do this. yet i dont feel comfy to do it myself tho.

20. favorite fic you've written? i have three fics for different reasongs, i refuse to pick

- Her silly speaker -

i have wanted to write an uncommon POV via Nagini, and also i was attempting a twilight reference but i believe i chicken"d out last minute? Anyways I had Harry call Nagini "Bella" in reference of "where have you been loca??!!" hahahhah X

- haunting you -

an ambitious story that outgrew my intentions, yet not fully bloomed. I enjoyed figuring out a more "original storyline and setting" than following the canon world and its rules and plotlines.

like i have mentioned earlier, i wouild like to add more to this story and maybe flesh it out properly with time.

- the treactle tart chef -

in this one, my most recent written fic, i really sprinkled in a few of my favorite characterizations of tom that i enjoy seeing a lot. idk if these character traits and behaviors are evident to others besides me BUT i am glad i had fun writing this one a lot after a good while of not writing.

Tagging:

@liquidluckandstuff - answer these questions too! >: )

@albondiguilla007 @cealesti @catjar91 @isalisewrites @toast-ranger-to-a-stranger @tommarvoloriddlesdiary @valkyrie-chemist @chaos-bear and whoever else that wants to join !!!

#tag game

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electricskelecomics · 4 months ago

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Draw The Squad: Irratino Edition

Beach days: love 'em or hate 'em, they're definitely a unique time.

Around three weeks ago (give or take) I started working on a love letter to the Murdle fandom. I grabbed as many Irratino designs as I could (one per creator) and threw them all in a Draw-the-Squad template. Today, I am finally done.

This was my first time doing a Draw-the-Squad, so hopefully I did it right! I also wanted to challenge myself to represent the styles of everyone I put in there: that includes line color and shading. I think it adds to just how creative everyone here is: all of our designs look so different from one another, even though we have the same info to go off of.

If you didn't see your design, then I'm sorry. Eleven characters is a lot to work with, and I really tried to include everyone I could.

My sources are under the read more, along with a little blurb for each one:

@itzr4v3n. This is a mix of her Gacha design and non-Gacha design. It was too hard to choose!

@coconutvoid. I really hope I did the red outfit justice. I love this design's facial expressions.

@dreaming-mushroom. Super sweet person: when I showed the first WIP to the fan discord they helped me out with the colors.

KitKat (Discord). Pigeon Irratino! I went with Kat's Vol. 2 design: I'm a sucker for scars.

@snozzlefrog: specifically her mermaid AU. A lot of the memes I found early on in my Murdle hyperfixation can be traced back to Snozzlefrog, so I knew I had to put one of her designs in here.

Me! My three-eyed, triangle-headed guy.

@marble-running. The only art of him I could find was on paper, so I decided to emulate that. I think it looks great.

@ruburnz. This is such a unique style, and any excuse I get to pull out the opacity brushes I will eat right up.

@berrypass-de-murdler. I think a goat is a really fun spin on things, and everyone I know just adores the design.

@puffydove. I was told Dove's design has a glitter phone case, and who doesn't love that?

@greenunless. I have this one listed in my file as "Fun Glasses." I LOVE this design.

Draw the Squad Source/Base by @copperyy: https://copperyy.tumblr.com/post/142089297465/happy-april-fools-day-heres-a-draw-the-squad

I really cannot emphasize enough how much I LOVE all of your designs/work. If I did we'd be here all day!

#draw the squad #murdle #inspector irratino #irratino #art #fan art #fanart #am i doing this right?

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thus-spoke-lo · 11 months ago

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Kudos to bloomy for the idea, and for getting me to do a little thinking about my writing this year. Here are some of my fave fics that I wrote in 2023 (aka the year I leaned into One Piece):

Over 1.5k Words:

1. A Ride for a Ride [slimeball taxi driver Zoro x afab!reader]: My first foray into the Slimeball-verse, and it was a stupidly good time. I love this version of Zoro and getting to lean into the worst traits of a character I love to make him a real creep.

2. Compliments to the Chef [slimeball linecook Sanji x afab!reader]: I loved writing this version of Sanji - even weirder and so much more insufferable but also somehow even smoother. You hate him so much and are one more wandering hand away from reporting him to corporate, but also you kinda wouldn't mind waking up to him making you breakfast. (please call me, sanj.)

3. Between What Was and What Will Be [stepdad Shanks x f!reader]: Oh boy. This was something that I had such a clear vision of almost from start to finish, which like...very rarely happens for me. I re-read this one probably more than anything else I've written. Also is so on the outskirts of even being in fandom (it's a modern AU that still feels in character but also uses little of the OP-verse outside of Shanks) that it's sort of proved to me I could potentially write original content if I wanted.

4. The Taste of Love on Your Tongue [Sanji x gn!reader]: I think I've mentioned this elsewhere but this was written as kind of a comfort fic for myself after a long week out of town helping my aging parents, and as an exploration of the subtler, less overtly perverted part of Sanji.

5. Midnight Apology [Trafalgar Law x afab!reader]: It's always fun writing reader inserts more from the perspective of the character than the reader, and I enjoy getting in Law's head a little.

6. Meant to Be Yours [Doflamingo x afab!reader]: The first Doffy fic I wrote and it's all been downhill since then. (Also my first attempt very dubcon/borderline noncon.) I conceptualized and started outlining this during a work shift, wrote it and edited in about 6 hours and posted at 6 in the morning, I was utterly possessed.

7. In Pursuit [Dracule Mihawk x afab!reader]: I very much enjoyed the imagery in this one, and, like Meant to Be Yours, managed to have a very clear picture of this from start to finish. Also my first foray into cnc, which was interesting to explore.

Under 1.5k Words:

1. Extras and Upgrades [Franky x fem!reader]: I just really enjoyed drunk, forward reader in this one tbh. Also, this was written because of a challenge issued by my partner to write something for Franky, and it ended up being fun as hell.

2. Sweet Like Tangerines [Nami x gn!reader]: something something peeling and eating tangerines as an act of love :,)

3. Secondhand Smoke [Spike Spiegel x afab!reader]: Spike is my OG fave, and my most beloved fic I write for him was in like, 2021, but this is still up there. I wanted to write something without dialogue, just focusing on the prose part.

4. Taste of Heaven [Doflamingo x afab!reader]: Religious language and metaphors, my beloveds.

#pain management didn't make the list because i think it's probably clear enough by now that it's my darling and my shining star lmao #also most of my doflamingo stuff falls under my favorites because he is thee blorbo so...just know that.#lo.txt

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saimota-week-archive · 2 years ago

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saimota week 2023 is real babey

boy howdy! this is late and i know it’s late and i am sorry. no graphic to show for myself either. i (mod tox) am just doing a real waddle of shame onto here to give you these prompts.

but hello!! salutations! happy 2023-- saimota week will be running again this year from march 19th through march 25th, so please get excited with me!

here are the prompts:

day one (march 19): shadow / sunlight / intensity day two (march 20): heart / body / intellect day three (march 21): wisterias / evening / sanctuary day four (march 22): fight / resolution / tears day five (march 23): lucid / nightmare / terminal day six (march 24): support / growth / reciprocity day seven (march 25): pre-canon / post-canon / free space

as always, be sure to tag all entries with [ # saimota week 2023 ] and [ # saimota week ] and also make sure that you @ MENTION THIS BLOG so that i can reblog all of your entries. if you post something and the blog doesn’t reblog it within a day, feel free to message me @toxicpineapple and i’ll make sure to get on that for you.

i’ll be putting guidelines + relevant details below the cut. stay tuned for reblogs and annoying countdown posts as the week draws closer, and we’ll look forward to seeing your entries once again!

1. late entries will be accepted and boosted with no end deadline! please feel free to keep posting content with these prompts and for this event long after it has ended, we will happily continue to boost anything that you put out after the fact. additionally, the prompts are guidelines, but their use is not mandatory. you are welcome to interpret the prompts as you’d like, and even disregard the prompts altogether if that suits you best.

2. works featuring saimota in a polyamorous relationship with other characters (for example, romantic training trio, amasaimota, akasaimota, etc) will ABSOLUTELY be accepted! obviously this week is for appreciating the romantic relationship between shuichi and kaito, but it’s okay if the other partners get the same amount of screen time! furthermore, background characters and relationships will also be allowed.

3. works featuring shuichi and kaito in a queer platonic relationship will be permitted. however, as this is a romantic ship week at its heart, please refrain from posting content about their friendship or about them as best friends. it’s okay though if the themes in your works are subtle or not overtly romantic.

4. the unauthorised use, reproduction, or replication of the works of other creators during this week will not be tolerated. this includes but is not limited to plagiarism of fanfiction, tracing, uncredited edits, edits with credit but without permission, parodies of other existing fanworks, et cetera. it’s okay to draw fanart from saimota fics you like unless the author is uncomfortable with it, but it’s not okay to take another person’s hard work and use it for your own clout and if we see you reposting uncredited art we will BLOCK. (”i found it on pinterest” or “the source is right here” are not replacements for sources AND permission.)

5. be respectful towards all other entries and participants in the challenge. if someone who is participating in the week is also hating on your entries we encourage you to let us know and they will be blocked as well. we’re all here to have fun, there’s no need to cause drama.

6. nsfw content will not be accepted for this week. however, if you are a person who has posted nsfw content in the past, you are still allowed to participate in the week even from the blog which has posted such content. please do not use your nsfw account to participate if you have one, though.

7. aus and crossovers are absolutely accepted and encouraged.

8. trans headcanons of any kind, including transfem headcanons, will be accepted. cis genderbends however will not. we do not seek to place judgment on anybody who creates that content, it’s just not the kind of thing we want to see for our event. we invite you to create it on your own time.

that’s all i’ve got! thank you for tuning in, and once again, we look forward to seeing your entries come march! thank you loves! <3

#saimota #momosai #momota kaito #saihara shuichi #shuichi saihara #kaito momota #kaito momota x shuichi saihara #shuichi saihara x kaito momota #momota kaito x saihara shuichi #saihara shuichi x momota kaito #kaito x shuichi #shuichi x kaito #momota x saihara #saihara x momota #saimota week #saimota week 2023 #saimomo

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magicalyaku · 1 year ago

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Ok ok, let's get back on track. Work was draining these past weeks, but I'm on vacation now, so time to catch up! June was the month of the library books. I put a bunch on hold in April and May and they all came in at the same time. And after up to 10 weeks of waiting I was not about to push a single one back further, so I had to work a bit there. 8D Also, according to my list I've read 51 books in the first 6 months of the year. I seem to remember wanting to read less this year? Yeah. Not going well.

Gwen & Art are Not in Love (Lex Croucher): I read it in the very first days of June, which was basically an eternity ago, so my memory is a bit wonky. I do remember I had lots of fun! It was funny and sweet with a solid story and serious times when needed, nice characters, good adventure. The female lead did not get on my nerves! There was a cat! And a girl with a (legendary) sword! I think, though, it's a bit unfair that both boys ended up with permanent bodily harm while the girls got away scratchfree … Go read it!!

Thief in the Night (KJ Charles): I didn't know anything about this other than the summary when I put it on my waitlist in the library. After 10 weeks it finally came in and my first thought was "Is it broken?!" because it's only about 100 pages! It is a full story, mind you, I was just so suprised by it (and because I waited for so long!). It's a companion story to The Gentle Art of Fortune Hunting, featuring the brother of the protagonists of that one. It's pretty cute. Super short, but just the right length for a simple story. We can have a simple story once in a while. I had a good time reading this.

The Gentle Art of Fortune Hunting (KJ Charles): I borrowed this right after Thief in the Night. This is a full-length novel, so it has a lot more time to dive into characters and intricacies. It's nice. Like not groundbreaking, but very enjoyable. There's this thing about (pseudo-historic) British aristocracy that just calls for mocking them. I liked a lot how the climax and ending played out!

Flowerheart (Catherine Bakewell): Now this was another difficult book for me. I thought with time I'd get a little more chill with YA fantasy heroines. Seems I'm not there yet. The heroine here has these whiny self-pitying phases that really annoyed me. She's like "Oh maybe he never liked me in the first place" just because the guy didn't want her help at one thing. But: 1) He was her very close childhood friend, that was not a lie. 2) She has like one day of training in and can't control her magic, so her help would be … probably no help at all. And 3) when he told her before that he needs her on the weekends she said no, she can't … So why is she getting upset?! I hate characters like this. /D But thankfully, this is only half of the time, the other half she's pretty ok (the guy as well) and I actually found myself liking the book. The romance is acceptable and it does have some nice imagery going on with all the flower magic and stuff.

Sounds Fake But Okay (Sarah Costello & Kayla Kaszyca): My one non-fiction book of the year. :D It's about seeing the world from the perspectives of a_spec people. Like taking apart all that amatonormativity and all these ideas about romance and family and stuff that most of our world sees as right and normal. So it's not just a "let me tell you what aromanticism and asexuality are"-book but dives a bit deeper. I found it insightful. I think, both a_spec and allo people can take something away from reading this. Challenging our social constructs in thought at least can't hurt after all. Regarding the ebook library edition I read I didn't quite like the layout as the incorporated community quotes where not well marked and I stumbled over them a few times before realising it's another quote. That's probably no issue in the paper version though. I also struggled to tell the authors Sarah and Kayla apart. They introduce themselves and their stories in the beginning but I immediately jumbled them up ...

Captive Prince Trilogy (C.S. Pacat): I borrowed the English edition from the library … and didn't want to return it! Which is stupid because I own the German version in paper. But that kinda sums up how I feel about these books. Captive Prince was not the very first gay fantasy book I read almost two years ago but the first one I liked. (The actual first was Rowan & Ash by Christian Händel which had a terribly selfish love interest and shied away from all the important conflict. (And yeah, long before that I did read The Raven Cycle but I picked that one up for the Ley lines and the no-kiss-promise. The gay was just a pleasant surprise, so I don't count it.)) Which is funny, because especially the beginning is so filthy! I remember being quite put off by this the first time around, but apparently it was intriguing enough to continue reading. I like the incredible slow-burn of Damen's and Laurent's relationship. The slow building of trust in a surrounding where trust is so rare. How shit happens between them and they have to sort it out on page before progressing. How you only catch glimpes of Laurent's true self for a long time. I like it when authors feel smart through their writing and writing Laurent's and the Regent's intrigues and all the different settings with war strategies etc. sure does feel smart to me. I like the slow-burn in stories as well when things start at some point and only get important much later and all weaves together beautifully. It's so rewarding. Look, where we started - look, how far we've come! Hah. u3u

Riley Weaver Needs a Date for the Gaybutante Society (Jason June): For the end of the month I went for something light and funny. Of all the authors I read last year F.T. Lukens and Jason June stuck with me the most. Lukens for the cozy charming fantasy and June for the slightly silly noisy onea. Riley Weaver is no exception to that. It does have a serious undertone and message, though, but due to the framework of the story it manages to never feel dull or preachy.

I also tried to read Dragonfall by L.R. Lam, but gave up after just 50 pages. I can't even say if it's good or bad, because I don't know. I couldn't stand the viewpoints. Like, there's three people. The first one is a 1st person narrator, who refers to the second person as You, but in the narration, not dialogue! That put me off so much. It was so … icky! The second person narrates 1st person as well. If there's another "you" I don't know because I didn't make it to the point where they meet for real. And then the third person comes along and … it's 3rd person?! And I screamed! God, I hate that. I mean, it can work and I have read books that I like with inconsistent viewpoints but there was nothing here for which I was willing to endure. To be fair, I don't like dragons in the first place, so maybe we never were a good match from the start. :'D

That's it for June!

#yaku reads #books #bookblr #lgbtq books #queer books #queer lit #kj charles #the gentle art of fortune hunting #thief in the night #cs pacat #captive prince #riley weaver needs a date #gwen and art are not in love #flowerheart #sounds fake but okay #dragonfall

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yutasbimil · 5 months ago

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Antimony

vyn x fem!oc | tears of themis ff. (psychology major!lead) ✦ (7/8) [series fic] !!! also posted on my ao3 acc! { here } tags: angst, hurt/comfort cw: heavy on (self) angst; suicidal ideation; graphic and morbid descriptions on said thoughts, negative self-talk, skewed self-perception, mentions of attempts, self-harm. triggering topic on neglect and invalidation of family/relatives. + fudge, I HATE typing this down and reading it to edit, it just crawls into my skin THIS IS THE WORST + supposedly this is a 'x reader' fic but got too heavy eventually, I apologize truly ;; word count: 3.2k

Her existence persists to be a contradiction. Her daily pursuits are deliberating from making up her mind on things… as everything had been pointed out too much with being smothered and neglected by her family. Who knew that such a dynamic is possible to be of existence?

But it would also be a miracle if they just started thinking straight and be normal for once.

From happiness and despair, does she truly care that her pessimism gets in the way of enjoying the art of stoicism? Or is she just truly numbed and disappointed to even care?

‘This is crazy talk from the meds…’

Yule clenched her jaw subconsciously.

‘I hate myself for falling into a slope and fucking relapsing—’

“You okay, my love?” Vyn asks, he is not quite sure of the volume he had observed her. He’s surer about the weeks it has occurred. Vyn is most sure that the lavender essence of the tea and atmosphere doesn’t amount to any help to the lady across from him.

Yule tiredly replies, nodding weakly before lowering her head as droopy as her eyes. The fatigue is catching up with her, along with being numbed along with the medication. She’s still quite adjusting.

But today shows a darker shade in her façade.

Exhaustion reeks in her aura.

“Obviously not, Vyn…” her grumpiness slipped along with her groan. The migraines from jaw clenching aren't adding to her comfortability.

Vyn had no other choice but to dismiss her snarky attitude.

“You do know I won't go anywhere even if you act that way towards me, right?” Vyn looks towards her sharp glares, she just huffs. He had noticed such patterns of irritability with her, and her means to sabotage anything when she's insecure. “I'll just be here, and just so you know, being harsh and cold towards me hurts, Yule. But let me remind you that I've handled worse so I won't be unfazed.”

“Ha, so you do admit I'm at par, worse?” she rolls her eyes, clicking her tongue. “I doubt that you'll manage, just admit I'm a jerk one can’t handle.”

Vyn’s brow twitched slightly at her sudden shift, he managed to simply purse his lips in a thin line.

“I didn't say anything of the like, Yule. Acting harshly can hurt others, even words can be sharp, does it not?”

“Whatever, just leave then.” Yule doesn't even bat another eye, her tone gradually turning childish. “I'm being pathetic and making a scene right now for the sake of it. I’m that destructive, a ticking bomb. It's obvious to you since you're so smart with your two degrees.”

So, she does know she just wants to fight ‘just because’? Good thing I won't retaliate. With his usual finesse, Vyn stayed nonchalant.

I'll take that as a compliment for her remembering and including it in her snarky remark.

It was clear she was not in a rational state.

Technically, they’re currently in a foreign place for her so it would be ridiculous to just leave her here. It’s silly enough she’s proposing to be left when Yule herself admitted she’s “directionally challenged”.

At least she retained her wittiness.

“Giving you the ‘Time Off’ you advised me when you're not in the mood, but I will just be here. I refuse to leave you.” he declared, still at a halt to wait for her next move.

“Why? I’m not even worth keeping, I’m a piece of shi—”

“Triggers, Yule.” Vyn prompts. “Self-degradation; I’m not tolerating any of it. We’ve talked about this.”

“Even you refuse to believe in facts,” she mutters under her breath. Yule attempts to storm off, but Vyn silently just follows.

This was her warning beforehand, it's as if you're facing another person whenever she pushes people away. If anything, her attitude amplified since she had gone back from visiting her family…

Vyn realized this soon enough as she just shut him off and looked further somber. She had been quiet even before coming back to their rented villa.

Yule just huffs, obviously having difficulty regulating her emotions at the moment.

Vyn stayed idle. He just suppressed a sigh as he placed down a glass of cold water for Yule. He knows nothing but to show any discomfort to her, most especially her vulnerable moments when she might take the slightest actions and gestures the wrong way.

As to why it ticks Vyn personally how she’s still viewed as not a concern. It’s obviously debilitating her work performance; it’s hindering her work function. Any other areas of her life including her sleep, appetite, and even social aspects.

It’s infuriating all the more that her evident symptoms and warning signs of help are dismissed as merely “physical sickness” by her family. Isn’t stress one of the leading causes of diseases and common knowledge these days?

“I’m angry— not at you, b-but I am lashing out. I’ll- tell later. Maybe, fuck, I don’t care! No one cares!” she burst out, immediately ripping her look off him as she walked out of the living room into the bedroom.

He just blinked, slightly distraught as poker-faced his expression now.

Vyn dragged the chair and sat down, subconsciously observing the condescending droplets form at the glass of water she left. He puts his hands on his face, his fingers stroking his chin in thought. He furrowed his brows at how unexpected the turn of things was for them just now.

Though, he already put the first piece that bridged this disaster from cascading; the verdict of it all.

Yule told Vyn of her last encounter with her family and relatives before their trip.

Last week…

“What if you get physical therapy instead?”

Even till the end, you’re not believing in me huh?

Yule held her tongue and no longer had any care to even bother rebutting. If only they were the ones who would tend the medical bills for her, but no.

The tone of Yule’s mother implied it’s much cheaper, that her symptoms are most likely only physical exhaustion, and that her fatigue is just lack of sleep. She doesn’t take any care of herself for being irresponsible and an immature person, still. Or at least that’s what her mother always says.

But when it comes to my sister, it’s a different story with finances huh? Suddenly the “budget” is non-existent; they’re all in.

She had to compensate for the fees for her therapy session with her own money…

Well, yeah. She had the money now, but what happened to "supporting her till the end"?

It opposes everything they told her.

She just heaved in a sigh, and everything felt heavier on the next happenstance.

The conversation felt a bit of a blur, more on her not bothering to even respond to her being hurt, and just agreed. The frustration, infuriation, and resentment only build up more as her boundaries are trampled over.

If it means I can get a proper assessment, I guess.

The price to pay along with the therapy. Such irony.

“It just gets dragged longer than I want it to, just further emphasizing the usual flow; I’m not the priority, a burden? Ah- it’s just more on being dismissive that: “It’s not that that you’re feeling.” It’s swept under the rug how obvious—goshdamn, the obvious signs of mental distress to my parents, Vyn! But they choose to ignore the possible mental illness.”

The way that Vyn has his vision on her as if he’s correlating the tangled coherence of her explanation, and he’s patient with ears swung wide open. Yule keeps pacing around the room to at least get her mind off the jitters, she lets her mouth agape to avoid drawing out blood from biting her lips.

“It’s like I’m just lying there bleeding, and they’re choosing to turn a blind eye.”

Yule is reminded to breathe, shakingly while easing her stiff shoulders. She felt her muscles firm up while slouching. It’s as if there’s a hanger placed on her clothes.

“Yes, it can be alleviated by massage, and physically, some ache in my body can be healed, through proper treatment, cure, and shit— but the debate just stood there with the elephant in the room, that it’s quite the opposite that my mental strain and fatigue is more on causing me physical symptoms. Manifesting physically instead…”

“Psychosomatic symptoms*, hmm?”

“Y-yeah, exactly! But of course, it just ends up that I brought the proper weapons in a fight, but it’s never to be acknowledged in the first place. As if you’re telling the doctor that they don’t need bandages on obvious bleeding wounds.”

She had known for the longest time of this feeling since high school.

It felt like she was walking on lead, underwater and had been drowning for years. She’s raising her arms, for flags but it just gets thrown off as nothing. Go with the flow by all means.

But she needed to keep in mind how to slow down, her anchor already reached its point. Yule needs to learn how to rest and not exert herself when she’s already done more than enough.

‘I’m just pushed to my limit, even if I did well in school up to this point of taking exams for additional credentials— I just want to hide everything away when I know that it will just be brushed off at the end of the day.’

It even leaves Vyn’s gaze at her to waver, the flicker of his eyes dimmed for a slight millisecond at the shakiness of her voice.

Yule bitterly snickers, shaking her head weakly with a huff. “I just got my result that I passed, and I now have a name extension, yet everything I get still seems the least believable to them. Vyn, I’m gonna go insane, I tell you!”

This adds salt to the wound, it stings how her eyes feel dry at this point. This is not at all helpful to the abundance of cortisol levels in her system, as her psychologist pointed out. This condition of Psychosomatic Disorder in line with Generalized Anxiety Disorder**?

What a perfect combo indeed.

Adding the cherry on top of this disastrous combo is the crippling depression she has.

Though of course, this isn’t something ‘serious’ to look into, right?

Having to hear all of this and Vyn analyzing it, the brows on his forehead creased in dismay. Much to Yule overanalyzing everything, too.

Even now, it keeps replaying back in her head. It struck her with fear, and disgust to see how he might be having a hard time with her negativity.

Yule feels guilty, especially about how she’s been dragging him along the emotional rollercoaster. Either it’s with the fluctuation of hormones due to her monthly cycles and the effects of the medicine. Even how she even lashed out numerous times, so stupid! ‘Vyn is tired of me— wait, correction, because of me.’

It’s vastly different from one’s emotional toll when it comes to handling someone close and dear to you.

Yet he remains patient and kind to her unkindness.

Damn, so now that I’m also clinically diagnosed with chronic Depression, why do I still feel guilty even having to be in a loving relationship? I should be happy, right?

This constant weight of sadness and dreading emptiness is pulling her down, and by the slump of her shoulders, Vyn can thoroughly read the deepening of her thoughts.

Tackle the struggles of being in a relationship, the constant sadness, feeling like a burden for having the condition, and perceived helplessness***.

I don't want to drag him along with me. That's the least of what I want to happen.

‘Yet here I am again, hurting him in the process.’

The last time served as the last fucking time. She really had enough of the feeling of never ever being enough for them.

Because the last time she visited, all the time she spent with them led to her being invalidated every step of the conversation. As if it’s meant as a shitfest for Yule.

And she only brought up her anxiety.

Fuck, she’s glad no mentions of her depression slipped off her lips. What more if she brought up her Borderline Disorder? She is already clinically diagnosed at this point, ha, and yet…

Like a wasted game of ping-pong, her ears rang at how insensitive and obnoxious they sounded around the restaurant table. Just throwing words mindlessly or carelessly as if it doesn’t bear any weight. Everyone sounds like a hypocrite, all-talk about family and love.

Bullshit.

Yule is quite very much aware of the generation gap, and she wanted to educate them at first especially now that she has finished her studies. She had freed up her time for the sake of this lunch out.

Yule wanted to give the benefit of the doubt, still, and redirect her expectations that it will at least be better this time around—just this one damn time—now that months have passed.

Alas, it isn’t.

Yule just pointed out how taking it shallowly and using terms like “depressed” or “OC” can do more harm than good to those who are actually experiencing it. It further strays people from taking mental conditions seriously now that it’s at now all-time high to be aware of it.

Instead, a hand just blocked her vision and laughter deafened her in ridicule. I am just exaggerating it, they’re simply just “an expression” and just saying it as its usage. Like huh?

Yes! And that’s what’s wrong.

Being “mature” wasn’t prioritized in her head as it flipped a switch in her, and it’s a dangerous one. Part of her feelings are hurt, personally triggering her as they mention more words that further devalue it.

Yule has the said condition. So it goes to show that it just means nothing, huh?

But damn, when it comes to my sister as she’s in the spectrum****, it’s more real and needs help.

She shouldn’t compare and the presence of another does not devalue her experience and condition… Yule has progressed so much these past months being away but in just a day, she sees every hope she has crumbling away. What am I even made for? What is my purpose here in this world?

Ha. Man, maybe if I fucking die and jump off a cliff. It’s still not real for them either way, right?

I always feel like glass when I’m with them.

Again, Yule reverts to her 14-year-old self of being silenced, no words want to come out of her. Dissociating, she just autopilots out of her own will.

Instead of exploding, right?

Thank God she didn’t as she will have to land a grenade on their faces on how ridiculous and insensitive they all are. And it all will just go back to me, as I am the bad guy here. It will be my fault for being insensitive for ruining their afternoon for even daring to speak up.

It’s just so extreme that it turned out this way already, what more if Yule told them of her actual condition, so it will be all for naught?

Does it need to be life-threatening?

Well, even when her allergies broke out intensely, there was no urgency at all from them. Maybe they’re thinking I’m just acting it all out for attention… Worse, she’s dismissed as no biggie when it’s clear that she’s not breathing properly.

With anxiety, so it’s not at all considered as a serious condition getting panic attacks out of nowhere to be called “real”?

Are we going back to Philosophy class to regard what is concrete and real compared to what is intangible?

Very bullshit.

That if I don’t need attention or that anxiety is just “shallow”, it will not appear as if I need help. So, it’s just superficial?

Then they’re the ones who have the guts to invalidate me after putting me through the Psychology field, and then I am not allowed to point out their blabbering? Just when I graduated and got my degree, I am still not reliable? Is it because I am not a practitioner or a doctor? Ha. It’s maddening how they’ll make you stupid.

And yet, they expect me? To finish my master's degree and fucking pass the boards after treating me so ridiculously and not worth it in the subject field?

WTF?

I've been feeling like this since I was 19 in university when they don't believe a thing that I point out because I ain't no doctor!

Yet up until now?

Yule could only sneer at such a rut she has in this ratchet household.

Heck, I will pass the boards, and run through her Master's with ease, but I feel that it is still not enough to be seen.

Beyond sated from food, she can no longer palate anything from her dissatisfying wreck of thoughts. I want to vomit. Nauseous, she stared into nothing once again.

I need to exaggerate the details and severity of the situation, yet it's still dismissed. That her anxiety also needs medication and shit.

Yule feels like a kid begging to be seen and wants attention. She needs to go beyond and bend over backward for facts and her reasons to be heard.

But they just don’t choose to use their damned ears for listening. To her in particular.

Am I just gonna die and it's still not believed in?

With Vyn I still have the tendency to be a compulsive liar in order to be believed in, but I keep forgetting to get it off my system that it is not the same case with him. I need a system reset to be at peace. I want to be my genuine self with him.

I really am trying.

Her far-off stares didn’t leave her glassed orbs as Vyn held her hand tightly by the plateau. She asked if they could get some fresh air earlier. By the looks of it, she had finally calmed down compared to her episode earlier.

But it still feels heartsinking when she's silent and preoccupied. Vyn squeezed it a few more times before Yule finally responded with a weak smile. But she still goes on and off as she dissociates.

How could I have lost an “okay” Yule in just a few days' time?

Of course, not that he doesn’t like her being like this, but who does want to see a person this way? It pains to see someone you love in so much pain and feeling broken apart. And handled carelessly by people you expect of thick blood.

It tampers a scab on Vyn’s part as well, being let down by your own family who is supposed to serve as a safety net to your existence.

Vyn intertwined his fingers with hers to at least ground her further, she flinched a little. Yule had been silent the most since the start of their trip, although a bit responsive, the difference to her usual behavior shows a wound to her well-being.

He simply observes, he senses her trying the most as she strokes her fingers at his hands as they are sight-seeing. Vyn hopes the view gets her mind off things momentarily.

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