#I had my friend hold it down and perform cpr
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brb-brained · 6 months ago
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Silly Game Time: Complete the phrase. "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. Oh, and also _____."
The lack of general knowledge about frogs
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dwobbitfromtheshire · 9 months ago
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I feel like if Steve had performed CPR on Eddie while Nancy drove the RV back to the hospital and brought Eddie back, Eddie would be bragging about Steve kissing him and Steve having a crush on him. He'd be an absolute menace about it.
"It wasn't a kiss. It was CPR!" Steve would yell.
"Sure, Stevie, and I'm sure everyone in here believes that," Eddie would wink at him from his hospital bed. "I've seen Nancy, I'm definitely your type."
Robin's laughing about it along with everyone else, thinking it was just a joke for Eddie, and she could tell that Steve wasn't actually hurt by it because if he was, Robin would kick Eddie's ass.
"This is a kiss!" Steve exclaimed and slammed his lips to Eddie's before quickly pulling back. "What I did was breathe air into your lungs. . . What?"
"Oh," Eddie breathed softly as he touched his lips.
Robin's eyes were wide as she looked at Steve like everyone else did. Okay, she knew about her best friend, but she did not think he would do that.
"Steve, you just kissed Eddie," Dustin said.
"Oh, shit, I'm sorry. I didn't really think about it because everyone pretty much knows about me. . . ," Steve said. "And they're cool with it."
"No, harm, Steve. It's just a kiss between friends. I kiss Jeff all the time. He thinks it's funny," Eddie said, laughing. "I don't actually think you're gay for me, Steve."
"Well, no, I'm not gay for you," Steve said.
"Yeah, I know, I just said that," Eddie scoffed. "You need to get your hearing checked, man."
"I'm actually partially deaf in one ear," Steve replied and Eddie sighed, looking guilty.
"HI, I'm Eddie Munson. Sometimes I put my giant ass foot in my mouth," he said, holding out his hand, and Steve took it, smiling in amusement. "Sorry, man."
"It's alright. No harm," Steve said, grinning. "While, I'm not gay for you. I am completely bisexual for you."
"You're what?"
"Bisexual."
"What?"
"BI - SEX - UAL," Steve sounded out. "Jesus, now who's the deaf one?"
"Okay. I don't know what that means. Wait! Hold on! I think I can figure this one out," Eddie said. "Okay, so if bilingual means that you speak more than one language, then bisexual must mean. . .Do you like more than one sex?"
Steve grinned, tapped his nose and pointed at him.
"Wow," Robin said with wide eyes.
"Give him a break, Robin. He's on a lot of pain medication," Dustin said. "He got there, didn't he?"
"So, if bisexual is a thing that means that me checking out Jeff's ass wasn't because I liked his jeans!" Eddie exclaimed.
Steve scowled and crossed his arms, scoffing as he turned away from Eddie.
"Jeff," Steve said angrily. "He didn't kiss you back to life."
"I thought you said it was CPR," Max said.
"Eddie, man, I think you're making Steve jealous," Lucas said.
Eddie grinned at Steve's back, and his eyes landed on his ass.
"You know, whenever Jeff and I used to get high in the back of my van, we'd get really handsy with each other. Now that I think about it, that wasn't very straight of me," Eddie giggled. "Maybe when I get out of here, I should ask him out."
Steve whirled around with his hands on his hips.
"Are you fucking kidding me, right now, Munson?" Steve asked and Eddie laughed.
"Lucas is right. You are jealous," Eddie said. "Me and Jeff never did any of that. Baby, the only man I want to get handsy with in the back of my van is you."
"Really?" Steve asked.
"Yeah," Eddie said.
Steve leaned down to kiss him, Eddie welcoming it gladly.
"I'm not sure if I say 'aww' or try to burn the image of our babysitter getting felt up by our dungeon master in the back of his van," Mike scowled.
Robin rolled her eyes as she started to push everyone out of the room. It was just in time too because she's pretty sure her best friend just got goosed.
"Eddie!"
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achilles-rage · 3 months ago
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Worth It
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summary: you borrow your friends boat for the day, wanting to share with eddie how much you love days like these. all is well until the wind picks up and makes the waves large and dangerous. as he gets out of the water, he slips, and you have to perform cpr on him.
word count: 3.2k
request: Eddie and Y/n are having a nice day on their boat but the water is a little choppy. When a big wave comes Eddie stumbles and falls in the water but has a hard time resurfacing. Y/n dives in after him and rescues but has to give him CPR and saves him.
A/N: i firmly believe eddie is the type to live 3 seconds from the beach and never actually go in the water. i’m posting this as i’m about to go to the beach. wish my luck! enjoy<3
TW: eddie almost drowns (lolz), no use of y/n, plus size!reader, fem!reader, race inclusive!reader
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“Got the snacks?” you ask Eddie as he’s about to walk out the door. He has a large cooler in one hand and a beach bag over each shoulder. He sighs as he stops in his tracks, nodding as he turns back to you..
“Yep.” he tells you sweetly, although a hint of annoyance is making his way into his voice.
“Sunscreen?” He nods again.
“Extra water?”
“Yes.”
“Towels?”
“Mi amor, we have everything. We’ve already been through the list.” he tells you, holding his empty hand out for you to take.
“I’m just making sure.” you say with a sigh, taking a step and grabbing his hand, letting him lead you out the door.
It’s a beautiful sunny day in LA, and your friend mentioned a few days ago that she had inherited a boat from an old relative in her family, and anytime you wanted to use it, you were more than welcome. You decided to take advantage of it, knowing that in all the years Eddie has lived in LA, the only time he goes to the beach is to watch Christopher from the shore. 
He was a little weary about it, not being completely used to being in a boat in the ocean, but he agreed when he imagined the sight of you in your swimsuit. He knows he made the right choice when you walk out in your slightly see-through cover up, your bikini just barely visible. He drinks in the sight of the way your tits sit in your top, and the way he can see the outline of your soft tummy through the cover up, and the way your thick thighs peek out from under it.
He was a little annoyed when you doubled, and then triple checked you had everything, but he feels the excitement grow as you both make your way to his truck.
The drive to the marina is relatively short, and you take in the clear blue sky and the gentle warm breeze filtering in through the rolled down windows, enveloping you. You can feel Eddie’s warm hand placed firmly on your thigh, his thumb rubbing absent-minded circles on your inner thigh as he drives, and you sigh happily. You’ve always loved days on the boat, and you can’t wait to share the feeling with Eddie. You wish Christopher was here with you, but you’re also excited to have some one on one time with your boyfriend.
You get out of the truck quickly once Eddie pulls into the parking lot. Eddie takes the bags and starts to walk to the dock, ignoring you as you try to take a bag. You shake your head, fighting back a smile at his refusal, but it also makes your heart swell. When he’s around, you never have to lift a finger, which is something you had to get used to. Now that you’re used to it, though, you try to do more things for him to make his life easier; cleaning up around his house, cooking him dinners, packing Christopher’s lunches in the mornings. 
Once you get onto the boat, you both work to untie the ropes, and then you’re off. He wanted to drive, but you’re so excited that you won’t let him, insisting that you want to do it. He backs up with his hands raised in surrender, letting out a soft chuckle as he picks up on your eagerness. 
You make your way out into the ocean, giggling as Eddie yells at you to slow down a little. You keep up the speed, knowing he’s only joking; you’re not going that fast, you’re just excited. After a while of speeding around and driving the boat over some other boat’s wakes, you finally slow down to a stop a good distance from the shore. 
“We need sunscreen.” you tell him as you stand up. You pull your cover up off your body and then rummage through the beach bag to find the sunscreen, and Eddie’s mouth goes dry.
His eyes roam up and down your soft figure, feeling his dick twitch as you bend over to grab the sunscreen. If he thought the sight of you in your cover up was good, this sight is perfect. Without your cover up, most of your skin is completely exposed to him, and he takes this chance while you’re distracted to memorize your dips and curves, and your stretch marks, and the way your skin glistens with a mixture of sweat and miniscule ocean water droplets.
“I don’t need any. I don’t burn.” he tells you with a smirk once you stand back up. You scoff and roll your eyes, taking a few more steps until you’re right in front of him.
“And I guess you don’t get skin cancer either, huh?” you reply sternly, but with a hint of teasing in your voice. You gesture for him to put his arms out, and he obliges with a sigh, holding his breath as you spray his arms and chest. His eyes are locked on you as you begin to rub the sunscreen in, letting out a groan as you bite your lip in concentration.
As you spread the sunscreen over his chest with your hands, you can’t help the wave of desire rushing through you. You’ve always loved his chest, and with the way the sun is hitting it, illuminating his freckles and chest hair, it’s hard not to give in to your inappropriate desires.
Once you’re done you tell him to turn around, and then you spray his back and shoulders. You rub this sunscreen in as well, more or less giving him a shoulder massage as your hands trail across his skin. He lets out a groan as you do, because your hands feel good on his shoulders, but also because he can’t help but imagine something else you could be doing with your hands at the moment, your bikini not helping his wandering thoughts.
He takes the sunscreen from your hand after you’re done and sprays your front, licking his lips as he sees your chest move with your breathing. He rubs it in with his hands, starting on your arms before making his way to your chest. As his hands get closer to your breasts, you can’t help but let out a shaky breath as your eyes follow his movements. As he continues, his fingers move under your bikini top just slightly, making you giggle, as he’s now more or less massaging your tits.
“I don’t think this is necessary.” you tease him softly, looking back up at his face. His eyes move back up to meet yours, the smirk on his face growing.
“Can never be too careful, mi amor.” he murmurs, then moves down to your plush tummy, hands moving across your stretch marks. He smirks as his eyes follow his hands, mapping and memorizing every part of your body that he can.
You bite the inside of your cheek as his hands run over you. There’s a small voice in your head telling you that you shouldn’t let him see your curves, let alone touch them, but his touch is so tender and loving that you can’t bring yourself to care. You know that Eddie loves all of you, and at this moment, it feels like he’s putting all of his love into his soft touches.
Once he’s done, you turn around, letting him get your back. He rubs the sunscreen in again, moving down your shoulders to your back, taking his time as his hands roam over your curves. After he finishes, he leans in and kisses your neck softly, then gives your ass a firm smack.
You squeal in surprise, turning around to face him. Before you can speak, his lips are on yours, and his hands are pulling you into him by the hips.
You hum softly as he kisses you, tilting your head up to deepen the kiss as you wrap your arms around his neck. You step forward, making him step back until his legs hit the bench seat on the boat. You’re quick to push him to sit, then you straddle his lap, your hips immediately moving against his. He groans as he feels your clothed core against his hardening length, and his hands stay firmly on your hips to help guide your movements. 
Your hands are on his face, but soon they’re trailing down his chest to his swim trunks, starting to fiddle with the string. His hips buck as he feels your hands ghosting over him, but as you’re about to move your hand under his waistband, a large gust of wind takes you out of your thoughts. 
Your hands still as you look up at the sky, then your gaze trails down to the waves surrounding the boat. You squeal as you jump off his lap, which makes him groan in annoyance, but he lets you pull him up anyway.
“We have to go in the water. The wavy days are the best days to swim.” you tell him with a wide grin, making your way over to the swim platform on the back of the boat. He tries to calm down as he makes his way over to you, his shorts still tight, his hard length rubbing against the fabric tantalizingly.
He chuckles as you jump in, shaking his head as you resurface with a large smile, urging him to come in. He gets to the swim platform and inhales a large breath as he raises his arms over his head right before he dives in, making you laugh at his dramatics.
Once he resurfaces, you swim over to him, wrapping your legs around his waist once he’s beside the ladder and has a hand firmly wrapped around it. His other hand moves to the back of one of your thighs, squeezing it softly as he holds you against him. You wrap one arm around his neck and hold the ladder with your other hand, not wanting him to have to tread water with your added weight, even though his grip on the ladder means he barely has to tread water at all. 
He takes in your features as you wrap yourself around him. Your lashes resting on your cheeks, small drops of water clinging to them, your lips parted slightly as you breathe, the sunscreen you picked making your skin glimmer in the sun. You were very excited when you found sunscreen with glitter in it, and although he was a little embarrassed to be wearing it, he loved the way it looked on your skin.
As you float in the water, the wind picks up more and more, until the waves are basically coming up and over your heads. You giggle as you try to keep yourself above the water, eyes scanning the waves around you. When you turn back to face Eddie, you see that he can barely keep his head above the water; him being slightly lower than you are with your legs around his waist.
“We should get out before these waves get any bigger.” you tell him softly, and he nods in agreement. You unwrap your legs from his waist, and he moves his hand from the back of your thigh to the small of your back, urging you to go up the ladder first. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t staring at your ass the whole time, but as the waves get larger, he pushes his impure thoughts to the side and pulls himself onto the boat.
As both of his feet land on the swim platform, a large wave hits the side of the boat, making it rock more than it has been. Still being wet, his foot slips, making him tumble back into the water. You turn as you hear the noise escape his throat and the splash, having already been drying yourself off with a towel, feeling the harsh wind stealing all the warmth from your body.
You laugh softly, but your smile fades as it takes him a little longer than expected to resurface. Your towel drops to the floor as you make your way to the platform, letting out a shaky breath as he finally comes back up. Your relief only lasts for a moment, however, as his head disappears under the water again, and all you can see is his hands flailing slightly above the water.
He was surprised when he slipped, and he didn’t have time to think before he inhaled a large breath as he hit the water. He feels his lungs tightening as he tries to resurface, but the water had went down the wrong way when he inhaled, and he can’t stop coughing as he’s still under the water.
You dive in, swimming over to him and grabbing him under the arms, heart dropping as you feel his body go limp as he passes out. You struggle to keep his head above the water as you bring him to the ladder, but you eventually get there, your legs already burning as you fight the waves. You loop his arm through a rung on the ladder to keep him in place, and jump onto the swim platform, then grab under his arms again and hoist him onto the swim platform. You don’t even think about how the hell you just did that, your adrenaline working in overdrive and allowing you to do something you think you’d never be able to do in a regular circumstance.
You start to give him CPR, chest heaving as you work. The seconds feel much longer as you keep working, watching him intently, hoping that he’ll wake up. You push down on his chest hard, keeping the required rhythm. Tears forming in your ears as he still lays motionless in front of you.
“Come on, my love.” You bring your mouth to his, giving him two short breaths, your tears falling onto his face as you move. You repeat your steps, mumbling soft pleas as you work, until finally, he lets in a big breath. 
His eyes shoot open, and then he starts to cough loudly, water falling from his lips. You push him onto his side quickly, rubbing his back as he continues to cough. You know that once he’s coughing, there’s nothing much you can do but wait. 
Once most of the water is out of his system, he sits up slowly, a groan falling from his lips. You’re torn. While you know you should give him some space, you want more than anything to hold him close to you.
After a few moments, when his breathing has slowed down a little, he looks up at you. He takes in your tear stained cheeks and your nervous expression, and he grabs your hand, silently pulling you towards him gently.
“I don’t know what I would’ve done if you didn’t wake up.” you get out through sobs, your tears flowing freely as you wrap your arms around his neck gently, the gravity of the situation suddenly hitting you all at once. He shushes you quietly, placing his hand on the back of your head. “It’s okay, mi amor. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.” You sniffle softly at his words, letting out a short laugh as you pull away.
“I should be comforting you.” you mumble, laughing softly as you look at him, still kneeling beside him.
He smiles softly and leans in to give you a tender kiss, a hand resting on your cheek. You pull back after a moment and stand up, offering him your hand to help him up.
“We should get back to land before the waves get any worse.” you joke softly, but there’s a hint of seriousness in your voice. Right now, you want to get as far away from the ocean as possible. He agrees and stands up, taking a seat on the bench seat as you start up the engine and make your way back to the marina. 
The water is much calmer once you’re back in the marina, and you easily tie up the boat again, not letting him do a thing. You grab all the bags and the cooler and start to make your way to his truck, ignoring his insistence that his arms still work. You get in the driver’s seat of his truck once the bags are in the back, wanting him to rest on the way back to his house.
“I’m never going near the ocean again.” you mumble after a few minutes, reliving the moment over and over again. Your brain is racing with all the things that could’ve happened, but his hand reaching over to rest on your thigh helps slow it down slightly.
“Honey, I’m fine. We’re both trained in CPR, which I wasn’t aware of. Where did you learn that, by the way?” His eyes are focused on you, frowning at your expression. He can tell your brain is running on overdrive, and he really doesn’t want you to worry about him. He knows it’s not necessarily his fault, but he also feels a little bad; all you wanted to do was show him a good day on the boat.
“High school. It was part of a class.” you reply, glancing over at him as you try to stay focused on the road. Your hands are still shaking slightly, and for a second you’re not sure if you should be driving, but the option of him driving isn’t one you’re willing to allow.
“Well, I’m glad for that. But, we’re not staying away from the ocean. Actually, I think we should go out next weekend too. If your friend will let us.” He remembers when Christopher was scared of the ocean after the tsunami, and he knows that it’ll be better for you to not avoid the beach.
“You’re that eager to get back out there?” you ask, your brows furrowed as you keep your eyes on the road. You can’t imagine why he’s saying what he’s saying. If it were you, you’re not sure if you’d ever want to see water again, let alone go in it.
“I like seeing you in a bikini, mi amor. I’d say the view is worth dying for.” He purrs, squeezing your thigh softly. You feel your cheeks heat up as you try to fight back a smile, but as you look at him out of the corner of your eye, you can’t help the smile that erupts on your face.
“I love you.” you speak after a few moments of silence, turning to look at him as you stop at a stop sign down the street from his house.“I love you.” he replies, meeting your gaze. And he really means it. He loves everything about you, and seeing you in a bikini was definitely worth everything that happened today.
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miffyisms · 15 days ago
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⋆࿐໋˖𓍢ִִ໋ taylor swift - the tortured poets department (anthology) , ♡
various prompts from the selected media can be found below. it is important to read the rules of the receiving blog before sending any. feel free to change any pronouns to better suit your needs. the selected media can possibly be triggering to some, please be advised !
am i allowed to cry?
i don't cater to all these vipers dressed in empath's clothing.
nostalgia is a mind's trick.
i can hold my breath.
then we could all just laugh until i cry.
i'm seeing visions, am i bad?
it wasn't a fair fight or a clean kill.
just say when, i'd play again.
oh, was it punishment?
oh my god, you should see your faces.
blood's thick, but nothin' like a payroll.
now you know what it feels like.
you're in self-sabotage mode, throwing spikes down on the road.
this town is fake, but you're the real thing.
were you writing a book?
the devil that you know.
well, you took me to hell too.
six weeks of breathing clean air, i still miss the smoke.
go on, fuck me up.
you deserve prison, but you won't get time.
i touched you for only a fortnight.
honestly, who are we to fight the alchemy?
you say i abandoned the ship, but i was going down with it.
nothing makes me feel more alive.
who the fuck was that guy?
but when i count the scars, there's a moment of truth that there wouldn't be this if there hadn't been you.
even if i die screaming, i hope you hear it.
no one's ever had me, not like you.
yes, i'm haunted, but i'm feeling just fine.
i built a legacy that you can't undo.
fuck it if i can't have us.
i'm miserable!
i'm gonna get you back.
i'll tell you something about my good name, it's mine alone to disgrace.
so tell me everything is not about me, but what if it is?
my boy only breaks his favorite toys.
tell me all your secrets.
you know you're good when you can even do it with a broken heart.
what if your eyes looked up and met mine.
i swept in at the rescue.
now i'm down bad, crying at the gym.
i'm so afraid i sealed my fate.
i chose this cyclone with you.
all my mornings are mondays stuck in an endless february.
you were sleeping soundly when they dragged you from your bed.
it wasn't sexy once it wasn't forbidden.
i can't pretend like i understand.
i'm just getting color back into my face.
i'm pissed off you let me give you all that youth for free.
i stopped cpr, after all, it's no use
it was unnecessary, should've let it stay buried.
we both did the best we could do underneath the same moon.
you shit-talked me under the table.
touch me while your bros play grand theft auto.
you said you were gonna grow up then you were gonna come find me.
i'm combing through the braids of lies.
no way i'm gonna screw up, now that i know what's at stake.
you told me i'm the love of your life.
you kicked out the stage lights, but you're still performing.
tell me something awful.
i am what i am 'cause you trained me.
how did it end?
in fifty years will all this be declassified?
was any of it true?
there's a lot of people in town that i bestow upon my fakest smiles.
how dare you think it's romantic, leaving me safe and stranded.
they knew the whole time that i was onto something.
i just learned these people only raise you to cage you.
i dreamed about it in the dark the night i felt like i might die.
all of this to say, i hope you're okay.
i didn't opt in to be your odd man out.
move to florida, buy the car you want.
in plain sight you hid.
i'm bitter, but i swear i'm fine.
please, i've been on my knees.
just how low did you think i'd go before i'd self-implode?
who's gonna stop us from waltzing back into rekindled flames if we know the steps anyway?
pull me to the backseat.
way up there, i actually love it.
at dinner, you take my ring off my middle finger and put it on the one people put wedding rings on.
i hate it here.
what if the way you hold me is actually what's holy?
i should've known it was a matter of time.
they're gonna crucify me anyway.
he was my best friend.
this happens once every few lifetimes.
i can't forgive the way you made me feel.
does it feel alright to not know me?
you said some things that i can't unabsorb.
i just don't understand how you don't miss me.
i felt more when we played pretend.
the future's bright, dazzling.
i've seen this episode and still loved the show.
please know that i tried to hold onto the days when you were mine.
are you still a mind reader?
i'll save all my romanticism for my inner life and i'll get lost on purpose.
tell me i'm despicable, say it's unforgivable.
do you believe me now?
still alive, killing time at the cemetery
is it somethin' i did?
i read about it in a book when i was a precocious child.
you caged me, and then you called me crazy.
bet they never spared a prayer for my soul.
i stopped trying to make him laugh.
he just hadn't met me yet.
you ain't gotta pray for me.
i won't confess that i waited, but i let the lamp burn.
all your life, did you know you'd be picked like a rose?
i'm tryin' to stifle my sighs.
if you wanted me dead, you should've just said.
it's happening again.
i don't think you've changed much.
are you gonna marry, kiss, or kill me?
i don't believe in good luck now that i know what's what.
all that time you were throwing punches, i was building something.
i know i'm just repeating myself.
fuck 'em, it's over.
little did you know, your home's really only a town you're just a guest in.
i wanna kill him.
i forget if this was ever fun.
love's never lost when perspective is earned.
you didn't measure up in any measure of a man.
my friends used to play a game where we would pick a decade we wished we could live in instead of this.
if you want to tear my world apart just say you've always wondered.
what we thought was for all time, was momentary.
do that impression you did of your dad again.
you see i was a debutant in another life but now i seem to be scared to go outside.
you just watched it happen.
so if you want to break my cold, cold heart, say you loved me.
what a charming saturday.
they tried to warn him about her.
then say they didn't do it to hurt me, but what if they did?
i just don't understand.
i was a functioning alcoholic 'till nobody noticed my new aesthetic.
no one asks any questions here.
my friends said it isn't right to be scared.
now i want to sell my house and set fire to all my clothes.
were you making fun of me with some esoteric joke?
you'll find someone.
old habits die screaming.
i know he's crazy but he's the one i want.
did you sleep with a gun underneath our bed?
fuck you if i can't have us.
we were blind to unforeseen circumstances.
i wish i could un-recall how we almost had it all.
trust me, i can handle me a dangerous man.
you're the loss of my life.
i cry a lot, but i am so productive.
who's afraid of little old me?
it was legendary.
i keep recalling things we never did.
i still ponder what it meant.
and who's gonna know you, if not me?
you wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me.
i'm just mad as hell 'cause i loved this place.
your words are still just ringing in my head.
the story isn't mine anymore.
i'm lonely, but i'm good.
i tried to warn you about them.
fresh out the slammer, i know who my first call will be to.
i look in people's windows.
i will never lose my baby again.
looking backwards might be the only way to move forward.
i choose you and me religiously.
i got cursed like eve got bitten.
i would've died for your sins, instead i just died inside.
well, me and my ghosts, we had a hell of a time.
life was always easier on you than it was on me.
you don't get to tell me about "sad".
i'm not a donor but i'd give you my heart if you needed it.
do you hate me?
you don't get to tell me you feel bad.
i was supposed to be sent away, but they forgot to come and get me.
if i'd been there, i'd hate it.
stay away from her.
i can do it with a broken heart.
you cinephile in black and white.
were you sent by someone who wanted me dead?
but what about your quiet treason?
i hoped you'd return.
i took the miracle move-on drug, the effects were temporary.
i can take the upper hand and touch your body.
i'd rather burn my whole life down than listen to one more second of all this bitching and moaning.
oh, what a way to die.
i'll tell you one thing honey, i can tell when somebody still wants me.
this place made me feel worthless.
my husband is cheating.
my beloved ghost and me.
i keep finding his things in drawers.
did you take all my old clothes?
even if it's handcuffed, i'm leaving here with you.
i'm so obsessed with him, but he avoids me like the plague.
no, i'm not coming to my senses.
we've already done it in my head.
that's the closest i've come to my heart exploding.
no matter what i've done, it wouldn't matter anyway.
everyone knows that my mother is a saintly woman but she used to say she wished that you were dead.
sometimes i wonder if you're gonna screw this up with me.
good boy, that's right.
let it once be me.
lights, camera, bitch, smile.
it's hell on earth to be heavenly.
i'm runnin' back home to you.
one bad seed kills the garden.
i've been doing it since he left.
they say what doesn't kill you makes you aware, what happens if it becomes who you are?
i was tame, i was gentle till the circus life made me mean.
the hospital was a drag, worst sleep that i ever had.
oh, here we go again.
we learned the right steps to different dances.
i haven't come around in so long.
god save the most judgmental creeps who say they want what's best for me.
'cause i'm a real tough kid, i can handle my shit.
i'll tell you how i've been there too, and that none of it matters.
i'm having his baby.
once i fix me, he's gonna miss me.
no, you can't come to the wedding.
you swore that you loved me, but where were the clues?
but you should've seen him when he first got me.
i'm sure i can pass this test.
they tried to warn you about me.
come close, i'll show you heaven if you'll be an angel all night.
what if i told you i'm back?
i'm there most of the year 'cause i hate it here.
i may never open up the way i did for you.
you left your typewriter at my apartment.
oh, we must stop meeting like this.
scandal does funny things to pride.
tell me 'bout the first time you saw me.
it's gonna be alright, i did my time.
and for a fortnight there we were forever.
i thought it was just goodbye for now.
i love you, it's ruining my life.
i'm not trying to exaggerate, but i think i might die if it happened.
i might just die, it would make no difference.
i'll forget you, but i'll never forgive.
a greater woman stays cool, but i howl like a wolf at the moon.
a greater woman wouldn't beg.
pick your poison, babe.
i died on the altar waiting for the proof.
can we watch our phantoms like watching wild horses?
i don't even want you back, i just want to know.
they'll say i'm nuts if i talk about the existence of you.
way to go, tiger.
were you a sleeper cell spy?
you are bloodthirsty.
you said i needed a brave man, then proceeded to play him until i believed it too.
someone told me there's no such thing as bad thoughts.
i can fix him, no really i can.
you needed me, but you needed drugs more.
thought of calling ya, but you won't pick up.
who do i have to speak to about if they can redo the prophecy?
you're in terrible danger.
i want to snarl and show you just how disturbed this has made me.
you are what you did.
fuck it, i was in love.
for a moment, i knew cosmic love
you're the new god we're worshipping.
you gotta fake it 'till you make it, and i did.
i wanna kill her.
did you think i had in me?
you said normal girls were "boring".
and who's gonna hold you like me?
no one here's to blame.
even statues crumble if they're made to wait.
you can mark my words that i said it first.
one last souvenir from my trip to your shores
i'm so depressed, i act like it's my birthday every day.
how can i be guilty as sin?
you were gone by the morning.
i'm always drunk on my own tears, isn't that what they all said?
he said he'd love me all his life.
who else decodes you?
fuck it if i can't have him.
i just learned these people try and save you 'cause they hate you.
tell me all that you'd learned.
you're an animal.
you already know, babe.
growing up precocious sometimes means not growing up at all.
i loved your hostile takeovers.
you and i go from one kiss to getting married.
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w3ath3r-0f-sw34t3rz · 7 months ago
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lyrics that only a tortured poet could write
(pt 1 because)
and i love you, it's ruining my life
and who's gonna hold you like me? // and who's gonna know you, if not me?
once i fix me // he's gonna miss me
for a moment i knew cosmic love
i saw, in my mind, fairy lights through the mist
i stopped CPR, after all, it's no use // the spirit was gone, we would never come to
i'm pissed off you let me give you all that youth for free
stitches undone // two graves, one gun
and you say i abandoned the ship // but i was going down with it
and my friends said it isn't right to be scared // every day of a love affair // every breath feels like rarest air // when you're not sure if he wants to be there
you swore that you loved me, but where were the clues?
i just learned these people only raise you to cage you
i'm havin' his baby" // no, i'm not, but you should see your faces
i'll tell you somethin' 'bout my good name // it's mine alone to disgrace // i don't cater to all these vipers dressed in empath's clothing
god save the most judgmental creeps // who say they want what's best for me // sanctimoniously performing soliloquies i'll never see // thinkin' it can change the beat of my heart when he touches me // and counteract the chemistry and undo the destiny
if all you want is gray for me // that's just white noise, that's just my choice
my friends tried, but i wouldn't hear it // watch me daily disappearing // for just one glimpse of his smile
well, me and my ghosts, we had a hell of a time // yes, i'm haunted, but i'm feeling just fine
so i did my best to lay to rest // all of the bodies that have ever been on my body // and in my mind, they sink into the swamp // is that a bad thing to say in a song?
am i allowed to cry? ... am i bad or mad or wise?
one slip and fallin' back into the hedge maze // oh, what a way to die
what if i roll the stone away? // they're gonna crucify me anyway
they don't know how you've haunted me so stunningly // i choose you and me religiously
if you wanted me dead, you should've just said // nothing makes me feel more alive
so i leap from the gallows and i levitate down your street // crash the party like a record scratch as i scream // "who's afraid of little old me?" // you should be
is it a wonder i broke? let's hear one more joke // then we could all just laugh until i cry
i was tame, i was gentle 'til the circus life made me mean // "don't you worry, folks, we took out all her teeth"
so tell me everything is not about me, but what if it is? // then say they didn't do it to hurt me, but what if they did? // i wanna snarl and show you just how disturbed this has made me // you wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me // so all you kids can sneak into my house with all the cobwebs // i'm always drunk on my own tears, isn't that what they all said? // that i'll sue you if you step on my lawn // that i'm fearsome and i'm wretched and i'm wrong // put narcotics into all of my songs // and that's why you're still singin' along
you caged me and then you called me crazy // i am what i am 'cause you trained me
the smoke cloud billows out his mouth // like a freight train through a small town
but your good Lord doesn't need to lift a finger // i can fix him, no, really, i can // and only i can
who's gonna stop us from waltzing back into rekindled flames if we know the steps anyway?
i thought i was better safe than starry-eyed
still alive, killing time at the cemetery // never quite buried
a con man sells a fool a get-love-quick scheme
what we thought was for all time was momentary
you cinephile in black and white // all those plot twists and dynamite
i wish i could unrecall // how we almost had it all
dancing phantoms on the terrace // are they second-hand embarrassed that i can't get out of bed 'cause something counterfeit's dead?
it was legendary // it was momentary // it was unnecessary
oh, what a valiant roar // what a bland goodbye // the coward claimed he was a lion
"i'll never leave, nevermind"
our field of dreams engulfed in fire // your arsons match your somber eyes
and i'll still see it until i die // you're the loss of my life
there in her glittering prime // the lights refract sequin stars off her silhouette every night
lights, camera, bitch, smile // even when you wanna die
breaking down, i hit the floor // all the pieces of me shattered as the crowd was chanting, "more"
i cry a lot, but i am so productive, it's an art // you know you're good when you can even do it with a broken heart
i can hold my breath // i've been doin' it since he left // i keep finding his things in drawers // crucial evidence i didn't imagine the whole thing
you hung me on your wall // stabbed me with your push pins
were you sent by someone who wanted me dead? // did you sleep with a gun underneath our bed?
i would've died for your sins, instead, i just died inside
and you deserve prison, but you won't get time // you'll slide into inboxes and slip through the bars
you kicked out the stage lights, but you're still performing
and in plain sight you hid // but you are what you did // and i'll forget you, but i'll never forgive // the smallest man who ever lived
'cause the sign on your heart // said it's still reserved for me // honestly, who are we to fight the alchemy?
this happens once every few lifetimes
all your life, did you know // you'd be picked like a rose?
this town is fake, but you're the real thing // breath of fresh air through smoke rings
crowd goes wild at her fingertips // half moonshine, a full eclipse
the crown is stained, but you're the real queen // flesh and blood amongst war machines // you're the new God we're worshipping // promise to be dazzling
beauty is a beast that roars down on all fours // demanding more
it's hell on earth to be heavenly
you look like Taylor Swift in this light, we're lovin' it // you've got edge, she never did
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luffythinker · 1 year ago
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This one is for you Nejire/Yuyu Anon
\\\\ The wail of the ambulance siren filled the air as Yuyu's hands trembled, holding Nejire close. Her normally vibrant blue hair was dull and singed from the battle they had just endured. Yuyu tried to convince herself that everything would be fine once they reached the hospital, but Nejire's condition continued to worsen.
With each passing second, Yuyu could feel Nejire slipping away, her heartbeat weakening under her fingertips. Desperation clawed at Yuyu's chest – this wasn't how things were supposed to end. Anger flared as she thought of the villains who had catapulted them into this situation.
Yuyu refused to give up.
Tears streaming down her face, she began performing CPR on Nejire, pouring every ounce of strength she had into saving her.
"Hold on, okay? I'm not letting you go," Yuyu choked out. "You promised we'd graduate together!"
She leaned over her body, painfully whispering into Nejire's pale lips: "I love you." tears slid out of her eyes onto Nejire's face.
As if in response, Nejire suddenly gasped for air, her body convulsing with the force of life returning to it. Relief and disbelief washed over Yuyu as she enveloped Nejire in a tight embrace, cherishing the sound of her friend's heartbeat beneath her ear.
"Never again," Yuyu murmured into Nejire's hair. "I'll never let anything like this happen to you again."
OH MY GOD EVERYBODY OUT TO GET ME TO CRY TODAY
this is beautifully written, you're so good with words!!
I honestly don't even know what to add here, just!! everyone, please read this beautiful piece!! enjoy the angst!!
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arealphrooblem · 1 year ago
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wait nono i meant 2 5 18 19
2. What was the first story you've ever written?
My first story was technically a writing assignment in 3rd grade to write a story about a bunny and an easter egg? It was the first time I'd ever realized I could just make up my own stories rather than just read them. The first story I wrote on my own unprompted was self-insert fanfic when I was 9 for Star wars. I was a sorceress and Obi Wan was my big brother lol
5. What is your favourite trope to write for?
I mean obviously enemies to lovers. Or even enemies to friends. I love the added tension this brings, how there's more hurdles in the way to letting them get to know each other, but that things they find out about each other that change their perspective feel more significant and meaningful than if they had just liked each other right away. I also love the slow progression of trust and vulnerability between enemies.
18. Show us a piece of dialogue that you really like
I'm particularly found of this exchange from my drowned hero ask
The Hero's brow furrowed. "Why did you save me? You had the perfect opportunity to finally get rid of me."
"I don't want to get rid of you," Villain hissed before he could filter it. 
He froze at the unexpected confession and the Hero cocked his head to the side, eyes alight, fear forgotten. 
"Oh?" he said. 
"I want to -- destroy you," the Villain amended. "Publicly. So that no one could ever doubt my prowess over yours. There are no witnesses here."
The Hero had the audacity to smirk. "Is that why you kissed me?"
The Villain threw the Hero back down in disgust. "I didn't kiss you -- I performed CPR you absolute buffoon."
19. Show us the line you want readers to remember from your story.
"But trusting him these last few days felt like walking on cracked ice. She hoped with every fiber in her body that it would hold up, but if she sunk through, it would be no one’s fault but her own. "
This bit came from A Favor for a Favor and I think it really sums up the equal parts fear and yearning to trust the enemy that I love so much about protag x antag ships.
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nque02 · 1 year ago
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While I’m in the mood to lay shit bare, ig I’ll get this off my chest.
I’m calling it now, I am going to work myself to death. Just a slow inevitable decline of my health, patience, and my sanity. I keep feeling sudden sharp pains in my side, I get random pains in my bones, back, knees. Sometimes my chest just hurts for no reason. Im not even 21, I can’t buy a drop of liquor and I have back pain. The worst part is that I wouldn’t be the first in my family to die from overworking themself if it were to happen.
My father is working himself to the bone, even now on his vacation. I’m gonna go fishing with him tomorrow, but he isn’t healthy. He has no energy, he eats a lot of crappy food, energy drinks, etc. His wife(my stepmom) doesn’t help, she’s insistent that she will get on disability for her mental illness(even though she was able to hold down several jobs in the past) and is making him support her and my autistic brother.
My mother literally died from working too much. Mother of 3 and a single income household. She had no time to sit down and decompress. She would come home, eat something, watch some YouTube, go to bed and wake up for work 5 hours later. She was a saint, she was way to patient and forgiving. My two sisters lived with her, and they let the apartment fall to shit. I can’t blame Autumn, she was 16 and was way too overwhelmed to make any progress. Maddy however. She was a 23 year old, grown women, living in her mothers house rent free. Refused to help clean, barely left her room. Did fuck all to help mom. I know she regrets it but I’ll never forgive her. Mom passed away from undiagnosed diabetes. She barely had enough money to pay the bills, let alone any medical bills. She just ignored her failing health, and kept pushing to support her children. God I miss calling her and listening to her talk. No matter what if she was awake she was happy to talk. We would drive for hours just talking about work, life, just. Anything. I was planning on moving back in with her so I could help get everything under control. Maybe if I took the lead and cleaned the apartment, Maddy and Autumn would help. Mom could relax, and I could help pay her bills so she wouldn’t have to worry so much. She passed away two weeks before my planned move in date. Her heart gave out while she was asleep. I found her laying there. She was resting her head on her arm, she clearly fell asleep, but something was wrong. You could tell by looking at her. I went up to her to try and wake her up, but one touch of the arm and…
Well she was cold. I called 911, they told me to lay her on the ground and to start performing CPR. The ground. God was it a mess, not a clear spot to be found. I couldn’t just lay my mom down in filth, random objects stabbing her back. So I quickly cleaned the area I’d lay her down despite what the operator said, and got to performing CPR.
I could slowly feel the warmth coming back to her as I did it. Her lips were slightly blue when I started, but by the time the paramedics got there they looked healthy and I thought there was a chance she’d be alright. That she’d wake up, and insist that she was fine. The officers who came with the paramedics got my dog from my bedroom, and thank god they did because about a minute later they told me she was gone and that there was nothing they could do. God bless that beautiful dog, he was there when I needed him. Normally he’s a little hellhound that refuses to behave, but he knew something was wrong. He just let me hold him while I cried on our stairwell. After that I tried calling my older sister, but she didn’t pick up. It was Halloween at 2 am after all, the night before she got drunk with her friends and was asleep at that moment. I called my aunt, and let her know mom passed away. She immediately got out of bed, got dressed, and was on her way. I also told my dad, and he did the same. He got Maddy from her friends and came to moms to pick me up. One thing your never prepared for is to see the man, the pillar in your life shaking. Not out of anger or frustration, because… well I don’t even know. I don’t think he knows. They were divorced nearly as long as I had been alive, but he was shaking when I hugged him.
I’m scared he’s gonna work himself to death like mom did, and I’m worried I’m going to do the same. It’s what we have to do to survive after all in this hell scape.
Anyways anyone who reads this. I’m sorry you found your way to my trauma dump. I can’t afford a therapist, and the next best thing is to scream into the void at random strangers
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detective-wraith · 9 days ago
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I blinked as I looked at him. He was crying. He should be laughing in my face, but he was crying. That’s new. I stood up and moved closer to him.
“This feels a bit weird to ask, since, well… I just shot you… but, are you doing ok?” As I said this, I attempted to sit next to him. I say “attempted” because the ground near him was currently 2.78x as soft as a mattress, and so what actually happened involves me falling flat on my face.
He sniffled, then looked up at me with a somewhat confused expression on his face. “You just shot me? Why?”
“Well, I was told you were going around breaking the Reality Warper treat… hold on one second. If you didn’t know I shot you, then why were you on the floor just now crying?” I was, hopefully understandably, a little annoyed. I had payed good money for that bullet.
He paused for a second, debating on whether or not to tell me. Finally, his shoulders slumped in resignation, and he muttered, “One of my friends died.”
I raised my eyebrows at that. “You’re a reality warper, right? It seems like your friend being dead is a… fixable problem.” Even though most reality warpers couldn’t bring back the dead, this guy must be quite powerful based on the… less than normal bodies of my coworkers nearby. He should easily have the power to return people from the dead.
He was shaking his head now. “You mortals don’t understand. She made me promise her that I wouldn’t bring her back if she died.”
Once again, I was confused. “Ok, so break your promise. Easy peasy.”
He shook his head again. “I can’t! That’s simply not possible. As a reality bender, my promises are absolute. If I promise something, and it’s within my power to deliver on that promise, than that promise is no longer just a promise. It’s an absolute truth of the universe.” After saying this, He gave me a confused look. “For a task force dedicated to keeping us under control, you know shockingly little about us.”
I muttered something unimportant about government funding, and then thought through the problem. “I can’t just leave you here. Your tantrum about your friend has gotten 3 of our best agents killed. So here’s the way I see it: we need to find a way for you to feel better.”
He looked at me with a somewhat confused look. “You just mentioned how I can bring people back to life, and now you’re forgetting I can bring your agents back to life. Are you sure you aren’t brain damaged?” He waved his hand, and the 3 bodies near us started to reassemble themselves. While this was happening, his face began to loosen up, like a weight was being lifted from his mind.
“You try walking up to a murderer and asking them to perform CPR on their victims,” I muttered a little angrily. I then took a deep breath, and stated resolutely “if you can promise me you won’t kill or maim any more of my agents, I’ll be comfortable leaving.”
He thought for a second, then said “I promise that as long as your agents do not attack me, I will listen to what they have to say for at least 1 hour before deciding to attack them. Furthermore, I promise that if I choose not to attack someone, I will not make any attempt to track them down in the future, at least for as long as they are agents under your agency. This promise will last for as long as your agency wishes for it to last, or until at least half of those affected by it vote against it, whichever one is longer.” After saying that, he looked at me. “Sound fair to you?”
I thought through what he had promised, and nodded.
You've been sent out to defeat a powerful, reality bending god. All have died horrifically trying. And here you are in front of the crying god as they complain about how you just shot them.
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strangerficsxx · 30 days ago
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Prologue IV
Story:Midnight Rain WC:2.7k Jennifer is finally moved to California, and in with a random roommate, who she didn't fully trust. However, she is unaware of the great terror approaching Hawkins as she returns to the deaded town, save the world again... or so she thinks.
[a/n: all characters, plot, etc. are not mine. The only thing I own is my original character. credit to gif owner.]
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{ November 4, 1984 }
Author's point of view.
With a lifeless Phoebe laying on the ground, the air was filled with silence. A stranger appears, kneeling and examines the body. Without hesitation the male check for a pulse with his two fingers resting against the skin of Phoebe's neck. Her pulse is weak as be begins performing CPR.
After a few attempts, her eyes flutter open. She begins a coughing fit, looking around panicked prior to seeing the male above her. Phoebe's chest rises and falls heavily, cursing. Pain seeped into her frail body whilst he helps her up and away towards Hawkins Memorial hospital.
The doctor's wheel her into a surgical room where she will stay for the next few hours before getting transferred to a recovery room. An unconscious phoebe's body settles in the bed beneath her. A heart monitor beats rhythmically beside her, her arms bandaged, her face bruised and scratched. Eventually, Phoebe gains consciousness as she begins panicking, unaware that she is safe and is getting the help she needs. Phoebe tries to speak, but all she can do is gurgle and whimper. She pushes the nurse's button, afraid she might die.
Soon a nurse responds, removing the tube from her mouth as she heaves. "Wh-Where am I?"
"You're in the hospital. You were attacked,"
"By what?"
"A wolf, maybe? There were unusual bites, but you're safe now. Is there anything you'd like?"
"Yeah, c-can you call The Byers residence, please?"
The nurse nods, stepping out the room as Phoebe lays her head against the pillow behind her. She had no idea that there was no one at home, but that didn't stop the joy from filling her body. The nurse returns with a sad yet soft look. "I couldn't get a hold of anyone."
Those word hurt Phoebe deep down, knowing that they were probably busy fighting those creatures that attacked her. But what if they were in trouble? So many thoughts ran through her tired mind as she eventually dozed off without realizing it.
~~
After a week in the hospital, Phoebe was discharged, not knowing where to go. She stumbled through the town of Hawkins as people around her stared at her unpleasantly, but she continued and made it to the Henderson residence where she steps up to a bedroom window, peaking through. She watches Jennifer rummage through belongings that were shared with Phoebe as tears streaming down her best friends cheeks, knowing that her "death" hit the brunette hard. Phoebe had hot tears prick at her eyes as she continues on.
Is she gonna be okay knowing that her own best friend is heartbroken?
Phoebe holds her hand against her stomach, feeling the patch that lies against her healing wound. She needed a place to stay as she continued on, walking towards Maple Street. She sees the two story house in the distance as she continues toward the front door. Stepping on the front porch, she rings the doorbell as a brunette answers. Nancy Wheeler.
"Phoebe? I thought... I thought you died. That's what Jennifer told me at the Hawkins Laboratory."
"I did, yes, but was helped and went to the hospital for two months. I hate, uh, to ask this but do you have any extra clothing I could borrow till I have my own?"
"Yes, come on. My mom and I have a bunch of clothes in storage."
"Nancy?" Mrs. Wheeler called. "Who's at the door?"
"Oh, uh, it's just Jennifer. She came by to check up on me 'cause of what's happening on the news."
"Oh, okay."
Nancy quickly leads Phoebe up the stairs and into her bedroom. She takes off her dirty shoes, and clothing as the blonde gets handed some new clothes. She quickly throws them on before looking Nancy in the eyes.
"Don't tell Jennifer I was here, okay? I don't want her to know--"
"That you're alive?! You should tell her."
"No, no, no, I can't. Not yet...at least. Give me the next year to process my plan, OK? Please, don't say anything about me, not even where I was."
"Okay, I swear not to tell her, jeez."
Phoebe leaves quickly, swiftly stepping down the steps before leaving the Wheeler house entering the dimly lit neighborhood. She heads for her grandfather's hunting cabin, a place she hasn't been for many years as she hopes and prays someone will be there. And sure enough, her father was there stepping out of the wooden refuge, locking up.
"Dad,"
The tall male stiffened up, arms dropping to his sides before turning his head slowly. They made eye contact with each other as he hurriedly runs down the few steps and toward his daughter, scooping her in his arms. Phoebe wraps her arms around his waist, sobbing into his shirt.
"Oh, my girl, my beautiful girl."
"D-Dad, I'm here."
"Where the hell have you been?"
"Lost,"
"Oh honey, I'm so sorry. You could've called me for help. The police station would've helped too."
"I-I know, Dad. I didn't want to scare anyone."
"I was scared, thinking you were dead." He sobs.
Phoebe held onto him tightly. Her face buried in his chest, weeping. They stand there for a long while before she pulls away from her father, looking him in his teary eyes. She could tell he was in pain as she was in pain too.
How does she explain that Hopper's little girl died and came back to life?
He brings her into the cabin, sitting at the small table in the kitchen. They sit opposite of each other. Phoebe clears her throat, sniffling.
"What happened?" He asks.
"Well, when I was in the junk yard with Steve Harrington and Jennifer Henderson, and the kids and I got scared, and ran away. Without thinking, I kept running unaware of the creatures -- the demodogs. And, t-they attacked me." She stops, sniffling. Her voice became shaky. "I died, technically. Somehow, someone found me. They brought me back, and took me to Hawkins Memorial. But here I am, Dad. I'm here. And I promise to be here, if you promise to be here with me."
"I promise,"
He brings his daughter into his arms after she stepped onto the wooden planks. It creaked beneath her foot. And they kept those promises until the unthinkable happened later in 1985.
~~
{ the journal of phoebe hopper - 1985}
Phoebe sits, hunched over a table at the food court, writing in her notebook.
'Today is June 30, 1985 and here I sit in Starcourt Mall by myself drowning in the dark thoughts that cloud my mind.
Across sat various shops as one keeps me distracted: Scoops Ahoy. The place where Jennifer Henderson works at. She still doesn't know where I am or what I am doing since the last time she saw me was when I died a year ago.
My father has kept me a secret from everyone we knew. As I hope no one reveals that I had survived being attacked by monstrous creatures in the junkyard, I will keep fighting and one day I will reveal to my best friend where I was and what I did for a year.
I sit here, trying to process the right things to do or say, not wanting to be a stalker when it came to spying on my best friend. But to others it looks like it, as I try to keep low. Most people knew about my death, but many didn't know I came back from the dead and am haunting Hawkins.
To Jennifer, I hope you understand why I am doing this. This is for your own good. Its so I can process what happened, and to try and figure out how to make things right after you find me.
And someday you will just not at the moment. Jennifer Henderson, wait for me in '86. I'll make sure to explain everything.'
She closes her notebook as she rises walking away from the table, leaving the mall and never looking back. Throughout the summer of '85, she felt as if the world was about to end. Phoebe had nothing to go off of, if her friends were okay, if her dad was alright. Unfortunately, her father kept the promise all the way to July 4. The day her father perished under Starcourt Mall.
———
Days turned into weeks...
Weeks turned into months...
Months turned into a year...
The current year is 1986, and the blonde had no intention searching for her best friend, and gave up. Things to her were different, she hid from everyone still in her father's cabin in the woods, as Phoebe knew her dad was never coming back, so she is left to attend a damaged cabin herself from the events of last year. She didn't know what broke the ceiling, but thought it was a fallen tree that had been ran into and has been removed since, but she was way off.
The few things she wasn't aware of was that a creature from the another dimension is terrorizing students, a freak being blamed for the murder of a cheerleader, a girl trying to fight off the terror of a horrific event, the byers family moving to another state, her father being captured by russians, and so much more.
Today was March 20 as she read on the news paper she had came across on her trip into downtown Hawkins to retrieve more groceries. Phoebe fell into a dark state of depression, but continued as she was coming to terms with confronting Jennifer.
And that was what she planned on doing, she will do it in the next few days...
...Her story begins again.
~~~
{ January - February 1986 }
Classes were a struggle to Jennifer since she had the urge to leave for spring break since it was approaching quickly. She found the courage to buy a plane ticket since she had enough after saving up from working at nearby movie theater, where she fills buckets of popcorn and cleans up after people when the movies end. In Jennifer's life, there was no fun.
However, she found a support group that was hosting every day in the afternoons, so she decided to go.
Most of her time was either spent in the program for people who lost someone important to them, or college or work. That was her therapy. She also attended because she's been having problems drinking and smoking, afraid her friends and boyfriend may judge.
With worry, she didn't say anything and kept quiet. The only thing she told her mom was that she was working hard and saving money to return for Hawkins during spring break, and to tell people that she's okay. She wanted to explain things to Steve, but was hesitant.
{ Friday, March 20, 1986 - early Saturday, March 21, 1986 }
It's been almost two years since Phoebe passed away in 1984, and she has never been better. After seeing a shrink for the last few months (after the violence and terror at Starcourt Mall), Jennifer has been able to cope with her emotions toward the PTSD. Now happy as well, she's hoping this year -- this spring break won't bring anymore surprises from the Upside Down.
Not after the last three years; from Will going missing to battling demodogs, to a spider-like creature at The Starcourt Mall. She is able to put her stress aside.
Today, though, Jennifer returned to her previous life in Hawkins.
She entered the airport with her bags in hand as well as her plane ticket that reads departure to Hawkins, Indiana -- flight time 8:30PM. Arrival 12:30 AM. She wasn't thrilled about the times, but that was the only ticket available since all other flights were sold out.
Four hours after arriving in Hawkins, she stepped out and felt the air. It was tense to her as she looked at her watch. It read 12:47 AM, and here she is, standing in an empty car port, waiting for someone to get her. Suddenly, her mother pulls up . Jennifer tosses her baggage in the backseat as she enters the passenger seat, sliding her seatbelt on.
The following day, Jennifer was bright and early so she can make sure that she looks just right to surprise Steve. She made her way out and toward Family Video, where she stood almost hesitant. Jennifer forces her leg forward, stepping inside the video store.
At the counter, Steve and Robin are too busy to notice as she says hello to them.
"We'll be with you in just a sec," Robin says.
Jennifer steps up to the counter, waiting for someone to notice her. Steve glances at her then what he was doing before making a double take, looking toward her with excitement rise. He hops the counter swiftly, making his way toward her. They bring each other into a hug, holding one another close before pulling away and planting his lips on hers.
A few seconds later, she pulls back, hands resting on his chest as they smile at each other. He stands with his arms crossed and Robin gives the brunette a serious look. Robin notices, hugging Jennifer as well.
"For some reason, something brought me back to Hawkins, and here I am."
"You came here for your super good looking boyfriend."
"What's going on with you? How's school going? Anything new?" Robin cuts in, shifting her stance but this time her arms are folded against her chest.
"Its..." She trails off. "It's good, studied hard and managed to save up enough money to come back to Hawkins."
Jennifer gave them a wide grin.
They all stood there before approaching the counter. She swallows as the corners of her mouth mouth dips into a frown. Her eyes lower to the floor, trying to find the right words to say.
"That's good. Anything else going on?"
"I've been getting help for my problems. I fell into dark depression, and went to an emotional support group, or group therapy." Jennifer fesses up about her issues.
"What?" Robin and Steve ask in unison. Steve was mostly worried, but Robin, she wasn't sure how to respond.
"Yeah,"
"Jesus Christ, Jen. Why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't want to worry anyone and thought no one cared since everyone had their own problems, and I was in California."
"I think we all share each other's problems. Especially last year when we fought the spider creature at Starcourt."
"Yeah, and you and me, especially. We've been through fighting a demogorgon, demodogs, the mind flayer, and your friend dying plus the spider creature."
"Okay, well, you both can get back to work and just forget I told you guys this?"
The two nodded as Robin got to work, but Steve stood there and stared at her. "I am happy you're back, Jennifer. However, please tell me what's going on next time. No more secrets, ok?"
"Yes," She plants her lips on his, stepping back as he turns and walks away.
She stepped through the store, glancing at the various tapes on the shelves. Some of them were recently released films, however, none she was familiar with since most of the movies were new to her.
Jennifer enters the back of the store and pulls out a VHS tape that reads Nightmare on Elm Street Part II: Freddy's Revenge. She was originally supposed to go see it sometime, but never got the chance to since she was swamped with tests and working late night shifts at the movie theater. She carefully sets it back on the shelf, walking toward a nearby shelf, browsing through the tapes carefully, reading the backs of each tape.
She turns her head, glancing at Steve, who talks to a girl as he shows her various VHS tapes. Ever since she moved, things have been awkward between the two. But since she's back, things felt like she was here for the last year.
That night, things began to feel different.
It felt uneasy for Jennifer as she stepped into her house. Shutting the door behind her, the brunette makes her way towards her bedroom where she dresses from her day clothes to pajamas. Jennifer removes her makeup and unpins her hair. She quickly freshens her breath before settling into her bed.
"A new day. I hope."
Unfortunately, the next week will be anything but normal for Jennifer Henderson as something mysterious and more sinister comes back to Hawkins for another scare.
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strangerficsx · 1 month ago
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Prologue 4
Story: Midnight Rain WC: 3.7k Jennifer is finally moved to California, and in with a random roommate, who she didn't fully trust. However, she is unaware of the terror approaching Hawkins as she later returns to Hawkins which she dreaded for the longest time, saving the word.... again.
[a/n: all characters, plot, etc. are not mine. The only thing I own is my original character. credit to gif owner.]
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{ November 4, 1984 }
Author's point of view.
With a lifeless Phoebe laying on the ground, the air was filled with silence. A stranger appears, kneeling and examines the body. Without hesitation the male check for a pulse with his two fingers resting against the skin of Phoebe's neck. Her pulse is weak as be begins performing CPR. After a few attempts, her eyes flutter open. She begins a coughing fit, looking around panicked prior to seeing the male above her. Phoebe's chest rises and falls heavily, cursing. Pain seeped into her frail body whilst he helps her up and away towards Hawkins Memorial hospital.
The doctor's wheel her into a surgical room where she will stay for the next few hours before getting transferred to a recovery room. An unconscious phoebe's body settles in the bed beneath her. A heart monitor beats rhythmically beside her, her arms bandaged, her face bruised and scratched. Eventually, Phoebe gains consciousness as she begins panicking, unaware that she is safe and is getting the help she needs. Phoebe tries to speak, but all she can do is gurgle and whimper. She pushes the nurse's button, afraid she might die.
Soon a nurse responds, removing the tube from her mouth as she heaves. "Wh-Where am I?"
"You're in the hospital. You were attacked,"
"By what?"
"A wolf, maybe? There were unusual bites, but you're safe now. Is there anything you'd like?"
"Yeah, c-can you call The Byers residence, please?"
The nurse nods, stepping out the room as Phoebe lays her head against the pillow behind her. She had no idea that there was no one at home, but that didn't stop the joy from filling her body. The nurse returns with a sad yet soft look. "I couldn't get a hold of anyone."
Those word hurt Phoebe deep down, knowing that they were probably busy fighting those creatures that attacked her. But what if they were in trouble? So many thoughts ran through her tired mind as she eventually dozed off without realizing it.
~~
After a couple weeks in the hospital, Phoebe was discharged, not knowing where to go. She stumbled through the town of Hawkins as people around her stared at her unpleasantly, but she continued and made it to the Henderson residence where she steps up to a bedroom window, peaking through. She watches Jennifer rummage through belongings that were shared with Phoebe as tears streaming down her best friends cheeks, knowing that her "death" hit the brunette hard. Phoebe had hot tears prick at her eyes as she continues on.
Is she gonna be okay knowing that her own best friend is heartbroken?
Phoebe holds her hand against her stomach, feeling the patch that lies against her healing wound. She needed a place to stay as she continued on, walking towards Maple Street. She sees the two story house in the distance as she continues toward the front door. Stepping on the front porch, she rings the doorbell as a brunette answers. Nancy Wheeler.
"Phoebe? I thought... I thought you died. That's what Jennifer told me at the Hawkins Laboratory."
"I did, yes, but was helped and went to the hospital for two months. I hate, uh, to ask this but do you have any extra clothing I could borrow till I have my own?"
"Yes, come on. My mom and I have a bunch of clothes in storage."
"Nancy?" Mrs. Wheeler called. "Who's at the door?"
"Oh, uh, it's just Jennifer. She came by to check up on me cause of what's happening on the news."
"Oh, okay."
Nancy quickly leads Phoebe up the stairs and into her bedroom. She takes off her dirty shoes, and clothing as the blonde gets handed some new clothes. She quickly throws them on before looking Nancy in the eyes.
"Don't tell Jennifer I was here, okay? I don't want her to know--"
"That you're alive?! You should tell her."
"No, no, no, I can't. Not yet...at least. Give me the next year to process my plan, OK? Please, don't say anything about me, not even where I was."
"Okay, I swear not to tell her, jeez."
Phoebe leaves quickly, swiftly stepping down the steps before leaving the Wheeler house entering the dimly lit neighborhood. She heads for her grandfather's hunting cabin, a place she hasn't been for many years as she hopes and prays someone will be there. And sure enough, her father was there stepping out of the wooden refuge, locking up.
"Dad,"
The tall male stiffened up, arms dropping to his sides before turning his head slowly. They made eye contact with each other as he hurriedly runs down the few steps and toward his daughter, scooping her in his arms. Phoebe wraps her arms around his waist, sobbing into his shirt.
"Oh, my girl, my beautiful girl."
"D-Dad, I'm here."
"Where the hell have you been?"
"Lost,"
"Oh honey, I'm so sorry. You could've called me for help. The police station would've helped too."
"I-I know, Dad. I didn't want to scare anyone."
"I was scared, thinking you were dead." He sobs.
Phoebe held onto him tightly. Her face buried in his chest, weeping. They stand there for a long while before she pulls away from her father, looking him in his teary eyes. She could tell he was in pain as she was in pain too.
How does she explain that Hopper's little girl died and came back to life?
He brings her into the cabin, sitting at the small table in the kitchen. They sit opposite of each other. Phoebe clears her throat, sniffling.
"What happened?" He asks.
"Well, when I was in the junk yard with Steve Harrington and Jennifer Henderson, and the kids and I got scared, and ran away. Without thinking, I kept running unaware of the creatures -- the demodogs. And, t-they attacked me." She stops, sniffling. Her voice became shaky. "I died, technically. Somehow, someone found me. They brought me back, and took me to Hawkins Memorial. But here I am, Dad. I'm here. And I promise to be here, if you promise to be here with me."
"I promise,"
He brings his daughter into his arms after she stepped onto the wooden planks. It creaked beneath her foot. And they kept those promises until the unthinkable happened later in 1985.
~~
{ the journal of phoebe hopper - 1985}
Phoebe sits, hunched over a table at the food court, writing in her notebook.
'Today is June 30, 1985 and here I sit in Starcourt Mall by myself drowning in the dark thoughts that cloud my mind.
Across sat various shops as one keeps me distracted: Scoops Ahoy. The place where Jennifer Henderson works at. She still doesn't know where I am or what I am doing since the last time she saw me was when I died a year ago.
My father has kept me a secret from everyone we knew. As I hope no one reveals that I had survived being attacked by monstrous creatures in the junkyard, I will keep fighting and one day I will reveal to my best friend where I was and what I did for a year.
I sit here, trying to process the right things to do or say, not wanting to be a stalker when it came to spying on my best friend. But to others it looks like it, as I try to keep low. Most people knew about my death, but many didn't know I came back from the dead and am haunting Hawkins.
To Jennifer, I hope you understand why I am doing this. This is for your own good. Its so I can process what happened, and to try and figure out how to make things right after you find me.
And someday you will just not at the moment. Jennifer Henderson, wait for me in '86. I'll make sure to explain everything.'
She closes her notebook as she rises walking away from the table, leaving the mall and never looking back. Throughout the summer of '85, she felt as if the world was about to end. Phoebe had nothing to go off of, if her friends were okay, if her dad was alright. Unfortunately, her father kept the promise all the way to July 4. The day her father perished under Starcourt Mall.
———
Days turned into weeks...
...Weeks turned into months...
...Months turned into a year...
The current year is 1986, and the blonde had no intention searching for her best friend, and gave up. Things to her were different, she hid from everyone still in her father's cabin in the woods, as Phoebe knew her dad was never coming back, so she is left to attend a damaged cabin herself from the events of last year. She didn't know what broke the ceiling, but thought it was a fallen tree that had been ran into and has been removed since, but she was way off.
The few things she wasn't aware of was that a creature from the another dimension is terrorizing students, a freak being blamed for the murder of a cheerleader, a girl trying to fight off the terror of a horrific event, the byers family moving to another state, her father being captured by russians, and so much more.
Today was March 20 as she read on the news paper she had came across on her trip into downtown Hawkins to retrieve more groceries. Phoebe fell into a dark state of depression, but continued as she was coming to terms with confronting Jennifer.
And that was what she planned on doing, she will do it in the next few days...
Her story begins again.
~~~
Somewhere else in hawkins...
{ August 1, 1985 }
Jennifer walks away, forcing her tears back as she steps toward the door, grabbing her coat that laid against the peg of the coat rack. She slides on her jacket before picking her keys from her pocket before walking out the door, shutting it behind her. Hot tears pour from her eyes. Jennifer puts the keys in the ignition as she starts the engine. Driving, she wipes away droplets of salty water, but the tears keep coming, staining the delicate skin of her cheeks.
Jennifer stops beside Steve's house, eyeing his driveway as she pulls herself together and enters the pavement. She puts the car in park, stepping out as she closes the door behind her. Jennifer approached his front door, hesitant to knock before going through with it. She knocks then stood there as she waited, the door opening to reveal Steve. He stood wearing his Family Video attire, concern plastered on his face when he saw Jennifer's tear stained cheeks.
"What brings you here, Jen? I thought you left for UC-Berkeley."
"I'm heading there now, I got my car back and now I'm driving there. But first, I wanted to see you and say goodbye."
Steve's shoulders dropped, a certain expression forms as it's unreadable to Jennifer. He almost avoids eye contact with her, glancing towards the ground then back at her, concerned. Without saying anything, she steps forward, planting her lips on his. After a few seconds, she pulls away. He quickly brings Jennifer's lips back to his, picking her up and closing the door.
Steve brings her into his kitchen, sitting her on the counter top and using his hands to unbutton her blouse, sliding it off her shoulders. He lips then collide with Jennifer's neck, making her lean her head back slightly. She quickly pulls off his vest, throwing it to the floor before moving to the hem of his tucked in shirt. They break apart long enough for Jennifer to slide Steve's shirt over his head, letting go of the fabric. Her hand runs down his bare chest, the hair pricks at her fingertips. He kicks his shoes off, bringing Jennifer to lay on the counter so he can pull her shoes off in one tug. He proceeds, sliding his hands up her covered legs, tugging at the button of her jeans. He basically slips them down with no problem, letting go. She wraps her arms around his waist before feeling her legs move under her, following Steve to his couch.
Jennifer pulls away as she pushes him against the fabric seat. She climbs on top of Steve, straddling his lap as she grinds against him. He lets out a deep groan, resting his hands on her hips. 
“Ah, shit.” Steve curses before grabbing your waist and effortlessly throwing you lightly on the sofa before he hovers over you, looking you up and down.
He leans down and presses his lips against hers, grinding against her center. Steve pulls himself away, sliding his underwear down. His finger hooks the hem of Jennifer's panties, swiftly sliding them off within seconds before entering her. She bites on her lip and grips his back, digging her nails into the flesh of his toned back as he bucks his hips, causing friction. Steve’s lips brush against the curve of Jennifer's neck, pampering her with soft kisses. He pulls away to adjust himself, bringing her closer, leaning forward as his hands rest on both sides of her head. He places a couple kisses on Jennifer's lips and cheek before burying his head in the nape of her neck before looking down then moaning softly.
The pressure inside begins to build as Jennifer begins to whimper under him, moaning his name. He goes deeper as her head leans back, closing her eyes and enjoying the penetration between her legs. Steve groans as he scrunches his nose, biting lip. Jennifer stares at his eyes then lips and begin to sit up and kiss him, but she feels the knot in her stomach loosen rather quickly.
The two of them quickly move positions, him pulling out before sitting bare on the seat. She sits oppositely on his lap, slowly sliding it inside her. Steve grabs her hips and begins grinding them against his. Their moans mix together, creating a symphony as she feels herself getting closer, knowing he likely is too. Steve presses his lips against her bare shoulder, removing one hand and snaking it around. He gropes her breast.
"S-Steve, I think,"
"Me too,"
Within seconds, they come together as her thighs tense up before jerking slightly. Jennifer's head falls back, leaning on Steve's shoulder, panting. His hands rest against her thighs before she moves, basically falling on the couch. She quickly finds her clothes before dressing herself whilst Steve does the same. They walk toward his front door as she opens it, stepping out before Steve stops her.
"Jennifer,"
"What?"
"Are we still together?"
"Yeah, we are. No cheating, okay Harrington?"
"Sure, yeah. Got it. No cheating."
"Steve,"
"I won't cheat, I promise."
Jennifer stops in her tracks, glancing back at Steve. She turns and presses her lips against his.
His hands cup her face, staying there longer than a few seconds. After a while, they lean their faces against each other as Jennifer bites her bottom lip nervously.
"I love you," She whispers.
"I love you too," He murmured.
Jennifer pulls away, and steps toward her vehicle as tears prick at her eyes. She flashes him one last smile. However, it was a sad leer. She opens her door and slides in the driver's seat, shutting it before starting the car before driving off. She makes her way down the road, speeding past the sign that says now leaving Hawkins, Indiana.
Keeping her eyes on the road, she sobs quietly as the song Every Breath You Take by on the radio. It makes her even more sad as she shuts it off, not wanting to hear anything that reminded her of Steve or anyone else she was leaving.
{ January - February 1986 }
Classes were a struggle to Jennifer since she had the urge to leave for spring break since it was approaching quickly. She found the courage to buy a plane ticket since she had enough after saving up from working at nearby movie theater, where she fills buckets of popcorn and cleans up after people when the movies end. In Jennifer's life, there was no fun.
However, she found a support group that was hosting every day in the afternoons, so she decided to go.
Most of her time was either spent in the program for people who lost someone important to them, or college or work. That was her therapy. She also attended because she's been having problems drinking and smoking, afraid her friends and boyfriend may judge.
With worry, she didn't say anything and kept quiet. The only thing she told her mom was that she was working hard and saving money to return for Hawkins during spring break, and to tell people that she's okay. She wanted to explain things to Steve, but was hesitant.
{ Friday, March 20, 1986 - Saturday, March 21, 1986 }
It's been almost two years since Phoebe passed away in 1984, and she has never been better. After seeing a shrink for the last few months (after the violence and terror at Starcourt Mall), Jennifer has been able to cope with her emotions toward the PTSD. Now happy as well, she's hoping this year -- this spring break won't bring anymore surprises from the Upside Down.
Not after the last three years; from Will going missing to battling demodogs, to a spider-like creature at The Starcourt Mall. She is able to put her stress aside.
Today, though, Jennifer returned to her previous life in Hawkins.
She entered the airport with her bags in hand as well as her plane ticket that reads departure to Hawkins, Indiana -- flight time 8:30PM. Arrival 12:30 AM. She wasn't thrilled about the times, but that was the only ticket available since all other flights were sold out.
Four hours after arriving in Hawkins, she stepped out and felt the air. It was tense to her as she looked at her watch. It read 12:47 AM, and here she is, standing in an empty car port, waiting for someone to get her. Suddenly, her mother pulls up . Jennifer tosses her baggage in the backseat as she enters the passenger seat, sliding her seatbelt on.
The following day, Jennifer was bright and early so she can make sure that she looks just right to surprise Steve. She made her way out and toward Family Video, where she stood almost hesitant. Jennifer forces her leg forward, stepping inside the video store.
At the counter, Steve and Robin are too busy to notice as she says hello to them.
"We'll be with you in just a sec," Robin says.
Jennifer steps up to the counter, waiting for someone to notice her. Steve glances at her then what he was doing before making a double take, looking toward her with excitement rise. He hops the counter swiftly, making his way toward her. They bring each other into a hug, holding one another close before pulling away and planting his lips on hers.
A few seconds later, she pulls back, hands resting on his chest as they smile at each other. He stands with his arms crossed and Robin gives the brunette a serious look. Robin notices, hugging Jennifer as well.
"For some reason, something brought me back to Hawkins, and here I am."
"You came here for your super good looking boyfriend."
"What's going on with you? How's school going? Anything new?" Robin cuts in, shifting her stance but this time her arms are folded against her chest.
"Its..." She trails off. "It's good, studied hard and managed to save up enough money to come back to Hawkins."
Jennifer gave them a wide grin.
They all stood there before approaching the counter. She swallows as the corners of her mouth mouth dips into a frown. Her eyes lower to the floor, trying to find the right words to say.
"That's good. Anything else going on?"
"I've been getting help for my problems. I fell into dark depression, and went to an emotional support group, or group therapy." Jennifer fesses up about her issues.
"What?" Robin and Steve ask in unison. Steve was mostly worried, but Robin, she wasn't sure how to respond.
"Yeah,"
"Jesus Christ, Jen. Why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't want to worry anyone and thought no one cared since everyone had their own problems, and I was in California."
"I think we all share each other's problems. Especially last year when we fought the spider creature at Starcourt."
"Yeah, and you and me, especially. We've been through fighting a demogorgon, demodogs, the mind flayer, and your friend dying plus the spider creature."
"Okay, well, you both can get back to work and just forget I told you guys this?"
The two nodded as Robin got to work, but Steve stood there and stared at her. "I am happy you're back, Jennifer. However, please tell me what's going on next time. No more secrets, ok?"
"Yes," She plants her lips on his, stepping back as he turns and walks away.
She stepped through the store, glancing at the various tapes on the shelves. Some of them were recently released films, however, none she was familiar with since most of the movies were new to her.
Jennifer enters the back of the store and pulls out a VHS tape that reads Nightmare on Elm Street Part II: Freddy's Revenge. She was originally supposed to go see it sometime, but never got the chance to since she was swamped with tests and working late night shifts at the movie theater. She carefully sets it back on the shelf, walking toward a nearby shelf, browsing through the tapes carefully, reading the backs of each tape.
She turns her head, glancing at Steve, who talks to a girl as he shows her various VHS tapes. Ever since she moved, things have been awkward between the two. But since she's back, things felt like she was here for the last year.
That night, things began to feel different.
It felt uneasy for Jennifer as she stepped into her house. Shutting the door behind her, the brunette makes her way towards her bedroom where she dresses from her day clothes to pajamas. Jennifer removes her makeup and unpins her hair. She quickly freshens her breath before settling into her bed.
"A new day. I hope."
Unfortunately, the next week will be anything but normal for Jennifer Henderson as something mysterious and more sinister comes back to Hawkins for another scare.
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lyfelessiris · 4 months ago
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06/06/24
An essay i wrote on 'who am i?'
When I close my eyes, I see myself looking through a window and seeing a misty lush of evergreen trees in front of me. Other times, I see myself hopping from one rock to the next, in an outfit that is straight out of Indiana Jones' closet, with my colleagues around me, all of us excited to explore or discover something that hasn't been yet brought to the face of the world.
I remember my parents faces when I told them about my dreams; I remember the frowns on their faces and I remember the chastisement I got when I was still years away from chosing a degree i would pursue.
I have a lot to learn from my past, a lot to learn from my younger self, who never let the dark veils of negativity consume her. But there's something about discouragement that just lingers, waiting for the perfect time to strike.
If you had asked me a few years ago where I saw myself in the next 5 years, i wouldn't have had an answer for you. The pessimism had found its opportunity and stricken as hard as it could when I had to make the choice that would shape my entire future. I had chosen what I wanted, but somewhere in all the dark thoughts that surrounded me, one saw an opening and pierced right through my heart, then another, and then another. I lost my interest in everything, isolated myself and just drowned in a feeling that can only be described as something holding you down at the bottom of a lake without you even willing to swim to the surface.
One day, out of all my other usual 12 am thoughts that I have, this one surprised me quite a bit— why am I letting someone else's words define my life for me? It hit exactly where it should've. I got up, and like I usually do when I get any idea, I took out my notepad and I wrote. I wrote what I wanted. I wrote how I will get there. And at the end i wrote "you'll be okay."
I stood on the stage and I looked at the crowd sitting in front of me, i listened to the sound of their murmurs that filled the auditorium and I glanced at their expectant eyes waiting for me to start my speech. There was this pit in my stomach. I think it has always been there, but now it was awake, like a monster wanting to be fed. But I didn't let it consume me. I had learned a thing or two from my past self. I looked at my friends who were sitting in the front row, because I had told them to do so, and I started speaking, exactly like I had practiced it.
When the results were announced, my heart sank as I didn't get the post of the cultural prefect which I had aimed for, but then, as if someone had just performed cpr on me, I heard my name being called and the position following it— The creative head of the student council.
Day by day, as I worked through the artful requirements of a particular event, immersed myself in my studies which I had regained my interest in, worked hard as the intern of various organisations or gave my best at the numerous competitions which I participated in, I restored the faith that i had lost in myself.
While browsing through social media for novel opportunities with this newfound confidence that i had, i stumbled upon an organisation that helped the underprivileged through the medium of art. I was immediately compelled to join it. I still remember the first event where I volunteered— a fundraiser, where we sold our paintings, handmade bracelets, bookmarks, crocheted hats and much more. All of us had worked so hard on them, knowing that a hundred percent of what we earned would be used to help others. My volunteering expeditions took off from there— I was out every other week either painting a mural on the walls of an educational institutions for the underprivileged, interacting with children and asking them about their hopes and dreams or participating in a fundraiser, and even joining another ngo.
"Everything you lose is a step you take." Its a lyric from one of my favourite songs— You're on your own kid by Taylor Swift.
There was a time when a small mishap or a setback would've led to me rotting in my bed for days. But that isn't the case now. I've learned how to regulate my emotions, courtesy of one of my internship mentors who encouraged me to keep a diary; I've learned to pick myself up, I've learned to stand on my own two feet, according to my own terms; I've learned that failure does not define who I am or who I will be; And lastly, I've learned that everything is dynamic, even ourselves, that everyday you wake up, you are different version of who you were and that it's never too late to be brand new.
Who am I? Well, to define is to limit.
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purplesurveys · 8 months ago
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1832
What do you want more than anything else? A weekend. I haven't had one in over a month...and I probably won't have another one until May.
Do you have to cross any bridges on your way home? Yes, just one but it's also really short and takes like 10 seconds to drive through if there's no traffic lol. 10-15 minutes if there is traffic.
What type of phone do you have? I have an iPhone 13 Pro.
Have you ever tried coconut water? No. Beyond coconut milk in curries, I hate coconut in any other capacity. I just find it kinda nasty.
Are you able to keep a lid on your temper? I definitely try my best. Having such a crucial leadership role at work helps with the temper management because I know I can't bitch whenever I want anymore, in the same way I used to be able to. I lead the entire department now, and any move I make will almost always be watched by my team. Can't go about being a bad, grouchy influence at this point.
What colour are the blankets on your bed? It's blue.
What was the last thing you said aloud? "Ugh," when I realized I needed to pick up something the moment I landed on my bed.
Is there anybody who makes you feel empowered? Not really. I can do that for myself.
Does your house have a basement? Nope.
How many online accounts do you have? Or have you lost count? I don't keep track.
Which Asian country would you like to visit the most? I'd honestly just go back to Thailand.
Are you the type to hold grudges? Yes.
What was the last video game you played? Mario Kart 8.
What’s your favourite flavour of vitamin water? I've never tried vitamin water.
Are there any bands/artists that get you all emotional? Certain songs of theirs, sure; but not the actual artists.
What do you think about double stuff oreos? I've never tried but tbh I'm just fine with the normal ones.
Are you happy in your own skin? Sure, I can say that.
Have you ever been to a convention? (comic, Youtube, etc.) Just once, for YouTubers.
Do you have any disgusting habits? I'm sure most people have at least one.
Can you get your favourite fruit all year around, or is it seasonal? I don't have a favorite fruit.
What brand are most of the electronics in your household? I want to say Apple? When both my parents switched to iPhones and my sister got a work Mac from her current company I think it tipped the scales once and for all for Apple hahaha.
Is any part of your body hurting right now? My back, because when is it not in pain hahaha.
What’s your favourite aunt or uncle’s first name? Anna.
Do you prefer your tea with or without milk? I don't drink tea.
What sound makes you cringe? When utensils scrape against a plate in an angle that'll make it have this nasty screech sound.
Have you ever smoked a cigarette? I have.
If so, do you still smoke? Nah.
What do you think about androgynous names? I really like them for girls.
Do you see yourself getting married one day? Not in the cards.
Do you get sick often? I don't. The one exception was the time last year when I got sick two months in a row...first time it ever happened and I was genuinely shocked because I came from never ever getting sick to getting shot down by a fever two months straight.
Who was the last person you invited into your home? Angela, Hans, Reena for my birthday last year.
Are you of legal drinking age in the country you live in? For the last 8 years.
How old were your parents when they got engaged? Not sure exactly which year they got engaged, but I would guess it was when they were 24-25.
Are your parents still together? Yup.
What flavour was the last ice cream you ate? Vanilla.
Are you health conscious? No.
Have you ever done a first aid course? I haven't.
If so, would you be prepared to perform CPR if necessary? I honestly wouldn't be; I need a CPR refresher.
Are you for or against gay marriage? I'm going with the correct answer, which is being for.
Do you have any friends who bat for the other team? They would not be my friends in the first place.
Have you ever written a letter to a politician? Nope.
Are there any songs that get stuck in your head very easily? Chasing That Feeling by TXT is insanely good.
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jimblejamblewritings · 2 years ago
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romeo and...cullen? | part 12.
Summary: Y/N Cullen, youngest in both actual age and last to be turned in the Cullen clan. Her world is turned upside down when Bella Swan enters her family’s life, because Bella doesn’t bring just herself but drags some of her friends into the Cullen’s life as well.
Warnings for the Series: light violence, light angst, light smut
Pairing: Jacob Black x reader
Word Count: 1.4k
Previous Part | (Series Masterlist)
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You guys didn’t make it more than two steps down the beach before you heard barking. You looked to find the source.
“Koda?”
You questioned as you looked towards the cliffs behind you two. You and Jacob both looked confused, sure that you were seeing your dog. You looked to see what Koda was barking at. That’s when you two saw Bella.
“That’s too high for her,” Jacob said. You both watched, relieved as Bella stepped away from the cliff. Until she ran straight off the edge.
“BELLA!” You both yelled and ran towards the cliff bottoms.
Jake grabbed your friend out of the water as your dog came running down to you. Jacob performed CPR on Bella. You both watched in anticipation as Bella’s eyes slowly opened and she began to cough up water. You guys ushered Bella into the backseat of her truck, you staying with her as Jacob drove back to her house.
You rushed to get your friend into the house when Jacob stopped you. “Wait, there’s a vampire.”
“There’s a car.” Bella pointed to a car you hadn’t noticed as Jacob pulled up.
“That’s my dad’s car?” You asked confused.
“It could be a trick. I can’t protect you here, it’s not our territory.”
“It’s okay Jake, you don’t have to,” Bella said.
The front door opened and you watched your sister come outside and stand on the porch.
“Alice!” You and Bella said in unison. You had seen your sister right before you left for break but it’s not like you were expecting her in Forks. You both ran to greet her. Jacob followed tentatively behind you guys, closing the door as he entered the house.
“Bella, would you like to explain to me how the hell you’re still alive?” Alice was angry. “I had a vision you jumped off a cliff. Why would you try to kill yourself?”
“I wasn’t trying to kill myself, it’s for fun. It’s cliff-diving, purely recreational.”
“I have never met anyone more prone to life-threatening idiocy… What is that god awful wet dog smell?” Alice scrunched her nose in disgust.
“That’s probably us, or it’s Jake,” you said, not thinking anything of it.
“Jake?”
“Kind of a werewolf.”
“Really?! Werewolves aren’t good company.”
Jacob scoffed from where he was leaning against the doorframe. “Speak for yourself.”
“I’m not going to hurt Bella. And neither would (Y/N).”
“No, you’re a Cullen. I’m talking about the other bloodsucker after her.” Jacob was holding himself back from snapping because he knew Alice was your family.
“Victoria? I didn’t see her… I can’t see anything past you and your pack of mutts!”
“Don’t get me started unless you want things to get very ugly.” Jacob stepped further into the living room.
“Okay, you two let’s try to be civil. Where are you going?” You asked your sister as you watched her move towards the door.
“You’re not leaving are you?” Bella asked.
“I’ll be outside, I’ll come back as soon as you put the dog out.”
Jacob felt bold and the imprint didn’t help. He felt the need to let Alice know she wasn’t getting rid of him anytime soon.
“Don’t bother,” he said. Jacob kissed your forehead. “I’ll just wait in the kitchen.”
You heard the phone ring and Jacob pick it up. Your eyes flickered everywhere but your sister.
“What… (Y/N)…” Alice started.
“I don’t want to talk about it right now.”
“Like hell you don’t—” Alice stopped as she got a vision. “We need to go now!”
“Alice, what is it?” Bella asked.
“It’s Edward! He thinks you’re dead. Rosalie told him why I came here.”
“Jake! Who was that on the phone?” You asked worried.
Your boyfriend peeked his head around the corner. “I don’t know, they just asked for Charlie. Told them he was out planning Harry’s funeral.”
“Did you say it was specifically Harry’s funeral?”
“No?”
“Shit, Jacob.”
Alice’s voice was laced with panic. “He’s going to the Volturi, he wants to die too.”
“We need to go get him!”
Jacob grabbed your arm before you could follow your sister and Bella out of the house.
“Jake I’ve got to go.”
“I just got you back, what if you die there? Isn’t that what he’s going to do?”
You pressed a chaste kiss to Jacob’s lips. “He’s my brother Jacob, I have to try and save him. I won’t get hurt. I’ll be back, I promise.”
~~ (Start of Eclipse btw)
You were nervously bouncing up and down as you approached the front door of the Black’s house. It was the first time you’d be seeing Jacob’s house. He was adamant about showing you after you rescued Edward from the Volturi. Anything to be away from your family for a few days.
Everyone had recently moved back to Forks and, every chance she got, Alice was trying to probe you for answers about Jacob. If Edward knew anything he was keeping quiet; but knowing your brother and his disdain for the wolves, Alice must have been keeping her thoughts to herself for the time being. What no one knew, not even your parents or Jasper was that you were crossing the treaty line or that the other wolves knew. It was a lot to ease them into and you just hadn’t found the time.
You knocked on the door. Jacob opened it, greeting you with a smile. Jacob leaned down and gave you a kiss on the cheek before taking you inside.
“Dad, she’s here.”
You were surprised to see a smile on Billy Black’s face as he wheeled into the front area. Billy stuck out a hand that you gladly shook.
“Don’t look so scared, (Y/N).”
“I just thought…”
“It was a shock at first, but—”
“Dad’s trying for my sake,” Jacob explained as he pulled you into his side.
“Am I doing a good job?”
“Just perfect, Mr. Black.”
“Call me Billy, hun.”  
Dinner was a surprisingly pleasant experience. Jacob was right. Billy really was trying. The thought of a vampire in his home and dating his son was one he wasn’t fond of at all. But you were such a sweet girl he couldn’t hold your nature against you. And something about you seemed less vampire than a lot of the others he’s met and killed. He was smiling watching you and Jacob interact at the table until your face fell when you read a text off of your phone.
“I’ve got to go,” you said, collecting your stuff.
“You’re not staying for dessert?”
“My presence is being requested back home by at least three people. I’ll come back as soon as I can. Maybe see you tomorrow?”
“I have patrol till maybe four, babe.”
“Four? Sam’s got you working a lot.”
“Alpha’s orders.”
“I thought Ephraim Black was chief, doesn’t that make you an Alpha too?”
“I see you’ve been doing some reading on our tribe.” Jacob avoided your question.
“I should probably know as much about my boyfriend’s family as he seems to know about mine.”
Billy watched happily as his son’s face lit up upon you saying the word ‘boyfriend’. The imprint seemed to be a really good thing for him. You left the Black’s house and raced back to your own.
“You smell,” your sister, Rosalie, said as you entered the house.
You didn’t have time to do anything about your scent. Normally they wouldn’t have noticed, Jake’s scent to other vampires seemed to be as faint as your scent to wolves, but you had been in a very concentrated space with him and his father.
“What’s all this about?”
“Bella wants to become a vampire.” Rose rolled her eyes.
“What?”
“Right, well you all know what I want,” Bella started. “And I know how much I’m asking for, so I think it’s only fair to vote on it. So first up, Alice?”
Alice smiled and nodded. “I already consider you my sister.”
“I vote yes,” Jasper said from behind Alice, “It’d be nice to not want to kill you all the time.”
“I’m sorry for both of you and for the way I acted. I am truly grateful that you were brave enough to save my brother. But this is not a life I would’ve chosen for myself and I wish there was someone to vote no for me, so it’s a no,” Rosalie said from the couch.
“I agree with Rose, Bells. This isn’t a glamorous life. I know you want this but I’m begging you to live life a little more so for now, I have to say no.”
Edward nodded at you and Rose but all three of you knew it was useless, the rest of the family was going to outvote you.
(Part 13)...
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themultifandomgal · 2 years ago
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Archie Andrews- Frozen Ice
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Taken from my book on wattpad, just changed to fit a YN x Archie Andrews imagine
Cheryl hasn’t been answering her phone which is extremely worrying, especially after the text I had saying she was going to be with Jason. So now here we were are, Jughead, Archie, Veronica, Betty and I running the frozen Sweetwater River
“Oh my god there she is” I yell pointing to Cheryl stood breaking the ice.
“CHERYL STOP. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Archie yells taking my hand and pulling me even closer to the frozen water. We attempt to run across the ice, but it’s not strong enough to hold our weight
"CHERYL PLEASE" Veronica yells "just come to the shore we can figure this out all together ok?"
“Cheryl she’s right. Just start walking to us slowly. We’ll help you” I shout
Cheryl nods her head and begins to take a step to walk back to us but the ice under us gives way. Forgetting that the ice is so thin we begin to run towards her. Archie tells me to go back to make sure I’m safe, but of course I don’t listen and continue to run. I watch as Archie begins breaking the ice with his fists to get to Cheryl. Jug manages to pull her out, but the ice breaking from underneath me
“YN!” is the last thing I hear before everything becomes muffled. The water is so cold that I feel numb. Soon enough everything goes black.
Suddenly I'm coughing up water with Archie sitting next to me and Betty holding my hand. The girls sigh in relief. I shiver feeling extremely cold
“Babe are you ok?”
“Y-yeah” I shiver “ch-Cheryl?” I look around to see Cheryl crying while Veronica is rubbing her arms up and down to try and keep her warm, or attempt to warm her up
"Let's get you warmed up ok?" Archie scoops me in his arms and carries me to his dads truck. Inside are some blankets that I wrap around myself.
"Oh my god YN are you ok?” mum and dad runs into the living room where I'm sat by the fire with Archie’s arm around me and a hot chocolate in my hands
"Mum, dad, I wasn't... I didn't.... It's not..." I splutter
"I know. Archie rang me and told me what happened, how you were trying to get to Cheryl"
"I should have listened to you Arch”
"Shhh shhhh it's ok. Your safe now thats all that matters. I'm not going to the Jubilee tonight. I’m going to stay here with you”
"Errr no your not you are going to that jubilee” I snap at Archie "we all are"
"No, you blacked out. I had to give you CPR"
"Archie I'm fine. Now go and get your guitar and get ready to play"
"Are you sure YN?" mum asks worriedly
"I'm sure"
"Welcome one and all to Riverdales 75th anniversary jubilee celebration" Mayor McCoy says into the microphone on the stage as we all clap "I couldn't be more thrilled to introduce my daughter Josie and her pussycats as they perform alongside our local hero Archie Andrews" Betty squeezes my hand a little, we're stood off to the side to watch. Once again everyone starts clapping
"Hi everyone. We're switching things up tonight we are singing a song that my boy Archie wrote" Josie says and the music starts. Archie starts playing his guitar and singing. My eyes start watering and I feel so proud of my boyfriend. When he's finished the song he walks off stage, I hug my him and Betty walks on to give her speech
"Good evening ladies and gentlemen. I'd like to thank Mayor McCoy for inviting me to speak on this historic day. 75 years of Riverdale. But what is Riverdale? It's the people right? You, me, friends, our neighbours. Riverdale is Archie Andrew. Kevin Keller is Riverdale, Veronica Lodge, YN YLN, but you know who else is Riverdale? FP Jones. We were so quick to blame for Jason's murder. Jughead Jones is Riverdale, the very soul of Riverdale. Without him, we would have lost Cheryl tonight and we would have never found out what truly happened to Jason. And yet how do we thank him? By banishing him. Which is what we do when the truth is to ugly in Riverdale. Truth being that Clifford Blossom was also Riverdale. Riverdales at a crossroads. If we don't face the reality of who and what we are then what happened to Jason could happen again. Riverdale must do better. We must do better" Betty finishes and the room is silent. I stand up and start to clap, I hear someone clapping behind me and turn to see Jughead clapping. Soon the whole room is stood up clapping.
After the jubilee we sit in Pops at a booth with a milkshake each
"To Archie Andrews and Jughead Jones who saves the cheerleaders and saved the town" Veronica says
"Actually I think that was Betty's speech" Arch says
"Here here to Betty Cooper"
"Cheers" we all says clinking our milkshakes together.
That night we had many milkshakes and that night in the booth at pops we felt safe, but deep down I know this feeling won't last and soon we will be back to doing what we seem to do best.... Solving murders
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rookthorne · 2 years ago
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Below the cut I will be closing up my participation of the event @whumptober for the year 2022 with behind-the-scenes information, the reasoning behind my choices, the symbolism, and my insight, and much more. If you have not read all the entries there will be spoilers discussed.
I also wanted to shout my gratitude from the rooftops for the people that helped me make this work, and for all they did behind the scenes:
@d-desrosiers + @thenhewaswrongaboutme + @buckyismybicycle + @natbarnes1917 + @navybrat817 + @writing-for-marvel + @fidgetforrest + all my friends in real life and my parents that unknowingly helped me, and that I pray never find this.
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What is the final word count for Whumptober 2022?
55,502 words.
When did you start writing for it, and when did you finish?
I started on the 11th of September, and I finished on the 27th of October.
How many prompts and alternate prompts did you use?
I did all 31 days, but I used 45 prompts and 7 alternate prompts.
What is the shortest entry, and which is the longest entry?
The shortest is Day 24 - Lucidity - which sits on 704 words.
The longest is Day 23 - The King’s Wrath - which sits on 3,451 words.
Which entry was the hardest to write?
I’ve already discussed the hardest here, but the second hardest was Day 16 - It Lay in Vain - which tackled a trope that I’d never really delved into in as much detail this month - major character death. All other character death, whether it be major or minor, was much easier because it wasn’t by the hand of another (main) character, it was caused by an outside force or circumstance.
Bucky killing Steve was so hard to digest, and I tried really hard to capture that need to fight against his trigger words, but in the end, it didn’t save him. 
Following It Lay in Vain, Unsung Hero was tough to stomach, due to the use of CPR - which is the main reason I myself am still here. Capturing how Bucky felt afterwards led to some very tough questions I had to ask my mother (who performed CPR on me), but in the end it helped us both. 
Which entry was the easiest to write?
Easy isn’t the right word, per se, but the one I faced the least number of issues with both emotionally and technically would be The Queen’s Fury. 
That one flowed the easiest, and considering I was thinking of all the times that Juice and Bobby got shot in Sons of Anarchy (that I have seen so many times), replicating the stressful environment and the apprehension was interesting and fun.
Which entry was the most fun to write?
The King’s Wrath, by far. I have always enjoyed (probably too much) writing darker Bucky, and I had already written him for my unpublished fic; A Different Affliction, but BIKER Bucky?
He is twisted, and portraying him as a wolf that had finally caught its prey? I felt it was perfect, especially given the prompts of the day which were; at the end of their rope, forced to kneel, and “hold them down”.
Do you have any favourites?
Aside from Battle Worn, my top 5 (in no particular order) is:
Call to Arms
Animal
Victorious
The King’s Wrath
May God have Mercy on you, Because I Won’t
How easy was it for you to come up with titles for each of the fics? Do you have a favourite?
Very easy. They all came to me so, so easily and would often be a lightbulb before I start, or about a third of the way in. I either used a direct quote from the fic, or I was cryptic.
I’m gonna explain my favourites:
Day 1: Amandla This one came to me while I was listening to this, and I was thinking of T’Challa and T’Chaka’s brief scene in Civil War. It translates to ‘Strength’, and that’s what Bucky needed from Steve - to be his strength until he came back home. 
Day 3: Call to Arms I had chills when I came up with it because for the first time in my bikerverse, Bucky needed his brothers to save him.
Day 13: No Man’s Land This is more to do with both mine and Bucky’s PTSD than anything, and the reference to no man’s land is how hospitals are a battlefield for the two of us, and it is terrifying.
Day 19: Victorious My twist on the Endgame battle, c’mon, I have to be a little bit cheesy.
Day 21: Through a Soldier’s Eyes This entire fic blurs the line between Bucky Barnes in the 40’s just before he’s shipped out to war, and to when he’s the Winter Soldier. Both of which are soldiers. And living his worst nightmare, through both versions of him - oof, I felt that was a doozy.
Day 24: Lucidity This entry explored the Winter Soldier’s sudden clarity - lucidity - after a successful mission and how he couldn’t understand just what he was feeling, which made him violent and confused. Simple, but good. 
Day 30: May God have Mercy on you, Because I Won’t OH MY GOD THIS ONE This one was powerful. I originally was going to call it Merciless, but I felt it was a bit too boring, given what happens in the fic. And then I played around with symbolism and boom, it happened. 
Which headers are your favourite?
I have multiple, and like the titles, I’ll explain.
Day 2: Blue This was the first gif header I had ever made. I made sure to change the tint to reflect the name, and the wide header set it apart. 
Day 10: Animal It was purely based on the ending of this entry, the header. It really helped drive home what I was trying to write, I feel, and I love it. 
Day 11: Unsung Hero A riderless bike (we can pretend it’s Bucky’s Indian) against the backdrop of a sunset - it symbolised him being knocked down by his struggle, and the sunset meant it was the closing, like the ending, of that particular dark moment, so to speak. 
Day 15: The Queen’s Fury This is most likely entirely biassed, but battered and bloody men? They have a special place in my heart. OTHERWISE, symbolically, it’s Bucky down and out, while you, the reader, are above him - protecting him. 
Day 16: It Lay in Vain This exact moment I captured as a gif is exactly how I picture Bucky in the cell after the trigger words are spoken. Calculating, blank, and honestly, scary. 
Day 17: Biding Time PURELY SELF INDULGENT - he walks on time to Seven Nation Army in the original gif I made that is like 30mbs. 
Day 19: Victorious I really, really wanted to capture the scale of Steve’s fight in the beginning, and what better than to use the zoomed out battlefield scene? I only wish the 40mb gif I made originally was uploadable to tumblr. 
Day 21: Through a Soldier’s Eyes I felt that this shot was the clearest there was while Bucky was wearing the mask, and it played perfectly into what I wanted to visualise. Also, I can’t stop staring, so kind of self indulgent. 
Day 24: Lucidity This scene was how I pictured Bucky stalking the hallway to decontamination, and that slight pinch of his brow - I imagined it to be the look of confusion he had behind the mask when he noticed the dried blood on his hands, and the flash of a memory. 
Day 28: Lullaby for a Soldier I have @writing-for-marvel to thank for this, I had two options to pick from, and she helped me pick the right one. We went with this one because Bucky is looking up, and up at you, the reader, in one of the first scenes of the actual fic. That capture conveyed how I pictured him perfectly. 
Day 30: May God have Mercy on you, Because I Won’t Need I really say more on this one? You don’t fuck with Steve Rogers and his boy, like I said. And the emotion on Steve’s face was perfect for his reveal - I only wish I was as talented to actually blacken his eyes. 
Day 31: In the Arms of an Angel While it’s the same scene as Lullaby for a Soldier, I wanted him looking down purely for the reason because in the beginning he is so defeated. The singular feather, while it is a stretch, I made it so it symbolises that deep down, he is still an angel. 
What inspired most of your pairings (or lack of) for this event?
I had never written Stucky properly before this, and I really wanted to, so I dived into the deep end. 
My bikerverse really benefited from every entry I made for it; they added more darkness and complexity to my story that I am going to be bringing and using for all future additions. 
Writing Bucky on his own, as the Winter Soldier, was an interesting experience that I had been craving for so long. Exploring his ‘unknown years’ that we didn’t get to see in the films was always on my to do list, and they were the most intricate entries of this event for me, I feel. Capturing his fight, fear, and struggle was very draining but it opened up so many opportunities for me, and as a result, I will definitely be doing more of it. 
What did you learn from participating in Whumptober 2022?
What DIDN’T I learn is a more accurate question.
Considering the time frame I had, I did this on my own (except for two instances where I needed help - thank you @d-desrosiers and @thenhewaswrongaboutme) so I had to rely on my own editing. Also, I had help and pointers from Elsie, so an extra big thank you for that - I would be lost without it. 
I also learnt that I really can do anything with my writing. When I began this challenge, I was fucking terrified (that’s an understatement) and I almost quit on several occasions. But after all the encouragement I received from those that I shared stuff with behind the scenes, I found the strength to keep going. 
Considering the nature of my fics this entire month, I knew I was going to get a lot less engagement as a whole due to the content and warnings, but I was pleasantly surprised. Both on tumblr and AO3, my fics are performing a lot better than I anticipated and I have you guys, my followers, both old and new, to thank for that. While I know I have inflicted so much pain and tears, know that every single time you reblogged with a comment (even without), or sent me an ask/message - you have made it all worth it. 
Thank you, from the bottom of my very cold heart. 💙😂
Do you plan on any sequels/prequels to any of the entries you’ve written?
Yes. I have one entry in particular on my mind for a sequel - The Way Home - thanks to @natbarnes1917. I was keen to explore more of that in the first place, but it kinda cemented it for me, and I liked researching and learning about epilepsy and all that is involved. 
As of writing this, which is the most popular entry?
Surprisingly, here on tumblr it is No Way Out - which is shocking, because it’s hurt/no comfort. It’s followed closely by Safe Haven, which is much more understandable.
On AO3 it is May God have Mercy on You, Because I Won't, folloed by The Way Home,.
What were your favourite passages?
Oh boy. Buckle up. I’m going to pick from each entry. 
Day 1: Amandla
“Can I,” Bucky hesitated, a slight hum leaving his lips before he continued. “Can I lay there?” He was pointing at Steve’s lap. All the while Steve could feel the burn of tears building as he looked into Bucky’s face; so hesitant and unsure, scared even, to be comforted. 
“Of course you can, Buck, here,” Steve adjusted and uncrossed his ankles. Bucky slowly rested his head into Steve’s lap and Steve had to fight the urge to sob with relief. “There ya go.”
Day 2: Blue
“Sergeant-” The Asset swallowed thickly and tried again. “Sergeant Barnes,” there was a scuffling sound above his head but he ignored it, determined to continue reciting his station like he had been ordered to. “Sergeant Barnes, t-three two,” a weak cough gave him pause, “five, f-five, seven-” 
Blue. 
Blue was all he could see, it covered the broad shoulders of the man standing over him that shook his shoulders. “Bucky!” A pause and the bed shook slightly. “Oh my god,” the man said as the sound of leather being torn and metal falling to the floor. 
“Steve?”
The man rushed into sight and smiled down at The Asset, the glint in his eye only setting him on edge. He had never been looked at like that before, with such care, dare he say love, and it made his gut churn with something barely tolerable. 
“It’s me, it’s Steve,” the man said before vanishing into smoke, taking the room with him. 
Day 3: Call to Arms
The door swung open and he was met with the muzzle of a double barrel shotgun against his chest.
“Have you a moment to talk about our lord and saviour - whiskey and sweet, holy pussy?”
Steve. He had found him. 
“What the fu-”
CRACK
Jack stumbled back until his back hit a metal pole, pure shock written over his features. Blood was gushing from a gaping hole in his stomach and it pooled on the floor at his feet. “How-”
“You’ve gotten rusty, Rollins,” Steve stared at him with such fury Bucky was surprised he didn’t drop dead from it alone before the bullet killed him. “Think twice before threatening our fuckin’ family.”
Day 4: One Last Embrace
Steve, whose new stature was still an unbelievable feat to Bucky, was down in the pit of boulders and snow to go toe to toe and hand to hand with the woefully unprepared lackeys. His shield; the blue, white, and red, never ceased motion - banging to and fro between the still standing soldiers and bouncing back off of trees, only to reach Steve and start the brutal cycle once again, and again, and again. 
It felt ironic, though, just how quickly the blooming red stain had spread over Bucky’s middle and across his shirt when the shield bore no blood. 
There was no cycle of violence, there was no starting anew; there was just blood. And it was everywhere. 
AND
Bucky tried to hold on to Steve against the wave of darkness that was threatening to consume him, but it was warm there - he could see the fire escape in their apartment back in Brooklyn where Steve sat, sketching the skyline and sunset with the colours of fire. 
Bucky wanted to go back home. He wanted to go back to where the fire would consume him whole in the form of Steve Rogers, whom he had loved since they were kids. 
Warmth. Bucky wanted warmth.
One last embrace, Bucky thought serenely. A small smile of relief growing on his now chalk white face as his vision clouded and turned dark. One last embrace.
Day 5: Battle Worn
I literally cannot pick a favourite section from this fic, but, this line in particular (a quote) made me break down in tears.
A true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him. 
Day 6: A Promise
You whimpered quietly and uncurled your head slightly so your ear rested directly over his heart, the beat steady and strong. Reassuring. 
“Bucky,” you whispered. There were no more screams in the hall. “I can’t-”
“Hey,” Bucky hushed. His hand - callused, tattooed, and warm - rested against your cheek and you could feel him gently press your head into his chest. “You hear that?” His heart.
You nodded, sniffling quietly. 
“It beats for you, sweetheart,” Bucky urged, his grip never faltering. “I’m here, and I’m not leaving.”
“Promise?”
“I promise.” Bucky said quietly - sealing the deal with a kiss to your temple. 
Day 7: Warmth
“How’s it feel?” Steve questioned and Bucky only looked up to him with wide, shining eyes. “‘M so proud of you, Buck.” The sudden warmth of being enveloped in a hug made him tense up for a split second, only to relax again when the realisation he was still safe washed over him. Steve held him for a few moments longer - just until Bucky’s breathing had entirely evened out again.
“Feels warm,” Bucky mumbled against Steve’s neck, “like you.” The rumble of Steve’s chest when he chuckled made Bucky smile happily, content with staying just where he was.
Day 8: Broken & Shattered
I tried really hard to build the relationship between you, the reader, and Peter in this one.
“He’s alive, he’s breathing,” Peter quickly reassured, but it was of no comfort. “I’m gonna take you there, but I need to make sure you’re not gonna pass out on me. We don’t need the two of you in there,” he huffed a laugh and you couldn’t help but twitch a tiny smile in amusement. Him and his jokes. 
Peter pulled free a helmet from his pannier and placed it on your head, securing it with a nod and goofy smile. “You with me?”
A quiet sob broke free before you could stop it and Peter only frowned, the uncharacteristic display of sadness a show of just how scared he felt. Quickly, as though to convince him you were okay, you nodded and adjusted your position on the bike so you sat comfortably on the pillion. “Atta girl,” Peter smiled and sat in front of you. “Let’s get you to Buck.”
Day 9: Safe Haven
“They’re headphones, baby,” you interrupted - you had seen the tell-tale sign of his anger born from confusion in his small head tilt. “They’ll help lessen the noise of the fireworks.” 
Bucky’s hand twitched as it grabbed a hold of one of the speakers and pulled it from the packaging. It was a navy blue pair with small cat ears poking up from the headband. Alpine sniffed at them and chirped loudly, pawing at the ears and Bucky smiled. 
The whooping got louder and you could hear the fizzle of small firecrackers in the street, and going by Bucky’s sudden stony expression, he did too. Alpine pawed at his knee insistently. “Put them on,” you urged, “it’ll help.”
Bucky did so and he froze at the feeling of pressure at his head, but you soothed him by pulling him back down into your lap. He went without resistance and settled into hesitant calm when Alpine moved to sit on his hip with a quiet meow. 
“That’s it,” you cooed, using one hand to play with his hair and the other to fiddle with the remote so the audio of the movie would play through his headphones during the worst of the fireworks.
Day 10: Animal
The sudden pounding of multiple footsteps sounded down the corridor and out of sight, and Bucky panicked. He looked around with wide, calculating eyes but there was no sign of an exit, no way out. The bastards had fucking tricked him, he thought bitterly, resentfully. Teasing him with the possibility of freedom just to yank it from his grasp. 
“I’m not going back!” Bucky yelled to the empty walls, the sound of his voice echoed over the approaching horde of guards. 
A laugh, almost a cackle, was the only response he received before guards clad in black gear with batons rounded the corner. The voice spoke again, this time with barely restrained glee. “Be a good dog, and heel.” 
Bucky bristled and let go of the bars, stepping forward one pace to square his shoulders and bracing for a fight he had no hope of winning - but damn it all to hell if he wasn’t going to go swinging. 
Day 11: Unsung Hero
Survivor's guilt was a monster.
AND
“Hey, you,” smiling softly, you knelt back down between his legs and unzipped your purse, pulling free a packet of wipes. “I’m gonna clean you up a bit, all right?”
Bucky nodded minutely and remained still when you grabbed his right hand first, gently running the wipe over his fingers and knuckles, then his palm and wrist. 
“You’re a hero, baby,” you said quietly as you moved to his considerably bloodier left hand. “You saved that boy’s life.”
“I couldn’t leave him,” Bucky croaked. His throat worked as though he was swallowing glass and he winced.
“I know, and I’m so proud of you,” you reassured as you pulled free another wipe. “My hero.” Bucky’s lips twitched up into a smile briefly.
Day 12: I’ve Got You
It wasn’t often that Sarah Rogers, the epitome of strength and stubbornness, the queen of maintaining a mask of stoicity in the face of such dire circumstances, would look as scared as she did when she opened the door to let him in and out of the rain. 
Day 13: No Man’s Land
A soldier waded into war blind, his gun and bravery clutched tightly to his chest as he stepped out into No Man’s Land for those he loved behind him. 
Right now, those glass double doors that reflected the blue and red flashing lights - they felt an awful lot like stepping back into No Man’s Land. 
AND
Suddenly, Steve stirred slightly, it was only a squeeze of his hand and a wince. 
“Stevie?” Bucky asked quietly, moving his seat even closer so he could peer into Steve’s face. “Can you hear me?”
Another squeeze of his hand. 
“You’re okay, doll. They fixed you up,” Bucky reassured, bringing his left hand to cradle Steve’s jaw. “You’ll be right as rain, soon.”
Steve sighed softly and fell limp once again, the current of sleep evidently too much to fight against in his weakened state and Bucky couldn’t help but smile. Not only had Steve come out the other side of this and he would be okay, but Bucky had stayed by his side through one of his worst fears. 
Steve would be so proud of him. 
Day 14: No Way Out
There was no way out. 
Bucky could not save you this time. 
This was it. 
The realisation turned your whole body to ice. Your heart beat a tattoo against your ribs, fighting valiantly against the restraint of bone. 
Day 15: The Queen’s Fury
You swore to high heaven that the bastard’s who shot him would meet the barrel of a gun and hear the crack of gunfire. No one hurt your King - no one. 
“Stay with me,” you whispered against the flood of tears that threatened to escape your eyes. Bucky’s own were weeping, the trail of tears crossed his bloodied temples to land in his hair. 
Day 16: It Lay in Vain
Soldat knew that look, and it caused a wave of unease to flood his already weary nerves. Soldat was not meant - not allowed - to feel this way. He was a weapon, not a human. There was no room for emotions, so why were they suddenly so tangible after seeing Captain America knelt at his feet in a forced act of surrender?
The colours of blue, white, and red meant freedom - why wasn’t Captain America standing tall and proud in the face of almost certain death?
Why wasn’t Steve doing anything?
Day 17: Biding Time
There was no way in hell that they’d keep him pliant, cooperative - deadly - without the conditioning that was falling away faster than the shells they fed to a gatling gun. A single bullet was one shred of control gained by Bucky, one lost by Hydra. 
AND
What was left of Hydra bled and wept through the cracks in the floor and down into hell below, where they belonged, by Bucky’s hand. 
Day 18: Gentle Hands, Gentle Hearts
“You look like a lovestruck fool.” Steve deadpanned and Bucky laughed, placing the kit on the table so his hands were free. 
“So what if I am?” Bucky retorted. 
Day 19: Victorious
Like Battle Worn, I cannot pick from this entry. However, I could say this was one of my favourite lines:
Steve couldn’t bring himself to shed a tear of grief, however. Tony had proven he was the guy to make a sacrifice play after all, he wasn’t just a man in a suit of armour. He was a man of unshakable faith and courage that remained even when his heart stood still. 
Day 20: ‘Till the Sun Rises
The yellow and pink glow of sunrise was muted behind the curtains, but it still meant the same - that today was a new day, and that it would be okay. 
Day 21: Through a Soldier’s Eyes
The knife was jammed into Steve’s lung, between the delicate bones of his ribs that had withstood bouts of pneumonia and asthma that should have killed him. Steve only frowned, confusion evident in the pinch of his brow and slackening of his jaw. Both of them looked down to where Bucky’s hand was connected to Steve’s body. 
Blood was blooming faster than their eyes could track over the white and red of Steve’s armour, and over Bucky’s hand. 
“No,” Bucky breathed, his voice still muffled by the mask of the Asset. “No, no, no, I’m-”
“Buck?” Steve wheezed, his raspy voice louder than a gunshot and it forced Bucky to stop his tirade of guilt, shock, and confusion. “Bucky?”
Day 22: The Way Home
“Do you remember me, Buck?” Steve asked, somewhat scared of the answer but Bucky only stayed silent, his eyes roving over Steve’s face with dulled interest. “You do, don’t you?” A squeeze of his hand was the only answer he received - but it was more than enough. 
“You found your way home,” Steve said, furiously wiping his eyes at the sudden burn of tears. “They couldn’t keep you from me, could they?”
Another squeeze of his hand, and Steve smiled. Home, we’re both home. 
Day 23: The King’s Wrath
“Well, well, fuck me well,” Steve snorted beside him and Bucky broke out in a wolfish grin that didn’t meet his eyes; manic, blood thirsty, and furious. “What’s a son of a bitch like you doin’ out here, hm?”
AND
“He’s got a death wish.” Steve stated simply, his gloved hand appearing from beside Bucky to ruffle their guests' hair. “I’ll never turn down a chance to play with my food, you know that, right, Buck?”
“Oh, I know, Stevie,” Bucky assured, the predatory grin now making his eyes wrinkle. “But this one’s mine.” 
Bucky stood to his full height and squared his shoulders, a loud pop echoing when his bones cracked. The man at his feet watched defiantly, his glare only slightly masking his terror. “Be a good boy, and kiss my boots.”
AND
It wasn’t a scolding; it wasn’t a sneer like he was reproving a child - it was a reminder of just how much he cared for you. He did not want you to face the same demons he did. 
Day 24: Lucidity
The potholes in the road made the van jerk to and fro, but The Asset remained impossibly still, his gaze entirely honed on his hands. Both of which differed, but were coated in crimson; flesh turned red, titanium stained maroon. 
His hands - the fists of Hydra - were a weapon at their command, but they were interwoven with the body and soul of a man that never, ever, gave in. No matter what, no matter the cost. 
Day 25: Love Your Enemy
Bucky’s eyes went wide on impulse and he shuffled his feet, pushing his back further against the wall and away - away, away, away. 
Not one to be dissuaded or discouraged, Steve pushed on slowly. His small hand reached out towards Bucky and Bucky stared at it like it was the muzzle of a gun. Steve’s hand was free from the grit, dirt, and blood that stained Bucky’s own. 
For a brief, brief moment, Bucky wondered what it would be like to have Steve’s hands on him, his arms, his shoulders; anywhere that Steve would willingly touch. The thought made Bucky make a small sound of longing, a quiet whimper, and Steve only smiled warmly. 
AND
Slowly, Steve reached up, and Bucky watched one of his hands inch closer to his face, coming to rest on his stubbled cheek. The urge to flinch and duck away caused his breathing to become shallow, small gasps for air against the suffocating urge to protect himself. 
Steve wasn’t the enemy. Bucky’s own mind was. 
Day 26: Not Without You
Bucky tried to take another step, desperate to just get out of this damn hellscape, but his knees buckled and he fell to the floor with a loud thud. His gun clattered to the floor beside him and out of reach - just as well, that was the only way for this agony to end, he was sure of it. 
AND
“Hey,” his voice was so soft, so endearing, so Steve. “How’re you feeling?”
“Been better,” Bucky mumbled sleepily, grateful for the covertly placed hand at the side of his head. “Thank you, for gettin’ me outta there.”
Steve smiled softly and slowly brushed his thumb against Bucky’s stubble-dusted cheek. “Always, Buck,” he sighed and a glint of mischief glazed over his stormy blue eyes. “‘Till the end of the line, remember?”
Day 27: A Grave Price
Screams and shouts echoed in his ears and it disoriented him amongst the encroaching snowstorm, and for all Soldat knew, those voices belonged to people in the trees, their wailing cries a siren’s song for a dying man. 
AND
“Yest' tsena?” Soldat asked shakily, but he didn’t feel scared - the voice was there, and it would protect him. His hands, metal and flesh, fell limp in his lap, and his head lolled to the side. 
There was no strength left within him to fight the laxness of his muscles, nor the cold that nipped at his every last nerve. 
“Yes,” they answered. Soldat went to open his mouth to speak, but only managed a slow, deep exhale. With his body still and his eyes glazed over, the voice continued solemnly. “It’s one you have wanted to pay, for so, so long, Bucky.”
Day 28: Lullaby for a Soldier
Bucky huffed a laugh through his nose and began to speak, his breath hot on your palm but you didn’t move it, instead you stared at the side of his face with a raised brow when he finished. “What was that, baby?”
He turned his head to look at you, a mischievous glint in his eyes. Before you could react, a sudden wet pressure against your palm made you gasp and you ripped it away from his face. 
Bucky had licked your palm. 
AND
Bucky smirked and rested his head back down on your shoulder. “I said, ‘you get rid of that weight when you rest,” his hand moved from your waist and down to your thigh when he squeezed, “these over my shoulders.’”
“Oh, my God, Bucky,” you chortled, shifting back and forcing him to move his head to look up at you again. “You’re incorrigible.” A shit-eating grin graced his mouth and he surged forward, meeting yours in a fierce kiss that ended much too soon. 
AND
Bucky was fast asleep, the steady rise and fall of his shoulder and side provided a comfort that he was finally at rest. Carefully, you turned your head and placed a soft kiss to the crown of his head. 
“I love you, Bucky,” you whispered, beginning to feel the current of sleep pulling you under. “I love you, so fucking much.”
Day 29: Fatal Mistake
You shifted your gun slightly, and all hell broke loose. 
His titanium hand closed around the scientist’s throat and a popping noise silenced his cry for help before it could even leave his mouth. The remainder of the group of scientists scrambled away in fear, but you threw the knives you pulled from your thigh holster without a second to spare. All but one fell. 
“They will find you!” The scientist yelled. His reedy frame slid down the wall to the floor where he cowered from the approaching Winter Soldier. 
“No,” you said simply, adjusting the grip on your gun simply to watch the man squirm. “They won’t.”
There was no small sense of satisfaction at hearing the man scream in pain when the Winter Soldier pulled him up from the floor, dislocating his shoulder in the process. 
“Quiet.” He growled and there was a sudden pop. A loud thud echoed through the cell when the scientist’s corpse fell back down to the floor in a heap, his neck resting at an odd angle.
Day 30: May God have Mercy on you, Because I Won’t
The pearly gates of heaven surely were nowhere near as welcoming as seeing the steel doors fly open, revealing Steve in the doorway - a reincarnate of the devil himself. 
Bucky watched with watering eyes as Steve tilted his head slightly, observing the sight before him until his eyes locked on Bucky’s. He could have sworn Steve’s eyes turned black as he roved over Bucky’s still limp and beaten body. 
Steve- please-
Bucky’s captors stood stock still around him, pure terror written across their faces like a verse from the bible. They had not planned for Steve to show up - not like this. 
“Son,” Steve started, his gaze now directed towards the man with the radio. “I may not be a man of faith,” he sauntered forwards, his blackened stare pinning the man in place. “But I can only hope that God will take mercy on you, for taking what’s mine.”
Bucky watched Steve step into the man’s space, a snarl so vicious took over his features so he looked like a twisted devil - the real Mephistopheles warping through time and legend to stand right before his prey.
“Because I fucking won’t.”
Day 31: In the Arms of an Angel
The dimmed lights of the clubhouse did no favours for your worsening pallor, and Bucky felt helpless. He had fought with you over whether to go to hospital and you had adamantly refused. Even after Steve, Sam, Peter, and Natasha chimed in, you foolishly stood steadfast at the fact you were not stepping foot in a hospital over the ‘flu’.
Bucky knew the real reason, though. Hospitals were hard enough to stomach when he or one of the guys landed there, but for yourself? Hell would freeze over before you’d step foot in there willingly, for your own sake. 
AND
“Parker! You’re up front!” Bucky heard Steve yell as he ran to your car, ignorant of the break in hierarchy - you were fucking dying, to hell with it. “We’ll be right behind you!” Steve shouted, and his bike roared to life. 
AND
“I almost lost you.” 
His voice, always so strong and full of authority, wavered with unbearable fear.
With every last ounce of strength you had left, you moved your arm so you could rest your hand over his heart, the beat steady and true. 
“Love you,” you slurred, the current of sleep doing its damndest to pull you under. 
Bucky’s free arm moved so he could gently grab hold of your cannulated hand, and with practised ease, he intertwined your fingers as your eyes drooped shut - unable to fight against the current any longer.
“I love you more, sweetheart.”
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