#I do have rambles for this that ive put w this on other places I’ve posted but

[sherbetlemonss]

Royalty au art!!! (@starfruit-petalz ‘s au)

Doodle->

doodle is just like,, baby toys not being entertaining enough for baby Webs but the sword she somehow found is perfect

[redroom-rainbowguts]

A Gross Experiment

Word Count: 1950

Tw: Sexual assault, blood, kidnapping, drugs, medical horror, self harm, non con

The blonde haired woman forced her eyes open, drowsiness quickly dissolving into panic as she realized where she was. White pulled up a stool, shifting his weight so the wheeled legs propelled him forward towards her. He glanced up at the woman he’d strapped to a vintage medical table. Though old, most of the mint green bed was in perfect condition, save for some bits near the edges that had cracked to reveal the foam cushion inside.

“You know, you’re pretty lucky,” he said. She squirmed against the leather restraints holding her arms and legs in place. “Most people don’t get any sort of anesthesia. If I wanted to fuck with a compliant subject, I’d just grab someone from the morgue or something, you know? Why go out of my way to rob someone of life if I just wanted to play with a bunch of lifeless organs? The screams, the fighting, the gaze somewhere between rage and despair, that’s what makes it feel like I’m actually doing something. What can I say, it feels good to make a difference.

But you, you my dear, I’ve got plans for you.” White stood up, peeling tape from the woman's head. She winced as layer after layer ripped the hair from her head; he’d been meticulous in wrapping it around not just her mouth but her neck as well to ensure she couldn’t simply work it off with enough moisture and patience. Her lip quivered. 

“W-What are you going to do to me?” She asked. He trailed a finger along the IV connecting her arm to a bag of fluid. He twisted a small clamp at the base free, and the clear liquid dribbled down the thin tube into her vein.

“Assuming my theory is correct, something that’ll feel really, really good.” Too many questions to choose from left her silently incredulous. White smiled. His gloved hand wiped a stray tear from her cheek as he spoke again. “I may have brought you here unwillingly, but I’m not a liar. I’ve been nothing but open with you about my intentions, haven’t I? I’m simply a student studying and working hard to further my own education. Even when we met I said I bet you’d be a fantastic lab partner.” White traced a few of the still healing cuts lining her abdomen- an appetizer he’d selfishly indulged in as she’d slept. “And I was absolutely correct, working with you has been lovely.” 

The woman opened her mouth, but no words came out. Whatever was being fed into her veins was making her limbs feel heavy. No, not just heavy, they didn’t feel at all. A violent tingling washed down her body, leaving pure nothingness in its place. She may as well have been a consciousness capable only of sight and hearing. She managed to squeak out a confused gasp just before the paralytic stole that from her as well. White perked up. 

“Ah, I was wondering how long it would take for the anesthesia to kick in. Like I said, it’s not often I use it, so I wasn’t entirely sure just how long it would take.” He scribbled down a few notes. “I’ve put a lot of work into ensuring what I use is as fast acting as possible, though I have to sacrifice some degree of speed or else it’s far too volatile. I don’t need you dropping dead on me before we’re done, it’d be such a waste!” 

The woman couldn’t decide whether his rambling was making the situation better or worse. It humanized him, somewhat, a bit like when a doctor explains everything going on to a nervous patient. But on the other hand, he had obviously drugged her at some point to kidnap her, and now he was not so much speaking to her as he was speaking at her with the same calm disconnect as a mortician referring to a cadaver.

“I’ve always had a soft spot for bugs. They’re so often misunderstood, and people generally make assumptions about them without putting in any real effort to understand them.” White rifled through a set of medical instruments he kept under the table. Every so often he placed one onto a nearby metal shelf, making clear his enthusiasm whenever fear broke through the anesthesia and caused her breath to hitch.

“Take slugs, for instance. They’ve got no shell to hide in like snails do, but this allows them to hide and squeeze through much smaller spaces, getting away from predators with much more ease than just hiding in a flimsy shell. And their slime, it’s actually so thick and viscous that they could slide over a razor blade without taking any damage, isn’t that cool?” 

She stared at him.

“That’s actually what made me think about this. People create a fluid that smooths over the friction involved in sex. Sure we can stretch, but that can only go so far, especially with an unwilling participant.” He nonchalantly pressed a hand against her bare crotch, pausing for a moment before giving it a few gentle strokes. 

“I just want to know how far that extends. If a pussy can accommodate a dick, then what else can it take? Sure, I could probably just collect a sample, figure out its structural integrity, blah blah blah and call it a day, but-” White pulled a syringe and a little bottle from the shelf, making a show of loading it and flicking away the air bubbles. “-but I’m really more of a hands-on learner.” He finished, sliding the needle into her mons pubis. Within moments the nothingness was replaced with a burning ache localized specifically to the surrounding area of the injection.

White nodded excitedly as her face, though numb, still reddened. “I’m actually really proud of this one. Stumbled across it by accident awhile ago when I was still using myself to experiment on. See?” he interrupted himself. “I’m nothing if not fair. I am more than willing to take the pain I dish out if it’s in the name of science.

Though,” he chuckled sheepishly. “I admit I was a bit too squeamish to do this one. That’s where you came in! I’ve given you a drug that actually coats the veins in a kind of shield that blocks the effects of the anesthetic within a very small area. That way you’ll stay nice and still for me while I, to put it crudely, fuck around and find out.” He laughed at his own dry humor for a moment before placing his hand back into her folds. 

Furrowed, concentrated brows replaced his smile as he rubbed her clit in soft, patient circles. By all accounts it should have been at best ineffective and at worst uncomfortable. The assault, the drugs, the way he tried to eke arousal from her in an unnervingly clinical, mechanical way, nothing about this was anywhere near putting her in the mood. But seeing as her entire sense of touch both started and ended where his fingers danced over her skin, the woman found herself relieved that the paralytic was stopping her from pressing even harder into his hand. She tried to think of something, anything else that would take her out of this moment. As he slipped a finger into her ready opening, she felt guilty wishing he would have added even more. 

“You’re really red, y’know. Feels good, huh.”

Right. This was torture. Bizarre, sure, but that didn’t change the horror of her predicament. Bodies are made to adapt to bad situations, so of course hers was only responding like this until- Fuck. FUCK! White added several fingers, rubbing against her walls as they trailed closer to her g spot. He inched forward before drawing back and deliberately delaying her gratification. He edged her again and again, making her desperation that much more intense. The woman had become so slick that every thrust, no matter the speed, elicited a thick squelch that was impossible to ignore in the otherwise silent room. His gloved hand as well as the table was more than soaked with her musk. She could smell her own arousal and wanted nothing more than for him to, at the very least, take away the rest of her senses too so she could pretend her body wasn’t so desperately into whatever weird ass experiment he was conducting. 

“Hm, I’d say you seem about ready.” 

Ready? Her eyes pleaded with morbid intrigue for him to elaborate, but she quickly wished they hadn’t. He pulled out a gruesome looking tool. It had multiple sharp edges lined up so as to form a cylinder of knives. Without skipping a beat, White took the tool to his own arm, looking her dead in the eyes as he peeled off a thin slice of skin. He winced, but remained cool in his composure.

“Do you like it?” He asked genuinely, waving the flap of skin before flicking it out of the way. Beads of blood lazily formed as his body got the message that it had been injured, but he ignored them and allowed them to dribble down as he spoke. “I wouldn’t say I’m a master welder, but I think this turned out pretty cool!” She felt sick; he couldn’t possibly be planning on- her stomach dropped. White lined up the contraption with her entrance, and carefully he began working it into her. 

Despite everything in her silently screaming in terror, her pussy hungrily clenched around the tool. There were no words to describe the sensation. Despite him remaining slow and gentle in his movements, it felt like the slowest rough fuck of her life. It was simultaneously maddening, and to her dismay, bliss. Her body craved more, harder. From what she could see, there was now blood pouring alongside her arousal. All she could think was this should hurt so much worse. White climbed up onto the table, straddling her. He placed a hand on her still numb chin as he drove the tool deeper inside. 

“There’s one final thing I need you to do for me.” he growled. His hand pistoned steadily, each time pressing right against her g spot. “Cum.” Her desperate pussy more than happily obliged. She throbbed and clenched against the bladed dildo. Each edge sank deeper and deeper into her walls as she rode each wave of euphoria the orgasm forced upon her.

The pleasure dissipated far quicker than it had built up. No sooner had she begun piecing her consciousness back together than when the reality of the situation was finally able to reach the rational part of her brain. It didn’t just hurt, it was agony. The woman’s lower body seized into what felt like the worst cramp of her life. The world began to spin, and she gazed lazily at the blood now covering her legs, the table, White, and a fair portion of the cement floor as well.

“Hey now, finally had enough?” White stroked her face which was now covered in both tears and her own blood. “You did a great job! I’ve never gotten this far into the experiment before a subject gave up on me! I’ll clean you up after I finish writing down my findings, okay? And then if you wake up again, I’ll make this up to you, I promise! I’ll share what conclusions we can draw, and we can-”

The woman’s hearing faded, and her vision followed soon after. With a sick sense of hopelessness, all she could think was I hope I lost enough to kill me. Not only to escape the living Hell White had thrown her into, but to avoid seeing him follow through on his promise.

[knifesxedge]

hi love im deep in ur art blog for reasons and im SO in love with the fact that ur ghoul has his OWN nickname tattooed on him in party's writing they are SO 🥺 was wondering if you wanted to talk a bit more abt ghouls tattoos??? theyre just SO gorgeous and intricately laid out

HI i LOVE u i am KISSING u i would love love love to talk about ghoul’s tattoos 🥺❤️

^ yeah ghoul & party have each other’s handwriting tattooed!! for party it’s one of the only tattoos they have & it’s right over their heart (im sure ive mentioned this fact before but idk if ive explicitly noted that it says ‘sunshine’) and ghoul didn’t have the space to put his right over his heart because poison’s kj symbol is there so his is on his upper arm (they ARE soooooooo 🥺 i love them)

ghoul’s tattoos are a healthy mix of sentimental ink and things he just thought were beautiful. when he met the rest of the four he didn’t have THAT many tattoos because 1. he was 14 2. he’d only been in the zones for a little under a year and a half at that point but the ones he DID have (aka his oldest tattoos) were his knuckle tattoos (‘freed’ and ‘fuck’ what can i say he was 13), the big raven on his upper shoulder and neck (he started believing in the witch very early compared to other cityborns but yeah that tattoo was both a way of symbolizing his devotion to the witch and a way of marking himself as a killjoy/shedding his past in the city in the way that he considered clearest), the fangs on his hand, two bats on his leg, the zombie bite on the other side of his neck (i could get a little more into this but BASICALLY ghoul being an ex-crow trainee + a cityborn + being the only surviving member of his first crew had a problem with feeling inhuman and a lot of survivor’s guilt and so he really. idk he connected a lot with zombies & frankenstein’s monster and ghosts & the like when he was a runner for dr. d post-his crew’s deaths. he got better about Seeing Himself as a Person especially once kobra + the other two showed up but the fascination remained) (also not tattoo-related but that’s when he chose his name. before that he’d been called ‘sandpup’ by his old crew & he never had a chance to tell them before they passed but he really loved that they used that as a name for him especially with how much he didn’t want to associate himself with the city) (ghoul had A Lot of issues but the difference there is that he worked thru them a lot earlier than the rest of the four) and “I FORGIVE U” on the back of his neck (in remembrance of said former crew).

umm along with that kind of fascination with the undead/feeling that kind of connection are the frankenstein stitches on his wrists (tho thats more of a common hc) and he has this pretty big tattoo of abstracted bones following his vertebrae down his throat and chest that he’s gotten expanded/fixed/touched up over the years. ik i do a lot of b&w doodles but i feel like i’ve been kind of inconsistent about coloring (most of his tattoos are color). pretty sure ive mostly drawn them in green (???) but in my head they’re like a faded light blue using natural skin tone as highlights.

his more sentimental tattoos…let me see if i can outline them here. this might not be exhaustive but i will do my best to list what ive figured out at least thus far:

the two little bats on his right thigh are for his grandmother and little sister. his sister (juliet adele fujikawa, b. april 2009 d. december 2014) was killed in a car crash shortly before he left the city, and likewise, his grandmother (charlotte fujikawa [藤川 千尋] b. june 1936 d. december 2014) was “moved to retirement housing” at about the same time. that was pretty much the last straw & ghoul left battery city within the week

there’s his crewmates’ symbols on his chest (in order from his right to left: kobra, jet, party) (gotten when their crew had been together for a while. dating this one is based on a couple things: 1. ghoul had been with them for long enough that he felt secure 2. poison and ghoul were friends by this point, or else he wouldn’t have included their symbol and 3. poison’s is over his heart so you can read into that as you will)

text from the graffiti bible on his right calf, as protection for his crew & as a reminder of one of his former friends who was a droid that believed very strongly in destroya’s return

his raygun on his chest (he was pretty proud of the design! this was when he was ~15 or 16) that he had poison’s added to post-sing post-engagement pre-commitment ceremony (so. september 2023) (yes i have my handwritten timeline + my own drawings + my fics out in front of me rn cross-referencing sldkdksksbx!)

one of the girl’s childhood drawings (one she drew of him & her & the stuffed animal he made for her when she was a baby all having a tea party together) from when she’s about 5 or so on his right hip (december 2022 or so)

shooting stars on his upper right shoulder, partially because they’re pretty and blend well with his other tattoos and partially because they’re a reminder of a lot of things, including but not limited to his first night out in the zones seeing the stars for the first time, stories his grandma used to tell him, and right when he’d first joined the fab four and him & kobra sat on the roof during a meteor shower

besides the other one i already mentioned ^ he has more of poison’s handwriting on his left inner forearm — this is also one ive mentioned before but once they’ve been in a relationship for a while they get into the habit of leaving little love notes around for each other! there’s nothing particularly special specifically about the one he got tattooed, besides the fact that it reminded him of poison and they love each other. the text in full (which i don’t think ive ever put anywhere, though im pretty sure ive put fragments of it in fics and art) is as follows:

Good Morning baby <3! I needed new paints, went on a run. Kobra has the Girl @ the Crash Track, Jet’s at the station. call me when you wake up! I love you, be back soon. XO Party <3

he also has the anniversaries of when they started dating and their commitment ceremony (03•03•21 and 10•26•23 respectively) on the inside of his right wrist ^ !

he’s got a snake wrapping around his left leg that kobra picked out and a hand of cards with the ace of spades face up that jet picked out (and these ofc are because they remind him of his crewmates!!)

he has the phoenix witch tattooed on his ribs, left side, styled vaguely after catholic saints (since that imagery can still be found in the inner zones & especially where ‘joys who still practice that religion gather!)

there’s a version of the eye from the mailbox on his right shoulder, and this one is also a sort of symbol of protection/good luck, to show devotion to the witch and to help protect himself and his crew

the constellation libra on his left forearm! this one was done a little while after he started running transmissions and supplies for dr. d! he liked the connection that astrology — whether he believed in the practice or not is up for debate — gave people to the stars, and the feeling that he had a place in the universe, predestined or not

after charlie is born, he gets a portrait of her (~age 4) with her name and birthday underneath done on his left thigh! (~2036)

and on his lower back, he has a fairly simple tattoo of two crows on a wire with their beaks pressed together (aughhhhhh romance) that he gets done as an anniversary surprise for their 10-year (so. 2033)!

his non-sentimental tattoos are largely based off of images from books, either from dr. d’s collection when he was working as a runner for him or from cherri’s after he joined up with the fab four, or else they’re naturally occurring in the zones!! this includes but is not limited to: california golden poppies on the back of his left shoulder, strawberries around his left bicep (he doesn’t ever have a strawberry until he’s like 35, this one is absolutely based off of a particularly pretty illustration), a thundercloud with lightning on his left elbow, a moon on his right inner bicep, a ring of thorns around his right forearm right under the elbow, a dagger on his inner left calf, and a sun, small bat, cross, rose, ribbon (with the word ‘faith’ in script), and wing on his right forearm and hand, all picked from flash sheets

so yeah! that’s about everything i have to say about ghoul’s tattoos atm but ty ty ty sm for letting me ramble abt them i think about his tattoos so much 😔❤️

[apple-but-sour]

// mentions of abuse, torture, gaslighting, manipulation, and just dark topics in general (all in rp)

just wanted to say i’ve been thinking about your (rlly old) post (on twt i think) where you said something like “exile arc shouldn’t have happened” and ive never agreed w a take more than i have before (also you should post more of your hot takes since imo all of them are actually rlly good and True)

it not only shouldn’t have happened because of the reasons you listed, that too, but it also just created an obvious unbalance with how some of the characters were portrayed and talked about in both the dsmp and the fandom. Like, c!dream is this extremely dark character who is shown to having little to no hesitation in going to extreme lengths to get what he wants and what he sees as right, and exile arc was carried out so well it’s like something out of a psychological horror (kinda? couldn’t think of a better comparison) series + the way the fandom now sees c!dream is Just.. Something

(i’m not saying any of this in a neg way btw, just all observations) for example, the other day, i saw this lighthearted post about the exile arc summarized and it was a short funny animatic, though in the qrts you see multiple people tagging “// c!dream, exile arc,” as some sort of warning. What i’m trying to say is that the exile arc has heavily affected a lot of people / made a lot of people uncomfortable and unable to watch some of the streams + some people say that they find c!dream reminding them of their abuser and are unable to feel any sort of remorse for him at all bc of this (not blaming them, again, just observations). Can this be said for any other character/villain on the DSMP at all…? no, no not really. not as widespread anyway.

that’s what’s so frustrating to me about the exile arc. it made c!dream way, way more darker and realistic than any other villain, and this created an extreme unbalance amongst the villains of the smp.

take one look at c!quackity, c!wilbur, and c!schlatt. there’s two things they have all have in common and it’s that

a) they’re mostly taken as funny cartoon-villains by the fandom, like disney villains who will monologue and dramatize everything they do (to some extent) — **(this somewhat excludes c!quackity in the Actual lore though and i’ll explain that later)

and b) their affect negative effect on other characters’ is rarely ever talked about by the characters themselves, making majority of the fandom undermine some of the things they [the villains] actually have done, and gloss over it easily or with little to no second thought — (meanwhile, on the other hand we have c!dream and the consequences of his actions constantly talked about)

now we’re left with c!dream who is out of place when put next to each of these people. of course, all of them are threatening and.. well.. do villain-y things, but none of them are quite like c!dream, don’t have the same effect he does. (this makes c!dream stand out even more)

it would be much more fitting if the other villains were at the very least explored to have dark traits

**(talking about c!quackity) so here i said “actual lore” because the same is not applied / perceived in the fandom. in the lore, c!quackity is portrayed to be (currently) doing extremely dark things and having dark intentions along with them, (ie- c!dream’s torturing). torture is obviously a dark topic. the dsmp explores the topic of torture and whether or not people (bad people, in this case, which makes this whole situation much more interesting) deserve it or not. BUT, this does not hinder how c!quackity is perceived by the fandom… why?

because a) the very few people who are aware of c!dream’s torture don’t speak out about it and barely acknowledge it as something undeserved and wrong. one is someone who c!dream has manipulated and gaslit in the past, one is someone who barely considers c!dream a friend and went head to head with him in war, and the other two are c!sam and c!quackity (the person who is freely letting the torture happen in the first place, and the torturer himself. so obviously these two, who think c!dream is deserving of it, won’t speak out)

and b) the audience/fandom themselves think c!dream is deserving of the torture, just because he’s a bad person, so they are willing to brush off c!quackity’s dark actions as “justice” and “revenge” - and in turn not understanding the full weight of what he’s doing

uhh sorry for the ramble haha

This ask refers to this post I wrote a while ago about the effect Exile Arc had on the fandom and the story itself.

These are interesting observations. I don't think I really have anything to add so imma just post this one.

[lunatens]

felix felicis (iii)

word count: 3.0k

part iii/iv

genre: fluff, harry potter au

pairing: hufflepuff!felix x ravenclaw!reader

a/n: it’s been uhhhhhhhhhhhhh over a year since i last update this whoOPS i am so sorry to keep you all waiting. thank you to everyone who patiently waited, and to everyone who’s new, i hope you like it!! there will be one more part to this series (that i will try my best to write in less than a year lol) (also for obvious reasons w**jin will no longer be a part of this fic)

the day of the gryffindor vs ravenclaw quidditch match has your stomach in knots, not about the game itself (you really couldn’t care less about the results) but about the boy you’re going to be spending the next couple hours with.

“okay y/n, first things first: that tiny ball is the golden snitch, and-” 

“felix, i’m not stupid,”

“right, yeah, sorry i’m just uhh..excited is all,’ he says shyly. you watch as the two teams whizz around the pitch, trying to keep track of all the different balls and players as felix rambles on about the rules to you. despite chan, changbin and jisung being your closest friends, you’ve never actually come out to watch them play before, always finding an excuse to stay indoors instead of sitting miserable and alone on an uncomfortable bench in typically  less-than-pleasant weather. 

“wow y/n, your friends are actually really, really good quidditch players.” felix comments with a look of mild surprise. “too bad they’re not hufflepuffs!”

“actually, at your last game they were telling me they wish you were in gryffindor, so i guess you’re not too bad yourself,” you comment with a small smile, and you have to stifle a laugh as felix’s face turns bright red. you hate to admit it, but felix is really, really cute--especially bundled up in his yellow hat and scarf, his hair sticking out and gently waving in the breeze whenever someone flies by on broomstick.

you watch the game in silence for a moment, still trying to find the appeal for the sport. the game’s been going for a while now, with neither team having found the snitch yet, although gryffindor’s leading in points. jisung zooms around the far end of the pitch, expertly evading the ravenclaw beaters’ attacks and catching the quaffle with a flourish. it doesn’t take long before he’s put the quaffle through one of the ravenclaw goalposts, and the gryffindor crowd roars in excitement. jisung does a lap of the pitch, posing ridiculously and waving to the crowd to get them even more riled up. you hear felix squeal in excitement beside you, and turn to look at him with curiosity.

“that’s just the best feeling ever, flying through the air and just having fun like that. it’s so freeing,” he says with a contented sigh. you furrow your brows and turn back to look at jisung, who’s now rejoined his team as the game continues.

“really? i mean, it doesn’t seem that great. it looks so cold and windy, and what if you fall? yeah, no thanks i’d rather stick to the ground,” you state. it’s not like you want to offend felix or anything, but you just really don’t get the hype about flying. 

“what?? you don’t like flying y/n?? but it’s so epic!” felix says in disbelief, and you shake your head in response.

“the only time i’ve ever ridden a broomstick is way back in first year, when we had to learn the basics, and i’ve got no interest in trying again.”

“i’ve never met someone so opposed to flying,”

“well, that’s what happens when you fall off and break your wrist and can’t take proper notes for weeks,” you say, wrinkling your nose at the memory. “see unlike you, i’m not gifted with good luck.”

felix looks at you blankly for a moment, thinking to himself, before a wide grin creeps onto his face.

“no.”

“i haven’t even said anything yet!!”

“ok but i know what you’re thinking and i am NOT riding a broomstick, felix!”

“oh come on y/n, live a little!! it’ll be so much fun! what, are you afraid of heights?” felix asks teasingly. you shoot him a glare in response.

“yes!! besides, i don’t even own a broomstick.”

“yeah i kinda figured, so we can just use mine! i’m sure we’ll both fit, it might be a bit squishy though…” felix trails off in his own thoughts, and you choke on your own spit. you turn to look at the pitch, trying to focus on the game rather than thoughts of being pressed up against felix and holding onto him for dear life, breathing in the scent of h-

“eh, i think it’ll work fine. so it’s settled, after the game i’m taking you for a ride.” felix says definitively, interrupting your thoughts (good timing too, your brain was entering dangerous territory). 

“i dunno, felix…. it really doesn’t sound safe, i mean two people on a broomstick? i don’t care how lucky you are, i’m not taking any chances.”

“y/n, i promise nothing bad will happen. we won’t even go that high, and we can take it slow. trust me, it’ll be okay,” felix says, tentatively placing a hand over yours and looking into your eyes. you’re silent for a moment; has felix ever been this sincere in his life? you let out a sigh of defeat.

“i better not regret this.” you mumble, and felix squeals in excitement. your heart flutters a bit when he grabs onto your upper arm enthusiastically

“you won’t, y/n!! it’ll be so much fun, i can’t wait. it’s gonna change your life for the better,” felix says confidently, and although you roll your eyes at him, you can’t help but smile giddily to yourself. 

*** 

the game ends in an overwhelming victory for gryffindor, and you and felix dodge red and gold banners and streamers on your way out of the pitch past ecstatic gryffindors and gloomy ravenclaws. you finally make it out, your stomach filling with dread as you remember what’s happening now.

“i’ll be right back y/n, i’m just gonna go grab my broomstick from the locker room!” felix says excitedly, before rushing off into the depths of the pitch structure. you stand awkwardly by yourself, shoving your hands into your pockets for warmth. your breath escapes your lips in visibles plumes, the air growing colder as the sun begins to sink lower into the sky. one of your professors walks by, reminding you to return to the castle, and you nod, telling them you’re just waiting for a friend. it’s not a complete lie, right? you think to yourself. the adrenaline from not only your upcoming flight, but also breaking the rules again (and for felix, of all people) fills your body with jitters.

as you wait for felix for what seems like forever, your mind starts to wander. watching the game with him today was...surprisingly fun? and my goodness, the way his eyes sparkled or his voice got squeaky when someone made an awesome play was maybe the cutest thing you’ve ever seen. not to mention his freckled cheeks, rosy from the biting cold, or his tiny hands that flailed excitedly when talking about strategies. was chan right after all? do you have feelings for felix? no, that’s absurd. you’re just excited to have made a new friend is all...haha...right?

you don’t get the chance to think more about it before someone pounces on you from behind.

“Y/N!!! YOU CAME!!!!” jisung’s loud voice rings in your ear.

“ew get off me, you’re all sweaty,” you say with a grimace as you shove the excited boy off your shoulders. “but good job guys, you did great! who knew you were actually good at quidditch huh,” you tease, and chan gives you a playful nudge.

“i saw you with a certain hufflepuff boy in the stands,” he says, wiggling his eyebrows, and you slap him on the arm.

“ok he practically forced me to go, it was the only way to stop his stupid begging and whining,” you argue, and your three gryffindor friends nod their heads in clear disbelief. 

“sure y/n, keep telling yourself that.” chan says, giving you a pat on the head which you swat away. 

“sorry that took so long, i-” felix’s out-of-breath voice stops mid sentence when he spies you with the other boys. “oh uh, hi,” he says shyly, clearly not expecting their presence. your friends grin knowingly and changbin and jisung start to whisper to each other. chan puts on a friendly smile and greets felix back, reaching out to shake his hand.

“thanks for coming out even though your house wasn’t playing,” he says, and felix seems to warm up to chan a bit. 

“i’d never turn down a chance to watch a good quidditch match! you guys are amazing,” he babbles, and you giggle at his enthusiasm, glad to see him and chan connecting. 

“you’re not so bad yourself dude. too bad we’ll have to crush you in a few weeks,” chan teases, and all the boys laugh.

“i’m impressed you were able to drag this one out, we’ve been trying to get them to come to our games for years,” changbin groans, gesturing to you. felix shrugs in response.

“i mean it wasn’t too hard, just a small bribe of some chocolate frogs and here we are,” felix says, and you feel three pairs of eyes burning into your soul. you can practically feel the smirks on their faces, and you can already hear the teasing you’ll experience later. 

“well anyways, we’re gonna hit up the great hall for some snacks on our way back, you coming? you’re welcome to join us, felix,” jisung invites.

“um actually...felixistakingmeforarideonhisbroomstick,” you splutter out, and you hear jisung make a strange noise of disbelief at what he just heard.

“sorry, what?” chan asks, and the grin on his face tells you he knows exactly what you just said. you let out an annoyed huff and repeat yourself.

“felix is taking me for a ride on his broomstick, and we better get going before it gets too late.” you say in defeat and embarrassment, reaching to grab a confused felix’s hand so you can get away from your friends before they have the chance to say anything about it. jisung opens his mouth to make what you assume is a raunchy joke about riding broomsticks, but a death glare from you shuts him up.

“okay, have fun! but not too much fun,” chan says with a wink before quickly ushering a protesting jisung and changbin back towards the castle. you’re grateful for the falling darkness, because you can feel how bright your cheeks are burning right now. 

“i’m so sorry about them,” you apologize, and felix laughs it off.

“they seem fun,” he says, then tugs on your hand gently. “follow me, i know the best place to go where we won’t get caught. trust me, i sneak out all the time with hyunjin and minho and we’ve never seen a soul.” you nod nervously as you follow felix’s lead, praying that you won’t regret this.

after a bit of walking and some light conversation, you arrive at a small clearing near the edge of the lake. 

“this is SO against the rules,” you mutter to yourself as you step over some large roots. felix gets to a spot where the sky above is clear (and growing darker by the minute), and there’s lots of room around you. he straddles the broomstick and motions for you to join him. as you make your way behind him, you can’t help but wonder if you're more nervous about flying or about the prolonged close contact with felix. there are so many layers of clothing between us, you tell yourself, it’s fine. you place your arms loosely around felix’s waist, nervous to get any closer.

“we’re gonna start off just hovering, okay? we’ll take it slow, it’ll be alright. you can tell me if you want to stop, but i really think it’ll be fine, trust me,” he says to comfort you, and you nod. felix kicks off the ground, and you gasp as you feel your feet dangling in the air. instinctively, your arms squeeze tightly around felix, and you press yourself as close to him as possible.

“i can feel your heart racing, it’s okay just relax!” felix says with a laugh.

“easy for you to say, you practically live on a broomstick,” you grumble, and you feel felix’s body shake with giggles underneath you.

“i’m gonna take us a bit higher now,” felix says, and you press your face into his back as you feel yourselves rise higher, the air getting colder as you ascend. you feel a gentle breeze tangling your locks, and the broomstick begins to inch forward. you open one eye slightly and let out a small squeak as you see how far the ground is below you. you’re almost above the height of the trees now, and felix is doing slow laps of the clearing. 

“see, it’s not too bad, right?” he asks, and you force yourself to open your eyes again. if you don’t look straight down, you have to admit the view is really nice. trees and rolling hills pepper the landscape, and you can see the quidditch pitch and hogwarts a bit farther in the distance. the last rays of sun are reflecting off of the lake, and the twilight sky is beginning to sparkle with the night’s brightest stars. 

“yeah, i guess it is pretty nice,” you begrudgingly agree. your knuckles are white as you hold on to felix for dear life, but the more time you spend up here the more you realize how stable he’s keeping the broomstick, and how much he does seem to be taking caution to make sure you’re comfortable. you let out a shaky sigh as you try to relax and take in the scenery as you hover above the trees. 

“there’s one more thing we can do, if you’re okay with it,” he says, asking for your trust. you say nothing, simply nodding into his back; you’re afraid if you open your mouth you’ll regret it. as soon as he has your confirmation, the broomstick suddenly bursts forward and you can’t help but let out a piercing shriek.

“FELIX!!! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!!” you manage to yell over the howling wind. your eyes are tearing up from the cold night air, and your throat feels dry, and you’re convinced your heart’s stopped beating. felix just lets out a joyful laugh in response, yelling back to you “SHOWING YOU THE BEST THING ABOUT FLYING!” before plunging the nose of the stick into a dive towards the ground. he pulls up, of course, and does a few more fancy tricks before slowing down to a more leisurely pace above the treetops. 

you sit there in shock for a moment, wide eyed and breathless, trying to take in the wild turn of events.

“WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!! YOU IDIOT WE COULD’VE DIED OR SOMETHING,” you scream in between breaths, still trying to get your heart to stop racing. 

“but we didn’t, right? i told you you could trust me!! was that not fun??” he asks, giddy with adrenaline. you choose not to respond, because he’s right--as much as his sudden moves scared the living daylights out of you, you have to admit it felt pretty freeing. 

“this is my favourite view,” felix says to change the topic, and you lift your head up to look around. you’re coasting above the lake, the last rays of sun painting the landscape golden. more stars are out now, and the glow of the castle feels truly magical and welcoming. you steal a glance at felix, cheeks nose and ears bright red from the cold but an awestruck look on his face nonetheless. you don’t think you’ve ever seen him look so peaceful and content, and the feeling spreads to you as you finally relax your grip a little and rest your cheek on felix’s back. 

“thank you, felix,” you mumble, feeling surprisingly at ease now. 

“sorry, what was that?” he asks and you can hear the grin in his voice.

“i’m not saying it again,” you warn, and he remains silent. part of you wishes you could live in this moment forever, gliding over the mirror-like surface of the water with the warmth of felix to stave away the cold tendrils of night air.

“we should uh, head back. it’s getting pretty late,” he eventually says after a comfortable silence passes. you nod in agreement, and felix takes you back to the quidditch pitch, where he returns his broomstick quickly before coming back to walk with you to the castle. the walk back is mostly silent, with the two of you hiding from professors and prefects a couple times but making it back to the ravenclaw common room unseen. there seems to be some shift in the energy between you now, the silences feeling a bit more awkward than before, but neither of you wants to acknowledge it. 

“well, uh, thanks for trusting me. and sorry if i scared you,” felix says with a small laugh as you reach to door to the common room. 

“it’s okay, i uh...i actually had a really good time. you’re right, you know, it is a really wonderful feeling being up there.” you admit. you have to stop yourself from adding “with you” to the end of that sentence. “so thank you for everything, lix,” you say and you cringe at the nickname that accidentally escaped your lips. felix tries to hold back a smile but fails miserably, blushing at the nickname. 

“goodnight, y/n,” he says after clearing his throat.

“um..goodnight,” you say before going to answer the riddle to enter the common room. as you mutter the answer and begin to enter, you hear felix call after you.

“y/n?”

“yeah?”

there’s a long pause.

“uh, nevermind. goodnight!” he says, and before you know it he’s down the stairs and out of sight. confused, you creep up to your dormitory to get ready for bed. your dreams that night are filled with the wind rushing through your hair, beautiful landscapes whizzing past you, and most importantly of all, felix’s joyful laugh ringing in your ears.

[mggpleasedontlookhere]

reid’s anatomy pt. 2

summary: after seeing spencer in the OR, you have no other choice but to wait and see if he makes it or not

word count: 1,827                                                                                               reading time: 7 mins

masterlist

Pt. 1

My spine had succumbed to the soreness that had spread throughout my lower body as me and Morgan sat almost lifelessly together on cold hospital floors.

If Spencer was present at the moment, he would ramble about the billion strains of bacteria and viruses incomprehensible by the naked eye, at which our skin would be exposed to. But he wasn’t here, he’s laying placid under OR lights that were just as bright as Time Square’s streets at night and a scalpel just as sharp as the sushi chef in the japanese cuisine he took me out for our 2 year anniversary.

Morgan still continued to stroke my head, our tear ducts running dry as the minutes passed us. I sat up from his shoulder, facing him for the first time since he came to check up on me.

“What happened out there?” I asked disdainfully. It was evident in my tone that I held some sort of animosity, possibly blame towards the team for not protecting Spencer. But deep down I knew that no matter how many cautionary provisions they’ve taken, you can never dodge the inevitable.

He flinched at the presence on my voice, not anticipating that I would be so prominent in speaking. He shifted to face the ceiling, sighing as he dragged his hand over the bridge of his nose.

“I-i can’t even to begin to explain Y/N. I-i’m so sorry” He repented, his eyes beginning to water again. I prolonged my examination of him, egging him to continue his narrative.

He now bowed his head, laying them on his hands that were supported by his knees. “We were with the unsub right” He painted out the scenario, I nodded while following along with his recollection of the events. “We were in the middle of a standoff. We had about 3 additional agents with us and the police force, but me and Reid were hanging back behind the unsub, in case he had tried to escape...” He paused in the midst of his sentence, taking in a breath as he began to choke on a few words.

“It was supposed to be me” He confessed, earning a look of perplexity from me. “The unsub had a kid in hostage, and the kid got in the middle of me and the unsub. So naturally I went to take the kid away, but I made the stupid mistake of dropping my gun. Obviously, the unsub heard and turned around to shoot me and the kid since we were both defenseless. But...Reid, he-. He shoved both me and the kid, taking the shot himself”.

The words that came from Morgan’s lips were incoherent by the time he finished. He looked over to me, his eyes exhibiting a great deal of grief before searching my own for a response or clemency.

In contrast to the circumstances that were placed before us, a forced chuckle lunged out from my throat, acquiring Morgan’s attention. A morbid smile planted on my lips as I thought about Spencer.

“He would’ve been such a good father. Don’t you think?” I asked using the same tone from earlier. Morgan agreed apprehensively, sorrow still evident by the way his body responded to mine.

“He deserves children. Doesn’t he, Derek?”

“Y/N- I don’t understa-”

“Then he should be able to have them” I snapped, slamming my fist against the wall behind me. Morgan reached a comforting hand out, but I swatted his hand away. I gave him a crazed look, running my hand through my hair. “H-he should have a family, he deserves a future...Morgan, he should be...alive. That’s how it’s supposed to be” I choked out, word vomit spilling from my mouth as my thoughts swirled around my head at a thousand miles an hour, any sense of rationality I had depleting. 

“Y/N- I-” 

Soft sobs racked my entire body and defeated whimpers had crawled up my esophagus. I rocked myself back and forth, burying my head into my arms until all I saw was the artificial darkness I placed myself in. It was almost a cocoon that composed of me and my thoughts, regardless if Morgan was next to me. 

My own heartbeat was ringing in my ears, drowning out any other noise around me, including Morgan. That wasn’t until I heard scurried footsteps, metal hitting metal, and the attending inside the OR yelling brutal commands at the staff. 

It suddenly came clear to me when Morgans hand gripped mine and all that could be heard from the OR was, “his BP is down, he’s going into V-fib, we’re losing him”. At that moment, my heart stopped and my vision dwindled, I was too tired to react. Pain resurfaced as my mind grew dizzy, next followed the sensation in my arms, legs, and back. Finally, my consciousness inevitably followed in its footsteps as it withered away to the sound of the doctors frantically shifting around to save Spencer’s life.

-

Light began to be apparent again, my vision gradually retaining it’s efficiency as I noticed I was placed on a hospital chair. I rubbed my eyes, sitting up in the seat that I was slumped down on, scratching my head while my eyes examined the environment. 

The first thing that had caught my attention was that I wasn’t in the hallway anymore, but in a post-op room. My eyes felt heavy from all the crying I’ve done previously and my forehead grew hot from the stress I’ve undergone. 

The sound of voices pricked my ears, and in curiosity, I stood up to investigate. Getting closer to the noise, I noticed my legs were tender and that I had a great difficulty at maneuvering around. 

How long was I out?

I finally got to my destination and was met with a privacy curtain that ran from the ceiling to the floor. I heard a multitude of voices that rang from the other side of the curtain. 

Uneasiness set in my bones, not wanting to get my hopes up. I slowly pushed the fabric aside, letting my presence be known, and let me tell you, it was the best decision I’ve made. 

To my fortune, there stood the attending that was operating on Spencer with the rest of the crew that surrounded a single bed. On that hospital bed laid the love of my live. 

Spencer was the first one I locked eyes with, he was in the middle of speaking with his colleagues when we did, which halted his speech. In recognition of Spencer’s pause, all eyes were then relocated to me. Although I didn’t reciprocate anyone else’s glances, except Spencer. 

“C-can we have a moment of privacy please?” Spencer requested, looking at his doctor for approval. 

The attending nodded in agreement, shifting his focus to me and gave me a hopeful smile. The same smile I would give to my patients after a successful surgery. Everyone filed out after the doctor one by one, leaving Morgan to be the last one out. 

As he exited the room, I stopped him by the shoulder and silently thanked him. He returned the gesture with a large smile, nudging me towards Spence. When the room was finally empty, I inched towards spencer with the brightest smile I can wear. His eyes shone nothing but love as he continued to gawk at me venturing towards him. 

When I finally got to his side, he greeted me with an amiable ‘hello’ like it was the first time we met. He reached out for my hand, placing it on his chest for comfort and giving it an affectionate kiss. 

I, then, proceeded to lovingly whack him upside the head in return, earning a playful wince from him. 

“I swear to god Spencer Reid, if you ever, and I mean EVER, put me through anything like that again, I will personally go into the OR and cut your LVAD wire and kill you myself, bec-” 

“Y/N, honey, I’m here no-” 

“DON’T. Don’t you dare tell me to calm down Spence because I will have to be restrained and placed in a mental hospital when I lose my license for kicking the IQ out of you” I finished, heaving as I gathered my composure. 

Spencer looked at me amused, gripping my hand in his and hauling me closer to the side of his bed. “Y/N Y/L/N, I’m sorry for putting you through everything you went through” He looked up at me with sincere eyes, melting all the disdain that swelled in my heart. 

I sighed, leaning down to lay my head on his chest, in which he gave me permission to hop into his bed. I pulled him in closer, terrified that he might vanish from my grasp into thin air. “Spencer, I love you so much” I sniffled, muffling my words into his chest. “You have no idea Spence, I-i felt so lost and hopeless. I-i couldn’t do anything to save you, they-they wouldn’t let me” I sobbed, my throat tightening up as the words spilled actively from my lips. 

Spencer quieted me down, stroking my hair as I spoke. “I don’t know where I’d be without you Spence”. I looked up at the man who held me, my heart beating in delight, in contrast to the emotion my face was probably expressing. 

He leaned in pressing a long lasting kiss on my lips, then he proceeded to reciprocate the same gesture on my forehead. “You’re my absolute everything Y/N’ He sighed. “Before I- before everything became a blur, all I could think of was you. All I could think of was that I took out one less person that can harm you. I love you so much Y/N”. 

A comforting silence followed after, creating an environment of serendipity. I toyed with the hospital gown that covered his body, thinking of all the events that had occured before, thanking the heavens for the outcome that was given to me and praying for the future. 

“I want a baby” I professed without warning, feeling Spencer tense up in surprise. 

“W-what did you say Y/N?” 

“I want a baby, I want to start a family with you” I continued, adjusting my position to get a good look at his reaction. “I want to have a baby now” I declared, determination dripping from my confession. 

Spencer chuckled, gesturing to the IV and the tubes that were wired into him. “I would be glad to Y/N, but I’m kind of a human experiment as this moment” He joked. 

We both chuckled in glee, holding each other tight as we basked in the pleasant scene. “But I would love to have little Y/N’s and Spencers running around, especially with the one I’d want nothing more than to spend my lifetime with” He pulled me into another kiss, peering deeply into my eyes before shutting his own to get some rest. 

“I love you so much, Y/N Y/L/N” He whispered through his breath.

“I love you more than you know, Spencer Reid” 

-

A/N:

That’s a wrap, you know I was going to end this short story with Spencer dying, but I thought about how evil that was. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed it and don’t be afraid to put in any requests :)

taglist: @l0ve-0f-my-life  @spideyreid​ @evelyn-4034

[catnippackets]

have you seen/would u recommend pacific rim 2? ive heard some things about newt and idk lol

I feel like Im in the minority that actually did think pru was fun but that being said it ended SO abruptly and with like three separate plotlines completely abandoned that I was really frustrated for days after watching it until I had processed everything and had time to think deeply about it lol it just seemed rly unfinished?? it feels like it was deliberately made as 1/2 of two sequels and there needs to be one more to tie everything up. actually I’m gonna ramble abt this bc I have a lot of thoughts (obvs spoilers under the cut)

the thing about the second one was that I genuinely was enjoying it right up until it ended because I swear to god the moment the end screen went up I yelled "what the fuck, that's it?" out loud into my bedroom bc I was so SHOCKED that THAT'S how it all ended, because it just seemed so incomplete?? Like it seemed like one half of a story, that will only be made whole if there's a third one to tie up all the plotlines that they didn't go through with in the second and if that's the case then I will be completely fine with it but if it doesn't or if they dont have a third one at all I will stay so frustrated lol. one silver lining to this is that the vibe of this movie was so different from the first that it almost feels easy to separate it and just imagine it as an AU if you prefer which is sort of nice; usually if a piece of media I like does something bad I feel all gutted and anxious and terrible that this is the canon I have to accept, but something abt this movie just made it feel like it was sort of a totally separate deal. maybe cuz only 3 of the original characters were in it idk

to start off: I felt like there were a couple of plotlines in it that were just sort of introduced and then never seen through which was very ????? Amara & Vik's weird hate-rivalry thing was one of them; Vik instantly has it out for Amara bc she’s jealous, which is a very interesting concept, and then this prompts Amara to become hostile right back at her, which is also a very interesting concept, and then it never got resolved at all? like they couldve done something really cool with those two but it just never went anywhere. and then there was sort of a weird love triangle thing happening between Jake and Nate and Jules that felt so weird bc it had no significance to the plot at all and it felt like it was only thrown in there for the sake of having ~romantic drama~ idk maybe I wasnt paying too much attention and there was more to it than that but it really just seemed like they wanted to put romance in there and didnt want to bother to put any work into it

BUT the thing about romantic sub plots is that THERE ALREADY WAAAAS OOOOOOOOONE which brings me to the biggest frustration I have w this movie because--and DISCLAIMER, this was also my favourite plot point of the movie bc it was by far the most interesting, the biggest reason for me enjoying the movie at all, and the bit I feel like should have had WAY more attention--Newt and Hermann were like legitimately in love in this movie I swear to god I was watching it and thinking “this is GENUINELY the most blatantly gay thing I’ve ever seen in a feature film and I know that straight ppl are very talented at writing gay romances completely by accident so it’s possible that they just accidentally did it this way but also it is REALLY goddamn obvious oh my gooood?” (and then I did a lot of frantic googling and found out that I was right and Charlie Day & Burn Gorman knew what the fuck they were doing and I felt so validated lol), and yet despite this, the movie had them speak for the last time almost at the halfway point of the film and then spend the entire second half apart and not talking at all and even at the post-credits scene where Jake and Newt talked for a bit Hermann wasn't there?? not even behind Jake to give Newt any searching glances?? Nothing??

dude...Newt being possessed by the precursors is a HUGELY interesting concept that actually makes sense and I wish it had had more attention. I’ve seen a lot of ppl say that pru butchered Newt’s character and I don’t 100% agree bc like...being possessed will change you lmao so while yes I’m obviously sad that he wasn’t himself, I feel like it made sense that he had a slight personality change, because it...wasn’t him anymore. we don’t really see the Newt we all fell in love with in the first movie. we THINK we’re seeing him, but halfway through we find out we’re wrong.

my critiques with that plotline are basically that I wish the reveal had happened a little bit later on, and I wish that it had been a little more obvious I guess?? like, we definitely get hints of it (when Hermann excitedly asks Newt to help him with a dangerous unorthodox project and Newt says “dude why are you doing something so risky when we’ve already got a good plan in motion? just wait for that to be done, it’s fine” and Hermann IS us, he IS the audience when he reacts, because this is a completely insane thing for Newt to say. Newt, who, in the first movie, was so obsessed with finding knowledge that he went behind the marshall’s back to literally risk his life doing something incredibly dangerous just to see what would happen? being given the opportunity to do the same kind of dangerous frivolous act and refusing? this is blatantly out of character, and Hermann is all of us when he’s shocked, “what, you mean you...won’t help me??” which means it wasn’t bad writing on their part, it was purposefully supposed to stand out as something that was wrong and something that we needed to pay attention to. that was a really good scene to hint that something was Not Right with Newt), and I wish there had been a bunch more like it. I think the reveal should have been saved for the end of the second act; I think that should have been the moment that act 2 of a story usually has, that dreadful event that happens that leaves the main characters feeling completely hopeless and unsure what to do.

I also wish that he had managed to break through more than That One Scene, I think it would’ve been more dramatic if he’d had a few moments where he managed to take control for a second to remind us that he’s still in there and still fighting, and I’m sad they didn’t do that. I saw a fan comic that touched on this idea and I think it’s brilliant, even the idea of him suddenly getting a nosebleed and acting distracted to show that that’s the Real Him trying to fight through would have been sooooooooo good.

I also feel like it didn’t make any sense for Nate to be the one to subdue him in the end, I dont even think those two interact at all so like, why was it him?? it would have been so much more dramatic and heartbreaking if Hermann had been the one to confront him so they could’ve had a little conversation on the roof where Newt could once again break through for a second before getting taken over and then Hermann could like idk have a taser hidden behind him that he uses to subdue him and THAT wouldve been a way sadder and more interesting way to do it. I also think Hermann shouldve been the one to speak to him in the post credits scene, or to have him in the background behind Jake just watching him sadly so we can get a couple shots of intense eye contact like UGH I just wish there had been more interaction between the two of them after the reveal happened!! When the movie was over and I realized they never spoke again I felt so upset!!! they're soulmates!! they're literally in love!! this has been CONFIRMED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and segueing in from the soulmate thing, another thing that made me sad was that nobody came in pairs anymore :( aside from Newt and Hermann, they were the only ones gjdfk but in the first one every character had another character that they were paired up with, both for drifting reasons and just for plot reasons (except Chau and Tendo but I’m pretty sure there's actually significance to that too), and in the second one it just sort of felt like everyone was drifting with each other with no strong connection needed and that made it feel way less special. granted, the movie takes place ten years after the first one so in that time maybe technology advanced to the point where you didn't need a strong neural connection to drift anymore, but for the sake of the story it would have been way better if they'd kept the whole soulmates concept from the first one, it made it way stronger and more special

so yeah in conclusion I did think pru was enjoyable and I probably would watch it again some time but also it definitely pales in comparison to the first one and I’m desperately hoping we get one more so they can tie everything together and FIX THINGS KFGH it’s not too late!!!!! I wish I could write Pacific Rim 3 I genuinely think I would do a good job I love storytelling and I’m very passionate about these characters!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[chaelinsbitch]

i’ve been itching to get this out of my system bc i see it everywhere 😭😭 like okay, i know ppl end up marrying/loving ppl who share similar features to their family (as that’s who’ve they grown up with) but like when white men marry poc women? or when white men with white parents marry black women i can’t stop thinking abt how that got into their system and my mind spirals to the fact that do these men like these women bc of they view them as “exotic” objects or do they enjoy the power control of being a privileged white man? idk i’m sorry but interracial relationships including white ppl never make sense to me even if it’s a white woman and a poc man. i get that their surroundings influence them too likw maybe they grew up in a poc neighbourhood or something but other than that it doesn’t sit right with me...... then i start feeling like one of those old baba’s that preach abt how bad whites are😭 ok sorry i always feel the need to share my deep thoughts with you bc not many are up for convos like this 🙏🏼 have a great day tho😎

BDJDHDB LMAO I'm dying seeing this out of the blue 😂😂😂 the way your mind works is so beautiful <3 I'm on mobile rn but I'm gonna try putting this in a readmore cuz long pointless rambles so let's hope it works lol

nah but I was lowkey thinking about this topic the other day too lmao and tbh idk man. Clearly a lot of relationships have worked out for ppl in white/poc relationships so either the poc (I guess it depends on that person's individual experience growing up as well) so I guess there is a point of understanding on both parts in terms of one partys lack of knowledge of the others experiences (aka white ppl being open to being an "ally" and learning of their poc partners background and/or experiences) and it's def different I feel for ppl like us who have more cultural connections to their family's cultures than other poc ppl yk. Like with ppl who grew up essentially the same for the most part except for some aspects of their family/culture/skin it would be easier? Maybe? Idk fjdhdj Highkey honestly I would never be w a white person either LOL even w Brown girls Ive seen a lot of them end up w white guys and every time I'm just like..okay girl are u tryna #escape ur family and experience #freedom or whatever cuz idk why else u would get w a mayo.... Idk man. Like I know that there are white ppl out there who are I guess #woke (even guys? I guess?) So it's easy to be around them at some level idk???? Like idk even w friends I've had some good white friends but I've also had plenty that have been absolutely exhausting for a lot of reasons and I could not imagine living the rest of my life like that 💀 but Love is Love I guess idk bdjdbd maybe it doesn't help that I don't have much relationship experience either LOL. But yeah I mean (white) ppl who have grown up in more diverse communities I guess are more likely to be more open and such? But I've also seen a lot of ppl fetishizing their partners and their mixed children as well so :/ sorry my rambles are so all over the place idk exactly where I'm tryna go w it rn hdidhdb other than I guess at the end of the day it's about the ~people~ and ~love~ or whatever? (Love isn't real tho so 🤷‍♀️) but I also agree with u completely LOL we can both be babas on our rocking chairs preaching to all the children who we force to listen to us ♥️

[stayatsam]

hm i know its TMI but i’m going to say some stuff under the cut bc i always feel very solitary in this kind of mind state and always wonder if there are other people who can relate

lol people often find it surprising that i suffer from paranoia bc on the internet and when i’m around people im really good at coming off as super composed and casual (and for the most part i am!) but LOL i’m thinking that if i’m ever living alone i’ll have to get a psychiatric service dog 🙄

tw for generic paranoia/fear/nightmares that kind of thing 

i’ve never gotten a like, “official” diagnosis from my psychiatrist. we’re bumbling around it either being bipolar disorder or paranoid schizophrenia (im talking more w him later)

. i know i’m going to sound like a crazy person but i’ve had paranoid delusions and hallucinations for as long as i can remember, but most notably around when i was 11 to the present. i was totally convinced that i was going to be kidnapped by the government and that they were watching me physically. and i’d also get terrifying feelings of being watched while i was alone in my room in the basement, that someone was standing immediately outside my locked door. EVERY night i would keep the lights turned on as i went about investigating every corner of the room and closing every door after thoroughly checking what was inside. i’d then look under my bed etc and then sleep with a lamp on. and at some point i got put on medication, which helped with my mood and depression but it never really made the paranoia go away. i’ve often had strange sensations of smell-hallucinations and large human figures about me. i’d only ever get a few hours of sleep every night because of how freaked out id be. 

and then i went to college and like, i would sleep really well and i was like oh lol im cured must be the medicine. but now that i’m in an apartment, and have to be alone more frequently, i’m 99% certain that the reason i was feeling better was because i had a roommate there with me every night. and lately i have had more feelings of paranoia and general “im freaking out in the dark” kind of thing. and i’ve had nights throughout my life where i (i was raised catholic) would recite the hail mary over again in my head for hours until eventually i fell asleep. 

it’s really hard to explain how paranoia feels other than it being like, one of the purest forms of terror where its like, nothing rational is in your thought process so you can’t even pin your fear on something with substance 😔😔😔😔 man i hate being mentally ill

but where im going w this is that like, i know within the next 3-4 years i will likely be living alone, and that if i’m going to function in society i’ll definitely need a dog specifically trained to handle this kind of delusions. and i’ve read that there are specifically service dogs trained for people with delusions/schizophrenia. i say service dog and not emotional support animal because im like 90% sure i’d need something that would be able to accompany me when im going places. specifically because this stuff does impair my daily life where ive gone days kind of like, huddling in my room and missed class. or i’d be so freaked out at going places that i would not go to events at the LGBT center downtown. in hs when i was sleeping alone i wouldn’t sleep all night and then id skip school in the morning, so i’m fairly certain i could struggle to function normally when i have to live alone in the future

i almost never go anywhere alone, with the farthest being going to campus and the grocery store and pharmacy. i’ve never been out past dark here alone because of how terrified i am of it 🥺 and also something that would be able to snap be back to reality

but i have NO idea how i would ever bring this up to my mom. she’s always boiled all my mental health issues down to just “depression and anxiety” and that there was never anything more to it. she always asks me how im doing mentally and i’ll be like yeah im good not depressed and shes like :) good! and im like lol... i think i would have my psychiatrist talk to her about it first to kinda break the idea to her slowly. he’s honestly a miracle worker. anyway sorry this got long i just kind of needed to throw my thoughts into the void. thank u if u read this far it feels nice knowing someone would have had the patience to listen to my rambling

and also that i’m doing well as of writing this! i feel like i’m a pretty strong person mentally for the most part ❤️👉👈 

[dark-and-kawaii]

Kiwiiii =_= ive been waiting to see if you ever write for any of the kuroko boys again and here we are. As Kiyoshi Senpai would say, let's all have some fun! How would our bad boys feel when their fem s/o asks to do their makeup 🐞

Awh, I’ve honestly missed writing for my basketball babes (^w^)

 EHEHE!!! Kiyoshi is right! Let’s all have some fun, yeah??? This request is making me feel so many things since I myself am a makeup artist!!! Thank you so much for sending this in love bug!!!

Yamazaki:

Bless his heart, because this boy is the absolute best. 

Kicking open his bedroom door -makeup pallets in hand- your eyes are practically glowing with so much passion as you run towards him. “Yams!!! Look!! Look!!!” Pressing your pallets against his face he already knows the next thing you’re about to say… “I just got some new pallets!!” -twirling around your skirt lifts ever so slightly and our sweet bad boy is smiling with how cute you are with all your excitement.- “I already have makeup on…. ~sooooo could i please use your face as my canvas?!” 

Yamazaki will of course say yes. He’s mainly curious to see what you can pull off and he’s never had makeup on before so he’s also curious as to how it feels…. 

Will sit as still as he possibly can but his nerves kick in and his knee begins to bounce around which isn’t the best for you since you’re trying to do his mascara… 

You definitely end up poking him in the eye with mascara since he won’t stop bouncing his knee.. And when you try to reapply it he leans back every time while squinting at you… It’ll take years for him to ever trust such a product again, especially in your hands…

Will sit and make kissy faces at you when you apply the lipstick / cracks jokes about how the team would be gay for him.

When the process is all over and you’ve finished his makeup, Yamazaki can see how sad you look since you were having so much fun with him and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t enjoying this time with you as well… Picking up one of the pallets you seemed most interested in, Yamazaki will stand from where he was sitting and tell you to sit down. “I want to try doing your makeup, ___.”

Yamazaki will gently wipe off the makeup you had on previously and once its all wiped off he will then attempt to apply makeup to your face…. 

Just as you did to him… He did to you with the mascara… You and Yamz will never trust one another with mascara ever again.

Hara:

Hara just pops his gum as you sit in front of him silently wide eyed awaiting his reply… He pops another bubble… And you can’t take it anymore. “So!? What’s the answer Hara? Will you let me play with my new makeup with you or not?? It should be at my place by now and i really think it would be fun for us!”

Hara makes an annoyed sound as he pops yet another bubble, “Sure, but only if you give me a blow job after.” You can hardly believe it…. that’s a lie… you can believe he would say something like that…. With disgust written all over your face you get up from your desk and begin to storm out while harshly saying, “FINE! I’ll find someone else!! Someone who doesn’t need or want anything in return except fun memories!”

It takes only 2 minutes before Hara is sitting up from his very own desk going after you. Maybe that was a bit too harsh, you’re always doing for him and unlike his previous girls he wants to keep you around.

Eventually finds you on your front steps holding your new Jeffree Star lipsticks and pallet. Taking one of the lipsticks out of your hand he opens it and applies it best he can before pressing his lips together making a popping noise. Smiling at you he pulls back his bangs from his face and asks you if you can help make him a pretty girl.

Turns out to be a fun night with Hara. Applying makeup to him is easy thanks to his smooth skin and him being patient with you. 

Asks if he’s getting anything in returned like sex or a BJ, you just smack him upside the head though. 

Hara surprisingly likes the feeling of eyeshadow being applied to his eyes, your brush is extremely soft and the smooth swiping motions on his eyes is quite calming. Will ask you questions about what does what and what the purpose is… It’s not that he cares it’s just he really wants to make up for how he acts at times -lowkey hopes it scores him points with you-. 

Once his makeup is complete he will tell you to stay in the bathroom as he goes into your room and raids your panty drawer. No no no. It’s not what you think. Once he’s done doing what he wanted, he will come back to your bathroom and there standing before you is one tall ass basketball player wearing your V-string and sport bra… Popping his gum Hara smirks at you, “Mommy is ready for her punishment daddy ____.”

Hara is cringe. 

Seto:

Seto is so chill my god. 

At first Seto isn’t the biggest fan of the idea and he does tell you no the first two times you ask. However as you lay on his chest looking up at him with teary eyes begging him to let you apply makeup to him he can’t help but smirk. “Someone’s quite persistent, aren’t they?” Placing his hand atop your head he tousles your hair and says fine, but only if he can sleep through most of it. 

Sitting up on his chest you peck his nose and agree to this! Most of the makeup can be applied with his eyes shut and it’ll be easier to apply the eyeshadow! “Thank you Seto! I will even hide that mole of your forehead since you hate it so much!!!” You say with one of the sweetest tones he’s ever heard. 

It’s honestly a win win for the both of you. 1st you’re getting to put makeup on your very tough looking boyfriend who is deemed a bad boy in your school. 2nd He loves the feeling of you straddling his chest as you apply the makeup and he’s gotta admit… the powder brush feels pretty damn great.

Once you’re all finished you hand him your glittery mirror and say “BOOM THATS THE POWER OF MAKEUP BABY!!!” His mole is concealed and the pink eyeshadow you applied pops thanks to his darker skin…. His eyes are wide with a bit of concern, he’s heard horror stories of neon shadow staining eyelids…. which guess what… it did…. And the next day he’s going to school with pink eyes and the guys all laugh. However, Seto shrugs it off. It made you happy and that’s what’s important. 

Furuhashi:

Staring out his bedroom window you watched as the rain continued to tap against his window. Between the roaring thunder, Furuhashi’s soft voice, and dark sky, you were slowly starting to doze off… Until your elbow was harshly nudged by another. Furuhashi was gazing at you with his iconic dead fish eyes… He had been trying to help you study but he just couldn’t keep you focused long enough, “____, if you don’t want to study why did you ask?” 

It’s not like you didn’t want to study, honestly. You were falling behind in your language class and he was the best person to ask… and also the only person he’d be okay with you asking since deep down Furuhashi was a bit possessive… Poking his cheek softly with your sanrio pen you asked in your most angelic voice, “~Ko, could i please apply my makeup to your handsome face? It would help wake me up and change the mood in the room.” Adding the puppy pout you looked so pathetic, it made him want to hurt you… 

With a great big sigh, Furuhashi finally caved. He hated makeup being on his face and this wasn’t his first rodeo which is exactly why he always gave you a blank stare and walked away when you asked in the past. His young sister has done this to him in the past and he absolutely hates the way it feels on his face, not only that but it gives him anxiety. 

Doesn’t look thrilled 90% of the time you’re applying your makeup on him. Will look curiously at certain products and arch his eyebrow at you as you dip your brush into the odd looking product in your hand. Asks questions and will grab your wrists when he sees a color he isn’t too fond about -reminds him of the time his younger sister did it and it stained-. 

Will smile ever so gently at you when you’re turned around reaching for a new product as you ramble on about how it works better than the other brands. Furuhashi actually finds you quite adorable at the moment, he’s amazed you’re so passionate about makeup. And as he turns around to look in the mirror -with you still turned around- he’s even more amazed at just how talented you are at it. It makes him want to continue to protect you so you can accomplish your beauty dreams without any interference, though he’ll never admit that openly to you. 

Hanamiya:

Hanamiya has never been so damn annoyed or tired in his entire life, and he’s been through quite the irritating situations before. However as you continue day in and day out asking him… no, scratch that… begging him if you can put makeup on his pasty face his eyes grow more tired and exasperated. 

Eventually snaps on you and makes you cry by calling you an annoyance and that you’ve been nothing but a pest the past week. Give it about an hour though, deep down he knows he messed up and with a click of his tongue he’s off to find you. 

“Hanamiya! I challenge you to a basketball game!!” With unstable quivering legs, you stood as tall as you can as you throw the basketball at the back of Hanamiya’s head…. Ah yes, this is why he loved you and kept you around, not only were you always pulling dumb stunts around him but you also tried to act as if you weren’t afraid of the consequences. Turning around with a devilish smirk, hanamiya replied to you as he picks up the orange sport ball, “Oh? And what might my little ____ want if she wins?” He knew you didn’t have a chance but this was too much fun seeing you have so much hope just so he could take it away.

“I-If i w-win I get to ap-apply my makeup to you… I- I-” Looking down with sullen eyes your voice became low and Hanamiya could hear the deep dejection in it… “I’m just really nervous because this Salon got ahold of me and asked if i could come in a show them my skills… Th-that they are interested in having me there with them… but i wanted to practice on an actual person… i- This was dumb, gomen’nasai Makoto…” 

Before you could even walk away the basketball had made contact with the back of your head this time. Twirling around holding the back of your head you saw that Hanamiya’s eyes were concealed with his jet black hair but his signature grin was fully on display, “Oi oi, who said you could walk away from me? Let’s play.”

It took a solid two hours but you finally managed to beat Hanamiya… Not that you won by pure skills or anything, Hanamiya had let you win. 

Applying his makeup actually ends up being more fun than you thought it would be, though there were a lot of times where he was making it difficult for you -surprise-. Hanamiya will “accidentally” knock a brush out of your hands here and there along with blowing the eyeshadow right off your shadow brush. You don’t know what overcame you but in the heat of the moment you decided to just dump your loose glitter all over his head since he wouldn’t stop acting out, and with a booming laugh you hold your stomach as you die from pure joy after seeing his face.

The atmosphere in your bathroom has changed drastically and his presence is menacing… “Ha-Hanamiya… i- I-im so sorry i just.. I thought it wou-” 

Grabbing you by your throat Hanamiya pins you against the sink as his mouth gets dangerously close to your ear. You can feel his hot breath as he whispers in your ear, “I think it’s time you learned your place, pet.” You’re frightened and unaware of what to do until you feel loose face powder his your face, “BAAAAKA!” Sticking his tongue out at you Hanamiya proceeds to coat your face with loose powder.

[jimio-nnie]

Hush, baby. [Taehyung x reader]

Word Count: 2.8k+ Rating: NSFW Genre: Smut Warnings: Vaginal Fingering, Dirty Talk, Exhibitionism, Basically a naughty backseat fuck. Pairings: Kim Taehyung x Reader Summary: You’re a new staff at BigHit entertainment and it will be your first time in participating in their photoshoot as a makeup artist. What happened if you got left behind by your seniors and unknowingly ended up sitting in the same van as BTS; more specifically on your celebrity-crush’s laps? It wouldn’t take long until the friction against his crotch peaked your arousal.

You’re helping the other staffs pile in their camera equipment into the back of the staff’s van since you’ve already stuffed your bag pack in the boot earlier before.As a new makeup artist trainee, it was only basic courtesy for you to help out your seniors. 

The staff along with BTS members are going to attend another night photo shoot for their new upcoming album and your heart is leaping with joy and excitement from the thought of working together for the first time with the boys.

“Ah, I forgot another bag I’m supposed to bring…” 

you heard your senior murmured to another staff whilst wiping away the droplets of sweat off his forehead with a sigh. You smiled softly and patted his shoulder gently, knowing he’s tired from carrying the heavy photographing equipment.

“Its alright, oppa. Ill take it for you in a sec!” 

you beamed, flashing him a smile that made some of the other staff laugh along at your senior’s flabbergasted face when he tried to stop you but you’re already skipping your way inside the building.

“Aish.. y/n, that girl is such a help.” he huffed and proceeded on loading in other stuffs into the boot. Meanwhile, you were totally clueless when you’ve reached the staff’s room. 

Smacking your forehead at your own carelessness to not ask your seniors regarding the details of the bag you’re supposed to retrieve, you looked around the room absent-mindedly. It has been fifteen minutes and you could almost hear your heart pounding in your chest as you panicked, besides you didn’t want to slow down everybody and delay the photo shoot.

Just as you’re digging into your pocket for your phone, you heard the doorknob buckled, signing that someone’s about to enter. With a grin on your face, you ran infront of the door, expecting to be greeted by your senior who would tell you off for being slow-- but you know he had a soft spot for your every single time you flash him a smile.

He’d often say that you reminded him of his little sister and a head pat would always follow afterwards, making you hum, pleased of the feeling of acceptance.

To your surprise, the person who peeked into the room was not your senior but one of BTS member. And at that case, it was Taehyung, someone you had a huge crush on--- which actually brought you down to your knees when you first received a letter that your job application has been accepted by BigHit. 

Your mouth gaped open when you saw him because you didn’t expect that would would even meet any of BTS member upfront this close so early.

 “Ah I thought Jimin was hiding in here somewhere. We couldn’t find him and we are already about to take our leave.” he explained before taking a step back and opening the door further to take a better look towards you.

With your mind still blank, you shook your head frantically, signing that Jimin wasn’t indeed in the particular room you’re in.

“Are you a new staff? I’ve never seen you before,” he took a step closer, his taller figure looming over yours. You only managed to nod several times, hands clutching against your chest as if to prevent a cardiac arrest to occur. You could’ve sworn that he can hear your heart violently pounding against your ribcage.

With a low chuckle, he lowered his body so that he could look into your eyes and you felt his index finger gently pushing your chin upwards so that your gaping mouth is closed.

“There, I’m afraid you’d catch flies with that pretty mouth,” He almost whispered and you swooned at the close proximity between the both of you. You weren’t sure whether it was just your imagination and admiration for him exaggerating the whole situation but you could almost feel his warmth breath against your lips.

“T-t-thank you, sir” you stammered, not certain of what you should call him by. Standing tall again, he winked down towards you before replying.

“It’s alright, you can just call me V. And what’s your name?”

  Oh. My. God.

  Hearing his rich, deep chuckle was already enough to send your knees buckling to the floor and you wouldn’t even want to know what would happen if your name slip across his lips.

“Hyuuunnggggg come on! We’re latee!” Jimin’s whine resounded from afar and before you could even tell him your name, Taehyung was dragged away by Jimin and you were sure your heart dropped to the floor.

It was when your phone vibrated that you realized what you came into the staff room for. You took out your phone and panicked when it was your senior who called, immediately picking up and bracing yourself for the scolding.

“Oppa im--” before you could even apologize, he interjected right afterwards.

 “y/n? We already made our way to the shooting site. And I forgot that I already took that bag so I’m reaallyy sorry. I promise I’d treat you to a dinner today!” He explained himself in one breath and a sense of relief filled you after knowing he wasn’t mad at you. But your eyebrows furrowed a few seconds afterwards after digesting his sentence.

“W-what? You’re already on your way there? What about me?” You paced back and forth across the room, not knowing what to do. You couldn’t even take a cab there as your purse was also in the staff’s van.

“It’s alright! We went first without you because the van was packed and there’s no more seat and we also had to set up the place earlier. It’s alright though, ive informed the manager and he said there might be an available seat in the boys’ van.”

Your mouth was left hanging open at the thought of taking the same vehicle as the BTS members and you couldn’t even focus at what your senior was talking about afterwards.

 You were sure your heart just burst.

Making your way out of the building and not wasting any more time, you easily recognize the black van you would be boarding with them.

“Get in,” you heard the BTS manager’s voice as the boys slowly get into the van. As you approached him, he glanced over his shoulder towards you before flashing you a smile.

“I’ve been informed that you’d be joining us today! Please get in too” he put his hand gently on your back, urging your freezing form to enter the van as you’re visibly panicking by the thought of seeing Taehyung again.

“Um.. where am I sitting though--” you mumbled as you scanned the packed van, your body was already halfway in. The manager peeked into the van and scratched his neck nervously, obviously not expecting this situation. He was sure that there would be at least one available space and soon realized that he had miscalculated.

 He didn’t count himself in earlier.

 You still could not believe the situation you’re in, awkwardly sitting on someone’s lap in the very back of the van with equipment and clothes at your side. Going completely stone-like on Taehyung’s lap, you looked over the front row where Hoseok and Jimin were laughing at something Jin had said. 

In front of you, Yoongi had earbuds stuffing his ears and Namjoon was silently talking to Jungkook, probably regarding their upcoming photo shoot. To your realization, everyone was holding something over their laps in the packed vehicle and your face reddened once again at the thought of who you’re sitting on.

“Are you alright back there? This is what happens when our manager rent a van for a last minute schedule.” Jin joked which sent the whole van laughing and you could feel Taehyung’s chest vibrating with a chuckle right behind you.

After a few minutes, you could feel hands on your shoulders, pulling you backwards towards Taehyung’s sturdy chest.

 “I noticed that you’ve been sitting up straight for quite a long time and it must have hurt your back.” He murmured and you looked over your shoulder towards him to see him smiling warmly.

 “S-sorry I must be heavy and this whole situation must have made you uncomfortable--” you rambled but was cut off by him halfway through.

“Hey, hey, its alright. You’re not heavy and all and besides, you’re working hard with the other staffs for us. This is the least I could do.” He hummed and you almost choked at how genuine and considerate he sounded.

You mumbled out a thanks and he only nodded, throwing his gaze out of the window afterwards so you wouldn’t feel too awkward as you leaned back towards him.

“Hang on,” 

the driver warned and before you could even braced yourself for what’s coming next, the van hit a bump on the road, sending your head bumping onto the ceiling. Your bottom that was partially lifted from Taehyung’s lap landed back down right across his crotch.

 The murmurs of amusement for those who were obviously enjoying the ride so far silenced Taehyung’s gasp from behind you as you’re also busy whining to yourself and rubbing over the sore spot on your head which hit the ceiling. 

He shifted a little, looking over towards you discreetly under his long lashes and sighed quietly when he realized that you didn’t notice.

Relaxing back your tensed body, you leaned back against him, repositioning yourself comfortably. What you didn’t realized was that the friction you’ve put against his crotch was sending his blood rushing over that area and he couldn’t act fast enough to muffle his groan.

Thinking that he must have been bothered from the bumpy ride earlier, you apologized to him, trying to twist your body backwards to look at him which sent his head stretching backwards and leaning onto the seat from the pleasure, his throat exposed. The pressure was already too much and your twisting and turning added more to the growing arousal washing over him.

 “I-its alright. W..What’s your name again?” 

He lifted his head to look at you and acted normal, trying to distract himself by making a conversation.

“My name is y/n. Its honestly an honor to meet you.” 

You answered, not missing the piercing look in his eyes as he kept his gaze on you.

“I see, y/n..” He repeated, testing your name on his lips and he couldn’t help that his voice dropped a few octaves lower which abruptly sent your pussy clenching. His deep voice was so close to you, right behind your right ear and he didn’t miss the shudder that ran up your spine.

 Each bump and turns made him squirm more and he tried to focus on something else to avoid thinking about the growing boner in his pants. With every few seconds, he’d look at you nervously to see if you’d noticed and he was sure that by this time it was hard not to.

What he didn’t know was that with each bump, you could feel his hardness rubbed against your core, and even though you tried to control yourself, it was getting you wet. 

You considered adjusting where you was sitting, but was worried it would embarrass him if you let on that you could feel his erection. So instead, you tried to control your bouncing by pressing your hands down on the seatback in front of you.

“There’s a big bump coming upfront.”

the driver warned again, and by reflex, you placed your hands on the ceiling to avoid yourself from lifting up and bumping your head again. As your pushed onto the ceiling, you were unconsciously placing your weight to sink more into Taehyung’s lap.

With your eyes still focusing forward, you could hear his sharp intake of breath and you didn’t expect the words that followed next.

 “Fuck, y/n…” he breathed out almost silently and you were sure he thought you couldn’t hear him.

“J-jimin, how much longer until we arrive there?” His voice resounded past your right ear and you tightened your thighs.

“About an hour I guess” he answered and Taehyung tensed up behind your, his erection prodding against your wetness and you whimpered softly. Namjoon glanced back towards you and murmured, “Just hang in there alright?”

You returned his kind gaze with a small smile and nodded. “Im alright,” you answered and just when he turned his head the other way, Taehyung’s hands slithered over your thighs, resting there in the most sensual way you could’ve ever imagined.

 ‘Ah fuck it’ Taehyung thought to himself, perfectly aware that you must have felt his erection from underneath you already.

“Lean on me.” He breathed on your neck and you quivered on his lap at how it sounded like a command and you quickly obeyed, clamping down on your lips in fear you’d let out a whimper from the friction against your wetness.

He left slow open-mouthed kisses alongside your neck and you were so glad that it was too dark outside for any of the members inside the van to notice. You unconsciously grinded down against him as he gently sucked and nibbled at the skin in between your shoulder and neck, careful not to leave a mark.

“Ah-- mmm stop…” you raised a hand to hold his face still and he roughly grabbed onto the bare flesh of your thigh, your knee-length skirt already hitched up.

 “Stop what?” he whispered into your ear, teasingly blowing hot air into it and leaving a wet strip of saliva along your earshell. His deep voice almost caused you to let out a moan and god, you’ve never wanted someone so badly before.

“Hey, you guys alright back there?” the manager asked and Taehyung was quick to detach his lips off your skin before replying.

“Yeah we’re good. Aren’t we, y/n?” You could feel the smirk in his sentence as he slipped his left hand underneath your skirt, running his index finger tenderly along your clothed wet slit.

With both of your hands desperately clenching the cloth of our skirt into a bunch in order to hold back a moan, you raised your head and realized that everyone was looking your way when you didn’t provide them with an answer.

“Im o-- ah! Okay.. Im alright-” You yelped in between your sentence as Taehyung lazily rubbed a circle against your clit, taking advantage of you in this moment and teasing you.

  That asshole knew what he’s doing.

  “Are you sure?” Jimin, being the kind person he is, was concerned when you let out a soft yelp. Slightly shifting your position as a sign for Taehyung to stop his assault on you, you nodded.

“It was just, my head suddenly hurts from bumping onto the ceiling earlier, thats--” You couldn’t finish your sentence as the ruthless man behind you slipped his hand into your underwear and pinched your clit in between his fingers.

You jolted at his boldness and were relieved that no one realized that you didn’t even get to complete your sentence earlier.

 “Hold your voice, babygirl. If you don’t want to get us in trouble of course..” He growled into your ear as his fingers teased your wetness. Without a warning, he dipped two of his fingers into your entrance before quickly pulling it out and you almost swore at how much of a tease he’s being.

Smearing the wetness enclosing his fingers on the skin of your thigh, he leaned forward and rested his chin on your shoulder to look down to your laps.

Separating his index and middle fingers, he whispered lowly into your right ear which sent you gushing for him.

“See how wet you are? So tight and ready for me..” His voice resounded from his chest as a low grumble, dripping with arousal and lust.

 “Take off your underwear if you wanted this.”

[zombiequincy]

THE MEGA RP PLOTTING SHEET / MEME.

First and foremost, recall that no one is perfect, we all had witnessed some plotting once which did not went too well, be it because of us or our partner. So here have this, which may help for future plotting. It’s a lot! Yes, but perhaps give your partners some insight? Anyway BOLD what fully applies, italicize if only somewhat.

MUN NAME: Hela     AGE: 21       CONTACT: IM

CHARACTER(S): Giselle Gewelle, Yumichika Ayasegawa (inactive)

CURRENT FANDOM(S): Bleach

BLEACH FANDOM(S) YOU HAVE AN AU FOR:  I have gory Bloodborne au but that one just exists in my head on my lonesome.

MY LANGUAGE(S): English and one very specific Middle Eastern dialect.

THEMES I’M INTERESTED IN FOR RP: FANTASY / Science fiction / Horror / WESTERN / ROMANCE / Thriller / MYSTERY / DYSTOPIA / ADVENTURE / MODERN / Erotic / Crime / MYTHOLOGY / Classic / HISTORY / RENAISSANCE / MEDIEVAL / Ancient / WAR / FAMILY / POLITICS / RELIGION / SCHOOL / ADULTHOOD / CHILDHOOD / APOCALYPTIC / GODS / Sport / MUSIC / Science / FIGHTS / ANGST / Smut / DRAMA / etc. 

PREFERRED THREAD LENGTH: one-liner / 1 para / 2 PARA / 3+ / NOVELLA.

ASKS CAN BE SEND BY: MUTUALS / NON-MUTUALS / PERSONALS / ANONS.

CAN ASKS BE CONTINUED?:   YES / NO    only by Mutuals?:  YES / NO.

PREFERRED THREAD TYPE: CRACK / casual nothing too deep / SERIOUS / DEEP AS HECK. (i love it all sorry I am quite the mixed bag lmao)

IS REALISM / RESEARCH IMPORTANT FOR YOU IN CERTAIN THEMES?:   YES / NO. i gotta know what certain human body parts taste like u know

ARE YOU ATM OPEN FOR NEW PLOTS?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS.

DO YOU HANDLE YOUR DRAFT / ASK - COUNT WELL?:  YES / NO / SOMEWHAT. it’s SO BAD FOR ME RN ASGLDKJDJKA i’m very inconsistent i’m so sorry.

HOW LONG DO YOU USUALLY TAKE TO REPLY?: 24H / 1 WEEK / 2 WEEKS / 3+ / months / years. / a lot of it has more to do w my general writing mood and if the thread im writing catches my interest, and rn im writing a TON of really wonderful and fascinating threads so they’re all super captivating for me and i try to reply asap

I’M OKAY WITH INTERACTING: ORIGINAL CHARACTERS / a relative of my character (an oc) / duplicates / MY FANDOM / CROSSOVERS / MULTI-MUSES / self-inserts / people with no AU verse for my fandom / CANON-DIVERGENT PORTRAYALS / AU-VERSIONS.

DO YOU POST MORE IC OR OOC?: IC / OOC. (i have a lot of stupid shit sorry) 

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WITH FOLLOWING OTHERS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.  

BEST WAYS TO APPROACH YOU FOR RP/PLOTTING: just send me a tumblr instant message, i know it sucks shit but im not comfy releasing my discord w everyone just yet cause i use it for personal use as well. i check tumblr on the daily so if you send me a message chances are i’ll see it and respond!

WHAT EXPECTATIONS DO YOU HOLD TOWARDS YOUR PLOTTING PARTNER:  i guess just be able to put up with my rambling and stopping and starting, a lot of characterisation choices i do go through various stages and its pretty messy so when i communicate that with others it usually ends up equally messy. just be patient with me please.

WHEN YOU NOTICE THE PLOTTING IS RATHER ONE-SIDED, WHAT DO YOU DO?:  i don’t mind! sometimes ppl have more ideas that they want to share first and i’m always super happy to listen to those ideas !! sometimes its nice to have someone with a clear guide or structure and be able to work around that rather than trying to fumble through a plot together.

HOW DO YOU USUALLY PLOT WITH OTHERS, DO YOU GIVE INPUT OR LEAVE MOST WORK TOWARDS YOUR PARTNER?:  i try to map out some basic info abt their characters that i otherwise don’t know from their bio or verses and try to pick out points of confrontation or similarities to expand on with giselle that can be used as points for like a starter to happen. its either that or sometimes i have really stupid ideas i just toss out there like ‘LMAO THEYRE BREAKING SHIT AT DISNEYLAND’ and go buck wild from there if the other person is down. i also always try to warn people or get a gauge for what subjects to avoid and steer clear of considering that giselle is a bit of a Freak(tm) and will say and do bad things.

WHEN A PARTNER DROPS THE THREAD, DO YOU WISH TO KNOW?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS. - And why?: if there’s something giselle did or said that upset you, i would love to know not to repeat it again (since i do still feel pretty new to the rp game, theres still plenty of time for me to make stupid mistakes). if its just a general lack of interest or uncertainty of where the plot should go, then you dont have to tell me i wont take it personally i promise ! 

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY LEAD YOU TO DROP A THREAD?: sometimes i can be made uncomfortable by certain things mentioned... it happens but its rare 

- WILL YOU TELL YOUR PARTNER?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS. i don’t want to upset anyone personally and sometimes explaining the ins and outs of my discomfort make things ten times worse so i just. would rather not.

IS COMMUNICATION IN THE RPC IMPORTANT TO YOU? YES / NO.

- AND WHY?: i am the most nervous person you can meet and my brain is always giving me misinfo abt paranoia and random shit so i having clear concrete communication between two parties abt if something is going wrong or is being received poorly means the world to me.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH ABSOLUTE HONESTY, EVEN IF IT MAY MEANS HEARING SOMETHING NEGA1TIVE ABOUT YOU AND/OR PORTRAYAL?: i need it !! i still feel relatively new to all this and i need to know whats going wrong to improve !! 

DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE SUCH SITUATION IN A MATURE WAY? YES / NO.

WHY DO YOU RP AGAIN, IS THERE A GOAL?: to help with my confidence in writing! i have v bad anxiety when it comes to sharing my works and i write a lot of other pieces alongside this blog on ao3 and i want to develop my writing skills just in general. when it comes to like the nuts and bolts of why i rp giselle specifically, its mainly to just have fun and have a laugh w my friends who are really awesome quincy writers

WISHLIST, BE IT PLOTS OR SCENARIOS:  OH SO MANY! ive managed to fulfil a lot of my wishlist threads with like, giselle talking to characters she’s already zombified and i love all that angst but i want to do more stupid shit. i want to make it my personal goal to bully every quincy man and woman on sight. although a REAL dream would be if i got to write a thread zombifying a character who managed to escape giselle’s clutches. and more fighting! i want to get better at describing action and fights and i love to write giselle getting beat up and beating people up! more more more!! 

THEMES I WON’T EVER RP / EXPLORE:   hohoho theres a LOT... uh r*pe/dubcon threads for one, even if yeah i know writing it doesnt condone it, it makes me intensely uncomfortable to put my muse in that scenario, i feel like i have an obligation to like, protect her from that shit you know? racism is one i don’t want to transgress, even though i’m a poc, its not really cathartic or groundbreaking to write abt racism in threads its just... really fucking upsetting. also i know the quincy’s have this very close parallel to the whole n*zi imagery and ideology thing going on and i am not about to start even daring to thread that into my writing or bring those allusions and references of real life tragedies into giselle’s threads. i’ve already talked at length abt exploring giselles trans identity in rp and why im not comfortable doing so, so.... yeah! all those i guess.

WHAT TYPE OF STARTERS DO YOU PREFER / DISLIKE, CAN’T WORK WITH?: i like starters where giselle can just immediately get right into being a piece of shit. mise en scene and all that! cut out the build up and just get to the intense horror !! i don’t like starters where its not immediately clear where the characters are standing and what they’re doing and what’s happening around them. those really disorientate me and leave me kinda floundering because i always need some allusion or mention of a setting to ground giselle in a time and place other wise i cant tell what her response should be

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE MOST?:  EVIL WOMEN EVIL WOMEN EVIL WOMEN. also just characters i can wholeheartedly clown on, or also characters who have hidden depths to them and have a single panel of screentime. honestly it’s just all over the place!

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE LEAST?:  angry old men GSADJDKSJA i could never rp yhwach for example or yamamoto because idk. theyre just so crummy and boring to me. i also couldnt rp characters who always have an upper hand in battle like aizen. i like my dumbasses and i like them stupid and adaptive not just, ‘yes i know this because i Know this.’

WHAT ARE YOUR STRONG ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: i think im nice...? FKSJDKDJSA idk i hate trying to toot my own horn. sometimes i also think i make funny jokes and im pretty chill and laid back

WHAT ARE YOUR WEAK ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: my writing style is inconsistent and adapts to whatever i’m reading so sometimes it’ll be really good and i love it and other times it reads like really bad fanfic and i get carried away far too easily and write novella lengths for threads which should be much shorter. i also get shy a lot and dont think i communicate very effectively but HEYO we’re working on it!

DO YOU RP SMUT?:  YES / NO/ DEPENDS. haven’t had anybody brave enough to try yet lol

DO YOU PREFER TO GO INTO DETAIL?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH BLACK CURTAIN?: YES / NO.

- WHEN DO YOU RP SMUT? MORE OUT OF FUN OR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT?: more for fun i’d imagine because that’s just giselles own attitude to sex and relationships where she doesnt want anything deep. it might show character development in one way of just showing how she regards others in a romantic sense to be used rather than actually appreciated as their own person and show how selfish she is but yeah, more out of fun

- ANYTHING YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO RP THERE?:  theres a few kinks and such but i dont think they’d ever really come up. again, just mainly no r*pe/dubcon.

ARE SHIPS IMPORTANT TO YOU?:   YES / NO lets hope this doesn’t make me sound like an asshole, but its more like a fun little side thing than anything important to giselle’s actual development and characterisation. 

WOULD YOU SAY YOUR BLOG IS SHIP-FOCUSED?: YES / NO. again, hardly anyone is brave enough to try to romance this evil cannibal.

DO YOU USE READ MORE?:  YES / NO / SOMETIMES WHEN I WRITE LONG STUFF.

ARE YOU:  MULTI-SHIP / Single-Ship / Dual-Ship  —  MULTIVERSE / Singleverse.

- WHAT DO YOU LOVE TO EXPLORE THE MOST IN YOUR SHIPS?: more how giselle likes to give over her power or dominate in different circumstances depending on who she’s with and what’s being done. BUT AGAIN, not a whole lot to explore yet.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIPS?: YES / NO. - i mean im down for p much anything if it vibes w giselle.

► SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.

- WHAT COULD POSSIBLY MAKE YOUR MUSE INTERESTING TOWARDS OTHERS, WHY SHOULD THEY RP WITH THIS PARTICULAR CHARACTER OF YOURS NOW, WHAT POSSIBLE PLOTS DO THEY OFFER?: if you want an evil woman to taunt and mock and hurt your muse, she’s your gal. you want her to zombify and ruin your muse, shes also your gal. you want her to insult and maim and injure, she’s also YOUR GAL. basically, if you want to do anything fucked up or sad or scary, she can help with that.

- WITH WHAT TYPE OF MUSES DO YOU USUALLY STRUGGLE TO RP WITH?:  uh muses who get really angry quickly or don’t rise or respond to her jabs and are just kinda like a flatline. theres only so much pestering and annoying she can do until realises its not working and just wanders off

- WHAT DO THEY DESIRE, IS THEIR GOAL?:  to find a goal worth living for.

- WHAT CATCHES THEIR INTEREST FIRST WHEN MEETING SOMEONE NEW?:  appearance she always takes an interest in girls almost right away. age as well because she judges old people. 

- WHAT DO THEY VALUE IN A PERSON?:  a good set of guts to ruin and strong muscles.

- WHAT THEMES DO THEY LIKE TALKING ABOUT?:  women, gore, murder, herself, music, stupid memes, gossip.

- WHICH THEMES BORE THEM?:  politics, history, quincy ideology, soul reaper ideology, hollow physiology.

- DID THEY EVER WENT THROUGH SOMETHING TRAUMATIC?:  her family tried to force the burden of upholding the quincy lineage onto her shoulders, she was thrown into the wrong prison and held in isolation, then pressured to become an undying monster in service of a god and then was nearly killed by that same man and left wandering without guidance or purpose. so, yeah?

- WHAT COULD LEAD TO AN INSTANT KILL?:  transphobia. even a whiff of it in her direction and she’ll gut you like a fish.

- IS THERE SOMEONE /-THING THEY HATE?:  the twink soul reaper who outted her.

IS YOUR MUSE EASY TO APPROACH?: YES / NO. - Best ways to approach them?:  if you’re smart, you’ll bring a big bone for her to chew on and distract her while you ask whatever you want.

SOMETHING YOU MAY STILL WANT TO POINT OUT ABOUT YOUR MUSE?: i love my evil queen!

CONGRATS!!! You managed it, now tag your mutuals! ♥

Tagged by:  @bazzardburner​ cheers chicken boy !!

Tagging: @hyouketsu​ @blooming5th​ @viciousvizard​ @glacies-tempestatem​ and whoever else wishes to do this!!

[flyingcookierambles]

so i finished reading the northern caves

hey its a book ramble! after uuhhhhhh.. a year. anyways the northern caves! (https://archiveofourown.org/works/3659997/chapters/8088522)

i binged it in a whole day. and i have feelings. i think?

so ppl hyped it as a lovecraft-ish/otherworldly horror story and i think i got a bit sucked into that and let down a bit because to me the horror story wasn’t the implied dark magic connections the author had with uh. the Mundum. it was the unreliable narration and betrayal of friends. spoilers below!

so, if you’ve read the northern caves, you know what the Mundum is. it was just kinda introduced as some mystical thing in the universe that the author believed in. whether or not it was real was kinda left open ended i think.

if you for some reason haven’t read the northern caves (which will just be either the caves or tnc for typing speed’s sake), it’s about a group of online friends in a 2004 internet forum dedicated to a children’s book series called Chesscourt by Leonard Selby. the author died before he could publish his final book, The Northern Caves. thankfully, one of the ppl in the forums, metamarsh, is actually distantly related to the author, and in the event of leonard selby’s death and then marsh’s aunt’s death (i think she was selby’s sister or something), marsh’s family got all the belongings of leonard selby. all his journals, notes, and unpublished works left behind. TNC was one of them. marsh (or his aunt or some other relative) scanned the pages and released it online ig sometime before the story. and so the events of Spelunk 04! starts, in which the friend group of this forum plans an irl meet up at marsh’s house so they can go over the author’s belongings and try to make sense of tnc. tnc is, to put simply, a mess. there’s lucid parts and non-lucid parts, by which i mean that there’s entire pages of nonsense and also it’s mentioned that there are 3 entire pages that are just the letter “a.” this can easily be dismissed as the writings of a senile old man, until the revelation of the Mundum (mentioned above) comes up. 

then things so super wrong. 

so, the entire story is a “report” by a man on the forums named Paul. his handle is GlassWave. he is a person who went to Spelunk 04! and is part of the reason why the meeting went so wrong. around the part where the journals abt the Mundum come up, he totally gets into it. the narration around this part gets uh. kinda creepy. it also definitely doesnt help that there were drugs involved - adderall.

so uh. basically. paul and another guy, Arron/Errent Knight, get the Mundum. they dont understand why their friends dont understand it. the solution according to paul? put adderall into the coffee and stay up for 60 hours straight reading tnc in a group circle.

yeahhhhh.

so i personally wasnt super scared abt the entire lovecraft-ish/other worldly implications of mundum being real or not. it was the paul’s state of mind when he spiked the coffee with drugs. it was the entire betrayal thing. 

i personally haven’t really had the entire internet friends experience bc im p shy irl and online. i dont usually go talk to strangers in chatrooms/discord or anything. also stranger danger lol.

but i hear a bunch of stories abt that kind of stuff, the early 2000′s internet experience before ppl had more awareness of internet stranger danger. also i’ve been watching and reading abt a lot of internet drama thru commentary channels i watch nowadays (therightopinion is p good), and uh the whole parasocial relationship thing (so ive seen it be described as) is on my mind a lot now. since we view ppl as relatable and feel like we know them. now, of course, there’s a difference in the personal experience one can have between a youtuber or internet celeb and a person on an interactive forum/social media platform. i would think that more interactive platforms like forums or discourd would feel more personal to some than a celebrity but still. 

the entire narration of paul’s during the spiking the coffee scene was so rational-seeming to him. and then the betrayal that his friends, the ones at Spelunk 04! and online felt hit me. like, i’ve never personally experienced that kind of betrayal since i dont have internet/stranger friends, but still i think it’s really relevant now. on the 26th chapter (2nd to last), the forum comments of JimWind and Sally’s Lil Sis hit especially hard. 

JimWind:

Wow. Wowwowow. I just finished reading the whole thing through the latest bit GW's posted. I had heard things about Spelunk 04 having something to do with restaurant workers dying, but I just figured that was a baseless rumor because it seemed so hard to understand how that could have happened. But what really shocks me here isn't even that, it's the fact that GlassWave dosed his/our friends with hard drugs. (Adderall is just prescription amphetamine, AKA speed! WTF!!!) "GlassHole" indeed! TBH it really makes me uncomfortable with GW and getting this whole story from him. Of course when I first read this

“maybe not even the other forum members, not even the best among them, not even Jim, say”

I was flattered, especially cause GW's always seemed like one of the sharpest and nicest posters around these parts (until now!!). But now it kinda makes me sick to my stomach. I don't want this guy to think I'm one of the "best" Cafe people. And I'm holding back judgment on all this Spelunk nonsense until I hear about it from someone WHO ISN'T GLASSWAVE. (Plus, this is stupid, but there's something that makes it even worse about the fact that the diner has my name :P) No matter how you slice it, it's a sad day for the Cafe. D:

Sally:

Yeah me too JimWind. I'm literally crying rn. First Spelunk went wrong, then we have to wait to hear about what happened, then we finally get the report but it's from this jerk! I'm really sad bc this forum has meant a lot to me over the last year (its been a really tough year for me) and now I'm worried that everyone here might be some sort of drug-pushing creep :( :( :(

before this, everyone felt connected in some way w/ chesscourt and safe. and paul/glasswave was a decent person in the community! he talked to other ppl. ppl trusted him enough to invite him to this thing and meet up irl. and then he just. spikes coffee with adderall.

idk, maybe its just me since i was too young to be on fandom spaces in 2004 and be on chatrooms and stuff, but i feel like when the internet first came out everyone felt safe on it to some degree and the internet and real life were seperate spaces. now, esp with social media like facebook, real life and the internet are super connected. 

the fact that paul caused harm to his friends by spiking their drinks without consent is horrible. but like i feel like to ppl from 2004 who might not have experienced this kind of closely tied internet/real life drama before and also might not have the same sense of internet stranger danger that ppl have today, the idea of a person from the internet harming you in real life could be terrifying. today, i think that horror stories of ppl meeting online and then things going wrong is so common and in the news that we don’t bat an eye to it. but i guess maybe to 2004 ppl, this is like the ultimate nightmare.

when i finished the book, i felt a bit let down by the ending and stuff. it felt a bit anti-climatic. but after thinking about this from (what i think is) a 2004 person’s perspective, this is p awful. and the whole unreliable narration thing was very good.

i thought of midsommar a bit when i was thinking abt the ending. like, sure a bunch of horrible gory stuff happened and ppl died. but the real horror sets in afterwards when you realize that the movie is abt a vulnerable lonely woman in a neglectful relationship being indoctrinated into a cult thru drugs, isolation, and love bombing, and it was kinda shown as a “good thing” bc the protag finally found a place she belonged. when really, she was being further trapped in life, this time in a cult.

idk, but i guess that’s my ramble on the northern caves.

tl;dr - i read an original story from AO3 that was kinda hyped up for a lovecraft-ish horror, but i ended up interpreting the horror aspect differently and didn’t really get the mundum/lovecraft-ish part i think?

[peachywise]

nullify part 2

an umbrella academy fanfiction // klaus hargreeves x reader

- part ii: the broken alarm clock || ⋆ part i ⋆ part iii ⋆ part iv ⋆ part v ⋆ part vi ⋆  more parts to be released

- synopsis: You've heard of people having rude awakenings before, but you'd never actually experienced one yourself. That was until Klaus Hargreeves broke into your apartment, banging pots and breaking your clocks. This idiot just can't seem to go away.

- notes: wow, okay thanks for all the love so far on this guys!! I hope you enjoy part two. originally this had a lot more but it got a bit too long, so I cut it in half. part three will be up pretty soon. let me know if you want on the tag list. tw in this one for swearing, fire, and mild violence.

link on ao3

_______________________

Dreams have a funny way of making unconscious fears rear their god-forsaken heads in all too terrifying ways.

You’d been plagued by a particular nightmare for years, ever since you were a kid. It used to occur every night when things had been particularly bad, making your already so cruel waking days extend longer with sleep that should have been a type of escape. Now it only happened when you felt exhausted or anxious. Sometimes both. Okay, mostly both. You should have taken some comfort in the familiarity of the dream given the particular instability of your life, but alas, it was what it was.

And it was complete and utter horse shit.

It always started the same. You woke up in your childhood bedroom cluttered with crayon drawings and clothes scattered about, everything caught on fire like juvenile kindling. Your flannel pajama pants—the ones with the ugly looking green bunnies you thought were hilarious— had just caught a bit of the flame, burning away the fabric and charring and licking the skin of your leg, bubbling and making an awful smell. You barely managed to smack it out with your pillow before forcing your too adolescent and unstable force field up.

This was when the dream would begin to differ. Sometimes different things or people trailed into the room, watching you as you watched them, the house crumbling down to burning decay and ash while you sat crying in your little bubble, sweating and straining to keep it up and full. Sometimes they talked. Other times they didn’t. As you got older, anger tended to mix in with the panic and desperation you’d felt in the situation, aimed at whatever or whoever you believed had caused the flames.

Tonight, this dream's starring opponent stood all too close to you while you struggled and wailed. Reginald Hargreeves towered over your cowered figure, but your gaze wasn’t on him. No, your eyes fixated on the uniform-clad Five and the Cheshire grinning, kohl-lined eyed Klaus behind him who greeted you with an irritatingly ironic, “hey, hot stuff.”

Odd. You’d never felt both terrified and annoyed in these dreams before.

“It’s time for you to wake up.”

Well, that was new too.

“W-what?” You sputtered out, slightly loosening the death grip tight around your legs, eyes searching Klaus as his voice ringed louder and clearer than the haze and blaze of the fire.

“Come on, wake up!” Klaus yelled again, pushing Reginald away as he stepped up closer to your bubble, close enough to burst it.

And then your eyes cracked open, and your nightmare followed you into consciousness as one of your larger pots was placed so close to your face that you nearly smacked into it on time to the wooden spoon Klaus was already rhythmically slapping it with, hollering repeatedly as he did, “wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up!”

No one could blame you for your knee jerk reaction. Any sane person would have reached over for their alarm clock and hit the person who broke into their apartment over the head like you just did now. No one would also blame you for screaming. Your brain hadn’t even registered yet that it was Klaus who loomed over you. It was a fucking jarring way to wake up, for Christ’s sake.

Klaus immediately dropped the pot and spoon to grab his head, yelling out an overdramatic, “ow!” Too bad the pot landed with a hard thud on your stomach, causing the air to rush out of you and a groggy groan to leave your still panicked body in unharmonized synchronization with his howl of pain.

The now broken alarm clock which stopped ticking in your hand probably would have let out a cry of pain too if it could. But it was dead. Klaus was going to be too in a moment.

“Look what you did!” You shouted, throwing the sheets off your body as you scrambled off your mattress, nearly tripping on your feet as you did. Shoving the clock in his face, you continued with, “you broke my clock!” using your other hand to subtly clear the sleep out of your eyes.

“I broke your clock? You broke my head!” Klaus bellowed back, gripping his forehead in a way you thought was just a little too theatrical.

Shoving his arm, your face furrowed in an aggravated frown as you grumbled out an exasperated, “and you broke into my apartment. I win. What’s next, want to break my sink as well? Go ahead, you’d be doing me a favour. It’s the only way the landlords going to come look at my shitty plumbing.”

“Oh, of course, pleasure to be of service,” sarcasm dripped from his tone, similarly to how the blood dripped on your clean carpet from the cut in his head when he removed his hand to give an equally as sardonic curtsey your way.

Great.

Turning to grab a handful of the Kleenex from your bedside table, you hurriedly reached up and pressed it to his head to stop any further damage befalling your security deposit. “stop bleeding on my stuff,”  you swore. “Come on, let’s go to my bathroom.”

“First you hit me, and then want a morning triste in the bathroom?” Klaus tisked. “My my. You’re a little wildcat, aren’t you? I like it.”

You tried to ignore the fact he just followed up that comment with a growling noise like he was one of those creepy men in old 70’s movies, but you couldn’t. Instead, you decided not to take the moral high ground and flicked his cut over where you still had the Kleenex pressed. A pathetic exclamation of “hey!” brought a smug smile to your face.

“Come on, sit down. Let me see if I have anything to clean that up with,” you muttered, ushering him to sit on the lid of your closed toilet seat, grabbing his hand and putting it on the Kleenex-gauzed wound before bending down to rummage through the cabinet under the sink. “Want to tell me how you got in and why you’re here in the first place?” Sudden dread coursed through you as images of what else he could have broken flashed in your mind. Turning back around with wide eyes, you implored, “please tell me my front door isn’t hanging off its hinges.”

“Well you certainly think highly of me,” he uttered back, sniffling loudly as he slouched forward, eyes momentarily flashing behind you before quickly glancing your way again. “Your door is perfectly intact. But you really should lock the window on your fire escape. There are some nasty creatures out there. If you don’t watch out the boogeyman might get ya.”

Of course, he fucking climbed through the window. You bet he didn’t even try the door first, knocking or breaking in. His first instinct was to just climb up and—

Wait.

“I keep that unlocked because the ladder up to the fire escape is broken and I’m on the third floor. Did you bring your own ladder just to get in here? Forget the boogeyman, I’ve got a real life psycho sitting on my toilet. Did you happen to bring a knife too? Let me just get in the shower really fast and you can fulfill your Norman Bates fantasy. ”

“I mean, if you’re offering to get in the shower,” Klaus started, but before you could whack him on his wound again, it seemed like an invisible force slapped him upside the head, jerking him forward as he gave what was now his third cry of pain in under ten minutes. You were so shocked that you fell back on your butt, eyes frantically searching for whatever had made your thoughts turn into action. This wasn’t your power, right? You couldn’t do that. You didn’t want that. You would have a panic attack if—

“Christ on a cracker, Ben! It was only a joke! Death has made you so sensitive.”

Oh thank God, it was just a ghost.

Klaus sneered as his eyes glanced up at what was seemingly air in front of him as he had a conversation with his… invisible? Yeah, sure. Let’s go with his ‘invisible’ brother. “I am just being my perfectly charming self.” He paused, face reacting to whatever Ben must have said as he made the most melodramatic eye roll you had ever laid witness too. It was a little impressive, actually. Not that’d you mention it. No, you just watched the sideshow in front of you play on in jarred, mildly entertained, fascinated silence.

“I am not scaring ‘em off—” another pause, another exasperated shake of his head. “You don’t think I know that? I know we need them. If I go back there alone, our baby assassins going to shoot my balls off!”

Baby assassin? What, is like the new tickle me Elmo? If he was trying to ease Ben’s concerns, he was doing a terrible job of increasing yours while he did it.

As Klaus continued yelling, rambling on certain obscenities in the direction of your wallpaper peeled wall, you sat back up and turned back to your cabinet, pushing various bottle beside until you found the peroxide and cotton pads. Standing back up, you walked over to Klaus and swatted your hand in front of him, hoping to diffuse whatever argument had since gotten boring and headache inducing in your mind.

“As much as I’ve enjoyed this episode of Caspar the slap-happy ghost versus his dipshit brother, can you guys shut up long enough for me to clean this cut and get you the hell out of my apartment?”

Klaus immediately closed his mouth as both eyebrows shot up. Glancing over your shoulder one last time, he stage whispered to ghost boy, “they’re so touchy.”

Reaching over, you took the Kleenex from his hand to toss it in the trash, noting how the cut had stopped bleeding. Grabbing his chin, you wordlessly tilted his face up, angling it slightly towards the bathroom’s fluorescent light, leaning in closer to inspect it.

“Looks superficial. It’s fine” you stated, letting go of his face as you twisted the cap off the peroxide bottle, tilting it to soak one of the cotton pads.

“Well which is it, am I superficial or am I fine?” He quipped back, a lazy smile curving his lips.

Deadpanning, you replied, “you’re a pain,” before unceremoniously pressing the cotton pad to the cut maybe a bit too hard. Klaus once again winced in pain as he inhaled a sharp intake of breath, jerking his head away.

Well, make that four cries of pain now in under ten minutes. If it happened one more time, you wondered if you’d get a prize.

“Such cute pajamas for someone so utterly devilish,” he jibed, reaching out a hand to absently pluck the sleeve of your brightly blue coloured flannel. You slapped his hand away and he pouted like a child scorned. Oh, boo hoo.

Pressing the cotton pad back to his forehead, a little softer this time, Klaus visibly relaxed as you cleaned the wound. “You never answered my questions. Seriously, how did you get up that fire escape?”

“Well, if you haven’t figured it out yet, my darling brother has recently acquired the art of physical touch. I climbed on to his shoulders.”

Pausing, your eyes bugged out a bit as you turned your gaze to his. You never thought about that being possible. You’d always just been worried about one robber. Fuckin’ idiot. “I should really lock that window, huh?” Klaus snorted in affirmation.

As you finished clearing the blood from his pale skin, you leaned slightly back to inspect that it looked fine. “I don’t have a Band-Aid, but I think you’ll survive.”

Klaus held up a finger, an amused look flashing in his eyes as he used his other hand to dig through too-tight leather pants pocket. Standing up as he pulled a band-aid wrapper out, you watched as he made his way over to the mirror above your sink, ripping it open and putting on a very pink, and very floral, Hello Kitty Band-Aid.

Twirling back around, he raised both hands up and motioned towards his new accessory, asking, “what do you think?”

You were quiet for a moment, then you nodded. “I think that makes sense.” Klaus grinned.

As both of you made your way back out of your bathroom and into your shoe box sized slightly messy bedroom, you crossed your arms over your chest and leaned back against the wall. Klaus made himself feel at home as he poked around the various knick knacks. “Seriously, why are you here Klaus?”

“Have you suffered a bout of amnesia since last night?” He questioned, turning a sideways glance your way before he continued on his little expedition of your things. “I’m here to bring you to meet the rest of our happy family. Five thought you would be more willing to come with me than him.”

“And here I was thinking he had some semblance of intelligence,” you muttered, pushing yourself off your wall to go nudge him out of the way when he moved to go open one of your drawers. Why would Five think you’d be more willing to go with homeless Mick Jagger? You’d only met him once. You’d only met both of them once, in fact.

“Well you’re not exactly kicking and screaming to get me out of your apartment now, are you?” Klaus almost purred, brushing a hand across your shoulder as he swirled behind you, beginning his snooping once again. “In fact, it seems like someone was all too willing to play nurse to a cut I easily could have cleaned myself.” Picking up a picture frame from your bedside table, an odd look crossed his face before you snatched it from his hands, setting it face down. Now you were getting irritated. Whether it was with him, or yourself given the unnerving truth of his statement, you didn’t exactly want to delve into it at the moment.

“You bled on my carpet. I couldn’t trust that you wouldn’t bleed on the rest of my things before you managed to do a shitty patch job,” you replied easily back, averting your gaze from his as you took a few steps away.

Klaus made an elusive ‘hmm’ noise in the back of his throat. And then he flopped on to your bed, leaning back against the headboard as he grabbed your fuzzy white blanket, wrapping it around his shoulders and throwing it over his head like a cloak, curling into it as he contentedly smiled, “cozy.”

You picked up your pillow and tossed it at his face.

“Look, you guys can’t just barge into my life and expect me to go along with whatever this is. I’ve spent a good part of my life trying to stay out your way praying I never meet your dear old dad. Now if you’ll excuse me, today’s my day off and I intend to spend it quietly alone in my empty apartment.”

“Our dad? This had nothing to do with him,” he said, sitting up straighter as he dropped the blanket off his head, studying your face with a slight tilt to his head. Looking at him in silence, you rolled your hand in a ‘come on’ to signify for him to continue and stop being so freaking elusive.

“We need your help to stop the end of the world.” Then he threw his arms up with jazz hands, excitedly saying, “isn’t that so much fun?

Huh.

Chewing on your bottom lip, you gave a curt nod before twisting around, picking your phone off your receiver as you began dialing a number.

“Who are you calling?”

“The cops.”

Boy, was he also the Flash? You had never seen someone move so fast in your life. Ripping the phone from your hand, he slammed it back down on the base then gripped both your shoulders, pushing you away from it as he completely crowded himself in your personal space. Slight alarm skittering across his eyes. “Come on, is that really necessary? I’m not playing around.”

“Why should I believe you? Trust you?” you shot back, shrugging off his grip as you folded your arms around yourself. “As fun as you are to banter with, this is fucking crazy! You guys knew what I could do. You guys knew where I worked, where I live, what my name is! Now you say you need my help saving the world? Calling the cops seems like the natural progression of how this interaction should go on my side.” Jesus, where you hyperventilating? Where was that phone? You had to get that phone.

Klaus crouched lower to your height, arms stretched out like he was trying to calm a wild deer. Bitch. “Okay sweetheart, you need to calm down for just a second,” he soothed, and you couldn’t help but exhale a short, unamused laugh. “You know us, you know what we do. Or at least what we did. The Umbrella Academy isn’t some mastermind organization, we were just a group of kids brought together by a man with a god complex who so desperately tried to mold us into those bullshit cliché, good Samaritan superheroes. We’re fucked up, but we wouldn’t just come after an innocent like you for no reason. You have free will in this, okay? All I’m doing is asking, not telling you to come. Just let me take you to everyone. Five can explain this all better than I can.” He took your continued silence as an opportunity to continue his point, adding in, “you can even bring your clock as a weapon if it makes you feel more comfortable. You’re a real danger with that thing.”

As much as you hated to admit it, he was pretty convincing. If they had wanted to hurt you, if they had wanted to use you, you had no doubt they would have forced it upon you by now. From what you had learned, it seemed nearly all of them had been estranged from their dad for a while now. Vanya’s book had been pretty enlightening on the horrors that had occurred in that house, at least from her view point. So if Reginald was the one pulling their strings, then he was pulling their strings unbeknownst to them.  

It also didn’t help that your curiosity was piqued. You always loved a good mystery.

“Alright,” you conceded, letting your arms fall back down to your sides. Klaus let out a long breath of air and happily grasped his hands in front of him, jokingly singing as he did, “Darling, you’ve made me the happiest man in the world!”

“Under one condition.”

“Oh, I was so close,” he sulked immediately under his breath, dropping his hands.

“You have to promise me that I can leave. Like no strings attached, I can drop off mid-conversation and slam the door on my way out, type of leave. I’m only there to hear what he has to say, ask some questions, and that’s it. I haven’t decided to help you guys.”

Raising his hand out, he gave you a knowing smile as he extended his pinky finger. “I promise,” he droned. Heaving a sigh, you lifted your hand to wrap your pinky around his in a child-like binding promise. He was lucky he had such sincere eyes.

Letting go, you took a tiny step back as you cleared your throat, feeling uncomfortable with the odd tension you now wanted so desperately to melt. “Well, get out. You and Ben. Let me change and then you can take me to your master, or whatever.”

“My master?” Klaus gasped, as you herded him over the threshold of your door. “Five is a child. I am clearly more superior.”

Giving a tight smile, you quirked your eyebrow up. “You sure about that? I got the impression yesterday that you’re more like his fun loving, but pitifully dim witted henchmen,” you replied, then swung the door shut in his face before he could have the last word.

[yuudefensesquad]

me ranting about yuu once again

no one is saying yuu isn’t allowed to feel happy. (as yuudefensesquad all i want is for him to be happy aight) we are saying we wish yuu was allowed to be upset, hurt, and angry. things that he purposefully avoids feeling.

like really? he’s just chill w ferid hanging around after going on a mind blanking sword slashing spree with him after their first reunion? this dude flaunting around akane’s head and nearly turning into a full demon after experiencing that?

he’s all happy to be talking to guren even though their previous encounter had guren betraying yuu and his squad and stabbing him? did he just get hit on the fucking head and forgot about that? and then being all sympathetic and being like “wow i bet you were really hurting guren im sorry ):” yet guren never asks if he is okay and understands his situation? yuu just had to figure it all out for himself? (i love guren but DUDE...)

plus with guren putting the guren squad’s lives on yuu’s shoulders after saying they’ll disappear if he doesn’t find a solution really makes me feel bad bc. THIS ALL. IS JUST ONE BIG CLUSTER FUCK OF STRESS AND RESPONSIBILITIES HE ALREADY FEELS LIKE HE HAS TO REVIVE THE ENTIRE WORLD AND NOW PEOPLE HE KNOWS AND IN SUCH A SHORT TIME SPAN

also he’s all smiling and eager to help after seeing human experimentation that his father / mentor figure was acting upon? you know, something that destroyed his family?

he’s under all this stress, having guren in one ear and mika in the other, telling him two different things and the realization that’s he has been in a cruel, supernatural practice since the day he was born isn’t making him freak the fuck out like any 16/17 yo would?

how he feels being a seraph? the second trumpet? having it? are the transformations painful because he surely screamed for the first two times. like do the wings leave marks? do they burn or itch? also with guren knowing all along and never speaking up about it, being smug at the battlefield when yuu forcefully turned, how does he feel abt guren saving him just to be a bioweapon? what are his thoughts more than just ‘im able to protect my family with this thing!’ BC GOD DAMMIT YUU YOU ARE SO MUCH MORE THAN A SHIELD PLEASE STOP

his feelings aren’t being explored. yeah, he’s smiling. yeah, he’s happy to have mika like y’all keep saying. but mika coming back to him doesn’t solve all of his shit. mika isn’t his cure or salvation or fixes all of his issues like ive seen people assume he does. we aren’t getting deep in there. yuu’s earliest trauma was briefly explored and then forgotten about and replaced with another seraph transformation

“but we had like 3147891274 chapters of him being emo” yes and it was all forgotten immediately once mika came back into his life. we got no development on yuu’s feelings about it. just immediately he started seeking the cure for vampirism and asking for his family to save mika with him, not him thinking about how the species he wanted to mass murder for killing his family is actually a part of his surviving family and suddenly he views them like fellow human beings, especially FERID F UC KING B ATH ORY WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK KAGAM

and about ferid i know things are kinda tight in between scenes w the story right now and i just want yuu to be like “hey once this is all over i’m fucking murdering ferid” and mika being like “lets kill him together” THAT WOULD BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME !!!

and people say “i hate it when ppl say yuu coming back into mikas life solved all of mikas problems” bc surely enough it seems to be the complete other way around to how people interpret this and it sucks because yuu is so much more than just ‘a sad boy who is happy now bc his bff came back’ that’s not how it works. neither of them can fix all of the other’s issues. that includes BOTH. SIDES.

the most relevant thing to yuu’s survivor’s guilt (which should be optimized more in my opinion) was yuu immediately apologizing to mika for running away as their first meeting since sanguinem and his severe abandonment issues, and taking on all the blame

AND YUU CRYING WHEN SEEING THE HYAKUYA KIDS??? CAN I GET MORE OF THAT PLEASE??? THAT WAS SOME GOOD FUCKING FOOD AND I AM STARVING IT’S BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE I’VE ATE SOME YUU SADNESS

demons use their host’s weakest points to take advantage of them. yuu’s weakest points was being told by his family that he abandoned them, that it’s his fault, that he should’ve done something, asking why he got to meet friends and replace them when he left them all behind in the first place AND OUCH CAN MIKA LIKE SIT DOWN WITH HIM AND CAN THEY COMMUNICATE ABOUT WHAT FUCKIN HAPPENED FOR REAL!!! LIKE A HEART TO HEART!!! BECAUSE CLEARLY THERE’S SOME UNSPOKEN SHIT IF MIKA IS STILL BLAMING HIMSELF AND YUU IS STILL UNABLE TO VOCALIZE HIS FEELINGS ABOUT THINGS im so u p s et

god dammit i want someone to come up to yuu and be like “hey buddy... you know it’s okay to not be okay right... i know things are tough right now and i have no fucking idea how you’re all smiley and giggly right now and i’m wondering if you’re just smiling not only for us but to trick yourself into believing that everything’s fine and dandy...”

YES yuu has his happy moments YES yuu can feel happy

BUT FEELINGS. AREN’T. STATIC. THEY CHANGE.

it makes NO SENSE for yuu’s emotion to only be the ^_^ face

like yuu is literally in a tug of war right now between guren and mika and his squad isn’t helping by just existing in the bg panels and going along with guren’s plan without any complaints

like don’t yell at just yuu for not abiding by mika’s words because the shinoa squad + narumi aren’t clean either AND IT’S NOT A MATTER OF FAULT OR BLAME because not every character is black or white.

i’m so sorry for rambling but just. give me my boy. i love him for his smile but i also love him for his development and entire character. not just his expression and his relationships with people. i love him for yuuichirou hyakuya, you know, the kid who escaped sanguinem screaming and crying, who had night terrors, who blamed himself for years, who wanted to die, who has ptsd, who has trust issues, who has abandonment issues, who is possibly a codependent

like. he hasn’t accomplished his goal for eternal happiness yet. you have to go through so much to achieve that and he hasn’t. i don’t know if kagami is leading up for a severe breakdown or something but... sheesh

and all people ever do is reduce yuu to the “dumbass” character and he’s so much more than that. he’s following his heart and trying his best and it’s not going to make everyone happy. he’s going to make someone upset either way

i know the story is currently plot-heavy and not character heavy but i’m so... KAGAMI. PLEASE. if yall got input LMK i need to know what people think about this and if im the only one or not

[shibuemiyuu]

Desires - Hakuoki Fanfiction - Chapter 12

Hello guys!

What will Sannan do in this chapter??

Let’s get on to the next chapter! Less rambling more reading :D

May you enjoy this chapter also ;)

Chapter of the Stories:

Prequel - Prologue - I - II - III - IV - V - VI - VII - VIII - IX - X - XI

@hijichiweek @kirakirachiizuru

Miyuu

-XII-

Gazing at the backyard covered with the snow, Chizuru continued her current activity, something that she did a lot recently. She would simply sit on the hallway and face the backyard while pondering on her thoughts. She always found herself doing this since she regained her health after the fever.

Although she had insisted to the others that she was fine and not a least bit unwell, none of them (namely the captains and some other members that she was acquainted with in the Shinsengumi) would give her any chores to do. They said that while she was regaining her health, the chores that she usually did had been divided among the other members. She didn't have to exert herself and should just take it easy. Even though she knew that the others' intention was for her well being, she couldn't help but think that the Shinsengumi didn't need her anymore. That thought was stuck on her mind.

'When… did everything go so wrong? Why… had all of this happened?'

The very same thought had lingered in her mind and she always asked these questions as she pondered her thoughts.

'I know it was my fault for all the unfortunate things that happened with the Shinsengumi.'

She blamed herself most of the time.

'Do I become a bother to them? Should I leave the Shinsengumi then?'

And in the end, she always reached the same conclusion.

'But I don't want to leave the Shinsengumi. It is not only because of my situation with him.' She remembered all the things that happened since the first time she joined the force till now. 'This place…. It's my home. But, can I stay with them?'

She felt her chest tighten and it nearly made her feel suffocated. The anguished feeling, not to mention the guilt that hadn't gone away since the incident in Nishihongwanji would slip in when she was alone to think.

She tried to be strong. She tried to always have a positive mind. She tried to always look forward. She tried and tried….

'Do I have a right to stay with them after all of the things that happened because of me?'

Many men of the Shinsengumi had lost their lives in Kazama's attack.

Then the monstrous thing that her so-called father had made, the one that he claimed was done for her, for the Yukimura clan, was slowly devouring the Shinsengumi. Not to mention the assassination of Itou Kashitarou. The previous advisor of the Shinsengumi knew about the Rasetsu and ochimizu matters. The assassination resulted in even more injured men than Kazama's attack on the Shinsengumi, during the Aburano Koji incident.

She closed her eyes.

She remembered that he hadn't answer that question when she asked him before. Did he dodge the question because he didn't want to make her feel any more worthless then she felt right now? Or was it because she was sick that he couldn't tell her in his usual blunt way that no, she couldn't stay with the Shinsengumi any longer and had to leave as soon as possible? If the one that she met that night had been the oni-fukuchou persona, she had no doubt that he would have told her to leave the force and compound. Sick or not.

But the one that she had met and that had stayed with her all the night (she knew he did stay) was the man that she found herself in love with. The caring and affectionate man that had made love to her that night in Shimabara.

When she met with Hijikata later, he never mentioned or addressed that 'particular' question. It was as if she had never asked him or he had never heard the question. For one, she didn't ask him the question again. She didn't know why the courage that she had when she asked him that question had gone somewhere else. In fact, she felt relieved that he didn't bring up the matter anymore. Maybe she was scared of the answer – of being told that she had to go away from the Shinsengumi.

Away from her home…

'Away from him…'

The thought of leaving him and her incomplete bond had made her, unconsciously, terrified to the point that she didn't dare to bring up the matter anymore.

She leaned her shoulder on one of the pillars. Her body was not tired; she hadn't even done anything that day except for helping Inoue to wash the dishes. Then again, that was cut off abruptly when Inoue caught Chizuru washing the dishes. She had done it without telling the elder captain. Inoue stopped Chizuru and told her to go back to her room. He didn't want to hear any of the excuses that she had prepared for the man. So no, she was not tired at all.

But her mind was something else. It was at the breaking point. The mental exhaustion and tiredness were being underestimated. It was nearly in the shutting down process. She sighed and gazed back to the backyard.

"I am… tired."

---

Even though the words were said in a soft whisper, he could hear it loud and clear. There was nobody else except her and him. And she didn't know that he stood not far from where she was.

He had watched her since she came out from the kitchen with a dejected expression. He had made it his personal job to watch over her. The fright that he felt when he saw her unconscious in front of him on that day had imprinted itself on his memories.

He was the one that told the others not to give Chizuru any work until further notice. The others (Kondou, all the captains and the rest of the Shinsengumi members) complied with his command. Even if some of the members wanted to ask about the command and were confused by it, no one dared to ask the fukuchou. No, he was not in his oni mode. But the authoritative tone and the aura that he emitted were enough to make people cower.

"He is like a mother hen," said Harada one day. The captains were in the common room. Okita, Sannan and Heisuke also joined in there. Hijikata was on the way to the designated room when he heard the talk.

"He is a mother hen. I almost called him kaa-san once. His nagging was at the point of annoying. If not for the constant coughing, I would surely call him that." That was Okita, remembering one particular day that Hijikata came to his room.

"Sano-san, don't tell me you have just realize it." Heisuke peered at Harada that sat next to him.

"No, I know that he is like that. All of the members know it. But… how should I put it?" Harada scratched the back of his head. He tried to find a suitable word to describe Hijikata's behavior toward Chizuru.

"His actions towards Yukimura-kun are on another level." Kondou put in his thought. "More intense than the ones he used to show."

"Yes, I agree. But… The vibes that I got from him, I've seen and felt it before." Harada still tried to think and get the exact word. "It is on the tip of my tongue."

"Like a master that cares for his favorite servant," Nagakura blurted out suddenly. But before he could finish his words (to tell that he was only joking), he felt the temperature inside the room drop to the lowest level. He also got many sharp glares from all the occupants of the common room.

He knew he was in trouble. But he was oblivious as to the cause of it.

"W-what's with the murder glare?" Nagakura said in nervously.

"It is true that Chizuru is Hijikata-san's page. But she is not a servant, Shinpatsu-san. How can you describe her like that?" Heisuke gave off an ominous aura. Maybe thanks to him becoming a rasetsu his emotions were on the negative side most of the time.

"Heh~~ Didn't know that you thought of Chizuru-chan that way, Shinpachi," Okita said in a singsong tone, but his eyes were looking at Nagakura coldly.

"Where do you put that smart brain of yours when you're not talking about politics, huh? You are better than that Shinpachi." Harada shook his head, looking a bit disappointed.

"Please don't ever put Yukimura-kun and the word servant in the same sentence, Nagakura-kun," Kondou said in the end, displeased with Nagakura's word. "She is one of us and even though she is a girl, I never thought her position is lower than any of you in the Shinsengumi."

Saitou and Inoue nodded their heads, agreeing with Kondou.

"Wait! All of you took me the wrong way! You didn't even let me finish what I want to say! It's only joking you know. I never thought of Chizuru-chan like that! It is just my opinion of how Hijikata-san acts to Chizuru-chan! And I never consider her lower than anyone in here!" Nagakura defended himself, but the others' faces were impassive. Inside, he already felt guilty from what he said. He just blurted out his comment without thinking.

"All the sake that you drank last night must still be in your system and not making you think straight, Shinpachi. I will spar with you after this meeting. Meet me in the dojo later." Saitou looked emotionless. But his tone of voice was promising a thorough beating session for the spar later.

"I know,” Nagakura said dejectedly. “And I'm sorry for what I've said."  Later at night, in one room of the Shinsengumi headquarters, a scream of agony from the sore muscles could be heard from the whole compound. Nagakura learned the hard way to think first before speaking whatever was in his mind.

Nagakura Shinpachi was a smart man but sometimes his mouth had its own mind and would get him into a trouble.

"It is like what a man would do for someone that he has feelings for." Sannan, who had remained quiet the whole time, suddenly spoke. All heads turned to him. "It is like what a lover would do for someone that he worries and cares for."

A pregnant silent stretched inside the common room. And before the conversation could turn further against him, Hijikata stepped into the room and the talk ceased and behaved as if they hadn't just been discussing him. No one asked if he heard what they were talking about before the fukuchou came to the common room.

All the captains in the Shinsengumi somehow knew that Hijikata and Chizuru had a special relationship. But as if they had made a silent agreement, they never talked about the topic out loud. Kondou was the only one that knew the details of what happened between Hijikata and Chizuru. And now, Sannan had said it. They were silent after what Sannan had told them because they knew in their mind that what Sannan had said was true.

Hijikata was a perceptive man. That's why he felt grateful toward his comrades regarding his and Chizuru's situation. They never asked him anything about the matter; except Kondō, but that was also because of his 'stupid antics' and he would never do it again.

It was his problem. He would take full responsibility of the matter. Not to mention that he could feel the urge to always be near Chizuru. The idea of any man getting close to her was not an option.

He wanted her for himself.

Was it lust?

Or was there something deeper in what he felt toward the only woman in the Shinsengumi?

Was it… love?

The thought of the 'l' word made him snort. His position and occupation did not permit him to have the luxury for that kind of thing. He would only bring disaster if he allowed himself to bring that feeling inside the Shinsengumi. He was, after all, the vice commander of the Shinsengumi. That was enough to make anyone to think a hundred times before they wanted to get near him in a serious relationship.

Except her.

Hijikata saw Chizuru leaning on one of the pillars in the hallway. After she regained her health from the fever, and after she wasn't allowed to do any chores (courtesy of him), he always saw that she would sit in the hallway in front of her room and would gaze in silence toward the snowy courtyard.

When he heard what she had said, his hands were itching to embrace and hug the petite woman. But he restrained himself and would only look at Chizuru from a distance. The urge to go to the woman was very strong, but he steeled his resolve and in the end he could hold it.

He didn't realize that his protective side had gone a bit overboard regarding Chizuru. He would do almost everything he could to ensure her safety.

"Fukuchou."

Hijikata turned to the voice that called him. He found Saitou stood next to him, bowing his head.

"What do you want, Saitou?"

"Kyokuchou (the chief) is looking for you."

"Okay. I will go to him."

Saitou left Hijikata after that. Hijikata looked at Chizuru, who had not moved from her position leaning on the pillar, for the last time, before he turned the other way and went to meet with Kondou.

---

Several days later, Chizuru found herself walking to Sannan and Heisuke's room. Usually the one that would bring their meals was Saitou. But he was away on duty and would not back for a long time because of things that followed after the Aburano Koji incident.

Many of the members of the Shinsengumi didn't know that Hijikata had given Saitou a direct order to join Itou when he left the Shinsengumi. Only some of them (the higher-ranking members) knew the truth and all the details regarding why Saitou left the Shinsengumi. So, when Saitou came back to join the Shinsengumi again, many of the members of the Shinsengumi were not happy and thought that he was a traitor and a coward. To the members, Saitou had left the Shinsengumi to join Itou, and then betrayed his new master when he sensed a change in fortune. Honestly, Saitou didn't care much about the animosity that he received from the other members. He knew that he just followed his superior's orders. Chizuru had once asked Saitou about this. He said that he would rather stay silent than tarnish the honor of the vice commander and the chief who had ordered his actions. But Kondou and Hijikata thought that it was not good that Saitou got all the blame. Therefore, Hijikata decided that Saitou would leave the compound until tempers inside the compound cooled down. He was assigned to protect a man named Miura Kyutaro, an official of the Kishu Domain, and would stay at Tenma.

Miura Kyotaro was an important clansman of the Kii domain who was assumed had been behind Sakamoto's death. It was assumed that Miura had arranged for the Shinsengumi to kill Sakamoto because of some incident. Later Miura had learned that his life was in danger and had arranged through Aizu for the Shinsengumi to protect him. That's when Saitou came in.

"Heisuke-kun, I bring your meal." Chizuru announced her presence. Heisuke slid his door open a little and peeked from the gap between his door and the wall.

"Thank you, Chizuru. Just leave the food outside and I will take it later. I'm not that hungry right now." Chizuru could see through the little gap that Heisuke was smiling a little at her. She had heard that since he became a Rasetsu, Heisuke's mood was mostly on the negative side. Hearing the light and usual tone that he used when he talked to her made Chizuru feel happy and sad. Happy because she could talk to her friend again and sad because…

"Chizuru." Heisuke cut into Chizuru's inner thought. He had slid the door open further, making the gap bigger. He knew what Chizuru was thinking at that moment. This was not the first time a thing like this had happened. From Chizuru's face Heisuke knew that the woman was thinking about that topic again. Chizuru had asked Heisuke about this the day after he rejoined the Shinsengumi and became a Rasetsu.

"Ye-Yes, Heisuke-kun?" Chizuru stuttered a bit. She was surprised when Heisuke cut into her inner thoughts.

"I will say it as many times as it needed. It was my decision to become a Rasetsu. I know that becoming a Rasetsu is not a good thing. But, I don't want to die yet. I would regret many things if I just died like that. Just… be happy that I'm alive and can talk to you like now." Heisuke gave Chizuru a wry smile.

"I'm happy that you're still alive and we can talk like this again, Heisuke-kun."

'If only you know that my supposed father made the ochimizu for a dreadful and stupid purpose and nothing could ever return the rasetsu back to be a human….'

"Okay, okay. Stop with the heavy feelings. I don't want to talk about it anymore. The case is closed." Heisuke clapped his hands "Heavy matters are for Hijikata-san to think about."

Heisuke posed as Hijikata, folding his hands over his chest, scowling and furrowing his eyebrows. "He is always like this whenever I see him. Wonder why that face of his doesn't get any wrinkles because he always furrows his eyebrows like this."

Chizuru covered her mouth and let out a little laugh at Heisuke's attempt to pose as Hijikata.

"AH! Don't tell Hijikata-san about this okay? I would surely lose my head if he found out that I imitated him. He is more frightening than any oni I've ever met." He was that afraid of that the vice commander. Rasetsu or not.

Chizuru couldn't hold in her laugh and let it out a little again. Heisuke's antics were never old. Even though her friend had become a rasetsu, Heisuke would still be Heisuke. One of her dearest friends.

"I promise," she told him in the midst of regaining her composure. Heisuke gave Chizuru a lopsided grin.

"Okay, I will eat now. After those heavy talks, I'm hungry." Heisuke rubbed his stomach to emphasize his words.

"Hai. Here's your food." Chizuru gave a tray of food to Heisuke. "Do you know where Sannan-san is? I came to his room first but he isn't in his room."

"Nope. He always does whatever he wants. No one knows what he thinks these days. But, Chizuru, regarding Sannan-san, I want to give you some advice."

"What?" Chizuru asked, confused with the sudden change of Heisuke's tone.

"Don't get too close to him. Watch out and be careful when you are alone together in the same room." Heisuke spoke seriously.

Chizuru nodded her head, not sure why Heisuke would say something like that about Sannan. Sannan activities were indeed suspicious, not to mention with the rumors of the Rasetsu squad about what they did when they were 'patrolling'. She didn't want to think anything bad about Sannan, but it didn't hurt to be cautious.

---

"Sannan-san?"

Chizuru waited for Sannan about an hour after she gave Heisuke his meal. Then she decided to return to her room. She told Yamazaki, who was working in the kitchen, that she didn't meet Sannan. Yamazaki told her that he would be the one to give Sannan his meal later.

When she turned to the corner of the hallway that would lead to her room, she found the bespectacled man was standing in front of her door.

"Ah, there you are, Yukimura. I am looking for you." Sannan turned his head to Chizuru when she called him.

"It's still day time," Chizuru walked a few steps and stopped at an arm's length from Sannan. She was concerned with Sannan's condition. "Are you sure you are alright, walking in the day time like this?"

"It's okay." Sannan gave Chizuru a smile. But somehow, Chizuru felt uncomfortable and uneasy with Sannan's smile.

"I also was looking for you earlier. I came to your room to give your meal but you were not there."

"I have been waiting for you in here. There is something that I want to talk to you about." Sannan's smile was still on his face. He was somewhat happy about something, which was a rare sight to be seen these days.

"P-please come inside the room first." Chizuru was nervous with Sannan's behavior but she was also concerned with Sannan's body. Rasetsu were night creatures and they didn't adapt well to the sunlight. Even though the sun wasn't bright that day, it was still day time.

"Thank you," Sannan said politely.

They entered Chizuru's room but the door was left open.

"Please have a seat," Chizuru offered politely.

"No need. I've just had a revelation. And this has made me unable to stay still." Sannan's eyes glittered with... something. He was still smiling but slowly that smile gave Chizuru a cold feeling that she could feel seep in through her fingers and begin to poke at the base of her spine.

"Well," Sannan lowered his voice and looked at Chizuru in a menacing way, "will you listen to what I've found?"

Chizuru nodded her head unconsciously. Cold sweat was dripping down her back.

"You're an oni, aren't you?" Sannan began slowly. "As an oni, you are stronger, faster, and more resilient than humans like us. That power was displayed quite clearly by the onis who attacked us at Nishihongwanji months ago."

"T-That is true." Chizuru gulped. "But my knowledge about fighting or anything related to a battle is limited. Not like Kazama or his companions who excelled with those things."

"It's not about those things." Sannan shook his head but his eyes were looking straight at Chizuru. "It's about what you have as an oni, not about what you can do as it."

Sannan took a step closer to Chizuru.

"W-What are you trying to say?" Chizuru took a step back, almost tripping because of the nervous feeling she felt.

"An oni possesses immense power. And shouldn't it be a logical thought to follow that the blood which flows through your veins, the oni veins, should be similarly powerful?" Sannan asked a question, but looked like he didn't need an answer. "Perhaps it is even potent enough to completely counteract the madness of the rasetsu."

Chizuru didn't know how the ochimizu worked but from Sannan's explanation, she found that it seemed logical and maybe a solution for the rasetsu madness. Still, the eyes that were looking at her were… how could she describe it? The way Sannan had looked at her was a bit… manic.

"Is it true? How you can be so sure?" Chizuru took another step back.

"I have done research on the ochimizu since before I became a rasetsu. Your father left his research about the ochimizu and went missing before he finished it. I was the one that took over his job and I have been researching about it since then. I know more about it than anyone else here in the Shinsengumi." Sannan also took a step forward to Chizuru. "How could I be wrong, then?"

Sannan didn't get any closer to Chizuru but he didn't leave the room either. His main purpose for coming to meet Chizuru was not done yet.

"But again, I still have to test it for myself to be sure. It's worth testing after all."

Chizuru took another step back and felt her hand touch the wall surface behind her. If she took another step, she would be trapped between Sannan and the wall. She was sure that if she tried to escape from the menacing man in front of her now, her feet would not get her far enough to call for help… she doubted she would be heard. When she walked to her room from the kitchen earlier, she didn't meet anyone on the way.

'What should I do?'

Sannan continued to talk as if he didn't notice Chizuru's anxiousness and fright, although these were obvious from the look on her face.

"If I am correct on this thing," he paused and gave a big smile, "oh, it would be wonderful! Your very existence could save the entire rasetsu squad!

"...No, it could save the entire Shinsengumi!"

Sannan's eyes had grown painfully sharp and Chizuru thought that she could almost hear the barest edge of madness to Sannan's voice.

"And now…"

Calmly and purposefully, Sannan drew his sword from its scabbard on his waist and pointed the tip at Chizuru. There was no madness or blood-lust to his movements, and that only made them all more terrifying.

"Please don't be afraid. There's nothing to be afraid of." He tried in his way to sooth Chizuru, but it had the opposite effect on the frightened woman. "I'm not going to kill you or anything.

"I just want a small sample of your blood. That will be all…"

Chizuru forgot that if she took another step to back, she would hit the wall. She took another step and when her back hit the wall, she was startled. There was no way she could escape Sannan. Her body was overwhelmed with a dreadful feeling.

But… if what Sannan had said was true, then she could help the Shinsengumi. She could be a help for the Shinsengumi's members and would no longer feel useless or worthless.

The Ochimizu that Kodou had made gave the one that drank it a surge of immense power but it also took their sanity. Only a few that had survived could suppress the blood-lust that followed after drinking the ochimizu. Sannan and Heisuke were among them. Suddenly, she remembered the night when a rasetsu had escaped and come to her room. The man told her that her blood smelled very good and the sweet scent had lured him to her room. Maybe it was his instinct to find the thing that could save him from losing his insanity. Maybe her oni's blood was a cure that could save the Shinsengumi's rasetsu. That could save her friends from losing their sanity….

She only had to give Sannan a small amount of her blood. He said that he would not kill her and it's not that she would die from losing too much blood. Her wound would close immediately and it would not endanger her life.

Chizuru looked back at Sannan and the man had taken another step closer to her. He lifted his katana and the steel blade shimmered in the light. She was contemplating the idea of Sannan's suggestion when suddenly a gruff voice cut into her thoughts.

"What are you doing Sannan-san?"

To be continued

Note: Whose voice that had interrupted Chizuru's thought? Well... we do know whose voice it is. (It's canon with the story *hint-hint*)

This chapter is a filler. At first, I want to end this chapter with Chizuru find a resolve of her inner conflict to stay with the Shinsengumi. But the chapter will be twice longer then the usual length. So, I decide that the main part will be on the next chapter. The next chapter will be mostly focus on Hijikata and Chizuru.

I hope you enjoy this chapter. And reviews and feed-backs will always be appreciated.

See u on the next chapter.