#I don’t like this one as much as yesterday’s but whatevs
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Family Matters
Inspired by this post; in the same universe as this
Warnings: non/dubcon, cheating, and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.
My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.
Character: Thor Odinson
Summary: your new husband's brother surprises you with a visit.
As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging ❤️
The doorbell rings again and you barrel so quickly down the stairs, you nearly topple off the bottom step. You catch your breath and grab the post at the bottom of the banister to steady yourself. It’s a splendid house but you told Loki it’s too big for just the two of you. He didn’t like that so you didn’t mention it again, even though it feels empty with how much he’s not around.
You let those worries slake off of you and hurry to the door. It could be another surprise! Loki hates leaving you for so long so he tries to fill the void with gifts. Sometimes, they make you feel better, other times, you’re just sad. You’d rather have him there.
It’s not a courier but a familiar face. Your brother-in-law. It’s official as of one month ago. You’re family.
“Oh, hi,” you deflate, trying not to show your disappointment. You’re not upset it’s him, you just hate being the one to say, “Loki’s not in.”
Thor smiles. He’s rarely unhappy. “Ah, that’s unfortunate. Where is off to, then?”
“Work,” you grumble the repetitive explanation. “Important project or something.”
“Important enough to leave you alone?” He wonders.
“I... guess,” you try not to mope. Loki says it make you look childish.
“Well, I am much in the same boat. Alone,” he laughs hollowly.
“Oh, yes, I... how are you doing?” You ask. “I didn’t get a chance to thank you for coming to the wedding. Really, I know it must’ve been difficult.”
“I couldn’t miss my brother’s special day,” he shakes his head. “It was a day for love. Wasn’t your fault mine decided to leave...”
Your heart breaks for him. The day you were married, Frigga told you what happened. A hug fight right after your rehearsal dinner. Jane left before the morning. Despite all that, Thor didn’t show a hint of grief at the wedding.
“It’s too bad. I liked Jane.”
“Needless to say, I did too,” he smiles thinly. “Well, I hope I didn’t disturb you very much. I suppose I could come calling tomorrow and hope my brother isn’t too busy for the likes of me.”
Your heart rents for him. Here you are, a new marriage, a husband to long for, and he lost his girlfriend of five years. You don’t have much else going on, it would be nice to have someone there.
“Did you wanna hang around for a bit?” You ask. “Not much going on but... this place is eerie when you’re all alone.”
“Hm, did Loki say when he would return? Wouldn’t mind waiting around a bit,” he suggests.
“I hope soon but he didn’t say,” you shrug. “Yesterday he wasn’t home until midnight.”
“Midnight? He would make you wait so long? A lovely young wife like you?” He scoffs. “Well, that is just terrible. I will not commit the same crime as my brother. I’d love to come in.”
“Alright,” you smile. “I... we could put something on? I was going to watch the new season of the true crime show.”
“Ha,” he enters as you step back to let you through. “That wouldn’t help being alone, would it?”
“I guess not,” you giggle. “We could watch something else. A comedy. I’ve been rewatching Friends. For the hundredth time.”
“Whatever you like,” he slips his shoes off and puts them on the mat. “The only words a woman like you needs to hear, eh?”
You laugh again, “do you want snacks? I got some caramel corn and gummy bears.”
“My brother let you bring those in his house?” He wonders.
“It’s our house,” you face him with a pout as you stand in the broad archway to the front room.
“Yes, you are correct. My apologies,” he follows. “You know, he only hates those sugary treats because he is weak to them. Be sure to hide them well or you might find some missing.”
“No, he never wants any,” you continue into the front room.
“So he wants you to believe,” Thor counters.
“How about drinks? We got a bunch of wine from the wedding. Some scotch?”
“I only really indulge in lager and I'm not of the mood for it,” he assures. “I could help with the snacks.”
“No, no, sit,” you grab the remote and hold it out to him. “Find something to watch. I’m so indecisive I just flick through the menu for an hour.”
“I will do my best,” he accepts it. His hand dwarfs you own as his fingers brush across yours. Loki’s hands are long, but not as thick.
You push your shoulders up and spin around to flit off to the kitchen. You scurry away and slide into the kitchen. You go to the cupboard and take down the bag of caramel corn. You pour some in a bowl then grab the package of gummy bears and a box of cream cookies.
As you come back to the living room, Thor leans forward to set the down the remote. You put the treats on the glass table and sit on the other end of the couch. You only realise then how awkward it is. You’ve never really been alone with him.
“Thank you. So sweet of you to have me,” he says as he twines his fingers together. “I feel as if everyone has been avoiding me since Jane. I fear I might be a bit... melancholy.”
“Oh, uh, yeah,” you glance at the TV as it plays an intro to a show you don’t know, “well, how can anyone blame you? You’re going through so much.”
“I’m an adult, these things happen,” he says.
“Sure, they do, but I mean, it still hurts. It’s not easy,” you insist. “I can’t even imagine what you’re going through.”
“Ugh,” he puts his elbows on his legs and cradles his head. “I don’t mean to bring my dark cloud in here.” He rubs his temple. “Truly, I think I’ve been trying to outrun it but... what else can I think of with only an empty home to go to?”
“Oh, Thor,” you sidle closer on the cushions. You gently touch his arm. His bicep is a lot bigger against your hand. “It’s okay. You can’t hold it in forever. It's good to feel these things. Once you get through that, you can move on and I’m sure you’ll find the right one.”
He sniffles and you flinch. He quakes against your touch and your chest knots. You never imagined him crying. Especially not a man his size. You don’t know what else to do but comfort him. You rub his shoulder and he huddles over further and wipes his face.
His long blond locks conceal his tears as he mops his sadness away with his knuckles. You hum and get even closer, your hand trailing up his back.
“Thor, I'm sorry. It feels so cruel, I know. Especially the timing of it--”
He startles you as he leans against you. You let out an ‘oop’ as he turns to embrace you, curling his shoulders and hunching to put his head on your shoulder. You have no choice but to let him.
“Oh, it’s been awful,” he snivels. “I’ve been so lonely.”
“Shhh, let it out, that’s okay,” you rub his back and stare at the wall. You certainly didn’t expect the night to go like this.
He holds you tight as he cries against you, his body heaving. You know Loki isn’t the best for these sorts of things so you’re happy at least he trusts you enough to listen. That’s about as much as you can do.
“You won’t believe how cruel she was,” Thor rasps. “She just yelled and yelled. She shoved me and—she just kept accusing me.”
“Accusing you? Of what?”
He’s quiet for a moment. He lifts his head to look at you, his arm across your back. “Of wanting another.”
“Oh?” You blink in surprise.
“I told her no, no, I did not, but she kept saying “I see it! I see it in your face!” And I swore to her, no, no,” He wipes his face with his other hand, “but now I’m afraid she might have been right.”
“She... who?” You frown.
His arm wraps around you, his fingers dipping into your side and in a moment, the couch shifts beneath you. You cannot resist as surprise paralyses you. Thor lifts you easily onto his lap, turning you and sliding you to sit on his thighs.
“Woah, uh, whaat--” You press your hand to his chest. “Please, Thor, you’re emotional--”
“She was right, kitten, you are so soft, so gentle, and I could not look away. She caught me--”
“No, no, you can’t-- Loki--”
“Loki leaves you alone. He would rather work than stay and adore his precious wife,” He cups your chin and forces you to look at him. “He would abandon you...” he leans in as his eyes fall to your lips, “and leave you unkissed.”
You try to pull back but you’re trapped in his embrace. He squeezes you close and crushes his lips to yours. You squeal and struggle against him, finally turning your head so his mouth smears across your cheek.
“Untouched,” his hand trails down your neck and you clasp onto two of his fingers, straining to keep him from going lower. “Unloved--”
“Thor, stop, let me go--”
He leans over so your back is on the cushion, his arm beneath you as your legs are folded up over his. He is on his side next to you. His large hand comes back to frame your face and he squeezes to keep you from squirming. You tug as his shirt and whine.
“Thor, please, stop. We can forget--”
“I can’t forget,” he growls and nuzzles your nose. You whimper and push against his chest again. He is stone, he is unmoving, and you know you cannot stop him. “I will never forget how you feel against me, kitten.”
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Lemmy and some other citrines before they joined the war :)
#I don’t like this one as much as yesterday’s but whatevs#I still really like my designs though so I figured it was worth finishing and posting anyways#took me all day LOLOLOL!!#Anyway they have micknames. Red one is Madeira after what that color of citrine is actually called and the other one is Blossom#like oranges#I tried to make the rendering the same as yesterday and it didn’t work. idk. I might redo this one later#ok normal tags now ^_^#su oc#digital art#Gonna try and draw them again tomorrow idk. I think they’d all be super close up until the war when they develop conflicting ideologies#and their paths start to diverge as their lives become more complex#they’d all join Rose together but only Lemmy would be corrupted#All that to say I am Thinking about them like they are literally on my mind I love love love my little guys#Lemmy&Cateye
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“requiem for methuselah” crazy ass episode for many reasons. Kirk is being fully insane, like I don’t actually think, even controlling for how quickly and easily and readily he seems to fall in love with anybody at the slightest encouragement, that he’d go that bonkers for that android woman he just met while everyone on the ship was this close to dying, but that’s neither here nor there, because in the background you’ve got an equally but much more subtly insane episode for Spock, who extremely uncharacteristically admits to experiencing an emotion (or nearly experiencing, whatever) and that emotion is ENVY of all things. And then spends the rest of the episode warning Kirk away from this new love interest (something that doesn’t usually happen, even when Kirk has very inadvisable love interests) and is, in the end, the person who accurately identifies that Rayna’s competing love for Kirk and Flint is ultimately what overwhelms and destroys her with the most killer line in maybe history???
And then to wrap it up we get an equally uncharacteristic sort of denouement scene (TOS loooves to cut an episode off right after the actual climax, leaving little time for falling action or character reflection, or to stick a sitcom-y button on the end where the gang all smiles and laughs at their misadventures and everything resets to zero, which is not a criticism, it’s just the style of that era of tv, honestly) where Kirk is literally miserable over Rayna’s death (again, kind of unusual for a lot of his love interests, he tends to be able to move on pretty quickly) and Spock goes to see him and he falls asleep right in front of Spock (also odd) and then when Bones comes in to give the final word on Flint, Spock waves him off from waking the Captain (tender) and Bones gives him that awful speech about how it’s sadder that Spock can’t even imagine the love Kirk felt for this random android woman than it is that Kirk lost her in the first place (debatable but also rude) and how his great tragedy is that he can’t love at all like they can and how all he wishes is that Kirk could forget about all of this and move on. AND THEN, to have Bones leave and Spock go over to Kirk and very gently, tenderly, reluctantly touch him and put his hand to his forehead and tell him to forget and HAVE THAT BE THE END OF THE EPISODE??? What am I supposed to do with that??
#‘the joys of love made her human. the agonies of love destroyed her’ hUH. What a cool line.#hope it doesn’t become some sort of…thesis statement for you or something SPOCK#listen my number one beef with the way they write bones is that they just make him completely mischaracterize everything to suit the plot#this man is not an idiot he KNOWS Spock has emotions and just suppresses them#you’re going to tell me he’s been on that ship with Spock for years and thinks he feels no love whatsoever for anyone???#like even after what happened in the empath and in that episode where McCoy thought he was dying#he knows Spock loves people!!! COME ON#does he really just mean romantic love?? that’s so boring WRITE HIM BETTER#also they’re banking a lot on people remembering what the Vulcan mind meld is for that last bit#like I know it comes up a lot but…this is 1968 or whatever. They don’t have this shit on dvd to rewatch#you’re counting on really dedicated fan memory here or on people catching reruns#because otherwise it just looks like Spock waiting to be alone to touch Kirk as tenderly as possible and pray he forgets this woman#truly what’s going on#anyway I kind of hated this episode#like quite frankly there was too much going on#are androids people? would Kirk fall in love that hard that quickly and choose it over the safety of his crew?#why wasnt the illness ravaging the crew a bigger deal??#they didn’t even get into WHY flint was immortal#he was just a regular human and apparently the ONLY one who was granted immortality by the earth’s atmosphere#leaving aside the very creepy and very early born sexy yesterday trope going on throughout#but it was a really good Spock episode if you just….dont look at anything else….#the writer for this one also did Day of the Dove and Mirror Mirror which explains a LOT#two other episodes that are interesting for the character dynamics but really chaotic plot wise#anyway imagine saying to Spock’s face that he has no idea what love can drive a man to do#one has to laugh#tos#star trek#as always…. I’m sorry that I’m Like This
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So I did some organizing, I think I know mostly what I’m doing for the like six fics I’ve got left. Today is gonna be the continue to the Hyrule blood curse stuff >:)
I also realized the dragon stuff works better for the day 29 prompt instead of 27 so that’s when that one is coming. And the day 13 continuation will be either 27, 30, or 31
#there’s like one day I don’t know what I’m doing#I’m feeling much more organized now lol#I figured also it being Halloween the blood curse one would be good hehe#even if it has Warriors and wild and they were both in the fic yesterday. whatever.#rambles from the floor
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yet another oc that only exists because i wanted to write something very specific
(middle is a little older, hence her scar healing. i like to think she gets a glass eye at some point)
anyway this is mira! (they/she) since that wip is almost 20k words and counting i won’t give away too much but long story short she’s the result of meta going “one last time, i promise” and adopting yet another kid
also galaxia kinda indirectly picked the name :)
i’ve mentioned before that i headcanon that pretty much all astrals are autistic and this is just kinda an extension of that. whereas meta tends to suppress his emotions and conform to others, mira…doesn’t. she gets uncomfortable and upset and lashes out at people easily, and working through their emotions is no small task.
the main reason i chose to write them that way was for the sake of narrative but i’ve grown attached to it because there’s a lot of ideas there i’d like to explore. stuff about navigating emotions and relationships when existing is so suffocatingly uncomfortable. it’s not something i could center around Kirby himself, but i think it makes sense with a post character development meta knight.
they are very loved (omg oldee cameo???)
kirby was definitely very excited to have younger siblings after being used to being the youngest in the room for so long!! (with the like. one and only exception being gooey.) he’s super affectionate with both of them and wants to have a close relationship one day, but for now mira is pretty unappreciative of that fact lol. they don’t like being pestered for hugs
everyone else is okay tho
(i know that’s hard to read. oops. “obvious bite marks”. siblings being siblings.)
mira also has a very love/hate relationship with the egg kid, being so close in age they kinda Have to get along but in typical sibling nature they also fight a lot. sure it’s probably rough for a while but i think in the end they’d be good buddies. maybe not as close as Kirby and Bandee but still.
anyway i have a lot of thoughts and am very busy but. i’m really enjoying writing about all this lately it’s been fun ^^
#I picked a name and then proceeded to write a comic in pen in which i used that name and posted it#and only after all that did i learn that mira is becoming a very popular name. which i generally avoid#but oh well. it’s stuck#im gonna be completely honest a lot of how i pick names for characters is based off of how many puns i can make out of it#im sorry to disappoint you with that information /j#kirbyposting#my art or something#meta knight#kirby#king dedede#metadede#Kirby oc#semi future au#I swear i’ll introduce oldee one day im just bad at having drawing ideas#also trying very hard to not make self deprecating comments over some of this art cause i just. don’t really want to spend forever redrawing#stuff anymore. like I used to do for a lot of these posts. It’s whatever#anyway kinda a part two to yesterday’s post (as in: I made sure they were both ready at the same time so i could queue them together lol)#weirdly enough this isn’t all that different from my dmk interpretation#i can’t really decide what color she is either#part of me wants to say bright blue red eyes because i think that would look absolutely sick but that seems like a bit too much blue#all things considered#maybe bright yellow blue eyes idk ill figure it out later (maybe)
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five stages of grief but it’s five stages of social anxiety
#walk with me#this morning i got a bouquet delivered to me at work randomly out of nowhere#the note basically said that i could count of the person even if for just some words of advice or a gesture that could make me laugh or mad#count on the person**#i immediately knew it’s from one of my coworkers and ngl i have a very charged?? relationship with them#in the sense that it’s very intense and we can be laughing joking and teasing or we can be really angry and pissed with each other#it can have very extreme emotions even if we just chill most of the time#idk why i think this whole year i’ve been leaning on them more?? and we started texting more often too#so we’ve been more properly friends lately#and for one i was SO EMBARRASSED for getting flowers bc my coworkers tease the shit out of everyone myself included and i’m not used to#gestures like that so obviously they were on my ass all day about it#and everyone asked about them and it’s EMBARRASSING to get that much attention#(me: i wanna be a singer / also me: can’t stand to be the center of attention)#anyway the person that sent them avoided me yesterday out of nowhere??? idk if they thought i was mad bc i didn’t reply to their texts all#weekend but i literally never reply to anyone and pms was a bitch and i just wanted to be alone#so they didn’t talk to me on monday i was mostly just working listening to music bc i was still emotional whatever#and today i did talk to my other coworkers bc it’s the day when my favorite coworker comes in and i talk to them a lot so i engaged more#and they were still ignoring me and then the flowers came in and we didn’t say a single word to each other today we just texted#they told me they sent them and that ‘they forgot’ what they sent and that it was just meant to be a nice gesture#and that bc they wanted to ‘surprise’ me and make me feel better bc i said i was sad at one point?? idek#i literally just want to tell them I HAD PMS ITS FINE I FEEL SUICIDAL ALL THE TIME and move on#bc now i’m second guessing everything they’re saying bc i thought we were friends and there’s no reason why friends can’t send each other#flowers or whatever but they’ve been avoiding me and then they keep answering my texts really weirdly and i always misinterpret flirting bc#i’m never outright romantic with anyone?? plus we’re FRIENDS i should have no reason to think that’s changed#but they’re being so weird and why get me FLOWERS??? idk get me a chocolate or a coffee i don’t NEED flowers#and then i said it was random to give me flowers out of nowhere and they’re like no it’s serious bro what’s serious??????#your feelings towards me?? or just your will to cheer me up???#if they don’t reply straight up in their next texts i’m gonna flat out say but it was a platonic gesture right???#so yeah i’m overthink getting flowers bc what’s the social code for that and what is one supposed to do when they get flowers from a friend#delivered to their joint workplace where everyone can see them and think they’re from a partner or something
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so anyway, thanks for reading my little dissertations on byan's gender. sorry for not writing again today, i'm just. i'm fuckin goin through it rn man
#'it' being... *gestures vaguely*#i stumbled across this series of yt shorts yesterday (all by the same creator) that really fuckin resonated with me#and i mean that in the most serious way like. it spoke to me. never have i related to someone talking about their experiences more.#talking about their life growing up undiagnosed autistic & adhd... being in treatment for anxiety & depression for decades...#i can't really explain it but good god it's most exactly my same experience and i just. i have never felt that before.#it was so... idk. it sounds so dramatic bc it's literally a comedy short but holy shit#they verbalized things that I haven't been able to and#fuck. I felt seen and I felt like I wasn't alone in this miserable weird non-functioning barely even a human place I'm in rn#and just. idk. I'm still kinda processing some of it.#once again I am thinking back over my life and realizing things and it's. heavy. and tiring.#but like. in an ultimately positive way bc it's gonna help me change things & get to a better place.#I'm rambling IGNORE ME writing it out helps me process ig and for whatever reason posting on my dumb writing blog is easier than journaling#just. once again thank u all sfm for ur patience with me. it means SO much to me. genuinely.#you have no idea how much and I can't put it into words but. slow as I am... writing here with all of you is one of the few reasons#that I'm still kicking. and I'm just. so very grateful to every last one of you.#ok I'm gonna shut up before I get even more sappy and emotional lmfajdkgksg#love you guys. hope you're taking care of yourselves. 💜💜💜#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don’t @ me.#personal cw
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I was thinking about this the other day and wondering why it’s become so much less fun to write for BNHA and I think it’s because… I’ve written too much?
Like being a one-off author was fine and fun and novel and people were so cool and supportive, but now I’ve got multiple long fics and people have started treating me like someone that “creates content” rather than someone who is writing for fun. And I’ve shot myself in the foot by continuing to write long-fic and putting my heart and soul into them and it’s like never enough, people just expect more and more and more and I want to keep giving and keep doing better but no matter what I write it’s just not ENOUGH
And like… this started a little after I finished Zero Sum Game but like… people have started forming “opinions” that they share openly about “me” - I can’t stand going into fandom space and seeing people say they can’t read anything I write, or they don’t like me as an author, openly ranking my works, saying xyz is overrated or mention me by name in shipping discourse or send me hate mail or update requests or just straight up telling me they’re not going to read what I write anymore… and these people don’t know me!!! I’m just an empty space to them!!! Just a machine that pumps out thousands on thousands of words to just look at an forget about instantly!!!!!!!!
Where do people get off honestly. Is it like this everywhere or is it just BNHA? Is it because it’s so popular that the community has broken down completely? Sincerely what the fuck how can anyone treat writers like this…
#literally got a comment like yesterday saying ‘I’m so disappointed this hasn’t been updated in a year! I need it’#…fuck you actually?#I realize fics take 1-2 days to read#but all of this has taken hundreds of hours and YEARS to write#but sorry I don’t have the specific thing that you want to readily consume I guess#I am! not! a! content! creator!#nobody pays me! I get nothing out of this! why are people treating me like not a person!#and it’s just more and more frustrating seeing other writers mention stuff like this too#I realize I’m just venting now but whatever#like i feel like I built something over the past few years that I’m so proud of#but sometimes I want to burn it ALL to the ground#it’s not that deep#it’s just… I put too much of myself into this#which honestly is mostly my own fault#ANYWAY. that’s a big part as to why I’m jumping ship for now#I’d rather have fun and write whatever and have no one give a shit#than to give my heart and soul to a community that chews me up and spits me out#…. sorry I’m being so dramatic#the amazing wonderful kind people that have stayed around for these 3.5 years who still say kind words to me I love you so much#as always the negativity is the vast minority but that’s what hits the hardest I guess#I mean honestly I don’t care and will continue to write and do whatever I want#but wanted to reflect on my frustrations and make sense of it#.
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🌈
#I really don’t remember the last time I saw a rainbow#but I’ve seen 3 different rainbows at different times in the past two days#and the first one I saw was a full double rainbow 🌈#I don’t think I’ve ever seen one of those in person before#I feel like the universe or higher power or whatever is telling me that I’m on the right path#I’m doing so much hard work#but I think it’s going to be worth it#I’ll post the double rainbow pics soon 🌈🌈#I saw that yesterday and I still can’t believe it#I was really really tempted on laying down and taking a nap#but I was able to push myself out of bed and started walking to my car to chill#I walked outside and looked over and saw one of my neighbors down the street holding up their phone and taking a picture#I was so fucking confused#I thought they were taking a picture of a house or something#but then I looked over and I was like OH that’s fucking why#and i joined them in taking pictures 😂🥰🌈#I just can’t believe the timing tbh#like if I would have left a little bit later or if I would have taken that nap#I wouldn’t have seen it#and today I’ve seen two different rainbows#one earlier today#and one right now#just chilling in the rain watching the rainbow disappear and then reappear#shut up rosie
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sort of keep remembering ways my friend is mean to me i am so goddamn tired of it
#he was a real dick today like. worse than usual#which was so weird bc we were having fun yesterday :(#and i literally didn’t do Anything he just tends to take his frustration out on me#and he is fucking always frustrated about something#i don’t know why he has to put me and the things i like down at every available chance too#and he is one of my closest friends. & this has been going on for a While#but it’s not all of the time & he means so much to me but i am starting to feel like this is not worth the way he treats me#whatever we just need to talk. i really think he’s gonna apologize genuinely and then nothing will change long term tho#ted talks
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ashton really did be like ‘I’m reading the bible’ in his story
#like most christians don’t even read the bible#which is something I took way too long to realise how much of their pressure was projecting anyway#I can’t be the only one who had a good cry about that#like. not in a Must Convert You way. but like. i swear once it was something you were drawn to when#you were scared of the future and wanted security or just to feel loved by someone who’s not also dealing with being human#like I swear we used to just be like ‘oh this is a weird violent love story where Guy In The Sky tells temperamental little dudes (us)#that it’s gonna be okay and he was really extra about ensuring that.#like I was just thinking yesterday about how mum is like a prayer song to me. how sometimes we just want cosmic parents#who you know. we don’t have to be in charge of the emotions of and we don’t have to parent back as they get older#anyway I’m fully tangenting here and ash didn’t even write mum obvs that’s lukes song and like good for him. whatever#but to normalise trying out not even Christianity but this weird long ass document we’re obsessed with?? when did we lose that#when did we let people take it to oppress people and why did we not fight to take it back from them?#anyway ash please find my faithfromanewperspective blog so we can talk about the bible#or any of you. send me an as about the bible pref on my main blog but I’m not fussy#ashton irwin#5 seconds of summer#5sos
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Why am I so easily lured into pining even when I’m satisfied
#I have what I want and yet you hang out with one new ish person and you’re like ohhhh what are they doing what are they thinking#are they thinking of me as much as I think of them? doubtful#what are you up to? what makes you anxious? what do you go nuts for#what are you ashamed of?#do you like this? do you like this more?#what happened in your childhood that changed you irrevocably?#all these questions and more will come to my mind if I talk to you like twice and find you interesting#and you don’t even have to be that particularly interesting. as long as I like your vibe that’s basically all I need#oh to connect with someone#I enjoy it too much for my own good#someone new by hozier#yes I did go on a first date with a man yesterday. whatever makes you ask that#personal
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me, still sitting with my laptop open in my lap: okay so you’ve basically. gone over and summarized the instructions for the assignment. good. it’s been all day you want to try actually starting?
me immediately: no
#i got the extension to Sunday so easy but literally yesterday when I was finally well enough to work on stuff I could already feel#the ‘you won’t complete it well anyway just give up and do a rush job like you always do’ set in#i think. part of the problem is I hate my work for the prior assignment this is building off so much bc it was so shoddy and rushed that li#i don’t want to have to look at what my teach wrote abt it or any advice she gave or whatever. i don’t want to think abt it at all#and well tbf if was working enough I can do this still bc rly the problem was the second half where I was supposed to Sort data for graphin#but in any case yeahhhh this class is such a problem for me#it triggers my avoidance problems like crazy and I really can’t fail it but also if I don’t think about it I can leave stressing out abt#scraping a pass to my future self 👍#UGH#anyway#no text post tag for this I feel but no vent one either
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trying to be a green juice girly soooo hard but
this shit SUCKS 😭😭😭
#stream#food#ALSKALSKLAKSLAKSLAKSLAKSLA#i know i could use almond milk but i don’t want the added sugar bc it’s the Mistaken Sweetened Almond Milk#i like the UNSWEET ONE 😭😭#it’s TOOO SWEET#if my almond milk doesn’t taste like cardboard it’s not my almond milk#but also there’s lemon juice in here so it’s curdle ALSKALKSALKSLAKSLAKSLALS#today it’s the theee berry raspberry blueberry strawberry frozen mix & baby spinach & lemon juice & flax seed#yesterday it was carrot#instead of the berries#ALSKALKSLAKSALS BUT IT DOESNT HELP#but also my asshole is in sooooooo much PAIN ALSKALSKALKSLAKSLAKSL#girl i went to bed last night & was like my colon has never felt so empty#ALSKALAKALSKALKSLAKSLAKALASLAKSLA THE FIBRE OH MY GOD#I BE SHITTING !!!!!!!!!#CONSTANTLY !!!!!!!!!!!!!#ok but also if ur wondering i use a nutribullet that i got on a cyber thursday or whatever the fuck it is the SALE in NOVEMBER ONLINE for#half price + free shipping so pog it was like 50$ & i’ve used it literally like everyday ALSKALSKALALALSKALKSLA#that’s my juice#& it’s ….#it#anyway#i’ve been on the verge of tears for like 2 weeks
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#what’s insanely tragic is that my makeup looked so fucking GOOD today and no one i even cared about saw it#i looked like a goth QWEEN and my phone doesn’t even have enough storage for selfies but also#it’s not the kind of pretty that photographs well#my hair looked very artfully tousled + i was rocking the ‘this is yesterday’s smudged eyeliner’ look#and my hair is dark dark black so none of the layers make it onto camera#sigh#whatever#i think i’m going more grunge actually#i want black jewelry and a chunkier pair of black boots and maybe also a black leather trench coat like it’s time to go back to my roots…#oh and a shaggier hair cut#all this inspired bc i’ve started getting into pop punk again in a big fucking way#all my new bands are white men who don’t shower but can lay down a fucking tune#which i have missed soooooo much#i spent years going to clubs and being like ‘i can’t dance i hate this ☹️’ only to feel right at home at a show#it’s hard to explain but my body just moves of it’s own accord and i KNOW what to do with my limbs bc you just kind of have to#get a feel for the drums#all soft rock songs feel kind of templated at the end of the day so u just have to pick up the tempo based on whatever the drummer is doing#and ur golden#and all this is of course done subconsciously by your body/brain connection#it’s so wild to me!!!!!#but i b head banging voraciously and viciously#anyways it’s time for me to go wash off my face gn tungler ❤️
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i will not call out no matter how much i want to (self affirmation) ((not working))
#personal#i’m not gonna call out especially bc i have a chance of doing way less today if i’m on that project again#it’ll still probably be dog shit after 5 and we’ll only have like 3 agents again#which i know means that supervisors is gonna send me that copy paste again that we go through every fucking week bc we only have like 3#agents for 3 hours and i get she’s stressed but if i get that copy paste again just for her to be like no worries take ur time!!!#i’m gonna blow a fuckin gasket and make it so we only got two agents tonight#like is it specifically her fault? absolutely not fuck the company for not hiring more people and sucks she’s the only supervisor for a#hot second that’s not fair on her but flip side she’s burnin bridges with 1/3 agents she has for like fucking hours two nights of the week#like i have no desire to help you at all. mainly bc the message you said is literally fucking copied and pasted#just text me like a normal person!!! hey we’re slammed can i get you back on calls?#hey no rush but much longer on whatever aux?#i think i’d be annoyed no matter what bc it’s not fair nor my fault the company can’t balance agents during the day/night#but the copy paste and the same fucking convo everytime is killing me#and the way she’s the only to message me like this let alone every fucking shift we work together#i imagine she texts everyone this shit im not special but does not mean i don’t fucking hate it#re writing this almost made me call out 😭😭 i got so mad no i have to go in one bc i don’t want to be fired#two bc i might do fuck all today 😭 waited two hours yesterday for a project to review just doing fuck all
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