#I get a cake for others and no one cares
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dreamyberry · 2 years ago
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/ 18.4.23
#don’t really understand why I have to live#I am in the prime of my life and I cry every other day bc I have to live#what am I here for? to not make my parents feel bad? I don’t even feel like posting art on instagram anymore because of shame#don’t want that former school etc people see how bad I am doing#if I could just jump into the void#say bye to one friend or two and everybody else can read my diaries in broken Swedish or German if they find it#I hate everything#my happiness after childhood just just as long as a spring#I can’t even talk with people bc I am. a broken record and sound like someone playing the victim#and people get tired of it even if they cared in the first place#had enough of spending my birthdays crying#and New Year’s Eve and Saturday nights#I get a cake for others and no one cares#great#I was about to have a breakdown today at work#I am constantly disappointed by myself and everything is too much#one day she was here and then she was gone like the wind#that’s what I think about myself when I bike home#I am simply too weak and slow for this world#it’s a game and you have to act like you are okay which is what I did through all my high school years with my parents#at the end of high school I went out twice with my class and a girl who liked me even tho I could just not fit in and came home late and#at last I could just say I went out at night with others#and all I’ve done these years was going back and forth to a country for one person and that was cool but it’s all I got#I only dream of not waking up and chocking and drowning and that the gas goes out and they find me dead#all this was supposed to improve my satisfaction with life and look at me! I’m more suicidal than ever even if I’m never gonna do it#I was having a tiring videocall with my boss and didn’t get something in Dutch and he switched and made me switch to English and#it truly shows how much of a failure I feel I’ll never be good enough
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chalkrub · 22 days ago
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art trade w/ thrak800 on twit - love this fella !
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purplecelestial-buddy · 2 months ago
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There's many little details in Harusono's works that tend to take space in my mind (like the background gag of the boys piling up bottles) but one of them is this picture:
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There's cake, there's a ton of people and there's someone being thrown???
Idk I just think that they Kagiuras are probably great pary guests.
Full panel for more context:
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jrueships · 6 months ago
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r u the grew up poor never being able to buy the little things in life u always wanted as a kid so now u buy whatever little thing u want as an adult and struggle with saving for the big mandatory thing,
or the grew up poor never being able to buy the little things in life u always wanted as a kid so now u just never buy anything small bcs u had to learn to live without it and constantly try to save for the next big thing in 500 yrs
#everyones been asking what i wanted for my bday and i always say nothing#like i hate the feeling of getting somebody smthing just to get them smthing like personally#it needs to come from the heart for me. if it's for smthing big like a bday#now like getting someone a coffee judt to get them one on a random day is dif bcs it's just smthin random on a random day i can understand#but idk like as a kid into adulthood the only bday my relatives / guardians have ever celebrated was my adopted brother's n my dad's#the dad bcs hes a hyperconservative dictator lol n the older adopted bro is cus hes got higher needs#so everybody gets more money taking care of him n stuff so u gotta act like u care abt him according to the guardians#but like i never even knew bdays were that big to people. like i mean i know OTHER PEOPLES bdays are big to them#i find ppl who rlly love their bdays to be rlly cute. like i dont think theyre selfish or make fun of em cus theyre judt having fun#n like u only get one x yr bday so have fun with it!!#but for ME? my bday was never anything special n i dont think it is now#everybody feels bad or smthing for me or for not getting me nothing today but it's like?? this is the norm??? im cool with it#ive been thinking abt other stuff like i just dont have time to think abt the pleasures rn. i have to double on the pain or smthing#like my friends always laugh abt how i dont drink coffee/tea or alcohol bcs u cant be in the medical field without a lil smn smn#& it's like idk ! i like ppl that do do that kinda stuff but like! i never grew up with that & it just feels odd to do it now kinda thing#idk im very cheap but also i will use the fact that im cheap on the small stuff to justify wanting to make a big purchase#i have a weird relationship with buying things for myself vs for others like 4 others i will buy watever u want bro#sugar papi ted#hey heres this idk insert raccoon bracelet bcs u like raccoons n love wearing bracelets so i thot of u n bought it#but if i buy smthing for me it has to have a dual purpose or smthing#i got to have a free dessert today n chose the churros over the tres leches cake slicr cus u can judt make the cake#but i dont own a deep fryer so i cant make churros n storebought churros just arent the same#like im just always idk comparing or needing to know the use of things yanno#if i do smthing. i have to see it thru. & it has to have multi purpose#i mean just look at my username jrue ships or jrue's hips like#im unwell when it comes to that#idk is anyone else like this#anyways yea this whole new thing of getting stuff on one day is hard for me like it just never matches up with my time#of course ill see stuff id like to have but like. ill just make myself forget it n by the time stuff like this rolls up it's like idk#i COULD get a new laptop but i got one that works just fine. i got an ipad on its last legs but can i still turn it on? alright
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cutter-kirby · 1 year ago
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haha wow they're wrapping things up nicely so far! what do you mean jay is staying in fionnaworld
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dykedvonte · 2 months ago
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Hey so from what I've heard about the plot of the game the crew believes that Curly was the one who crashed the ship after Jimmy told them, including Anya. But shouldn't she of all people know Jimmy isn't to be trusted?
I think it’s tensions and a sort of shock for why they blame Curly.
She knows Curly is reserved and holding back his feelings on life and his occupation. He zones out, clearly has self image issues and is dissatisfied with life if anything they heard at the party is to go by. He was in a clearly bad state of mind the entire expedition on top of being in a worse one when he ran to the cockpit to talk to Jimmy, someone she likely picked up on having a furthering negative effect on his mental state. Not to mention it was after telling him she told Jimmy alone the crash happened.
Anya likely didn’t just believe Jimmy but it was the only thing they had to go on. She likely was partially blaming herself in that moment for adding what she could only believe the final straw that broke the camels back with the added stress of her assault. It’s not uncommon that victims blame themselves for perceived adjacent events and questioning it would tie back into thinking of the cause which is thinking more of her assault from Jimmy. I feel like over time she stops as it’s not hard to realize nothing Jimmy does to anyone is indicative of their own character nor should the crash be considered her fault in anyway.
I honestly think her asking about it was the doubt she had it was actually Curly and why she likely forgave him for it with the whole “I’ll worst moments…” sentiment. Even if it was him she knew he didn’t do it out of something deeply selfish but a perceived last resort unlike Jimmy who only did it to escape accountability. I know it’s a very kind thought towards a man who didn’t do enough to help you and you can only believe tried to kill you all, but it’s combined with a sort of peace and comfort they clearly had beforehand with each other that is hard to shake.
My own personal take is that she ended it and tried to seal Curly off with her because she finally realized none of what Jimmy told them added up and it was likely him. Maybe she saw him snooping around for the gun or maybe it all just clicked in those last moments just like it did for Curly. She was already worried he’d try something and crashing the ship really isn’t out of that realm.
Knowing he’s just as violent and dangerous as ever and even willing to frame his friend that was doing so much for him, her actions were out of sympathy, acceptance and reclamation for both of them. Curly doesn’t deserve this even if he understands her fully now but she can’t open the case and he couldn’t possibly get enough pills down in time, perhaps it was the idea he’d know in his last few days or even hours Jimmy can’t hurt them anymore. She understands it’s really the only quick way out and she’s doing it so Jimmy gets no satisfaction and loses the control he had over them permanently. Like really he’s only keeping Curly alive to menace him and not harming Anya due to both a combo of power high/Swansea and Daisuke would likely flip on him if he tried shit whether they knew of the past assault or not.
These tangents aside, we don’t actually know how much the others truly believed Jimmy and how much was just going along with his bullshit. It’s all form his perspective so how much they actually where listening is from his understanding only so hey, maybe when Swansea and Anya where talking, it was about this too. I mean, Swansea basically calls Jimmy delusional when Daisuke dies so maybe he figured it out too and is kicking himself for not actually doing more about it.
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hauntingjasper · 7 months ago
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We are all afraid of something...
I wonder what Prince Gumball's biggest fear would be?
There's an episode (Five short tables I think) where it shows that he's afraid of dying alone/his own mortality to some extent. I imagine that because he's long-lived and most likely has watched many people die before him, he's scared that there won't be anyone else by *his* side when it's his turn. There's no way of knowing when or how, he wouldn't be ready for it, so that's probably double scarier for him. He's an anxious fella
#tag rambling MMMMM MY FAVORITE#this made me think if Gumball is actually just long-lived or if he'd become something like the Mother Gum after enough centuries have passed#triple scary then because other than Neddy(Nelly?) he's the only gum humanoid in Ooo that we're aware of#so what if the deal with the Mother Gum is like... She releases this tiny gum things (or they're released by themselves) into the wild#and good luck baby you better survive if you want our species to continue existing 😄#He and Nelly survived but what if he dies before reaching a Mother Gum-state. and alone on top of that bc that must be a scary process#And if he dies then that means Nelly is alone. and probably would go through that alone too#I think he's also scared of not having anyone to take care of everything he left behind if he dies#and to reassure his people and loved ones that everything will be fine despite his absence#now I'm thinking about the way i portray him because I make it sound like he's “unworried” about his own life & wellbeing#he gets stabbed and he's just like “it's okay don't worry about it” BUT what if he does worry and like..#he knows it won't kill him so he doesn't panic but he might panic if he realizes that he got stabbed a little too close to a vital spot#but at the same time he won't if there's someone else with him because if he panics they'll panic and everyone panics#and he needs to be the bigger person at all times and and#does this make sense or am i just yapping#anyway I love you Gumball i just threw my English out the window to talk about your issues with death 🫶#fionna and cake#prince gumball
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mapsareforbraindeads · 2 months ago
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fucking hate my birthday
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ranvwoop · 2 months ago
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i try to avoid my acc being Just vntposting . in this world. but man is it going
#vwoop.noises#rest of tags is a lil heavy one#I am just so like. baseline unhappy with my life#and i can't be distracted all the time because like A) I have to be a person and B) World Cannot Revolve Around Me#and even a bit of those distractions have been Also caked in misery bc i am. difficult#so like what even is the point#And then. school .#did not go to my exams. my parents are mad and sayign i can't take a semester off because this was my write off and its like. NO. NOT REALL#they do not care how much of a mental breakdown i have visibly because they do not believe anything I have Not had any sort of rest .#and also like. they have their own problems. but one of these problems is telling me i wouldn't Really act like this#bc. and i really do like. wish that ppl would get help but we've tried but. over the last couple years my mom has believed that things#have been replaced / altered. and constantly brings up like. Oh yr dad NEVER ate pizza before :/ / you would've never said that / etc#Which like. it's such a genuine mental health thing like I deeply fully understand but I've been the only one taking it on and I am like.#21yo and very useless. And Also She's Mean 2 Me Now. I don't know what to do /shrug#And that's my storey . Kind of why it's been a constant stream of negativity we are doing :heart: Bad#like a year and a half ago: haha it's okay i'll just lock in next semester#the horrors: Hello. You are never doing an assignment again#sorry for the lore drop . thx if youve read this far idc if not. it's nice to get off my chest for real.#i gotta. make something soon idk#i can pretend that it will fix me :D#i am doing okay for the record uhhh we persist or whatever. if u are concerned of my absence my other blogs r in my pinned :]#I am still chronically online believe this. this is just my original posts blog. n mncrft sometimes still#after typing this out i left it on my puter to go search for food#and i had a huge rant sesh with my brother and this did kinda fix me ngl . Still posting tho.
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embright · 1 year ago
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you guys just don't know how to write angst anymore. putting people who say they like "toxic yaoi" in my dni cause they have no idea how to actually write toxicity
#I feel like a lot of this toxic blah blah stuff is fancy internet lingo to avoid accusations that you just enjoy abusive dynamics#without actually developing them or doing anything interesting. like if you're gonna say you love toxicity and codependency#and then just make fluff and smut about it without actually taking the time to explore and deconstruct it#then you're romanticizing it. are you not?#especially when the pairing in question has had extremely negative (beyond the scope of basic enemies to lovers) encounters in canon#just because you're using cutesy tumblr.com lingo doesn't mean you're absolved of actual development#and I'm saying this as someone who really likes this kind of trope because it gives room for monumental character exploration#and as a victim of abuse myself. I'm not saying write an essay I'm just saying why hype up how toxic and shitty they are for each other#just to turn it into fluff/a meme. like the actual negative parts of the dynamic don't matter? I though you guys condemned romanticization.#it's genuinely fascinating how the internet will deem one pairing abusive and bad but another with the same dynamic is just toxic yaoi?#I'm not sure where the line is drawn but you can't have your cake and eat it too.#and if you're going to try tackling a dynamic that's heavily abusive (“toxic”) then you can at least try to#justify it in a way that isn't just 'um well funny fandom meme ☝️'#you just want to skip all the development and get straight to the gushy parts? fine. not saying you can't. I can't tell you what to do.#but it does massively cheapen the dynamic and make it seem like you don't actually care about the characters you just want to ship somethin#I HATE CANON X CANON!!#slash nobody here#decrees
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beanghostprincess · 1 year ago
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if i hear the vinsmoke name again i swear to fucking god i'll start world war iii against them
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emometalhead · 9 months ago
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#having a day full of mixed feelings#I suppose this is how life goes#I'm officially done with my Bachelor's degree as of today#obviously I'm proud of myself for the accomplishment and I was excited to be celebrated today#it was a long and difficult road and there were many times where I didn't think I'd live to see it through but I made it#I'm the first person in my family to get this degree and I was really looking forward to having today be my day#I had a really lovely morning and then things kind of waned#there were a few arguments. someone I spent the day with repeatedly made negative comments about something I care about#it felt awful. I know it was intended as more of a playful jab than anything but I directly asked for the comments to stop and they didn't#it especially hurt that it was a fandom thing and the person is so invested in their own fandoms yet they felt it fair to step on mine#even though I've never done that to them#then people kept talking over me and acted like I was wrong for trying to interject to finish my own sentences#also as I said in the last post I was deeply upset by how my family members spoke of my 12 year old cousin#she's just a kid and some of our close family members have such a nasty opinion of her. she's so young and she's had a rough few years#but it seems like no one except my brother and I are willing to give her any grace#I think everyone else has forgotten what it feels like to be a kid and feel as if the world is against you#on a more positive note. I had a decadent slice of chocolate cake. it was heavenly#unfortunately I was really too in my head to fully enjoy it#literally every day for 3 weeks I've been talking about the lunch I planned to have today#I knew exactly what meal and dessert I wanted from the restaurant. it's my absolute fave and isn't available at any other local restaurant#I was totally starving by time we got to the restaurant. we were out all morning and I ate a tiny breakfast in anticipation of this meal#when we got there we found out they removed what I planned to order from the menu. I was devastated.#I know it's stupid but like this was the one part of my day that I've had planned for MONTHS and I've been thinking about it for weeks#we had a 40 minute car ride where I mentioned my excitement for the food no less than 10 times so this crushed me#also I'm just really picky in general and typically restaurants only have one or two things I'm able to eat#I offered to just eat the dessert while everyone else ordered food because they were all really hungry too but they wouldn't allow it#we left the restaurant and I still feel horrible for walking out. if I had known the item was removed we wouldn't have even gone there#it happened so recently though and I feel dumb for not even thinking to check the menu online beforehand#so we went to another restaurant and I barely ate anything and now I have no appetite for dinner and I feel bad for ruining the afternoon#even though it's my day and my celebration and I feel like I'm entitled to a slight amount of unreasonableness
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spilledbeans116 · 11 months ago
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I want a Vegeta enamel pin but I don’t like the Figpins or other name-brand merch for whatever reason
Then all the fan made ones that I like I find second hand and they’re scratched and messed up for 30 bucks 😭
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victory-cookies · 2 years ago
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the only irl friend I have that I feel comfortable actually talking about the things I enjoy with just insulted me for gushing about smth to her over snap last night and now I want to cry
#this is going in the tags bc it’s stupid but it’s making me sad so#the only irl friend I have that I actually felt comfortable sharing my interests with just made fun of me#for gushing to her about smth over snap last night#and I’m at work rn so I can’t even cry bc in a few minutes I’m back out on the floor#but just like. I think I have rsd (especially around my interests and then my intelligence but that’s not pertinent here)#so I’ve never really been super open about what things interest me bc when I get made fun of for it or those things get insulted#It really hurts#the only people I’ve really felt comfortable opening up to are like. Sid obv and then this one friend of mine#bc the two of us found out we shared some interests and started like. telling each other about other things we like#I’d tell her about my silly little tv shows and podcasts and she’d tell me about the movies and books she was into#and I’ve explained to her before how I’ve never really been comfortable enough to talk about that shit and how I appreciated her being kind#and not insulting me like other people have in the past#but today I’m sitting on break and watching the replies she sent me and one of them is just a clip in response to my video from last night#where she just goes ‘girl I literally don’t care’ (and this was not in a joking way like that was her response#and it was in a tone that implied ‘so shut up about it’)#and like I get it! I am often not interested in the things that people tell me about! but I try to be earnest and engaged#and I can understand loving smth and wanting to share it with others! and how it sucks when people are then mean about it!#like when she tells me about a teen drama romance book or sends me instagram reels of cake decorating I try to respond with enthusiasm!#bc while the content may not interest me I like hearing about the things she enjoys and I’m glad she feels open to telling me about stuff!#but now I don’t want to share shit with her anymore bc this has given me a huge spike in anxiety and I feel like shit#idk. it’s stupid but it sucks#vent#ig
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blcssom · 2 years ago
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closed starter for @tcrnished + open m/f/nb based on: spotify starter call
honey i'm making sure the table's made // we can celebrate the good that we've done // i won't lie if there's something still to take // there is ground to break whatever's still to come - eat your young || hozier
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she falters for only a second when her target makes eye contact with her. quick to mask it with a bashful glance away, jo can't exactly pinpoint why her heart is suddenly racing. still, she has her orders. taking a deep breath, she approaches with an apologetic smile. "excuse me... are you from around here? i'm just visiting a friend and i'm.... so lost."
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midifighter · 2 years ago
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girls will literally have the scariest dreams and then wake up atfucking 7 AM
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