#I don't expect them to but I do think the things others say about him needn't be taken as hard truth all of the time

[starboye]

starring: nicholas alexander chavez x male reader

request: Nick is the captain of the football team and the reader is the only male member of the cheerleading team, with a phat ass and slutty waist. A slutty femboy if you will. They have this ongoing sexual tension between them which leaves Nick always sexually frustrated and on edge. But whenever things start to get heated the reader just teasingly walks away. But one night when the reader is getting ready for bed, Nick breaks into his room climbing through the window and they have nasty sex all night long

warnings: smut, really rough sex, degradation, homophobia, f slur used but just in sex, fingering, jerking off, teasing

the other girls absolutely fawned over nick, him being the captain of the football team and all made all the women want to fuck him but he only had eyes for you and your righteously phat ass, he wanted you so bad that it hurt, and adding that you were the only guy on the cheerleader team he got to see your ass bouncing everyday during practice.

you on the other hand had no interest in him but you did love teasing him, getting him on the edge just to pull off such as today when after practice nick pulled you under the bleachers with his still sweaty gear on and your marvelous cheer uniform sill luckily on.

"what do you want nick" you ask agitated already knowing what he wants "i see you had a great cheer today, mind showing it to me at my place tonight" nick comes off player like, throwing you off slightly "well i would love to but what's in it for me" you ask filling nicks mind with nasty perverted thoughts "i dunno maybe a little kissing and some other things" nick licks his lips and glances down to yours.

"mm i dont even know how you kiss" you fake pout "well we could change that right now" nick smirks "sure then" you agree which shocks nick but none the less he leans into kiss you but just as your lips are about to touch the school bell rings and breaks you both apart "aw rats and i was just looking forward to it" you fake a sad voice and walk off.

leaving nick with a boner and a head full of thoughts that lead him to the bathroom to jerk off, the whole time thinking of how much he wanted to make you his, fill you with his cock and cum which now sadly is being flushed down the toilet after he came, but this time he has a thought in mind, a devious thought.

now watching you from a far as you get ready for bed, your parents weren't home right now so lucky him, slyly opening your window before slipping in to see you just walking out of the bathroom, taking that chance to pounce on you.

"what the fuck" you yell trying to push the mysterious person off you then realizing it's nick "what the hell are you doing in my house nick" you ask ready to hit him "finally taking what's mine" he smirks before grabbing you and kissing you deeply making you drop your guard surprisingly.

"you don't get to tease me anymore now" he says bending you over your bed and smacking you jiggly ass before spitting on your hole and opening you up with his fingers, pumping them in and out at an alarming rate for quite some time "you wanna hurry this up, my parents are gonna be home in like two and a half hours" you scoff making nick a little mad.

slapping you ass to shut you up before he pulls out his cock and thrusts in into you, a loud whine shooting from your mouth that nick stops by slapping his hand over your mouth and continuing to fuck that delicious hole that he's only ever dreamed of but feels so much better in real life "for a slut like you i expected a looser hole" he teases.

"yeah and i expected better sex but here we are" you slickly say making nick stop going nice and starts absolutely slamming into you, pushing you forward with every thrust but he pulls you right back on his cock to keep destroying your inside, pushing your face down into the pillow to shut up your whiny moans from getting you both caught by the neighbors.

"yeah who's the bitch now" nick boasted watching you turn dumb under him with every pound into your tight hole "dumb little whore just wanted some cock huh to shut up his faggot mouth right" nick says listening to you babble some nonsense "you want me to fill you up hm" he asks slapping your ass to finally hear you scream a 'yes'.

he pounds into you a couple more times before emptying his load in you but oh no don't think thats the end, it's just the beginning for the night this man had with you, had you creaming all over his cock and dumping loads into you like a common whore until you passed out, cleaning you up so your parents wouldn't get suspicious, the next day he saw you he was happy as ever could be.

taglist:@mailmango @spermeboy @ghostking4m @gayaristocrat @addictedtomalepits @staarb0y @crispysoup318 @its-ares @gargoylesworld09 @znerac

[fushiguruuzzzz]

ALL I WANT 4 CHRISTMAS .ᐟ

What are the jjk & aot boys doing this Christmas season?

Somehow, mistletoe is left in his wake like a trail of breadcrumbs. Nobody knows exactly how he acquired all of this, but as he continues to swerve the advances of anyone else he meets under the green and red decoration, his intent grows more clear. There's also a mysterious bundle of it in his pocket, which he explains as his "just in case" backup. Before you knew it he was taking you by the hand and leading you through the house, much less subtle at scanning the doorways above than he thinks. At first you're oblivious, wondering if someone had spiked his eggnog or something of the sort, but no. When he halts abruptly and you follow his gaze upwards, every oddity of his behaviour makes much more sense.

"Would you look at that? Mistletoe. Wonder how that got there."

You can still feel his proud grin against your lips, even after he kisses you.

⤷ Satoru, Jean

He’s lounging on the sidelines, eyeing you over the rim of his mug as you enjoy the winter day, unaware of his lingering eyes. The hot chocolate sears his tongue, but he can't find it in himself to react. How could he care, when you're laughing across the room? What was so funny? What was so special about those people that prevented you from talking to him? He's got plenty of other people gabbing in his ear, they always end up flocking to him, as odd as it seems. He only feigns interest in their words, but if it were you, he'd hold on to every syllable like they were life's greatest treasure. he'd take note of every shift, of every breath you took. But for now you were across the room and all he could do was stare, frozen in place.

⤷ Suguru, Eren, Toji

Ah, yes. The personification of Christmas, your very own worker elf at your side. Clad in a ridiculously festive sweater and some reindeer antlers, Santa Claus might as well have thrown up on him. You're sure that if it weren't for you, he'd be wrapped in Christmas lights and singing carols on doorsteps. "It's holiday spirit! Don't you like Christmas?" he'd say. He makes you out to be some sort of grump, but you know deep down that he's just a total dork.

⤷ Toge, Yuji, Connie

Your boy isn't one for grand gestures, he never has been. Even around the holiday season, his love is quiet; soft. His chunky sweater wrapped around your shoulders, a steaming mug in your hands because he noticed you were chilly. A batch of sugar cookies made just for you, icing of your favourite colour decorating the tops. A pretty little box with a ribbon tied into a bow (or at least it was supposed to be) atop it, even though you made him promise not to go out of his way more than he already has. He just can't help himself. A photo snapped of you when you're looking particularly docile, just for safe keeping. He looks at his little album of you when you're apart, but he doesn't tell you that part. His affection is a collection of small sweetness, like a box of trinkets filled with the little things you hold dearest to your heart.

⤷ Yuta, Armin

He’s doing all of the sappiest things without even realizing it. Who would expect this big, beefy oaf of a man to be so whipped? “Yeah, those decorations are really pretty. I’d rather look at you, though.” “Sorry for staring, baby. You just look so pretty. If you were the only present under the tree I wouldn’t mind.” He’s buying you reindeer plushies just because they’re cute, and when he gives them to you his eyes shine with something so sweet it’s hard to believe it’s him. So you take them, you accept all of it, every little thing teetering on the fence of cute and corny, because maybe that’s what love does to you.

⤷ Reiner, Choso

You know how I said Toge, Connie, and Yuji are the personification of Christmas? Yeah, he’s the grinch. No, he doesn’t need another candy cane. No, please don’t turn up the radio, if he hears another Mariah Carey song he might implode. It would be easier to hide his disdain if you weren’t so adamant, so pushy for him to “get in the spirits.” Get that damn hat away from him, he tells you he won’t allow himself to be subjected to your childish antics. But when the festive shine in your eyes dulls ever so slightly, when you retreat with a defeated huff, he doesn’t know what changes. He doesn’t understand why, but he knows he doesn’t like it. So he tugs you back with an annoyed huff, grumbling under his breath as he falls victim to your will. He always ends up doing that, somehow. Always ends up at your mercy, even though if it were anyone else he’d have blocked them out long ago.

⤷ Megumi, Levi, Sukuna

He seems like something straight out of a hallmark movie. Okay, maybe he isn’t as cheerful as your picture perfect husband, waltzing around like Buddy the Elf. Maybe he’s got that passive expression on his face, the one that’s just barely grown easier to read over the years you’ve grown to know him. But he’s cooking you meals and massaging your back, he’s sliding you his card over the kitchen counter before he leaves for work and telling you to do something nice for yourself. He doesn’t care, as long as he gets to see the results; see how happy they make you. He trusts you, he trusts that you’re just as his as he is yours, and that means all of his work benefits him just as much as you. Because he gets to see your face light up, see the subtle curl of your lips with every act of service, and knowing he’s the only one is well enough for him.

⤷ Kento, Erwin

a/n — I wrote this randomly at 4am because one of my mutuals asked if I was doing a Christmas special. Yes apparently I am. Also Gojo fit a few of these but I decided on that one :3 I was thinking about doing more fandoms but I’m not 100% confident in my characterizations for hq, hxh (been a HOT minute since I’ve watched), etc. so aot and jjk it is <3 most people are only here for jjk anyway so

[back2bluesidex]

To Be Popular - JJK [Prologue]

Pairing: Social Media Influencer! Jungkook X Marketing Manager! Reader ft. Yoongi

Summary:

You love everything about social media - apart from the ever-growing number of social media influencers. You don't understand how these people gain followers and admirers just by installing a camera and doing very basic things in front of it. And you despise how some of them can do anything to gain fame, to be popular - even if it includes uploading their bedroom scene in pornsites aka people like Jeon Jungkook. But when your company launches a new product and your department head tasks you with signing Jeon Jungkook up as an endorsement partner - you have no choice but to chase him like the corporate slave that you are. However, things turn worse when you embroil in a dating rumor with him and have to keep the game going for the sake of everything. is it really for the worse or things will turn in a way you never expected it to?  

Theme: Strangers to lovers au, fake dating au, kind of enemies to lover au, angst, smut, fluff.

Full Series Word Count: 26k

Chapter word count: 1k

Warnings: a tiny little smutty scene, dirty words.

Masterlist | Patreon (For access to the complete series)

Taglist requests are open.

Minors, I am not responsible for what you consume online. So, act more rationally and stay away.

A/N: After brooding for a long time, I have decided to (alongside your votes) release one of the patreon exclusive, since no other stories are working out. Though this is originally a drabble series, I will release longer chapters here.

Chapter index: -

Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 |

Or read the full series right away on Patreon at a discounted price today!!

Your eyes zero on your laptop screen - the quality is just above what is called grainy. 

But you can clearly recognize those tattoos. Moreover, you can recognize that voice, even if he says nothing good but filth. 

“You whore!” a slap rings as if to punctuate the man’s breathy voice, “look at your greedy hole swallowing me up so good!” 

You look at what his voice is referring to. The place where his cock disappears into her, creating a lewd, wet sound, her arousal drips down the back of her thigh - your own thighs come against each other as an impact. 

Even though their faces are not visible in the 3 minute video, the whole country knows who they are. 

Social media influencer Jeon Jungkook and Youtuber Kim Doona. 

There are a plethora of reasons behind why you don’t like these social media influencers. If you have the energy to make a list then it will go like: 

1. These people think of themselves much more highly than they actually are. You mean, they are not even celebrities or making the country proud or something. What the fuck make them so obnoxious? 

2. They have an awful number of dumb followers. Why do people even follow them? For showing their makeup and skin-care routine? For screaming loudly at the gaming screen? For recording themselves eating, doing the most random shit every normal human being does on a daily basis? You just don’t understand why. 

3. These people are absolutely fame-hungry. They can do anything and everything to boost their followers even if the said actions aren’t really positive. 

Take an instance from the current scenario - two of the most popular social media influencers have dropped their bedroom scene at an adult site and it got monetized within a day. Nice move because they gained both money and fame 10x overnight. 

It’s not that you have paid to watch what you are watching currently - you would rather die than feeding into the delusions of these influencers. You are watching because you despise these people and there was a leaked version circulating on Telegram. 

You scoff at the screen but the wetness in between your legs scoffs back at you. 

You hate them, yeah, but it’s not like you are totally immune to the sexy scene they have portrayed. Especially the way Jeon Jungkook’s tattoo arm held onto the female’s waist, or the way his muscles flexed under the dim light, or the way his cock- 

“Y/N! What the fuck?” you scold yourself, slam-shutting your laptop with unnecessary force. You blame it on your temporary state of celibacy that has been forced upon you since your last break up. 

And the fact that you have a fat crush on your manager - doesn’t make things any less painful. 

So you decide to shut off your system for the night and go to sleep as you should have done long ago. You have work tomorrow and a meeting, being wet after watching some influencers fuck each other wouldn’t help you with your career. 

Or would it? 

Your jaw hangs ajar, threatening to touch the floor as Min Yoongi, aka the manager you have a fat crush on, presents the campaign plan of your company’s new product’s marketing. Everything was fine until Yoongi suggested influencer endorsement and if this is not a joke of the universe then you don’t know what it is because you can see Jeon Jungkook’s picture gracing the screen.   

“Jeon Jungkook? Why?” you utter these words without so much of a thought. 

Yoongi looks at you with his narrowed eyes, “why not? You know, he is really famous. He is trending currently.” 

“Yeah but the reason he is trending- well. I don’t think he is suitable for our brand image.” you press on. 

Yoongi chuckles at your constipated expression, “Y/N-ah” he calls you softly and a tiny part of your heart melts, “I am sure our brand image can go up with a few charitable works here and there. But the company wants a return of what they are investing in marketing. I bet signing up Jeon Jungkook will help.” 

“Y/N, you know we are already at a tight spot right? Our last campaign wasn’t as successful as we expected. The company may take steps if we don’t do this right this time.” calls Mrs. Lee from the other side of the table. 

“And before you ask me why him, why not the other influencers…” Yoongi chimes in again, “We are selling gaming laptops and this guy is addicted to games. He has more followers than the actual streamers. He is young, hot, and talented in many areas. In one word, he is perfect.” 

“You awfully sound like you want to date him.” You scoff at the man. He only chuckles. 

Yoongi tries to say something but a knock rings on the door. One of the staff opens the door only a little and says, “Sir, he is here.” 

Yoongi nods and says, “send him inside.” 

“Who is coming?” you place the question. Only for Yoongi to smirk as a response. 

When you are about to press more, the door swings open revealing the man who-should-not-be-named, Jeon Jungkook. 

Your eyes go wide as you take him in - all baggy clothes and a cute bucket hat perched on the top of his head. Bambi eyes scanning the room like a puppy brought to his very new home. As if he is not the guy who is going viral for fucking on camera and selling it to an adult site. 

He bows deeply and opens his mouth to greet, “Hello, I am Jeon Jungkook.” 

You feel your blood pressure raising at the thought of working with him. You will survive it right? 

You will have to. 

Permanent Taglist:

@phenomenalgirl9 @chimchimmarie @coffeedepressionsoup @meowstake @vonvi-blog @nochuel @chimmisbae @i-have-no-life-charlie @mikrokookiex @jjk174 @lallataegi @savageyoongi @jwnghyuns @parapiop7 @futuristicenemychaos @armystay89 @ryryvna @purple-realms

[moody-alcoholic]

On a Wing and a Prayer

Part 7 - Well This Is Awkward

CW: Angst, mention's of alcohol, mentions of panic attack's, mental health, mentions of injuries, mentions of death.

Did I mention I like medical dramas?

Previous parts - masterlist - next

Your therapist is nice. You’ve been going to her for the past 3 months, you were only supposed to go for a single session. Then the army insisted on more. Johnny was sent home on medical leave a few days after you left. He came to see you and stayed the night. 

The next morning you had to tell him to leave, it just wasn’t the same. 

‘I’ll be staying at the house if you want to visit?’ 

Shit, you forgot about the house. The place you all pitched in to buy, so you all had somewhere to stay when you were on leave. Everyone’s flats are too small to accommodate all 5 of you. Besides, flat hopping everyday across London was expensive. 

‘I’ll talk to John when he’s back.’ All you want back is the deposit. 

“Do you feel guilty?” She asks you. It snaps you out of your thoughts and you turn to look at her. 

“No.” You say, she hums. You hate it when she does that. You don’t know why it is a particularly tough session. You just want to go home. “They hurt me. I don't feel guilty about that.” 

“You left the unit though.” Bitch. “It’s okay to feel guilty about that.” 

“Okay fine. I feel guilty about leaving Johnny and Kyle.” You snap back. Anything to get her to sign you off so you can go. You look up at the clock, you still have at least 40 minutes left in this season. 

“Have you got your letter from the university yet?” She asks changing the subject. You nod. After a few weeks of crying on the bathroom floor and drowning yourself in bottles of vodka you decided to get your shit together. 

“That’s good, what's the plan going forward?” 

“I’ll be posted on a base somewhere where I can get hands-on experience in trauma care. With studying on the side.” You say without going too much into the complications. 

“So the army is actively helping you, that's good.”  

“Yeah I think they’re willing to do anything so long as I don’t sue them.” You scoff under your breath. She hums.

You don’t know how true that is, maybe it’s just something you tell yourself so you don’t feel so conflicted over how accommodating they’ve been. They’re paying your uni bills and even got you one some army teaching program aimed to fast track you through the ranks. 

“What about Kyle and Johnny? Have you heard from them since you spoke to them last?” Fucking bitch. You sigh, turning away from her. The last time you spoke to them was almost a month ago. They text you from time to time, try to call you. 

You’ve ignored them, so much that you feel like anything you say to them will just be meaningless. 

“Yeah, they’re deployed.” You lie. She smiles. You look back up at the clock. 

30 minutes to go.

______________________

Iraq is hot. That you expected but the hospital’s electricity is sketchy at best. You have to keep the air-con off to make sure the ventilators don’t cut out. The US built this place, you’re only supposed to be here for another week at least before you’ll move again. 

As soon as the electric is fixed it will be handed over to the UN to run, until then it was getting a dry run as a combat hospital. Lots of blown off limbs and bullets to pull out people. Lots of death. 

You told Johnny and Kyle where you were going when you got your placement. You’re trying to patch things up with them after basically leaving them on read for almost 3 months. Your therapist said it would be a good thing to do. 

The sun is setting, you're sitting outside watching as it touches the top of the distant mountains. The place is busy, friendly forces are still pretty much living here. It’s the only safe zone in this part of the desert, why the UN wanted a hospital out here you’ll never know. 

Something about re-urbanisation of previously controlled territories. You don’t care, you're here to pull bullets out of people and save lives. Other than your mentor-Dr. Sands-you’re the only other doctor on the base. Doctor is a loose term, you’re technically still a student, but you ace all your skills labs, and the army is begging for help apparently. 

You let out a breath, finishing the rest of your drink and getting up and pulling your white lab coat on. 

“Well, fancy seeing you ‘ere.” You hear a familiar thick accent behind you. You turn to see Johnny standing behind you. 

What the fuck.

You’re hugging him before you can stop yourself. You see Kyle, John and Simon stood behind him. They’re all geared up, weapons slung over their chest or back. 

You thought you would feel something when you saw them. Maybe you'd want to run, scream, cry, anything. You feel nothing, just numbness.

“What are you doing here?” You ask.

“Oh you know, Shepherd says jump, we say how high.” he says nudging you, it makes you smile and you shake your head. 

“Finally going for the MD?” He asks, pointing at the student doctor tag on your coat. 

“Yeah well, you like putting bullets in people. I like pulling them out.” 

“Oh yeah not even the occasional love tap?” He jokes, throwing his arm around your shoulders.

“Only the bad guys.” You reply. You look up at Kyle who’s smiling. Then John and Simon. 

“You look good.” John says. 

“Yeah well that’s what 6 months of therapy will do to you.” It’s bitter, harsher than you expected it to be. It’s the first time you’ve spoken to him in 6 maybe 7 months. He hasn’t changed a bit. He still smiles at you, his body language open, his hands on his hips. 

Simon stands with his arms crossed, his presence is looming, making hairs stand up on the back of your neck. 

“It’s good to see you again.” Kyle says, you nod at him. 

“Oh when we’re back we should catch a bite to eat.” Johnny says enthusiastically, moving away over to Kyle. 

“You can tell us what to avoid in the mess.” Kyle adds. You smile again. You go to open your mouth but your pager beeps. You look down at it. It’s the doctor. 

“Yeah, when you’re back, come find me.” You say turning into the building. 

“Stay safe!” Johnny calls.

“Yeah you too!” You call back pulling your radio off your hip. When you make it through the door you squeeze your eyes closed for a second and let out a long breath. 

Now you hate this hospital even more. 

______________________

It’s dark out now. You look over at the clock and it's almost midnight. You’re sat at the nurses station listening to them talk about whatever drama is going on in the next base. You still can’t believe you ended up in the same base as 141. 

They’ll be gone soon, even Johnny seemed surprised, maybe he thought you’d be gone by now. Now you have to eat with them at some point. Johnny and Kyle at least.

The doctor left an hour ago to go to another base for a surgery. You’re used to this taking the night shifts. Normally you just sleep and get woken up a few times for the nurses to ask for medication changes. You’ve only ever had one trauma come in at night and the doctor was there to help you with the limited night time staff. 

You tried to sleep but you couldn’t, you were restless trying to think about what they were doing here? Who were they after? How long would they be here? At least at the nurses station you can listen to the nurses and let their gossip distract you. 

The red trauma phone rings. For a second you think it’s a joke, it’s the normal phone. Nope, the red light is flashing on it. You stand up picking it up. 

“Trauma.” You say.

“Got one incoming, ETA 15 minutes. GSW to the chest, breathing unconscious. 30 year old male.” You hear an American voice say as you write it down. You don’t have time to worry or be nervous. This is what you live for, you let the adrenaline pump through you. It clears your mind as you take down the information. 

“Copy, what’s the name?” 

“Riley.” Your heart stops.

“Say again?”

“Riley, Simon Riley.”  

It feels like all the air has been sucked out of your lungs. You’re squeezing the phone in your hand, the pen has fallen to the floor. You look over at the nurses already pulling gowns on and getting into position in the resus bay. 

You don’t even register saying copy and putting the phone back. You turn away from the nurses braising yourself on a filing cabernet. 

Simon’s shot. All you can see is his face, his body covered in blood. He’s always so careful, he’s always the one dragging people out the field not getting shot. Something must have gone horribly wrong. 

You weren't there. He’s shot and you weren't there to save him. 

You suck in breaths of air, the adrenaline isn’t helping now. 

“Doctor?” You hear one of the nurses call. You turn to look at them, you have to keep it together. 

“Page the doctor.”

Banners by firefly-graphics

[cheshireliam]

"Wrapped in Wicked Romance" Story Event: Chapter 2

This is a fan-made translation solely for entertainment purposes with no guaranteed perfection; expect mistakes, grammatical errors, and some creative liberties. All original content and media used belongs to Cybird. Please support the game by buying their stories and playing their games. Reblogs appreciated.

Read this before interacting

(Now… I wonder what I should talk to Ring about.)

(... Huh?) 

While I was trying to think of a conversation starter, I realised that Ring was already way ahead of me. 

Kate: Ring! Wait up! 

Ring: !? Why are you so far behind…? 

I hurriedly chased after him and he rushed back toward me.

We met halfway and started walking side by side again.

Kate: Perhaps my strides aren’t as long as yours. I’ll try to keep up. 

Ring: No, I should’ve slowed down to match your pace. … My bad. 

Ring: A-anyway, you can hold onto my arm.

Kate: Thank you. 

Ring: Actually… I wanted to have you hold my arm back at the meeting point. 

Kate: Was that during your sudden warm-up session just now?

Ring: Yeah. … I should've let you hold my arm earlier if I knew you were going to be left behind.

Ring: I’m not good at acting like a lover at all. Even if it's Dari’s orders…

Kate: Neither of us are acting the part right now, so don’t let it bother you. 

Kate: Is there anything else you wanted to say but couldn't?

Ring: There is. It’s about… your outfit. 

Ring: “I love your outfit today. It suits the little robin very well”.

Ring: “Where did you get that bracelet? I want to get a matching one”. 

Kate: Huh…? 

Ring: “The design around the collar is fun. It really looks like your kind of thing. Also—”... 

Kate: Um… are those your own words? 

I couldn't help but interrupt when Ring, who had been acting awkward the whole time, suddenly started complimenting me so smoothly that it felt unnatural.

Ring: … Y-you’re sharp. As expected from a member of Crown… you’re dangerous. 

(It’s not that I’m sharp, it’s that Ring’s behaviour is so obviously unnatural…)

Ring: Actually… I had Nica teach me some words to compliment you, so that I can do a better job at pretending to be your lover.

Kate: So that’s what happened…! I’m happy you prepared yourself in advance, but…

Ring: “But”? 

Kate: I’d much rather hear you use your own words, Ring.

Kate: Do you usually compliment your lover using words someone else said?

Ring: N-no, I don't… I-I think. 

Ring: A-anyway, give me a moment while I think of the words to compliment you. 

Kate: … You don't have to force yourself to compliment me if nothing comes to mine, okay?

Ring: No, I really do think your outfit looks nice, it's just… umm… 

He took my comment about wanting to hear him use his own words seriously and struggled to respond. 

I couldn't help but find it endearing that he was trying so hard…

(You can do it…!) 

I silently cheered him on in my heart.

Ring: Your outfit today looks… frilly and soft… I-I think it’s c-cute.

Ring: It reminds me of a purple Hardenbergia flower… the subdued color is comforting to look at. 

The words he finally managed to string together sounded hesitant and awkward, but they struck me deeper than any borrowed praises could ever.

Kate: I never would've thought of comparing the colour of my clothes to Hardenbergia flowers! It makes me so happy to hear that.

Ring: …! I-I see… that's good to know.

Kate: You must know a lot about flowers, don’t you?

Ring: Y-yeah… I probably know more about flowers than most other things. 

Kate: There are some flower beds on the way to The Scala.

Kate: If you don't mind, could you tell me what flowers they are?

Ring: … If I can identify them. 

…

And so, on our way to The Scala, Ring taught me about the flowers blooming along the road… 

Thanks to that, his nervousness seemed to have eased significantly by the time we reached Piccadilly. 

Ring: … It’s about time for the play to start. We made it just in time.

Kate: You’re right! The Scala is right up ahead. Let’s go. 

(... He’s still a little awkward, but I feel that he’s conversing more naturally now as compared to this morning.)

Even Ring was wary of me and said some disturbing things earlier on… 

He was an honest, upright person who was willing to listen to what I had to say. 

That honestly was likely the reason why I could freely interact with him without feeling on edge myself. 

(I’m looking forward to watching the play. I wonder what kind of reactions Ring will have.)

(... Huh?)

Ring: … Why did you suddenly stop? Is something wrong?

Kate: P-pardon me. There’s something I want to verify… you come too, Ring! 

I grabbed Ring’s arm and led him toward an alley in the opposite direction of The Scala. 

…

Ring: … What business do you have in an alley like this?

Kate: There’s been a rise in child abduction cases in the area lately, and I thought I saw someone resembling the suspect on the run… 

Kate: Ah… it’s him! 

I lowered my voice and pointed at a man lurking in the shadows of the alley. 

Kate: There’s a chance I got the wrong person, so I’m going to act casual and try to get information out of him— 

While I was explaining the situation to Ring, a young girl wandered into the alley, perhaps by accident.

At that moment, the man made a move. 

(Ah…!) 

He crept up behind the girl and covered her mouth with a piece of cloth he had in his hand. It seemed to have been laced with some sort of drug. 

The girl fell unconscious, and the man skillfully stuffed her into a bag before attempting to flee the scene.

Kate: Ring, let’s go after him! 

Ring: … No, we need to report this to Dari and have him make a decision first. 

Kate: What…? B-but there's a kidnapping happening right in front of our faces! We must act now! 

Ring: I was ordered to only ensure you return to the castle safely today. Any actions taken beyond that are prohibited.

Ring: Getting involved in strange situations would be going against Dari’s orders.

Ring: I understand that you want to help, but we should only act after reporting to Dari. 

(How can he say such things when a serious crime is being committed right under our noses…?)

Just a couple of minutes ago, I concluded that Ring was an honest and upright person that would never tell a lie.

But it was precisely because of that, I instantly knew that his words right now weren’t lies. 

In other words… Ring had no intention of stopping the crime from happening at all. 

Ring Schwartz, the person I thought I was starting to understand, became a complete stranger to me once more.

Kate: … F-fine. Then I’ll go after that criminal MYSELF!

Ring: H-hey…! 

[baronessvonglitter]

Sprinkle of Cinnamon ✨

Frankie Morales x f!Reader

Word count: 1.3K

Summary: While getting some holiday baking done, your boyfriend has a big surprise in store for you.

WARNINGS: Absolutely none. Pure fluff and family friendly themes ❤️ Mention of fire (Frankie burns some brownies but he’s a pro and gets the fire put out quickly.

Author's note: This fic is for @frenchiereading who I got in the Secret Santa challenge by @pedrostories. This was such a lovely challenge idea and I had a wonderful time writing this for you, Mel! Wishing you a very happy and peaceful holiday, and I hope you enjoy this little slice of Frankie sweetness 🥰

FRANKIE MORALES MASTERLIST | FULL MASTERLIST

Cinnamon is the last thing you need from the store, and as you wedge yourself in between other shoppers' carts during the last-minute Christmas baking rush to get down the spice aisle, you grab the last plastic bottle of McCormick's and head to the checkout line.

Now that you have your last ingredient a calmness washes over you. All the gifts are wrapped, the house is ready for your Christmas guests tomorrow, the first with your live-in boyfriend Frankie Morales and his young daughter Daniela. Everything is going according to plan. No surprises, just how you like it.

All that's left is the baking, which little Daniela blithely asked to assist you with.

However, when you arrive home, the sight you behold is of Frankie, apron haphazardly strewn about his person, emptying the last contents of the fire extinguisher at the stove. Acrid smoke hangs in the air and a sheepish smile creeps upon his face.

"Hey honey," he says pleasantly, coughing a little from the smoke. "Didn't expect you home so early."

"What happened?" you ask, wide-eyed, assessing the damage, of which there is thankfully little.

His seven year old daughter Daniela speaks up. "Daddy was trying to make brownies!"

"To surprise you," he groans, his secret unraveled by his own flesh and blood. "You have so much baking to do before tomorrow and I just wanted to help you get ahead."

"That's sweet." You wrap your arms around him and give him a soft kiss. "I'm sure they would have been delicious."

"I don't think so," Daniela shakes her head, unsuccessfully evading her dad as he scoops her up into his arms and tickles her.

A shuffling noise is heard upstairs, right above the kitchen in the bedroom you share with Frankie. "Is someone here?"

"No," Frankie says, giving his daughter a look as he holds her in his arms. "I didn't hear anything. Did you hear anything, niñita?"

Daniela hides her face in her dad's shoulder and shakes her head, but a tiny giggle escapes. 

"Still, I should go check." He puts her down and races upstairs.

"Okay.." you side-eye them, a little smile on your lips. "Dani, sweetie, want to help me start with the cupcakes?"

Later that night everything is cleaned, back to its normal settings, and you're mixing a bowl of gingerbread with Daniela's help. She's excited to be involved in the baking process, carefully arranging the decoration icing tubes and separating the sprinkles by type, making the thumbprints in the jam-filled thumbprint cookies, and meticulously adding red and green M&Ms to the cupcakes she helped you frost.

Frankie, who claimed not to find anything suspicious earlier, is upstairs wrapping gifts (so he says), and suddenly emits a loud curse. There's a loud bump. You listen, watching the ceiling above you where the noise comes from. "You okay, babe?" you call out.

"Yeah! I'm good, baby.. don't come up!" he warns you.

"Okay," you stifle a little giggle, exchanging a glance with Daniela, who looks just as amused and shakes her head and keeps at her work, adding snowflake crystals to some freshly baked brownies.

"Ow! Hey, damn it," you hear him grunt, then another sound is heard, something muffled and whiny.

"Frankie?" you call upstairs.

He's silent but you hear some rustling and scratching. "What's going on up there?" you call out again.

"Daniela!" Frankie calls, evidently trying not to sound frazzled. "Can you come up here, niñita? Please?"

She dutifully goes up, abandoning the brownies. 

"What is going on today?" you mutter to yourself, mixing the gingerbread as the oven dings its readiness.

Finally you have time to rest. Daniela's still helping out her dad with the wrapping, even though you'd offered your expert gift-wrapping technique. He didn't want you to see what he'd gotten you.

"I don't need anything for Christmas, just you," you'd told him all holiday season. But Frankie was insistent. He loved giving gifts, even something as small as a small bouquet from the florist or your favorite snack from the corner store where he took your car to fill up the tank.

You hope he'll like the watch you got him. You'd saved up for the expensive one he'd been looking at in the sales catalog for weeks.

"Babe, take a break and come down here for some cocoa!" you call up, putting down a tray of steaming sweet hot chocolate in three mugs, topped with whipped cream, a sprinkle of cinnamon, and some candy canes for stirring.

There's that shuffling sound again, like little taps on the stairs. You hear Frankie's curse and Daniela's high-pitched giggling before a golden retriever puppy comes bounding downstairs, a little Santa hat on its head, pawing at your legs.

"Oh my gosh, who's this little guy?" you bend down to scratch the puppy's ears as Frankie and Dani come downstairs.

"He's your surprise," Frankie says, swiftly picking up the little cutie. There's a red ribbon tied to his tail, with something on the end of it. "What is that?" you ask.

"I did that! I was very careful," Daniela says proudly. And before Frankie can move away with the puppy, you touch the ribbon and find something heavy on the end. Bright and sparkly.

"A ring?" You give Frankie a confused look.

If it's possible for someone to both pale and blush at the same time, Frankie accomplishes it. He unties the ring from the ribbon and slips it off, holding it between two fingers as he gets down on one knee, the puppy tucked safely under his arm.

"Baby.." he starts, and your eyes blur with tears of joy and excitement. Daniela claps her hands happily.

"I had a whole speech planned, but I'm just gonna wing it, and speak from my heart," he says, big brown eyes looking up at your like you're his life raft.

"You're the most beautiful person I've ever met. Not just on the outside, but on the inside. You're caring and smart and funny, you made Dani and I feel like part of a family again.. and you put up with all my bullshit."

Daniela gasps. "Daddy, don't say bad words!"

You laugh with him. "But it's true," he continues. "I don't deserve you, not one bit. But if you marry me I promise I'll show you every day that I can be worthy of you.."

Your heart is racing so quickly you're afraid it'll fly right out of your chest. "Frankie.. of course I'll marry you!"

It takes a moment for him to register your answer, then he's up and hugging you, the puppy wagging its tail and Daniela wrapping her little arms around yours and Frankie's legs.

"It was the hardest thing to keep her quiet," Frankie says, watching Dani play with the puppy, affectionately named Holly in the spirit of Christmas.

"That was all the noise I heard?" you snuggle on his shoulder as the two of you sip your hot chocolate, The Santa Clause playing on TV. 

"I know you don't like surprises, but I wanted this to be memorable for you," he says with an apologetic look. You can't resist him, giving him a soft kiss which he returns with eagerness.

"It was.. I just feel bad I only got you a watch when you got me an entire engagement ring.."

"Baby, it's no big deal- wait, you got me a watch?"

You groan, smacking your forehead. "Yeah. That's meant to be a surprise for you too."

"The one we saw in the mail catalog? The expensive one?" You can't help loving how hopeful he sounds.

"It wasn't that expensive," you smile.

Content as you rest on the sofa, watching Dani play with Holly, life can't possibly get better. The diamond on your finger twinkles in the lights of the Christmas tree, but you're too enamored with the people in the room, the ones who belong in your heart.

dividers by @thecutestgrotto 👑

[severinewrites]

Finding Independence Without Love

Musings of independence with the absence of love feat. Moominvalley

Dependency is common in some relationships and could happen in both platonic and romantic relationships. We see our partners/friends as a source of happiness every time we feel down. Our clinginess strengthens when we have a special person in our lives, thinking of them as a person without flaws or perfect. This can be an unhealthy way of how we act or think in our relationships with other people, we can’t expect they’ll satisfy our needs immediately, it’s like you are viewing them as the top of our pedestal, admiring them a lot.

I am saying this from my perspective as a young adult, I’ve experienced the first time feeling disappointed in my ex-crush when I hear he likes someone else. It hurts a lot to hear from the person you’ve admired for so long like someone other than you, I mean, it’s a universal experience, right? Getting disappointed or rejected, you start to get mad at yourself like hitting, pulling your hair, or even slapping yourself for not getting chosen, you feel like an idiot for being delusional thinking you’re the “one” for them. It’s a tragic feeling, I know—but I tried to forget about them, not as a friend but as a “crush”.

During my Christmas break, I struggled to cope with my feelings, so I doomscrolled YouTube for 10-12 hours for 3 days straight without reaching out to someone because I needed to isolate myself from what happened, trying to forget it ever happened. Then, I stumbled upon a show called “Moominvalley” on my for you page, I decided to watch the clips, and guess what? I fell in love with it quickly even though it’s been 3 days since I knew about this show. Moominvalley is a comforting show, and what intrigued me about the show is the character Snufkin, an easygoing and carefree enjoys thinking about things and always comes and goes as he pleases, going on adventures. Like Snufkin, I enjoy solo trips, I'm not a big fan of trips with my friends (depends on my mood but I prefer solo to groups) since I do treasure my alone time a lot, able to think about stuff or explore everywhere without any people around trying to drain my energy emotionally and physically. With my solo trips, I'm able to reflect on many stuff without any distractions. Just because I enjoy being alone doesn't mean I don't feel lonely… I have friends who care about me a lot—including my ex-crush but despite them being overall supportive and approachable, I can't help but try to push them away from me—isolating myself, especially what happened between my ex-crush and me, I can't face them anymore something that leads me to isolate myself from them and my friends, not wanting help or comfort from them anymore. I shut myself from them, I don't want to make things complicated. Snufkin really relates toMoninn on a deeper level, making him my kin since he does push away friends, has abandonment issues, fears getting attached, is sad on the inside, and struggles to talk/chat with someone.

Through the show Moominvalley, I’ve learned the hard way that even the people you deeply love and admire, you need to accept that you can’t control how they feel or act, because well… they are humans, right? They deserve to feel or act what they want, even having feelings for somebody they like, even if it’s not you. It’s sad because that person made you feel alive or wanted, through the physical touch, words of affirmation, and more—makes me so special to them. Maybe that’s the reason why I fell in love with them in the first place. This also relates to the relationship between Moominttoll and Snufkin, Moominroll being clingy and a bit obsessed to Snufkin makes him admire him because of his adventures but unlike Snufkin, he tries to avoid any attachment to Moomintroll, resulting him to leave everytime to get some alone time or to isolate himself in his adventures. Moomintroll is also one of the characters I've kinned too, him being so clingy towards Snufkin reminds how I acted towards my ex-crush but not as obsessive, just right. Moomintroll has longings for Snufkin, always wanting to be in his side everytime, like how I've wanted to be in my ex-crush's side whenever I have a chance too—but sadly they found someone they always want to be close with… I'm glad for them but I tend to feel lonely without them around, yearning for some message or conversation from them—nothing is the same anymore as before… but that's life, there will be changes, whether you like it or not.

Therefore, I still need time for myself and watch more Moominvalley to find my purpose in life outside heartbreaks. Even I would love to talk/chat with them, it’s time to use this vacation to take a break from them for a while, giving myself time to grow as an independent person—not needing their comfort or help and focusing on my passion for writing, like what I am doing right now. Sometimes, we need to depend on ourselves, without needing anyone to fix us. That's what I did to cope.

To end this, I would like to add a quote from Moominvalley from the character Snufkin, he once said:

“You can't ever be really free if you admire somebody too much.” - Snufkin (Moominvalley 2019)

This quote explains we can't really be free if we admire that special person too much, draining your energy mentally and emotionally. I wish I've heard this show during my childhood then I wouldn't have to deal with heartbreaks all of the sudden. But I guess things happen for a reason. Moominvalley is truly a masterpiece, especially the creator itself Tove Jansson, the one responsible for making this beautifully crafted show for us to love and enjoy, making us learn meaningful lessons.

We humans seek longing, wanting be loved by that person we admired but I know we're better than that—I’m better than that anyways! We know that those people we love are humans too, so why waste our time waiting for approval from them? We could try to look after ourselves and be a independent with or without them—needing no love from them at all! Love can wait but not with hopes and dreams, our passions in life are much more important than some hopeless romance. We don't need that person we deeply admire to take over our lives, we should move forward and never look back! It's such a shame not to take a chance to do what you're passionate about when we only live once.

With Moominvalley, It's possible for us to grow to independent individuals thriving to make the world a better place! With my strong love for writing, I could write freely, writing down my musings, feelings, and emotions. I’m grateful to be alive where the world is filled with endless possibilities, where you can be free from everything! Be who you want to be, explore everything until you find your purpose—that’s the beauty of independence without love!

“It is simply this: do not tire, never lose interest, never grow indifferent—lose your invaluable curiosity and you let yourself die. It's as simple as that.” - Tove Jansson (Fair Play 1989)

[acourtofthought]

If Sarah provided this information for a reason, I don't think it's because it's going to an Azriel plot:

When we look at Sarah's writing, information introduced typically goes in a direction we weren't expecting:

"Stay with the High Lord" wasn't about Tamlin.

The Starsword belonging to Theia's female heir only lasted for a short while before Theia's heir left it to Nesta.

The bloodline ending with Ruhn did not foreshadow his death as expected.

Az has nothing to do with the Autumn Court. He has nothing to with Jurian and Vassa. He has nothing to do with the Spring Court. All things Rhys mentioned as a concern in the bonus.

You know who does though? Both Eris and Lucien.

I definitely think Eris is a good guy deep down but I think it's possible that Sarah will continue giving him a bit of the Jurian or Loki treatment, where he'll appear to be working against them, possibly looking as if he's betraying them.

Eris went to the human lands to "spy" on Jurian and Vassa:

Eris’s face filled with cool amusement. “I wanted to feel out Vassa and Jurian.”

He was the one who arranged the meeting in Spring and was present when Tamlin arrived:

Cassian growled, opening his mouth, but halted. Eris went still as well. Nesta felt it a heartbeat later. The presence creeping toward them on soft paws. Cassian shoved her behind him just as a golden-furred beast with curling horns leaped from behind the brambles, landing in the forest clearing.

Not to mention he knows of Tamlin's current state and how he's abandoned his people, that his father might have an interest in taking over Springs lands.

And he's the one still doing his father's bidding though we know he wants to take Beron out.

The "betrayer of the NC" theories are making the rounds again, whether because of an interview where some say Sarah confirmed this information (I've yet to see the interview) or because of what Briallyn said to Nesta:

“There are others in your court as delusional as you are. They’ll get it for me one way or another, with the right incentive.

So what if the betrayal will look like it's coming from Eris? A promise to kill Beron would be the right incentive for him.

And we were given this line to show Eris as a part of the NC's lineup:

Starting with Keir, at the head of the gathered crowd. Ending with Eris, standing proud and tall—wearing Night Court black—beside him.

That wording adds Eris into the "There are others in this court" lineup in a similar way that Sarah stretching the Suriels hint of staying with the High Lord did, it's like he was a honorary part of the NC, embracing Night Court black.

He's also showing frustration / jealousy in SF:

She kept her gaze on Eris, who went rigid, rippling with rage. “I do not appreciate being toyed with, Nesta Archeron. My offer was sincere. Stay with the Night Court and you risk your ruin.”

And then there was the way Eris had spoken about the other courts. Something had been off in his words, his tight expression. Was the male jealous?

And Eris's betrayal could include invoking the Blood Duel against Lucien at Berons request:

To help them remember that all it might take to secure Briallyn’s alliance would be to hand over a certain Archeron sister. Don’t be stupid enough to believe my father hasn’t thought of that, too.”

If they knew Elain was Lucien’s mate … It was now another avenue, I realized with no small amount of horror. Another way to strike at the youngest brother they hated so fiercely, so unreasonably. Eris’s bargain with us had not included protection of Lucien.

Nesta barely glanced to Eris, who pulled his assessing gaze from Elain

Of course I don't think Eris and Lucien would fight to the death and I think Eris will be getting a true redemption arc but I could see that setup being a way to kick off the Elucien book, tying Eris, Lucien, Beron, and Elain together in a plot related way so that they can finally deal with Beron once and for all.

[howlingmod]

under the mistletoe

summary - every phighter (seperately) x reader, as it sounds

misc - HAPPY HOLIDAYS ..... smiles

sword

"What?"

-doesn't plan it ; i don't think he knows it's a thing. no reasoning i just don't think he would be aware. he's not totally in the dark about all the little romanticisms of the holidays but this one's a little lost on hi.

-he doesn't really get it is all ......... it's cute sure, but he kisses you all the time, what's so special about this?

-he'll still get a little shy though, he's kissing you! in front of people! and you're fine with that! what! he's confident enough in your relationship, but he's still a little awestruck everytime you guys do something so intimate in public

-he likes knowing you're fine with people knowing you're together about as much as he likes to show you how much he loves you.

skate

"C'mon baby! It's the rules!"

-doesn't actively try to set it up too much. he's moreso just nudging you in the right riection every now and then and staring at it for most of the night. it's very obvious to everyone else.

-he just thinks its a staple! the mistletoe kiss is right up there with the new years kiss, it's one of the most romantic gestures out there (in his book)!

-honestly very sweet about it, will probably put his arms around our waist or grab and hold your hands to pull you closer.

-also he just likes showing you off and this is the easiest way of doing that other than all the verbal bragging he's doing that night. whoops.

katana

"..."

-not going to set it up or care much. it's a cute tradition, but nothing super important to him. plus, it's really gonna depend on your surroundings. if you're around other people, he'll keep it in mind for when you're alone (consider it a delayed one). if it's just you two, then he's a lot more likely to oblige.

-it's really up to you. if you seem nervous or uninterested, he's not going to push it at all. he'd much rather go at your pace and make sure you're ready and comfortable than pry for a silly tradition.

-he's a very sentimental kisser, so expect to be there for a few seconds. he likes taking his time so he can put as much of his heart into it as he can.

-while the tradition itself isn't anything to him, the gesture is very important to him. he's got some pretty gnarly scars, so knowing you're still willing to do something so intimate when you can see and feel them makes him happier than he knows how to say.

banhammer

"Funny seeing you here!"

-doesn't plan it really. he thinks about it, he thinks it'd be cute, but he doesn't really push you over there. he might whine about it a little afterwards if he doesn't end up doing it (it's so tropey, he has to man), but that's about it

-he takes it a liiitle seriously. he's all for traditions like this man you don't get it, he just thinks they've got such a charm to them. they're so simple and yet have so much payoff ...

-he's dropping a shitty one-liner sorry. he thinks its fun to flirt with you like you two aren't dating. he's gotta prove to you he's a good boyfriend, alright?

-sweet kisser though. if you're especially shorter thn him, he might lift you up into his arms a bit to make it easier on the both of you. if not, you're still getting pulled right up to him. it's cold outtt .... ::]

-

rocket

"Well, you know what they say!"

-nudges you in the right direction. he wants at least one, it's a classic! he's pretty similar to skate in this regard.

-it's a big show of affection in his eyes just because it encompasses so many feelings for him- he gets to show you off, he gets to kiss you, AND he gets to do something stupidly cheesy, what more could he want?

-he's a little messy with it- more so because he's excited. he ends up going in a little too fast and maybe bumping eachother if you're not careful.

-he'll have an arm around your waist for the rest of the night. he's pretty proud of himself.

slingshot

"What? Oh- OH!"

-doesn't plan it at all. in all honesty, it probably happens at the cafe rather than a party. it just got thrown in with all the other holiday decorations, so he hung it up without really thinking about it.

-if it happens during the workday, he's a little iffy on it, he'd like to mantain as much professionalism as he can ... buuut he might still give you a little peck before rushing off to work on the orders. if you're alone, then he's more than happy to linger a little longer.

-the type to hold the side of your face or your shoulder while kissing. he likes the stability of it and just thinks it's cute ...

scythe

"Well well- lookey here."

-she planned this. she's the reason the mistletoe is there. this was not fate this was a grand plot and you don't even know the start of it.

-oh come on- of course scythe of all people would be all over this! it's an easy way to show off your relationship (she's possessive, sue her) and to get a free kiss. there's no way she's gonna pass up an opportunity like this.

-she makes a big show of it, sorry. she loves to get under your skin and fluster you, so she's gonna spend her time getting closer and teasing you about you looking a little embarassed.

-the kiss itself is surprisingly chaste and sweet, she likes showing you off but she's got class, alright?

shuriken

"Well, I'm waaaiting ..."

-plans it. he spends a good part of the night herding you over there at least once but most likely twice. sue him for wanting to kiss his partner...

-he's not super used to the tradition, so it's still got that allure of something new to him. he's got a hyped up view of it, so he's pretty excited and it shows in how he's grinning like an idiot the moment he gets the chance.

-this isn't to say its gonna wear off to him though- it'll get normalized, sure, but he still looks forward to it every time. it's romantic! it's cute! let him live!

-annoyingly sneaky about it too- please don't act too surprised, you're only going to feed his ego

hyperlaser

"Negative."

-it's a hard no in public. no explanation needed he's not doing it. If you really wanna you can kiss his helmet, and honestly ......... he would think it's cute. it's a stupid tradition but you pull it off.

-if you do, he'll return the favor later (once you have less eyes on you) by leaning his head against yours. it's not a huge deal but it's a little way of him sort-of doing it back .. in spirit at least.

-in private ... ehhhh. he's still iffy on it. if you ask really nicely he might lift his helmet up just enough, but that's about it. it's just not super comfortable for him.

-not a pda guy but he'll hold your hand and keep you at his side. it's nothing special toan on looker but to him it's a show of love and care- if he didn't love you, he wouldn't bother holding you so close to him. he values his space and privacy, so know that him including you in it is a way of him showing your importance to him.

-

medkit

"Really?"

-doesn't plan it ; he thinks its silly. around people, it's gonna be a no, he's not super into PDA. if it's just the two of you ... you could convince him.

-he still thinks it's stupid, but he's willing to do stupid things if it means you're happy. a very chaste kisser but that doesn't take any of the sentiment out of it, he really does mean every little gesture of affection.

-he's going to hold your hand most likely, it's a little comfort to him- he's prone to squeezing your hand in a nonverbal 'i love you.'

-he'll be thinking about it everytime he sees mistletoe again for the next few days. it's driving him a little crazy he's coming home and staring at your lips a little bit while you guys tell eachother about your day. expect a few more kisses than normal

boombox

"(You wanna?)"

-the truest of neutrals. he thinks it's cute and he doesn't mind pda, but it's not something he sees as super important. he's very confident in your relationship and he's pretty affectionate already, so it's your call really

-it'll probably be just a quick peck, but that's only because he's probably kissed you a few times already and has haf an arm around you the whole night anyway

-really, it's just not necessary. you're already pissing everyone off with how sweet the two of you are you don't need the extra gesture.

subspace

"Ugh- Don't be ridiculous!"

-he's only going to realize if someone else walks him through it. he's not super familiar with all the traditions that go with the season, so a lot of them come off as pretty strange to him.

-if it's around other people, it's not happening, sorry. at most, he'll take you kissing the mask, but even then he might grumble a bit (he likes showing off, being vulnerable and recieving affection is a little different). nothing personal, he's just not taking it off around others.

-if it's just you two though ... then he can be swayed. he'll still think it's stupid and you're being strange but he signed up for that. he'll do it if only to see what all the fuss is about.

-'that's it?' and then he's doing it again the next time you ask. he is not immune.

vine staff

"Oh! Well, only if you'd like to..."

-she will not notice unless someone points it out to her. she's spent a lot of holiday seasons with shuriken and slingshot, so she just forgot this was apart of the holiday honestly. she's a lot more accustomed to the chaos than the sweeter little things (help her).

-while everyone would ask first, she's the most 'whatever' about it. It's a cute thing, don't get her wrong! she just doesn't feel the need to perform, for lack of a better term. she loves you and knows you love her, she doesn't really feel the need to show that off too much.

-if it was a smaller gathering, she'd be a little more into it, but if it's a bigger party she's happy to just talk to you about anything and everything under the mistletoe instead.

-very short and chaste but sweet all the same. she might grab and hold onto one of your hands, she usually won't let go afterwords either. smile

coil

"Aww- Did you plan this?"

-he doesn't set it up at first. the first time, he kinda forgot it was a thing- he's been busy! but once he realizes he's got a free 'kiss s/o' AND 'show s/o off' card, it's over. he's so smooth with it it's annoying. whether he meets you there so you have to stop below it or he casually leads you over while you're both talking, it might as well say gullible on the ceiling.

-like skate, he likes pulling you real close. he's a fan of physical affection, so you bet he's taking the chance to throw his arms around you. even afterwards, he'll keep an arm slung around you.

-he can't go to big parties, so he's usually just around skates gang, but he'll still take the opportunity to brag. he knows you're a catch, he knows you're sweet on him, how could he not be a little smug?

-if you pull a fast one on him and pull HIM under the mistletoe though, you can bet he's impressed. he'll be teasing you about it for a bit, but only because he thinks it's adorable.

[poetry-protest-pornography]

Talking with @respectthepetty about the finale, and I think I've figured out my biggest sticking point.

We see the incredible care and love that Kan shows his patients, and Tew's mom in particular. We see him ask her for confirmation multiple times. He brushes her hair, asks her if she has any worries, promises to take care of Tew for her.

He calls her Mom. She cradles his cheek. He sits with her while she falls asleep.

We see this scene play out, we feel Kan's compassion for her, we feel his need to help.

And when he and Tew have their confrontation, he says all of this. He talks about how much it hurts to see people struggle with unbearable pain, how the system doesn't care about how well or how poorly people are living, doesn't care about what people want for their life. He gives an impassioned defense of the need for euthanasia to be made legal.

He tells Tew that his mother died the way she wanted to, that she passed peacefully and on her terms. He tells him that she wanted him to be happy.

And we don't see Tew truly understand any of that. We don't get to see him even really process any of it.

I didn't need or expect Tew to become a supporter of euthanasia, or to even fully forgive and understand what Kan did and why he did it. But it seems like what we got instead was Tew accepting his feelings for Kan, and acknowledging that.

So that "I love you" felt... Misplaced.

What good does a confession do when you've got the man you're in love with handcuffed, on your way to turn him into the police.

(The confrontation itself was beautifully done and it hurt all my feelings. But I'm not sure it was in the right place? There was no room to see them struggling with and processing it. Kan's sad nod of acknowledgement and no response was the correct response, but it was also mine, quick I think is not the desired effect.)

Also, Kan volunteerimg to turn himself in, without arguing for his patients who need him -- in his hospital that is desperately short staffed, in which he is the only palliative care doctor; a point that has been made over and over in the series -- also felt off.

I would've been happier with an ambiguous ending, maybe even the exact same one, where we didn't see the cuffs, and weren't sure what was next for them.

(from my understanding, this is basically the opposite of the source material? There's also the comments from the screenwriter that have kind of left an annoyed filter over all my thoughts about the show, but I digress)

Honestly, I may have been okay(er) with the outcome if we had had more of their relationship development on screen, more of them trying to understand each other (that felt very one sided in the end).

Idk.

The show was beautiful, beautifully acted, and had some very important things to say, and it made its arguments well considering the lines they had to tow. But the politics and the moral struggle of the show were embodied in Kan and Tew, and the culmination of that struggle feels like it wasn't given enough space.

[fairymischief]

I have never seen a description of the Divine feminine/masculine that wasn't disgustingly regressive, and both disempowering to women while excusing men from doing things that every human being ought to do - especially in relationships. It's basically setting a one-size-fits-all personality type for both men and women. For example:

This makes it seem like being a leader, being rational and logical, being assertive, and generally taking charge of your life in a proactive way is a male thing. "Let things come to you, let them flow." Let yourself be a pawn in a man's world, moved hither and thither by THEIR desires, THEIR plans. Oh, and don't forget to "be open to change," because your life is supposed to be open to changing any time and any way your man wants it to. He's the active element; you're just expected to go with it.

Meanwhile, it makes it seem like being caring and nurturing is a female thing (which is a convenient way to unload the entire burden of caring for EVERYONE else on the woman) and it suggests that men shouldn't be expected to have emotional intelligence. So it makes men feel justified to be cavemen who understand nothing about the feelings of others and don't need to understand, nor lift a finger to help anyone in a way that would be considered "nurturing."

It's just so silly, and it doesn't even make sense; for example, it says that "receptivity" is a female thing. Um, I'm pretty sure that when a man is sitting on his ass doing nothing and having everything done for him by his woman, that that's him being pretty damn "receptive." It's like these qualities only apply when it's convenient, sort of like how "the kitchen is a woman's domain" until its in a professional setting; THEN the kitchen is a man's domain. And are we going to say that all the male innovators, writers, artists and musicians are in their "feminine energy" by being creative?

I could go on and on, but I think it's easy to see how sexist and gross this whole concept is. 🤮

@hyacinthsgrimoire

[whatwooshkai]

Heatwave, H E A T W A V E

Eight letters

Number 8, please :D

Heatwave is not small.

Sure, he might be a little out of the average size class for fire trucks, but that’s negligible! He wasn’t even the shortest of his friend group back in Kaon!

But apparently his size is an anomaly in Iacon, because it’s all anyone can seem to focus on.

He's never been insecure about his size before, he's never had a reason to- but the nicknames are getting to him.

Heatwave is at most maybe half a foot shorter than the second shortest mech in their class, but it's all "Hey, Half-Pint!" "What's up, Runt?" "Shortstack" "Little Guy"-

He is this close to killing someone.

“I have an assistant today who’s joining me from the Autobot Fire Force today,” their usual instructor, Rex, announces. He’s a grizzled old mech who has been nothing but the bane of Heatwave’s existence this entire class.

It’s just Firefighter One, and the damn mech runs it like a fucking boot camp.

The other mechs in the class elbow each other and start whispering. He gets some looks from some of the mechs he's friendly with, the kind you exchange when you know the instructor is going to partner you up.

“Now, I expect all of you to treat Quint with the same respect you treat me,” Rex is saying when Heatwaves tunes back in. "He has graciously offered to spend his day off with you worms, so I will not tolerate any disrespect." He glares pointedly at a pair of giggling mechs, who quickly shut up.

"Alright, at attention!" Everyone's spinal strut snaps straight, and Rex looks over the line of mechs. "Alright, everyone's par, okay." He taps away at his comm a little bit, and a silhouette appears in the doorway.

The first thing Heatwave notices is that the mech has to duck through the doorway. Then he stands to his full height, and holy shit.

He's definitely a size class or two above the average for firetrucks, standing maybe five or six feet taller than the tallest mech in the class. His shoulders alone must be twice the width of Heatwave's!

And then he notices the second pair of arms, tucked neatly against the mech's chassis. Four arms!

The mech appraises them with yellow optics narrowed, mouth set in a small frown. Finials flick from where they're pressed against his helm, and when his shoulders shift, the ladder on his back squeaks slightly.

There’s an odd, dark weld over his upper lip and little spots all over his face- and somehow he simultaneously looks like the oldest and youngest mech Heatwave’s ever seen.

“You got anything to say before we start, Quint?” Rex talks like they’re familiar, like they’re friends, but Quint gives him a detached look.

“It ain’t your Primus-given right to be a firefighter,” Quint starts, and damn, that’s a Kaonite accent if Heatwave’s ever heard one. His accent is unusually thick, like he learned Common the old fashioned way instead of just getting a universal translator installed. “You might all be firetrucks, but you ain’t all cut out for this. So don’t expect me to coddle you.”

“Well said,” Rex says with a solemn nod, and Quint side eyes him. After a suffocatingly awkward moment, Rex claps his hands. "Alright. Truck ops with me, engine ops with Quint. My guys, we're running search evolutions until you can do them blindfolded without killing each other. Engine ops, you're stretching until you drop. Alright, break!"

Quint's gaze immediately lands on Heatwave as he shuffles to join the rest of the engines. Heatwave glares right back, shoulders hiking up to his audials.

"Hey, Runt." Heatwave bristles, whirling on Quint with fangs bared.

"Don't call me that," he snaps, but Quint looks unfazed. The rest of the engines are almost at the training tower, but Quint has hung back specifically to talk to Heatwave. Probably about how it's not my Primus-given right to be a firefighter, he thinks bitterly. Fuck off with all that.

"Do you speak Kaonite?" Quint asks, in Kaonite.

Oh, uh. Not what I was expecting.

Heatwave optics go wide, then narrow. "...Yeah," he says slowly in his native tongue, quashing the thrill of hearing it from his own voice again after so long.

Quint brightens significantly, his finials flicking up happily. He gestures for them to walk. "Your accent ain't strong, but it's there. Universal translator?"

"Yeah. I assume you aren't using one?" This feels weird. He's not quite sure why. Quint's lower two arms have uncrossed and are now swinging at his sides, while the top to gesture as he speaks. Heatwave sidesteps to avoid the swinging ones hitting him.

"Nah, learned the old fashioned way," Quint hums. "But that ain't what I'm here to ask you. Why're you so small?"

Heatwave bristles defensively. "I can't control how small I am, okay? It doesn't matter at all, I'm good at what I do-"

"I ain't sayin' you're bad at this, Runt," Quint interrupts, ignoring Heatwave's angry growl at the nickname. "I'm sayin' you should be bigger."

"What?" Heatwave's tanks suddenly cramp, sending a sharp pain through his tcog. He rapidly tamps down his panic. No, not here, fuck, shit-

"You're like, squashed," Quint continues, making gestures with all four of his hands now. "Like you got more mass than your frame knows what to do with."

Heatwave's tanks cramp again. "Are you calling me fat?" he accuses.

Quint rolls his optics. "No. Forget I said anythin'." He points to the training tower. "Now get over there. You're goin' in first."

Fair enough. Heatwave transforms his smoke mask over his face and gets into position next to his fellow firefighters as Quint begins to shout directions in heavily accented Common again.

His size doesn't matter.

Heatwave tries to forget the interaction.

[prapaiwife]

Oh, this scene in the novel is what made me love North more than I already do and as to why he's one of my favorite characters now!! Also, bas is doing such a great great job as North! And so seeing it here, I'm just screaming and crying, lol. As fah said, not everyone has one side to them. When we're stressed, we don't wanna talk or socialize in any capacity. And him being johans friend for a while, he can tell that's how jo is. But when he's with others, he doesn't act like that cause with North he doesn't have to feel like he needs to be what others already expect of him. And North, being the best person, ever says he doesn't think it's bad for jo to feel whatever it is he is. He should be able to express that emotion if he's stressed or whatever. And fah asking a good question!, he doesn't put the stress on you? Cause he is exhausted and stressed from the choas of his work life and balancing school, And North says no immediately cause johan doesn't ever make north feel like it's his problem he doesn't put his stress onto north! And fah seeing johan when he's with north be completely just at this ease is something he doesn't rarely see only when he's with him and so him asking north to stay and north willing to do just that 🥺

johan said, North truly made his life so special cause it was him. He's such an uncomplicated person, as he says himself. He accepts johan as he is, though he knows others have their preconceptions about him, and he doesn't care. He sees and hears enough about johan. He's very hardworking a workaholic truly. He takes care of him so well cause he wants to it's more than just a transactional thing it's cause johan had been found his person then and isn't gonna lose his 2nd chance😭

[ashela-ley]

Can we talk about Cartman's tendency to pet Kyle? And the way Kyle lets him do it?

It's such an under-discussed part of their dynamic. Cartman does this all the time. He does it to tease Kyle. He does it to comfort him. He does it to express gratitude. He even does it to pictures of Kyle when Kyle's not there.

And you could say that's just Cartman, he's just touchy, that's just how he expresses himself . . . except that it's really not. All this petting and stroking isn't something you see him do with Stan and Kenny. (Friends he has said multiple times he loves.) It's not something he does with his actual pet, Mr Kitty. It's not something he does with his mom. It's not even something he does with Heidi or Yentl. There's a lot of hand-holding and kissing in those relationships, but Cartman appears to consider this expected romantic partner behavior, and to be imitating that accordingly. What you don't see with them is the clingy, almost unconscious need to touch he demonstrates with Kyle. Kyle has to be stroked, patted, petted, hugged, poked, pulled on . . . it seems to be a comfort thing for Cartman, and that is just so fascinating to me.

It's also endlessly fascinating to me that Kyle - who has no problem putting Cartman in his place about anything else - allows this nearly every time. Maybe there's some token complaining, but he never actually tries to stop it. It's not "ew, Cartman is hugging me" it's always "why is Cartman hugging me?" and that's a subtle difference I think gets overlooked. People like to claim Kyle's response to Cartman having a crush on him would be disgust, and that Kyman could only ever be one-sided for this reason. But Kyle's response to Cartman being affectionate with him is actually pretty much always confusion, not disgust. I get the impression Kyle doesn't know how he feels about it.

I'm not sure what I'm trying to say here, but it's just so interesting to me, the relationship they both have to touch. Cartman uses Kyle to fulfil his need for touch and connection - and Kyle doesn't often reciprocate this touch, but he pretty consistently makes the concession of allowing it. They're feeling each other out, trying to work out "who are you to me and what do I feel for you?" It's one of the elements of Kyman that makes the ship so endearing, I think. There's this sweetness to it that absolutely should not exist between these characters, but does anyway.

Definitely! You’re right, Cartman does seem to seek out physical contact with Kyle considerably more than with anyone else he isn’t directly romantically involved with and my favourite instances of this is when he does so under the guise of antagonizing him. Two examples of this are the whole ‘Jennifer Lopez’-thing in “Fat Butt and Pancake Head” and Cartman promoting Kyle to the Germans in “Funnybot”. In both cases he uses an instance of disrespecting Kyle as a front to compliment him, with the ‘Jennifer Lopez’-persona constantly being gushing over him, telling him how much she likes him, calling him ‘handsome’ and of course ‘kissing’ him by Cartman pressing his hand against Kyle’s mouth. This is especially interesting considering the fact that later in the episode it is very heavily implied (and then pretty much outright confirmed in “200”) that Cartman really doesn’t have full control over the character. In “Funnybot” Cartman calls Kyle either ‘gentle/soft’ or ‘juicy’ (lol), ‘pretty’, and ‘very beautiful’ in extremely mangled German (which I guess is just regular German in-universe since the native speakers talk just like that) and while the context of the scene is obviously very dark for the viewer, who can infer what’s going on, Kyle doesn’t actually seem to realise what is happening. He doesn’t appear to understand what is being said at all and as such Cartman doesn’t even really have the excuse that he’s teasing him.

This scene fits the reaction you described that Kyle tends to have when Cartman engages him in physical contact very well: Kyle reacts to Cartman excessively touching him with confusion but simply lets it happen. He has every reason to be wary of Cartman’s intentions and yet he makes no effort to stop him from what he’s doing. In “ManBearPig” Kyle wakes up to find Cartman leaning over him and while he doesn’t actually touch him, he does get extremely close to him, giving us the famous image of their faces mere inches apart. Kyle’s reaction to this is incredibly understated: He appears at most slightly irritated and attempts neither to push Cartman off nor to move away from him. Once again, he mostly just seems confused by Cartman’s behaviour but, as far as we can see, makes no further attempts to investigate the reasons behind it. This understated reaction is an indication of an (imo) often overlooked aspect of their relationship, which is that while Kyle is well aware of what Cartman is theoretically capable of, he doesn’t actually seem worried that he’d ever seriously harm him. Personally, if I found myself trapped in a cave with a person who constantly professes his hatred for me and whom I know has no qualms about killing people, and then woke up to find said person looming over me in my sleep I’d be much more worried than Kyle appears to be. In fact, considering everything that has happened over the course of their relationship and how many despicable things Cartman has done, Kyle seems Weirdly Comfortable And Safe With His Evil, Ill-Intentioned Friend. Because that’s what they are: They’re friends. To call it a complicated friendship might be an understatement but when it comes down to it the simple fact of the matter is that these two do like each other. While in earlier seasons a point could be made that they only spend time together out of necessity (with the main four being somewhat isolated from the other kids, as Craig points out in “Pandemic 2”, and Cartman originally being an incidental part of the group as ‘the friend no one likes’), they’ve both long since expanded their social circles to a point where they are no longer ‘forced’ to spend time together for lack of better options. Kyle would be more than justified in cutting Cartman off completely and yet he doesn’t and I can honestly see no real reason for this other than the fact that he simply cares about him as a person.

So I agree that Kyle probably wouldn’t react with disgust to the hypothetical reveal that Cartman harbours romantic feelings towards him. I’m not claiming that he would necessarily be elated but I’m pretty sure ‘disgust’ would not be his first reaction and I think many people who think that it would be might at least partially hold that opinion due to projection: Because while we, as viewers, are frequently meant to find Cartman repulsive both physically and emotionally (his embodiment of the 'fat bastard' trope is a key part of his character, after all), Kyle doesn’t actually appear to overtly feel that way about him – which is to say he does kinda but not exclusively and it’s all just a bit more complicated than that. Kyle being thoroughly confused does seem like the most likely reaction to me. Regarding the physical aspect: Of course Kyle frequently makes derogatory remarks about Cartman’s appearance, specifically regarding his weight (to the point where it’s been a main focus of their dynamic for almost thirty years) but we see several times that his critique actually seems to stem from a place of worry and that he feels bad when he thinks that these comments have actually managed to hurt his feelings (e.g. “Raising the Bar”). Of course, what exactly Kyle’s feelings towards Cartman are is, with good reason, a source of much discussion and I’d claim that Kyle himself isn’t very sure of this. His sentiment towards Cartman definitely seems very erratic, with Kyle going from actively attempting to get him killed in “Fatbeard” to being concerned for his emotional well-being just a season later (“201”, “Poor and Stupid”). This concern Kyle has for a person he supposedly can’t stand has been a pretty consistent part of his character in later seasons and it’s especially striking when compared to the way he disregards his best friend’s feelings when he’s in genuine need of emotional support (“Raisins”, “You’re Getting Old”). This discrepancy is not only an indicator of the complicated relationship Kyle has with Cartman but imho also hints at at least one reason for it. In a (painfully long-winded😅) comment on AO3 I just touched on the similarities between Kyle and Cartman how interesting I find the very different ways in which they deal with their shared character traits. I believe this is something that draws them towards each other, though I’m certain that neither is actually consciously aware of this. You put it so beautifully in your last sentence: "There's this sweetness to it that absolutely should not exist between these characters, but does anyway." There really is an unexpectedly soft underbelly to their relationship that is a lot of fun to explore. While I wont deny the toxic aspects of this ship (in fact, they’re a major part of what I find interesting about it), there is also the surprising potential for a real emotional connection between these characters.

[kawaiifacesong]

So, the ABC feedback part.

What else is there to say? Honestly, I struggle to find anymore words around this topic. It's like an old wound. It hurts but at a certain point how many different ways can you say that?

I put what I wrote beneath the cut to spare the poor eyes of those who don't want to spend their Christmas/Christmas eve assaulted by reading. I tried to keep it cheerful.

Anyway, hope everyone has a great holiday.

It’s the holiday season and I don’t want to spend too much time on bitterness. I’ll keep things as cheap and cheerful as I can, which could possibly mean this is quite a short little message. Firstly, merry Christmas and happy holidays. Secondly, I wanted to pass on my thanks to the show for the gift that was Tommy’s character, and Buck’s relationship with him. It’s been said a lot, but I’ll say it again that I thought Tommy was a wonderful addition to the show, that he brought excellent potential to the story, and that I felt a great affinity with the character as an older gay man who has struggled with his sexuality in the past and continues to do so today. I relate to a lot of those aspects of the character and it was lovely to see all those elements on such a popular TV show, even if they weren’t explored as much as I wanted them to be. It was also great to see Buck’s relationship with him. I guess I should explain the reasons why but honestly, I’m not sure what else to say. It made me feel seen, it made me feel hopeful… honestly, it just made me feel happy. They had an intimacy and connection I hope to find myself one day. It shone a light in a world where things look increasingly bleak and dark for marginalized people, particularly LGBT+ people. Whilst I wasn’t happy about the Confessions episode or the way it ended, I won’t belabor that point. I’m happy that we got something, even if I’m not happy that’s all we got. While I hope there may be more to their relationship to come, I’m also not expecting anything more from this show. I can’t imagine any other love interest of Buck’s measuring up and I don’t intend to stick around and watch the show make any attempts to replicate such success. I would be remiss if I failed to mention how beautifully I thought Lou Ferrigno Jr. played the role. I am now a huge fan of his, and plan to follow his career to wherever he goes next, even if that isn’t 9-1-1. If Confessions was his last time on 9-1-1, and subsequently my last time watching the show, I think I can take that as an even trade. That said, I'd be lying if I didn't hope with all my heart that he does return in the new year. And that's why #alliwantforchristmasislou Best of luck and I hope everyone enjoys their Christmas and New Year.

[spring-siblings]

"You hate yourself. I hate myself. Common interests."

For @thehistoricalbook for @narlieweek Osemanverse Secret Santa. Happy holidays! Hope you enjoy!

Ace of Hearts | A Solitaire fanfic

I immediately regret opening the text.

Michael: wanna go to the cinema on monday?

It is ridiculous that such a seemingly innocuous question could get me so worked up, for reasons I don't really want to delve into.  

Monday is Valentine’s Day.  

Ordinarily, this fact would be inconsequential to me.  Ordinarily, I would not consider having plans on Valentine’s Day.  Ordinarily, I would not have anyone to make plans with.  I would sit in my room, and start watching a film, and drink diet lemonade, and not think too much about what day it was.

But lately things have not been ordinary.

Last week, standing on the roof of Higgs as it burned, Michael and I kissed.  We haven’t really discussed what that means.  Maybe we should have.  Maybe if we had, Michael wouldn’t be asking me out on Valentine’s Day.

I’ve never been asked out on Valentine’s Day before.  I’ve never been asked out, period.  I’ve never been in anything remotely in the realm of a romantic relationship before.  I’m not even sure if I want a boyfriend.  What does ‘having a boyfriend’ even mean?

Michael and I aren’t boyfriend and girlfriend.  At least I don’t think so.  No, we definitely aren’t, because that is the sort of thing you confirm before assuming, right?  

I stare at Michael’s text.

Maybe he isn’t really asking me out.  Maybe he just wants to hang out again like we have been doing.  Maybe he doesn’t even realize what day Monday is.  Maybe I’m freaking out for no reason.

I tap the text box.  The cursor blinks back at me while I consider what to reply. 

Tori: monday the 14th?

Michael: yeah

Shit.  So he does know.

Tori: why?

Michael: why not?

He is asking me out on Valentine’s Day because he thinks we are boyfriend and girlfriend when we definitely aren’t, and I am going to have to tell him that and ruin our relationship and never talk to him again.  Probably.  Possibly.  

My phone buzzes again.

Michael: you mentioned that your family all had plans, so I thought you might want to hang out

Mum and Dad have a dinner reservation, Charlie has plans with Nick, and even Oliver has a playdate.  Ordinarily, this would mean an evening to myself to rot in my room, which honestly isn’t any different than any other night.  But lately I’ve been trying to do things.  And doing things with Michael makes them less awful.

I debate whether or not I should go for ten minutes before Michael texts me again.

Michael: sooo do you want to?

I sigh.  The truth is that I really do want to spend the day with Michael.  Why can’t it be that simple?  Is it not enough that I just like being around him, without getting into what that means, or what label to put on our relationship?  I contemplate for another ten minutes before replying.

Tori: sure

It is going to be awful.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On Monday evening, the doorbell rings, so I get up to answer it before Charlie does.  Mum and Dad and Oliver are thankfully out already, and I’ve been waiting in the living room for Michael’s arrival in the hope of avoiding any questions from Charlie.  It’s not that I want to hide anything from him, but I know he’s going to ask about Michael and whether we’re officially going out, and I don’t know what to tell him.  I don’t even know what the answer is.  So I should probably figure that out first.

I wrench open the door, and it’s not Michael on the other side, but Nick.  He’s carrying a bunch of red, heart-shaped balloons in one hand, and a teddy bear in the other.  The teddy bear is holding a handmade card with a picture of him and Charlie on the front.  The whole thing is covered in heart stickers.

“Oh,” he says, clearly expecting Charlie.  “Hi, Tori.”

“Hi.”

There’s a moment of awkward silence when he smiles that toothless, puppy-dog smile at me.  

“Charlie is in his room,” I tell him, and step aside to let him in.  

As he steps over the threshold, Charlie comes bounding down the stairs and launches himself at Nick.  Somehow Nick manages to catch him, despite his hands being full.

“Happy Valentine’s Day!” Nick says into Charlie’s shoulder.

“Happy Valentine’s Day!” Charlie returns before letting go and promptly getting tangled in the balloon strings.  He and Nick both giggle as they work to free him.

I leave them to it and return to my spot in the living room.  I can still hear them gushing over each other���s gifts.

“Oh, he’s adorable!  I love him!  Did you make this yourself?”

“I did!”

“Here, open mine.”

“I love it!  That’s so thoughtful!  I love you!”

“I love you!”

They can be a bit sickening sometimes.  Like the stomach ache you get after you eat too much sugar.

Somehow, my brother has a sappy, adorable, ‘90s rom-com relationship.  Nothing makes him happier, and it’s exactly what he deserves, so of course I’m happy for him.  

I hear Nick and Charlie leave and I slump further into the couch.  I can’t tell if what I’m feeling is nausea or envy.  

There is something so obvious and effortless and exceptional about Nick-and-Charlie.  They’re so open about their feelings.  Even if they didn’t say it a dozen times a day in various ways, with the way they hold hands, the way they look at each other, it’s clear to anyone that they’re mad for each other.  

I wonder if that is what Michael is expecting.

I jump when there’s a knock at the door.  I stand and grit my teeth.  If Michael is on the other side of it with a heart-shaped box of chocolates and a bouquet of red roses, I am going to slam the door in his face.

I open the door, and there he is.  No chocolates, no roses, no Valentine’s paraphernalia of any kind.  But he is wearing a red T-shirt that is suspiciously on-theme.  Of course he isn’t wearing a coat.

“Hello!” he trills when he sees me.

“Hi.”

“Sorry I didn’t bring my bike,” he says while I put on my coat.  “The roads are still too snowy for it.”  

This has been an exceptionally snowy winter.

“I don’t mind the walk,” I say.  

We set out, and it’s snowing lightly.  The streets are quiet, and the snow makes the whole world quiet, and Michael and I are quiet as we walk together through it.  It’s beautiful.  But I can’t fully appreciate it with all the noise in my head.

I don’t want to ask Michael, ‘What are we?’ partially because I might actually die of embarrassment if I did, but mostly because I’m afraid I won’t like his answer.  I’m not even sure what I would want his answer to be.

Instead, I ask, “What are we seeing?”  I stupidly didn’t think to ask earlier, and I belatedly realized that which movie he wants to see may indicate what his intentions are.

“They’re playing Amélie.”

Shit.  I love that movie.  And it also happens to be probably the most romantic movie that I actually like.

“You said you liked that movie, right?” he asks when I don’t respond.

“Yeah.”  I rewatched it recently, but I never actually finished it.  

We lapse into silence again.

On the high street, we walk past a shop with a display of red lingerie in the window with a sign reading, ‘For that special someone.’

I stare straight ahead, but somehow I can see both the display on my right and Michael on my left in my peripheral vision, and I’m trapped between them.  I shiver.

I stuff my fists deeper into my pockets and raise my shoulders so the collar of my coat comes up over my ears.  I peer sideways at Michael in his red t-shirt.  “Aren’t you ever cold?”

“Nope,” he says.  I can see his breath in the air and he turns to me.  “I’m…hot blooded!  Check it and see!”

I quicken my pace and leave him behind me as he continues to sing Foreigner’s ‘Hot Blooded’.  

“I’ve got a fever of a hundred and three!”

I roll my eyes.  God, I hate that song.  I hear his footsteps as he catches up to me.

“Come on baby, do you do more than dance?” he sings into my ear.

“Please stop,” I say, looking straight ahead.

“Am I annoying you?”

Yes.  “I’m cold.”

He drapes his arm over my shoulders and I consider shrugging him off, but he is actually quite warm, so I just trudge through the cold beside him.

“I’m hot blooded, I’m hot blooded,” he sings to himself before he stops.

I’m aware that someone being cheerful is a shitty reason to be annoyed with them.  It’s not exactly that I’m annoyed with Michael.  I’m sort of annoyed with the world in general for no particular reason.  Because I’m a pessimistic idiot.  Maybe I’m just making things up in my head to get sad about. 

Michael’s joy can be infectious.  I wish I wasn’t so resistant.  I wish I could just let his joy burrow into me and make a home.  Like how warmth always seeps into the cold.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We arrive at the cinema, where a giant heart is displayed in the window.  The lobby is filled with couples: couples holding hands, couples whispering to each other, couples laughing, couples kissing.  I’m not sure what else I should have expected on Valentine’s Day.

I unzip my coat; the heaters must be on full blast and it’s stuffy in here.

Michael and I weave through all the couples and eventually settle into our seats.  One of the couples from the lobby sit behind us and start giggling to each other insufferably.  I wonder if it is going to be like this for the next two hours.  I wonder if I can slam my head into the seat in front of me with enough force to knock myself out.

The lights dim, and thankfully they do shut up by time the movie starts. 

About halfway through, I realize that I am enjoying myself.  Or rather, I realize that I was enjoying myself.  Because my absorption in the movie is interrupted by a wet, fleshy, clicky sort of sound behind me.  The couple are now making out.  Like, really obnoxiously.  Why do people have to ruin everything?

I stare at the seat in front of me.  The noises do not stop.  In fact, they’ve escalated.  I don’t think I’ve cringed so hard in my life.

I peer over at Michael, who appears oblivious to the whole thing.  Then I noticed that his arm is perched on the armrest between us, with his palm sort of half-opened, like maybe he’s hoping I’ll put my hand in his.  I don’t.  My hands are wedged between my knees, and I dig my nails into my palm, trying to tune out the noises behind me.

The rest of the movie passes slowly, but I can’t seem to focus too much on it.  As soon as the credits roll, I stand up and grab my coat.  I involuntarily glance at the couple behind me.  They seem to have just realized that they’re in public.  I look away and shuffle out of the row of seats.

Michael follows me out of the cinema.  He suggests we get something to eat at Cafe Riviere and I agree, mainly because I can’t stand a silent, awkward walk home.

Inside the cafe is decorated for Valentine’s Day, with paper hearts and cupids hung on the wall and from the ceiling.  We order our food, and Michael talks about how much he enjoyed the movie, and how he understands why I like it, and something about the cinematography.  I nod and mhm along as needed, but I think he can tell I’m distracted.  Our food arrives before he asks me about it.

When we finish eating, I suggest we head home.  It’s grown dark, and it’s still snowing.  Michael and I walk side by side, watching the snow fall on the river as we go.

Michael doesn’t say anything, and I wonder if I’ve ruined the evening by being a misanthropic shit.

I’m about to ask him as much, but as I turn, I slip on some ice and lurch forward.  My hands are in my pockets, but before my face smashes into the pavement, Michael catches me.  One of his hands grips my arm, while the other clutches my hand, which is braced to break my fall.

He steadies me before letting go.

“Thanks,” I mutter.

“No problem.”

We continue walking.

“You’ve been really quiet today,” he says.  “Is something the matter?”

“I’m always quiet.”

“Well, more than usual.  Come on, spit it out.”

I consider saying nothing, or brushing him off with some generic excuse.  But as the seconds tick by, I can feel him looking at me so intently and finally I blurt, “I don’t want things to be weird between us!”

“Are things weird between us?”  He sounds genuinely surprised.  I realize this may be one of those things I’ve made up in my head and gotten upset about for no reason.

He waits for me to answer.  I stop walking and so does he.  I turn my head to look at him, feeling mortified.

“Why did you ask me out on Valentine’s day?”  It comes out angrier than I intend.

His face contorts with anger and confusion.  “Why did I—?”  He sighs.  “Why do you think I did?”

I can’t say it.  I just stare at him.

I watch Michael’s face return to normal as understanding slowly sets in.  “Did you think I was planning some romantic candlelit dinner with chocolate and roses and everything?” 

I feel my face getting hot and I don’t say anything.  That is exactly what I thought, which is entirely too embarrassing to admit. 

“Because that wasn’t what I was going for at all,” Michael continues.  “Honestly, I had forgotten it was Valentine’s Day until you mentioned it.” 

I bite my lip and look down.  “Oh.” 

It’s silent for a moment, besides the sound of the river.  Then Michael says, “Tori,” softer this time.  “I don’t have, like, any expectations or anything.  I just like spending time with you.” 

It’s a relief to hear, but I don’t entirely trust it.  “Why?”

He looks at me with this indecipherable expression.  “Because you’re…you.”

“I don’t know what that means.”

He sighs a little.  “It’s a compliment, Spring.  Trust me.”

I do, so I say, “Okay.”  And we keep walking.  And things feel a bit better.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When we make it back to my house, I see Nick’s car parked outside, which means that Charlie has beaten me home.

I linger outside the door, on the front stoop so that I’m standing almost at eye-level with Michael.

“I’m sorry that I made today weird,” I tell him.

“S’okay.  I don’t mind weird,” he says and then pauses thoughtfully.  “I mean…society kinda makes today weird, doesn’t it?” he asks rhetorically.  “All these unrealistic expectations about performing romance in a very specific, public display, when really doesn’t it make more sense to just show the people you care about that you care about them?”

He says it in the general sense, but he’s looking at me like he means just me, like he’s saying he cares about me.

“You care about me?”  It sounds like I’m teasing him, but only because it feels so strange.  For someone to really care about me, and to say it.

“You know I do.”  He says it so nonchalantly, like it’s obvious.

I nod.  I know that.  I’m trying to get used to believing it.  

I thought the only people I really cared about were Charlie and Oliver, but I realize that that isn’t true.  

So I force myself to tell him, “I do, too.  I care about you, too.”  Because it’s important that I say it, and that he hears it, and that he believes it.

He gives me a big, cheesy grin.  “I know.”

He looks so earnest and he blushes a little, so I decide to do something.  

I slowly lean in and I kiss him.  Maybe it’s meaningless, or maybe it isn’t, but it’s nice, so I decide not to worry about it.

We break apart and I look up at him and he gives me this little smile that sort of makes me want to kiss it away.  Instead, I stare at his face for a moment, taking in his joy, and I feel myself smile back.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” I say.  I turn around, open the door, and step inside before I overthink it.

We haven’t made any plans, but I want to see him, and I know he wants to see me.  Even if I don’t really understand why, I know he does.  I’ve chosen to accept it rather than question it.

I shut the door behind me.  

“Tori?” Charlie calls out, making me jump.  I suppose this is payback, as I’m usually the one startling him.

I lean in the doorway to the living room and cross my arms.  Charlie and Nick are sitting together on the couch.  It is very obvious from their postures and disheveled hair that I have interrupted them making out.  Ugh.

“Where were you?” Charlie asks.

“Out.” 

“By yourself?”

“...No.”  Charlie clearly expects more of an answer, and I figure it is better to give him something rather than let him speculate.  “I was out with Michael.”

“Oh,” Charlie says in an all-too-interested tone.  “How is he?”

“Fine.”  I sound too defensive.  I uncross my arms.  “He’s…good.”

Charlie smiles at me.  “Good.”

I smile back briefly, then duck back into the hall and head upstairs.

Tomorrow I will see Michael, and maybe I will enjoy myself, and maybe I will tell Charlie about it.  Maybe Michael will keep wanting to see me, even if I don’t understand why.  Maybe I won’t be sad all the time.  Maybe everything will turn out okay.