#I don't usually like posting my negative thoughts here but!!! this one Hit Like a Truck and just need a safe space to talk abt it

[lovinglin]

SORRY UH, thoughts are thoughting /lh

[scummy-writes]

Things I've learned about being in fandoms on tumblr

Sometimes when I am navigating fandom, I will have bouts of... depression? negative feelings? regarding it. I think a lot of people go through this, but in the areas of fandom I buzz around in, I don't see many people talking about ways to sort of re-center yourself and take care of yourself in an online space. I thought I would attempt to share some of my habits I try to follow when I hit one of these moods. So here are 14 of them covering various subjects I run into the most. They will not work for everyone, but I do encourage you to think a bit about each point and see if it would work for you.

Feel free to add some of your own, but I am looking for positive advice that is not meant to put down others in a harmful way. I would also like to preface that I've been in fandoms for over seven years, most of them smaller rather than huge, but a lot of this advice is centered around someone just trying to enjoy the space/enjoying it as a fan creator (writing fanfics in my case). The 'you' used in this is a general usage of the word 'you'.

-> It's good to celebrate milestones, whether its how many followers you have, works you've made in a year, or similar.

However... Don't let this become a competition or reasons to compare yourself to others. We're here to have fun and to celebrate us doing so- don't put completely unneeded and unnessacary competition on it. What's the point of that competition other than to make yourself feel bad or to belittle others? This extends further to notes - no number games. none. You can be proud of the numbers you have gotten, but curb all impulses to swing that in a negative way. The second that starts happening, talk to friends. talk to someone IRL. do something that isn't staring at your notifs, immediately. Even if its listening to silly things while washing the dishes- get out of your notifs tab!!! The numbers game isn't a game you have to be a part of, ever.

-> Don't put other bloggers on pedestals.

It's fine to be a fan of someone's work, and to be excited when they post or even talk to you and you're surprised by it. However, we're all just nerds together in a fandom- maybe don't put them up on a pedestal and hold their opinions/words as gospel rather than things you agree with. There's an unhealthy disconnect there for both parties, and can lead to unhealthy habits of a bad comparison game with one party not even knowing you're comparing yourself or others to them. And I promise that no one likes being pitted against others in those.

-> separating my main blog from my fandom blog has done wonders for me.

This one is a lot more of a 'me' thing that MIGHT be helpful towards others, but it's such a nice thing to have a 'normal' space where I don't have to worry too much about fandomisms but want to be online. I want to reblog other things that are not just fandom related and I don't want people from the fandom blog bothering me for. For the longest time I wasn't very upfront with my main blog purely because I wanted that separation, but for others to block me properly I put it up more bluntly.

I also think that this is good when you want to write about some things, but are nervous. In my example, I get nervous writing about my ocs. So what did I do? Made a sideblog for one, briefly mentioned it, and I post untagged drabbles at times when trying to explore her character. It's more practice on not caring about the note amount each post gets for me, and it makes me more at ease with things not getting any notes while exploring different subjects I don't usually write about.

-> Does everyone seem horrible, or are you just not in a good mood?

This is silly and maybe redundant for some, but it's good to keep a track of IRL verses Online. If IRL is weighing you down so much that you use online as an unhealthy habit (self destructive behaviors towards things you worked hard on, lashing out at friends for things out of their control, lashing out on other bloggers for inane things, focusing your bad mood on notes or fake popularity contests...) then try and figure out the big important things: Have you eaten, slept, drank enough water through the day, or are in pain/annoyance with something offline that you're not realizing? Is it one person online making you feel like this? Have you blocked them? Have you taken healthy breaks offline to reground yourself? When i am randomly bitter about the online world, this is typically my frustrations with smth IRL leaking out, and so I do something to help process that or to breathe through it. My personal go to is getting out of the house so I can listen to music, watch silly videos while putting together a simple craft I bought, or doing chores/playing games.

-> Is the fandom full of cliques, or are you witnessing friends just talking to each other?

I get it, it fucking sucks not being involved in a friend group. You know what makes that worse? By looking at other's friend groups bitterly and making up shit in your mind to justify it. The reality is this: people will be friends with a limited number of people, and frequently talk to them because that is who they are comfortable with.

You not being in that friend group does not mean there is anything wrong with you OR them. The honest truth is that it's hard to keep up with a ton of friends at once, and so people may not respond to your messages, or they might mean to but it gets lost in their hectic IRL, or they just don't mesh with you- and all of that is normal!

And... Really... It takes work to build up a friend group. You have to get out of your comfort zone and send the first few messages. You have to embrace the fact that it's possible a friendship won't pan out. It's natural, it's normal, and doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you or the other person. After trying and naturally just talking to people in the fandom, I promise that you will find a friend group of your own.

We are all socially awkward people trying to nervously talk to each other. Yes, even the people you follow that seem like 'everyone' likes them- they are nervous too. we're all just nerds here, remember that.

-> Understand that no one is obligated to do anything.

This ranges from so many things. Here is a list as short as I can manage it to get my point across: No one is obligated to comment, read, like, or reblog any posts. Any posts. No one is obligated to scour for new creatives in the fandom spaces and reblog their work. No one is obligated to tag their posts/creative adventures to your liking. No one is obligated to follow by your DNIs and BYFs. Obligation does not exist. Even your friends are not obligated to do any of this.

It is courtesy to do these things. Blogs will do their best to be supportive by nature, and to try and at least do some of this at any given time, but it's not a requirement. It's NICE to do so and encouraged, but the second you drill it into your head that no one, not even you, are obligated to do this, it's a bit easier to breathe and accept that no, it's a bit insane and difficult to read through 50 fanfics a week and comment a paragraph on all of them while also working on your own things and trying to manage 15 conversations while working 40 hrs a week and and and---

Instead, focus that energy on friends and yourself when you can and accept your own limitations.

-> have other fandoms you enjoy where you DON'T feel pressured to do ANYTHING.

Due to my hard fixation at usually one to two games at a time, I am usually only writing for those at a time- but I need other things to enjoy where I don't feel like I need to make something to post online. I don't feel that pressure from myself, i don't feel the need to try and engage with others. Just a quiet enjoyment for me.

-> If creating is really stressing you out and making you feel worse than better, reflect on the reasons this may be.

Are you hanging out with people who are regurgitating really bad beliefs regarding creation ("shame, you only got twenty notes, that's nothing", "wow fifty notes? that flopped.", "how did this person's shitty work get 30 more notes than me?"). Are you getting anons putting you down? Is your depression convincing you what you've made is worthless? Look at some of the points in this post regarding friends, blocking, and if you're neglecting your body's needs. If that still persists, there may be some self-reflection as to why things get to you so badly. Try to journal out the reasons why until you believe you hit one that is not your depression speaking.

An example: I would freak out about notes because I had friends that would talk around or to me in the examples listed in the previous paragraph. Cutting them off, focusing on friends who focused on the joys of creating, and focusing more on what *I* wanted to write rather than requests... I still get depressed at times but it's been so much more managable now with better support and feeling free creatively. Usually calling myself out at staring at notes helps me shake my head and move on now.

-> Blocking/Filtering is your friend, but maybe don't over do it.

Blocking seems vaguely controversial at times, but I do believe it's needed for a positive fandom experience. Outside of the obvious, the reasons I block people are typically related to how upset I am by something the person has done or said, even if it's related to fancreations. If it's something like them berating others for not believing their headcanon/fanon? Or grossly demonizing some character's mental illness? Or harassing people who dislike some characters and vice/versa? That's all a block for me.

I personally try not to overdo it and make educated decisions based on like, hey, is this just someone misunderstanding and not realizing how they're coming off? Is this someone who I am misreading their tone? Is this just a weird one-off behavior? Ok, then maybe no block button. But if seeing poor takes makes you angry for longer than, say, 20 mins? an hour? It's a week later and you're still all huffy about it and legit pissed? Maybe dig into that while also blocking the person for now.

The Filters aspect of this is similar, but it's a lighter version of blocking for me. Maybe I don't want to block this person but seeing them talk about bugs really stresses me out, so I look at how they tag those posts and filter it out for myself. Maybe I love their fandom blog but they're multi-fandom, so i will filter out a fandom I don't want to see them post about. That's it.

-> Don't be afraid to cut anon off, even if it's for a few weeks at a time.

I feel like those of us who take requests for fan creations are terrified of this a lot, but truly, taking breaks from the anon function should be encouraged. It is indeed a button for shy people, but there are assholes everywhere regardless. When they occupy your time too much or just annoy you, take away their ability to actually say anything to you.

For a creative, sometimes this can feel like the end of the world. But... you Can turn it back on later. I frequently shut it off during major life events, fanfics I am worried I might get weird anons about, when I'm in a randomly bad mood and don't think I can handle it. I Sometimes have it off for months at a time. You can cut it back on. But if anons make you anxious just imagining getting one right now? Flip that off for now. (also please utilize the block function for mean anons!!!)

-> turn those tumblr notifs OFF!!! (mobile) Additional: Turn your status OFF!!!

The only notifications I get on my phone from tumblr is when someone IM's me, and I've had it like this for years. I cannot imagine having my phone constantly going off with random tumblr notifications, I think I would have a bad spike in anxiety having that happen. It would make any negative feelings with notes/followers/number worse for me.

The online status is debatable, some people really don't have an issue with this, but I tend to feel pressured to respond to people asap if they see that my status is online and similar. Those people have not said anything to me regarding it, it's just my personal issue. So..I turn that status off. And it helps me feel better about answering in my own time.

-> Look at who you are communicating with.

Do your friends regularly dunk or mock people on the daily, over shit that is inane and petty? Are you a creative a bit nervous with your work because your friends are pretty rude with how they view other's works? Are you scared to like a character because your friend severely hates them/is attached to them to an unhealthy degree?

There are other subsets to this, but those are ones I find really troubling and try my best to avoid. I dont want to be friends with people who regularly mock others on the legit daily. I don't want to be friends with people who nitpick notes and use notes as a measure on how much worth someone has. I don't want to be friends with people who mock other's creative endeavors.

So... I don't! If I notice things are becoming a salt pit, I try to talk things out at first, but if its clear that's not gonna work, then it's outties for me. It's very true that everyone will salt over something eventually, but it's up to you to decide how severe it is with your friend circle, how it wears you down, and are they really people you want to hang around with if they just make you anxious or stressed all the time?

-> That vaguepost isn't about you.

Friend venting about someone who sounds oddly like you? Does your favorite blog mention something they dislike and you think you fit into that catagory- guess what. It's not about you!!

It's something I struggled with for a while, but eventually I came to terms with it by going "If they truly have an issue with me, they can talk to me one on one. Otherwise, i am assuming that this isn't about me" and gritting my teeth and forcing myself to repeat that until I feel at ease. Truthfully, I also just stopped hanging out with people who do this a ton in a harmful way, so my anxiety about this decreased. If it's an issue, friends should be willing to bring it up to you personally rather than make really meanspirited vagueposts.

-> A personal one I am putting at the end since I believe can easily turn bad, is... Stop looking in the fandom tags if they continiously bum you out.

I will be transparent, I've had bouts of running into a ton of 'why you should love/hate this character' posts over and over, posts that are random but use 50 different character tags, posts about how annoying my fave is, posts from/about bloggers I dislike, etc etc. After a while, I decided to just curate my feed via whoever I was following, and stop looking into tags as often. At most, I do it once every 1-3 months.

Yes, this does limit what all you can see, however... There's only so much information I can take in at once. If I follow people who reblog a ton of fandom content I love and it's different across the board, that's good enough for me and I don't feel negative looking at the tags sometimes.

[pipsqueakparker]

the third act break up

helluva boss isn't a romance but it also kind of is, and if we're considering romance genre tropes/structure, we're mid-third act break up right now.... which is one of my least favorite tropes BUT in this case, it's being played well and the writers are using it to genuinely deepen/further blitz's character

just in comparison, i'm almost finished reading this book that lowkey highkey sucks - i'm not gonna name it, i don't like shitting directly on a book usually, but it's the 3rd in a series of romance books & in it we ofc have the third act break up done in a bad way. (pls don't take this as me shitting on the romance genre at all, i adore romance books, i even liked this author's first book)

1, the stakes: the stakes for blitz & stolas (relationship-wise) are like kinda mundane really but feel so fucking high because we see how genuinely they feel for each other and we've watched that change over the course of the show - especially here in season 2. when it comes to stakes, they don't have to literally be life or death, they just have to feel that way to the characters and then by extension to us.

"when i see him tonight" gave us the stakes, that song alone solidified how much this relationship means to both of them. "i'll fucking die alone if this goes bad" - yes, thank you stolas, i feel that.

in comparison, in this book, the stakes are shaky. the mc is a woman who's never felt good enough to be loved & doesn't want a traditional relationship that ends in marriage and children & the love interest is an actor with big dreams that gets an offer to do a show across the country. we're being told they're high, but it's not really being SHOWN. i don't feel it, i don't feel like these characters will really fucking die if one of them moves across the country for six months, y'know?

2, the miscommunication/lack of communication: another trope i hate is miscommunication/lack of communication - unless it makes sense.

in the book, love interest never tells mc about the job offer - but for why? it gets blamed on her anxiety disorder, which i also took issue with the portrayal of that, but it never digs deeper into why she really feels like telling mc about the job offer could negatively impact their relationship. (it's still new, it might make the mc feel pre-abandoned, etc. etc there are so many ways this COULD have been something to not mention, but instead.... she just didn't)

blitz & stolas? they literally just can't sit down and have a calm chat, and that makes fucking sense for them as characters. @rusty-lustful-fireflies made this post comparing their trauma responses that i thought was brilliant -def check it out, and in the meantime i'll summarize it like this: blitz lashes out and stolas folds in. their conversation in full moon is one of the best examples of a misunderstanding between two characters i've seen, they are both taking each other's words the wrong way, but it makes sense as to why they're doing that. when stolas asks for the grimoire back, blitz immediately jumps to abandonment, he's lost everyone in his life and he has this one really really good thing going with stolas that he doesn't want to change and bam. it's changing. he's angry. he's going to say it.

stolas... could have worded things better, i understand why that was blitz's first thought, but stolas was trying to make it this grand gesture and it just wasn't hitting your audience, sweetie. blitz wasn't made for grand romantic gestures, he's a ball of trauma. and he acts accordingly. and stolas, in response, realizes "i've buffed it", is probably triggered from getting yelled at considering HIS own trauma.... i could deep dive their conversations at the end of FM and the beginning of AT, but we've all analyzed those to death. we get it. the point is... it made sense. neither of them were technically in the right or the wrong, it was just genuinely not being able to effectively communicate because they were both heightened and thus... we get the third act break up that's not really a break up. which brings me to...

3, the aftermath/development: yes, the third act breakup is meant to be the thing that pushes our characters to actually fix something within themselves... and we're still mid break up, but with ghostfuckers, i think we can see that being done. one thing specifically stood out to me as evidence that this is something more significant to blitz than any usual fight or breakup.

this post from @timkontheunsure was the first one i saw discussing this part, and i've gotta say i agree wholeheartedly with it & i think this is the beginnings of genuine development for blitz. to summarize in my own words (but def go read their post too):

blitz isn't just fucked up on the idea of being/dying alone anymore, when he was fucked up on that he just went to find someone else to fuck and forget it. no, now blitz is fucked up on not having stolas specifically, and it's much deeper, to the point that he's beyond just fucking someone else to forget it. no one else could do it. he's gotta turn to the ghosts. it's the difference in coping that we're shown that makes this moment different, and this moment being different, in addition to blitz finally admitting verbally that he's fucked up over stolas in that last moment with millie, that leads me to believe we're going to get genuine character growth over the next two episodes.

and this was what made me start thinking and typing up this post, because i'm nearing the end of this book, we're mid third act breakup, and this mc is similar to blitz in her desires to have a relationship but not the way everyone expects her to have one, and in her favorite method of coping: fucking someone else until she's not sad anymore. this is how she meets the love interest, and she tries to use it again mid-book when she & love interest are fake dating and she's sad that they're not real dating - and, then, we get the break up, love interest is gone.... and she turns right back to "i gotta find someone else to fuck to get over it".... and normally i probably wouldn't have thought twice, but this time i did. because we got that fucking beautiful example of the difference between coping with being lonely & coping with being without the person you love in ghostfuckers yesterday and it was SO MUCH BETTER THAN THIS FUCKING BOOK.

anyway, this is my dissertation on how this animated demon show that's not technically a romance just took a romance trope & is really doing it so much better than the literal romance book i'm reading right now.

hope you liked it. thank you for your time!

[sludgekludge]

What are your thoughts on the sins individually, if you don't mind me asking?

i think viv is really really scared to have her blorbos embody really negative traits so i think half of the sins we've been properly introduced to do a dogshit job at actually embodying the sin they represent because of this lol. why do half of them not suck more as people. why don't they embody their sins, viv.

this ended up being kinda longer than i meant so im dumping it under a read more vv

bephelgor's only my icon because i'm also sleepytired and want to go to bed. her design is endearing to me, but still a mess, and if she's meant to be inspired by baphomet, it kinda sucks she's not more androgynous, imo, at least give her a little goat beard. not much to say because she was more of a decorative vase than a character. fascinating how we see the remaining women sins and neither of them speak!

leviathan. sorry this is a bit meaner than i usually try to be. i hate her design so bad. i don't know what people like about it. you can like it obviously. but god. i could go on a tangent here about it but i won't. her design makes me chew foil. super cool that they gave her more screentime though and instead of talking, she gets to sit there silently while being hit on by a man instead. fascinating how-

asmodeus bores me, all of the haha sex jokes in this show are so obnoxious so whenever they bring up that he's the Sex One my eyes roll outta my head. his design is…not at all my cup of tea but i won't say it's atrocious. the palette is unique, at least, by hellaverse standards. i liked him in his first appearance but he's since been declawed and now he's a weally nice guy actually who's all about consent and his wholesome chungus monogomous relationship, which is so fucking lame. could make a bigger post about him honestly. him and fizz are a couple of the saddest victims to 'super scared to write her blorbos being genuinely nasty' thing imo

mammon endeared me initially, but his mastermind appearance sucks. i like his design for the most part (centipede. why centipede. make him a funnelweb) and the fact he's clearly a silly guy on purpose. dresses like a jester by choice. he's evil, AND silly, that's fun. while he's a bit dense in his initial appearance, he's clever enough to know exactly how to manipulate fizz emotionally, and then in mastermind he's this big lumbering dumbass fat fuck who eats sloppily and he's gross and yucky and stupid ewww!! what a cool way to write your like, 1 recurring fat character vivzienne popsicle. lets make a joke specifically about how he has a big stomach. very cool his asexuality was clearly tacked on last-minute and he's clearly not written with that in mind, also kind of weird to canonise him as such when you're writing him to be this undesirable gross slob. i like him in theory, but he also says a lot about how viv views fat/asexual people and it's kind of soured me to him a little. shame. could go more into him, but i'll stop here.

we can't make beezlebub fat though, that's fatphobic! that's why she's thin! ik her design was a whole debacle and i don't care for it but i think it's blown a bit out of proportion. she's just another vivziepop design, i dont think she's uniquely terrible, maybe aside from being a bad rep of gluttony, but i saw more people talking about the bee thing than that. i do think it was kind of a huge mistake to make her so indistinguishable from hellhounds, biggest problem with her design imo. it's clear they wrote her to be deliberately really cool and likeable because she's Kesha, though. she's a typical nice popular party girl. i watched lps series with characters exactly like her when i was 12. sin of gluttony, don't overindulge though bro look after yourself :(

satan is inoffensive. i find him/his design to be kind of generic? but not overtly terrible. big dragon just feels a bit boring to me to who is apparently the penultimate sin, bar lucifer. admittedly, i kind of like the bit that he's got this little guy he listens too. big sucker for silly dynamics like that when they're played straight. wish i knew why the lil guy's robe kept changing colours, though. he's kinda wishy-washy and generic. don't get why any of the sins are intimidated by him when he gives stolas a slap on the wrist that stolas doesn't even have to grovel for, purely for being royalty lol. what's he gonna do to the sins if they step out of line? wag a finger at them? the whole 'he's lying about ruling before lucifer' thing was dumb and should've been caught before the episode went out.

lucifer i have enough to say about that it could probably also be its own post but to keep it short...ish, i think he's kind of inconsistent and weirdly written. they're really scared to write him as genuinely morally dubious and that's lame. they blended like 4 sexyman archetypes into 1 for him. he's so clearly y/n bait that it makes my eyes roll into the back of my skull…characters should get their y/n fiction naturally god dammit stop manufacturing sexymen in the lab!!! his design annoys me but i guess the whole 'pretty porcelain doll' thing makes sense and since he's a fallen angel, corrupted purity or something, wears symbols of himself (apples/snake) all over so Pride, like FINE, i get it, i still flick peanut shells at him though. thin ice. bitch

basically my favourite is like almost mammon i think but he's got weird uncomfortable connotations so i guess it's bephelgor because she doesn't exist enough to do anything to annoy me yet

[suohenki]

on my second playthrough of veilguard (for some reason). this is the insane person's ramblings about lore/writing unlike my last post

this is the first time i've been so utterly bored of a second playthrough. never has an rpg given me this feeling.

like there are no quests i look forward to tbh, every main quest is a long combat sequence. even inquisition had the orlesian ball that you had to resolve with some actual noncombat solutions. (get behind me inquisition i will defend you from the fandom)

made a qunari this time to see if it affects anything, no, really doesn't. there's barely any qunari dialogue options.

picked the crows origin, it is truly astonishing the way they treat them in this game. they seem completely shy about the crows being contract killers? it's not even that they don't talk about the things Zevran talks about, but they fully try to ignore the murder part. Mfrs are freedom fighters now apparently.

and the "twist" villains in the crows storyline are so comically obvious i hoped they were both red herrings. the butcher is so underdeveloped too. the way the illario/blood magic twist is written is confusing, rook sees it all with his damn eyes and then never says a word about it. Yes i think illario is the bad guy here, Rook, i know you heard the "amatus". What. (swear to god the dark brotherhood is more deep than this. i never thought i'd say TES has better writing than DA.)

By the end they never address the fucked up things the crows do, outside of Rook's one throwaway line of "yeah my training was hell lmao." Is it just Aranai that's fucked or what kind of hellish training are we talking about? Rook also mentions having been an orphan... so the crows are as usual but we just won't talk about it. The lore and characters have never been this confusing and woobified. The positivity of Rook rly feels off when they are a trained assassin... no one reacts negatively to it, everyone even goes "Omg lucanis is a killer. Oh, not you Rook, you're better :)" no i don't think he is? Both killers.

Similarly they are so scared of the (elven) slavery in Tevinter. If you hadn't played the previous games you'd be forgiven for thinking Tevinter had no slavery because you missed the 3 sentences that mention it. We are in the slavery capital of Thedas and we are being shy about it. I guess Dorian's and Fenris's stories are too "problematic"... It's frankly gross how they brush it off after how serious it was in previous games. Also crazy how religion never comes up. In the country of the "black divine", you'd think Harding would have something to say at least. It really only now hit me how hard they avoided bringing up non-elven religion when it's been such a big part of the lore...

Neve's storyline just begs to be about the actual known issues of Tevinter instead of whatever it was about, all of it went from one ear, out the other. To me, her and Lucanis are the weakest companions on replay. Neve's voice acting is so strange and flat it's really difficult for me to be endeared by her. (this is coming from a cassandra pentaghast enjoyer)

Even if I think Harding's scenes could be better at least i get what she is about. Tho all the titan stuff feels like it's not treated with the gravity it should be. I do like Taash and Bellara, i just wish Taash wasn't written so immaturely. i never found Sera immature in this way, she's abrasive and yes, "immature" with the pranks etc., but Taash is written like a stereotypical teen, Sera just felt like a weirdo adult. And you can tell Alistair to suck it up lmao, it's really not even comparable. And the Isabela scene with the push-ups.... talk about making it all about yourself. Taash should have just been nonbinary from the start if they were going to make the representation this awkward.

I wish Bellara's quest had more drama. You don't get to save her brother but you also have no scene where, for example, Bellara endangers Rook or lets Anaris escape because she is actually conflicted about her brother... Rook and her just kinda let them go. Bellara is okay with killing her brother with barely any convincing lol.

Emmrich and Davrin are still my favorites, I think Davrin just works, and i like that we get to see more of his background. He's not terribly ~deep~ but he doesn't have to be, saving the griffons is an understandable goal, one that would be devastating to fail. Just a charismatic man that has things he cares about with conviction.

Emmrich is an interesting portrayal of necromancy which is something i'm always receptive to, i'd play a DA game set entirely in Nevarra. His quest has wild tonal shifts but at least the set dressing kept me interested. I do wish we didn't decide for him if he became a lich tho.

I wish with all the companions the way it worked was they decide based on previous dialogues. If you keep encouraging emmrich to pursue lichdom and face his fear then he does, if not, the opposite happens. i'm just not a fan of the "here's the moment where rook decides another person's fate!!!" like why am i deciding. it's their life.

i romanced Lucanis this time to try to see why people like him so much but man, i just think his whole story is a mess. they love to imply all the trauma Lucanis has but don't truly convey any of it. you don't even talk about being a crow with Lucanis like you talk about being a watcher with Emmrich. I guess it's my bad for expecting an assassin that has been tortured and forced into an abomination to be more of an interesting character.

i'm gonna need to know more about a companion than he has trauma, he likes coffee and he cooks, to be invested. The coffee thing feels like flanderization before i even know the man, put the damn cup down. First time i felt this disconnected with a romance.

i felt like they really squandered Spite too. You'd think a demon possessing a companion would cause more trouble than 1 escape attempt. Lucanis missing the first stab attempt barely registers as Spite's fault. Spite doesn't get any sort of pay off or drama.

I could forgive a lot more if the writing was better but the bad writing stands out so much more on a second playthrough. The basic dialogue, the spoon-feeding of info, the marvel-quips, the uninteresting side quests. Can't believe that i had to find out from fucking tumblr that the time Rook spent in the fade was WEEKS, you'd think that would be an impactful detail. Legit thought they got him out in a day lmao. Explains the dagger coming out of nowhere.

They try so hard to make the team cute and wholesome, it cemented my dislike of the found family trope. It comes across as so unearned. The game is like half competent writing, half DA fanfiction. Everything to do with Solas is okay. But everything else is so off. At least they managed to make Solas a love-to-hate type character for those like me who did not care about him in DA:I. The reason i'm not talking too much about the overall plot is it was okay, i just don't care that much about the evanuris. weird choice to try to blame it all on the elves tho. Like i love you but stfu Bellara, you do not have to take on the sins of the father. Have the elves not been through enough?

[nanabansama]

Ao Oni, Aka Oni

Hey guys! Since AidaIro just graced us with art to celebrate Setsubun, I wanted to take the time to examine the meaning behind the masks the characters are wearing. This'll be quick and informal, but I hope some of you get a kick out of it, like I did.

The men here are participating in a bean throwing contest. If you don't know, Setsubun is about throwing beans at oni/ogres to drive them away. Doing this can free you of your negative desires and emotions. Of course, since most people can't find an oni or ogre to throw beans at, they usually settle for throwing them at someone in an oni mask instead. (Sort of feels redundant for Hakubo, hm? Hehe.)

However, I must say, this is my first time seeing a showdown like this...but boys will be boys, am I right?

You may notice that the blue mask team currently outnumbers the red one, but don't worry! It seems our other red team participant is just having second thoughts...

Now let's turn our attention to the masks. I'll go over the girls first since I have the least to say.

These masks are called "Okame" or "Otafuku." They depict a happy, fat-faced woman in bright white makeup. It symbolizes happiness and good fortune. You'll see it at a lot of Japanese festivals, including Tanabata. Just looking at it brings a smile to your face, right? Right!? (I hope so!)

Next we have the red and blue oni masks! Setsubun being a holiday about driving away ogres, and all, these fit more with the overall Setsubun theme. It's said that, depending on the color of ogre you hit with a bean, something good will happen to you.

In the case of a red ogre, your evil thoughts (such as desire, lust, and greed) will be dispelled.

In the case of a blue ogre, you will rid yourself of anger and become happy.

I must say...Tsukasa and Natsuhiko representing anger while Hanako and Hakubo represent desire is pretty on the nose!

But that's not all. There's one last tale I wanted to share, one that centers upon a crybaby red oni and his little blue friend...

Naita Akaoni (The Red Oni Who Cried) is a piece of children's literature that dates back to the 1930s. It tells the tale of a red oni who wanted to befriend humans, but when the humans refused to play with him, he grew depressed. Seeing this, his friend, a blue oni, suggested a plan: the blue oni would attack the human village and let the red oni defeat him so that he could win the favor of the locals.

Although the red oni wasn't sure about the plan and felt bad about making his friend do all that for him, the blue oni was adamant to see it through. And when they reached the village and put the plan into action, it went off without a hitch. By defeating the blue oni the red oni finally got to befriend the humans.

But while the red oni finally got what he desired, something bothered him. His friend, the blue oni, hadn't come to see him once since the day of their plan. When the red oni went to the blue oni's house to find out what was wrong, he found a note on the door. It read:

The red ogre silently reread the note once, twice, three more times, then began to cry...

The end! 👹😢

What a sad story, right? While I can't say whether AidaIro considered this story when assigning masks to the characters, the blue ogre's selflessness certainly reminds me of Tsukasa, like when he sacrificed his life for Amane's. And we all know Amane is a crybaby!

Thank you for reading! And I urge you to read more about Setsubun if the holiday interests you. I'm sure there's more you could learn about it than just this post that will give you a greater appreciation for AidaIro's drawing. Have a nice day, everyone!

[damoselcastel]

Tagged by the glamorous, @mannatea!

How many works do you have on AO3?

66 fics (but there are more under Anon, that I'll never tell)

What's your total AO3 word count?

500,503

Your Top 5 stories by kudos

Fire Emblem fics, various games

(I shouldn't be surprised 3H stomps FE14)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes, love to! Although on chaptered works I have a rule for myself- gotta get an update posted before I can respond to previous chapter's comments. It's an attempt at an incentive.

Do you write crossovers?

One of my oldest fics was taking FF7 characters and moving them into a hard sci-fi setting (like, space exploration/alien planets). I still enjoy the mental puzzle of fitting together disparate elements, but am more likely to AU these days. Here's an ultra short Dragon Age/FE14 crossover ficlet.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yep, honestly PWP can be good writer's -block breakers for me. But fully admit, the plotty smut is more fun. It's usually about exploring a particular ship's chemistry.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't know. Maybe? I remember years before AI was a thing, I'd get contacted about turning a fic into OW...but by these shady vanity presses? Was weird considering the particular fic was extremely unfinished and 2 chapters long.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I'm aware of.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Totally, I think my first ever was over email with my Jr High bff for Escaflowne (our shared fandom). For posted, the generous @mrmissmrsrandom has been collaborating with me through RPs, and it's been a lot of fun. Building the Dancing verse, I think is the most steady cowriting I've done.

What's your all time favorite ship?

My OTP tag, and I once sailed the (Marx)Xander/Hinoka ship as the sole fandom captain in the early FE14 fanfic days.

What's a WIP that you want to finish but probably never will?

My FE14 longfic Into A Walled Garden. But I fully confess, since I formed my characterization/opinions based on a fanfic translation of Fire Emblem If's Japanese script, my stuff must feel OOC if compared to Treehouse's localization-- which killed a lot of fandom motivation for me. (I'm having OW thoughts where I write the OTP under different names)

What are your writing strengths?

Pathos (getting those emotional plot hits in), dialogue (especially between two charas), descriptive language (been called poetic, for prose), cultural exchange/clash (esp. within romance), and worldbuilding (its just fascinating).

What are your writing weaknesses?

Being too wordy, purple prose... and sometimes when I hit writer's block, I just- can't get over it. I admit, I should probably do more hard outlining, but my motivation can get very negatively effected by IRL stresses (and then, I just don't carve out time).

A different weakness is, having weirdo ship tastes and focusing on stuff that seems to be FAR from popular? Like, I've accepted it but sometimes I wish I could get behind the big fandom-moving popular ships- but almost always my contrarian tastes plain don't vibe with those (rarepair cake baking for life)

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet, but want to?

Been thinking about 3H's Nabateans.... a Catherine/Rhea post-AM ship fic, or post-VW Seteth surviving Morphis naturalists, or pre-game Flayn having to deal with the cult of the Western Church. Some very different (and two non-shippy) ideas that I like, but haven't found the motivation/time for.

I'd also like to do more non-FE fics, buuuut I guess the ideas tend to grab me less. Got a really good Jinshi/Maomao premise I hope can get postable someday.

What's your favorite fic that you've written?

For a long time Bird's Milk was my fav because I wrote it in one afternoon with little problem, and I adore the spinoff @flutterbatwrites wrote for the AU verse. But, my new fav is probably Shelter From the Storm because the premise for that fic lived so dang long inside my head, so was great to get it written out and see other FE10 fans emerge from the woodwork for it. ...for a fic AFTER 2020 (the year that lives in infamy) I'd say take a gander at Daemoni, cause it's a monster-bender premise I've had a lot of fun with.

Tagging @mrmissmrsrandom , @dithorba , @flutterbatwrites , @hiboudeluxe , @fury-brand and anyone who sees and wants to (also reverse is true, don't wanna don't do)

[celestie0]

idk if this is weird but I genuinely don’t get how you doubt your writing ability sometimes.. like the way you write gojo or any other characters I literally look for that VERISON of them in other fics? Does that make sense? Like whenever I try and find a gojo x reader I try and look for something as good as yours? ( if I’m being honest not most of them suffice) if this is a weird ask just delete it pls

first of all thank you so very much for your ask i appreciate it a lot :'') and i'm flattered to hear that as well! also it's not a weird ask hahah it's a little interesting to hear as the author because i think most authors can relate to always feeling like their works aren't as good as the author next to them but i've definitely felt this way about certain fics/books as a reader so i can see it from that angle

to candidly answer, i think my feelings of inadequacy regarding my fics is largely centered around my social anxiety??? i used to have REALLY bad social anxiety growing up (like, i would literally break down crying in front of the whole class anytime i had to present a group project or participate in class etc...it was bad...i got sent to the guidance counselor many times...0/10 very traumatizing experiences...)

i've since grown a LOT, both from therapy and also forcing myself into uncomfortable situations (exposure therapy ftw), and i'm like way better functioning now lol like i've worked in clinics/hospitals n i'm in med school now and i wouldn't have been able to accomplish any of this if i didn't get over a substantial amount of my anxiety. i still have anxiety "flare ups" if you will but they usually pass pretty quickly

but i think the reason why writing makes me so anxious and kinda brings back that part of me that is socially anxious is because it's such a painfully...vulnerable hobby? like, i've never considered myself to be any sort of great author, since day one of posting kickoff. i don't have any great talent for sophisticated prose, my vocabulary is subpar, and i'm pretty sure i break a lot of conventional grammar rules all the time lol (i'm truly not trying to be self deprecating here, it's just kind of an objective analysis? i think i've grown a lot as an author too) but anyways, so when i tried to kinda come up w my own writing style n see how i can still make my stories interesting...i kinda settled around a writing style that had pretty simple diction but was just...really personal and detailed and hit really close to home for my own personal experiences. it may be corny to say but like i genuinely put in a lot of myself into my stories, my characters, etc. every contrived detail or niche personality trait or random incident or character dilemma is most likely something you could trace back to my personal life lol

but because of that, and i guess because my social anxiety was always centered around the fundamental belief that people are judging me for no reason, i think the added vulnerability of the writing really makes it hard for me. i have lots of negative thoughts about my writing when i'm working on chapters for that reason, because my fics are representations of me, that if someone doesn't like my fic, then it means they don't like me. lol.

now i knowwwwwww it's all in my head bahahah. and like eventually once i get over The Thoughts i'm like bitch it aint that deep, there are readers who love you, and even if someone doesn't like your work who gives a fuck just post it anyway. and then i get to post the chapter. but like...in the interim when i'm working on chapters, i'd say those thoughts get in the way of me churning stuff out faster. like i can literally write 3k words in an hour hahaha n i don't really need to edit my first drafts very much. and while i don't have MUCH free time, i definitely have maybe 3-4 hours a week where i can write. but because the negative thoughts kinda weigh down my motivation, there ends up being delays.

i am so sorry that this is so long, and is such a yap. i just felt like being vulnerable for a moment (something i'm working on)

but truly anon thank you so much. like if it weren't for readers like you who appreciate my works i deadass would've quit a long time ago hahah my brain is ok at convincing me sometimes that my works are worthy of sharing, but it's really reminding myself i have such sweet readers who look forward to my works that gives me the final push i need to press post. hope you have a lovely day <3

[ros-sauce]

I apologize for dropping this into your Tumblr inbox randomly, but I've been thinking about this topic recently and I figured I might as well get my thoughts out somewhere. If this all makes no sense, I apologize in advance. Here goes. (I apologize for how long this is.) I find it interesting that over the years I've spent (and suffered, to be fair) in many, many different fandom spaces, I've seen the general opinion of "toxic" media and ships change from being viewed as bad and negative and all of that, with a whole lot of infighting and discourse all about it --- to nowadays, where "toxic yuri" and "toxic yaoi" have become buzzwords that are used nonstop. To use another example, you'd see people years ago harassing others online over something as simple as reportedly "glorifying / romanticizing cannibalism", but now "cannibal yuri" has basically become another one of those buzzwords. Even with this, though, I've noticed that there's still an odd focus in a fair amount of fandom spaces of keeping things "clean" and avoiding anything "gross" (or "degenerate", or whatever other derogatory adjectives the general public decide to use the next day), despite the development in more recent years of attempting to work past these habits. Most people (in discussions I've seen online about this topic, at the very least) seem to equate this whole "issue" (for lack of a better word) with the pandemic, as people mostly unfamiliar with major fandom spaces online joined into those spaces, due to being stuck inside for such long periods of time. I'm curious if that's really a common opinion, or if it's just in specific spaces more than often. I just find it all interesting to discuss, to be honest. I'm curious about others' thoughts. - :3 (I don't know how else to sign this off, so here's a cat face.)

Fandom in the mid 2020s has become very fascinating hasn't it! I don't really know why it's the way it is. I think it is a lot of reasons, far too many for me to ever be aware of all of them

Long ass post so the rest goes under the cut

I think the pandemic is definitely one of them. I don't think it's exactly a case of "new people came in because they were stuck inside"; I'm pretty sure the majority of people Involved In Fandom would've gotten here, pandemic or not. I think it is somewhere you Will end up if you're (oh this sounds so rude but I don't know how else to say it) a degree of social reject. I think what happened is more just that the pandemic made everyone weird. Even More Social Isolation Than Usual made the good people of the fandom world become really strange. Especially the ones who got hit by the pandemic while their brains were still developing! So now us younger folks especially have strong loud opinions on too many things and also are cannibalism fans. I guess.

I ALSO think the internet porn ban did something to us. I think, a lot of times in a person's life, they'll think to themself "I'm older now!! I need to do something more mature to show it!". People who go outside a lot, when they hit adulthood or their early 20s or something, probably get into sex or drugs about it. I think extremely online people also got into sex about it, but it was internet sex. And that's why in Ye Olde Days (read: 10 years ago) you could not go five steps without seeing fictional character ass. But now you can't get into internet sex, because advertisers don't like it and your peers probably don't either. But you know what minor taboo won't get you executed? Girls eating each other and stuff, I guess. So now we are drawing girls eating each other and stuff, I guess, as our rite of passage.

I wonder what it was that made our peers hate sexy stuff. Maybe we all saw the untagged sexy stuff when we were 12 and now it pisses us off? I certainly saw stuff I shouldn't have seen when I was 12. I don't really like the new "no sex" era, I think it is making people feel catholic guilt unnecessarily, but I don't think the "yes sex, and if you don't like it I'll make fun of you" era of the past was good either. Because that's what made me perceive things I really really REAAAALLY shouldn't have seen when I was in grade school. I don't like extremes. I hope to see a middle ground in my life

I really don't know why cannibalism is okay now. Maybe because we all trust that the average person is aware Eating People In Real Life Is Not So Good? I certainly wouldn't trust the average tumblr user of last decade to, not when we had people like the bone thief.

I also really don't know what made "toxic" relationships so popular! They're not really for me, so I don't know much about them, beyond that people say Toxic Yuri a lot. Maybe it is cathartic for toxic yuri enjoyers. There is a lot to be angry about, maybe there is some joy in making fictional women fight and kill each other to vent out your desire to fight and kill. I dunno. Godspeed in any case

I think that maybe we are all enjoying Bad Things That Hurt Immediately (eating people, exhibiting unhealthy behaviors towards significant other, lot of vampires for some reason, self harm, dying tragically in front of your lover seriously have you seen the uptick in doomed yuri lately) because A) it's taboo without making our friends hate us, and B) the world is on fire so it's natural to want to depict pain

That's my thoughts. Very incoherent. I hope it was enlightening

[dark-overlord-of-rainbows]

Drawn Aug 26 2024 If this weren't so long I'd add their personalities here but since it is and I ended up writing it down here anyway I'll just let you read it on the old art. Put off posting this one for a while Since I've only gotten the chance to figure out what they look like once and I did not put any thought into the colours their designs were.. pretty bad tbh. The very first of mine is always gonna have it's issues and I've got other bad first drafts that I haven't posted... but I'm not gonna sugarcoat it, it was pretty egregious. I did want to work on my outfit design as well though, so I put a bit more thought into the details, and used reference for the clothes again* (I had to put belts on my arm to figure out how the wrinkles on Suchai's shirt would work lol) *used to do this more when learning how to draw clothes at first, but I haven't done it in a while and there's a lot of details I didn't really understand still Bunch of other doodles and such too Anyway, design/character notes:

I've mentioned before but Suchai is 4'9"/145cm, and 5'0"/152cm with heels. Pitchaya is 5'5"//165cm

The little bird is back! I've only drawn them once and they still need a name but they're a strawberry finch (or red avadavat, red munia) that can shapeshift. Usually taking the form of clothes/tools when not just a bird I didn't like the old green and a lot of characters I have use similar palettes anyway so I should try to move away from those... but I wasn't gonna change their hair or Pitchaya's eyes so I moved to red/blue/yellow ig. Kitty ended up getting a lot of the yellow that only accents these two, I don't exactly know what another character- Kristian will get yet (I have some ideas though) I haven't said outright 'til now but Pitchaya is a trans boy. His binder has always been visible in his design. Suchai on the otherhand is cis, however: 1. he's sometimes assumed to also be trans and/or gets mistaken as way younger than he is and/or misgendered too 2. honestly both the brothers kinda just. forget he's cis sometimes. Sign of a good ally..? Also a detail from the beginning but Pitchaya's eyes are two colours, although it kinda looks like it could be just shadow. I tried pulling in the dark blue/black instead of using the ink colour to try to make it more obvious but of course it didn't change anything I don't know why I thought it would lol. I've just been drawing it the same way I did before Since Suchai's pants became black I had to change the colour of his gloves and shoes, but he has an alt outfit I haven't drawn of the blacks and browns swapped. Similar situation with his heels turning red here, and will get black heels too. Pitchaya would have a lot more outfits than Suchai. Partially personality reasons, but also it's because it's harder/more expensive getting good quality clothes in Suchai's size (but you know what? at least it exists) Speaking of pants, Suchai's dress pants are scuffed at the knees because he's clumsy as hell. I considered making his horns and mask scuffed as well since he faceplants a lot, but I didn't end up doing it here. Pitchaya's got skinny jeans now, it makes his shoulders and hair look bigger & draw a bit more attention up there I think, though I might need to edit the colours of his pants and shoes further at some point Dress shoes fit with Suchai's new outfit and the vibe I was going for with him but also I needed a pair of shoes for him when he's not in those heels. In universe he needed non-heels because he always yells at Pitchaya for not taking care of his health and he will not be a damn hypocrite in front of that kid! Pitchaya hates sleeves, he will rip them off any clothes or refuse to wear things with sleeves... which is all fine 'til the temperatures hit the negatives* Suchai wears exclusively long sleeves, and in general usually just covers up. He's technically doing better in the summer than Pitchaya in winter, but the man is dramatic. *in celsius I mean, under 32f for the americans…. I'm from Canada though, so I am well acquainted with what would be negatives in farenheit too lmao. I don't know and don't care what the actual extremes are for these characters' weather

[katboykirby]

That satan + princely mc has been living in my mind rent-free since you posted it. One concept I really love is it being a gradual thing rather than immediate grand gestures. A held door here, helping him carry his books there, subtly walking on the part of the sidewalk closer to the road when walking back from RAD together, whatever. So at first Satan doesn't even really notice. Until one day he's reading some romance novel or more realistically a bodice ripper tbh and suddenly windows bluescreens when he realizes he's imagining MC as the knight in shining armour rather than the other way around and when did that happen??

Oh, yeah, 100% you're right. In fact, I don't believe that MC would be likely to even initiate these kinds of gestures at all in the beginning.

You're still so brand new to the Devildom, see, and you're very aware of your current position - one lone human, among Hell's most powerful devils. You're not naive enough to act as if you're invulnerable, so for the first few days and weeks you take care not to draw any negative attention to yourself. You aren't cold, of course, and you still act politely to your new housemates, as that's just what comes naturally to you.

Once more time has passed and you've grown more used to things, and once you've gotten to know your demon friends a little better, that's when you start to feel a bit more comfortable. You no longer fear for your life at every turn, and the brothers aren't as intimidating or mean as they once were. Once you've been in the Devildom for a while, that's when more of your genuine personality would start to shine through.

Satan had respected you fairly enough so far, even if he wasn't as outwardly friendly with you as some of his brothers. He usually keeps himself neutral about a person until they prove themselves to be worth his time or not. And he appreciated how you didn't constantly make a fuss over nothing or cause trouble all the time, like Mammon or Levi often would. He also took note of the way you held yourself with dignity, despite being a lamb amongst wolves. He considered you respectable enough, particularly for a human.

But of course, the longer you lived together under the same roof and the more you became used to one another, the closer you became - especially after that whole debacle with the cursed tome, and after you helped him get his own body back.

He doesn't even notice the little things, at first. And he's a bit embarrassed that it took him this long to see the real you.

It was around the time that he made a pact with you that he started to notice the aspects of your personality that you'd kept hidden before. You started opening doors for him, started pulling out his chair for him, started greeting him in the mornings with a slight bow of your head. Satan liked this side of you, and he was grateful that you liked him enough in return to allow him to see it.

He enjoyed the way you would walk at his side whenever you were both on your way to or from RAD, almost like you were the one escorting him. Eventually you started to offer him your arm whenever you both were out together, and he'd simply be rude not to take it!

It didn't really hit him until the first time you kissed the back of his hand to bid him goodnight, your lips so soft and tender on his skin. It had him up till practically morningtime, tossing and turning in his bed while plagued by thoughts of you.

It all falls into place one afternoon while he casually peruses a few books from the library. It's when he's in the middle of reading a classic Devildom fantasy story that it sort of finally clicks for him - your behaviour was so welcome, so comforting, so familiar to him, because he recognised many of your gestures from his romance stories. He realised that he had been picturing you in the position of the charming prince, rather than the other way around!

Naturally this flusters him, and Satan quickly snaps the book in his hands tightly shut.

Oh, no...oh, no...

You're his Prince Charming, you're his Knight in Shining Armour -

And as much as he blushes at this fact, Satan has to admit to himself that he likes it. Really, he couldn't imagine you any other way ♡

[scummy-writes]

Ikemen Tier List

whoaaa two posts together whoaaa (you guys didn't witness me doing this first to see if I had the energy to post a finished drabble today)

I've had trouble with the tier lists for a while because I feel like it didn't explain how I felt about these dudes half of the time, but I figured out a better way to mark the tiers and I feel like this sums it up great. And now you too can have a handy dandy 'How does Scum feel about X?' list! If Roderic had a sprite, I would put him in the daily thing, or maybe the top one? hm

Anyway, I'm gonna explain the tiers under the cut for extra clarifications.

[*Wants to write fanfics for 24/7*] : The Current Main Blorbo. All tremble before him - for he holds the writing braincell and he's all anyone hears about forever and ever - until another blorbo takes his spot (usually takes a few years). You'll see him as icons and photos and and and--------

On my mind daily, in some form: Sometimes these characters will be paired with the #1 chara, and so by extension they're thought about often. Sometimes they're not paired with them, but still thought about often. Despite my posting habits, I do enjoy these guys still. A lot, actually.

Think about a few times a week, offhandedly: Rubs chin. I think of Chev and Elbert as a rare comfort. A type of quiet one that is a plesant encouragement in some way or another. Or I get perplexed thinking about how they'd look ordering shitty coffee. Not much of an inbetween. But really I sometimes just enjoy the quiet comfort thoughts when i need them with those two.

Think about a few times a month: They used to be higher up in the faves, but I either got enough of them at some point (in a good way), friends love them with such glee that i just enjoy watching them simp for them, or they just got naturally shifted down in the line as more characters came into view. I won't talk about them much but I do like em in multiple ways.

Scared to think about (for my wallet): legally not allowed to like because I cannot max out my credit card (a joke). I really really really like Alfons and Victor but I am terrified they'll shoot the ranks in a couple of months, and that my wallet will be screaming to be spared (darius is still up for debate)

Want to like but (and/or for reasons cannot): hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Random simping once a blue moon (idk why): I read a translated story of roger once when sitting in my car on a lunch break. I was reading as I was getting out, and nearly fell into the horn when reading about his cock. It tormented me for a week. This happens ocassionally with the others... maybe not a translated story, but i'll have a random thought that hits me like a bullet train and suddenly I'm stumbling and struggling to think about anything else for a bit. (Leonardo is here as punishment, he knows what he did)

Was Favorite when playing but ghosted game: Ikerev was the first(?) cybird game I played, followed very very closely by ikesen. I don't see a lot of stuff for them naturally on my dash, and bluntly ikerev just could not hold my attention especially after I lost my data and got cockblocked by shitty gacha pulls, but I hardcore simped for these dudes when I played. Well, jonah did get pushed to the bottom of that tier fairly quickly, but Shingen is still #1 there. Anju (oc) was originally made for him, and I suspect that when his...eternal(?) is released in eng, I'll be feral for a little bit and then go back to gil simping.

No opinion really: I just.....shrug. They're neither bad nor good. These are characters who I was either SUPER excited for and then sorely disappointed, characters I haven't felt drawn to, or characters I just....never....felt anything towards...even after reading their route... I'm assuming they're just not my type and that's why they're here.

No: I hold negative opinions due to XYZ personal reason. Or their vibes are just rancid to me. I don't care if others like them or not, I don't judge others for liking them.

[rin-and-jade]

I'm Definitely Faking: A Post about Self Doubt

Alright, i get it. Many people had done things like these but it won't stop me from taking this topic deeper than anyone had done (as i ever read them too) so, for any of you who are interested, or attempt to find a dedicated answer/discussion around this topic, please and PLEASE read it, you will not regret this.

I'm very sure most of you are doing your usual routine, until a thought strike at you fast as lightning, "wait, what if i'm just faking __", or if you knew something you "shouldn't" (say, being a system) then it makes you spiral down the rabbit hole, right? And it is not beautiful, it's extremely taxing both emotionally and mentally. Nobody wants to lie accidentally to people, what if we're actually fine? How would you know? Are you tricking people to get the attention you never received as a child?? How would you actually know?? And etc. I will tell you how. It will stop those doubts for good.

Where it all started..

First of all, anything can be the starting point to where it all goes down. But, generally speaking i think it stems from how people think of what being a system is like, and i mean it in a personal view. Too rare to have one? Probably faking, Good communication? Faking, aware of other presence of parts? I'm faking, can't switch? Faking again, darn it. You get the idea here, right?

About that crippling doubt of mine..

Why would someone panic when they think they’re faking, when real fakers never gave a fuck? The problem is not on the disorder but more on the lack of proof for certainty,, and because you start to doubt from it, you then think you’re actually faking. I have a few to say about how it attacks, so bare with me:

Tendency to think on extremes When you start to think that having something means needing to suffer for like every single second.. that one minute period of ease and relieve will be the bullet in the gun to trigger a thought of "faking". Getting a better view that, for example how depression means you can laugh or feel good from a comfort show, does not mean you don't have depression due to that particular moment.

Focusing on the wrong dot What if i tell you, that you might be looking at the wrong side? Be it only looking at one side of the coin (biased towards looking for clues to prove yourself wrong, e.g. alters are not distinguishable from each other, and so it means you're not a system) or focusing too much about how other's experience is like and if you don't relate then you're not real, or maybe you have your own assumptions/expectations about how the disorder should look like and when it doesn't meet the criteria.. well.. you know what to say.

"I feel like.." When emotions hits to the roof, logic gets thrown out from the house. Tell me who can think well in stressful moments,, the answer is no one, some can appear more collected or have a higher tolerance before they can panic but you get the point. We all have feelings at the end of the day, no one is unfeeling and no one can escape from it,, i'm not saying you have neglect it, more like i want you to be aware when those said emotions are controlling (more like affecting) your thoughts. Too much of it can throw off the balance in rationality, easier to dismiss proof, and worser decision making. So, if you feel overwhelmed,, make a quick choice on calming yourself down, it will be easier to challenge the worries and negative thoughts once you are aware and actively practicing.

This isn't my first time..

You guessed it. Sometimes one assurance won't do the trick anymore after a few weeks, it comes back with more and more bullets to shoot you down, who says the bullets are gone when someone makes a post about people that their experience is valid? You have to work on yourself, because one day, you will doubt about something people never post and you are alone,, dealing with all the murky thoughts will be less harder, if you follow these tips:

Everyone is different, the disorder never look static and same for everyone. Having a different struggle or way of functioning never equates to being a fraud. Tell yourself that.

Focusing on evidence, not on what you don't experience or have, being a green apple does not make you a pear,, you are still an apple because of its shape and taste and overall appearance. Not just because you're green, it invalidates every other evidence of what counts as an apple.

Throw away all those unhelpful confirmations, you don't need to constantly check wether your other parts are real, you don't need to know having a blackout means you're still not faking, you don't need anything related to this? Because we are going to heal and learn, confirming becomes obsolete,, as things will change, clinging onto an image on how you should be or live like will do no good. Seeking constant assurance does more harm.

Never downplay your own experiences. Easier said than done but i know someone will say right on my face that being beaten up regularly by a father is not that bad to develop trauma or a system (for example) while it darn is. If things are downplayed more often and to many aspects, you will be more prone to thinking that you're "faking". Due to the nature that developing this disorder requires severe and ongoing trauma, and guess what,, trauma comes in all forms.

With this, it will be much easier to accept you have a disorder,, and accept that it's not all black and white, actually this can be applied with anything, but my point is that. Practice more compassion for yourself, by understanding and being aware,, and not resorting to self negativity or elses, this will not be a major problem for you ever again. Also noting that yes its alright to relapse and question everything again, but this time you fight back,, you hear me soldier?

Do you copy that, *walkie-talkie sound*

- j

[bloodpen-to-paper]

Heya, I don't plan to talk about it much but due to what happened with forever, who was my fav and really the heart of the project for me, I'm probably not going to post about Qsmp much anymore. Or if I do, it'll take a while. But please read if you're in the same boat as me, its kind of a ramble and you can skip certain parts but I'd like to hear your thoughts. The last couple of paragraphs touch on some stuff that I hope can help be worth your while, whether you're here for the Qsmp stuff or the mental health part.

Now this is absolutely not to say the rest of the project doesn't matter or that people should give up on it. The Qsmp is incredible and should be known for what it has achieved: breaking language barriers and uniting communities. Its wonderful, unique, and still has so much to offer in terms of content creation, so please don't let the whole of it be tarnished for what happened with one creator (we've seen that before already and it sucks). Personally, it got me back into streaming content/mcyt and I'd like to stay more present this time, its so much fun and its nice knowing I can sort of drift back and forth when new things pop up. If you're in the same boat, I encourage you to not feel like its all over immediately if you still feel a passion for this kind of work, maybe you won't get back into it but maybe you just need a bit of time. Whatever you feel, as long as you're happy and having fun you're doing it right.

So, personal feelings (which I suck at but its better than bottling my thoughts and I encourage others to do the same). I'm fucking devastated lmao. His character was my absolute hyperfixation, I'm talking 24/7 brainrot for months. I haven't felt this passionate for a character since dsmp, I honestly didn't know I could still do it. But there's another layer. I live in the U.S., and I'm Brasilian-American. In the U.S., you don't hear anyone saying shit about Brasil. You hear a lot about Mexico, but nothing really south of that, and if you do its usually about sexualizing Brasilian women or narcotics and gang stuff. Not the best representation for little me, admittedly. When you-know-who won the Qsmp Election, y'all I felt something in me spark to life that I hadn't felt since we won the Olympic soccer tournament in Rio in 2016. I'm proud to be Brasilian, I've always been proud of it, but its a pride that's been limited to sports and my own personal experiences. To see myself represented, to see Brasil naturally enter the conversation for a piece of media I loved that I didn't know would have us, and to see us win something, phew, shit got me higher than my wisdom tooth removal. We Brasilians banded together to secure the win, and what's more, my fav cc on the project was the one at the center. I felt so happy, for my country, my community, and for myself. And I know recent events might taint that memory for some of us, but I refuse to look back on my feelings from back then negatively. That was one of the best damn moments in my chronically online life, and I will always remember it with pride and joy, along with the many other moments when this wonderful server made me proud to be me.

So, naturally, when the news hit I was pretty fucked up over it. Still am tbh, but better now that I've had sleep (though it took me a while to fall asleep because of course my sleep gets ruined by bad feelings, bleh). All this to ultimately say it sucks. Like, it really fucking sucks. The anxiety, the disappointment, the sadness, and the uncertainty of "what now?". Might be sounding dramatic but again, 24/7 brainrot/serotonin supply for months that connected me to my culture abruptly cut off because of pedophile allegations. C'mon Satan, I already have to go to therapy, you didn't have to kick this horse while it was down. Joking aside, if you feel as absolute dogshit as I do and have that kind of anxiety where the world feels like its about to end because moments like these leave you with the rug pulled out from under you and the uncertainty leaves you not knowing what to do with your life after this... well, welcome to the boat, bathroom's on the lower deck and snacks are in the lobby. And also I'm here, and everyone else who's been left in the same crummy place emotionally. We're here together, and I hope that can help you, cause I know for me the worst part is feeling alone in it all, but I'm not, and neither are you. We're here, holding hands and cursing existence for putting us here and making us so sensitive and giving us something great only for it to end up hurting us. We're here, and if you wanna say anything, my DMs, comments, asks, whatever you'd want to talk through, are all open.

Now comes the hardest part: acknowledgement and playing the waiting game. Like I said, if you're feeling like me, this kind of anxiety and disappointment has you feeling like its all over. So now's when you gotta remind yourself that the only thing that's over is this moment in your life when you enjoyed a Thing. That Thing can have meant a lot to you, it could have gotten you out of really dark places, and it could be something you'll still think about down the line. It can be something like minecraft cube people that you (I) got way too emotionally attached to. And for whatever reason, that Thing could have meant the absolute world, whether other people would've understood it or not. Its not your fault it ended the way it did, life just does that sometimes, as unsatisfying of an answer as that is. But its true, and its an important lesson. The Thing is over.

You know what's not over though? You. You're life. Whatever the hell you are doing and will do in the future. If this was the best thing in your life you had going for you, I am so fucking sorry. You deserved to be happy with it, we both did. But I promise you, this Thing is a moment in your story, not the whole story. This really was the source of my joy for the past few months, and if its the same for you, I see you. We can feel like shit together, along with the rest of this wonderful community who understand it too. And you know what else we're gonna do? Live, and move on. Not now, maybe not for while, but we're human beings, we persist (sometimes that might look like you're dragging your battered self out of a trench smelling like depression and expired cheese, but you'll get out of the trench, we both will). There's too much to life for this to be what stops you from finding the rest, whether that's some dramatic life change that completely changes the world as you know it for the better... or just figuring out what comes next. Taking a shower, watching that movie you were waiting for the right moment to watch (I'd say this qualifies), setting up a therapy appointment maybe. Whatever you do to feel like a person again, you have that to do, and later down the road you'll have new Things that give it all meaning. So keep yourself going, hit up me or others who would get it, and do what you gotta do to let it pass. Because it will pass.

Deep breaths friend, I'll be cheering for you when it does

[kylekozmikdeluxo]

Diary time/long post...

I often hear, usually on Bluesky and elsewhere, that a lot of the median voter... The very bloc of people who decide our presidential elections... Wanted a return to what life was like in 2019.

2019? Why? Why 2019?

Were those before-times worth going back to? That the country had to elect this country-destroying fartfrog in order to get there?

I don't want to go back to 2019. I want to go to the future...

I'll tell you some of my COVID-19 lockdown story.

By the middle of 2020, I had changed a lot. I had seen the pandemic unfold, I had seen how we all had to stay inside for months and months because our dingus leaders preferred to point fingers, spread misinformation, and harm marginalized people rather than actually take care of the deadly virus that was wiping out so many people. I saw people, even people who were more on the correct side of history, embrace a lot of their worst flaws. I saw how far down the rabbit hole some people fell.

Like many people, the life I once knew got blown up and blown wide open...

Unlike many people, however, I didn't long for it to come back. The only thing I wanted for, was for the virus to be gone. And that from there on out, we'd walk into a better, improved world. A world where the systemic problems were more in our focus than ever before, and that we'd work to dismantle it all.

During COVID's first year and without anywhere to go or anything to do, no work... I doubled down on my creative endeavors, I read from all kinds of people about their lives and struggles, I got more in tune with myself. That was the one good thing about that blighted year, and I wished 2021 onward could’ve been that sort of thing with me and all kinds of people, but without a virus going around. We saw how so many dumb things we STRESS the fuck out over... Mean nothing. We could've walked, wearily but strong, into an improved United States, an improved situation. I saw companies embracing work from home methods. Perfect for accessibility! As an autistic person, I saw this as a positive sign for the future of the workplace. With everything on pause... And some well-meaning but cringey misinfo on our side about nature healing because we weren't driving around and polluting all the damn time... (Remember those rumors that various animals were running around New York City? And sea creatures being more prominent near towns and cities?) As we all isolated and didn't partake in any public activity, it really started to click for me. As a long-frustrated autistic person who often felt like they were pushed down, not good enough...

Not good enough for the "hierarchy"...

Like, a lot of my hangups with life now made more sense. I’m autistic and I was living in a capitalistic hierarchy this whole time, and that all of it was just pointless and dumb. Most of the things that negatively effected me throughout life, the things that stressed me out, made me feel like I wasn't good enough...

I didn't need to live up to shit...

I mellowed out by the end of 2020, I tried not to get too hung up about things in life, I tried to be more empathetic and not point fingers. I wanted to try and understand thought processes more. Even as things got worse in some ways. January 6th, and seeing how people I know and love reacted to it, really hit me hard.

I didn't want that older world back.

I did not want to go back to the world before March 2020.

I wanted to progress into a kinder, more accessible, more hopeful world that slowly got rid of all this hierarchy nonsense and these systemic problems. In other words, the FUTURE.

Naturally, a big chunk of my "fellow" Americans instead fell down rabbit holes of ruthless, even deadly misinformation. Isolation soooo did not help here, nor did the social media algorithms built to amplify this garbage and use it to further brainwash folks. Locking so many people into echo chambers of grievance, blaming, hate, and paranoia. People doubled down on their worship of that asshole who failed upwards his whole life, and all his hateful cronies. They raged and embraced their worst flaws, while someone like me tried to march forward a better, improved person...

I also didn't want to go back to all this toiling and having to prove myself all the time, I wanted a more community-minded country where none of this shit mattered... Only the big rock in space we live on, and our fellow humans... But yeah, it turns out... It's all as American as apple pie. Once vaccines became available under the Biden administration, it was all about getting back to 2019 after all, except without that goblin in office and with a weapon we could use against the virus.

I view Biden's term as a weird sort-of waiting period, a brief but not great stay in a shelter after the madness of 2020... In-before the tripled quadrupled madness we're dealing with now. Like, having to go back to work and ultimately have nowhere to go once again, job opportunities looking slim, having to do this work-life balance thing while other stressful stuff happened. The Biden years WERE 2019. We had it back, now we're going towards something grim and moronic.

Yeah, good going, median voters. You fools who wanted for things to "be like 2019 again".

You and I are instead getting 1619, and worse.

Nostalgia is so easily overdosed on by people, it's the entire fuel of MAGA. Make America Great "Again". Ya know, Reagan used those exact words in his 1980 presidential campaign. An erroneous and ill-informed idea of the before-times, viewed through a limited lens, imposing that on all Americans. "Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to."

I remember being overly-nostalgic myself when I was an unraveling, depressed 15-year-old. Longing for a 1997 or whatever that never really was. I have no idea what 1997 was really like, because I was only 4-going-on-5 back then. I have plenty of childhood memories from the period, many positive ones. Those are good memories because I was a child, and there were lots of cool new things being released during that time. That's all fine and cool. Past aesthetics and pop culture and even good memories associated with said things, that's FINE... But when it turns into "I want life to be like this year," you're wading into the wrong territory. Most people, I think, just miss certain aesthetics and trends and fashion and pop culture, and being younger and more carefree, than the actual year itself. Then you have people who want a time where straight white guys were on top. That's what they want when they whine and cry about how a year like 1955 was better than now.

Because as history, and other people's lived experiences have shown... Yeah, um, before times were NOT better in that context. Right now, we're in a rough spot, because we've been dropped into something worse than what 2021-2024 were... And the 2010s for that matter...

It's not about going back. The reason 2025 has sucked so far is because it's not truly 2025, it's not a progressive present. We're being dragged backwards, into a fetid pit of doom and despair. It's about going forward. We need to leave the end of the 2010s and this current administration... IN THE PAST. To take the good stuff and go forward with it, and make something great and new.

[georgiapeach30513]

Thanks for posting the Hollywood post from an insider, it confirms what I’ve always suspected.

The celebs with huge “like ability” are the ones who know they can do whatever they want, not that they always do whatever they want, but negative things get played down, when a big story hits, it goes away in a few days as though it never happened. These celebs usually have fandoms that are named and defined. (Swifties, Beliebers, Beyhive, etc). If one or more people say something negative about said celeb online, said fandom attacks.

For Blake to assume she had it like that, yikes.

Ryan had a nice following and many in the general public saw him as the funny actor guy and personality who build a following large enough he could get away with stuff here and there, but again he had nothing to the level of let’s say….. Taylor Swift.

Taylor is like…. I’m not in this mess, leave me out of it. 🤣

Speaking of fandoms, I’ve always had a suspicion our boy Mr. Chris Evans apparently knew he had a semi large fan base, and I believe September 2020 helped show how big that was or how much people saw him as a decent guy enough to the point the entire internet hid a certain pic, but I don’t think he understood how much he benefited from that or at least not to the level he once had until said fandom didn’t show up the way we were “expected” to.

This man still has fans obviously, hi 👋, but I say if he and his team knew the gravity of his fanbase meaning we know of this man’s MO, if anything goes against that it’s an automatic 🚩, if he and his team were focused on his career and took notice of the changes in Hollywood, they would have done everything the past few years differently because fandom wise, he had what so many actors are trying to gain….. a LOYAL FAN BASE!

I’m rambling, but just wanted to share my thoughts. The business part of me wants to smack Evans and team upside the head for screwing up his momentum he spent 20+ yrs gaining. He might not care about all this stuff, but nowadays it matters more than just talent and just making movies, unfortunately.

I miss the old days of the fandom, I’m grateful you all are still here and despite stuff, you focus on him and leave the bs as background noise. 🤭

You all remember when he posted his arm or something from the behind the scenes of The Gray Man and that pic went viral and got millions of likes in under 24hrs, damn.

Also I miss seeing Dodger’s face. 🥺 but those days are long gone now I guess.

Blake is such a narcissist she thinks that she has a huge fan base. What exactly has she done to gain that? I'll admit that Ryan had fans, but I don't think he has had a fandom. When you have that huge fan base they will do the work for you.

I think the Swifties are a great example. Sometimes they can go too hard with some things. But they're always there to back up there girl...

Chris and his team were very well aware of his fan base, and September 2020 was a great example of how quick we were to cover things up. There are a few other times that, especially the Twitter side of the fandom, really came to bat at making things disappear. A loyal fan base is hard to cultivate. Once you have that, you might want to give back to that fan base.

I can name a few times in recent history where it seems the "celebrity" has poo poo-ed on that fandom. They've left them high and dry, while the fandom was willing to do anything for that "celebrity" or in some cases a series. I hope people realize how hard it is to get a fandom, and when you all but abandon them don't get upset when they're no longer there.

In the right areas the olden days of the fandom can still be found. It is about his career, him, thirsting, speculating on upcoming projects, talking about what we would like to see them in. Other people are just noise that it's best to ignore. If they don't add to your experience, block and move on. Fandom should be fun.

I remember that bruised arm. How could I forget it! I do wish we could see Dodger's handsome little face. I miss that puppers.