#I did a lot of not saying stuff cause I didn’t want my parents spending more money on me than they needed to

[lilliancdoodles]

I have so many feelings about that create discussion at the end of fits stream.

Fit has no interest in create. So in his mind it’s not worth the 20k to unlock it. He can use that money to buy other things and not have to worry about it. It hasn’t even crossed his mind that if it’s locked for him it’s locked for Ramon. He so causally says “yeah I’m not getting Create, that’s 20k we’ll have over everyone else” and Ramon was right behind him. He’s a smart kid he knows what the financial situation is on the island, and Create is a massive ask. So he doesn’t mention it. It probably hurt a lot hearing that. One of his greatest interests and he wasn’t going to have access to it, but money was tight and he didn’t need it so better to save their money.

But Fit happens to bring it up. He goes small cause he knows how much it is. 20,000 coins. He doesn’t want to be a burden, but he answers. With the smallest head nod, yes create is locked for him if it’s locked for fit. And Fit tells him that if that’s the case then they can make it work. He’ll get create for Ramon and maybe by his one year birthday they’ll have it.

I get that. I understand that so much. Wanting things but knowing it’s way too expensive. Your parents can’t afford it, you don’t want to be a burden. They’re already doing everything for you, it feels selfish to ask for this too. But that’s Fit’s baby boy made in heaven by god himself. He knows how much create means to Ramon and as soon as he knows that he has to get create so Ramon can have it, he’ll do it. It might take a bit, but it’s worth it for Ramon.

[fairysongs]

౨ৎ coming home too late﹕spencer reid .ᐟ

summary: based entirely on the song, coming home by beabadoobee. pure fluff.

pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader

includes: soooo much fluff, spencer’s pov, spencer is in love with reader, reader is just as in love with him, very small mention of depression, reader uses she/her pronouns, reader loves to clean, established relationship, derek morgan is spencer and reader's #1 fan, did i mention spencer is in love?

word count: 1.7k

a/n: eeeek my second fic!! i got so happy writing this. maybe the most sickening sweet thing i ever did do. i love beabadoobee's music so much i kinda wanna write a million different things based on her songs. Anyways..!!! as always likes/reblogs/feedback appreciated :3

spencer reid had never felt more relieved to be sitting inside this jet than he was right now.

sure, he’s happy every single time his team is able to wrap up a case. he’s happy every single time they catch the bad guy. he’s happy every single time justice is brought to victims and their families. he’s happy every single time he gets to come home and see you. he’s happy every single time he notices the way your eyes light up when you see him walk through the door. he’s happy every single time you throw your arms around his neck and he gets to pick you up, inhaling your sweet scent as if he’d never be able to embrace you again.

but this time it was a little different. it was currently 6:54pm in california where the latest case was. meaning it was 9:54pm back home. it would take approximately five hours to fly home and another thirty minutes to drive to his apartment. meaning he wouldn’t step through his door until way after three in the morning and he knew you’d be sound asleep by then. and it was saturday, a day that never held much weight to him until he started living with you.

he found out that you grew up with a rather strict routine in your home. your parents deemed every saturday ‘cleaning day’. every saturday you did your weekly chores and that habit stuck with you as you moved on to live with college roommates, on your own and eventually with spencer.

he remembers when he first asked you to move in with him. you’d been dating for about a year and a half at that point. he brought it up in a rather nonchalant way and he was so thankful you were not a profiler and couldn’t tell how hard his heart was beating inside his chest as he started to ask.

“you know… you sleepover here a lot. i mean, you have your own drawer in my dresser, your own space in my closet…” he started one morning, sipping from his mug of sugary sweet coffee. “your skincare stuff in my bathroom, your special shampoos in my shower… your little treats stocked in my fridge…” his lips started twitching, trying to fight the stupid large smile that wanted to show on his face.

you hummed in response, your fingers tapping against your own mug that was full of tea. you hated coffee. when he learned that he bought a box of your favorite tea and kept it stocked in his kitchen. “are you… complaining?” you asked, voice sort of quiet with uncertainty.

he shook his head immediately, realizing he wasn’t being as straightforward as he assumed. “no!” his voice squeaked slightly, causing you to raise your eyebrows. “no… no, i was just… i mean, you spend so much time here and i really love it. i love you being here with me and i… if you wanted to move in i would… i mean, i want you to move in. if you want to. please.”

thankfully your heart was just as pretty as you were and you didn’t let him nervously ramble for too long. instead you walked over to him, wrapping your arms around his neck. you stood on your tiptoes and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. “relax. i’d love to, spencer. but i have to warn you, i’m quite a lot to deal with twenty-four seven…” he would just stare back at you, with nothing but love and admiration pouring from brown hues. he always thought you were so silly when you’d say things like that and he’d spend the rest of the morning telling you that while peppering sweet kisses to every inch of your skin.

he did learn very quickly just how serious you were about your routine. you woke up at six in the morning every saturday. you’d start in the bathroom, then make your way to the kitchen, then collect the dirty laundry from the week, then focus on organizing every little desk and shelf he had in his home. at first you wouldn’t let him help you, explaining that you didn’t want him to feel obligated in helping you with your own crazy little habit. he’d shake his head and just ask you what kind of laundry detergent you liked as he piled clothes into a basket.

“if you keep up with it weekly, then it won’t get out of hand and too big to fix.” you mumbled one time while scrubbing the dishes. “sometimes when the scaries got really bad, i used to forget to keep up with my cleaning. all the mess just made things more unbearable. keeping on top of it makes me feel more in control. even if the ‘cleaning’ one week is just refilling the toilet paper and doing one single load of laundry.”

he nodded his head in response, emptying the trash beneath the sink. spencer was nothing but soft with you, but even more so whenever you mentioned your struggles with depression or ‘the scaries’ as you called it. the two of you quickly fell into a habit every single saturday. you split the work load. you’d do the dishes, he’d carry the trash out, you’d fold the laundry, he’d vacuum the rug. he didn’t have to say it, you’d already know, but he enjoyed the structure of routine just as much as you did. the rest of your saturdays were spent on the sofa, your head in his lap while you forced him to watch your favorite childhood show. takeout food spread across the coffee table in front of you. there was so much comfort the two of you found in the domesticity of it all.

so, yes, he was a little bit upset he missed this saturday and was so ready to get home and pull you into his arms and never let go. he hadn’t noticed him spacing out, eyes focused on the same page of a book he was reading for five minutes, until he heard derek morgan’s voice.

“hey, loverboy!” spencer’s head snapped up, brows furrowing at the man giving him a cheeky smile. “you’ve been staring at that page for an eternity. what’s on your mind, huh?” he asked, although he already knew the answer.

you met the whole team ages ago and every one of them adored you but derek especially admired the way you loved spencer. he’d never say it out loud, unless it was in a teasing way to get spencer to blush, but he genuinely believed you were an angel sent to the boy genius. derek noticed how blissful you made him, how gentle you were and how safe he felt with you. how could his heart not swell in appreciation for the love you gave to his brother?

“i missed cleaning day…” spencer spoke, brows pulling together slightly. there was a soft sigh that fell from his lips as he pulled his phone from his pocket. your last text saying you were gonna stay up and wait for him even though you both knew that you’d fall asleep the moment you got comfortable.

“okay… and is that a bad thing?” derek responded, leaning back into his seat with a slightly confused expression.

“well, yeah. she likes cleaning every saturday and we normally split the work between us. that way we have more time to spend together.” spencer huffed and tucked his phone away again. he closed the book he was reading. “it’s more than just the cleaning, derek. i hate being away from her, you know? we never know when we’re gonna get called away on a case like this and i like spending as much time as i can with her. and i hate coming home late. it makes me feel like i’ve missed so much.”

derek breathed out a laugh but nodded, understanding all too well what he meant. emily prentiss came around the corner, one hand holding a cup of coffee and the other resting gently on spencer’s shoulder. “spencer reid, you have become the most smitten, lovestruck man since you met that girl. and it’s the most adorable thing in the world.” everyone on the jet chuckled softly at that, even aaron hotchner, while he blushed and adverted his eye contact towards the shaded window. he knew they weren’t laughing at him, more so showing an expression of how happy they were that he was happy.

he stepped into the dimly lit living room of his apartment at exactly 3:26am. the tv glowed over your sleeping body on the sofa, arms wrapped tightly around a stuffed red panda he gifted you a few birthdays ago. the netflix screen asking ‘are you still watching avatar: the last airbender?’ shined in his face as he leaned in to shut the machine off. he walked over to your sleepy state, a tiny smile growing on his lips as he leaned in to brush some of your hair from your face. he tucked one arm beneath your knees and held the other one to your arm as he carried you to the bedroom.

you stirred, humming softly as he quietly shushed you. “shh, hi baby. i’m home now. go back to bed, yeah?”

“how was the flight?” you asked in a soft whisper, ignoring his requests. he chuckled, shaking his head and he set you gently on the cushion of his mattress.

“it was fine. too long. i’m sorry i’m home late.” he was just as quiet as you, pulling the duvet over your body and tucking it at your shoulders. he picked up the stuffed animal that had fallen beside the bed and tucked it next to you as well.

“it’s okay. we always have tomorrow.” with your eyes still closed, you smiled as he kissed your forehead.

“yes, my love. we do, don’t we? i’m gonna get changed okay? go back to bed.”

“i’ll wait for you.”

when he was changed out of his work clothes and into his pajamas, he turned back and found you soundly asleep again. he let out a quiet laugh, got into bed and pulled you right to his chest. he played with your hair until he fell asleep too, no longer upset about the day he missed with you because you were right.

he always had tomorrow.

[charlesf1leclerc]

Summary- one day your whole world turns upside down and where will your lives go from here 

Warnings- teenagers, smut , alcohol mentions, not thoroughly proof read ( so let me know if any major errors )

A/N- please note this story is only for entertainment and not in anyway linked to what real life people mentioned in this story may do or how they may act! 

SERIES MASTERLIST

9 months prior- 13th of November Lando’s birthday 

Lando’s house was buzzing who knew someone could have this many friends. I guess someone whose house is big enough to fit the whole year level will invite the whole year level.  But this was a bit extreme for only a 17th birthday. 

I didn’t really want to be here but in order to not get bullied and love a normal teenage life I had to experience the fun sometimes so here I was surrounded by a bunch of people I don’t like at a snobby boys birthday.

I don’t drink but there had to be some form of non alcoholic drink in this house so I escaped to the kitchen to look. As I stood in front of the open fridge I felt a presence beside me and then I saw him.

“ you good rummaging through my fridge “ 

“ maybe if you put some actual drinks out not just pure alcohol I wouldn’t have to”

“ you’re at a party sweetheart” he laughed

“I’m 17” I snapped

“Me too” he grinned 

“ none of use are allowed to be drinking and if we are drinking you should have a parental note”

“Ok now you have really brought the mood down”

“ why are you talking to me anyway lando? ” I sighed

“ just doing what I’m supposed to greeting my guests and stopping them from going through my stuff” Lando closed the fridge door and turned to the kitchen counter pouring liquid from a clear jug into a red solo cup.Before he walked over and handed it out to me 

“ what’s that?”

“ trust me, its lemonade” I take the cup and sniff it. It’s actually lemonade.

“ I didn’t forget about people like you” he smiled before walking away and going back to his friends

The night continued after my encounter with Lando Norris. My friends gossiped on the couches outside, we ate lots of food, danced, of course took the famous mirror selfies that would be posted on instagram later and the main event the cake.

The party was winding down and not many people were left anymore, I had to wait for Mad’s to finish her partying before leaving and she was having way too much fun with a particular person to be leaving anytime soon. So her I was sat on the couch in Lando’s living room.

“ your still here , abit pat your bed time I thought” and he was back , this time sitting next to me.

“ I have to wait for my friends otherwise yes I would be in bed” I kept my eyes straight ahead

“ well want to pass the time then” I looked at him confused

“ with what?” I asked

He simply just picked up the Nintendo controller and handed it to me 

“Mario?” He suggested 

“ what is it with you and your karting don’t you ever do anything else?” Still I did take the controller, I didn’t have anything better to do.

“ no I don’t “ he turned the TV on and started up the game. I was not nearly as professional as him, he took Mario kart very seriously but never the less it was still actually really fun, I didn’t know he could be so easy to be around.

I would say we had been playing for a good 30mins before I got bored of Mario Kart because Lando could never got bored of it.

“ what should we do now” he asked. He wasn’t tired? He wasn’t done spending time with me?

“ How about I go find my friend cause it’s getting really late” I laughed 

“ how about I kiss you” my eyebrows shot up, what. Say something , do something.

My ears must be deceiving me because there is no way he just said that to me.

“W-What?” I breathed out

“ you heard me”

“ did I? “ I asked softly

“ you did , I know you did and I also know you didn’t laugh and walk away”

Why didn’t I walk away, maybe I wanted to kiss him, maybe I wanted him to kiss me….

Ok I want him to kiss me!

I just lean in and somehow our lips are touching. They are also doing a lot more than touching, I’m actually kissing Lando Norris.

His left hand comes up to grab my jaw and pull me closer and my arms wrap around his shoulders. There’s no way this is actually happening someone better pinch me because it’s getting to good.

Then he stops. 

“ come to my room” no NO NO walk away this cannot be good. 

But I don’t want to walk away.

“ Or do you like everyone looking at us” he continues. It’s only then that I realise we are still in the living room and even if there is only a handful of guests left it still makes me feel awkward.

“ ok” is all I whisper out before he grabs my hand and takes my upstairs.

His room was surprisingly clean and neat, although it was still cluttered with karting posters , trophies and helmets. It was actually a nice room to be in.

Lando shut the door behind us before turning back around to me

“I’m gonna kiss you again “ he smiled

And I let him. Let’s just say I was about to let him do a lot of things. 

I ended up laying in the middle of his double bed in nothing but my bra and underwear as he hovered over me.

“ you sure this is what you want?” He tucked abit of hair behind my head.

“ I’ve never done this before” I replied

“ that’s why I want you to be sure” he didn’t want to push me and I respected that

“ I’m sure, positive , this is what I want”

He only smiled and then leant down catching my lips before trailing down my body.

This is what I wanted, who knows what would happen after this but I know that this is where I wanted to be and who I wanted to be with.

A/N- just so you know I won’t be going to hard with any sexual or smut scenes until both characters turn 18 which in the story isn’t that far away! But when I do put out more smut scenes please note you can feel free to skip past them as the story can still make sense if you skip them. Anyway hope your enjoying

taglist: comment below to be added

@barcelonaloverf1life@harrysdimple05@hc-dutch@formula1mount@itsbwokenln4 @phantomxoxo @dorothea47 @emmaweasley @joannamuns9n @alexisquinnlee-bc @g3org1al33 @ladyoflynx

[noellawrites]

Comfort - Sonny Carisi x sibling!reader

summary: your big brother comes to check on you and decides to stay a while.

author’s note: dedicated to my beloved, @rafaslittleboy <3

warnings: incest (touching and kissing), thunderstorms

—

The house was totally quiet. Not a single sound to be heard, and you were tucked into your bed tightly as you waited for your big brother to arrive home.

Time dragged by and suddenly you found yourself falling into a deep sleep filled with dreams of your big brother, Sonny.

You hear a noise and begin to stir, blinking the sleep from your eyes. You were tucked in tight and the feeling of your warm blankets was so comforting. You try not to move around too much, instead focusing on the noises downstairs.

It has to be Sonny, it just has to be. Your parents were gone for the weekend to celebrate their anniversary and your sisters hardly ever came home.

You threw back the covers, already biting your lip in anticipation. The wooden floors creak beneath your feet as you walk downstairs, right to the comforting arms of your older brother.

“Hey, doll! Hope I didn’t wake ya?” he said, wrapping his long arms around your torso and pulling you into a hug.

“Of course not, Dommy. Did mom ‘n dad send you to check up on me?”

“Nah, I wanted t’make sure you were okay. Thought I could spend the night, if it’s alright w’you? Don’t want ‘ya to be all alone in this big house all night,” he teases, cupping your cheek in his hand. You try to hide the blush rising up your face.

“Of course, you’re more than welcome. It’s been a little scary here the past few nights,” you admit, causing your brother to look at you with a concerned expression.

“Shoulda’ told me, doll. I woulda’ come ova’ right away,” he frowns.

“Sorry,” you say sheepishly, clasping your hands behind your back.

It was already evening and the darkness had begun to set in through the windows of your family’s house. Staten Island was quiet compared to the other boroughs, but sometimes the lack of noise creeped you out.

It didn’t help that a thunderstorm was supposed to be rolling in tonight. You were secretly glad to have the company. You would hate to be alone during a bad storm.

“I grabbed ‘ya favorite from Silvestro’s on my way here,” your brother says, handing you the red printed plastic ‘Thank You’ bag with a smile.

“Oh, Dommy! You shouldn’t have!” you smile, taking the bag from him.

“Nah, I wanted to. It’s been a tough week. Some bad cases, stuff with ‘manda ‘n the kids…” he trails off, looking away. You can tell he wants to change the subject.

“Oh, I also have something you might want after a stressful week,” you say, suddenly remembering the bottle of cheap whiskey you’d bought from the bodega yesterday.

For some reason, you’d thought you might need it if you invited some friends over, but you figured you could take it to some of your friends who live in the dorms if you didn’t end up needing it.

“And what could that be, doll?” he asks, “Maybe a back rub? Some cannoli?”

“Better,” you smirk, reaching your hand deep into a cabinet and pulling out a cheap bottle of Four Freedoms Whiskey.

“Hey— you know the rule, you’re not supposed to drink in ‘ma ‘n dad’s house,” he snaps, grabbing the bottle from you.

“That’s not fair! I’m the legal drinking age, I can drink whenever I want!” you whine, leaning over to try and grab the bottle from your brother.

You’re too late, as he’s already standing up and opening the bottle. Your brother is a lot taller than you, and you can only watch as he takes a large swig of the whiskey.

Furious, you jump up and try to reach his long arm, where his hand grasped the bottle you’d paid for.

“Don’t worry, doll. I’ll pay ‘ya back,” he laughs, taking another drink.

“You better, that was nine dollars,” you grumble.

“Hey, ‘ya know ma’s rule, no drinkin’ at home ‘til ‘ya twenty five,” he warns, putting the bottle on top of a cabinet you couldn’t reach.

“And you all wonder why I spend so much time at the dorms and the clubs. At least they don’t make me feel bad for being a normal twenty-one year old!” you yell.

Nothing pissed you off more than all the rules your siblings had “mostly” followed and you also had to obey as the youngest Carisi.

“That’s enough. Now sit down and eat your sandwich,” Sonny sighs, rubbing his forehead and plopping down in one of the wooden kitchen chairs.

You could tell your brother had been having issues with Amanda for a while. And now, after you had acted like a petulant child, you could see just how exhausted your older brother looked.

“I’m sorry, Dommy. It’s just— some of the rules make it tough for me to, you know, just be an adult.”

“I know, doll. I’m sorry. Things’ve been hard with ‘manda ‘n the girls lately. ‘N I’m just happy to see ‘ya,” he gives you a tired smile and rubs his hand along your arm.

“Just relax while you’re here, Dommy. Don’t worry about anything else. It’s just you and me.”

Between the two of you eating your sandwiches, your brother told you a few stories of him growing up to try and make you feel better. And it did, all the way up until you heard a loud rumble and a clap of thunder striking.

Your eyes widened, looking out the kitchen window as a flash of lightning crossed the sky.

Another clap of thunder rang out and a gasp escaped your mouth. You clamped your hand over your mouth and Sonny dragged his chair closer to you, concerned.

“I-I’m okay,” you squeak, sounding decidedly less-than-okay.

All of a sudden, rain started to patter against the windows, fat droplets like the tears that were threatening to spill. You hated thunderstorms, specifically loud ones. You couldn’t shake the feeling that the world was ending whenever they struck Staten Island.

“You wanna go lay down, doll? I’ll bring ‘ya up some tea.”

All you can do is nod and turn to the staircase, taking a deep breath as you go one step at a time. It usually isn’t this hard for you to go up the stairs, but the weather outside is enough to make your body tremble as you clutch the handrail.

You’re only laying down for a few moments when you hear your older brother enter. He pulls on the bedside lamp and your room fills with a soft light.

“Oh, doll—“ he says upon seeing your shaking figure hiding partially under the covers.

“Dommy, c-can you lay with me?” you ask, voice wavering. Your brother immediately softens, laying the mug on your nightstand and throwing the covers back just enough for him to wiggle his way in.

“I’m here, ‘ya don’t have to be scared. I’ve got ‘ya,” Sonny promises, laying his hand on your shoulder.

Wordlessly, you turn and burrow into his arms, pressing your face against his chest. He wraps his arms around you and kisses the top of your head.

For some reason, the action pains you. You want him to kiss you on the lips and all the way down your tummy. You want to kiss him back, to comfort him in the way Amanda can’t.

“I love you, Dommy,” you whimper. Rain patters harder against the window and his arms tighten.

“I’m gettin’ divorced. Me ‘n ‘manda… we just ain’t workin’ out,” he whispers, so quietly that you almost didn’t hear him.

“I-I’m sorry,” you say, trying to hide the shock in your voice. As much as you despised Amanda for taking your brother’s attention away and treating him so poorly, you had always thought things were going smoothly between them.

You lift your chin, looking at your brother’s face as it’s illuminated by the lightning outside. He looks like the same Dommy he’s always been, but more open somehow. He looks at you almost expectantly, and you’re not entirely sure what to make of it.

All you know is that you desperately want to kiss him. And so you do.

You lean up slightly, meeting his lips. You’re kissing your big brother, twenty years older than you and married, although not for long. And you’re even more shocked that he’s kissing you back, pressing against you enough to make you realize that he wants this just as much as you. Or maybe even more.

His big, warm hand reaches down and presses against your lower tummy. You gasp pleasantly, and as his fingers drift lower, the storm is all but forgotten.

“Dommy— r-right there,” you gasp as his fingers inch between your legs and into your warmth.

“Jus’ like this, doll?” he smirks and you nod, looking up at him with puppy eyes.

“I’m gonna take off ‘ya shirt, okay doll? And I’ll take mine off, too.”

You want nothing more than for him to take your tiny little hole, stretch it out for your big brother. You can feel a heated desire blooming in your center and you’re close to tears, so needy for him.

You nod and he lifts up your shirt, coldness hitting you despite being under the covers. His shirt is the next to go, and you’re left ogling at his toned torso, although with a slightly rounded tummy after all of ma’s cannolis.

“Want ‘ya like this foreva’, doll. You’re mine,” he huffs before pulling you into an open-mouthed kiss. You wouldn’t want to belong to anybody else.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hi. I’m sending this anonymously but if tumblr glitches and it isn’t anonymous please don’t post this because I’m absolutely completely entirely mortified.

I’m 20 FtM. About a year and a half ago, when I moved out and started at college, I discovered fandom, and began to get really into reading fics on AO3. My parents had heavily restricted my internet access growing up, and as new adult I began to discovered the barrage of content online.

Soon enough, I was spending about an hour or two every night reading smut fics. I never thought anything of it, because, well, it’s just words, it’s not *actually* porn, right?

Recently I did start watching some explicit videos but tried to limit myself to only once or twice a month because the shame I felt as well as the strange dissatisfaction just wasn’t worth it.

After doing some research, I found a study that said that watching porn for more than an hour a week was unhealthy. I thought, yeah, okay, fair enough.

Then I realised: does my fanfiction reading count as pornography?

I kept thinking to myself that because it was text it didn’t count, but —does it? Is that the reason that lately I’ve been feeling strangely dissatisfied and empty after reading/watching? Will I feel like this when I eventually have sex?? (still a virgin, mainly for dysphoria reasons)

I found all this stuff online that says porn addictions can screw you over for life, that you can’t find sexual satisfaction with a partner.

Should I cut back?

I don’t normally masturbate while consuming porn. I feel too ashamed. I normally just sit there and read/watch.

Am I a porn addict?????? Should I quit reading smut? Help.

If you can’t tell, I wasn’t raised in a very sex positive environment and I feel very ashamed. I don’t really know who to talk to and I just feel very guilty so I’m resorting to an anonymous ask on Tumblr.

If you read this, thank you for taking the time. I appreciate it.

— Jason

hi Jason,

I don't think you're a porn addict. I think you're probably just an anxious 20 year old from a pretty restrictive background and now that you have a little more freedom you're kind of nervous about it, which is very normal.

I want to be super clear: written porn is porn. porn is any sexually explicit material designed to titillate; it's existed since WAY before the moving picture existed and it will exist long after the internet has crumbled to dust. people like porn! and it's okay to like porn. the text-based stuff is particularly high on the list of porn that's pretty unambiguously fine, morally-speaking, because you never have to worry that the performer you're watching has had their video stolen by pornhub or that, god forbid, anyone onscreen isn't a willing participant, but I want to be super clear that liking sexually explicit photos or videos of real people is also 100% fine.

obviously I have no idea what study you read, but I'd be cautious about any study being boiled down to such black and white, attention-grabbing headlines. you can interpret a study to mean virtually anything if you want to, and there are a lot of interest groups with a vested interest in demonizing porn. if reading smutty fan fic makes you happy and isn't interfering with the rest of your life, you should do that.

unfortunately it sounds like it's not making you happy lately, dissatisfied and empty feelings. in the kindest way possible, I don't think much of that is being caused by the porn itself. it sounds like it's coming from your gnawing worry that you're a porn addict. maybe it's best to take a little step away from porn and smutty fic for a while, if only until you feel able to engage with it without feeling bad.

also, speaking of porn addiction: that's a very dubious condition, and one that's not scientifically or medically recognized. to be certain, people can develop a reliance on porn that disrupts their daily function and can wreak havoc on their lives, but that's true of anything that causes your brain to spit out happy chemicals. anything that become a maladaptive coping mechanism, including and especially things that are fine and even necessary in small doses. sleeping, exercising, and going shopping are all things that can be life-ruining if done to harmful excess, but that doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong if you like to sleep in, go for runs, or browse your favorite online stores every once in a while.

if reading smut isn't causing you to skip out on your more important obligations, fail to take care of yourself, or bringing on bankruptcy, I think you're probably alright. the biggest danger I see here is you beating yourself over the head with your own anxiety about this, which may be a sign that it's a good idea to take a step back for entirely different reasons than you were worried about.

[shira-cosmic-star]

Hi! Are you still taking requests? If yes, might I ask for some headcanons for Jin, Alan, Romeo, Zenji, and Luca with a reader that's basically a menace of a Disney Princess incarnate? They're kind loving people at heart, good with animals and kids, all that good stuff, but they will say some unhinged stuff to people who wrong them. Like bad puns or horrifying facts or some out of pocket comments

Love your writing btw :)

Jin, Romeo, Alan, Zenji, & Luca x Disney unhinge Reader.

(This one was super cute and it honestly remind me of some of the unhinge things I’ve said. So I’ve added some here 😈)

(I’m also glad you like my writing! Means a lot! 💙)

warning: long •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• Jin: The first time he met you. He was intimidating and cold. Reminded you of the Beast, from ‘Beauty and the Beast.’ He would lash out, destroy things, and spoke in an aggressive manner. But as time progressed along side of him. Underneath that cold demeanor. Is a man who has lost his way. Maybe not completely, but it’s like he doesn’t have something to look forward to. That’s where you came in. First afraid of him, but now, after getting to know him more. You seem more that meets the eyes. Here’s how it all happened..

• When you first came around. He would demand you to do this, and do that. You would have to wake up in the morning, help him get dressed and when he wants to take a nap. He would tell you do clean his room.

•At first you didn’t mind too much, but when you told him how you felt. It kinda surprised him. He had no idea that you had a backbone.

•You have told him that you were doing this to help him out. Not because he told you to do so. You expressed that you were worried about his mental health. Considering he doesn’t get out much. Nor does he interact with anyone that much either.

•This may have caused him to get mad at first and you both argued. Not loudly, but enough for him to kick you out of his room.

•Shortly after he had kicked you out. He felt extremely lonely.. he wasn’t sure why though.

•You were now outside with Kaito and Luca. All of you were having a snowball fight. It created a lot of ruckus. Jin walked out on the patio and seen what was going on. He watched you throw a snowball at Kaito and ducked behind a tree. Your eyes full of energy and a smile so sweet and bright.

•For some reason he had wished you looked at him the same. He first pushed that thought away and went to take a nap. But it suck with him. So little by little, he made an attempt to get to know you.

•He would tell you to come over for lunch. Give you money, then tell you to get lunch for two. You mistaken that he had a big appetite. But when you return with the lunches. He tells you to sit down and eat.

•it started off quiet and awkward. Of course Jin didn’t have poor manners like the beast. But he pointed out that you did. You felt embarrassed, he tells you that he’ll teach you the ropes. Poor start, but it gets better.

•Once, he missed the sound of the beach. Tells you to go get the steamboat. You spent the day with him. He tells you a few stories about his life and you told him yours.

•There was a dolphin that peaked its head out of the water. You walked over and pet it. Then a seagull landed on the edge of the boat and you walked over to pet the seagull too.

•on your way back on the beach. Was a sea turtle wrapped in a plastic. You ran over to it and tried to pull the wrap off it. It was suck and you didn’t want to hurt the poor thing. With teary eyes, you turn to Jin and asked for him. Jin was strong enough to pull off without hurting the turtle. Both of you pushed the sea turtle back into the direction of the water and off it went.

•Jin got to see more of your caring and kind nature as he spends more time with you. One time, you both went to a café and a child got lost. You soothe the child and both of you were able to find the parents.

•What he didn’t expect is your mind to be filled with strange things. He was caught off guard when you asked him if a Kraken would punch sharks or whales like octopus would do to fishes for now reasons.

•He laughed

———————————————————

Alan: He reminds you of Po and Gaston from Disney. Gaston that is strong, attractive and confident in his strength. He isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed though. The reason why he also reminds me of Po from Kung Fu Panda is because, he’s kind, loyal and willing to learn. He may not be the prince type, but he is a loyal friend that everyone needs.

•At the start, both started of distant and awkward. He’s a pretty big guy that doesn’t show a lot of emotion. He doesn’t talk much either. But he cares a lot about his group. He keeps people in line. Make sure people follow his rules. Though he isn’t demanding.

•When he was fixing up the cars on his spare time. You would always take a wet towel and wipe of the oil off of his hands and face.

•You would even volunteer to help whatever you could. •Sometimes you would even buy him lunch and bring it over when you know he’s been busy.

•Small things makes him really happy and appreciative. He would often show his appreciation with a small smile and pat on the head with a small thanks

•He would often invite you for barbecue and hiking.

•He enjoys teaching you things he knows as you help him with some things he didn’t understand.

•When in danger you can definitely count on him to save you or keep you protected.

•He’s never good with words, but his actions shows. He seen how caring and kind you are to not only him, but others too. This makes him more protective of you.

•This type of relationship is an awfully slow burner type of relationship. You’ll have to be straightforward. Otherwise, he’s not getting it.

•He doesn’t get any of the jokes you have cracked. “I threw a boomerang a few years ago…Now I live in constant fear.” “Why do you live in constant fear?” “…….Nevermind..” -_-‘

——————————————————-

Romeo: He’s like Hades, the Disney version. He's a stoic and cunning like the god of the Underworld, who is fixated on gaining more power and control. He's a perfectionist when it comes to his schemes or anything he sets his mind on and isn't willing to compromise on his goals, no matter what. And his greed and desire for power definitely drive his every action and decision. He's the epitome of a relentless and ambitious villain. On the real mythology side. He’s fair; he’s not as cruel or malevolent as the Disney version. He actually has a strong sense of justice too(the whole thing that went down between him and Taiga). He’s also impartial and values structure and order.

•When you first got hurt. He saw the cut on your cheek. He tells you to go and get it fixed. He even freaked out a little bit over it. Was he really concerned or what is something else?

•Romeo would often demand you to clean the lobby or his office room. You took great consideration on how things needed to be done. He’s strict to the Tee.

•When Romeo was yelling at his people, you would often tell him to take a deep breathe and set a warm cup of tea to relax him.

•He’s grateful but never told you so.

•he would often made sure you have to best of the best clothes and accessories. If you were going to stand by his side. You need to look your absolute best.

•you would often do the skin care routines with him. You would pick up the things he need and help him apply it. As he relaxes in his bath tube. You would rub the product on his face as you massage his face.

•You would also give him massages when he’s overwhelmed. He also enjoys sitting next to you in his office while saying nothing. Smooth jazz plays in the background as he watches his security cameras. EITS

•He doesn’t mind your input, long as it’s logical. He likes those feedbacks. He also finds it nice that you go out of your way to help him.

•Once you came over late at night to give him his skin care product.

•Since then, he finds himself at ease when you are around.

•He have given you strange looks when you joked

•One time you told one of his goons, “you’re not completely useless, you can alway serve as a bad example.”

•Romeo almost spit out his drink

———————————————————

Zenji: He reminds me of Olaf, he’s sweet, lovable, loves warm hugs(if you know, you know) he’s a bit of a worrywart and often looks after his friends. He’s playful and a bit dramatic.

•Zenji may have come off a bit extreme. Super excited to have met you and all. He speaks in his own ways, which may or may not confuse you. Calls it destiny.

•He shares his stories with you. He also sings to you. •You would always praise him when he tells stories and sings. He makes him feel good and light. Like he’s on cloud 9 with you.

•When you heard what had happened to him. You cried, you may not know the full story. But it pained you that someone so sweet. Died. He sings a song to soothe your nerves.

•you would compliment him on a daily as much as he would to you. Both of you have sweet nicknames/pet names for one another. He calls you Doll or Dear-ie and you would call him Zen or Zenny. •You told him that he reminds him of a teddy bear. Being around him is comforting.

•He would often check up on you and ask you about your day. If anything was wrong. He would lend an ear and advice.

•He would always laugh at your jokes too. “A limbo walks into a bar. He’s disqualified.” “Ahhh! What an amusing sense of humor!”

———————————————————

Luca: Robin Hood, He's known for his friendliness, honesty, and chivalry towards Maid Marian and the people of Sherwood Forest. However, there are times when his stubbornness and determination to always do what he thinks is right sometimes cause him to lose perspective and get into trouble. For example, there are moments in the movie where he goes against the advice of others and ends up causing more problems for himself and the people around him. Despite his best intentions, his actions sometimes have unintended negative consequences.

•Luca acts knightly towards you, he goes out his way to help you with anything.

• He’ll protect you, save you from harm and assist you.

•He would often save a seat next to him for you. Hold the door, and give you a snack if you were hungry

•When he got angry at Leo and Sho for talking bad about Kaito. That’s when you see a different side of him. His perspective of things began to cloud and he ended up meeting Sho in the pit.

•You were worried about him and what could happen. After the whole thing went down. You checked to see if he was hurt. Luckily he wasn’t, but after Jin scolded him. He realized that he had put you in danger.

•He had apologized to you and made a promise to not do that again. He held your hand and placed both yours and his on his chest. Right above his heart. Looked straight into your eyes as he said it.

•When in deep thoughts you would often check up on him and ask him how was he. He appreciated that.

•One time you both were walking around outside of Frostheim and a blue jay landed on his shoulder. He wasn’t sure what to do, but you reacted out and pet the bird. The blue Jay moved to stand on your finger and you have continued to pet it. Luca smiled as he watched

•Often when walking through the campus. The cats would stop to greet you for a small pet on the head. The cats have adore you. So did Luca, more and more.

•When on a case, a child had gotten hurt by playing too rough in the park. The child cried as he looked at his knee. You have bent down, grabbed your water bottle and poured water on the knee to clean it. Then you took a small cloth in your packet that was clean and wrapped it up. “You know what might make the pain on away?” You asked the child. “Mah” you kissed the knee. “There! All better, soon the boo boo will go away.” The child smiled and thanked you.

•Luca was in awed, his chest beat rapidly as he watched the whole seen. Usually he was the one aiding a child. Mainly because he had a brother.

•When walking back to the academy. You have asked a question. “Luca, wanna know something?” “What’s that?” “Ever eat a whole pint of ice cream?” “No I haven’t.” “Me neither, it was no accident.”

•He just simply smiled and shook his head.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• This took me so long to write. I’m exhausted for the day. I did enjoy this though. I hope you guys did too! If you like, leave a comment, like, or reblog it! You can tell me what’s your thoughts on it too. I love any feedback.

(Unedited)

(Took me 4 hours to write this entire thing, I’ll edit it later XD)

[tayjerma]

i don't have much of a good request but maybe some josh x fem!reader angst and fluffy ending? it could be set around Thanksgiving or christmas, whichever you prefer (I would do Christmas but its entirely up to you🤍).

i can’t dare to dream about you anymore

a/n: i chose christmas cause i’m native and don’t give a shit abt thanksgiving, although there isn’t much of a holiday-ish theme lol. undercase is on purpose and i’m gonna leave the ending up for interpretation because i’m not that good at writing fluff! based on gold rush by taylor swift, and did a gender neutral reader for my sanity. my first x reader fic so bear with me if it's not what u hoped. also sorry for how late this is lol i love writing but i am too much of a perfectionist warnings?: from a 3rd person pov. not proofread. christmas. reader is in college. timeline is vague and messy because i am too x. not gut wrenchingly angsty but not particularly happy either. open ending. implied f!reader, but remains gn i believe.

you had met josh last school year in college. this school year, he was nowhere to be found. so instead of staying in l.a. and sulking about him – for some unbeknownst reason, you and josh weren’t particularly close – you decided to take a train ride to your parents’ house for the holidays, because you had missed them badly. besides, what’s there to do in l.a. for christmas anyways? okay, lots of stuff, but none of it really grabbed your attention. josh did, but he isn’t here, so even if you wanted to ask him if he wanted to spend the holidays with you, you couldn’t.

did you want to? i mean seriously, you don’t even know josh like that. sure, he’s pretty in an obvious kind of way, but you have no idea how he acts with his friends. there was that one time he brought that chris guy to a lecture and the two of them got kicked out, but that didn’t really say anything about him other than he’s an idiot. so obviously, you don’t know him well enough to think of him this way, whatever ‘this way’ is.

… however, you can’t help but. josh was always nice to you in class. he seemed quite interested in whatever thing you had to say that week. maybe down the line somewhere, you could be a good friend of his. someone to lean on. but he hasn’t been in class the past couple of days, and shows no sign of coming back. it’s weird, josh always seemed to enjoy himself in class. but, who knows, honestly? maybe he left town early for the holidays. hadn’t he lost his sisters a year or two back? that must be hard. really hard. 

you can’t help but wonder what kind of holiday he’s having. is he having a fun day? maybe not, the holidays without someone as close as a sister can’t be that good. maybe he has a partner keeping him happy? maybe he was too busy with school for a partner.

what are you doing? c’mon, you don’t know him like that. maybe part of you wishes you did though. maybe that’s why you’re on the train, thinking about his stupid face, instead of your family. but… he was always nice to you in class. so surely, he didn’t hate you. and you had done a project together a week ago. and he was always so intrigued in your thoughts and opinions on the matter. but, who knows? maybe that’s just how he is with everyone. he is a nice person, after all.

right. we’ve established that. josh is a nice person, and you can’t stop repeating that to yourself. and it makes no sense. would you even be happy with a guy like josh? he’s a contrarian, almost always for the hell of it. maybe after a while you’d get annoyed with it. or maybe you’d like the challenge. it’s fun to prove someone wrong. most of the time, at least. 

but he’s also sweet, always knows how far is too far. he knows not to push things when they’re grating on the floor. but maybe you wouldn’t even call him out on whatever point that’s cryptic he’s making. maybe you’d stare into space and forget about it 5 seconds later. or roll your eyes in faux amusement.

okay, what are you doing? josh is an actual guy that you know. would he even be okay with this intense thinking about him that you’re doing? probably not, right? you can’t know that unless you ask him, of course. but maybe that’s for the better. just let the allusionment of him stick in the back of your mind. it’s not doing anything bad, anyways. plus, you’ve got your family to get home to.

the train is pulling to a stop, anyways. you need to get off and have some much needed warm tea. it’s been a long day of doing practically nothing. so, you shuffled off the train, and a nice man who had been sitting across from you helped you get your bag out of the top compartment. it’s sort of precious to be back in your hometown, and for a second you just stand on the sidewalk, before you start dragging your bags along.

“do you need any help with those?” that familiar raspy voice calls out to you. and you know he’s talking to you, because this is an empty street in the middle of a friday. 

“josh?” you smile when you turn around to see his stupid face standing behind you.

hope u enjoy <3 reblogs appreciated

[everwalldigan]

Anon is just misconstruing people taking the fact that dick wasn’t around a lot during Jason’s run as robin and extrapolating that jason had a reason to be bitter about it as maligning dick. NeverMind the way dick fans love to give him angst with the “my mom gave me robin” thing even though that’s like a thing that got added one time, and dick gave Jason robin in a box their first interaction post-crisis. And that that box was deliberately drawn exactly like and intended to evoke when dick gave Jason robin in a box pre-crisis, when Jason was about to debut his own costume and persona and dick went out of his way to ask Jason to be robin. Like okay either dick didn’t have any resentment that could be picked up on, voiced or not, about his mom giving him robin and Jason stealing it, or you’re making your fave a boring 20something who beatifically suffered in perfect silence while a teen trampled on the memory of their dead mom. Which is it.

Like there are out of universe reasons dick wasn’t around when Jason was robin, Jason only existed as robin so that dick could spend all his time with the Teen Titans and Batman could still have a robin, so Nw didn’t cross over into Batman and Robin much, he did it quite a few times after Jason died before Tim came, and Jason’s post crisis robin run was pretty short so there wasn’t time because a lot of the time happened in time skips, but it doesn’t change the fact that dick mentored Tim and wasn’t there for Jason, and that Jason was kept by Batmans side so usually in Gotham, occasionally with Batman when he was doing justice league stuff, joining the Teen Titans once to help when dick was in trouble, doesn’t compare to Tim’s heavy involvement with YJ and TT. Dick fans are just soooo sensitive they can’t handle someone looking at those canon dynamics and considering their possible emotional impact, justified or not, and they especially can’t handle a what-if that explores how it would be if dick were mean. Like if there people hate fandom and alternate characterizations so much they should just log off or stay out of the tag, and never read else-worlds either 🙄🙄🙄

Tbh (as a dick fan myself, I came into the fandom and imprinted on him like a baby duck) I think dick had all the reason to be a bitch to Bruce and by extension cold/standoffish to Jason. Is it a shitty thing to do that to a kid who just wanted to have a home? Yes it is but 1. I don’t think dick was really intending to hurt Jason, I think he was so hurt and angry by Bruce’s actions that he didn’t really think about the position Jason was in. And 2. I think he’s allowed to be flawed and that doesn’t take away from his character at all

This is exactly why I feel intimidated when trying to delve into the comics cause it’s like, whatever iteration you pick you’re never right and there’s always someone who’s gonna say “well I think that iteration is bad, the one I like is more true to the character” if that makes sense. Like I like the concept of Robin being smth dick created with the memories of his parents to help people while making his family’s colours a symbol of hope. And with that concept comes the hurt of being essentially fired from the position you created and then finding out your mentor had just handed over that symbol to someone he basically just met. Like I think dick obviously does have regrets with the way he treated Jason and I think that guilt would manifest into him investing more into a relationship with Tim and not letting history repeat itself.

But then again, I’m still quite new to the fandom which is why I mostly keep out of discussions and stay with silly parodies/scenarios so if I misconstrued any of the characters in a major way… my bad

[pandenewie]

14 - Real Men Clean Bathrooms

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AN: I’m back !! I will be back to my regular posting schedule from now on :))

WARNING: She's a little suggestive...

Jungwon has been called Wonnie most of his life… by his older sister, his parents, and his older friends when they’re trying to tease him… even the lady next door whenever he walks her dog or takes out her trash. Despite hearing the nickname from so many people, nothing will come close to the gentle flutter his heart feels whenever it slips past Y/n’s lips.

“Wonnie!” Y/n calls for what seems like the tenth time, poking his dimple to get his attention. A small habit they’ve started recently. Jungwon finally snaps out of his thoughts, remembering that Y/n is, in fact, standing right in front of him. “Oh, sorry uh… what were you saying again?” Jungwon asks sheepishly. He really didn’t mean to space out, it’s just that spending more than a minute in Y/n’s presence causes him to lose his train of thought.

“Mr Kim told me to talk to you. I’ve got detention again and he said I need to use that time to help out around the school or something.” Y/n shrugs. Jungwon can’t help the downturn of his mouth at the mention of yet another detention. They’ve been getting those a lot lately. “Um… I’ll have to check what the council is currently working on. It’s probably just cleaning desks and picking up litter though.” Jungwon says, grabbing his laptop out of his bag to check the minutes from the last council meeting.

Y/n leans over curiously, watching as he taps away on the laptop. “Is there anything you wanna do in particular?” He asks, scrolling through the list of volunteer work for the council. Y/n pretends to think for a moment, tapping a finger against their chin for added effect. “I’ll do whatever you’re doing.” 

If Jungwon wasn't already blushing, he certainly is now. "Um… I'm just cleaning out the out-of-order bathrooms… making sure they're ready to be renovated. It's pretty boring." Jungwon mumbles. It does sound boring… but Y/n's eyes light up nonetheless.

"You mean our spot?" They ask excitedly, causing Jungwon's eyebrows to furrow. "Our spot?" He asks. Since when did they have a spot? That feels like something he would definitely remember. "It’s where we skipped class together, don't tell me you forgot already?" Y/n pouts. Of course, he didn't forget! He could probably remember every interaction he's ever had with Y/n. He just assumed that Y/n didn't… or at the least, never thought about it.

"I mean… you can clean with me if you want. It's a pretty big job though. Hence why the other council members are doing easier stuff."

That made Y/n angrier than expected. Of course, Jungwon would get stuck doing the most difficult task by himself, while the rest of the council runs around picking up rubbish. God, if Y/n could name another member, they would definitely be going in their death note.

"I'll stick with you." Y/n says, surprising even themself with how genuine the words sound. Jungwon seems surprised too, his eyes widening slightly as the tip of his ears turn a pinkish red. He mumbles a quiet thanks before quickly typing Y/n's name next to his on the task sheet.

"Was this place always such a dump?" Y/n asks, looking around the small room in disgust. There's graffiti all over the walls and mirrors and the floors are covered in rubbish and drywall. Even one of the toilet stalls has had the door ripped off its hinges.

"Believe it or not, this is the better of the two." Jungwon sighs. "I'm pretty sure the girl’s bathroom has rats." He adds, causing Y/n's face to screw up at the thought.

The bathrooms certainly didn't look like this when the two were last in here. That was only a few weeks ago.

"How did it even get this bad?" Y/n asks, pulling a pen out of their pocket and walking towards the discarded stall door. Jungwon watches curiously as they crouch down, scribbling something on the piece of metal.

"Because people do things like that." Jungwon sighs, trying to ignore the fluttering feeling developing in his stomach at the "Jungwon and Y/n were here" outlined in a heart.

Jungwon actually starts to get to work as Y/n continues to look around. After a few minutes, they let out a small gasp - gaining Jungwon's attention once more. 

"Omg, I forgot about this!" Y/n exclaims, pulling Jungwon towards the scribbles on the wall. He looks at Y/n confused so they elaborate. "It's a list of everyone who hooked up here." This doesn't help. "In the bathroom?" Jungwon asks, his nose scrunching in disgust. "You'd be surprised. It's a pretty common make out spot." Y/n smirks, making sure to send Jungwon a playful wink in the process.

"Have you made out with someone here?" Jungwon asks, the question coming out a little louder and more urgent than he expected. Y/n can't help the smirk that spreads across their face. They place their hand under their chin, tapping repeatedly as they pretend to think. "Once or twice? I don't know… check the list." Y/n teases.

Jungwon doesn't want to look at the list - scared of what names he'll see engraved next to Y/n's. Scared of what feelings will come over him once he puts a face to the people who have been with Y/n. People he can only dream of being. But his restraint is limited and before he knows it, he finds his eyes quickly scanning the scratchy list of names.

It's not that bad. At least that's what Jungwon tries to tell himself. There's a handful of names written alongside Y/n's - mainly those who have already graduated, with a few from their current year level. It's not that bad. But Jungwon can't stop the bubbling feeling of jealousy that begins to form in the pit of his stomach.

"Find your answer?" Y/n asks in a teasing manner, despite their attention now being placed on picking up rubbish. Jungwon hums quietly, his eyes scanning the list once more before he gets back to work. "You're on there a lot." He mumbles, earning a scoff from Y/n. "You're slut-shaming me?" Jungwon stiffens for a moment but relaxes once more when he sees that Y/n is joking. "More like judging your hook up spot."

This comment causes Y/n to gasp in feigned offence. "Excuse me? How dare you judge the fine art of bathroom make outs?" Jungwon laughs slightly at this. "I'd hardly call kissing in the corner of a trash-filled bathroom a fine art." He gestures around the room to prove his point. 

"That is exactly how I know you've never kissed in here." Y/n jokes, causing Jungwon to sheepishly rub the back of his neck. "Why do you say that?" He asks, laughing awkwardly. "Well, first of all, your name’s not on the list." Y/n points out. Jungwon goes to mumble something about it being the destruction of property but is quickly interrupted. “Secondly, you've been blushing this entire conversation.” Y/n continues, taking the chance to quickly poke Jungwon's dimple. "And thirdly, you don't just kiss in the corner. That's where the spiders are. The basin is much more comfortable."

Jungwon struggles to hide his shock as he chokes on his saliva. He doesn’t know what he was expecting, but it certainly wasn’t the basin. “Need a demonstration?” Y/n asks, smirking. Before Jungwon can even comprehend a response (at least one that wouldn’t result in him embarrassing himself) Y/n is already pushing the remaining trash and drywall off the basin and onto the floor. Jungwon watches in half shock, half amusement as Y/n lifts themself up onto the now clear basin.

“So whoever you’re making out with would sit here. You’ve just gotta be careful of the tap because let me tell you, hitting your tailbone on that hurts like a bitch.” Jungwon’s not sure when this turned into a walk-through but he watches carefully anyway as Y/n playfully smiles at him.

Jungwon loves their smile - even though most times he’s seen it has been when they’re teasing him. He still loves the way it sits proudly on their face, the way their eyes shimmer and crinkle the wider the grin spreads. He also loves the smile that they show when they don’t think he’s looking. The genuine one, given only to those close enough to deserve it. Jungwon hopes to one day be one of those people.

Amidst his trance, Y/n decides to begin the next part of their tutorial. They quickly reach out to grab Jungwon by the collar of his shirt, pulling him in so that he’s standing between their legs. Being caught off guard, Jungwon presses his hands tightly against the basin on either side of Y/n, catching himself in order to not fall completely on top of them.

“This is where you would stand.” Y/n says innocently as if the position they are now in isn’t entirely suggestive. Jungwon is stunned. Being this close to Y/n brings back all the memories from the library - the way their warm skin felt beneath his cautious touch. Jungwon needs to stop this, for his own sanity.

“We should keep cleaning.” Jungwon mumbles, avoiding eye contact in fear that Y/n’s eyes could convince him to stay. Convince him to do things he most definitely shouldn’t be doing. “I’m just helping, Wonnie. It’s educational.” Y/n pouts, bringing their hands to rest gently on top of Jungwon's. The sudden touch causes his eyes to shoot up to meet Y/n’s.

His first mistake.

Now that they know Jungwon’s attention is fully on them, Y/n continues with their “lesson”. “There’s a lot of different places you could put your hands, depending on what you’re feeling. Most common would be my hips.” Y/n states, bringing Jungwon’s hands to follow their words. “You could also press a hand against the mirror behind me if you need the support.” The add. Jungwon stays silent, the only sound being that of his breathing - which is growing heavier by the minute.

“Any questions so far?” Y/n asks, holding Jungwon’s hands firmly against their hips. Jungwon doesn’t know what to say - doesn’t want to speak in fear of ruining the mood. But in classic Jungwon fashion, he can feel himself responding to Y/n’s question before he can even think. “What if you fall in the sink?”

His second mistake.

Y/n stifles a laugh, which causes Jungwon to blush slightly with embarrassment. “I’d hope you would catch me.” Y/n whispers, bringing one of their hands up to gently push at Jungwon’s chest. “But I would also hold onto you, that way if I do slip, you’ll be able to hold me up…” Y/n trails off, wrapping their arms securely around Jungwon’s neck. They make sure to gently play with some of the hair there, earning a slight but definitely noticeable shudder from Jungwon. “And all that would be left to do is kiss.” Y/n mumbles, blatantly staring at Jungwon’s lips. 

The two are silent for a second as the reality of the situation begins to set in. Y/n glances back up at Jungwon’s eyes, smiling cheekily at him. Jungwon’s eyes ever so slightly flicker down to Y/n’s lips. A move so quick, that if Y/n weren’t looking directly into his eyes, they most likely would have missed it. But with the close proximity of their faces and Y/n’s apparent love for eye contact, the tiny glimpse does not go unnoticed.

His third mistake. 

Jungwon continues to make a few more decisions that could be considered mistakes. Such as the mistake of leaning in as Y/n brings their lips closer to his. The mistake of tightening his grip on Y/n’s hips as they pull him closer to their body, adjusting the angle so their lips lock together just right. The mistake of opening his mouth when Y/n’s tongue gently brushes against his bottom lip. And many, many more.

Kissing Y/n is something Jungwon thought he could only ever dream of doing. But as Y/n’s hand tugs gently on his hair - bringing him even closer into their hold and pulling him into yet another kiss, it finally starts to sink in exactly what he’s doing.

Jungwon should be overjoyed. But an over-looming feeling of confusion starts to wash over him, the longer his lips stay intertwined with Y/n’s. In his experiences, people kiss him because they see him as more than a friend. With Y/n, he can’t even tell if they see him as a friend. In a few weeks, they’d gone from absolutely hating his guts, to kissing him in an abandoned bathroom. The sudden switch up makes Jungwon feel like he’s got whiplash.

A sudden commotion of people in the halls causes Jungwon to quickly pull away from Y/n’s lips. The teachers are talking about him - likely wandering the halls in an attempt to track him down and ask for some help. He mentally battles with himself on what to do. Getting caught making out in the bathrooms by teachers is embarrassing for any student, let alone Jungwon. It’d do wonders to his reputation - not in a good way. But on the other hand, he will likely never get the chance to be this close to Y/n again.

Y/n can practically see the dilemma on his face and reaches forward to gently peck his lips. “Go do your job, Prez.” They whisper, reaching up to poke his cheek once more. Jungwon gulps, mumbling a quick apology before stepping away from Y/n completely.

That’s how Y/n finds themself sitting alone in the abandoned bathrooms - the feeling of Jungwon still fresh on their lips despite him being gone for almost 10 minutes now. Jungwon’s not the only one feeling confused, as they sit there wondering what the hell just happened. Kissing him was certainly not part of the original plan. But they suppose if it’ll help with convincing Jungwon to change the dress code… there’s nothing wrong with getting something extra along the way.

TAG LIST (closed): @kang-yeosangs-initials @kpopstanmeg @b1ndignity @soobiverse @dudufodd @mikadorbs @pagesofmiracles @tya0 @ilovewonyo @bringer-ofchaos @huening-ly @ifearjwn @callmeblondie @run2min @straykids-riley (can't tag) @rikimylove @chaechae-23 @lacimolela @n1ght-maring (can't tag) @luvvsjungwonn @yenqa @tzuyusluv @viyqe @vocaloshin @deadgirlwalking3 @flamiricky @hanniesss @grayscorner @wonqr @neozon3nha @beomgyusonlywife @ahnneyong

[maethegay]

Make up

A/n: I am no good at skincare, make up or fashion but I tried gang please forgive also this is way longer than I thought it was gonna be oops.

I grew up with two parents in the army and my two older brothers. We moved around a lot I never really made friends moving every few months or even years made it hard.

I was also incredibly socially awkward so that didn’t help when it came to making friends. I had my brothers and basketball to me that was enough.

I was six when my dad got me my first basketball. He taught me a few things and I became obsessed. Every day after school I’d go to the court near my house and spend hours dribbling and shooting. Some times my brothers came but they had their own things.

Caleb my oldest brother made friends super easy he always managed to have a group of people around him. And Adam my younger brother liked soccer. He tried to teach me to play but it was not for me.

Anyway due to the fact I struggled to make friends and the only people I talked to where my parents and brothers I never learned how to do anything with make up or fashion.

Not that I didn’t try. Whenever I did I ended up looking like a little boy. I did prefer a more masculine dress but I could never find an outfit that fit me. I am ashamed to admit but I do have more than one Nike tech outfit in my closet.

When Geno recruited me from UConn it was like a dream. I first got to the team and I was so awkward but Nika helped. She sat down right next to me and started talking.

She was my first friend and she helped me make friends on the team. And in class and on campus.

Now I was in my last year of college. Me and Nika had been dating for over two years and I had more friends than I thought possible.

My head rested on her chest, her hand gently tangling through my hair. My hand rested on her stomach drawing shapes against her soft skin.

Everything was perfect except one thing. I never really felt pretty. I wanted to do make up and dress how I would think looks good. But whenever I try I just get turned around and confused.

Nika was good at fashion and makeup she always looked good. I had thought about asking her so many times to help me. But it was something I never really knew how to bring up.

Another part of me never bringing it up was pressure from past relationships. When I had tried to do this stuff with past relationships and I had been told no cause ‘Mascs shouldn’t care about that stuff’.

Obviously now being with Nika I know those relationships were toxic but I still couldn’t get rid of the thoughts.But Nika was different I knew she wouldn’t get upset.

“Ni?” I murmur pulling away slightly to look at her. She smiled softly and brushed my hair from my face. “Can you help me with like fashion and stuff. I know I don’t really act like I care but I wanna feel pretty sometimes to ya know.”

Nika gave me a giddy smile cupping my face in her hand. She had asked to do my makeup and skincare before but as you know internalized hate from my exs made me to scared.

“Of course. Tomorrow 8am I’m taking you on a shopping spree and for tonight baby we’re doing skincare.”

I smiled and took her hand dragging her to the bathroom. I jumped up onto the counter and looked at her as she grabbed a bunch of stuff and put it on the counter.

“Frog head band or shark,” she said showing me two fluffy head bands.

“Shark obviously.” I say snatching the head band from her left hand. She smiled and put on the other.

“Now this is definitely not something to do every night. But it is fun once every now and then.” I nod an watch her grab the first bottle turn out this first bottle was like one of a million things we would be doing.

After like 7 other steps she put a face mask on me. I made the horrible mistake of licking my lips.

“Ew Nika this tastes horrible.” I say as I spit in the sink which did not make the horrible soapy taste leave my mouth. Nika laughed and kissed my lips.

“You’re not supposed to get in your mouth.” She laughed and she pulled off the mask. She used a washcloth and rubbed of the extra residue.

There were a few more steps and I was practically falling asleep by the time Nika was done. I smiled leaning my head against her shoulder. I still sat on the counter, Nikas hand scratched my back and she kissed my head.

“Come on baby. Big day tomorrow.” She said, her hands slid under my thighs and lifted me off the counter. I wrapped my arms around her neck.

Nika always made me feel safe and comfortable. She helped me break down my shell and let me feel like I could be well a girl.

She carried me over to the bed and laid me down pressing a kiss to my forehead.

“I love you Nika,” I mumble as I close my eyes pulling our blanket up to cover my face.

“I love you too. I’m glad you feel safe with me.” She said laying behind me. Her hand grabbed my hip and pulled me into her my back colliding with her front.

“Mhm,” I mumble as Nika’s hands dipped under my shirt to trace more shapes on my torso. It’s something she had always done and something I had always loved.

I woke up before Nika she slept comfortably I smiled and pulled her close to me. I held her close to me. My hand gently scratching her back.

I leaned back and looked at the clock it was only 6:30 and I decided I’d let her sleep in awhile longer. I was comfortable and the feeling of the brunette’s body against mine was perfect.

I still struggled to believe she was mine. The Croatian who laid in front of me was simply unfathomable to my mind.

She was actual perfection. She was beautiful, her silky brown hair and big brown doe eyes. She was hilarious without even trying. She so was determined I’ve never seen someone work so hard.

I heard a whine come softly from her mouth, that was how I knew she was walking up. I kissed her head and looked down her big eyes looking at me.

Nika was not a morning person she whines and shut her eyes slamming her head into my chest. I laughed tangling my hand in her hair holding her head against my chest.

“We gotta go shopping baby. Pretty me up and shit,” I whisper, tucking some of her hair behind her ear. She looked up and me glaring slightly.

“You’re already pretty. You just dress like a 10 year old boy.” She said her voice strong with her accent. I smiled and laughed with her. “I’m going to call my parents and then love we’re going shopping.”

“Ok baby,” I say leaning back in the pillows as Nika got up and walked to the bathroom. She always got ready while she talked to her parents.

I laid in bed staring at the ceiling, eventually I fell back asleep. I didn’t even know until I heard Nika laughing her ass off. I peeled my eyes opened and glared at her.

“What is so funny,” I said my voice cracking since I had just woke up again. She laughed and turned her phone to me.

It was a picture of me. Not only was I knocked out asleep, but my mouth was wide open and had hair all over the place.

“Nika Muhl you better delete that,” I say reaching for her phone she turned away pulling it to her chest.

“But you’re so cute,” she said sticking out her bottom lip in a pout. She leans down and kisses my lips.

“You better not show no one that,” I mutter as I stumble to the bathroom. I promptly get ready, brushing my hair and teeth and pulling on some baggy jeans and a white tee. “I’m ready to go shopping,” I say jumping out of the bathroom and looking at Nika who laid on our now made bed.

She looked up from her phone and smiled at me. I walked over and leaned slightly forward again for bed frame.

“I’m so excited. And I ordered Starbucks for while we shop so we need to pick it up.” She tells me grabbing her purse from the night stand. I push myself up and take her hand in mine

We had decided to take Nika’s car since it was better on gas and much smaller than my truck so leaving after shopping at that mall which would be almost certainly packed since it was Saturday would be easier.

I insisted on driving even though she had volunteered. Nika wants to drive most of the time and I’m not complaining but I felt useless if I didn’t. She was planning the whole day to help me the least I could do was drive.

We made a quick stop at the Starbucks just off campus and I ran inside to grab me and Nika’s drinks. She got a matcha of some sort and she had order my favorite drink for me.

The drive to the mall we had decided to go to, well Nika decided we go to was about an hour away from campus. Hence us waking up early to go. We left around 9 so we’d get there just as the shops open.

I’m not one for crowds so going when it’s first opening when there are less people is for the better.

The whole drive Nika’s hand rested on my thigh. We talked now and again about school, and she told me how her family was doing back in Croatian. We spoke about my oldest brothers wedding which was coming up in about 2 months and how we still needed to get Nika a dress.

We reached the mall, the parking lot was slowly filling up but not full enough to where we couldn’t find a spot.

“Where to first?” I ask, usually I only went to a store or two. Most of what I wore was the same plain shirt is 2 dozen colors, sweat pants and jeans.

“Well I made a pin board while we drove. It’s just some things I think look good and we could see what you like or don’t like.” She leaned over showing me her phone which somehow had 100 pins.

I nodded and told her which things I liked and didn’t like. I didn’t care for the shoulderless shirts, or the random flannels or extra unbuttoned shirts that were different color.

Nika didn’t seem offended when I said things she just nodded, removed the pin and moved on asking if I liked the next outfit.

I found I liked the baggier pants, and jorts especially with baggy shirts. Which I also helped me find I liked graphic tees and when they had long sleeves under.

Nika told me I liked streetwise aesthetic which i didn’t really get but I nodded along anyway.

Nika lead me into like 7 different stores where I managed to try on 20 different things every time. I didn’t like everything some shirts were to boxy and some of the pants drooped to low for my liking.

There were some things I loved though and after the first few stores of the day my arms were full of bags.

I was happy but damn was I tired. I flopped down on a bench and rested my head on Nika’s stomach as she stood in front of me. She laughed and ran her hand up and down my back.

“How are you feeling,” she asked as I looked up at her.

“Girl I am so tired,” I groan “How do people do this for fun?” I ask leaning my head back. A laugh fell from Nika’s lips.

I loved when she laughed. Sometimes I just talked about dumb stuff because I knew Nika would laugh. It was so perfect every time. I think it was one of the first things I fell in love with about her.

“Admit it you were having funny when you were trying things on.” She said as she set a few of my bags down on the ground next to us. I smiled and looked back at her.

“Yeah I guess it was kinda fun playing dress up.” I smile and kiss her temple. “Where to next?” I ask picking up the bags.

“Let’s go drop these off at the car. And the take a quick trip to Sephora and maybe Ulta.” she said, I nodded and followed behind her to the car. We loaded everything in the trunk and a few bags in the back seat.

Nika took my hand and lead me into the store. This was what I was most nervous about. At least I kinda understood clothes makeup did not make sense. Sure I have watched Nika do her make up hundreds of times but none of it made sense.

“I don’t think we’re gonna get foundation I know you don’t like having to much on your face.” She said as she pulled me towards the concealer.

“You’re right. I would feel like I’m wearing face paint all the time.” I agree as I follow behind her. Her eyes looked between the seemingly dozens of different concealers.

She would look at me and the back and the concealer. She would grab one then look at me again and grab another one. She had about six different shades after a few minutes. If you asked me it was excessive but than again I’m not a makeup person.

“Give me your wrist.” Nika said with an outstretched hand. I reached out my arm so she could test the concealer. She did a swatch and then would tell me about how it was too orange or too light.

To be honest I zoned out and just thought about how cute her voice was and how concentrated she looked as she compared the different colors to my skin. God she’s cute.

“I think this one will be good. Don’t you love?” She said pointing to the fifth swatch on my arm. I looked down and sure enough it blended into my skin quite well.

“Oh that’s nice.” My eyes trailed the rest of my arm “I kinda look like a zebra.” I say twisting my arm in the light, she laughs softly and puts the concealers away minus the one I was getting of course.

“Let’s get some blush, mascara, eyelash curler, eye brow gel and a brush. And ooo primer. We can just get you the kind I like. And then you already have a collection of summer Fridays so we’re good there.”

90% of what Nika has just said didn’t make sense to me. Summer Fridays did though. For some reason I tried Nika’s one time and fell in love with it. I had every flavor minus the mint one. I don’t like mint.

We bought the rest of the stuff and holy shit was make up expensive. Nika also explained to me I can’t just get make up wipes I should use micellar water so make up doesn’t get in my pores.

We drove home. Nika drove this time while I slept in the passenger seat for some reason I could play an entire basketball game running up and down the court but shopping wore me out like a bitch.

Eventually we got home and I ended up sitting on the counter again Nika standing between my legs.

“Can’t we do this tomorrow?” I groan laying my head on her shoulder. It was 4pm there was really no point of putting on makeup. She smiled and wrapped her arms around me.

“I suppose so… but make up is so fun. Trust me baby.” I nod and think it over for a moment.

“Alright. Pretty me up pretty girl.” I say leaning back and resting on my hands.

“Ok this is primer. It makes it easy for makeup to be applied basically.” She says, as she puts a few drops on my face. She gently rubs it into my face.

“It feels sticky,” I murmur.

“Then concealer. You put this over discoloration eye bags really anything you want to cover up. Here.” She hands it to me and i but small swatch’s under my eyes and a a few other places.

Nika takes one of the brushes we bought and blended in into my skin, blush filler next, then she did my eyes brows an eye lashes.

Fun fact you’re not supposed to close your eyes when you curl your eye lashes. The more you know know I guess.

I hoped off the counter and looked in the mirror. I smiled, I felt pretty. Nikas stood behind me arms wrapped around my waist her head resting on my shoulder.

“You look beautiful my love. Not because of the make up, there’s just this energy radiating off of you.” She says as she kisses my cheek.

“Thank you Nika. For everything.”

[headfullof-ideas]

All right, i decided on a whim to share a rough reference i use in my head of what teenage Ant looks like. Depending on what story or AU I’m writing a teenage Ant for, his appearance changes, but for this one we’ll say it’s my ‘canon’ version of him. Rather, the teenage Ant I have in my head following my internal interpretation of the canon timeline as it takes forever for new seasons to come out, but that I make sure to update as we get new seasons. Also involving a lot of my headcanons for him, most of which explain certain things about either his appearance or mental health, cause our boy is TRAUMATIZED.

Ant is about sixteen to seventeen here, the typical age for teenage main heroes. Except he has already been through being the main hero and is a little sick of it. Or maybe a lot sick of it. A few years prior to where he is in the drawing, the prophecy ends. After defeating the Monumentials and saving the earth from what would have been a devastating rampage, Ant tried to pretend that everything was okay and normal for a while. You know, blocking all of his trauma and acting like nothing’s wrong as is the norm from teenage protagonists. After a while though, Ant realizes that his lifestyle was never really normal to begin with. Ant has a bit of a metal breakdown, not on par with the one Alpheus had or anything, but he has a meltdown when trying to go back to his normal life fails and he realizes he wants a break from everything. From all the families missions and all the adrenaline they experience on a weekly basis and all the danger he hasn’t realized he’s experienced for a majority of his childhood. Fontaine feels guilty for being so proud of her little brother wanting to do normal, not-submarine things, and so Ant starts his own little journey of doing things beyond the titanium hull of the Aronnax.

Now that I’ve gotten the mini bio, or whatever that was, done, time for the headcanons!

- Ant joined his sister in begging their parents to let them try land school, and ultimately Kaiko and Will caved, due to everything the family had just been through. Fontaine went straight to high school while Ant did a year of middle school due to age before moving to high school, with both kids using Kaiko’s maiden name at Ants request. This was because while Ant didn’t hate being a Nekton and was proud of his name, he didn’t want to attract any sort of attention at all. Fontaine wasn’t immediately thrilled by it, but didn’t complain either.

- Ant ended up growing his hair out a bit, and started wearing a beanie as well. He’d alternate how he wore his hair, sometimes keeping it back but usually having it in a sort of half-up half-down style. Mostly because he didn’t want to try to hard with his appearance, and wanted to try something a little different to what he used to wear all the time. (I usually draw adult Ant with longer hair too)

- Ant got his ears pierced when he was fifteen, deciding on a whim that he wanted to. Fontaine was the one who ultimately took him, leaping at the opportunity. He still wears his communicator all the time, but Fontaine convinced him to try a few other bracelets as well.

- After Ants meltdown, he decided to try and separate himself from most of his childhood as much as possible. Not necessarily in a negative way, but more in a manner of trying to find stuff outside of submarine life. Ant felt he didn’t have too many hobbies outside of anything that came in handy with working and living on a submarine, and so started trying out all sorts of activities to find other things he liked to do. This was another thing Fontaine was eager to jump on board with. He still goes out in the Shadow Knight, and he still loves swimming and working on the Aronnax with Kaiko, but he doesn’t spend nearly as much time doing these things as he did when he was younger.

- Another aspect about Ant trying to branch away from submarine life is his clothing. He didn’t wear casual clothes too much as a kid, almost always wearing a wetsuit. As an older teenager, Ant doesn’t wear his wetsuit too much anymore. He has one, and he does use it, but not nearly as often as a kid. He tries to focus on finding a style he likes, which Fontaine is also ecstatic about. Doesn’t always agree with what he picks out, but she’s super excited nonetheless

-As Ant gets older, he starts to develop some more of Kaiko’s features. Ant always felt, to me, like someone where you knew he was Kaiko and Wills kid, but you never saw any similarities until you put him right in between his parents. As Ant gets older though, he starts to lose baby fat and looks a little more discernibly like his parents, especially Kaiko whom he subtly looks more like in regard to facial structure. (Fontaine is, like, a perfect blend of her parents in my opinion. Ant somehow looks exactly like and nothing like either of his parents in the show)

- Ant starts to develop a bit of muscle as a teenager. He’s not Will, and never does get that muscular, but he’s a teenage boy and that sort of thing just tends to happen to teenage boys. He’s still fairly active as well, which helps. His hair also gets a bit thicker because of puberty, and a tiny bit wavy. Not enough to be actually noticeably though, at least until it gets humid out.

- Ant didn’t grow too much between the ages of twelve and fourteen, but then started shooting straight up at fifteen. Will jokes that it’s all the growth spurts he missed in his early teenage years hitting him all at once. This however leads to Ants usual perfect balance due to life on sea being royally screwed up as his center of balance continues to change makes him abnormally clumsy over the next few years until he stops growing so fast at eighteen/nineteen. Being so clumsy leads to a few accidents, like the one that gave him a scar in his eyebrow. Ant usually doesn’t tell people how he got the scar, cause it’s embarrassing to him after spending so long on the ocean. During a summer between school years, the Nektons were on the Aronnax, and Kaiko just gently tipped the Aronnax into a dive. Nothing Ant shouldn’t have been unable to adjust to with ease. Instead, he slid on the floor, lost his balance, and went tumbling down the hall and crashing into a random room with an unfortunate door open where he wound up twisting his ankle, breaking his nose, and cutting his eyebrow deep enough to scar.

- In line with the prior note, Ant has some scars from all the adventures his family has been on. Fontaine does as well, and these only drive home how desperately they want to experience some sort of normalcy, despite still loving their life on the Aronnax.

- Ants clothing style tends to reflect his mental state; how well he’s doing, if anything’s bothering him, that sort of thing.

I’m sure i have plenty other headcanons, but my brain’s struggling to focus on anything new, so here ya go.

[amarantine-amirite]

The Road Home

Dad boarded the driver's seat of our brown LeBaron with wood panels. It shook slightly under his weight. He slammed the door, started the car, and backed out of the parking lot of the park where I had the soccer tournament.

It's a sunny day. The forests at the side of the road are beautiful. Today had all the trappings of a nice drive. And yet I still ended up in tears by the time we got home.

It started with my parents arguing in the car, while me and my little sister Erin sat in the backseat.

Dad didn't look at me when he said, "Well Jane, you played like shit. Eight goals? Really?" nobody could tell if he did so to keep his eyes on the road or because he was too mad to look at me.

"Arthur, don't go there," Mom warned.

Dad went there anyway. "No, Dorothy," he snipped, "she played like shit."

"Arthur, It takes a whole team to play soccer" Mom responded in an attempt to get him to lay off.

It didn't work. Dad just kept after me, "You don't get it, Dorothy. Jane's never going to be good at soccer if she doesn't learn from her mistakes."

Dad has never played a single game of soccer in his life, yet he thinks he could do a better job. He doesn't know what we go through.

It's different for girls. We sit out if we're on our periods because they don't make shorts in colours other than white. We can't wear our own bras, not even underneath the ones that come with the uniform. We always fall because the boys who get first dibs tear up our turf. We injure our knees and ankles because our shoes don't fit right.

I have it even harder. We play our games with a bowling ball painted like a soccer ball and our coach tells us we have trouble kicking because we aren't very strong. Most of my teammates genuinely believe that they can't kick a soccer ball. I know it's a bowling ball, and it frustrates me to no end that everyone pretends it's a soccer ball. In an environment like this, I don't think anybody could be good at soccer.

Dad turned around and glared at me. "Jane. you tell me what you did wrong!" he demanded

"I don't remember," I said, trying not to piss myself in fright.

Dad relented. "No, you do remember, you just don't want to think about it," he growled.

The car would have gone silent after that, except Erin had the guts to say, "Why does it matter, Jane's never going to be good at soccer. Can't we just do what Mom says and take the bike everywhere, because we wouldn't need soccer if we rode our bikes and-"

She had a point. I sucked at soccer and hated playing it. I never understood why I had to play a team sport when I could've gotten exercise some other way. We live somewhere where we can get to places by bike and stay off the roads at the same time. We didn't have to be a take-the-car-to-sports-for-exercise family.

Regardless, my sister's comment made Dad launch into a white-hot tirade. "Listen, girls," he began, "but nobody is going to teach you this. People on bikes are a disaster for the economy. They don't buy cars or fuel and don't borrow money. They don't pay insurance policies and they don't pay to have the car serviced, nor do they need repairs. They don't use paid parking or cause any major accidents. With people on bikes, there's no need for multi-lane highways."

He's not wrong, but people on bikes buy other stuff too, such as water bottles, gears, bike repairs, and bike trolleys. The spending doesn't go away, it just gets transformed into something else.

Dad angrily ranted on. "Not done!" he continued, "people on bikes don't get fat. Healthy people are not necessary or useful to the economy. They don't buy medicine. They do not go to hospitals or doctors. They add nothing to the country's GDP."

I burst out laughing. Dad's tirade sounds wrong on multiple levels, but I can't pinpoint the flaws in the argument. Even if I could, it wouldn't have stopped him. "On the contrary, each new McDonald's store creates 30 jobs. 10 cardiologists, 10 dentists, 10 dietitians, and nutritionists, as well as the people who work in the store itself."

Before either Mom or Erin could say something, Dad bellowed, "And walking is even worse. Pedestrians don't even buy a bicycle!"

"Yes," Mom said in a vain attempt to put an end to Dad's psychotic rant, "but they buy shoes. And sunscreen."

Without warning, my father hauled off and maneuvered the car to crash us all into the dividing wall. He wanted all of us to die together. The reverberating echoes of my mother and sister screaming and me crying haunt me to this day.

We got home in one piece. Mom and Dad forgot about the drive home within an hour of arriving home, and Erin forgot about it in a couple of days. I never will. To this day, I panic if I'm in a car with someone and they seem even slightly upset, especially if on the freeway near a dividing wall.

[trashland-llamas]

August Wrap Up

Was a reading slump type of month & I already struggle to write reviews. That said, there was an attempt. Graphics above were generated by thestorygraph, a recent feature they got. Username over there is bardic_llama.

Nana to Kaoru Vol 1 [2.5 stars] Nana to Kaoru Vol 2 [2.75 stars]

There was a post on the manga subreddit where someone was asking for recs based off this pic of an anime character tied up w/ rope. But with the caveat of 'no Nana to Kaoru' to which everyone in the comments was clowning on that part. Made me curious + mangadex has all the volumes. That said, no real plans to finish the series.

Like a Butterfly Vol 3 [3.0 stars] Like a Butterfly Vol 4 [4.0 stars] Willa [4.0 stars]

I had a Stephen King phase back in the day during high school and didn’t find out about this short story until after it had ended. I didn’t have high expectations for the story as it was originally published in Playboy. Playboy being Playboy and all. Overall there’s nothing spectacular about it but it’s still enjoyable if you’re looking for a run of the mill horror story and want something that involves being stuck at a train station (crossroads) or something where the characters are interacting more with the setting than they do each other, then I’d say give it a read. Basically literary junk food, a step up from Colleen Hoover.

Batman: Justice Buster Vols 1 & 2 [4.25 stars]

I haven’t read a lot of Batman stuff but there were some small choices made that while perfectly explained within the story, I just didn’t like. Like the Joker’s costume design or making Jason a detective.

Speaking of, they didn’t really do a good job in establishing characters from the jump so I did spend a lot of the reading experience going ‘is this supposed to be Dick? or is this supposed to be Jason?’ Which is made to be a semi-big reveal in vol 2 when the little kid (Dick Grayson) goes to the detective shown investigating the Bruce Wayne’s parents' death in-between chapters (Jason Todd) to learn how to be a detective himself. The confusion heightened as there’s also flashbacks to Bruce’s childhood.

Still enjoyed it despite all this cause the premise of Robin being an AI computer is interesting. Especially when said computer goes rogue. Unfortunately my public library doesn’t have volumes 3 or 4. And all the manga websites only have up to chpt 13 which is the last chpt of vol 2. So will be paused for the time being.

[the-firebird69]

Silverchair - Tomorrow (US Version) (Official Video)

you shall see thiis happenn ad per the video and crap. here. yes all of you.  and dave too does his routine and he is a wierdo. not as sick as a lot but weeird.  has our sons tuxedo on, and the tophat is there and his wand has one.  and our son calls it a wand for some reason.  and has his quarters all of them mb. a lot. of them. and te tree and it is a compilation. and our sons tub. lol. from daves place no.  it is different tht was his. and broken hs meaning.  

he eats a hog well drains it. and it is the one from the bullfinch we did go over the meaning. 

they see the value and he does a lot.  wants it in. tries  ehre a lot and no go. and cant see it  it is not much.  and all over the place.  and us after the requeste below

and we ask Thor Freya to tell our story a part of it now they will the say....Hera Zues

See the two are very young but they did have their own money and their parents gave them allowances and she had it in the base on Antarctica. And she would tool around and buy some things and she didn't spend much money but she learned about it and he learned and she learned the value of it and he did too. He was given an allowance when he was real young about eight years old. To save it up and he would buy things he wanted he bought several comic books and things like that the kids buy and he was really happy about it. You bought some odd things in the magazine and you liked it he was having a lot of fun he had some cool stuff and other kids would say it too that kids cool he likes things that are pretty cool and they would buy it he was buying these army action figures. DJA bought a whole bunch of them and they had like this army and they would have little wars later they'd buy GI Joe they got a lot of it for Christmas though the GI Joe the helicopter was expensive and they ended up burning it and we found out later what that was all about it was George and he was screwing around with them and telling them they they don't have a way out and stuff and they're like OK what do we do about that nothing. It was mean but that's what happened. I used to spend it on a whole bunch of stuff but really it was just kids stuff and food candy movies and he's doing the same thing with it it's watching similar movies made by the same people and he's doing kind of the same thing he was getting a ride there and it wasn't like and it wasn't like a mental hospital this is ridiculous but he was getting rides after a while he drove his girlfriend they were trying to say that it's like cannon stuff and it didn't work so they're gonna try and do that when he gets his own money and it's kind of like not much money just enough to tool around with and that's what they say it's more money than before but really we think it'll be more like 60 now probably 70 grand a year at first but that's probably for just half a year but he hasn't had money for a long time. So then it's gonna increase but that's what happened when he was.... but that's what happened when he was little and then when I rerun it and do the finale cause it didn't work the first time that's what they're up to it didn't work with these guys either that's what they're up to and he's making money the whole time so they're going to have him make money and get his old money too but when he is little he had a certain amount for the most part in circulation there's only about $5000 from when he was around nine years old eight or nine years old all the way to when he was about 16 then he was considered to be an adult and they changed their motif so he has to go through that. No they're having him do that now and he says I'm actually not a child my brain is here and I'm fine and I feel like you're ridiculous max up seed and **** obscene that's obscene and our son and daughter say it and we do too they're full of themselves and it's ridiculous crap and it's quite an assumption. And Moronic is the word for it but that's what they're doing The point is that's the money he's using now that money came from his parents and it came from a long time ago and they said it was what his contribution was in hers and it was much greater than that and I guess that'll come out later. But for now that's the amount of money he's actually using and they recycle it and it's a significant number it's in between 5 and 6000 and if it's right on the money that's when that tour is over we think that it's actually when his bank account reaches it and that's the one in Florida and then it goes up a notch and he started to get the money from Westboro he started to work when he was about 15 believe it or not it was later on That money was when he was doing odd jobs and he saved a lot still have an allowance and he did save about 15 or 16 some people say 17,000 and he put some money into the bank and he had a bank of Boston and he left he did take money out but he left several $100 in there. Now that became a lot of money and they consider that to be his original money too and they have another formula. But the money in those two jars is coated it's coded and used to hit the macaroni and you use it like they did they handed to him and then he puts it away now there's other money no but they're going to try and do it again and the max are preventing it and Trump for some reason doesn't know what it is for.

Freya

for all of us

Olympus

[stardustinmyhands]

•••Trigger warning •••

Suicide talk.

5/6/24

Today my stomach is hurting as usual. I just thought of how long I will be waiting to find out anything. It’s gonna be months.

I feel good otherwise, my soreness in my joints in tolerable. I’m taking tramadol and atarax today to stay on top of what I’m feeling.

I’ve already journaled 10 pages, while I watch Return Of The King.

I see my PCP on Wednesday. I need a lot of prescriptions. And I also have a feeling she’s gonna put me on metformin for my A1C. I don’t eat a lot of sugar, but I eat carbs daily. More than I should. Saltines and bread are one of the foods that don’t make me throw up. My favorite used book store is across the street so I wanna go and spend some time there. Trade in some books. Just kill time.

I have my IVIG infusion Thursday . I’m still waiting for my new infusion lab to get the correct order. I got a call from my insurance company that my prescription was approved for my infusions. They just need the right kind of order cause they are an outpatient clinic, even though they are inside the hospital.

I’m peeing a lot today cause of the lasix. And I’m managing to drink water even though it hurts. So yeah I’m peeing a lot.

Every day I try and think of something I’m grateful for. This popped up on my fb memories. I write in journal what I’m thankful for. My insurance, my life saving infusions. I’m 43 and still have both my loving parents alive and they are in good health for their age. My wonderful girlfriend. My wonderful boyfriend. The services I get thru my insurance, like going to the art studio.

I’m thankful that I’m on behavioral meds that work beautifully on me. I take a seizure meds and an antipsychotic med. The seizure meds regulates my mood swings. The abilify keeps me from getting depressed.

Ironically the mood stabilizer causes me to have very low sodium. So I have to take sodium pills 3 times a day. My psychiatrist was willing to lower my mood stabilizer, but was weary to do so cause of my family history of suicide.

My brothers suicide “anniversary” is on the 29th of this month. I’m not upset over it. He was one of my abusers as a child. I think he is free from the troubles that haunted. I have had SMI for several years now. My brother finally got SMI the year he died. He also was put on a new medicine before he died. I think it was an antidepressant. They turn me suicidal, and my brother was my full blood brother. He also never got help for his issues till just before he died. I think that’s what happened to him. Cause he did it in a way he always told my mom he was afraid to. He also left no note. Antidepressants turned me suicidal within a week. I got help. Now I don’t want to sound like a bitch, but my brother was not a good person. He was lying manipulative person. Who used people, hurt them in various ways. And would do it over and over again. I don’t know what he had, there is nothing to find out now. I think he’s free from whatever haunted him. He was drug addict, drank heavily, was in and out of jail the last two years of his life.

My mom is still heartbroken. He was her son, her first born. My mom loves her kids unconditionally. She also doesn’t know a lot of stuff my brother did. My sister in law told me stuff after he died too. I will never get an I’m sorry from him. I’m at work peace with that. I know the suffering is with my mom. I don’t like that. I heard a mourning mother’s cry. It was fucking terrible. I love my momma, I’m gonna say it. I didn’t love my brother. Before I he died I hadn’t seen in 13 yrs. I’ve been with my gf for 13 yrs this summer. She’s never met him. I distanced myself for my well being. I’m upset cause my mom is, not because my brother died and the way he left earth. I went to his funeral cause I wanted to be there for my sister law, not my brother. I don’t like funerals or services. We all knew why we were there. I’m preparing myself for how my mom is gonna feel on the anniversary. She kinda trauma dumps on me. But I allow it cause she was there for me for so many times. Even to this day.

All I know is my brother free and there is nothing else to think about it.

[petapeta-english]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CnNI_ZBI9-I  -When you think about the first time we met,what do you remember? - Well, I remember walking in from vacation,I was 19.And I was like, "Ooh, who's that cute tall guy"that looks like George Clooney?" (laughs)(Christian laughs) I remember that part specifically because I was interested in you when I saw you, so yeah.

 - But you were with someone else.

- (laughs) So were you.(both laugh)

- True. 

- Yeah.(Jennifer laughs)

- When do you think I feel closest to you?

- Probably when we spend time together.Any time we spend together, or whenI randomly give you hugs, or randomly hold your hand. I think that's when you feel close to me. I could be wrong, I don't know if... (laughs) When do you feel like we're closest? 

- I feel like it's the times where you show affection towards me. It's when you are affectionate that I feel closest to you.

- Of course I start crying (mumbles). (laughs)Yeah. Something I try to work on. And I'll get there, I promise (laughs).

- It's okay.

- Describe the moment you realized I was in love with you.

- When I went to Californiaand I saw how hurt you were by that. Made me really realize how much you cared. And it's not that I didn't take our relationship seriously, but we can talk about our age difference and stuff, I never really thought that I would be somebody that you would wanna be with, because I was just some old dude that you were hanging out with.(both laugh)

- You're not that old.

- You know, I didn't know if it was gonna ever be what is has become so many years later.

- When do you think people judge us, and why do you think they do? This is a really good question.

- I think we get judged all the time. We could be out for dinner or out for a drink, and people look at us. They notice our age difference. They judge us. They form their own opinions. Your father certainly judged us in the beginning. A lot of your friends did. My friends did. Myfamily did.

- I wouldn't necessarily say they judged, they more so, they were a little cautious. 

- Well they draw, they draw a conclusion before they get to know either of us, or know anything about us, so they do judge us.

- As far as that question, I can understand why my parents would be a little bit cautious, because you were recently divorced when we got together, and you do have two kids, and I was fresh meat at 21 years old (laughs), and they pretty much wanted me to be with someone that didn't have that excess baggage, I guess you can say.

- Sure.

- And I can understand their point of view,

- I can too. 

- they want me to be with someone my own age so we can go about how life is supposed to be. And, of course, I completely went against them (laughs), and I

--- Good choice.

- Good choice (laughs). I completely went against them,  and here we are now.

- I don't think the judgment is always negative. Just 'cause someone's judging us doesn't mean it's a bad thing, but I think you probably feel a certain way about seeing all your friends getting married, engaged, having kids, and that hasn't happened to you yet.

- Yeah.

- But maybe it is because of my...You call it baggage, but it's my life.

- Oh, I don't call it baggage, but most people would call it baggage.

- I think our life is so much different than any of your friends or my friends, and

--- That's what's hard though, at least it's hard for me, because (sighs deeply) I do see all these people my age getting engaged, having babies, or are already married, and it sucks because I knowI shouldn't envy these people 'cause I don't know what they're going through,  you know? They could be putting up happy pictures all over social media but their lives aren't really happy, so I can't really compare.

- Well, maybe they are happy,

- Or maybe they are happy,

 - or maybe they're not,

- yeah. 

- but I think that's another thing that I would ask you to not care so much about social media.

- Yeah, because it sucks. It sucks being able to see what people have that I want and I can't have. And I know that our story is going differently. 

- It's not that you can't, it's just that social media is a farce. Nobody posts the bad stuff that happens in their life.

- But it's hard because you always tend to tell me, "Oh, it's you millennials that are into social media,"

- Well, it's true. 

- and unfortunately,  yeah. Unfortunately that is part of my life. That's part of my life, and it's hard to kind of... There have been plenty of times that you know I've taken breaks from social media because of the fact that I'm always constantly comparing our life to other people's lives, and I wanna obviously stop doing that. (sniffs)Oh god. (laughs)

- How do you think our relationship would be different if we were the same age? (clears throat)- (sniffs) Wow. We actually spoke about this the other night. It'd be way different. At least in my opinion. I feel like if you were my age right now, we probably would already be married with a kid, or maybe no kids, but maybe married. Or maybe not married,  maybe engaged. But I feel like if I were with someone my own age, if I was with you and you were my age, I think we would pretty much have, I guess you could say what I want.

- Okay. But you're speaking, you're answering that question as if I would come down to your age.

- What do you mean?

- But what if you were my age.

- Oh.Well, that's a good question.

- So you would likely have been in some sort of relationship in your life, and now we meet each other and we're both in our 40's, would you have that same- Mentality? 

- rush to wanna get 

- Get married?

- engaged, married, 

- Probably not.

- have a kid at 45 years old.

- Probably not.

- So it could go either way, right?

- Yeah. I guess that's where it kind of...I don't wanna say it's kind of like a barrier, but I think that's where our age comes into play, because you're in no rush, I don't know if you're in a rush to get married or have kids, but you're in no rush to do that, and me being, I'm gonna be 30 in a couple months, it's like,  "Time is ticking, Jen. "What's going on?" (laughs)

- Well, that's why I think we need to get closer to each other emotionally and mentally, because we're... There's two different stereotypes or extremes, right? And it's not always gonna be what you want, and it's not always gonna be what I want. So that's where we need to communicate better and have a clearer understanding of where we're gonna be in three years,  five years, or where we wanna be in time. 

- I feel like we both want the same things, but it's like...You're in no rush to get there, but I'm in a rush. I feel like we both want the same things. You do wanna get married,  you do wanna have one more child, but we're kind of, I feel like, we're two cars kinda going like this,  I guess.

- Yeah, and...Do you realize that I want those things because of you?

- Like, get married and have a child?

- Sure.- I know, because when we first began dating, you told me you did not wanna get married or have children.

- If you were not in my life right now, I would not care whether I ever got married again. And I would probably put to rest the thought of ever having another child. I mean, I'm older. I have teenage kids. So if it wasn't something that you wanted, then I would be okay never getting married again and never having another child.

- But you do want them? You're not just doing it to make me happy, right?

- No, it's part of the relationship. It's not I'm just gonna do it to make you happy.

- In the beginning,  you told me you didn't wanna get married or have any kids, and I was willing to sacrifice those two things just to be with you. And... (sniffs) I lost myself in the process. (sniffs) And when I told my family about that, or when I told my friends about that,(sniffs) they thought I was stupid, 'cause they always used to say, "Jen, you always wanted to get married young." "You always wanted to have more than two kids. "How can you not wanna get married anymore," or have kids anymore? "But I told them,  "I really love this guy," and I feel like in order to keep him, "I have to pretty much do what he says. "Not,  "he says,"  'cause you didn't tell me, "You can't have kids," or any of that. You just said,  "I don't wanna have kids, "and I don't wanna get married anymore. "Which I understood because, unfortunately, you got a divorce, and that wasn't a very easy one, but I don't know what it was that made me change, and I think that's when I told you, "No, I'm sorry." If you wanna be with me, I need that. "I need marriage, and I need, maybe not four kids, "but I need at least one child "because I would love to have a human being "that is of me and you," 'cause I was ready to just walk away 'cause I just couldn't do it anymore. (sniffs)

- Right. And like I said, I made that decision because of you.

- I just hope you're not gonna resent me for that in the future if we ever do have a child. (sniffs)

- I could never resent a child.

- This is (mumbles) question.(breathes deeply) This is gonna be really hard.(laughs) (sniffs)