#I dont believe I can do anything but kill myself at this point

[quillandrapier]

You could be having the most harrowing mental health episode and you just have to clean and be present.

[wawek]

I say this often but its crazy how much of a vortex depression is.

[mainfaggot]

another shit fucking day but in the most casual way possible bc all i did was sulk study cry study sulk and finally, sulk in the shower. chai next and then bed . fuck my stupid baka life forrealsies

[yelloworangesoda]

am i like depressed or stupid lazy. and if im stupid lazy how do i quit (no jordan peterson meathods)

[masked-and-doomed]

Shut the fuck up for once. Maybe.

[cumulo-stratus]

Protector

Pairing: spencer reid x male!reader

Summary: after an unsub tries to hurt y/n, spencer steps in.

Warnings: cannon typical violence, talk of not being able to breath, Lemme know if theres anything else!

flufftober day 17: protective

A/N: were gonna ignore the fact that im skipping day 16 (im a touch avoid et autistic and the idea of a massage makes me so uncomfortable and i just couldnt write guys im sorry 😭) also ik i kinda ghosted yall on fics for like a couple weeks buuttttt (haha butt) i just got super busy with school, but its started to calm down again, i got all the presentations and tests out of the way so ill have more time to write after school. thx for being understanding <3!

Y/n fit the unsubs victims almost to a T- and y/n knew that. He knew that with no other options at this point, he would have to go undercover to bait her. And Spencer knew this- but it didn't mean he was happy about it. Y/n knew Spencer had abandonment issues- and tried his best to comfort Spencer, reminding him that both, and the rest of the team would be waiting close by incase anything happens. 

"Spence- I'll be okay, I'll have Morgan, Rossi, and prentiss in there with me-  and I'm sure we can convince Hotch to let you go undercover in the bar so you can be nearby."

"Good- I need to be there incase something happens." 

Y/n sighed and looked at Spencer- his eyes full of care for his boyfriend, nad gave him one last reassuring kiss before leaving spencer on his own for. a minute and rejoining the team to go over the plan one more time, just to be safe. And to ease spencers mind. 

y/n was sat in front of the bar in the extremely crowded pub, wearing fancy clothes, giving the appearance of wealth. The woman they were trying to catch believed that men didn’t deserve money, and she was punishing them for having it by torturing and killing them. Y/n was hoping they would be able to arrest her before she gets to the torturing part of her routine. He zoned back into the present  when he heard someone approach him. She was dressed in a skin tight red dress that hugged her curves, and had a flirty look on her face. 

"So- what's a man like you doing at such a 'working class' place like this?" 

Her sickeningly sweet tone made y/b want to vomit, but he hid it well, glancing over at Emily who was across the bar, keeping a close eye on the situation. 

"Well, sometimes I don't mind getting my shoes a little dirty with the 'average person'"

Y/ns voice was flirty, causing him to internally cringe at his own words, hating that he sounded like a yuppie. But hid it and let the unsub continue trying to seduce him. 

"Wel I'd be perfectly happy to help you rub a little mud on those jimmy choos if you like..." 

Y/n almost grimaced, but held back. He threw a glance across the bar to spencer, hoping to reassure him that he was okay. And when they met eyes for a second,   y/n could tell that spencer still wasn’t happy about him being there. Y/n did the best he could to reassure him with his eyes from the other end of the bar, before returning to the conversation with the unsub. She was now starting to get hands y with, and y/n knew she had decided he was going to be her next victim. Eventually she invited him to walk her to her car. 

“after all, i’m a petite woman by myself at night…”

All y/n could think about was the major pick me girl energy radiating off her, but outwardly he just smirked and extended his arm for her to take.

“of course, i could never turn a lady like you down.”

And as the pair made their way to the front door, spencer was the first to lift himself from his seat, following discreetly as if he had received a phone, and needed to leave the bar. Almost immediately after the door swung closed she start feeling y/n up, and spencer could feel a green jealousy boiling in the back of his mind. And. he couldnt help himself from walking slightly closer so he could hear what she was saying to his boyfriend. 

“you know- i dont know if its safe for me to drive, maybe you should drive me back to your place, and we could continue this…”

Y/n smirks, which makes spencer even more jealous, but hold holds back for the good of the case. As the pair approach the unsubs car, she pushes him against the car, kissing him- no, actually it was more like she was eating his face. Now it wasn’t only jealousy coursing through him, but also anger. Not anger like the bright red, passionate, kind, more like a dark maroon simmering in the pit of his stomach, ready to boil over kind. But a warning glance from Rossi and Morgan, who had now joined him in the parking lot while Prentiss updated Hotch, told him to back off. And he did, but he wasn’t sure how long he could hold himself back. Now y/n wasnt enjoying it either, but he just closed his eyes and sucked it up, practically counting the seconds till it would be appropriate to stop kissing having his face eaten, and get in the car. But y/n lost count of the where he was when he felt a hand grasp his neck. He knew later that this is how she had been subduing her victims, as they would already be out of breath from making out with her, and she would have the upper hand. But y/n couldn’t possibly process that. The only words that had been going through his mind as his entire life flashed in front of him were ‘Air. Need air.’ 

And thankfully his wishes were granted when the feeling of hands around his neck vanished, and over the sound of blood rushing in his ears he could hear shouts resembling “FBI Amy Brockett your under the arrest for the murders of James leason, Christian Lanery, and Gregory Poultan!” 

But what grabbed his attention more was when a blurry face with the outline of a mop of brown, curly hair filled his vision- it was spencer. And he himself was now on the ground, coughing. 

As soon as spencer had seen the woman’s hand wrap around y/n’s neck, he bolted across the semi large parking lot with his gun raised. When he arrived he pulled the unsub off y/n with more strength then he knew he had, and threw her onto the ground, looking her dead in the eyes and saying “You ever touch him again, i wont hesitate to shoot you” in a low, almost growl. But what stopped him from turning and tending to his boyfriend who was now crumpled on the pavement, coughing to regain his breath, was a scoff from the woman who was now being handcuffed and read her rights by Morgan. But spencer didn’t care enough about the unsub to send more than a dirty look her way before turning his attention to his boyfriend at the sound of another violent cough. Spencer knelt down, taking y/n’s face in his hand, while the other one dragged lazily up and down  his back, coaching him through the coughing fit. And it was only then that spencer noticed the tears staining y/n’s cheeks.

“Oh angel its ok, im here, you’re ok.”

Y/n released a small hiccup, falling easily into spencers arms. Spencers eyes searched his boyfriends body for any other injuries other then the marks on his neck that were already becoming a maroon-ish purple hue. spencers eyebrows were creased in concern at the marks on his partners necks and when y/n noticed this he tried to reassure him.

“spence- baby im fine, i just needed to catch my breath..” 

even though y/n’s breathing he evened out it was still sounding a little weezy as harshly tried to rub away the tears in his eyes. spencer caught y/n’s in his own, preventing the harsh red skin y/n was leaving behind from rubbing his skin so strongly.

“angel, come on lets go have a paramedic check you out..”

spencer helped y/n up, and only then did he notice how many police cars and ambulances had filled the parking lot with screaming sirens and blaring lights. The couples faces were basked in blue and red light as spencer lead y/n to a paramedic to get checked out. And as y/n sat there, the paramedic poking and prodding- spencer stayed planted next to him, hand in his. 

The End

[stevie-petey]

hiiiiiiiii honey <3 could we get a blurb about bug telling steve about jonathan’s outburst towards her after he took the pictures of nancy and steve’s reaction to learning about it???? it would be so so appreciated by me <3 you’re the best ever <3 MWAH

(i am being held against my will to write this jonathan sweetie im so sorry) (i love u val) (u are evil)

i know this isnt necessarily what u MEANT but ,,, ive been dying to expand upon bugs kindness and how it may seem annoying and pathetic, but its hers ! its her kindness !!!

enjoy <3

"no way you guys havent wanted to strangle each other at least once." steve remarks one day as he watches you and jonathan work side by side at the cash register.

jonathan had been bored today and decided to join you and steve at work, something that you're very happy about, honestly.

"oh, ive definitely wanted to strangle jonathan," you say, writing down a new shipment receipt while the boy next to you doodles.

steve rolls his eyes. "old married couple squabbling doesnt count. im talking, like, full on betrayal and hurt here. you guys are always so... you, and it has to be an act."

jonathan snorts. "shouldve seen the fights we had last year. surprised y/n didnt kill me with her bare hands."

"i dont believe you."

"no, hes right." you look up at steve. "he threw a jacket at my face last year and then told me we werent family the night he took those pictures of nancy. then cried in my arms like a day later."

steve stares at you, shocked.

"i also then slept in nancys bed and lied about it. and tried leaving you behind a few times."

"that you did," you flick jonathans ear, causing him to wince in pain. "you deserved that."

"i did."

during this entire exchange, steve hasnt said a single word. hes still stunned, baffled by the fact that jonathan could be so cruel to someone so wonderful.

"wait a second," he looks between you and jonathan. "and youre still friends?"

"yeah." you both say at the same time.

steve cant fucking believe it. you do anything and everything for jonathan, that much is obvious, and sure. steve has seen jonathan do small acts of kindness towards you, devote the same back, but to throw a jacket at you and belittle you? and now here he is, joking about it alongside you. as if it was all okay in the end.

"youre too nice sometimes, y/n." the words leave steves lips before he can stop them. once he realizes what hes said, he looks up at jonathan and panics. "sorry, man. im sure you guys talked it out and... yeah."

jonathan shrugs. "no, youre right. she is and i was dick."

"im right here, you know."

steve winces. "sorry."

"its fine, honestly." you go back to scribbling shipment orders. "i am indeed too nice, but i dont ever really see the point in holding a grudge? i mean, jonathan apologized and i understood the stress he was under. sure, it didnt erase all the hurt he caused, but after almost dying immediately after being mad at him for not including me in something... i dont know. it felt silly to hold onto that anger after. childish, even."

jonathan and steve share a look, for once both seeming to think the same thing.

shes too good.

you hate that they do this. you hate that people view your kindness as a weakness. after the hell youve been through, long before monsters even came to hawkins, youve learned the hard way just how rare kindness is.

now you try to be kind to everything and everyone, no matter what it may cost you.

the kindness is yours, no one elses.

and if that makes you weak, then at least it made you better.

you tear two pieces paper from your notebook, scrunch them up into balls, and then throw them at steve and jonathan. "stop pitying me. im kind and i love that aspect of myself. i dont care if it makes me vulnerable or pathetic. its a piece of me, and i wouldnt change it. if you dont like it, then that belittles me even more than emotional outbursts ever could."

jonathan sighs. "youre right, bug. youre a very kind and lovely person and its what makes you a joy to be around, paper balls and all."

steve plays along. "definitely a better super power than spider-man, dare i say."

"okay, lets not get ahead of ourselves now," you giggle, appreciative of both the boys. they may not understand or like the way you view the world, but theyre at least trying.

its all you could ask for.

even if steve later on that day pulls you aside to whisper, "i think i can kick jonathans ass this time, if you ever need it."

and its enough.

[yourtoradorasextendedwarranty]

I fee like you are forgetting that being trans isnt a choice. If i had the chance to not be trans and just be comfortable with my gender, i would. I really would. I would do it so my life wouldnt be in danger just by existing. I would do it so my identity doesnt become a political debate. I would do it so i could feel loved and appreciated. I would do it so i dont have to go through the hate for my body and wishing it was just a bit more androgynous and a bit more comforting. I would do it so i wouldnt be attacked. I would do it so i wouldnt need to be questioned every time i tell someone.

I am a child. My identity is not a point of political conversation. My identity is not be stereotyped, judged, sexualized, and assumed on. My identity is me being me and me enjoying myself.

But the only reason i would not want to be trans is because of my safety. I would love myself if people loved me too. I would love myself if it wasnt for politics and debate.

I just want to be me. I dont want to suffer. Im sorry if this is a rant, i just dont think i can enable any of this anymore

"I am a child"

I'm sorry then you are not trans. Fact is most people fall into one of a few categories in general.

Identifies as trans due to social pressure and trends

Identifies as trans due to trauma involving violence or sexual abuse

Identifies as trans because you have temporary dysphoria due to puberty

Identify as trans because of social pressures causing mental distress and self loathing of the body

Or in the last case you've been to a psychologist and they've gone through to make sure that none of those are it. At which point congrats your trans. As to "I wish I could change it because it's safer", that's just false. Statistically trans people are not more likely to be assaulted. However, because there being fewer trans people in the world the numbers will be cockeyed regardless. What's more, most trans people are not attacked because they are trans. They are just attacked, same as they would be otherwise. However society needs to believe everything is an attack on them so if a trans person gets harmed, it's considered "because they were trans". When often that's not even the truth.

Oh. And if you've been to a psychologist and they've affirmed you, you can not be certain you are trans. Because the process to be certain, is by eliminating all the other possibilities, assuring that the dysphoria is actually permanen. Then going through until you're 18-20, and helping you decide at that point if chemicals or surgery is the right way to go.

So no. I'm not forgetting anything. I'm just far n more knowledgeable on this topic because it almost killed my friend.

[t4transsexual]

have you ever dated cis women? when did you decide to be t4t?

i have dated a couple of cis women, one for a little while and we didnt get on because she was one of those fems who doesnt want their butch/masc/transmasc partner to have feelings and needs and also didnt want me to say no to sex and we didnt last long because i was deeply unhappy with her

as for when i decided to be t4t, i guess its probably about time i open up about the specific instance(s) that lead to me deciding to be exclusively t4t, because i havent actually talked about what pushed me to make the shift into exclusively dating trans people. i was trying to run a more positive page and frankly i wasnt really ready to talk about this so publicly, especially with the terf/transphobe interaction i get almost all the time on this account, but i figure i can now and ill probably turn off replies if i can figure out how

tw for graphic description of sexual assault and transphobia under the cut

when i started medically transitioning, i decided to try dating guys again. keep in mind i had a lot of comphet before deciding i was t4t; i basically only really beat that around 2022 when i turned 20. and i matched with a cis guy on tinder, who looked like he had a lot of personality judging by his photos i was 18, almost 19 at the time

literally the first thing this man says to me, after i tell him im trans, is "oh, cool, i love femboys." red flag #1. i said, "im not a femboy, i present masculinely, dont call me that." he apologized, and we moved on

at some point, we're talking about sex. he says hes very subby and a size queen. all fine, i told him i was a stone top/dom, i didnt really like experiencing penetration and it was painful for me due to a condition i had at the time. he says thats fine, everythings good. this will be important later

later, he tells me he told his parents i was trans. i asked him why, given that he both didnt ask me first and said his parents were transphobic. he says "my mom asked, was i just supposed to lie?" i say, yes. he apologizes, i /really/ want to call the whole thing off at this point but he seemed nice enough that maybe he just didnt know trans dating as well as i did

the entire relationship, he just says transphobic shit. he told me that he "understood why people didnt want to date trans people, because its a lot of baggage." he was an active alcoholic by the way. and also dating a trans person. he would neg me for being trans and then turn around and say that i was such a hot guy. he even misgendered me one time, and got upset at me for getting pissed about it, and made me believe i was overreacting. he made me believe that he was doing me a favor by ever dating me

at some point, we're at my parents house, and he tells me he wants to fuck me with his penis. i tell him no, that i dont want to, that i dont know about it, that im scared, pretty much anything i can say to get him to reconsider, but he argued and said itd be good for me and that i can choose which hole but it became very clear to me that i had no choice. so i said he could fuck my pussy

it was excruciating. it hurt so bad, but i knew i couldnt say no. he couldnt stay hard unless he was degrading me and i didnt want him to, so he kept making me jerk him off so he could keep raping me

eventually he stopped, and i wasnt even really aware i had been raped at first. ive been sexually abused by several people in my life and generally it has taken me a while to accept when ive been sexually abused by a person. so we kept dating like normal, long distance btw, but my mental health was deteriorating. i was suicidal for the first time in a while. i was self harming again. i couldnt stop thinking about killing myself.

eventually, he breaks up with me for being suicidal. he says im guilt tripping him or something, i dont remember. and that was december of 2021

we go no contact. i still dont realize he raped me. but i knew that there was something deeply wrong in the way our relationship was

right after him, i dated a trans woman who we went to the same high school. just the difference in how i was treated by her than by him, with her she treated me like i was an actual equal in the relationship. with him, he felt he was superior to me; like he "owned" me, or something

we broke up, we werent really compatible, but when i got with her, she taught me what being t4t was, and the implicit understanding and the comfort and safety i felt. after we broke up was when i decided i didnt like men, and still remained t4t after

i realized what he did to me was rape nearly a year later. he correctively raped me for being a stone top, more specifically, and i dont think he wouldve been "empowered" to rape me if i was a cis man, or even a cis woman. i understand that the "off" feeling i felt throughout that relationship was because he, as a cis person, felt superior over me as a trans person, and felt that if he wanted to fuck me, i shouldnt get a say. he talked about doing other actions to me that i didnt want done at the time, certainly not by him, and if we werent long distance, he probably wouldve raped me several more times

being with my current girlfriend, we click in a way that i havent felt with any cis person, the women included. she definitely isnt going to rape me for being trans. ive undergone physical therapy so that if i ever got raped again, it wouldnt hurt as bad, and it worked and ive actually enjoyed bottoming (consensually) with my girlfriend. she makes me feel very safe, and we understand each other and each others needs as trans people very well, and being with her has helped me process the time i was raped, and the several other times ive been sexually abused by other people

now that ive had time to process these things, i would say that i dont feel the same way around trans people (including me) dating cis people anymore. when i first started this account, i wouldve never admitted this then btw, i fully did not think trans people should date cis people, because i had fostered such a deep distrust of cis people as a result of that whole relationship and assault. i believed cis people would always be bad partners to trans people, but i dont believe that anymore. in the very unlikely circumstance i find myself single again, i may even consider dating a cis woman again. but probably not, because ive grown to really like the implicit understanding that we as trans people get with other trans people

thats why im t4t, and when i became t4t was around the beginning of 2022

[ofallplaceswhythis]

tcoptp thoughts pt.16

the black brothers angst better be healing

remus and tomny will be the death of me

every wolfstar fanfic needs to have sirius sleeping in remus' bed while james loos for him blissfully unaware

Yayy regulus and remus <33 [nevermind he got angry pretty fast]

Lol wtf is with remus and his fangirls random girls saying hi get that nick nelson thing out of my face this isnt heartstopper

REGULUS?! fucking prank wars gonna start between them now

Marlene its ok im on your side

remus getting chased by girls is his villain origin story

OMG REGULUS IS TRANS IN THIS?!?!

trish is like that random person in class who you think is just off-putting but they're actually really cool and just give you bits of information like a treat of friendship

i love their trio can they please hang out more?? please please ple-

remus and regulus are back <3

impossible improbable, sirius and nikolai would have loved each other istg there has to be one fanfic where they met

'i look for you in other people' remus ik you write poems but this is top tier poetry i cant believe someone actually wrote this

think this deserves a special point but mots putting disaster girl author notes seems fitting and creepy and now im scared

me making myself forget every wolfstar angst that ever happens is a form of self care otherwise i'll cry

............ just kill me at this point why dont you <33

brb guys smt got in my eye

.........holy fuck,,, never going to recover

is this some sort of "the prank" equivalent cause idk how i feel about that (can anything be worse than this?)

EFFIE YOU ARE THE GREATEST MOM IN EXISTENCE

'bite me, suspender stanley' im crying 💀💀

kinda dont like sirius rn and my mind is viciously attacking me for it

ok so remus ran away and is now with tomny, amazing fantastic gl-

never have i felt more pain than i did rn

this is the weirdest take on the miscommunication trope ive seen

hi guys can you please sort the fuck out of your shit? thanks <3

...do the girls know somehow or they just guessed? wont be suprised either way tbh they can actually talk about their feelings

how the fuck is remus suprised that people can actually guess what he and sirius were doing its so obvious like asdfghjklzxcvbnm

please please please please please please please please stop

'im so fucking mental about you' asdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiop

'im not a poet' 'part-time then' THE TITLE'S HERE HGHGDHDSUI

SUNFLOWER FUCKING IN THE BATHROOM GSDGSDGSGFGRS

'youre like a dad to me' asdfghjklqwertyuiopzxcvbnmabcdefghijk

TOMNY MEETING THE GUYS YES ASDFGHJKLQWERTYUIOP

K what happened with tomny and sirius cause im concerned that sirius will actually throttle/kill him.

[epicthemusical]

The Crimson Star

the person who made this art is Ardenzia777 on both twitter and instagram so go check them out. the art and prompt/idea is here: https://x.com/Ardent_art1/status/1803866356640542929

WARNING: Non detailed blood and death. Polites is OOC!

Odysseus had just finished laying out his plan to the rest of the soldiers. The trojan horse would be a gamble but at this point in the war everyone was willing to take some risks if it meant finally winning. Everybody is tired and only wish to go home. Someone  doesn't agree though and follows Odysseus and his second in command, Eurylochus. It doesn't take long for the talk to turn into yelling. Polites notices and walks over to them. “My friends, what is wrong?” The crew member angrily points at Odysseus. “Our so-called Captain is going to get us all killed with this absurd plan of his! Not to mention how cowardly it is! How can I be expected to follow a plan like this, a Captain like this?!” Eurylochus flinches slightly side-eying Polites as he sees a flash of anger in his friends eyes that disappears as quickly as it came unseen by everyone except those who know what to look for. “ You may not like it but Odysseus is still the Captain so please watch what you say.” The guy scoffs at Polite's statement before turning and walking off. Odysseus gives a heavy frustrated sigh “I will give him some time to cool down. Maybe he will be more receptive to reason tomorrow.”

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Later into the night Eurylochus stands watch on the outskirts of the camp watching for any possible danger to the troops. His mind can't help but wonder to Polites. Polites is a dear friend, practically a brother. He has known both Polites and Odysseus since they were children, it had always been the three of them for as long as he could remember. He respects both Odysseus for his cunning and Polites for his kindness. Odysseus always had plans and ideas helping them get out of trouble time and time again while Polites was always there to help others in need. Polites had given no reason for anyone to believe he could be anything but kind and patient, every insult and injury is shrugged off with a smile. Eurylochus himself had not seen anything but the bright star that is Polites. He could never forget that day, the day he found just how wrong everyone was… The day the star turned crimson.

They were teenagers at the time running around the town laughing brightly without a care in the world. A Beggar shuffles up to Odysseus covered in rags. “ Please kind prince, do you have anything to spare for a poor beggar such as myself?” Odysseus paused and frowned. “ I'm sorry but I dont happen to have anything on me at the moment.” Instead of leaving, the beggar seems a little frustrated. “You must be lying, you are the prince, surely you must have something you can give.” Odysseus shakes his head “No i'm afraid i really don't have anything i could give you” At this the beggar becomes angry “Is this how the prince of this kingdom treats those less fortunate? You have so much wealth and power and you still won't share it with a poor beggar? You are greedy and do not deserve to be royalty! “ The beggar then storms off leaving Odysseus stunned.They end up trying to forget about what had happened but Eurylochus senses something is wrong with Polites. Polites leaves early mentioning he had something he needed to do while Odysseus also leaves to go home saying his goodbye. Eurylochus is about to go home as well when he remembers how Polites had seemed off somehow ever since the incident with the beggar. He finally decided to follow Polites home to make sure he is okay. As he comes by an alley way he hears a struggle and he goes to check it out. He finds someone holding a knife dripping with blood and- is that a body?! Eurylochus quickly hides as the killer turns around and suddenly he can't breathe. This can't be right, that isn't Polites. Eurylochus is not able to understand what he is seeing. It may look like Polites but those eyes were ice cold and uncaring nothing like the warm brown eyes he has always had. Eurylochus feels like he is in the presence of a predator and turns around running as fast as he can. He never told anyone what he had seen.

He shakes himself out of the terrifying memory. He never wants to see that look on Polite's face ever again.He sees Nekros walking into the woods with Polites and despite knowing what will happen he can't bring himself to try and stop it. Those eyes already haunt him and it wasn't even aimed at him; he would prefer not to get on his bad side.Besides Polites only does this to help Odysseus so it's not like he is in the wrong, right? Despite trying to convince himself of that fact his heart feels heavy and inaction leaves him aching.

—-----------------------------------

Polites leads Nekros deep into the woods, filtering out anything the man has to say. When they were far enough away he abruptly stops. “Hey Polites, what did you need to talk about with me that requires us to be so far from camp?” Polites doesn't turn around and Nekros feels a shiver go up his spine but he shrugs it off. It's just Polites, he would never be dangerous at least not to the crew. “You know it's not very often that I get mad. I prefer solving problems without fighting. Everyone knows this but you have crossed a line.” Polite's hand rests on his sword “Huh? What are you talking about? Oh you mean the trojan horse plan? I was just voicing my concerns” with shocking speed Polites has the man pinned to a tree. At last he sees Polite's eyes and Nekros can't help but tremble, staring with wide eyes into Polite's own ice cold and uncaring. “Of course you're allowed to have concerns. I wouldn't have minded if that was all but you went too far. Odysseus is the reason so many have stayed alive, the reason you yourself have survived and yet you call him a coward? He has done so much more for this war than you have. Your arguing in front of the crew will cause problems for Odysseus and I can't let that happen.” Polite's gaze has a flash of fire in the icy depths and a sneer on his face. “Nobody is allowed to disrespect Odysseus. Any last words?”

The man struggles to free himself from Polite's grip to no avail, his desperation only causing the hold to tighten. “What would Odysseus think of you?! He would not agree to this!” Polites smirks before whispering in his ear “What Odysseus doesn't know won't hurt him.” Polites raises the sword to the throat and with one slice it is over, Life blood draining onto the forest floor.

He lets the body fall to the ground making sure to wipe his blade on the man's clothes. He looks down at his own blood soaked clothes and proceeds to drag the corpse to a hollow tree, placing it inside hiding it from view. He washes himself off in a nearby stream before replacing his clothes with blood free ones he had placed beforehand. One last check seeing nothing out of place Polites heads back to camp satisfied with the fact Nekros would never be able to disrespect Odysseus again.

—------------------------------------------------------------------

Odysseus walks through the camp looking for Nekros when he runs into Polites and he immediately lights up. “Hello Polites! Do you happen to know where Nekros is? I need to talk with him about yesterday.” Polites gives one of his sunshine smiles “Don't worry i already talked with him about it. He won't cause anymore problems for you.” Odysseus relaxes “Thank you Polites. What would I ever do without you?” Polites slings his arm on Odysseus’s shoulders “Anytime my brother I will always have your back!” Odysseus laughs before walking off to make sure everything is still in order.

Nobody sees the quick flash of darkness in Polite's eyes. That's right as his star Polites will do anything to keep Odysseus happy and safe. If the star has to shine crimson sometimes then so be it.

[tea-and-secrets]

im loosing all sense of my reality and memories. nothing feels real and at any point im not sleep or completely distracted i do not feel real. i dont feel like i can touch anything and i am completely disconnected from everything around me. i dont know what to do, it terrifies me every day. i dont know who i am or what i like, etc etc. everyone tells me there is nothing you can really do about it, and that terrifies me too. its been like this for a few months now and i really dont want to do this anymore. im not suicidal, i dont want to kill myself, but i feel so disconnected that it almosg feels like if i did hurt myself in some way it wouldnt actually happen or do anything. i cannot begin to explain all these feelings. im not even an adult yet, and im already expiriencing this stuff so intensely it just makes me want to give up. its so hard to explain to anyone because i have trouble believing that they are real. augghhhgbjdjfhgggg........ jigsaw puzzle make me happy though. and my parents are incredible support. i have good things, im reallh happy with my life, but none of it feels real. i know its probably derealisation but it feels so much worse than what othwr people describe. okay! rant over. i needed to get this off my chest. thanks

<3

[mainfaggot]

in conclusion, I have no choice but to try to recover again. or else another two years will pass me by and I'll be so fucking tired

[tokiro07]

So, i was about to make a post about it myself, but i decided to ask you instead: How will Andy's final death look like?

Given that Undead Unluck is described by a narration box as a story about MC's quest for "the greatest death ever, not once, not twice, but it was now chosen to be the final line of every epiosde of the anime... I think this might genuinly be the entire driving force behind the story. That Tozuka really does want to write the greatest death scene ever, and Undead Unluck is the result of that desire.

Now, the question is: How will this happen? Fuuko yeeting her boyfriend at the Sun during final ragnarok? Andy growing old with Fuuko and dying of old age, surrounded by friends and family? SEX SCENE???? (probably not, but the possibilty of that is very funny to me)

Im pondering this question, becuase on one hand i want AnFuu to live happily ever after as they deserve it. On the other, im sucker for tearjerking scenes, and Andy having a grand epic death would emotionally draining, and i love when stories do that to me...

And, lastly, theres my personal elephant in the room... I kinda want Gina to smooch Fuuko. Now,for the record, i love Fuuko's romance with Andy, and i am NOT the type of shipper who wants the rival ship to be killed off for "getting in the way of OTP" - like, cmon, ITS ANFUU, THE BEST CANON SHIP IN A BATTLE MANGA EVER!

I didnt really ship Fuuko/Gina (or Andy/Fuuko/Gina for that matter) until the loop 101. At that point, i somewhat became a "Andy x Fuuko x Gina OT3 truther", but that was mostly just a joke, i had no true hopesfor it... and then FUCKING POLYAMORY was offically introduced into the story! Something that you see even less in fiction then same-sex reletionships... Like, holy shit, i dont think anything's off the table anymore.

But unfortuently, that poses a dilemna: like one of your reblogs said, idk if AnFuu would be down with going poly, but i also dont want Gina to be shipped with Sean just for the sake of pairing her off with a guy...

So, once again, let me repeat this question: What happens to Andy at the end of the story? How does he die? and how does Gina fit into all of this?

(sorry for the long ask, i hope i didnt sound like a crazy shipper at the end lol)

I'm fairly confident that Andy's death is going to be a shockingly quiet affair given how much buildup it has on the basis that the idea of him finding the "greatest" death is no longer predicated on him trying to kill himself, but achieving a sense of fulfillment

He doesn't want to die for the sake of dying anymore, he wants to die knowing that he lived a good life and left something meaningful behind. Ever since we got to see the shape of Andy's soul, I've believed wholeheartedly that Andy's death will be surrounded by the smiling and tearful faces of everyone he loves and who loves him back

It's not the flashiest death, but it is the best death that I think anyone who enjoys their life can ask for

[dangerliesbeforeyou]

tag game~

tagged by the amazing @coquelicoq to list 5 topics i can talk on for an hour without preparing any material! thanksss <3 <3

this is honestly a really difficult one for me cos as much as i love to ramble, the prospect of having to do a talk for an hour about anything would a) make me INCREDIBLY anxious and 2) i would promptly forget everything i know about said subject literally the second i have to do the talk pfft.... wait... the prompt doesnt say i have to do the talk in front of people so hmm... maybe i'd be ok lol

anyway topics time lol (these aren't really in any order btw just writing them as i think of them)!

art history ofc... i could equally talk as much about art i love as much as art i HATE lol (duchamp's goddamn toilet fountain you're going fucking DOWN bitch)... can't promise my hour speech won't just be a list of fun art-y facts lol (like uh in medieval paintings that used gold leaf, artists would put down this red gesso/glue like mixture (called something like boll?) because the red gave the gold a warmer glow than just sticking it onto the plain wooden panel lol) or that it won't be me massively misremembering parts of my degree pfft...

history of the british monarchy lol! ok so i may not currently like the monarchy, but i am a MASSIVE fan of the history of the royals lol... especially the tudor era! a lot of my talk would be me trying to remember the order of the monarchs from william the conqueror until now (which would mean me singing the horrible histories monarchy song lol sorry not sorry)... i would also spend the time being like 'yeh so this one had allegations of being gay, as did this one, and THIS one had several male favourites who he was definitely in relationships with' lol

kpop lol... not really sure what i would talk about? maybe specific groups (exo would be in contention for sure, they have a very interesting history tbh), or just the wider cultural phenomenon and history of kpop? or just like talk about niche kpop groups that basically no one remembers pfft (like that group that jackie chan made lol! already mentioned it on my kpop haveyouheard blog but people in the notes were like 'wait jackie chan did WHAT???' lol...) like i definitely don't know a lot of stuff, but i know more than the average joe so like... it might be fun idk??

queer films lol... i'd also say films in general, but i definitely feel like i have more niche and interesting knowledge specifically of queer films so.... i DEFINITELY could talk for well over an hour about that lol! this would also definitely include me complaining about films like call me by your name and blue is the warmest colour lol... (i actually was speaking to myself the other day about both films and how perceptions of both have changed SO much over the years since they came out lol...) but i'd mainly want to talk about the amazing queer films i've watched over the years!!... i'd also throw in some talk of asian queer media here since i've been watching it for literally 6 or so years at this point lol...

back to history, this time ancient egypt! returning to my childhood roots with this one lol i know a lot of random things about ancient egypt that i could potentially string into an hour long talk? actually recently went to an exhibition at the place where they film downton abbey (it's not called that btw lol) where it had a whole thing about the discovery of tutankhamun's tomb in 1922 which had a lot of interesting info tbh! dont come to this talk if u dont want to hear me talk about all the incest that went on in ancient egyptian royalty pfft... (like...historians believe that tut's mother was also his aunt, and his sister was also his wife, which kinda explain why none of their children survived... royals of all eras really were like 'we have to intermarry to keep the bloodline pure' and it's like (breaking bad bald guy meme) jesse NO that's what's KILLING you!!!!!!!!!!)

for most of these i'd basically say something and then immediately be like 'don't fact check me on that though' because chances are i remembered the thing wrong pfft...

tagging (no pressure to do it ofc!): @abnerkrill @asoftspotforangels @sylvasa @dollopheadsandclotpoles @zelvuska @micamicster & whoever else wants to do it!!

[my-maehem]

Ok 😅sorry . It's my fault . So rarely used word the taboo , i wrote wrongly . So , the Hogwarts Legacy now lot artists favorite now , painters/writers and i love it . Im reading a lot on AO3 and i dont understand why they why missing from every fanfiction the the "consequence of free love" . Realist , i know but would be huge turn in one story . Only Tamayula drawed Sebastian and Ominis as fathers . One guy shocked on me bec "they're minors" as he said.....yeah 😄they are who's kills , they do threesome or just traditionally (with MC) . They already wrote alrernative universes , same way they do everything...and there is the unspoken baby shield . The MC is a strong wich , only she can use anchient magic . Sebastian and Ominis too camed from strong / talented family . Their child could be more special , stronger bloodline . With the pregnancy whould came the interesting questions : Which one the father , when , how she'll hide from everyone in the 6th year, with illusion charm ? So thatswhy i asked ,why taboo the pregnancy subject for every artist if the "very detailed lovemaking" not shame ? 🥲

I never knew I couldn’t put community label on a ask… so… Warning: NSFW (talking smutty stuff)

You are perfectly fine! Thank you for more context, I think I understand your question more clearly now and oh boy— this is gonna be a long response

Now I wanna point out that I haven’t really read any actual full blown fanfics, at least ones that include underage smut as you’ve mentioned. The closet I’ve ever gotten was one shots and that’s it. I’m not a fanfic writer myself, I’ve only written some random head canons.

BUT! I have drawn somewhat naughty things, although not as smutty as what I’ve seen other artists do 👀 I do have a couple of… some… I guess you could call “teasing” artworks and I will do more but anyways that’s besides the point—

What I get from your ask is: Why don’t artists ever talk about the consequences after these smutty scenes? (Please correct me if I’m wrong)

Which is a fair question! You know if we are talking canon, this is late 1800’s we are talking about. They didn’t have a plan B or a healthy way to abort a pregnancy. But also there is the factor that there’s only a CHANCE you get pregnant. Now unless they’ve written in there fic like 6 smut scenes then yeah— it is a bit unrealistic unless the character is someone who actually can’t conceive any children (which would be so sad and angsty ngl)

Back then having intercourse before marriage was considered a sin, they believed that sex was gate kept by married people only. So… why not have one of the boys ask MC to marry her? Well you see… back then it was very common for young women and in this case girls to marry… but the man had to be 21 or older legally if they wanted to marry someone younger. So the boys can’t marry MC while they’re still in school.

Now, back to the question. Why don’t artists talk about the pregnancy? The truth is, it would probably impact the story in a negative way. Meaning that if MC has a child at 16, then she basically has a ball and chain on her ankle because she was seen as a widow (and many other words) which was seen as a HUGE red flag to others way back then. And the boys can’t do anything about her reputation… they basically just ruined it by making her pregnant before marriage.

““No sex before marriage!””

The thing is that back then it was taboo to talk about pregnancy and even sex for that matter. Specially when they’re young and not married. Those conversations were reserved for when they want to procreate.

Personally for me, I don’t think MC should be having a sex life at the age of 15 or 16. I mean don’t get me wrong, it can STILL happen, just because it wasn’t excepted back then doesn’t mean it never happened. I just don’t think teen mom really fits well with MC (or at least mine). Plus babies, although are cute, can be a huge pain in the ass while you are studying at Hogwarts while beating up poachers and killing trolls with the imperius curse

Now I do over analyze things you can thank my AP teach in hs for that. And this is only an opinion with a hint of research I did. You do not have to agree with me. As an artist I’m not ready to make that kind of content and this is just my way of thinking. I don’t speak for other artists, so if you want to write underage smut, and even a teen mom MC you do you! Don’t let my words dictate what’s right or wrong because in reality of it all, there is no right or wrong.

There can be other factors like:

Artists not feeling comfortable writing about pregnancy

Just wanting to write smut because they can

There might be hidden context that the artist is keeping secret until the right moment

They are literally writing in a AU where pregnancy can be avoided (modern AU for example)

We are talking about an AU where there are witches and wizards, there could easily be something that could prevent a pregnancy if you just make a HC

But I think it just all comes down to artists comfort level. I mean I’m comfortable with adults having kids because it makes sense… but at 15??? Unless they were married which is was very common for young females in the Victorian era, I don’t think MC having a child while still in school would be realistic in that time period. Honestly women going to school is unrealistic too but this is a different AU… things aren’t going to be realistic.

Just some random research I did because I love analyzing things: (this is based off of England)

A woman can get married at a very young age… BUT— the man has to be 21 or older if he wants to marry someone under the age of 21. Because in England of 1823, it was legal for a man and women to marry at the age of 21. Although it seems after 23 men could easily marry a female from 12 and up without parents consent (I know, sickening)

In the Victorian era, although it was common to see young women with older men, the average age a women would have a child is around the age 21-23

Females who got pregnant in their teens were actually punished for their “sins” and were actually forced to put their child up for adoption in some cases

It wasn’t common for people to have premarital sex until 1920