#I feel like there's a lot more to her than whatever tf they gave her

[othercrossee]

Feels like theres an insane missed opportunity about irida character in the game cuz shes picked as leader after the war, FOR A REASON

[brendaareiss]

any caldre fluff hcs for when one of them is sick?

SICK CALDRE HEADCANONS!

I hope these are good enough!

-Cal

So, Cal gets sick pretty easily. He's the kind of person to always be sick, but never something that serious. He always catches stupid colds here and there, winter is truly hell for him. He has the worst immune system, due to the lack of real nutrients in his body (he basically just eats chicken tenders bro tf). So, Andre is used to it.

- Andre everytime Cal doesn't go to school, he comes to his house afterwards to basically check on him.

- He cleans Cal's room and does his laundry. Of course he makes Cal REAL food that most of the time, Cal absolutely hates, but he's forced to eat it anyways.

- He very rarely gives Cal any sort of pill, because he freaks out everytime Cal is in contact with those. But he gives him painkillers sometimes, when he's sick sick

- Cal is a lot more clingy than usual when he's sick. Andre wishes he could say he hates it, but he truly doesn't. He loves having Cal laying on top of him or holding him, running his fingers through Cal's hair or caressing his back, giving him pecks on his forehead and shoulders. Even if andre is in the furthest spot on the house, Cal would crawl to his arms, saying something like: "my head hurts.." or "my throat is sore..".

- Andre is initially very bratty about kissing Cal while he's sick, but he can't resist. By the end of the day, their lips are glued together. Andre hardly ever catches anything Cal has, so it's okay. He doesn't really care though, he just acts like he does

- The only time Andre really freaks out is when Cal starts gagging out of nowhere. He runs to the kitchen to bring a bowl or whatever he can find, he desperately looks for a plastic bag in Cal's room or directly grabbing Cal's hair and yanking him to the bathroom. He freaks out because, if Cal pukes, he's vomiting all of the real food andre gave him, leaving him with nothing inside, which means he won't get better any soon. But when Cal has to puke, of course Andre is gently grabbing his hair, giving him a glass of water afterwards and even brushing Cal's teeth.

- Andre basically stays in Cal's house until Cal is better. At this point, Andre takes more care of him than his own mom 😭

- Andre brings stupid little things Cal's been wanting to make him feel better/happier. A dumb little pocket knife Cal has mentioned before? Andre buys it and brings it to Cal when he's sick. Some of Andre's lighters that Cal said that he really liked? Andre gives them to Cal. Anything to make him feel better

- Andre doesn't smoke or drink when Cal is sick. He knows full well that Cal doesn't care and can't even smell it, but he feels bad when he does it. Like he is doing something wrong.

- Cal's siblings get really jealous. Frederick (I think that's Cal's younger brother's name, correct me if I'm wrong 🙏) gets jealous because he really likes Andre, and when Andre stays at the Gabriel's because Cal is sick, he basically doesn't get out of Cal's room. And when Frederick wants to go inside of Cal's room to spend time with his best bro (andre), his mom won't let him or Cal will kick him out of the room. Cassie (Cal's younger sister) on the other hand, gets jealous because she HATES andre with all her guts. When Andre's is staying at the Gabriel's because of Cal's sickness, she can't spend time with her sweet dear brother (by spending time I mean Cassie putting makeup on Cal's face and giving him all sort of hairstyles). So when she tries to get inside Cal's room, her mom won't let her or Cal, of course, will kick her out.

-Andre

So... When Andre gets sick, contrary to Cal, it's serious (haha zero day haha). He doesn't catch stupid colds or just a slightly headache, he only catches the WORST stomach aches and he has the WORST migraines. Cal is terrified every time that happens, because he doesn't really know how to act or what to do, so he really tries his best.

-Cal usually imitates what Andre does for him when he's sick when Andre's sick. Well, at least he tries

- When Andre can't go to school because he's sick, Cal always doesn't go either. He fully stays in Andre's room until he's better

- Cal always makes sure that the room is as darkest and quieter as possible

- contrary to Andre, Cal brings all the pills Andre has in his house. He doesn't know which one does what, so he just brings all of them.

-Cal is always running his fingers through Andre's hair, trying to soothe his migraines. Same goes when Andre has a rlly bad stomach ache, Cal would unconsciously start giving him belly rubs.

- By the way, when a stomach ache is the case, Andre is really freaked out, because some of them are contagious. So, if Cal is already dying with a dumb little cold he catched because of the temperature change, imagine if he catched the kind of things andre catches.

- Following by this, Andre doesn't really let Cal kiss him when he's sick. Even if he has only a migraine. He doesn't like having to kiss someone while sick, so he would just basically order Cal to not kiss him on the mouth. Cal would end up kissing the top of Andre's head gently and his neck.

- so, Cal doesn't know ANYTHING about cooking, so, he would just bring the food that Andre's mom made to Andre's room.

- Mel would sometimes be kicked out of Andre's room. When Andre has migraines, it pisses him off hearing the constant noise of Mel's collar and watching/feeling her running around his room or getting inside of things where she shouldn't (his drawers, for example). She also steps on Andre's stomach when Andre has stomach aches, so yeah. Cal would sometimes just get her collar of off her and letting her walk around Andre's room, or, just kicking her out

- Of course, andre is a lot more bossy and pissy when he's sick. Cal doesn't really care though

- Cal is basically like a doll when Andre's sick. Letting him hug him and cuddle with him whenever Andre wants and in whatever position Andre wants, it doesn't matter if it's uncomfortable. Cal is too worried abt Andre to think about being comfortable. But they usually cuddle in the big spoon/little spoon position (Cal being the little spoon) and Andre laying on top of Cal.

- Cal tries to stay as quiet as possible or talk as softly as he can (YOU KNOW WHEN IN THE MOVIE, HE SAYS THIS TO MEL: "don't tell dad, okay"? SO THAT'S HOW HE TALKS TO ANDRE WHEN HE'S SICK 😭) because he knows, most of the time Andre's head hurts more only by hearing noises (fucking migraines). He doesn't even try to make Andre laugh, that would be worse, because when Andre is sick it basically hurts to laugh

- All of their day is basically Andre laying on top of Cal. Cal with his legs wrapped around Andre, running his fingers through his hair and giving him gentle pecks on his forehead and the top of his head. When Andre has a stomach ache, just add "watching a random movie" to what I said before

[luddlestons]

Can I ask what you think bells hells sound like in bed? Like who’s loud, who’s quiet? Who likes dirty talk and who prefers to just moan?

-cracks knuckles- oh you ABSOLUTELY can ask.

I think a LOT about character voices, especially when I listen to them talk for so long, so this is giving me leeway to ramble for a loooong time.

Below a cut because NSFW, long, etc.

Ashton: Capable of being very quiet, because all of their teenage fooling-around happened in shared rooms. Obviously swearing constantly. I think he's more likely to cut off in the middle of a sentence and gasp or straight up growl than he is to moan. The dirty talk is 70% the word 'fuck'. Sounds dangerously similar to how they sound when they get their ass kicked. Which is hot af. Like ragged and low and out of breath. And, uh. Whatever they were doing when Orym gave them a massage. That exactly.

Braius: We don't know him that well yet so I'm not sure? I think he'd be fairly loud and exuberant, with a lot of praise for his partner. Lots of talking, not concerned with whoever tf might hear him. He's a slippery one, voice-wise, it's hard to place him.

Chet: .......guys I don't know if I wanna picture all the weird old gnome noises. I think probably it's half weird old gnome noises and half werewolf howling. Probably very bad at dirty talk but in a charming way. He's silly with it, and silly sex is important! I do also like the idea of him dropping into the werewolf voice too <3 werewolf transformation during sex is also important. He is talking JUST as loud as he always does. That man cannot whisper.

Dorian: Obviously his voice is beautiful, and I imagine that if you do things right, you can get him up into that really high-pitched voice he does sometimes, usually actually when he's nervous. Dorian's such a proper lad so he doesn't swear very much (it's hard to write from his pov bc I don't think he even swears much in his own head) but I think you can get him rambling if you try. It's not that dirty, per se? But if he's very plain about what he's feeling it can be unintentionally filthy. The air genasi unending breath thing is of course something I use a lot in fics, and I like to think of it as an emotional response, like a gasp that doesn't end, but you can't vocalize much unless you're breathing in or out, so he's quiet when he does that. And he's a romantic! Very likely to just say "I love you" when he comes.

FCG: you might've thought I wasn't putting FCG on this list but THINK AGAIN, I want them and Frida to have at least one night of robot passion! Now. Do I think robot sex noises sound like dial-up? Yeah. Yeah I do. Actually, Letters probably sounds like dial-up, Frida probably sounds like..... like the haptic noises on the PS4 home screen. Listen I know that's a weird pull but that's the closest thing I've got. I think there would be a lot of talking and communication, probably a lot more of that than there is of sex. However robot sex happens. I've read some fanfiction for them and it's cute!

Fearne: oh fearnie <3 she probably sounds SO beautiful, her voice is already so breathy and sweet! I think (and often write) that the tone of sickeningly sweet condescension she pulls on people sometimes, especially when she's laying it on thick while lying to someone, comes out when she's domming. Generally more soft and gentle with her voice but she can get loud too, especially if she's trying to be noisy on purpose. Moans a TON and sounds good doing it. She can get a little theatrical if she knows her partner's into it, not in a way where she's faking it, but letting herself put more oomph into it than she needs to.

Imogen: I can see her doing a lot more low, gentle talking that gets interrupted by little gasps. Definitely the type who puts her hands over her face when she gets too overwhelmed, so she muffles herself a little bit. Not very loud, but tends to get kind of startled into making noises. It would also be cute as hell if she goes completely quiet sometimes but just sends out a BARRAGE of horny emotions telepathically.

Laudna: Very loud and has no idea she's doing it. Will say Imogen's name 30 times in one minute. I feel like she rotates between soft, whispery sort of talking and extremely loud crying out. Her higher register when she talks tends to be very loud and clear (think how she calls out a name when she's sending a Message to someone) so you can hear her anywhere in the building.

Orym: Somewhat similar to how I picture Imogen, I think Orym is big into praising his partner in that kind of low, gentle voice he has when he's explaining something (the scene I'm picturing is when he's describing his and Will's family as they're coming into Zephrah). Unexpectedly filthy, though (Orym is pretty good at keeping it professional but does swear in a way that sounds natural and probably dirty talks like that, too). Very calmly tells his partner exactly what he wants to do to them--let's not forget that Orym makes a LOT of sex jokes, like only slightly less than Fearne and Chet. If he bottoms he's probably less verbal, but still kind of quiet, little moans and gasps separated by half-sentences.

[snixx]

you know what it's 1:30am and quite literally no one cares but idk. the tags on my last post reminded me and I feel like rambling about something no one cares about and that's why I have a tumblr so why tf not lol

izzie taylor taught me that i could love.

ironic because the first person I ever loved fucking hates her guts and thinks she's toxic af lol. but cazzie meant the fucking world to me as a baby sapphic, not just because they were one of my first sapphic ships ever but because of how fucking relatable they were. they were messy ass teenagers and their chemistry felt so real. and fivel stewart (along with deepika padukone) is my #1 celeb crush of all time but Not The Point lmao.

like idk how to explain it because I'm obviously a much more stable person now than I was when I first got into the ship but the thing I love so much about izzie is how hard she tries to get fucking better. and how she apologizes and communicates when she fucks up no matter what. because the thing is she Does fuck up. a Lot. girlie has trauma and issues the size of jupiter and she has mood swings and bouts of shame and her "brain just betrays [her] sometimes" and she doesn't know how to handle it. she doesn't trust herself because she doesn't feel things consistently. and god did seeing her work her ass off to become a better person and get over her self-destructive tendencies to maintain a healthy relationship mean the world to 14 year old me. it kind of snapped me out of my self-hating cynical world view and gave me so much hope honestly. because back then I genuinely didn't believe I was capable of maintaining a healthy long term relationship (of any kind, not specifically romantic). I thought I would inevitably end up hurting everyone and the kindest option was to isolate myself forever. but the thing is. people need people to get better. sometimes you need to let people in. and izzie showed me that as long as I didn't stop trying and made sure to communicate openly and honestly no matter what, I could love people and be there for them too. and progress isn't linear. izzie does regress and fuck up over and over, but the thing is she LEARNS from her mistakes. she gets over herself and apologizes and does her best to make up for it. and she gets more stable with time, just like I did. it's not easy to realize your agency when you struggle with depression or ocd or bpd or whatever. but you do have agency. you just. have to keep trying. no matter how many times you fall on your face and fuck up. izzie showed me that it's worth trying, because you do get better. which is why she'll always be one of the characters closest to my heart. (and the ship. fucking ship of all time.)

anyway. here's my trying to be better as a fucked up mentally ill teenager playlist inspired by the one and only izzie taylor <3

and the companion casey-inspired playlist of loving someone who can and does hurt you because they're struggling with mental illness because you know they're trying and getting better and that they're worth it <3 (sidenote i could go On about the casey side of things forever too but. that's for another time lol. you don't have to put up with shit just because the other person is going through stuff that's not what I'm saying. it's more nuanced than that and I love how casey set boundaries for herself re: that buuuuuut i digress)

[kataraslove]

Do you think Kataang will ever get retconned for Zutara? I can see Bryke/Avatar Studios/Paramount/whoever tf is in charge now for the upcoming movie being like, “To drive up sales we should reintroduce Kataang vs Zutara discourse. Let’s make it so that Katara never actually loved Aang and only settled for him because she couldn’t have Zuko.”

short answer: highly doubt it

long answer: bryke had the chance to give in to fanon and make zutara canon at the end of atla; they didn’t. bryke again had the chance to make zutara canon in the legend of korra; they instead gave confirmation that katara and aang got married and had three children. bryke could have made zuko and katara end up together in old age; we have not seen one instance in which they even interact. bryke could have had them date in the comics, especially now that zuko is currently single. instead, katara spends her time helping rebuild the world with aang. any supplementary material from avatar studios could have indicated that they were spending time together - but the only thing i’ve really seen is stuff like legacy of the fire nation reiterating their friendship during the series. so if bryke never made it canon all these times, they’re probably not going to reverse their decision now. especially not when it’s been 15 years and the canon ships have a lot more support now.

in fact, one of the writers who had wanted zutara even said, “they’re definitely together in an another universe.” and offered no follow up as to whether they canonically had feelings for each other in the current atla one.

i mean, mike dimartino doubled down on braving the elements by stating that the moment in which katara offered to heal his scar wasn’t intended to be romantic. for context, when zach tyler eisen stated that the scene of katara bringing aang back to life was more romantic than the zutara moment, mike offered no denial. mike even confirmed one of my fave kataang parallels in that episode. so, the chances of kataang being retconned for zutara happening with avatar studios content are very slim. and isn’t that the whole point of avatar studios; so that bryke could tell their stories in the ways that they want to?

while kataang is probably going to be retconned for zutara in the live action adaptation, I highly doubt it will in any animated content (not going to say no because if the past lives can be completely removed in avatar lore, anything is possible. but it just wouldn’t be consistent with the canon that they’ve spent establishing over the last 15 years).

finally, the whole “katara secretly wants zuko while being married to aang and maybe could cheat with zuko behind aang’s back” is an insult to katara’s character in general, but it is especially insulting for the version of her character that’s a married adult women with a political career and a baby. even if for some reason she hated being married to aang and/or secretly wanted zuko, I’m pretty sure the version of adult katara that we’re going to see will be way too busy with her own affairs to even contemplate cheating. quite frankly, i should hope that there’s a ton of plot lines that bryke plans on doing with adult katara that isn’t “having a secret affair with her husband’s best friend.”

now here’s what i think will happen (and you can revisit this in two years time if i’m right): i think the marketing of the movie might have zuko and katara stand beside each other. y’know, hype it up for the loudest portion of the fandom who is relying on content from 2008. emphasize on the Fire and Water and red and blue and whatever.

the actual movie content will consist of aang and katara - as lead characters - being politically involved while navigating early parenthood. i think zuko will get a little bit of screen time, enough to build-up events for the rumoured zuko movie (which will likely be a sequel to the adult gaang movie). i think the adult gaang movie will confirm zuko’s relationship with mai. zuko and katara might talk with each other, could even share a nice platonic moment - but that’s about it (and that would be enough to stir up zutara shippers).

meanwhile, for kataang, I think the movie’s plan is to break popular misconceptions that:

aang is a horrible father and husband

katara is a SAHM (not that there’s anything wrong with that)

and i’m not saying that as, like, things that i want to desperately see. i’m saying that based on all the comics that have come out in recent years and all the content from avatar legends. of the two, the second misconception is the one that i’m most confident about that. we will definitely, no doubt in mind, get to see katara’s career and legacy (which I’m super fucking excited about!!!). and the movie will 100% contain a plot surrounding katara. this i can guarantee you, based on everything that I’ve read behind the scenes. remind me to one day finish writing out all the evidence i have surrounding this.

but anyway, anon, I hope this helps give you hope and anticipation? long story short, you’ve got nothing to worry about. look at how beautiful the happy couple looks.

[kingshimura4872]

Don't you Remember?

A/N: Howdy howdy chitlins, how are my favorite strangers doing this fine Friday night?

Back at it with part two of whatever tf this is supposed to be. I feel like the plotline for this chapter was a bit rushed and kinda ass, but eh here we go.

Word count: 2,087

_______________________________________________

“Ah! I take it, you’re…acquainted?” Hawks hummed, tilting his head.

   “No.” You said flatly, shooting both boys a blank stare. It sent shivers down their spine.

How were you here?

Where have you been?

Why are you back?

But the loudest question that rang through their minds was harder to answer than the rest….Why did you say that? 

Midoriya was the first to take the hint, zipping his lips quickly and taking a swift seat back at his desk. Bakugou, however, was a little slower in reacting. His face went pale, knuckles turning a brighter shade of his skin with a bit of a pink-ish hue. His teeth grit together and he glared at you.

   “Kacchan.” Midoriya’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts. “Please.” The green haired boy whispered. His eyes held the same confusion and even a bit of fear as he waited for the blonde to respond. And what shocked everyone even more was when he complied with Midoriya’s silent request. 

Small gasps and whispers spread throughout the rest of the class as Bakugou simply looked down at his hands in his lap.

   “Ahem….Anyways, yes. This is (L/N) (Y/N) and he is from this point on, your new classmate. Be nice to him now~” Hawks coughed out, attempting to lighten the mood again.

   “We’ve already established how to act for the next week to allow him to become more comfortable with the new change.” Aizawa sighed, giving the hero a blank stare of his own.

   “Good! Well, if that’s all, then we’ll just leave ‘im in your hands, Eraser.” Hawks smiled brightly, placing a hand on your other shoulder. You simply looked ahead at nothing in particular while the adults talked.

   “Eraserhead! May we talk out in the hall for a moment?” All Might asked, turning his body towards the door.”

   “Yeah. (L/N), the empty seat is yours. I apologize for it being closer to the back, it was the best we could do to make sure everyone didn’t move around too much.” Aizawa hummed, following the large blonde out.

   “It’s fine.” You replied, allowing Hawks to walk behind you  as you made your way to the empty seat. It was in the second to last row against the wall. You sat down and held your hand out for Hawks to give you your bag, which he did with a smile.

   “You gonna be okay, kid?” He whispered, kneeling down to look at your still blank stare.”

   “Yeah.” You nodded, placing the bag down between your feet.

   “I know it’s a little different, but you got this.” He smiled, holding out a loose fist. You glanced at it, giving him a half hearted fist bump and staring down at the desk. He nodded back and stood up, ruffling your hair slightly and walking off.

   “Your teach will be back after he’s done talking. I trust you all not to act crazy while we’re all gone?” He laughed, walking up to the door. Everyone gave their own form of agreement, watching quietly as he left too.

As soon as the click of the door was heard, everyone turned to face you. You didn’t look back to face them, however. 

   “(Y/N)?” Midoriya’s voice was quiet, calming. But, you didn’t meet his gaze. When did he come up to you? You thought. “Hey…Is it really you?”

   “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You finally spoke, eyes still low. Flat. Blank. 

   “What are you-”

   “Midoriya, maybe we should just leave him alone for a bit.” Uraraka suggested. “I mean, it’s probably a lot for him to come here so suddenly. It’ll be a little hard to adjust to the change, y’know?”

   “Listen to her, Midoriya.” You mirrored, looking back at the desk again. “She seems smart.”

He was quiet for a moment, the scene of today continuing to set in deeper than before. “You never called me Midoriya.” He whispered.

   “I never called you anything.”

   “Midoriya! I humbly request you return to your seat before Aizawa-sensei returns!” Iida, a blue haired boy - the class president - Bellowed, glancing at the two of you. After another silent moment that seemed to drown the green haired boy, he compelled with a sigh. He stood up fully and sat back down at his own desk, giving Bakugou a certain look. A look only the two of them understood compared to the rest of the class.

We need to talk.

You set your bag down beside the desk in your new dorm room. Since the battle that ultimately sent All Might out of commission in hero work for good, U.A. created a handful of buildings filled with dorm rooms for the students of the school as a further safety precaution. Students were still allowed to leave the campus here and there for family events or occasionally to hang out with one another at the mall with sufficient supervision. You, however, had no such reasons to leave, so you knew this is where you’d spend most of your time from here on out. 

It was when you sat down at the small chair in front of the desk that you heard a gentle knock at your door. You sighed quietly in slight annoyance before reluctantly standing up and trudging to the door. You twisted the knob and slowly pulled the door open, only showing half of yourself to the person who’d decided to interrupt your evening.

   “Hi! You don’t know me yet, but my name’s Ashido!” It was a pink skinned girl with hair a different shade of the rosy color. Her eyes were jet black with a ring of gold for irises and she held a bright smile as well as demeanor. 

   “Okay.” You said, already bored with the conversation. She laughed a little nervously, holding her hand out. You held a sneer back, slowly taking it with your own and shaking it. “(L/N). Is that all?”

   “Oh. Sorry if I was interrupting something, but we were all planning to watch a movie tonight and wanted to invite you. It’d be rude to not include you, especially since you’re a part of the class now!” She cheered, not letting your hand go. 

Oh. They’re trying to be cordial. Ugh. You thought to yourself, biting your tongue to keep from saying anything that might be perceived as rude. 

   “Uhm…What movie is it?” You asked.

   “It’s an old movie from the eighties called Grave of the Fireflies! This month is a throwback season for us, so we’re staying in the nineties and before.”

   “Hm. When are you watching?”

   “Oh, we’re actually about to start now. We’re just getting the snacks ready before we do.”

You thought about the offer for a moment. It couldn’t hurt to get an early impression of everyone. You didn’t have anything else to do but sit in your bed and stare at the wall so after a minute of silence, you finally nodded. Ashido smiled more and giggled excitedly.

   “Awesome! Take your time to get into comfy clothes and meet us in the den. I’ll save a spot for you on the couch!” She exclaimed, skipping off.

   “I like the end.” You blurted out, peeking at her from the doorway.

   “Kay, kay!”

You closed the door, letting out another sigh. What am I even doing? You asked yourself. You assured yourself that this wouldn’t be an ongoing endeavor as you looked through the box by your closet. You weren’t given a lot to wear, but you made do with what they did gift you with. 

You picked out a plain white tee and a pair of black sweatpants. It seemed ‘comfy’ enough so to speak. You kept your socks on and put the back half of your hair up loosely, opting to keep your somewhat long bangs down. It partially hid your eyes and in your secret opinion, you liked it that way. Most people thought it was weird and stayed away from you. You preferred it that way. The further people were from you, the better. It’s why you were hesitant to walk down the hallway. You’d pushed yourself to walk out of the dorm room, but you second guessed yourself when you heard the bustling of your new class out in the common room. You gently tapped the side of your leg a few times before huffing and making your way down the hall.

   “Hey! Over here! I saved you an end seat buddy!” Ashido was the first to notice you, and her call pulled everyone’s attention to you. You kept your gaze closer to the ground as you walked over to the couch and sat down beside the girl.

   “Ooh, I love your hair! It looks so cool!” She giggled, reaching up to play with your hair. That was new. People normally didn’t like your hair. But she was so quick to start touching and playing with it that you froze.

   “Oh, uhm… Thank you.” You muttered, looking forward to the T.V. A few students said their hello’s to you and settled into their respective spots with the large conglomerate of snack foods they’d produced together. 

   “Have you ever seen this movie before?” Ashido asked, tilting her head.

You looked at her for a moment before looking down. “Once.” You admitted.

   “Awesome, then this’ll be like a memory lane trip for you!” She smiled, getting comfortable underneath a blanket with a yellow haired boy with a black lightning stripe sliding down it. You fixed your gaze to the T.V. once again, ignoring the occasional glances you got from a couple other students.

   “Wait…Where are Midoriya and Bakugou?” A girl with long black hair pondered, looking around.

   “No clue. Maybe they’re running late.”

   “Bakugou’s probably sleeping already like the old man he is.”

   “Yeah, but that still leaves Midoriya.”

   “Maybe he’s just running behind or got tired early.”

   “Maybe.”

They all continued running through scenarios, while Ashido tapped your shoulder. You looked over at her.

   “Heyyyy…Would you mind grabbing me a water bottle, please? I totally forgot it in the kitchen.” She asked, an embarrassed expression evident on her features. You hummed quietly, getting up and walking off.

   “Thank you so much~!” She hollered behind you.

   “Don’t even know why she asked me and not the guy beside her. Knows this place better than I do.” You mumbled quietly to yourself. You turned into the kitchen, stopping when you saw two figures. They were talking in hushed tones. You recognized their faces.

   “What are we supposed to do?! We can’t just sit here and bite our thumbs.”

   “I understand that, but there’s obviously something unknown at play.”

   “Then why don’t we just confront ‘im and find it out ourselves?”

   “And then what? Get shut down again? Don’t you think I’m thinking about every possible scenario too?”

   “Of course I know that, dumbass. If anyone thinks of every damn scenario, it’s your nerdy ass.”

   “Seriously, kacchan?”

You cleared your throat rather loudly to announce your presence, looking around for where they could put their water. The mindless perusing was gut wrenching to the boys and frankly it was a little embarrassing on your end.

   “Uhm.. Wh-What are you looking for, (Y/N)?” Midoriya, one of the assailants asked nervously, taking a step forward as you opened a cabinet to look through it.

   “Ashido wants water.” You said, continuing your blind pursuit for the liquid.

   “Oh! Uhm, here.” The male turned around, opening the refrigerator and pulling a cold water bottle out from the door. “Most of us like to keep our water cold, so if you ever need one, that’s the first place to look. We also use the tap if we’re in a hurry.” He offered, holding the bottle out to you. 

You hummed, taking it from him and nodding. “Thanks.” You spoke, turning back to the doorway and walking out.

   “Wait!” The word, while short, was loud. And the silence that followed was even louder. “Please, just-... Do you really not remember us?” He asked.

You were silent again, looking down at the bottle. “I suggest you keep your heads out of places it needn’t be. Ignorance is bliss.” You turned your head to gaze at them. “Stay blissful.” And with that, you left them alone, sitting back down in your spot and giving the bottle to Ashido.

   “The hell’s that supposed to mean?” Bakugou muttered, a look of confusion and annoyance growing on him.

   “I don’t know.” Midoriya replied, voice low. “But it wasn’t good.”

[astraldrake]

tfs thoughts beneath the readmore note: contains spoilers for the entire campaign

the opening vision we get when we enter the traveler... i ended up watching it multiple times (computer issues ;-;) but MAN was it cool the inside of the traveler in general looks super funky, im going to have to do a no hud run at some point just for screenshots. shoutout to bungie for giving us a sparkly pink rainbow subclass, just in time for pride month lol weapon unsunsetting means i get to pull all sorts of old friends out of the vault. (python, the vow, steelfeather repeater, perfect paradox, etc...) i'm pretty ambivalent abt cayde generally but they did a good job w/ his characterization. i was worried he'd end up being kind of grating but so far he's been okay i was (initially) delighted to see targe. i was not anticipating that they were introducing him just so they could kill him off 5 minutes later. i have mixed feelings on zavala's characterization but it's been a minute since i buried my face into the ishtar collective lore vault so maybe it's just my memory being unreliable. for him to just lose it and start acting irrationally like that felt odd. maybe it's bcs we havent seen him in a while? idk it just felt off. (tbf you could point out that it's probably a byproduct of being forced to relive one of the most unpleasant moments of his entire life so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ fear and desperation can make people do strange things) ikora was cool, idk she didn't read as ooc or anything to me, her reunion with cayde was very sweet, though in hindsight i wish they'd given her a little more to do. seasonal stuff has struggled to give consistency to crow but i appreciate this expansion's efforts to tie up some of those threads more neatly. (i lost it when he pulled out an iron battleaxe, i did not expect that plot point to get touched on!! also it was cool!) i am still irritated that they fridged amanda ( i ignored that part of canon so hard it kinda smacked me in the face when they mentioned her.) i love luzaku, and i would kill for luzaku. ( finally! friendly hive!) i did like the emphasis on ghost and guardian relationships throughout the expansion's story. (also ghost as the location vendor!!!! having regular chats with him while we go through the story!!! the fact he becomes increasingly damaged and wounded throughout the campaign giving me the distinct dread that he might die!!!)

the fact the traveler is letting out intermittent shrieks of pain... MAN... the return of the glowing bird as our guide! (also the fact that the grenade projectile for song of flame looks like a bird... i dont think they're actually connected but it is giving me Ideas.) speaking of song of flame, i kind of expected it to be more underwhelming than it is?? it's actually pretty fun! prismatic is a lot of fun to mess around with! nothing like throwing a storm grenade at an enemy to simultaneously proc devour and amplify. the speaker mask exotic is also giving me Ideas >:) i lost my shit when they mentioned Micah-10. she's one of the last lore characters i expected them to pull out of the hat but i am delighted to see her in game, and seemingly as more than just a cameo too, as far as i can tell. pretty ambivalent abt the whole "player character is the most powertful being in the universe and the chosen one" thing. it's kinda where i figured they'd take it and i dont hate the trope so eh whatever. im glad they actually gave me cover for some of these story missions. i did not super enjoy lightfall's strategy of throwing me in a room with one million guys and a few tiny scraps of cover. ( the radial mast double tank fight... *shudders* ) difficulty wise legendary wasn't all that painful, there were a few fights i struggled with, but a change of loadout, or a little trial and error was pretty much all i needed. i def understand why they've saved the witness fight for the raid, but if my raiding history is anything to got by im certainly not doing day one, but that doesn't mean ill never touch it. (ive missed most of the newer raids, im just not that much of a people person.) ill try and take some day 1 screenshots of the opening area at least. also wrt post campaign!! i loved playing projectile tennis with savathun. all the two queens stuff was great tbh sav is such a fun villian. like yes!! you do owe us nothing and are only going to swoop in to help us bcs we have a bigger threat to deal with!! we can go back to trying to outscheme eachother once this is over!! ( also hey, they brought back adventures! i thought they'd never do that!) also what ive played of the crode camping trip (i forgot the mission name) has been fun. just me and the bois, out exploding screebs. ( then the game crashed so i guess i gotta go play that again lmao) overall i think this expansion is pretty good! i havent even gotten to the seasonal stuff yet, much less some of the regular patrol stuff for the pale heart.

[lola-andheruniverse]

Sunday FanFiction recommendation. An oldie but a goodie. Black Moon Blues by Haitus 80 on FanFiction .net. A time travel fix it and Deep Down in the Hollow Ground by Ravenesque 2 also on FanFiction.net finished and the unfinished version on nine lives. It’s a different twist on Carol’s banishment. Wonderful works by wonderful authors. I bet they would love a review.Caryl on

Hi, @southerncountrygirl! It took me a few days but here I am with your recs! Thanks for sending them my way. I hope you don't mind but both fics gave me that feeling 'oh my imagine if THAT really happened' so I decided to put them on our 'fix it wednesday' tag. 😁 Okay, let's go!

Black Moon Blues, written by Haitus 80 is posted on FF.net.

Summary: What if there was a way to prevent the events that brought the group to the prison? What if there was a way to save every single person they have lost along the way? What if second chances at the end of the world actually existed? Will they be strong enough to save the others? This story has given me many sleepless nights but I think it has been worth it. Rating: M / Mature Word count: 251.626 (66 chapters) Aug 25, 2013 - COMPLETE

Time travel! It doesn't get better than time travel for me unless we get a baby at some point, love me a caryl baby because there's no other way to guarantee a cleaner slate than this. One of TWD biggest problems is disposing characters for shock value so time travel fics are great because they can course correct these errors. Our author here makes them pop around effortlessly and it's great to see them all alive again, wonder how they'll survive their canon deaths and celebrate when a different thing happens that ensure their survival. This fic also does a great job in putting S3/S4 Carol on pre-S1 Carol's shoes. This entire work is a celebration of her strength and growth. Do read it, dear fellow caryler, this fic is a intriguing, surprising and very satisfying ride. Oh, and the caryl moments? Adorable!

Deep Down in The Hollow Ground, by Ravenesque2, it's also posted on FF.net. (the version on 9Lives is only updated up to chapter 10).

Summary: No one is quite sure how much time has passed since the fall of the prison. All they know is the reality of always moving on, always surviving, whatever cost it might bring. At least they mostly found each other, but for those they've lost along the way, there is a chasm that can barely be filled. Caryl story.

Rating: M / Mature Word count: 67.142 (22 chapters) Published: Dec 18, 2013 - COMPLETE Carol's banishment on S4 is one of our favorite moments to explore on fandom, right? This fic works on it by taking a very interesting route. It has suspense and drama fueled by a lot of miscommunications, and incredible twists that change everything constructed by canon. This is definitely a caryl story (so much romance, so much tenderness, so much beauty), but our author dedicated time to develop all TF characters, giving them substancial emotional arcs, so it really feels like an alternate version of TWD from the fall of the prison. It's a great read, please give it a try! Thank you again, southerncountrygirl, for your recs. I really appreciated them! As you said, bet these authors would love to get a review notification. So, if you decide to read any of these fics, dear fellow caryler, don't forget to give them a little bit of appreciation. Feedback is LOVE. And we really need more love in this fandom. Caryling on, caryling on!

[doyouevenshipbr0]

top 10 strongest firebenders

im on fire. cant stop making lists.

rules: no avatars included and nothing from comics or books. STRICTLY ATLA AND LOK!

lets go

honorable mentions: so i feel as though fire lord sozin should be SOMEWHERE on this list, but we just really do not see him firebend nearly enough to know where he would rank. so im just gonna play it safe and leave him off the list.

10. zhao- im ngl he’s kinda ass LMAOOO. but to be so honest there are no other firebenders that we see for a significant enough amount of time so here he is. he obv has to be kinda good bc he was an admiral/commander/whatever tf, but he gets his ass handed to him in every fight. he gets beaten by zuko in like ep 3 when zuko himself was kinda ass (sorry its true. remember this for later on so u wont be as mad as me), and in the ep with jeong jeong we see that he totally lacks restraint and discipline. zhao sucks! but idk who else would be 10! so here u go!

9. iroh II- love him! we really dont see much of him but what we do see is pretty epic! its nothing that would be able to put him any higher on this list, but again he’s a general (i think LOLLLL) so hes gotta be good. he was def a force to be reckoned with when we saw him, we just didn’t see him much!

8. mako- to be so honest i think mako is over-hated in a lot of ways, his bending being one of them. i feel like he isn’t very spiritually connected with firebending which isn’t necessarily a problem but it is one of the reasons he can’t be any higher (in my opinion). he is still a master though and is the best firebender we see in tlok (outside of pli). he can lightning bend soooo easily, has great battle iq, and he’s very shifty, and he uses his MMA style firebending to his advantage for sure. he’s definitely the pinnacle of a modern fire bender which is cool to see but i do think works to his detriment when it comes to the rest of this list. but even though he’s so low on this list, make no mistake he is an excellent firebender and i think he outbends bolin easily (im just bringing bolin up because bolin is higher on his list than mako is but i do think mako is the better overall bender).

7. jeong jeong- we don’t see much from jeong jeong so idk if this is fully fair, but he is a legend in avatar the last airbender, and when we do see him firebend, we see stuff that really no one else in the show does. he clearly has a lot of raw strength and talent, and i think a lot of his power comes from his understanding of firebending. he’s also a member of the white lotus! i just can’t put him higher because 1. he doesn’t have any sub bending feats (not that that fully matters but it is definitely a plus to have those skills) and 2. we don’t see him much.

6. zuko- im not gonna lie i think zuko is overrated as a firebender. HOWEVER he is by farrrrrr the most improved firebender we see across both series. he saw the original firebenders/the dragons/the meaning of firebending whatever tf and i think that gave him a full spiritual connection and understanding of firebending. after this he was locked tf in! i just can’t put him higher because, this is fucked up to say, he lacks the natural ability and talent that numbers 5-1 have (IN MY OPINION!!!). he started as a great firebender that works his way up and earns his spot as a master firebender, but firebending doesn’t exactly come easy to him, and honestly, his firebending just does not impress me the way 5-1’s firebending impresses me. sorry zuzu!

5. p’li- so her and combustion man are sooooo interchangeable for me like i really cannot decide who is the stronger bender. all i will say is combustion bending is OP as FUCKKKKKK and that’s why p’li is here. both combustion benders we see are insaneeeeee threats.

4. combustion man- the only reason he is over p’li is because 1. he just seems like a more booming threat that the gaang really cannot figure out how to deal with than p’li was in tlok and 2. p’li gets killed lol. combustion man does not get killed (i think…..?) so i think he’s higher for those reasons but i think they are super interchangeable and i can see why u might think they could be switched.

3. azula- so ok. if we were making a list of “firebenders with the most potential” she is number 1. imo she is the best firebender in the verse other than 1 and 2 and it isn’t even close. but she is only 14 and just is not fully realized as a firebender like 1 and 2 are even before she loses her mind. i donttttt wanna hear “well zuko surpasses her in the end” because yes ur right but literally only because she genuinely has a psychotic breakdown. i think if u take crossroads of destiny azula and have her fight sozin’s comet zuko, she still clears. she has such an immense level of skill and technique that really cannot be matched. she has an insane battle iq, and yes she’s naturally gifted but she is also extremely hardworking. she is also the most fun firebender to watch but i guess that’s not a valid point lol. i think if she gets her mental health in check in her adulthood then she can easily become the best firebender in the verse. unfortunately we dont see that tho! also BLUE FIRE!!!!!!!! blue fire. im done here.

2. iroh- ok. i know. i know. many of u think he’s number one. for me, he just isn’t. maybeeeeee in his prime but he is simply not there anymore which is what we see. with that being said he is the mf dragon of the west and he outclasses every other firebender below him on this list with ease. it was suggested that he try to fight ozai for a reason! he’s really the only other firebender that is on his level! he also easily handles azula which no other firebender can do.

1. ozai- i dont have a fun long winded reason for this one. i know we only see him bending (for the most part) during sozin’s comet when all firebenders are buffed, but even comparing him there to the other firebenders during the comet, he was an absolute MONSTER firebender. also ive used phrases like “spiritual connection” a lot to describe a few of these people, and to be honest, i feel like ozai has little to none of that, which is definitely a con for him, but this is just one of those situations where his insane natural ability, raw strength, and power make him outbend literally everybody else. lots of people argue ozai and iroh’s spots but 1. iroh says himself he isn’t sure that he can beat ozai and 2. im pretty positive bryke literally said ozai is the strongest firebender in the world. which is a boring piece of evidence, but it’s a pretty good piece of evidence nonetheless. also he kicks aang’s ass the entire final battle until aang goes into the avatar state lol. he just seems like the most overwhelming force of firebending we ever see imo!

[hoshigray]

okay im gonna day a LOT because its been 8 years since i been here

1. fic was great but u always write good shit so lets pretend to be shocked

2. lmk when ur requests are open again bc i got a freaky one

3. i saw megan live and wow i love that woman

4. i genuinely keep crying everytime i see gojo with them stitches pls just let toji comeback to live so he can tag team sukuna w maki w a glock and we can ve free

5. gave up on my main nigga so now im talking to his friend and i like his friend a lot!!

6. everyone tryna act like they understand shoko to where they can criticize her decision of her being ok w yuta using his body is so upsetting to me bc yall dont know my wife

7. i miss when jjk was silly n fun

- megan anon

It's so wonderful to see you after a whole decade, Megan noonie 🙆‍♀️🙆‍♀️🙆‍♀️

1) omg YIPPEEEEE, you read the fic!! And awww, stop you're too kind, Megan, mwah 🤧💕 bye "let's pretend to be shocked" you got jokes, lmaoo

2) I will !! Lowkey, I think they'll be open sometime next week, but idk, we'll see how fast I can get to finishing reworking my rulebook.

3) LUCKY ASSSSSSSS 😭😭😭😭😭😭 Omfg ik you had a grand time, seeing the fancams have me jelly!! My time will come!!!! I need to see my Queen fr

4) NAH I'M SAYING THO, LIKE IF THIS MANGA IS GONNA KEEP GETTING RIDICULOUS, MAKE IT EVEN MORE ALL OVER THE PLACE!! bring toji back for one last scare for whatever reason, and have a mentor-apprentice vs kuna fight w/ maki and and he's just gonna blow this mf with the Mac (yeah ik this is delusional and they would be nerf3d but shiiiiiit, would've been a lot more fun than all this fiasco we've been undergoing for the past 10 chaps, lol).

5) Oh my, so you dumped the main guy (even though you said he's not really ya mans lmfao), and now you are hopping to his homie!?!? Well, as long as you're having fun, then that's all that matters 🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️💟💟 (and hopefully, your ex doesn't be an ass about it if he knows)

6) Mmmm tbh yeah, ngl in the beginning I was a bit too critical of th3 decision planning (prob bc I was so bombarded with the information about the plan + her being one of his last dear friends and not showing a bit of restraint/reluctance to the plan); but now, that's just how Shoko is since she was neutral on Geto becoming anti-sorcery, so it makes sense that she's the Gojo body plan (and I'm sure she has feelings about the plan as a whole, but is probably pushing them aside as we're dealing with a huge threat to the modern world right now). But I get it, tho bc the hate she and Yuta got for that was so unwarranted like???? Calm tf down????

7) bro, I'm just waiting for this manga to end for me to turn around and make Canon convergence and rewrite some of this tomfoolery, starting with after Hidden Inventory arc 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

[frogizz]

The Untamed Episode 32ish spoilers

I've been real quiet about my thoughts watching The Untamed. I haven't read the novel yet but I've been looking at the fan wiki so I know how different things kinda are. Anyways, I'ma list how I feel about the characters and what not. I am at episode 32 or 33 btw.

Yanli is a sweetheart, an angel, a gift to this Earth AND HOW SHE DIES IS HEART WRENCHING! She just gave birth a month ago, she just lost her husband to some stupid fight, her injury and death is blamed on her kinda innocent brother, IM FURIOUS. She deserved so much more than she got, I knew she died young but not like this!

I never trusted Jin Guangyao from the start, I don't like his face (It's the character, not the actor, the actor is fine). He is shady and from the looks of his wiki page, I was right about my gut feeling.

Jin Zixuan has been a tough guy for me to like, but honestly, as long as he made Jiang Yanli happy, he was decent in my book.

THE HYPOCRATES THE JIN CLAN ARE. Explain to me how they think they can do whatever they want just because they aren't the Wen Clan? Their mentality is that they can do what they want because they believe they're already incapable of doing or being bad, when they should really be having the mentality of avoiding doing bad actions and reflect. Jin Zixun annoyed the hell out of me because he was the main culprit of acting just like he was all high and mighty.

Jin Zixun and the other smaller clans just HAD to point fingers and antagonize somebody, didn't they? Like of course, the Wen clan did terrible things, but you don't kill innocent people! Wei Wuxian didn't need to play the hero, but honestly, who would've stepped up to save them? Everything would've been fine if jin Zixun didn't assume Wei Wuxian cast that spell on him and went for the violent route.

I know Wen Qing doesn't show up as much in the novel, which I'll be sad reading through scenes I expected her to be in after watching The Untamed, but she is one of my favorites. She is innocent, or at least mostly, in my eyes. Her actions were those of "I don't want to exactly get involved, and I also kinda think that my clan is doing some bullsh*t but I can't exactly rebel now can I?". I could be wrong, but she deserved a better fate.

Wen Ning, oh my gosh, he deserved better too, he was such a good kid, SUCH A GOOD KID, and he got abused and basically tortured. He deserves more than to be a ghost puppet.

WEI WUXIAN YOU IDIOT, YOU MADE A PROMISE TO YOUR SISTER, YOU TOLD HER THE THREE OF YOU WOULD BE TOGETHER FOREVER YET YOU RUN OFF SO EASILY TO SAVE THE WEN REMNANTS?! Of course, who would've saved them if not Wei Wuxian, that's not necessarily bad. But he just didn't think twice about the promise he made to Jiang Yanli when he just left like that. Not cool dude. Not. Cool.

I don't hate Jiang Cheng, and I don't love him either. I like him, his actions are valid and especially his thoughts are too. To me he is reasonable and makes judgement based on what the audience sees, so I think he is sometimes portrayed as some angry guy when really, he is reacting to things without knowing the full story.

OOH I JUST KNOW THAT MOFO WHO WAS MAKING THE SPIRITS GO OUT OF CONTROL AT THE NIGHTLESS CITY WAS JIN GUANGYAO. Now, I have no evidence, but hear me out, where TF did he go after all the fighting broke out?

I really wanna write some fanfics of 2-5 chapters of different "What if" scenarios regarding Wei Wuxian's decisions in his life and how things could've been better.

Wen Yuan is so adorable and I will protect him with my life. I don't know too much about how he is as Lan Sizhui (btw, I think he's only an adult in The Untamed because he's around 3 when he was Wen Yuan and 16 passed so he's older compared to the novel which makes him 16 years old as Lan Sizhui. Fact check me please).

The music has me in a choke hold.

I have no opinion on Lan Wangji besides he's cool and Wei Wuxian's biggest supporter.

I care a lot more for Wen Ning, Wen Qing, and Jiang Cheng, Jiang Yanli, and Wei Wuxian relationships being fine and healthy than I do for Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangi. Mostly because we don't get to see the romance in The Untamed but I hope to see that connection and care for their relationship more when I read the novel. Until then, the siblings are all I care about because they're family and they could've been so happy together.

The way I sobbed when the Jiang clan was attacked and the previous Jiang clan leader and his wife died. The way the Jiang siblings were now orphaned and Wei Wuxian was orphaned a second time. (I call all three of them the Jiang siblings, is there another thing I can call them that would make more sense? I know Wei Wuxian was a part of the Jiang clan but he doesn't have the family name nor is he part of the clan anymore.)

Lan Xichen is another one of my favorites. Never hated any of his actions or words for one second. He is so agreeable and likeable for me. Reminds me of how I felt towards Yue Qingyuan when reading SVSSS. 10/10 character, mwah.

Where TF are my Nie Huaisang scenes, he barely shows up and I kinda wanna see him more.

Jin Ling is so adorable as a baby but damn does he take after his uncle.

I find it sweet that even after leaving the clan, Wei Wuxian was still allowed to see Jiang Yanli's wedding dress and even name his nephew. So sweet, I cried at that scene. She was so pretty, she was so generous to give a portion of the soup to Wen Ning and I love her generosity and kindness to the heavens.

I'm not gunna lie, I wasn't expecting Jin Zixun's death to be like how it was but it was kind of deserved? I was a little sad when Jin Zixuan died though, only because Jiang Yanli would be a widow with a newborn. Can't hurt my girl emotionally like that, just can't.

Last but not least, I can't remember his name and that one chick, but that Young Master Wen, I hated his face, his smug look, I think his death was deserved. And that lady he had with him all of the time, so annoying, so pitiful, they did a great job acting because they made me hate their faces.

Oh yeah, and, Wei Wuxian is an idiot, but a thoughtful idiot. I say that affectionally and I don't think he's actually full of himself (my interpretation can be so wrong and I'll realize that later). He does things for others not to look good (or at least that isn't the main concern), but to actually do something that no one else does. He plays the hero because no one else will help. Although, yeah, he does take on big challenges to look cool but at the end of the day, It's not really all for his own gain.

Okay, that's it. See another post like this when I finish Ep. 50 and I can't wait to find access to the animated MDZS!

[ash-morgensterns]

Post Chain of Thorns Rant pt.2

[pt.1]

Now that she no longer was busy treating Ari like shit and using women like objects, Anna was a lot more tolerable. I even liked the glimpses of her relationship with Matthew we got. Maybe if she could react like a person whose brother just died in her arms I would like her a lot better. And if we got to see her mourning in her own POV rather than in Ari's buried between paragraphs of her wanting to kiss Anna. 

Jesse came back from the dead, literally everyone and their mother knows it, yet his literal family barely bats an eyelid. The very same folks who had begged him to come live with them when he was a kid. Now to them, he's just 'Jesse the new strange boy'. The whole Jeremy Blackthorn plan was just cheap, I cannot believe it worked for as long as it did. This guy here is the spitting image of his father, yet when he showed up at a party full of people who had known him for years, they just drink up the American relative excuse just because apparently all Blackthorns look the same???? Also wouldn't they know Jesse as well considering he was running around London, possessed by a Prince of Hell and murdering Shadowhunters just yesterday??? Nobody found it even a little suspicious that a new Blackthorn just showed up right after that??? Whatever, the necromancy plot was just an afterthought and it showed. #Jesse and James best brothers-in-law. 

I absolutely loathed how everyone villainized Charles just because he wanted to keep his relationship with Alastair and homosexuality a secret. And then, to make things worse, he was literally forced into coming out by his own brother and his friend, and got treated like shit because he dared prioritize his career over any relationship he might have in the future. God forbid someone doesn't put romance in the first place right??? And don't even get me started on how everyone just dismissed him after he did come out. Because apparently 'nobody cares if he fancies men'!!! Where did Charles get the impression he would get ostracized if the truth ever came out??? That's so silly of him!!! I'm raging.

A few more thoughts about the book/plot in general:

Elias' funeral anyone???

CC totally forgot one of the characters was supposed to end up exiled at the Scholomance.

The Carstairs owe the Herondales because????

Wasn't there supposed to be a surprise baby that needed adoption?

Ariadne changed her name to Ari/Arati but we never get a last name. Does she keep Bridgestock since she made up with her mother?

After four completed series and six (that I can remember) dead siblings, I can safely say that the one who got the most (and better written) amount of mourning is Sebastian, of all the people.

These characters have such a black and white perception of the word and it's just annoying.

How TF did Charlotte manage to get pregnant, she is like 50… And twins.

Bridget coming into the fray last minute and starting to slay demons was insane. I love her for it.

New Belial's pact about him and Herondales staying away from each other is totally tying in either the last TEC's book or TWP.

Anna and Ari already planning to adopt a baby feels incredibly rushed.

Forever be bitter that we never got to see Gideon's reaction to Jesse resurrection and them interact.

Congratulations to Sona for making it out alive when so many people (me included) gave her for dead.

Cordelia's relationship with both Herondale is totally rushed and built around nothingness. I wish CC would stop trying to sell either as "childhood friendships turned into more" because… it's simply not that. It's blatantly obvious that despite writing to each other for years (plus the occasional meeting) Lucie and Cordelia barely know each other, and James doesn't even have that… Am I really supposed to believe that it took him as little as her reading to him when he was nearly comatose with fever to make him fall in love with her?

It was very nice to see all the characters finally come together and interact as a group.

Lucie and Jesse best ship.

If Tessa hadn't been so stubborn about keeping her head under sand about the identity of her father and had acted accordingly (especially when Jem did all the research work for her and clearly warned her that her father was one of the Princes of Hell) all that mess about getting the Institute removed from their custody would have been avoided. Not to mention, she could have had her children learn how to defend themselves, insead of leaving them to fend off alone until the problem became too big to ignore.

The falling out for the necromancy plot was incredibly underwhelming.

I don't think we are ever getting another (accurate) family tree.

[just-another-frender-blog]

Would you call Futurama a feminist show? I probably would with some exceptions. Leela and Amy are strong women, but it's so obvious that men are writing for these characters. They're nice to each other 90% of the time, but Amy makes occasional digs at Leela to remind us "haha lolz women hate each other for no reason!!" I hope the revival drops that bullshit. Also, they've been obnoxiously sexualized, and we've all seen the misogyny in "Amazon Women in the Mood" and "Neutopia" (admittedly, those episodes were misandrist, too.) In fact, "Neutopia" was one of the episodes that sexualized them, lmao. What tf was Leela wearing in that photoshoot?

But they're still strong female characters with their own agency and storylines. Amy is silly and goofy but in an endearing way, not in a "lol girls are so dumb" way. I feel like one of the Comedy Central revival's strengths is that it gave Amy more to do? She had multiple episodes centered around her. And Leela is obviously the badass starship captain. The way she defies Zapp's bullshit is hilarious, lmao. "Our love has had to endure your constant hatred!" The show never acts like she should "give him a chance" or whatever.

Leela also never takes any shit from the guys, and the joke is usually on them for being lazy idiots. I actually saw a guy on a Futurama forum (this was back in 2013) complaining that some episodes basically said "Women are better than men at everything." I wouldn't go that far, especially with the issues that I mentioned above, but Leela's definitely above it all, lmao.

Would I call Futurama a feminist show? That's an interesting question, and I don't have a straightforward answer. I know that Futurama mainly had male writers, though it did have a couple of female writers. I don't know if any of them returned for the Comedy Central reboot. There is only one episode where a woman is credited as the head writer: "Leela's Homeworld." It was written by Kristen Gore (Al Gore's daughter), and she did not return as a writer for Futurama when it was brought back. Disclaimer: everything I say in this essay is my personal opinion and my personal takeaway from the show. 

I see male writers say that they can't write female characters well because they don't understand the "female heart" or some bullshit. That's not true because there are plenty of male writers who can write them well. Hell, a lot of female authors are shit at writing female characters too. The majority of shows, movies, books, etc. have terribly written female characters. To the point where it's a big deal when I watch something that doesn't have terribly written female characters. I also see people praise shows they like for the bare minimum.

The problem with female characters that writers of all genders seem to have is that they write them as women first and characters second. Male characters are written as characters first; they are allowed to be complex. They are not defined by terms such as "strong male character" or "male love interest." There are a number of reasons why this is an issue when writing women, but the core of it all is that many people do not view women as being human, or as unique individuals. This has been a problem with gender constructs throughout history, and it affects the media we watch.

For a feminist show, the most important thing to me would be well-written female characters. There are a number of things that need to be considered when defining a well-written female character:

Does she have a defined personality?

Does she have flaws? What are her strengths?

Does she have a character arc with character development?

Does her character arc revolve around her relationship with another man (usually romantic)?

Is she written consistently? Is she written out of character to suit the plot?

Does she have meaningful relationships outside of her male love interest?

Does she have meaningful relationships with other women?

How often is she sexualized? Is that deconstructed or commented on in any way?

Does she have agency? Does she have control over the plot?

I think a lot of people get confused about this and think "oh physically strong female characters who beat up the bad guys." With these types of female characters, you get very bland "sexy, strong" types who end up with an unremarkable male protagonist. This is defined as the "girlboss and malewife dynamic," which is often handled very poorly in my opinion. With this type of dynamic, I generally see the male character get meaningful development, while the female character is there to be the love interest (but disguised with a feminist coat of paint). The issue with dynamics like these is that they are written to be power fantasies for male viewers at the expense of quality.

Movies and shows in more recent years have a problem where an unremarkable (but secretly really special) male protagonist is handed a femme fatale or a manic pixie dream girl on a silver platter. Think Emmet from the Lego Movie or Johnny from Hotel Transylvania. Thankfully, Leela and Fry's relationship tends to avoid this for the most part. I think the biggest reason is that David X Cohen said he really didn't want Fry to end up with Leela initially, but reconsidered later in the show. Leela was not created to be a female love interest for the male protagonist; as such, she was allowed to be her own character.

Let's talk about Leela, who really surprised me as a character. I didn't know anything about her before I watched Futurama other than her having one eye and that she ended up with the MC. When I started watching the show, I found that I really liked Leela; I liked her character design, I liked her voice, I liked her friendship with Fry and Bender, and I loved her personality. I was impressed that Leela had a very meaningful character arc that wasn't defined by her relationship with a male love interest (the bar is on the ground), and instead focused on self-discovery.

Leela is written to be a deconstruction of the "strong female character" archetype. She's the pilot, she's level-headed, she's intelligent, and she's talented. In addition to being Fry and Bender's boss, she's generally the one rescuing both of them from danger. She's the only one out of the trio who can fight, and come up with escape plans. The show also respects this aspect of the status quo; Leela's job is never taken over by a male character, whereas this would be the case in other shows.

Despite Leela's tough exterior, she has a soft side. She cares deeply about protecting the innocent, particularly animals and children. She cares a lot about fighting for the rights of oppressed groups and gets involved in politics. Out of all the characters, Leela fits a classic heroic archetype the best, a role rarely given to female characters. However, she's a flawed individual as well; she has a temper and a darker side. She can make bad decisions that occasionally harm others. This is why I think Leela is a deconstruction of the strong female character archetype because you don't often see these complexities with such characters.

Leela's character arc and character development are great. She's been made to feel insecure about her appearance and status as a non-human her entire life. Throughout the show, she learns to accept that part of herself and even embrace her uniqueness, learning not to change who she is (especially for shitty men). Leela unraveling her past, the circumstances of her birth, and finally reuniting with her parents is beautiful and is one of the strongest moments in the show. Leela struggles to develop a familial relationship with them as an adult and make up for the lost time.

I think my biggest issue is that I wanted more of this. I wanted more episodes about Leela's past, her childhood, her parents, her struggles, etc. because she is such an interesting character to me. In the CC revival, we got a couple of interesting Leela episodes but didn't get enough. And I noticed a lot of episodes about Leela weren't written with the same amount of care as the earlier episodes. Another thing I noticed about Leela's character in the CC revival is her relationship with Fry. She was written out of character to create relationship drama, and I personally never got a sense of what she really wanted out of that relationship until the very end of the show.

In the Fox era, a lot of episodes about Fry and Leela's relationship are very well written. In episodes like "Love and Rocket" or "The Sting," you get a sense that Leela does reciprocate, but she's not ready for a relationship with Fry, who seems to respect that. I really liked this a lot because Leela had a traumatic past, maybe needs to work on herself, and doesn't need a partner as immature as Fry. In the CC era, their relationship felt more one-sided on Fry's end. I wanted to know more about how Leela felt; I wanted her to have more agency. The CC era started slipping into the issue where Leela started to be written less as a character and more as a plot device for certain episodes.

Now, I want to talk about Amy. I really like Amy as a character as well. You get the sense that she is feminine, yet tomboyish. She's very intelligent but dorky and clumsy. In addition, she seems to be very comfortable with her sexuality, which is a welcome choice. She's adorable and I've always liked how she seems to be a foil for Fry. Amy is the second most prominent female character after Leela, and I think she has a lot of potential as a character. The problem is that potential is never utilized. I’ve noticed it’s common for authors to write female characters (a lot of minorities as well) with a lot of potential, only to waste that potential. 

I started showing one of my best friends Futurama right before I started writing for it. Amy quickly became her favorite character and she asked me which episodes were Amy-centric episodes. I had to tell her that there were barely any of them in the entire show despite Futurama having 140 episodes. Many episodes where Amy is centric to the plot are barely about her and barely develop her as a character. They are mainly about her relationship with other men as well. “Put Your Head On My Shoulders” is about her affair with Fry and “Proposition Infinity” is about her affair with Bender. “Where the Buggalo Roam” is about Kif’s insecurities. 

“Kif Gets Knocked Up a Notch” is also about her relationship with Kif, but it’s still a fantastic episode for Amy. It’s actually quite progressive for the time (and for being an mpreg episode), and says quite a bit about how women are pressured into motherhood. We see how Amy doesn’t truly want that, and the show doesn’t demonize her. Instead, it sends the message that women should wait until they’re ready, or they don’t need to have children at all. I think Kif being the one to get pregnant is a nice touch in my eyes, rather than forcing the burden of pregnancy onto Amy. 

“That Darn Katz!” is a very mediocre episode, and it made me wish that there were more episodes about Amy like the one where Kif gets pregnant. I really enjoy Kif’s relationship with Amy a lot because he really respects Amy as a person. And then Amy truly loves Kif even if he isn’t a “conventionally attractive” guy. Their relationship feels queer to me due to the interspecies aspect and that Amy and Kif aren’t defined by rigid gender roles in their relationship. It’s honestly quite refreshing, even though the CC reboot messes up their relationship from time to time.

For the final part of this analysis, I really want to address Amy and Leela’s relationship with each other. I also think their relationship has a lot wasted potential, especially because we see how well this show writes male friendships. There are a lot of episodes about Fry and Bender’s relationship, and a great episode about Zoidberg and Farnsworth’s relationship. There is only a single episode about Amy and Leela’s relationship, and it’s a writer’s poorly disguised fetish episode: “The Butterjunk Effect.” This episode does a huge disservice to Amy and Leela’s characters by fetishizing them and turning them into abusive people.

Amy and Leela are at each other’s throats for petty and shallow reasons. Amy is constantly making fun of Leela’s appearance (something that Leela is very insecure about as I noted earlier), and Leela is incredibly jealous of the fact that Amy can get guys easily. Leela also makes some... interesting comments about Amy being more sexually active, as well as Amy’s race. I think it’s clear that Amy and Leela are both jealous of each other for one reason or another, which could be explored and developed, but it’s not. It’s merely used as a gag that gets old over time.

Instead, the audience is told that this is just what female friendships are like. Women are mean to each other and constantly fighting for the attention of guys, and are naturally shallow. The nature of to Amy and Leela’s relationship is not true to their characters at all. Amy isn’t a shallow woman, as shown through her relationship with Kif. Leela is gentle and strong-willed at heart, showing kindness to others even if it’s against her better judgement. See what I mean by female characters being written as women first and characters second? Amy and Leela’s relationship was the most disappointing thing to me when I watched Futurama.

I know that Futurama is older, but it’s not insanely old. There are plenty of ways Amy and Leela’s relationship could’ve been given a lot more depth. They could’ve had Amy look up to Leela. Leela is an older, cooler career woman who doesn’t take shit from anyone and outperforms her male coworkers. However, Amy is so starstruck around Leela that she constantly says the wrong thing, or she’s too flustered by Leela. Thus, Leela just assumes Amy hates her. Amy eventually overcomes her shyness and slowly forms a bond with Leela, who starts to mentor Amy in return. Leela begins to appreciate her relationship with Amy, as she didn’t have many close friends growing up due to the constant bullying. 

I’m not saying that’s the right way to fix their relationship, but I personally think something like that is more accurate to them as characters. And it’s not a perfect relationship at first, but they start to develop nice chemistry during the show's runtime. So my answer to the initial question about Futurama being a feminist show: it could be worse. Amy and Leela are great female characters and enjoy quite a few of the minor female characters. However, I also think that Futurama really fails its female characters as well, which is a shame. I’ve seen far more misogynistic shows, but I also think people settle for the bare minimum when it comes to female characters because it’s so common for them to be poorly written.

I have faith that these issues can get fixed in the revival. First, both Amy and Leela need individual episodes. Second, maybe they could actually examine Amy and Leela’s relationship, and help them come to terms with one another. Matt Groening’s current project, Disenchantment, has a great female lead. My other favorite adult cartoon, BoJack Horseman, has wonderfully written female characters. I resonated so much with Diane; it’s very rare for me to be able to relate to a female character. All of this gives me hope for future adult cartoons and Futurama’s revival episodes. They already have the groundwork laid out with Amy and Leela, they just need to be written with the proper care they deserve.

[breakyourrxles]

i’m back 🤗

first of all, yeosang 🤬🤬

is he not using his brain? how tf is he gonna get mad that she don’t want a baby?? you’re hardly ever around and then get mad even at the thought of your own wife preparing to nicely ask you to be around more and you want a baby?? someone that would need even more than your full attention????? he didn’t think that through at all wtf

“‘…You're thirty now, I'm not saying that you're running out of time but—‘"

oh go tew hell. actually go past hell 🥊🥊

and then hongjoong omg. 

“I’m sure your girlfriend loves that,” you joke in response. Both of your eyes meet after, Hongjoong sets the sketchbook down onto the floor and slowly makes his way back to his work at the dress form as you continue to fumble over your words. “Or boyfriend, or whatever.”

“Don’t have one,” Hongjoong says, sticking a pin between his teeth to hold onto. His eyes narrow then in a way that you’ve become bizarrely accustomed to in such a short amount of time spent with him—devilish, something lightheartedly coy and almost flirtatious in delivery. “What about you? Betrothed to anyone or just this place?”

mc, look at me: STAND UP 

“Rather, there’s probably a part of me that’s absolutely terrified of the commitment of moving onto another chapter of my life.”

“Change is scary, unless it’s temporary enough that the only thing that results from it is blowing up some major facet of my life.”

get out of my head melty 😡

(even tho im the exact opposite now oof- long story)

“A baby? He’s never even here, what’s he want to have a baby for?”

EXACTLY

“College was a long time ago,” Seonghwa replies, knowingly perfectly well the implications of your past together with him that you are alluding to.

oh? 👀

(does… yeosang know about this or is seonghwa just “my wife’s best friend from college?” if I had to, i’d guess no considering how we’ve seen him react to things so far…)

so far hongjoong is keeping me on my toes, yeosang can stay gone on his business trip and seonghwa is oddly becoming a favorite of mine for some reason. and as for mc, so far i’d say I actually don’t have a good read on her yet so we shall see 😃🪑

also I am curious as to what hongjoong’s designs or art style look like? do you have any references or photos for what they possibly look like?

oh, you and your impeccable reads, as always 💗

the yeosang+wanting a baby thing is precisely why i wanted to write that storyline into this. i've heard it so, so many times about how men in heterosexual relationships will try to throw their money OR EVEN A BABY at a problem thinking that it's going to fix it, but even worse than that, is that even if it doesn't fix it, it doesn't even really matter that much because they're never around to deal with the aftermath anyway 😃

this hongjoong makes me wanna gnaw my arm off let's just pretend nothing happened here!!! ✋🏻✋🏻✋🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻 nomnomnom.

seonghwa is funny. i think there's a comment somewhere in the fic that alludes(?) to the fact that yeosang does know about their past together and doesn't think it's a big deal, which i feel like is kind of typical of his arrogance that we've seen thus far! he's a good character though, i'm glad you like him 😘 i finally gave seonghwa the Good Character Arc...

also I am curious as to what hongjoong’s designs or art style look like?

i don't have anything on hand, i don't typically use a lot of visual mediums when writing outside of places. BUT! i imagine colorful stuff, a little eccentric, whimsical? those are kind of the first words that come to mind hehe

[sevlawless]

also i just remembered another reason i made arabella was bc i wanted to make a detective for twc to ... romance .... ad*m 🤮 and thank god that didn't even work bc i can't imagine her putting up with all that AND i can't imagine her not being with morgan <3 LMFAO

Lmaoo, speaking of twc I would love to know your thoughts on the characters of twc including the non ros and ur mcs. Lemme just say one thing I've never hated a fictional character more than Rebecca. She's one of the most annoying characters for me that I have encountered and that's a lot saying from me bcs I am usually quite indifferent or tolerant of most characters. /lh 😭😭

not u wanting me to revert back to twc brainrot LMFAO but i will answer this just for you <3

under the cut because i talked too much PER USUAL

my mc's and their li's:

felicity and nate - i love them when i don't think abt book 3 🤩 LMFAOKSKSNSNSKS but anyway felicity is rlly my precious sweet baby who wants to be with nate SO BAD but she is so hesitant and scared bc of past experiences and i loved how that was going before book 3 ... after book 3.... i can't think abt it without getting upset KSKSJDBD

arabella and morgan - MY TWO BADDIES HAVE U EVER SEEN A HOTTER COUPLE METHINKS NOT! but arabella is just along for the ride what are feelings? she doesn't know she's just a very in the moment girlie but is slowly realizing that she likes morgan more than she thought she did... it's so funny when i was playing twc bc they both don't realize how in deep they are like dumb gay bitches who can't talk abt their feelings bc they don't KNOW what these feelings are >>>

violet and felix - they are so cutesy i love them sm 🥺 violet is my super smart science girlie love her and her purple hair tremendously .. she's definitely the most sane out of all my detectives LMFAO and adores felix they're just a lot alike in their humor and are just PERFECT for each other !

alyssa and adam - now . LMFAO this is where it gets so unserious because in all honesty i decided i wanted to try and make a bimbo detective and have her romance adam bc can u imagine the hilarity of adam not finding love for 900 years and when he does it's with the dumbest bitch alive KSKSJDBDDKD it writes itself! but as much as it pains me to say this i do like them together even if they are the hardest game of siblings or dating ever LMFAO

non-li's:

tina - I WORSHIP HER IF TINA HAS NO FANS I AM NO LONGER ON THIS EARTH ETC. she means the WORLD to me and i wish she was a li SO BAD

bobby - i hate him detest him loathe him even but i can NOT deny the deliciousness of the ex!bobby path it is like a brother to me LMFAO it's so angsty and u already know it makes me so sick thinking abt it

douglas - my son i want better for him and i wish that hag gave him a better plot line because he deserves way better than whatever tf she did to him in book 3 😭

verda - LOVE HIM DEARLY although he's never any of my mc's besties bc i love tina too much LMFAO and bc he freaks tf out abt the supernatural and i don't feel like dealing with that!

rebecca - the bane of my mfing existence i am right there with you i am first and foremost a rebecca HATER and she should be rotting in hell !!!! rook should have lived instead idc <3 she is so fucken annoying even typing this out my eye is twitching thinking abt her bitchass LMFAOKSKSNSBDNJS

[whocaresanymoreamiright]

i wanted to make a short post bc my grandma said something to me which was not rly what i expected idk but yeah now it's a long long vent i had been writing for more than an hour enjoy

also i asked my grandma to take me and my friends to the train station by car bc my friends needed a ride there and i did have spare bus tickets to there but i didn't want to make them walk and ride the bus in the rain whoch would've taken like 3 times longer than by car, so i asked my grandma and she took us there but on our way back she was like "yeah.. needs to learn how to drive" i was like "who needs to learn how to drive?" and she was like you. and i'm like no way. bc i don't want to drive it's expensive to learn and to do and in the city where i usually am (so not where she gave us the ride) there's such good puclic transport it's rly quicker than by car, also i don't have the time to learn this rn and it's stressful and i just. don't want it. and it's valid and there's nothing wrong with that.

but then i realised she said it bc i asked for a ride. bc she was cutting her hair at the time i called her (an hour before we wanted to leave) and yeah it's probably rly inconvenient for her. but like she told me the day before that she helps with whatever we need especially if we need a ride to somewhere so like :( wtf. also like what is this leaving-the-subject-of-the-sentence-out-to-make-it-sound-less-guilt-trippy bitch ass method like?? give me a break from it. like say it to my face. that you don't want to or can't take us to the station. we could've gone by bus, we still had time for that too. wtf.

idk why i am so mad. i just feel like i was scolded. and i'm sorry i am sorry i didn't mean to ask for things that are too much to ask for i thought this was okay. also i didn't want to make my friends go by bus, they had to travel a lot the day before and on this day too :( like my party was so lame i know and i just didn't want to make it even worse by making them travel by that shitty bus one more time. idl they will probably never visit me again bc this was boring and lame.

we went to sleep at 1 am :( which is fucking early. like at other parties we don't even sleep at all. so sad. i was so anxious. idk i just felt bad and lame and it was awful maybe bc i haven't rly been taking my meds and i just felt so bad there was also sth i wanted to ask but the conversation just didn't go that direction by itself and i didn't want to bring it up since i wasn't rly talking at all and it would've sounded like i only invited her to ask her this shit. it's not important though. just something stupid i was curious about idk. i'm such an inconvenience honestly, i feel sorry for my friends. i wish it was different.

also i got fucking fat i am not even beautiful anymore i loom awful and ruin the pictures and everything. it's bad. i should diet or idk like it makes everything sm harder i have to plan everything and i can't eat homecooked stuff unless i cook it bc othervise how tf could i count the calories and i can't eat what people give me to eat i can't go out and enjoy the time without being like fuck it it's a binge now and then eating everything and then continuing it for a week and more bc one slip up and it's over i've ruined 3 week's progress and got to a point worse than when i started, i'm the heaviest i've been in years. and i think i'm still depressed, but yes i don't have the pills anymore, right this is what every other one of my posts is about. awful.

this is why alcohol. and this is why food too, yeah. it's sad. idk how to get happier. i feel like my biggest problem is definitely the food though. i haven't been able to eat normally for a week for almost 3 years and now i am confused and clueless. i don't know how to recover.

but i still go running in the mornings, my stomach hurts in the meantime from all the food i had consumed the day before, but i run. and it's good, i've been getting slower unfortunstely but it's still an acceptable pace.

i wish everything was easier. i know that it's the summer vacation rn. i'm sorry for not being able to function.

every time i drink alcohol or coffee or when i got my tatto or when i eat unhealthy snacks or too much, i wonder if he'd be disappointed in me or think that i'm a lazy gluttonous unpure and stupidly rebellious stupid person who does bad things on purpose. it's the saddest thing. i haven't even seen him in such a long time, he probably doesn't even care. i wish he didn't bc i'd hate to disappoint him. please don't care about me please don't form opinions about me. i am so sorry for being like this. idk how to change.

and i feel so awful about it like i should just get up and change myself, my behaviour. but it's such a big project and hard work and everything and i don't even feel like starting it bc i used to have high hopes and trying to recover working harder than ever even while i was denied all bodily autonomy and even while my father was saying the most cruel harmful evil things to me every day, and itried my best, believed in it, and i didn't succeed. progress slowed down then stopped, things got less and less ideal, and then worse, and worse and worse, and now i am here. this is the 2nd time btw. okay, the first time i didn't believe it wholeheartedly but still tried my best. but the second time was different bc then i rly did believe in recovering fully, becoming a happy person. now here i am. fat and miserable, still having an eating disorder. and i have no help now, but i don't know if i want any since last time the "help" was more traumatic than the disorder itself. so i do not want to go through that again. but idk what to do. idk how to pick myself up. i get so anxious and depressed and these mood swings and it's bad and i haven't felt satisfied after a meal in almost 3 years and idk what to do about it. like i could fight it yeah, with chewing gum and sugar free sodas but they probably can only help for so long, and i don't feel strong enough to do this while dealing with everything else. i want meds, i need something.

alcohol though. feel like eating more? get some pálinka. actually i've never tried it before lol, but that's not the point. drink something and feel better. you don't need more food sweetheart. get a drink. cheap antidepressant ig.

and not to romanticise this very serious condition but like.. that's something you can hide more easily. probably comes with more stigma when they eventually do find out but at least you get some help. and sympathy or something. because people know that that is a problem and they feel sorry. but ig i don't actually need people tk feel sorry for me, and i probably don't want help either bc i am afraid, like so fucking scared for life bc of my experiences from last year and the year before (but mostly last year). just no, i don't want anything like that ever again.

but i don't want to gain more weight it's awful how fat i am and i also don't want to think about what and how much i am eating all the time i literally have no idea how much would be ideal i don't want to think about it every meal bc then what is the point like then i can just fucking do a restrictive diet and at least feel pretty too while being miserable not just being miserable for nothing. like losing weight doesn't require a lot more effort than just maintaining, so i might as well lose yk. or i gain. maintaining os effort without reward and i am not strong enough to do that rn.

or maybe i should idk. the reward is ✨️happiness✨️ lmao. idk if i can recover. being an alcoholic doesn't sound fun either. it's sad. at least i'd feel more valid. or i should smoke or something. but that's probably more unhealthy than alcohol? idk but definitely less convenient, sou can't do that everywhere. but you can drink alcohol almost anywhere. from your pretty pink and silver bottle you got for very cheap actually. it looks like you'd put some fucking protein shake or smoothies or some shit like that in it. but no, in mine there's vodka. um. idk lol whatever. currently there's vine in it though.

honestly now i feel like trying this. i am sorry. this sounds better than this binging misery. so. yeah. idk. i'll probably try it.