#I genuinely want to die rn
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guys i fumbled the bag so hard. signed up for a competition on the paddock and i won tickets to the livery reveal in austin that is happening in ONE HOUR. and i just fucking saw the email. i am three hours from austin.
#i genuinely want to die rn#like what do i even do now ????#what the fuuuuuck#screaming crying throwing up
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Everything is awful everything is awful everything is awful everything is awful everything is awful everything is awful everything is awful everything is awful everything is awful everything is awful everything is awful everything is awful everything is awful everything is awful everything is awful everything is awful everything is awful everything is awful everything is awful everything is awful everything is awful
#got my finals results and it's okay#except I missed 2 final exams and essentially they throw out the window and other good result I had#so essentially I failed everything#I genuinely want to die rn#it's the second year I fail and I dont know what to do anymore#im scared#so scared#of everything that could happen now#im never stepping out of my home ever again or else Im gonna run into traffic
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...
#i need to take a bath/shower really bad but im not emotionally well#like im not suicidal but when i was i wanted to drown myself (fortunately i was too cowardly to go through with it)#and im kinda scared i might impulsively try to do that#everything feels like its going wrong#like i kniw it will get better#usually misfortune preceeds fortune for me so yea#but i just have this sinking feeling that mire awful things are going to hapoe#fuck im scared to go to bed because im worried real life events will seep into my dreams#i also dont want to stay awake because i dont want to think about things#this is tge lowest ive been in years#i just dont know what to do#im trying to distract myself but that isnt wirking anymore#rambles#ignore pls#i genuinely want to die rn
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This man referring to himself as Nathaniel???
Fucking sedate me.
#pls I’ve never felt anger so hard in my life#i genuinely want to kill someone#that’s someone being Lola#fucking die#aftg#all for the game#neil josten#see Neil that’s your tag#so it automatically means this is you#andrew minyard#kevin day#allison reynolds#renee walker#I’m shaking to bad rn
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went to post this on twitter but i didnt wanna get banned . crazy that u can scrape my entire lifes work and i cant even tell u to die over it <3
#im just so ........#grips fists#i feel Helpless#i hate feeling like the people i know are receding further and further Away from art communities and the public because its so#painful right now#to be posting art :(#it just IS.#and to the motherfuckers in Toyhouse doing this like... i cannot stress enough how much if u called me rn i would tell u to die 2 ur face#i just... cant pretend like im Okay with u being anywhere Near the same space as me anymore <3#there are people i Hate on an individual level and#i still want to see them eat. just not at my table#but to everyone who Scrapes Art. I want you to Die <3 ....#you value having pretty little image and serving yourself over the grief of millions of artists#to the point where you break into Our spaces where we trust that we're at least safe from *you* motherfuckers#and take Even More ...#youre fucking#selfish and greedy#truly an embodiment of every fucking sin#unable to fucking Help Yourself ?#imagine if all of these people were like. contributing to society.or. idk. DRAWING#the Waste it generates stresses me out to no fucking end too#like you will literally harm the entire human race for Yourself#i Hate you . I Hate you so Wholly#I hate Everything you are and Everything you have done to me and Everything you have done to my community and my peers#yeah. i want you to Die. The same way i want a politician to die.#no human Deserves death <3 but i still want you to <3#annnyyywaayyyyyss#i wont tag this as my art LMFAO its basically a fucking#vent post#i just HAD to get my feelings out cuz genuinely every time i talk about this with my friends it
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I'm working on commissions rn, but I want to do other stuff too, so I would love to do some silly Hatchetfield ship doodle requests >:3
Here's pretty much all the ships off the top of my head I'd love to do. If you don't see smth here, feel free to ask! (QP just means I prefer them in a queer platonic sense, still willing to draw them romantically):
Paulkins
Also droid23/Falsekins
Nerdycule/Waylon House Party
QP Nerdy Prude Trio
Michie
QP Jägertitty
Lautski
Grace x Steph x Ruth
Halogear/Flemity
Graph/Stephgrace
Steph x Ruth
QP Spankoffschitz
QP Flemschitz/Flipschitz
QP Chaslautski
CCRPoly
Billted
Chai Coffee/Dirty Chai/MusicBox
Caramel Coffee
Charlotted
Paul x Melissa
P.E.I.P.
Lee x Mcnamara
Wilbur x Mcnamara
Swedish Barbecue
Paulkotho
Tinkoffski
Lexthan
Potseed
Holloweane/Holloduke
Barneston
Barnroe
Officer Bailey x Miss Mulberry
Ted x Officer Bailey
Holy Bastard
Honeypot
Legally Blond/Garlinda
Melissa x Woman
Tedgens
Attorney in a Hurry
Appletheosis/ Made Inevitable
Geralinda
Debalice/Aldeb
Hidgens x Workin’ Boys
Sheilinda
QP Hannah x Sophia x Daniel
Hollowebby
Wine n' Dine
#I just want some silly requests rn lol#as you can probably guess I am the biggest multishipper in any fandom I join#genuine question: does Miss Holloway have any sapphic ships I should know about? because I think she should kiss women#too many thoughts#starkid#hatchetfield#the guy who didn't like musicals#tgwdlm#black friday#nerdy prudes must die#npmd#nightmare time
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How to get a boyfriend as a trans masc no borax no glue
#one that doesn't fetishize me#I'm not interested in dating womne rn bc of having just been abused severely by one for 3 years#she scared the straight out of me 😭#personal#🔪🫀⚰️🥀#idk#trns#trans#transgender#transmasc#trans masculine#trans man#like uhg#I'm so scared of being hate crimed as well#it's genuinely scary to me i don't want to die just for trying to find love
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he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me he didnt groom me
#gaslighting myself rn#he would never do that#hes not bad#please dont let it be true please#i want to die#i wanna end it so bad#make it stop#someone please end this shit#idk how much longer i can handle it before i genuinely try to kill myself#this is fucking exhausting
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experiencing fhjy while currently being in the equivalent of junior year is so. Yeah that's what it's like that's how school treats you that's how I'm feeling RIGHT NOW. I love how perfectly accurate it is and I also hate it so much because they don't deserve to go through this shit
#like fuck man#im currently fucking struggling through school clawing my way to exams so i can stop dealing with all this bullshit and have a life#and i cannot WAIT until its over cause next years gonna be the chillest#but fuckin hell man some of these moments#adaine struggling cause the school just won't provide the resources she needs. fabian dealing with a 150% workload + ecs.#kristen being genuinely gifted but finding the paperwork so awful that her grades are plummeting.#gorgug being told he cant do what he wants to do because they want to keep him focusing on the path he chose when he was 14.#riz trying to keep his friends together because if they separate he doesnt know what hed do#ough#kristen especially is resonating with me HARD her entire energy is so fucking relatable rn#its giving burnout its giving tired undiagnosed teenager its giving doesnt know wtf theyre doing#shes strongly considering dropping out but then looking back and going FUUUCK I KNOW I GOTTA JUST PUSH THROUGH#shes hating the work its making enjoying the subject harder shes needing a break and nobodys willing to give her one#shes so me this year actually. realest ever I'll defend her til i DIE#d20#fhjy
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genuinely people need to tag triggers. Love all the 'not my responsibility to tag stuff the way you want it' shit but that is for fandom and weird kinks and whatever not LITERAL PICTURES OF SELF HARM AND BLOOD EVERYWHERE like I'd be fine if it was tagged 'tw blood' (which I don't have blocked!! I'd still be triggered as fuck but hey you tried idc) but when you don't tag it at all I have to assume you are actually trying to hurt someone. Yeah I block immediately but thst doesn't change the fact that I'm triggered and the sh urges are back. This is true for text posts too, although I try to block words (I genuinely hate it so deeply when people sidestep other people's word blocks with 'sewerslide' or button mash numbers in the word like. I am going to fucking kill you. 'Oh noo it's triggering to me uwu' bitch you made me actively suicidal for the first time in months. Fucking die. Don't post that shit if using the actual words triggers you). You ABSOLUTELY ARE responsible for what you put out into the words. People saying 'oh ur not responsible for other peoples triggers and emotions' are genuinely heartless and have never felt human empathy. You ain't responsible for how I react to your content, but you NEED to try your best to give people the bare minimum of warnings when you post triggering shit. Look at ur vent post and be like 'hey I'm gonna tag this as tw vent/ tw si' and you genuinely might save someone's life. Probably not but the chance should be enough for you to care and if it isn't, block me. Don't argue, just block me now.
#tw suicide mention#tw sui ideation#tw vent#Tw self harm#Tw sh#I'm just pissed as fuck#And since I'm in a bad mood I want to fucking kill someone violently#I'm trying to find some cute art on tumblr to look at and I get images of people's gaping bloody injuries#And someone talking about viscerally wanting to die#Because when I like and support and reblog mental health discussion and support#Tumblr algorithm then finds me a post tagged with like#Mental health#(Speaking of:)#tw mental health#Or depression#And yeah I get how it can be really nice to vent online and scream into the void I do it myself a ton#But if you aren't in the mental place to tag shit and do the bare minimum to be kind to others#Just save it as a draft#Come back 10 minutes later and add tws#It is genuinely so easy to not hurt people#Why the fuck would you choose to do it#What is wrong with you#Tbh this whole post is a lot more aggressive than I wanted to be but I'm really freaked out rn#And if I don't keep ranting I'm scared of what's gonna happen in general#I know I won't die and I really do believe thst I can keep myself safe for now but fuck it's hard and it would be easy if people were kind#And the worst thing is thst we are#I love people and I love how kind we are to others and I love how almost anyone is willing to be gentle with someone who needs it#So I know that this is a conscious decision to either remain ignorant to just to straight up hurt people#And that's so much worse than getting triggered#It's like I'm grieving someone who's still alive
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You have given me a great joy in life with your Renkaza au
May I ask, what happened to the rest of the Kamado family? Did they get their canon ending or are they with Nezuko as they try to deal with her new demonification?
oh yay im glad you're enjoying it so far! 🥰
nezuko's actually with her brother in the box, like in canon lol. i just havent drawn her--or inosuke or zenitsu--in the panels we've seen, but they're there!
as for the rest of the kamados... i actually havent decided LOL. my instinct is to save everyone, since this is a light-hearted comic strip, but also i'm not sure i'd be able to reliably write that since it involves more plot than the "stupid jokes loosely following canon" i mostly have written down aha. so i suppose it's a surprise for now, even for myself.
i guess we'll see!
#thanks for the ask 💖#sorry if this isnt a satisfying answer but i genuinely dont know rn haha#rei replies#ssh extras#like the thing is. the thing is i had like a short emotional 'i see you' moment planned out between renkaza#for when upper six die but if i save the kamados then i feel obligated to save gyu and ume which means id have to rejig that#and i have Ideas for how but they lean into the kind of fluff that feels so divorced from canon idk if i actually want to write it???#bc i do also love me some angst. hnn. i suppose we'll see how self-indulgent i decide to be about this#but looking at the way im characterizing hakuji u can tell im already being pretty self-indulgent LOL. 😂#so yeah it's a surprise even for me! but i AM leaning toward the 'everyone lives' route rn.#it's just. upper moons 4 and 5 are much harder to want to save versus upper moon 6 yknow. or even 1 &2.#but it'd be weird to be like 'f those guys in particular' lol. u can see my conundrum.#at the same time... this is my story so i can do what i want to??? hm.#WE'LL SEE.
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I genuinely can’t fathom how people who have never had a problem with food (restricting AND overeating because both are serious issues) view it. Like tf do you mean you get hungry after two hours? One of my siblings is onto me because I went like 6 hours without eating but like…that was because I wasn’t hungry???? On the flip side, I’ve noticed that I just keep fucking eating when everyone else has stopped. Free breadsticks at Olive Garden? I’ll eat them until they’re gone. Need something to do at a party? I’ll get seconds even though I’m not really hungry. I was never really an emotional eater aside from a few hatred-induced binges last semester at college, but I’m definitely a bored eater. Combine that with the fact that my parents don’t cook, so the occasional meals I had with my family all together were fast food/restaurant food, AND that all other nights, I was left to rummage with no supervision through the pantry to eat processed food in front of the TV/my phone for dinner, it’s a miracle I didn’t get fatter sooner.
#Every damn day I envy 12 year old me at 5’4 (not done growing yet) and 104 pounds when my weight wasn’t a thought in my mind#Like girl I know your biggest concern rn is when the Steven Universe hiatus will end but you wasted so much potential 😭#I wish I had been like a dancer or an athlete or something in my K-12 years so that I enjoyed some form of exercise#But I was so uncoordinated and athletic from being both a premature baby and just never getting into the habit#That I felt (and still feel) rlly insecure exercising with/around people#Plus now if my sibling hears that I’m working out or want to they go into panic mode thinking I’ll get a diagnosable ed and die 🙃#Yeah I love them and all but they’re that person that had ana for like a year (giving me diagnosed PTSD in the process)#And now thinks that my disordered experience must be exactly like theirs—like if I maintain the loss of weight I genuinely needed to lose#Or god forbid ever develop an interest/willingness to work out more#It means that I have severe fucking ana that I need to be hospitalized for like they were#And I have had full blown breakdowns wishing I was as sick as they got so they had better shut their damn mouth#Sorry to spam the tags y’all#4n4rex1a#tw ana diary#4n4t1ps#4n4 thoughts#🕯️ as a 🪶
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once again thinking about my ideal 3rd drb match up and how it’d stack up with plot beats and so far all i got is
🔴💥⚪️: true hypnosis mic opponents, maybe jakurai ends up on a side for further development to save yotsutsuji and that’s against ichiro’s current goal
🔵💥🟠: haven’t quite figured out why, but rei vs samatoki is the angle i’m thinking about
🟡💥🟣: all plot stakes division vs no stakes division lol idk really but i’m leaning towards a bonds angle or if hypmic wants to be real freaky, the side effects angle 🤔
#this is vee speaking#i still think a new format could happen but idk lol there’s so many unknowns rn#like what’s next specifically lmao#i personally feel it would be a waste not to have jakurai working to finalise development for this potential other true hypnosis mic lol#like they teased him joining chuuoku but then didn’t commit?????? huh??????#what about his struggle with causing more harm vs saving that one?????? like come on now??#so here’s me trying to put him back on that track lol#why not sasara vs samatoki you might ask lol and my answer is that’s the poster fight but the real fight is between rei and samatoki lol#samatoki was weirdly interested in rei watching bb vs dh and there’s a panel in showdown battle where samatoki looks……#he’s very hard to read actually while listening to ichiro#samatoki and rei are paralleling in the block party as individuals moved by ichiro’s ideals#so while i’m not sure if ichiro would be the reason to fight (🎋hahahaha🎋) i think there’s potential for strife#*sighs at bat* why doesn’t kr want to do anything with y’all lmao#if they went the side effects angle it’d be cool to have ramuda the guy whose clones die using the true hypnosis mic#vs kuukou who might be suffering from side effects (and against the guy that caused them tho he’s forgiven ramuda lol)#jyushi’s hypnosis ability to ‘recover’ is genuinely interesting because what is he recovering???? and why haven’t we seen it yet?????#maybe they’re lying in wait lol (delusional)#bonds angle is me grasping at straws lol but here’s how i can get my ideal match ups—
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games whose lines get stuck in your head for days are so good... usually it has only been re:kinder, and everytime i just get comically sad, so the contrast of that with how comically mad i get when I think of mouthwashing's lines is so funny
"no... we can both be heroes🥺🥺 we are a team🥺" i will put that man in a microwave usually I use that phrase affectionately but no we need to put him in boiling oil you know the game is good when it gets ridiculously intense reactions from me
(btw do recommend mouthwashing its very deserving of the hype)
#not art#i talk!!!#mouthwashing#ill just be minding my own business and that line comes to my mind and it makes me so exasperated#like HEROES OF WHAT😭😭😭 YOU??? A HERO??? WHAT ARE YOU BLABBIGN ABOUT???#hes such such a well written character even then even if i want a meteorite to hit him and for him to not die inmediately#its so strange typing that like genuinely i tend to use those type of phrases for things i have affection for#but no rn im being so fr so genuine withthe words im using i think we should put him in a blender#that man who shall not be named#hate on him aside i do really recommend this game it truly truly is a horror game😭#its been a while since something leaves me looking at my screen in silent horror and shock at the end of it#i remember I finished it at night and i was left wondering how i was meant to sleep after that
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i could turn jacob seed. i could make him forgo his brothers orders and see through him for what he was evennn if he was maybe right about montana getting nuked whateverrr like what everrrr okay
#hes genuinely such an interesting character when you give it 5 seconds of thought after the obvious hotness of him okay like i GET that#i DO wanna fuck him too i GET it but dude hes a disillusioned war vet on the brink of suicide when joseph finda him again and the ONLY#reason jacob didnt eat a bullet was because somebody gave him a purpose. and he followed it. not even blindly he had his doubts but it was#something to live for and someone to protect and who better than his own little brother#even bwfore the dlc came out i was like ok even if everything went according to plan you Cannot see jacob surviving that shit#he had a death wish he did naught want to live. he fully intended to die in the process you cant convince me otherwise#im saying so much nothing rn LOL idk i just have had nobody to talk to about this game and its been 6 years. so.#just. jouist fuckin. i like this character so much. i think he served his purpose for the game and i get why he had to die#but i do still wish there was more to explore with him ykwim#anyway im just annoyed bc i wanna read about him but all anybody ever writes abt is how good at sex he is with women and its like . yawn#HE DOEESNT EVEN STRIKE ME AS SOMEONE THAT WOULD EVEN CASUALLY FUCK IS THE THING LOL like you flirt with him and hes like what the fuck#are you doing. who the fuck do you think yourr TALKING TO#can anybody hear me???? does ANYONE get it
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i hate artie the sopranos BAD
#i wish he had died that one time he tried to kill himself all my other nemeses died#richie ralph jackie jr. i know jackie jr was young and i did feel bad for his mom and meadow when he ended up dying but he made me SO MAD i#genuinely wanted him to die#there's other characters i hate but i hate him SO MUCHHDHDHSHZHHZ HE MAKES ME SO MAD#artie i mean#and that's exactly how i felt about the other three#season 6 episode 7 luxury lounge is what i'm watching rn#and like i say: brf slt
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