flyingtacoturtle11

[flyingtacoturtle11]

I GENUINELY cannot be a person right now.

Or at least not the person I want to be I’m actually not sure if I’ve ever been that person and i also never will be bc I have no clue what that even means for me or why I can’t just breathe normally all the fucking time which doesn’t make any sense whatsoever mostly bc nothing I’m saying is making sense because I’m just typing out how my brain sounds and I just need to touch grass

But like WHY and why this and why that and the feeling in my gut won’t go away and I’m not under any pressure so why does it feel like there’s ten boulders on my back?

I don’t GET IT AND I WANT TO GET IT I WANT TO UNDERSTAND MYSELF

I’m guessing this is just what happens when you’re in your bed for a few days bc you’re sick but it’s something more and the mere fact that I’m going to have to be normal after this, or go back to being myself I just can’t deal with it

And nothing is helping me rn

My phone isn’t helping, it’s like I’ve used its helpfulness up and maybe I’m just realizing that everything is temporary

Mostly solutions

And what am I supposed to do with that? What am I even solving? And what the FUCK is going on with my gender.

Why am I so lazy? Like genuinely. All of these things that I KNOW for a fact I CAN do, and I’m JUST NOT DOING THEM??? it doesn’t make sense. And that’s an excuse and I still have to do shit anyway. It’s not even an excuse there’s literally no reason except I’m just not doing it. WHY. I just want to know and I want everyone to leave me the fuck alone. And on another note I want someone that I can love. Like I need someone to love. Everything in my life feels so insignificant and that’s nobody else problem but I just genuinely can’t act like myself around people? I’m not me. I’m only me in my own head.

Everything is overwhelming and then I’m still just PLAYING IT OFF

I don’t want to fix it bc there isn’t anything to fix it because everything needs to be fixed

AND STOP TRYINF TO COME UP EITH SOLUTIONS THERE ISNT ANY

and if I try and tell someone I just back out, or they don’t fucking get it at all

What the fuck does everything mean I just want it to be 1 am all the time

And WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY ARE PEIPLE DEFENDING ELON MUSK

UGGHHFHFBD im so SICK and im so tired.

Just LEAVE ME ALONE.

I stand by the fact that humans weren’t meant to deal with all this. Just let us rome (?the fucks the spelling for that) around and eat fruit or something.

[flyingtacoturtle11]

People will have a bad day and be like

"You know what will make this day better? Making regulus black suffer"

[flyingtacoturtle11]

rosekiller meet-cute where evan pulls up to the function dressed in an "i only get on my knees for jesus" shirt, and barty is wearing one that says "jesus has rizzen" with illustrations of jesus wearing sunglasses

[flyingtacoturtle11]

one thing about james potter is he's a certified yearner. that man is always gonna yearn

[flyingtacoturtle11]

everyone keeps having these moments at the top of the astronomy tower how are none of them bumping into each other

[flyingtacoturtle11]

Whatever you do don't imagine a muggle au where Regulus and James meet later down the line, and Harry is a bit older, and absolutely just doesn't like Regulus. He won't even try to. And Regulus just so desperately wants his boyfriend's kid to like him, bc if he doesn't then James won't keep him around

So everytime Harry is rude or ignores Regulus, reg sees the way James watches it. He sees the wheels in james' head. He sees the doubt. He sees the timer running out

[flyingtacoturtle11]

reblog if you like girls and/or pasta

[flyingtacoturtle11]

Do other people torture themselves with reading angst and enjoy doing it? Like I read angst on PURPOSE, it makes my heart beat fast and i especially do it in the middle of the night.

I don't cry (physically) but my heart feels like somebody is squeezing it and my stomach starts to feel weird and it's like everytime something bad is actually happening.

But I still feel some kind of joy out of suffering? Like the sudden rush of dopamine makes me love to read angst, specially the ones that are written beautifully.

I see people saying they can't keep reading because of angst but I'm like... Looking for angst?

It's weird...

[flyingtacoturtle11]

you're allowed to say "sex" on the internet. See? I just did it. Sex. Sex sex sex. You don't have to say s*x or smex or Adult Fun Times or s3x or "spice" any other variation of self-censorship on tumblr dot com you can just spell out the word SEX i am going to scream until the heat death of the universe

[flyingtacoturtle11]

James being shown as an asshole in a post or something of the sort just..

I can’t even explain this, first off you’re fair for that I also love pain and I love creativity and I love the concepts made by that

But

I think it bothers me so much because I fear being seen as an asshole but it seems like each day it just is slowly spiraling that way even when I’m trying my best to not come off like that

When I’m around people that have me on edge then I’m on edge and even just being seen like that to them sucks for me but I can’t control how other people see me I just wish I could hide all that assholeness away forever so I am seen as who I want to be without having hard days

[flyingtacoturtle11]

I JUST YAWNED AND IT HIRT MY THROAT WHYYYYYY EHAT DID I DO TO THIS WORLD

[flyingtacoturtle11]

"That girl didn't want to die. She just wanted to get out of that house" and it's Andromeda Black

[flyingtacoturtle11]

2025!!

[flyingtacoturtle11]

screaming over rosekiller.

[flyingtacoturtle11]

I love Sirius Black dressing masculine

I love Sirius Black dressing feminine

I love Sirius Black wearing skirts

I love Sirius Black as a cis man

I love Sirius Black as a trans man

I love Sirius Black as gender fluid

I love Sirius Black as gender queer

I love Sirius Black as non binary

I love Sirius Black expressing himself however he wants to and not being constrained by gender norms

[flyingtacoturtle11]

James 100% goes 'pspspspsps' at Regulus all the time after he finds out his animagus is a cat

[flyingtacoturtle11]

and i bet we'd both arrive at the same time (bed chem) and i bet the thermostat's set a six-nine (b-bed c-chem) and i bet it's even better than in my head!!!