#I did this mainly for me
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The Sun & The Moon: On the FFXVI Ending
Throwing my thoughts on the ending into the void.
Aka I keep seeing posts about the ending so I need to type out my thoughts to validate myself.
For reference, we played on release and did two full play throughs.
First of all, I am a happy ending person. I want desperately to find the happiness because there was so much suffering so much loss. Saving the world or not, the thought of Clive having come so close to his own happy ending, of having the family and the love he never got to have, so damn close and then still ending up dying alone on a beach leaving the people waiting for him wondering if he would ever come back to them seems so cruel.
But, Lyssa, you played XV too, and Noctis legitimately sacrificed himself in the end to save the world. Youâre right, he did, and that ending still makes me ugly cry because I also didnât think it was fair that he had to do that. The thing were XV and XVI differ is, we see Noctis in the after with Luna, in their wedding attire, finally together. Itâs immensely bittersweet, but we see them at peace. We do not get that in XVI SO point by point letâs GO.
(Warning for spoilers, including character death, in other Final Fantasy games as well)
Why I Donât Think We Can Assume Any of the Three are Dead
1. The Ancient Rule of Storytelling: No body, you say? THEY AINâT DEAD.
Usually used when a villain âis defeatedâ but then they can never find a body - guess what, Luffy is going to have to beat their ass YET again. Final Fantasy has never shied away from character death. From Minwu (FFII) to Tellah (FFIV) to Aerith (FFVII) to Zack (FFVII:CC) to Haurchefant (FFXIV) to Noctis (FFXV), heck even other character death in XVI.
Dion to me is the iffiest one, and I say it with a heavy heart because I loved Dion. He fell early and he had death flags on him BUT we didnât even see him hit the ground so I still standby that if Clive could survive falling from Origin, Dion could too.
Joshua we actually did see die, and it was terrible - both when it happened and when Clive went back to mourn his brother (again for that matter and thanks Iâm crying again). The thing is, we also explicitly watch Clive use Phoenixâs power to heal Joshua. Yeah we donât see him wake up, but literally what was the point of that action if Joshua was just gonnaâŠyou know still be dead. They could have just left him as he was. The whole purpose of showing that action, imo, was to finally give Clive the chance to save his brother, which was all he wanted for so much of his life. I donât believe that was done as just âwell you tried but he really dead, bro.â To me it was to show, no, Joshua has a chance to live the life he always wanted too.
Clive, despite all his dang death flags, is still the most secure to me because the last time we see him, heâs still alive. We know he survived the fall, we know he was conscious on the beach, we only saw the curse spread to his hand. If they really wanted to hint he would die there, we easily could have seen the curse spreading to his face. We didnât though. He was tired, and weak but he was alive. They made an effort to show him alive. If they truly wanted an ambiguous ending they didnât even need to show him on the beach, just showing Origin fall would be enough. They didnât though. They showed the man alive, calling out to Jill, not as apology for breaking his promise but a âI can see the moon same as you, Iâm still here.â
2. The Ding Dang Themes of the Game
We spend the whole game determined to fight fate, and while yes, fate was defeated when Ultima was defeated, because the human will wonâŠthen didnât because the man who was determined to fight and escape those binds still ended up lost those everyone who loves himâŠwhich was part of the fate he was trying to escape? Final Fantasy games have had dark elements before, and theyâve been heartbreakingly sad. Theyâve shown loss of all sorts some self sacrifice, and some because the world can be just so cruel. However, once thing Final Fantasy isnât is loss without hope.
Noctis got to say goodbye to his best friends (yes I am crying again donât you dare mention Stand by Me in my presence) because he knew what was coming and they knew what was coming. It gutted me, but they all knew and had come to terms with it. It was Noctisâ choice to walk in there knowing he was not coming back. Clive was not the same. He didnât say goodbye, he said, Iâm coming back. While everyone knew there was a risk which is why it was so emotional to say goodbye, he had a life he wanted to return to, one he spoke of returning to. It was never, âYouâre coming back right?â And then they skirt around giving a firm answer because they just donât know. Clive was firm about it, he was coming back, it was his will to come back and guess what won against Ultimia? You guessed it, human will.
Having Clive die alone on a beach after all of that? After all he went through and after all he still wanted? That to me is just cruel, and Final Fantasy has never been cruel. Ren also made the good point that if Clive was to die, Joshua would have fallen with him, so it ended in a reversal of beginning with Joshua watching Clive die instead of the other way around. That didnât happen either though. He was on the beach, again, still alive (see point 1 as a reminder), additionally, if he thought he was dying, Iâd imagine heâd be apologizing to Jill for breaking his promise. In fact thatâs what I SWORE he was going to do, but he didnât. His will to survive was still intact when we left him which to me fits far more with the theme of this game then dying alone on a beach.
3. The Sun and the Moon (Itâs Clive and Jill, Itâs Just Literally Them)
So yeah I know that the sun and moon imagery is usually used to describe star crossed lovers, never meant to be as the sun and moon rotate. The game already proved that was untrue, they were always meant to be. By all odds they survived and somehow found one another again.
Jill, the moon of course, always said it was because of her prayer to Metia, that every time she prayed for him to return to her, Metia granted her prayer. I say this as someone who grew up religious but now am not, Jill believed it Iâm sure but I think it was Jill. Love has also been a huge theme in Final Fantasy, and Jillâs heart filled prayers to keep Clive safe, always had. Not necessarily because a god deemed it so (again, defying gods a huge Final Fantasy theme lol) but her complete and sincere love for Clive, that always kept him safe to come home to her. She prayed for him as he was leaving for origin, just as heart felt as she always had. Why would that fail now the time she probably desired it more than any other time? That also seems so cruel. For him to be torn from her when they were so close to finally being able to have the life they dreamed of together. What purpose does that serve? It wouldnât except for Jill to have yet another thing in her life to break her heart and leave her to pick up the pieces. I think she would, for Cliveâs memory, but again, it feels like loss for no reason but loss. Jill deserves her happy ending too.
You find out later on even more so why Jill cherished the moon, because it brought the sunrise (or you know Clive in the metaphor here) and with the sun the promise the Clive would always come for her. One he never broke. They literally went out of their way to say âthe sunrise meant youâd always come for me, I know this.â It was a direct setup for the ending. It was her seeing the star she always prayed on for Clive flicker out, and in that moment I think she did lose all hope because that was the one thing she could always count on to bring him home (to which again, not a god, but her love that brought him home). She is distraught (and so was I so we have that in common LOL) but then, the sun rises, and she smiles. Itâs hope. Itâs her hope because Clive has never broken a promise to her, and the sunrise has always brought him to her. I have no reason to believe the sunrise didnât bring him home to her like it always has. Not a single point in this game has given me reason to believe it so why would I?
4. They Did the Thing! The Name of the Game!
A smaller point but one none the less. I sure hope you all played every single side-quest. One particular one, leaves you with a quill to add to Cliveâs wall of treasures; one with the sole purpose of when (not if) Clive puts his sword down, that he writes his story. What do we see in the after credits? Literally, a book that is telling his story. Idk how more clear they gotta be that Clive is gonna be okay (tbf I WISH they would have just told me he was gonna be okay too LOL)
Granted, Joshua Rosfield is the author to which, it really could have been him writing Cliveâs story in his absence or it could have been Clive and using the name to memorialize his brotherâs name. Or it could have been the both of them and they used Joshuaâs name because Clive is content living his life behind the scenes. Heâs never wanted attention or praise. I donât think he ever would have used his own name.
Additionally, the ending lines that equates to as my journey ends another one begins to me never meant journey = life. His journey was over, he did what he set out to do. The new journey? Traveling the realms with his wife in a world without the burdens of magic and doing what they do best, help the people who need it.
5. Doggy Knows Best
And finally, my last point is, Torgal knows whatâs up. Technically, this is Renâs point so I give him the credit here but animals, especially Torgal who is more than just a dog (literally an Eikon himself bonded to Jill and Clive, something acknowledged in the game), know when their master is hurt or worse. Weâve seen Torgal when one of them are hurt or in danger or not coming home. Yet at the end of the game, when Jill is absolutely breaking Torgal simply howls.
You know where else he did that? When he was trying to find Clive after Phoenix Gate and he would sit and howl. They were already bonded, he knew Clive (and Jill) were alive but he didnât know where so he howled for his people until he could find them. Itâs the same thing he does at the end of the game. He knows Clive is alive out there, and they are just separated but theyâll find another again because just like Jill, Torgal has no reason to believe otherwise.
And honestly Iâm going to believe the dog.
Final ThoughtsâŠFor Now Cause I Always Have Thoughts its the ADHD
If you read all this, I hope it brought you some peace <3 I donât believe a cop out everyone died ending is indicative to the wonderful storytelling this team has brought us in FFXIV. If anything, it reminds me of the ending of A Realm Reborn when you are convinced all the Scions are dead and then ope nope theyâre fine just scattered and weâll find them yeah SOUND FAMILIAR LOL I think they left it open to let people come to their own conclusions but in my heart of hearts I believe they had no intention to let Clive die on that beach because nothing in the story leads me to that conclusion.
If they try to tell me otherwise, well then Iâll go full denial LOL but unless Yoshi-P calls me up and says girl stop youâre wrong, Iâll continue to push my Clive finally gets his happy ending and travels the realms with Jill like he promised her <3 (ONE MORE THING: why the heck would they have Jill just be like mmmm think I wanna leave this realm when its over, lets see the world if they had no future content planned YOU CANâT FOOL ME she could have easily said anything but she said something that would directly give us more content okay Iâm done lol)
#clive rosfield#jill warrick#ffxvi#final fantasy XVI#cliji#tagging the ship because their relationship has a huge impact on why I believe what I do#ffxvi spoilers#final fantasy xvi spoilers#I mean I talk all about the ending so very spoilers#I did this mainly for me#because I need to validate my peace lol#but I hope maybe it can bring some others peace too
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i think dan should get to be a little weird too. as a treat
#my art#re animator#herbert west#daniel cain#dan cain#danbert#no but srsly guys i get that hes the normal guy but you forget ... HES ALSO WEIRD !!! HES SO STRANGE !!!#if he was normal he would have called the cops on herbert ages ago#but guess what babey he ... well technically he did call the cops but he waited like 20 years to do it so .. !!#bro was an enabler dont forget that#sorry im like rlly crazy about dan...#which is unfortuante bc i feel kind of alone in that like YES herberts a baddie YES hes litterally me#but dan....... DAAAAAAAAAAAN (eagle screeching)#what the fuck am i saying!#edit hey guys its actually lucid dog that rant you see above you was written at likes 6am after an all nighter#we all know dan is weird i mainly meant i think he should get to be PORTRAYED as weird more#really im just weird about him (<3) and i need him to reflect that
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wanna preface this by saying that i am. So normal. anyway i just spent the last week redrawing scenes from mystery skulls animated but as that hermitcraft au i posted about a couple times. you guys should watch msa it is. so so good.
#my art#hermitcraft#mystery skulls animated#geminitay#geminitay fanart#ethoslab#ethoslab fanart#falsesymmetry#falsesymmetry fanart#ignore the fact that etho's hair changes literally every drawing#poses + expressions are traced a bit; and backgrounds aren't mine(well; except for the second one; which you can prolly tell;; sksnsks)#and also (with the help of sap bc i'm bad at color theory) edited the truck bg colors a bit#but even so;; i am!! very very happy with how these turned out#mystery skulls animated spoilers#<- honestly that's mainly for the murder mystery one#granted anyone who hasn't seen the future at this point prolly won't have that tag filtered#etho's murder mystery form(no i don't have a name for it)'s collar tag is a mix between a mable leaf and a vex!#cuz reverb is cub in this au#hence all the blue and stuff;; skdhkdnkd#you'd think that last pic would have been the hardest for me to draw; with how complicated etho's design is#but surprisingly; it doesn't even place top three in terms of how long it took to draw#no; instead it was that Fucking. Truck.#WHY did that take me eight and a half hours#the second longest was only five!!!#the others barely even top 4!#also#WHY are the deadbeats(which are mini tillies here) so deceptively hard to draw#every time i struggle with them orz#anyway. images 3; 6; 7; and 8 are my favs <3#if false and/or pearl see this. o/ hoi
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iâll find you again in every universe. let us be a little more honest, let us have a little more time.
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#despite it all though badlands rumble is like. the only universe where we get wolfwood thinking vash died first... and i think that means a#lot to their relationship and how it may bloom if there was more to badlands rumble considering vash literally saw wolfwood carrying a piece#of vash after his supposed death. u know! despite the short time they were together vash still meant so much to wolfwood that he couldn't#just move on or forget him in anyway. needed to keep a piece of him for himself and the rest of his days. but ofc vash lives and wolfwood#was like ill beat ur fucking ass into tomorrow. there's just so much honesty in vash being able to see that gesture bc he wouldnt know#otherwise just how much he might mean to him. ANYWAY. trimax with with the eternal pining featuring the two chapters where imo#where the both of them really fell for each other... i wrote my thoughts about this on another comic i did before#but vash solidifying his feelings during the hospital arc -- ww solidifies his when he realizes his allegiances are permanently with vash#98 my lovelies but also to me they are so one-sided bc ww pined like no tomorrow and vash only realizes after ep 23?24? his heart did tickle#whenever ww complimented his smile though#and tristamp vw my beloveds. it really just feels like they get the chance to be closer and closer and more honest with each other#with every version that comes about. in trimax they knew how little time they had but struggled so desperately to get closer. in 98 ww felt#more willing to forsake for vash. in badlands rumble theyre Angry but as mentioned earlier ^ more blatant truth... due to circumstances#mainly but has the chance to lead to discussions and tristamp literally. first day of knowing each other ww saves vash - 2 days later vash#saves ww like. Man. AND NOW THEY MAY POTENTIALLY GET EVEN CLOSER!!!! with s2....#ruporas art
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Disgustingly messy and crusty sketch dump but I couldn't get my own terrible theory out of my head and ended up making a bunch of sketches about it. Also at the end a bonus dickbats and Damian doodle bc I was reading an issue of their Batman and Robin run (IDs in Alt)
#dc comics#dc#batfamily#batman#damian wayne#stephanie brown#tim drake#dick grayson#cassandra cain#duke thomas#anyway. zdarsky run sure is something huh?#its still so funny to me that half of 148 was leaked a few days before like someone has it OUT for that book over at bleeding cool ig#i don't necessarily think this theory will come true I'm just imagining how stupid it would be if it did#I'm not super happy with the dialogue in the cass+duke+dick comic but i felt my og dialogue might've read too fanon#mainly just bc cass' last sentence was originally shorter/just ellipses and duke said smthin like ''wait? villain arc?''#which you could easily find in wayne family adventures. even tho it would've been appropriate for this situation đ#now the dialogue just sounds kind of generic (esp cass') and it's BOTHERING ME AUGHH. this is the comic book fandom panopticon /j#anyway Bruce is in the retirement home in this scenario /j#me n my friends were talking over discord and came up w the cursed scenario that jason is tims robin in this (apart of the 'redemption' arc#-that he's been nail gunned with in this run. god this run is so weird when it comes to jason. like it doesn't outright dislike him-#-like it clearly does damian and (more obviously) cass steph and duke) but the tone of everything w jason is still bizarre#god. anyway yeah i didn't draw him but please picture grown man tank Jason in the robin undies (ala tt 03 but dare i say better)#also the dick being silly sketch was bc the issue i was reading had damian refer to dick as 'jolly'#specifically like ''unreasonably jolly'' or something like that (god i love when ppl find dicks cheerfulness deeply unsettling hehehe)#and i thought it was so funny. bc damian met dick when we has going through his ''bruce is dead'' depression-#-and STILL thought that dick was extremely unserious. he sees happy dick and is like ''what is wrong w you. genuinely''#but at the same time he loves it#i need to stop reading their batman and robin run so scatteredly (or i can just reread nightwing must die...always a possibility)#anyway yeah đ bad sketches be upon you#mine
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Was trying to come up with an outfit for Phoenix for the Mia Fey Trilogy AU because itâs lame if heâs just in the same outfit as Maya
Also funky tattoos because :3 I said so
Bonus: someone on YouTube asked me if I could actually draw him as Doctor Strange, so here we go
#doctorsiren#ace attorney#ace attorney au#phoenix wright#mia fey trilogy AU#ace attorney fanart#art#digital art#my art#fanart#procreate#I drew the tattoo one at like 4 AM bc I didnât fall asleep until like 6 đđđđ and so it looks a little funky but itâs fine#I canât believe I had that design drawn up and only right before exporting did I realize he was just toriel#same with the doctor strange looking one#I drew it up and was like âhuh he reminds me of the king from Wish??â#and I sent it to the Dadskall chat and Cry was like ânaw dude he looks like Doctor Strangeâ#AND HE DOES AND ITâS MAINLY BC OF THE WHITE STREAK IN HIS HAIR#anyways I just thought he deserved a big bow#and some sick tats /silly
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I fucking love that young royals really highlights the fact that no one can fix you but you. They have Wille and Simon trying to work around the horrible things going on together, and it doesn't really work because the biggest problem is that Wille is suffering so much under what the are trying to push through. At the beginning of s3 they have the "as long as I have you" kind of mentality and we see how quickly that falls apart. Having each other is not enough, and it shouldn't be. Wille needs to leave the life that is destroying him. Having simon in that life made it better, but it still was not enough. Simon recognizes that at the end of s3e5. Wille thought that all he needed was Simon because he has been so horribly mistreated by every adult in his life that the moment he is shown some unconditional love, he clings to it. Because, let me remind you, this kid is 17 years old. The ending is so incredibly impactful because Wille is finally choosing himself and his happiness. Not Simon's, not his moms. His. And that is beautiful.
#i really need to calm down about them#i just did not expect this teenage romcom to make me feel this muchđ#i really thought it would be another heartstopper or red white and royal blue#um nope#i went in thinking it was a romance#and it definitely is#but it mainly is about a young man learing how to take care of himself#i was not expecting that#and i couldnt be more happy about it#young royals#prince wilhelm#simon eriksson#wilmon#wilhelm x simon
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made another little animation of the boys, figuring out contrast and also enjoying putting him in no shirt
#harbor city#ted groghl#animation#toby young#original character#furry#3d animation#blender#low poly#been playing grim fandango and noticed how awesome the models look with very little shadow on them#also way more pixellated than the backgrounds.#mainly did this because 11 days ago i blustered that i could get to 10k on twitter in 2 weeks and my last animation got me to just 300 shor
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save me tattooed dan save me
(non tattooed version bc Arms and also this entire piece was inspired by this tweet x so i should probs make the top easier to see)
#bro those tattoos took like 2 days for me to figure out sketch line then paint THEN readjust everything bc i suddenly remembered dil exists#i know this is going to flop dismally but i mainly did it for me bc iâm too disabled to tattoo so iâm living vicariously through myself#by just#drawing tattoos on people i guess#sigh#also took so long bc the atrophying is getting rlly bad but canât do anything abt that so#slow and steady wins the raceđââïž#what references can u recognise.. every tattoo has a meaning..#i was annoyed i finally started getting ideas after everything was in place so i couldnât fit the microwave which is sad#but thereâs still others !!#yes even the flowers have meanings :33c#art2 and craft2#phanart#daniel howell#dan howell#dan and phil#dnp
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my first fanart of kÀÀrijÀ! [reference]
#kÀÀrijĂ€#jere pöyhönen#i want to use the tags to thank everyone who supported me under my post a few days ago đ„č#until last week i was mostly a lurker on the k tag since esc23... mainly because joining a new fandom felt overwhelming to me but -#you guys gave me such a warm welcome and made me feel so 'at home'. that's something i haven't felt in an online space in YEARS#back to the artwork: it started out as a leather study a few months ago but i hated the way it looked so i abandoned it. now that i have -#finished it i have to say that i actually think it's pretty decent!!!#that being said... i hate that the color and contrast look SO VASTLY DIFFERENT on my tablet vs my laptop vs my phone i hate hate hate it#also full disclosure: i did not draw the bg#fanart#my art
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The Divine, The First Divine, Rigour
#rain does art#art#doodles#colored#digital art#F@tt#friends at the table#fatt#rigour#the divine rigour#this was mainly a painting pratice#im also trying to get better at just commiting to slapping down concepts like this#i guess this is a sketch?#Can it be a sketch when did it in an hour and a half though?#oh well#I really really liked the part where Rigour busted out of the earth#rigour to me is goopy? to#Like it occupies this fuck off big mech but Rigour itself is the goop#counter/weight#C/w#my art
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My Favorite Red Vox song with Kingdom Hearts Chain of Memories and Kingdom Hearts 3
#my art#kingdom hearts#kingdom hearts chain of memories#kingdom hearts re:chain of memories#kingdom hearts 3#kingdom hearts 4#Sora#Naminé#Riku#Kairi#Soriku#riku is the light#<- not mainly about those two last tags but very incorporated it because the lyrics fit it#plus Riku is Sora's other light :') ya know.. another light....#Red Vox#Memories Lie - Red Vox#It took me a long time and my CSP app is running low on memory cause of it but I did it! :'3#necklace theory#meteor shower#<- i forgot to tag this thanks y'all in the tags!!!#IT'S ALSO SORTA THE ->#the sleeping realm theory#<- CAUSE YEAH THE THEORY THAT SORA FORGOT HIS MEMORIES IN KH4 IM SORRY IM DONE IM DONE TAGGING
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when you're Probably Not Cis but you present as it anyways because you're too lazy to do anything about it
#anyone else? just me?#btw this is specifically about me being agender but like it could apply to other genders too lol#for a short period of my life (like 0.00000003 seconds) I thought I might be gender fluid or something but#I realised I Did Not Care At All#so: agender#but yeah I wouldn't deny it if someone asks if I'm agender ig#and for stuff asking your gender (e.g poll or survey or smth) then if theres an agender option then I'll go w that#but irl I tell people to use either she/her (I'm afab) or any pronouns#and like I'm probably not gonna try and come out as agender or anything#mainly bc its a Hassle and I'm Lazy#agender#gender shenanigans#how do I even tag this--#uhh#genderqueer#good enough ig#:thumbs up:#edit: oh wait I know how I can tag this lmao#trans#transgender#queer#nonbinary#non binary#lgbtq#lgbtqia#lgbtqiia+#lgbtq+#lgbtqia+#enby#genderfluid
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One of the biggest things that makes me see Leo as trans is absolutely the size of his carapace in comparison to his brothersâ.
And Iâm not talking about height! Iâm specifically looking at his shell here, because when you compare him to the others, particularly Donnie who is nearly the same height as Leo, itâs very clear that Leoâs carapace is much longer in proportion to the rest of his body.
Like - standing side by side, even though Donnie is shorter his carapace ends noticeably higher up than Leoâs does. And I like this not only because it really helps push the idea that Leo could very likely be trans (or intersex!), but itâs also just a fun design difference between them.
(It also lends way to future scenarios of Donnie eventually getting taller than Leo, but sitting down still has Leo being the taller one haha.)
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt leo#trans leonardo#rottmnt headcanons#rise leo#trans leo#itâs like 4 am and Iâm having trans leo feelings again sorry guys#totally get if other people disagree with me on this! but itâs always gonna be my no.1 headcanon fr#his complexion the vibrancy of his colors staying even in adulthood his general demeanor and this? this hc is LOCKED in my brain#plus the times Leoâs depicted in pink white and blue throughout the series like I KNOW it wasnât on purpose but damn if it doesnât help#(his nails are also the exact same as his toe nails/claws but I donât super count this one tbh)#(even though it is TECHNICALLY another point in favor of trans leo)#(mainly because all the boysâ nails are very much more humanoid than turtle)#(just like how their tails arenât really a factor either since we see them only in their baby forms and never again)#I really like the idea that he was a female red eared slider pre mutation#and Lou Jitsuâs dna paved how his humanoid features came out (aka a more masculine build and voice)#but his turtle features are all very much more in like with a female res#love the thought of rise bros meeting og comic turtle boys and Leo being like wait you guys are res too?? butâŠyouâre not colorfulâŠâŠ#one headcanon I have is that - you know the cute chirping and stuff we have the boys do?#I like to think that Leoâs chirping actually sounds more feminine to himself and his bros (so he tends to not do it)#idk I love thinking about this hc a lot and thereâs no time like four am to talk about it huh?#future scenario has future Donnie going up to future Leo all smug like ah Nardo howâs the weather down there#and Leoâs all like good *sits down* why donât you join me :)#Donnie: âŠ*sits and stretches his neck out to be taller still*#Leo calls him a cheater but Donnie calls it âmaking use of his speciesâs advantagesâ#but yeah basically for many turtles the case is - bigger carapace? female. smaller carapace? male.#so itâs very interesting to take that knowledge and apply it here#did you know one of the turtles that this rule of thumb DOESNT apply to is alligator snapping turtles? male ones are the bigger ones there!#by a big difference too so Raphâs size makes a LOT of sense
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every day, once a year, yelan takes a day off.
this is written directly into her contract with the tianquan. there are no exceptions, no special arrangements. on this singular day, yelan does not belong to the qixing; on this singular day, her leash and collar are abandoned, and she has free reign to do as she pleases.
what does she do? well, prepare for your anniversary, of course.
she hops out of bed, cleans up, tugs her jacket on and then slips out the door with the clink of her jade bracelet. itâs a clear day, and yelan tilts her head to the sky briefly, letting the golden sunrays warm her face almost like an embrace. you were never really a morning person, but the sun on your skin always suited you. sheâd have to drag you out of bed to see it, but it was always well worth your grumbling in the end when you finally cave and offer her a smile which she would then steal with a kiss.
âugh, yelanââ you giggled, your hands on her chest gently pushing her back. your bracelet was cool against her skin, and the matching one on her own wrist hummed. she nosed along your jaw, pressing more and more kisses until she reached your neck. playfulness turned into something a little more heated, and her blood sang at the sigh she pulled from your lips. emerald eyes flicked up to you, teasing, challenging, and you managed a wry huff before tangling your fingers in her hair and tugging her back to properly kiss her again. it stung, beautifully, but yelan grinned all the way."
she shakes herself out of the memory, and steps into the busy street. liyueâs morning scene has always been crowded, and she blends into the throng with practiced ease. she follows the flow of the crowd down the wharf until she reaches the shop sheâs looking forâa florist, tucked snugly between two other stores on the higher levels of the shopping district.
the owner, a midde-aged woman, looks up from tending to her orchids to smile at her. her eyes crease with familiarity at the sight of yelan as the spy steps into her store, fingers brushing the petals of a few flowers. the woman rounds the counter, and rummages in the storage for a few moments.
âthe usual, i take it?â she asks, and yelan nods, leaning against the counter and tapping her fingers over the grainy wood. the shop hasnât changed much, if at all, since she last came here with you.
you leaned down by a bouquet of white chrysanthemums, lips curving upward into a smile as you breathed in the soft, floral scent. yelan looked curiously over your shoulder, a hand casually resting on your hip. she asked if it was your favorite flowerâyou nodded, your other hand rising to just as casually cup her face from over your shoulder. âtheyâre quite pretty, arenât they?â you hummed, and yelan took a moment to ponder the question. in the end, she said they were nowhere near as pretty as you, and took the light smack you delivered to her shoulder with an easy laugh.
the florist clears her throat, coaxing her out of the memory. yelan recieves the bouquetâwhite chrysanthemumsâwith a smile, settling it in the crook of her arm. the womanâs expression is measured, but thereâs a slight waver to her tone when she speaks. if yelan really had to name it, it sounds close to⊠pity.
âyelanââ she begins, but she only flashes the woman a signature grin, before slipping out the door as quickly as she came. she has other things to get, after all, and the clock is always ticking.
(or maybe her clock stopped ticking a long time ago and all this is just extra. maybe it cracked when the rocks fell and the earth buriedâ)
she dissolves back into the crowd as she heads to her next destination: wanmin restaurant. she can smell the chili in the air as she makes her way down the street again, a sharpness only wanmin seems to be able to make. when she gets there, xiangling is boisterously calling out orders while her father toils away in the kitchen, with guoba tirelessly maintaining the roaring fire for his wok. when she sees her, xianglingâs grin only widens, and she waves her over enthusiastically.
âmiss yelan! welcome, welcome,â the young chef says cheerily. âhere for another batch of dried chillies?â
yelan chuckles, shaking her head. âno, not this time. iâm here for a few rice buns. with a sweet filling, preferably.â
âooh,â xiangling coos, nodding. âare you planning to go on an expedition? rice buns are both portable and satiating.â
âyou could say that,â yelan says vaguely. the little chef is right, in a way, since sheâll have to hike a little to get to your spotâbut really, itâs because rice buns have always been a comfort food of sorts for you.
âhow can you not like them?â you asked defensively as you trudged along with her behind the group. there was a slight smear of filling on the corner of your lip, and your expression scrunched up a little more as she wiped it off. her jade bracelet was cool against your heated cheeks. yelan only shook her head, teasingly remarking that spice was a much greater wake-up call than sweets. you huffed at that, taking another bite of your rice bun. ânot all of us are masochists, lanâer,â you grumbled, and yelan laughed softly. her nimble fingers encircled your wrist, tugging you closer so she could take a quick bite of your bun. it was sweet, sweeter than sheâd like, but maybe that was because you were there. and somehow, that made it good.
yelan pulls herself out of yet another memory when xiangling deposits the bag of warm rice buns into her hands. theyâre freshly steamed, and the scent of warm buns fill her senses. she thanks the chef, and disappears much the same way she came before the young lady can get even so much as a word in. in the back of her mind, she can almost hear you chastise her for it.
(she always hears you in the back of her mind. if not, where elseâ)
thereâs only one thing left on her list, and itâs incense. itâs late in the morning now, so the crowds have thinned outâand without her cover, yelan takes to back alleys and rooftops instead. she sighs, relieved almost, as she slips into the shimmering, reflective cover of hydro, darting like a minnow between buildings like rocks, barely a blur in the eyes of anyone nearby. the secrecy isnât strictly necessary for what sheâs doing now, but sheâs been so used to being unseen that being in the open feels⊠unsafe.
it doesnât take her that long to reach wangsheng funeral parlor. the young lady running the parlor isnât in todayâinstead, itâs her âassistantâ, the elegant man shrouded in such thick mystery that neither her nor ningguang has been able to pierce. he greets her with a solemn expression, no doubt because director hu has told him the reason for her visit. âincense?â he asks again anyway to confirm, his voice low and soft. yelan nods absently, her nose stinging slightly from the intense scent permeating the parlor.
she watches as the man disappears into the back of the parlor for a moment, before he reappears with a delicately wrapped packet of incense sticks. she slides a pouch of mora his way, which he takes wordlessly. she tucks the packet into her little pocket dimension, then turns on her heel to leave. just as she exits the door, he calls out to her.
âsafe travels.â
she doesnât deign him with a response.
her feet take her out and away from the city, down the familiar path to the bleeding wound in the earthâthe chasm. the land goes from valleys to large, curling momuments of rock, carved by the force of a falling star. she feels that familiar tug in her chest, the voice that calls to her, that tells her to forsake the surface as her ancestor once did. she listened to it, once. andâ
âgo,â you whispered, pushing her away. half of you was buried under rock, and she could only see one of your eyes; the other was forced shut by the blood that trickled down your face. yelan nearly screamed herself hoarse, but you grabbed her face and kissed her. it tasted like salt, and her heart lurched at the wrongness. your kisses had always been sweet. you slipped your bracelet onto her wrist, then pushed her again, and then the earth heaved and groaned, and it was the last she ever saw of youâ
she turns her head and rips herself out of the memory and the temptation; she has other, more important places to be today. she has other days to chase down her demons. she skirts the side of the chasm, slowly ascending to the top. she passes by the memorial to the millelith, and leaves a rice bun and a few sticks of incense as an offering. they too, deserve to be remembered after all.
(she wonders if anyone else comes out here to remember them. she wonders who will come when sheâs gone forâ)
it takes her a while, but eventually, she reaches the highest point in the chasm. the sun has traveled across the sky by this point, the afternoon heat mellowing out into a slightly cooler evening warmth. the sky is alive with shades of gold when she finally stops, drawing to a halt right before a smooth stone, standing upright from the earth like a silent vigil. she kneels before it, producing three sticks on incense and inserting them into the censer before the stone and lighting them. she sets a rice bun on the plate by the stone, and saves one for herself. the bouquet of white chrysanthemums, she lays on top of the stone.
yelan takes a bite of her rice bun, letting the sweetness settle on her tongue, as the floral scent mixes with the incense, filling her lungs and settling on her shoulders. she tilts her head to the sun, and the warmth feels almost like an embrace. and when she closes her eyes, the wind in her hair feels almost like a caress. when she opens them again, she lets them rest on the stoneâthe headstone, and she offers it a smile.
sitting on the edge of the cliff, your legs swinging, you smiled at her, nearly blindingly bright like the golden hour. your pinkies were twined together, your shoulders flush with hers. there was a bouquet of white chrysanthemums on your lap, and just a few crumbs on the corner of your lips. your voice carried in the wind when you spoke.
âhappy anniversary, yelan.â
âhappy anniversary, sweetheart,â she whispers. the wind carries her voice as well, and she hopes you hear it, wherever you are now. one day, sheâll join you, but for now she takes another bite of her rice bun and breathes in the scent of incense and chrysanthemums.
#sev.scribbles#yelan x reader#i hate tenses. im so bad at them. if they r jank dont tel me#âwoah two fics in a day whats happeningâ absolutely nothing. im just bored in class#KSBXISMDUDKD i should be paying attentiom but like. idk. im on a roll#watch me not write anything for the next like month lolololol#law of equivalent exchange or whatever#anyway. yelan enjoyers hope yâall like this silly little piece#tried to cram as much foreshadowing into this bad boy as much as possible#did i succeed ??? who knows. not me !!#but lowkey i kinda like this one. itâs not very prose-y i think but it was fun to write#mainly bcos the challenge was trying to build up the conclusion without giving it away immediately yk#mayhaps might write more yelan after this. love that masochist bottom (whaled for her)
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today i volunteered at a historic home gut rehab the local habitat for humanity is doing and got to scooch around in the crawlspace and cut bits of wood and use a nailgun. at one point the Head Guy asked if i knew how to use a table saw and i said "yes but not with confidence" and actually? i do know how to use a table saw with confidence. but confidence that the table saw hates its users and thirsts for blood
#theyre soo nastly they just keep going even when your hands are off the trigger and the wood is out of it#must treat them with respect#i did a wonderful job cutting wood and shed no blood to its thirsty maw#this reads like im afraid of them. I'm just calmly reminding myself it hates me and wants to kill me as i feed wood through it.#the chop saw however is mainly my friend
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