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archivalofsins · 1 year ago

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Let's talk about Mikoto's first two interrogation questions and why I'm super not interested or surprised by any of his answers. For the record so I don't have to go over all this again here is a post that links to a good chunk of what I've written discussing Mikoto already that I worked on with @apatchworkstar.

At least the big stuff. So, people can look back and see how my logic has developed over time when it comes to him specifically. Because I'm about to throw out some hard to swallow truths.

One being

Just because someone keeps claiming they were "Trying so hard." doesn't mean it's fucking true. Secondly, even if it is true that doesn't excuse or give them the right to murder anyone.

So, let's get libelous real quick and drag this drama kings name through the fucking mud.

Sorry, my liege you're getting a bit carried away~

Okay whoa, whoa- Wait, wait! I thought you liked Mikoto. Shouldn't you be happy people are taking his problems seriously and treating these issues with respect. I mean work abuse like any sort of abuse is bad.

Okay, point created to simply allow me to further elaborate on my own train of thought and where I'm at. Yes, I do care about and like Mikoto as a character. That does not mean I just accept when someone is feeding me bullshit.

Literally we've seen everyone else going to the places or doing the jobs that triggered the incident they were involved in. Mu has been at her school since Milgram started. Yuno has been shown working with her clients since Milgram started.

Kazui has been shown at the bar since Milgram started. Hell we've even seen Futa at his college.

Mikoto Kayano has not been shown at work or doing his job since Milgram started. There have only been allusions made to his work. The one image we have in Undercover isn't even confirmed to be his actual fucking office and could be a desk in his home that the chair in his mental space and home goes to. So, what evidence do we have that his job was difficult outside of texts he actively ignored that states he left without notice to go home and attempted to call him back in something he actively decided not to do or even respond to as is his right as a working adult?

We would actually have to make multiple assumptions in order to frame the instance we see there as abusive outside of damn that's an ungodly hour. Yet this man isn't fucking special some people work nights and he's stated he's meant to work nights since the beginning of fucking Milgram. That's a part of the company he decided he wanted to be in, chose to enter, and refused to leave.

Trial one written interrogation question six.

Q.06 What do you hate? Mikoto: working overnight / reptiles / violence

He's worked overnight enough to fucking know he hates it but-

Trial two written interrogation question two.

Q.02 Haven't you considered changing your job? Mikoto: No way; I went through a lot to get into such a big company. Even if it's draining, if I work hard my efforts will pay off.

Something he's had no issue stating from the beginning. From the start of Milgram Mikoto's concern has been I better not get fired because of you and if I do you better take responsibility for it. One of his voice lines from the beginning of this literally being-

Mikoto first voice drama 3:46

"I have my own life, you know? And I just got accepted into the company that I was aiming for… If I get fired, you’ll have to take responsibility for that."

From the beginning, through everything he's done and said Mikoto has shown where his priorities lie. It's not with getting home or seeing his family like the rest of the prisoners. No, his priority has always been getting the hell out of here and back to his job because his life plans have been derailed enough. Because his life wasn't meant to be this way and he has things he needs to do to get the life he believes he's entitled to.

Going to his job regardless of how draining or terrible it looks from an outsider's perspective is and always has been a part of and the biggest part of his life plan. He never trash talks his company for how it treats him despite bringing it up in both his written interrogations.

In fact, it's the exact opposite.

Written interrogation one question eight.

Q.08 What’s the most rewarding part of your current job? Mikoto: I mean, it’s the top advertising agency in the industry?Anyone would be proud to be a part of it. I put a lot of work in just to get here, too.

Even framing it like a question like are you stupid- Do you live under a fucking rock??? Is that it? it's the top advertising agency in the fucking industry.

Are you daft warden-

What's more important than the status and recognition one implicitly gets from being able to work in a company like that? If this place is in my work history and I manage to go freelance later on, in good standing with this company, do you know how liberating that would be. Do you know how quickly people would have faith in me to do what they were hiring me for with this place as a reference-

I mean.

Q.04 Are you picky when it comes to fashion? Mikoto: Of course I am. Nobody would want to ask for anything from an unfashionable designer, right?

I'm fucking tailor-made for business. I live breath and eat this shit because I fucking need to. Because it's a stepping stone for my dream. You wouldn't want to get in the way of that, right~ Oh, that's unlikable I don't fucking care if there's a corporate ladder I'm going to fucking climb it. Survival of the fittest and all that. Though it's improper to admit that as a working adult, you know? If you can't communicate properly that's bad for business.

You can't, for example, go around being angry all the time even if you want to. You've gotta be able to play ball and take a few punches to get anywhere in this world. How do you expect people to want to work with you otherwise?

20/06/15 Mikoto: Hey, it’s kinda a bother having you be so angry and tense all the time. You should stop trying get everyone to pay attention to you. You’re a uni student, right? You can’t act like that once you start working properly. Futa: Huh!? Shut up. Not like I care what you say. Even though we’re in this shitty situation, you’re just chatting away, it’s stupid. Aren’t you the one who’s acting out of place here? ……also the fact you give everyone nicknames is just gross. Mikoto: *sigh* It’s more stupid to be taking this all so seriously. I mean, it’s definitely just a reality TV program. There’s no way a real prison exists that’s this lax. Also, I don’t give nicknames to everyone. I don’t give them to young kids like Amane, or to the hard-to-approach types like Shidou-san. I mean, I’m not giving you one, right? Futa: ……oi, which group are you trying to say I am?

It doesn't matter if your kindness is genuine or not. As long as you're able to close that gap and make people like you then you can sell them anything. It'll pay off eventually you know. Though it's better to do anything you can to make that eventually sooner rather than later~

20/05/25 Mikoto: ……I’ve really got caught up in some trouble, huh. What even is this place? It’s probably a TV reality show or something. ……but to think someone in this day and age would try to do a project that could land them in so much trouble. Uh…… Mahiru: Ah…… I’m Shina Mahiru! You can just call me Mahiru. And you are……? Mikoto: Kayano Mikoto. I’m fine with just Mikoto too. Ahh, I’m glad there’s someone here who’s easy to talk to…… It’s nice to meet you, Mappy. Mahiru: ………… ……Mappy???

Mikoto trial one written interrogation question nine.

Q.09 Why do you give everyone nicknames? Mikoto: I guess it became a habit when I was at university. Having a nickname for someone that only you call them comes with a lot of advantages, do recommend.

As long as you can sell it with a smile they'll warm up eventually. Yet, being disliked by certain people can be social and career suicide you know~

20/07/08 Yuno: Hey, Mikoto-san. Don’t you get tired being so conscious of others all the time? I mean, you’re free to do what you want though. Mikoto: Eh…… Aha, what are you talking about? I’m not being conscious or anything. It’s normal to make sure to get along with everyone, right? I mean, when you put it like that, aren’t you the same, Yun-chan? You’re always smiling and getting on with everyone too. Yuno: I don’t smile unless I actually want to. But with you, when you’re talking with other people it’s more like you only smile deliberately. So I kept thinking, don’t your cheeks get tired? Ah, is this just what happens when you become a working adult? ……you see people like that sometimes. Mikoto: Haha, you don’t mince your words do you. …….that was never my intention, but now that you mention it, yeah, I guess I do. This might’ve been since I started my job too…… But like- If I was rude to everyone I met, all my efforts would come to nothing, right?

Yuno trial one voice drama 7:59

"Hm, what this? A lecture. Are you a believer in seishinron? I hate them more than anything else, you know?"

Basically, someone who believes that any problem can be worked through by just putting in a bit more effort.

"If I work hard my efforts will pay off."

Ha, ha- Not everyone has the privilege to smile whenever they feel like it. Some people's entire futures are riding on if the people around them decide to play nice or not and it all rides on them to play nice first- You know? Maybe that is what they call being a working adult. Maybe people like this just don't understand. Is it difficult to comprehend~ Huh, is this hard for you warden?

Well, you were given a pretty cushiony job out of the blue. It must be oddly comfortable for you. Judging others from your position and then sleeping for several months. They even provide you three meals a day while I can barely get a lunch break- Ah, jealous~

Guards, just-

"Come to know me as an honest man."

See me as someone hardworking and family oriented. See me as someone trying to show those he cares about that they can do these things too-

Q.01 Do you have a good relationship with your little sister? Mikoto: Absolutely. I want to show her how her big brother is working hard in the city.

See me as a man that believes in the myth of meritocracy. Someone who believes if they just work hard enough, if I push myself a little more regardless of how I'm treated it'll work out eventually. All of my efforts will be rewarded because they deserve to be. That's how these things should go. So, society should recognize and reward those who do good work consistently.

Not just people they find likable or easy to talk to. My work should be able to speak for itself. So, if I just keep working it'll all come together but I can't do that while being held here. How can I achieve my dreams if I can't even get to work huh? What happens if i get fired while here I have a life to you know-

I've been working so much- I had such a hard time. I've even played along with this silly joke- I've been such a good sport, right? Right? So- why tell me why can't you just be a good sport back? Aren't I entitled to a little bit of leniency? I'm a victim here too, ya know! So, why?

Tell me WHY-

It’s the same anywhere I go! It’s like what’s WRONG isn’t WRONG!/ "Why, why-"

"If only I were never born, if only..."/ "If I was gone, If I had just disappeared..."

20/05/31 Mu: Hey, Mikoto-kun, aren’t you scared of this place……? You can’t think of any reason you ended up here, right……? Mikoto: Ahh, yeah. Of course, it’s not like I’m not scared at all. But just between you and me…… I still haven’t dropped the thought that this could all just be a TV show. I mean, I really haven’t ever murdered anyone. ……and if that is the case, we’re definitely being monitored. For like a prank setup or something. Wouldn’t it be super uncool and embarrassing to get angry or lash and have it shown on prime time? Mu: Is that what you think……? A prank, huh…… I hope that’s all it is…… Mikoto: Ah! If that is the case, then you’ll probably be super popular since you’re so cute, Mucchan! There’s a lot of girls out there who make their big break coming off reality shows like that!

Mikoto trial one written interrogation question 3.

Q.03 Have you ever had a romantic partner? Mikoto: Of course I have. Do I really look like I’d be that unpopular?

"Hey now, I saved you, right? So why in the hell are you crying?"/ "Why won’t you stop hurting me? My heart is all dried up. My sorry spells must be wearing off."

"I can't take it anymore..."/ "Why?"

"Why, why, I’m so sorry."/ " “I’m sorry” won’t reach anyone."

Just-

"If I am a bad girl don’t hate me."/"Come to know me as an honest man, eat your words, gulp them down."

It must be a tad embarrassing to fall for the same trick twice in the same series.

Hold on. It’s not my fault- You knew it, right?

Guards, you must be working really hard. It's difficult to figure out under so much pressure with so little time. I mean you only had all of trial one and the three months after Double.

"Hurting it, holding it down, it doesn’t change anything, does it- Ahhh!"

"I was miserable, someone please help me."/ "I was having such a hard time."

"I want to feel “alive”, is it ok if I breathe?"/ "All I did was dream, and that’s what you found GUILTY?"

“I” will save “me”.

It's no one fault really~

So, why don't we just all get along for now? Like working adults. No one has to judge anyone here. Let's all just get along!

Mikoto first voice drama 3:10

Milgram tells me that you killed someone. That's enough for me. "Why are you just blindly believing that? There's no getting through to you...!"

Muu's second voice drama 14:56

"Anyway… I think you would do good to forgive me. Then Haruka-kun will be safe too. Ah, actually, couldn’t you just forgive everyone? Then Kotoko-san won’t run amok, and you won’t have to think about all the difficult stuff."

But I guess some of it is my fault. Maybe it’s ok as it is./I'm probably not to blame. It's probably nothing. I'm probably just having a bad dream, I need to wake up soon.

The interesting thing about both Mikoto and Es' behavior is that they both blindly believe in systems that leave them very little to no protection or are actively exploiting them. They both believe their jobs to be their salvation. That if they just keep working it'll all turn out right.

That if they just do their jobs without question everything will work itself out. That the only way out is through. Es all of trial two has rationalized the results of trial one by saying they were just doing their job. Following what they were told. How is that any different from Mikoto. How is that any different from Amane?

Everyone needs something to believe in from day to day. Something that allows them to feel secure in their own position and feel as if they have some control over their lives even if in reality they have very little.

People need beliefs to tell them how to function in systems. Yet those beliefs can end up protecting systems from deserved scrutiny. In a way making people complacent in them or leading to them perpetuating these systems without question. Because when people are trying to keep themselves from going under they don't have time to question the powers that put them in the position to go under to beging with.

When you're drowning everything looks like a lifepreserver even the things that will make a person sink faster. People use the beliefs that they cultivate over the course of their lives to rationalize if the treatment they're receiving is correct or not-

It must be a mistake right?

To tell them if their own response to something was justified or not.

"Eat this! Don’t act like you have no idea! We won’t forgive you! You’re the crazy one! Ban-Ba-Bang!"/"If you’re going to break your vow- Here and now, it’s my turn to tear you apart. So there is no second time, I’ll give back the judgment that you gave to me."

Something that makes them feel like their decisions were the right ones,

"What am I supposed to do now? If you won’t tell me, I can’t be me."/ "Maybe, perhaps... or... could it come true... like- It’s for the sake of true love, who wouldn’t lie for that?"

Something that tells them-

It's not my fault.

#milgram #mikoto kayano

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higuchisora · 15 days ago

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Naruto characters in SVSSS because I circled back and am stuck again in crossover brainrot:

I personally think every ninja in the cast is a shoe in for Bai Zhan peak, but that's boring so I'll try not to put them there unless I genuinely think there's no other options.

Team 7 in SVSSS

Sakura:

Head disciple of Qian Cao

Bai Zhan disciples come to harass her on a weekly basis (LQG does not endorse this, but does not care to stop them)

Could've probably gone elsewhere, but was curious about medical practices in a new world

Apple of MQF's eye

No one has the guts to accuse her of being a demon even though she has that weird little purple mark on her forehead

LQG punching air because one of the physically strongest recruits they've ever had is on the MEDICINE PEAK

Sakura does not know what the Hippocratic oath is

Repair requests for Qian Cao are billed to An Ding weekly

SQH wants Sakura and the Bai Zhan disciples dead

Sakura now regularly visits Bai Zhan to let off steam + keep unruly bloodthirsty kids off her peak

Is only mildly curious about swords. Not particularly interested in flying.

When asked, she says she can get around just fine

Then demonstrates by jumping and fucking DISAPPEARING???

She finally gets her sword

It's not a sword.

It's a fucking flail.

The demon allegations finally come in after she uses her stored qi and the purple mark fucking GROWS

No one says anything to her face because she threw a tree with her bare hands once

Naruto:

Heavily dependent on which version of him reincarnates. Kid Naruto is Bai Zhan no doubt, older Naruto (in a kids body) is probably Qiong Ding.

YQY would meet the most charismatic fucking kid with ancient eyes and weird whisker marks and decide he's exactly what Qiong Ding needs

Would be terribly surprised to discover he's actually brought back quite the troublemaker

But it's so harmless and fun and Naruto's smile is so damn big and his laugh is so infectious that YQY can't even get mad at him for real, he's too damn fond

Kid Naruto would find out that ninjas cultivators can fucking LIVE FOREVER here and FLY and fight monsters and be heroes and decide that's exactly what he's gonna do

He's got no idea if he even has spiritual energy but he's not gonna let that stop him

He marches up to Bai Zhan and demands a place, because it's this or he goes back to the slums and has to be alone again, and he refuses to be alone in two lifetimes

Bai Zhan!Naruto is LQG's favorite student. Do NOT tell Naruto.

Surprisingly, regardless of the version of Naruto that winds up here, he's the only one without any demon allegations

It's the charisma

Talk no jutsu is apparently effective even in a world without jutsu

Probably talk no jutsus SJ into not pushing Binghe into the abyss

Befriends baby Binghe day 1, true lonely orphan magnet

Sasuke is NOT impressed by Naruto picking up ANOTHER emo orphan (there can be Only One)

No one is sure what to make of his blonde ass hair. SQH does not recall a single blonde character but no one says anything because he's just such a sweetheart

And then it's because they're too scared when he reinvents the rasengan. And the shadow clones.

Kurama's a demon of some kind here, probably still connected to him in some capacity. It might leave Naruto able to do some adapted version of the nine tails transformation

Basically he protagonists so hard all over the place that he derails the plot without knowing there is one, but that's okay, because Binghe has a friend now

Sasuke:

Also depends on which version this is. Adult Sasuke? The right situation could take him anywhere. Maybe even Huanhua. Baby or teen Sasuke would either attempt to go rogue (and fail) or wind up at Bai Zhan, but that's boring and predictable.

Under the correct conditions, I can imagine Sasuke as the new menace of Qing Jing peak.

He'd terrorize his poor martial siblings with his attitude and general existence

Angry baby/teen Sasuke is essentially a less outwardly put-together Shen Qingqiu. In other words, a fucking disaster

Seeing the two together is like a bomb waiting to go off. They're too alike. Unstoppable force vs. immovable object

Either they'd get along or they'd immediately become sworn enemies. No in between.

Unsurprisingly, this actually makes Yue Qingyuan love him. It's like having two Xiao Jiu's, which is the only thing better than one Xiao Jiu.

Adult Sasuke could swing Qing Jing too, but it would probably be less entertaining tbh.

A very funny if unlikely idea is (adult) Sasuke on Qiong Ding

Because this man is nothing if not dedicated to being Naruto's #1 wife hater

Would primarily get in because he and Naruto have effectively bonded like stray cats that cannot be adopted separately (and YQY loves to self-project)

Neither of them are head disciple because that would end in bloodshed.

Dysfunctional together, non-functioning alone, it's a miracle they manage to do anything effectively at all. But surprisingly they always get the job done

Adult or teen Sasuke could also end up at Huanhua, either on accident or entirely on purpose to avoid Naruto

Would clock the OPM as a freak day one

Demon allegations abound after the reveal of his sharingan

Many speculate that he's responsible for OPM's untimely disappearance, which conveniently happened the second Sasuke got promoted to head disciple

Unfortunately, there's no evidence either way. Huanhua's official public statement of "no body, no crime," did nothing to quell these rumors.

This continues to feed the conspiracy that he clapped OPM

No matter the iteration, he'll likely beef with Binghe. This cultivation world simply isn't big enough for the both of them

#svsss #naruto #svsss crossovers #naruto crossover #naruto shippuden

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sister-lucifer · 2 years ago

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what’s wrong with you based on your favorite batman villain

(don’t take these too seriously)

(sequel to this post)

The Riddler: Holy shit shut the fuck up for two seconds PLEASE. i know you have a touch of the tism and crave to derail every conversation to talk about your special interest but no one else is having fun. this is why you don’t have any friends. You also have a very niche and the second most expensive taste in clothing so you only have like 3 outfits to mix and match. You either dress like you’re going to the Met Gala or like a dad on vacation, no in between

The Penguin: STOP FUCKING IMPULSE BUYING!!! YOU HAVE TOO MANY TRINKETS!!! YOU DONT NEED IT JUST BECAUSE ITS PRETTY!!!! You have the most expensive taste in clothing, especially victorian undergarments, and spend an embarrassing amount of money to dress like a vampire. And stop being so hard on your body. It might not always be the perfect image of what you want, but it’s doing its best, even if you have to help it out a bit.

Harley Quinn: Sweetheart, I promise you are more than just your sex appeal. I know you grew up around misogyny and were raised to be a housewife but you’re free now!! Well…you would be if you stopped picking the shittiest men. A relationship does not define you, stop settling for assholes because you feel ashamed for being single. Have you tried dating a woman? No, seriously, try it. You deserve it

The Joker: Stop using your humor to deflect from your trauma, i bet your back hurts from carrying the weight of being the funniest person in your friend group. You’re a big time maximalist who spends an hour picking out a hundred accessories to wear and wind up being late because you couldn’t choose which kandi bracelets were best for the occasion. You’re still holding on to the last shreds of your teenage edgelord phase. Also clean your damn room and throw away those old drink cans, nasty ass

Catwoman: How does it feel to be the sexiest person in the room at any given time? Not good, I bet, since you struggle to make friends because of how often they wind up to only be after your body. Sorry you can’t catch a break. You’re probably still carrying money saving habits you got from your parents when you were a kid even though you don’t need to now. Also please try wearing a color besides black, it’s almost summer, you’re gonna die of heatstroke. Nice eyeliner though

Poison Ivy: Dude, so many people are crushing on you rn, how do you not see this?! You’re so hot but soooo emotionally unavailable, christ. A boy in middle school said something uncomfortable to you once which was then reinforced by the misogynistic micro aggressions you were subject to as a teenager and it’s kinda tainted your entire view of the male gender, which is fair but also kinda sucks.

The Scarecrow: Daddy issues, daddy issues everywhere. He was scary as fuck, wasn’t he? Your fear was valid. You really love to analyze people which wouldn’t be an issue if you could actually be subtle about it. Stop staring, you creep. Also, that flannel doesn’t look as good as you think it does, you look like a depressed lumberjack. Like please just buy a cardigan. Halloween is your favorite holiday and you get really annoying about it around mid august. And remember to brush your fuckin hair for gods sake

The Mad Hatter: You get like…reeeeaaaally weird about your crushes, man. Like whatever you’re doing it’s not normal. You can just talk to them, you know. You have the weirdest sexual interests but they’re more so hyper specific and niche than gross or unsettling. That’s better, I guess? You gotta leave your headspace and live in reality for a bit, man. I know it kinda sucks, but there are real people here! Also you’re short. Gross

#batman #batman rogues #the riddler #edward nygma #the penguin #oswald cobblepot #harley quinn #harleen quinzel #the joker #the scarecrow #jonathan crane #mad hatter #jervis tetch #poison ivy #pamela isley #catwoman #selina kyle

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rin-and-jade · 6 months ago

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Damn it, Back to Square One: A Post about Skill Regression

It's like how that one time you had an interest to practice a cool trick for impressing people, and you're fully committed until it was pulled off perfectly, only to be performed once before its forgotten for a good while.. Yet, when you thought of going back to that well-practiced trick, it barely replicated the results that was from the previous attempt.

How? You perfectly knew how to do it inside your mind, but your hands failed to perform otherwise. Which means being forgetful wasn't the culprit, but to how our brains store these learnt skills--or behaviors. This is an example of skill regression, let's learn more!

TLDR fast pass: AVAILABLE

What was that?!

That setback? - oh, not to shock you with it being a real thing, here's the general definition of it:

"A phenomenon which entails gradual or abrupt loss of previously acquired skills." - PubMed Central

Yikes, um, nevermind. That DOES sound like a shocking problem... but yes, to put it simply, this regression can be regular or abrupt depending on the circumstances that triggers it. Skill regression also can manifest as temporary or permanent loss of any skills, too.

By the way, everyone can experience this type of regression, though for those who are neurodivergent,, they actually risk skill regressing 5x more than a normal person would, double freaking out right now? Save your screams, i haven't said it is doom's day with no cure.

Then why,, why?

im not telling. Just kidding,,

Here's where thing's get complicated.. There's two common neurodivergence, and those two divergence have fully different reasons why a skill regression was triggered. Isn't this wonderful--you're going to read longer than you'd expect now. (Ha! But knowledge is power.) I'll attempt to keep it as concise though;

Those with ADHD, this is why you got setback:

Stress - it can impede how well you perform or think, causing a temporary regression. Tasks that are usually effortless now takes double the amount of effort to achieve the same result.

Unfamiliarity - You might've practiced singing in your own personal home, the unique atmosphere, and audience who resides in that abode feels like a default setting due to exposure and repetition. So, if you were to do it outside in public, or a stage, the sense of anxiety and zero preparation in a different setting causes your brain to simply.. short circuit. It's temporary though.

Executive Dysfunction - because of how it impairs many other processes such as planning, action, memory, and focus,, these impairments can severely impact how you apply the learnt skills to reality. This is a comorbid-related default reason for regression.

Those with Autism, this is why you got setback:

Overstimulation - sensory disruptions and overwhelm can cause an imbalance in cognitive function, it's like how a computer lags from the sheer amount of information and causing all necessary operations to a halt. This is temporary, upon retreating from stressor.

Unpredictability - routine and stability is where people with ASD function at peak, obstacles that got caught up in the way breaks this flow of mind, as if a train had derailed from it's tracks. Depending on if it is solvable or not, it can be temporary or permanent regression.

Inconsistency - Skills need to be practiced, and often require repetition to further ingrain it. Without it, you would have difficulty applying to different contexts or even worse, fail to create a solid neural pathway and decayed. It can vary from temporary or permanent regression.

Other conditions that cause skill regression:

Neurogenerative diseases such as Alzheimer or Parkinson

Brain damage

Psychological disorders such as depression, OCD, Schizophrenia

Nutrient deficiencies that impact brain function

Withdrawal side effects

Stress

The issue complicates even further when you have other conditions, and/or have ADHD and Autism at the same time. This causes higher chances of overlapping and potential stressors that triggers the regression.

How is this system related?

I promise this post is also related to systemhood, but the basics on this phenomenon still has to be taught so you and i are on the same page. This has been sufficient, so let's finally get to the point of this post!

Right, this is where the questions start flooding, "why do alters have different proficiency?" "why are some unaffected, yet others are susceptible?", and other kinds. Let me go straight to the point.

Alters retain different memories, and they don't get to choose what they remember. These memories can be explicit or implicit information:

Implicit - Where actions are unconsciously adapted and performed, needing no conscious awareness or effort. Automatic. E.g. riding a bike, writing, holding cutlery.

Explicit - Where actions require active recall and thinking in order to be performed. Manual. E.g. math multiplication, reading comprehension, speaking (needs vocabulary)

Skill regression can impact two main aspects such as:

Your social skills - how you pronounce, how to start speaking, or how you use the words, or stay engaged in a conversation

Your motor skills - how you do independent actions, how well is your rough and soft skills, or muscle memory

And sometimes, you can have both skills impacted

Which means.. what the part remembers, can also impact different kinds of regression it will be susceptible too. For those who have shared skills but cannot perform as good, or at all, compared to the proficient alter, this regression is natural due to the dissociative element.

Something feels wrong..

What was that? You just had a realization which unintentionally causes you to function worser than ever without the skills returning?

It seems like you learnt to do things when masking. It basically means when you are used to living in a tight little box, and finally got out of it,, it is more difficult to fit in there again which conveys the strain in upkeeping the skills you had learnt previously.

The purpose of masking is to function on a daily basis to avoid conflict or negative experiences,, it can be as simple as conforming to the norm of "eye contact when talking" or alternatively it is how you cope while being unaware of your condition (such as baring uncomfortable textures, thinking everyone feels that way)

Problem here is, because it feels wrong/unaddressed yet it keeps you going, it will take more energy the longer you upkeep these skills in a masked state as the core issue wasn't tackled. This will slowly bring you to a burnout. So when you realize that this isn't the norm, your mind just drops everything on the ground in relief as its silently detrimental to your health, no matter how convinced you it is helpful.

This is a permanent skill regression caused by any kinds of exhaustion.

Things won't go back to normal?!

Sadly... no. Good news is, you can always build a new framework!

Though, you will be immediately greeted with a problem: hypersensitivity.

After realizing and being aware of the situation, the accumulated stress, and any other factors that comes into play,, being overwhelmed would happen in a daily basis when left unaddressed, so make sure to minimize the sensory/emotional stressors and pay attention to any heightened senses. Also incorporate regulation tools, since if emotions were suppressed when masking, unmasking means releasing these pent-up feelings, making emotions more intense than usual.

Burnout is not normal exhaustion too, so refrain from overexerting yourself and implement lots and lots of rest.

From here on, it will be easier to re-learn everything from the start, and specifically in ways that accommodates your needs. It takes plenty of time in order to see results, if you need any help in this aspect, you are always free to reach out to me or search for any resources regarding this.

Another reminder for yourself, this type of skill regression also cause other symptoms such as trouble focusing, poor memory, and overall difficulty in doing regular tasks as it feels taxing.

Last notes

Okay my bad, you must've expected that alters are involved with skill regression due to CDD's--but apparently, it is closer to neurodivergent experiences that manifested in systemhood.

What are your thoughts on this? I was surprised myself, were you too? Let me know what's interesting in this post so far, and other questions you might have!

- j

TLDR

What is Skill Regression?

Skill regression is the loss of previously acquired skills, either temporarily or permanently.

More common in neurodivergent individuals (e.g., ADHD, autism).

Causes of Skill Regression:

ADHD:

Stress: Impairs performance.

Unfamiliarity: New settings cause anxiety.

Executive Dysfunction: Affects planning and memory.

Autism:

Overstimulation: Sensory overload disrupts function.

Unpredictability: Routine disruptions cause setbacks.

Inconsistency: Lack of practice leads to skill decay.

Other Conditions That Cause Skill Regression:

Neurodegenerative diseases (Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s)

Brain damage

Psychological disorders (depression, OCD, schizophrenia)

Nutrient deficiencies

Withdrawal side effects

Stress

Skill Regression in Systems:

Alters may have different skill levels due to varied memories and experiences.

Dissociative elements can naturally cause skill regression.

Addressing Skill Regression:

Build new frameworks tailored to your needs.

Minimize stressors and incorporate regulation tools.

Ensure plenty of rest to avoid burnout.

Skill regression is more correlated to neurodivergence which in return affects system experiences, rather than where being a system causes skill regression.

#did #actually did #did community #did osdd #did system #dissociative identity disorder #sysblr #plural #system stuff #jeducates

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zabala0z · 3 months ago

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Ah TMA S4. You will consistently make me want to rip out my hair. Anyways sorry for a very late post! School is hell!

MAG 138: The Architecture of Fear

God fuck Elias. I know I said that a thousand times but I mean it. Robert smirke is surprisingly more sympathetic than I thought he would be? At least more then Jonah Magnus who I still need to figure out the deal of. Also Maxwell Rayner mention, that dick.

I was wondering how these entities came to be. The idea that some civilization brought them here is laughable cause it’s like, man you really screwed over the entire world huh?? Also Smirke mentioned for Jonah to not wear the watchers crown which, that’s what Gerry referred to as the ritual for The Eye. How long has The Eyes ritual been ready? At least Jonah can’t do that anymore, bros dead

MAG 139: Chosen

So this is why The Desolation scares me the most! But also it’s really nice to clarify what is Agnes exactly. Anyways the description of what Eugene did to the workers at the factory made me like sick. Maybe cause my parents are immigrants so I just have a soft spot but Jesus.

How did Gertrude actually derail the ritual??? Like Jon said, she prob didn’t pay Jack. I went back to that statement and while I didn’t find anything hinting at why Jack fell in love with Agnes, I did find a lot of The Desolation vs The Web stuff. When Agnes burned the web in the corner of his room and when Arthur Nolan held a bag of tiny spiders. They really have beef. Damn.

Also yes Eugene, they’re lesbians. God.

MAG 140: The Movement of the Heavens

I love when TMA brings in real people, it’s so funny. Like THE EDMUND HALLEY???? Reminds me in Percy Jackson when the author would make real people different demigods. It’s so fun. I love it.

“That’s my rib” Jesus Christ Jon. Why? Also is the jar of ashes from Gerry?? Y’know when Jon burned his page?? Anyways, time for a fun boat trip.

MAG 141: Doomed Voyage

Mikaela Salesa. I’m very interested in him, he sounds interesting and I WAS RIGHT. Anyways, Jon really brought out his creepy, ominous, alter ego. I love when we see him do something slightly disturbing as the episodes go on. Really puts into perspective about him being an avatar and all that.

Also these god damn tape recorders have a kind of their own at this point. I’m wondering what that camera Salesa got was. Might look back at the transcripts to figure it out

Anyways that’s it! Sorry for my late posts, I guess it’s not really a scheduled thing anymore. I’ll post when I can!

#tma #the magnus archives #the magnus archives season 4 #tma s4 #zabala0z thoughts #might do some drawings for magtober #for funsies #y’know #keep an eye out #<- get it?#sorry

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ivymarquis · 1 year ago

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i know i'm late and i want to hear about all your wips tbh but i have to admit that "Boot Worship + Hate sex (COD/Konig x Reader)" got me going real 👀👀👀 (--direwombat)

Fun fact! This is the fic that totally derailed my kinktober! Both between the fact I was rapidly realizing that the word counts I was hitting with my entries was not sustainable with my schedule (3.2k before clothes even came off) and I hit a wall and was hating it (although looking back months later, it’s substantially better than I initially thought it was so maybe I’ll try to finish it. Surely no one will mind if I do kinktober in January/February baha)

Konig being an asshole, unhealthy work dynamics, boot worship, hint of puppy play under the cut

"My problem?" he intones. A man of his stature doesn't need to yell but God does she wish he would. Her skin fucking crawls at the smooth, level cadance of his voice. There's a fire in his eyes that she can see now that she's close enough to him (even if she has to crane her neck up).

He doesn't stop advancing with those slow, deliberate, heavy steps until her nerves finally get the best of her and a single foot lifts and steps back away from him.

"My problem is you are young and cocky and entitled. That for all your talent you don't know what to do with any of it and I'm not sure if you're more of a disappointment because you lack the discipline to hone that skill, or because your newfound independent streak one day will lead to one of your brothers being killed in the line of duty trying to cover your ass, when you are the one who has caused this entire problem to begin with."

For all your talent rings in her ears- it's the first compliment she can recall him ever giving, even if it's placed so nicely in front of the fact that he views her as a disappointment and a liability.

"You are fucking impossible to please, you know that? I have no idea why the hell you've been gunning for me since the day I stepped foot in here. I have tried so hard to prove myself to you that I know how to do my damn job correctly and all you can do is micromanage me to the point I have no choice but to fail because I'm not a damned mind reader and you keep moving the goal post. You're so damn difficult to work with and I just-" Her words cut off abruptly as he steps closer into her space. It's actually incredibly frustrating for her that even in the midst of what she is sure will turn into a knockdown, drag out, ground zero, "clear the air" fight- at the end of the day she knows why König's blatant disapproval bothers her so much.

She wants this man so badly that it makes her look stupid. She barely keeps the cognitive brain function to remember how to dot her I's and cross her Ts correctly when he's watching her. Tells herself it’s just frustration and the constant lowgrade anxiety he’s got her tizzied up in from the incessant disapproval as her fingers find their way below the hemline of her underwear at night.

"You want my approval?" The way he’s crowding her space shouldn’t be making her stomach flip like this. “Let’s start simple and see if you can follow simple fucking orders, hm? Kneel.”

This is out of line yet she complies immediately. It’s a hell of a dissonance, being so utterly pissed off beyond all belief at someone who she fantasizes about constantly.

She goes to the obvious line of thought- that he wants her to suck his dick.

She should be telling him to go to hell and booking it straight for Majka and Ridgeback.

Overachiever that she is, once she’s on the ground looking up at him- he has to crane his neck down just to look at her-, her hands moving up towards the buckle of his belt.

“What. Are. You. Doing?” Each word has more bite to it than the last and she flinches like he’s slapped her despite him not having made a move.

“I-” she stammers, “I thought-”

He cuts her off “That’s your fucking problem. You keep thinking. You are not paid to think, you are paid to follow fucking orders. I only told you to kneel. You. Don’t. Listen.”

God he is such a fucking asshole.

“You want to act like a puppy with no manners? That is fine. I know how to train a bitch to heel.”

Even for all the vitriol she has dealt with in her career, she's never quite been spoken to so callously. Of course he has no hesitation in doing so, however- why would he.

She should be shooting up to her feet and leaving his office, and yet she sits perfectly still as he takes a half step closer to her. The bulge of his groin- jesus he's not even hard, it doesn't look like he is at least- is at eye level with her before one of those giant hands of his reaches out and pushes at her shoulder- makes her sit on her heels with a featherweight touch as assuredly as if he'd put real effort into it.

She doesn't balk or shy from him even when one hand takes a fistful of her hair to hold her still.

She shouldn't be allowing this. This is humiliating and debasing and she has not spent the last years of her life becoming excellent at her job just to be treated as a living doll.

And yet she sits perfectly still even as he moves one of his massive feet between her legs. She doesn't sink down onto it nor lift up away from it, allowing him to place his boot where he deems fit.

"Don't think I don't know," he starts, and she stares at him with wide eyes. "You're not quite as subtle as you think you are." Oh that is not ideal by any stretch of the imagination.

"I think you lash out because you want my attention. You're so focused on it you aren't paying attention, and subsequently digging yourself deeper into the little hole you've made for yourself with me." he continues like he isn't holding her like a dog on a leash.

"So we're going to get a handle on this, because I'm not going to be as indulgent of your little temper tantrums going forward."

The boot scoots ever so slightly more snug underneath her and she tries to ignore the fact she hasn't had any male attention in quite a long time. She has her faults, sure but she is not about to hump his leg like the ill mannered puppy he wants to claim her to be.

"That's a good girl, Schatz, waiting for me like you are supposed to. Maybe you can be coachable after all. Now, you very clearly have some built up tension that needs an appropriate outlet,"

She bites back a snort. Not a single thing about this situation is appropriate.

"So we will start with releasing some of that pent up energy. So go ahead and use my boot like a good little puppy and we can get on with our day, hm?"

It is never too late to ask me about my WIPs!

#my writing #you are never late dire <33 #könig x reader #könig cod

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bellaireland1981 · 2 years ago

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Stubborn Hearts | First Deployment

Summary: Part of the Stubborn Hearts Universe! Sunshine and Bradley have a wedding to plan. Anxieties and some old feelings bubble when the Navy surprises Bradley with a 6 week deployment. Bradley and Sunshine navigating their first deployment together.

Word Count: 10156 -- do we really expect me to have self control??

Warnings: Fluff, bit of angst if you squint, kissing.

Pairings: Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw x Mitchell! Reader, Jake “Hangman” Seresin x Mitchell! Reader (Platonic), OC Shay Benjamin, Pete “Maverick” Mitchell, Penny Benjamin, Dagger Squad

A/N: A/N: I do not give permission for my work to be copied or posted on other platforms. All OC’s belong to me but I do NOT own Top Gun Maverick characters. Reblogs and comments ALWAYS welcomed! THANK YOU as always to @waywardodysseys for letting me bounce ideas and for reading and editing for me!!

Immediately after returning from Big Sur, you launched into wedding planning mode. Neither you nor Bradley wanted a long engagement. One thing you both new well was that deployments came out of nowhere and rather than have your wedding derailed, you’d both agreed to keep it simple, keep it small, and make it happen that year.

“Have you thought about where you want to have the wedding, Sweetheart?” Your Aunt Sarah asked over brunch later in the week when you’d returned with Bradley.

“We want to keep it small and not have to wait a million years for something to be available.” You replied, “Other than that? No ideas… Do you have any ideas?”

“Well…” She said, “Both you and Bradley love flying, so you could have it at Mav’s hangar… the wedding itself could be outside and then we can clear the hangar of planes to decorate for your dinner and dance. Or, there’s always the backyard here. It’s big enough to accommodate everyone. Bonus is that neither place has a waiting list.”

“We could also set up the actual ceremony on the beach behind the Hard Deck and close the bar for the night to use for your reception.” Penny offered.

“I love all of those suggestions!” You exclaimed, “Let me ask Bradley and we can let you know! Thank you !”

“Have you talked about when you want to get married?” Aunt Sarah asked.

“As soon as we can get something planned and for it to be what we want it to be.” You replied. “Honestly, we’d both be just as happy eloping.”

“Absolutely not!” Both Penny and Sarah exclaimed.

“And that’s why we’re not” You laughed.

“One thing we can do immediately is dress shopping!” Aunt Sarah said.

“I was hoping you’d both want to go with me.” You replied, “Could use some stand in moms.”

“We would love nothing more, Kiddo.” Penny said, “I’m available this weekend if that works for you both?”

“Yes! I’m going to ask Shay to be my maid of honor and Nat to be my bridesmaid.” you replied, “I’ll see if they’re free too.”

“That’s perfect.” Aunt Sarah said, “I’ll get us a reservation at the cute bridal boutique downtown.”

“I can’t wait!” You said, everything starting to feel really….real.

After brunch you headed back to your house. Bradley and Jake were playing some video game when you walked in. Not surprisingly it was a flying game.

“Hey, Sunshine!” Bradley said, smiling when he saw you, “Did you have fun?”

“I did!” You replied, “We started talking about wedding ideas.”

“What did you ladies come up with, Sweets?” Jake asked, “Are we hitting up Las Vegas?”

“Nope, that got an immediate ‘Absolutely not’ from both of them.” You laughed, “They had really good ideas for venues though.”

“Where did they suggest?” Bradley asked, pulling you down to sit on his lap. “Nothing that requires an obnoxious wait, right?”

“Nope…. All of these options are wide open and available as early as tomorrow.” You laughed. “Although, we need a little longer than 24 hours to pull together a wedding.”

“Sunshine, I’d marry you right this minute at the courthouse or in Vegas.” He replied.

“I know, Roo. But I think our family wants to be there with us.” You replied.

“Damn straight!” Jake added. “Try and keep us away.”

“Ok, so venue options…” You said, “Aunt Sarah suggested her backyard, or Dad’s hangar since we’ve both grown up around planes and are both pilots. Penny offered the beach behind the Hard Deck and then she’d close the bar for us to use the Hard Deck for the reception.”

“Those are all fantastic and fitting.” Jake commented, setting his controller down, the game forgotten.

“I like the idea of the Hangar or the beach.” Bradley said. “What are you thinking, Sunshine?”

“I love the idea of using Dad’s hangar. It just feels like it’s the best fit for us.” You replied. “It makes it feel like even those who can’t be with us will be with us… “

“A tribute to dad and Ice?” Bradley asks, kissing the side of your head. “I think it would be perfect.”

“And our moms too.” You add.

“Let’s do it.” Bradley said, “We can call Mav right now and ask him. I’m sure he’ll say yes though.”

“I know he will. He’ll love it.” You replied.

“Ok venue…check.” Jake said, “What’s next on the list? Operation Bradshaw Wedding is in full effect.”

“I love you, Jakey” You replied, laughing.

“Love you too, Sweets.” He answered, flashing his signature smile your way. “I’ve gotta make sure my favorite new baby sister has the best wedding ever!”

“How many new baby sisters do you have, Hangman?” Bradley teased. He actually loved that Jake was so protective of you. He knew no matter what, Jake would be there to take care of you if he wasn’t.

“Just this perfect ray of sunshine!” He said proudly.

“I have to call Shay and Nix to see if they’re available to go dress shopping this weekend with Aunt Sarah, Penny and me.” You said, “I’m asking Shay to be my maid of honor and Nix a bridesmaid… or maybe I’ll just call them my wingwomen!”

“That’s perfect, Sunshine.” Bradley said, then leaned in and whispered to you to hop up. You obliged, moving next to him on the couch, eyes curiously following him as he stood up.

He went over to his flight bag and pulled something out then came back over to the couch. Instead of coming back to where he’d been, he walked around to the other side where Jake was sitting.

You had to bite the inside of your cheek to keep from laughing as soon as you realized what was happening. Bradley stood in front of Jake before he very dramatically dropped to one knee. You quickly pulled your phone out to record this moment.

“Hangman, much to my surprise, you’ve become one of my closest friends. You’ve had my back and saved my life… Nobody I trust more to fly with. There’s also nobody I’d want more standing with me as I marry my Sunshine. Will you do me the honor of being my best wingman?” He asked, holding out a set of his wings from his flight uniform.

“Wow…” Jake said beaming, you could see a sheen of unshed tears in his bright green eyes, knowing that even though Bradley had been a goofball about it, this meant the absolute world to Jake. You also know that Bradley was sincere. “I would be absolutely honored to be your best wingman, Rooster. Thank you.”

He accepted the wings from Bradley. Both boys stood up and did the typical bro hug, pounding each other on the back.

You stopped recording and had to wipe away your own tears that had started to fall. Your two favorite aviators turned to see you with tears on your face and held their arms out to pull you into a big group hug.

“That was the sweetest best man proposal ever.” You gushed.

“Have you seen many of them, Sweets?” Jake joked, pulling back.

“Well…no, but still the sweetest.” You defended. “Who are you thinking for your second wingman, Roo?”

“You already stole Phoenix,” He replied, giving a mock pout. “I’m going to ask Bob. I’d ask Mav but he’ll be doing Father of my beautiful Bride duties.”

“I think Bob is perfect.” You replied. “Dad would happily do double duty too, so it’s up to you.”

“He would, but I want him to be by your side.” Bradley said, “It’s important.”

“I love you, Roo.” You said stealing a quick kiss.

The next day you met up with Shay and Nix at the Hard Deck for lunch. Penny let the three of you meet at the bar with takeout so you could ask them to stand up in your wedding. You managed to pull together small gifts for them with notes asking them to be your Wingwoman of Honor and Wingwoman.

“What are you guys doing Saturday? Any plans?” You asked them when you had all finished eating.

“Nothing that I know of.” Shay said, “Jake hasn’t said anything about us having plans.”

“Just catching up on laundry and stuff around the apartment. Nothing that can’t wait.” Nat replied.

“Would you be interested in going dress shopping?” You asked

“Oh my God, of COURSE!” Shay exclaimed

“Absolutely!” Nat said.

“Perfect.” You replied, then pulled out their gifts and handed them to them. “These are for you guys.”

You watched as they opened them, both with very curious looks on their faces. Shay pulled out the card first, reading it. A smile immediately plastered to her face. You glanced at Nat who was also reading the card first, her smile mirroring Shay’s.

“Y/N!” Shay giddily replied, “This is adorable. I will definitely be your wingwoman of honor. Thank you!”

“Thank you for all of your support since I moved back and for being such an amazing friend” You replied.

“I am so down to be the co-wingwoman.” Nat beamed, “I’m so honored to be included, Y/N. You two are my only really good female friends. I’m always surrounded by the boys!”

“Before moving here I didn't even have any real friends so I can’t thank you both enough for being my people. I don’t know how I’d have survived the last six months without you.” You said.

“You’re stuck with us for life now.” Nat assured.

“Who is Bradley asking?” Shay asked.

“OHMYGOD you both have to watch this video!” You pulled out your phone and found the video you’d taken of the Best Man proposal.

They watched as Bradley dropped to his knee and asked Jake to be his best Wingman and you teared up all over again.

“That.” Nat said, laughing and wiping her eyes, “Was the best thing I’ve ever seen. You need to show that at the wedding.”

“It was the sweetest.” You gushed. “It meant so much to Jake. I know he came off as a total asshole to you when y’all first met, but he’s really got the biggest heart of anyone I know. He just built up walls to protect himself.”

“He’s definitely let his guard down the past several months and has let us see the real Jake.” Nat confirmed, “He has changed a lot. I think that’s in part to the mission and everything that happened, but it’s also meeting the two of you. Falling in love with you, Shay….that’s been a huge influence in his change. And having you, Y/N take him in and love him unconditionally as your adopted big brother… damn, you gave him a whole family.”

“I one hundred percent agree with that assessment.” Shay said. “I love that the squad gets to know the Jake I’ve known since the first time meeting him.”

“There shouldn’t be tears when talking about weddings!” Penny laughed, coming over to your table. “You three are a sentimental group today.”

“Just talking about our men!” You replied, “We’re set for dress shopping on Saturday, Pen!”

“Perfect.” She smiled warmly. “I’m looking forward to it. Amelia asked if she can tag along too?”

“Of course!” You said immediately. “She’s always welcome to join us!”

“I’ll let her know.”

____

By the time Saturday rolled around you were a bundle of nervous, excited energy. You couldn’t wait to find your perfect dress and watch the girls find their dresses. You decided on navy blue and rose gold for colors so you’d decided to give them free reign on styles of dresses within the color scheme. You wanted them to be comfortable and not wearing a dress they hated.

You arrived at the boutique mid morning. Penny arranged for you to have Mimosas as you dress shopped. You’d given the owner of the shop a rough idea of what you were looking for and she pulled a bunch of dresses for you to try. The first several dresses, while very pretty, weren’t what you were looking for…they didn’t feel right.

“Don’t get discouraged, Sweetheart.” Your aunt said, “It’s here. We just need to hunt it down.”

“I guess I didn’t realize it would be this … frustrating.” You complained, “I’m not overly picky about style and dresses, so I figured I’d just find the perfect dress without much effort.”

“It’s different when it’s your wedding dress, Kiddo.” Penny added, “You’re supposed to be picky.”

“They’re right!” Shay added. “We’ll find it with you, Y/N. We’ve got plenty of time.”

“And if it’s not here, or not already made, we find someone who can design and bring it to life.” Nat said.

“That would take too long.” You sighed, “We want to get married before the end of the year.”

“Then let’s get you into some more dresses and see what shakes out.” Your aunt replied.

“Here are some more that I think you’ll love.” The boutique owner said, bringing in three more dresses. “The first two that I put in the fitting room are perfect. We wouldn’t need to special order either of them and I have a feeling neither will even require alterations. But most importantly I believe these two are everything you’re looking for.”

You had to admit the dresses were absolutely stunning hanging in the fitting room. She helped you to get into the first dress, zipping it up once you were in. You turned, looking in the floor length mirror and gasped. It was everything you’d ever imagined in a wedding dress. It was an a-line fit with applique and lace that flowed perfectly. It was a simple tank style scoop neck front with a low back.

“This is… perfect.” You whispered, tears brimming in your eyes.

“I have to agree.” She said, “Let’s have you step out and show your group.”

You carefully stepped out of the fitting room, beaming in happiness.

“What do you think?” You asked, stepping onto the small podium in front of mirrors.

“Oh, Sweetheart.” Your aunt said, tears filling her eyes, “It’s perfect. You are absolutely beautiful.”

“That is definitely the one, Y/N.” Phoenix said, “You’re so beautiful.”

“Bradley is going to melt when he sees you.” Shay added.

“Your dad… he’s going to cry the whole way down the aisle with you.” Penny confirmed.

“This is definitely the dress.” You said, wiping tears from your eyes.

“Are you thinking you’ll want a second dress option perhaps?” The lady helping you asked. “Many of my brides opt for a separate dress to change into for the reception.”

“Our wedding is so small and intimate,” You said, “I don’t know that I need a second dress…”

“You should try the other one on.” Your aunt suggested, “You never know. And you might find you want something different for the reception.”

“Ok, I’ll try it on. While I do that though..” You said, looking at Shay and Phoenix, “You two go find dresses.”

Both playfully saluted you and then popped up to go look through bridesmaids dresses.

You followed the lady back into the fitting room and she helped you out of the current dress and into the second option she’d picked out. This one was a satin gown in an a-line with spaghetti straps with a lower cut neckline and thin straps that crossed at the lower back. Honestly, it was breathtaking as well. You loved it.

“Ok… I wasn’t really thinking of a wardrobe change before the reception, but I might be now.” You said.

“I had a feeling you’d be swayed.” She smiled knowingly.

You stepped out of the room to where your Aunt and Penny were seated and they both gave you a smile that said they knew you’d be going home with two dresses.

“It’s perfect for the reception.” Penny winked, “This one is on me, Kiddo.”

“Penny, that’s way too much, I can’t ask that of you.” You exclaimed.

“Kiddo you didn’t ask, and I’m not taking ‘no’ for an answer.” Penny replied.

“And I made your uncle a promise that we would buy your wedding dress.” Aunt Sarah said, smiling tearfully at you. “He knew you’d be marrying Bradley…and he told me to make sure to get your wedding dress. His exact words were, ‘Maverick can pay for the rest of it, but I get to buy my Little Bird her wedding dress.’”

You wiped the tears, now freely falling from your eyes. Your heart still had an enormous hole the size of your Uncle Tommy in it. Sometimes it hit you more than others, that your uncle really was gone. This was one of those moments.

“Oh, Sweetheart.” Your Aunt said, putting her arms out. You stepped off the podium by the mirror, straight into her arms, accepting the much needed comfort. “He’d be so happy to see you this happy and to watch you live your life. He is watching over you and smiling ear to ear, Sweetheart.”

“Thank you” You whispered, stepping back carefully and wiping your eyes, “I love you both so much.”

“We love you too, Kiddo.” Penny said, offering a loving smile. You may have lost your own mom at a very young age…too young to really remember much… but you’d been blessed with amazing women in your life to fill that role.

“We’ve found a selection of dresses!” Phoenix said coming back with Shay, and several dresses in hand between the pair of them. “Holy Shit you look HOT!”

“Bradley is going to possibly need a defibrillator for that one.” Shay agreed, “So, are you going with a wardrobe change then?”

“I am.” You smiled at your friends. “It was decided for me. I can’t wait to see your dresses! Wait until I’m changed and back out!”

You headed back in to change out of the gown and into your regular clothes before sitting with Penny and your Aunt to watch the girls try on dresses.

In the end, they both went with dresses in navy blue. Phoenix opted for a chiffon, v-neck, spaghetti strap, A-line dress with a split up the side. Shay went with an illusion lace scoop neckline and sweetheart bodice, with a full chiffon skirt, a side slit and pockets.

Shay and Phoenix placed orders for their dresses. The owner of the boutique put a rush on their dresses so they’d be in within a month. Your own two dresses would be steam cleaned and pressed and ready for pick up within the week. With dresses taken care of, your group headed out to lunch before you made your way back home.

“Babe!” You called, coming into the house. Both Bradley’s Bronco and Jake’s truck were out front so you knew they were home.

“Hey, Sweets.” Jake said coming into the living room from the kitchen. “How did dress shopping go?”

“Perfect!” You gushed, “I said ‘yes’ to the dress… twice!”

“The same dress?” He asked, confused.

“Nope” You laughed, “I got two dresses. One for the ceremony and one for the reception.”

“Very nice.” He replied, “I’m glad you were able to find your dress, Sweets. Girls have luck too?”

“Yup!” You answered, before pausing to really look at him. Something was off. He was smiling but it wasn’t reaching his eyes. “Jakey, is everything OK?”

“Yeah,” He responded, unconvincingly, “Everything is fine Sweets. I’m going to head over to Shay’s for a bit now that y’all are done shoppin’. I’ll be back later.” He stopped in front of you, dropping a kiss on your head and giving you a quick hug before he grabbed his keys and headed out the door.

You stood where you were for a moment, trying to piece together what just happened. The fact that Bradley was still MIA in the house on top of Jake’s weird behavior, you knew something wasn’t right.

“Baby?” You called, walking further into the house. A quick peek into the kitchen revealed no fiance, so you headed for the bedroom. “Bradley?”

“I’m in here, Sunshine.” he finally responded, quietly, his voice wavering a bit. You opened the door to your bedroom to reveal Bradley sitting on the bed, his head in his hands, shoulders slumped.

“Baby, are you OK?” You asked worriedly, walking in and dropping down to your knees in front of him, your hands on his knees. “Roo… what’s wrong?”

“Jake and I got a call…” He whispered, you could see he was struggling with getting the words out.

“From base?” You asked, a sinking feeling settling in your gut.

“Yeah. Admiral Simpson called.” He answered, “We have orders for a 6 week deployment with a special mission. Coyote was called too.”

“Fuck.” You said, getting up and sitting down next to Bradley. “Well… this sucks.”

“It does indeed.” He sighed, “Sunshine, I know this is the worst timing. I’m so sorry. “

“No… nope,”You replied, snapping out of your shock. You turned so you were facing Bradley, “Baby, look at me.”

Reluctantly, Bradley lifted his head, turning his body to face yours. Once he finally made eye contact you could see the red rims around his eyes and knew he was struggling to keep tears back.

“Bradley Nicholas Bradshaw.” You said, “You’ve worked too long and too hard to be the amazing damn aviator that you are. You’ve dreamed of this career and you love your job. I am SO fucking proud of you and all you’ve accomplished. I will never begrudge you doing your job. I came into this fully knowing what life is like when in a relationship or married to a Navy Aviator. You never have to apologize for doing your job.”

You paused to make sure he was really listening to you.

“Does the timing kinda suck?” You asked, “A little… but we both know it could be a whole lot worse. It’s a 6 week deployment with a mission… 6 weeks will fly by. We can facetime and text or email when you’re able on the ship. We can plan our perfect wedding over the phone. When you get back, we’ll get married. Gives us something to look forward to.”

“I love you so much, Sunshine.” He replied, pulling you over closer and kissing you fiercely. “We are absolutely getting married as soon as humanly possible once I’m back in San Diego.”

“You’ll get no arguments from me, my love.” You smiled reassuringly at him. “When do you leave?”

“First thing Monday morning.” He replied, “We ship out with the carrier from the Naval Base.”

“Ok, so we still have the rest of the weekend.” You replied, “You can pack while I get some dinner thrown together for us and then we can spend the rest of the night cuddled up watching movies. Then tomorrow we can have the team over to cookout and spend time with our little family.”

“Seriously, Sunshine…” Bradley said, “How did I get so lucky and get such a perfect, beautiful woman to spend the rest of my life with?”

“I think we both hit the jackpot.” You smiled, “It’s kinda what happens when you end up with your best friend.”

“I love you, Sunshine.” He said, leaning in to softly kiss your lips.

“I love you too, Roo.” You replied, smiling against his lips. “Get packing, Flyboy. We’ve got 6 weeks worth of lovin’ and cuddling to fit in and not a lot of time to do it.”

After spending the rest of the day snuggled together and fitting in six weeks of orgasms, the two of you spent the following day surrounded by your makeshift family. Jake had returned with Shay early in the morning so he could pack and you could all get stuff ready for everyone invading. It was a much needed night with your makeshift family.

The night before deployment you spent wrapped in Bradley’s arms. This was the first real deployment for you both as a couple. The Uranium Mission had only been a few days long, but a lot had gone wrong in that short time. You didn’t know anything about this deployment or special mission and you’d be lying if you said you weren’t anxious. You’d just gotten Bradley back and everything had been going so perfectly…you were afraid the other shoe was about to drop.

“I can feel you thinking, Sunshine.” Bradley whispered, kissing your forehead. “What’s on your beautiful mind?”

“I’m just…worried.” You admitted, “Promise me you’ll do everything you can to come back to me.”

“Always, Baby.” He said, holding you tighter to him, “I will always do everything I can to get back home to you.”

“And make sure Jake doesn’t do anything stupid or overly dangerous?” You asked, already knowing Bradley would do everything he could to protect the other pilot as well.

“I promise.” He said, “And when I get home, you and I are getting married, Sunshine. It’s what’s going to keep me going for 6 weeks without my best girl.”

“I love you Bradley.” You whispered, lifting your head to kiss him.

“I love you too, Sunshine.” He replied, capturing your lips again.

The morning came too quickly. You were in the kitchen with Shay getting breakfast ready for the guys so they’d have something filling and warm to eat before they shipped out with the carrier. Bradley and Jake were getting showered and dressed in their uniforms and making sure they had everything packed.

“Something smells amazing.” Bradley said, walking into the kitchen and wrapping his arms around you.

“You ladies have been busy.” Jake said, dropping a kiss on Shay’s head before grabbing a mug down to get coffee.

“Just making sure we send our men off with a hearty home cooked meal.” You replied, “It seems it’s turning into a tradition of sorts.”

“One that I am not sad that we continue.” Bradley replied, turning you around and leaning down to capture your lips with his. “Although I could do without the whole deployment bit.”

“That’s literally your job, Roo.” You laughed, “And your own fault for being so damn good at what you do.”

“She’s got you there, Rooster.” Jake laughed, “Although, I admit, I used to be fine deploying for however long was needed, it never bothered me… now… I’m hoping the six weeks go fast.”

“Us too, Babe.” Shay said, wrapping her arms around him, “You’ll both be back to us in no time.”

“In one piece.” You clarified, leveling them both with a look before aiming it at Bradley, “WITH your planes INTACT this time.”

“Yes, Ma’am.” Jake laughed. He loved how fiercely protective you were of those you loved, and he was happy he’d made it on your list.

“You crash one plane…”Bradley sighed, rolling his eyes playfully.

“It was technically two.” You sassed, “You may have had help from my dad on the second one but that landing on the carrier was classified as a crash landing.”

“Again, she’s got you there, Rooster.” Jake said, proudly taking your side.

“No injuries, no broken planes.” Shay said, “Just our two favorite aviators safe and sound.”

“Have I finally cracked the top of the list, Sweets?” Jake asked, pouting sweetly and batting his bright green eyes at you. He knew you had a soft spot for him and was using it against you.

“If it’ll make you fly safer and get you home in one piece…” You replied, laughing, “Then, yes, Jakey. You’re my second favorite currently mission bound Top Gun Aviator.”

“That was extremely specific, Sweets.” He pouted, “I’m getting demoted to lower on the list when we’re back, aren’t I?”

“Come home safely and we’ll negotiate.” You teased, “Shay, you have your hands full with this one.”

“I do.” She agreed, smirking, “But he’s worth it.”

“I’ll give you that one.” You agreed, “He is worth it.”

Once the guys had eaten, it was time to get them to the carrier. This is the part you hated the most. It had always been the part you hated with your dad too. You’d said enough goodbyes to last a lifetime already.

You stood on the deck surrounded by families saying goodbye to their sailors and aviators.

“I’ll see you in six weeks, Sunshine.” Bradley said, his voice thick with emotion. “I love you, Y/N Mitchell.”

“I love you too, Bradley Bradshaw.” You said, trying to smile through your tears, but failing miserably. “Be safe, Roo. I need you to come home. You promised I could steal your last name.”

“Sunshine, you don’t have to steal it, it’s yours.” He replied, kissing you sofly. It was though he was trying to pour every ounce of his love into that kiss. “I’ll call as often as I can and we can keep nailing down wedding plans. I’ll be home before you know it.”

“I’m holding you to that, Flyboy.” You replied.

“Stay safe, Rooster.” Your dad said joining your group. You’d had a feeling he’d be here to see his aviators off, but especially to be here to say goodbye to Bradley and provide moral support to you once he’d left.

“Will do, Mav.” He replied, turning to hug your dad. “Can you keep my Sunshine out of trouble while I’m gone?”

“I’ve been trying to do that since the day she was born, Kid.” Mav laughed, “Firecracker has always had a mind of her own.”

“I’ll keep her busy with wedding plans.” Shay offered, laughing, “That should curb some of the trouble.”

“Or create more.” Jake laughed.

“Hey!” You exclaimed, “I’m not the one getting into trouble when you’re gone, Bradshaw! YOU are the one getting into trouble when left unsupervised.”

“I want to point out that I had supervision on the last mission.” He said, defending himself.

“My dad does not count as supervision when in a plane, Roo.” You rolled your eyes, “I thought it was you supervising, but you were just as crazy as he was.”

“I’ll keep an eye on him, Sweets.” Jake promised, “No worries. Just plan the perfect wedding and I’ll make sure he’s at the altar for you.”

“Thank you, Jakey.” You replied, smiling warmly at him. You turned, pulling him into a hug. “I need you to come back safely too. I love you.”

“I love you too, Sweets” he whispered, holding you tightly, “I promise not to do anything stupid. I’ve got people to come home to now.”

After several more tearful hugs and a final kiss with your fiance, they headed off towards the gangway to board the carrier. You stood with Shay and your dad watching them walk away, taking a piece of your heart with them.

“Wow.” Mav said standing with his arm around you, “You’re right, Firecracker… this is awful. I’ve never been on this side of the goodbye before.”

“Welcome to the club, Dad.” You remarked, trying to keep the bitterness from your voice. You’d forgiven him, you truly had, but old feelings bubbled to the surface sometimes…especially times like this when you were once again sending someone you loved off on a ship.

“I’m sorry, Sweetheart.” He said softly, pulling you close to him. He dropped a kiss on your head, doing his best to offer you comfort.

“It’s ok, Daddy.” You sighed, “Guess this means you’re on wedding plan duty with me since my fiance is now unavailable.”

“Firecracker, I’d be more than honored to help you with anything you need.” He said. “Have you two eaten yet?”

“Yeah, we made the boys breakfast before bringing them here.” You replied, “Do you have to work today?”

“I do, but it’s a classroom day for a new group of recruits.” He replied, “So I’ll be done early.”

“Want to come over for dinner?” You asked, “You can see if Penny wants to come, if she’s got help at the bar.”

“Sounds good, Sweetheart.” He replied, “I’ll let you know when I’m done today and I’ll call Penny to see if she’s available.”

“Perfect,” You said, “Amelia too. We’ll make it a family dinner. Shay… that means you too.”

“I will happily accept.” She said, “I’ve got to go to work for a bit today… I tried to get the day off but my boss was being an ass. I am so ready to quit.”

“How much longer before you’re REALLY ready?” You asked, knowing she was waiting to be closer to completing her novel. “Maybe quitting would actually help you get more writing time… and less stress might help your writing inspiration too.”

“That’s what Jake said too.” She laughed, “We’ll see. Just let me know what time and what you’d like me to bring.”

“I’ll let you know the time, but just bring you…and maybe stuff to stay the night.” You replied, “Being in Jake’s bed might help a little tonight.”

“I would actually love that.” She replied, “I’m not looking forward to 6 weeks without him.”

“You can stay with me as much as you want, because honestly… I’m not looking forward to being alone.” You said, “I went from two roomies to zero.”

“It’ll go fast, girls.” Mav offered, “They’ll be back annoying you in no time.”

“Holding you to that, Dad.” You said.

_____________

The first week of deployment went by fairly quickly and uneventfully. You’d managed to Facetime with Bradley and Jake a few times. The calls were never long enough but it was good to be able to see them and hear their voices. Even with the shorter calls you had been able to iron out a few details for the wedding.

“Dad said he’d be happy to move stuff from the hangar and we could use it for the wedding.” You told Bradley, “Do we want to do the ceremony and reception at the hangar or ceremony at the hangar and then everyone go to the Hard Deck and beach for the reception?”

“It might be easier for everyone to be closer to town and with access to Ubers than to try to get everyone safely home from the hangar.” Bradley rationalized.

“Good point.” You laughed, “I’ll talk to Penny. Do you want me to wait for you to get home to find a caterer and get the cake ordered?”

“Not unless they can pull it all off in a week because I wanna marry you immediately, Sunshine.” He replied, pouting. “That's all that’s gonna get me through this.”

“Ok.” You agreed, “I will take care of it and get us a caterer and cake. What flavor do you want?”

“Can we do a layer of chocolate?” He asked, “Or maybe we just have a small cake for us to cut and then like cupcakes or something for the rest…it’s a small enough guest list, it should work.”

“I like that idea, Roo!” You replied, “Easier too if we just have a tower of cupcakes for everyone.”

“I request coconut!” Jake said leaning over Bradley’s shoulder, “Or Strawberry.”

“I got it, Jakey.” You laughed, “I will make sure you have one of those!”

“We’ve really got to stop spoiling him so much, Sunshine.” Bradley teased, “He’s becoming quite the diva.”

“He’s your diva for the time being.” You laughed, “I’m allowed to spoil my adopted big brother.”

“Love you, Sweets!” Jake yelled.

“Love you too, Jakey.” You replied. “And I love you, Bradley. Stay safe please. Only 5 more weeks!”

In week 2 of deployment you managed to iron out a caterer who also did cakes so you’d killed two birds with one stone. You did chocolate with a mousse filling for the small cake you and Bradley would cut and eat together, then an assortment of flavors in cupcakes, including strawberry and coconut for Jake.

Penny had been thrilled to have you host the reception at the bar and said she’d handle ordering the drinks and set up in the bar. Your dad had jumped in helping when he wasn’t at work with ironing out a set up for the hangar for the actual ceremony, including building a makeshift altar with an arch you and Bradley would stand under.

“What about if we talk to Frank about chartering a plane for everyone to get from the ceremony back to his airport then we charter a party bus to get everyone safely to the Hard Deck.” Mav suggested, “What way we don’t have to worry about transportation. You can send the wedding party and guests on the chartered plane and you and Bradley can take the Mustang or even your plane and fly together.”

“That’s a perfect idea, Dad.” You said, “I love the idea of Bradley and I flying together too.”

“I’ll call Frank.” he offered, “What’s left on the list?”

“I think just little stuff now. Bradley and I will need to get our marriage license when he gets home but that only takes a day or two.” You said, “We’ve got the jukebox at the Hard Deck for music, so we wouldn’t really need a DJ… CRAP! We need someone to officiate the wedding!”

“Firecracker, you know enough Naval officers, that’s not a major detail.” Your dad laughed, “We can ask one of the admirals… maybe not Cyclone though.”

“I dunno…” You laughed, “That could be funny.”

“So you have almost everything planned with a month to go….” Your dad pointed out, “Firecracker, we may need to invent things to plan or do to keep you from going crazy.”

“I don’t want the wedding to get too crazy or big.” You said, “If need be, I’ll just pick up extra charters from Frank to stay busy.”

“That’s probably a better plan.” He acknowledged.

Week three, the halfway point, seemed to be the hardest. By then you were really missing Bradley and you were feeling more anxious. Facetime calls had gotten even shorter. You got an occasional email from him letting you know he was safe, just busy. You’d sent pictures to try to help keep him from being too homesick.

“This sucks!” You sighed, throwing yourself down onto the couch next to Shay. It was the end of the 3rd week. You had three full weeks to go and both of the men had gone radio silent. “This is when my imagination gets the best of me.”

“I’m sure they’re just training or maybe in an area with really bad reception” Shay reasoned, “No news is good news.”

“I’m sure you’re right.” You replied, “I just…. Miss them.”

“Me too.” She replied, “Rather than us both sit here and sulk, let’s go bug Aunt Penny at the Hard Deck.”

“Deal.” You said, “I’ll call Phoenix and see if she and the rest of the squad will be there.”

“Perfect.” Shay replied, “We can celebrate me turning in my two week notice at the clinic.”

“WHAT?” You exclaimed, “SHAY! Congratulations! Full time writer!”

“Yup.” She laughed, “Thanks, Y/N. I’m nervous though… I’ve still got bills to pay, so being unemployed is scary.”

“First of all, you’re not unemployed,” You rolled your eyes, “Second of all, you can always move in here with us! You and Jake can share a room, or we have an extra bedroom if you’d rather.”

“That’s something I’d have to talk to Jake about.” She replied, “I don’t just want to encroach on his space like a crazy girlfriend.”

“I’d be willing to bet a paycheck…or my plane… that Jake wouldn’t mind you moving in here.” You said, “I definitely won’t be surprised when you’re planning a wedding not too far in the future here.”

“As much as I would love that…” Shay said, “I don’t know if Jake is ready for that yet, and I’m honestly perfectly happy just being with him.”

“We’ll see.” You shrugged, “Either way, you’ve got a place to land if you need it.”

“Thank you!” Shay said, hugging you. “Let’s go get drunk with friends.”

“Let’s!” You replied, laughing.

Week four brought you more charters from Frank to keep yourself busy. You found yourself getting more and more anxious the longer you were without Bradley. It didn’t help matters that you hadn’t been able to talk to him in three days. You did your best to not automatically think the worst, but you had a very overactive imagination.

“Firecracker, you know more than anyone that no news is good news.” Your dad said, “If something had happened we’d know.”

“You and I both know that the Navy doesn’t care that I’m his fiance, Dad.” You said, “Until we’re married, I’m not his family. And Jake’s POS parents would find out something happened before us too.”

“You’re listed as Bradley’s emergency contact and next of kin, Sweetheart.” Mav said, “I watched him file the paperwork myself. Jake listed you and Shay as his. Trust me, if anything bad had happened, you’d know.”

“I just…. I can’t shake the feeling that everything is going too smoothly.” You said, “Our wedding is all planned and just waiting for my groom to come home. We’ve been all smooth sailing since you all came back from the big mission. I guess…I’m just scared, Dad.”

“What are you scared of?” He asked

“I’m scared something is going to happen and I’m going to lose everything again.” You said quietly. “I feel like I’m finally living the life I’ve always dreamed of… except for not having Uncle Tommy still here. I’ve got you in my life again, I’ve got the big brother I always wanted in Jake, I’ve got actual real friends who’ve become my extended family… but mostly, I’ve got Bradley back…and not just as my best friend. I’m in love with him, and he loves me. He’s my soulmate, Dad. I’ve lived a life without him, I dunno that I’m strong enough to do it again.”

“I understand where these feelings are coming from… it’s all very valid, Sweetheart.” Your dad said, pulling you into his arms and holding you. “None of that is going anywhere though. Jake and Bradley will be back in a little over 2 weeks now. A week after that you’ll be married. I’m not going anywhere, Firecracker. You’ll always have me. And you Uncle is most definitely watching over everyone, keeping everyone safe.”

“Thanks, Dad.” You said, sniffling and trying to stop the tears from flowing.

“It’s my job…one that I’ve not always been good at… but my job nonetheless, to be here to support you when you need it.” He replied, “Come on, let’s go for a ride and to get some milkshakes.”

Week five was a little more bearable. You were in the home stretch. You hadn’t heard from either Bradley or Jake, but you kept telling yourself your dad was right and you’d know if something had happened. You decided to throw yourself into cleaning the house top to bottom so the men would have a nice clean home to come home to. You also reorganized anything you could find that needed reorganizing.

“Ok, I’m staging an intervention.” Shay said, at the end of the week while you were alphabetizing the canned goods in the pantry, “It’s time to get you out of the house. I called your Aunt Sarah and Penny. Phoenix is joining us too. We’re having an impromptu spa day followed by drinks. It’s time to get you out of this house.”

“What if Bradley or Jake try calling us and we’re unable to answer because we’re neck deep in mud or have wet nails?” You asked.

“Y/N.” Shay said, “If they happen to call, I’m sure one of the nice people at the spa will hold the phone up so we can talk to them. This is non-negotiable, Chick. You’re literally losing your mind here.”

“You’re probably right.” You sighed, “If I can’t get through a 6 week deployment without losing it, how am I going to survive a 6 month or YEAR deployment?”

“Well, let’s just hope you have a kid or five by that point so you have something to keep you occupied.” She laughed.

“FIVE?” You exclaimed, “That is a lot of Bradshaw children, Shay! Especially if they take after their dad!”

“Yeah, but you could handle it.” She said, “Besides, maybe by then they’ll have Seresin cousins.”

“YES!” You said, “We have to have babies that become best friends and cousins too!”

“I’ll let you tell Jake that.” She said, “I don’t want to scare him off.”

“Oh, I will” You promised, “And he’ll be all over that.”

“Ok, let’s go. It’s spa time.” She laughed.

The two of you arrived at the spa, your aunt, Penny, and Phoenix were already there waiting.

“Hey, Sweetheart.” Your aunt greeted, hugging you. “I’ve been hearing this first deployment is a little rough. You should have told me. I’d have talked you down.”

“I didn’t want to bother you.” You said, “You’re busy with the kids.”

“I am never too busy for my Godbaby.” She said, leveling you with a look that meant business.

“Yes, Ma’am.” You smiled.

“Come here, Kiddo.” Penny said, pulling you into a hug. “Let’s get you all pampered and relaxed.”

“Yes please.” You laughed, “Apparently I need it.”

“If it makes you feel any better, I’m anxious for them to get back too.” Phoenix said, hugging you, “It sucks being on the part of the crew left behind.”

“You’d tell us if there was anything to report, right?” You asked, “I just… I’m worried something happened again and I won’t know…”

“I promise, if I heard anything I’d tell you.” She said, “They’re fine, and I know both of them will be blowing up your phones the second they’re able to.”

You all spent the day being pampered. They’d surprised you with a trial run for your wedding hair, complete with a trim and color. The stylist had curled your hair, pulling half up and pinning it back. Your veil would clip in and hang down your back on your wedding day. A makeup artist did your make up in soft natural colors, giving you just a little color but not being overstated. After the spa you’d all gone to the Hard Deck for a couple of drinks. Your aunt left after one beer to get home to the kids. Penny made her way behind the bar, leaving just you, Shay and Phoenix to grab a corner booth.

In the middle of Phoenix telling a funny story of the Daggers from their training days, your phone rang, playing Bradley’s ringtone.

“Bradley!” You gasped, digging your phone from your pocket and moving out of the booth. “Be right back!”

You tapped to answer the FaceTime call as you sprinted out of the bar to the back patio where it was quieter but there was still light.

“Hey, Sunshine.” Bradley said , smiling tiredly when you’d connected. “You’re a sight for sore eyes, beautiful!”

“Bradley!” You exclaimed, soaking in the sight of him, feeling some of the tension release from your shoulders. “I’ve missed your face so much, Roo.”

“I miss you too, Sunshine.” He sighed, “Do damn much.”

“Are you ok?” You asked, anxiously.

“I’m ok.” He assured you, “Just really tired. It’s been… a lot here. I can’t wait to get home to you.”

“We’re almost there, Roo.” You replied, “Just two more weeks. How did the mission go? I’ve been really worried.”

“I’m sorry, Sweetheart.” He said, “We were on radio silence so I couldn’t call. The mission went alright. It went according to plan, no lost planes.”

“Good.” You smiled, “I’m glad you’re not costing the US government more planes. But even happier that you’re safe.”

“Have to get home to my girl.” He smiled, “She promised to marry me when I get there.”

“Lucky girl!” You smirked.

“It’s me that’s the lucky one, Sunshine.” He replied, “Hope you’re ready for an amazing Honeymoon. Just the two of us.”

“I can’t wait, Bradley.” You said. “Everything is ready for us to get married. I just need my groom.”

“I’ll be there, Sunshine.” He promised. “You look absolutely beautiful, Y/N. Are you at the Hard Deck?”

“Yeah.” You smiled, heart melting at the way he was looking at you. “Shay staged an intervention for me today. We did a spa day with Phoenix, Penny and Aunt Sarah. Then we ended up here for some drinks.”

“Intervention?” He asked, raising his eyebrows in confusion, “What’s that about?”

“I may have had a little too much nervous energy…” You replied, “I cleaned the whole house, reorganized, and had moved on to alphabetizing the pantry…”

“Sunshine, is everything ok?” He asked, concerned, “Why so much nervous energy?”

“I just miss you, and the house is too quiet.” You sighed, “I started to get into my head, kept imagining the worst. Dad had to talk me down a couple of times. I guess now that I have you, I’m scared to lose you.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Sunshine.” He said, “I refuse to miss the chance to spend forever with the person I love most in this world.”

“I love you too, Bradley.” You said, desperately fighting the tears threatening to fall. You didn’t want to cry while on the phone with him. “So, so much.”

“I’ll be home soon, Baby.” He said, “You’ll be back in my arms and I will never let go.”

“Holding you to that, Flyboy.” You smiled, “Be safe.”

“Always.” He replied, “I should be able to call or email regularly now until we hit port. I’ll see you at the dock in two weeks.”

“I’ll be there.” You promised. “Tell Jakey I love him and to stay safe too. And have him call Shay if he hasn’t already.”

“Will do. He was grabbing a shower first then planned to call her.” He said, “Have fun tonight, Sunshine. Drink a beer for me.”

“I will.” You promised, “Love you.”

“Love you too” He replied, before you both ended the call.

You sat there a minute collecting yourself and drying your eyes not wanting to have a tear streaked face going back in.

You sent a quick text to your dad letting him know you’d just talked to Bradley and everything was ok, then got up and walked back into the bar. Before heading back to the table, you went to the bar to get another beer.

“Everything ok?” Penny asked, “I saw you light out of here.”

“Yeah,” You beamed, “Bradley called. I wanted to be able to hear him. He’s good. Really tired, but good.”

“I’m happy he was finally able to call.” She smiled, “It’ll be nice when he’s back home playing away on the piano.”

“I can’t wait.” You agreed, “I’m going to head back over. Shay may be running out shortly. Jake is calling after his shower.”

“She’ll be relieved to hear his voice.” Penny said, “This is still really new to her.”

“She’s doing better than me I think” You laughed, “Or really good at hiding it.”

You headed back to the booth with the girls, setting your beer down.

“Be ready to run out.” You told Shay, smiling, “Bradley said Jake would be calling you as soon as he was out of the showers.”

“Thank FUCK!” She exclaimed, “They’re good though, right? All in one piece?”

“Yup!” You said, laughing, “Exhausted but good.”

“Ok!” She replied, “Exhausted is acceptable. I’m going to go outside and wait for him to call.”

Week 6 went much faster than the previous weeks. You made sure everything was ready for the wedding the following week, double checking with all the vendors to make sure nothing went wrong. Frank confirmed he’d have a chartered plane and pilot ready to get your guests where they needed to be. He also said he’d have your plane fueled and ready for you to head out on your honeymoon after the wedding. Bradley was planning that one with the help of the squad. It was a super secret mission so you had no idea where you were heading. You knew now you’d be taking your own plane though.

When you weren’t double and triple checking details, you were flying charters for Frank. You figured the busier you stayed the faster the week went.

“I can’t believe our men are finally home tomorrow!” Shay exclaimed the night before you were scheduled to be on the docks to welcome home your men.

“The last six weeks have felt like an eternity.” You sighed, plopping down onto the couch. “We got lucky too… the deployment didn’t get extended.”

“Wait… that’s a thing?” She asked, joining you on the couch. “Even when they say a specific timeline?”

“Yup” You confirmed, “I can’t tell you how many times my dad was only supposed to be gone on a ‘short’ deployment, only for it to end up getting extended. Once he was only supposed to be deployed for 6 months and it kept extending until he’d been gone an entire year.”

“That’s shitty!” Shay exclaimed, “No wonder you have resentment towards the Navy.”

“Yeah… but this time I kinda did sign up for it.” You laughed at the irony. “As a kid, it was just the hand I was dealt with having a dad in the Navy. As an adult… I chose this life.”

“Regrets?” She asked

“Absolutely zero.” You replied firmly, “I choose Bradley. I’ll always choose him. Flying is part of who he is and I love him completely. I will happily wait for him, holding down the homefront while he does his thing. I just might need to find more to keep me occupied while he’s gone.”

“What are the odds they all get to stay together to finish out their careers?” Shay asked.

“Slim to none.” You sighed, “They can keep requesting Top Gun or San Diego as their duty stations but if they want to keep promoting and are in this for life… they’ll be split and sent off at some point.”

“Well that sucks.” Shay said, “I’ve kinda grown attached to these hooligans.”

“Me too” You laughed, “But we don’t have to worry just yet. They just got reassigned to Top Gun 6 months ago as a squadron so I’m sure they’ve got a bit before anyone has to worry about relocation.”

“Let’s hope so!” She replied, “Everything ready here for them?”

“Yup!” You said, “Kitchen is stocked with all their favorite foods, the house is cleaned, all of Bradley’s Hawaiian shirts are clean and ready for him…”

“I made sure Jake’s room was all clean too.” Shay said, “Clean sheets and all.”

“I’m sure he’s loved that you’ve been sleeping in his bed while he’s gone” You teased, “At this point, for real… Please move in!”

“Let’s see how it all shakes out when they’re back.” She replied. “If Jake wants me to move in…or to get a place together… I’m more than happy to. I’m sure you and Rooster are going to want time alone when you’re married to settle in. An extra person living here might be annoying.”

“We love you guys and there’s plenty of room here.” You insisted.

“For now.” She winked, “We’ve got bets going on how long after the wedding it takes for you two to start your family.”

“Wow.” You laughed, “I’m not opposed to jumping right in. Lord knows we’ve waited long enough and we both know that life’s too short. It’s definitely something Bradley and I need to talk about though.”

The next day stood on the dock waiting for them to be dismissed and allowed to leave the ship. Your dad and Penny were there, mostly to keep you and Shay from overtaking the ship to get to your men, but also because they wanted to see the guys. You and Shay alternated between pacing and fidgeting, both ready to tackle your men the second you could.

“I see movement.” Your dad said, bringing your attention back to the deck of the carrier. The gangway was now in place and you could in fact see people starting to make their way down to the dock. Your eyes stayed glued to the gangway watching for either Bradley or Jake.

“Ugh, why can’t they just hop in their jets and meet us at the air base?” You complained, “Finding them would be easier.”

“Patience, Firecracker.” Mav laughed, “They’ll be just as anxious to get off the boat and to you both as you are for them to get off. Trust that they’re hurrying.”

“They need to hurry faster.” Shay said, now on her tiptoes to get a better view. “They need more pep in their step!”

“There they are!” You exclaimed, pointing to a pair of very familiar aviators. “Holy shit, they’re in dress whites. I’m dead.”

Your dad and Penny laughed, rolling their eyes.

“Can’t they just push their way to the front?” Shay asked, “They’re officers after all.”

“You two are hilarious.” Penny said laughing, “I’m really glad I’m here to witness this.”

“I could do without the lusting after officers in dress whites.” Your dad replied dryly.

“Not just any officer.” You corrected, “Just MY officer.”

They finally found a pocket and were able to slip past, now making double time towards you and Shay.

“SUNSHINE” Bradley called as soon as he spotted you. You took off running towards him, launching into his arms when you got to him. His arms came around you to hold you steady, your legs wrapping around his waist. “Fuck, you feel so good, Baby. I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too, Bradley.” You replied, tears steadily falling down your cheeks. You pulled away to look at him before slamming your lips against his in a searing kiss. Your arms were locked around his neck, fingers lacing together. His cover was knocked back, off kilter on his head but he didn’t care. He had his Sunshine in his arms and he was too invested in the kiss.

Finally needing air, you pulled back slightly, not enough to put real space between the two of you, but enough where you could look into his warm, honey eyes. You smiled, taking him all in.

“Welcome home, Flyboy.” You finally said, fixing his cover on his head for him. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Sunshine.” He smiled widely, “It’s so fucking good to be home.”

He carefully set you down, making sure you were steady. You both moved closer to where Mav and Penny were standing.

“Welcome home, Bradley,” Mav said, pulling him into a hug.

“Thanks, Mav.” He replied, “I’ve never been happier to get off a carrier before.”

“I bet.” He laughed. “I honestly thought I was going to have to block these two from charging the ship in search of you and Jake.”

“We were getting ready stampede everyone ahead of us.” Bradley laughed, winking at you. “Needed to get to our girls.”

“SWEETS!” Jake exclaimed, having joined the group after his own reunion with Shay. He held his arms out, “Come here!”

You laughed quickly moving into his outstretched arms. “I missed you Jakey!”

“Missed you too Sweets.” He replied, squeezing you tightly. You hugged him back just as tightly knowing this was probably the first time he’d ever had a welcoming committee upon returning from a longer deployment. Bradley too. That’s why you’d planned a welcome home party for them all at the Hard Deck the next night.

“Alright, I’ll bet the two of you want showers, to change clothes and a decent meal.” Penny said, “Not getting any of that here on this dock.”

“Yes, Ma’am!” Bradley said, “And I promised my girl I’d be holding her once I got off the ship, and I wouldn’t be letting go.”

“Take me home, Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw.” You said, laughing.

“Happily, soon to be Mrs. Lieutenant Commander Bradshaw.” He replied. “I can’t wait until next week, Sunshine.”

“Me either.” You answered, kissing him.

Later that night tucked in bed, held tightly in Bradley’s arms the two of you were finally able to fully relax.

“I think I missed this the most.” You said quietly, tracing patterns over Bradley’s bare chest with your fingers. “Just being in your arms, hearing your heartbeat, being able to touch you.”

“Me too, Sunshine.” He said, dipping his head to kiss the top of your head. “I haven’t slept for shit in six weeks. I need you snuggled into me, to smell the flowery lotion you use before bed, the feel of your breath on my skin. I honestly don’t know how I survived without you for so damn long.”

“Good thing we never have to go back to being without one another.” You said, “We get forever, Roo.”

“I’m banking on longer than forever, Sunshine.” He replied, “I love you”

“I love you too, Roo.” You said, turning your head to kiss his chest. You snuggled in closer, your hand over his heart, and the two of you drifted off into a restful sleep.

A/N: Next up for Sunshine and Bradley is their wedding!!! I hope you’re still enjoying these two as much as I love them! Please let me know what you think!!

Taglist: @gracespicybradshaw @memoriesat30, @khaylin27, @snekssss, @shanimallina87 @atarmychick007 @jstarr86 @marantha @taytaylala12 @theweekndhistorybook @happylittlereader @hobiismyhopeu @krismdavis @itsdesiree86

#bradley rooster bradshaw #bradley bradshaw x reader #top gun fanfiction #Miles Teller #Stubborn Hearts

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camillathe6th · 3 hours ago

Note

number 4? ^_^ 🩷

Hi!! Thank you so much--sorry, these got derailed by family time, but I'm back with a stupid-ass prompt. Wanted to try my hand at Nadeem and Una bantering next, so this is where we are. I think this counts as a kiss, even if SOME PEOPLE (Una) are making my job harder as usual.

4. (A kiss)... where it hurts

2089. (NADEEM)

Something pulls me back from the dark. Maybe it’s the hard jolt of the car under us, jostling my wound into night-pulsing pain. Maybe, most likely, really, it’s the clammy warmth of her ungloved hand, tense on my forehead, spreading into my hair, a hard hold, a rough caress.

All this took was dying, then.

Jokes later: first assess. Pillowed: my head on her stiff thighs. Stomach wound: open, quenched with cloth, still gushing. Lost consciousness, I did, but not for long. Good enough. Questions still: how did we get here? This car—how did she get a car?—, this backseat, this road, which road? It’s damaged, which means we're going south, every bump a very literal pain in my derriere. She’s tense under me, though, curbing some of the asphalt impacts before they reach me, keeping me still.

“You’re awake, jackass,” she states, suddenly, correctly. I open one eye. She’s wearing her mask still; I can only guess at the grim line of her mouth, the hard clenching of her teeth, but I can see what she’d want to hide, exactly what she’d want to hide: mirrors of the soul, eyes red and burning.

What, tears, for little old me? I close my eye again. Damn. Getting gutted feels sweet.

“I’m alive?” I check, just in case. Who knows—maybe my heaven is Una’s uncomfortably hard thighs under my cheek, just like this.

“No thanks to you,” she hisses, pulling at my hair, stopping just at the edge of painlessness. “Are you fucking insane?”

“And you’re alive,” I smile, sliding into the pulling, “very much thanks to me.”

“I don’t need you sacrificing yourself for me,” she barks. “Did you forget I’m the bodyguard?”

“Well? Then guard my body better, conscript.”

“Oh, sorry, I was working under the assumption that you had a brain.”

“I forgive you.” I’m generous like that. I open my eyes again: the gaze that meets mine is a punch to the gut, as heart-hammering as a tongue to my throat. “You didn’t stitch me up.”

She looks away first. Always first, my lovely coward.

“I can’t.”

“Come on. You know I tru—”

“No,” she snaps back, taut as a rubberband. “You’re fucked up, you stupid idiot. What did you want me to do, kill you faster? You need a real medic. We’re on the way.”

We’re on the way. What did she do to get this car? Downfade doesn't have cars. Who’s driving, and who’s waiting for us? Who did she call?

I know—I know who she called. She shouldn’t have done that.

“Una…,” I whisper, and touch her face, just a finger, just two, just a tugging back to me. Her frown is a dam, cracked and quaking. “I don’t understand… Why didn’t you just kiss it better?”

The frown-dam hardens, blissfully dark, a stronghold of comfort against sentiment.

“I don’t know, Nadeem. Why don’t I punch you in the dick?”

“Fine. If you insist. Let’s compromise—”

“Don’t.”

“—You can kiss me on the dick instead.”

“Thanks, but I don’t give losers head,” she fast-grabs my hand before it brushes her jaw. “Also, I’d rather drink acid.”

“Hey. Come on. I’m fairly sure I taste a little better.”

No mouth: can’t prove the quirking of her half-smile, but I catch it, the slight crinkle of her eyes, speaking of chuckling just bridled.

“Just as lethal is what I meant,” she mutters, settling my hand back on my chest, and getting trapped between my fingers for her trouble.

“Uh-oh.” I stroke the length of her index, from split knuckle to bitten nail. “You’re making metaphors. I must be dying.”

“Shut the fuck up. You’re not dying.”

“Would you cry?” I coo, honey-sweet.

“I would break your stupid face, asshole.”

“Wait. You mean you’d keep my corpse with you? That’s so romantic.”

She huffs: I win. I win, so I bring it—I bring it, her hand, split and bitten—to my mouth, and kiss the trembling away. This is where it hurts.

“Yeah,” she doesn’t blink, tensing. “You’d make a great punching bag.”

“But less fun without the enthusiastic moaning,” I hum, gratified, keeping her fist close. The world has slid back into the dark, but only because I must have closed my eyes, just for a little while. I can feel her pulse around me—her heart, her flesh, her breath, and the pain too, my pain, faraway, kept leashed by the tight stranglehold of her torn shirt.

Her voice is just a murmur now, spearing through the haze.

“I don’t want you sacrificing yourself for me, Nadeem.”

“You said that.” Almost that. The difference isn’t lost on me. “Are you going to say thank you, though?”

Her shifting is a—heart-leap, breath-theft, making me gasp, in pain and pleasure both—as she bends, bends over me, and cradles my head in the embrace of her arms, and clasps her burning cheek to mine, a mask-cloth away from contact. Against her Kevlared chest, I shiver, I press closer.

“No,” she mutters. “Fuck off.”

I snort, and give my mouth to the hollow of her throat, where her blood pumps as quick as mine.

“Good. You’re welcome, jaanu.”

Other prompts here.

#unadeem prompts #una #nadeem #notebooks

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randomprose · 9 months ago

Text

plans for the future

written for the satosho server weekly prompt: wedding [ao3] set after 221

“Hey,” Shoko calls Satoru’s attention as she pulls off her surgical gloves and he’s getting dressed. “Don’t die.”

“Of course, I won’t. Didn’t I say I’d win?” Satoru scoffs as he pulls down his shirt. “What, you doubtin’ or something?”

Shoko’s check-up is more thorough than usual and her reversed cursed technique practically swept him from head to toe despite Satoru not needing any healing. Not since he got out of the Prison Realm days ago anyway and even then it’s not like he sustained any real damage from being sealed in the box for nineteen days other than severe boredom. But Satoru supposed that’s just a necessary precautionary measure for tomorrow’s fight and Shoko is a pro after all.

“No. It’s just that…” Shoko chews the inside of her cheek, mulling over her words as she leans on her table. Her eyes trained on Satoru still perched on her examination table. “I have plans for us.”

“Oh? And what would those plans be?”

She reaches back to the drawer under her desk for a small back velvet box and casually tosses it in his direction. Satoru deftly catches it, eyes widening when he looks down at what it is.

Whatever thoughts Satoru has when Shoko said she has plans for them goes flying out the window. He opens the box to see what’s inside and—yep this was definitely not one of them. Not even his all-knowing Six Eyes saw this one coming.

“Shoko!” Satoru gasps as the ring glints up at him. “Shoko!”

“What? I’m right here.”

“You’re not serious?!”

“As serious as five hundred thousand yen.”

“Five hundred thou—You’re seriously not serious?!”

Shoko, Ieri cheapskate Shoko, whom Satoru has rarely ever seen pay for anything (if at all!) in her life since becoming friends with him, just bought him a five hundred thousand yen engagement ring.

“I can just take it back if you—”

“No!” Satoru turns and raises his arms so the box is out of her reach. “No. You said you have plans for us.”

“I did.” Plans which got derailed because of this whole shit show but, eh, it is what it is. “I do.”

“Slow down, doc. I haven’t even said yes and you’re already saying your I do’s?” Satoru smirks, all too giddy and smug at this sudden development. “A little presumptuous of you, no?”

“Like I said, I can always take it back. Those plans aren’t set in stone anyway.”

Satoru doesn’t rise to her teasing this time, too caught up staring at the ring nestled in blue velvet cushion. It’s a platinum band with six diamonds embedded in it. No doubt customized because the diamonds are the same purple shade as her eyes, which Satoru always said he likes.

But the best thing about it is that Shoko has infused each diamond with her cursed energy.

Fuck. Dammit. Satoru thinks he’s going to cry.

“You bought me an engagement ring,” Satoru says, soft and reverent. “And you have plans for us.”

“Yes, Gojo, we’ve already established that.” Fuck sakes. He’s holding the damn ring in his hand. “And?”

“Uggghh,” Satoru groans because he’s dramatic and a diva and a goof and Shoko wants to marry his ridiculous ass. “What the hell, man? This is sooo unromantic!” Shoko rolls her eyes and Satoru has to fight tooth and nail so his petulant pout doesn’t turn into a giddy grin. “Like, where’s the build-up? The romance? Dude, you didn’t even get me flowers! And what? You couldn’t even get on one knee and pop the question properly? So unromantic, Shoko. Seriously.”

He’s joking, of course. Satoru knows Shoko doesn’t have the time or the patience or even the imagination (or the stomach) for all that mushy shit. In any case, he doesn’t really care about all of that because he’s already so fucking ecstatic.

Sure, it’s not his dream proposal exactly, but that’s only because he’s always envisioned it would be somewhere grand and romantic (like Paris or their high school classroom or in spring when the cherry blossoms are in full bloom), and he would be the one going down on one knee (in his best suit with his hair styled slick back for a more devastating effect and a sure ‘yes’) and catching Shoko off guard.

Then again, Satoru thinks as he looks at Shoko across from him lips quirked in a minuscule smile, the woman has somehow always been three steps ahead of the Six Eyes.

All in all, Satoru supposes the school infirmary with Shoko saying she has plans for them and beating him to the punch isn’t a bad way to get engaged.

“Tell you what,” Shoko says as she crosses the short distance between them and gently pries the box from his hand. “When you finish the fight and come back alive—that’s a requirement, dumbass, you hear me?—then I’ll propose. Properly. I’ll give you romance and the build-up. I’ll buy you flowers and have a speech. The whole shebang. Hell, I’ll even get down on one knee.”

Because not only is Shoko always three steps ahead of him but she also never ceases to surprise and defy Satoru’s expectations.

“Really?”

“Really. I promise I’ll get down on my knees.” Shoko pockets the velvet box and shoots him a heavy look through long lashes and half-lidded eyes. “In more ways than the one.”

“Oh.” Satoru is slow on the uptake but his eyes follow the way Shoko smirks as she licks and bites her lip and finally gets it. “Oh.”

“Hey! Can we get this thing wrapped up quick?” Satoru shouts after Sukuna amidst the rubble. “I’ve got a proposal to get to!”

“Oh, you’re proposing? How cute.”

“No, I’m getting proposed to,” Satoru says primly, firing another Red. Sukuna is hit but easily regenerates. “But that will only happen after I finish you! So. Chop-chop! Come on!”

“It’s the reverse cursed technique user, isn’t it? Good for you I guess. You couldn’t do better than her,” Sukuna shrugs, getting ready to use Dismantle again. Satoru barely reinforces Limitless at how weirded out he is that he and Sukuna are agreeing on something. “She certainly could do better. My condolences to her though.”

“I know, right?! She’s really great! The best! I’m so—hey! What do you mean by that?!”

“Hey, uhh so,” Satoru rubs the back of his head sheepishly, sunglasses dipping down his nose as he looks down. “Listen. So, Shoko. She’s—”

“Yeah, I know,” Suguru cuts him off.

“You do?”

“I’ve been watching this whole time, idiot. Of course, I know.”

“Pfft. Creep.”

“You’re the creep.” Suguru shoves him and then smiles. Genuinely. Beatifically. “Congratulations.”

“Yeah. Yeah, thanks. I, uh—” Satoru sniffles, and looks away before thinking ‘fuck it!’ and pulling Suguru into the tightest bear hug they’ve ever shared both in the living and the afterlife. “I wish you could be there, man,” he chokes out.

“Me too,” Suguru answers. His voice breaks at the end and his eyes are shiny when they pull apart. “Take care of each other, yeah?”

“I’ve been trying, but you know how she is, dude! Swear to god she only listens to you,” Satoru grumbles as he rolls his eyes and Suguru chuckles. “Well. I’ll head for North for now.”

“Yeah. You kept her waiting and worried long enough. Good luck with that, man.”

“Tch. Don’t remind me. I’ll be lucky if she still hasn’t changed her mind.”

“She hasn’t,” Suguru assures him, all-knowing. “See you later, Satoru. Tell Shoko I said hi.”

“Yeah. See you later, Suguru.”

Satoru wakes up to the blinding fluorescent light and the familiar sterilized smell of the school's infirmary.

“Hey,” Shoko comes into his line of vision and Satoru smiles. What a sight for sore eyes. “Welcome back.”

“I’m back,” he croaks as he nuzzles into the palm caressing his face and the familiar curse energy it’s emitting. “I talked to Suguru while I was out. He says hi.”

“You did, huh? Only took him this long to check in on me and he even had to do it with a proxy? Bastard.” Shoko smirks and rolls her eyes in jest. Then her expression softens into a small smile, eyes losing their sharp edges as she looks down at Satoru and runs a hand through his unruly grimy hair. “Scared me there for a second. Thought I went all the trouble to buy a ring for nothing.”

“I changed my mind.”

“Oh? You talked to Suguru and suddenly you got a change of heart? Tch. Men. Figures.” She still hasn’t let go of him, touch ever soft and gentle as she continues to run healing hands over him, pumping him with her reverse cursed technique and breathing life into him. “That’s fine, I suppose. The ring is still well within the 30-day return period anyway.”

“I didn’t mean it like that. What the hell? You think you’d get out of it that easily? Fat chance, lady. I just…” Satoru takes one of her hands in his. “I don’t want all the trimmings. Just ask me now, Shoko.”

“You sure? Infirmary’s full so we’re in the morgue right now, you know? So. Not very romantic. And neither of us has showered in days and I literally just put you back together. Are you—”

“I don’t care.” Satoru brings her hand up to his lips. “Shoko, I really don’t care.” A giddy smile spreads on his face and is mirrored by her even as she purses her lips to contain it. “Ask me now, Shoko.”

“Tch. So impatient. And to think I made all the reservations and ordered flowers too. I even had a speech typed up and memorized.”

“Oh, shut up. As if you did. Cut to the chase already, Ieiri.”

“Gojo Satoru, I’m giving you a lifetime pass to be a pain in my ass. So,” Shoko gets the velvet box from the pocket of her lab coat, ignores Satoru’s delighted crow of ‘Has that been there the whole time?!’, and smiles when he hears him gasp as she kneels on one knee in the infirmary’s linoleum floors. “Wanna get hitched?"

Satoru thinks about fooling around, of making a quip or two as he is wont to do.

But Shoko is kneeling on one knee and her hands are pink and red stained with his blood as she holds up the ring she had customized and infused with her cursed energy so everyone can know who Satoru belongs to. Her eyes are bloodshot and bruised, evidence of the long hours she spent breathing life back into him. There’s a tired but soft smile on her face, and she is so, so beautiful.

In the end, the only thing that came out of Satoru was a breathy ecstatic, “Yes.”

notes: satoru's ring | shoko's ring

#satoru buys shoko a matching ring made of diamonds and sapphires because of course he does #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #satoshoko #satosho #gojo satoru #ieiri shoko #satoshoko fic #jjk fic #writing

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jate-kara · 1 year ago

Text

Star's Light | On AO3

If he had to hear one more bad joke, he was going to die.

Cayde tugged at his hood, like it could somehow muffle the whole damn mess if he only gave it a little more encouragement. Lush had a knack for a lotta things, but storytelling wasn't one of them - and neither was humor. Every hack at a joke that came out of his mouth was seven different shades of convoluted, and that was when he was sober. Drunk? Forget about trying to make any sense of anything he said.

Cayde set his jaw and dug his fingers into his legs. The fire they'd started had long since died down, and he wondered briefly if going to get more wood from the forest just outside camp would be a good enough excuse, or too obviously an escape. Lush had asked them to listen several drinks ago, and Cayde had agreed because everything about the current situation aside, he did genuinely like the guy: he was a good Hunter, and a good friend. Figured he'd burn out after two or three minutes, though. Bad guess. Lush was still going strong. Shiro had somehow found the strength to keep nodding along gamely. Tevis had left the second Lush started talking, off to brood in a tree somewhere, probably. Who knew with that guy. And Andal - had disappeared in the middle of a particularly excruciating tale a while ago. How unlike him to miss a chance to worsen his own terrible sense of humor. He could be taking notes. No, he needed to be taking notes. Right now. Immediately.

"I'm gonna go find Andal," Cayde announced, loud enough for the others to hear him, but apparently not loud enough to derail Lush's one man crusade to destroy Cayde's will to live. Shiro shot him a glance that felt a bit more accusing than he thought was fair. "Uh, don't have too much fun without me."

He darted off before Shiro could eviscerate him with his scowl. Andal had headed into the trees without saying where he was going, but he could hedge a pretty good bet on his whereabouts. Andal went one way when he wanted to get away, and that was up.

He found him exactly where he thought he would: in the clearing, sprawled out on top of his jumpship with his arms folded behind his head. He sat up at Cayde's approach, tracking him as he clambered up the side of the ship and swung himself over to sit beside him.

"Hey, beautiful," Cayde said, tilting his chin up with a single finger. "Come here often?"

Andal laughed. Traveler, Cayde never got tired of hearing it. "Has that line ever actually worked on anyone?"

Cayde opened his mouth to answer, and nothing came out. Not a single syllable. Not even a whisper of one. Andal was breathtaking on any given day, with his warm brown skin and his kind eyes and his long, flowing hair. Cast in starlight and a glowing smile, he was devastating. Cayde's chest ached. The closest thing to a response that he could manage was a punched out exhale, and even that felt like a monumental effort.

"Everything okay?" Andal leaned forward to scrutinize him. This close, Cayde could feel the light puff of his breath against his neck. Could feel the brush of his loose hair against his cheek as he pushed Cayde's hood down. Could see the mischief twinkle in his eyes. "Cayde?"

"You really have no idea what you do to me." Right, those were words. That was what talking felt like: hoarse, and unsteady, and utterly enamored. Real eloquent, gunslinger. Nice work there.

Andal's smile softened. "I have some idea," he murmured, and pulled Cayde in for a gentle kiss. He smelled like leather and evergreen and that fancy flowery soap he always picked up in the City, and when Andal pulled back, Cayde buried his face in his neck and breathed in deep. This night was just like a thousand before it, and hopefully like a thousand more after, but he wanted this moment forever.

Andal shifted slightly, enough to prompt Cayde to tighten his hold. Soft lips pressed to the top of his head. "Someone's clingy today."

"I'm clingy?" Cayde shot back. "Remind me which one of us didn't want to get up this morning."

"That was you, Cayde."

"Oh. Well, yesterday, then."

"Still you." Andal's voice was warm. He tugged insistently at Cayde's cloak until he got the hint and let Andal ease them into lying back, so Cayde was sprawled across his chest. "Not that I'm complaining."

Andal smoothed a hand up his spine, and Cayde gave a contented sigh. "Seriously, though. Why'd you leave? Lush's stories are bad, but they're not 'brood in a tree' bad."

"Is that where Tev went?"

"Maybe. When he doesn't want to be found, he really doesn't want to be found, so I didn't waste my time trying. Sundance worked out a deal with his Ghost, so if he doesn't turn up in a few hours, we'll get a ping from her to let us know he's not dead in the gulch somewhere."

"I'm sure he loves that."

"Shoulda stopped with the literal disappearing act if he didn't want me to take matters into my own hands. I did warn him."

Andal paused, then groaned. "Wait. You left Shiro to deal with Lush alone, didn't you?"

"He'll be fine. They go way back, so if you think about it, he's actually the best guy for the job."

"Uh-huh." Still, despite the skepticism, he made no move to dislodge Cayde. His heart was pounding a rapid pulse beneath Cayde's head, like he was running for his life through the forest, and not trying to relax under the stars, and as flattering as it would be if that racing beat was for him, Cayde knew by the sick twist in his gut that it wasn't. Andal's body was as familiar to him as his own: he'd mapped every tell, whether it was soundless or a scream. He knew every hitch in his breath; he'd felt every twitch, every spasm, and every heaving gasp, sometimes in the safety of a quiet night, and sometimes in the suffocating thick of the Darkness, clutching Andal to his chest to keep pressure on a wound - pressing a kiss to his crown and begging him to hold on. No, this wasn't anticipation. It was fear.

Cayde shifted so he could raise his head and prop it up on one hand, then reach out and press his other palm to Andal's cheek. "Startin' to think I should be the one asking you if you're okay," he murmured, stroking a soothing arc with his thumb. "Something happen?"

Andal leaned into Cayde's touch, though there was a pinch to his brow that hadn't been there before. "No," he muttered. "Not recently, anyway."

Cayde gave a quiet hum of acknowledgment, and waited to see if he would continue. Old history was a touchy thing, especially when it was the painful kind, and Andal had just as much trauma in his past as the rest of them, no matter how hard he tried to convince them that the worst his experiences got was getting rezzed a few times with water in his lungs. He'd had a whole other life before they'd come crashing into one another's orbits, and while Cayde knew a lot more about it than probably anyone else in the pack, there were still plenty of agonies that Andal kept close to the chest. Whatever it was that gave him nightmares so bad he didn't sleep for a week last month was one of them, and whatever had him a million miles away tonight was clearly another.

"You ever think about how we're going to die?" Andal asked at last. "The final time."

Lightless, alone, and in a hell of a lot of pain. They both knew the old Guardian adages. Nobody with this kind of power made merciful enemies, so if push came to shove, fight until you made 'em kill you quick. Of course, not everyone's luck held out that long. Cayde was pretty sure his wouldn't. Not that he could say it. "Who doesn't?" he offered, instead of that. "Job's too dangerous not to."

Andal's eyes took on a faraway look. He didn't say anything else. Cayde stayed there for a few minutes, then slowly scooted up so they were laying side by side with their legs tangled together. "Had a lot of close calls, back before we met," Cayde said. "A few of 'em were with Tevis. Guy's got some nasty enemies, I'll say that. Not just cuz his attitude sucks, either. His Ghost found him right around the last few years of the Dark Age too. Pretty bad time. Glad you never had to see it."

"What about you?"

"Huh?"

"Your enemies."

"Do you mean people I cheated out of glimmer playing cards, or-"

"Cayde." Andal's voice cracked.

Cayde took one of his hands and laid a whisper of a kiss on his knuckles. "No one we need to worry about. Most of them have dropped off the radar, or already got themselves killed by someone else. I always keep an eye out anyway, just in case."

Andal's answering nod was almost imperceptible. Cayde hesitated. "You? Old ghosts?"

Andal stiffened. A tremor ran through his shoulders. His face twisted into a grimace. "You know me too damn well," he grumbled, but it sounded hollow. Cayde turned his hand over and pressed his mouth to his palm, and let himself linger. Andal's breath hitched; he leaned in to rest his forehead against Cayde's, and stayed there for a long moment. When he moved to pull back, Cayde stopped him with a gentle touch.

"Stay here with me?" Cayde asked, barely a whisper, and that was all it took for Andal to crawl into his arms and curl up against his chest. Once he was settled, Cayde propped his chin on his head and waited. Andal was good with his words, and generally better at dealing with his feelings, but sometimes, that wasn't saying much. Sometimes, he locked down hard, and if you pushed, he'd shut you out completely. With him, it was always a question of patience, and of holding on until he was ready to let go. Fine by Cayde. He'd hold Andal for the rest of eternity if that's what he wanted.

"Back when I was a New Light, I was running my own patrols in the EDZ," Andal started, muffled against Cayde's neck. "Right where we are now, actually. Tallulah had just started out as Vanguard. The City wasn't as fortified then. She didn't have a way to keep track of every damn threat passing through, so I went out there with a pack full of sensor beacons. Spent a lot of time dodging or fighting Fallen to get them placed. I was tired when I finished, and I didn't see the blitz coming."

Andal nudged him, and Cayde loosened his grip so he could move. He didn't go far - only the few inches he needed to be able to meet Cayde's eyes. "At first I thought it was the Fallen again, but the Fallen don't carry handcannons, and they sure as hell don't have the Light."

Cayde set his jaw. Rogue Guardians weren't the anomaly the City leadership wanted to believe they were. They weren't like the Warlords of old, sure, but that distinction didn't make them any better in his book. More often than not, rogues went after other Guardians: for sport, out of some sick curiosity, or because of their devotion to whatever new freak fringe cult had formed. A shudder shook Andal's body, and Cayde slipped a hand into his hair to rub soothing circles into his scalp, until some of the tension strung through him slipped away.

"They hunted me across the EDZ. By the time I circled back here, I'd taken a lot of hits. Lost track of how many, but it wasn't safe for Astraea to help me. It was dark. I'd slid down to the bottom of the gulch and broke my legs. There were a lot of them, and they had me surrounded. I just remember laying there while they closed in, looking up at the stars, and wondering if that was how I was going to die for the last time." Andal let out a breath that was somewhere between a choked laugh and the start of a sob. "It was a long time ago, and it's not even the worst damn thing I've been through. I still can't shake it."

"Hey, a near-miss like that isn't something you can just forget."

"You think it'd fade a little," Andal muttered, and Cayde closed the small distance between them to kiss him - just a brush of the lips, and nothing more. Just to ground him here, in Cayde's arms, safe beneath the open sky, and not back there, lying broken and bleeding and alone and waiting to die.

"You made it out," he reminded quietly, and carded a hand through his hair. Andal chased after the touch, and Cayde rested his palm on his cheek, and let him close his eyes and breathe.

Andal drew strength the same way he drew Void: in a single, intense surge. When he opened them, his eyes had that faraway look again. "Not by myself. There was another Guardian there. Nightstalker, I think. I don't know. I couldn't even see them until they were cutting one of the Warlocks down. Still don't know why the hell they got involved when they were that badly outnumbered."

"You catch their name?"

"Maybe. I just remember them checking on me after, and telling me to get the hell out of there." Andal sighed. "Head was ringing even after Astraea healed me. I couldn't even tell you how I got back to my ship."

Andal found catharsis in talking with him. It was one of their immutable truths, and while Cayde treasured the peace that came with that trust and vulnerability, every pained shudder and strangled breath made his chest ache and his heart scream. If those Guardians weren't already dead, he'd kill them himself for what they'd done to Andal. "You know," he said, burying that feeling deep with all the rest, "we can pack up camp and get moving. No reason we have to stick around here."

"You really wanna manage drunk Lush on a ship?"

"We'll figure it out."

Andal shook his head. "I'll be okay," he said, and rested his forehead against Cayde's chest. "No reason we have to haul ass out of here because of my old ghosts."

If it was anyone else telling Andal they had serious trauma around their current location, he would just say they were going to leave, no question. But since it was Andal who had the trauma, obviously uprooting them was unthinkable. Cayde resisted the urge to sigh. In the entire course of their partnership, he'd never figured out how that equation worked in Andal's head. Probably never would. "All right," he said. "We'll stick around for a while like we planned. But on one condition."

"What's that?"

"Don't go wandering off on your own again. I missed you."

"You missed me suffering with you, you mean."

"Hey, I love Lush, he's a great guy, fantastic Hunter, hell of an Arcstrider. But you or Shiro have got to teach him the difference between a story, and - whatever the hell it is he does when he's trying to be clever."

"He's not that bad."

"He's terrible."

"You can't compare him to Shiro, it's not fair."

"Can. Have. And will. But you know, I gotta say, I am impressed that his jokes manage to be worse than yours."

Andal huffed. "What's wrong with my jokes?"

Cayde kissed the top of his head. "They need work."

Andal shoved at him, though there was no real force behind it. "You're a pain in the ass," he said, but there was a warm note of teasing in his voice that unwound some of the tension wrapped around Cayde's heart.

"You love me."

"Obviously."

Warmth bloomed under Cayde's ribs. He never got tired of hearing that, either. He squeezed Andal tightly, and was rewarded with a contented sigh. "You know what the worst part is?" Andal said. "I lost the knife Tallulah gave me when I first came to the City. She was so disappointed."

Hunted, tormented, and stalked, all alone in the dark with only the stars and his own pounding heart - and he was sad about the knife. Sure. Cayde managed a chuckle. "You are somethin' else," he said. "It's the damn knife you're worried about?"

"It was beautiful," Andal said wistfully.

"Well, yeah, sure. Lulah had great taste in knives."

"Dropped it when I slid down the gulch."

"You want me to go look for it? It's been a long time but you never know. Could still be there."

Andal sobered. Cayde almost had time to regret his words, but not quite. "No," Andal said quietly. "I want you to stay here."

"That's the easiest thing you've ever asked me to do."

Andal nuzzled into his neck and took a deep breath, like he wanted to memorize the moment, too. His heartbeat was steadier now, pulsing a slower pace. Cayde carefully rolled them so he was on his back, and Andal was laying on top of him, and Andal shifted too, pushing himself up and propping his chin on his hands to gaze down at Cayde. His eyes shone in the starlight. Most of the tension in his shoulders was gone. "Nice view?" he asked, and his lips curved into a smile.

Cayde's chest ached again. He tucked a lock of hair behind Andal's ear, and let his touch linger and hold. "Yeah," he said, as he leaned up for a kiss. "The best."

-----

"I'd say I thought I'd find you here, but I never know where the hell to look for you half the time."

Tevis didn't look up at Cayde's approach, or when he invited himself to drop down on the boulder beside him. The gulch was a result of a landslide or an earthquake or some other disaster a long time ago, probably during the Collapse, so it was steep and jagged; the bottom was littered with old pieces of shattered armor - the last vestiges of some really unfortunate souls. Cayde wondered briefly how many Guardians had met their end here, and how many had been just like Andal: new to wielding the Light and just learning what it felt like.

"Did you put another damn tracker on me?" Tevis asked at last, voice tight.

"No, this time I just had a hunch."

In the full light of the sun, Tevis looked less offput and more exhausted. His hood was down for once, and his long dark hair fell loosely around his shoulders in tangled waves. There was Void in his eyes, an amaranthine glow that Cayde had only seen swell around his usual grey when they were about to be in a hell of a fight - never when they were sitting quietly beneath the full sun.

"You look like you're not sleeping," Cayde said, making a show of scrutinizing the dark circles.

"I don't need a damn lecture, Cayde."

"Not gonna give you one. I know you've got the whole 'Void is stronger when you're running on empty' thing you do, but, uh - there's nothing out here. It's just us. You don't need to do that."

Tevis shrugged. The glow didn't dissipate. "What do you want?" he asked, though it was almost a grumble.

"Andal was getting worried since you didn't turn up last night, so I thought I'd come check on you."

"You got the damned ping, didn't you?"

"Well, yeah-"

"Then why are you here?"

"Maybe I just wanted to piss you off," Cayde returned breezily, and Tevis snapped to meet his gaze. The Void surged in his eyes like a gathering storm before he quelled and quieted it.

"'Andal was getting worried'," Tevis repeated. "Sure."

Cayde leaned back on his hands and kicked his legs idly. Talking to Tevis about something emotionally charged was a bit like navigating a minefield. He'd spent a decent amount of time getting blown up, back when he'd dragged him kicking and screaming into a friendship all those centuries ago. But he'd learned. With Tevis, you had to have trust, and then you had to find a way to push, or you'd watch him break himself apart in his own head. "I'm gonna level with you, Tev," he said. "I think you disappeared cuz you've been on edge since we got here."

"No, I left camp because you're all so fucking annoying."

"Ah, cut the bullshit already. Me? Sure, I drive you up a wall sometimes. That's just part of what makes our dynamic work. But you respect Andal too much to see him the same way, Lush is too scared of you to do anything that might seriously piss you off, and Shiro always reads you like a damn book no matter how many walls you throw at him, so you're never really mad at him. Kinda jealous of that, actually. I wish he'd teach me how he does it."

"He doesn't read me like a book," Tevis huffed. "And spend less time trying to get on my nerves, and maybe I'd be pissed at you less."

"If I didn't get on your nerves so much, we'd never have become friends. Admit it: you like the challenge." Cayde flashed him a grin, and Tevis mumbled something scathing and indecipherable under his breath, but the shove he gave Cayde's shoulder didn't have any weight behind it, and the ghost of a smile curved a corner of his mouth.

"Tell me why I've put up with your shit for so long," he muttered, and leaned back to mirror Cayde.

"Because sometimes a situation calls for a little personality and not an arrow to the face, and I've never seen you talk your way into anywhere."

Tevis rolled his eyes. "That was rhetorical, Cayde."

"I knew that."

"Sure you did."

Cayde hesitated. "You wanna tell me why this place gets to you so bad?"

Tevis locked his jaw, then sat back up and hunched forward with his hands clenched together in his lap. He wasn't exactly slight, but he was a lot smaller than the rest of the pack, and built wiry. Usually, it just meant he was quicker, more agile, and harder for their enemies to hit, so Cayde thought nothing of it. Now, though, curled in on himself as he was, Tevis just looked impossibly vulnerable. A faint shudder ran through his shoulders, like he was in a physical fight and had just taken a hit.

Cayde waited until the shaking subsided, then slowly put a hand on his shoulder. Fifty-fifty shot at success. Odds would be better if it was Andal trying it: everyone had a soft spot for Andal, and he knew it, which was only a problem when he was being a smartass. This time, Cayde got lucky: Tevis didn't rip away from the touch; if anything, he pressed into it.

"Old history," Tevis said at last, and shrugged helplessly.

Cayde hummed a vague acknowledgement. Tevis sat there silently for a minute, then reached into his pack. pulled out a bundle of fabric, and shoved it into Cayde's hands. "Give that to Andal," he said, deliberately avoiding Cayde's gaze as he tugged at the wrappings.

The knife in his hands was beautiful, and had clearly been recently restored: it was shining, all ornate purple and black, with a twist of gold around the bottom of the blade. Cayde turned it over and choked back a laugh. The name Andal Brask was carved in tiny scrawl on the hilt. "Do you think Andal did this?" he asked, shoving the grip toward Tevis so he could see. "Or do you think it was Lulah?"

Tevis pushed the knife away with a sigh. "Don't know. Don't care. Found it out here and figured if it didn't belong to him, he'd probably appreciate it anyway."

"How many Andal Brasks do you think there are in the world?"

"How the hell should I know?"

Cayde tilted his head at him as he set the blade aside. "Okay, I'll narrow it down for ya: how many Andal Brasks did you save from a full-on RTL here?"

Tevis, to his credit, didn't jolt, or start, but he did flinch. "What the fuck are you talking about?" he snapped. His hand curled into a fist at his side, and the Void surged in his eyes.

Cayde gave him a moment - waited for the Void to go from seething tendrils to just mist. "C'mon, Tev," he said quietly. "There aren't a lot of Nightstalkers around, let alone ones who'd jump into that kinda fight without a second thought. And there aren't a lot who'd come out on top, either. You just happen to be this wound up as soon as we get here, you just happen to come to this exact spot, you just happen to find Andal's knife, and you just happen to fix it up and not wanna give it to him yourself? That's too many coincidences."

Tevis shot him a withering glare, but it was a poor mask for the soul-crushing guilt beneath it. "It was my fault," he managed. The words came out strangled. He stopped to heave a labored exhale, and Cayde risked putting a hand back on his shoulder.

"You know that's not what Andal's gonna say."

"Don't tell him."

"The minute I hand him this knife, he's gonna put it together on his own. I won't have to tell him anything."

Tevis dropped his head into his hands. "Yeah," he whispered. "I know."

Cayde scooted a little closer, waited a beat, and swung an arm around him. It earned him an elbow to the side that would have hurt a lot more if he wasn't an Exo, but Tevis didn't shove him away and slip into the Void, so that was progress. "It wasn't your fault," he said, for all the good it would do. "And you saved his life."

"His damn life wouldn't have been at stake if I hadn't gotten him caught in the crossfire," Tevis hissed, snapping upright to stare Cayde straight in the eyes. "It was me they were after. I thought I'd lost them, and it turned out they'd just run across another Nightstalker. They'd have figured it out pretty quick, with how damn new to everything he was. But they kept after him anyway. I don't know if they were trying to draw me out, or if they were just so fucked in the head that they were really gonna tear apart a New Light instead."

Cayde blew out a breath. "You know, I told Andal you had some pretty nasty enemies. What'd this batch want with you?"

Tevis gave a soul-weary sigh. "What do they always want, Cayde?"

Cayde inclined his head in half a shrug. Tevis's connection to the Void was unrivaled, so renowned for its strength that the Speaker himself sometimes put out a general summons to ask Tevis to come to the City, so the scholars could pester him with seventy different questions about it. Tevis never went, of course, but word had long since spread through the Wilds, too, and not everyone out there was as innocuous as a couple of nerds who had their faces perpetually glued to a book. Some groups, mostly left over from the Dark Age, still thought the Void was aligned with the Darkness, and that being so thoroughly submerged in it made Tevis a heretic of the highest order. Others saw him as a saint. And then there were the ones that thought they could replicate the Call if they took him apart enough times.

"Guess being a legend's not all it's cracked up to be," Cayde said, trying for a note of levity.

Tevis snorted. "I liked it better when they all thought I wasn't real."

Cayde forced a chuckle. "Andal said he didn't remember how he got back to his ship. You know anything about that?"

"I carried him there."

That twisted something in Cayde's chest. Tevis was more of a loner than anyone else in the pack: closed off, bottled up, and sometimes a real pain in the ass to get along with. But he was also the kind of man who'd break himself apart to save a New Light he'd never met. There were plenty of other Guardians who would've taken the diversion and run instead of throwing themselves into the Void and an impossible fight - who would've disappeared rather than carry a traumatized comrade back to their ship and see them off to safety. Tevis had a self-loathing streak a mile wide. He'd never call that selfless; he'd just say he was doing what needed to be done. Cayde knew better.

"You're a good guy, Tev," Cayde said, and squeezed him close for the half a second he'd tolerate.

"Don't start that shit again."

"Nah, we've been having this argument for decades now. Gotta keep it going."

"One day, I'm gonna get sick of you."

"That hasn't happened in all the centuries we've known each other, and it's not gonna happen now. That'd be like quitting, and we both know you can't stand to let me win." Cayde pushed himself to his feet and retrieved the blade. "We should get back to camp, though. I wasn't kidding when I said they were starting to get worried."

"You go. I'm staying here."

"Nah, I know that look. No self-loathing spirals today. C'mon." Tevis, surprisingly, didn't resist when Cayde tugged him to stand, and pressed the blade into his hands. "You've gotta get this back to Andal anyway."

Tevis followed him out of the gulch, up an incline so steep it was almost sheer, and through the forest. Cayde heard the camp before he saw it: Shiro and Lush were embroiled in some heated debate about whether arc was best wielded as a staff or when shaped into blades. Tevis shot him a weary look.

"They're never gonna settle that," Cayde confirmed, in answer to the question he hadn't really asked. Shiro and Lush noticed their arrival enough to give them a wave each, and then they were back to their fight. Andal, for his part, was perched on one of the logs they'd turned into the camp's makeshift benches, looking for all the world like he wished he could sink into the ground and disappear. Cayde draped his arms around his neck and planted a kiss on his crown.

"Hey," Andal said, tangling their fingers together and craning his neck back to give him a tired smile. "You found Tev."

Cayde slipped down to sit beside him. "Yeah. How long have those two been at it?"

"I stopped counting."

"Damn, that long?"

"Afraid so."

Cayde sighed, and cast a glance at the edge of the camp. Tevis was frozen, and he stayed that way for an alarming stretch of time. Cayde was just considering stalking over, grabbing his arm, and dragging him into the circle when he jolted, closed the distance in a few stiff strides, and pushed the knife at Andal like it was burning him. "I found that near the gulch," he bit out, like he wouldn't say the words if he didn't force them all out at once.

Andal's face went through an impressive array of emotion impressively quickly: surprise, then confusion, and then old grief, before he settled on dawning realization. He set the knife to the side, snapped to his feet, and pulled Tevis into a tight hug, and Tevis didn't really flail, but he did stand there with his arms raised awkwardly for a second before he realized he was supposed to do something with his hands too. Then he patted Andal lightly on the back twice.

"I don't remember if I said thanks then," Andal said quietly. It sounded loud, though, since Shiro and Lush had finally figured out they should stop.

Tevis pushed at him, like he wasn't sure if they were supposed to hold on that long. Andal didn't move. "You don't owe me any damn thanks. You just wouldn't shut up about the knife on the way back to your ship. Figured it might still be out there somewhere, and we were here anyway."

"Thanks," Andal said, regardless. "For saving me. And for returning the knife."

Tevis blew out an exasperated breath and tried again to shrug off the hug. It worked about as well as it had the first time. "Fine," he grit out. "You're welcome. Let go."

This time, Andal did, though he left one hand on Tevis's shoulder when he pulled away. "Wait, you said 'on the way back to my ship'. Did you carry me there?"

Tevis rolled his eyes. He didn't answer, to confirm or deny it, only pushed Andal's touch away and tugged his cloak closer about his shoulders, as if that would deflect the eyes locked on him. Then he stalked over to sit on the log across from Cayde with his arms folded tightly against his chest.

"What the hell just happened?" Lush asked, glancing around the circle. Even in full daylight, he didn't look hungover at all. Maybe it was an Awoken thing. "What did I miss last night?"

"Nothing," Tevis snapped. Lush jumped and this time, Tevis did flail, but only because Shiro had tugged his hood up and over his head with enough force to send him pitching forward.

"I have no idea what they're talking about either," Shiro said, with a final side-eye at Tevis.

Cayde caught Andal's wrist and tugged him to his side, then hummed contentedly when Andal immediately settled in his lap and wrapped his arms around his neck. "You know," Cayde said, "I can't decide if you look better in sunlight or starlight."

Andal's laugh made his heart clench. "You've got to work on those lines, love."

"Why? You like them."

Andal laughed again, and pulled him down to eye level. "Yeah," he murmured, a soft breath on Cayde's cheek as he leaned in for a kiss. "I do."

----

#cayde 6 #andal brask #candal #tevis larsen #shiro 4 #destiny 2 #my writing

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grigori77 · 8 months ago

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Critical Role, Campaign 3 Epsiode 92

Oh yeah ... just getting it off exactly how it needs to given all the massive feels we're gonna get, right? Way to go, Marisha, filling in for Sam JUST RIGHT at the start ... XD "Off off off ... THIS hotdog ... BITES BACK." Oh wow ... yeah this whole plug's just been derailed before she can even start ... wait ... what? A dump cake? Oh boy ... "catterpilling"? Is this something I maybe don't actually wanna know about? Yes, GO OFF, Marisha! Give Riegel a damn good seeing to even though he's not here ... Liam: "This is Orym's Form of Dread." Matt: "I hate everything about this."

Yeah ... so here we go, then ... we were a puddle of ruination at the end of last week's episode ... what further emotional devastation are we in for THIS week? I'm not ready ...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Please don't remind me of the pain ... and yet, we must ...

So seriously, is Liliana with THEM now? How does this work?

They're OUTSIDE the city? Well, that's actually kind of LUCKY ...

This is all SO complicated ... CAN we trust her? Well ... I mean ... she IS giving us a pretty useful loredump right now ...

Oh right, here we go ... time for the conflicting theological viewpoints to fuck up what fragile peace we got going here right now ...

Exactly ... apathy in something THAT POWERFUL could be EXTREMELY dangerous to BOTH worlds ...

TO THE MOUNTAIN!!!

So ... is she voluneering to be a spy? A double-agent in the fight? Howcan we be sur she's trustworthy to begin with? I'm sorry,. but I'm really NOT sold on Liliana suddenly being repentant right now ...

He made contact 300 YEARS AGO? Holy fuck ...

Any more Vessels? Hmmm ... that's worrying too ... Ludinus ain't even HERE? He's back on Exandria? Interesting ...

Evoroa knows where he is? Okay ...

Yay! Religious persecution! What fun! Oof ... okay, seriously, I get where she's coming from, but this is REALLY dngerous even so ... there's no good end to this situation, no matter what they do, it's all totally FUCKED already ...

LILIANA TEMULT BACKSTORY!!! O.O

Time for escape ... yeah, this is gonna be interesting ...

They just JUMPED all the way to the Bloody Bridge? Holy fuck ... wait ... ARE THEY here? This sounds an awful lot like they're not ACTUALLY there ... is this just an illiusion or is she shielding them somehow?

GO!!! GO NOW!!! Like, STUPID FAST!!!

Liliana is BENDING TIME round her? Forcing it to go slow? Holy shit ...

WHOOSH!!! On the way home, then ...

Wait! What do they do when they GET THERE again? Oh shit ...

ARE THEY back at the Malleus Key? Oh fuck, they are ... shit! What the fuck ... oh, they STILL can't se them? How the hell is she managing to make THIS work? So far away like this ... how long do they have left?

Yeah ... maybe Pass Without a Trace is NOT smart just yet ... YES!!! Deception sounds wiser ... time to walk out whistling ...

Disguise Self etc ... hmmm ... so they're gonna BLUFF it out, then ...

Laura, how the HELL could you roll a Crit Fail RIGHT NOW? Oh fuck this is THE WORST ... this is going to go SO BAD ... this is gonna be like a fucking CAR CRASH ...

Mystics ... BALLS ... and now they're being INTERCEPTED ...

They're RAISING ALARM ... oh this just keeps getting worse ... crap ... CRAP CRAP CRAPPITY CRAP-CRAP-CRAP ...

Twinned Spell Phantasmal Force? Okay, Laudna ... I'm REALLY hoping this works ... this is like a total fucking Hail Mary right now ...

BLUFF!!! Please let this work ... HOLY FUCK!!! I cannot fucking believe this ... O.O

NOW you're looking for Planerider Ryn? NOW?!!!

Matt: "Orym rolls high enough to see into the REAL dimension ..." Liam: "What does that mean?" Laura: "Atreyu!" LOL

Go WEST young man ... and others ... um ...

Graveyard of holy warriors ... charming ... Matt described THIS a little TOO well and it's harrowing ...

Get word out as quick as possible ... Yay! Keyleth! And like always Matt STILL plays her as awkward. It's adorable ... XD

Laura (to Travis): "Hey! Fuck off!" Liam: "They were such an adorable couple." Marisha: "Hash-tag goals!"

Exhaustion? Oh fuck, guys ... yeah, this is gonna make it tougher ...

I can't believe they're actually MANAGING to get away ...

And NOW the loss is finally hitting them ... oh fuck ... this is gonna be SO MUCH WORSE than if they'd actually BEEN ABLE to process right away ...

Yeah ... IS that bond between mother and daughter TRULY lost for good?

Oh Laudna ... dead girl needs a hug so bad ...

Otohan's shit? Here we go ... oh yeah, Orym's gonna go OFF right now ... fuck ...

"RIP FCG" ... Marisha's fan ... awwww ... but also that's making me cry a bit ...

Oh, so Evoroa is just COMPLETELY beside herself right now and I don't blame her, this WOULD be a weird experience for her ... and I suppose THIS place isn't a good introduction for herin real life ...

Ludinus is in AEOR?!!! How the FUCK is that supposed to work?

MFMM indeed ...

The "Dominox"?

I love Laudna being EXTRA twitchy-creepy when she's excited ... :3

Travis: "CAN YOU STOP INTERRUPTING THE STORY!!!" Laura: "I'm sorry!" (continues to interrupt)

We're only just NOW remembering FRIDA? Oh fuck ...

Yes! Feed the Bormodo ... awww ... :3

Oh yeah, that sword is just BAD FUCKING NEWS, definitely. "Ishta the Summit Blade"? Charming ...

Just pushing on until they reach safety, then ...

A rare Ashton/Laudna heart-to-heart ... hmmm ...

And now Imogen's checking on a very fragile Orym ... oh man ... oh yeah, Wee Man is in a very dark place right now and I want to hug him so tight ... yeah, I think we're ALL gonna miss Letters. Imogen: "They were ... they were ALIVE." Oh ... fuck ...

Oh ... the Sending Stone? Orym tries to contact Dorian ... fuck ... PLEASE let this work this time ... oh fuck, this message ...

LEAVE THE TABLE?!!! What the sweet FUCK?!!! Matthew, what the FUCK is this? What are you doing?

Wait ... Matt, where the hell are you ... O.O AABRIA?!!! Holy FUCK!!!

And now ... a break ... while I try to make sense of THIS insane new twist ...

Wait ... THE CROWN KEEPERS?!!! Holy shit ... and now Matt's at the table as a PLAYER again ... and ROBBIE!!! It's been SO LONG, man ... we've missed you so much ...

So basically this is Exandria Unlimited continued ... hmmm ...

Ah, here we go ... the Solstice ... cuz this is A LOT of catching up to do ...

Zephra? Sounds like the best place, really ... so ... time to catch up PROPER with the group, then ...

Oh yeah, Fy'ra is SO VERY MUCH the Mom friend in this group ...

Wow ... Opal's clearly UNRAVELLING a bit right now ... that's not good at all ...

Ah ... yes ... TED ...

Crap ... THIS can't be god ... a Wisdom save? Balls ... bad sign ...

TALK ABOUT asking for a Perception check with FORCE ... "the SPOOKIEST 20!" XD

Aabria: "I will not give you my true name!" Robbie: "Your choices are Poska and Goblin!" XD

What the fuck ... did Opal just TURN EVIL?!!!

Huh ... Aabria's on the move, that's ... INTERESTING ... and now we got a Battlemap ... oh boy ... we're just getting RIGHT INTO IT, clearly ... I'm suddenly VERY SCARED for everybody ...

Wow ... so now it looks like it's Aimee against EVERYBODY ELSE ...this just got EVEN WORSE ...

Fuck! So TED is in charge, now? Or soebody WORSE ... that's so bad ... O.O Oh balls, it's WAY worse than that ...

Webbing? Yup, definitely some monstrous evil spider goddess, then ... I think we know who THIS is then ...

Aimee has to make the impossible Sophie's Choice ... and Aabria is FORBIDDING HER from pulling any punches ... great ...

Oh yeah, possessed Opal is setting out to full-on MURDER Fy'ra ... 2 D10s PLUS TEn TO EACH?!!! Oh fuck ... yeah, that sounds PAINFUL ... and NOW we're rolling for Initiative ...

Matt rolled a NINE for his Initiative ... of course he did ... "Dariax is BACK, baby!" XD

Morrighan is itching for ANYTHING to target besides Opal ... but there's ONLY HER ... hmmm ... wait ... cast HASTE on Opal? Huh? O.O Oh no, on HERSELF ... okay ... ah yes, Rabbit Hop, yeah ... Vow of Enmity? OKAY ... Aabria: "Okay, this sounds REALLY AGGRESSIVE, and I LIKE IT!" And now we need a refresher on the mechanics of Haste ... Divine Smite? Oh yeah ... at 4th Level? oof ... Morrighan is NOT holding back AT ALL ... 27 points of Radiant damage ... yeah, that's HARD ...and she's apologising the whole time ...

Wait ... NONE OF THAT touches Opal? How the FUCK?!!!

"Meat beast bandersnatch Opel" is a description that goes SO HARD, Aabria!

So, second attack from Morrighan ... "Fuck you, Ted!" Yeah, definitely ... 22 points ... oh shit ... SHiELD?!!! Sneaky ... oh wait ... is Ted trying to PROTECT Opal? I'm so confused, now ...

Aabria ragging on the Marisha hotdog and Matt just looking SO sheepish ... I love it ... XD

A gemstone dick? Really? Morrighan: "Wow, it's so BIG." Aabria (instantly regretting what she just did): "STOP IT!!!"

Dorian is SPACED right now, compared to the others, he has NO IDEA what's going on ... winged boots ENGAGE!!! A last little toot ... Bardic Inspiration to Fy'ra! Yeah! And he flies up to Opal and just tries to give her a BIG HUG ... O.O Really? And she just picks him up and drops him far away on the ground without ANY fuss ... oof ... oh, a Persuasion Check? Hmmmm ... oh yeah, that's STILL a Nat1 ...

That is SUCH a confusing mental conversation ...

Fy'ra takes this all VERY personal given what she's just had to go through with her sister ... yes girl, invoke the Wildmother! SHUSH, PHONE!!! Oh yeah ... yeah, the Wildmother WOULD be somewhat incommunicado right now ... ye3ah, it's just PAINFUL trying to communicate right now ...

Okay, she's going for the whip instead ... ooh, so she's trying to snatch Opal and pull her AWAY from Ted or the Spider Queen or whatever this is ... sdespite a lot of dice, that's still just SEVEN POINTS of damage ... oof ... that really just doesn't do ANYTHING ...

Anjali: "Do I FEEL the fick of gems as I move across it?" Aabria: "STOP!!!"

Okay, so clearly IT IS the Spider Queen, then ...

Wait ... what just happened to Ted? "Aevilux"? What? A BEACON?!!! Oh fuck, it IS a Luxon Beacon ... fuck ... those things are NEVER good ... fuck ... so just as Opal finally understands Ted and their connection that evil Spider-bitch DESTROYS that connection ... NO!!!

Ted attacks Morrighan ... 14 points of piercing damage from the Dark Blade? Hmmmm ...

Dariax is just CONFUSED ... as he WOULD BE ... Bless at 2nd Level? Okay, then ... oh yeah, he's just PANICKING ... and trying to scramble up the rock ... this will be interesting ... yeah, Dariax has NO sense of self-preservation ... yeah, OUCH ... and another Bardic Inspiration to Dorian ... that's adorable ...

You know what? We really needed this cuteness after last week ... :3

Opal casts DARKNESS?!!! On herself AND Ted? Fuck ... yeah, that's basically EVERYBODY, except for Fy'ra ... and the only person who can see in MAGICAL darkness is OPAL!!! Oh shitty fuck ... O.O

Aabria: "I need you to KILL THEM."

Anjali picks the worst time to pee and the others immediately rag on her for it ...

Cute little squirrel = scary extra spider ... hmmm ...

Oh, so the dicks are DANI'S FAULT? I see ...

Cyrus can't see anything ... so he just starts shouting at his brother asking what to do ... this is a VERY odd exchange ... whoa, so he's STILL a Level 6? Aabria: "He's a himbo! He wouldn't have learned anything!"

Wisdom save shenanigans! XD

Morrighan tries to hop to Fy'ra in the total darkness ... acrobatics check ... oh, MIsty Step? Yeah, that's better ... oh, but not so much while she's blind ... hmmm ... yeah, we're really not sure WHAT to do now ... O.O 8? Off ... so she gives HERSELF 5 points of damage asshe lands EXACTLY where she meant to ... yeah ... Lay On Hands for Fy'ra? Nice ... 34 points back? Sweet ... and now she's stabbing the spider ... okay ... oh GRAB the dick of gems? Yeah, do that ...

The gems are memories and feelings of Opan herself? Okay, DEFINITELY protect these, then ...

Flashback? In the middle of the fight? Interesting ...

THat's really adorable in a funny way ... :3

Whoa, so Morrighan PERMANENTLY saved and protected THAT specific memory and connection to Opal? Oh my gods that's fantastic ...

Oh yeah. "Bossy Genasi" just fits her SO WELL ...

Dorian fishes out his mandolin and casts Dispel Magic on the Darkness ... PLEASE pass the rolls, Robbie ... 9? SHITE!!! Essentially he just fart instead and it blows him backwards a little ... so he drops down to where he THINKS Dariax is ... Acrobatics check? NICE roll this time ... got him! And he returns the Bardic Inspiration right back ... :3

Fy'ra scoops up more gems while trying to check in with the Wildmother again ... ah, dick jokes ... we're all children tonight ... XD ... ah, more flashbacks! Okay ... wow, Fy'ra really is BAD at positive physical contact ... Opal is immensely proud about knowing the word "absentia" ... ah, and she argues with Ted again, like always ... awwwww ... "rent-a-sister" ... too cute ... "Two coins together"? OH MY GODS!!! :3 And finally a challenge to the Spider Queen ...

She walks up the wall BECAUSE SHE CAN and surveys the scene ... hmmmm ...

LEGENDARY ACTION?!!! EXCUSE ME?!!!

Eldritch Blast? Fuck ... and of course SHE KNOWS who the biggest threat is ... SHIT ... wait, DARIAX?!!! Fuck ... O.O And all three HIT ... OH BOY ... 28 points of damage ... AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! Wait, up to 38 points? NOOOO ...

Oh Dariax ... that was SO BAD and yet SO FUNNY ...

Ted takes a swing at both Dariax AND Dorian ... and hits, of course ... oof ...

Dariax casts another Bless, then Quickens a spell to cast Dimension Door, grabs Dorian's arm and jumps them both onto the top of the rock. Going entirely by guess ... hmmm ... but Ted is a MAGE SLAYER? What the ever-loving FUCK?!!! Meanwhile they have to first land well but also NOT crush any dick-gems ... oof ... roll well, Matthew! O.O And THANK FUCK they JUST make it ... Dariax pulls a FULL-ON Van Damme splits landing ...

ANOTHER flashback! Dariax has a special night-piss? That's adorable in a real himbo way ... yeah, that's a little unsettling, Opal ... oh my gods, I love how Dariax is perceptive enough to KNOW he's not smart, but also really magnanimous with his acceptance of her failed attempt to flatter him ... whoa ... she CORRUPTS the memory? You evil spider-bitch ... oh, this just got SO CRUEL ... and now SUPER FUCKING SCARY ... whoa ...

Oh fuck ... Spider Goddess is trying to convince Opal to make them LEAVE HER ... that's so much worse ...

So now the spiders are DESTORYING the gems ... oh man ... KILL THAT FUCKER, Cyrus! And now he's poisoned! Fuck!

Aimee has to make another Wisdom savw with a TWENTY diffiulty? Fuck ... and she rolls 13 ... AAAARGH!!! Oh, now THEY ALL have to do that ... oof ... so Dorian and Dariax tank that ... ouch ...

They're losing her ... oh fuck ... fuck, so now Dariax thinks she's turned into a full-blown spider monster ... fuck ... and meanwhile Dorian sees EVERYONE has been overtaken by the horror affecting Opal ... even worse ...

OPal gets BIGGER, taller, stretched out ... and just NASTY ... oh yeah, Spider-bitch is DONE fucking around now ...

And she's calling it a night NOW?!!! Seriously? Ooof ...

So ... does this mean that THIS is how next week's starting? Is it gonna be the WHOLE episode, maybe? I can't say I'm AGAINST that, really ...

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