#I hate myself too much to date Tumblr posts

[aphroditestummyrolls]

You know that feeling where you’re so anxious you can’t breathe? Well, might I introduce you to: being so depressed that your chest has entirely caved in and your ribs are too heavy, but you still need to force yourself to work out tonight or it’ll just be another goal that you couldn’t meet.

[raytorosaurus]

I hope it’s okay to ask you but you seem to know everything about MCR so you might know. But I read recently that they were the designated bbq band on their first Warped in 2004 so they had to cook for everyone. Have you ever heard of that being the case? It just feels like a weird thing, with Ray apparently being a hermit in the bus and Frank being vegetarian and Gerard being blackout the whole time. I can’t imagine Mikey or Matt Pelissier holding down the fort.

haha yeah apparently so! warped tour was designed to be as efficient to run as possible because its primary purpose was to book up-and-coming bands and put them out there. it had a lot of weird components as a result - e.g. the sheer number of bands and locations, cheap tickets and free tickets for parents, and a constantly changing lineup schedule so attendees couldn't plan their day in advance around specific artists (so the artists were on a more ~equal footing and to encourage ppl to show up when the gates opened and stay all day). it was also notoriously gruelling and uncomfortable for the bands - really demanding schedule, no showers, etc etc.

so one of the things it did (along with showcasing local acts at each location) was invite a "bbq band" to join the tour for free and play every day if they helped run the nightly bbq that fed all the musicians. according to this podcast (around 17 mins in, but the whole episode is a short and really interesting listen, i recommend it!), mcr were that band in 2004 (they were only on the first half of the tour tho, june 25-july 18,24). i'm not sure exactly what his source is but he seems to know his stuff, and i'm almost positive i've heard gerard refer to it in an interview at some stage, though i can't remember when 😭. anyway, that doesn't mean they fully ran the bbq and were the only staff - they were just helpers! warped had a catering company and served a truly enormous amount of food every day, and apparently the artist's bbq was something like 300 hot dogs, 300 burgers, and 100 veggie burgers a night (all from that podcast). mcr definitely wouldn't have been doing that on their own, they were probably just helping out hahaha.

anyway, this was all in 2004, when the lineup included thursday, the used, tbs, coheed and cambria, the bouncing souls, etc. so revenge had only been out for like a month and they didn't have their own bus yet - i'm like 80% sure they stayed on senses fail's bus that tour, but i can't remember which one of them said that or where haha (they definitely shared a bus directly afterwards as they toured back towards nj).

after that is when they went to japan, came back, fired otter, and filmed inok, and went back on tour with bob and face to face all in the space of 2 weeks. that tour is when their van finally broke down for good and they got on their first own tour bus at the end of it.

the more ~famous mcr warped tour is 2005, which is the one with fob etc. i haven't seen lotms in a while but i actually assumed the bit where ray said he'd been a total hermit in the back of the bus was from that 05 tour, because that's the one they had the bus studio where he spent a lot of time writing parade demos. either way, he might not have been partying and socialising a whole lot, but i'm sure he would've sown up to bbq duty anyway! it was their free ticket, after all.

[hecksupremechips]

When I think about Mizuki in aini it’s like, I know something is just so off about her but I have trouble articulating it. It’s really frustrating cuz she was like my favorite character in the first game and when I play the first game I feel like I have a really good idea of who she is as a character. Like she acts strong and and hangs out with people much older than her and has to take on a fuck ton of responsibility but she’s also just a kid she cuddles with a rabbit toy she raises fish in the fridge she can be kinda gullible in the way that kids are and she doesn’t always understand more mature jokes. She acts sassy and hostile towards Date but she’s described as kinda and compassionate by Hitomi and she defends the weak and loves her friends deeply and thinks Aiba is cute. She pokes fun at Date for being grumpy at the shrine and then excitedly holds his hand and drags him over to the offering box to pray for his safety and she gets scared when there’s danger and she hugs Date for comfort but then tries to brush it off because she was taught to feel shame whenever she required basic attention and affection. She was hurt badly by her biological family and finds herself at home with Date despite her fears of him not caring for her. Like she’s a really solid well rounded character with strengths and weaknesses and her story makes me feel every possible emotion known to man

Then I play aini and I was soooo excited to see that Mizuki was gonna be a protagonist and that she had Aiba (its what made me buy the game immediately after finishing the first game lol) and then like. I honestly can’t tell you a damn thing about her character in aini. Like she’s the protagonist for half that game and I can’t think of any particular struggles she has as a character or like any moments where she stands out. It’s like, I know this is Mizuki she has the same basic features of that character but she’s not really given much? And anything new you learn about her is just like, retcons of her already established and well written backstory that just. Really didn’t need to be made and honestly they just kinda do a disservice to her character

Like first off there’s the Bibi twist which. Oof. I have some pretty complicated feelings about Bibi in general like okay. When she appears as the masked woman I was totally on board and thought she was really interesting and I was so prepared for her to be a favorite character her somnium is probably my favorite one in the game. And then she was revealed to be Mizuki. And it was revealed that we were playing as her for half of the B side of the story and we didn’t know it. Like, where to even begin. They stopped writing Bibi as her own character and she pretty much just became Mizuki except idk, she has a bigger grudge against Ryuki and has a heart condition I guess. And like I think it really speaks to how flat Mizuki was in this game if we can play as two completely different characters and have them be indistinguishable. Bibi shouldn’t be anything like Mizuki, they’ve lived completely different lives. And I hate the clone twist like good god I really hate the clone twist because IT ADDS NOTHING TO MIZUKIS CHARACTER OR HER CONFLICT. In fact it like, actively goes against her arc from the first game??? Cuz like half the point of Date and Mizuki’s relationship is there to show that family isn’t what you’re born with, it’s what you make. Both Date and Mizuki feel like their little family can’t exist because they’ve been taught, like most of us have, that biological family is the most important and real and valid way to have a family. You’re supposed to love and respect your biological parents because they MADE you, and Date has to live with the anguish that he can’t be Mizuki’s REAL father because they aren’t blood related. So like, to pull the rug away and go "oh yeah btw I guess Mizuki was adopted lol" it just completely erases what made her story so impactful to most people. And the clone reveal adds nothing like Mizuki doesn’t NEED this at all she wasn’t looking to discover the truth of her backstory because. There wasn’t any truths that needed to be discovered, we already know her deal and so does she. And her having a clone doesn’t really fit with the half to whole theme cuz like, she wasn’t looking for a fucking clone or like a secret sister or anything like that. It’s just stupid it’s so stupid

What Mizuki needed was like, a new actual conflict that required her to overcome challenges and grow as a character. A lot of people, myself included, have complained about how her relationship with Date just isn’t talked about hardly at all, how he went missing for 6 years and they didn’t even get a proper reunion and the game kinda mocks you for wanting one. We dont get any context as to how Mizuki coped during that time like she was completely alone for the most major years of her life she was separated from the one person who was her real family and we don’t know what she felt during all that cuz the game refuses to talk about it. And there isn’t much indication that the adults care about this either, Boss maybe has a soft spot for her but that’s kinda the extent of it, she makes a joke that Date is probably off chilling in a hot spring in Atami so clearly no one is giving Date’s disappearance the weight it deserves. So like, we have this potential thing we could work with here like why is Mizuki a detective now and why does she care about this case? Because her dad was taken by tearer and has been gone for 6 years and she’s been all alone and she wants to find him and find out if he’s even alive and she wants to kick tearers ass cuz he tore (hehe) her family apart. And this can also give her an actual connection to Ryuki too like Ryuki is the one who betrayed Date and knew some shit about tearer and saw what happened to Date and he just never told Mizuki the truth and she’s spent all this time looking for Date so this would be like, pretty major conflict when it all gets revealed. And it actually gives what Ryuki did actual consequences that affect him cuz honestly the fact that no one seems to care that much about Date’s disappearance makes Ryuki’s guilt and depression seem completely fucking useless lol. So here we go, that’s some conflict for Mizuki to have and it gives her a personal connection to the case, we can add more to it but really even this alone is way more than what she’s given in the actual game. And I think just the big problem with her in aini is I think the writers were too afraid to do anything that could ruin her character or cause her to change too much so they just like. Didn’t write anything that could allow her to develop and instead just fucked with already established information about her which. I honestly don’t know how that is seen as better??? In what fucking world. It just feels really pointless to have even made Mizuki a protagonist to begin with since they don’t really do anything with her and lol I think the writers realized this so that’s why like. Ryuki gets all the character conflict but makes lowkey no progress in the case and the real investigation doesn’t happen until the Mizuki side cuz they needed to make up for the fact they didn’t write anything for her alskla

So yeah just to wrap things up, Mizuki just didn’t get to be a character in aini and she wasn’t given any interesting conflict despite how easy it would’ve been cuz the writers were too scared of doing anything with this character that could ruin her but dude. Dont fucking make her the protagonist then if you’re too scared of doing anything with her. Don’t piss me off like that

[adhderall]

well as you can see besides being ugly as all fuck I'm also extremely bitter so that doesn't help at all in making me appealing. but it also comes with the territory you see, being treated as a hideous freak of nature for your whole life kind of does things to your psyche.

also going into shit in the tags as an extreeeemely jaded individual who's been on every side of the discourse and KNOWS it all VERY PERSONALLY so I know many people will find all sorts of different reasons to hate me (if they want ig) because I'm ~politically homeless~ at this point because I'm sick and tired of everything but whatever

(also fuck I ran out of space in the tags so another post maybe idk. )

[bunnyboy-juice]

spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner

[maxident-xx]

I hope hoco is canceled and my biology teacher falls down the stairs and gets brain damage

[cowboy-robooty]

me when i read the gay porn genre comics and get mad theres gay porn

[girlcockholmes]

seeing how your skinny pretty friends get treated in comparison to you during high school is one thing but seeing that in adulthood when youre going out to bars?? well thats just suicide inducing

[mejomonster]

I would like. To be in mutual love

[the-acid-pear]

Need to finish my Dave design so I can draw him with Mori

[thueenz]

for real though that post is so true on the love front i think about it all the time like why is everyone so LOVELESS not even just in like cishetero marriages where they hate each other just in general like platonic too. it drives me craaazy when im exposed to it like why are ppl like this !! why dont you love your friends and partner!! its like everything is a social game that theyre playing just for validation and lacking real connection and its a game where theyre always about 2 steps away from being bitter and hateful towards their friends/lover like STOOOOP! im someone who values love and kindness so much and it baffles me. why do you hate your partner! why do you talk about them like theyre an object of validation! why are you dating someone you clearly dislike! why are u so mean to ur friends behind their backs im cryin. why do you up and abandon them the second you get a partner bc you dont value them over the romantic validation you get. ive always been such an affectionate person at heart and i value what my friends say so much and i always find myself feeling so distant from people in relationships because they just feel?? so shallow?? and distant from me. like i think oh this preson gets me but theres ppl who say the same things how they value kindness and love but its always like, immediately clear they are actually a deeply mean person and just enjoy feeling like theyre 'good'. the way society functions with relationships feels so intensely shallow and i cannot connect to it at all. i love my friends and i love people and i always want to understand them and reach out with compassion and be close to them physically and emotionally speaking and talk a lot and listen to them. however im cursed to live in a world of 1 word responses if any at all and shallow relationships where no one gaf about each other and then i get told i talk too much. hello? *tapping mic* hello? is this thing on? be filled with whimsy and love going forward please. anyway does anyone else feel this way or is it just me feel free to talk about it if youd like

[angria]

My parents sent me flowers, which was very nice (probably need to write an update on that relationship at some point). Not really coping. Painting my nails hot pink was the extent of my healthy coping. Otherwise, just sabotage after sabotage. Relapse.

I am so fucking tired. And I have a paper due tomorrow. Haven’t even typed a single word. Class later tonight. Absolutely zero focus.

[hecksupremechips]

My appreciation for iris and ota as characters increases every time I play aitsf like I think the side characters in aini are more likable but they don’t have as much depth cuz you have to remember them in all these different points in time and their different relationships with all the protagonists and it gets really wishy washy but in the first game it’s just like. Here’s iris and ota, they’re fucking annoying and sketchy as hell. Please spend all your time with them 🥰

[chiistarri]

he dislikes the fact i asked him out so much that he is consistently one of the first viewers of all my stories 🎀

[fishylife]

should i try hinge T_T the friend i met with yesterday said she met her husband on hinge.........

[letterstotheflre]

why does my mom look at me like she's disappointed every time i tell her i'm going out w a guy