#I consistently talk about loving middle grade fantasy

[the-halfling-prince]

I do not think they have a degree in library sciences

[ms--lobotomy]

Since you tagged me in this poll I feel the need to answer with my thoughts for all of them. You know, for funsies.

40k Guilliman: pretty good option. He’s (somewhat) mentally stable and has talked it out with you beforehand. Though I am curious on where he acquired primarch-grade bondage equipment. Is that why it was planned months in advance? Was he spending all that time just trying out different kinds of ropes and chains that could hold him like some sort of kinky parody of Fenrir from norse mythology?? Also, he deserves sex that has him relax and not possibly shatter his partner’s pelvis, let that man rest. 8/10.

Corrupted Horus: We all enjoy a very evil and very charismatic man from time to time. And the chaos gods which are currently kinda wearing Horus’ body like a condom are one of the options presented in this poll. But before your mind gets carried away with the fantasy of hot mean DILF, we have to think: He’s still a DILF. And so his taste in music will be that of a Dad. So get ready for him to blast Imagine Dragons while sexily taking his shirt off. You plead for him to strip faster, not because you’re horny but because you hope that when he does so he’ll turn the rock & roll cover of Thunder off and fuck you properly. He won’t. 1/10.

Jaghatai: No words other than those of approval. No thoughts other than those of lust. 9/10.

Ferrus Manus pre-heresy: Not sure why you specified pre-heresy but maybe I don’t have enough imagination for a post-heresy lewding scenario, but I digress. So I feel that the sex wouldn’t be the main draw of the situation here, instead it’s more to do with trying to make a guy feel better about a body part that he wants to peel his metal-skin off of. Ferrus is a dude that has simultaneously given all of his children body dysmorphia (that they try to fix by replacing their body parts with tech) while also wanting to get rid of the most technological part of himself. And he won’t even tell people a direct answer about where he got the technological metal hands from anyway. This man is an enigma and the sex is just a backdrop for the true scenario; which is the Ferrus Manus character exploration that’s going on. So to judge purely by the sex itself it’s a solid 5/10.

Daemon Magnus: This dude will not only do all of what you specified. But he’ll also add Gale from bg3 astral plane type sex into the mix. The only limit is your imagination Babey!!! 11/10 (he may have used his psychic powers to mess with the rating).

Leman Russ: What’s not to love about a big scary man in a collar? What’s not to love about a living war machine getting restrained like they’re a simple animal?? Though him eventually breaking out of it would imply that my skills in Husband husbandry are poor, and that might make me kind of sad. 7/10 (would change it to 8/10 if you also put a muzzle on him)

Pre-Heresy Fulgrim: The number one rule of kink fantasy is that nothing will work out as perfectly as you want it to, something will always go differently than it did in your imagination because, fun fact, your partner is not a mind reader (and even if they were it’s not like they can control every action/reaction they do/have). If you fuck him he will be very very very disappointed in you and will act like a bitch about it. 3/10 (the sex stops midway through because you ruined his expectations too many times).

Rogal Dorn: The way im about to sexualise that middle aged man. Oh boy… well first of all I’ll- [REDACTED BY THE INQUISITION. SUMMONS A DAEMON OF SLAANESH IF THE TEXT IS READ OUT LOUD]. 9.5/10.

30k Corvus Corax: Now while he can’t be perceived, I can. In fact I am very perceivable. Unlike Corvus’ furtive emo outfits my fashion sense consists of wearing the most sparkly and shiny accessories all the time and in very large quantities. I dress as though I’m trying to sound like one of santa’s reindeer or a sentient human windchime. And my penchant to talk very loudly knows no bounds. So combining his extreme stealth with my extreme unstealth gives us the average of The Normal Amount Of Noticeability. Which would get us both arrested for indecent exposure. 0/10 because i don’t want to go to jail.

Sanguinius: also a pretty good option. Though I question how a man who had big issues with being deified by the mortal populace would feel about having his more “angelic” features worshipped. But I’m sure I can make it work. 7.5/10.

In conclusion: the vote goes to Magnus, but if he wasn’t there then Dorn would be attaining the title of “babygirl” real fucking fast.

Time to /finally/ answer some asks. This isn't a knock on you by any means, or anyone who's sent asks. I'm just not very good at it lol

Robby G: Listen. L i s t e n. This man is 1. the type to have a schedule for sex (nothing wrong with that if thats what people are into) and 2. the type to take it in the butt. He deserves it in the butt. Yes, he is a space war criminal. But wouldn't it be nice to put it in him?

Horse: I'm sorry, the image of an Imagine Dragons striptease is... enlightening as to the individual Horus is. He's the dad that hosts the barbecue parties. He's the dad that falls asleep watching TV. Hell, he probably wears Hawaiian shirts. (That last one's got me bricked up. Shit)

Jagh: This one got me. He fucking would be into leather, be it on him or his partner. May write a fic about it in the future. Dead serious

Ferrus: Ok, I'll admit it, this one was self-indulgent for me. Yes, Ferrus is an ass in canon. I also want him so bad, and that also entails helping him through some shit. (It's the "I can fix him" instinct.) Also, if his partner isn't ok with 17 inches, that's understandable. (Also also, I specified pre-Heresy because him coming back headless horseman style is kind of a pipe dream of mine)

Mags: Monsters are hot. Next guy

Russ: This one was a bit of a gift for my Russ fucker friend. You know who you are! And if you're a Russ fucker anyways, please be my friend

Fulgrim: This man has been through so many partners and he still doesn't understand kink very well, bless his heart. He's still gotta make sure everything goes the way he thought it would, otherwise what's even the point? Mm. Maybe he can be put with someone who makes him realize that it doesn't need to be that way.. ;v

Doorknob: Go ahead, sexualize the brick wall man. Put him in a maid dress. He'd like his partner to be a little rough, especially during... ahem. Encounters. Remember the Rogal Dorn position? Maybe not all the time, but fuck, this man needs to take it like his life depends on it.

Corax: Not for everyone, I get it. Especially if your clothes are like that. I applaud your fashion sense, you dress how I've always wanted to. But that fic's still rattling around in my mind. Thank you Raven Lady we all say in unison

Sang: You raise a very good point. I don't know how comfortable he'd be with focus on his more non-human qualities. But it can work. I have faith in you, battle brother.

[dyrewrites]

Holly Lisle -- Some words

I've just learned that my favorite modern author died last month. I, along with everyone else who subscribed to her newsletter, was aware of her health issues--and how she refused to slow down in spite of them.

So this is not a surprise so much as a gut-punch for the timing. Because I didn't know it was this bad.

I'm going to try not to go on too long...but I might fail (I did).

First I'd like to say that her books helped my husband and I bond on a level I'd never quite bonded with anyone else. She was his favorite too. He introduced me to her, in fact and she was my first fantasy read outside of classics. I've never been good at talking about books to other people but he and I still discuss some of hers.

Her writing workshops helped give me the confidence to start writing again after years of believing myself incapable. She also knocked me out of believing there was no point, as I was raised on the idea that there was only worth doing something if you could make money at it. While her workshops, and newsletters, consistently informed people there was no 'real' money in writing...but she managed to keep herself and her family afloat as the sole provider with it. It took her decades to get there, but she did it, so it was possible. That meant a lot at the time.

I'd also like to say that she wrote some of the best romance and intimacy I've ever read. When none of her books were really about that. It was in there because it was part of life, part of those characters and it felt so natural and beautiful and I have never before (or since) cried reading a sex scene. But she got me with one.

And lastly, if you've been longing for an author who covers more than a binary spectrum of gender roles, or genders or sexuality...she's your gal. She created maybe six or seven different genders for one of her worlds and there are so many words and languages in her books to cover more. It's staggering, honestly.

As for recommendations;

You like female heroes (I think exclusively even)? You've a banquet to pick from.

You like political intrigue? The Secret Texts quadrilogy has you covered.

You like weird magic that breaks worlds and gives a cat thumbs? The Arhel trilogy will delight you.

You want to cry about the power of a sister's love repeatedly while worrying about magic mirrors and dragons? World Gates trilogy.

Desire a space-faring kind of bounty hunter who kicks ass and almost dies a lot? Her name is Cadence Drake.

How about a middle grade book about kids meeting faeries and trying to save their parents? Moon and Sun duology.

All of them tread into dark places, all of them put you at risk of feelings things you didn't know you could, and she is not afraid to kill major characters...so, you know, if you see her listed as "Fantasy Romance" be aware that genres are simplified and there's layers.

Holly Lisle's written so much and she had so much more she wanted to write...and now she won't.

But you can read what's out there, learn who this lovely mind was through her work and maybe add an author too few people have heard of to your shelf.

I've not read all she's written but I've loved all I have and plan to find everything I haven't.

[livvyofthelake]

i am currently experiencing the craziest high a human being can achieve just sitting on her couch i've just been taking deep breaths trying to chill out for ten minutes it's terrible anyway i need to Post about my friend alec. first of all he was there for me in eighth grade do not ever underestimate our bond i know i don't talk about him much these days and you might believe i don't really care about him but you have got to understand that my history with this fictional man runs deeper than any of yours and even when i had nothing i had alec. the bond a gay middle schooler who reads fantasy has with alec lightwood is completely indescribable unless you also experienced it but like. liken it to whatever you guys have with the angel from supernatural maybe idk. anyway the thing that has always gotten me about alec and magnus is that alec is a shadowhunter yes, but more than that he hates the government always. (i have problems with the show for reasons related to this but i am not talking about freeforms shadowhunters rn she is not my friend ok she is like my occassional late night hookup who hates me but the pussy is insane. sorry for that metaphor) anyway the way that at every turn magnus expects alec to be a Shadowhunter with that shadowhunter sense of duty and loyalty to their government and their way of doing things and their penchant for hero complexes, and at every turn alec is something different. because alec is someone who has experienced so many of the injustices of shadowhunter government and tradition, his parents were in a hate cult that they were manipulated into joining because of the ineffectiveness of their government and their desire to make the world a more just place, and they got out and were punished for it, and by extentsion their whole family was punished for it. because their governemt wants to show that it's all powerful and no one can go against it without facing life altering consequences. alec's best friend was raised by a man who taught him that being a shadowhunter was about hatred for demons, when really it's about love for humanity. alec is surrounded by people who have suffered at the hands of tradition, and he consistently turns away from it and doesn't let it break him or the peeple he loves. being a shadowhunter means having a duty to their cause, but to alec being a shadowhunter is about having a duty to the people he loves. in city of heavenly fire magnus is talking to luke and he says "sometimes it comes down to a choice between saving one person and saving the whole world, and i'm selfish enough to want the person who loves me to choose me. but nephilim will always choose the world" and later in the book when magnus belives he needs to sacrifice himself to save everyone he tells alec not to stay with him, and to go back to the world, and alec says "i don't want the world, i want you" and it makes me crazy and i think about it like once a week every week my whole life. he doesn't want the world! because the world without love is meaningless!! alec is a shadowhunter and he will always be a shadowhunter and a hero but there's no point to being a hero if there's no love... he doesn't care about duty half as much as he cares about love. and that is always what sets alec apart as a shadowhunter and as a leader, in queen of air and darkness (helena this is maybe a spoiler but don't worry about it it's not going to ruin your experience with tda if you know this) he gets voted as the new consul to represent the half of the clave that isn't part of horace dearborn's new hate group (shadowhunters always have hate cults it's like their thing it's like how americans have white supremacists. actually horace and zara dearborn are literally an allegory for trump, remember tda is a book series born out of the trump era, qoaad came out in 2018)

and the crucial thing about alec agreeing to be the consul was that he was NOT going to be a traditional consul. he was never going to do the ceremony and tradition bullshit their society likes to demand from it's government officials, alec saw his father get caught up in shadowhunter government and he watched him die for it and he would never involve himself in those traditions. he hates the inhumanity of shadowhunter tradition, that is literally the entire point of tmi and clary, the entire plot of those 6 books is that a group of young peple who fucking hate the government are instrumental to saving the world because their ideology directly contradicts the emotionless traditions of their leaders. alec is a leader because he is a revolutionary, not because he is traditional. that's what's so cool about it, he didn't just become the consul. he became the consul of a divided society and he is on the side of everything that is good and right and equal, while the other side wants to hide in tradition and rot away. that is the whole point!!! love is the point!!! being a shadowhunter is about love! they were never meant to be perfect stoic warriors, they were created out of love for humanity, they exist to protect people, to bring some level of peace to the world, and through time they forgot that, and alec (and clary) are the people that lead them back to remembering why they do what they do, why they fight this endless war, why they have to keep doing it. god. just truly one of the characters of all time. i need to just hit post now this is getting crazy

[caffeinated-and-annoying-bard]

here i have an analysis on why i think i am so very guilty and scared of sex. it has to do with gender dysphoria. needless to say, tw: mentions of sex-related topics. i am making this for myself, i am very very sorry if it stumbles across someone uncomfortable with it, so i'll put a cut here /nm

maybe if i was a boy i would have less fear about sex? because i feel like most of it was caused because of being afab, the guilt, the taboo around it, the need to be "pure" and stuff. even if i wasn't raised vary catholic (my dad is very catholic, but he does not attend church and my mom is neutral) i feel the purity culture drag me down. i was even more repressed before and during the pandemic, when i hadn't began to question my gender+sexuality yet.

a part of the problem was that i went to a small co-called-montessori-more-like-yuck-what-is-this school, and my internalised mysoginy and homophobia led me to (post-my best friend leaving for prepa, bc he is a year older) hang out with the anime-watching, sex-obsessed, mysoginy-filled, homophobia-fueled boys. one of them is the guy i used to call my best friend (in a very different way in which i call my actual best friend my best friend). he saw me as plastiline, someone he could turn into his anime fantasy of a love interest. we were 13-14 i think? everyone in my grade was starting to discover their hormones and stuff, me included, but every time is saw my "friends" at the time talk about it, the more guilt i got about the subject, the more repressed i got.

the repression, due to the internalised misogyny and homophobia, was most of what delayed my sexuality questionings (which sould have started with the "oh my god if i was a boy i would have such a crush on "her"" -the "her" in question being my now very guy of a best friend. whom i have a crush on.- thoughts, but didn't because every thought about even romance-related topics would lead to me feeling like if i had offered my body to satan. and that's what lead me to the toxic-est situationship with the former-friend guy who always saw through me, as if looking at what i could become to him and not at my eyes.

through my 2021 depressive episode i became not bolder, but more secretive about the topics? i think. it still wasn't healthy. then there came the sexuality questionings, then the gender ones. being horny and stuff is still something that makes me guilty, but now i've started to analyse how much it has to do with dysphoria. i think i don't feel that much of it consistently, it's subtle things for me most of the time (until something triggers it and i have a meltdown. help). and maybe some of the guilt/fear/repulsion about it was because i am afab. when starting to read smut about amab people, i felt way more comfortable, i even related to it a bit more, and smut about afab people made me feel like it was gonna hurt the characters or something. it still feels a bit like it, but reading smut about ftm characters has made me feel more comfortable, less in fear or feeling that it is dangerous, maybe because i'm genderqueer, leaning into transmasc.

what i'm trying to say is: the more comfortable i get with my gender, the more comfortable i feel myself getting with the concept of being horny or the concept of sex itself. knowing that part of it was that i did not want to be viewed as a woman is comforting to me.

i still don't want to have sex, i'm 16, maybe in 10 years i'll change my mind. but at least i'm *starting* to feel a bit more comfortable with my own body and the idea of sex itself :) it has been a long trip and i am not even in the middle of it. but i'm happy about starting to understand my fear of it. yippeeeeeeeeeeeee :D

[hallowgracie]

To Another Year of Writing

As another year passes, it’s time for another reflection on this year’s production and what is to come. 

This year wasn’t nearly as productive as the year that came before, due to irl circumstances. Mind you, they were good ones--but ones that meant that I could not work on my creative endeavors nearly as much. I’ve had to learn more about prioritizing and focusing on one project at a time--the latter being one that’s still coming to me. 

The funny thing is, because my muse can be so flaky sometimes, I try not to post about the story until I’m sure it will stay. But then I don’t know where to start and I can’t share as much about how ideas start. Like the Kenna Darling series. 

A lot of that story developed off-screen, from talking irl to friends about the sort of stories I enjoyed as a girl, and being overcome with a desire to create that. The funny thing is, I’ve discovered that I really enjoy working on middle grade fantasy! This project has occupied my attention pretty consistently since May! 

I’ve also dipped my toes into attempting publishing. I’ve decided because the Atomicverse is just not what agents in general are looking for to post them back online where they can best be enjoyed. But the experience has taught me a lot about how to get started and what to look forward to when I’ve written something more palatable. 

This upcoming year, I’m going to try to post more about this project, to keep the fire burning and I’ll allow myself to be flexible. To let things change and shift around, and let you guys see it. 

And I’m planning on talking more about writing for middle grade. I absolutely love it and I want to share some of my observations. 

To another year of writing--for me and for you guys! What are you looking forward to writing in 2023?

[solemnly-mischievous]

Could pls you write something where the marauders and you are taking about your safe word and boundaries?!

Thanks! <33

hell yeah! remember kids, if you're gonna engage in Practices of Dominant and Submissive Dynamics, these talks are always very important and essential and good. consent is sexy. stay safe. all that.

also, i'd never claim to be an expert on the topics they talk about - if i get anything off or word anything poorly, do tell me and i'll amend that.

anyway also the things they put on their hard limit list are not off the table for future fics, so keep that in mind :)

Contains: Fluff, discussion of bodily fluids & cnc, mentions of degradation and praise

Word count: 1.5K

------

It's about one AM in the Gryffindor common room, and all your housemates are asleep—the only sound you can hear is the crackling of the fireplace and the sound of pages turning as Remus flips through his book.

You're laying in Remus' lap, his fingers combing absentmindedly through your hair and massaging your scalp. It feels so good.

"Oi—watch the cakes—"

"You watch your stupid feet, Prongs, you're stepping on my cloak—"

"—I swear to god if you drop the pumpkin juice, I'll throw you and your bloody cloak into the fire—"

"Merlin, James, shut up, you're so loud—"

You hear Remus huff a soft laugh and you smile along: Your boyfriends are many things, but stealthy and discreet are not one of them. One would think the infamous pranksters of Hogwarts would be better at sneaking around in the dead of night—but then again, who needs to be light on their feet when there are charms and Invisibility Cloaks?

James and Sirius enter the common room as quietly as they can manage—which is to say, not that quiet at all—each bearing a large plate full of midnight snacks and drinks they've retrieved from the kitchen. (The house elves are always more than happy to see them.)

"Aw, look at them," Sirius murmurs to James, and he nods, a soft smile tugging at his lips as he looks at you and Remus. It's certainly a heartwarming scene, and you'd be content to stay there forever, but something's missing.

"C'mere," you whisper to the boys, holding your arms out and making grabby hands. "Cuddle."

They're more than happy to oblige, setting the plates on the table in front of the couches and piling on, Sirius leaning against Remus' shoulder and James sitting on the floor in front of you and Remus. You reach out and tug at his curls affectionately—he leans into the touch.

"We brought you your favorite chocolate cakes," James murmurs to you. "The elves made more just for you—even they know you love them. Oh, and Remus—there's pumpkin juice for you."

"Thank you," Remus says warmly, ruffling James' hair as he reaches by to grab a goblet. "Did you say hi to the elves for me?"

"Yeah," Sirius says, "they miss you and they're going to file for divorce if you don't visit them soon."

"Divorce? From all of them?" Remus' tone is laughing. "I don't think I could handle the legal fees."

"Who'd get custody?" you wonder.

"Besides, Moony knows he's married to us, if not legally but in spirit. When you think about it, Moony's a homewrecker," James jokes, and Sirius cackles in delight.

Your eyelids droop as Remus scratches along your scalp lightly, and Sirius catches you. "Hey, hey, wait, we're not sleeping yet. We have things to talk about."

"Talk about them faster," you mumble, and James laughs.

"Alright, alright," Remus says amiably. "We'll make it fast so you can get to sleep soon, alright? But you're gonna need to be coherent and awake right now, okay?"

"Fine," you whine, and you ease into a sitting position so you aren't tempted to fall asleep right there.

"Good girl," Sirius murmurs, and you shiver involuntarily.

"Okay, none of that right now—clear heads, all of us," Remus says. He looks at you and gives you a small smile. "There'll be plenty of time for that later."

"So how do we start?" Sirius asks. "Do we just... talk about what works, what doesn't?"

"I think we should start with the safeword." Remus hums thoughtfully. "You guys know the stoplight system?"

You and James shake your heads; Sirius nods.

"Green for go on, yellow for slow down, red for stop," Remus explains. "It's important to check in consistently, so we can be sure everything's alright."

"Wait, so yellow is..." You trail off.

"Yellow is, er, we don't need to stop, but I'm not one hundred percent comfortable or confident in what we're doing right now, so can we slow down and talk about it or change what we're doing?" Sirius explains, and you nod.

"Ah." You think about it. "Right, yeah, I think the stoplight system sounds fine."

"Same," James says, and Sirius voices his agreement.

In all your time at Hogwarts, the early years especially, never in a million years would you have thought you'd be here right now—in a polyamorous relationship with the troublemakers of the grade, discussing safewords and kink negotiations.

But what's life without a few surprises?

"We can all use the colors," Remus adds, "even if we're not the one subbing. Anyone can check in at anytime. Okay?"

Once that's been established, he pushes forward with, "Okay, so nitty-gritty: What are our boundaries? What do we not want to touch with a ten-foot pole?"

"No bodily fluids," James puts forth, "except for, well, you know. Just spit and come, I think. No blood or piss or anything like that."

You nod. "I don't wanna draw blood. Pain is okay, like bruises and bitemarks or the like, but I don't know about actual... wounds and stuff. For now, at least."

Remus nods. "Absolutely."

"Oh," Sirius says, looking vaguely bashful—which is a sight, because the Sirius Black, looking shy? "Um. I like to dom, right? Like usually, I do. But when I switch and sub, er, I don't like to be degraded. I love doing the degrading, but I don't know about being the degraded one."

Knowing Sirius' past, you understand completely. The rest of the Marauders nod as well, and James shifts towards Sirius, leaning against his leg in a comforting gesture. Sirius smiles at him, soft and affectionate.

"How about you, Moony?" you ask Remus.

"Hm." He thinks about it for a second. "I don't think I would want to do consensual non-consent."

"What's that?" James pokes at Remus' leg.

"Like, when you agree beforehand that a scene is going to be... Non-consensual. Usually, it's so the sub can pretend to struggle and protest and fight back and such. It's a fantasy, kinda like a coping mechanism, and I get it, and I respect people who do like it, but I don't think it's for me."

"So, all in all," Sirius summarizes, "No bodily fluids, no blood, no forced fantasies."

"Sums it up about right," James agrees. "And no degradation for when you're subbing."

"Yep."

"If at any time we think of something that we want to add to the hard-limit list," Remus says, "just say it. Even if it's the middle of a scene or anything, consider this a priority."

Sounds of agreement and understand come from the three of you.

"Also, just for a semi-reference," Sirius says, "I'm a switch, with a lean for being dominant. Remus is... I think, just dominant?"

Remus inclines his head. "I've never had the urge to sub, yet. Again, things might change."

Personally, you thought the idea of Remus on his knees, begging for the three of you, was very appealing, but that's up to Remus to decide.

"I'm also a switch, but I don't know if I have a lean," James pipes up. "I enjoy both equally, it just kind of depends on the moment."

Sirius nods, then looks at you. You're in the middle of leaning over James' head to nab a chocolate cake from the platter—the epitome of grace and dignity.

"I'm a switch," you say, chocolate cake in hand, "with a submissive lean. Like, I think... I think one day, I'd like to try to dom. Maybe. But usually I'm more than happy to sub."

"What a well-balanced group we are," James comments, and Remus snickers.

You yawn right on cue, and Sirius laughs. "Getting too tired, are we?"

"Yeah, but! I was absolutely clearheaded through all that. Fully concentrated. No distractions."

James eyes your chocolate cake.

"One distraction."

"I suppose we can talk about other things another night," Remus says, as your eyelids flutter again with tiredness.

"Other things?" James asks.

"Yeah. Specific kinks, stuff we'd like to try. Rules, corresponding punishments..." The werewolf winks at you. "Rewards."

"I like rewards," you murmur sleepily.

"For another night," Sirius agrees, yawning as well. He looks sadly at the two plates of goodies stacked on the table. "We got all that food for nothing."

"Nah, we can bring it back up to our dorm and charm it so it doesn't go bad," James says. "No worries."

"Right, right. Alright, you grab one plate, Remus grabs the other, I'll take her back up."

"Hey, why do you get to take her?"

"Because I said it first," Sirius maintains, like the dignified adult he is, and scoops you up before any of the other Marauders can protest.

You fall asleep that night on James' bed, in his warm embrace and surrounding by the calming sounds of your boyfriends' steady breathing. All in all, it hasn't been a bad night at all.

[bookwyrminspiration]

TW// Drugs n such

you asked for it smh, but I've been thinking a lot about that one scene in Neverseen in Exilliums healing tent (or whatever its called)

I had a whole rant here about what the implication of this 'serum' might mean in the lost cities but it kinda spiraled into nothing so I'm cutting it out. (main point was just the mood towards drugs, Shannon has had previous mentions of both alcohol and drunk people, so (though im not saying she should incorporate this into a middle grade book series a t a l l), Id be curious to see her take on drugs, (if they exist and how they effect people and the elven population // how is it treated? Is it looked down upon or even forbidden (why we might only see it in Exillium territories) or is it so normal and inconsequential that its just part of the norm in the lost cities?

but anyway, back to the thing I was originally thinking of - i feel like this is something rarely talked about but pls tell me I'm not the only one who has picked up on how weird Keefe's relationship with sedatives is. It's such a contrast to Sophie, where she's openly opposed to taking any type of sedative he seems to be really open to them, in fact in Unlocked every time he's knocked out by a sedative his language is pretty much always positive, like he really enjoys it. This probably just ties into something you mentioned a while back about Keefe and dealing with stuff by running away but I find it really interesting.

(Sorry if this is an uncomfortable ask to get, I know not everyone is comfortable with drug talk and I hope this Isn't overstepping a line.)

you're fine, don't worry! no lines overstepped. I appreciate you including the warning at the top, even though I'm alright talking with the subject. if there's something I'm uncomfortable with, that's not on you to know or worry about because I haven't shared any of my specific triggers, and the more anxiety-inducing ones are so specific to my personal experiences that I highly doubt they'll ever have any effect on any conversation ever. but I do genuinely appreciate your concern <33

I don't remember specifically what I asked for, but this is a topic I hadn't even realized was so fascinating, so thank you for bringing it up! That scene is kinda funny (as in weird) looking back on it, but Keefe was completely out of it and being a lot more vulnerable than he probably wanted to be due to his state of mind. I think it was intended to mirror something like anesthesia or laughing gas (note: in my brief research trying to find info about the boobrie dude I made a mental comparison between tam and sandor, so I'm just making note of it here so I don't forget), at least as far as Keefe's reaction goes. I think part of this was strategic so that we could get some information and vulnerability (although unwillingly) from Keefe and get that first glimpse of "the boy beneath all that swagger" (paraphrased from Sophie). But that's not what your ask is about so I'll move on before I get even more distracted.

wine, at the very least, exists in the lost cities. we've got fizzleberry wine, which is blamed by some for Caprise Redek's accident. Aside from that we've seen no mention of it, as this is a middle grade series about a young teen girl in a fantasy world, and in a "perfect" world there isn't a lot of talk about recreational substances. And I agree with you! this isn't to say that I think drugs and alcohol should be this huge thing in keeper or that it even needs to be address, just commenting that the attitude the general public has towards substances and intoxication is likely even more severe in the elven world, as has been the pattern with other things. We can tell from Caprise's incident that their wine functions similar if not identical to ours, as it was said to have impaired her motor control and thinking, hence how she fell off that balcony. So I think we could assume that drugs in the Lost Cities would be similar to those in the Forbidden Cities in function. Not in name though, likely named after some strange elven thing. Though if we go with the wine example, Fizzleberry is likely an exact description of what it is--the wine probably fizzes and is made from berries.

the elves highly value the mind, so I anticipate that anything that messes with it past beneficial medicinal uses prescribed by a physician are frowned upon. they think of your mental capacity and capabilities as integral to who you are, and composure as essential. drugs take that away and can impair your reasoning, hence my conclusion they're not well liked. however, I propose that this mindset is mostly those who are very proper, for example Lord Cassius. Dex was more than ready to take concentration serums of his own making--and convinced Sophie to take one (note: dex has almost killed both Sophie and Fitz. that can't be fun to know)--which directly messed with his limbic center. However, as he was raised in an apothecary and is already a little less in line with all other elvin values, I don't think him being an outlier is enough to completely through out my assumption. overall: looked down upon because it messes with the mind and the mind is crucial to elven society, and the way it impairs your thinking would make you a lesser person

and you're right! keefe's relationship with sedative is weird. we have this teenager who grew up without stable supports or a loving family having very little regard for how substances will effect his body, prioritizing the possible--not guaranteed, possible--benefits over all the risks. this is not to say drug use is inherently bad, just that the situation he's in makes me very cautious because he feels more at risk of falling into bad habits. also, your observation about tying that into him running away is very astute! i've talked a lot about him running away from his problems in more ways that physical, and I think this is an excellent example of that

he doesn't like his reality, the world he lives in when he's awake and aware and lucid. it's full of all these problems and people and he doesn't know what to do. but when he's asleep? he doesn't have to deal with any of that. he doesn't have to do anything, but he's also troubled enough and anxious enough that sleep doesn't always come easy, and he can be plagued by nightmares. but those sedatives mess with his mind and not only make him sleep faster and longer, but they can mess with your dreams and alter the reality you experience while asleep. i guess it could be a way of trying to take control of a situation he had very little control over, especially in unlocked when everyone else was trying to fix things without consulting him. with his waking world that bad, of course he's gonna like anything that takes him away from it.

it stands out especially when we switch to him as a narrator and he's praising these things and wanting to be sedated, as we've spent so long in Sophie's head and she's so against them from the trauma she experienced in the first book. that could mean his attitude them is more jarring just because we're used to Sophie and it wouldn't seem as dramatic if we'd switched from say, Fitz's head. but that doesn't mean there's nothing here.

i think i've said it before, but Keefe doesn't have any healthy coping strategies right now that he consistently relies on. his deference towards avoidance and making the problem go away, even if it's just in feeling induced by drugs, is a more extreme example of how he doesn't know how to just exist without hurting.

I jumped around a bit between topics so if I missed something you wanted to talk about more in depth please feel free to send another ask! Keefe's relationship to experiencing reality is fascinating and covers things from denial and refusal to change all the way to drugs and literally altering the way his brain perceives reality. This boy is on a collision course with destruction in both body and mind.

[ace-trainer-risu]

what are your fave diana wynne jones books that aren’t howl’s moving castle??

Oh whattt a lovely and fun question which I was definitely not secretly hoping someone would ask!!!! Yay!!

Hm okay so, not specifically in order, probably my top fave Diana Wynne Jones books would be:

Deep Secret! Deep Secret is not just one of my favorite books by DWJ but one of my favorite books full stop! It’s so good. Basically, the premise is that there is an infinite series of interconnected worlds, some of which have magic and some of which don’t, at the center of which is a vast interdimensional magical empire. Magic in the multiverse is overseen by an organization of magicians called Magids and there must always be a specific number of Magids in existence. When Rupert, a young Magid living on Earth, discovers that his mentor has died (ish) he becomes unexpectedly responsible for finding and training the next Magid, which is extremely inconvenient timing for him because the aforementioned magical empire is on the brink of civil war and chaos and its his job to stop it. And also almost all of this takes place at...a science fiction convention. It’s amazing.  I have read this book minimum four (probably more) times and every time it’s absolutely delightful and hilarious. I would like to go to the sci fi convention in this novel more than anything. It’s such a good read and its one of her few novels which is specifically aimed at adults, so I would EXTREMELY recommend it. Plus the romance in it is extremely good...not exactly enemy-to-lovers but more like ‘annoys-the-shit-out-of-each-other’ to lovers.  (**One note about this one...there’s a few very briefly mentioned side characters who are gender noncomforming and even tho they are actually portrayed very positively, it’s not necessarily ideal and 100% respectful (basically the protags comment on them being very beautiful and nice but also keep trying to guess their “real” gender). Additionally there’s a different briefly mentioned side character who is fat who isn’t portrayed very nicely. Both of these are brief incidents, just wanted to provide a warning for them)

Dark Lord of Derkholm - Okay this one is weirdly hard to summarize but it’s about this magical fantasy world which has been taken overy and is being used as a tourist destination by a non-magical world (heavily implied to be Earth) for people who want to role play at being in a classic high fantasy story, including fighting and killing THE DARK LORD...who is really just a random magician pretending to be evil. The inhabitants of the fantasy world do not enjoy this and are trying desperately to stop the tours, but unfortunately according to a magical oracle, their best hope of stopping the tours is this year’s Dark Lord, a hapless farmer magician named Derk, and his, um, eccentric family consisting of his glamorous wife, seven children (of whom five are griffins and one is a bard) and a simply improbable amount of magical animals. And also there is a very good dragon.  I think Derkholm is so great as a novel b/c it’s a very funny, loving but sharp, parody of high fantasy stories...but a lot of the time parodies only function as parodies but not as good stories in their own right, you know? But this novel completely functions as a story too, and in fact the first time I read at maybe age nine or ten, the high fantasy parody went completely over my head...but I still loved it. I also really love that this novel is very accessible to all ages, I think I enjoy reading it as an adult just as much as I did as a kid, which is rare.  For anyone who has read Howl’s Moving Castle but nothing else by DWJ and isn’t sure where to start, I think this is a great place to start. (TW: There’s a brief, non-explicit scene which has implied sexual assault.) 

Fire and Hemlock - This may be the most controversial one since it features a romance with a significant age gap where the two characters meet when one is a child and the other an adult. And I fully agree that that’s :/ and normally that trope is NOT my thing but it doesn’t come off at all creepy in this story imo, and if you think you can deal with that then this is a very weird, atmospheric, cool book about storytelling and fairy tales and growing up. The short summary (this is another hard to summarize one) is that as a child, Polly encounters and strikes up a friendship and correspondence with a young man, Tom, which mainly consists of the two of them jointly making up a silly, ongoing fairy tale type story...but things get weird when parts of their story start to come true in real life.  I’ve only read this one twice but it really stuck with me and in fact just describing it here...really makes me want to read it again!

The Chrestomanci Series - So all of the above are either specifically aimed at adults or a general audience whereas the Chrestomanci series is aimed at children, mainly a middle grade type audience. And tbh I started reading them as a kid (fond memory - I bought an omnibus of the first two with my allowance money...b/c it had a cat on the cover!) so I don’t know what it would be like to first read these as an older teen or an adult. BUT. Honestly they are really good and would be a quick read so I do still recommend them. There’s seven overall, with th seventh being a collection of short stories, and they’re only semi-chronological so the reading order isn’t vital. My recommended order (b/c this the order I read them in, haha) is Charmed Life, The Lives of Christopher Chant, The Magicians of Caprona, Witch Week, The Pinhoe Egg, Conrad’s Fate, and then Mixed Magic you can read whenever you want so long as you read it after Charmed Life and The Magicians of Caprona.  So the very core premise of it is not dissimilar to Deep Secret - there’s an infinite series of worlds/universes and there’s a magician, called the Crestomanci in this case, who is responsible for making sure magic isn’t abused across the multiverse. The Chrestomanci is an extremely powerful enchanter who has nine lives, and the novels are various semi-connected stories about the adventures of Chrestomanci as an adult and child. Chrestomanci is a title so it’s not always the same person, but for the majority of the stories it is the same guy and he’s...the best/worst...He’s this extremely handsome, charismatic, powerful enchanter who is very good at his job, loves his wife a lot, wears very beautiful clothes and makes, um, questionable life choices and is very annoying to everyone. I’ve thought about this very hard and I believe that he’s what happens when you take a fundamentally chaotic good person and make him do a fundamentally lawful good job; yes, he’s going to do it and do it well, but he is going to do it in the most chaotic, ridiculous way possible, and he IS going to die at an ALARMING rate, doing things that would not normally kill a person, such as playing cricket and trying to catch stray cats. He also, as previously mentioned, frequently wears very dramatic silk dressing gowns with elaborate embroidery, which the protag of Charmed Life finds deeply alarming.  It’s very odd to me how these books don’t seem to be well known, because the Chrestomanci books were some of my absolute favorite books as a child. I still have my omnibus editions of the first four novels and they are very worn and very beloved. And it’s so WILD to me that I don’t think I have ever talked to someone who also read those as a kid! Like I’m not saying those people don’t exist, I’m sure I just haven’t met them, but that’s so weiiirddddd to me. If I bring up Tamora Pierce or Garth Nix or other authors of weird, eccentric children’s fantasy novels to other avid childhood consumers of fantasy, people usually know what I mean, but Chrestomanci and its just..crickets. Is it b/c she’s British? Anyway all of the Chrestomanci books are very degrees of good, but if I had to pick a favorite, I think, controversial choice here, it would be Conrad’s Fate. Particularly in terms of recommendations to others, Conrad’s Fate works as a standalone and, unlike the other books in the series, it’s aimed more at a YA audience, so if you wanted to read a Chrestomanci novel without getting into the whole series, that’s a good way to go. It’s about a boy, Conrad, who is told that he has a terrible, possibly fatal Fate awaiting him unless he goes to work as a servant at a wealthy, and weird, estate neighboring his town, at which place he encounters things including color changing livery, an extremely annoying teenage Chrestomanci, and the greatest liminal space house EVER. It’s like a combination of an upstairs/downstairs Downton Abbey type social drama with bizarre fantasy shenanigans. How could that not be good??

Also as Honorable Mentions - A Sudden and Wild Magic and The Time of the Ghost. A Sudden and Wild Magic is fun b/c it’s one of her few works aimed specifically at adults and it’s (gasp) a little bit NAUGHTY which I was very surprised and delighted by when I read it. (This may seem like an unfair statement considering that Deep Secret fully has an orgy in it, but Rupert is so fundamentally unnaughty of a character that he completely unnaughtifies the whole novel, whereas Sudden and Wild Magic embraces being a (little bit) naughty.)   The Time of the Ghost on the other hand is weird and haunting and creepy and atmospheric. I only read it once but it’s one of those novels you just think about periodically and go “wait what the fuck that was a weird novel” (Also known as the “Garth Nix” effect) 

[caxsthetic]

Divided Heart

Nishinoya Yuu x F!Reader

No matter how much someone loves you, no one wants to be loved half-heartedly in their life.

Breeze, ocean breeze always took his breath away somehow. The waves that glides his ship to explore the ocean, the scent of salt attacking his notrils, it always feels like an endless adventure for him. It brought him so far away from home, so far away to someone that he loves so much.

He didn't know at first what he needed to do after graduation. But somehow here he was, in the middle of the ocean. He was in a place where no one expected him to be. His friends thought that maybe he will stay in Japan, maybe continue college and play volleyball as a libero, something that he loves so much.

It was his first dream, to stay in Japan and become a professional volleyball player as a libero. But his dream consists of you there, cheering him on as he receives and saves the ball for his team.

So when you were no longer there in his life, it just felt so wrong to do the same.

You should have known from the start that it's not going to be easy to have him as your boyfriend. He was a hell on wheels; energetic, impulsive, temperamental, and the other traits that made him so unpredictable. But no matter how many warnings that you got from your friends, you still want to be with him, accepting his confession without a second doubt.

But now as you stood on the sideline, you didn't know what to do anymore.

Your eyes bore to the sight in front of you, looking at your boyfriend who was now talking to the beautiful third year manager. It brought you a striking pain in your heart everytime you saw the look on his face as he talked to her.

It was beautiful at first, the start of your relationship. You are one of the student council and you saw him beaten up at one of the classrooms one afternoon at your first year. You know he's bad news, and you should put a lot of distance with him. But he looked so vulnerable with a cut on his face. So you did what everyone always told you not to, creating a wonderful friendship with the said libero, that was now blooming to be a strong relationship.

But now as you walk with him on the sidewalk, you don't know if it is still strong or not.

You didn't particularly know when you started to develop something for the troublemaker. Maybe it was the way he thanked you and brought you to an ice cream parlour the next day after your first meeting, or maybe because he looks so calm and composed on the match, even maybe just because he's being himself.

Nishinoya Yuu was like a sun to your ordinary days in high school, brightening your day since he barged into your life. But then you couldn't help the aching in your heart every time you saw his gaze towards their manager, Shimizu Kiyoko. Ever since he's back to be a libero again, his adoration towards her immensely multiplied.

It was like all of those months that you spent together was just a mere fantasy. You were walking behind him, looking at his back. Somehow you always admire how his figure shoned by the sun as you two walk together after school. But usually, he will grab your hand after a minute, or maybe just whined at you about school. Though, you never saw him like that for these past few months now.

You started noting the changes from him. He usually the one who initiates physical contact, but now he always flinched everytime your hand grazed him. He usually pampers you with kisses after practice, but now he will try to grab his manager's attention until Sawamura scolds him.

You bit your lips as you heard him ramble in front of you. He was rambling about the most beautiful woman. How you wish it was your name who kept rolling from his lips, how you wish it was you who he always tried to grab the attention of. But it was never you, at least not anymore.

"You know you are so gorgeous right?"

"How could someone as kind as you exist?"

"I love you so much, thank you for barging through the classroom door that day."

All of those compliments and all of those love seem to change by time.

"She looks so beautiful, a goddess!"

"She must be an angel in disguise."

"Shimizu Kiyoko is just the most beautiful woman I've ever met."

"Can you stop?" Your voice was harsh, making the boy beside you jolt and stop rambling about the beautiful manager, something that has become his habit, “(Y/n)~ She's such a goddess~! How could someone as beautiful as her exist~?" 

Your heart was now clouded with jealousy as you imitated his action. Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months. You have been enduring it for as long as you can.

But even someone who has patience as big as the world, could reach their peak, right?

"Don't you understand that it hurts me?!" Nishinoya took a step back once he heard you bursted out, "I am tired, Yuu... I am so tired..." You massage the side of your head, trying to calm down, "Why are you always doing that?"

You feel like it was unfair to the boy. Maybe he was just dense and being so oblivious. After all, he once confessed to you that you are his first girlfriend. Maybe this is what your friends have been warning you about after all and you should have known about it.

You expected him to put his arms around you, soothing you with his jokes like he always did. You waited for him to wipe your tears, replacing it with a smile like he used to do. You wanted him to tell you that he loves you, pampering you with kisses like every time you were sad.

But he just stood there, clenching his fist as he looked at you with guilt coating his usually bright brown eyes. That's when you realised the things that have been there for the past months. You put your palm to cover your mouth, trying to stop the scream that really wanted to come out.

"I am so sorry, (Y/n)." It's not the apologize that you want, you didn't want this one, "I am sorry, it's just I-" You don't want him to continue the words, it's too painful to be at your head, and you don't want it to be out from his lips, "I really love her too."

The moment he slipped those words from his lips, you felt like someone just poured ice water on your body. You stumbled, falling to the ground. He was known as the super libero, someone with an extreme reflex, but he couldn't even catch you as you fell, resulting in your knees scraping the harsh pavement.

You shook his head in disbelief, hugging your own body like all of the warmth in your body has been sucked out entirely. You wondered what you did wrong. You were always there for him in every match, you supported him and helped him with his grades, you were there for him every time he needed someone to soothe after losing a match.

But why was it not enough?

"Oh god, I am sorry." It's like he now understood the damages that he had done to you. He crouched down, trying to calm you down as you gasped for air. It hurt him to see you like this. You were the kindest person that he ever met, and now he was the one who hurt you the most.

You were his first kiss, his first lover, his everything. He loves you so much, but he was well aware that you were not the only one who occupied his heart. He thought you would be okay with him acting like that, since you were known as someone who has the patience of an angel.

But he was wrong. He didn't know that he pierced your heart every time he talked about the manager, he didn't know that you would cry in the middle of the night, wondering why someone as plain as you could have a boyfriend. Nishinoya Yuu didn't know the pain that he put you through.

"I am so sorry. You gave me all of your support, all of your love, you always there when I need you. I am sorry, (Y/n). I didn't mean to make you feel like this." He didn't realise that he cried, he loves you so much but he knew you didn't deserve to get a love that was divided in two, "You are so good to me-"

"But that's not enough, right?!" You pushed him away, agony coating your orbs as tears still dripped down your face, "I love you so much, Yuu." You were there in front of him. He didn't know hurt could be more painful than anger, "Why is my love not enough for you?"

Your voice at the end sounded like a whisper, hearts aching at the boy that you have dated for more than a year. How could someone be so greedy for love? His love was enough for you. But for him, your love was never enough. And you blame yourself for not realising it sooner.

"Do you love Shimizu-senpai?" The libero could only turn his face away from you. He couldn't look at you in the eyes anymore, "Answer me, Yuu." He bit his lips and closed his eyes. You could see him through like he was always there in your life. So there's no point in lying. And you thought you were prepared already,

But with a little nod that he does, the sorrow seems to multiplied.

You stood up immediately, legs still wobbly with all of those pain that was striking through your hearts right now. He watched you as you stood, your face looked so emotionless by now. You gulped then looked at his face. If only you listened to your friends warning. Maybe you wouldn’t be in this position right now. But then, it was life, right?

"I love you," You were now smiling, but it's not the same smile that you always gave to him, "But I couldn't be loved like this, Yuu." He knew what would come out from your lips. He wanted to stop it, he knew it must be just a phase, him loving the manager, "Let's break up." But he couldn't stop you from saying so.

There will be no more impromptu date after school, no more kisses before heading at home, no more embrace after a match. There will be no more you in his life and that's what always frightened him, long since he realised he loved someone beside you.

So he just sat there on the pavement, still wrapping his head with the fact that he lost the first girl who ever loved him. Any other girl looked at him with disgust, any other girl looked at him like he was unimportant, any other girl looked at him with a glare. But now he wasted the only girl who ever looked at him with adoration.

He lost you from the greed that was crept on his heart.

The sun kept blinding his eyesight, making him pout because he forgot to bring his sunglasses today. He checked the fishing rod before sitting on the bench once again. His mind wandering to you, the one who got away from his life.

Since he lost you, he never truly loved someone else. So he left, leaving all of those old dreams behind and decided to plan something else. Maybe he did it to forget you, maybe he did it because he knew he lost you for good.

He looked at his phone, searching for your contact name as he waited. His friend who was now an apparel designer gave him your phone number around a month ago. Every time he wanted to give you a call, he was afraid. Afraid that you will hang up immediately when he says his name. He was afraid that he still put you in pain after all these years.

"Uhm, she's okay."

But he decided maybe this is the right time for it. To finally call you.

"Hey, Noya, I am so sorry,"

It rings, and he could only bite his lips as he waited for your voice.

"Just, please don't kill me."

He pouted when it went to the voicemail instead. Though, now he could hear how much your voice has changed. It was beautiful, and you never sounded so happy as much as he remembered. He wanted to tell you that it's him. He wanted to tell you that he regretted everything.

"Oh, it's started? Okay, sorry if I couldn't answer the call! Maybe I am busy so... Please leave a mes-"

There's someone else in the same room as you when you recorded it, stopping you before ending the record.

"Eheh, sorry, I forgot! This is (L/n) (F/n), but soon to be Azumane (F/n)~"

But he could only choke when he heard the familiar last name spilled from your lips.

"Please leave a message after the beep!"

And now, he knew he wouldn't leave a message, not when his heart burned with regret.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*     ༶•┈┈⛧┈♛ ♛┈⛧┈┈•༶    *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Tagged Lovelies:

@allywritesimagines​ @benewol​ @letmeshouyou​ @nitricflame​ @iwaixiumi​ @vventure​ @heccingdead​ @muffins-puffins​ @vlovers-world​

[guardianspirits13]

if you feel like answering, why is natsuo your favorite character? like what do you like most about him? what made you connect to him/what made him stand out to you?

Ohhh boy better buckle up because this is gonna be a long one.

First off, thank you so much for the ask, and sorry it took so long to strap down and answer you! Naturally, I have a lot to say and I'm always looking for opportunities to rant about my favorite character 👀

The chapter that first opened my eyes to Natsuo as a character was chapter 252. I was caught up with the manga at this point so I read it right when it was released and it really touched me. From then on I became invested in his character, particularly his relationship with Touya which I really dug into and channeled into my Brother animatic. He's been my favorit from then on, and there are many reasons for this.

I think the main reason his character resonated with me so deeply is because I've never encountered a character who hits nearly as close to home as he does. I didn't have the best relationship with my father growing up, and despite it being a different and much less serious situation than what Natsuo lived through, I can relate to and understand a lot of his resentment on a personal level. Many of his one-liners are things that I have said or thought before almost verbatim, so needless to say Horikoshi definitely knows what he's doing.

It is very important to me how Horikoshi goes out of his way to give this seemingly minor character so much development. Every scene he is in, every word he says has so much thought behind it and contributes to his character tremendously, and some of the best examples of this are in the latest chapters with him.

He has significantly more developent than most of the minor characters in 1a, despite them obviously appearing much more often. This is because whenever Natsuo does appear, he's very outspoken and the scene normally ends up revolving around him in some way.

I also want to talk about his relationship with his family as a whole- one thing about his character that I don't think anyone else has really mentioned before is how humble he is. He grew up in a household where he was neglected and essentially seen as worthless (regardless of his quirk or lack thereof but I have a whole nother essay for that alone), and even Touya wasn't exactly the kindest to him from what we've seen. Despite this, Natsuo was able to forge his own path and become the person he wanted to be. He got through highschool with good enough grades to get into a pre-med program which in Japan is a very hard thing to do considering national standards, not to mention how different the medical field must be with the variety of mutation quirks that exist.

As for humility, I think the fact that he can be proud of Shouto for forging his own path as a hero despite his personal distaste for hero society, and is immediately thankful when he’s saved from a villain by a group of high schoolers. He doesn’t act like he’s better than anyone else because he’s older, or because he won’t forgive Endeavor (quite the contrary, he seems to view his distaste of Endeavor as a shortcoming on his part).

Another thing that I really just adore about his character is how kind and gentle he is, regardless of (or perhaps in spite of) his upbringing. Considering that he's a male character in a shounen manga, this is particularly interesting to me. Out of his brothers he is physically the most similar to Endeavor, but personality-wise the most different. A huge component of this is that he was raised mostly by Fuyumi and continues to be incredibly close to her. Natsuo is a social person and an emotionally driven character, and he is certainly not afraid to speak his mind- if nothing else, he is honest. Compare this to Shouto, who is definitely an introvert and prefers to keep to himself, kind of blunt about things and definitely lacking in emotional awareness. It’s hard to separate Shouto’s personality from lack of socialization as a kid, but even Endeavor shares many of the same traits. Touya is also an emotionally-driven character but in a completely different way, he’s self-serving and angry and driven for revenge. Perhaps if he had a normal childhood Natsuo and Touya would have been much more similar, but Touya’s early signs of mental illness as a kid festered with lack of treatment. Back to Natsuo, he also is very caring and thoughtful, and we really see this most in the 5th light novel, (official translations aren’t out but here’s a link).

We consistently see just how much he cares about the rest of his family (other than Endeavor, obviously). I think this is seen really clearly through his attempts to connect with Shouto. He knows nothing about his little brother but still tries to connect with him in any way he can think of- playing soccer, eating soba, talking with him about his friends and just generally showing interest in his life.

Another interesting point here is that he almost seems to look up to his siblings as being better than him, especially Shouto. This is not in a jealous way, but more self-deprecating as he sees Fuyumi and Shouto letting Endeavor back into their lives and feels guilty and unkind because he is unable to do the same. He is proud of Shouto, but they are different in so many ways that it’s hard to find a middle ground. Shouto is mature in that he is already halfway to a lifelong career and has experienced many dangerous situations, while Natsuo is a college student and years away from helping people on the same level that Shouto does in high school. Inversely, Natsuo is more socially competent and outgoing, while Shouto is sheltered, and has a unique innocence to him. Natsuo is more familiar with their family situation and thus has a more complex understanding and much stronger stance than Shouto, especially because he knew Touya.

He also goes out of his way to try and help Fuyumi and re-iterate how much she means to him (even if it fails, it’s the thought that counts, amirite?). He consistently comes to dinner when Fuyumi invites him, knowingly exposing himself to his pervasive trauma upon seeing Endeavor to allow her to entertain the fantasy of having a happy, normal family.

I really want to re-iterate here how much of his own pain he puts to the side in just agreeing to show up for dinner. Both times he is visibly uncomfortable and almost upset by Endeavor’s presence as if it makes him anxious (which is understandable), and he is mentally incapable of staying in said situation without freaking out, which he does whenever he can’t escape; the first time when Endeavor puts a hand on his shoulder to stop him from leaving, and the second time mere minutes after an incredibly traumatic near-death experience. (Side note: Endeavor should not be getting up into his personal space like he does, knowing full well how uncomfortable Natsuo is with his mere presence).

He puts his own trauma to the side to help his siblings ,and if that isn’t selfless I don’t know what is.

With all of this deliberate development and the advent of the Dabi reveal, I am confident that Natsuo is going to play a larger role in the future and will contribute in some major way to bringing Dabi down. If there's one thing I trust Horikishi for it's that he doesn't develop his characters for nothing. There's always a payoff at the end that puts everything in place, even though he plays a slow burn. I'm always scared that whenever Natsuo shows up he's gonna do/say something that's inconsistent with his character so far and disprove one of my theories/assumptions/headcanons about him and every time I am proven wrong.

In conclusion: I love my salty son.

If you want to read even more of my thoughts on him, here's a link to a rediculously long meta about his trauma and emotions:

Thank you again for the ask. I very much enjoyed writing it and I hope you enjoyed reading it as well!!!

[megan0013]

Chuckin’ a ⭐️ your way.

Sorry this took so long to answer! I wasn’t sure if I wanted to share or not, but then I realized VARIABLES is never going to get to this point anyway (though I’m halfway done with chapter six) so I might as well write out my thoughts and send them off into the universe.

That being said - this is more of a 1,350 word abridged and super self-indulgent ending than a “Director’s Cut”.

Jim goes into the Darklands months after he does in canon; thus, Gunmar doesn’t take over Trollmarket until Barbara is near the end of her pregnancy. And, unfortunately, she happens to be in the middle of an appointment with Vendel (who does not die) when the coup takes place. She’s recognized immediately as the Trollhunter’s mother and is taken captive after Otto tells Gunmar that Morgana would be most interested in a human/changeling hybrid. Gunmar considers it for a moment, and then appoints the poor polymorph as Barbara’s keeper. Which is how she’s able to stay healthy(-ish) throughout her imprisonment.

Fast forward a couple weeks, and Morgana is finally freed. One of her first orders of business is to go goad the Trollhunter’s incarcerated mother. She walks into the medical dwelling (where Barbara has been kept), monologuing, and then freezes.

“Gwen?”

“Uhhh… No. My name is Barbara Lake.”

But Morgana is convinced Barbara is the reincarnation of her long-lost love (I think they used the same character model, so that’s what this is based on) and decides that, as the mother of all changelings and Gwen’s lover, she’s entitled to keep/raise this baby.

Meanwhile…

Team Trollhunter is freaking the fuck out.

Especially when they’re in the middle of planning a rescue and Strickler’s face suddenly scrunches, and - oh, holy shit - the baby’s coming. There’s a fun scene in which Strickler is in absolute agony and, somehow, Toby winds up holding his hand.

“Omigosh! Breathe, Strickler! Breathe! You’re having a baby!”

“Do I look like I have the equipment to give birth, Domzalski? Fuck off!”

“I’m hurt, Strickler. Wounded.”

Abruptly, all the pain stops.

But then a feeling of fear, and exhaustion, and unparalleled love overwhelms him as the bond moves from a physical connection to an emotional one.

“It’s too late,” he says. “We’re too late.”

They’re not too late, and within twenty-four hours they (Strickler, Claire, and Aaarrrgghh) manage to infiltrate Trollmarket. Strickler finds Barbara. They have a very panicked reunion - “Oh my. That’s  my daughter, and I’m so happy but we must get you out of here right fucking now.” - before Claire portals them to the hospital, where Nik and a very specifically picked team are not-so-patiently waiting.

Morgana is pissed.

Anyway. There are a few complications but, ultimately, both mom and baby are okay. Barbara is sedated to help her heal (which is probably not something that happens irl, but let’s pretend - ok?), so Strickler is able to get some good bonding time in with his daughter while trying to keep up with Jim’s persistent, panicked texts.

At one point, Nik tells Strickler to go home for a few hours. He does, but only stays long enough to shower and pack a bag before heading back to the hospital - with Jim in tow. There’s a lovely brother/sister moment, and then Barbara wakes up and there’s an even lovelier brother/sister/mom/dad moment.

Jim goes home and instantly agrees to Merlin’s terms, while Strickler tries to talk Barbara into leaving town with the baby. She’s not having it. At all.

“Have you forgotten I’m the one person Morgana wants alive?”

Toby texts later that evening to see if they’ve heard from Jim. Barbara freaks and Strickler goes to join in the search for him. It’s a very tense day, followed by a very tense evening and a super awkward conversation in Barbara’s hospital room at 3 am wherein Jim starts gnawing absently on a stethoscope.

All this happens while Morgana is plotting out how best to bring forth the Eternal Night, betray Gunmar, and get her little ‘family’ back. She summons Otto (the changelings aren’t slaughtered, btw, and some of them are pretty sympathetic toward Strickler after seeing him around town actually living what they thought was only a fantasy life) and instructs him to kidnap the baby.

“You want me to… to steal Stricklander’s daughter?”

“Were you not listening? No, I want you to bring me the child that is rightfully mine. Her mother will surely follow.”

He’s hesitant but goes to do as he’s told.

Only, he doesn’t get a very good look at Nik when they pass in the hallway and winds up getting a few of his features wrong. Which probably wouldn’t matter if he were trying to trick anyone else, but Barbara and Nik have known each other since 8th grade and she calls him out almost immediately.

“You’re the polymorph. Otto, right? Walt’s told me so much about you.”

“He has?”

“Of course. He said you two used to be close - like brothers. In my book, that makes you family. Would you like to meet your niece?”

And, just like that, the Lake’s adopt another changeling.

Something Strickler is most skeptical of when he returns to the hospital a few hours later to find them chatting about some dumb stunt he’d pulled back in the early 1600’s. Nomura meets up with them, too, and the four manage to hash out a stupid, harebrained scheme to keep Morgana distracted up to, and during, the final showdown with Jim.

(I haven’t quite thought out all the specifics yet, but the plan includes Nomura in a glamour mask and Otto squeezing into a teeny, tiny little shape - so, you can guess where that’s going)

Anyway.

Barbara and baby are released from the hospital after three nights (might be two, idk, we’re playing fast and loose with the timeline here). They get home, entertain a few unexpected guests, host some impromptu strategy sessions, and then settle in for a small family meal that Strickler prepares in the hopes of bridging the gap from Jim’s old human palette to his new troll one. It goes over way better than canon, that’s for sure.

Later, after Jim has left to prepare for battle and the baby is finally down, a teary-eyed Barbara asks Strickler if he’s willing to stay with her that night. He jumps at the chance, because…

They still aren’t together.

They’ve ‘shared a bed’ once or twice since he moved in, but those were moments of passion and need that had only ever manifested into miscommunication and more. mcfreaking. yearning.

(They were roommates, anyone?)

And now? Well, this is definitely one of those moments. But with sex off the table, and a newborn two feet away, and the end of the world looming - maybe he should just tell Barbara how he feels about her?

“If something happens and I don’t come home tomorrow, I need you to know… My feelings for you haven’t changed. I’m still hopelessly in love with you.”

Of course, she feels the same.

Vows are made, kisses are exchanged, and they manage to get a few hours of rest before their daughter starts grumbling in her sleep.

The next day dawns bright and beautiful, and before Strickler leaves for battle Barbara wishes him good luck. He kisses her, then the baby, and says:

“This is all the luck I need.”

Or something like that.

(Because I think this kid’s name is Felicity [meaning ‘happiness’, and derived from felicitas meaning ‘luck, good fortune’]? Though, I might have just left it as Rory for consistency’s sake. Fun Fact: Rory is short for Aurora [Goddess of the Dawn], which I thought was a fitting name for a changeling to give their daughter.)

Ok, back to the story.

Everything, surprisingly, goes according to plan. Morgana is sufficiently distracted by Merlin and Aaarrrgghh, then by Otto and Nomura long enough for Jim to vanquish the Skullcrusher once and for all. But then she catches a whiff of the changeling magic surrounding Otto and Nomura. Everything sorta goes to hell after that.

True to canon, however, Team Trollhunter wins in the end by trapping Morgana in the Shadow Realm.

But only after Strickler sacrifices himself to save Jim’s life.

…

Joking.

They all live happily ever after.

(Until, ignoring Wizards altogether, Morgana breaks free a few years later and kidnaps the one changeling who isn’t a product of her magic, and is thus impervious to her mind control. Hijinks ensue. Morgana is rather pleased when the kid’s parents show up to rescue her.)

[catty-words]

Why Not Just Anyone Will Get Their Own Narration

Or, the narration meta no one asked for.

Never Have I Ever shifting the POV to Ben Gross for an episode was a pleasant surprise for most viewers—certainly was for me!—and, as a result, I’ve seen/heard the other cast members get asked who would narrate their own POV episode. And as much as I love the speculation, I’ve noticed a pattern in the narration that makes me a) think not just anyone will get a breakout POV and b) appreciate the way Ben getting his own is, not forecasted, exactly, but highlights an internal consistency in the universe that I really enjoy.

To start, let’s take a look at how McEnroe discusses Kamala—the best example of what I mean from the first episode.

Intro: That’s Devi’s cousin Kamala. She moved in after Mohan’s passing to complete her PhD at CalTech. Devi is not a fan.

Later in the Ep: Kamala was expected to have an arranged marriage after she finished her studies abroad, but she felt less than enthusiastic about that idea.

The intro is similar to what most characters get in the first episode—a brief rundown of why they’re in Devi’s orbit and a hint at their main personality traits. And, in addition to this intro being framed in how Kamala relates back to Devi, we get the bit of insight that Devi doesn’t like her. It’s all very much grounded in Devi’s head.

McEnroe popping in during the Vishwakumar family dinner, on the other hand, deviates from Devi’s perspective. Even though Kamala is clearly sarcastic about finding the potential-husband news exciting, it’s also clear that Devi is too self-involved to pick up on this. Instead of frowning sympathetically at Kamala’s clear frustration, Devi excuses herself from the table because Kamala “[doing] nothing and [getting] a full husband in the mail” niggles at her insecurity about being undesirable.

Contrast that with the Ben-centric narration from the episode.

This disgusted reaction, belongs to Ben Gross, Devi’s nemesis. … Ben Gross’s father, Howard, whom he idolized, was a top entertainment attorney in Beverly Hills. This allowed Ben Gross to dine out for years on the fact that Blake Griffin was at his Bar Mitzvah. And he and Devi have been vying for the number one spot in the class every year since first grade.

We learn of his relationship with Devi, but we don’t actually get additional insight to his thoughts and feelings. The fact that his dad’s a lawyer and that Blake Griffin was at his Bar Mitzvah are both bits of common knowledge around the school. If anything, the slightly mocking tone in which this information is delivered makes this bit of narration even more grounded in Devi’s POV rather than Ben’s.

Kamala goes on to get a couple more moments of character-building in the narration that go beyond what Devi notices about her cousin. 1.04 is a prime example (As the aunties praised her, Kamala had a sinking feeling. She didn’t want to get married, but she put on a happy face, like I did at the trophy ceremony when I lost the French Open to Ivan Lendl in 1984).

McEnroe also gives us insight to Fabiola’s inner life—insights that Devi couldn’t be said to know because, even though she concedes that it makes a lot of sense in 1.07, Devi’s clearly finds Fabiola’s coming out to be a revelation.

1.03: As a scientist, Fabiola was used to a clear-cut, data-driven life. Which is why she was struggling with these new, complicated emotions.

1.05: We’re gonna jump ship and check in on Fabiola, who has much more interesting things going on. Fabiola had told no one she was gay, except her robot, Gears Brosnan. She knew the next logical step was to come out to some humans, specifically her family.

McEnroe even makes it explicit that we’re leaving focus on Devi to tune into Fabiola’s life in the episode-five narration.

The narration over scenes involving Ben in these episodes, on the other hand, goes like this.

1.03: What made Devi most sad wasn’t seeing Paxton all over the hottest girl in her grade. It was that she let herself believe she actually had a shot with him. … Drunk and rude, Devi was indulging in what I would call self-destructive behavior.

1.05: Years ago, Devi and Ben split all extracurriculars down the middle, except for sports, which required too much locker room nudity for either of them. // Devi was panicking. How did Ben find out about her lie? Simple. Her friends told him.

In 1.03, even though Ben is present, the narration over the scene is all about Devi. If anything, Ben interjects into/interrupts the discussion of Devi’s mental state, and she promptly ignores him in favor of being “self-destructive.”

And even though we get the insight that Ben isn’t comfortable with locker room nudity, it’s—again—something Devi obviously knows/intuited because of the pact.

The second bit of narration I included from 1.05 tells us something Devi doesn’t know—that it was her friends who told Ben about her lie—but rather than being a special insight to Ben’s POV, it’s simply expository. An in-case-you-forgot bit of narration.

The only other bit of narration involving Ben after 1.06 comes in the final episode of the season, where McEnroe sets up another in-case-you-forgot exposition flashback, which makes me curious to know how McEnroe-provided narration involving Ben might evolve for season two.

Eleanor and Nalini land somewhere in an ambiguous middle in terms of McEnroe knowing their inner thoughts and feelings.

For Eleanor, the only bit we have to go off of comes in the second episode.

Devi strode off, confident her friends had believed this bullshit story. Fabiola and Eleanor were confident their friend had become completely unhinged.

This line obviously steps outside Devi’s POV, but it’s also not solely Eleanor’s moment. Everything else that would be—involving her mother—is the same expository, facts-Devi-would-know style of narration. Therefore, I think Eleanor’s still totally in the running for her own POV episode.

As for Nalini, we get these moments in 1.04.

Nalini was a little on edge. This was the first puja they had gone to since Mohan’s untimely death and Devi’s paralysis.

The day had been a long one for Nalini, and she needed a win, even if it was a small one.

They’re grounded in the isolation Nalini feels and one of the major conflicts of the season is that Devi doesn’t have access to the fact that Nalini’s struggling as much as she is. So, we can probably call this a step outside Devi’s POV. It’s simply not as dramatic a break as for Kamala or Fabiola.

Of course, for episode ten to have the emotional impact it does, it makes sense we wouldn’t spend the season discussing Nalini’s heartbreak. It has to be more subtly communicated to the audience via Poorna Jagannathan’s acting and the flashbacks we’re given. Therefore, I think it’s unlikely that Nalini would get her own episode, but definitely not out of the question.

And, finally, there’s Paxton. As the object of Devi’s desire, so much of the narration revolves around Paxton—far too much for me to compile here or discuss individually, since I’m looking to wrap up this meta in, like, a hundred words.

So, here are the bits I’ve pulled out.

1.02: Whoa, Paxton speaks Japanese? Guess his last name makes more sense now.

1.09: Even though Nalini was talking out her frustration more than anything else, Paxton was stung by these little digs at his intelligence.

In 1.02, our narrator is actively surprised by new information, which makes a pretty solid case for the fact that McEnroe doesn’t have access to Paxton’s inner-life. And that makes sense because, when I call him the object of Devi’s desire, I’m putting a lot of emphasis on object. Devi doesn’t fully let herself acknowledge that Paxton’s more than a fantasy, so of course McEnroe—the voice inside her head—wouldn’t be super concerned with his personhood, either.

The line from 1.09 seems to throw a bit of a wrench into the works, since Paxton being insecure about his intelligence has every appearance of being a special insight. And I’m not going to go all the way and say that’s not the case, but I will bring up Devi’s line from 1.05: “Paxton’s not dumb, okay? He’s just…consistently bad at school!”

Obviously, Devi’s at least semi-aware that intelligence is Something to Paxton. On the other hand, she’s saying the line to fend off criticism from Ben, so it could just as easily be posturing as protectiveness over Paxton’s insecurity rather than actual knowledge the insecurity exists.

In summation, I still think Paxton’s the most likely candidate for a breakout POV episode in season two—boy desperately needs some interiority, so this is certainly high on my s2 wish list—with Eleanor a close second and Nalini a potential third. I think it’s unlikely that the show will (or would even consider) writing one for every character, though.

[mxvladdy]

Mammon- Untouched (GN MC)

*trips over my own thirsty ass self* But for real it’s just smut. Kinda on the soft end of the spectrum for me. IDK what to tag this as but it’s got nipple clamps and subby bois so...there’s that. 

Sorry if it’s not great! As much as I love my job, I’m also renovating my place so I am hella drained 90% of the time and words are hard.  Hopefully once my place is done I’ll be less stressed and pop out the goods more frequently. 

Ok-enough of my rambles. Have some writers block smut. I got more on the chopping block waiting to be edited later.

“Sh-Shit.” Mammon squirms under your stern gaze. His jewel-toned eyes dart wildly from your impassive expression to the clamps slowly turning his nipples a beautiful shade of red. He blushes in embarrassment, cheeks heating to match the redness of his chest. It travels down the broad plains of his lithe body before disappearing beneath his jeans. The red blends and swirls with the purples and blues you nipped across him earlier that night. Your bites follow the flow of his chalk-white markings, the contrast between the two play beautifully off his tan skin. “Oi!” He squawks noticing the phone held in your free hand.

“Ah-ah. Be a good boy and sit pretty for me.” You smile sweetly. “ I want to memorialize how good you look.” Mammon curses under his breath trying his best to settle back on his heels. He knew if he got too squirmy you would stop immediately. You only had his best interest in mind and you could read him sometimes better then he could himself. If you got even a hint of him having an off day you would stop. That was one of the things he loved about you. Whenever it was “playtime” there were strict rules; on both sides. Mammon needed consistency, a firm hand, but gentle hand and praise. And all you needed was obedience. It was a good system for both of you. But, he really really wanted this tonight.

Allowing him time to compose himself again you flick through your phone. Glancing over your phone you enjoy watching him move back into his resting position with short jilted movements. The weights on his chest swinging with each tiny movement. His sharp fangs scrap along his lower lip. Muting his little huffs as the clamps shift.

Back in position, Mammon arches his chest up towards you. His dexterous hands white-knuckled on his ankles. He widens his knees, the pose drawing your eye to his growing bulge. You take your pictures humming and tugging at the thin chains attached to his chest. The light pressure is enough to make him tremble. His brain scrambling at your little coos of praise and the flashes of your phone’s camera. He sits and waits for you like a good boy. He hopes that you share a few with him.  

You finish up with a quick kiss to his temple, saving the best ones to your password-protected file. Some pictures were just of him. Some were close up of the cruel little claps. The camera flash picking up the pretty little gems adorning the sides of them. Others were of his glassy eye gaze. Even through the lens of the camera, you could feel his love and trust. But, by far your favorites were of the growing damp spot on his designer jeans. “Chin up!” You bark. Savoring your demon’s little whines and whimpers, you press the ball of your foot to his twitching crotch. Mammon meets your warm gaze. Gently you brush back the hair sticking to his sweaty forehead. “Good boy.” He smiles. “You are doing so well for me today! Tell me; have you followed my rules this week?” He grunts and nods, your words swimming in his head. “Use your words.” You cut off his incoherent whining with a quick tug on the chains.

“Fuck~” The sharp burn of the textured steel clamps edging him further to the precipice. His hips move involuntarily against your foot. The thick fabric was wet and chafing his stiffened cock. It felt damn good. You allow him to rut for a moment longer. The slow grind his covered cock against your leg making you heat up as well. “I-yea-yea I was good. I swear.” He pleads voice wobbling, dangerously close to tears.

“Shhh-” Taking the back of his head gently you pull him to rest it against your thigh. You already knew that. Lucifer had been blowing your phone up all week asking what you did to his brother. Not one thing missing, and his grades have improved- not by much, but better than they have been in years. You smirk into Mammon’s soft white hair soaking in his breathy pleas. With the right incentive, anything is possible. “I know, and I’m so proud of you keeping your word. But what else is to be expected from the Great Mammon. I think you deserve this, yes?” He nods into your lap with a happy sob. His plush lips kiss at every inch of your thigh he can reach in thanks. “How would you like this to go sweet boy?” You ask and pull him up once more to look at you. He thinks about it for a moment. There was so much he wanted, all of them so good it made him light-headed just thinking of it. He wanted you over him, being as greedy as you desired with his body, almost as much as he wanted to be over you. Staking his claim so thoroughly his brothers would never look on what was his again.

Perhaps next time you’d indulge him. Desperation winning out he steals the finger closest to his mouth and sucks on them, eliciting a satisfying sigh from your lips. “Anything you like-just, please. Let me come.” He moans around your digit. Slipping another finger into his mouth you play with his tongue. Your middle and ring finger press down on the warm little ball of silver sitting neatly in his mouth. It had been a beautiful little surprise he got for you last time you had visited the human whelm.

You raise a brow “Anything?”He drools around you messily, savoring the taste of your skin. Taking your hand away, he tries to chase it with a kiss. “Think you can come just like this?” You ask. “ Make a mess of yourself in your jeans? From nothing but my fingers and the clamps?” Mammon looks down at your foot still pressed firmly against his erection. “Oh? This” You press down harder before pulling back. “No, perhaps next time.” You tuck your foot neatly away from his line of sight forcing him to focus back on his own chest. The demon huffs, breaking characters to flash you one of his signatures pouts.

“You’re worse than Lucifer.”

“Eww.” You laugh. “No talk of your brothers in here! This is our time.” You lean down to bump your forehead against his, stealing a quick kiss. His eyes soften and he returns the kiss with another. This one is slow, sweet, and much too innocent for this scene. With that in mind, you pull away and offer your spit covered fingers once more to him. “It’s this or nothing tonight Mammon.” You harden your tone, pulling you both back into the scene.  

He takes your two fingers back reverently. His eagerness makes you flush. The noises he makes around your fingers could probably make Asmo blush. But, Mammon was always a messy lover, in the best possible ways of course. You groan, loving the little moans and coughs he makes as he takes the fingers deeper. His talented tongue dancing across the smooth pads. Your demon keeps eye contact with you while he nips and licks at your digits, taking special care not to cut you with his razor-like incisors. Goosebumps bloom down your body with each pass of his teeth. The smooth sides of them grazing you with each pass. He beams up at you, looking for praise, already deep into his subspace.

“Look at you, what a lovely picture.” You run a gentle hand through his silky hair. He leans into your touch, eyes half-lidded. You massage his scalp digging your blunt nails into him. “Are you enjoying yourself? I must say I am. You always know how to make me feel good. I love that you are the only man that can do that for me.” Mammon whimpers around you, bucking his hips in longing. You pull back not wishing for it to be over so soon.  

“Damn it!”  He pants, so close to breaking character again. His ankles scream under the pressure of his nails. The bite of them grounding him against the heady feelings you pull from him. The delicious mix of pain and pleasure was only heightened by your sweet voice. His cock twitching with each little pull of the chain or murmur in his pinking ears. The bite of metal from his zipper against his leaking head the perfect cherry onto. He was so close.

Your demon rambles, words slurring together with each passing stroke of your hand. He swears he’ll feel this for days. The brush of his school shirt against his sore chest. It’ll keep him hard and on edge for days. How was he going to keep his hands off himself or you during council meetings? How was he going to keep still knowing you’ll be watching him in classes?   Preoccupied as he was in his fantasies he didn’t notice you reach down to loosen the clamps ever so slightly. You eye him like a hawk, following the pull and twitch of muscles under his skin.

The closer he got the louder he was; edging always brought out the best in him. His last sentences turning into a garbled mess of tears and pleas to come. All he needed was one final push. He tells you so.

“Color?” Mammon’s eyes open questioningly blinking back a few stray tears.

“G-Green. I want you.” He wasn’t sure what you were going to do but he trusted you implicitly. Beaming at his declaration, you push his chin up for the final time. Determined to see his face when he finally came. Waiting until his eyes cleared slightly, you finish your little scene with a flourish. Before he could register your sharp movement you tug at the loosened clamps, pulling them off with a sharp jerk.

Mammon’s howl of ecstasy reverted around the large expanse of his bedroom. The sudden feel of blood rushing back to his tender chest and warm pricking around it sending him over. The pins and needles sensation blooming over his body as he came was damn near addicting. He falls boneless into your awaiting lap. His howls turning into soft whimpers and whispered swears as he rides the wave of his release. You let him stay there for as long as he needed. After a few minutes, he stirs, brain rebooting slowly. Strong arms wrap around your waist as he comes to. His body weight anchoring you down to your chair. Mammon can’t help but smile into your soft thighs, feeling your fingers trace across the markings on his sweat-soaked back. “You good baby?”

“Can’t feel my legs.” He chuckles. “Give me a second then I’ll get off of ya.”

“Mmmm. Take your time, we have all night after all. Although, I doubt those pants are comfortable right now.” Mammon hums in agreement casting a quick look down at his soiled jeans.

“Ya just saying that to see me naked.” You laugh but don’t disagree with him. He pulls away to peak up at you through his damp hair, flashing you a mischievous grin. “Course, I sure wanna see you naked too.” His fangs tear teasingly into the seam of your pants. His warm breath dampening your newly exposed skin.

You shift, spreading your legs to draw him closer to your core. Your message was explicitly clear. If that’s what you want then you better work for it.  

[psychosistr]

SHUSH/FOWL Double Agent “Maravilla”

Art by @thefriendlyfour​ (thanks for the character designs, and thanks to @starlightmoth for help with the dress designs!), full bio below the cut.

Physical Description: A tall and lovely purplish jay with purple feathers across most of her body except for the black feathers on her chest, neck, and most of her head. “Hair” feathers are two-toned with the outside/top being black and the inside being purple. While working for SHUSH, her hair is kept tied up in a bun that only shows the black part of her hair as per protocol to keep it neat, but one long, wavy strand of black bangs always hangs down on the right side of her face. While working for FOWL or off the clock, she figuratively and literally lets her hair down and reveals her true colors in a natural Bolivian-style loose wave with both colors of hair on full display. Beak is purple with black lipstick while in her FOWL outfit.

Outfit: Has two main outfits that she’s seen in- one for SHUSH and one for FOWL.

Her SHUSH outfit is in the standard grey suit-style with a white button-up shirt beneath the traditional grey coat. Skirt ends just above her knees and has pockets below her black leather belt with a circular silver buckle. Accessories are kept simple while working with SHUSH, sticking to black french-heel style back-seam stockings, black loafer-style heels, silver oval-framed glasses, a black neck tie with a white ivory marigold-shaped tie pin, and a matching black hair band with a white marigold-shaped piece on the front to hold up her hair bun.

Her FOWL outfit is a far cry from her SHUSH one, going with a stream-lined but figure-flattering red sleeveless asymmetrical halter-top dress. The bottom of her gown is lined with black down feathers (she’ll never say if they’re real or fake) and the right side has a black marigold-outlined pattern. Her accessories are much flashier than her SHUSH outfit, too, consisting of a gleaming silver chain-link belt that doubles as a hand-wrap for martial arts when necessary, a golden-chained necklace with a black onyx stone carved into a marigold, matching golden bangles and rings with round onyx stones, sheer black thigh-high stockings with black lace garter belts, and shiny black ankle-strap platform heels with tiny silver marigold-shaped buckles.

Gender: Female

Sexual Orientation: Extremely flirtatious lesbian.

Age: 28

Nicknames: Mara, Mari, Marigold, Vi, Ms.Flores.

Real Name: Marisol Flores

Background:

Born in Bolivia, Marisol Flores lived what many would consider an average life. She had a nice family that wasn’t too cold or too forgiving, lived comfortably middle class, and graduated from high school with good enough grades to get into her desired college with a decent amount of grant money.

While her life was comfortable, Marisol never really held any passion for her studies and quietly worried that she was just doing what was expected of her- something that would eventually lead her to an unsatisfying but stable job with an unsatisfyingly mundane future.

On her way to class one day, though, Marisol’s future took a drastic turn: She took a less crowded route to school and stumbled into a battle between a small team of FOWL and SHUSH agents. At first, she was scared of being caught in the crossfire and possibly dying. Soon, however, that fear turned to excited adrenaline and she realized that, for the first time in her life, she felt truly ALIVE.

After surviving the firefight unnoticed and unharmed, Marisol devoted her time to finding out more about the groups she saw that day. It took a few years and a lot of digging to find out who exactly both FOWL and SHUSH were (most of her methods being less than legal), but the thrill of excitement and danger spurred her on.

Finding connections to both organizations in Calisota, she scraped together her meager savings and bought a one-way ticket to America, leaving her hometown, as well as her family, and never looking back.

Marisol impressed both organizations at different times by locating their bases and asking for membership, proving her cunning and her worth by passing the dangerous tests and trials they put her through.

It’s unknown which organization she allied herself with first, but both believe her to be a double agent that they themselves planted within the enemy’s side- neither group knowing her true intentions or where her loyalties, if she has any, really lie.

Current Position:

Within SHUSH, Agent Maravilla is considered their top informant and “enemy information acquisition specialist”, providing them with information on FOWL’s more diabolical plans and less guarded bases/outposts.

Within FOWL, Agent Maravilla is a valuable mole planting viruses in SHUSH’s computer systems, sending copies of their most confidential documents, and tipping FOWL off to any banks currently providing funds to SHUSH so they can “coincidentally” be robbed later.

Personality:

Maravilla is best defined by three traits: She is secretive, a massive flirt, and an adrenaline junky.

Always keeping people around her at arm’s length to avoid them finding out the true nature of her double-agent status and questioning her intentions, many of her fellow agents on both sides view Maravilla as an elusive and secretive enigma who will be there and gone before they can even blink.

Still, despite her natural stance on keeping her work matters a secret and being resistant to letting anyone in, she can never resist the chance to hit on a beautiful woman. She’s charming and smooth in her approaches, able to make more than a few supposedly straight women reconsider their sexual orientation.

For the ones she’s especially fond of, whether romantically or she just finds them fun to flirt/talk with, she’ll leave them a purple or red marigold as a token of affection/calling card with an otherwise anonymous gift of the lady-in-question’s favorite snack.

Delving even further into Maravilla’s psyche after getting past the secretive enigma and the charming flirt, though, lies a more adventurous side that is still, at its core, the reason she joined both organizations- her love of thrilling, life-or-death situations and the danger that comes with both jobs.

The more deadly the situation she’s in, the happier she is with it, often throwing her enemies off because they don’t know how to deal with someone so excited to nearly die.

“Surrender now or we WILL kill you!”

“Ooooh, really?! Come on then, do it!”

“I..uh...huh? What the heck is wrong with this woman..?”

Still, despite her adrenaline-junky nature, she’s not (completely) suicidal and will still take the opportunity to fight back or escape when it presents itself- often doing so at the last possible second to get the maximum danger-high she craves.

Interesting Bonus Facts:

Speaks Spanish and English on a regular basis, but also speaks Portugese and Aymara from time to time, even if it’s mostly to herself or to swear without being understood.

Fighting style involves quick, sharp slaps and hand-chops combined with devastating elbow strikes and sharp kicks/stomps from her deadly heels.

This style would best be described as the martial art of aikido.

Best example would be Anna Williams from the Tekken series.

Bonus note- she’d totally cosplay Anna given the chance.

In addition to her martial arts skills, she’s also known to keep some deadly backups hidden up her literal and metaphorical sleeves in the form of drugged needles hidden in the long-sleeves of her SHUSH uniform that can knock out enemies or make them hallucinate, as well as a few throwing knives strapped to the lacy garter belts of her FOWL clothing.

Has a soft spot for cheesy romance novellas and telenovelas, and will often be found reading/watching some in her free time or while waiting for a meeting.

Is surprisingly good at football since she played it with her siblings growing up.

Do not ever call it soccer around her or she will kick the ball right into your face.

Has deadly aim, even while wearing heels.

Could totally pull THIS off with ease.

Despite knowing it’s likely an unrealistic fantasy with the way she lives her life, Maravilla really DOES want to get a girlfriend (or possibly more than one, she’s not opposed to polyamory if she likes all parties involved) someday.

[barnes-dameron]

Just a Little Mix-Up

*gif not mine*

Modern!Poe Dameron x reader

Word Count: 3.8k

Summary: Two identical folders: one containing boring office work, the other containing race pictures of you. What happens when your crush of three years, Poe Dameron, accidentally has the latter? 

To say that your heart was going the same speed of a race car during the final lap of the Daytona 500 was an understatement. You prayed that the world would open up and swallow you rather than have the most embarrassing event in history happen to you. You tried to think back on what went wrong; what you could’ve prevented from something like this happening to you. 

The last thing that you wanted to happen, happened. Poe Dameron, your crush of three years, has ever exposing pictures of you. After a deep breath in effort to clear your mind, you went back, and assessed the events that led up to this horrific one. 

One month ago...

The cafe was alive with both loyal and new patrons as the usual band played their new music. You always loved this place. The people were always interesting, the music lifted spirits, and everything on the menu was perfected to a delicious and savory taste. There was no way you could’ve found this place on your own. Finn, a friend from the office at which you both worked, invited you to the cafe one evening to meet his friends, Rey and Poe. 

The moment you saw Poe, butterflies erupted in your stomach. The last time something like that happened was a middle school crush. You thought he would be charming, but instead he was a huge dork with the brightest smile in the galaxy. It relieved you to know that he was human instead of some mythical god. After that night, it wasn’t just Finn inviting you out but Poe as well. On multiple occasions, Poe has freely confessed to you that he enjoys your company and sarcastic sense of humor. Especially since he could make jokes with you that Rey and Finn wouldn’t understand. Apparently, to him, you two have more in common than what he has with Finn and Rey. These interactions only made your feelings grow, but you always kept them to yourself. You didn’t think you weren’t enough for him or anything. But the fear of losing his friendship and the risk of the friendship being awkward in case of rejection prevented you from voicing your own feelings. However, you were content with the friendship for now. At this point, you and Poe were so comfortable with each other that he would put his arm around your shoulder while walking or sitting. Whenever you got cold, he would lend you his jacket. You hated how you cherished these little displays of affection. You consistently have to remind yourself that things are platonic, and will remain platonic. 

But you weren’t at the cafe for Poe. You sat a table, waiting for your friend, Lina. You and Lina have been friends since high school, and were always there for each other for the good and the bad. Sometimes you would talk to her about Poe, which she always replies with “Don’t be a baby, and just tell him,” to which you ignored. She texted you this morning saying she wanted to see you. 

Lina came in, greeted you with a hug like always, and sat across from you at the table. After some small talk and catching up on each other’s lives, Lina’s demeanor changes before your eyes. Her usual smile disappeared, her stare turns towards the table, and she starts to fidget with her hands. 

“Y/N,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “I need to ask you a favor.”

Your heart sank. Surely this must be something serious if she’s so nervous to ask. 

“Of course,” you replied. “Anything.”

“So you know I’m in fashion school,” she began, and only going further after a nod from you. “Well, there was an assignment where we design and reproduce an article of clothing. For the assignment, we need to bring in the clothes and have pictures of someone modeling the clothing. My model dropped out on me, and I need a new one. And I was wondering if you can do it?”

The question confused you, but you were glad it was this kind of favor and not one asking for an organ. This would be a walk in the park. 

“Are you kidding me?” you said. “Lina, I would love too. It sounds like fun.”

“Really?” she squeaked, light returning to her eyes and a smile reemerging to her face. 

“Yeah,” you replied. “What kind of clothing is it?” 

“Lingerie,” Lina said. 

Your heart stopped. 

“Lingerie?” you repeated. “Lina, I can’t do that!”

“Why not?” she retorted. “Give me one reason you can’t model lingerie?”

“Look at me,” you said while making a hand gesture towards your body. “I don’t have the confidence to pull it off. And frankly, I’m not comfortable with your class seeing half naked pictures of me.”

“Okay,” Lina started. “You have a great body and you could totally pull this off without a problem. Once you try it on and we get some good music on, you’re not going to want to take it off. And besides, my professor will be the only one seeing it. Other than her, me, you, and the photographer, no one else will see those pictures. You can trust me on that.”

Maybe it was her reasoning or your kind heart, but you made the decision that would set the spark to the bomb that would become your downfall. 

“Okay,” you sighed. 

Two weeks ago...

You stood in the dressing room, facing the mirror while cringing. Why did you agree to this? You looked over yourself in the black lingerie set that Lina designed and made. Your breasts were pushed up to the max, the lace clung to your torso like a second layer of skin, and the panties barely covered your front much less the back. Lina styled your hair and did your make-up before you went in to change. You probably would’ve stayed in the changing room if it hadn’t been for Lina’s impatient shouts. You sighed heavily, and opened the door. 

“Look at you, sexy,” Lina said as soon as she saw you. 

You rolled your eyes, and approached her. 

“Lina, I look ridiculous,” you hissed, not wanting the photographer to hear. 

“Okay first off, don’t say that because I designed that,” she replied, holding up a finger to accompany her offended look. “And second, you look great. You’re just not used to seeing yourself this gorgeous.”

There was a certain truth behind her words. You rarely ever put on lingerie, and rarely had a chance to do so. Ever since meeting Poe, your love life went down the drain. Every man you met who seemed remotely interested in you, you immediately turned down. You came to terms that you liked Poe, and it wasn’t fair to pretend to reciprocate feelings towards other men who aren’t him. Maybe if something does happen between you and Poe, you could wear this for him. Lina did say you can keep it after her professor grades it. 

“You’ll feel better once I put on music,” Lina said kindly, while stroking your arm up and down. 

She was right. Once the music was turned on, your whole demeanor changed. You went from shy and embarrassed to confident and outgoing. You posed left and right, showing off certain parts of the lingerie. You felt sexy. You showed off your ass and breasts, flipped your hair while giving the over the shoulder look, and gave flirty and seductive looks to the camera. At this point, nothing could’ve brought you down. You felt euphoric and gorgeous. For the first time, you felt like you were on top of the world. Once the shoot was done, you, Lina, and the photographer examined all the pictures. 

“Damn, Y/N,” Lina exclaimed. “You look so sexy. These pictures could be on the cover of Playboy.”

“These might be the best pictures I’ve ever taken,” the photographer mumbled to himself. 

“Okay, cool it,” Lina warned. “Can you print all of these?”

“Yeah, no problem,” he said. “I could get them to you after about a week and a half. I still got to play with them a bit.”

“Okay,” Lina replied. “Just make sure you don’t play with yourself while playing with the pictures.”

You couldn’t but laugh while watching the interaction. As you made your way back to the changing room, Lina caught up. She walked besides you when saying:

“I’m serious. You looks so hot, I swear some of those pictures look like scenes from some porno.”

You laughed again, before shaking your head. 

“Well, I’m glad you liked them. Just make sure that no one else sees them.”

“I promise,” Lina swore. 

You smiled at her before walking into the changing room. A part of you didn’t want to take the lingerie off. You wanted to keep it on. You wanted to call Poe while wearing it. You wanted to show it off to him. But reality came back just as fast as the fantasies. You took off the outfit, and set it aside. Little did you know that the outfit was the device to your own destruction. 

Yesterday

After a long day from work, Finn invited you to his apartment for dinner. You immediately accepted his offer, knowing that you’d get to see Poe. You told Finn you had to stop by the printing place before going though. Lina asked you to get the photos from the shoot since she’ll be in class. 

The photos were the size of average pieces of paper and came in a plain manila folder. Simple pick-up, but the cashier did give you weird looks and wrote his number on the back of receipt. You immediately knew that he looked at the pictures, but you figured you’d never see him again so why care?

Once outside the printers, you opened up the folder and skimmed through the pictures. You couldn’t even recognize yourself. It was like looking at your alter ego. Your sexy, confident, alter ego. You smiled to yourself, secretly loving how you looked in the photos. Shaking your head, you closed the folder and headed to Finn’s place.

Once you got there, you saw that Rey already arrived and was helping Finn out by setting the table. When she saw you come in, she came over to greet you as you placed the folder on the kitchen counter. 

“Hey Y/N,” Rey said, coming up beside you. “What do you got there?”

“Just something for my friend,” you replied, shrugging off the topic. “But I think the real question is, what is Finn cooking over there?”

The two of you laughed, while Finn mocked you two from his place at the stove. He wasn’t the best cook, but he was better than the three of you combined. Rey grabbed some beers from the fridge, and you talked about how Finn accidentally used hot sauce on his lunch instead of ketchup today at work. You were doing well until Poe came. 

Your heart began to pick up as you watched him take off his jacket. Poe let out a loud sigh before slamming down a manila folder on the counter. 

“I’m so overworked!” Poe yelled, before going straight to the fridge for a beer. “Leia has been giving me so many project lately since Ben has been slacking off. I mean, what is that guy even doing anymore? I’ve got so much work that I had to bring some home.”

“Oh, that sucks,” you said, immediately scolding yourself after saying that. 

That’s the best you got, you thought to yourself. 

“I really need this,” Poe sighed, after taking a long swig from his beer. Poe moved around the kitchen island towards you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and pushing you against his chest in a half hug. You heard Poe hum, which went straight through you and caused your heart to skip a beat. He let you go with a smile on his face. “I needed that too.”  

The dinner went smoothly, but you did have a little too much to drink. You were still sober enough to get home, but you were a little tipsy. You gave out your goodbyes, grabbed your folder, and left Finn’s apartment. 

That little mistake will cost you dearly in the end. 

Earlier today...

You met up with Lina at the cafe per her request. It started off as an ordinary day. You ordered your drink and waited for Lina to come. And when she did, you two talked about your respective personal lives, catching up on the past couple of weeks. 

“Oh, hey,” Lina said, changing the conversation. “Did you pick up the pictures?”

“Yes, I did,” you replied proudly, producing the manila folder from your bag and placing it on the table. “And you were right. Some of them were border-lining porn.”

Lina took the folder with a laugh escaping her lips. You watched as she opened the folder and gave out a mocking laugh, different from the previous one. You gave her a confused look before she said, 

“Very funny, but where are they?”

“What do you mean?” you asked. “They’re there, aren’t they?”

“Y/N,” Lina said, her voice tone changing to a more serious one compared to her carefree attitude. “This is just budget forms and analysis sheets from Organa Co. Where are the pictures?”

In that moment, the memories from last night flashed before your eyes. You remembered there being two identical folders on the counter, but you for sure thought you picked the right one. Your heart began to race at the implication. 

Poe Dameron has the sexy lingerie photos of YOU. 

Your mouth began to dry and heat rushed to your face. You got up from your seat at the cafe in a hurry, grabbing your bag and the folder. 

“I have to go,” you uttered, before sprinting to the door and down the sidewalk. 

The present... 

You ran down the sidewalk, avoiding people the best you can in effort to reach Organa Co. in time. A part of you hoped that Poe didn’t see the pictures last night when he got home. You hoped he just went straight to bed after drinking so many beers at Finn’s. You hoped that he didn’t have time yet at work to open the folder. 

You cursed yourself for grabbing the wrong folder. You cursed the model who cancelled on your friend in the last minute. You cursed Lina for choosing to make lingerie instead of a jacket or something else. But mostly, you cursed yourself for agreeing to model and posing for those pictures. You could’ve said no, but you had to say yes.

Sweat began to glisten on your skin as your work blouse clung onto your upper back. Multiple times you had to push the hair out of your face in order not to bump into the street carts and newspaper stands. Your heels began to break out in blisters the faster you ran, but you ignored the pain. Quite honestly, you preferred the pain over suffering humiliation from the only man you have a crush on. 

As you approached the building, a short sigh of relief came to your lips. But your mission wasn’t done just yet. You pushed through the glass doors and went up to the third floor where you knew where Poe worked. At this point, you didn’t care about your disheveled appearance. You just wanted your damn pictures. 

You walked into the office with a calm atmosphere around you, contradicting your appearance. You walked between the aisle way of desks in seek of Poe’s small office space. You tried to ignore the stares you got from the other employees, but they were burning into you as if someone were pressing hot spoons against your skin. Your grip on the manila folder tightened as you approached the door with the plaque that read “Poe Dameron: Manager.”

You took a deep breath, trying to still your beating heart for even a minute. Closing your eyes briefly, you knocked on the door, the sound reverberating within your ears. You heard a muffled “Come in,” and then opened the door. 

Poe was sitting at his desk. His dark curls were combed and put in a place that was appropriate for his work setting, much different compared to his late nights with friends where they ran wild. His button up shirt hugged his biceps and stretched over his broad chest, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. You couldn’t ignore the smile that appeared on his face when his beautiful brown eyes landed on you. 

“Y/N,” he said, surprise and excitement in his voice. “What are you doing here?” You watched as Poe got up from his desk and moved around it to perch himself on the front, leaning against the edge. “Not that I mind the surprise.” 

“Hey Poe,” you replied. You scolded yourself for being so unprepared. You should’ve rehearsed what you were going to say. You couldn’t be like ‘Hey Poe, you know those sexy pictures of me? Well, that’s not me trying to make a move on you or anything, those are for someone else. Can I have them back? Thanks.’ You scrambled through your mind to think of the right words to say in a situation like this. “I think there was a little mix up last night. You see, I accidentally picked up your folder instead of mine.”

“Really?” Poe asked. “Huh, I didn’t notice.” 

You have never been more relieved in your entire life. The headache that appeared during the elevator ride up, disapparated. Your breathing came back to normal, and your heart returned to a steady pace. Poe got up from his position and grabbed the manila folder off his desk and held it out to you. You held out your folder in return as the two of you traded off. Once the picture folder was in your hands, you held it to your chest. 

“I’m so sorry,” you breathed out. “This is totally on me.”

“No worries,” Poe replied. “Last night, I was so tired that I didn’t even want to look at work. And today was so busy, that I didn’t even get a chance to glance over the papers in the folder.”

“But you got the right folder now,” you joked, trying your best to remove any tension out of the air. 

“I do, even if I didn’t noticed,” Poe said in the same joking manner. 

“Well, I’ll leave you to your work, then,” you said, making your way towards his door. “Thanks, Poe.”

“No problem, Y/N,” Poe replied, moving around his office to walk you to the elevator. “Thank you for delivering me my folder. Feel free to stop by whenever.”

“Thanks,” you repeated. “Bye, Poe.”

“Bye, Y/N,” he said. 

The elevator doors closed. Now alone, you couldn’t help letting out the laugh that was bubbling up in your chest. He didn’t even look at them. The two of you are fine, and now nothing awkward will be hung over you guys whenever you see each other. You wanted to dance, to scream in victory, but you restrained yourself. That could wait. But, you couldn’t wait to get these pictures out of your life. But you’ll keep the lingerie... 

Later that night...

The sky faded from a baby blue to dark navy as the street lights outside of Poe’s office windows began to turn on. One by one, employees left the office, saying their goodbyes and good nights to Poe as they walked past his office to the elevator. Poe would either wave or return the same pleasantries. Per usual, he was the last to leave the office, but that was part of the job. After the last person left, Poe took one last look around the floor. Once he decided it was clear, he went straight back to his office, and closed the door. He could never be too careful, something that he carried with him from his military days. 

Poe sat in his chair, but pushed it back to access his bottom drawer. Once it was opened, he laid his eyes on the holy artifact. He’d never done this before, and a part of him was against doing such a thing. However, the rational side lost the battle to his desire. He reached in and grabbed the picture and placed it on his desk. 

He felt bad about lying to you, but he knew you like the back of his hand. Poe didn’t want to risk your friendship over something like this. However, he felt even more guilty on keeping one of the pictures from the stack. But it was his favorite. 

You had your back to the camera, but your face was turned to the side so it was still visible, showing off your beautiful profile. He liked the way your skin looked so soft. You were sitting on the edge of something, he couldn’t tell what, but he admired the shape of your ass and how the panties barely gave cover, leaving much exposure. 

Just looking at the picture made Poe’s mouth water and his pupils dilate with lust. He’d be lying if he said he never thought of being with you in an intimate way. He couldn’t help it at times. Ever since Finn introduced him to you, Poe knew he wanted to be with you. He has been trying to hint his intentions on a relationship with you multiple times, but it seems like you mistook his signals for platonic exchanges between friends. Poe wanted to have something more. He wanted dates without his friends accompanying him, kisses that were on the lips instead of on the cheek, and of course, he wanted to make love to you. He didn’t want to fuck, because to him that was impersonal. No, Poe wanted to be in the moment with you; to feel you, to pleasure you, to love you. 

He couldn’t remember how long he stared at the picture. His eyes gleamed over every detail: every scar, every birthmark, every stretch mark, you name it. Poe didn’t even look at the time on his watch until he began to feel the tightness in his pants. Yeah, he’d been staring at it too long. He took a deep breath, got up from his chair, and grabbed his bag. Poe looked down at the image one last time before heading out, debating to himself. Should I leave it here and wait for a good time to give it back or take it with me?

Poe shook his head, turned off the lamp on his desk, and walked out of the office. It didn’t take long for him to comeback, and snatch the picture from his desk. 

“Yeah,” Poe whispered to himself. “You’re coming with me.”