#I don't have friends anymore bc after spending all day with people I don't want to look at anymore fucking people

[pepperpatrol]

I fall into a deep burnout depression every year in November until about the middle of January like clock work bc strangers berate me, physically threaten me, throw shit at me, scream about how I'm ruining christmas etc etc all coinciding with the time of year that the sun starts going down at 3PM, a moratorium on sickdays and vacation time and hundreds of stupid fucking boxes every day but I don't get to send any of them to jail for 15 years.

[celestie0]

hi my friends! hope you're all doing well. just wanted to come on here and share a little updates w you guys (if you're still here lol)

i guess it's been like a month n a half since i formally went on hiatus, and it's been nice! i got kinda sick for a little bit lmfaooo which was tough to manage w school, but i'm better now

although i took time away from my blog, i still delved in writing here n there. i haven't written anything for kickoff since tbh i'm in such a slump w it. but i still have big plans for stuff that happens after ch13, so hopefully i can just push through this next chapter and get to a better place. thanks so much to anyone that is still interested in the story, it means a lot to me. i know i'm so slow w updates and the story has been going on for almost a year now, but the continued support is so sweet! even though i didn't work on writing it these past one n a half months, i still really love it and plan to finish it.

i'm not sure if many people remember that i had this sort of "apocalypse" gojo x reader au about an asteroid being set to hit the earth in three days, and reader n gojo are ex lovers n the impending end of the world makes them break no-contact...yeah i finished writing the first chapter for it and i really love it so far! it's like set in new york which is really fun haha i love stories where new york is kind of its own "character" if that makes sense...it will definitely be a limited series w only 4 chapters or so, but i kinda wanna finish all 4 chapters before i start posting it bc i don't want it to be a drawn out series in terms of posting since i think it'd be best enjoyed in frequent succession if that makes sense

as for ihm, i think i wrote the most for ihm during my hiatus. i finished three chapters for it, but they are shorter chapters (around 3-4k words). i kinda realized one of my biggest reasons for burnout w my fics were the reaaaaallly long chapters...like didn't i have a 22k chapter for kickoff or sumn lol. idk i can't remember. but anyways, yeah the mindset behind the longer chapters was bc i liked each chapter to kinda have its own conflict, build up, tension then resolution in a sense. but it was exhausting to write that way tbh lol. so i think moving forward, for ihm, i will have shorter chapters. i just don't wanna think to much about things anymore, and write from my heart, bc i have a lot of things planned for ihm, and among the criticism i've received for my writing choices vs my own vision for the story, i've realized during my hiatus that the only way i can finish ihm, or any of my storeis for that matter, is if i just.........stop giving a fuck about it. lol idk if that sounds strange to say, but like, i don't want to over-edit anything. i don't want to think too much about redundancy. i don't want to flower things up or cut stuff out. i'm at the point where imma just write a first draft, check for grammarly errors, and then post it. i guess the reason i'm sharing this is because idk if this means that people may enjoy my writing less since i will admittedly be spending much less time on it than i did before, but tbh i realized i find the most joy while i'm writing, and not while i'm editing. so i want to spend as little time on the latter as possible, and if that changes the quality of my work, then so be it.

anyways, hmm as for hiatus. i guess i'm off hiatus now? i really enjoyed being off of tumblr tbh this app has a lot of questionable content at times (esp in jjk community) and it also did wonders for my studying bc i wasn't spending time doomscrolling or shit posting anymore lmfaooo. but as for writing in particular, i think i will start to post ihm again exclusively. i can't say anything about kickoff or my other projects, but i feel comfortable to start posting ihm again.

sorry, i know that i have kept my replies and ask box off for a long time. but i will open them again once i start posting chapters because i really miss interacting with you guys.

anywho, these are my updates lol i'm like not sure how many of my readers are still here or which ones have moved on but that's ok, i'm grateful to anyone n everyone. hope to see you all soon again!

[lostreverb]

SOME RANDOM THOUGHTS / HEADCANONS ABOUT MAX COOPERMAN

just realized that aside from jake, most of max's relationships with people were either superficial or transactional which he probably just thought was normal growing up as a rich kid who was a "loser" learning that ppl only liked him when he had something to give them.

of course, when he was younger everyone loved to go to his birthday parties b/c his parents were loaded and they always planned something extravagant to try and make up for the fact they were never really around but, as he got older his parents stopped really caring to put on those parties. after that, no one bothered to give max any attention or befriend him unless they saw his wealth as something useful, or just brought him around so he could be the butt of the joke. and the second they got what they wanted from him they discarded him. being the kind-hearted and naive boy he is, he doesn't really fully grasp it until after ryan beats him to a pulp. he brushes off what happens but it honestly profoundly affects him from then on.

he thought ryan was a friend but turns out he was just being taken advantage of, his parents didn't care to come see him in the hospital despite how serious his condition was, and jake, the only genuine friend he ever had, ends up leaving (prolly bc college) and max later refers to him in passing as "a guy i brought up back in the day" which hints that they likely don't talk anymore.

so college starts. a fresh slate. max guards himself with this macho (with a very small hint of being an asshole) persona. he's got a leadership position as the RA of his floor, got two nerdy "friends" that are very reminiscent of ryan and his guys (remember when they snicker along with him at mike?), and a semi-famous reputation online. he loses weight the summer before college and decides to stop fighting (probably caused by the trauma from ryan) but we see he uses hand grips so even he definitely wants to keep himself strong for his physique and to protect himself. though max is still fairly lean which is likely an insecurity for him. the last thing he ever wants to be seen as is a dork.

let's not even talk about how being conditioned like this affects his views on women and relationships. first off in highschool he only gets attention from baja's friends b/c of his association with jake, then in college he gets all this attention because he's "attractive" now and has this cool car, dorm and fame due to the fighting videos + promotions. he's (mostly) only ever made out with drunk women at parties or events that just throw themselves at him but it never goes further than that.

he likely has made himself believe that he should think of women as prizes (again as awful as ryan was max kind of molds his new self with his influences subconsciously. he had the kind of attention, the girls, the intimidation factor max aspires to have), but if a girl were to ever genuinely like him it would fry his brain. he wouldn't understand the idea of someone wanting to spend time with him, even if he wasn't really doing anything. to intently listen to him and partake in his interests. or how much happier you'd look after just going on a walk around campus with him vs. when he bought you jewelry or flowers.

it left him with a feeling he only experienced once before when jake saved him, and went after ryan.

it just clicks for him like-

oh. this is how it feels to be genuinely cared for.

it's not soon after he realizes that you tell him you love him for the first time, while cuddling in bed (he's sure his mother used to say it to him when he was younger but he honestly can't really remember anymore-- the most communication he has with his parents now is the deposits into his bank account).

once the door closes, and you've left for your classes.. he feels the lingering heat of your lips, your words echoing in his head and the way you looked at him...

and he cries.

[weebsinstash]

As much as I want to have children by this man, let's take a moment to sip our platonic yandere Miguel juice

-i can't decide which sex he'd be more partial to in a 'child'/you since in the movie there was Gabriella but in the comics he eventually has a son who becomes the next Spiderman but--

-as a girl i just naturally think of a lot of those sorts of gender specific ideas 👉👈 he's this big scary hulking intimidating threat and his "daughter" is the one melting his cold exterior

-doesnt matter if you're a grown ass woman, Miguel sees you struggling to braid your hair and suddenly here he is, full dad mode, doing it for you,and depending on how close you two are, maybe he disguises it with "ugh, stop spending so much time messing around with that. If I do it for you will you get back to work? 🙄", but really it's just your new self proclaimed dad/tio wanting to help braid your hair and help you feel pretty and, oh, how he can fondly remember the last time he helped braid "his daughter's" hair...

-of course this evolves to him just loving to do things with your hair. Braid it, wear it natural, style it, use products on it, hes got you. you were just trying to put your hair in a lazy updo like a ponytail or bun and this man doesn't let you leave until he's got you completely combed out, hair braided with ribbons, and of course this entire time youre awkwardly sitting there in a chair in his absolute cave of a workstation with this gargantuan 6'9 man there, "so how was your day? Staying out of trouble?"

-really I mean. Is stealing other people's kids NOT technically in character for him. You're unfortunate enough to trauma bond with this man and you're never getting rid of him

-you hear Miles Morales call him tio (as in the tio meaning dude) and you jokingly teasingly start calling him tio, which Miguel secretly pretends is the version that means uncle. You're just constantly joking around or looking up at him with these big pouty eyes, "but tio 🥺 can't I PLEASE--" and its like. Lmao people know that if they need to ask Miguel for a favor, that it increases their chances to have you ask in their stead

- I mean, as a female adult abused as a child by my own father, raised by a single mom myself, like...

Reader flinches away when Peter B goes to give you a supportive pat on the back or comes in for a high five after a mission and you force yourself to laugh because you're feeling more than just a little awkward and in the spotlight. "Oh, sorry, that was dumb!" And they eventually get you to kind of anxiously word vomit "my dad used to just kind of, rough me up sometimes when I did something wrong! It-it could've been a lot worse honestly, but, it-it just makes me kinda jumpy around guys sometimes! It's not a big deal, or personal or anything. I'm sorry if I made you feel bad 🥺"

Peter B, Jessica, and Miguel all there as older parental figures and also literal parents, immediately exchange looks and agree like "oh hell naw, don't like that" and you get silently adopted by all three of em right then and there

-if it's a physically abusive father and you're still the victim of abuse, I imagine your dad had some suspicious figures suddenly show up in the middle of the night to terrify and threaten the shit out of him and suddenly you aren't getting as manhandled anymore

-can you imagine, like, you show up to Spider Society one day with a black eye "oh, this? It's, it's nothing. My dad is just, he's about to make police captain and he's really stressed about it is all" cue all your friends mentally high fiving around the table because your abusive piece of shit dad is going to die and you don't even know. When it happens they'll all be "oh no, sweetie, I'm SOOOO sorry :(" meanwhile they're thrilled bc now you don't have any parents and they can weasel in there as your new family, schedule your birthday parties, monopolizing more of your time, things like that

-goddd I just imagine it could become some kind of weird fucked up enmeshed scenario where the structure it's providing for your life is actually good for you meanwhile Miguel is like, retroactively kind of soothing some of his trauma both from his own childhood and what happened with the second universe he broke that it's just like. You're a grown ass adult and this man is tucking you in goodnight and saying "te amo, mija" at the doorway and you bet his ass is going to stand there and not let you sleep until you say it back. He knows you're just absolutely seething at him and he'll still refuse to leave without a grumbling "te amo, papá 🙄"

-He eventually just has you doing so much shit and depending on him so much that it starts to become second nature to you. one day you're in the Society doing one of the odd jobs you're allowed to help with and suddenly you're thinking, "Ugh I actually don't know what to do next, I wish Papá was here to-- WAIT SHIT NO I MEAN MIGUEL--"

-lmaooooo as a non Spanish speaker I keep thinking of how awwwwwful it would be if he actually forces you to learn Spanish. Not inherently because there's anything wrong with Spanish, but, I'm not always smart, and I can just SEE him quizzing your ass, forcing you to have entire conversations in Spanish, always clicking his tongue or chuckling at you when you make a mistake and he just thinks you're so cute struggling to learn 🥰 man hears you're trying to take extra lessons from Miles and he instantly drops everything he's doing to go track the little scamp down. Insert meme "I can forgive being an anomaly but I draw the line at teaching Reader bad Spanish"

-siiiiiiigh eventually the day comes when you're in big danger and you need his help, maybe you disobeyed him and was hanging out with some other Spiders in another dimension when there was a sudden villain attack, and he comes to your rescue as a villain does something dramatic like has a gun to your head or a knife to your neck and the second you see him you're just overwhelmed wirh a sense of relief, calling out for him, calling him dad/tio/papá whatever, and he's just like 😭❤️ pumping his fist internally, like YES you are so grounded when you get back home but also 🥰 you finally called him dad without him having to twist your arm 🥰 nevermind if the "villain" who kidnapped you was actually a Spider who owed him a favor, and this whole thing was to teach you a lesson about listening to your Papá, that's not important ❤️

-Miguel who forces you to learn Spanish vs Miguel who forces you to be Catholic. I can excuse kidnapping and forced adoption but I draw the line at making me practice religion 💀 no but seriously, he probably does have certain morals and values he instills/forces upon you if he thinks you need them, and he'll probably be one of those fathers, "are you leaving the house dressed like that? Go change" and orders you not to hang out with certain people he doesn't approve of or thinks have bad character (like hobie lmao)

-bruh you two will be on a super serious important mission and this man will be like "it's dark, hold my hand so we dont get separated"

Eventually it comes to a point where you're, not perfectly behaved but, just about. If someone finds Miguel, it means you're not very far away, or vice versa. Members of the Society quickly learn not to make any advances on you or make any "adult" comments unless they want to get suspiciously hurt during a personal training session by the big boss himself. You think you're safe just cause Miguel isn't around? Nah, cause then you have Peter B and Jess keeping an eye on you, and, not that YOU'RE aware of the extent, but, if Miguel ever gets worried, he can just ask Lyla what you've been getting up to, since your modified little daypass has her installed into it and she can track your every move ❤️ helicopter parent? Oh honey, you have NO idea...

[little-cereal-draws]

@scuorge101 I had some headcanons for your alive!Polites au! (I hope that's ok)

Eurylochus lowkey became the captain after the cyclopes incident bc Odysseus was spending 24/7 next to Polites' bed

Odysseus let him use his captain bed (which was slightly better than the others) and either slept on the floor or on a stool next to him

nobody blamed Odysseus for not being there tho, they all knew it was serious

it still takes them several years to get home but not as long as it does in canon. in that time tho, Polites recovers somewhat

he likes to sit on deck and feel the wind on his face. this is also where he talks with the crew and tries to lift their spirits

Odysseus cries bc he's being eaten alive by guilt but somehow Polites is still optimistic even after all he's been through

Polites cries a lot back in his room tho (sometimes in front of Odysseus, sometimes keeping it a secret from him)

he makes more progress back in Ithaca where they have access to actual doctors. He sort of learns to walk again but it's never like it was before. He can shuffle from one room to the next, either holding onto Odysseus' elbow or the wall for support, but then immediately has to sit down

it takes a lot out of him to move from his bedroom to the dining hall, the living room to the garden, etc. Anywhere farther than one room is all his exercise for the day

his speech is messed up too. By the time they get back to Ithaca, he can speak again but his words are slurred which can make it hard to understand him sometimes. He'll also mix up words, make up words he thinks are real, or say words in random unintelligible orders. A modern doctor would call it "word salad"

This doesn't happen all the time tho, and he actually loves to talk to people. Odysseus, Eurylochus, and Telemachus are his favorites. He doesn't like talking about himself much -I don't think he ever would- but he loves asking them about their days

(let's pretend the ancient Greeks had wheelchairs) Telemachus loves to push him around and they get really close that way. Telemachus will push him out to the garden and they can easily spend all day there talking, bird watching, or napping. If Polites isn't in his room, you can find him wherever Telemachus is

Polites loves to go in the garden bc he was cooped up in his tiny suffocating room on the ship for nearly a year before he was well enough to make the journey upstairs. He can't bear to be trapped in his room anymore

Odysseus helps him take all his medicine (mostly painkilling herbs), redo his bandages, walk places, eat when his hands are too weak, and, in the beginning on the ship, go to the bathroom and bathe

Odysseus checks up on him every night before bed too. He'll take more painkiller and have Odysseus help him lay down. By the time it's night tho, he's usually not feeling well at all and is either mostly or all the way nonverbal

a bit of fanfiction to end: At dinner, Polites always sits next to Odysseus. Polies' hand suddenly falls to the table and he drops the food. Odysseus looks over. "Are you ok? Do you want help eating?" his friend asks. Polites grimaces down at his food. His skull is pounding like Athena is being born again and his hand won't close around the bread he wants. "Yes," he manages to get out. Odysseus holds the food up while he nibbles on it. He groans and squeezes his eyes shut. Hurts, hurts, it all hurts. His body is on fire. "Do you want to lay down?" he hears Odysseus gently ask. He nods; he can't think of the words to respond. "Ok," Odysseus says, quickly nodding to Penelope. "I'll be right back." She hums in acknowledgment and Polites feels Odysseus stand up and get ready to help him up.

[huckleberrykai]

txt ~ there's food at home

pairing: dad!txt x fem!reader scenario: what txt would be like as dads! :) warnings: obvs mentions of dads, mom!reader, very fluffy click here for my masterlist!

soobin:

i wrote a lil bit about soobs here

i feel like soobin would have sooo many kids

like a small soobin army

he'd just have like 4 kids running around at his feet at all times

he'd be the best best best dad even if he's a little bit irresponsible sometimes cause he just can't say no

always trying to do things with all of them like playing a video game together even tho he always lets them win :')

don't even try get alone time with him when your babies are there because they just wanna hug him all the time :( <3

just you, your husband, and 4 whole children piled in your bed

soobin loves it tho, all his favourite people all in one bed cuddled up to him :')

yeonjun:

GIRL DAD GIRL DAD

i feel like he'd just have one daughter

she'd be the apple of his eye, he'd do anything for her

the responsible but still fun dad

like he wouldn't give her ice cream for breakfast but he'd buy her any princess dress she asked for

even if you asked him not to spoil her too much he'd still do it

"why can't i spoil my baby Y/N?"

would def put you all in matching outfits and take silly family selfies

definitely takes her to get her ears pierced without your knowledge so they could wear matching earrings

she's his little princess he can't say no :(

beomgyu:

he is the 3rd child .

you'd have like 2 kids and he'd just encourage them when they're being silly

he'd never scold them, but he'd try to be stern when you're around

but otherwise he's very much a 'just don't tell mom' dad

you'd come home from the supermarket to them all covered in mud and not even question it

he'd be a great dad overall tho, always looking out for his kids

oh theres a bully at school? not anymore! don't like your sandwich? he'll make them a new one! need a hug? dad's there in a second.

as goofy as he is he loves his babies so much he'd do anything to make sure they're safe and happy <33

taehyun:

dadzilla.

he'd have 3 kids i think, he'd try his best to be the best dad ever

he just wants everything to be perfect ~ he wants the best for his kids, even if that means feeding them vegetables and taking away their games consoles until they do their homework

packs their lunches every day with a little note and a treat

probably the most responsible dad out of them all

definitely has his moments tho

they're his babies after all

definitely slips them extra pocket money

or if he know's they've had a rough day the day before he'll put an extra chocolate bar into their lunchbox

his downfall is spoiling them - maybe even more than yeonjun sometimes

he's just so proud of them they deserve everything :(

hueningkai:

i feel like you'd just have one son and he'd be kai's carbon copy

he'd be so well behaved neither of you even had to really try

they'd just spend forever hanging out on the couch playing pokemon

he'd be kai's little best friend fr

when they'd feel chaotic tho,, good luck. they're teaming up against u and tickling u until you agree to get mcdonald's even tho there's food at home

he'd even gift his plushie collection to him so he can start his own :')

he'd def be best friends with taehyun's son bcs the tyunning best friends agenda runs through generations

overall he'd be a great dad, he'd try his best with packing lunches and hanging out with him - even if his sandwiches aren't as good as mom's

you'd be the cutest little family :')

so much love hsjkal soft dad kai my beloved

[arcane-vagabond]

This request was inevitable, but can we see a Jake’s conversation with Mandy either the initial one where he calls things off or the one on the beach after Skipper leaves (I’m leaning towards the second one bc I love seeing him stand up for Skipper 🥺)

For you, my love? Anything 💛

Conversation One: Confronting Mandy the first time.

Jake bounced his leg nervously as he sat on the lone picnic table at the far edge of the pier. It wasn't that he wasn't sure about his decision, but he was more worried about what Mandy would do when she heard what he had to say.

"Alright, Jake. What did you want to talk to me about?"

Speak of the devil, and she shall appear, Jake thought with a smirk. He turned to see the brunette approach him, an unamused look on her face as she took him in.

He might have loved her at one point, but those days had long since passed. He thought back to his teens when he had first presented, so sure that he would spend the rest of his life with her. Their mothers had loved the idea, of course, having grown up as best friends themselves. Jake hadn't wanted to disappoint them, and so he had gone along with their idea, convincing himself that he could find happiness with Mandy.

But as the years stretched on, Jake found himself unable to believe the lies he had made for himself. He wasn't happy, and despite the idea of it being a perfect match, he couldn't bring himself to choose Mandy as his mate. A tiny voice inside him had always whispered at him to wait, that something good and pure was coming to him. And now he knew what, or who, it was.

"Well?" She snapped impatiently, crossing her arms as she glared at him. He took a deep breath.

"Mandy, it's over."

"What's over?" She asked him, annoyance palpable.

"Us. We're-we're done," he sighed, already feeling the weight lifting off of his shoulders. "I can't pretend that I'm happy anymore. It's not fair to either of us. You know it, and I know it. This wasn't meant to last."

"You're joking," Mandy laughed, eyebrows rising in disbelief. "Jake, you've tried this before and it didn't turn out the way you wanted, so why would this time be any different?"

"Because I found her, Mandy."

"Found who?"

"My mate," he murmured, his heart clenching at the word. He pictured your soft smile, the way your hands had gently picked up his gifts. "I found my true mate."

"Jake, be serious," she scowled. "True mates are as rare as they come, and you think that you of all people have found yours?"

Jake didn't say anything. He knew it sounded crazy. Hell, he hadn't quite believed it at first either, but he knew it was true. He felt it down to the very core of his being, and it scared him if he was being completely honest with himself. He hardly knew you, yet he was certain that he loved you. He loved you with everything he had, and he was determined to know why.

"Yes," he stated firmly, peering up at her. "She's mine, Mandy. You can't change fate."

"This isn't fate, Jake," she scoffed, rolling her eyes. "This is you, finding something new, something you haven't had yet. I'll let you play around for now, but it's time to be serious. This will be your third frenzy, and you know what happens when you wait too long. Mine is coming next year."

Jake watched as she turned to walk away. She paused, looking over her shoulder at him.

"So, it's your choice," she smirked, a glint in her eye. "Will it be your frenzy or mine where we finally seal the deal?"

Conversation Two: Confronting Mandy on the beach.

Jake watched as you walked away, moving to chase after you, but Mandy stepped in his path. Her blue eyes swirled as they glowed with unbridled fury.

"Don't you dare," she hissed, pushing him back. He snarled at her, feeling his own rage boil to the surface at being kept away from you.

"Move," he growled, glaring down at her.

"That's not going to happen," she said, standing straighter, eyes narrowing up at him. "You marked her. You marked her and made me look like a fool."

"I can't make you look like a fool when there's nothing between us," he reasoned, and in a seemingly impossible feat, her expression managed to grow darker.

"You're mine, Jake Seresin," Mandy glowered. "You have been and always will be. You and I are the endgame, not some wannabe scientist."

"Mandy, we've talked about this-"

"Oh, get a grip, Jake!" she shrieked. "What am I going to have to do to get it through that thick head of yours that you and I are going to be mated? You can either get with the program now, or I can do something that'll help you get there."

Jake made to answer, but a song cut through the cool, summer breeze, one that Jake had never heard before.

It was a mating call, that much was certain, but Jake didn't recognize the voice. His brow furrowed as he listened, noting how the song sounded more bestial than usual. He made to move, but a hand on his chest stopped him.

"Leave it," Mandy growled, eyes intense as they looked at him. "It's not your concern."

Jake felt his skin crawl as the hand on his chest began to drift lower.

"Let me convince you of what it is you really want," she purred, leaning up to graze her lips against his. Jake felt like he was going to be sick as he pushed her away, Mandy stumbling back before regaining her balance. Jake was fairly certain his heart would have stopped right then and there if she possessed the ability to kill him with a look.

"I don't want you, Mandy," he scowled, pushing past her.

"We'll see about that," she murmured, eyes blazing. Jake paused, glancing back at her. "I'll make you understand what's going to happen."

"Skipper!"

Jake whirled around at the sound of your name being screamed by Nat, fear gripping at him with cold claws. He broke out into a sprint, leaving Mandy behind on the darkened beach, his only thoughts being to get to you before something happened.

[edmarienism]

about the bloody fingers debate and whether it's edvin or not:

let me assure you those are not edvin's fingers lmao. there are many many scenes of yr and also just many random pictures of him where you can very easily gauge the size of his fingers/hands. his fingers are way bigger than that 😭. (just check the morning after scene in 1x05 of yr and you'll know it's true) another thing is that from her caption you can tell the incident happened to her, it kinda seems like she's giving 'advice' so it's from a personal experience for sure. so it's definitely not edvin with the bloody hand.

about the jacket, I have absolutely no idea. but I will tell you some of the photos she's posted are not recent at all. the second to the last photo (where she's smiling like a normal human being for once) is from more than a month ago. it's from a costume party (similar to the wig party in s2) that hedvig went to a month ago (sep 21st to be exact) and from the photos posted you couldn't see felicia back then but this confirms she was there. she also still has eyebrows in that picture, when we know by sep 29th she had bleached them; so that photo is from 5 weeks ago.

even if that is edvin's jacket, (which we don't know, I doubt anyone in here has a master's degree in her wardrobe) that could be from september just like the other photo was. maybe they were still together back then. maybe it's her own jacket. who knows?

I think there are way too many signs that suggest they're not together anymore, edvin's trip to the us being the most obvious one. I know people say edvin's trip was a work thing and that's why he didn't take felicia, but that's not a good enough excuse for me I'm sorry. the day edvin went to nyc, felicia's bestie (beatry) was there. she actually lives part time there and works there. in fact bc of a comment she'd made under her post ppl thought felicia is definitely going with edvin, but we know she didn't. while edvin was busy with work she could've just met her best friend. also let's be serious, edvin most likely didn't do any 'work' in nyc. he just saw kit and chilled for the most part. and ever since he's been in la, he's been having meetings and castings yes but we can see he's also essentially on a semi vacation and he knew it before he went. it could easily be a chance for them to just travel together ESPECIALLY when sigge mj and co are already there anyway and edvin is living at mj's house now too (tho he didn't plan to obviously). also she has no jobs. there's nothing holding her back bc she has commitments in sweden. isak, hugo and zed are also currently in nyc. like there are soooo many ppl she could essentially spend time with and meet being there while edvin was busy with his own thing and she still didn't come. (I'm not even mentioning her ground breaking project with nowell that she's working on that she could work on in la)

if they were still together she'd most likely know edvin is meeting kit. there's no way that woman would lose the opportunity to gain some clout from him (edvin gained 27k followers after that story mind you!) if she knew she can. her suddenly spending time with and posting her friends, particularly male friends, is also another sign. going to a shit ton of malte's concerts and malte related events is also another sign. and all these stuff are just from the past 2 weeks. capri felt odd, no photo dumps, not a single picture of edvin and felicia in the same room together having dropped for more than 7 weeks, the whole nike situation, edvin's comments for her completely lacking their usual obnoxiousness, him not posting the link to vote for her for rising star, edvin back to being obsessed with omar and down bad for him under his posts... do you reallyyyyyy think he'd ever act like this while still being in a relationship with her when you guys have been accusing him of ruining duo promo for months bc he wanted to protect felicia's ego or sth?.... I could go on and on. everything that we have that Suggests they may be together is from freaks saying they saw them at malte's concert and now from a picture where she might be wearing edvin's jacket and it's unclear when the photo is even from.

we can't be sure. I doubt we'll be sure in a very long time bc edvin has no projects that are gonna premiere before next year june which means he's essentially not obligated to do any interviews until then. which means no questions about his dating life for at least another 6 months. and let's be honest he can very easily not go to guldbaggen or gay gala (that is if anything of his even gets nominated in the first place). i don't think felicia would be back to her normal self and edvin would act like an independent human being if they were still together. there are way too many hints that they've broken up for me to get stuck on the fact that might have been in the same malte concert when we know even omar has been to one of them recently at the same time as felicia. even if it's true, it could be just that. them chilling at a bar. just being friendly.

"but he's still commenting hearts under her posts!" "but they're still keeping the apoy posts up. wouldn't they take them off if they broke up?" of course he is and of course they don't unpin the apoy posts. she doesn't upin bc that's the only relevant thing she's done in her life. if she deletes edvin's pictures or unpins apoy, what's her relevance? she already loses 200 followers everytime she posts herself and there's no edvin in sight. imagine if her page was no longer an edvin archive account. 97 percent of her followers are edvin's mind you! he doesn't unpin the posts bc 1. that would send a very clear message it's all over after how much how obnoxious he acted to get ppl to watch the movie. him suddenly not prioritizing it would mean he doesn't care anymore and that'd mean a break up. 2. he isn't keeping it up for felicia really. mostly to please mj. 3. apoy is essentially his last internationally released project (he's not gonna pin goose epiloguen lmfao) and there's no trailer for alw yet or 28 years later.

he's not gonna unpin those posts until either he fr gets a role in the us within the next few weeks/months and pins that or promo era for 28 years later or alw starts and that's months from now. this current situation is perfect for them. you can tell nothing is the same, but at the same time there's nothing that obligates them to speak about their dating life. so they can just go on with their lives and act supportive online and keep people believing that "they're just being private" and when finally the time comes and they (or just edvin really) have to admit that yeah 'we actually broke up' or "I'm single currently!" it'd be ages from when their actual break up had happened (literally the second promo for apoy was done). so they'd be able to make it look like 'oh we actually broke up almost a year after we hard launched 🥰' instead of having to admit to the world that they broke up the second it didn't serve felicia anymore and also after all the pr distasters they caused just so she gains an ounce of relevance. so yeah. I think they broke up, but they are and will be friendly and will try to keep people in the dark about whether they broke up or not but we can tell. a clear sign of break up now so soon after apoy and all that happened would confirm everything for the common masses. if the hate train was bad in summer, it'd get 10 times worse. keeling ppl in the dark until months and months passes and then confirming that yeah we broke up is good for both their images bc it'll make the break up look normal and that's what they need to get over this whole phase with the least damage.

sorry for the incredibly long rant and analysis but I needed to get this out of my system <3

i can't believe u just wrote a 100k words essay on felvin breakup and i can't believe i just read it all. but i'm smiling anon :))

[f1amboyant]

This AU is gonna make me loose my job and my sanity 😂😂😂 I love your ideas lovely anon, please do share!! It actually gave me the brain tickles so here comes my idea about color mixing:

There are legends and theories about True Soulmates, the absolute fit for your soul, in some cultures it is more prominent that others but scientists refute this saying there are not any evidence that romantic soulmates are any different and there's no proof that for reciprocated feelings will make the colors mix. But a lot of people still believe in it, really rare, almost impossible, find the perfect puzzle piece to your soul across history and space but there are also pieces of ancient literature across the world of this happening; the Illiad tells the story of Achilles with his golden touch, gifted by the gods, and his lover Patroclus with his suntouched skin and chocolate mark, who after their training and time together started to share a perfect mix of both, a shiny bronze. The stories tell that none of them had anymore soulmates after that and after Patroclus death, his mark of Achilles chest, over his heart, started to shift and rust, covered in a sick green until his death.

Charles, like the romantic he is, claims that his mark on Carlos' shoulder is starting to have a rose gold hue exactly a week after their confession. They are lying in bed back in Monza, Ferrari still books two rooms for them since only their closest friends and team members know about the development in their relationship (and aprox half of the grid bc even though Carlos is very private about his personal life, Charles needs to share his happiness, sue him) but they haven't slept alone since that day. Carlos laughs at him and jokes that is bc Charles is looking at him through rose colored glasses and it will go away after their first in race incident; but Charles is sure, and he will spend all the time possible lying in bed with his head pillowed on Carlos' biceps and staring at his mark like a hawk.

He knows it is kinda petty to have a one sided competition with any other soulmate Carlos' had but sue him for wanting a reminder for everyone that even though Carlos is on their skin, Carlos is his first and now they would share a mark to prove it; so when Carlos finds him in the bathroom, shirtless and stretching to examine his own mark on his waist to look for a color shift, he blushes heavily but it is not too bad bc it earns him a kiss.

This is a shared AU, so everyone who wants to chime in please feel welcome 🥰🎨

Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhmlqdkhgldqkhgm yes yes yes! Please yes! This is awesome! I love this color soulmate au 🎨

Jealous possessive Charles, yes please, I need more of him.

And the inclusion of Achilles and Patroclus as True Soulmates?? Yes! Chef's kiss 😘 Amazing

I truly adore this au. Please anon, feel free to share more! (But please don't lose your job over this 🫣)

[differenteagletragedy]

oh oh! as a Capricorn, i would love hcs for the olba guys spending your birthday in between the holidays with you, bc we don't get elaborate birthdays :( as a birthday gift, thank you

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! I got you words about boys hope you love them <3

-- You probably already guessed it, but your birthday isn't getting skipped on anybody's watch here.

-- Cove will be mean about it if he has to be. Omg imagine little savage baby Cove over at your house and some relative or friend of your moms is there and gives you a present with the old "This is for Christmas and your birthday!" routine.

Cove: Those are two separate things. I always get a present for both.

Moms: Come on Cove, it's the thought that counts.

Cove: They should have thought harder.

-- Even when you get older, Cove isn't going to let that fly. He loves giving gifts, it's really important to him, and you are the MOST important. If one of your friends gives you a double duty present, he might not say anything, but he's judging.

-- Derek would never in a million years try to combine everything. Would you get a specially planned party with your favorite people, foods, music etc. any other time in the year with him? Of course. So this is no different.

-- When you were kids and he figured out when your birthday was, he had A Talk with his parents about it. The holidays are for family, sure, but your birthday is for you and he wants to be there with you for it. If you want him to be! No big deal if not!

-- Baxter is throwing you a birthday party, and if whatever venue he picks uses holiday decorations then he will burn it to the ground.

-- He is very very thoughtful, so thoughtful that he doesn't even really want you to know how thoughtful he is. And he notices tons of things without you saying. So if it does bother you that everything sort of gets lumped together a lot and you don't get to have a big special day just for you like everybody else, then he's going to notice that and he's going to fix it.

-- I'm not saying your birthday is MORE important than the holidays to Cove, but I am also not NOT saying that, you know?

-- Oh we've been doing Cliff and his MC too haven't we?! This is one day that, as long as Cove doesn't live at home anymore, Cliff is going to just let Cove know that he's not going to be super available.

-- Cliff knows he's got some baggage and he appreciates you being so accommodating with how much he takes Cove into consideration, but this day is all about you, regardless of anything else.

-- This isn't super specific to this kind of birthday, but Baxter will make you a cake if you ask nicely. He'll still want to get Xavier to bake one, but baking is obviously a special little thing between the two of you.

-- Every year you bake each other a birthday cake and it turns into a competition to see who can outdo the other. You hear him in the kitchen, muttering to himself as he tries to draw a template at the counter.

Baxter: *presenting you with a cake in the shape of something you like* This is like that trend, is it a cake or is it *object*?

You: ... It's obviously a cake, Baxter. Geez.

-- Do you like the holidays too? Because if you want, Derek will take down all the decorations the night before your birthday then put them all back up the day after if you want. You can tell him that's too much work, but you're worth the effort!

[vanillaxoshi]

So originally i've always had this 5+1 idea where i already told you about (idk when i'm gonna write it)

But i imagine that solar in the ages of like 4-7 ish LOVES to call for his abang, bcs hes sunshine boi and loves basking in his older brothers attention. But i've kinda always hc solar being absolutely terrible in making friends

The main issue is bcs he talks a LOT (he wanna share fun facts 🥲) and uses words that kids his age just.. does not understand at all, and if you don't know. Children especially 7-12 year olds are BRUTAL they have absolutely no filter, so they say things about solar being weird and boring and annoying etc.

So he; at 7 years old he calls for his abang a lot bcs.. well kids are being mean and abang can fix this they always help him. But then kids make fun of him for always calling for his brothers and this.. didn't really bother him suprisingly (he didn't need other kids they don't understand or listen to him, his brothers understand him)

UNTIL one of his brothers –who was having a bad day– just says how annoying it is that he always calls for them and thats what made solar self concious, all the other kids words suddenly started getting to him. So logically he doesn't wanna be dependent anymore he doesn't want his brothers to also find him annoying like the other kids. They can't. They're the only people who gets him. He can't lose that so he stops calling for his brothers

And his brothers doesn't understand why he just.. suddenly stopped and is obsessed with being independent. Years go by without even a single MENTION of abang from solar (daun and air still does it) and after 3 years they just kinda accepted it until that is.. they turn 11.

All the brothers were ecstatic to have powers and be superheroes, so much so that they always leave and is barely home except when tok aba closes the shop. Daun was the only one who didn't have powers like himself, so he held onto daun like a lifeline. But of course like any 11 year old, daun gets bored and starts to spend more time with api and angi taufan. Hes barely home as well now..

His brothers has found other more interesting things than his rambles of information or facts. And this kid only had his brothers bcs he was basically isolated by other kids, so obviously he starts to panic. What was the point of being independent if his brothers won't even be here (he became independent just so they won't be irritated with him)

So when his brothers were about to leave daun was going with them. Daun is leaving him. In a desperate childish plea he calls for his abang to just.. please.. please don't leave him.. its so lonely at home don't leave him behind.. please. So daun stays.

This is so lovely🥹

I actualy want to make different comic scenarios of some of he things youve mentioned(daun going with api and Angin, the kids making fun of him)

But more of the things youve mentioned and said add SO MUCH MORE

i love this

I love that

Him just desperate for his brothers is just👌

[god-blog]

My connection with Artemis (so far)

This is going to be a long post but I just wanted to get this all down somewhere

I had been experimenting with Hellenistic paganism and witchcraft on and off for years, but over the last year particularly I've been researching modern and historical witchcraft and getting better at using my tarot cards. All of my recent readings had been coming up scarily accurate and then this happened.

About four months ago, I was walking in the woods by my house and found my name on a rock with a heart next to it. The rock was purposely placed in a hollow of a tree that lined up with the setting winter sun.

(yes, my Greek mythology obsessed self named myself after Hermes) While I was there, I felt a huge overwhelming amount of love. Like I haven't felt in years. I almost cried. I felt so incredibly loved and valued.

I asked all my family and friends but they all denied writing on the rock. There are about 150,000 people in my neighborhood so someone else could have the same name, but I've never met anyone else named Hermes. It could be for the actual god Hermes; I've never seen this rock again but I am 80% sure that this tree is someone else's worshiping spot as well. I've found sticks and logs strategically placed around the tree and today I found a plank propped straight up by four rocks across from the tree.

Going back to the second time I went to see the tree, I got an image of a glowing stag meeting me at the top of the hill even tho deer don't live in these woods anymore.

When I got back to school, I did a tarot reading (I left my cards there while on break) and asked if there was a deity trying to contact me. I pulled the four of pentacles (control/stability), the ace of cups (new spiritual beginnings), and the prince of wands (assurance). So, I took that as a yes lol I asked if whoever it was was with me at school even tho it's in another state or if they were tied to the woods. I pulled the high priestess reversed (isolation) which I took as they were stuck in the woods

I thought it was a local nature spirit or Dutch folk god (bc the Dutch settled in those woods and my family is Dutch) but my research didn't find much that aligned with what I was seeing.

At the same time, I was doing things Artemis followers do wo even knowing it: I painted a deer on the mason jar I've been using as my altar bc it felt right and made it easier to worship (also that image of the stag from the tree), I bought a moonstone for my altar bc it felt right, I've been tracking the moon phases, and for the last two years I've been regularly spending two to three hours outside a day learning abt/rescuing local nature

It wasn't until I came home for summer that I realized that deer, moonstone, woods, wildlife, the practices I was already doing were ALL associated with Artemis. I was a bit slow lol So, I did another tarot reading asking if Artemis was the person trying to contact me and I pulled the eight of wands (sudden positive growth/breakthroughs) which I took as a yes. I asked what I could expect if I worked with her, and I pulled three major arcana! The empress (strong female energy), THE MOON (uncertainty vs creativity, also nothing is more moon than Artemis lol), and the world (completion, fulfillment)

so those were all pretty good and I've been collecting stuff to make my altar bigger than a single mason jar lol

[lincolndjarin]

.

// tw for graphic descriptions of sexual assault. this is just a vent post bc i have nowhere els to get these feeling out sorry.

yeah so idk everyone can ignore this i just wanted to write it out bc that's what i do and this is so much but i write things out, like, that's what i do.

i don't really have anyone i can talk to anymore. im not exaggerating when i say i have one friend who still lives in the same state as i do. and she is quite literally always in a lab because she's trying to cure cancer so it's like woof how do i bring her my problems when i only get to see her a couple times a month? i don't want her to associate what little time we spend together with just me complaining bc i love her so much and i don't want to do that to her when she so rarely gets a break. the rest of my friends are scattered around the country so when they are in town we usually just go out and call it a night. and my best friend moved to another state in august. i miss him every day. he's quite literally my soulmate and because of the sudden distance between us i made a conscious effort to give him some space. he's in a new place and i wanted to give him time to adjust and make new friends so i've really only been texting him when there's an emergency or if he texts me first.

so i've sort of just been filled with an overwhelming sense of being alone in a way i never have been previously. it's a big part of why i started writing. a lot of people made comments about how when i first started writing bks that the update schedule was crazy bc i was posting nearly 3 chapters a week and that was because i was desperate to pour my attentions into something other than the fact that i was alone.

all of that is nonsense and in all honestly just a precursor to what is actually upsetting me.

a few of my friends are in town and last night we went out to a club that we used to go to all the time. I haven't gone out in quite some time so i was pretty excited and because it's a gay club i usually feel pretty safe there, i've always been with a large group of friends and i have never felt threatened there because the people are always extremely kind and there is very attentive security.

because i haven't been out in months i definitely overestimated how much alcohol i could handle. i was pretty wasted when we arrived but we got there early enough that it was relatively empty for the first few minutes and we were able to just sort of talk and hang out.

later that night i was with two of my friends dancing when i smiled at a guy who was dancing near us. I have never felt threatened by the men at this club, despite the fact that i am usually pretty wary about men in general due to the fact that i assaulted multiple times by a family friend when i was young.

i was heavily intoxicated at this point but still lucid. i smile at everyone, i make a conscious effort to compliment as many people as possible when i'm out and to smile at everyone.

before i fully knew what was happening he was behind me groping me. one of the two friends that i was dancing with gave me a sort of thumbs up thumbs down signal to see if i was okay, i just sort of frowned and nodded, i didn't really know what to do so i just sort of let it happen, it seemed relatively harmless enough.

after another minute or so he became aggressive, he grabbed me by my chest and held me in place, he bit me and humped me until he came against the back of my skirt. he had not said a single word to me at this point. immediately after that happened i grabbed my friend by the arm and asked him if we could go outside to get some air.

when we recalled what had happened to my other friends it became clear that no one knew the extent of what had happened. they asked if i was okay and i smiled and nodded. i didn't want to ruin the first night we've had out in months so i made a few jokes about it and we went back inside.

i spent the rest of the night staying as close as possible to my friends with my back to the wall.

we didn't leave for another hour or so because my friends were having fun and i told them i was fine. on several occasions throughout the night he would try to get near me again but i managed to avoid him without ever involving anyone else.

i didn't speak much on the car ride home, i had sobered up at that point because i had stopped drinking immediately after it had happened. i didn't cry until i went to bed that night and then i just went to sleep.

it's a little after noon now, i woke up a few hours ago and i just feel sort of empty. i've dealt with the aftermath of assault before but this is somehow worse because i had the opportunity to stop it and i didnt. when i was a kid it was easy to come to terms with the fact that it was never my fault. i was a little girl, the adults around me failed to protect me from what was happening and it was never on me.

but now i am an adult, who was drunk and dressed promiscuously in a club. and it's much harder to swallow because i didn't push him away and i could have asked for help and i didnt so ive just sort of spent this morning staring out the window and drinking lemonade because that's what i do on sundays.

and i feel more alone than i usually do because who am i supposed to talk to about this? i told my friends who were there last night that i was fine and i don't want to text anyone whos been out of town bc it's like 'hey it's been a while! lets catch up! i think i might have been assaulted last night!' and who wants to hear that.

so i guess i'll just do what i do to cope and i'll just write more.

idk. it's just been a rough 12 hours and im tired from all the crying and i really needed to get this out and this is the only place i could think to put this and im sorry if this is too much it's just been sitting stagnant in my mind and it helps me to write so thats what i did.

thats all i guess.

[secretlystephaniebrown]

Rereading GCSS bc it is in someone's bookmarks I'm trawling through and I had A Thought. So question: Would you ever consider writing a snippet where Harley and Guy politely discuss custody?

So you know, I've been sitting on this for a while, going "I'll write a snippet for this eventually."

And then whoops.

I don't think this is a snippet anymore.

Enjoy!

On Ao3

--

Guy Gardner meets Harleen Quinzel for the first time on the day of Crystal Brown’s wedding.

Guy was what the bridesmaid’s had dubbed a “Guysmaid” which was hilarious. He didn’t like Arthur, but he was willing to keep the peace because it made Crystal happy, and she was practically glowing, and only partially because she was three months pregnant under that concoction of taffeta and lace that was a wedding dress.

Harley wasn’t in the wedding, mostly because while Arthur and Guy got into aggressive staring contests on occasion and argued about petty things, Arthur hated Harley.

Which, in Guy’s book, signified that Harley was obviously a great person.

Once the actual ceremony was over, and Guy had managed to snag his dance with Crystal, which had Ma Bellinger having yet another fit about his involvement in the wedding as a whole, he grabbed two beers and went in search of the brunette.

They didn’t exactly get along, in the end. They were very dissimilar people. He was loud and abrasive and ready for a fight at all times, with a chip on his shoulder and a heart of gold. She was, in those days, a doctor with a romantic streak, with a bad tendency to psychoanalyze people after she had a few drinks.

They didn’t fight, because it was a wedding, and neither wanted to upset Crystal.

But in the end, they withdrew to their separate corners (Harley to the college friends, Guy to the Bellingers) and mutually resolved to spend as little time as possible with the other.

And then, a few months later, Crystal had the baby.

Harley gets the call first. Then, after Crystal rejects every single one of Arthur’s suggestions for godfather, Crystal calls Guy.

Guy is only a little bitter about coming second, but he gets that Crystal wanted someone more local first. He’s in Michigan, in those days, playing college football and working through his degree in special education, and he’s not sure where he’s going to end up next. Even if Harley leaves Gotham, she’ll probably just go to New York, which is hardly any distance at all from New Jersey.

He does, however, double down on spoiling Stephanie every chance he gets.

And when Harley disappears and becomes Harley Quinn…

Well, he triples down instead. He’s got to make up the difference, you see.

----

Harley and Guy both get the call at the same time, because the social workers in question aren’t sure how to find Harley, and Guy’s got an out of state area code on his phone number, so they’re not sure if he’s even available.

Guy has a slight head start, since the call to him is direct, rather than having to go through Harley’s mom, but Robinson Park is closer to Manchester, so Harley has a shorter drive.

Harley gets there first, in the end, by a slender margin, which is probably for the best, because if Guy witnessed her be confused about Crystal and Steph, he might have thrown something.

Guy shows up a few moments later, before Harley even gets in the house.

He looks at Harley, and squints for a moment, because of the blonde hair, but he places the heavy New York accent quickly enough.

Harley, now that she’s in the right mindset, recognizes him as well, and the two manage to keep their mouths shut until the social worker is out of the house and Steph is upstairs packing.

Then they start the hushed-tones argument.

“If you think for a moment I’m letting you take her to the Joker,” Guy says through gritted teeth.

“I’m not—we’re broken up! I’ve got a house! Well, it’s Selina’s house technically, but Mister J’s in Arkham right now, he’s not—anyways, you live out of state!”

“At least she’ll be safe with me,” Guy snaps, because he’d been friends with Bruce Wayne long enough to know a few things about Gotham City.

“She’d be safe!” Harley protested hotly. “I’d never let anything happen to her!”

“It’s fucking Gotham,” he points out. “Nothing’s safe here!”

“You really want to take her away from her mom?” Harley retorts. “And school starts soon, you want to… uproot her life? It’s good for a kid to have stability?”

Something shifts in Guy’s face. “Fuck. Crystal.” He points at Harley. “Put a pin in this, because we’re not done here. I need to make a call. I’m getting Crystal moved to a better facility.”

“Hey, I was going to do that!” Harley protested. “How do you have that sort of money?”

“I don’t. But I can call in a favor,” Guy said. He steps outside to make the call.

Harley puffs her bangs irritably, and then winces when she spots Stephanie Brown’s ponytail poking around the corner, obviously eavesdropping.

In the end, Harley suspects she knows how this is going to go. They’re probably going to have to take the issue to Steph herself.

Living with three supervillains but staying local, or going to Rhode Island to live with her Uncle Guy, who she actually vaguely knows?

If it weren’t for the fact that Stephanie Brown is so obviously Crystal’s daughter, Harley wouldn’t put money on her own chances of custody.

But then she starts hearing shouting coming from outside and she throws open the door to find out what’s going on, and she and Stephanie both get full view of Guy transforming into a Green Lantern to yell at Batman.

… huh.

Yeah, this is going to be tricky.

--

Steph doesn’t really. Know what’s happening anymore.

Her long-lost godmother is actually Harley Quinn, and she lives in a mansion in Gotham City with Poison Ivy and Catwoman. Uncle Guy, who she hasn’t really seen in-person since she was five, but who she knows from birthday cards and Christmas presents and fuzzy childhood memories, is apparently Green Lantern, and he lives in Rhode Island with the Justice League.

Also, he knows Batman, and is yelling at Batman for showing up at her house.

Guy clearly puts it together that she’s Spoiler on the spot, but he doesn’t call her out for it because Harley is there, but he lets Batman talk to her.

Before Batman can leave, but after he’s given her a communicator to contact him in emergencies, a third car pulls into the driveway, and Poison Ivy and a woman wearing a pantsuit that she assumes is Catwoman get out, and then Harley comes out of the house, and there’s more yelling.

Guy asks her if she wants to go inside to finish packing while the grownups hash it out, and she tells him no, since her life is being yelled about, and he shrugs and lets her stay.

He does give her a Zesti from the fridge though and lets her order pizza before he wades into the fight.

She sits down on the couch, watching Harley Quinn loudly promise to not break the Joker out of Arkham if she gets custody of Steph, while Guy points out that she’s a felon, and if it weren’t for the fact that Gotham City is a certified disaster zone, Harley wouldn’t even be eligible for custody.

Which sets Catwoman off about felon disenfranchisement and Batman looks like he has a headache, which is objectively hilarious.

She suspects that, no matter where she ends up next (she’s leaning towards going with Uncle Guy, personally, because even though Poison Ivy and Catwoman seem chill, it might be nice to live with people who aren’t supervillains for a while, plus Uncle Guy apparently lives with Big Barda, who is objectively one of the coolest people in the whole galaxy), her life will never be the same.

[lifesver]

alright hold on here are The Thoughts

i think growing up it was very like... leland trying to fit himself into a box, or an image that people had for him. which started with his dad and literally just trying to get the 'i'm proud of u' one singular time. dad was tough on him, only son, 70s, a little more sensitive than most boys his age etc. truly the root cause of why he can so easily get caught in cycles of people-pleasing, and is so easy to manipulate, and so easy to knock down a peg. bc he already has those preconceptions of himself, and when those things get confirmed, he just goes oh. yeah i guess so. you peaked in highschool? sure did man. you're not good enough for your friends? true!

leland who pushed himself into a golden boy status in his tiny little town. who made that his entire Thing for a while. he pushed himself in athletics and he pushed himself in academics so he could make it into that ivy school. and then getting to university where just about everything ripped a stripe off him. a lot of it was good humbling (from his friends), that made him loosen up and stop trying to exist in that box. but it was also just a wake up call of like, not being the best, and in fact being mostly average. which there's 0 things wrong with but when you have the ex golden boy complex it's so over for the mental.

i think about how after he had to drop out of school it was like. extra tough. going back to your small town after you were supposed to make something of yourself in college. seeing the people you knew from highschool, some of them having never left, some of them looking at you with judgement like haha how did you mess that up golden boy omg??? having to be there while his friends finished up their schooling, and then moved away. nothing like coming back to your childhood room after you've outgrown it and remembering being just a little younger than you are now, and all the things you thought you would be and get to do. spending basically a year rotting at home with zero motivation and just a completely gutting fear of being out in public until it's like. well i can't just do this huh.

and then having to go work for/with his dad so he doesn't put too much of a burden on his mother who's helping april with her kids now. just contractor work stuff and having to listen to his dad yap about whatever all day. having that oppressive influence on his shoulders again cutting down any personal growth he had made toward things like... self expression in the realms of his appearance or sexuality or identity and even just embracing silly interests or whatever. it all just went back in the box, bc he knew he wasn't going to be able to get out from under his dad's roof until he could save enough money to pay off school (lol rip the scholarship) and then move out. and generally just being like oh thats cool. i'm going to never leave this town. just like him (: cool cool cool!!

and he doesn't!!! he doesn't leave for twenty years. he gets a house and a dog and lives his quiet life. losing contact with most of the friend group after everything sort of cemented something in him that said hey don't bother letting anyone know you like that again, they'll leave you and it'll be your own fault. you don't want to trap anyone with you, you don't want to get your heart broken over and over, either. he never gets married, just has some messy short relationships, messy one night stands with people he can't bring himself to call back. he's the kind of person that's still like... warm and friendly for the most part, so people think they're his friend, that they know him, when he doesn't rly talk about anything real about himself anymore. i love 2 laugh

[lastoneout]

you absolutely do not need to respond if you don't want to but how does the "everything feels worse because i'm finally healing" differ from "everything feels worse because things really are that bad currently"? i always wonder if there's a way to tell them apart. glad you're getting recovering!

Imo the difference so far, is that back when I was still in an unsafe place that was making my trauma worse, between the hysterical sobbing meltdowns I just felt so....normal. I would freak out and break sometimes, but after that I would feel weirdly fine. Or even at times like I didn't have emotions at all? It was like my brain was going "there is no war in ba sing se" to protect me and keep me from freaking out too bad, and like it kinda was! My major coping mechanism has always been ignoring my emotions and shoving them all in a box until they aren't bothering me anymore. And when I was in those shitty situations that was helpful, because I needed to keep myself alive and I wasn't going to be able to do that if I was a sobbing mess all the time.

Also, the one time it got really, really bad, like I was so deep in a traumatic situation it was clearly just completely destroying me, I really did feel like that part in Inside Out where Riley's console just goes dark and none of her emotions can press any buttons. There was this overwhelming sense of dread and misery, and I could barely take care of myself at all. I stopped going to school and showering and I barely ate anything, I didn't talk to my friends, and tbh I did some stuff that I am SUPER not proud of, bcs my brain legit wasn't working at all, and it wasn't until I got out that I started feeling like a person again.

The pain of healing never feels like that. Yes, I am in a bad mental space a lot of the time, I'm depressed and I have nightmares that make me legit so depressed I spend the whole day crying, but there's like...idk this undercurrent of function and focus that wasn't there before. I can keep doing things WHILE being sad(for the most part), instead of only being able to function when I am repressing everything. And tbh it really does feel like I don't have a choice in the matter, which sounds bad but it's kinda nice? Like my brain is done repressing things and isn't going to let me do it anymore. Every time I try it's almost like there's a firm but kind voice in my head saying "no, we can't do that anymore, you have to face this, it's okay".

It's kinda weird too bcs the deeper into healing I get the less my old coping mechanisms help. Hell most of them don't even work anymore. As an example my mom got into a car wreck recently and she was in the hospital for a while, and when I found out I tried to go into my "no feelings no nonsense we have to be strong now" mode, but it didn't work?? I spent the whole time I was there crying, and like!! I actually was happy I was crying!! Because I've never been able to do that!! It's such a weird thing to be happy I'm upset but like, it means I'm making progress.

And that makes every single moment of misery bearable because I know I need this. I've needed this my entire life, and it hurts and is scary, and sometimes I do have to just zone out and play video games or spend a day in bed being sad, but I just...know it's the right thing. Idk how else to explain it, I just know.

It also helps that now I know what a happy, safe life looks like and I know it's there waiting for me. I know this work is worthwhile because I don't want to live my life the way I used to. And I am in a happy, supportive relationship that actively inspires me to work on myself and be a better person. I know not everyone has that, but framing it in a way where I am trying to be better not just for myself but for the people I love helps give me that extra bit of strength I need to keep going.

Anyway this is kinda rambly, sorry, but I did want to answer. If anyone else has any advice for anon feel free to add it on!! I have to go to therapy now lmao but when I'm done if I think of anything else I'll add it!