#I don’t know which option is better…
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comical-icicle · 1 year ago
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…Amelia…
Amelia I swear if you don’t give me my Halloween decor-
HALLOWEEN IS HERE BABY!
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starcrossedandstupid · 7 months ago
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They would rather die and long for the other even in death than send each other a discord dm
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solace-seekers · 7 months ago
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screaming into the void <3
#my best friends boyfriend (who i’ve also been friends with for years) is just. not himself rn#we think it’s a manic episode but we don’t really know but it’s. terrifying lowkey#he thinks he’s genuinely jesus and that he’s conquered time and that he and my bsf are adam and eve#he’s been sending my bsf liek hundreds of texts per day since tuesday but it got really really bad and incoherent yesterday#and i woke up this morning to see multiple texts from gcs he created w me in them#and he keeps being like ‘because it’s 6:20 this is true’ and like ‘i know that at 9 pm everyone is gonna understand’#and he’ll text like 5 times then send a sc of what he just texted like that proves something but it’s all nonsense#i’m just really really concerned cause he really needs help but i don’t know how to ensure that happens cause he’s 19. not a minor#he’s just. not him rn. he’s called my bsf multiple times yesterday when he HATES calling normally#he had his band and his mom over in his apartment yesterday cause my bsf called his mom and h went to his bands show but was visibly not ok#and he saw nothing weird about it even tho he hates having ppl over normally and never without warning#and you can’t get him to see logic because everything you say he just twists around to work for him#to be clear it was not this bad when it started. when it started it seemed like normally maybe slightly out there conclusions he was drawing#but it just got worse and worse like exponential decay and really bad yesterday#he also didn’t sleep at all yesterday night and idk if he slept tonight#i know his mom took his phone at one point but he texted me and gcs w me in it starting at like 6:20 this morning#and my bsf and i and friends are on a trip out of state rn but we’re leaving today and i don’t wanna wake her up until i have to because#this is literally hell for her. but it’s just. scary. i don’t know what to do. i don’t think there’s any good options really for me rn#i want to warn ppl and try to explain he’s Not Him rn so they don’t get concerned but who knows if they’ll understand what i’m trying to say#i know it’s not the end of the world but it really feels like the end of my world as i know it if that makes sense#and my bsf lives with him in an apartment near their college and they just signed the lease for the next year#but she can’t stay there with him alone. not until he gets help. we’re all too scared it’s going in the directon where he thinks it’s better#for ppl to go to the afterlife. which like he never would normally. but he’s Not Him and so like. who knows#he keeps talking about all these different dimensions and how you need to travel to the 7th dimension to understand#my bsf was crying yesterday and she called her mom to explain and she keeps saying that she just wants her jake back it’s really scary#cause he will probably never be the same again. he’ll be similar but different but she wants his comfort but he’s Not Him. and can’t give it#i just. really want this to get better but it’s so hard to see that happening rn
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swaghaver69 · 10 days ago
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i feel a heavy pressure like someone is sitting on my chest making it so i can’t breathe whenever i think about how every single structure in society and social conditioning makes it so that women have no choice but to inevitably end up with a male and it is pushed so hard as the only possible viable option and it feels choking and inescapable (personal rambling vent in tags)
#even if we supposedly have more options now than ever before it still isn’t enough#it’s still a fight and a struggle to avoid#and i look around and almost every woman i know is shacked up with some dude in one form or another just to survive#even if she doesn’t like it or even actively hates it#like my mom#but she brainwashes herself to try to convince herself that she’s ok with it#it’s all so bleak#i know there is hope#and i’m currently biding my time until i can get out on my own and try to practice more female separatism type living styles etc#but it’s difficult and lonely especially when it feels like you’re the only woman you know trying to go for something like that#hell even my childhood best friend who i love dearly and she is very into women and does things with them regularly#even she is shacked up with some dude and it’s just like god that sucks but i don’t want to be a hater#and maybe i’m a hypocrite because i was with some guy for so long but i realized that it SUCKS and i didn’t have to be forced to stay there#and i left#but even that was tough! when it’s been drilled into my head my whole life that that is the only way i can be or do anything or exist!#i want to get out on my own do my own thing do this medical job get this degree go to med school do do my own thing#keep my name never give birth never get married unless it’s to a woman#i promised myself i would never get in a relationship with a man ever again and i am sticking to it 100% even if i have to fight these dudes#i work with to fuck off#it’s all just so tiring#but i’m getting there#i don’t care how nice or perfect supposedly some guy is because at the end of the day he’s still a guy#and i refuse to deal with that shit anymore or ever again#i should have never dealt with it in the first place but at least i know better now and i’ve learned and i know i’ll never go back#i want to read my books more often#and do more creative things#i’ve just felt very depressed and unmotivated because i feel like my life isn’t where it should be right now#but i went to the therapist today and she said i’m actually making a lot of progress and i shouldn’t compare myself to other people#which it’s very difficult not to but yeah#idk i’m still trying to get my shit together but so is everybody else
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ranger-danger · 2 months ago
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Dnd people who hate rangers are so funny. Oh you love bards, but think rangers are useless in combat? That’s rich. Next you’ll tell me you love monks, but think rangers are too weak. What do you love sorcerers and think rangers suck?
#have we forgotten where we come from? (LOTR and Drizzt?)#I believe that all dnd classes can be unreasonably fucking good so long as you put in effort#and no you do not need to multiclass for them to be useful#more importantly the classes are meant to work together#I think like only four of the classes could work with parties entirely made up of them#which is clerics (obviously) paladins and Druids. maybe fighters if you’re tactile enough about it#also a lot of what makes a class good to play is on the DM#for instance horizon walkers are a cool ranger subclass. but they don’t have a lot going on if the dm doesn’t have a campaign setting whete#their abilities are useful#dungeons and dragons#dnd ranger#dnd#I love all the classes. I’m never going to bully people about their choices. but also. man people who hate rangers do not know what they’re#taking about#ALSO#the reasons rangers suck is not what people say#it’s because 5e gives them only abilities that work if the dm is paying attention to traveling time and tracking rules#rangers don’t really get boosts to things that are that useful if your dm is really into tonguing the rule book#but almost all the other classes do#even the Tasha alternate options aren’t that good#rangers don’t suck because they don’t do damage (they do)#or because of them being ‘less powerful rogues’ or ‘skilled in a lot but master of none’ or whatever the fuck#rangers kinda suck because dnd wants them to only know how to walk around fast#which like the 2024 rules are slightly better#I mean they’re quite a bit better#but they still suck#like idk there’s definetly still things thatre only useful if your dm wants to bed and wed the rules#but actually and I hate to say it. because I don’t like the new 5e rules. they’re kinda good for rangers. I’ll have to look at them more but#HOWEVER#I am glad they finally have a scimitar as a starting equipment option
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lakesandquarries · 3 months ago
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i could make one of those cute interactive threads on twitter just with stuff from my own life and the thought is making me feel really good about myself lol
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mutalune · 6 months ago
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really wish there was a tag that separated “I’m having Big Angry and/or Angsty Opinions about Star Wars” from “I’m goofing off with Star Wars I’m playing in the sandbox none of this is real so yes I will make my blorbo and this random glub shitto go on an adventure that makes no logical sense” posts because there’s too much of the former and not enough of the latter for my current mental state
#starlight personal#the good news is that I finally have another ketamine appt scheduled and it’s sooner than I thought they’d have an opening#the bad news is that the appointment is not tomorrow and we’re kinda at the end of my mental-emotional rope#now kids this is what we call: an inherent flaw in my treatment plan that cannot be removed#because pretty much in an ideal world I’d have ketamine appointments every 6 weeks but 1) expensive and probs can’t afford that#2) they don’t have enough availability for that to be realistic 3) can’t take off of work THAT frequently without consequences#4) I would probably start to doubt reality if I was tripping that frequently 5) I don’t think docs would allow it#treatment resistant depression and anxiety my beloathed if we could just chill that’d be great#treatment resistant PMDD my other beloathed someday I will do my damnedest to cut you out of my body#idk not to be too selfpitying on main but god it fucking sucks that I appear to be doomed to another cycle based mood thing#PMDD means I get two good weeks two bad weeks#ketamine being the only effective treatment for whatever my brain’s got going on means two good months followed by x bad months#until my next appointment#which like! two good months is better than no good months I am grateful that something helps#I just wish it was a more convenient help and it could be applied more consistently than my psych office provides#also wish I didn’t have to call them 3 times to get it scheduled but it is what it is#also also wish that I had fewer of the physical side effects of my anxiety and wouldn’t wake up puking the min things are rough#this is all to say: I want silly SW headcanons and droid headcanons and silly fic ideas and not Everyone is Always Suffering#but I’m also too lazy (I.e brain cannot make decisions rn) to search for new tags that may give me more silly#which means time to browse my bookmarks for good good comfort fics I have saved I suppose#(this is lowkey why i want to physically fight everyone i know who’s like ‘yeah meds would help but idk :/‘ like!!!!!!!!#bro it’s a privilege to have access to meds and it’s a privilege to have a body that doesn’t turn on you the min you take one!!!!#just try 10mg of zoloft I would kill for 10mg of zoloft to not make me entirely incapable of functioning!!!)#I don’t mean that - you have a right to take or not take medication and everyone’s reasons may be their own#I just had my body and have some rough feelings around treating my issues being so expensive and inconvenient#and then feeling guilty b/c I know I’m lucky that I can afford it and can take off of work for it when I need to#like I am pretty lucky to have something that works and to have a care team that helped me get here#so I don’t wanna be ungrateful or unappreciative of my own luck in this and the work that went into getting here#I’d just also like it if I could change the circumstances slightly#make treatment on the weekends an option - get my psych office to have more than 2 trip sitters so scheduling isn’t so bad
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robotic-maid · 1 year ago
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How things are going again… update I guess? Still can’t figure out how to read more on mobile. I’m just typing this out so it can leave my head.
#nights are really hard for me#mornings are also really hard for me#I think my jobs burning me out#and I haven’t been able to sleep very well much at all#I’ve only been getting 3-5 hours if I’m lucky because my nightmares are really bad so I usually just stay awake#I mean I have to get up at 4am anyway so what’s the point#do you know how it feels to be in pain but you can’t cry because your body’s grown so used to it?#so it feels like crying because it’s Wednesday again#which I can’t justify because tommorrow is Thursday and that is your new normal#your new normal is working so hard you don’t have the time to see your dog and your cars ac is out and you spend all your money on the room#you sleep in 15 minutes away from the office you are stuck at more than 11hoirs a day#you ask your job to adjust your schedule and they say they can’t without cutting your hours and you need the money to survive#it’s too much#but feeling this way or not feeling this way won’t make a difference because the only other options will make your living situation harder#I’m so tired but I don’t have any better options right now so I have to keep waking up and working#I feel horrible spending time with me friends because I get tired after an hour and I worry that I’ve become#too flaky or something#I can’t stay up late and I’m already stressed out so I just can’t keep up with everyone and I don’t want to be a drain#I wish my heart would just stop some times#my meds stop me from hurting myself or crying or sleeping too long but these feelings always come to me when I wake up#I’m disappointed I woke up again#I don’t want to keep doing this I don’t know how long I can keep going#my body is breaking down like my car is breaking down#I don’t want to keep doing this I need more than a day off work a week I want to see my dog I don’t want to be poor but I don’t want to#wake up just to spend all day in an office getting yelled at while my coworkers come in and leave before me#I know I can do this I know I need to keep doing this I know there’s nothing better for me than this#I shouldn’t say these horrible things out loud because they’ll just wear me down faster#there’s nothing that will help me I need to help myself#this is en endurance test and I need to keep it up because if I fail I will lose so much more than I have#I wish I could cry I wish I could break down and scream but what would be the point? it won’t help it won’t fix anything m
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vampiremourning · 1 year ago
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My car is parked in the street & covered in sap, meaning it needs a wash. Unfortunately this sap has also attracted a legion of Wasps to just hang out on it so. That’s what’s stressing me out today.
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misterbaritone · 1 year ago
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Y’know if Guilty Gear, for whatever reason, decided to suddenly change genres (again), I wouldn’t mind seeing the series take a stab at being a Hack n Slash.
And I mean a proper hack n slash not that RTS/MOBA bullshit we got in Overture.
#that said what TYPE of hack n slash is up for debate#I would hate for it to be a God of War clone(because they suck) or a Musou type game(they suck even more)#a Bayonetta clone while fun wouldn’t be…. idk weighty enough?#like Platinum Hack n Slashes/Beat em ups aren’t mondo floaty or anything#and the witch time mechanic would make sense here since there could a in universe magical explanation for it#but there’s just SOMETHING about Bayo clones they just ain’t meshing with GG in my head…#on the other side of that coin I don’t think I’d want the game to feel TOO heavy like that Valkyrie Elysium game#piggybacking off of that; not entirely sure I’d want it to be a action RPG either. well I might but depends on who’s making it#guess that leaves the option of it being a Devil May Cry clone#which is surprisingly easy to imagine since Overture already has its own version of DMC’s lock on+directional input thing#however minuscule it is in Overture#plus DMC is probably the only hack n slash I know of that has air dashes and we all know Guilty Gear codified that shit in fighters so#it fits even better#guess let Itsuno give it a try#matter of fact didn’t Hideaki Itsuno help make the combat for that new Final Fantasy game? how was that?#a taste of that might help “fortify” my decision#or make me backtrack on it#in any event: Guilty Gear hack n slash wen Ishiwatari?#guilty gear#guilty gear 2 overture#devil may cry#platinum games#hack n slash#beat em up#fighting games#arc system works
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j-esbian · 2 years ago
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i know it’s a common millennial gripe that kids are coerced into picking their life trajectory so young, that a lot of people pick college because they feel that it’s What You’re Supposed to Do, rather than what’s right for them, but like. despite all of that, i really thought i was different
#it’s like. i had a Situation so i was like ‘no college is totally my choice’ but even then#really not a lot of thought went into it#not that i regret it but i just wish kids had access to different kinds of guidance#honestly very little info about anything beyond ‘which college will you go to’#assumed that you already know what you want to study#my high school was pretty focused on. either you’re gonna study the humanities or you’re going into healthcare#i know i have these moods every few months where i entertain ways my life could be different#lately i’ve been thinking. i barely even know what engineering as a profession MEANS#i like to make things. i’m not opposed to math. i just never even considered it as an option#because i liked to read as a kid and that’s what all the english majors said#i’m just. tired. and i feel so bad realizing the fact that#multiple generations say the same thing. and yet nothing changes. because kids still feel like#they need to get their life planned out at 18#i don’t know a good way to get through. because kids always feel like ‘rip to you but i’m different’#and maybe they are!! but we need better education and guidance imo#idk. i just feel completely lost still scrambling for a path to not feel like a failure#and i have no idea what that means because i’ve already exhausted the option i’m familiar with#catch me. a grown adult. going to a career fair for high schoolers just to scope it out#the good thing is i could probably pass for 17#mine
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bunny-n3zuk0 · 2 years ago
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I’m having a hard time with deciding for something that is stupid
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whalehouse1 · 2 years ago
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You don’t realize how much you hate how a character until you walk into a store and audibly groan so loudly over seeing them as the main selling point.
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gingersnapwolves · 27 days ago
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So today I want to talk about puberty blockers for transgender kids, because despite being cisgender, this is a subject I’m actually well-versed in. Specifically, I want to talk about how far backwards things have gone.
This story starts almost 20 years ago, and it’s kind of long, but I think it’s important to give you the full history. At the time, I was working as an administrative assistant for a pediatric endocrinologist in a red state. Not a deep deep red state like Alabama, we had a little bit of a purple trend, but still very much red. (I don’t want to say the state at the risk of doxxing myself.) And I took a phone call from a woman who said, “My son is transgender. Does your doctor do hormone therapy?”
I said, “Good question! Let me find out.”
I went into the back and found the doctor playing Solitaire on his computer and said, “Do you do hormone therapy for transgender kids?” It had literally never come up before. He had opened his practice there in the early 2000s. This was roughly 2006, and the first time someone asked. Without looking up from his game of Solitaire, the doctor said, “I’ve never done it before, but I know how it works, so sure.”
I got back on the phone and told the mom, who was overjoyed, and scheduled an appointment for her son. He was the first transgender child we treated with puberty blockers. But not, by far, the first child we treated with puberty blockers, period. Because puberty blockers are used very commonly for children with precocious puberty (early-onset puberty). I would say about twenty percent of the kids our doctor treated were for precocious puberty and were on puberty blockers. They have been well studied and are widely used, safe, and effective.
Well. It turned out, the doctor I worked for was the only doctor in the state who was willing to do this. And word spread pretty fast in the tight-knit community of ‘parents of transgender children in a red state’. We started seeing more kids. A better drug came out. We saw some kids who were at the age where they were past puberty, and prescribed them estrogen or testosterone. Our doctor became, I’m fairly sure, a small folk hero to this community. 
Insurance coverage was a struggle. I remember copying articles and pages out of the Endocrine Society Manual to submit with prior authorization requests for the medications. Insurance coverage was a struggle for a lot of what we did, though. Growth hormone for kids with severe idiopathic short stature. Insulin pumps, which weren’t as common at the time, and then continuous glucose monitoring, when that came out. Insurance struggles were just part and parcel of the job.
I remember vividly when CVS Caremark, a pharmaceutical management company, changed their criteria and included gender dysphoria as a covered diagnosis for puberty blockers. I thought they had put the option on the questionnaire to trigger an automatic denial. But no - it triggered an approval. Medicaid started to cover it. I got so good at getting approvals with my by then tidy packet of articles and documentation that I actually had people in other states calling me to see what I was submitting (the pharmaceutical rep gave them my number because they wanted more people on their drug, which, shady, but sure. He did ask me if it was okay first).
And here’s the key point of this story:
At no point, during any of this, did it ever even occur to any of us that we might have to worry about whether or not what we were doing was legal.
It just never even came up. It was the medically recommended treatment so we did it. And seeing what’s happening in the UK and certain states in America is both terrifying and genuinely shocking to me, as someone who did this for almost fifteen years, without ever even wondering about the legality of it.
The doctor retired some years ago, at which point there were two other doctors in the state who were willing to prescribe the medications for transgender kids. I truly think that he would still be working if nobody else had been willing to take those kids on as patients. He was, by the way, a white cisgender heterosexual Boomer. I remember when he was introduced to the concept of ‘genderfluid’ because one of our patients on HRT wanted to go off. He said ‘that’s so interesting!’ and immediately went to Google to learn more about it. 
I watched these kids transform. I saw them come into the office the first time, sometimes anxious and uncertain, sometimes sullen and angry. I saw them come in the subsequent times, once they were on hormone therapy, how they gradually became happy and confident in themselves. I saw the smiles on their faces when I gave them a gender marker letter for the DMV. I heard them cheer when I called to tell them I’d gotten HRT approved by insurance and we were calling in a prescription. It was honestly amazing and I will always consider the work I did in that red state with those kids to be something I am incredibly proud of. I was honored to be a part of it.
When I see all this transgender backlash, it’s horrifying, because it was well on the way to become standard and accepted treatment. Insurances started to cover it. Other doctors were learning to prescribe it. And now … it’s fucking illegal? Like what the actual fuck. We have gone so far backwards that it makes me want to cry. I don’t know how to stop this slide. But I wrote this so people would understand exactly how steep the slide is.
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scatteredcloud · 4 days ago
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God I miss smoking
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soft-serve-soymilk · 5 months ago
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Do u think Theon has a gambling addiction
#Asking my fandom of two people here ^^; Can’t wait for communities so we can have forum discussions on my head children~#just pav things#I was studying the psychology of gambling today. Watched a documentary on the losses to pokie machines in australia#Apparently the dopamine receptors are most active when you are playing and only marginally increase when you win#So you know Theon. who is actively trying to relieve his emotional pain and is bored of life#would be drawn to the addictive nature of gambling and just… playing the game#in his mind he knows he always has his intuition powers as a safety net to recuperate losses#which only makes the allure of playing properly greater :)#So he keeps getting that rush of morphine-like ‘happiness’ in him that motivates him to keep going#and he’s a child. you can imagine the engrossment.#It’s not about earning to live it’s about living to earn. that’s all he can see himself doing anyway#Anyways I think this is an interesting minor alteration for several reasons#It makes the parallels to Inigo stronger for one!!!!!!#Similarly Inigo also abuses addictive substances illegally (cigarettes~)#But the difference is drawn in that while Theon is entrapped in a predatory system that ultimately couldn’t care less about him#Inigo is very much leaning into his own self-destruction. He knows what he’s doing and it’s the reason why he does it. It’s self-harm.#Somehow getting cancer is more appealing than knife wounds but y’know it’s in the spirit of Inigo to overcomplicate things#especially considering. he has a pocket knife. the easy option is RIGHT there. you all can munch on that for a bit.#And the second point is the shameeeeeee#That’s what his spiriter form is built off of :3#You KNOW he carries around so much shame for his lifestyle once he gets assimilated into Archie’s squad#Comparing himself to Luna and Ewan who are just two kids trying their best and don’t know any better when they mess up#And Theon holding himself to the standard that he SHOULD know better because hey he’s older and more mature#And so on the numerous occasions Ewan questions and assails Theon’s behaviour (and there are many)#He only feels WORSE until his feelings reach that point of no return :)#Shame :)
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