#I edited this bit but it’s actually just what happens so this isn’t really funny anymore

[cerayanay]

[tacharie]

Thoughts for The Montkraken Episode

so, I just finished the chapter and… wow I have a lot to say. I took screen shots for every part I wanted to talk about and I think this rant will be SUPERRRR long so bear with me. Tumblr won’t let me add screenshots so when I have better service I’ll edit the post to add them. These paragraphs are theories and side notes that I wrote after reading a certain section so you’re gonna see my thought process throughout the story. As always, spoilers ahead so I recommend skipping this if you haven’t read it already.

Alright so I was once a hater of this ship BUT… the Shobaru shippers may have a point in this guys 😭. LIKE.. I HAVE THE SCREENSHOT OF SUBARU BLUSHING UHHH. That is not a heterosexual stare feller 🤨…

AHHHHHHH THE FROSTHEIM DUO ARE BACKKKKK!!! I missed them so so much they’re so silly and deserve the best. Honestly the only two I trust in this school cause I CANT. I literally suspect anyone but them, but Imma be so disappointed if either of them are hiding something. I’ll be sad, but like I’ll help 🙄. I was actually so sad when the MC mentioned being the reason they could be in danger like GIRLLLLL DONT SAY THAT PLEASEEEEE. ITS LIKE THE ANGST WITH ADEUCE AND YUU LIKE STAWPOPP. Also when the Vagastorm kids were like “aw yeah Mido wouldn’t lie like that” it makes me happy that people can at least trust him enough to be honest and idk I found that kinda sweet :3. We’re also getting a bit of a timeline, like the One-Eyed Sleeping Beauty Murder being BEFORE the clash (sorry if this was already mentioned I don’t really remember stuff from the past chapters) which could’ve been a trigger.

Also, I feel like they’re trying to tell us that Jiro is Zenji’s brother because when he had that little laugh about the MC being scared of bodies, he said too. When you click the “too?” option, he just says that he isn’t the one afraid. It’s not Yuri as well cause he’s literally a doctor that is in the same room when autopsies are in session. Whatever the case, I assume he was referencing to Zenji, though it being a blurry memory. Little theory tho.

OK SO THIS IS JUST SO FUNNY TO ME. In Chapter 9’s title it says, “Girl Learns Shocking Truth About Monster”. I like to think the shocking truth was the fact he didn’t shower for 3 days 😭. CAUSE THATS THE PART SHE SOUNDS MOST SHOCKED. Idk that part was silly to me. THEY’RE OUTFITS FOR THEIR DORM IS SOOOOOO PRETTY. They ate I fear, a bit more than the other dorms. Also side note, they dropped A LOT of info with just how they word things. For example, Yuri saying “Jiro, you are well aware that I will not be associated with those germs AGAIN.” Soooo Yuri was in Frostheim? I don’t doubt it bc there’s another line that says “I’d rather not recall how bitterly cold that place is” which can MEAN TWO THINGS. I’m super sure that they’re implying that yeah, he was, but then something happened blah blah blah.

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH HYDE AND DANTE??? Like ok bitches, spill your shot to us too don’t be shy. So, confirmed by them, Dante and Hyde used to go to school in Darkwick (which I assume the rest of the teachers are too). That explains their back and forth. WHAT REALLY CAUGHT MY EYE WERE THESE LINES.

Hyde: “…You really are a softie, Dan-Dan.” (Haha Dan- Dan)

Dante: “It would seem that way to someone as cold as you.” (???) “…There are lines that shouldn’t be crossed, Hyde.”

Hyde: “…I’ll keep that in mind.”

WHATTTTT. WHAT ARE THE LINES. GO IN DETAIL ARGHHHHH. This gives us more info on the character individually too. Dante describes Hyde as cold… DANTE. So, it was obvious that this whole happy go lucky attitude was fake, but I expected to be more like Haru’s kind of attitude not like that yk?? now I know how much of a cash grab this game is, but I really hope they aren’t going to stretch the story out too long to the point where you have to P2W cause I haven’t paid a cent and I don’t plan to. I still want to learn more about them and stuff so :(. On the topic of Dante, there was a small flashback where I missed a word in the sentence that Dante said while talking with Alan. “I’m the man you supposedly killed.” Supposedly?? Now, I didn’t my catch this in my first run, but now it’s like wdym supposedly?? Shouldn’t you know? This is giving hella Jiro vibes and honestly, I’m getting sick and tired of these characters having a bad memory.

SPEAKING OF JIRO- he seems to have problems remembering things and they come back to him in the very weird moments (honestly a kin moment). I would like the think that he’s just suffering from the damages he had to go through from the clash. His relationship with Yuri is so… sad to me. Yuri seems to doubt him a little bit and I feel like he sees him as just a specimen, not much of a friend. Meanwhile, Jiro smiles a lot to Yuri and listens to him like a master, like that’s what he’s supposed to do. NOT AGAINST HIS OWN WILL DONT GET ME WRONG. He’s just so neutral about it it makes me a bit like awwww :(. They’re cute tho idrc.

Ok moving on to Haku and Tohma. (Ok at this point I’m getting nervous cause why are we seeing so many characters now. That’s probably just a coincidence). OK THESE TWO HAVE GOT IT GOING. Like there’s tension when you get their chat in the campus but this is like woahhhh… Also I don’t like how Tohma says “our wheelhouse? I see..” it makes me think he’s like implying “so you think you’re a part of them now?” IDK THATS JUST MY LITTLE STRETCH. Also poor Zenji, he’s like “aw yeah I died in vain lol” LIKE OUCH.

Nicholas. I DO NOT LIKE HIM. I REPEAT. I DO NOT LIKE HIM FOR A MINUTE OF A SECOND. The only staff I like are the cats, the grocer guy, and MAYBE Dante. LIKE HES SO… NORMAL?? LIKE THERE’S SOMETHING WEIRD GOING ON IK THERE IS. When MC says “I can’t believe Professor Nicolas would do something like that” I DO 😡🙋��♀️. I am in full support of Yuri finding crimes against this guy.

Also, little other side note, I just realized that Yuri and Jiro have matching earring in opposite ears. It’s so cute.

Ok I might have to go back to the beginning and see what the “goat like anomaly” Jiro is talking about when he mentions the prophecy, cause I said “… the chancellor is a goat??” BUT ANYWAYS. Speaking of the prophecy, I’ll jot it down.

“The whisper of the new moon shall lead the champion to the academy on the solitary island. So long as the champion resides there, the world shall be sheltered from profound tragedy.”

Stating the obvious here, but this is most likely referencing to the last cutscenes we get when we choose our characters. I’ve checked the cutscenes again and there’s no visible moon, meaning it could correlate to the “new moon” portion. (Search up new moon to see what I mean). Assuming Solitary island means death, that would also help with the theory. So, whoever we chose in the beginning might just be the person who won the Laurel Crown.Honestly, this is just a silly little Drabble for a theory and VERY vague. Maybe the champion resides in the events of the past that we still don’t know about but this kinda helps?? Idk I’m just putting what I think at the moment. I’ll probably reread the game so I can get a better timeline. Also, Yuri’s rant about demon particles… doesn’t exactly sit right with me. Were they chosen to be resilient or was it just a birth thing?? Idk but I feel like a lot is missing from his theory. I mean, we’re using human logic to a supernatural cause so I don’t think pacts acting as allergies would work. If they’re not chosen, could it be that the ghouls can make pacts with more than one demon? I wanna see what happens if that was the case. Please comment if I missed something 😭.

Ok Towa appeared. (Why are we seeing so many characters I don’t like this) and we went back to that tree… WHAT IS THAT TREE?? And what the hell do you mean the fruit grew? What is that fruit supposed to be? An anomaly going to birth?? Is it supposed to represent the houses?? Motivation?? It seems so weird to me cause we just got introduced to that tree last episode. Sighs.

OK REN AND RITSU. WHAT IS GOING ON. I GUESS SINCE THIS IS THE LADT CHAPTER FOR INTRODUCING CHARACTERS BUT LIKE … STOP. I feel like something is going to happen with the MC pls 😭. Anyway, those two talking about ramen is so cute please don’t ever change you virgin and lizard looking freak 🫶( with love of course). GROCER GUYYYYYYY. YIPPEE :3!! I love that the cat is the owner and not the human lmao.

Also I will always be a MC defender cause she is so relatable. “Why are hospitals so creepy at night?” GIRL IKKKKKK. Idc what y’all say, the fact that she’s normal is keeping me sane from these freaky deaky events. ILOVE NORMAL CHARACTERS! LIKE MATSUDA FROM DEATH NOTE OR THAT ONE GUY FROM MASHELE. Anyways, I love her little comments and everything she’s so silly. Idrc if she doesn’t have much of a backbone cause honestly, she’s surrounded by danger so the best she should do is listen to the people that are constantly surrounded by it.

ALSO NEW THING. (Well idk if it’s new but yeah).

mention of a Dionysia Breakout. <—— Idk what that is, but it sounds like a little more. I love little details and slip ups thanks characters <3!!

HA! HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA! I WIN NICOLAS 😈!!! YOU DO HAVE SOMETHING TO HIDE. AND I WILL FIND IT TRUST YOU WILL BE DELT WITH. I WILL KNOW THE PRIOR PAST >:(!! Also, Moby is being soooo annoying tbh. More character descriptions to add: competitive as a teacher. NO ONE WILL MAKE YOU HATE YOU JIRO ‼️‼️‼️ HES SO SWEET He literally asks if we’re scared and says we can hang back awwww. Though he doesn’t understand much, he can use logic and he can at least understand how we feel. It’s a nice sentiment :)!

I can’t take the transformation seriously I’m sorry. I’m still impressed by Yuri’s deductive skills and the transformation just sounded like he was constipated.

THE WHOLE BATTLE SCENE WAS EPIC!! MC HESITATING BECAUSE OF LEOS WORDS BUT STILL PUSHING FORWARD. YURI GETTING FLUSTERED. JIRO SMILING AND TRUSTING YURI’S ORDERS. THE FUNNY EXCHANGE ABOUT MUSCLE WHEN THEY WERE CARRYING THE POD. Those annoying ass pussy sticks we call Darkwick students 😡. JIRO LOOKING BADASS AFTER THE SHOT. URGHHHH I LOVE THIS CHAPTER.

HARU AND PEEKABOOOOO!! AHHHHH IM SO HAPPY I SEE THEM AGAIN!! I’m so glad he’s going to Hyde too cause I’m not ready. Also… the mermaid thing is so weird. For the Montkraken Mermaid, they seem to refer to it as “it” or “that mermaid”, but when they speak of the second mermaid, they use personal pronouns like “he /him”. Haru’s expression as well when he heard someone was abusing mermaid flesh… it’s a new one with a little crease under his eye. It’s such a sad face like, did he know this mermaid personally or was this fear?? Either way, I wanna meet him cause the other one was so pretty.

…You guys know the “I see who you are… you are my enemy” sound that’s on TikTok or reels or wtv? YEAH THATS SONG WAS PLAYING IN MY HEAD WHEN HYDE SAID WE HAD TO DO A SPEECH. HYDE IM IN YOUR WALLS. URGHHHH I HATE HIMMMMM. Call to action my ass IK either Taiga or Leo are gonna get their asses out of the door after the speech. OR BOTH. I’m starting to tweak.

NOOOOO THE SPEECH IS THE NEXT CHAPTER?? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

I feel so bad for Zenji… like I’m so deadass. Dude he sounds so sad about how he’s dead it’s so.. URGHHHH. ALSO I CALLED IT. THEY ARE BROTHERS. AHAHHAHA!! Well it was kinda obvious cause everyone thought it too but WOMP WOMP. Also I love his real name, Taro Kirisaki. It’s pretty :)!! But these lines killed me

“and though I have taken my final blow, my brotherly heart can’t help but worry for my kin. … Not that he has any idea I’m still around.” YEOUCH?? I DIDNT COME TO CRY BRO…

I’m tweaking out because of this speech bro. I’m gonna choose the corniest stuff and hope for the best. “I feel bad please stop for me 🥺” headass.

Taiga is officially my enemy as well. I called that shit about him leaving URGH. WHAT A FLIBBERTYJIBBET!! His outfit eats tho so it balances out. LIKE DAMNNNN. HE LOOKS SO GOOD.

DOUBLE?? TRIPLE??? QUINTUPLE???? HELL I MIGHT BECOME A GHOUL TO GET THAT MONEY GOLLY 😍😍😍!! CAUSE IN THIS ECONOMY??Also thanks Jin you a real one twin. Bouta split this cash with my wife and I’ll send you a wedding invite.

EDWARD. ED PLEASE. STOP PUTTING ME IN THE SPOTLIGHT… well it’s out now so woopy!! I really wonder what the others have to say about that cause they just gave really vague surprised reactions. Well, Ritsu documented it. I love that little guy please don’t ever change you silly.

NUMBER ONE CORNELIUS HATER IDC. Unless I know your intentions I DONT CAREEEEE. YOU ARE AN OPP IT IS ON SIGHT WITH YOU. SAME WITH YOU NICOLAS!! “I didn’t know whether to tell you or not I’m sowwy 🥺” CHUPA MI PITO HOE 😡.

… you’re telling me I didn’t have to do that awful speech because DANTE AGREED?? IM DONE. IM WHOOPING EVERYONE IN THE ROOM AND AURING THE PLACE OUT. FIRST ONES OUT ARE HYDE FOR NOT TELLING ME, NICOLAS, AND CORNELIUS. ARGHHHHHHH. Also, dude, who is that Janitor guy like seriously.

ROMEO??? AND HYDE???? WHAT IS THIS ABOUT BUTTERCUP?? Wdym worked for him?? What is going on… SPECIAL MISSION??? SHO??? OH NAW. I CANT TRUST NOBODY ANYMORE 😭

Towa crying :(. What does the fruit shrinking have to do with it now?? I’m so confused.

ALRIGHT IF YOU MADE IT TO THE END WOW YOU HAVE DEDICATION. Yeah this is my personal yap session to this chapter and it’s so URGH. I’m so excited to see the next chapter and I hope we get to see more and more. Now with the Gala in place, we can finally start WORKING. Based on the timeline, we have about … 8 months left?? So hopefully, for MC’s sake, she gets cured. BYE BYE UNTIL NEXT EPISODE!!

[cameronspecial]

Before The Last Petal Falls (Part 1)

Pairing: Rafe Cameron x Reader

Warnings: Talks about sex and drugs.

Pronouns: She/Her

Word Count: 2.4K

Summary: Coming home is supposed to be a happy occasion, but it's hard to be happy with your ex-boyfriend lurking around the corner.

A/N: This is a sequel series to Thorn In My Side, Rose in My Hand series.

Masterlist

Going back home is the last thing Y/N wants to do right now. The Outer Banks is full of memories from a heartbreak she does not want to remember. However, she is no match for the force known as Cassie and Marvin, and that is how she finds herself on a plane back to North Carolina. For the past five years, Y/N has done everything in her power to not step foot on the island again and now, it is all for nothing. “Please fasten your seat belts, we are preparing for landing,” the pilot’s voice stirs Y/N from her slumber. She can’t believe this is actually happening right now. The elderly lady beside her smiles at her, “First time going to North Carolina?” “Uh, no. I actually grew up there, in the Outer Banks, but I haven’t been back since I left. It feels a little weird,” she answers honestly. 

“Ahh, so you were running from something.” 

“Yeah, I was. But it looks like I can’t anymore. I just hope that something isn’t there anymore.”

The plane lands and Y/N gets her bags from the carousel. She waits for Mason in the pick-up area, running towards him when she spots his car. Mason crushes Y/N in a hug, “It’s so good to see you back on American soil. This is long overdue.” Y/N pats his back while returning the hug. “Yeah, yeah. It’s good to be home. Did Lace get Sparky here okay?” Mason picks her suitcase up and packs it into his trunk, “Yep, he’s probably being a little energy ball in our living room as we speak.” They both laugh at the joke and then hop into the car. “So how’s your internship at the architectural firm? Is it different from the one in Toronto?” she asks her brother, bringing her hand to the locket around her neck. Heading back to the Outer Bank is causing her to be anxious and playing with the locket calms her down. It doesn’t go unnoticed by Mason that she still wears the necklace and is playing with it. 

“It’s going well. Most buildings that people look into getting built here are a different style than in Toronto. OBX wants beach boxes, while Toronto has a wide range of styles. It’s really fascinating watching how my boss’ designs still match to look different from one another.”

“That’s cool. I like the name beach box. It sounds fun. Like a giant sandbox. And are you enjoying it?”

“Yeah, I really am. Although, I do want to see if I can get an internship in an Asian country afterwards. They have a different style that’s interesting. How is the bookstore coming along?”

“A little stressful right now to be honest. Juggling my book edits and what I need to change or add so that the building is up to code and now being here. It’s all just a little too much. At least, I have a name Bookkeeper. It’s gonna confuse people who actually know what that career is but I think it’s funny.”

“It is a good name. It’s very punny.”

“Ugh, that was so bad.”

———

One of the worst places to be is her childhood bedroom. The countless days they spent cuddling on the bed haunts her. The love they expressed physically all over the room is practically engrained in her brain. She had never been able to feel that way again. She unpacks her clothes into her closet and goes to check on Sparky downstairs. He was left down there because she didn’t want him sitting on her suitcase like he did when she was packing her bags in London. He has gotten bigger and he has a little bit of an attachment issue. He doesn’t like being very far from his Mommy for very long. Y/N’s heart drops to the pit of her stomach when she sees the open front door and bolts out of it in hopes of catching her dog before he gets too far. 

She follows his barks like a trail of breadcrumbs to the sidewalk. If her heart wasn’t already giving her problems, it certainly is now. The sight before her is one she never thought she would see again. Rafe Cameron is kneeling down and petting Sparky. Beside him is a beautiful woman in a sundress. Her long black hair cascades down her shoulders and her brown almond-shaped eyes show such warmth behind them. Her makeup is done to absolute perfection. Y/N slowly approaches the trio without hesitation. She doesn’t want to go near Rafe, but seeing as it doesn’t look like Sparky is nowhere near going home, she had to go get him.

 “Hey Sparky, long time no see. It’s good to see you again, Bubba. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for ya. You’ve gotten so big,” she hears him greet. As she approaches, she accidentally steps on a stick and the crack alerts the others to her presence. “Hey,” she awkwardly begins. “I’m just here for my dog.” Rafe nods and stands up, moving to wrap his hand around the woman’s waist. “Uh, yeah. I remember a time when he used to be my dog too.” Sensing the tension, his companion introduces herself, “Hi, I’m Blythe Katsumi. I’m Rafe’s fiancée.” Blythe sticks her hand out for Y/N to shake, which she does. “I’m Y/N Y/L/N. Rafe’s- uh…this is Sparky.”

“It’s okay. I know you were his high school girlfriend. He told me about you.”

“Right. And he didn’t tell me about you.”

Rafe rolls his eyes and huffs, “Yeah, well it’s not like we were doing a lot of talking in the last five years. What are you doing here, Y/L/N?” 

“You mean besides looking for my dog, in front of my house? The better question is what are you doing here Rafe?”

“I have every right to be here because unlike you, I’ve been coming back home.”

Before Y/N can retort, Blythe stops the conversation from going any further. “Well, it was lovely meeting you, but we need to go. We have to get some stuff ready for the engagement party.” Blythe waves goodbye and takes Rafe’s hand to walk away. This draws Y/N attention to Blythe's left hand with the giant diamond engagement ring. This causes a stabbing feeling to shoot through Y/N’s heart. Her hand shoots up to her locket and she begins to rub it for some comfort. This action doesn’t go unnoticed by Rafe as he catches it from the corner of his eye.

———

Everyone has their own vices. Cheating. Gambling. Alcohol. Lying. Rafe’s is drugs. There was a period of time in his life when weed was not the outlet he turned to when in need of getting out of his own head. That one blissful year he had with her was his escape instead. But after the breakup, weed was the only thing that made him forget about her. Eventually, he became numb to the weed and he needed something stronger, so Barry introduced him to cocaine. Mason didn’t know that Rafe had stepped it up in the drug department because if Mason knew, he would’ve found some way to get Rafe to stop. And Rafe didn’t want to, he needed to escape the feeling of being consumed by her. 

Before today, Rafe had managed to go a month without thinking about her at all. It was his highest record in the past five years they had been apart. There was no bookstore he walked by with a girl quite similar to her standing at the window. No hard kombucha in Mason’s fridge to indicate that she had been there. No caramel ice cream at the parlour that she would beg him to buy. It was like the universe was giving him a break from being haunted by Y/N. It seems the universe is done with giving him that gift because as he drives to Barry’s house, he is drowning in thoughts of her. He loved seeing Sparky, of course, but why did she have to come back? He couldn’t get the smell of her hibiscus body wash out of his mind. The sweet but gentle tropical scent she wore contradicted the foggy and rainy place she had moved to. Her hair is held back in a claw clip he used to play with whenever she would leave them around. 

And the thing that had really caused him to spiral is her hand still holding the locket he had given her for their first Christmas as a couple. Has she been wearing it for the past five years? Had she worn it while she let other men make her feel good, but nowhere near as good as he can make her feel? Would she wear it when she told them she loved them? But most importantly, how dare she come back to what is now only his island and wear it as if she cared for him? She hasn’t been back in years or talked to him; she doesn’t get to pretend like she’s thought about him. It is driving him crazy and he needed something to stop him from going too deep down this rabbit hole. 

Barry hears Rafe’s motorbike and is waiting outside for him. “Well, well, well, look who came back from the dead. Thought you went sober on me for a second there, country club. What can I get you for you?”

“However much you got. I got a feeling that I’m gonna be needing it more often.”

He knew he would need whatever he got his hands on to help him forget about her because if he didn’t then he would remember. And it would probably kill him to remember just how his heart almost leapt out of his chest when he saw Y/N Y/L/N right before his eyes.

———

When they broke up, Mason told both of them that he would not be used as a source to find out more about the other. He said it was for his own sanity in not wanting to be caught in the middle of his sister and best friend, but it was also in hopes that it would cause discourse between the two that would lead to their reunification. So it made sense that Mason would keep an engagement from her. But she still needed more information that she would give Mason no other choice but to give her. “How long have they been together, Mace?” Mason closes his eyes in a silent prayer that he isn’t about to have this painful conversation with his sister. He lifts his head from his laptop and turns towards her, “A year and a month. They’ve known each other for a year and a half.” 

“How long have they been engaged?”

“Four months.”

“Did you help him propose?”

“He didn’t ask.”

“How come you didn’t tell me?”

At this, Mason can hear the sadness in his sister’s voice. He knew no matter how much she says she is over Rafe, it isn’t true. It’s why she still wears his locket after all. He knew she needed to know though. 

“You know I don’t want to get in between you two. Also, I just didn’t know how to tell you. I didn’t want to tell you something that would hurt you so much. I love you and I want to protect you from that pain.” 

“Yeah, I get that. It just would’ve hurt less if it came from you,” she whispers, not knowing what else to ask or add to the conversation. She turns around and goes to her room, where she finds Sparky waiting for her. He gives her a pouty look, asking how come he couldn’t go with his Daddy. She sits down on her bed beside him and places his head on her lap, “I’m sorry, Bubba. But I did what I had to do. Breaking up with him was necessary. I mean I set him free and look at him now, he is getting married.” It hurt. It hurt that he was okay with marrying Blythe before he turned twenty-five. He wanted to speed up his life plan two years earlier just for Blythe. How come he was willing to do that for Blythe but not for Y/N? Was Blythe really that much better than her?

Doing what any other girl would do, Y/N resolves to some internet sleuthing. It wasn’t that hard to find Blythe’s Instagram. She has a public account and Mason is following her. She has an impressive 500K followers; probably because she is the heiress to a popular Japanese hotel chain. All her posts have her makeup done to perfection and her clothes are all designer. One of her saved reels is of her and Rafe partying on New Year's Eve. At least Blythe can keep up with Rafe on that level. Y/N moves her search to Google and finds Blythe’s Wikipedia page. She was born in New York and raised there. She attended UNC for fashion. From multiple tabloid pictures, she can tell that the party scene is one Blythe frequent but she is also a sweet girl. In one picture, she is giving her jacket to a homeless person along with some money when she is returning home from a party. She helps out at soup kitchens and takes children out on shopping sprees. Y/N supposes that Blythe could just be doing it for the media attention, but the look in Blythe’s eyes tells her it isn’t true. 

After finding out possibly everything she could find out about Blythe, Y/N turns all of her electronic devices off to stop her from spiralling on social media anymore. She heads over to her bookshelf in need of a bookish escape. Her eyes glance over the different titles until her eyes find one particular book she had not thought about it in a while. She pulls the book off the shelf and opens it up to the title page with the inscription on it. The copy of The Lightning Thief that Rafe had annotated sits before her. She had left it here when she went to university because it felt too hard to bring with her. It held too much meaning. As she sits down on her window sill, she begins to read the book with a special focus on the inscriptions. She reads for hours, allowing herself to feel every bit of emotion that passes through her. God, it hurts to be back home.

Taglist: @sublimepenguinpeach-blog @gillybear17 @f4ll-for-you

[danandphilplay]

im going to put my answers below bc i know some of these vids are likely not returning to dnp and i do agree with that i just wanted to do a fun poll abt if you could have another of these vids then which would you choose. ofc like ive said before we have no control over dnp uploads and i fully know some of these won’t come back lol

ok first of all i don’t think pinof is coming back and i think that’s been clear for ages anyways like ten is a nice number to leave it. HOWEVER i do think an april fools dapc pinof would be hilarious. answering crafties questions and whatever they send to craft universe dnp.

same with amazingdan BUT maybe there’s a slight chance of reacting to amazingdan. maybe not since so much time has already passed since pinof reactions (four months …..) honestly out of the options i’m not that bothered about pinof or amazingdan i feel like they’re classic dnp content that’s fine left as it is

ok for the pizza mukbang thing i don’t care for it to be a mukbang video lol like the actual thing was the nice sit down talk vibes pyjama pizza w friends maybe this is exactly what dan means abt being parasocial 😭 but that video is nice so i don’t think the actual mukbang part of it is that important it’s more the sit down talk style vid

i think i would do anything for another day in the life but i feel like it is prob peak parasocial content. would it count as phouse tour probably. do i think there will be a phouse tour no bc it sounds like it is still having a lot of work done 😭 and i honestly don’t really care abt it… i think the sims renovation was fun and an insight into their interior design opinions lol and that is enough for me

i put it takes two bc a lot of people want to see the next bit i like the game but not rly enough. idk it’s been awhile since that first vid and in terms of other games and things from dnp i don’t rly mind about it takes two being ignored 😭

i know baking is not a discontinued thing anymore bc HALLOWEEN but BUT i really believed easter baking would be a thing 💔 dapc had so much put into it that i kind of forgot about wanting a baking vid but 💔 i can’t lie i think i got set on the expectation for it. like the baking vids have always been absolute classic staple dnp content but definitely the cinnamon roll one was like the baking vids to the extreme… the full potential AND THE BAKE WAS GOOD TOO. the vid was also pretty popular. so my expectations for easter were a bit high. ok so if this poll is like magically summon a dnp vid 🪄 maybe id consider baking because i just love it so much like irl as a hobby but also then dnp doing one of my fav things too and it being so fun idk it’s some of the best dnp content imo. i would love them to try a series of making food from videogames but no offence to them i don’t get the vibe that they cook a lot…… so i think it might not happen. but dil is turning TEN in september so maybe dnp special dil birthday cake baking vid 💔 pleaese pleasemaybe

i think tumblr tag is totally plausible although ik the april fools tumblr tag thing 💔 bc the twitter vid happened i think they’ll do a tumblr one at some point. there’s so much amazing art on here not just fanart but written stuff video and photo edits so i’d want them to see all of that as well as the funny stuff. this isn’t like top of my list of things i’d want to see but it’s definitely one of the more plausible things

dapc behind the scenes content its either happening or it will never be spoken of

honestly idk if they would do reactions to the super amazing project. bc like what vids would they choose. maybe i can see them referencing it or discussing it if someone asked or in a live but idk about reaction vids.

ok draw my life would be fun and i’d watch them. i’d watch an updated dil draw my life too. they put so much effort into that dil draw my life. maybe an updated one for dil’s 10th birthday will happen? that would be pretty fun.

i think if i had to choose it would be a ditl vid. top 3 would be ditl, mukbang or literally just any sit down talk vid, and another baking video. ditl may literally just be bc of nostalgia i don’t really see it happening again but who knows. again just a poll about which vid you’d want to see if you could magic up a dnp vid i definitely know some of these aren’t coming back or very unlikely to

[arc852]

14. Experiment

Definition: a scientific test in which you perform a series of actions and carefully observe their effects in order to learn about something

Summary: One of Zed's redstone contraptions go off and hit Joel, shrinking him. Etho comes by to tease him and keep an eye on him as Zed tries to find a way to reverse it.

G/t: Etho and Zed are normal-sized, Joel is only a few inches tall

Warnings: Threat of perma-death (no perma-death happens)

Word Count: 2079

AO3 Link

I'll be honest, this one is not my favorite. But going back to edit it, I realized it's not as bad as I originally thought. It's growing on me. I hope you guys enjoy it!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 “I came as soon as I heard.” Etho said as soon as he landed, putting away his rockets and walking over to where Zed was standing. Despite the mask he wore, he was sure they could hear the smile on his face. “Where is he?”

 Zed smiled at Etho in greeting, though his seemed a bit more sheepish. “He’s just over here, I’m, uh, still trying to find a way to reverse the effects. He’s not really happy at the moment.”

 “Oh, I can imagine.” The information did nothing to weaken his glee. Etho walked further into the room and his eyes honed in on who he had come here to see. “Joel!” Etho exclaimed, grinning.

 Joel turned around, eyes wide as Etho came closer. “Oh for the love of--what are you doing here?!” Joel yelled, backing up a step as Etho made it over.

 Etho took him in, in a bit of awe at the situation. He wasn’t quite sure what Zed’s experiment had been meant to do, but what it had ended up doing was shrinking Joel down to only a few inches tall. “Aww, you’re so cute.” Etho said, a teasing tone to his voice. Joel glared at him and then at Zed when he joined them.

 “I can’t believe you told Etho about this.” Joel said to Zed, crossing his arms with a huff. 

 “Sorry, but he was the one asking me where you were.” Zed revealed and at that revelation Joel’s frown turned into a grin.

 “Oh, was he now?” He turned to Etho, a smirk on his face. “Obsessed much?”

 Etho rolled his eyes playfully, not deterred by Joel’s teasing. “Not me. I was looking for you to ask a question. But then Zed told me this had happened, and well…” He knelt down and ruffled Joel’s hair with a finger. The squeak he got in response was both funny and adorable. “How could I not come and see you like this?”

 Joel fixed his hair as soon as Etho took his finger back and then went back to glaring up at Etho. At such a small scale though, it wasn’t very intimidating. “How did this even happen anyway?” Etho asked, looking to Zed for the answer. Unfortunately, Zed just shrugged.

 “Honestly, I’m not sure. I was just messing around with an incomplete redstone contraption of mine when it suddenly went off. Joel was hanging out here and it ended up hitting him, which then proceeded to shrink him. I had no idea that was even possible.” Zed then grinned at the revelation. “But clearly it is! If I can replicate this, this could be huge!”

 Etho nodded along. If something like this was possible with redstone of all things, that could pave the way for a lot of new devices and ways to make farms and such. 

 “Um, how about we focus on finding a way to reverse this before trying to replicate it again!” Joel exclaimed, gaining Etho and Zed’s attention back.

 “Ah, right. Sorry.” Zed said sheepishly and then turned back to Etho. “Actually that reminds me, the main reason I told you about Joel was because I was hoping you would be able to look after him while I tried to find a way to reverse this.”

 “Look after him?” Etho asked, raising an eyebrow. As expected, Joel was not happy about that.

 “Wha-? I don’t need to be looked after!” Joel said. “I’m fully capable of looking after myself.”

 Zed put his hands up, trying to de-escalate the situation. “I know you’re perfectly capable…usually. Look, the world out there isn’t made for someone so small. And you need to be careful especially because…well…” Zed rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t…actually know what would happen if you died right now.”

 “Wait, what?” Joel asked, anger leaving him briefly to be replaced by confusion and a sudden sense of dread.

 Etho, too, was feeling some of that dread as he looked at Zed with narrowed eyes. “Are you saying his respawn might not work at this size?”

 Hesitantly, Zed nodded and suddenly this situation was a lot less funny to Etho. Etho glanced over at Joel, who was now sitting down after hearing the news. Zed continued when no one else said anything. “You know how I get when I’m in the zone and I need my full concentration on trying to find a way to reverse this. Which is why I need you to watch him.”

 “I don’t know if I’m really the best person to be-” Etho started but was then cut off by Joel.

 “Oh no, I’m not letting anyone else find out about this. So sorry Eefo, but you’re stuck with me.” Joel said, arms crossed and looking like he wasn’t going to budge on the issue. Etho simply sighed.

 “I guess that’s that then.” Etho said with a shrug and Zed smiled.

 “Brilliant! I’ll message you if I make any headway!” Zed said and then went over to his workstation to start trying to figure out the issue. 

 Etho looked down at Joel a bit awkwardly. “So, uh…how do you want to do this?” He asked. Joel put his head down, a slight embarrassed blush just barely visible on his cheeks.

 “I don’t know…just put your hand down over here and I’ll climb on I guess.” Joel settled with. Etho looked at his hand and then at Joel and shrugged, doing as Joel said and putting his hand palm up next to Joel.

 Joel stared at it for a long moment before huffing and stepping onto the hand. Etho tensed, the feeling of an entire person getting onto his hand was weird. Though he supposed Joel’s perspective wasn’t any better. Etho must look huge to him right now. He couldn’t help but admire how brave Joel was being, putting his life into the hands of a giant. Even if that giant happened to be Etho himself.

 Once Joel was settled, Etho carefully lifted his hand up and brought it close to his chest. He then used his free hand to hover underneath, just in case something happened and Joel fell. He walked out of Zed’s area and looked around wondering what he should do now. He figured flying was off the table, since he didn’t want to risk Joel falling and it wasn’t too much of a walk to get back to his base from here either way.

 “Just make sure no one sees me, got it?” Joel suddenly said and Etho looked down. Joel had sat down in his hand. His arms were crossed and he was very pointedly not looking at either the ground below him or Etho. 

 “Right, don’t worry.” Etho reassured him. “There aren’t any hermits based between me and Zed, so we should be fine.” Joel nodded at that and then Etho started his walk back but paused when Joel spoke up again.

 “Why not just fly?” Joel asked, finally glancing up at him.

 Etho looked back down with a raised eyebrow. “Um…because I’ve got a tiny passenger that I don’t want falling off mid-flight?”

 Joel scoffed. “I may be small but I’m not fragile. You can fly, it’ll be a lot faster anyway.”

 Etho furrowed his eyebrows. “But-”

 “You’re not going to let me fall.” Joel said, cutting Etho off and surprising him with how much confidence he said it with. Etho let out another sigh.

 “Alright. If you’re sure.” He equipped his elytra and brought Joel close to his chest, curling in his fingers even more to make sure he was secure in his grip. He felt Joel tense up but ignored it for Joel’s own sake. 

 And then Etho took off with a rocket and flew back towards his base.

 Flying was faster, Joel had been right. What would have taken them probably a half hour to get back on foot only took them about a minute by elytra. Etho landed gracefully on his front lawn and took off his wings with his one free hand. He then carefully brought his hand holding Joel away from his chest and opened his hand up fully.

 Joel’s eyes were shut tight and his breathing was rapid. And even without being able to feel it, Etho could clearly see that Joel was shaking too. Etho bit his lip. “Joel? We’re on the ground again.” He said, a bit softer than he normally would.

 Joel slowly opened his eyes and looked around, seeing that Etho was right. His breathing evened out and he unfurled himself from his tight position. The shaking was still present though. “L-Let’s…” Joel started, stuttering. “Let’s not do that again.”

 Etho almost wanted to say he told him so, but with the way Joel was looking, he figured now wouldn’t be a good time. So, he just nodded. “Well, we’re at my base now.” Etho said, walking up to the front door. “What do you want to do?”

  ***

   They ended up not really doing anything. Both were too nervous to do anything too dangerous, what with them not knowing what would happen if Joel died. So, they ended up just sitting around Etho’s base and talking. They did eventually end up having lunch as well.

 As the evening came, Etho heard his comm ding and he went to check it. His eyebrows furrowed and Joel looked over, confused.

 “What is it?” Joel asked from his place on the table. Etho, who was currently sitting at the table, looked down at him.

 “It’s Zed. He said he’s figured out how to get you back to normal.” Etho said, before going back to reading the messages Zed was still sending. 

 “He did?” Joel said, jumping up into a stand with excitement to finally be able to get back to normal. “Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s head back!”

 Etho shook his head, which gave Joel pause. “Actually, there’s no need. Zed says you…just have to die and respawn and it'll fix itself.”

 Joel blinked. “Is…is he sure? Because before he was saying he didn’t know what would happen if I died. And I don’t really feel like perma-dying today.”

 Etho tilted his head. “Good point.” He typed something onto his comm to send back to Zed and Zed responded almost right away. As if he had been expecting Etho to question him on it. Etho’s eyes widened when he read the message. “...He said he’s tested it himself and that it’s all fine.”

 Both Etho and Joel looked at each other, processing what that actually meant. Joel frowned. “Should…should we be concerned about that?”

 “Probably.” Etho went to another contact and typed out another message and sent it before putting his comm away. “I sent Tango and Impulse over to him.” Hopefully they could talk Zed into being more careful with his own life.

 “That’s good.” Joel said and then was silent for a moment. “So…I just gotta die then?”

 “Looks like it. Here.” Etho held out a hand for Joel and Joel was less hesitant to take it this time. Etho brought him over to his bed and set him down on it. “Set your spawn so you come back here.”

 Joel placed a hand on the bed and felt the magic of setting a spawn go through him. “Right, okay. Now, how should I die?”

 Etho hummed, looking down from the bed and gauging the height. “Fall damage will probably be the easiest.” It didn’t look all that far, so he placed his hand next to Joel again, who once again climbed on. He stepped back from the bed and then lifted his hand high into the air. “There you go, that should definitely be far enough.”

 Joel nodded and then looked down. He took a deep breath and jumped.

[Smallishbeans fell from a high place]

 Immediately, Joel appeared on Etho’s bed, full-sized and back to normal. Joel blinked, gaining his bearing and looking around. He looked down at himself and grinned. “Finally! I’m big again!” He jumped up from the bed and turned to Etho.

 Etho chuckled at him. “Well, I don't know if I would say big exactly.” He placed a hand on Joel’s head, showing off the size difference between the two of them. Etho was a head taller even with Joel back to normal.

 “Oi!” Joel yelled, knocking Etho’s hand off his head and Etho laughed at the reaction.

 Quietly though, they were both happy Joel was back to normal.

[scarletteye]

Who's Crazier, Scara or Childe?

As I'm writing and editing the final chapters of "Ornament of Heart" I realized I can't tell which of the two Harbingers is crazier. Here are little bits from both my Childe fic and Scara fic where they are just absolutely unhinged, so you go ahead and tell me which one is crazier and why. I lowkey want to say Childe, even though Scara is far more prone to hurting people. Childe is just a bit... how do I say this... he needs meds

And yes I call Childe by his real name. Ajax is just mmm you know?

Ornament of Heart, chapter 20

“Stay away from me.”

Your boots sank into the snow. Each step was difficult to make, but you kept backing away, nonetheless.

“Don’t you dare run.”

A shiver traveled down your spine; Ajax’s tone was far from kind. That was a full blown threat. You took another step back, putting your hands up as a shield.

His mouth opened by a little. He didn’t expect you to flat out ignore his threat. Head tilting, and lips twitching up, he looked at you as if you were a wild animal that he caught in the garden. He eyed you with pure fascination, daring you to move again. “Mila. If you run, I will chase after you. And I won’t be gentle.”

You were trembling. You pushed your arms further out. “Stop. Stop doing that, Ajax. This isn’t funny. You’re not helping your case. I’ll go back inside, okay? Just let me go there alone.”

“I’m being serious.” His body turned, following your direction with each step you took. You slowly circled him, until your back was facing the mansion. “Stop moving.”

There were two good meters between you, but you knew you couldn’t outrun him even if you tried. This was the last thing you expected. The last thing you wanted.

“Do you even hear yourself?” you shivered out.

His eyes immediately pressed shut. He realized how scary he sounded after your warning. His voice immediately turned sweeter, but the quick change only filled you with dread. “Mila. I just want to know who filled your head with such idiotic ideas.” 

“You’re threatening me,” you hissed out. “Are you even listening to yourself?”

“Please stop avoiding my questions,” he still tried to force a sweet tone. “It’s not difficult to answer.”

“And then what, huh? What do you plan on doing to them?”

He shut up. He glared at you across the garden. Something told you that you didn’t actually want to know the answer. “I just want to know.”

Goosebumps filled your arms. “Ajax.” There was no way in hell you were going to tell him. About any maid or any Harbinger that warned you about him. “Are you threatening to kill that person?”

“Why does it matter? Why would you care?”

Your eyes cracked wider. “You would not.”

He tilted his head curiously, watching your expression freeze with shock. Your heartbeat raised to your throat. You knew he was unstable. You knew he was dangerous. But you always gave him the benefit of the doubt because you trusted him. That trust was gone now. You didn’t believe his excuses anymore. Who knows what actually happened to Igor. Ajax never said that he fired him. He said that he was gone. And now he was threatening to kill the person who supposedly exposed his secrets to you…

Both panic and nausea filled your stomach, turning you completely petrified in front of the Harbinger who you used to call your best friend. Oh God. He killed Igor. He didn’t fire him.

“There is no person. I figured it out myself,” you tried, your voice breaking as realization forced heat to your eyes.  “Do you think I’m too dumb to do that? Is that what you think of me, Ajax? It really isn’t difficult to see through your bullshit.”

“My bullshit?” he raised his voice, pointing at himself and ultimately making you wince as he stepped forward. You wanted to run so badly, but you believed with every fiber of your being that he would chase you. And then what happens? What the hell would he do to you? The other Harbingers believed he is capable of hurting you. Hell. He said he wouldn’t be gentle with you.

“All of your fucking lies and schemes,” you hissed out.

“There are no lies or schemes involved. You know that.”

“No, I don’t.”

His eyes cracked wider. “Mila. Do you think I would do anything to you to hurt you? To trap you? To ruin you? Do you think I would hurt you? Is that what you think of me?”

You never said any of that. But he was well aware.

“You grabbed me a second ago.”

He hit chest with both of his hands. “Me?! You think I would hurt you? Mila. Me?”

“Yes you!” You snapped back, ignoring the fear that rose within you as she shouted. “Do you even realize how horrible you are to me!? Grabbing me and shouting at me and threatening me and interrogating me and forbidding me to have friends,” your breath hitched. “All of the Harbingers looked surprised to see that I’m still alive.”

“I told you not to trust a word that comes out of their mouths. They are liars, comrade. It wounds me to know that you trust them and not me. Your husband.”

“But you’re not my real husband. You don’t even love me. You know damn well what I am to you.”

“I’m not your real husband?” he growled, stepping close to you again. Your heart lurched, and you fought back the urge to run. He sounded completely out of breath. Both hurt and wrath present in his voice as he interrogated you.

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ੈ✩‧₊˚

Blossom of the Divine, chapter 15

“I don’t remember giving you permission to speak.”

It was the first time he said something like this to you. You’ve heard him give the same order to his agents before, but you never imagined him giving it to you. It was too formal. Too distant. As if you were strangers. You already knew that he was mad at you, but this only solidified your suspicions. You were no longer under his care.

“Please,” you quietly tried.  “Let’s just talk it out.”

His hand raised to your chin. It gently landed on your skin, putting your head in his grasp. His thumb slipped to your lip. Your stomach sunk as you saw his expression shift to something much darker. “You never truly listen, do you? I just said that you don’t have permission to speak. Should I gag you instead?”

A shiver left your mouth. “What-?”

His thumb slipped into your mouth. Your eyes blew wide. As the fabric of the blindfold met your teeth, you jerked away from him. Your back crashed against the locked door. You slid to the ground, coughing, and pushing your tongue against the fabric until you ejected it out of your mouth.

Scaramouche’s knees appeared in your vision. Cold sweat coated your body. He stood right above you, glaring down at you with the same emotionless and tired eyes.

“Hey,” you peeped out. Your voice came out fragile – threading between a cry and between begging. “Please don’t. There’s no need. Right? Let’s just talk.”

He tilted his head. “You’re still not listening to my orders.”

Your breath got caught in your throat. He stared at you so coldly and harshly, that you feared even blinking at his direction.

“I know you’re desperate to explain yourself,” he said. “I know you have apologies upon apologies prepared for me. But I’ll be very honest with you, darling, I don’t want to hear any of them.”

All you could do was gaze up at him. You nearly had to break your neck to be able to look him in the eyes. Scaramouche loomed above you. You were practically trapped between his knees; cornered against the wall and the floor. There was nowhere for you to move. Nowhere for you to run. You were sure he could see your terror. You were sure he was doing this on purpose.

“Truth is, you tried to leave me in the middle of the night. You tried to run away from me, right after claiming that you care about me… No matter what you try to use an excuse, that fact won’t change.”

A bead of sweat slid down your temple.

“You are a liar,” he whispered. “My dear. That also won’t change, no matter how many apologies you sputter out. So save your words. There is nothing you can say to me. Nothing you can do, to change my mind.”

You couldn’t stand looking at his expression anymore. The darkness in his eyes made your heart beat with a manic rhythm. You were trembling like a wild animal in a cage. You averted your gaze, staring at his legs instead, and hoping you’ll eventually recollect yourself if you don’t see look at his face.

“Yet despite all of that…” his tone dropped. “I still can’t bring myself to kill you.”

Your eyes grew wider, but you didn’t dare break eye contact with the pale skin of his legs.

“So… there is really only one thing that I can do with you.”

His voice sent shivers down your spine.

He crouched down, getting his face to the same level as yours. You leaned as far back against the wall as possible. You couldn’t avoid looking at his face anymore. His smudged make-up emphasized the inferno in his eyes. They were full of something dark. Something twisted. Something that wished you harm.  

“I’ll just keep you by my side until you die,” he said. “Luckily, you humans tend to do that often, right? Or maybe…”

His hand gently enveloped your face. You trembled under his touch. You forgot how cold his hands were and how weirdly soft they were. The softness with which he touched you meant nothing at that moment. He was promising you harm.

 Seeing your terror, his lips twisted into a feeble smirk.  “Maybe I’ll just ask the Doctor to make you immortal like me and then I’ll force you to stay by my side for all eternity.”

Your mouth fell open. Your heartbeat was louder than your breaths. It drummed against your skull.

“What would pain you more, I wonder?” he whispered. “I’m inclined to do the option that is the most unpleasurable for you.”

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ੈ✩‧₊˚

But hey Scara got his redemption arc after that, all though it took some time, so maybe there is hope for Childe too. Maybe...

Both fics are on ao3 in case you are interested!

[chevelleneech]

So it means something when Tommy is awarded and the camera pans to Buck, and Eddie is awarded and the camera pans to Marisol, but it means nothing when Buck is awarded and the camera pans to Eddie instead of Tommy?

This is the stuff I be talking about when I say BT shippers are being intentionally rude. Of course it may have just been an oversight on the editing team, but we don’t know that, do we? So when added to all the other times Buck and Eddie have been framed as a couple or parallel the other couples on the show… why are they mad?

Claiming the editors had to put the cut of Eddie there because he was up next, as if they chopped up the scene for any other character being awarded, is ridiculous. Because it once again proves BT shippers do not care about Buck, just his bisexuality. Because in what world is everyone else getting that wholesome little moment perfectly fine and sensible, but for Buck it’s suddenly meaningless and was the only editing choice left because Eddie was coming up next? Again, if we learn it was an oversight, sure. But until then, they’d rather we believe it to mean Buck didn’t get a shot of his loved one because the editors didn’t care enough to do it? Huh?

And no, BT shippers aren’t delusional, because at least their ship is canon, but they sure can be goofy. Like, even though we didn’t see it nor were told, it’s fine for them to headcanon Buck as having gone to Tommy’s place after his talk with Eddie, to get railed out of his sadness. But it’s the reach of all reaches to wonder why Buck and Eddie were yet again framed in a questionable way?

I don’t agree with majority of Buddie shippers in thinking BT will be over before s8, but I truly cannot understand where their shippers come from most of the time. They’re getting less than bare minimum screen time and plot, and as of right now, not even the editors thought to include Tommy in a scene where every other loved one was shown.

What makes how I feel about this worse (funny worse), is that I also don’t think any of this is intentional. The Buddie framing, yes, even if Tim or whoever tries to say it isn’t. But I’m referring to the lack of BT development. People keep saying they think Tim is purposefully keeping Tommy on the sidelines or as a Debbie downer to prove he and Buck are incompatible, but I really don’t think so.

I think they think they did their big one by having Buck come out, and I think they’ve convinced themselves that because fans will eat up whatever queerness they shovel out for Buck, even the smallest of bits, they don’t need to do more. I can 1000% see BT lasting as it is, because people love it. They don’t care that the nicest thing Tommy said to Buck was he’s adorable. They don’t care that Tommy did more exciting things with Eddie. They don’t care that Tommy has never mentioned anything he likes about Buck at all. They don’t care that Buck hasn’t talked to anybody about Tommy beyond telling two people he’s dating him, and coming out to the rest in one fell swoop.

I would love for s8 to bring up the possibility that Buck is both frightened by and idealizing his relationship with Tommy and that’s why he won’t talk about it, and Tommy’s lack of screen time and sarcasm is the “reality” of their coupling. And I wouldn’t be mad about that. It would actually be a solid story for Buck to have, because he does idolize people and bury his own wants in order to be accepted and loved. So imagine him learning something new about his sexuality being the catalyst for him to stop just letting relationships happen to him?

But again… I don’t think they’ve gotten that far in brainstorming for s8, and I don’t think they even really see what we see once the finished product airs. The actors and creative team have so many different versions of the stories they’re telling, I imagine it’s impossible for them to recall all the correct emotions and tethers needed to react and respond accordingly. That’s what show bibles are for though, and based on the timeline and ages in the show in general, it’s clear Tim doesn’t have the best one or at least it’s not being used to it’s fullest. Either way, I think BT shippers are absolutely loose in the brain if they think the only scenes that make it to air that matter, are all except Buddie.

No, Buddie isn’t canon and fans have spent six seasons theorizing, but in a season where the show runner has stated he’s open to making them a couple and has made one of them canonically queer, it doesn’t make any sense to act like Buddie shippers are reading too far into things. The only reason Buck is bisexual, is because of Buddie shippers latching on to the ship and Oliver and Ryan saying they’d be down. The only reason BT is canon, is because Tim wanted to canonize Buck’s queerness and didn’t want to write a new character into the show.

It was not built up. It was not some red string of fate inevitability. Tim and Oliver both have spoken about how it came to be at the last minute, but BT shippers flat out refuse to listen. Buddie may never become canon, but it won’t change the fact that because of the dedication of Buddie shippers, and Tim and Oliver liking the idea of Buck being queer, BT is happening. Which is not a gotcha or me trying to be petty. It just is the unbiased truth.

[clearancecreedwatersurvival]

Okay so here’s my thoughts on the staffcon thing.

I still think collapsing reblogs so posts look more like other social media isn’t gonna work as a feature but they will probably roll them back a little and at least add a toggle off for it if they try it and enough people submit feedback. Edit: this is actually less of an issue, most of the discussion is based on a misrepresentation of what’s happening. They’re just making it easier to scroll past long posts. EDIT AGAIN: actually some people already have the initial roll out of the feature and it. Is bad.

I think submitting feedback is a takeaway. There was a pretty clear effort to just remind the user base that there are real humans on the other side of a paycheck having to read and respond to the inputs of every feedback method on the site, which is fair. It’s easy to be an asshole online in any semi anonymous platform and that is something that tumblr culture takes a certain bloodthirsty pleasure in.

And yes, of course, user complaints about issues such as accessibility and the many ongoing glitches and bots and the search function, etc. are valid and do need to be addressed. But at the very least it would be cool if we as users maybe try to cultivate a slightly less pitchforky social norm when submitting feedback about changes to the site. The ceo is not reading every @ to his blog. One of his employees is. The people reading all of the feedback are just people doing their jobs. All jobs suck under capitalism, maybe we could try not to make their jobs actively worse.

Would you be rude to an overworked server in a restaurant? No? Cool also try to not be a dick to the person getting paid to answer customer or user complaints.

Related to that, funding. Many current and former members of staff have been pretty frank about funding in the past. The company is trying to at the very least breakeven, which not a single company who has owned tumblr has managed because the hosting fees for this site are insane due to all of the stuff on it.

If they don’t get it to breakeven they’ll hopefully best case just open source the website which is a method they’ve done in the past. And it would probably work, and then the website would to my understanding be being maintained by users. Now this is where my understanding gets fuzzy so anyone with more knowledge of how this would shake out feel free to chime in. But my understanding is that the source code for the site would be opened up and maintained by the community likely through mostly volunteer work. I would guess largely uncompensated.

So personally I think maybe the vitriolic response to every change they make going forward to try and monetize the site and pay even some of the cost of operation is perhaps a bit overblown, because they’re still trying to find a way to keep paying those people to work on tumblr, and I think people continuing to be paid for the work they do is better than volunteers doing unpaid labor.

I do also think there’s a secret third option for automattic and every other company finding themselves with a worse outlook now the Silicon Valley bubble has started to really burst, and that is for all existing staff members to unionize and then turn the whole thing into a worker coop. Much more stable organizational structures. Worker coops are also one of my favorite short term solutions to many other systemic problems we are currently experiencing.

I do hope this site continues to exist for many years, especially as it is one of the only places on the internet where the culture makes it safer to talk about some of the more permanent and long term solutions to various systemic issues that function within societies. Also funny text posts.

[prismaticpichu]

Hi! How are you? Also, umm, can you make Zack Seph, like Zack does vlogging with his friend Seph, like add Funny, angst, happy ending, Protective Zack, please? I'm sorry if I bothered you. 🥺❤️♥️✨

Heya!!! I’m doing great, my friendo!! Hope all is well with you!! 💕

Ooooh vlogging???? Absolutely!!!

(BIG jumbo shoutout to @rottenpumpkin13’s series of SOLDIER vlogging shenanigans for inspiration!!!! Those things are frigging hilarious <333)

~

Nibelheim Fix-It: Vlogging Edition!

[the camera flashes on to reveal two Mako-blue eyes gazing steadily into the lenses, their electric glow all the more accentuated by the dismal blackness of his backdrop, his footage jostling up and down slightly as the spiky teen makes his way through the corridor in which he is recording.]

“Heyyyyyy, world and all who inhabit it! Zack Fair here, and I’m coming to you RIGHT from the basement of some screwed up manor in Nibelheim!”

[the young First glances around a bit, ensuring that he’s still going the right way.]

“It’s very very very VERY, dark, as you can see… Just trying to make sure I don’t bump into anything here. Already bumped into three rats, eight cobwebs, a whole buncha coffins. Spooky stuff. But don’t worry!! This isn’t your boy’s first trip down here…”

[there’s another quick turn over his shoulder, this time spotting a very vague rod of light floating in the distance, some nebulously victorious sound escaping his lips as he eagerly starts toward it.]

“This is actually my second time down here. First time I was kinda totally kicked out. Not at all rudely though! Guy just needed some space… I think. He’s been getting that for like four days now, anyhow. ‘Bout time he took a break.”

[as the glowing belt approaches, Zack mindlessly pads around for a bit, pawing and groping through the thick basement gloom.]

“C’mon, where’s the knob….”

[the faint sound of palm meeting metal is heard echoing through the dark.]

“Ah, sweet. Okay okay okay… So you folks are probably wondering right now who I’m even talking about. Well, lemme tell ya. Ever hear the name ‘Sephiroth’ before? You know, quicksilver hair and bare chest and pupils that go all upppppp like that? Yeah, well! He’s in there. In a library right here, devouring books like free samples at a superstore. And he’s been there for days. Been in there ever since—“

[he pauses for a beat, cutting himself off, a look of confliction cracking the teen’s cheerful masquerade]

“Well, uh… for Purposes, I don’t think I’m going to say what happened when we went to investigate the reactor. Doesn’t really matter, anyways. It’s more about how it affected my poor bud—uh, Sephiroth! Shoot he’s gonna kill me for using that silly nickname on this. Anyyyywaayy! I’m here to get him some fresh air, tell him what he needs to know and, most importantly, get it all recorded so he’ll never forget it again.”

[the camera hobbles as Zack presses his ear to the door, listening intently.]

“Alright… he’s definitely in there. Can hear his boots walkin’ around. Okay. Okay, you got this, Zack… Alright! I’m going in. On three, two, one…”

[and the door to the library is pushed open, his camera’s eye capturing the shift in backdrop as Zack makes his way across the threshold, the young SOLDIER traveling down what looks to be some narrow corridor that abruptly pools into an eerie candlelit opening.]

“Ooh. There he is.”

[the camera blearily pans around to capture a slender silver shape with a book in his hands, leather coat dancing with faint orange hues from the casting candlelight, silver hair appearing almost copper under the ghostly illumination as he paces back and forth across the floor without so much as a flinch.]

“Gaia… does he not even know I’m here? Okay, okay! Let’s do this, guys. Let’s get this man outta here.”

[there’s a deep, centering inhale from behind the camera.]

“Hey! Sephiroth! Seppphiroth! Sepppphiiroth! Put down the book.”

[a heavy silence dogs as Sephiroth continues to pace the floor in silence.]

“Shit…”

[the camera pans back to Zack.]

“Okay, so… He seems really out of it. Really engrossed in that book there. We gotta get through that noggin of his.”

[the camera pans back to the catatonic SOLDIER.]

"Sephiroth! Hey! Sephiroth! Sepppppphiroth!! I'm talking to you, man. HelloooooOOO?? Holy Ifrit... HEY! SEÑOR SEPHIROTH! STOP READING FOR A SEC, would'ja???"

[there's another bout of silence.]

"Dear Gaia... What’s going on with you?? Why aren't you responding? Sephiroth! Sepppphirottth.”

[following yet another wordless stretch, Zack swings the camera back around, rubbing his neck with an expression of both frustration and hurt.]

“Alright… guess he left me with no choice. Time for extreme measures.”

[the camera hobbles a little as Zack approaches the soulless SOLDIER.]

“Ah, screw it. Who cares if I don’t stick to the formalities…”

[an inky splotch of black momentarily covers the lenses, not wanting to capture the horrid images and texts that had seemingly possessed his friend, leaving only the teen’s gentle voice to provide any content.]

“…Hey. Bud. It’s me. Hey—yeah, I’m gonna put my arm here if you don’t put that thing down. I miss you… alright? You have any idea how long you’ve been down here? Gaia, pal… those bags… Look… you need some rest. Okay? We can talk alllllll this out in the morning. Let’s just go, okay? You’ll feel better after a good snooze…—“

“—I… c-ant…”

“You can, pal. These books aren’t going nowhere. I’m not going nowhere. Not without you.”

[another swath of silence stretches over the two SOLDIERs, the blackened smudge shifting slightly against the lenses.]

“Look, bud. Look. I know what he said is screwed up. I know what you saw is screwed up. But it doesn’t change anything… okay? You’re still my friend… you’re still Sephiroth. You’re still my old pal. You’re still…”

[even through the inky smudge, shards of blue are seen dancing across the camera, a cursory glance being cast toward the lenses in consideration.]

“…Y’know what. Fuck whatever they hear. You’re human, Seph… Not some alien. Not a monster. Not anything but the kind and lovable person that you are. And… and I’ma jerk for not telling you that sooner. I shoulda told you that the moment Genesis said those horrible things in the reactor. I shoulda told you that day of being here… okay? And I never ever ever ever want you to forg…—“

[suddenly, smears of black and silver flash across the camera as it plummets to the ground, cutting out instantly upon impact.]

.

.

.

.

[and it cuts back in a nebulous amount of time later, titled sideways, unknowingly capturing the sight of General Sephiroth slumped in the sheltering arms of his best friend.]

“Shh… it’s okay, pal. It’s okay… let it out. Let it out. I’m not going anywhere…”

—————————————

[the camera flashes on to reveal a smiling Zack leaning against his headboard at the Nibelheim Inn, happily accompanied by a freshly-showered Sephiroth, tresses of golden sunlight streaking in through the open window beside them.]

“Heyyyyyy, world and all who inhabit it! Zack Fair here, and I’m coming to you RIGHT from the Nibelheim Inn! Today I got my best friend and ex-commander here, Mr Señor Sephiroth!”

[Zack slings an arm around his buddy’s shoulders, earning himself an amused grunt from the mercury-haired man.]

“Yes. Hello, inhabitants of the world.”

“You wanna add a littttleeee bit more cheer—?”

“No.”

“Okie doke. You wanna at least tell ‘em the news?”

[the camera pans so that it is completely facing Sephiroth, green eyes well-rested and gleaming under morning’s warm embrace.]

“Hnph. Fine. As of this moment—“

“Say ‘breaking news!’”

“I will eat you whole.”

“Yeah, yeah. Just say it!”

[silver bangs sway against the lenses as Sephiroth shakes his head.]

“…Fine. Breaking new: as of this moment forward, both I General Sephiroth and First Class Zack Fair officially resign from SOLDIER. Cadet Cloud Strife will also be discontinuing his duties and is currently staying with a beloved family member.”

[Zack’s euphoric cheer is heard behind the camera.]

“Heck yeah!! Oh, and! For the record: all future episodes of ‘Zack Tracks’ will be recorded with my new partner here! Woooo!”

“I didn’t agree to this.”

“Bummer, ‘cause you’re doing it.”

[before an utterance of protest can be made, Zack takes the camera back from his pal.]

“Anywhoooo! Anything you wanna say to the people before we sign off, pal?”

[the camera lingers on Sephiroth’s face for several beats following the question, capturing the traces of wistfulness that flicker through his emerald eyes, the almost pensive pulse that ripples through those celestially human pupils as he contemplates an appropriate closure for Everything.]

“…Yes. I do.”

[and the camera zooms in, focusing on his sincere expression, aged and weathered from all the ravaging storms that have opened up to what he calls his life.]

“Hojo, you can disrespectfully burn in the deepest and most incandescent stoves in Hell.”

[a simple click, and the footage goes black.]

[steve0discusses]

S5 Ep 50: Tristan Hates Horses, I Think

Been a while! Tumblr’s annoying as hell changes to the text editor took a lot of wind out of my sails, ngl. It had some problems they're resolving as they go, but it was really annoying to use and to edit if you write any amount of youknow……words….

And I was talking to a friend about this, and they were like “have you tried writing it in google docs and copy pasting it after?” And I happily realized when you copy paste from google docs, it also copies the PICTURES. This has literally saved hours of my life, y'all. It has turned something that was so frustrating I didn't want to open tumblr again into something that is no longer an obstacle so I can write once more!

So lets travel to Yugi’s brain, where Tristan desperately has to make up for all the work he hasn’t done because he was just a wee tiny bit possessed.

It may be hard to pick up where Tristan is on this picture, and I hope I recorded it somewhere in OBS like 2 months ago when I finished the series because it was such a funny animation, but hot damn this boy has hops.

And  you can see him there on the ground in the bottom left corner, that isn’t a rock, that’s Tristan having toppled a man with his bare hands, a man who had a sword and was sitting on an armored horse.

Can you believe this guy ran for school president? And then lost and humbly became the janitor?

Meanwhile, Joey discovered magic.

Confirmation that duel disks are made out of old tank parts.

Realizing for the first time that magic exists, they decide to peace out.

Back in the real world, Mokuba and Roland don’t know where the hell Seto went. Which is weird, I figured Seto would at least leave a note or a text message or…anything…but apparently even if he did, he just disappeared at some point down in Marik’s old living room.

So Roland and Mokuba decided that in order to find him, they would have to take a massive Boeing 747 to find their lost child.

Some kids have a motorcycle, some kids have a scooter, Mokuba just wants the most boring ass big commercial plane that is meant to sit a couple hundred people in an awkward way. That’s what Mokuba wants.

Just Mokuba things.

My bro who edits these for me wrote in huge ass letters "ROLAND SIGHTING" While saying "ROLAND ROLAND ROLAND" so I want y'all to know how much we appreciate a good Roland in this house.

Speaking of, I know it's like season 5 but...who is the other guy? He wears funny sunglasses but I have never heard his name, not once.

But this is when the plane was filled with heavenly light.

They begin to see the fight happening between Seto Kaiba (the OG Seto, the one that is cool and isn’t depressed because his not-wife died) and Bakura (who is now Zorc). Don’t ask me how the time stuff works, and why we see it now of all the times in human history, and right over Egypt in the sky. Don’t ask me why.

I assume it’s time compression shenanigans, just like FF8, so maybe it’s just every moment in time is able to see this UFO in the sky, but overall, it’s here because it looks cool. The fact that this right here is actually not a physical place, but is actually a figment of Yugi’s imagination shaped by Pharaoh’s botchy memories--is neither here nor there. Instead, it’s everywhere. 

Seto is unimpressed by this, because he knows how science and timelines should work, and this wouldn’t pass Kaiba Corp inspection.

Back at the yellow palace made of cheese and mario blocks, Pharaoh is still knocked out from that time he summed all 3 dragons last episode, which to me feels like just eons ago. 

But it’s OK, he’s fine now.

Typically he’d be dead, because his dragons died on the battlefield and their life force is connected to their monsters. But not only is Pharaoh 1.) already dead and 2.) the author of this universe and cannot die or this universe ceases to exist he’s 3.) got the puzzle, which means he can’t actually perma die, unlike everyone else in his court who is perma-gone.

He is not surprised by what is currently happening in Egypt’s downtown strip.

This is probably every day in Domino. Every day Seto Kaiba wakes up everyone in town with his three-headed dragon princess just because he can. Hell, Seto was doing this fight with Bakura on the top towers of Domino just this morning (or last morning…not sure if time passes in real life the same way it does in puzzle life)

The audacity of Yami right now, the one moment Yugi isn’t there to scream about ledges, this boy is leaping joyfully off that ledge. 

He fuses with the dragon which gives him this familiar outfit.

I thiiiiink it’s the same outfit as Alexander season? I’ll be real with you though, I don’t really want to look it up. Either way, good to see the return of putting on a ton of armor in a card game, I don't think we've seen it Canonically since that one time Joey did it against Valon, and ever since then, Joey kind of forgot it was a thing he can just do.

But unlike Joey, Yami doesn’t take the opportunity to punch Zorc in the face, instead he just loses yet another time.

This time he didn’t even pass out, he barely even died. This is progress, truly.

But as Zorc is powering up the peepee missile to fire in Yami’s face (what a way to die!), Shadi has decided to inform us why he’s been stalking these kids for this entire show.

So there’s two ways to read this. 1.) Shadi was Hassan the entire time but had to go back in time from this moment in order to do it or 2.) Shadi possessed the power of Hassan last second so Yami could avoid death one final time.

Both of these explanations don’t fully make sense to me, I’ll be honest, because in order to know that he’ll be needed in the first place, Shadi had to know that Yami would die at this particular moment--a moment that is a different timeline than has ever existed before.

So really, Shadi was just going by a hunch. He was like “I dunno, I’ll see how this goes.” which is more in line with the Shadi we know and love.

Is it a crying shame that Shadi, who has been with us for so many seasons, and it so integral to this show had such an unceremonious death? Yeah. I feel like I didn’t quite get the closure I wanted but I’m also sort of confused as to…what happened. But I’ll leave it there because apparently we get more Shadi content in Dark Side of Dimensions.

Anyway, I have no idea if these images will even fit into a post with how how tumbler does posts nowadays, and I'll be real I had to re upload the last bit of it, which I suspect was over 15 images???? Not sure??? but we found a workaround! google docs works!

Also, Seto didn’t die today! Instead it was Shadi! For a SECOND time!

I cannot believe how freakin lucky Mana is, this girl is still kicking and if Mana survives everything I am…going to be astonished, that’s what. Mana secretly OP, who knew?

And always you can read the rest of these here

https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/yugioh/chrono

if I turn it into a link it doesn't work right because the text editor is really, really bad. I hate it a lot. But uh...feel free to copy paste it until I can get links to cooperate.

[fangirleaconmigo]

Are you taking requests actually? I want to know if Jaskier ever or often patches up geralt’s wounds

ETA: CORRECTION! THANK YOU ANON. PLEASE REBLOB THIS ONE FOLKS.

Hi Elsa! So here I am apologizing again to a tumblr fren for how long I take. But I really do open a gdoc and pick away at these for months. Hopefully they are worth the wait.

So. Here is your next installment of ...

I Can't Believe It's Not Fanon: facts that sound like Geraskier fic writers made them up, but that are in fact, book canon.

'Bandaging each other up' edition.

In Geraskier fic, the ‘’bandaging each other up” trope is wildly popular. That just makes sense. Geralt has a dangerous job + we all want them to show each other care and tenderness. Restrained yearning while touching is a great combo.

Now, is it book canon? (drumroll please)

Yes folks. It's canon.

They both patch each other up at least once that is mentioned. The time Geralt bandages Dandelion is much more dramatic so I'll focus there first:

Geralt does patch Dandelion up. And while it isn’t just like fanon (there are no kisses) it is an incredibly pivotal moment for Geralt. Seeing Dandelion get hurt and put at risk, fucks Geralt up so badly that it leads to one of the most iconic scenes in the series. It also portrays one of my most beloved tropes of all time. I will get into all that.

 Also, as a bonus, the way their friends react to Dandelion’s (relatively) minor injury, is so fucking funny and cute. There is this fanon going around, (I saw a post I can’t find now) where Jaskier gets minorly injured and the wolves fuss over him and make a big deal over his bravery. XD It’s very cute. 

And actually.

That is canon. Only instead of the wolves, it’s the hansa. (For the uninitiated, the hansa is an iconic group of friends who wander the continent through a war hellscape with Geralt to help him find Ciri)

Ok *clears throat* here is what happens when Dandelion is injured. I talked about this part a bit in my “Geralt being extremely protective of Dandelion” post, but I have something new to say about it, I promise.

So, in Baptism of Fire, Geralt and Dandelion are on the same horse, fleeing an enemy. They are in a clearing, and are trying to make it to a forest for tree cover. Geralt is riding in front, and Dandelion is holding onto Geralt for dear life in the back. If they are caught and overpowered, it would mean certain death. In that context, here is how Dandelion is injured:

When hope dawned that they might just make it, the night air suddenly sang with a whistle of fletchings. Dandelion yelled, this time very loudly indeed, and dug his fingers into Geralt’s sides. The Witcher felt something warm dripping onto his neck.

Uh oh. Bard down. What does Geralt do?

“Hold on!” he shouted, catching the poet by the elbow and drawing him closer to his own back. “Hold on Dandelion!”

So first, he draws Dandelion closer, hoping he can cling to his back. And how does Dandelion react? Well, Dandelion has been hurt before, when the djinn got him. But that was magical. There was no blood involved. No one has ever made him bleed his own blood before. So, he panics.

“They’ve killed me!” the poet howled, impressively loudly for a dead man. “I’m bleeding! I’m dying!”

The tongue in cheek humor is one of the hallmarks of the witcher books. But yeah. The poor guy utterly panics. They almost make it into the cover of some woods when Dandelion pitches backwards off the horse.

The poet thudded onto the dirt and lay still, groaning pathetically. His head and left shoulder were covered in blood, and glistened black in the moonlight. 

Now, this part I've discussed. The next part is where we see how it makes Geralt feel to see Dandelion harmed like that. 

The witcher sprang up, feeling a swelling wave of cold fury and hatred inside him...he wanted to kill.

Seeing Dandelion attacked makes him feel cold fury and homicidal rage. So he faces their pursuers and kills the leading rider in a grotesque way, by way of a blade into his open mouth up to the hilt. (Geralt is an intense motherfucker when you hurt someone he loves) Then he goes back to his friend.

“Dandelion! Where were you hit? Where is the arrow?”

“In my head, it’s stuck in my head.”

“Don’t talk nonsense! Bloody hell, you were lucky. It only grazed you.”

“I’m bleeding...”

Dandelion has never been shot before, so he thinks the pain means the arrow is stuck in his head. Geralt is massively relieved. And then Geralt does something that we do see a lot in fanon.

Geralt removed his jerkin and tore off a shirtsleeve. The point of the quarrel had caught Dandelion above the ear, leaving a nasty looking gash extending to his temple. The poet kept bringing his shaking hand up to the wound and then looking at the blood, which was profusely spattering his hand and cuffs. His eyes were vacant.

So Geralt takes off his own jerkin so he can get to his shirtsleeve and he tears his own clothing to get ready to bandage Dandelion. Dandelion is in shock. His eyes are vacant.

And here’s the part that really gets me.

The witcher realized he was dealing with a person who, for the first time in his life, had been wounded and was in pain. Who, for the first time was seeing his own blood in such quantities.

Now, again, Dandelion was horrifically wounded by the djinn. But it was magical and he was cured. But this is the first time he is bleeding from a wound. And to me it is so crucial that this is the thought that Geralt has. Despite the fact that he’s closer to a hundred years old than fifty, and has been injured countless times, he never loses sight of the fact that his friend doesn’t have the same experience of physical suffering that he does. (I’ll come back to that). Now. Back to the story.

“Get up,” he said, wrapping the shirtsleeve quickly and clumsily around the troubadour’s head. “It’s nothing, Dandelion. It’s only a scratch. Get up, we have to get out of here fast.”

So Geralt wraps up his wound. But since they are in the middle of a battle zone and he is emotional, it is quick and clumsy and he's trying to calm him. And now he needs to get him to safety.

Dandelion managed to get up, but immediately sat down again, groaned and sobbed pitifully. The witcher lifted him to his feet, shook him back to consciousness and hauled him into the saddle. 

Geralt mounted behind the wounded poet and spurred the horse east...

So, he reassures him, rips his own clothes to bandage him and he tosses him on the horse for safety. Now they ride off to find their friends, and now Geralt is behind him, holding him up.

Now, we get back to the hansa. If you don’t know hansa, there is Milva, who I have profiled here. She is a very tough archer who has been through a lot of shit and can beat your ass. There is Cahir, (nothing like tv Cahir) who used to be a soldier. So. Also a warrior. And we have Regis, a several centuries old vampire who can go from genteel to deadly in the blink of an eye. (we don’t have Angouleme yet). I'd be willing to wager that Dandelion is the baddest ass poet on the continent. But compared to Geralt and the other members of the hansa, he is a soft squishy little wet kitten, and they rarely let him forget it.

When Geralt reunites with them, Regis bandages up Dandelion with a real bandage. Regis is a barber/surgeon and very good at field medicine. 

And the way Regis talks to Dandelion is so sweet. Like, there is an inherent ridiculousness but to me it is so goddamn touching. Here he is treating him:

“Be brave, Dandelion.”

Dandelion was brave.

“Almost done here,” Regis said, setting about bandaging the victim’s head. “Don’t you worry, Dandelion., you’ll be right as rain. The wound is just right for a poet, Dandelion. You’ll look like a war hero, with a proud bandage around your head, and the hearts of the maidens looking at you will melt like wax. Yes, a truly poetic wound. Unlike an abdominal wound for instance. Liver all cut up, kidneys and guts mangled, stomach contents and faeces pouring out, peritonitis...Right, that’s done.”

It is so comedic how he talks to a grown man like a child but it's genuinely touching to me because there is real compassion in it. They may have suffered far worse (Regis has been quite literally torn apart), but they still are so proud of him for dealing with his wound. Also, he knows to appeal to two of Dandelion’s biggest priorities; good poetry and impressing women. 

Then, we really see the emotional effects of Geralt seeing Dandelion injured like that. 

Right after this happens, Geralt tries to drive his friends away. He says his mission (they are trying to find Ciri in a war zone) is too dangerous for them. He gives his “I’m going it alone now, you can all leave” speech. Dandelion has no intention of leaving him and sasses the fuck out of him, shading him in a very accurate way, as he does.

“It only concerns you,” Dandelion repeated slowly. “You don’t need anybody. Company impedes you and slows down your journey. You don’t expect help from anybody and you have no intention of relying on anybody. Furthermore, you love solitude. Have I forgotten anything?”

And Geralt’s response shows us how badly Dandelion’s injury had him fucked up. He replies to Dandelion:

“Had that arrow passed an inch to the right, you idiot, the rooks would be pecking out your eyes now. You’re a poet and you’ve got an imagination; so try imagining a scene like that...”

That arrow, that close call on Dandelion's life really shook Geralt. Though he always worried about them, Dandelion’s injury was the inciting event for him to try to push away his friends in order to protect them. But of course no one leaves him. They make him sit down and chop vegetables for the iconic fish stew scene. Ok, now back to the ‘everyone is proud of Dandelion for his injury’ trope.

The group reunites with Zoltan Chivay, their dwarf friend, and he shouts and embraces Dandelion. 

“Dandelion, alive and kicking, even if your skull is bandaged! And what do you say, you bloody busker, about this latest melodramatic banality? Life, it turns out, isn’t poetry! And do you know why? Because it’s so resistant to criticism!”

I love how all of these warrior/soldier/badass types love to tease him about being a poet. It’s the kind of teasing that shows affection and indicates that they consider him part of their group, even though his gifts are different than theirs. Then later, Milva talks about how she misjudged Dandelion and how he is a hero.

“I saw how Dandelion puts on a brave face: but thought him weak, soft, not used to hardship. I was just waiting for him to give up and we’d have to offload him...Now just look: Dandelion’s the hero...”

But of course, Dandelion cannot just be cool about the attention he’s getting. He has to make ballads about himself.

Dandelion followed behind Regis and Geralt on Pegasus, with a bandaged head and a warlike mien. As he rode, the poet composed a heroic ballad...the song clearly implied that the author and performer had been the bravest of the brave during the adventures.

The man just cannot. Be. Cool. About it. But I think it’s cute they all let him preen and they don't tell him to stfu about a damn grazing of the head. XD That's true friendship. True love.

So, can I tell you about what really really gets me about that bit though? 

Geralt, our main character, has been abused and traumatized in every way imaginable. He has been tortured, assaulted, discriminated against, experimented on, beat to shit, and people are always trying to kill him. 

In my experience, people who are traumatized can sometimes resent people who have had an easier life. They can begrudge other people their comparative innocence, freedom, or ignorance. It’s human. It happens. 

So when there is a fictional character (Geralt) who is that traumatized, and they meet someone comparatively sheltered (Dandelion has been beaten for sure, but it's hard to compete with Geralt's experience with harrowing violence), and instead of resenting that person, their instinctive emotional reaction is an undying, almost pathological determination to protect the more sheltered person, that gets to me. It hits me directly where I live.

The compassion and empathy it takes to have a wound like a crater and instead of begrudging other people their relative safety, you dedicate your life to preventing them from getting a scratch, that is profound. And when I see it in a fictional character, I fall in love with them. That’s it. I just hand them my heart. It also sort of implies to me a sense of vulnerability. An instinctive desire for healing. When you can heal someone else and it makes you feel good, isn’t that like wanting healing for yourself? It makes me ache.

Girl help, I’m in my feelings again about Geralt of Rivia.

Dandelion helps Geralt Sew His Wounds

Now, the fanon of Jaskier patching up Geralt is not on the page in book canon. He must have helps him with smaller injuries from time to time, just by sheer necessity given how many years they travel together. And while he hates murder and gore, I imagine he can handle small wounds. But that isn’t on the page.

CORRECTION: AND IT IS ON THE PAGE.

Thanks to a lovely reader/observant anon who reminded me AND hunted down the passage, it is mentioned at least once that Dandelion helps Geralt with suturing a wound. In Sword of Destiny p227:

" Just before the girl arrived, Geralt had poured a coagulating elixir on his mutilated forearm, and boosted it with an anaesthetic elixer, and Essi had caught them just as he and Dandelion were suturing the wound using a fishing line tied to a hook."

Now, other times, when Geralt is very probably-would-have-been mortally wounded (after the striga, or after the redacted), Jaskier is not physically present, and once someone else helps Geralt because they are much better equipped to do so. On the page, it is always usually women who put Geralt back together: priestesses, sorceresses, or dryad healers. 

The women in Geralt’s life challenge him in various ways, and their respect is sometimes hard earned. But they are always there when he needs them. They are all powerful or learned healers. And Yennefer specifically tries to think of his health. She indirectly pressures people to pay Geralt more for jobs so he has more of wages for medical expenses. It is touching, AND really important how it places Geralt and witchers as part of the working class.

Dandelion constantly defends Geralt. Geralt is his specialest boye. But he never bandages Geralt in the books. And he also canonically helps him suture his wounds.

So, this one is 50/50. Half canon half fanon. It's canon, folks.

ALSO, that story, (A Little Sacrifice, which is a short story in Sword of Destiny) is PEAK domestic Geraskier/Gerlion. They pool their money and get in brawls together, and they share a bed and clothing. They also philosophize, psychoanalyze each other, bicker, and swear not to leave each other when they get into trouble out on a hunt. If you don't want to, or can't read the books, I recommend that one short story.

The "male gaze" is heavy (most people's critique of The Witcher books is very true) in that story. The mermaids breasts are described at least twice every time she makes an appearance. But the story IS really fucking delightful and you get so much insight into Geralt and his friendship with Dandelion is in top form. Also, I adore Essi, and she is in that story.

Anyway, thanks again to the eagle eyed anon. I usually try to qualify "that is not in the books" with "that I remember" since my brain is so fallible. But I really thought I would have noticed something like that! Goes to show.

And I think it's HYSTERICAL that the ONE time I write that Gerlion DON'T entirely behave like they're in a fanfic, is the time that I'm wrong XD.

[potterandpromises]

3x08 liveblog (probably objectively the best episode this season):

Visiting director? I wish I could tell if that was supposed to be someone we know… (Teddy Dimas)

Her baby boy : (

That guy (Oliver, I think) teetering on the edge of the building in the intro.

“I’ve been crashing with Theo for now.” Vibrating. I hope we get to see even 10 seconds (!!!) of that before this season’s over.

“I have a lot to figure out.” I’m so wondering if she suspects Tobert at all. I’m not sure if her trust in him feels out of character because she doesn’t actually trust him, or because we’re meant to think she’s not doing well.

The best parts of this season for me, someone who doesn’t care about theater, have been the time spent with the trio together and with minor characters we already know from previous seasons. So many shows keep trying to expand their universe when what they should really be doing is going deeper into themselves. I hope next season’s victim is an Arconia resident who makes that happen.

We could just assume Gregg was allowed to post bail, but actually I think kidnapping and attempted murder are just misdemeanors in this universe.

Great entrance from Detective Williams.

Who’s ‘they?’

I feel like Cliff and Donna, at least by themselves, are just too easy, but their reaction to the critic is pretty incriminating.

I like how the trio and Detective Williams are friends now.

Howard and his fanfic.

Usually I don’t really care about Howerd but I’m liking him this episode.

I’m fairly certain that isn’t a weighted blanket.

What will Loretta do to protect her child?

DW, probably: ‘wow, old friends really SHOULD be forgotten and never brought to mind.’

“You know killers sometimes insert themselves into investigations.” She totally suspects Tobert at least a little bit.

“Isn’t he like 50?” “Yeah, he’s a child.” That line makes me feel so many things.

Wouldn’t it be funny if it WAS Bobo and K.T.

🎶which of the Pickwick triplets did it🎵

The more episodes that pass, the more I think Ben and Co staged the poisoning/first death.

This IMovie editing is a little overwhelming to look at.

“What if none of it is true?” !!!!

Loretta’s gonna confess to protect Dickie, isn’t she?

I wish all the episodes of this season were this good.

“With Tobert’s GoPro, we recorded everything.” Yeah, what else did Tobert('s GoPro) record?

Redemption!

Donna starring into the camera is just as uncomfortable as it’s probably meant to be.

(I’m guessing Ben didn’t even drink his protein shake? ‘Fucking pig’)

That whole thing was so dramatic in the best way possible.

Not sure where I'm at with the Ben faking his own death theory after that. Need time to process.

[chairteeth]

Fun fact, Nemu is a sadist

So you see Papa I know I’m gonna need screenshots for this one but HEAR ME OUT. I have actual arguments for this. There’s gonna be a lot of screenshots though, because I feel like in this case it’s a bit more overt once you look at it through this lens. This isn’t so much an essay as something similar to that time I went on a short rant about how Touka acts like a cat but here you go.

Editing Note: The Ao3 version of this essay is superior, I recommend it more than the post.

I’m gonna be very blunt. Nemu is a sadist. An extremely picky sadist that goes from mild to borderline disturbing, but a sadist nonetheless. Girlie has hella concerning moments. There’s the part about enjoying seeing people in pain, yes, particularly pain caused by her (directly or indirectly), but it’s more complex than that. It’s relishing one’s power over others. It’s enjoying when others are humiliated. Enjoying putting people in messed up positions and situations, watching or forcing them to hurt themselves or their loved ones, Sisyphean tasks, etc. There’s pretty terrifying potential to what she would be capable of if encouraged, considering her extensive historical and literary knowledge (looking at you, Madness of Hercules Shizuka. If you know you know).

As for the reasons, well, it makes sense with her background and as a coping mechanism, a way to vent. Sadism most often originates from feeling powerless in daily life, general powerlessness/lack of power even over the self, and repressed anger/frustration, so it tracks with what we know about Nemu. And yes, this happens since childhood. I’m gonna explain my arguments for the intense ‘Nemu is a sadist’ interpretation I have, don’t you worry, and there will be screenshots galore for once!

Let’s start with the mildest stuff. Which is actually Touka-related. Nemu really enjoys getting a reaction out of Touka, mainly earlier in their relationship (when she wasn’t Irreversibly Whipped)—though bits of it remain. This manifests in all of the teasing and the purposeful “humiliation” through things like games (the card game scene comes to mind). It’s easy too, because Touka is so extremely reactive. Here’s a very old example of this much milder manifestation, the card game scene in question:

Touka then starts crying (you can see the tears) because she’d mapped out the entire game and memorized Nemu’s cards and Nemu truly had no reason to pull this move. Leading to this response from Nemu:

Going to another side of things, the funny (/s) humiliation uwasa should not be overlooked. I know I haven’t posted my document where I hyperoveranalyze what each and every one of Nemu’s uwasa means (because it is incredibly disturbing in this raw form), HOWEVER, the Rumor of the Cemetery Banquet Feast is just one of multiple rumors that adds to this specific topic. And also uh the Fashion Monster. There are many, many things that I can gleam from the latter existing in the first place, but it’s described as:

“A Rumor that appears before confident, dressed up girls. It drags its victims into an alley, and if the Rumor isn’t told it looks stylish, it will strip off the victim’s clothes.”

Thank you Nemu, thank you so much. I don’t think I have to say anything for you to see why this applies to the sadist thing. As for the Rumor of the Cemetery Banquet Feast:

“My, have you heard? Who’d you hear it from? The Cemetery Banquet, and the rumor thereof! Fated rivals, arguing friends– if you want everyone to get along, then this Rumor is for you! Anyone who reads its invitation will be guided to the pre-banquet proving grounds. If– and only if– you can make the banquet lively, then you pass! And you’ll be invited up to Paradise, complete with kindly parting words. But if you plan to participate, you’d better take great care! If you fall short of proving yourself, you’ll literally fall into the underworld, to boot. It’s a rumor that ALL of the temple’s supporters are talking about. C’mon now, let’s liven things up!”

And the way the event goes is… Well. 

The Rumor greets its “attendees” in a kind, heavenly voice, casually “forgives” (brushes off) their attempts to break its rules, and gives gentle encouragement (plus painfully-gentle critique) as they resort to performing various party tricks to satisfy it. Once they satisfy the Rumor by setting aside both their pride and their mutual animosities, it escorts them to the top of its pagoda in a giant, golden hand… where they literally pass on to the afterlife.

Thank you Nemu, thank you so much. I think you see where I’m coming from here. As for some of the other things I mentioned at the start, well, there’s this part of Arc 1 Chapter 8:

She truly does speak in the cultiest possible way. Her dialogue is far more cult leader-like than Alina's or Touka's. There's also this part:

Doesn’t she look quite pleased… These are pretty much one after another. But okay fine, here’s a couple from Chapter 9:

Really. Really look at this through the sadism lens. She also giggles while telling the others that they’ve reached their limit right after Kanagi and especially Tsuruno expresses feeling sick and heavy and in pain. Which… is a worse reaction than Touka’s, that’s for sure. What’s fascinating is that in her MGS, Nemu seems to care the most about the Feathers.

As for my final example, I’m just gonna leave a bunch of screenshots from Uwasa Tsuruno’s MGS here. Pay attention to the way Nemu speaks to Tsuruno and the words she chooses to use (it'd be a lot more obvious if Nemu was older than Tsuruno probably):

So in closing. Nemu Hiiragi is a sadist. Funny venting mechanism you’ve got right there, I sure hope it won’t lead to anything more questionable than you’ve already done. Good luck with your wife, Touka, have fun.

[no-see-um-incorrect]

This is to help y’all recover from this summit 

My versions of redacted GEN 2

If you guys like the small character profiles I’ve made I will continue  also, this is my opinion based off my headcannons for the listeners 

Sorry if the formatting is a bit everywhere

Shaw pack edition (I don’t own this art(i used a picrew) I haven’t had time to make any)

 Gabriel Shaw

“my father made this pack what it is today and I will do my very best to honor that legacy”-Gabriel Shaw

He/him/his

Age: 16 

Parents: David/Angel Shaw

Best friend: sparrow 

Favorite activity: when his dad takes him on a low level security job 

Favorite food: uncle Milo’s Swiss mushroom jackfruit  burger (don’t tell his dad)

Favorite color: “vampire gold~… I mean Ju-just gold I guess..I don’t know….why are you asking me?!”

He’s quiet, and at most times very formal, Takes alpha training VARY seriously (David and Angel are trying to help him ease up)

Loves writing poetry and stories in his free time, Does not have his drivers license (and is the only person in his age who isn’t allowed to get it till he’s 19)

Has his eyes on a particular vampire princess

————————————————————————

 another Shaw child

She/her/hers

Ashlyn Shaw 

“What do you think?……Caelum says cookies first”-Ashlyn Shaw

Age: 9

Favorite color: Green

Favorite activity: teasing her brother 

Favorite food: daddy’s bacon mac & cheese 

She is an actual menace (takes after her parent) when she was little little and just starting her menace tendencies, David would call her “Littler snot” 

Was the youngest of her pack to fully shift.

She can see caelum

————————————————————————

 she/her/they/them

Maria Greer jr (MJ for short)

“yeah, that’s GREER put some respect on the name”-MJ Greer

Age: 16

Has stealth abilities (but much like her dad sucks at shifting)

Best friend: Astrid Collins 

Parents: Milo/Sweetheart Greer 

Favorite food: “Law & order with a side of spite!…you can’t say that hun…Fiiine….BBQ rice bowl…”

Favorite activity: learning about history 

She wants to be a Reporter.

ABSOLUTE DADDYS GIRL

Loves hearing her dad tell the story of the inversion  but the way Milo tells it frames it so that she doesn’t actually know it’s him and she has made it her life‘s mission to figure out what happened that night  and the identity of the “mystery hero” her dad would tell her about 

————————————————————————

Sparrow Talbot

“I may or may not have ran face first into a tree….you didn’t see that”-Sparrow Talbot

Age: 17

Parents: Asher/Baabe Talbot

They/them/theirs 

Best friend: Gabriel

Favorite activity: wolf Zoomiez 

Favorite food: “last meal” no one knows what that means 

When they first adopted them they were very quiet, very calm, very chill. And then Asher shifted in front of them for the first time. And they have been a rambunctious dumbASS since then (and we love them for it)

They always have snacks and drinks on them, seemingly out of nowhere because they don’t carry a bag.

Unlike their father, they actually can cook and they’re pretty freaking great at it.

(all of the scars are from eating shit in wolf form, and not wanting to hear Marie’s lectures)

————————————————————————

Astrid Collins 

They/she/him

“and so what if I replace Alexis‘s shampoo with Nair…OH COME ON IT WAS FUNNY!”-Astrid Collins 

Age: technically 16

Favorite activity: snooping around places they’re not supposed to be (urban exploration)

Empowered: ???? Vampire+???

Best friend: MJ

Favorite food: “anything papa cooks is good I don’t really need to eat though”

Loves to play pranks mostly targeted at Alexis…….OK always targeted at Alexis. 

Sam found her one day when she was little and turned her then when he brought her home and got her through the newborn stage…. she started displaying elemental abilities??? But also vampire abilities??? But she also grows up and ages like a human???? so yeah bit of a mystery 

They are pretty standoffish  they don’t talk a lot and they’re pretty rough around the edges (Darlin who?)

Very attached to Sam (as you can expect) but also extremely attached to Darlin

he built his prosthetic himself  out of an old VCR, a broken toaster, a ripped up T-shirt and scrap metal 

————————————————————————

 And that was my next gen Shaw pack kids

Hope you enjoyed and give me suggestions on like little details for them and other characters (I really wanna do the damn crew but I need suggestions) i’m gonna say it again. These are based off of my headcannons for the listeners feel free to disagree with my opinion just don’t be mean about it (we’re just having fun here)

If you can’t tell, I was a Monster High/ever after high kid And I love writing shit like this 

[intrepidacious]

time after time: reread edition [3]

series summary: After what starts out as a fairly normal mission, you find yourself stuck in a time loop. Which would already be bad enough in itself if it didn’t also mean having to watch Bucky die over and over again.

pairing: bucky barnes x f!reader

word count: 10.1k 💀

chapter warnings: one last reminder to internalize the premise of the fic, i will just assume you know what’s up from this point on; canon-typical violence; mention of alcohol; some more permanent damage; even more banter. please note that my blog is rated 18+. minors dni. ageless/empty blogs will be blocked without warning.

read the full chapter here | series masterlist | reread masterlist

after an unexptected second week off (i got sick after going on vacation, yay summer!) we return for the third part of the reread event!! as always, if you're new, this is a reread commentary on already published chapters—an extended a/n, if you will. by clicking on the read more you're going to see spoilers up to and including chapter three 💚

every day's a holiday – tl;dr:

in the flashbacks, the reader officially meets sam and bucky for the first time. after hearing rumors about ULTIMATUM, a newly formed group taking after the flag smashers, sam wants reinforcements to find out more. he knows about twelve's time powers from steve, and cashes in an old favor she owes to steve to get her help. bucky, not knowing anything about her yet, is sceptical.

in the loop, twelve is getting nervous about being unable to stop the loop from repeating. experimenting with the timing of the mission doesn't help; neither does entering the downstairs labs through the tunnels as bucky investigates on his own and lands in an explosion. after more than a week on her own, twelve tells sam about her time loop situation. he insists that bucky be told as well. while going to get coffee, bucky writes a note to himself on twelve's arm and asks her to tell only him about the loop during its next iteration. she does, and they attempt to figure it out together—to no avail, as bucky gets shot through twelve and her wounds stay through the next loop. she decides that they're both going to involve sam again and that she will try to contact strange for help.

behind the loop

i'm not gonna lie to y'all, these chapters are getting harder and harder to summarize. there's a lot going on and i have work tomorrow, so let's just crack on.

believe it or not, when i started writing this fic, no way home wasn’t even out yet and i was absolutely convinced that my whole thing with the tower would be canonically impossible. and then we just never found out who bought avengers tower. so that was that.

Like a pesky little voice of conscience. And on your day off, no less.

the chapters i’ve recently been writing have been more serious as the loop continues, and i kind of miss this really fun narrative side remarks that tell so much about twelve as a character. i really love writing her and her concerning habits.

this flashback is the closest i come in the actual fic in tying the whole thing into canon chronologically, i think. the mcu timeline is an absolute mess, but since tfatws takes place in early 2024-ish and the time loop happens in 2025, that gives us about a year or so that the characters have known each other by the time the main plot starts. that is, in normal human time. at least that’s my headcanon.

“Ah-ah-ah.” You wrangled the mug out of his hands before he had the chance to move, barely resisting the urge to kick his shin for good measure.

even though they’re happening in consecutive chapters, a bit of time passed between me writing the nat flashback and this one. i thought it was very funny that my instinct clearly was that everyone would just start trying to break stuff around her to see if her powers were legit. and isn’t that poetic in a way? (there were no deeper thoughts behind this but wouldn’t it be fun if there were?)

despite me sending all of my characters to therapy in this fic (because let’s face it, they all need it desperately), they’re all so bad at expressing their emotions, honestly. then again, what kind of therapist would actually be able to really help you if you’re a super-powered person who loves going into emotional shut-down and guarding themselves with sarcasm? whoever they are, they’re not getting paid enough.

An entire conversation seemed to pass between the two of them without either saying a single word. Sam held up three fingers with a sly smirk; Bucky ended up rolling his eyes.

i loved that little subtle reference to the big three. i was so proud of that one. also continuing to develop sam and bucky’s friendship partnership next to the actual plot is always fun.

He ignored the question, but the way he looked at you and then crossed his arms made you decide to put salt in his coffee.

yay, another little callback to chapter one!! all these months later and sam still won’t let that one go.

“I’d like to see you try.” […] You’re trying. You really are.

this parallel i actually got complimented on in the past and that made me very happy. i’m always trying to make the shift from the flashback to the main plot the least jarring it can possibly be, and this transition just worked so well. also, bucky’s "oddly bright blue" eyes are a little nod to a wrinkle in time, so there’s another little chapter one parallel for you.

this is the first chapter where the first communication blocks are really starting to kick in. the fact that twelve won’t talk to anyone about what’s actually going on with her despite being stuck in a literal nightmare is so integral to her character. not to get to deep but that whole refusing to get help when you should theoretically be able to do something on your own is something we have in common <3 i’m also sending her through the rest of the stages of grief in this chapter, which was very much on purpose. unsurprisingly, anger was the most fun to write.

It’s not like you can google something like “time loop problem” and come up with a list of practical steps to follow. You know this because you did google, and if you have to read the name Phil Connors one more time you are going to scream.

the different approaches to trying to get bucky through the mission alive were also really interesting to come up with. i made a really bad drawing of how i imagine the setup of the whole facility, but i won’t show that to you because it’s embarrassing. anything you can come up with in your heads probably looks better anyway.

this is also the part where twelve officially gets her nickname!! finally!! why only now, you ask? well, on the one hand, bucky really does only use it in specific situations. on the other hand, i literally only came up with it by the time the first two chapters were already posted and i didn’t want to go back. i remember col was posting in the embers at the time and i loved her reader having a nickname so much i wanted to give mine a special little nickname too. i also had to text two friends to confirm it wasn’t stupid as hell. me? insecure? never.

you know when you’re doing a group project and you’re feeling really good about the work you put in and the direction it’s all going and then someone comes in and completely derails the whole thing? that’s bucky in this loop. i love him, but jfc.

"What the hell did you do, rob an ambulance and take a bath?" […] "I don’t know what your problem with them is, and I don’t need to know. But is it worth more than Bucky’s life?"

i love sam. i love him not taking things seriously until he realizes that they’re serious as hell, and then switching to compassionate and level-headed. i know this is a bucky fic but sam deserves all the appreciation and i truly hope i’m able to show that.

i also like the contrast between his reaction and bucky’s to twelve telling them about the loop. we don’t see the first time bucky gets told, but her incoherent rambling at him while he’s just trying to take it in means so much to me. but we’re not there yet. we’re getting coffee first.

holy shit, i just had to double check but i’m pretty positive that this is our first lucy scene. she was never supposed to be in the fic much, but i’m not gonna lie, she grew on me. she’s based on several of my favourite former colleagues of mine, and this is not the only fic of mine she’s infiltrated. we are all but living in the lucy cinematic universe. on a side note, she got her name because i like the name and also because i’m relatively sure there’s no super relevant lucy in a marvel … thing. i often like to include characters from different marvel properties in my fics (like ULTIMATUM themselves), but i just wanted someone without any obvious ties to anything.

“What do you want?” you turn to Bucky. “Coffee.” “What kind?” “Just … coffee.”

any ordinary days fans in the house tonight?

the coffee quest was another side plot i didn’t expect when setting out to write this fic, but it’s served me so well in establishing their dynamic a little bit more. also, the writing thing!! i’m so fond of twelve not being able to decipher bucky’s handwriting at first. and i like that he just comes up with something so practical on day one of the whole thing.

“Crazy?” His expression hardens somewhat, and an irritated flush appears on his cheeks. “Why is it crazy?”

is it just me or do these two seem to be having two entirely different conversations? :)

You don’t think, moving purely out of instinct.

ah, i do enjoy upping the stakes near the end of the chapter. as if twelve’s whole situation hadn’t sucked enough already. but don’t we all love a good 'patching each other up' scene? i’d say it was worth it but then again i know how it ends. also shout-out to sam once again for being a great friend and a good brother. sarah i love you i hope you’re having a great, calm july 4th. sadly, we have a wizard to seek out.

“What do you say, Barnes? Think you can trust me?”

and isn’t that the whole thesis of the story, really?

how it's going

well. not gonna lie but things are not going according to plan!! after my holiday (which was great by the way, thanks for asking) i went back to work for the two days i was scheduled that week, went home and immediately got sick for eight days. i've only been feeling significantly better yesterday, and so writing hasn't exactly been a priority. regrettably.

but fear not, because today i'm pretty sure i had a breakthrough with the thing i've been struggling with in chapter seven. i'm optimistic i'll be able to write the rest of it over the course of the weekend and then finally move on to chapter eight. which is hopefully gonna be a little shorter for a change. oh, i also wrote a bit of an unexpected bonus chapter today so look forward to that at some point.

i'm still not sure if i want to move my schedule backwards or if i'll try to squeeze in another reread chapter next week. i guess we'll all find out together.

until then, take care of yourselves and i'm always here if you're lonely and stuck in a time loop and just need someone to listen 💚

[rukbat3]

Babylon 5 Rewatch - Eyes

This is a post I originally wrote several years ago for Mark Oshiro’s Mark Watches blog. I don’t really plan to edit them before posting, so there may be some references that don’t make sense. If you see words that look like gibberish, they are actually rot13, which was our way of discussing spoilers. There are plugins you can install to decode the text (Cryptext is the one I use), or you can copy/paste to rot13.com, or just ignore it.

Sinclair to Garibaldi, on learning that someone has been asking questions about them: “Walk softly. The last thing we need is a corporate lawsuit.” Oh, Sinclair. Don’t you know by now you shouldn’t say things like that? You’re about to find out just how much worse it can get!

This episode isn’t really a favorite with the fandom, but I like it a lot. Granted, Gregory Martin’s (Colonel Ben Zayn) acting can get a little over the top sometimes, but I don’t really mind that. On the other hand, the episode features Lennier being adorable, as well as the appearance of Harriman Gray, a character I find charming, in an odd sort of way.

Harriman Gray is a fascinating character. You really end up learning a lot about him in this episode, much more than you do about Ben Zayn. He always wanted to join Earthforce growing up, but was prevented from doing so when his telepathic abilities manifested and he was forced to join Psi Corps. Now he is able to work with Earthforce, but he’ll always be an outsider, and I think it wears on him. You can see in his conciliatory attitude towards the B5 staff in this episode that he really just wants to be liked. (Plus, I’ve always rather thought he might have developed a bit of a crush on Ivanova. Poor Harriman. She’d eat you alive.) At the end of the episode he makes a choice between Sinclair and Ben Zayn, but he’s really choosing between the wishes of Psi Corps (in the form of Bester) and what is in the best interests of Earthforce. And he chooses Earthforce, the way he’s always wanted to.

[books] Uneevzna Terl'f pehfu ba Vinabin vf pbasvezrq ol gur svefg O5 gvr-va abiry, ohg V unq qrirybcrq gung urnqpnaba ybat orsber V ernq vg. V jnf npghnyyl irel fhecevfrq, ba yngre tbvat onpx naq erjngpuvat "Rlrf", gb qvfpbire gung gurer vf ab erny uvag bs nal ebznagvp vagrerfg va gur rcvfbqr vgfrys.

Garibaldi calls Sinclair “a by-the-book guy” at one point in this episode, and I may have scoffed a bit on first watch, but he’s kind of right? Sinclair may have come up with some out-of-the-box solutions to problems he’s encountered, but he has pretty consistently arrived at those solutions by turning the rules to his advantage in some way, as, indeed, he tries to do here as well.

But even though this episode is ostensibly focused on Sinclair, the real star is Ivanova. She goes through an entire emotional journey here, and while we are never too concerned about anything happening to Sinclair, for her the stakes feel real. Claudia Christian is so good at helping the viewer feel Ivanova’s emotions along with her, and Ivanova is usually so stoic that when she breaks down, as she does here, it makes the situation feel even more desperate. Also, that dream? How very dare you. WZF nyjnlf qbrf terng qernz frdhraprf.

Favorite scene: I’m tempted to pick anything with Lennier and the motorcycle in it, which I barely even mentioned, but it’s gotta be Ivanova coming to Sinclair’s quarters to try to resign. The friendship between them is so clear in this scene, and it manages to be at turns serious and funny and tender. And I love that Ivanova is able to feel comfortable enough with Sinclair to share such an intensely personal story about her mother. Somehow I get the feeling that’s something she doesn’t do lightly.