#im gonna vent here bc i know less people will see it so ill seem less cringe😇

[trinket-bonez]

oop

[p2iimon]

i think part of the reason im obsessed with the idea of going to the hospital is the fact that all my problems are fake stupid garbage i made up in my head that also nobody understands even though its very simple

[musubiki]

I had a thought the other night. How do the Sevii Islands play into Leaf's story? If I remember correctly, a lot of this side plot happens after beating the E4, and given Leaf leaves not long after beating them I was curious. I hope you don't mind me asking!

no prob!!!!

➞

actually, leaf leaves about a year after beating the e4 (so one year there and 2 years abroad to make for the 3 year timeskip)

(im deadass i havnet played in the sevii islands for a while but ill try to post what i remember)

the main thing about the sevii islands for leaf was that. thats where green ran away to after he was beaten at the indigo plateau. after prof oak expressed his very clear disappointment and green having to. stand there and listen to his grandpa praise leaf on how she got there. he. fucking got on his pidgeot and left. 

no one knew where he went and he was missing for weeks. daisy got worried sick and during this time leaf got in a fight w/ prof oak and scolded him about the way he treats green because “He’s nothing like what you seem to think he is” 

and she’s right. prof oak is just bitter and scared that green would turn out the way Agatha did

side note backstory headcanon real quick: prof oak and Agatha were rivals when they were young. they went to the same school and were best friends and rivals just like green and leaf

and Agatha actually loved him but he didn’t see her that way because. he thought she was too obsessed with power (she was) and didnt like the way she treated her pokemon (it wasnt horrible, but she only really used them as tools to fight and he thought it was wrong)

so when he found his future wife (greens grandmother) she became angry and bitter and it strained theyre relationship a lot. eventually they just. hated each other 

so the reason why prof oak was always scolding green and “why dont you treat your pokemon nicer” and all that.,. shit he told him at the league.,.was because of that history he had

growing up he kind of projected onto green what agatha was (even though he was never really like that) which was why he was always discouraging him from becoming champion and why they had kind of a tense relationship when green went on his journey

so after prof oak was like. scolding green at the league. (i forget what he was saying something about how he was disappointed in him. even though he made it this far. all by himself. same as leaf. and he treated his pokemon fine.) leaf went to talk to him about this and that’s what sparked the fight + leaf learned the whole backstory™ from both him and agatha previously

so she scolds him on it. because. hes wrong and green really isnt like that. he loves his pokemon and the prof was wrong to treat him that way. so she tells him that shes gonna bring green home and when she does he better fix his attitude because by god green does not deserve this

and shes right

so daisy talks to bill, asks him if hes seen green. he tells her he heard he might be down at the sevii islands. so daisy begs him to bring leaf there to find green. and he says sure. on the condition, I get 3 boxes of oatmeal cookies

and shes yeah, sure, fine, whatever you want. so bill takes leaf to the sevii islands (hes always on the ss anne. he probably has like free tickets for life [thanks lance]) 

she finds green there. hes still pretty depressed but. he lowkey helps the older people that live there. when he first sees her its like this mess of emotions because. its leaf. (and this is post saffron keep in mind so hes still confused and messed up about how he feels about her) so hes. happy, angry, sad, proud, everything. luckily she convinces him to talk and though hes a mess, his tone comes out bitter

theyre like. probably in mt ember or something when this al happens bc no one else is around. she asks him to come home, he replies why should he when no one wants him there anyway. his gandpa hates him, he says, and shes probably rejoycing too that hes finally out her way and. here we go. they have another fight.

though its less like a fight and more like shes getting him to finally vent out everything hes been holding in because fuck. he always acts so tough and strong but he does still feel things. and hes the one yelling and angry and she just. keeps her voice soft and calm because. he is at this point. the weakest hes ever been (and ever will be until…..things……………..)

and so they fight about why he left, and how he cant stay there. and how daisy misses him and is worried. and how prof oak doesnt hate him, they just need to talk about it. and how she doesnt hate him, and she never did. and hes. shocked by the last part. and its just a deep and kind of sad talk between them and also. the point where green sees her more of a friend than a rival.

and at the end of this hes sitting down and hes like. not even angry or depressed hes just fucjifnd sad and disapointed in himself and he thinks hes disapointed eveyone and leaf just. hugs him around his neck. tightly. and hes caught off gaurd. hes just sitting there with his hands awkwardly hovering. 

and she tells him that they all miss him. and theyre all worried for him. and he hasnt dispointed anyone. and that everyone is proud of him and everything hes done. and that. shes proud of him. and she wants him to come back with her and hes just.,., “.,…////..//./..,.” 

and he finally. hugs her back. and. burried his face in her neck and. just melts into her. and they stay like that for a while and hes. happy shes here for him so he decides fine, ill come home. because fuck it, i cant run from this forever. might as well get it over with. fuck. its worth it if i can maybe get more moments like this, he thinks

and then of course. bill comes in. and inturrupts. and “Oh there you guys are- oh.” because THEYRE STILL LIKE. IN AN EMBRACE. 

AND LEAF BLUSHES AND PANICS AND TRIES TO PUSH GREEN AWAY but green is. no. his arms are LOCKED around her . he aint ready for her to leave him yet. bill can fuck off

eventually they go back to the ss anne to head home and green is. still green. so hes like you know what. im gonna use this situation to my fullest advantage. because he really liked that hug. and he. acknowledges the fact that. when hes close to her like that its. nice. 

so that night fnhjdfj forgive me folks. he goes to her room to hang out. and shes like yay!!! hes getting back to normal!!! thank arceus!!! and theyre chilling on her bed like. watching tv or talking or something. and hes probably using her lap as a pillow hes a spsidl spoiled fucking brat. and when it comes time for him to leave and go back to his own room hes like. how about i stay here instead

and shes like,,.,., what.,.. ?

and so he pulls this bullshit pitty card shit (i hte him) about how hes sad (hes not anymore) and he doesnt wanna be alone (big fucking liar) so he wants to stay therw tih her. and at this point hes like fuckingnjfkd cuddling up to her and shit and shes “U-uhh..i d-….don’t…know if this.,. uhhh” shes a blushing mess, mind you

and fyi, hes been thinking about saffron like., 90% of the time ever since it happened. he cant get it out of his head. ever

so he has his like arms wrapped around her waist and his head resting on her belly and hes. fucking. (i HATE HIM) giving her these like puppy dog eyes????? AND SHES WEAK ALREADY. AND HE ADDS THIS SOFT LIKE “Please, Leaf?” 

so shes ok,. fine ,,.,.. and he immediately goes back to his shit snarky self and adds something along the lines of “I knew you’d come around/give in eventually/couldn’t resist me” and shes blushing and stuttering and a total mess and hes just grinning and teasing her he loves her reactions and. theyre back baby.

meanwhile. pom is happy. the gang is back together and vee is pretend gagging. pom punches him

when they get back to pallet town, leaf brings green to talk to prof oak. and the talk actually goes good. prof oak tells him his whole story(he’d never told them before) and apologizes for the way hes acted. and hopes that green would consider like. spending more time together. and hopes he can forgive him(ofc its yes. green loves his gramps despite everything)

he tells green that leaf is one amazing girl

green blushes because HAHAHAAhahhhaha ye. a h… she is.,…………..fuc k../

from this point the mew/two adventure/subplot takes off 

and bill gets his cookies too. she only made him 2 boxes and he writes her an official comlpaint letter

[spocksaestheticblog-blog]

so i wrote some NATM fanfiction starring my two favorite morbid egyptian shitpost brothers ft. a very tired larry daley and also the police. and the assumption that its the franklin museum bc tbh im in PA and honestly, its definitely the franklin museum. no one gives a fck there. its in philly. no ones gonna bat an eye if a neandertal homeless lookin dude bursts into dust in the street.

it goes along with these two arts if anyones wondering

this is probably just chapter 1 but i dont know if im really gonna write more, honestly a lot of this is just vent for my own trauma so take that with a grain of salt, and dont expect this to be. good. or coherent.

content warning for CSA references and self harm, foul language.

The young pharaoh wakes up to the familiar voice of Larry Daley, letting out a few deep coughs as he clears the dust from his lungs and brushes centuries old sand from his robes. “Ahk, I know we talked about this before, but I want to make sure you’re prepared, because I think one of the mummies in the new exhibit might be. Your brother.”

“…Oh! Where are they kept, then?! I haven’t seen him in many an age!” Akhmenra leaps out of his sarcophagus, only to have Larry put a hand out to stop him in his tracks.

“…You heard me, right? Your brother. The one that you told me held a pillow over your head while you were trying to sleep.”

Akh winces, suddenly regretting telling Larry about that. “…Too dark? It happened in Egypt all the time. I’m sure he had a reason. I would have done the same thing, probably. Maybe.”

Larry levels him a patented Look, but Akh waved it off, bouncing in place. Eventually, Larry caves and leads him down the hall, only to have someone round the corner and smack directly into Larry, knocking him to the ground. The figure brushes back complicated, gold-ringed braids that end in golden bird feet, coughing and trying to speak.

“Hhhhheh. Hkhkk- hehk- hh. Hello.”

Akhmenra’s eyes widen at the sight of his brother in the flesh, bound in linens just as he himself was, scars peeking out behind braids along the back of his neck, only slightly paler than he had been in life. Even so, he still proved to be tanner than Akh, kohl smudged into the deep crows feet around his eyes only accentuating this fact.

“Hey, yeah, I’m Larry. I’m not sure we’ve met…?”

Kahmunra. He was actually here.

“…Oh. Okay. Hyeah… I remember you.” His voice is rough, but smooths out slightly the more he speaks, lisp ever present as usual. “…You tfhwarted my plans! My uh, evil plans, heh! Army of the dead and all that…”

Akhmen can’t help but run up and hug the older Egyptian, despite their history. Even when Kahmun flinches, he drags his brother to a bench and sits him down, immediately occupying the spot next to him. “How did you get here?! Do you remember anything else? Tell me everything!”

Kahmunra looks…slightly paler at that, wincing, but gesturing as he begins to describe his adventures as a wax dummy. “Honestly, it washnt that interesting. Shpent a lot of time in shtorage watching videos, mosthly.” He pulls his arm back when he’s noticed the bandages aren’t covering his wrist, so Akh only gets a glimpse, but it almost seems like his arm has…stripes. Something.

He watches as Kahmun jumps to his feet. “Hey, I heard ththhhat- that there was a groshshs- grocers nearby! Wwh why dont we go there? I hhavent eaten in centuries!”

Larry rolls his eyes, even as Akh looks rather surprised at the sudden outburst. It seems Larry is far more used to catering to the whims of every single museum member, and at this point he’s just numb to it and going through the motions. The young pharaoh, at least, has the understanding to know that Kahmun typically hates public spaces and anything that requires too much effort, and he certainly hasn’t been awake here long enough to know about anything in the immediate area.

“I suppose we could head to the Trader Joe’s before it closes. I’m pretty loaded, so. Go nuts, I guess. We should probably get you something to wear on top of that, first, though.”

Kahmunra barely gives them time to blink, making a beeline for the locker room. He’s out in under a minute, wearing sweatpants and ill-fitting sneakers with a jacket that looks far too big, hanging haphazardly over one linen covered shoulder like a fashion statement. “A’right, less’go, time waitsh for no one!”

It’s actually a shorter walk than he expects, but he’s still nervous about someone recognizing them from the museum, especially since he wasn’t given any time to change out of his own royal robes. Kahmun’s assurances that everyone assumes they’re actors is not much comfort, and he really isn’t looking forward to any sort of questions about his job at the museum even if that is the case. He’s not even sure why Kahmunra insisted on leaving the museum in the first place, and he certainly doesn’t want to ask, but Larry doesn’t seem to mind escorting both of them, so he shrugs it off.

There’s less people here than he thought. A few stragglers give him some odd glances here and there, but for the most part, it’s almost empty, and no one bothers them. He starts to worry, though, because Kahmun is simply staring blankly at a box of cereal on the shelf, looking vaguely lost. When he places a hand on his brother’s shoulder, Kah finally speaks, voice low and soft.

“I didn’t mean it, you know. I jusht. I-I didn’t mean it. Yhyou know that, right?” Akh opens his mouth to respond, but Kahmun wanders farther down the aisle like a frightened animal when Larry approaches. Akhmenra jolts slightly as Larry pulls him aside, giving him a confused look as he does so.

“Ahk, he MURDERED you. Do you really trust what he says? You don’t know he’s not lying.”

Larry’s grip on his arm is tight, almost painfully so, as he eyes Kahmun suspiciously from around the corner of the aisle. Akh can see from here that his brother is hiding behind a display case, trembling and avoiding his gaze, looking as if he wants to crawl into the shelves and die. Akh pries Larry’s fingers off of his arm, watching the pale handprint fade from his skin as blood flows back into it.

Without even blinking, Akhmenra slaps him immediately, almost as hard as he possibly can, right palm stinging painfully from the force of it. It’s the only thing that he’s really properly felt in a long time, and he hates it.

“…You don’t know what it was like. For him, or for me. You weren’t THERE. This isn’t something you could possibly contextualize! Don’t TALK to me. Don’t even LOOK at me ever again. I don’t want to see you any more.”

By the time he turns his head to check on his brother, he’s already gone. Distantly, he registers the sound of the automatic doors at the front of the store, and he bolts. This has happened before when they were alive, but never when he’s been close enough to do anything about it. He follows his brother’s footsteps almost instinctually, even when that leads him up a fire escape to the roof of a building, even when his brother is faster, even when he sees a sliver of still-lingering color in the sky, despite sunset having been an hour ago. It’s too early for this. It’s far too early for this.

He stops in his tracks. Kahmun isn’t anywhere near the edge of the roof, so… So what is he doing? Is he okay? Are things okay now? Maybe he just needed space? A million thoughts race through his head as he hesitantly approaches the roof access pillar that his brother is hiding behind. He can’t stop trembling, the residual adrenaline leaving him weak and nauseous.

The panic comes back full force as he rounds the corner. Where did Kahmun even get a knife? Who let him have a knife? Why would…Who would…The sight of blood is too much. It’s far too much. Akh finds himself wrenching the knife from Kahmun with more force than necessary, tossing it far over the edge of the building.

Kahmunrah slumps against the brick wall, eyes unfocused and lids heavy. He sobs openly.

Akhmenrah had never actually properly seen Kahmun’s arms without the linens. He desperately wraps linen around the fresh, deep gashes that bled too fast for his comfort, cutting off circulation. But below those are older scars, he sees now, thousands of them, more than he can count, raised skin like ridges along most of his arm. How long… How long had this been going on? Akh knew about the scars on his back, where the linen sat loose around his collarbone and raised, scarred flesh had always been prominent up the back of his neck. But those were not so obviously self-inflicted.

These scars, these were the kind he’d only seen before on a handful of teens that wore long sleeves in the middle of summer. The ones that strayed to the back of the group, the ones that avoided eye contact. He used to chat with them the most, because they always looked so empty and sad, but he had never…understood.

“…I know it was an accident. I know. I’m here now. It doesn’t matter any more. It never mattered. Please…Please don’t ever- You do not deserve this. Fuck, our parents deserve this, but not you. Not you. You did what you could. Please…Please don’t die. You deserve better.”

He watches his brother turn away slightly, no longer sobbing, instead letting hot tears roll down his face silently as he stares at the ground. He says nothing, and Akh almost wants to shake him to make him believe, hands still wrapped around the wound.

“…D-do you want to go to a hospital? We could- I could. I could just.”

“…I want to go back to the museum. To my sarcophhagus. I want to sleep,” Kah holds up his free hand in surrender as Akh opens his mouth, “-Just sleep. Jusht a nap. Just a quick nap. I’ll- I’ll be okay…” Kahmun laughs, and Akh swallows loudly, trembling still. “…This isn’t even the most blood I’ve ever losht. It’s barely anything. Don’t worry.”

Akhmen can’t even hold it in any more. He sets his forehead against Kahmun’s and wails. He sobs openly as he remembers all the moments in his childhood he tried to forget, tried to bury under dark humor and amusement and authority. He’d watched countless Jews beaten to death by his father’s hands when he was but a child, remembering vividly the face of one of them trying to reassure him, a five year old child, holding what was soon to be a corpse. He remembers being eight and barely being able to breathe from the inside of a pot, fingers burning from the scrapes he’s gotten trying to move the lid, falling still only when he hears pained screaming that he only dimly recognizes as his brother. He remembers the one time he finally managed to raise the lid of his prison, only to shut it again in horror as, for a brief moment, he glimpses nudity and blood through the crack of light. For all of his lifetime he’d assumed his brother was simply trying to torture him, that he’d been playing tricks on him all this time. But he knows what he saw. He knows, and he’d denied it, and he’d pretended all this time that it wasn’t real.

It’s fucking killing him. He knows, now, or maybe he had always known. Kahmun was…hiding him. From this. From whatever this was… And he had hated his brother for this all his life. He’d told people, actual people, that his brother had killed him out of malice. That it was an act of spite and hatred.

“It… It wasn’t an accident. It was never an accident. I couldn’t… I couldn’t let you live like this. I knew what the tablet was, I couldn’t…I couldn’t let you figure out how they made it. I couldn’t let you live like that. I couldn’t live with that. I couldn’t. I couldn’t look at that. I knew. I knew and I let them do it because I was selfush, I. I thought I could take it and mhmaybe this time would be… Maybe it would be differnht. But- But it isnh’t differint at all.”

Akh’s hands drop to his sides loosely. He wants Kahmun to stop talking. He wants to beg Kahmun to stop talking. He can’t handle this, he has no means of processing this, and he cannot handle this knowledge, this torment. Most of all, he desperately wants to feel some sense of betrayal, some sort of pity, anything else other than the intense shard of empathy that feels like hot knives through his blood.

“…I. I wanted to live. Not jusht…Live. I wh- to- I wanted to be okay. I wanted to be okay, just this once. I thought it would be okay if I cccould jusht. I deserved better! I deserved better and I ththought if I lived again that maybe everything wouldn’t… I thought it wouldn’t hurt. I thought everyfhing would be…Okay. I thought… I didn’t know… I…”

Please. Stop. Talking.

For the love of Ra, please stop talking. Anything. Please. Don’t let me hear this.

“…I didn’t- think. I didn’t think the tablet would wake him up. I thought he’d be dead. I thought things would be okay thhis time.”

Akh wishes he’d stayed dead. He wishes he didn’t know. He wishes they were both dead. He doesn’t know what to wish for. His brain scrambles for some semblance of hope or happy outcome or any shred of decency in the immediate future, but nothing is there. Instead, he grasps the wound again, properly wrapping it this time so, hopefully, Kahmun won’t lose any more blood.

“I knknknow you dduhn. nn. nh. srv- dhshr- you’re more worth this thhan I am. Yhhhyou deserved a life. Bhut this is the best I could do. I. I wanted you to have shshomenthing where you would be safe. Not…”

Akhmenrah frowns gently, holding up a hand. “…Kahmun. You need to stop talking. You’ve lost blood.”

“…I kknow. M’sorry bout th…The mess.” Kahmun coughs slightly, more out of embarrassment than anything else, clamping the hand of his good arm on his brother’s shoulder so he can use the leverage to pick himself up. Akh reaches a hand up weakly, as if to stop him, then lets it fall as Kah manages to stand on his own, looking none the worse for wear despite the paleness and the blood.

They both walk back to the museum in silence.

Akh’s feet stop moving when he feels an arm against his chest. When he looks up, there’s at least two police cruisers in front of the museum, and quite a few officers. Kahmun gently hooks his good arm around Akhmenra’s, tugging him backwards through the dark alleyway as slowly as he can.

“…What did you do?”

“I shsshs. I woke up- h  hh. He was right there- hhe wwh. Lifting the lid. I panicked! I ddidn. tuh. uh. I. I panicked. I- I did shay i was sorry a-ah- about the mess.”

“Blessed Amun, what the fuck, Kahmun?! We aren’t even going to jail for this! How are we going to explain this?! What’s going to happen?! What if he comes back? Is he going to come back? Do you know what’s gonna happen when they take his body away?”

Kahmunra looks at him with a joy he’s never seen.

“…I did it. We’re free.”

“No, see, Kahmun, that body is going to decintegrate as soon as the sun rises. What are the police going to do once that happens, huh? They’re gonna see it was a mummy and they’re gonna come after ALL of us!”

Looking smug, Kahmunrah smiles, pressing his tongue through the gap in his crooked front teeth.

“When the sun rishes, someone’s going to see the body’s mishsing from the museum. They’re gonna have a case file, and a bunsh of police that are going to look like they got completely trashed and stole a mummy from a museum. No one is going to look for ush, Akhi.”

The young pharaoh eyes the police warily from the shadows, ducking both of them behind the corner so they’re safely out of view. “…Alright, but I sure hope you’re right. What…What do we do until then? You’ve got a busted arm we need to hide, and we do need to get back in the museum before sunrise…”

“…I saw a CVS around here. Let’s jusht hang out there like it’s the movie Mannequin and we’re Samantha trying to seduce Andrew McCarthy into giving us free sshit.”

Akh’s laughter is almost music, and he gladly follows Kahmun.

……………………………………………………………………………

[haeroniel-doliet]

i need more money to buy little art

honestly tho feeling like for that ideal goal existence i’ll try get to someday, i’ll needa be making proper money comfortable and good so i can spend all i like on society 6 and other to buy shirts and bags and just everything to a house all in different art prints (mostly florals) bc just those pictures are  like everything i want but just so expensive. i’m trying to sum down like 10 to stickers, bc i wanna do up my laptop, but dedicating to a single decal (thats like 25 ON SALE) is too much esp since i love so much. so ive kinda decided to get a hard cover for the laptop just in case i break it, and just in case i do break my laptop that i can keep the stickers on the hard case and dont lose them to replaced parts. idk seems smart. ill probs buy a kinda shady cover off of ebay for 5 or 6 pound and then spend 20 on stickers for it :] since theyre on sale till 8 am today and its 3 am im probs just gonna settle and order them. might order cover tomorrow w my dad bc i need trust assurance. hes not all on board on the stickers so im just gonna go for it. theyre gonna be like my post cards. i buy so many every place. and no. not trashy postcards. i want art. i have so many postcards of paintings in galleries and so many from comic con art valleys (guess who wants to get so much more and 100% will) i love original art the most when its pretty to me and like everyone who sees it. simples okay but i prefer soft and detailed. excited now i can go to con and also be looking for stickers bc maybe ill get a few cool ones that wont cost me as much as the society 6 ones do. and then my laptop can replicate my walls, displaying all the art ive loved that ive been able to take with me (bc theres so much i obviously dont have on my walls) anyway im looking at these and making some small bc i suddenly realise this laptops got realestate. and the saddest thing w stickers (literally why i had one of those waxy paged sticker books as a child) is that i cant dedicate stickers to a single spot. its so much dedication. what if i buy a bigger sticker and it wont fit? what if i get the perfect sticker for that spot and it wont fit? (over lap i guess) how can i be sure i put them in the right spots to start with? augh i dont really wanna cover just half of it and obviously leave space bc that puts pressure on finding stickers and i might get ones i dont love. i cant get sick of any one bc itll be there  (joy of having multiple mean theres less getting sick of anything). anyway i think im happy w the sizes of these 10 stickers and can work w them (also for now i think im just gonna be going around the edges and leaving the apple logo as it is, esp bc it glows and theres already this shitty old smiley face sticker from my old psych teacher and i kinda dont wanna get rid of it, i just wanna add things around it so it doesnt look so: clean (actually dirty) laptop that a child marked as their own) 

anyway society 6 has random discounts all the time which is p rad and maybe the day im ready to invest in my own living space and dont feel obliged to check w my parents about just about any purchase, i’ll then subscribe to something thatll tell me what discount is on. that in mind, i think i’ll only get the 9 now, that hopefully wont cost too much, and leave a bunch in my wishlist, bc there’ll be another discount (this is 20% off everything)  and maybe that’ll be like 50% off stickers and boy then when my collection is underway you bet ill go for it. and like maxx sticks on their sketch book, if i dedicate to a new book maybe ill get more for that and have a pretty thing to keep and reminisce over (tho knowing me, ill not use it much bc i have a need for pretty things to stay perfect and presentable, and i have a need for everything that i might show to others to be like near perfect otherwise its sucks and ill feel bad bc i dont wanna show it off to people. like my art book, sure i couldve made it all experimental and crap and then edited the real pages together on the computer. but no. i needed everypage to be presentable and pretty and handwritten and creative. and they must go page after page, its so awkward showing someone something and then going “oh wait now these few are empty sorry yeah heres the next page” so i baasically have  a book with mhmmm 20-26 pages of beautiful spreads that im quite proud of inside beautiful covers ( i knew id want to be presenting it for years to come) and the back pages are just...empty. and theyll probably stay that way bc i no longer have projects to be doing to fill them with. maybe one day ill grow into myself and grow out the fear of ruining what ive achieved and fill some with new projects to please myself and be an indepenednt artist not just a teacher pleaser. you know its like that with my work too, like it has to have a direction and a plan that will be achieved, and its terribly frustrating when that vision doesnt happen. but i think thats the same with everyone. 

anyway on a side note, dont you guys think its so fun and cool how ive not done my post labs that were due last friday? how every night ends up being 3-4 am until i go... mhmmmm yeah i guess nothing is happening. like i hope id bloom and do work at that 11pm-3am window and then i get here, suddenly having lost all track and sense of time and just sigh. its wasted, its basically tuesday already. have to keep telling myself dates bc it moves so weird. i planned on getting shit done two days ago. here we are regardless. and the most ill get done is get those stickers ordered bc that is i guess what ive been half focused on for mhmmm5 hrs. then ill save my 7 dollars or whatever, have stickers on the way, tomorrow order the case and thats one insignificant thing done. then the question will be have i looked at summer jobs? no of course not ive looked at ballet courses. shush. i havent showered for days bc theyve just slipped by too laying in bed, maybe tomorrow ill take a shower and pick up all the trash and tissues on the ground. maybe i will. i know i wont get real work done tonight, and already ill be sleepy till 1 pm and by then mom will be again on me abt sleeping to latesoo... yeah no point. and here i thought id make a quick totes relatable short post about how i need more money to buy stickers and maybe a brief my ideal life is to have enough money to spend on art being in every part of my life and all this  being unique so people love coming to my house and go wow its so original and cool. and that turned into a word vent thats so far taken me over half an hour. hi my batterys dying. 

lng story short, i’ll order the stickers currently in my basket after so much though, suck it up and do it and know that i have a bunch over in my wishlist for that next maybe even better sale when it happens. the only thing is im taking all the rest as transparent which for sure dulls them down (yeah white background looks sick but for some its just more classy w transparent, then theres this one bear i’m 100% naming wojtek thats in white bc i feel it’ll be best for him, and i guess having him in white will set that theres no clear rules to follow and worst case if it doesnt fit he can come chill on the keyboard side next to my mouse pad thing) honestly i cant tell if i should be getting them all in white and just hope that theyll look gorgeous no matter what. yikes 3 dollar shipping for stickers, ok itll actually be 19.62 pound and using euro card 22.50 in  euros.... am i dumb? maybe. and tho im supposed to be saving money up so i have some, i also did get birthday money sorta recently soo... birthday gift from them. first set of stickers. deep breaths ok. my parents told me when i bugged them that i just have to make a decision and not ask them all the time, and he said to get 3 stickers i told him id pick 12 so i think getting 9 is reasonable. also oh shit realising that the delivery time is 1-3 weeks and im staying here only 1 and a half more so i should really order it to scotland even tho it might get ther ebefore i do bc my parents might not rly want to send them up to me. idk ok order to scotland, thank f at least one of my flat mates is staying and tbh i should really bring her some chocolate... shes done me faavours.