#like he could’ve lied and said they tried to steer the ship out the way but auto pilot malfunctioned and curly got hurt saving him and them

[dykedvonte]

Hey so from what I've heard about the plot of the game the crew believes that Curly was the one who crashed the ship after Jimmy told them, including Anya. But shouldn't she of all people know Jimmy isn't to be trusted?

I think it’s tensions and a sort of shock for why they blame Curly.

She knows Curly is reserved and holding back his feelings on life and his occupation. He zones out, clearly has self image issues and is dissatisfied with life if anything they heard at the party is to go by. He was in a clearly bad state of mind the entire expedition on top of being in a worse one when he ran to the cockpit to talk to Jimmy, someone she likely picked up on having a furthering negative effect on his mental state. Not to mention it was after telling him she told Jimmy alone the crash happened.

Anya likely didn’t just believe Jimmy but it was the only thing they had to go on. She likely was partially blaming herself in that moment for adding what she could only believe the final straw that broke the camels back with the added stress of her assault. It’s not uncommon that victims blame themselves for perceived adjacent events and questioning it would tie back into thinking of the cause which is thinking more of her assault from Jimmy. I feel like over time she stops as it’s not hard to realize nothing Jimmy does to anyone is indicative of their own character nor should the crash be considered her fault in anyway.

I honestly think her asking about it was the doubt she had it was actually Curly and why she likely forgave him for it with the whole “I’ll worst moments…” sentiment. Even if it was him she knew he didn’t do it out of something deeply selfish but a perceived last resort unlike Jimmy who only did it to escape accountability. I know it’s a very kind thought towards a man who didn’t do enough to help you and you can only believe tried to kill you all, but it’s combined with a sort of peace and comfort they clearly had beforehand with each other that is hard to shake.

My own personal take is that she ended it and tried to seal Curly off with her because she finally realized none of what Jimmy told them added up and it was likely him. Maybe she saw him snooping around for the gun or maybe it all just clicked in those last moments just like it did for Curly. She was already worried he’d try something and crashing the ship really isn’t out of that realm.

Knowing he’s just as violent and dangerous as ever and even willing to frame his friend that was doing so much for him, her actions were out of sympathy, acceptance and reclamation for both of them. Curly doesn’t deserve this even if he understands her fully now but she can’t open the case and he couldn’t possibly get enough pills down in time, perhaps it was the idea he’d know in his last few days or even hours Jimmy can’t hurt them anymore. She understands it’s really the only quick way out and she’s doing it so Jimmy gets no satisfaction and loses the control he had over them permanently. Like really he’s only keeping Curly alive to menace him and not harming Anya due to both a combo of power high/Swansea and Daisuke would likely flip on him if he tried shit whether they knew of the past assault or not.

These tangents aside, we don’t actually know how much the others truly believed Jimmy and how much was just going along with his bullshit. It’s all form his perspective so how much they actually where listening is from his understanding only so hey, maybe when Swansea and Anya where talking, it was about this too. I mean, Swansea basically calls Jimmy delusional when Daisuke dies so maybe he figured it out too and is kicking himself for not actually doing more about it.

[princecharmingwinks]

i cant believe you said you dont write for fandoms!! these are ending up AMAZING! have another fail date for you to make better: we went four-wheel driving over the dunes out bush, we took my car but he drove because he's done the route before. we were the second car in the convoy and because my car is a little smaller than the others it couldnt make it up the last dune! it nearly made it over before sliding back into the sand and ended up half buried! (1/2)

(2/2) the rest of the group had to drag and push us out with planks and chains etc while we were stuck inside because no way in hell i was opening the door to let the sand in! so three wheels in the sand, waiting on our rescue, irl it was a bit awkward but im hoping you'll rewrite a better ending <3

Awww concussed dragon, you are sooo sweet! Thank you! Your unique failed dates are great to work with. Alrighty, let's get into this one! So the pack got big in this one and while most don't have lines, I liked the idea of everyone being there (or almost for anyone I missed haha). I left some of the couple combos up to interpretation so feel free to ship at your leisure.

---

The pack, after much pestering from a certain human/spark, were finally going on their camping trip. The alpha had finally conceded when Stiles had shot him a pout and hopeful eyes. Derek had reluctantly agreed and ignored the snickering of his betas in the corner of the room.

On the morning of the trip, everyone was pairing up into groups of drivers and passengers so no one drove alone and there were less cars.

Derek and Stiles were the last members out of the rebuilt Hale House. Derek had been locking up and Stiles was finishing off some wards to ensure there were no unwanted visitors while they were away. He was still learning to harness his spark but small wards of protection were easy enough. Defensive magic was easier, offensive was another story.

Stiles threw his bag into the back of the jeep and glanced around.

"So, who's joining Roscoe and me?"

Erica snickered, "Derek."

"What?" Stiles and Derek snapped in unison. Well at least Stiles had a punctuation mark, Derek's not so much.

"I'm with Danny, Lydia and Jacks." Kira spoke up. "Scott, Malia, and Isaac are with Allison."

"I'm obviously with my boy." Erica jumped onto Boyd's back, who was used to his girlfriend's antics and easily caught her. "And Theo is meeting us there after picking up Liam from work. Everyone's paired up so that just leaves you two."

Stiles felt his heart flutter but managed to keep his voice even as he spoke, "Alright Alpha My Alpha, let's get going."

Derek didn't say a word as he slid into the passenger seat of the jeep. Everything would be fine.

Everything was not fine. Stiles was definitely going through a quarter life crisis at the realisation most of the pack were in couples. How did he not realise that? When had it become a prerequisite to start dating a pack member? And now it was just Stiles and the alpha. The alpha he had been in love with for years. Great...

"What's wrong?"

Stiles was pulled out of his internal panic by said alpha's soothing voice. Derek had softened over the years, showing care and concern for each member of the pack. He now bought scent-free nail polish for Erica (so the acid smell didn't upset all the were's noses), stocked Isaac's favourite gummybears and even hugged Kira willingly at her university graduation. Derek Hale was a softie.

"I'm fine, nothing wrong here, no sir." Stiles prattled. Even he heard the blatant lies without supernatural healing. He glanced to his side and was greeted by raised eyebrows.

"Ok, so I may have just realised how paired up everyone in the pack really is."

"Except us."

"Yeah," Stiles sighed. "Except us. Do you ever think about that? Like, why you haven't dated anyone since..." He trailed off. Derek didn't have the best track record for his love interests but he hadn't even been on a date for more than 3 years.

Derek looked out the window at the scenary, they were driving into the sand dune part of the journey, and for a moment Stiles thought he wasn't going to answer.

"I've been waiting."

Stiles blinked. Huh?

"For someone so smart, you're really clueless sometimes." Derek huffed, glancing back at Stiles.

"What have you been waiting for?" Stiles dared to ask. They had paused to allow Allison's four-wheel-drive to roll up the last sand dune, waiting for their turn. Roscoe would be the last time to make the climb.

"I thought it was my imagination at first but then you kept coming around and..."

It was Roscoe's turn now and Stiles slowly prepared for the final climb of the dune. He tried to keep focused on the task at hand, allowing Derek to speak his thoughts. You never rushed the alpha when he was being vulnerable.

"I know you kind of like me?" Derek voiced it as a question but all Stiles heard was sirens in his brain. Derek knew? Stiles' foot slid off the peddle and they immediately started rolling backwards, fast.

"Shit! Shit, shit shit." Stiles acted quickly but it wasn't enough. Roscoe descended the sand dune and sank, refusing to move. Sand on either side of them blocked the bottom of their doors. They were officially stuck.

Stiles rested his head on the steering wheel and slowed his breathing. There were multiple crises going on but most had solutions.

The others would work out they hadn't made the climb soon enough or Theo and Liam would find them on their way through. So either way, Roscoe being stuck wasn't a massive deal. The real dilemma was Stiles' outed feelings for Derek.

The same Derek that was eyeing Stiles with concern as he called Kira to request some assist. Stiles heard him hang up before the sound of a door handle being jiggled. He snapped his head up.

"Whoa there sourwolf, there is to be no sand storm in this car, thankyouverymuch." He reached out and tugged the alpha's hand away from the door.

"I figured me getting out and pushing was the preferred option to sitting here with you in a state of panic at my assumption."

Stiles pulled his hand back. "What?"

"Look, we can just forget I ever said anything, alright? I get I'm not the most desirable crush to have. It's probably just familiarity and your sense of loyalty that's fueled your scent around me anyway. Don't worry about it."

Stiles shook his head, "Oh no you don't. You opened that can of worms and I'm no coward." The spark met Derek's gaze. Had he been planning on ignoring his feelings for the alpha? Sure. But was he going to run away from a moment like this? Nope. Stiles Stilinski was a lot of things but after running with wolves and other supernaturals for most of his life, he knew when he needed to tackle something head on.

"Now, before you go down your rabbit hole of I'm-not-good-enough crazy talk, I've got something to say."

Derek nodded like the soft alpha he was and turned to face Stiles more fully.

"You, Derek Alexander Hale, are amazing. A little on the martyr side but that's because you are so protective of your pack. I'd be crazy to not fall in love with you. That's right, love not like. I've been in love with you for years but how was a kid like me going to catch the alpha's eye? I didn't want to ruin our friendship. This," He gestured between them. "This is important to me. I don't want to ruin it."

Derek released a sigh of relief? Stiles couldn't read his eyebrows which was disappointing when he was the most expert at interpreting the alpha's facial expressions.

Then Derek was darting forward and claiming Stiles' lips in a searing kiss. Stiles went with it, almost unbelieving that any of this was happening.

Derek eventually pulled back and rested his forehead against Stiles'.

"Worth the wait." The alpha whispered, grinning, bunny teeth all on display.

"Two way street here. You could've said something too. How long have you liked me?"

Derek blushed and it was only because they were so close that Stiles saw the pink of his cheeks and ears.

"I've always liked you, even if I didn't always show it. But love? I think I've loved you since you woke me up on an elevator floor by punching me. You could have left without me but you didn't."

Stiles pouted, "Since then?"

Derek raised an eyebrow, "What's wrong?"

Stiles pushed Derek back and clumsily crawled across the gear stick to straddle the alpha's lap.

"We could have been having the best sex of my life for years, Derek! Years! We've got a lot of making up to do." Stiles dove in to kiss Derek this time. The alpha happily drew Stiles in closer, curling his arms around the spark's slim waist.

A knock on the window, interrupted their make-out session. Boyd's face appeared with judging eyebrows to rival Derek's.

"Heard you needed a hand." Boyd spoke loudly with a smirk as Derek's hand moved away from Stiles' ass to rest safely on his back.

"What's Erica doing?" Stiles asked, leaning over Derek to squint at the blonde chatting wildly on the phone. Derek focused his hearing.

"Turns out I'm not the only one who was waiting." Derek grinned, "And everyone apparently owes Lydia money."

They did eventually get Roscoe out of the sand dune thanks to the advantages of going camping with multiple supernatural creatures. By the time everyone was settled in the camp and Erica had informed Theo and Liam on the events of the day, Lydia was a very rich woman.

Stiles couldn't complain though. Not when the alpha was snuggled between his legs as Stiles sat on the log and Derek roasted them marshmallows. Apparently no one trusted Stiles near an open flame following the incident with that vampire clan. Stiles combed his fingers through Derek's hair and looked around at the pack. This camping trip was the best idea ever.

--

Ok so I must confess I do not camp like...ever and have no idea how four-wheel-driving works so please forgive any major errors in that department. I tweaked things a bit from your prompt sorry. I just couldn't imagine Stiles letting anyone else drive Roscoe. Hope you enjoyed! Thanks for popping in!

[veracaine]

Do you think there is real hope for Abimel and for Abby ? I know they gave us a lot of flirting last episode (chief kiss) and obviously I feel like the continuous pairing of the two other sisters with their LI and Mel with Abby is kinda a sign too, especially cause they could have changed it in the “final” if they wanted to as they filmed it later. Add to that that Abby is a regular and the the two other sisters are having Li in the regulars as well.

But Mel is dating Ruby right now. And last episode kinda tried to show them as overcoming their issues. He jealousy was there to have them talk and admit they do want to be with each other. Plus the parallel with Hacy. But again, the show doesn’t really put effort in that ship ? Ruby is barely a character on her own, she has no involvement whatsoever - as far as we know she still doesn’t want to be involved with magic- and it just doesn’t feel like we’re supposed to be invested in that relationship, the show sure is not. But again, last episode kinda showed reinforcement between hacy and Jorgie in their feelings, as well as Melby (if you see what I mean ?). And it’s the cw so I wouldn’t be surprised either. But again (I’m sorry I said but like a thousand time), they also purposely brought Abby and Ruby in that same episode. Having Ruby be immediately jealous of Abby? Like there was no reason to involve Abby here if nothing is planned ?

My major worry is the fact some people have been very vocal about their dislike of Abigael. I don’t think more people dislike her than like her, but they do make themselves heard. So I’m kinda scared that if they wanted to go there they might have changed their mind ? And that they might not even keep Abby ? What do you think ?

Sorry for the long message 😭😭

no need to apologize, i love talking about abimel! 😂

i think the fact that they hired poppy to be a regular this season when they could’ve also easily chosen not to tells us they plan on keeping her around. not to mention, opening us up to her history, letting her have her own storyline. that’s huge. the writers can’t possibly be investing on abigael’s past, steering her toward introspection and facing her childhood trauma and abandonment issues if they just plan on tossing her out after. i wouldn’t worry. 💖

and to add to that. i don’t think they’re placing abigael on a journey to self discovery and reflection only to end up as a someone the charmed ones only occasionally interact with. i don’t see the point in that, and if it were the case then why have her at all. it makes her non-essential to the whole show. and so it makes me believe the endgame for this storyline is for her to grow and then eventually find her way to mel.

i actually loved this episode. it was an incredible build up for abimel. here’s a list of reasons to help reassure you regarding their fate on the show:

abigael is full on flirting with mel. her first line was literally ‘did you miss me?’ and then, ‘desire me.’, asking mel to stay in her room with her. she never used to do that. her quips around mel always used to be smartass, meant to get under mel’s skin. it’s now transitioned to something else entirely.

mel is way too angry and disappointed in abigael becoming overlord again for any of us to believe she doesn’t care. she definitely cares, she just won’t admit it.

it is implied abigael’s declared the charmed ones off limits to her demon underlings. she obviously cares about them mel.

the desperation and worry in mel’s voice when abigael’s room was on fire and she couldn’t do anything about it. again, she clearly cares.

taking abigael home with her. again! she cares. 

and what’s interesting is that she’s determined to deny that she cares. throughout the episode, she reiterates this. and yet all her actions show otherwise. why is it so hard for her to admit she cares? is it because there might be something more that she’s afraid to acknowledge? likely.

mel is literally the only person in the world abigael trusts. and this one was less direct because mel doesn’t actually say it out loud, but when maggie, macy and mel were battling demon!abi and she recognized her from the ring, mel could’ve easily assumed it was some ploy to harm her and her sisters. but she didn’t. mel trusts abigael too.

the abandonment issues callout. abigael knows mel so well, come on. and the fact that they both have that same issue, and that they’re both nudging the other to face those issues. that’s deep stuff that they’re bonding over, compared to melby’s storyline this episode. no shade to melby, obviously, i do love them as well. just stating facts.

there’s probably more i could say, but yeah. i think at face value it seems like they used abigael to advance a storyline for melby, and in some capacity yes, but ultimately if you look closely this episode was definitely abimel-centric than anything else. so yes to answer your question. i do think abimel is happening.

[eleventhdoctorsangel]

If only I knew what my heart was telling me

Summary: Living in Arcadia I never thought that living below the city was a city of trolls. Now it seems that everyone or everything trying to end to the world in Arcadia. But despite all of that i knew that I could always count on the friends in my life to help me. But now the world is coming to an end again but this time it just might actually happen.

The landing was a little bit rough but other than it was fine. Aaarrrgghh was the first to get off the ship as he help Steve, toby and myself off. “Whoa!”  Toby said as we started to look around the castle. “It’s been 900 years since I was last here. Hasn’t changed a bit. Except for the flying part.” Douxie said as he looked around with his hands on his hips then bent down to pick up Archie putting him on his shoulder. Steve let out a laugh. “Nine hundred years? Yeah right. You’re like what? Like 19?” Steve said. “Give or take a few centuries.” Archie said then jumped off Douxie’s shoulder as wings came out. “Here I thought that he couldn’t get any cuter.” I said as Archie started to fly around. “So how many things can your cat turn into?” Steve asked. “It depends. How many things are there?” Douxie said. “Uh cool floating castle ship but what’s the grave danger you keep talking about?” Toby asked. “Ah there you are.” Merlin said as I looked to see that Claire and Blinky were walking towards us. “Claire!” Toby said as he ran to Claire. “Toby!” Claire said as she ran towards Toby. “Aarghaumont!” Blinky said as he followed Claire. “Blinky!” Aaarrrgghh said as he followed Toby. The four of them did a group hug. “not so tight.” Claire said. “Oh sorry.” Aaarrrgghh said as he let them all go. “Whoa hey Steve’s here too! How bout – how bout some love for Steve?” Steve said as here ran up to Claire. “Oh. Hi Steve.” Claire said not impressed that Steve was here. “Well I’m here too hopefully you glad that I’m here.” I said as walked up standing by Steve. “Y/n!” Claire said as she came over giving me a hug. I smiled and hug her back glad that I’m finally seeing my friend again. “What happened to you guys? Wait where’s Jim.” Toby asked as Claire and I pulled away from our hug. Claire gave a sad look and let out a sigh. “I think it would be best if you all follow me.” Merlin said.

Merlin lead us all to a room where Jim was in some sort of gem. “Jim. What happened to him?” Toby asked as he walked up to the gem that Jim was in as he put his hands on it. “We were ambushed. Some ancient dark warrior. An unstoppable knight clad in green who struck down master Jim.” Blinky said. “Master us that the same knight we saw at the bookstore?” Douxie asked. “One and the same. That Onyx shard is working its way towards his heart. I placed the boy in stasis stalling its progress for now.” Merlin said. “If I had my Shadow staff I’ve could’ve saved him.” Claire said obviously feeling guilty about what happened. “Who is this green knight? How do I get my hands on him?” Toby asked. “I do not know. The green knight said but one name which chilled me to the bone. Morgana.” Merlin said. “Oh I hate that lady. Wait I thought we kicked her bewitched butt to the shadow realm.” Toby said. “Which he appeared not to know but he bore the emblem of Camelot. Come with me quickly. I fear the answer lies in the past.” Merlin said as he turned to walk out of the room. Douxie, Toby, Steve, Claire and I followed him.

We walked into a room that had the round table in it. “A dark menace is coming one even I cannot face alone. You are all now soldiers in a war started centuries ago for the world of magic.” Merlin said as he opened a small box. Out of the box came a blue circle with some sort of ring in it. “Once the realms of magic and man clashed in endless bloodshed. King Arthur sought to wipe out magic that ravaged the lands in his war against Gunmar. I brought what few spellcasters I could under my protection to spare them from the sword.” Merlin said as Arthur appeared in the circle. “Including myself. Oh and Morgana le Fay.” Douxie said as an image of morgana appeared in the circle. “She was the finest student I ever taught until she tried to kill me. Thankfully in my all-seeing wisdom I created a secret weapon the trollhunter amulet. The war came to a standstill and I imprisoned Morgana at the battle of Killahead Bridge. ” Merlin said as images of the battle appeared. I couldn’t help but shake this feeling that something bad was about to happened. “This green knight that assailed us was clearly born with dark magic’s but I have no memory of him. Nor what kconnection he could have to Morgana. We know not what he is nor why he pursues us. Though his presence is a dire omen of thigs to come.” Merlin said as a bell started to go off. Then it was like something had hit us making all of us fall to the ground. “What happening?” Claire asked as we all started to get up. “Have you never been under attack before? To the battlements!” Merlin said as he an Douxie ran out of the room. Toby, Claire and I followed right behind them Steve had stopped to put of a knight’s helmet.

Once we got outside I let out a gasp as I noticed another ship this one was in the shape of a skull. “Everyone get to safety now!” Merlin yelled out. “Who do you think these guys are?” I asked. “No idea but come on we need to get somewhere safe now.” Steve said as he tried to pull me away. “What if Douxie and Merlin need help.” I said. “You can’t help them if you’re dead now come on.” Steve said. An idea popped into my head but I knew it was probably so stupid. “Sorry about this Steve. Hope you can forgive me for this.” I said. I kicked Steve in the crotch and as he yelled out it pain he let me go and a started running heading to where Merlin and Douxie where. I heard Toby and Claire yell out my name trying to get me to go back where they were. But I didn’t want to.  Right when I got they the city was hit again making me stumble. “We must flee!” Merlin yelled as he let go of that box. “I’m on it!” Douxie yell as he went over to on a platform where the wheel was. I followed him over there to help him. “Y/n what are you doing here! You’re going to get yourself killed.” Douxie said. “Well you and I both know I’m too stubborn to die. Besides we both know that I’m one of the only ones that will actually be useful.” I said as I too grabbed the wheel to help Douxie. Man was that wheel heavy. Then an ice bridge appeared now connecting the two ships. “Who are these people Douxie?” I asked. “The Arcane Order.” Douxie said. “We’re in deep trouble aren’t we?” I asked. When Douxie didn’t answer me I knew that we were. “They’re boarding us! We must break free! Steer us clear at my command!” Merlin yelled. “We’re on it!” Douxie yelled. Douxie and I turn the wheel with all the strength that we had. “These foes powers are beyond us!” Merlin yelled. “Merlin!” A female voice yelled. I watched as Merlin ran the way that the voice came from. “Go keep them away until Merlin gets back.” I said. “No I’m not leaving you here alone.” Douxie said. “I’ll be fine go.” I said. “Y/n” Douxie said. “Go!” I yelled. Douxie nodded and left to keept the Arcane Order away till Merlin got back. Then those same creatures from earlier were back. Two started to come towards me but Douxie used his magic to keep them away from me. I saw Archie flying above seeming to be looking for something. “Archie find the staff or we are all dead meat!” Douxie yelled. “What do you people think I’m doing?” Archie yelled back. I felt my leg get taken out from under me as I let out a scream. I looked to see that one of those creatures was now dragging me away. “Douxie!” I yelled as I tried to find anything to grab on to prevent me from being dragged away.  “Y/n!” Douxie yelled as he sent the creature away with his magic. Douxie quickly came over to me help me up. “Are you okay Y/n?” Douxie asked. “I’m fine.” I said. As Douxie help me up I noticed that another part of Camelot had destroyed the bridges. “Hisirdoux Y/n now!” Merlin yelled as Steve and Claire join Douxie and I. “Please don’t blow us up. Please don’t blow us up.” Douxie said as he open the box. “We don’t have enough power for the jump!” Archie yelled. “Trust in Merlin!” Douxie yelled. A surge of energy went everything. “Hold together. Come on!” Douxie said. Then a blast of green light left the heart of Avalon making a rift to the past in the sky next to us. “We have to steer Camelot through the time rift!” Douxie yelled as Steve and Claire help Douixe and I with the steering. Even with four of us it still was difficult. Then we were hit again making where we were go sideway and if none of had grabbed the edge we would have fallen to our death. Steve and Claire were at least five feet from Douxie and I. Jim fell down right in front of Douxie and I. “Jim.” Claire said as she tried to reach for him. But another shudder made Jim fall away and to the time rift. “Jim!” Claire yelled. “What do we do man?” Steve asked as he looked over to Douxie and I. “Trust me!” Douxie said as he grabbed me hand. “You can’t be serious.” I yelled as Douxie pulled me off and we both started falling towards the time rift. I let out a scream as we fell though the rift. “This is gonna hurt!” Douxie yelled. Then it was like hitting bumps all the way till we slammed into the ground. When I slammed to the ground everything went black.

No ones POV

Steve, Claire and Douxie all let out grunts or groans after the fall they had. The only one who didn’t was Y/n only because the force of the fall had knocked her out and the other had yet to notice it. “Oh God.” Steve groaned out. Then Steve started scream as he pushed himself off the ground. “I can’t see! I’m blind!” Steve yelled as he looked around but the thing was that the helmet he was wear had turn around. Then he turned it around lift the visor. “Oh I can see.” Steve said as the branches the was holding Jim cased in the broke cause it to fall right on top of Steve making him whimper out in pain and the gem started to crack. “What just happened?” Steve asked. “Well I just conjured an anti-gravity spell to slow our fall and keep us from dying. You’re welcome.” Douxie said then sat up. But that was when the realized that Y/n hasn’t said anything yet. “Y/n!” Douxie yelled as he started to look around for her. He let out a sigh of relief once he saw that she was only just a few feet away. “Y/n are you okay?” Douxie asked. But when she didn’t answer him he started to freak out. “Y/n!” Douxie yelled. “Douxie where is the flying castle?” Claire asked as she looked up at the sky. Which made both Steve and Douxie look up. “Oh fuzz buckets! Well it would appear we’ve had ourselves a temporal accident.” Douxie said. “Which means?” Claire asked. Both Claire and Douxie didn’t notice that they were now no longer alone. They were made aware of it when a sword was pointed at Douxie. Then they were surrounded by knights. One of the knights had pick up Y/n from the ground hold her in their arms. “It means we are lost in time.” Douxie said. “What manner of sorcery is this?” The knight that had their sword at Douxie asked. “Oh- oh my.” Steve said then let out a scream. The knight that had their sword pointed at Douxie put away the sword and got off their horse and once down they took off their helmet under it was someone who looked exactly like Steve. “Wow!” Steve said. “Sir Lancelot um.” Douxie said. “He’s so handsome.” Steve said, “I- we.” Douxie trying to think of a way the explain this. “Wait! Aren’t you Merlin’s errand boy?” Lancelot asked as he again pointed his sword at Douxie. “Apprentice.” Douxie said. “He like an angel man.” Steve said as he stared at Lancelot leaning against the Gem. Making it crack. “The devil?” Lancelot asked. Then the gem fully broke apart freeing gem. “What? How did I.” Jim said as he sat up. “Jim! Are you okay?” Clair asked as she rushed to his side. “Troll! Troll! To arms” Lancelot yelled. Douxie quickly got up and stood in front of them. “Wait! Chill out lads!” Douxie said. “Chill? Out?” Lancelot asked. “Take a breath all right? He’s one of the good ones.” Douxie said. “There are no good ones.” Lancelot said as he pushed Douxie to the ground. Lancelot again pointed his sword at Douxie. “Monster are forbidden in Arthur’s lands. You’ll hang before the king for your insolence.” Lancelot said pointing his sword to Jim now. “Woah he even talks like an angel. Wait what’s an insolence?” Steve said but then was pushed forward. The knight took the five away as Jim was put in t cage with a blanket over it to keep the sun from turning to Jim into stone. One of the knight had put Y/n on their horse with them had held on to her as they went back to Camelot.

Taglist: @cinamonroll-uwu16​ @nerlea​ @wondermia69​ @mydouxie​ @aritia-sketch​ @purplesinnerw​

Overall Taglist: @the-broken-halo-writer​

[solohux]

@anonymous submitted: Techie and the Pilot

Brendol Hux, Jr --Better known as “Techie” to the few people aware of his existence-- younger brother of General Armitage Hux, had been watching the Resistance Pilot undergo interrogation. He hated that his older brother allowed prisoners to be tortured on his ship, it reminded him of his own miserable existence before the elder Hux had rescued him.  

  But whenever he had brought up his concerns to “Armie”, his brother brushed him off! He would feed him the same old lies about how “Prisoners who undergo interrogation usually have sensitive information that we need brother, we simply don’t have the time to allow them to tell us what they know at their own leisure.” or “I designed the standard interrogation protocol myself Bren, I like to think that it’s quite humane.”  

  Frankly, Techie failed to see how allowing droids to shock people or inject them with all manner of potentially dangerous medications was “humane”. 

  Occasionally the older of the Hux brothers even had the gall to say “Truly I can’t see how it even matters. Every prisoner is eventually reconditioned anyway, so what bad experiences they may have had while being interrogated would be wiped away entirely.” 

  Techie just thought that was missing the point he was trying to make. 

  And so, the younger Hux brother had largely given up on trying to convince his brother that torture was wrong. But that did not mean he had stopped caring about those who were tortured. In the beginning, he had tried to ignore them. But he was the eyes and ears of The Finalizer, nothing happened on that ship without him being aware of it. However he may have tried, he would always be drawn back to the interrogation wing. Seeing the prisoners struggle in their restraints, hearing their screams…. 

  How could he not feel terribly sorry for them, yet also compelled to watch over them? 

  Which is what he had been doing for Poe Dameron. Techie had quickly been impressed by the pilots stubborn spirit, he’d never seen someone hold out so long against the torture droid before! Of course, all prisoners eventually break, but the fact that Kylo Ren had to be called in to literally steal the needed information out of Poe’s head had Techie cheering for him! It was just a shame that such an inspiring prisoner was going to mind-wiped and then tossed into the closest Tie-Fighter to do battle against his comrades afterwards. Yes, such a shame indeed. 

Then a Stormtrooper turned traitor, freed the pilot under false pretenses and the two of them started making their way towards the closest hanger.  

  Techie could not believe what he was seeing! Something like this had never happened before! Even though he usually considered himself a realist --In actuality most would consider Techie a pessimist, although he could hardly be blamed for being one considering all that he had been put through-- he found himself feeling optimistic about the ‘Trooper and Pilot’s chances of escape. 

  His brother would be left in such a terribly bad mood afterwards, but Techie secretly just thought it would serve him right. 

  Only…. The ‘Trooper and the Pilot didn’t escape. They came close, so wonderfully close to freedom. But they had been spotted outside the hanger door by one of the Stormtroopers squad mates, apparently a squad mate with a bone to pick, because that ‘Trooper hadn’t listened to anything the other ‘Trooper said in lieu of explaining himself. Of course the other Stormtrooper raised the alarm, he was only doing what he had been trained to do. 

  Still, Techie felt quite crushed watching the ‘Trooper and the Pilot bolt off in opposite directions as they began to be surrounded. The Stormtrooper even had the misfortune of running straight into the fearsome Captain Phasma’s arms! Poor ‘Trooper, Techie knew he was a lost cause now.  

  Yet the Pilot…. Somehow avoided being caught! He weaved through the crowd expertly and even managed to lose his pursuers by cleverly dashing through a set of adjoining hallways! Clearly he had some experience in getting himself out of sticky situations and maybe just maybe Techie was getting a little crush on him. 

  No matter, Techie could no longer sit back and watch the Pilot eventually be chased down like some animal. He would help him. Techie had never interfered with an escaped prisoner beforehand, but he found it rather easy to do so. 

  Any door the Pilot wanted through? Techie opened it for him. Any hallway restricted to certain crew members? Techie allowed the Pilot to run down it, but stopped the search party looking for him from doing so. 

  Which is how the Pilot found himself huddled in an alcove just a short distance from Techie’s command room. Techie could see that the poor man was about to collapse from exhaustion and looked rather sorry for himself, clearly he couldn’t keep running away anymore. He needed a place to recuperate for a bit.  

  From there it was a simple matter of using the intercom system to quietly steer the Pilot towards Techie’s door. As soon as the Pilot opened it, Techie grabbed him and hauled him inside. The Pilot understandably didn’t appreciate that --He still had some fight left in him after all!-- but Techie managed to calm him down and assure him that he was a friend and would not harm him. 

By this time the poor man --Whose name was Poe, Techie almost couldn’t get enough of how satisfying that name sounded in his mouth-- was feeling his previous torture catch up with him and crashed out on Techie’s door as soon as he was nudged towards it. He slept for almost an entire day before he woke up again. Techie spent that time tending to his wounds, gazing at him admiringly and snuggling during the few hours of sleep he managed to get. 

  Poe woke up confused, but grateful for the hospitality nonetheless. Especially when Techie fetched some food and water for him. 

  Poe proved to be a chatterbox, which pleased Techie as he himself was a man of few words who preferred to listen to other people speak. Poe asked a number of difficult questions though:- “Where exactly on the ship are we?”, “What happened to that Stormtrooper who tried to help me escape?”, “Who are you?”, “What are you doing here?”. 

  Techie’s inability to convincely lie and evasive answers only gave Poe the wrong idea. He came to believe that Techie was also a prisoner of The First Order! And a long-term one at that, given how withdrawn he was and how resigned to his situation he seemed. He didn’t even dare ask about Techie’s false eyes, assuming that The First Order had tortured him via removing his real ones in order to get him to work for them.  

  Clearly the right thing to do was take Techie with him once he recovered his strength and escaped. He had failed the Stormtrooper, but he wouldn’t fail this sweet, kind-natured and vulnerable man!

  Techie was oblivious to his pilots, thought process. But still rather smitten with him. He drank in Poe’s stories of daring escapes from evil-doers and of his loving childhood home. He was delighted when Poe found his collection of copper wire animals while trying to stumble his way to the bathroom, as the pilot complimented them! Poe even showed genuine interest in Techie’s workstation, curiously asking what button did what. 

  They even shared food and the same bed together again come the ships night-cycle! 

  As far as Techie was concerned, it was the second best day of his life. 

  But all good things come to an end. 

  And Poe and Techie’s comfortable inhabitation with one another ended rather suddenly early in the next day-cycle. 

  Namely thanks to General Hux bursting in on them! Hux had come to his brother in desperation. No matter how many patrols he sent out, nor how much of the ship he turned over, the Resistance Pilot was nowhere to be found! Kylo Ren could have found him, but that damned Force User had blasted down to Jakku to capture the previously mentioned Pilot’s droid almost as soon as he was aware of the thing having hold of the map that would lead him straight to his old Master, Luke Skywalker.  

  And apparently the droid and some scavenger girl who had taken a liking to it where leading the Leader of the Knights of Ren on quite a merry chase all over the planet! Or something of that description, Ren never told him more of his missions than the bare minimum.

  The Supreme Leader of The First Order could’ve also found the Pilot, but Hux wasn’t of the mind to “bother” him with a relatively trivial task. 

  So his beloved baby brother was his only hope of finding the Rebel Scum before he did anything to damage his ship! It had been nearly three days now, who knew what the urchin could be up to?! 

  So when Hux opened Techie’s door and found his brother standing next to the Pilot, the General’s first thought was that the Rebel Scum had taken Techie hostage! He reacted instantly. He drew his personal blaster out and demanded that if the Pilot wanted to live, he would unhand his brother! 

  “Hux: You’ve made a mistake Rebel Scum, release my brother from your custody before I blow your head off.” 

  “Poe: What?” 

  Fortunately, Techie was also a quick thinker and attempted to explain the situation before anyone got hurt!  

  “Techie: Armie no! It’s not what you think! He’s my friend!” 

  “Poe: “Armie”?” 

  Hux naturally didn’t believe his brother’s explanation, assuming that the Pilot had threatened him in order to get him to say that. Or by some miracle, had managed to actually convince Techie that he wasn’t really a terrorist and just happened to want to be friends with General Hux’s brother. 

  “Hux: He is not your friend Bren! He’s a murderous scoundrel who would not hesitate to end you if it benefited him! But it’s alright, I’m here now. I’ll have you out of his clutches soon enough.” 

  “Poe: Anyone want to tell me what the kriff is going on? Because I’m honestly lost here.” 

  It was a cut and dry Mexican Stand-off. Techie couldn’t convince Hux that Poe wasn’t holding him hostage. Hux didn’t believe that Techie wasn’t being harmed by being in the mere presence of Poe. And Poe was just really confused by the idea that General Hux not only had a brother, but was apparently holding him prisoner for the benefit of The First Order! 

  Eventually Techie burst into tears and started sobbing, pleading with Hux to not kill his first friend in years --And first love interest ever!--. During which Poe turned around to give Techie a hug, which left him wide open to Hux’s blaster. Although perhaps Hux had heard some of his brother’s pleas, because he merely stunned Poe as opposed to shooting him dead as he had threatened to do so earlier. 

  Naturally this only left Techie more distraught. 

  After Hux checked Techie over to assure himself that his little brother wasn’t hurt and then reassured Techie that Poe wasn’t dead…. Techie did calm down a little bit. 

  Then he asked an odd question. 

  “Techie: *Sniffling* Can I keep him Armie? I’m lonely here and I really like him.” 

  Hux was going to refuse just on principal, but one look at the younger Hux brother’s tear-stained face gave him pause. 

  “Hux: Only if you allow me to recondition him first.” 

  And that is where our story ends. You can decide if Techie agrees to his brother’s compromise or holds out on Poe retaining his actual personality!

[artificialqueens]

(I Can Still Recall) Our Last Summer - Chapter Four (Group Fic) - pureCAMP

A/N - forever begging for your love, attention and feedback!! send ur thoughts here or to @purecamp and let me know how ur all feeling!! anyway here’s wonderwall xo

two new challengers arrive on the scene…..

It was a different kind of sex to the kind Sharon was used to, admittedly. Jaremi was every bit as wild and carefree in bed as he was in his general lifestyle. It was exactly what she needed, in truth - an escape to just close her eyes, grip the bedsheets and let the waves of pleasure erase her heartache one orgasm at a time. 

True to their new no-strings-attached attitude, once it was over, they simply lay beside one another in the bed, completely naked, not touching. Sharon tried to catch her breath, pushing down the rising urge to become affectionate. She didn’t even know Jaremi, and besides - it was a habit she was going to break, for her own good.

“So…” Jaremi’s voice was slightly breathless. “About what just happened?”

Sharon rolled her eyes. “Is this the part where you call me a whore for sleeping with you?”

“Not at all. I’m just curious. You don’t seem like the type to do this all the time. I’m a writer, like I said. I want to know your story.”

Staring up at the ceiling, Sharon didn’t dare to lower her gaze, not really sure where she should be looking. The vulnerability of her situation was beginning to set in, and she didn’t like it one bit.

“I don’t really have a story.” She lied. “My…”

She caught herself before she could say boyfriend. What was Justin? He had seemed like so much more than that. They’d never really talked about whether they were an item or not, it just seemed to happen. Probably, Sharon thought bitterly, he had avoided that conversation to hide his dirty secret and use her. Nothing else seemed right. She had thought of him as a lover, even going as far as to say she had truly believed that he was the one; clearly she had been alone in that belief.

“I was cheated.” She managed, once again forcing down the unwelcome feeling that came with those words. “So I’m trying something new. No strings, no attachments, no feelings.”

Jaremi nodded, offering no sympathy. In a way, Sharon was glad for his lack of emotional connection. The last thing she needed was to end up crying on someone else’s shoulder.

“I can do that.” He affirmed, nonchalant as ever. “I’ll be around, exploring the local area.”

Sharon grinned in spite of herself. “And the local girls?”

“Maybe. If they’re as easy as you are.”

Laughing, she moved to whack him with the pillow, cursing when he swerved out of her way. “Dammit!”

She sat up, suddenly acutely aware of her nakedness. She wasn’t sure how to feel - whether she should be proud or modest with her nudity. After all, it had been different with Justin. She had been sure that he loved her, and he made her feel truly beautiful. With Jaremi, she was just sexy. Was she supposed to act sexy?

Resolving to just stay casual, she tried to ignore the strange amalgamation of pride and insecurity mingling in her chest. “We should be nearing land. Go check, Captain.”

Jaremi poked his head above deck. “I see it. You planning on getting dressed before showing me around?”

Sharon forced a laugh. “Yeah, maybe. You say that a lot, huh?”

“What?”

“Maybe.”

“Oh.” Jaremi paused. “I guess I do. It’s better than yes or no. You can’t get mad at a maybe. You and I both know that no commitment is the way to go, after all.”

Sharon hugged her knees, reaching for her t-shirt as Jaremi left the room and climbed on deck to take control of the sails.

“Yeah… I guess it is.” She mumbled.

-

Just before Sharon headed in the front door, she ducked towards the shed. Jaremi had sailed her to and from the island every day for the past week and a half, the two of them keeping their affair as secret as they could. Any time her heart began to ache, or her mind began to wander towards the one that got away, she could rely on Jaremi to take her mind off of him.

They didn’t talk much. Jaremi was funny, if a little immature sometimes, but Sharon didn’t care. She wasn’t there to fall in love, but rather the opposite. She had fallen too hard and too soon, and their stress-free relationship was exactly what she needed. They were hardly friends, let alone lovers. He was just someone to fuck, and nothing more.

Since Justin had left and Jaremi had arrived, Sharon had distanced herself from everything and everyone. She still performed with Raja and Jinkx nearly every night, but she couldn’t bear the pity she saw in their eyes, nor the whispers when they thought she was out of earshot. Their concern was touching, tangible proof that they loved her, but it hurt to be reminded of her own pain. She needed to escape from it all.

It was surprisingly easy to lie. Sharon just kept herself away, wandering the island alone and fucking Jaremi on the way home after her shows, explaining to her girls that she just needed time alone to think. At least, she reasoned, it wasn’t a total lie. She was thinking a lot - perhaps too much.

As for her mother, she was easily fooled too. Mostly, she told her that she had been sleeping at Raja’s, and her friends were happy to cover for her whenever the lie was questioned. Besides, Sharon couldn’t deny that she had been enjoying herself, at first. Sex and secrecy and sinning in broad daylight in the middle of the ocean had given her the most decadent thrill. Despite that, though, a lot of her sadness had begun converting itself to anger and bitterness. This is all that I was to him, her mind kept telling her. A cheap fuck. The hooker they hire for stag parties.

Such were the thoughts that often struck her as she lay beneath Jaremi, feeling him moving inside her and gasping when appropriate. He didn’t care if her head smacked against the headboard behind them, and in her mindless state she hardly noticed. She just stared up at the ceiling, emotionally and physically numb to everything she knew she should’ve been feeling. Truthfully, it wasn’t fun anymore.

Too often, she gazed in the mirror after Jaremi left to carry on steering his little ship, and just looked at herself. She had grown accustomed to her own nakedness, her own numbness. She stared at the dark bags beneath her eyes and the black makeup smeared around them, the way her lipstick had been ferociously kissed off, the way that her skin was peppered with marks she didn’t even remember receiving.

Never before had she felt so detached from her own body.

But she had to save face, and keep up her image. Inside the shed, she quickly changed into more suitable clothing and discarded her flashy, fitted costume inside an empty paint tin, to be collected the following morning. There were some rules Sharon would never be reckless enough to break. Even so, there was a nagging feeling in the back of her mind that she had forgotten something.

As quietly as she could, avoiding all of the creaks and bumps she had learnt to identify, Sharon crept inside.

“It’s getting dark, where have you been?” Her mother asked sternly, already waiting for her in the living room. 

Sharon swallowed, her mind briefly filling her head with flashbacks of that day. Somehow, she didn’t think that admitting how she had been laid out below deck in Jaremi’s boat would go down very well. She twirled her hair nervously around her fingers, praying it would cover any hickeys that Jaremi had left on her neck and chest.

“I’m sorry.” She rushed out, ashamed of the deep-rooted fear her mother could instil into her. “I was helping Raja and Jinkx to pack, I didn’t realize it was so late. It won’t happen again.”

Her mother was stood tall, arms crossed over her chest, her crucifix necklace gleaming in the low light. Not a single hair was out of place from her neat bun, and her face was fixed into a scowl. Sharon didn’t remember the last time she had seen her own mother smile at her. She supposed that was what happened when her impossible standards would never be met by her less-than-perfect daughter.

“Hmph.” Was the response, blatantly unsatisfied. “Perhaps if you had tried harder in school, you could be going to university too. But you failed and gave up, didn’t you?”

That stung, but she wasn’t going to show it. No, her mother didn’t deserve the satisfaction of her tears. It wasn’t her fault that she had dropped out - it was her failing grades, the information that just didn’t sink in, the knowledge that she wasn’t good enough to even sit the exams. As if she had needed more confirmation that she would never be enough.

Still, she lifted her chin. “I’ll miss them. I hope they visit.”

Her mother frowned deeper. “You’ve been missing church. People are talking, Sharon, and you know I don’t like that.”

Almost subconsciously, Sharon found herself lowering her head in submission. “I’m sorry.”

“They think you’re abandoning the faith completely. I’m disgusted at you.” She spat. “You’re coming tomorrow whether you like it or not. Understand?

Sharon nodded meekly. “Yes, ma’am.”

Her mother sniffed. “And wash that makeup off your face. You look like a little tart, and I won’t have my daughter parading around like a prostitute.”

Without another word, Sharon made her way upstairs. She wished desperately she could’ve used some of that courage her friends were always telling her she had, but she knew she would never be able to, that she didn’t really possess it. There were a hundred and one things she would’ve loved to say to her mother that would never, ever be said.

Sharon felt smaller than ever as she shut the bedroom door behind her, reaching for a flannel to scrub the offending makeup from her skin. The complexity of her feelings was confusing, to say the least, as she tried to make sense of it all. Fear and anxiety swirled in the pit of her stomach from being at home. Anger and heartbreak from Justin plagued her chest. Desire and regret from Jaremi filled her entire body. Nothing seemed to make sense. Everything was conflicted.

Somehow though, beyond all explanation, she was physically trapped, but she felt free.

A knock on the window broke her out of her thoughts. She had just began to change, and her heart leapt into her mouth when she turned around, instinctively covering her bruised chest with an ugly cardigan.

“Jinkx?!” She whisper-shouted, rushing to slide the window open. “What are you doing here?!”

She stepped aside to let her in, hurrying to finish changing. In the meantime, Jinkx climbed somewhat heavily into her room, Raja hot on her heels but with a little more grace and balance. Before Sharon even knew what was happening, they were stood in her room, bearing matching grins and holding a bottle of wine each.

“I can’t believe this…” She murmured. “Guys, if my mom finds out you’re here-”

Jinkx held up a hand, slapping it over Sharon’s mouth to shut her up. “She won’t, chill out. We just came to see how you’re doing.”

“And by that, she means - we have two bottles of wine and three glasses.” Raja supplied. “Although I was kidding about the glasses. We’re swigging.”

Sharon laughed; it was a simple, pure laugh not elicited by boys, nor tainted with flirtation and heartbreak. It was the realization of how lucky she was to have her dumb friends.

“Bring it on, girls. Do your worst.” She grinned. “Sorry I’ve been so disconnected.”

Raja shook her head, pulling her and Jinkx onto the tiny single bed and attempting to squeeze under the covers. “None of that, now.” She said firmly, wedging Sharon in between her and Jinkx and handing her a bottle of red. “We understand. We’re here to show you how much we love you.”

It was utterly ridiculous. Raja was far too long for her bed, and in an attempt to make sure they all could fit, both girls had their arms wrapped around Sharon’s middle in an awkward, well-meaning cuddle. Even trying to drink the wine was an ordeal, but Sharon stored away the good feelings bubbling inside her to keep for later. Her friends had ventured out of their way to help her, and there weren’t many people in Sharon’s life who would do that. Jaremi certainly wouldn’t, and she wouldn’t expect him to. Justin… Sharon had thought that he would, only to realize she was wrong. She was lucky to have her girls.

They were all she had.

With the extent of her solitude, Sharon hadn’t been drinking much since Justin had left; she suspected her heart was a little too fragile to cope with it. It didn’t take too long for the half a bottle that she had managed - the rest, of course, commandeered by her friends - to set her off.

She buried her face in Jinkx’s shoulder, inhaling her musky perfume, and let a few stray tears fall onto her shirt. After the original heartbreak, she had sworn she wouldn’t let it overcome her again, but that was too difficult a promise to keep. Distancing herself for protection had done nothing to fill the cracks in her heart that had been left behind. Maybe a good cry was what she needed.

“You need bolstering.” Raja decided, planting a kiss on the closest bit of her she could find, which happened to be her cheek. “We’re gonna bolster you.”

“Talk to us, baby. So we can bolster.” Jinkx cuddled, if possible, even closer.

Sharon gave a short laugh, mirthless and soon fizzling out. “I don’t hate him. I feel like I should hate him.”

“I hate him.” Raja said, her voice laced with venom. “After what he did to you? If I saw him now-”

Sharon cut her off. “I would thank him. He taught me so much that I never had a chance of knowing before. I’m so angry at him.”

She paused. “My god, I’m angry at him. I’m furious. He played me. He played me and he doesn’t deserve a single second of my time and yet whenever I’m alone all I can think about is his eyes. His stupid fucking angel eyes.”

In her drunken state, the truth was confusing and yet clear all at once. The problem with the mindless convenience sex she’d been engaging in with Jaremi was exactly that - it was mindless. What she needed was a real distraction, something to pull her away from the grasp that Justin had on her.

“It’s always the pretty ones.” Jinkx agreed glumly. “They take your heart and then you have to pay the price.”

Raja hummed a little tune. “Call me a crazy drunk bitch, but-”

“Crazy drunk bitch.” Sharon and Jinkx replied in unison.

“Okay, fuck you.” Raja laughed. “But seriously. I’ve had this little melody in my head for forever. Sharon, you can put words to it. We’ll kill two birds with one stone.”

Sharon frowned, her mind fuzzy. “Words about what? What birds, anyway?”

“Words about him!” Raja exclaimed. “Everything you’re feeling. Slate him within an inch of his life. It’ll get your feelings out and The Supermodels are in need of a fresh new sound to reflect how much things have changed this summer.”

“After church…” Sharon nodded slowly. “I’m being forced into going tomorrow, but I’ll be free all day after that. If we can pull this off-”

“Then we’re officially the coolest girl-power band ever.” Jinkx supplied.

Sharon sighed, feeling woozy but more content than she had in a long time. “I love you girls so much.”

“We love you too.” They replied, scarily synchronised. Jinkx stroked her hair. “Go to sleep, sweetheart.”

The following morning, Sharon woke to a tangle of limbs and hair entwined around her body. Jinkx was drooling, her face unattractively smashed into the pillow and her hair flying around her head. Similarly, Raja was curled up against Sharon, her mouth wide open as she snored loudly. Truly, she thought to herself with a laugh, they were a charming bunch. She was almost certain that she didn’t look much better than they did.

No sooner had she woken up, though, her door knocked loudly. The jarring sound jolted both of her friends awake, and Sharon had to clap her hands over each of their mouths to prevent them from giving themselves away. That would have been suicide.

“Sharon? Are you awake yet?”

At the sound of her mother’s voice, Sharon blanched. “Uh - yes! I’m just - just getting ready!”

A loud grunt. “Hmph. Hurry up, will you? You will not make me late for church, young lady.”

“Of course not.” Sharon replied, hating how easily she regressed into her meek, unimportant daughter role. “I won’t be long.”

As soon as she was sure that her mother’s footsteps had disappeared, Sharon opened her wardrobe, listening to Raja and Jinkx groaning. More than anything, she wanted to finally stand up to her mother, as they were always telling her to do, but she didn’t have the strength. Her heart was aching and the courage that she had felt when she had been with Justin had long since dissipated. An all-consuming wave of shame and embarrassment rolled over her.

“You two should go.” She suggested, her cheeks flaming. “I have to get ready… She can’t see you.”

Jinkx stretched. “It’s alright, we can go out the window again. Don’t worry about us.”

Sharon smiled weakly. “If I can face the stage later, I’ll be there. So long as I survive church, anyhow.”

Raja let out an almighty snort. “Girl, I don’t know how you do it. But you gotta come along tonight! Song or no song, we’re gonna dress up and we’re gonna dance and you’re gonna be our dancing queen again. We can find you a new man, or maybe a cutie to take the edge off…”

Both girls remained in Sharon’s bed as she began to change, tugging the skirt down and the shirt up in an attempt to look as modest as she could. Normally, she would use makeup to try and hide the dark circles underneath her eyes, but she didn’t have much time. Besides, her mother called her a tart for wearing even the slightest hint of cosmetics.

“I look like shit.” Sharon grumbled, staring at herself with distaste. Raja not-so-subtly elbowed Jinkx and hissed “Bolster!”

“No, baby!” Jinkx rubbed her arm, glaring at Raja as she swung herself out of the bed. “You’re beautiful!”

“She’s right, you know.” Raja nodded, glaring back. “I tried to flirt with this guy the other night and he did give it to me, but then he did admit that he has a thing for blondes more than anything, so he might be interested in you. I think he said his name was Jaremi. Maybe we can find him tonight, set you up.”

Sharon laughed nervously. “Yeah, maybe…”

She wasn’t sure why, but it didn’t feel right to tell them that she’d been seeing anyone, let alone that it was Jaremi. It wasn’t like they were going to judge her - they had been doing more outrageous things for a much longer time - but it felt like a secret she had to keep to herself.

It wasn’t like it would matter, anyway. Soon enough they’d be going off to their universities, getting with as many guys and girls as they wanted, and they wouldn’t be physically able to tell one another about each and every encounter. Perhaps it was just for the best.

Sharon tried not to think about them leaving.

“SHARON! COME ON! WE ARE GOING TO BE LATE!”

Her eyes wide, Sharon practically shoved her friends towards the window and dashed from her room, taking the stairs two at a time in her hurry to evade punishment. At the bottom of the stairs, hands on her hips, her mother looked as judgemental and expectant as ever.

“Hmph. Skirt’s a little short, don’t you think?” 

Sharon tried to calm her breathing. “Is it? I-”

A sharp slap cut her off. “You look disgraceful. I’ve half a mind to make you change, but we don’t have time. The Lord doesn’t like to be kept waiting.”

“I didn’t realize the Lord was operating on a time limit.” Sharon replied, cupping her stinging cheek. “Here was me thinking he loves us all eternally.”

Her mother’s face hardened. For a moment, Sharon could see the resemblance between the two of them, and she despised it. She swore she would never look at her future daughter the way her mother was looking at her, with anger and hatred in her gaze. As her mother raised her hand again, Sharon narrowed her eyes.

“Do it, and I’ll tell the vicar exactly why my face is so red.” She threatened, clenching her jaw. “I’m dressed, I’m ready. Pretty sure the Lord is waiting for us.”

Despite the rage blazing in her eyes, her mother simply turned and walked out, giving in to the argument. There would be hell to pay later - meaning Sharon had to avoid going home for as long as she could manage - but that was fine. She could check with Fernando, see how the weather was going to be, and take a chance. Shivering through a storm would be better than coming home to this.

As they arrived, late as expected, Sharon split from her mother to the only other available seat, next to a young man that she didn’t recognise. She knew the act of splitting and sitting by a man, in itself, would irritate her mother, but that was beside the point. She needed to get away.

The guy winked at her as she slipped into the seat beside him, acknowledging the length of her skirt with a smirk. Sharon cocked an eyebrow at him, letting the neckline of her shirt fall lower as it was supposed to and adjusting her rosary so it rested atop her now-slightly exposed cleavage.

Flirting in church. That was new.

The blonde eyed her up and down, chuckling quietly to himself before focusing on the service again. Thankfully, the old lady next to him didn’t seem to notice anything out of the ordinary, so Sharon was able to avoid another set of glaring eyes.

As the service went on, the blonde gestured discreetly, making a mockery of the priest’s words and stories as he droned on. It was all Sharon could do not to burst out laughing in the middle of the service, lest she be ripped to shreds.

Part of her wanted to start talking to the stranger when the service was over, and see if he was as amusing as he seemed in the midst of the service, but she mentally decided against it. Girl time, she reminded herself. She had Jaremi if she needed anything, and the very last thing she needed was to add another guy into the mix. Still, she could see a spark in him - like how his eyes had glazed over, telling of the fact that he, like herself, wasn’t all too invested in the preaching of the church.

When the service ended, she blew a kiss and left sharpish. Getting caught up with her mother would definitely end badly, so she was quick to dive out of the way and take a few back streets towards the dock. 

I can’t believe her, she thought to herself. I can’t believe she fucking hit me again. No. Fuck her. She doesn’t deserve my time, even in my thoughts.

Instead, her thoughts drifted - regrettably - back to Justin. Raja and Jinkx had a point, that she should be angry at him too, and writing might make her feel better, but she still wasn’t so sure. The whole situation made her feel sick to the stomach whenever she thought about him. Staring at that photograph, the look that he was giving that girl… it was so familiar and yet so alien that it made her shiver.

There was too much to say. Too much for one song, surely. She wasn’t sure if she was angry, or sad, or lonely. She was just conflicted and confused, and it was his fault. He was impossible to write about - not again.

-

“There’s two.” 

Jinkx nearly fell off her barstool. “Two? What, like two verses, or?”

“Two songs.” Sharon corrected her. “I don’t know what happened! I just - I don’t know!”

She sighed. “He’s been gone for two weeks. I don’t know why I still care. But when I put pen to paper, it was like I couldn’t stop. All I can think about is him.”

Raja pursed her lips, evidently displeased. “Fucker. And he’s not even sparing a thought in your direction.”

Seemingly delighted at the opportunity, Jinkx thwacked Raja as hard as she could. “Raj, bolster! Besides, we don’t know that. Maybe he’s thinking about how he made a huge mistake, and how we’re gonna beat the crap out of him. Anyway, we’re bolstering.”

Sharon giggled. “I don’t need bolstering! I’m fine, just frazzled. Besides, only one of them could actually be performed, this one has no substance to it whatsoever. It’s just prose of me whining about how one of us is happy and one of us isn’t.”

“Prose is a big word for you.”

“Thank you.” She laughed, properly this time. “Anyway, fuckin’… there you go. Angel Eyes. All about deception. It should fit your melody, Raja. It’s only rough anyway.”

Cosied up at the bar together, they began dissecting through the song, humming sections and scribbling annotations onto the paper. As usual, the little taverna was empty in the daytime, save for a few regulars sipping at their beers and Maria, washing mugs with a rag. With any luck, it would fill up in the evening, drawing people in with their music. Some nights they even had to perform outside, the venue too small to contain the amount of people that wanted to drink and dance and listen to the band. Sharon hoped tonight would be one of those nights.

“Maria! My God, you’re beautiful!”

Maria chuckled as a man’s voice yelled out the compliment, loud enough to attract the attention of everyone in the taverna.

“You flatter, Willam. Your great grandmother Pat come through here not so long ago, you just miss her by minutes.”

Willam laughed good-naturedly. “Can’t believe she’s ninety two years old and faster than me. Hey, it’s you! From church!”

This time, his words were directed at Sharon, who hadn’t looked up from the plethora of notes and doodles that now covered the song. When she met his gaze, she let out a little gasp of disbelief.

“What are you doing here?” She found herself blurting out.

“What are you doing here?” He responded, mimicking her tone with a grin. “I have family here!”

Sharon nodded, dumbfounded. “I have a job here…” She gestured to the paper.

Without asking, Willam snatched the paper from beneath Jinkx’s pen and began to scan through it, much to the protests of the girls. After a few moments of skim-reading, he nodded and handed it back.

“Ooh, girl. Who did this to you? Someone on the island? I come here sometimes, I might know them to kick their ass, or get them fired.”

Sharon laughed. “He’s gone, it doesn’t matter.”

Raja frowned. “Sharon, who is this?”

“I don’t know.” Sharon admitted. “Blondie?”

Willam extended his hand, shaking Raja’s vigorously. Something about his unwavering smile was amusing, and she ended up laughing. It was too fake to be real, but a little too real to be entirely fake. It didn’t make much sense, but Sharon was beginning to realize that most men didn’t make much sense.

“I’m Willam, obviously. You just heard darling Maria announce my presence. Sharon and I met earlier today, I guess you could say.” A mischievous sparkle lit up his blue eyes. “She showed me her tits in church.”

Sharon gasped. “I did not!” She defended herself. “It was a tease at best.”

Jinkx laughed uproariously. “Sharon! God, we’ve taught you well.”

“Your song is good, girls.” Willam said suddenly, peering over Raja’s shoulder once more to see what she was writing. “I think I’ll come down tonight to watch, maybe bring Pat with me. I’m a musician too, I’ve performed here a few times. I’ll be seeing you.”

He gave a little wave as he went out, blowing a kiss in the same manner that Sharon had as she left church.

“I guess you will,” Sharon called after him, pushing down the sinking feeling in her chest. This really is the last thing you need. Even if he is attractive, you don’t need to get mixed up with another guy.

If only she had the willpower.

[ctrl-shift-esc]

Sometimes Fairytales don’t last. part 3

“ I can’t believe it’s over  a new beginning ”

11.29.18

& that was the end of us, but possibly the beginning of something wonderful...

I’m not trying to make myself sound like an angel. I wasn’t. It was impossible for me to be. I tried my best, but like I said, I lost control, more often than I would’ve liked. It was hard enough spending weeks on end without seeing each other because of his work schedule. Spending the only time we’d have together dealing with this -- heartbreaking affair -- then adding onto it more stress from the less than pleasant stay. Not to mention the lack of affection & connection between us, it was just too much. There were times where I shut down, I didn’t know how to communicate anymore. I didn’t know what I needed to do to make everything okay. I just didn’t know what my place was anymore. Ironically, if there’s ever a time where you need to show up powerfully for your partner this was probably it… I just couldn’t seem to succeed. I know I’m hard to love when I get into that closed off head space. So I most definitely played a part in the crashing ship we were both on. It was a vicious -- vicious cycle. The more I got rejected by the mom & the less connected I felt with him, the more I shut myself off. The more insecure & anxious I got, the less love he would give me. To be honest, I can’t even blame him. He had his own stuff to deal with. Reassuring me was probably the last thing on his to do list. It didn’t change the fact that we both probably could’ve used a little more loving. We just didn’t know any better. We both didn’t know how to deal with any of it. We tried, we had moments where we still felt like us. I wanted those moments to last forever. I did more than miss those moments, I was at a point where I was craving them. They were so few and far between, in a time where we needed them more than ever.

I think I could’ve held on, If he’d held on too.

When he left me, I broke down. Again. Seemed like this was becoming a pattern… breaking down that is. The hardest part was wrapping my head around reinventing a new life. I had just started a full time job on a film set. If you know anything about film, you know that a full time gig is very time consuming. Five days a week, 13 hours a day. Starting a new life, organizing a move, splitting our belongings -- on my weekends? You had to be kidding me! Overwhelming would’ve been an understatement. The fear of losing myself and the life I worked so hard to build, overpowered the fear of losing him.

I had for some reason assumed I would be the one moving out. He didn’t stop me from assuming that either. He had a bigger income than me, so, I guess we figured I couldn’t afford the place. After speaking to my mom the morning after, she made me realize that I needed to look after myself. If there was ever a time to be selfish this was it. Wait a minute I thought, I had a full time job now. This was my home. I’m here 24/7, he’s not. I took care of the apartment, I cleaned, I decorated, I worked in Vancouver -- Why would I be the one to move out? Living in Vancouver was my dream. Not his. I’d be damned if I were to lose it all because he chose to give up.

Sure the price is steeper than I’d want to pay on my own, but right now, I could do it! I could afford this and I could figure the rest out later. So I did. I told him I wasn’t moving out, and then I took my patio furniture out of the box and started building it. I’m here to stay.

I tried to give him the chance to come back on his decision, more than once. I told him that within our relationship we have space to give space. I reassured him that “us” right now wasn’t a priority, that it was about his healing. I gave him permission to do his own thing and not worry about us, on the condition that he’d still be faithful to me only. I pleaded for us not to have to split up and move out. I warned him that going through that, would be devastating to the relationship and very hard to come back from, if he ever did change his mind. He didn’t want any of it. He wanted to be single. He left for work again, and on that day, we had a 2 hour phone conversation. We finally cried it out. How hurt we both were. He got to say his piece, I got to say mine. We listened. For what it felt like the first time in ages. We heard one another. At the end of the conversation he even mentioned that maybe the next time he was in town, we could go on a date and start fresh. I agreed, with a smile. A few days had gone by since he’d left. Not a word. My hopes were soon to be nonexistent. He probably was just trying to be nice... I thought or he changed his mind again and doesn’t want to get back together. Either way, I got annoyed of waiting for a text, a call, any sign of life. I always hated being that girl. I don’t wait and wallow in self pity. Get back in the game I told myself. One night out with a dashing man, all dolled up, will be fun. I’m not as worthless as he made me feel and I deserved to have fun and feel wanted. So Tinder was downloaded. Yep, the good ol’ trusty Tinder… I was on that thing for approximately 48 hours. I matched potentially 6 guys from which only 1 started a convo. He lived 2 hours away, worked the same kind of schedule as my now, ex. Safe to say I didn’t keep that convo going. No thanks! Until the next day, I came across a new profile, I liked it all. He was cute, looked genuine, he was older, had a stable job and he didn’t live hours away. Him, I want him. But hey, it’s Tinder so he’s probably crazy, taken, or a loser. One night out for fun is probably all I’m getting out of this, so don’t get your hopes up. This was me getting ahead of myself because neither of us had said anything yet. I figured if I waited for him to make the first move, I might be waiting a while given the fact those other 5 guys never started a convo at all. So I made the first move, and waited for a reply I thought would never come. Sure enough he wrote back and I was pretty excited about it! We planned a dinner date for the next day. Again with low expectations, I didn’t think the date would actually pan out, but it did. The date lasted over 3 hours, and he wasn’t a catfish! I think for a first Tinder date, it’s a pretty damn good one. A simple, platonic first date. It felt amazing to have normal conversations with someone again. From then on, we tried to see each other as often as we could.

I still hadn’t heard from my ex, it had been over 2 weeks. At this point, I was more than convinced he and I were never going to reignite what we once had. How could someone who loved me go so long without speaking to me, it just didn’t make sense. The only conclusion I could come up with was that he in fact didn’t love me anymore. I was wrong, week 3, he shows up at my front doorstep, wanting to try us again. The decision was now mine. To take him back or to move on. I didn’t know what to do. It’s not like I fell out of love with him. I felt betrayed, lost, used. Not to mention having a terrible after taste from what happened with his mom. I was angry. After all we had spoken about spending a lifetime together, he wasn’t just some puppy love fling. I didn’t want to make a decision based on anger. I needed to take it one day at a time. I also had to be honest with my new beau; I really enjoy your company. You’re truly a breath of fresh air (which he was, especially after how suffocated I’d felt recently) but he’s come back into my life and I need to make sure I’m making the right decision. I can’t rush anything. I had told myself that I needed to take care of my heart, that if it caused anyone to decide that they couldn’t wait, that it wasn’t for me -- that the chips would fall where they were meant to. To my surprise, he was more than supportive. We agreed to slow things down and stay friends for now. I also had to be honest with the one that just came back into my life. Listen, I met someone, I told him. He was stunned. I mean… what did he expect? The fact that he either assumed I’d be waiting around for him after leaving me and ghosting me or that he simply thought no one would want me, was borderline insulting. I still didn’t turn him down right away. I told him I needed to believe he’d be here to stay before we ever think of getting back together. We agreed that only time would tell. Until I found out he had lied about his whereabouts one night when he had stayed back home and I had flown back home early. I was over the top enraged. At this point, I really couldn’t trust him anymore. It wasn’t about trusting in his will to make things work anymore, it was straight up trusting his word. I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that he had willingly lied to me. What else would he lie about in the future? Is this really the kind of relationship I’m going to feel safe and loved in? I don’t know, but it doesn’t sound like it, does it?

Letting go is hard. Especially when you’ve imagined a life with someone. We may not have been married, but we made promises to each other. We promised to be each others person. Those promises were broken. I never wanted this. It’s not easy to turn the page when you’re basically forced to. I didn’t feel like I had a choice anymore. It didn’t matter what I did or said, he kept making the wrong choices. I was furious at him for it. Maybe we just weren’t a good match to begin with. Or maybe we were a good match until we weren’t anymore. Regardless, I realized that I was fighting so hard to hold onto something that the universe was clearly trying to steer me away from. I got tired of fighting. I got tired of being the only one fighting.

I also happened to have met a really great guy. Who, during all this time, wiped tears off my face when I got overwhelmed with it all. He listened and heard me, even if it may have been hard for him to. I admired that. He was a friend before anything else. He tapped into that same selflessness that I’d been tapping into. He showed the kind of support I needed and wanted in a relationship all along. He was quite literally a breath of fresh air. I needed that right now. I couldn’t make a decision based on fear, or based on anger. I didn’t. I took my time and it didn’t happen overnight but I chose the path that allowed me to breathe freely.

Of course it hurts my heart. When you spend that much time with someone, whether you want to admit it or not, they become family. I’m starting to learn that love can live without being in love & that’s okay. Just because I’m not with him doesn’t mean I have to stop caring or hate him. I’m at ease with my decision, because it's what I needed. For the first time, I had listened to what I needed. We were great lovers, but we never could figure out how to be partners, and that’s ultimately what I’m looking for. For the first time in my life I was able to go through this without regretting anything. Because nothing was mine to regret. Things happened the way they did, and I had no control over it. I made decisions based on my needs and I gave it all. I gave all of me until I had nothing left to give.

Who knows what the universe has in store for me. Who knows where we’ll stand in 10 years from now. All I know is I’m ready to live in the moment. Love like I’ve never been hurt before and laugh like there’s no tomorrow. I hope you do the same.

It was the end of us… But it may have been the beginning of something wonderful.

A gentle growth.

[midnightsaoty]

In honor of reputation coming out in 7 days, I decided to share with you my favorite lyrics from every song (91!) from all her released albums.

Taylor Swift

Tim Mcgraw :  When you think happiness, I hope you think “that little black dress”

Picture to burn :  So watch me strike a match on all my wasted time. As far as I’m concerned you’re ust another picture to burn

A Place in this World :  Don’t know what’s down this road. I’m just walking trying to see through the rain coming down

Cold As You :  Every smile you fake is so condescending, countin’ all the scars you’ve made

The Outside :  I tried to take the road less traveled by, but nothin’ seems to work the first few times

Tied Together with a Smile :  You’re tied together with a smile, but you’re coming undone

Stay Beautiful :  If you and I are a story that never gets told, if what you are is a daydream I’ll never get to hold, at least you’ll know

Should’ve Said No :  I can’t resist, before you go, tell me this : was it worth it? Was she worth this?

Mary’s Song :  And I’ll be eighty-seven, you’ll be eighty-nine. I’ll still look at you like the stars that shine in the sky

Our Song :  He’s got a one-hand feel on the steering wheel, the other on my heart

I’m Only Me When I’m With You :  I don’t try to hide my tears, my secrets or my deepest fears. Through it all nobody gets me like you do

Invisible :  Like shadows in a faded light, we’re invisible. I just wanna open your eyes and make you realize.

A Perfectly Good Heart :  Maybe I should’ve seen the signs, should’ve read the writing on the wall and realized by the distance in your eyes that I would be the one to fall

Teardrops On My Guitar :  So I drive home alone, as I turn off the light, I’ll put his picture down and maybe get some sleep tonight

Fearless

Jump Then Fall :  I had time to think it all over and all I can say is come closer, take a deep breath and jump then fall into me

Untouchable :  Untouchable, burning brighter than the sun and when you’re close I feel like coming undone

Forever & Always :  So here’s to everything coming down to nothing, here’s to silence that cuts me to the core

Come In With The Rain :  I’ll leave my window open ‘cause I’m too tired tonight to call your name. Just know I’m right here hoping that you’ll come in with the rain

SuperStar :  And I knew from the first note played, I’d be breaking all my rules to see you

The Other Side Of The Door :  Me and my stupid pride are sitting here alone, going through the photographs, staring at the phone

Fearless : In this moment now capture it remember it

Fifteen : When all you wanted was to be wanted, wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now

Love Story :  I got tired of waiting, wondering if you were ever coming around. My faith in you was fading when I met you on the outskirts of town

Hey Stephen :  The way you walk, way you talk, way you say my name It’s beautiful, wonderful, don’t you ever change

White Horse :  I was a dreamer before you went and let me down

You Belong With Me :  And you’ve got a smile that could light up this whole town, I haven’t seen it in a while since she brought you down

Breathe :  Never wanted this, never wanna see you hurt. Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve

Tell Me Why :  Why do you have to make me feel small so you can feel whole inside? Why do you have to put down my dreams so you’re the only thing on my mind?

You’re Not Sorry :  Could’ve loved you all my life if you hadn’t left me waiting in the cold

The Way I Loved You :  Breakin’ down and comin’ undone, it’s a roller-coaster kinda rush, and I never knew I could feel that much

The Best Day :  I know you were on my side even when I was wrong

Change :  So we’ve been outnumbered, raided and now cornered. It’s hard to fight when the fight ain’t fair

Speak Now

Sparks Fly : The way you move is like a full on rainstorm and I’m a house of cards

Back To December :  It turns out freedom ain’t nothing but missing you, wishing I’d realized what I had when you were mine

Speak Now :  Horrified looks from everyone in the room, but I’m only lookin’ at you

Dear John :  I took your matches before fire could catch me so don’t look now. I’m shining like fireworks over your sad empty town

Mean :  You, with your switching sides and your wildfire lies and your humiliation, you have pointed out my flaws again as if I don’t already see them

The Story Of Us : You held your pride like you should have held me

Never Grow Up : And no one’s ever burned you, nothing’s ever left you scarred. And even though you want to, just try to never grow up

Enchanted :  Walls of insincerity, shifting eyes and vacancy vanished when I saw your face

Better Than Revenge : She thinks I’m psycho ‘cause I like to rhyme her name with things

Innocent : I guess you really did it this time : left yourself in your warpath.Lost your balance on a tightrope. Lost your mind tryin’ to get it back

Haunted :  You and I walk a fragile line. I have known it all this time but I never thought I’d live to see it break

Last Kiss : So I’ll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep and I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe

Long Live : Long live the walls we crashed through. All the kingdom lights shined just for me and you

Ours :  The verdict comes from those with nothing else to do. The jury’s out, and my choice is you.

If This Was A Movie :  Maybe I’ve been going back too much lately when time stood still and I had you

Superman :  I’m far away but I never let you go. I’m lovestruck and looking out the window. Don’t forget, don’t forget where I’ll be  

Mine : You made a rebel of a careless man’s careful daughter

RED

State Of Grace :  So you were never a saint and I loved in shades of wrong

Red :  Regretting him was like wishing you never found out that love could be that strong

Treacherous : Put your lips close to mine, as long as they don’t touch. Out of focus, eye to eye, till the gravity’s too much

I Knew You Were Trouble :  And the saddest fear comes creeping in : that you never loved me or her, or anyone, or anything

All Too Well : You call me up again just to break me like a promise, so casually cruel in the name of being honest. I’m a crumpled up piece of paper lying here

22 :  We’re happy free confused and lonely at the same time. It’s miserable and magical

I Almost Do :  I bet it never ever occurred to you that I can’t say “Hello” to you and risk another goodbye.

We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together : I’m really gonna miss you picking fights, and me falling for it screaming that I’m right, and you would hide away and find your peace of mind with some indie record that’s much cooler than mine

Stay Stay Stay : All those times that you didn’t leave; It’s been occurring to me I’d like to hang out with you for my whole life.

The Last Time :  You wear your best apology, but I was there to watch you leave

Holy Ground : We blocked the noise with the sound of ‘I need you’, and for the first time I had something to lose,

Sad Beautiful Tragic : Distance, timing, breakdown, fighting, silence, this train runs off its tracks. Kiss me, try to fix it, could you just try to listen?

The Lucky One : And they tell you that you’re lucky but you’re so confused,  ‘cause you don’t feel pretty, you just feel used.

Everything Has Changed : And all my walls stood tall painted blue, but I’ll take ‘em down and open up the door for you

Starlight : Look at you, worrying too much about things you can’t change. You’ll spend your whole life singing the blues if you keep thinking that way.

Begin Again :  I’ve been spending the last eight months thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end

The Moment I Knew : You called me later and said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t make it, ” and I said, “I’m sorry too, ”. And that was the moment I knew.

Come Back Be Here : I told myself don’t get attached, but in my mind I play it back, spinning faster than the plane that took you,

Girl At Home : And it would be a fine proposition if I was a stupid girl, but honey I am no-one’s exception, this I have previously learned.

1989

Welcome To New York : Took our broken hearts and put them in a drawer

Blank Space : Magic, madness, heaven, sin. Saw you there and I thought “Oh my God, look at that face. You look like my next mistake”

Style :  I should just tell you to leave 'cause I know exactly where it leads but I watch it go round and round each time

Out Of The Woods : The rest of the world was black and white, but we were in screaming color

All You Had To Do Was Stay : The more I think about it now the less I know. All I know is that you drove us off the road

Shade If Off : The haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate

I Wish You Would :  We were a crooked love in a straight line down

Bad Blood : Band-aids don’t fix bullet holes

Wildest Dreams : You see me in hindsight tangled up with you all night

How You Get The Girl : Stand there like a ghost shaking come the rain

This Love :  Clear blue water, high tide came and brought you in

I Know Places : Lose lips sink ships all the damn time

Clean : Rain came pouring down when I was drowning, that’s when I could finally breathe

Wonderland : You search the world for something else to make you feel like what we had

You Are In Love :  You understand now why they lost their minds and fought the wars, and why I’ve spent my whole life try to put it into words

New Romantics : I could build a castle out of all the bricks they threw at me

[mangokiwitropicalswirl]

Theoretical Physics

Post-Triangle one shot, at @damselindistressmya ‘s request! This is for you Mer!

PG (yeah, sorry!)

It’s not that she doesn’t believe in the possibility, it’s just that it doesn’t matter.  

Past lives are one implausible thing, but parallel universes are another altogether. The thing about theoretical physics is that it’s just that -- theoretical. If multiverse theory is true, every individual choice made by every individual person generates a new reality. Each outcome creates its own timeline. Quanta can exist in two places at once. Light is both a particle and a wave.

There’s a universe she thinks of most, where she married Ethan and is living comfortably in the suburbs with a kid or two, her ova safely unharvested. (She wonders how that Dana deals with the boredom, or if she’s long since stopped asking the hard questions, settled with her lot in life).

There’s a universe where Marcus knocked her up in high school and they ran off together, to her parents’ eternal disappointment. That Dana is working as a waitress or plodding through community college. (She knows this version is ashamed of herself, aware that she could’ve been so much more, but now there are too many choices to undo).

There’s the universe where she stayed in medicine, choosing surgery or pediatrics over pathology. Maybe that Dr. Scully saves lives every day, but is overworked and lonely.  

Or the myriad universes created every time she wanted to leave Mulder and the X Files and actually followed through. The one that first year, after Deep Throat died. The time she stepped away after her coma. The thousand Mondays when it all just seemed too much -- especially after Philadelphia when the snarl of anger in her gut threatened to unleash all her dark and girlish motives.

But what difference does it make that all these universes exist if you can’t interact with them, can’t reach them? You can’t call your alter ego on the phone so she can tell you that the grass is, if not greener, definitely a different shade of dissatisfaction.

It would be a fundamental law of every world that it’s impenetrable. That the best we could do would be to imagine their existence, or that they imagine ours.

But that’s what Mulder has been insisting, isn’t it? That he had somehow breached a quantum wall and fallen into a world where they were both themselves, but somehow other? But that the outcome of their choices there would impact here? “You were there, Scully, in 1939. You saved the world!”

Now she’s confused.

At least as confused as he had been on all those painkillers. It was painkillers, right?

She thinks back to the hospital, to the bruise on Mulder’s cheek. Once they’d drug him from the water and got him on the Navy chopper back to D.C. General, she had filled in his chart. In another accident report it seems foolish to take seriously, there were her notes detailing his waterlogged rambling. Something about Nazis and a right hook, a wartime weapon and someone who looked like her sporting a knockout -- “pun intended,” he had mumbled incoherently -- red dress.

She had stood over his bed and waited for him to wake, the day’s worth of panic, of AWACS surveillance and frenzy, sliding off her. Had she kissed Skinner in an elevator? She couldn’t remember.

How is it Mulder looked so attractive in that flimsy hospital gown? Had he been working out more lately? She had let her eyes linger over his shapely tanned arms and remembered with a flush the way she’d gripped them as he lifted her out of that cavern in Antarctica. She had had to force her gaze to return to the blossoming purple bruise around his left eye socket.

As her hands slide over the steering wheel on her drive home, she recognizes all this musing on the nature of multiverse theory for what it is -- an attempt to distract herself from the hum in the back of her brain, the near-panic that is circling and circling her subconscious. Mulder had said I love you. And she had said, “Oh brother.”

Playful exasperation has for so long been a default setting between both of them -- more often on her part, but sometimes on his -- that she had skipped straight to it before it dawned on her that he was deadly, tenderly earnest. It didn’t take long. The realization slammed into her with the solidity of a left hook as she walked out the door of his room. She had paused and gripped the wall rail just around the corner out of his line of sight.

Holy shit, he meant it.

Like, really meant it.

Fuck.

She thought for a half-second about turning around, walking back into the room and trying again, but what would she say? “I love you too.” She did. Of course she did. She’d been on the on ramp to saying all of it and more in his hallway this past summer, before the goddamn bee.

But they’d been to the ends of the earth together, and then they’d argued. And Diana had complicated things, and they had been reassigned. And now both of them were taut with a hundred things they weren’t saying. So for him to say it now, it took her by surprise. She wasn’t prepared to answer back. But. Fuck. He really meant it.

This is the phrase that had settled into a rhythm in her brain on the walk out to the car and is tormenting her all the way home as she determines, he hadn’t actually been on any painkillers.

A warmth has lodged itself in her right hipbone, and is spreading from where the back of his knuckles had lingered against her the entire time she stood at his bedside. She vacillates between blushing furiously with embarrassment at her reply, “Oh brother?” Shit! What were you thinking? and a twisting sensation in her stomach when she remembers the way he had called her back to the side of the bed. He had fixed her firmly in his gaze and his voice had deepened as he did his best to make her believe what he said.

That should have been the giveaway. For all the implausible things he has tried to convince her of, he has never tried like this. There’s always been a gimmick and a slide show. Now, his simple gravity upends her.

What are they going to do? Add this to the pile of unspoken things between them, the ballast of which is now threatening to capsize their entire relationship? And she’s still angry at him for the way he had expected her to change after Antarctica, as if he’d had finally won and her conversion was the prize.

But moments ago, she had lived in a universe where she never hadn’t heard him say I love you. Hadn’t even expected him to say it, ever.  And now, she lives in a universe where he did. A universe where he has finally, finally said something to name their increasingly intractable devotion. She blushes again, a happy split second before the cold wash of regret about her response returns and douses the warmth of the memory.

She parks the car absentmindedly and finds herself in her apartment, suddenly desperate for a friend other than Mulder she could call at this time of night. And not her mother. She can’t tell her mother about this. But she needs to analyze it, hash it out, figure out how much damage she has done, figure out what to do next. Preferably with a girlfriend over several stiff drinks.

How many years into knowing him had she let everyone else slip away? What was the moment she made the decision that created this universe where he has become absolutely everything? How many moments like this has she had -- the late night in her kitchen, after a drive home from a hospital, when she stares at her phone longingly? Sometimes it rings and sometimes it doesn’t. It feels like thousands, as if every version of every story she’s caught in boils down to these waiting moments.

Tonight, it doesn’t ring. She doesn’t think it will. She crawls into bed not expecting to sleep. But after a long time, she finally does.

There is a universe where Scully decides to let this blow over, where she greets him innocently on Monday morning, everything back to their status quo. But now she imagines that universe as a ghost ship, sailing lifelessly through dark, silent seas. She wants the lights and the music, the chase and the jump, the kiss, and the knockout.

She gets up at her weekday alarm at 5:30. She showers, throws on a black sweater and jeans and is back at the hospital by 7. He won’t be expecting her attention at the hospital for such a benign set of injuries. The overnight was just a precaution, to make sure there were no residual effects from his apparent blow to the head. She stops for coffee and donuts on the way.

He’s still asleep when she settles into the chair next to his bed, an endearing trickle of drool cascading from his open mouth into his hospital pillow. Looking over him, she feels her heart clench with what until yesterday she would have only considered protectiveness, a sense of responsibility, affection. She smiles and leans back in her chair, watching.

“What are you doing here?” His voice croaks as his eyes squeeze open.

“Brought you some donuts,” she nods toward the waxy paper sack and steaming styrofoam cup on the nightstand. “How’d you sleep?”

“Okay,” he eyes her with suspicion as he presses the buttons that angle the bed upward. He clears his throat and brushes some hair back from where it’s matted against his forehead. “This isn’t, um, our standard discharge procedure, Scully. What’s up?”

Scully racks her brain for some plausible excuse before settling on the old standby of medical expertise. “I wanted to double check your meds,” she hesitates. “I wasn’t sure they had accounted for your time underwater.”

Mulder looks at her with a raised eyebrow, waiting for more. “Donuts?”

“There’s a new shop around the corner from my place,” Scully lies, “seemed like the thing to do.”

“No other reason?” Mulder asks as the fuzziness of yesterday’s memory sharpens into clarity and he understands why she’s back.

“Well,” Scully pauses. She has an idea of how to proceed but isn’t sure she can pull it off. “I also needed some advice.”

“Advice?” Mulder straightens up, fully awake now.

“Yeah, advice.” Scully fidgets with her hands before forcing herself to meet his eyes. “A friend told me something recently, and I’m afraid my response might have hurt their feelings.”

“A friend?” Mulder looks slightly wounded, but plays along.

“Yes, a good friend.” She looks at him. “A dear friend.”

Mulder nods.

“They said something and I thought they were joking.” She sighs, shy. “I realized later they weren’t.”

“And you need my advice about what, exactly?” Mulder decides to make her work for it.

“How do I apologize?” Scully stares at him earnestly, swallowing the nervous lump that has formed in her throat.

“I guess it depends on how good of a friend this is,” he says. “And on what you wish you would have said instead.”

“It’s my best friend.” She reaches her hand and covers his where it lays on the edge of the bed. “And I wish I’d have told him, me too.”

Mulder smiles and turns his hand over to interlace his fingers in hers. But Scully continues.

“But I also need this friend to know that I don’t know what that means for me right now.” She looks down slightly, avoiding his gaze. “That I’m not sure what to do about it. And I was really surprised by what he said. I wasn’t prepared.”

Mulder runs his thumb across the top of her hand. “I’d bet your friend surprised himself too,” he suggests. “I bet he didn’t really think it all through anyway. It was just probably something he couldn’t keep to himself anymore.”

Scully nods and squeezes his hand. “What do you think this friend would want me to do next?” she asks.

“I think he’d want you to know he can wait.”

“Wait for what?” Scully raises her eyebrows.

“Wait until you know what you want to do about it,” Mulder is reassuring, still circling his thumb gently on the back of her hand. “I think he would tell you, he’s not going anywhere.”

Scully nods again and swallows, her eyes glistening slightly. “Okay.” She croaks in a whisper, smiling.

“Now, I think I was promised donuts?” Mulder grins, jerking his head toward the paper sack.

“You were,” Scully smiles and opens the bag, another universe shaping itself into being as she hands him a Boston Creme.