#I guess it’s all about the experience you wanna have
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twinroomies · 2 days ago
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"have him home by 9 i guess" in response to the selfship ask is peak btw. just want you to know that
Hahaha, well, that's what I had in the chamber when I got asked this question, so, I appreciate it. To get real with ya'll personally SEPERATELY from the main Twin Runes account, mainly because over here this IS my little area so I CAN say a bit more without it representing both Akane and I... WARNING: THINGS GET SERIOUS DOWN HERE
You know, it's interesting from my perspective to be in this position, right? Not to diss or put down "goatkisser" anon here as I'm gonna lovingly refer to them as, but you gotta understand, ya'll: when you're a writer you put a lot of YOURSELF, or your experiences into your characters, right? We've all had fictional crushes (if you have romantic or other types of feelings, if not: please disregard and also valid), we've ALL thought about Mega Man X from Mega Man X. This is a universal experience. Stop looking at me like that, but the point is: I MADE this Mega Man X. So it's just a little surprising. Good writing has vulnerability to it, and you expect people to laugh, to make light of, to critique parts of you that you put out there when you do that. You don't expect people to go "ah yes the homunculus of every America's Funniest Home Videos moment in your life made flesh. I would date that." That's the one that gets you, at least it got me. I don't wanna be John Funkiller, murderer of joy and whimsy, but like imagine you drew a comic yourself, and you had your character tell a story from YOUR LIFE of something funny that happened to or because of you, and then someone looked you dead in the eyes and said "I want to make out with them". That's… I mean, there are probably other parts to it beyond that story, maybe they just REALLY like his horns they ARE cool but you know that part of you is STILL THERE. There's also an element of: Okay, if I say yes, am I about to see someone go way too far with this? Chat, I'm a voice actor, I've had people upload my voice to websites so they could chat with characters I've played. Ever had a poorly written fanfiction robot attempt to flirt with you while having an existential crisis because you needed to hear enough of the voice back to confirm it was your own voice? I don't recommend it, I'd leave a bad yelp review.
Anyways, I'm GLAD people like Asriel, but to keep it a BUCK FIFTY WITH YA'LL, that's… I mean, look. How are you supposed to respond to that? 😅 Will I STOP YOU? No, but all of that is how I FEEL, the REAL PERSON, the NOT THE GOAT. Just remember though, that some of those stories you'll hear about the goat, start with me, or Akane, or people we know.
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bitingdrivers · 3 days ago
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Put that guy in a situation! Specifically 4) Mind meld/telepathy/mind reading if you wanna :) - 🧚🏻
hi fairy anon!! thank you for sending me a prompt (from here) this one stumped me a little ngl! but im ok with the result!! hope you like it :)
Back in the 90s a group of scientists supported by half the world came up with a new experimental drug. 
“Help us elevate and enhance the human existence!” the taglines touted, followed by a list of places where you can “participate in the study” and an even bigger package of consent forms, non-disclosure agreements and other documents that meant to free the government of any responsibility if anything went wrong. 
“Enhancement and improvement of human life” was a very ambiguous and stupid way of saying we will give you superpowers. 
Just in the following year after the study started, around 3% of the world's population had superpowers – super speed, super strength, super agility and other human qualities you can add “super” to. 
The serum was mostly common in third world countries, but you could still find a facility or two in Europe that can provide you with an injection. 
That's what Max’s father did. Tracked a supplier, made an appointment and signed a ton of papers so his son, who hasn't even learned how to walk yet, could get a shot that gave him superpowers. 
Jos hoped for super strength or increased stamina, already making plans about how the powers are going to help his son move to Formula 1, and later, win the World Championship. But following the trajectory of Max’s life, he disappointed his father, and instead of developing super speed or agility, Max had telepathy. A power entirely useless, except for hearing Max’s father yell at him without Jos having to actually open his mouth. 
When the year 2000 came, the study was quickly closed and swept under the rug after a big violent attack happened involving superhumans who thought they were messengers of God, and not a result of a fucked up experiment set up by their government. 
Any remaining drug supplies were destroyed, but the government couldn’t do anything with the people that already had it, so a part of the population was left having powers, passing their superpower genes to their children. It's not uncommon, maybe 1 in every 30 people has some kind of power, but if people learn you have superpowers, they treat you like a circus monkey, asking you to show them your tricks. 
That's why Max prefers to keep quiet about his telepathy – it's not a cool power like flight or invisibility, and people tend to freak out when they learn that Max can read their thoughts, covering their ears (why, Max doesn't know. It's not like the thoughts come out of the ears?) and running far away – also pointless, considering Max can't read someone's mind if they are farther than a couple meters away from him (Max had the best time of his life with the social distancing during the pandemic, even with how short it was). 
Max is not the only superhuman on the paddock of course – people with super strength are always in demand, and some second or even third generation superhumans just find their way into F1, but, as far as Max is aware, he is the only driver with powers. 
Probably not all the parents are willing to inject their child with highly experimental and dangerous drug just so they can drive cars in a circle.
The topic of superpowers is very popular and their PR teams always have one or two games involving guessing or rating powers, so when Daniel gets a card with “which superpower would you want” printed on it during the recording of one of their "On the couch” videos, Max is not surprised. 
Daniel laughs and knocks the edge of the card against his chin while he thinks. “I don't know,” he says, while a list of powers runs through his head, looping on invisibility. 
“Probably not invisibility. How can I deprive the world of this beautiful face?” Daniel jokes, framing his face with his palms. “Also, I had a friend in school who was invisible, and it was always weird seeing just a set of clothes walking around. All of my hot bod work outs would go to waste!”
Max laughs, listening to Daniel's voice in his head think of more superpowers. Flight, shapeshifting, laser vision, telepathy. 
Max jerks, the word echoing in his mind.
“Maybe telepathy? So I can always know if someone has a crush on me,” Daniel laughs. Max looks down to his lap. He has a card with a question they already answered, the edges of laminated paper dig into his palms.
“Or to learn all the secret secrets of all the teams. Help with the strategy,” Daniel continues, waving his hand around, elaborate scenarios already unraveling in his head. 
“I think it's boring,” Max says, looking back at Daniel. “Reading thoughts is useless and what if people around you hate you? You would hear all of their thoughts. It's a very stupid power,” he admits, concentrating on his own voice echoing in Daniel’s head.
“Okay, then what power would you have, Maxy?” Daniel asks. His mind floods with super speed and strength and probably all the powers Max’s father hoped he would actually get. 
“I would not want one. I would want to be a normal person,” Max replies, looking down on his hands. “It's easier with no powers.” 
Awh rings in Max’s mind as Daniel coos at him. 
“Well,” Daniel takes a dramatic breath, “It's time for me to reveal my secret,” he says with a forlorn expression, pressing his palm to his chest. 
“I am– I have– I can read minds, yeah. Max’s hatred for telepathy made me come out, reveal my powers,” Daniel stumbles. “I will prove that telepathy is cool to you, Maximus,” he announces, putting his fist up. 
Max chuckles. “Okay.” 
“Good,” Daniel nods. “Now, think of a number, any number. Actually, think of a number from 1 to 10.”
Daniel’s mind floods with numbers, like he is the one meant to think of one. 
“Okay, you have your number?” Daniel asks. 
Max nods, even though he didn't think of one. 
“Cool,” Daniel says and proceeds to make a face like he's constipated. He brings his pointer finger to his temple and stretches out his other hand to touch Max’s forehead. 
Max laughs at his strained expression; tries to distract himself from the feeling of Daniel’s fingers on his skin by listening to the numbers going through Daniel’s mind. 
It keeps looping on three, so it catches Max off guard when Daniel announces, “Sixty nine! Maxy, I said 1 to 10!” He huffs in mock disappointment.
Max giggles, trying not to miss Daniel’s fingers when he brings his hand back. “Well, it's of course a nice number,” he grins. Daniel smiles back at him.
“But you are not correct, Daniel,” Max continues, digging his fingers into the edges of the card in his hands. “My number was actually three.”
Daniel groans, “Ah! I knew it was!” he cackles, pointing a finger at Max.
“I know,” Max says quietly. But Daniel doesn't hear him, already reaching for the next card.
“Assign a power to each other,” he reads from the piece of paper. “Okay, a lot of powers questions today, guys,” he says to the room and shakes his head. 
“We of course just discussed this,” Max says, looking at the camera. “I am a normal person and Daniel can read minds.”
It would probably be better this way, if Daniel had telepathy instead – he would know all the stuff that Max usually can’t say, wouldn't have to make Max admit to it. 
Sometimes Max wishes that his powers worked in reverse, so that people around him could hear his own thoughts. Max is bad with words, they don’t always come out the way he wants them to, so it would be better if people around him just knew. 
What’s the time, I’m hungry, rushes through Daniel’s head. Max looks down at the basket half full of the cards.
“We will do one more question,” Max announces to the media team and picks up the card. 
It happens rarely, but sometimes his telepathy becomes very useful.
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rizzstappen · 2 years ago
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you mean ppl actually filter wag content???? I mean I'm also not interested in wag discourse or wags in general tbf but if I see stuff here and there I don't mind it so I kinda find ppl going out of their way to filter wags weird it is sort of giving "I got lost in his blue eyes" (idek if they are green or blue sorry idc that much about him lmao but I hope you get what I'm talking about)
I mean who doesn’t want to get lost in a driver vaguely colored eyes tbh.
Lol in all seriousness I do know people who do filter out wag content! I mean it’s their dash and I’m sure they want to enjoy their feed lol. So if that means no wags then by all means! No one’s complained to me specifically but I have seen it done! In that video i think you’re referencing Daniel doesn’t even say Heidi’s name and he speaks about her for like 5 seconds? So I wasn’t sure if even warranted a tag because of that 🤷🏻‍♀️
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jackabbot · 8 months ago
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some of you might be unhappy to hear this but an interview mentioning that Eddie would want to hang out with his bestie of 7 years and the guy he hung out with at least 3 times a week and who he introduced to his son within weeks of knowing him, when said son no longer lives with (or speaks to) him, especially during a time he isn't dating 2 women simultaneously, being alone bar his coworkers and friends who are clearly very busy with other things...
all of that has nothing to do with one ship or another and maybe for once we could just acknowledge that he is his own character, more than ever before probably and just not act like there is something weird about that or as if it Must Have romantic intentions one way or another
the man is lonely you all, ofc he's gonna lean on the people he's still got left, it's the least surprising thing ever
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thatone-churro · 7 months ago
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chat i am NOT appreciating the stares i got from walking across campus to cvs in my hoodie and sweatpants as if we didn’t just sit through ANOTHER hurricane like chill man i didn’t sleep well let me get my monster to finish my logic homework in peace 😭
#spent all night having not quite nightmares not quite stress dreams#periodically woken up by storm noises (sleeping with your back to a window during a hurricane when you get shellshock from loud storm noises#- is NOT a fun experience i would not recommend)#and THEN getting woken up at 5 am by an emergency alert warning about flash floods until like 11:45 when i have a 10 am class that morning 🙃#luckily my professor cancelled class for that (and my other class was cancelled for it to)#but tbh i was NOT gonna walk 7 minutes to the second farthest building on campus through that either way#i was just gonna send him a pdf of my homework and say ‘i’m not walking through a flash flood for this class sorry 😭’#also my school didn’t do shit for this?? they’ve been sending us emails all week about dangerous weather#but made SURE to add in all caps in every one that classes and stuff will go on as normal#cofc doesn’t stop until we’re dead i guess what the fuck 😭#scratch that i mean everything’s as normal except half of our dining halls are closed. so i have to walk 7 minutes out for food anyway 🙃#BECAUSE MY SNACK STASH IS DEPLETED BECAUSE ITS BEEN JANKY ALL WEEK 🙃🙃🙃#what was this post about again??#WAIT AND THEN THE NORMAL ‘AROUND CAMPUS’ ROUTE I TAKE TO MY HOUSE WAS CLOSED#SO I HAD TO GO THROUGH THE MAIN PART OF CAMPUS#IN MY HOODIE & SWEATS & CARRYING MY MONSTER & POP TARTS#WHILE THERE WERE LIKE THREE TOUR GROUPS STANDING THERE I WANNA DIEEEEEE#wait i can’t say that anymore. uhhh hold on let me find the list. ummm. ‘i’m gonna start a scam company’ there we go.#grace being stupid#text post#personal
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lunatic-fandom-space · 4 months ago
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I just remembered, about a year ago immediately after reading interview with the vampire for the first time I stumbled upon this youtube comment under a video that was about progressive modern reboots and why so many of them suck, i think? that was basically like "the new iwtv show is a good example of a progressive reboot thats actually good, in large part because it focuses on the queer relationships that could only be hinted at in the original book bc it was published in the 70s" which absolutely flabberghasted me. like, im not gonna deny that homophobia was A Thing in the 70s but I never got the impression that iwtv was the way it was because of that. like Ive started rereading it and thirty pages in I feel like Louis just keeps saying shit to the effect of "what lestat and i did together was very much not unlike gay sex", so he is kinda vague about it but the homoeroticism is blatant enough that I dont think it was selfcensoring yknow. also, after reading the vampire lestat I feel like you can chalk that vagueness up to just louis' personality because in his own book (which came out in the 80s) he basically straightup says "i love louis the way i love my mother. romantically" which is wild of course but well. he said it not me.
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neverendingford · 1 month ago
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#tag talk#HE JUST ADMITTED TO ME HE FELT KIND OF SUBBY YESTERDAY. THERE'S HOPE#my top era starts NOW#I will put on all my seductive charm and woo this dude so hard#it's happening it's happening the future is now#tbh I think they've got a bit of a misunderstanding about what dom/sub really mean but as long as the intent is communicated it's chill#I'm just happy in general about it. we had really really really good conversation and both had a great time.#I would have been more confident if I'd had a better idea of who they were ahead of time but I'm gonna be so so confident on the second date#I said something about being friends and they were like “wait I'm friendzoned now?” and I kinda had to backtrack to explain#because like.. I don't wanna date someone I'm not friends with. why would I want to?#I guess some people see friendship and Relationship as mutually exclusive but I prefer a sliding scale of both.#cause at first I was like I'm really not interested in him but he's cool so I wanna be friends. but then as I started to get a vibe read#it changed and I was like oh okay so I don't want the kind of relationship I thought I was walking in to but I can see a different kind of#kind of relationship happening here. hmmm. I have thoughts about how dating/hookup apps encourage us to predefine our identities#whereas meeting in person allows vibes to develop organically. if you decide “I'm only a bottom” you'll automatically filter out any#any potential for experiencing someone who might be the exception to your rules. you define yourself and then limit too.#one of the reasons why I hate character limits on bios and I try and keep my interests as open as possible. I want to experience everything#I don't want to limit myself to just one dynamic or relationship type. I can be anything for anyone. I want to taste it all.#how else do you find what you want? I get that some people know instinctively who they are and what they want.#but not all of us have that privilege. some of us are blind to our internal workings and need to see it play out to really know what's up#idk. I'm pretty hyped for where this relationship goes. the first meeting went SO well.
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wackywatchdotcom · 2 months ago
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heres my weird fringe theory about tadc anyway:
the amazing digital circus, as a game, doesnt exist and never did, because its a cartoon
idk if this makes any sense but im gonna try to word it. basically the idea is that the show is operating on whats gonna be a double-fakeout. we all know the characters are trapped in a game. and thats true enough for the characters. but they werent ever technically actually outside of it. because they are cartoon characters. and their backstory IS being humans. theyre not npcs (who are characterss in the cartoon that were also created within the fake game itself) and theyre still alive- but its not a game theyre trapped in, its a show
theyre all trapped in a show about being trapped in a video game, basically. they still technically 'were' humans in the sense that they have backstories built into them that they remember
my main 'evidence' for this (if you can call it that) is 2 things: gummigoo, and the shows official description
gummigoo as a character, in my theory, is going to mirror pomni. pomni does not know she is not real. but not npc not-real, which would be two layers of not real. shes just one layer of not-real. and her having gotten to know gummigoo serves as foreshadowing to her finding that out about herself
and then, theres the description of the offical tadc episode playlist:
"The Amazing Digital Circus is a psychological dark comedy about cute cartoon characters who hate their lives and want to leave 🎪😀"
basically, the theory just takes this INCREDIBLY literally. that the characters really are... just cartoon characters. and i guess 'trapped in a cartoon' isnt 100% fitting bc w this theory its less that theyre stuck in a cartoon and more that theyve always been a part of it. its just their life
that said the lore in-universe still exists- the game operates in this or that way, the only difference is that its not really a game doing that- just a cartoon based on games
and if this were the case, i dont think any of them know, not even caine. except jax
caine responds to an audience because he assumes theres a person on the other side of the computer. and maybe there is, if the cartoon included one. but jax, somehow, gained the knowledge that this was all a cartoon, and has decided to embrace it. he knows theres viewers, and doesnt care about hiding that
pomni just happens to be the 'newest character.' but in this theory im not actually sure if the show truly existed before she joined. maybe for like 51.5 seconds. or for trailers. but thats it. shes just the newest in their backstories and nothing more
#tadc#the amazing digital circus#yeah ill put that in the tag#ftr i dont think this theory is true#the evidence is flimsy and it is probably an extremely strange direction for the show to take#but i think about it sometimes#normally i dont like 'everything is fake twists' but i think if the events in the show itself#still existed to the characters in terms of it being an experience they had its not as annoying#like ftr even in this theory they still have effectively experienced everything#whether its a cartoon or a game theyre trapped in the experiences are still the same level of real to the characters#that part wouldnt change#its just the context surrounding how they got here that really changes#alternatively maybe they all have been trapped in the cartoon for a long time and pomni really IS the newest character#but that bends the theory in a strange way#but yeah. gummigoo is an interesting character in the show for what he can theoretically represent#im p sure it has more to do w giving pomni reassurance over whether or not something 'technically' being fake even matters#if you have people with you who care about you#but at a diff angle gummigoo could represent a much different change#anyway. this theory is weird#ask to tag#ig cus the theory itself is stemming on kinda existential stuff but idk how id tag that#existentialism#maybe?#but yea sorry for being matpat over here ik its a silly theory i just sometimes think about it for fun#i dont do anything w it its just smth i bounce around my head on occasion#also its silly but another reason im posting it is cus#i dont think this is true. theres def way more likely theories out there that arent this#but in the extremely small chance this ends up being true i wanna have proof that i guessed it early#circus discussion
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jettison-my-gift · 5 months ago
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#super freaking out cos my friend who is a vet has offered me a job at her practice as a care assistant#so my job would just be to do all the little jobs. help looking after the animals. cleaning. sometimes calling patients etc#it's a fantastic opportunity but it looks so much more difficult then anything i've ever done before#and on the one hand i'm like ''yes! i love animals! i need a steady income! this is perfect!''#but on the other... i haven't been at my current job that long. so it feels like a dick move to up and leave.#i don't know if i'd be able to cope with the animals dying all the time. some of the stuff i'd have to do looks really technical#and i'm scared i'll do it wrong (eg put the wrong label on the wrong medicine) and it'll lead to an animal dying#like it's a proper full time monday-friday 9-5 kinda gig#which is great cos my current job is a ''are we gonna give you more than 2 days next week?? who knows! it's a supprise!!''#and that situation is stressing me out. so i do need something different#but this is like a proper serious job. and idk that's scary#plus my friend would be my boss. which i don't mind. but i dont want her to vouch for me and then i'm terrible at it...#cos that's not fair on her#they've offered me a trial shift next week. so i guess i could do that and just scope it out..#it also feels like nepotism which doesn't super sit right#but it's not a sure thing. the other vets and practice owners have to agree and they may not like me. it's not like i have experience#and it's only a low paid position so if its nepotism its not like... super beneficial nepotism...#sigh. i know i should go for it. just last time i went for a big different job like this it ended badly#and i ended up back in retail.#so i don't wanna go thru that all again#but i also dont wanna stay working in this shop forever. it wouldn't be too bad if only i had regular hours. .#and i knew what those hours were more than a week in advance#i know this is like.. a non-problem. i'm just stressing about it#plus its making me feel guilty whenever i go into my current job. like i'm cheating on them#i do need that regular income tho#screams in anxiety
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classicjdog · 1 year ago
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CURSE MY FUCKING SHITARSE INTERNET I JUST WANT TO PLAY SOME FUCKING TEKKEN GAAAAHHHHHHHH
REINA IS SO FUCKING SICK AND I CAN'T PLAY HER AGAINST REAL PPL I'M STUCK FIGHTING THE STUPID AI FUCK
#i have some christmas money lying around so i guess i'm just gonna have to buy an ethernet cable#my setup (if you wanna call it that) is really not conducive to getting wired up at all#but fuck man there's no way i'm gonna just not play this fucking game it's way too fucking sick#well at least i had plenty of time to play the story lol which for the first like 80% of it's runtime it's like hey this is fun#like it's not super boring & there are actually some really cool moments sprinkled in here & there#then there's the second-to-last jin/kaz fight which was kinda what i expected the finale to be#like ok they've got their big crazy final forms & they're gonna have their big over-the-top anime fight & that's all fine i guess#but then they have one last normal hand-to-hand fight#and speaking as a long-time hardcore tekken fan that last fight is one of the best most joyful experiences i've ever had with a video game#like i've always felt that jin's transition from tekken 3 to tekken 4 was such a cool melding of story with gameplay#like in story at the end of t3 he's betrayed by heihachi so in t4 he forcibly unlearns the martial art heihachi taught him#and this is reflected in gameplay by his moveset being completely different so them coming back around to that in t8#and reinforcing the whole theme of jin accepting his past by LITERALLY GIVING YOU HIS TEKKEN 3 MOVESET IN THE FIGHT AGAINST KAZUYA#WHILE A REMIX OF HIS TEKKEN 3 THEME PLAYS???? GOD WHAT A FUCKING SEQUENCE!!! CHEF'S KISS MWAH MWAH MWAH#and then just the lovely little moments of fanservice. obvious stuff like kaz wavedashing or he & jin doing the namco logo thing 1 last tim#but then obscure stuff like jins t3 df1 glitch & kazuyas weirdo t4 re-stun combos?? like how many ppl are even gonna know about that shit??#they hella did not have to do that but they did & it makes me so so so happy#so yea the t8 story is like 80% a fun entertaining little romp & 20% the hypest shit i've ever ever ever seen#and also reina is the best new character namco have made for tekken since steve in t4#it's funny cause in the whole leadup to t8 i was having a little trouble figuring out who i was gonna main#cause in t7 i spent most of my time bouncing around basically the whole cast before finally settling on julia near the end#obv no julia in t8 so i had to pick someone else & no one in t8 was really jumping out at me#lots of super cool characters that i'd already played quite a lot of but not really anyone that's like ok yea that's my fucking guy#lots of sick af potential secondaries but no main basically#then they released the reina trailer & i was like ok yea that's my fucking guy#sick design sick stage sick AS FUCK music & a bunch of mishima staples to go along with it???#she's got an electric? hellsweep? wavedash? flash punch combo? stonehead?#plus some heihachi specific staples? demon breath? heaven's gate? iron hand? fucking HUNTING HAWK??? then yea that's MY FUCKING GUY#so yea reina fucking rules & i just wanna play her against real ppl please for the love of fuck#OH ONE MORE THING THEY DID ANOTHER GREAT JOB WITH THE MUSIC. AT LEAST 3 NEW TRACKS ADDED TO THE TEKKEN PANTHEON OF ALL-TIME CLASSICS
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xluxsolarisx · 1 year ago
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clawing at the edge of my enclosure at you..,, auuaAA auuaaghrvf asuugh aahbgsffdhnrd. you know how it is
raps at the glass of your enclosure despite warning signs saying not to because i want to see what will happen. because i am fundamentally curious. anyway yeah i do know how it is
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otomelavenderhaze · 2 years ago
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I could share my come out story in how in a family dinner I just came out as bi and how I had to explain to what that meant to my grandparents, but I will be honest, it was such chaotic experience that my memory is foggy, I don't remember how things went down kkkkkk I am pretty sure I repressed shit and forgot it intentionally.
But nowdays everything is fine, my aunt acts as if I am totally gay (which for her benefit, is the opposite what the rest of my family acts like kkkkk), my grandma is still confused, my mom thinks I am straight, my father doesn't have a clue about anything, and I keep living like I have been before it all came down.
It sounds sad, but everytime I have to explain to my grandma what be bi means, by the end of it she always give me a hug and says that she loves me no matter what, even thou, at this point I have explained it 100 times, it really is sweet of her.
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orcelito · 2 years ago
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Honestly hate how hard it is to start writing again when you've gone too long without it. Like for fuck's sake man Why's shit gotta be like this
#speculation nation#daydreaming of the early discacc days when i wrote 70k words in 3 weeks. those were the days...#im just... so tired and wrung out and everything is so fucking hard#im barely even Doing anything besides working. my apartment is in horrible shape rn.#what is it about grief that makes life so hard to live man. you lose a cornerstone to your life and suddenly everything is in shambles#and i know he wouldnt have wanted this for me. for me to be Barely functioning bc my brain has been so bad in response#im alive im going to work im feeding myself and showering every day#but i havent been doing the dishes i havent taken out the trash theres Stuff all over my floors and cat messes i havent cleaned#and i dont have the energy for any of it. i get home i eat and then i climb into bed. rinse and repeat.#im just... tired. im so very tired.#i keep wanting to turn to my hobbies to cope with things but it's so fucking hard to stick to#constantly oscillating between manic moods where i think i can finally start moving on (but i dont have the focus to do writing)#and depressive moods where Good Fuckin Luck doing anything besides laying in bed#if you couldnt tell im in the second boat right now. in bed as we speak. and so i shall remain until it's time to go to work#at least ive been going to the woods almost every chance i get. it hasnt given me the power to write but it's been good for me i think#get out of the apartment. experience nature. pick up a snail. you know how it goes.#i kinda feel bad for entering a fandom and trying to dig out a place for myself and Kind Of succeeding#i have a good handful of followers. people who wanna see more of my analysis and fanfic#but i havent posted anything significant in like a month bc i have belonged to the void. all month.#losing family will do that to a person i guess. doesnt stop me from being frustrated though.#negative/
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kitchensinksurrealism · 2 years ago
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can you get burnout from doing nothing
#or am i going through a mental breakdown. based on the symptoms matching whatever the past week has had going on#unless it was caused by trying to socialise online#which i am so bad at and i guess seeing other people easily be all friends with each other kind of made my brain go 😨😱😖🤯#<- along with various other surrounding emojis#i'm stuck at uni rn bc my band has 2 gigs coming up + rehearsals so i have to be here. but there is nothing to do except Think#but yeah there was the alienated fandom feeling bc idk it always feels like everyone speaks to each other in dms and has all this like#lore with each other and i have no idea what's going on#and trying to actually interact is soooooooo exhausting and i always feel like i'm too slow or behind everyone else and yeah#and then camp weehawken began and i couldn't even deal with seeing everyone doing that and all knowing each other really well and idk#so i just left tumblr briefly. bc of everything. bc i'm irrational#basically the worst feeling is when you have friends in a fandom but then your hyperfixation starts to wear off and turns out they weren't#close friends they were fandom mutuals. btw this isn't about anyone in particular this has happened for most fandoms i've been in#it was more of a sudden realisation that's been creeping up on me for years. so to deal with the fading hyperfixation i just had to Go#and now i'm obsessed with threads. which has like no fandom. so at least the hyperfixation fadeout will be easier to deal with lol#but yeah it's that sort of feeling when you finish at some place and you make some friends but once you leave you never talk to them again#and knowing you didn't really leave a strong enough impact on them that they still wanna keep in contact with you#pretty much like that#at the same time though there's nothing to do atm so maybe i am just bored and overthinking#but still it's annoying to go through especially when it's happened for almost every experience in my life#also like I'd occasionally log back into tumblr to see what's going on but i'd see people liking posts on the swag archive and it's like#cool at least people like the archives :') but anyone could've done those#idk it's like i have to do something like that for people to actually care and as soon as i'm not contributing anything then i'm just#forgettable or something#i wanna come back to tumblr but idk if my brain is ready for that dsjkljf. i told myself i'd only come back when things feel stable#but also i'm impatient lol#again this isn't about anyone specific my brain just LOVES to malfunction it's actually its favourite pasttime <3#but either way if i seem really negative lately or just. weird. it's just my brain being its classic overdramatic self#i mean the thoughts are very real and based on vaguely true evidence but also my brain loves to exaggerate things to sabotage my life#i'm hitting tag limit so anyway. at least threads isn't happening rn so that's pretty good#ramble
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dan-crimes · 2 years ago
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I don't personally enjoy death in my stories for one because I have no experience with it personally and for two because you can't torture a character anymore once they've died 😇
#and I mean like perma death not talking abt any afterlifes and the afterlife in my story is based on DnD type deals#but even harder to get to like people can't just die and come back like nothing it is a PROCESS and NOT an easy one and also#not commonly practiced because it is rare to get it right (to be more direct it HASN'T been gotten right yet it's just a theory atm)#I never talk about my story or character OCs BUT I guess here's a taste of it#anyway I don't really kill off my characters but if I do experience a death of some sort then I probably will start writing abt it#but for now my characters are relatively safe also this isn't to say I'm unwilling to write abt death I just don't feel equip to handle it#in terms of a story revolving or somewhat revolving around a grieving process of some sort of dealing with all the different feelings#I dunno that stuff so I wouldn't write it as of right now#torture on the other hand#OH a good example for how I view the whole death thing in my story is kinda like Adventure Time#like that episode with Ghost Princess like ghosts and other paranormal stuff exist and are prominent#and they do go and meet with death thru a portal but that's like the surface level afterlife you can't really hit the deeper levels#unless you are dead and no one can see that stuff unless they are dead like when Finn dies we finally see what it's all like#as for like the levels and stuff I dunno abt all that I have like a very vague concept of how that would work but it's kinda like#beyond human comprehension y'know? that's how I view it and like death is PERMANENT and it's not suppose to be messed with#or bad things happen 👻👻👻#there are even more things abt it like little exceptions to the rules but the rules still apply even still it's just like#living on borrowed time or being forced to like#well I don't wanna get too much into that tho that's like super spoilers#but man I enjoy thinking abt it
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