#I LOVE U SO BAD FOR BUT ALSO I FEEL SO SICK U ARE SOOOOOOO SICK FOR THIS /lh /pos

[isatoru]

The first time you're opening up to Isagi about something in your past that hurt you he is kissing your chest bc it's the closest he can get to kiss your heart and says he is going to take care of it

[angelyuji]

i've had countless yandere thoughts about rick sanchez (i despise myself for falling for an old man with such low yandere/dark content, but hear me out). picture this: Rick sanchez, a man desperately trying to move on from his past. slowly, violently, painfullh but surely. he's using alcohol and drugs as his coping mechanisms, trying to finally let go of his wife, whom he loves dearly. he's going to therapy begrudgingly. he tries to face his emotions more often even though it hurts his soul, every bone in his body aches, his mind is throbbing because he doesn't want to forget, replace or let her go. he can't.

then, he stumbles upon you—a young woman who says/does something that reminds him so much of his wife. and he just, misses her so bad y'know?, so so bad that it haunts him everyday, you could be his chance, something he was searching for across the universe. Rick sanchez, who starts to use you as a new coping mechanism, projecting his feelings and memories onto you, becomes increasingly obsessed. possessive. insane because something about you makes him feel as if you are Diane in so many ways. hey anything was possible right? maybe you both are related? there might be some theory which he might have pulled out of his ass in his deep longing deperation.

he hears you say one day, when he finally takes everything away from you, your planet, family, a whole fucking dimension—that he probably didn't deserve Diane, because he was a sick man who didn't deserve to have a chance with her, in any conceivable universe. that he was destined and was as fucked up as Prime Rick. He didnt deserve a happy family, a dimension, anything. but he only stares at you, a disturbing look on his face as he clenches your face so tight, his eyes hazy with tears or some other shit, maybe he has lost his mind completely, with a sober fury. there's still that tight crooked grin on his face as he whispers, close to your petrified face below him.

"that's in the past, baby. she's gone. taken away from me, y'know maybe... maybe i just deserved you in the end after all, and unlike Diane, no one is ever taking you away from me. i will fucking destroy them if they even tried to."

in this essay, i will -

WGEBRBNENRJRJAHHHGGGG OMGMGMGMHMMHMG PLEASE I NEED HIM SO BAD

he’s so insane and lowkey scary omg u ate🙂‍↕️

he tries to use u as his do-over. he couldnt protect diane or even technically spend his life with her, so him using u as his do-over but also fucking up ur life cuz he’s crazy is sooooooo🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

by the time he’s completely taken over ur life, diane is a distant memory and his every waking thought is about u

[cherrysmokesaconha]

// rant

Being in a fandom where 90% of it sees 2004/2005 Tord as a uwu teenager just because of a fucking FANON SHITASS HEADCANON, while me being a person who hcs him as MATURE ADULT (and also with some fankids) makes me feel like a fucking ALIEN.

It makes me sick that u almost don't have good food on here. Everytime I look in the #2004 tord tag when there's new stuff, It's just shit depicting him as a teenager or adding uwu pimples to him like CMON LET MY MAN PAY TAXES AND KISS ON THE MOUTH PLEASE (edit: idm people who hc him as an adult and add pimples to him since I think adults can also have pimples, but I'm mostly talking abt the teen hc)

"oh but Tord was born in 1989-" BULLSHIT. DOGSHIT. GIRAFFESHIT. THE REAL PERSON BORNED IN 1989 THE CHARACTER DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A CANON AGE GODDAMNIT. Edit: The only thing that could prove that the character ACTUALLY was born in 1989 was his grave on Zombeh Attack 2, but that eddisode was made way before the characters got separated from the real people + nowadays they have a fictional canonical birthday dates where year of birth is not specified, which makes them have a canon vague age. (Confirmed by OblivionDowning in Twitter btw)

I specially really love 2004 Tord from the Christmas Special, where he doesn't have horns. And I almost never saw an art of this Tord which NOT depicted him as a teen. I NEVER saw it. Most of those arts (which depicts him as an adult) are made by ME and MOSTLY ME. GODDAMNIT </3 (ofc there's some arts that shows him as an adult but there are very few)

And the fact that people will pull out this shitass "hE's A TeEn!1!!1!1" card when they see an art MINIMALLY suggestive IS sooooooo stupid. This headcanon (alongside with the "Pau and Pat are Tord's parents" hc) literally BRAINWASHED THIS FANDOM AND NOBODY SAYS AN A ABOUT IT.

It's funny that people can draw 2005 Edd and 2005 Tom making out and no one says a thing, but when it comes to Tord, they automatically pulls the teenager card like, BRO FUCK YOU AND YOUR SHIT HEADCANON FUCK OFF/NEG

I'm so sorry for ranting, but I am TIRED. It's tiring to have a different hc and feel like a target because of a headcanon that people assume that it's canon. Please do a research for the love of God </3

(ps cuz I forgot this: I'm not saying that you can't have the teen hc for yourself or even feel uncomfy with ppl drawing him as an adult, that's totally fine! That's your opinion and ur boundaries and it should be respected. But you can't just appear out of nowhere on someone's account and force them into this headcanon. Saying like "isn't he a minor on that era?" or even "he's a teenager..." makes the artist feel bad, SPECIALLY WHEN THEY HC THE CHARACTER AS AN ADULT. You're literally accusing someone who has a different hc than you a p3dophile. That's awful, boring and demotivating. Please don't do that. Think before you speak.)

[heatwa-ves]

For the character headcanon ask game!!!! Firstly, the Tenth doctor as I like that guy and secondly,,,, Klavier or Kristoph Gavin or both because they are just so epic to me,,,,,

under the cut because I talked a Lot

ten

sexuality + gender: canonically genderfluid yippee!! as for sexuality idk. rose tyler.

fav ship: tenrose u will always be famous. tensimm you will be famous too I guess because what the fuck was. Everything. in the end of time. not my fav incarnation of thoschei but I do enjoy it . "you could be beautiful" doctor do you have something to share with the class.. OH. TENJACK ALSO. I am perpetually haunted by the scene in utopia wjat the hell is this

fav platonic relationship: doctordonna is LEGENDARY. they're so good they're sooooooo good. entirety of S4 is banger after banger after banger I'm excited to watch the 60th specials and see donna and dt again but im still dragging myself through chibnall era. It's bad.

general opinion: I used to like ten more than I do now not that I dislike him but watching twelve set a gold standard for doctors and I think none of the others quite reach it. am I biased because I'm obsessed with peter capaldi? No comment. anyway. ten is really good and has a lot of strong episodes particularly with donna ofc. I like his relationship with martha in theory I just wish the show didn't hate her guts . Midnight is one of theeee best episodes on television and ten is so good in it he's also particularly good in waters of mars tho I do wish the time lord victorious was dragged out a bit longer like for another episode or so before that finale. His regeneration never fails to make me tear up especially the part with rose... she WILL have a good year. sobs. Finally obligatory mention that fear her is a GOOD EPISODE IM SICK OF THE HATE.

klavier

sexuality + gender: bi + genderfluid she/her pronouns would solve all her problems

fav ship: klapollo I love u... t4t

fav platonic relationship: his relationship with trucy they're sooooo silly look at this art . also obsessed with what we see of his relationship with kristoph I'm thinking about them always and I wish we saw more

general opinion: she's my fav from aa4... No one is surprised. cute + silly + has problems + sees the protagonist and is like omg hi. did you know I'm bisexual. did you know im really into you . just saying. 0.5 seconds after meeting. I would like it if the game went more into his feelings on losing kristoph and then daryan and then kristoph again all back to back but I guess that's what fanfiction is for. guilty love is such a good theme I don't normally listen to just instrumental songs but.... She's beautiful. the concept of the gavinners is fucking stupid so I'm living in my dream world where they're a normal band not a weird law cop themed one.

kristoph

sexuality + gender: idk nothing in particular .

fav ship: he and phoenix definitely fucked at some point

fav platonic relationship: once again gavin siblings. I wish the game also went more into how his relationship with apollo is like I assume they were working together for a while pre 4-1 .. it's interesting to think about but there's not much to go off

general opinion: beautiful evil man. I love him and it really surprised me how many people hate him??? the godawful mischaracterisation I've seen on ao3 haunts me like yes he's a cunt but he wouldn't fucking do THAT. he's a cunt in a different way. please hate him correctly at the very least. I want to know what goes on inside his head. he was definitely lying about why he killed zak there was more to it than just being a petty bitch like the black psyche locks and everything... I don't think he's the sort of person who'd resort to serial murder over just not being chosen as lawyer there's definitely things he didn't tell us. I like him. he's also kind of stupid like if he just hadn't tried to be all poetic describing the cards in the first trial he never would've been caught??? and come on now why is he using the same fancy rare nail polish that he poisoned as a gift. If he hadn't used it they couldn't have proved he gave it to vera. I could not fix him but I could fuck him.

[woozi]

its honestly really amazing how many concepts svt can pull of in a single album or project like for the recent one ... flower faery , world domination in all white [ig thats a concept] , retro ✨✨ ...like the possibilities are endless.....

-🍘anon

ps. hi yza how are you ...? how was your day <33??

[fatoujallovv]

blog tag <3

tagged by @luxandobscurus @hidden-joy love u both SO much pls

1. why did you choose your url?

@isakeijzer was earthling-isa back in the day and i was like you know who makes alliteration with earthling and is also coincidentally the loml ..... and i’m straight up . not rlly in wtfock at all but like sander my beloved <3

2. any side blogs?

not yet!! but every day i have the itch to use this dodie lyric url i have saved to start a music sideblog ... but no not yet

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

i have been an active contributing blog since august last year but i’ve been lurking . since 2016 i think akdjfjjsj

4. do you have a queue tag?

i doooo 🤪 it’s “with love from me to queue” like the beatles song honestly y’all are seeing a lot of it recently bc i’m not that active 🤧🤧 but i think it’s kinda cute 🤪 i’m a lil sick of it but i have no other ideas lmao

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

idk why i started it bc i never used it i just made an account to like things back in the day but i started using it bc i was dying to make gifs and hang out with all the super cool skam peeps bc yall seemed so sweet and awesome and i was right on that 🥺💛

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

it’s my pan pride moment and i just love how fuckin happy and smiley eliott is and miss fifi deserved better skdjfjjs

7. why did you choose your header?

i just went thru my folder of saved headers n this one was pretty and so i recolored the rainbow colors to be pan colors to complete the pan theme 💗💛💙

8. what's your post with the most notes?

it’s my end of fatou’s season set which is rlly 🥺🥺 bc i put so much into that set and i’m so happy people liked it :’)

9. how many mutuals do you have?

i tried to count but i didn’t try that hard aksjfjs it’s somewhere around 100 i think

10. how many followers do you have?

503 and i was trying to keep it on the down low bc i need a minute to do my lil celebration things akdjfj but i’m like floored that that many people are hangin out with me wtf

11. how many people do you follow?

142 i feel bad i get so overwhelmed with my dash so i keep it mostly to mutuals

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

yes for sure . one after tiff season was announced actually got like five times the notes as the gifset i had posted the same day so that was fun 🤩🤩🤩

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

it varies sooooooo much anywhere from not at all to like five hours it depends on if i have time and if i have energy but hopefully i’ll be here more consistently over the summer!!!

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

that blog that stole multiple gifsets and then was gaslighting me for wanting them to delete the posts they called me their ✨good friend✨ when they posted another stolen gifset which was honestly just hilarious aksjdjsj and they tried to give me a very Incorrect lesson on copyright and the creative commons lmfao

15. how do you feel about "you need to reblog this" posts?

they are so stupid and i really wish people wouldn’t give people reasons to be anxious

16. do you like tag games?

they’re so funnnnn i love them 🥺

17. do you like ask games?

i’m lichrally obsessed with ask games like sometimes i want to reblog three at a time and just have a party

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

i mean i know @caroldanvr and @buckywilsn are rockin with multi thousands and lots of ael people have a good amount and that’s Cool and a lil Insane that y’all follow me omg but i feel like i don’t have any secretly mega famous mutuals aksjjfjfjsj

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

all of y’all 💛💛💛 but ofc forever crushing on my wife @hidden-joy

alrighty tagging @caroldanvr @buckywilsn @lucasotteli @sandersyasmina @genjasafin @clairdelalune if u wanna 🥺💛💛💛

[msujaehyun]

TAKE THREE !!! it’s velvet (a.k.a msusihwan & msuhyeon) and i’m underprepared because i spent the time i wanted to use to finish his pages and write up a proper intro to be a clown on twitter ( looking at u yuv and tsun ) and then die over ~academia~ but anyway. he’s here! this intro is horrible but i’ll do my best. here’s my toseong student just barely on the tipping point of falling into becoming a dark wizard with how he’s sooooooo intro dark magic. more info + connection ideas under the cut! here’s his profile... not a pretty one but i TRIED.

as always LIKE THIS POST if you wanna plot!

the tldr;

his name is lee jaehyun / campbell, but he mostly goes by bell

he’s lee jaein’s little brother! they’re close even though they haven’t been seeing eye-to-eye lately

he went to ilvermorny previously ( horned serpent )

their mom became sick when they were very young, bell didn’t understand what was happening fully, but he witnessed his older brother take the reigns and knew something bad was going to happen, somehow

as he continued to go to school, his brother began homeschooling to take care of the responsibilities that he and his mother couldn’t do

parental death, fire / a few wizards ( presumed dark wizards ) came into the house and began harassing their mother. throughout that time, bell doesn’t remember how, a fire began, and his mother ushered bell and jaein to hide in a closet. their mother didn’t survive that day / end tw

not long after, the rest of the family departed to korea

the image of the strange wizards haunts bell to this day, he dedicates his entire life to finding out who they are and giving them what they deserve

he’s also hellbent on trying to find a way to revive the dead, no matter what it takes

got super invested into dark magic and the dark wizard society because of this

enrolled in mokseong after his brother, he majors in dada and minors in curses

as for clubs, he’s in dada, ancient runes and divination

he has narcolepsy and is prone to falling asleep suddenly out of his control, sudden loss of muscle control and hallucinations. he’s taking medication for this so it hasn’t been happening as often, but he’s still always lethargic

he has 3 black cats who he LOVES. he also just really likes cats in general

apathetic. seems very uninterested and unbothered all the time but he actually observes his surroundings meticulously and has a very good memory. he doesn’t need people knowing of his dedication as long as he can prove it to himself, after all

honestly right now he’s at that point where he’s just so close to tipping over to the other side of ~darkness~ so that’s fun

connection ideas

someone for him to butt heads with bc that’s always fun

just a plot where you annoy him and he curses you

exes. he’s awful with relationships i feel mostly bc he’ll make you question where you actually stand with him and whether he ~actually cares~ so if that’s sth you want your muse to go through then by all means. take bell

or maybe you thought you and bell were a thing but he’s just “haha no lol”

alternatively if you want sth softer listen to him talk abt his 3 black cats

friends or non-friends from ilvermorny

people who try to talk to him but you just cant seem to get more than 5 words out of his mouth

flings or fwbs or sth

someone who’ll challenge his views hehe please do

someone who DOESNT challenge his views and instead wants to see him succeed

like i said he’s teetering the line between dark and light. so if there’s someone out there who will pull him back into the light OR pull him further into the dark via manipulation or etc. do it. it’ll be fun

ok my brain is dead. give me YOUR ideas too i would love to hear them im sorry for this long but ultimately suck intro <3 bye bye 

[dykedykegooses]

i'm askin u every single even numbered question for the lesbian ask game

at least you didnt bother with the algebra this time, for which i am thankful

Femme or butch?

i’m more femme but i try to act butch sometimes and i just end up failing hopelessly. ‘look mom i know how to put air in a tire!!’ ‘peyton thats like… not even right’ or ‘oh SHIT look at that blitz!! that was cool’ ‘peyton that was a sack’ ‘oh’

Do you have a “type”? If so, describe it

not really, mostly just like… humor. if u funny we click

Plaid button-ups or leather jackets?

why not both?

no but seriously plaid tbh

Describe your style

um yes

converse, (ripped? sometimes) jeans, and whatever top i feel is appropriate for the Big Aesthetic today

Describe your aesthetic

yes

ive tried going more punk but its just kinda , not worked

my physical aesthetic is very adultolescent. i got chub and look like a freshman but ive been told i pass as a college senior so like

my Big Mood aesthetic is yes

Favorite article of clothing?

either my converse or my “”combat boots”” (theyre not and it makes me sound like an edgelord just saying that) (can you tell im gay)

OH WAIT I FORGOT ABOUT MY JEAN JACKET its like baggy and light and ive started sewing patches from my favorite bands on it (super punk right)

Favorite pair of shoes?

^^^

oh my black strappy heels, theyre surprisingly comfortable

Current haircut?

ive got a bleached bob rn

Any haircut goals for the future?

i kinda want a pixie cut bc i cant handle long hair however long hair is so PRETTY and wow

Describe the best date you’ve been on

iiiiiiiiii dont really know. ive been on very few. i have a Perfect Date in mind, and i guess my favorite was my first date with my ex. we had gotten back from a successful science competition (HAVE I MADE IT OBVIOUS IM A NERD YET IM A BIG OL NERD) and it was like midnight by the time we got back and we were both starving so we went to taco bell and just sat there talking and laughing and i know we were pissing off the staff, but we stayed til like two in the morning and we went home and honestly we both considered it a date but we didnt like… tell each other it was a date? if that makes sense? idk honestly im triggered

Describe the worst date you’ve been on

ugh oh god i went on a tinder date and this girl like in the DMs was like ‘hey do u smoke weed’ and im like ‘lol no’ and then like we made plans to meet up at a coffee shop and she asks me AGAIN if i smoke weed and im like……………. no and shes like ‘oh right lol’ well THIS BITCH sleeps through the time we were supposed to meet, completely stands me up, and then texts me back like an hour later and was like ‘omg im sorry i overslept!!!’ and it was like….. noon but ok so we meet up after my class and we just sit there really awkwardly trying to make conversation and she asks me AGAIN if i smoke weed im like ‘honey no i dont’ and we just talked about drugs for a while and when i left because i had to gtfo she like gave me an awkward hug and like i sent a text later that night bc im courteous and im like ‘hey i had a great time today’ (i didnt) ‘lmk if you ever want to meet up again!!’ and she just. ignored me lol.

Single? Taken?

im currently in a polyamorous relationship with myself and my anxiety

If taken, talk about your girlfriend/wife!

:)

If single, what are you looking for in a potential girlfriend/wife?

someone who’s able to make me laugh and deal with my bad ideas and will let me cook for her and wants to travel the world with me

Describe your dream wedding

its small. outside. maybe in a field or in front of a lake. i dont personally want a big ballgown, just a short white dress will do. lavenders everywhere. R A I N B O W  C A K E. reception where we slow dance to all the sappy romance songs. its great.

Do you want kids?

not really, but ive considered being a foster parent. i feel like im here to do good; i don’t want to have my own biological children, and im not sure i want to have the permanent responsibility of adopting a kid, but i feel i could handle fostering once we’re financially stable and have the room to accept children into our home.

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?

spain, definitely. somewhere in the north. i want to have a small farm with goats and chickens and vegetables and i want to be away from this american mess.

Favorite lesbian movie?

well ysee…………. the only two explicitly lesbian movies ive seen have been ‘all about E’ and ‘blue is the warmest color’ and i didnt like either of the lmfaoooo i prefer watching lesbian television shows tbqh (or, most commonly, just rewriting all the female characters in my head to be sapphic sooooooo dont @ me)

Favorite lesbian novel/story?

i mean same as above, i dont read as much as i like to. however, i did read “georgia peaches and other forbidden fruit” and that was Really Good and i did read another that was slightly better, but i forget the name but it was about a pakistani (?) girl who was struggling to come out to her parents bc they were very traditionalist but she joins the theater and her like really elite school and the girl she had a crush on basically outs her and is a bitch about it and GOD i wish i could remember it because it was really good

Favorite lesbian song?

ummmmmmmmmmmm i just recently listened to ‘honey’ by kehlani and that was pretty good and pretty gay, but my personal favorite is ‘girls’ by beatrice eli bc holy shit what a Mood

Favorite lesbian musician?

i love mary lambert and beatrice eli.

What lesbian stereotypes do you fit into, if any?

ummmmm now that im thinking of them i cant think of any. i used to play softball and soccer? i love cats. i immediately start planning out the next five years of our lives together anytime im remotely interested in a girl?

Ever been assumed to be nothing more than a gal pal?

i mean………………. no

If a woman wanted to woo you, what would a surefire way to accomplish that?

well bake cookies w me and lets go for a walk & go out and watch the stars at night in the bed of a truck

Be positive! What do you like most about being a lesbian?

I LOVE LOVING GIRLS!!!!!! I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT BEING A LESBIAN!!!!!! GIRLS ARE FANTASTIC!!!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!

Are you more of a cat person or a dog person?

why not both

idk ive never had a cat but i know i lov them

Turn ons?

i.......... dont know

yes

im gay

Turn offs?

long nails youch theyre pretty to look at but i mean at what price

not having anything to talk about

putting yourself down like a lot (i went on a date w this one girl and that was all she did like the entire date like......... im sorry ? :(???)

Do you usually ask other women out or do you wait for them to ask you?

if im being honest i would love for someone to ask me out but since that is Very Unlikely, i tend to be the one to message first and initiate dates and stuff

What is your dream career?

i want to be a psychological researcher in the field of social comparative psychology how sick is that!!!!! just play with dogs all day and record whether or not they boop their noses on a screen

also i wanna be a farmer and a bookstore owner but thats Farther down the line like , when im 50

Talk about your interests or hobbies!

im honestly such a psych nerd i love psychology what the fuck!! its so interesting like ppl are weird man idk brains are weird

im also having a really big green day phase like billie .. he so smol... and also anyone who wants to bash warning or the trilogy can fight me ok those are like My Favorite Albums

im going to a concert in february to see declan mckenna, a Giant Meme

im getting a tattoo w some lyrics of declan’s actually its gonna be sick

What is the most attractive quality a woman can have?

yes

idk for me its being able to have quick, witty, skillful jokes i just love listening to girls talk and tell stories and jokes like wow im gay

also long curly hair? thats always a Solid Look

Do you love easily or does it take time for you to warm up to someone?

i mean. do we really wanna open this can of worms rn

too late, its open

i get those microcrushes where you like see a girl and youre like ‘WOW IM GAY DATE ME’ however once it comes to actually being in a relationship i throw my full weight behind it and worry that im being too suffocating or that im pushing my boundaries etc and ive been told that makes me come off really cold and uncaring so lol choose ur own adventure, you decide

Ever fallen for your best-friend?

unfortunately

Ever fallen for a straight girl?

can you even call yourself a lesbian if you havent

The L-Word: yes or no? (love it or hate it?)

i havent seen it, im such a fake lesbian

Favorite comfort food?

mac n cheese

or pizza

or cheesy potatos

OR CHEESY TOAST

scientific conclusion: im a fatass

Coffee or tea?

coffer

Vegetarian? Vegan? None of the above?

im vegetarian!! have been on and off for like two years now

Do you have any pets?

i have one pup sittin right next to me and shes the prettiest girl in the world

Early-riser or night-owl?

yes

idk i get up at like 9 which is early for me but not as early as like. 5. so

more like night-owl. thanks teenage hormones!

What is your sign?

pisces

Can you drive?

yes

can i drive well?

no

but i do have a sense of direction so thats cool

Who was your first lesbian crush?

tbh.................... my best friend, but i didnt realize it was a crush at the time

the first Gay Crush i had that i knew was a crush was on my close friend at the time, now my ex girlfriend

At what age did you know you were a lesbian?

uhhhhhhhhhh lesbian specifically, like 15-16. queer, i knew in like fall semester freshman year (so like 13??)

At what age did you come out (if you have)?

i mean, i come out to people all the time. first time i came out explicitly as a lesbian was when i was like 15 or 16 (actually i came out to a close straight friend and my ex and they both said ‘congrats’ like it was weird but very nice) and the first time i came out as queer/questioning was to my then-best friend at like 13 and i came out to my mom (involuntarily) at like 17? ish?

Are you crushing on anyone at the moment (celebrity or otherwise)?

yes im crushing on every girl simultaneously at all times

just kidding

(not really)

i dont really have any explicit crushes that i can think of im just really gay

Talk about how your day went

it was fine. got free froyo so that was cool. found out i made an A on my bio practical, so that was cool too. however, i wore a crop top and it was like 55 degrees out and raining so i looked like a total Idiot but yk follow ur slutty gay dreams amiright ladies

Talk about your dreams/aspirations for the future

most of mine are career-centric, but a few are personal.

i wanna go to costa rica in may, i wanna go to yale over the summer, i wanna go to NYC pride in june, i wanna go to spain after i graduate, i wanna go to grad school, i wanna be a psychological researcher, i wanna move to spain or england or hell even france, i wanna have my own farm with the woman i love, i wanna own an LGBT bookstore/library, i wanna just live a quiet life near the sea and not have to worry so much after a while.

Least favorite gay celebrity?

this is a weird one to end on, but iiiiiiim not sure i have one? i can tell you ellen page is probably my favorite, but i cant think of many i dislike so

[r-o-se]

EXACTLY 101 comments over P101 S2E4 wow how did I manage that don’t ask me also sorry for the shit screencaps lmao NOTHING THAT CUTE OR COOL HAPPENED IT WAS JUST SAD

Yo those eps are getting subbed faster than they used to idk whats going on but I’m definitely not complaining lol lets get riiiiiiiiiight into the neeeeeeeeews

1.      Flashback scenes to Jisung and Jinwoo’s teams losing are not appreciated at all stop the MMO abuse

2.      ‘3000 votes is too many’ I AGREE the Be Mine team is training everywhere and all the time poor fucking kids

3.      Who edited this and thought that ‘wow a piano rendition of out song would be a great and dramatic choice’ newsflash it’s not I’m already done with this song lmao

4.      SHINEE SHINEE SHINEE REPLAY TEAMS YOOOOO

5.      Pink team Ren and Yuehua chinaliners vs green team Sanggyun  and MMO Jaehan and Taewoong

6.      The pink cutesy Ren team is…. Too aegyo-ish  I’m older than 80% of them yet I feel like a pedophile watching this SAVE ME SOMEONE

7.      Sanggyun and Justin are the centers and both fucking wreck their roles in the best way possible

8.      Justin is so overacting and cheesy I’m rotting lmao love my kid tho

9.      Lee Gunhee aka the (RBW?) kid whose intro vid was him singing while getting hit by shit to show how stabile he is keeps getting out of tune I’m sad and worried

10.   The vocals trainers in this show I stg their method is just singing the high notes and then looking at the trainee like ‘what u cant do this lol? Try harder’

11.   Ren is comforting the kid whos dying of self doubt u g h

12.   AND HERE WE GO LMAO THEIR SMILES ARE SO BRIGHT SOMEONE STOP THE PINK TEAM

13.   U get the most flowerboyish pretty boy that has ever lived (Ren) and u give him the ugliest haircut u can think of pretty sure this counts as a crime

14.   GUNHEE DID IT IT ONLY BROKE A BIT IN THE VERY VERY END HE PULLED IT OFFFFFF AND HE PULLS OFF ALL THE NOTES AFTER THAT TOO

15.   Zhu Zheng did a frontflip of course he did lmao also Jihoon is probs pissing his pants because everyone around keep winking lmao

16.   Team 1 is playing around and being cute w the camera but team 2 look a bit troubled also ugh they are too hardcore for this fucking god Zhu Zheng kiddo I love you but you put them into such a shitty position aaaaa

17.   Here we gooooooooooooo green team lookin cuter than I expected holy damn Sanggyun is SINGING and it’s SO GOOD FOR A RAPPER

18.   HE IS ALSO SHOWING HIS ABS LMAOOO THIS ISNT THAT SORT OF SONG AAHAHAH FUCK

19.   Their performance is really good? A Lot cuter than I predicted and the vocals are so goooood

20.   Why do all other trainees look so sour did u want them to fail or some shit just let the kids live they were forced into such an uncomfortable concept aaaaaaa I WANNA VOTEEEE

21.   Time for pain and results team 1 won with ~70 votes im SAD Sanggyun was the only one who took the position points win aaaahhhhhh  ngl I was rooting for #2 eventho #1 had Ren and Yuehua kiddos also 3000 votes is TOO FUCKING MUCHH I HATE P101

22.   Now its Mansae aka power vocals vs the leftovers rip

23.   Woodam is one of my fav vocals overall this season all of the shit he’s done his intro clip his evaluation and reeevaluation clips are all so golden I love that dude and obvs he’s SLAYING THIS SONG TOO AGH

24.   Team 1 Yoonsung left due to health problems this is what happens when u don’t give kids food and make them get stage ready within a week and rearrange within 2 days

25.   It stressed Woodam the fuck OUT and he messed up a looot during rehearsals, missing notes and whatnot

26.   Their rapper reminds me of cube Soyeon last season with his kinda small and cutesy looks yet super charismatic stage presence

27.   Woodams VOCAAAAAAAALSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

28.   Ok now the leftover group I really hope they will do alright they make me really sad ugh I really really really hope they’re okay u g h

29.   Theres this kid Hadon who is really salty about being in that team and leaves in the middle of practice and then won’t cooperate during trainers thing aahhh kid please

30.   Neverminddd they got nothing to show shit this is gonna be bad I am Very Worried

31.   Kahi is so nice I love her so much she’s so friendly and sweet and good truly the queen of this show without her it would be so much worse

32.   Hadon got his confidence back and their teamwork is so much better now and literally all of this got started by Kahi I LOVE KAHI SO MUCH BEST GIRL

33.   Their energy is a lot better than I expected I’m so glad they went through with their training and everything

34.   The Kim Youngjin kid has absolutely acceptable vocals I’m so glad they didn’t make any mistakes and just agh this team makes me sad

35.   Team 1 wins with overpowering 500 votes they got 500 votes MORE than team 2 it’s just so fucking sad dude 600+ vs 150

36.   But WOODAM ALONEGOT 207 VOTES WHICH IS MORE THAN ENTIRE TEAM 2 HOLY SHITTTTT THIS IS WHAT A POWER VOCAL DOES

37.   SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY

38.   I’ve waited for this stage for sooooooo long they got all of my fav kids in Minhyuns team and then Ha Minho and Seonho and Namhyung in the other team aaaaaaahhh I’ll call them red and black since that’s their suits Minho ‘s team is red and Minhyun’s is black. They all look so good truly nothing wrong with a nice suit

39.   Minho and Namhyung want to insert a self written rap since they’re both rappers and Sorry Sorry has no rapping parts

40.   Minho really really wants to rap but Seokhoon (the vocal coach) doesn’t want to let him and also is mad at him because he wants to rap instead of singing like wow what? A rapper wants to rap instead of singing?? Wow unbelievable

41.   CHEETAH CAME IN AND SAID HE WANTS TO HEAR THE RAP THANK U THANK U THANK U Minho kiddo looked like he’s gonna tear up when he saw her

42.   Seunho was chose to jump on other’s backs since hes so handsome and APPARENTLY ALSO A PIANO GENIUS WOW WHAT ON EARTH DID HE JUST PLAY

43.   I really hope this group will do good since their opponents are sooo strong

44.   Aaahahahha fuck their choreo is so good and the harmonizations I might be biased but the Sorry Sorry stages are literally The Best of this show so far

45.   Seunho is like what 16 yrs old who let him look so good go away his body build makes him look so much older

46.   DANCE BREAK IS SO GOOD DUDE WHAT AND SEUNHOS JUMP WAS SO GOOD HIS EXPRESSION AFTER THAT WAS SOO IMPACTFUL AAHAHAH FUCK DUDE some dude in the audience screamed like someone bit his leg off honestly same

47.   I’ve watched maybe 3 original SuJu sorry sorry versions yet I can sing almost the entire thing that’s what an impactful song means lmao

48.   TEAM 2 AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH THERE THEY ARE MY ULT KIDS

49.   JR is taking care of Hyunbin this is like Sejeong and Sohye last season honestly SO CUTE I LOVE JR SO MUCH THAT KID IS THE SOFTEST LEADER I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

50.   Their vocal coach tried to drag JR’s leadership uhh maybe kindly fuck off that kid doesn’t need your picking to hate himself when will he stop BLAMING HIMSELF

51.   Hyunbin is making mistakes and their dance coach keeps bullying JR like fuck no other leaders got this much shit even when their teammates couldn’t get it done right

52.   He takes all his time to take care of the others like help Hyunbin and Jaehwan with their dance and sleepy/sick Daniel

53.   JR finally broke when Hyunbin isn’t taking it seriously enough

54.   Sorry Sorry black team laughing together in deliriously sick sleep deprivation and choking stress is still probably the most beautiful ray of hope and sunshine in this ugly show I LOVE THIS TEAM SO MUCH

55.   There we go the best stage of this cursed show is here Seungwoos expressions are SO ON POINT ITS SO GOOD JUST DEBUT THEM NOW

56.   They all look so good I’m shook Daniel with a middle part was something I didn’t know I needed before I had it

57.   Lmao Jisung jokingly doing the moves along when Daniel appeared

58.   JAEHWANS VOCALS AND HARMONIES!!!!!!!! F U C K !!!!!!!

59.   I’m so biasaed towards this team if u decide to bring my follower count into single digits for this it’s understandable

60.   But I still really love team 1 too please don’t misunderstand Ha Minho is my lil kid with enough balls to speak his mind even if he gets fucked by rude coaches for it

61.   ‘Result is important but other team did well so I told them that too’ I love JR ok friendship is magic

62.   HYUNBIN GOT THE HIGHEST SCORE OF THEM ALL. WHAT THE HECK DUDE LIKE BRO FELLA BROTHER I LOVE HYUNBINN HAVE LOVED FOR A WHILE BUT. THE HIGHEST SCORE?? BRUH? HIS OPPONENT ONLY HAD 7 VOTES THIS IS SO SAD IM SAD THIS KID IS DEAD INSIDE

63.   Everyone in team 2 besides Seunho got really low votes I’m so sad…… bruh…. They’re so so so so SO talented but they went against the popular kids…

64.   Showing individual votes is so cruel and 3000 EXTRA VOTES IS TOO MUCH IM E M O THIS IS SO UNFAIR FUCK THIS SHOW!!! Team 1 looks so wrecked I’m so sad they have almost a 300 vote gap

65.    It is BEAST TIME ONE OF THE BOYS HAS A CRUTCH WHAT THE HELLLLLL

66.   The crutch boy is Dongmyeong and he’s in team 1 as well as Sunghyuk with thick lips and looks a bit like Shownu

67.   Team 1 has a loooot of problems distributing parts and practicing in general while team 2 was almost ready

68.   Sunghyuk is sadddddddd and crying bc he feels like they’re gonna lose but in the end the practice went better tho thank god

69.   They look great Dongmyeong’s hair looks like vanilla ice cream with strawberry swirls and he’s sitting in a chair and singing doing the choreo with his hands SO CUTEEE

70.   The second team is very vocally gifted and has AMAZING HARMONIES WOOOO their main vocal Jinhyung is AMAZING

71.   Dongsoo from S.How I think got forced into a rap position and has a leg injury but he’s covering it up from teachers

72.   DONGSOO DID SO WELLL SO MUCH BETTER THAN THEYE SHOWED IN PRACTICE THANK U MNET FOR SHOWING HIS PROGRESS

73.   EVERYDAY I CHUG (CHUG) EVERY NIGHT I CHUG (CHUG)

74.   Team 2 won by like 100 votes, all of the team 1 members are very hopeless, esp Sunghyuk,  Team 2 Park Heeseok only got 5 votes holy shitt POOR BABY THIS MUST FEEL SO BAD HE LITERALLY TAUGHT THEM THE DANCE

75.   BE MINE BE MINE WOOOOOOOOOOO FUCK THIS SONG WAS MY FIRST EVER KPOP FAVE

76.   Hwiseung already did his military service holy shit he looks so young

77.   I don’t even know who I am rooting for both those teams are great team 1 has great vocals and teamwork+FNC Hwiseung the power vocal. Team 2 has great dance, more popularity + the little Woojin, Takada Kenta, BNM alpaca Youngmin and oldie Sungwoo

78.   Team 1 has an injured ankle too, Yehyun, but he’s still dancing  without crutches or anything

79.   HWISEUNGS VOCALS SAVED MY LIFE I WANT HIM, JAEHWAN AND WOODAM IN A TRIO PLEASE

80.   They changed Sungyeol’s ‘Can you hear me?’ into ‘Pick me pick me’ im ded

81.   Kahi is the best teacher I love her so so so much she’s the best thing in this entire show

82.   I FORGOT TIPTOES WAS SUNGWOOS NICKNAME THIS IS AMAZING

83.   I’m so glad they’re doing Infinite honestly I love Infinite can we do B.A.P or Teen Top or VIXX next

84.   Team 2 wins almost exactly by one hundred and the votes are veeeeery equal and Youngmin barely got anything why are the dancers not appreaciated

85.   AVENGERS VS BAEKHOS TEAM YOOOOOOOO Baekho has also Sangbin and Guanlin and RBW Lee

86.   IM CHOKING THE AVENGERS ALL SOUND LIKE BABIES WHY DID THEY CHOOSES THIS SONG IM CHOKING

87.   They can’t really sing, the avengers, damn. They lay it all on Daehwi but like cmon hes 17 and just tryna survive with the popular kids lol

88.   AAahahahahah they’re just little kids this is so funny to watch I’m sorry all Avengers fans but like shit when they break into the chest pounding part I just start to laugh their voices are so high don’t get me wrong I looooooove Samuel and Sungwoon but fuck this is funny

89.   They should’ve gone with Seventeen or SHINee something with a morer fitting image

90.   The Real Fuckbois team is now up fuck I love this team so much aahahahah like no shit they will lose to all of those popular kids but still

91.   Oh nooooo Baekho pointed out that the Avengers were cheating and using a third vocal for thhe high note without telling anyone WHAT AN EVIL MAN anyways Baekho produces music and does vocal coaching he knows what he’s talking about lmao lmao

92.   THEY LOOK LIKE SUCH DIRTY FUCKBOIS HOLY SHITTTT THIS IS BEAUTIFULthis stage is SO LIT dude I love it they just carried Guanlin as if he was on a throne now both Cube kids get to sit/step on other trainees lmao

93.   SOMEONE DID A BACKFLIP WHOS THAT IT’S THE BLONDIE KID WITH A LOOSE TIE ITS LEE INSU

94.   Team 2: are fuckbois

Entire dressing room: stands up and claps

It’s true I was there, clapping

95.   Guanlin trumped Samuel, Baekho trumped Sungwoon, all other wins go to team 1

96.   Am I salty? Yes I am Team 1 won with abt 200 votes. They have more views and likes on YouTube though.

97.   Mansae first team got the most votes out of all teams and gets to go to MCountdown IM SO GLAD ALL OF THOSE KIDS WHO AREN’T ON SUCH HIGH RANKS GOT SAVED I’M SO GGLADD

98.   I’m SOOOOOOO FUCKING ANGRY SO MANY A AND B RANK TALENTED KIDS ARE IN SUCHHHHHH LOW RANKINGS THIS IS DEPRESSING

99.   Lbr for a moment this show really isn’t about talent it’s about popularity and visuals

100.  WOODAM GOT FIRST THO IM SO FUCKING AMAZED THIS KID DESERVES IT SO SO SO SO SO MUCH DUDEEEEE THAT KID IS SO TALENTED I’M SO GLAD PEOPLE RECIOGNIZED IT

101.   SANGBIN FELL TO LAST PLACE WHY ARE THEY GETTING SO SO MANY VOTES 3000 IS TOO FUCKING MUCH IM SO MAD ALSO THEY SHOWED JINWOO FOR A MOMENT AND SANGGYUN IS WORRIED IM SSO SO SADDDDD THE NEXT EP IS ONLY A FEW DAYS AWAY ITS RELEASING ON THE SAME DAY AS BAP ARE IN GERMANY

YOOOOOOOOO Sorry for the screencaps again also pls message or talk to me I am... So Emotional over this show I love everyone i will cry when this is over and I won’t see like 40 of my kidws ever again

[andivebeenafoolandivebeenblind]

my story!

Day 1: Today was a long and very emotional day, M came with me to the hospital, where i had too tell my story from the very beginning, which was difficult. After the D&A team and the MH team finally figured out what they were going to do with me, i ended up waiting for patient transport as they were admitting me in Wyong. After arriving in Wyong and being metal detected, vitals done and shown where everything was I spent an hour or so just in my room which is number 21, at the end of the corridor, away from the desk. When I thought everyone had gone too bed, I went and sat in the common area and watched a bit of whatever was on tv. I had a small reserved chat with a girl who is 31 and in the room next too mine. They’ve taken my phone and bra’s off me. I can hear the rain outside. I’m nervous about tomorrow with all the new Dr’s and having too repeat my story and hopefully be cleared for piggies. M was amazing today! I cried so much on the drive too Wyong :(

Day 2: Today was rough! after a some what hard sleep with a few awoken moments and tears, I found it very difficult for me to wake up for breakfast. After breakfast I had a shower and went to sit out in the courtyard. I sat in on ‘group psychology’ and didn't really say anything. I spoke with a psychologist, psychiatrist and the MH ward GP. Sooooooo many questions asked on their end. I was approved for two, thirty minute breaks (smokes) unaccompanied leave and one hour of accompanied leave per day! We get our phones on each break so I need my charger I had smokes today thanks too a guy in here. Since being back i got very agitated and had a headache, so I was given 1g of panadol l and 100mg of serequel and then the night meds too sleep which were zopiclone. I start a new a new antidepressant tomorrow morning. Right now my mood is 4/10 Megan comes tomorrow and smokes. One step at a time.... still really want too end it all but everyone here is the best kinda support. Tomorrow is a new day.

Day 3: Today most definitely had its ups and downs. For starters NOONE called me, I had too call you and no-one answered, so all g I’m over it now.... I found waking up was different and that i felt like a space cadet its worse than being lit thats for sure. I haven't got too pick my menu yet so morrow will be a surprise as well, the new girl E, she presented too GDH ED the same afternoon I did. M and her mum came too see me today, they saw my room. We just stood outside so i could smoke. Mum is coming up tomorrow around 1-1:30pm but thats when lunch is, hopefully we go shopping and we get ciggies, and fingers crossed she remembers the shit too get me including my thongs and charger. Second night in a row of zopiclone and serequel, administered separately both with effect. Goodnight cruel world.

Day 4: Sunday was eventful thats for sure. I felt sick, space cadety, belittled loved, scared and unsafe. Mum came too see me today, we hung out and got coffee’s. She bought me clothes, smokes and my glasses. We were belittled together by a nurse about bringing coffee back onto the ward. I was also asked if I had spoken too any patients of the rehab ward, too which i responded NO!. I danced outside, I cried, I am currently feeling unsafe and know I’m still a 3/10 if not maybe even a 2/10 because i stole a fucking staple, a singular fucking staple, but I’ve got this. My emotions are sooooooo out of whack, I rang N on my last break of the day  and face timed him and H. Rang C and told him where I was. I haven't had a zopiclone yet, just a serequel, ladies and gentleman “Next on, is A going too kill herself?”

Day 5: Just when I thought I couldn’t feel any worse, I woke up! Today has just been challenging I was woken up too take my medication, breakfast was crap, I did go out into the courtyard and throw oranges at the tree with J this morning. L and I went on the morning walk and snuck ciggies out. Mum wouldn’t visit me today because of my mood! I had an ECG and MSU the ECG was fine, my MSU showed all the recreational drugs I’d been taking outside of admission. *D and A came and saw me. Last night I hurt myself with the god damn staple and I was honest with my morning nurse about it and I was spoken too about HDU, where I don’t want to go! which got me on 1/2hr watches. Ive had 150mg of serequel today so thats not good. I didn’t like the psychology group today, maybe tomorrow’s will be better. I rang N and spoke too him before his phone died, he made me laugh which was good. Hopefully this is as low as I’ll feel which is a 1/10.

Day 6: Today was okay, I was around 3/10-4/10 for a vast majority of the day, but I’ve had some lows. I was so drugged out this morning during my appointment with the psychiatrist, but the general gist is I’m here until I’m not scared of myself anymore, I do however get extra leave. 2 X1hr unaccompanied and 1X2hr accompanied. I walked over too the petrol station today too buy cigarettes and a 30pk of winfield blue crush cost me $40.45! WTF! Snuck a biggie out on the morning walk again and had headpins hahaha. I bought a large soy dirty chai. After my afternoon break I came back in and wanted too sign myself out! I spoke with J and E about it then I rang N and he gave me some hard truths, that i needed. After the morning walk because the psychologist wasn’t there the OT organised cooking, so we baked 2 cakes.  Tonight I have been in and out of tears for god only knows why, no thats a lie there are a few reasons why, I took my night time meds tonight so lets see how i feel when i wake up considering I’m still scared of thoughts. C my nurse this morning has been fantastic.

Day 7:  I woke up a 3/10 I didn’t have breakfast, I went for the morning walk and snuck a biggie. Came back form the walk 2/10 spoke with G the psychologist on the ward, for a fair bit of time and was able to speak about somethings I haven’t ever spoken about. For my first 1hour break i went too Kanwall shops to go too the bottle-o with B, I bought 2 bottles for $12 and there was 7.4 standard drinks too a bottle. We sat at the park had a few ciggies, I tack vommed real good, we walked back too the unit, I had a shower and changed and washed my clothes. For the second break B and I did the same thing except this time I only bought 1 bottle and we shared it. We didn’t finish it and left it near the school, I’ll be going back for it tomorrow. My afternoon was about a 4/10 and then my mood started too drop and now i have been randomly crying for no particular reason. O’s exhibit J’s currently girlfriend is in here and she is a piece of work, J visited her almost all afternoon.  After B and I went for the second walk we were where we normally smoke, I laid down on my back and B sat on my stomach, she looked down at me and kissed me, and then we kinda made out and N saw us, we went too go inside, when she called me over in-between the buildings and we started making out again. N saw it again lol, so we had a smoke with him and then walked back in. According too R I’m fucking “desperate and stupid” because i used a staple too hurt myself, she is so lucky L told me and that I didn’t hear it because Id be sitting in HDU right now. I miss my mum and hope she comes too see me tomorrow and I won’t be drunk.

Day 8: I got lamb drunk today, I saw the psychiatrist and MO today and I’ve been put on 5mg Diazapam (Valium) BD aswell as being on a benzo withdrawal scale, which is weird, why did they wait 7 days too put me on a bento withdrawal scale? any who I get 6 hours/ day accompanied or unaccompanied leave hoping for discharge on monday. If not all good. I wish i was out for the weekend but im going too organise with mum a time too go see N. Mum has saturday, sunday and monday off work so she will see me then with C and possibly Nan. C said he will come and see me tomorrow. I rang N tonight where he told me after his appointment today, he came too see me but I was in the middle of lunch and they didn’t even tell me, he thought I picked food over him! As if that could ever be true. Im getting referrals too psychotherapy and my GP is going too get a discharge summary with how too wean me off Valium. I really miss N and just want an N hug and too play the drums. N left today, I wished him the best of luck.

Day 9: Today is Friday and I went and got super smashed, mum knows about my bento withdrawal scale and is okay with that she doesn’t know I’m smashed. I cant wait too see her tomorrow and go too the beach with her and C. Tonight I was so drunk I couldn’t do the withdrawal scale but they gave me a sleeping tablet. I fell over on my walk back too the hospital and fucked up my knee’s toes and one wrist.  I don’t want to feel this bad again I was literally laying where we smoke and I was tack coming hard. NEVER AGAIN! they want too take my solo leave away but they will let me out tomorrow with mum so I guess thats okay. Mum is taking me too the beach so I’m excited about that.

Day 10: I went too the beach today and it was great! the weather was warm but the water was absolutely freezing, yet refreshing. C was a no show today, which didn’t faze me. Mum bought me a razor so i could shave, but she made me strip too my underwear and show her my body both before AND after the shower and then she checked the razor, it was humiliating, but i completely understand why she did it and I don’t blame her! After the beach mum and I went too Lakehaven shops where we went too coles and Kmart, we got KFC for food. At Kmart I bought a new pair of shorts and a pair of thongs. Once I got back to the ward I had a biggie or two and started feeling really low so instead of doing something I’d regret I walked back through the doors too the ward, where after dinner I went straight to bed, looking back on that feeling I’m sure its because I was surrounded by a lot of people and I was just very overwhelmed, but I spent most of the night in my room or not engaging with people in the common areas. I snuck my phone in tonight, and messaged N until I fell asleep. I only took a 50mg serequel instead of that and a zopi. Im seeing mum tomorrow and she is taking me too see N and I’m super excited, I’ve missed him so much.

Day 11: Today has been a mixed bag of emotions, waking up every hour or so last night probably didn’t help. I woke up for my morning meds and breakfast with no-one waking me up. I went out for my morning smoke at 10 in my pj’s and took an hour. I went and laid in the sun in the courtyard with J, I then started to get ‘bad’ thoughts and went too lay down and read. I ended up getting PRN serequel because I could feel my heart beating through my chest and I was getting really edgy, I think that was because I was nervous about seeing N and Z this afternoon. Mum came up at around 2pm and we sat in the common area chatting for a bit, we then played uno, where I whopped her ass! Mum then signed me out on leave and we went too the small park right behind Tuggerah Westfeild so I could meet up with N and Z. When I saw N he gave me the biggest and best most needed cuddle I��ve ever had, he didn’t let me go, I had a few tears but it was okay, we talked, i laughed we got in Z’s car because the boys had something for me too listen too and it was THEIR SINGLE and it was fucking filthy, I’m so proud of them. N said he would come and stay at mum’s with me when i got out and we would dye my hair and go clothes shopping hahaha. On the drive back too the hospital I started getting really upset and anxious because I just wanted to go home with mum, but I’ve spoken with my nurse and it looks promising for discharge tomorrow :) Fingers crossed everything goes well. I smuggled my phone in again tonight.

[survivorindia]

Disturbing Patrons with my Mental Breakdown- Kendall (Episode 8)

Okay, soooo. I'm pretty sure all of the returnees threw the challenge RIGHT OUT THE FUCKING WINDOW in order to vote out the minority newbies... Aka me.... So, I'm pretty pissed off as it's evident that I'm the only one who actually TRIED at this challenge, when I clearly shouldn't have because I'm extremely sick with strep and should be sleeping all day. SOOO, that was a huge waste of my time and I'm pretty pissed about it... But it's fine, bitches. Satan will see you in hell <3 :*

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD WE JUST THREW THE CHALLENGE. I have never thrown a challenge before and that was terrifying. If this backfires on me i'm gonna look like a moron but I have good faith. Hopefully bye bye Ruben, Worst case scenario bye bye Casey, Worst-Worst case scenario bye bye allies, and Worst-Worst-Worst case scenario bye bye Jordan

i definitely picked my tribe with the intention of screwing someone over. i think things have revealed themselves nicely on where loyalties still lie, and while one or two people might think they're in the driver's seat, i'm in a good position to shift the gears without them noticing. and that means their car will crash and we all die. hehe.  i'm prepared to make a move if we lose immunity, but im not letting that happen. i want to win this one just so i can be safe one more round. figure things out a little more. let tea spill. but i'm not going to let myself make the same mistakes and spill my guts to anyone willing to listen. i'll keep information to myself. i know i'm on the bottom of the returnees alliance and probably the newbies one, too. but i'm content for right now, because ultimately the returnees will start to fall. we'll be picked off one by one. dom wants to throw immunity, and sometimes its not a bad idea to do that, but this round, it needs to not happen. ruben will likely go home but i dont think he trusted me in the first place, so it's his time. sorry.

i'll take his position if he does. lexi needs a #2 and its between robin and myself. i respect robin bc they were there for me when i had no one else there for me. i feel like i've known them for years, but we just met and thats powerful. i have a powerful bond to this person. they're important to me. but this is also a game and i know my competition when i see it. if they have to go at my expense of making it another day, i'll do it.  idk if im still a villain or if im becoming a hero. i think that's up for determination. 

LOOOL WILD TRIBAL. BUH-BYE, JULIA. GLAD I DIDN'T SEE YOU AHAHAHAAAAA

This is oh so sweet. If everything goes well, bye bye, Ruben! This one's for Johnny.

Can i just say........ HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA FUCK YOU JAIDEN FUCK YOU DOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOLY FUCK SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED SINCE JULIA LEFT. Lets get down to brief overview and how i feel about it  1) Julia gets voted off.....SO MAD 2) Alex, Dom, Jaiden are in clear alliance of three, split the tribes up so everyones pair is separated...so basically...jordan and I are gone, casey and ash, ruben and lexi ...u get the point. 3) They put me on a tribe to fuck me over...im gone when they make these tribes and I come back to the ugliest tribe ever. Jaiden. Robin. Dom. Lexi. Alexis. Ashley and I. Now Ash and I are just sitting there like.................................i – i- this plan is so obvious??!?!? and do those three boys think its not obvious their together and they did this on purpose to FUCK ME OVER!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??! um why u so obsessed with me BACK OFF 4) Ashley calls me at work during the comp and TELLS ME DOM IS TRYING TO THROW THE COMPITITION..................to say that the reason hes doing that is to save casey....thats right CASEY. YA RIGHT DOM FUCK OFF WHO DO U THINK WE ARE..........................now lets talk about this because ...................bitch u really want to try me!?! I know those three boys arent as stupid as their moves are coming off!?!? but do they think this is believable!?!?!? Seriously? Im kinda confused because a) They vote julia equalling in jordan and i coming full force on them.....like if ur gonna go for the two headed snake ....dont go for its tail? Sorry but julia was just a number. Jordan and I are the ones who game talk together and as much as i hate playing with him...i love playing with him if that makes any sense. b) you want to throw a competition...to what? To get me out? um....do you underestimate jordan , kendall and I? Yea were on two different tribes but its clearly obvious im fucked over. As if they wouldnt throw this comp.  5) We win immunity....and you would think the way ppl were acting was as if we lost. But it was so obvious everyone of them threw that and im PISSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [7:00:19 PM] jaiden: that's fucking bullshit [7:00:24 PM] jaiden: I went back and CORRECTED myself [7:00:26 PM] jaiden: i'm pissed [7:00:36 PM] jaiden: I'm glad we won but FUCK. THAT. [7:09:57 PM] Sarah: ARENT U HA;PPPYYY [7:10:00 PM] Sarah: YUHJGEDSXF [7:10:08 PM] jaiden: that would've been sooooooo bad sarah [7:10:19 PM] jaiden: I would've felt like SHIT if we had to go to tribal all because I made a simple mistake ............Jaiden................You had the lowest score on our tribe. And you think i didnt know I was going if we lost?.... “Simple mistake” mhm HUNTY I BELIEVE U FOR SURE Now its kinda obvious what dom is doing and honestly......................................fuck u wtf do u think ur doing being a better player than me? I cant wait till i vote ur ass out. Please take it as a compliment Actually...wait  no fuck u binch face motherfuck i hate u anyways so i was thinking that if we lost immunity ...i could come up with a plan. Jordan gives me the idol, it will be publicly shared, Jaiden will immediately come to me freaking out because hes being a fake ass, asking if jordan gave me the idol...I will tell him (in confidence HAHHAHAHAHAHA) that jordan gave me a fake one and that i only did it so people are scared to vote me out. He'll tell dom so they dont switch votes on Ashley. Then when I get majority votes ill idol out my votes, ashley puts one vote on me, i put one vote on dom so it ties. So if dom plays his idol it will be WASTED ANYWAYS. But if they split votes then ill be safe who cares if ashley goes home. Because im safe and in f13!!!!!!!!!! and hopefully merge happens soon so i can stop doing this. But its ok bc im gonna pray kendall and jordan throw the next comp. Honestly I love Kendall so much I want a f2 with her now that Julia is gone. So watch out for that in the future. http://i.imgur.com/D8kFHyf.gif DONT MESS WITH ME I WILL SELL MY SOUL JUST TO MAKE SURE I MAKE MERGE

Candle added Jordan Pines to this conversation.  From: Candle Jordan you know I adore you Sent on: 2:10 pm  From: Jordan Pines oh no Sent on: 2:10 pm  From: Candle But if you want to make a group chat, do it yourself Sent on: 2:10 pm From: Candle From: Jordan Pines hahahaha Sent on: 2:10 pm From: Jordan Pines this callout XDDDDDD Sent on: 2:10 pm  I couldn't have said that better myself Sent From: Candle Kay well I’ve made my point so get off my lawn you damn youngings Sent on: 2:11 pm Candle has removed Jordan Pines from this conversation Candle has removed Gavin from this conversation  AYYYYYYYE. YES. KENDALL. YES.

I hate getting lied to at Tribal Councils, but Julia left which is actually a good thing and kind of my fault oops. It's Kendall all over again in Malaysia. 

 But yeah, things got messy but I got to pick my tribe for the tribe swap. Jaiden and I got on call and decided we were going to split everyone up (Sarah/Jordan, Ruben/Lexi, Casey/Dom), so that's really fun and exciting. It'll be neat to see how everything goes with the pairs being split. Gavin and I are still together which is sweet. 

 I'm pissed about the vote count at Tribal. Jaiden ruined my no vote streak, but at least he did it on Day 87 for me not getting votes, which is my favorite number. 

I haven't been having fun in India and I never really knew why. It wasn't as though I was losing, it wasn't as though I was in any danger. I was just bored... it felt like something was missing, aside from my soul. So I had a heart to heart with myself over a cup of coffee. I went up to me and said "Me, what's wrong? I've been acting sadder then I usually am, what's wrong egg?" I simply gave myself a shrug and sadly responded "I dunno, I really want to have fun but something is missing... it feels like I am going through the motions," I gave myself a sad sigh. "Oh me, what am I going to with I? How am I going to win a game that I don't have the will to even play," It was at this time I was politely, but sternly, asked to leave by the Starbuck's Barista because I was "disturbing patrons with my mental breakdown," Which was bullshit by the way, I've had like 6 mental breakdown and they are not nearly as tame as me talking to myself. And so, as I argued with the barista and as threatened to call the cops, I had a realization. I have been experiencing the human emotion known as 'pouting'. I have given up because I felt like I had no opportunity to get to the end, that I was either going to get dragged as a goat or voted pre merge. But I have things I can use to my advantage. I don't have to lie down and play dead. If I just pretend to be a good little soldier until merge, reconvene with Sarah and some others, I could do something incredible. For now I just need to play nice. I have decided to stick with my allies. Not because I suddenly grew a brain. Not because I felt some sort of kinship with them or 'friendship'. It's just the best thing I can do Here is an elaboratation on my reasoning the form of a chart: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1qPAkC4IhbNWgE2II29QqNaQFR1rgckfBEK_yKCOat5A/edit?usp=sharing 

Oh right, I almost forgot to mention during my ego maniacal ramblings. We are going to probably through the challenge to save Sarah (For strictly strategic purposes... I promise). I say probably because nothing has been confirmed. TBH if we lose, even if it is unintentionally, I'm about 80% sure Jordan Pines will claim that he meant to do it. Welp that's a common side effect of working with a narcissist. What are you gonna do?

Okay so FUCK this tribe swap. I am literally stuck on a tribe of people I have like never even spoken to, that is my fault of course, but damn how did I get so unlucky? Jaiden says he chose me because I am good in challenges and that I am a nice person, I mean that is nice and all but I am now separated from Gavin, Jordan, Alex, literally anyone who I actually liked and was hoping to really get to work with. This counting challenge is also a goddamn mess. Dom has gotten us like -25,000 points already ON PURPOSE. He tells me he likes me and isn't coming after me, but that leaves only two other returnees on our tribe that he could go after; Jaiden and Sarah. Sarah is kind of certain that Jaiden and Dom are working together, which kind of goes against the whole "newbies vs. villains" thing they are trying to start. But who knows. I can only hope the guys on the other tribe will also try throwing some challenges to give Sarah and I a chance over here on this tribe. They don't want newbies to have majority either.

Jaiden picked me to be on his tribe so that was perfect because I really did not want to be on the other tribe. Lexi spoke to me a bit and let me know that Ruben talked highly of me and how she was fond of me for that reason Robin's nice Jaiden's cool and we've both wanted to be on the same tribe for quite a while now so that finally happened Ashley rarely ever speaks to me and forgets to reply constantly Sarah only now started talking to me a bit more since she believes she's in the minority and Jordan probably said she could flip me Dom is a bit suspicious at times but I believe he trusts me and that he wants to take the newbies far I lost it again last night after the results, I should have done my confessional then but everyone already assumes I'm already crazy so maybe we'll save that for later. I feel a bit more calm now but last night I wanted to request tribal and still do sort of but I don’t think it’s possible. I wish I threw the challenge since I hate when the other tribe gets what they want and I don’t want Ruben to go. I like this Lexi, Robin, Dom group going on so I am hoping to solidify that soon and I think they assume it’s newbies vs returnees still. I’m hoping that by some miracle, a returnee gets voted out and apparently Dom just handed Ruben an idol. I believe Jordan assumes I’m closest with him still and that’s why Sarah has been trying to talk to me more lmao! I like Jordan so we'll see where that goes but he's controlling a huge part of the game as of now. Sarah should have tried a bit earlier to speak to me because now it seems like desperation, but I’ll keep playing this middle role, it amuses me. Sarah said she only really talks to Ashley so that's nothing new since I assumed she was close with her from that returnee alliance before the swap. Here’s to hoping the next challenge is something easily thrown so we can finally say goodbye to Sarah or Ashley :)

That was honestly a messy challenge result. I don't necessarily blame anyone for throwing though. I didn't know I was in the negatives so I'm sure everyone probably made mistakes they didn't catch. I'm worried for Ruben. He's the only one from my old alliance on the other tribe. Dom gave him his idol though so he'll hopefully be safe. On another note, I've been talking to the other Lexi. To be honest, if started off because I confused her for lexi my ally. We're getting along pretty well. She's definitely someone I'd like to work with in the future. Jaiden's also pretty cool so I have my bases covered once we go to tribal

[angelmientus]

So what did you think of all of the recs you got?

dude i got sooooooo many its so awesome!! i haven’t listened to any yet bc i felt really sick last night and went to bed early but im listening to some now ALSO SIDE NOte if you sent me an anon rec i wont reply because i got a lot and itd be really obnoxious to my followers and id feel bad but i really appreciate them love u all