#I can’t talk to anyone about that tho
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God it really is a heavy day today. I almost want to scream.
#personal#fucking hell#I miss you#but I shouldn’t#I can’t#and there are so many different emotions when it comes to you#for so many different reasons#I can’t talk to anyone about that tho#or well no one except my therapist but man that feels…. not great either#and even more than that it just hurts#and I know it’s selfish and cold but if I don’t miss you then it won’t hurt to say goodbye#I couldn’t bare not telling her the truth and I had to fight tooth and nail to fix what I broke#I didn’t have to put part of myself away but I had to put away the feelings that prompted that discovery#so those feelings were put on a shelf#and now things are so much better so wonderful honestly#but in the corner of my eye is that shelf#and I just don’t know what the fuck to do with it when it still aches
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i don’t get the appeal of an incest ship if you’re only ever going to focus on the good romantic feelings and not the icky negative ones. the resentment the feeling of being trapped shackled wanting out and away from the person who knows so much too much about you since before you even knew to not allow it but at the same time you can’t imagine living in a world without them being away is like tearing a limb a piece of your soul you will never again be complete without them. no one else will ever understand you the way they do no one else will ever get so deep under your skin and you may hate it but you hate the thought of them not being there even more you can’t stand to see anyone else get to a part of them you didn’t and even worse when they get it before you. you push and you push and you push but when they let go it’s like you’re free falling and it doesn’t matter how far away you run you will never be far enough away because you carry them inside you everywhere you go. you tell yourself you want nothing more than to get away but they’re the only home you will ever have and you won’t ever let anyone get that close you’re already moulded to only fit in perfectly with them and you didn’t have a choice but this is who you are. there’s nothing you could do to make them let you go but there’s nothing you could do to make them let you go. you want to be so close to them you want to merge your bodies into one you hate how crowded you feel when they’re in the same room like they’re sucking in all the air and there isn’t any left for you and you want to get away so you can just breathe but you don’t even want to breathe in the air that hasn’t passed through their lungs first you hate that you feel this way you wish you could claw it out of your veins but then who would you be without it without them you want so much and it’s so ugly and you’re ashamed of how raw that need is how you want every part the good the bad the human you wish none of this had ever happened you feel dirty you never even had a chance to find something else be something else but then you look over and you love them so much so much and when it comes down to it nothing else was ever going to be enough for you anyway.
#and this is all still just one type of the different dynamics possible#and even then i haven’t covered everything#it’s all just one tight hot mess of feelings. and it’s so good#there is still much much more and i wanted to write it but it was just getting so long#this isn’t targeted at anyone person or fandom but i have recently noticed an increasing trend of (that is probably just my dash tho)#treating incest ships as primarily romantic and. that just takes away everything that makes them so engaging in the first place#to each their own i don’t believe in telling people how to enjoy their fiction but i just don’t understand it is all#you do you i’m not judging or huffy about it or anything. and obviously i’m not talking about#making fluffy feel good posts/art/stories etc about your ships#but treating these ships the same way and looking at them mainly through the lens of romantic relationships#will just leave you with a huge part of them missing#and you can’t really understand their dynamics and their interactions without that very important context (they were family first)#which is also the foundation of their relationship#.txt
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i think one of the reasons i enjoy the percy series so much is because it’s an adaptation of the novels and not word for word the same.
at first i was a little upset by all the changes, but after rereading the books, i actually like the series even more now. as much as we all adore the books, i think we can agree that they’re not perfect. sometimes there’s plot holes, inconsistencies, or just bad writing in general. this gives rick a chance to fix those things, and that’s OKAY.
the series isn’t perfect either, don’t get me wrong, but it is nice to see the characters going on the same adventures even with some variation to the original story. i think this will allow the characters to be fleshed out more.
we have to remember that a tv show and a book is not the same medium, so the way these things are presented cannot be identical. otherwise the characters in the show would probably seem pretty flat since the books are only from percy’s perspective. the series allows us to learn more about the motives and personalities of other characters, be it annabeth, grover, or luke (personally, i’m really excited to see how his character’s story goes).
anyway, all of this is to say that the percy series is great for what it is (an adaptation of a book series). yes it could be better (cough longer and more episodes cough), but i personally really enjoy it so far.
#like let’s be honest there’s definitely some things from the books that need to be fixed#namely the weird family-but-also-love-interest dynamic between luke and annabeth#luke should not like annabeth romantically At All#i’m really hoping rick fixes that in the show#which i think they have so far…#i think they have more of solely the found family dynamic in the show#i’m really excited to see luke’s character arc#i hated him in the books so hopefully this will change my mind#i think charlie is doing a really good job of portraying him#(god this cast is so perfect tho let’s talk about that)#like that’s the other main reason i love this show#the casting was just so perfect and i can’t imagine anyone else playing these characters now#when i reread the books i literally pictured them as walker and leah and aryan like-#anyway sorry for the rambling i just have fallen in love with this universe all over again#i’m 20 but feel like i’m back in middle school 😭#pjo#percy jackson#percy series#percy jackson and the olympians#annabeth chase#grover underwood#luke castellan#rick riordan#walker scobell#leah sava jeffries#aryan simhadri
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obsessed w the tags on ur last reblog
Omgg, thank you haha, it was a quality post so I just had to appreciate it in full force 😂❤️
Can‘t believe someone would actually enjoy my yapping :,D
#guys help is it time for a rebranding?? am I just gonna post about f1 now??#I still can’t believe this has all started because bestie and I were watching Ted Lasso (because I’ve been obsessed with that show for a#while now too) and I paused the episode to talk about how I really like the way Jamie interacts with kids (I’m sorry people being good with#and nice to kids is one of my weaknesses I work with kids now and have been invested in treating kids well forever)#so me saying that apparently reminded her of max and she showed me a video of him with p and yeah it was very effective in making me like#him and then we left the episode on pause and she told me a lot about f1 and max specifically cause I was interested now lmao (funny thing#is that she also got roped into it by our other friends I swear it’s speeding lmao#she also compared him to Jamie from Ted lasso (if you know you know) and showed me some heart wrenching Taylor swift edits (i haven’t#emotionally recovered yet) and yeah that’s how I started consuming way too much f1 content on YouTube and got into this whole mess lmao#oh yeah our friends also made me and another friend make a Tier list for all the drivers based on vibes alone (cause I only knew a bit about#max at that time and the other one knew nothing really) which was very funny too#especially looking back at it (we did some of them so dirty lmao 😂)#I’ve also come to the conclusion that tumblr is still one of the least annoying platforms to engage with other people (still)#YouTube is full of hate comments about drivers and stuff it’s so annoying actually#not to mention Twitter but I don’t go there and probably never will 😂#I personally don’t enjoy fics and scenarios and shipping of real people cause it makes me a bit uncomfy (not judging people who do#you do you as long as it doesn’t negatively affect anyone#but yeah I’d much rather just scroll by those here than have to look away from all the mindless hate and which driver is better discussions#everywhere else like I’m not one to engage with stuff like that but it does upset me to some#degree so yeah tumblr making memes and being rather positive about their drivers (most of what I’ve seen here of course there are gonna be#annoying people everywhere) is much more tolerable and a lot more enjoyable for me#whoops this post got away from me again oh dear#I’ve had the idea for a meme stuck in my head for days now: Max verstappen but make it if you don’t love me at my *swearing on team radio#giving spicy replies and attitude to the media maxplaining and complaining going for risky overtakes* you don’t deserve me at my *precious#interactions with p talking about his cats being a goofball with other drivers and especially danny defending other drivers driving#beautifully in the rain* it’s a package deal you can’t just pick and choose and personally I don’t even get why people complain about some#of the other stuff I appreciate someone who’s passionate and honest and genuinely kind where it matters 🤷🏻♀️#I think I’ve seen someone else say that but the more people complain about and criticize max the more I feel the need to defend him#god forbid women have hobbies for real (can’t believe I’ve yapped so much I can’t put more tags 💀)#also shoutout to Oscar Piastri and Danny Ric (I was so happy Oscar won even tho McLaren where being very silly in a not so funny way)
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#random and emo and will prob delete but#sometimes i feel so lonely in this fandom 😔😭#like amongst the writers of this fandom I mean#like it feels like all the cevans writers are friends with each other and I’m the local weirdo on the other side like 🤠#obv I talk to some people and am mutuals with some people whom I loooove but like#idk I’ve always felt this low-key 😂😂😂#it’s bc I’m so awkward and I think that they all think I’m annoying#like I automatically assume most of the big writer blogs hate me lol#which is deffo just in my head and I’m insane yall know im fucking insane and jump to conclusions 😂😂😂#but idk sometimes I just feel sooo lonely#well not LONELY bc I love my anons and my mutuals and I’m always on here yapping about something or the other 😅😅#but I feel like I’m not part of that amazing writer community where everyone’s friends with everyone#MAYBE BC I NEVER FUCKING TALK TO ANYONE BUT THAT IS BC I AM SCARED SO I NEVER PUT MYSELF OUT THERE#😭😭😭😭😭#but yeah lol#no fr tho why can’t I be normal lmaoooo
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Think I wanna try packing. Just ordered a packet harness… I remember this one really pretty biblically accurate angel packer design I really liked I just can’t fucking remember what toy company it was from wah
#transing my gender#there was a werewolf sheath one that was hot too#I want the biblically acurate packer if I can’t find it tho…#I might get a werewolf eventually too idk#if anyone has any clue what I’m talking about please lmk#I’ll probs reblog with updates when I find it also idk
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Alone in a crowd of people
I know you but do you know me Are we here together or am I alone? I recognise your face from long ago Every other face is blending in my mind
You don’t know me but how do I know you Am I sitting on the sidelines or waiting for you? I seen you in my dreams so often Reality can never be my dreams
I knew you but you didn’t know me Are we holding a gaze or am I in the way? I’ve held you in my arms for years Anyone else’s touch feels softer
You know me but I don’t know you Am I with you or are we separate? I can’t even recall anything about you You remembered my everything
#did you know a flower bloomed?#poems#I went to the birthday party of an old friend today#I realised that I can’t even consider her a friend anymore#We don’t talk outside of passing hellos and me or her occasionally commenting in each others post#I don’t know her anymore#And sometimes it feels like I never did#My childhood left me broken and wishing for the pieces to mend#I knew no one beside her at the party#Even tho my brother was there I realised that I never actually bonded with anyone#I don’t know anyone#I know nothing about all my friends#I barely even talk to my friends#I know no one and no one knows me#I both nobody and everybody#An enigma and an answer#An Anathema and a celebrity#Idk#today both sucked and was great#As all my days usually are
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Hmm
#thanks for coming to my ted talk#vent#I know it’s just the 2 am talking#on top of some very shit events occurring today#but I feel like making some decisions that will ruin my life#not in a a danger to myself or others kind of way at ALL don’t worry about that#I mean like#destroying personal relations with my peers kind of way#I’m so utterly and completely fucked#my future roomate bailed on me 2 weeks before school starts#so if anyone wants to live in Muncie#my place is wide open#fucker#what is her problem#like legitimately#I’ve been making myself sick over this for going on#SEVEN HOURS#I can’t sleep#I’ve just been so utterly fucked over I don’t know what to do#and I’m not gonna have even an inkling of a solution until my apartment complex emails me back#and it’s a fucking weekend so who knows when that will be#if I think too hard I’m gonna cry about it#Steph is such a life saver tho. listening to me scream about this and playing video games drunk on call with me#fuck#I’m going to blow my goddamn brains out. but not actually#I guess on the bright side I might get to live alone
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This Latina lady just came up to me complaining about the outcome and how her daughter and son couldn’t even get out of bed and were crying all night- (I was smiling at first and asked her how she was doing and she replied “shitty-“ and started going in- and even though idgaf, I know that sm others so do like I’m not about to laugh in another brown persons face for being emotional even though it is what it is 😭.)
#I care about the kids tho 😭#I know that everyone is emotional but the most important thing to focus on rn is the now#become more involved in your communities#white ppl you need to become a shield for black and brown ppl if you want to participate in community and be an alley#black and brown ppl (i personally don’t believe in solidarity because yall hate black ppl sm and will through us under the bus#at the drop of a hat if it meant you’ll be spared so yeah) need to learn how to work together#and what I mean by this is nbs need to start showing up for black folks and stop playing the what about me bullshit whenever conflict#arises#learn to care about us with your whole hearts not half way only when you want our support as fucking always#I’m not sad or anything since I rly don’t care shit is only gonna get worse or stay the same we’ve lived#under trump before#well just have to do it again but also#Americans need to learn how to sympathize and care about other people regardless of if they are American or not#the amount of liberals we’ve had to witness completely downplay the Gaza genocide simply because they didn’t want to push ppl away from#voting blue is crazy#‘idc if your entire family has been blown away get in that booth and vote blue 🤬!’#like… that’s how yall was talking on here ☠️#crazy as hell#can’t blame niggas and nbs for her losing when her campaign started off like shit from the very beginning#at least black ppl aren’t being blamed this time like every 4 years 🚶🏾♀️#actually donate to mfs who need help!!!#I barely saw anybody talk or share and donate to the other genocides going on btw#barely would see anyone post and helps spread awareness for Sudan Congo and the like#let’s change that#be useful be helpful#show up for your brothers and sister#rambling
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tomorrow’s plan is to cry a little more then watch sex and the city then work then work then work then read then watch sex and the city
#there are so many books that i NEED to finish this year i can’t let 2024 be such a waste of fucking time#and if im left alone with my thoughts for more than two minutes i will explode#realistically tho i will rot on the couch and talk about my dog to anyone who will listen
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about to be sooo nosy so. my apologies. but. morgan frost? girlfriend? do share (or don’t! again this is so nosy i’m sorry)
for legal purposes i can neither confirm nor deny anything about morgan and his girlfriend but afaik i think he’s single right now? at one point (within the past four years 😭) he did for sure have a girlfriend and that is the extent of my wag knowledge
#anon PLEASE i am the nosiest person in the world i understand i want to know everything. ever. however#because i have no evidence and don’t want to spread unfounded rumors i will state for the jury i am not a gossip blog#& anything i say should be taken with a grain of salt. or a vsco deep dive & also maybe a dig into the flyers media archives. wrt UNfounded#but i will gossip in your dms because it’s a vital method of communication and important for community building.#also i’m like 95% sure i just osmosed the fact that morgan and his girlfriend broke up sometime earlier in the hockey season from someone#else (probably flyerskay) and accepted it at face value like absolutely i’d trust kay with my life. she would never lie to me and therefore#i can’t be lying to you. i can’t remember morgan’s gf’s name tho but i can like. vividly remember her artsy possessive vsco photos 😭 help#that man posts more about tom petty than he does anyone else in his life besides joel so really how would we know if hes posted her less#the answer is we wouldn’t and i want to say her name is katie SO bad but i know that’s tyson’s gf it’s like. victoria or stacie or somethin#& i want to see if SHE deleted all her vsco pictures of him bc that’s how we’d know they broke up. frosty stop following so many girls#i want to try and find her and see (she’s a model and she was public and had her vsco linked so all of this is public info btw.)#ANON I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA OANDJRIWNDHOWHDB IT IS 1:38 AM AND I HAVE JUST MANAGED. OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD ANON HOLD ON#BUCKLE YOURSELF THE FUCK IN FOR AN ANSWER YOU DID NOT ASK FOR BECAUSE THIS IS A R I D E AND I NEED TO YELL ABOUT IT I CAN’T MY GOD I CANNOT#B R E A T H E i’m about to start crying again but the backstory is that. i have had a fic that i have been working on for literal years.#my version history says March 15 2021 and it started in my notes app about 3000 words before that and it’s based off of a tweet i thought#calla had quoted and just said ‘Joel’ about but in my notes i never#saved the actual tweet and many times throughout the years i have gone back and advanced searched every version of joel and joelle and bee#and behavior on calla’s blog that i could possibly think of and just assumed like. it must’ve gotten deleted or the account suspended and i#could never remember the wording well enough to just google it but believe me i tried and put in every variation. never found it in 4 years#i try periodically. fast forward to about twenty minutes ago i am looking through kay’s twitter and searching vsco because i SWEAR she has#the picture of frosty’s gf’s fingernail marks in the back of frosty’s shoulders i am talking about / I can’t find her vsco linked anywhere#but i’m like ok. search up a couple other things and think about who might have it and on a WHIM look up vsco in ash notthequiettype’s acct#no results okay whatever i think about what else could maybe pull it up for me so I have SOMETHING for you. I search frosty. I scroll. GUES#WHAT I FUCKING FIND FROM NOVEMBER 13TH 2020 it is THE FANTASTIC TWEET THAT SPAWNED 16K OF NOTES & FIC & A SPREADSHEET OF JOEL’S CLASSES#AND I NEVER WOULD’VE FOUND IT AGAIN IF NOT FOR THIS!!! LOSING IT!!! by it I mean my mind and my sleep schedule!!! it’s 2AM now good night!!#liv in the replies#morgan frost#philadephia flyers
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characters that I think eat pussy so good you have to take the next day off to recover from astral projecting into a different dimension when you cum:
France, Canada, America, Cuba, Estonia, Scotland, Macau.
#these are my headcanons#can’t change my mind#but I always like hearing other peoples headcanons and talking about them 🥰#hetalia#idk if I should tag all the character#not now tho I’m exhausted I’ll go play video games and think about this more#maybe add someone if anyone pops up in my mind#but take this for now#<3
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Hey writers
Has anyone else ever had this thing when they’ve been between projects for a while and haven’t been writing much, and they’re getting antsy for something new? And they have ideas they like, but they like. Literally just got them. Like a week ago. Or just yesterday.
And planning take a while. A lot of time and energy. You can’t really force it even though you try. So now you’re in this weird messed up grey area where you’re excited but absolutely terrified of starting something new. And you’re also being extra hard on yourself because you have to make it perfect, it has to click immediately, otherwise you feel useless simply resting and not being creative/productive. So you tend to obsess over planning to the point of anxiety, which only makes you stress out more and feeds this negative cycle. But you have passion for the ideas, you do, and you want to work on them. But you stress yourself out so easily because you’re so antsy and you haven’t had a project in a while.
Anyone else get that?
#kaitlyn talks for once#writeblr#writing#whoops didn’t intend for this to be this long#i can’t tell what to do#do I embrace the rest? embrace the slow nature of planning?#plannin usually takes a little while for me anyway. I’m that kinda person#how can I do that while taking care of the Antsy and The Pressure?#above all I just need to know that this won’t last forever like I’m scared it might#i mean. I’m glad this is a sign I’m a legit writer and creative person who cares about writing and the ideas she gets#I’m grateful for that. but it would be great to stop feeling useless and so stressed#ugh#writing is hard#In any case I should probably take a day to chill out. i think? maybe? idk#right now I should get dinner#haven’t eaten all day#bleh#friend of mine said I should focus on writing snippets for now#probably#i can’t with The Stress tho. maybe I just need to force myself. or should I calm down and like. take my time? both? idk#I haven’t been in this situation before#i don’t like it very much#does this make any sense to anyone? i Hope so
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2023 reads // twitter thread
Two Can Play That Game
Australian contemporary YA romance about a girl who dreams of being an indie game creator
when a boy grabs the last ticket to a game design workshop at the same time as her, they decide on a gaming competition to compete for it
family, creativity, and the future
demisexual-coded MC
#Two Can Play That Game#aroaessidhe 2023 reads#i think this is a pretty solid ya contemporaru!#references covid having happened and also still happening but like ignored in the most accurate way i’ve seen in books so far think#*i think (in the beginning anyway)#the ending was like. very predictable to me lmao#like there is suspiciously little time talking about the art and visual design of her game . tbh the whole time i was like you haven’t playt#playtested this with anyone? how are you.....making a game without showing it to people..... thats not how this works#so like the ending is good tbh. realistically creatives can’t rely on breaking out immediately. studying will give you more skills if you t#think you know everything you don’t#the friendship was good. (tho kinda a side thing)#it's also more pre-relationship with anything i dont think they even kiss in the book
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On one hand toya tenma hc is one of my favorite things ever and it’s very important to me but on the other part of me is coming to hate it bc fans are so insufferable about it
#the fact that they can’t distinguish between canon and fanon is so irritating especially cuz everyone gets so bent out of shape over it#and I’m really sad about this bc I love this headcanon so much but bc of stupid fans of this franchise every time I see it my gut reaction -#-is now always annoyance cuz the shit people say about these characters and the people who engage with them in ways they don’t particularly-#-like etc etc.#not to mention the lowkey hilarious fact that people who hate anything other than the toya tenma bc are more obsessed with him being shipped#-with either of the tenmas than anyone who actually does ship it. there’s barely anyone who does and yallre consistently throwing fits over-#-it and ruining the experience of these characters and this fandom not only for me but probably lots of others#like why can’t you just relax and let people do what they want. if you don’t like it just ignore it stop ruining characters and media for-#-everyone#anyway this is your not so casual reminder than toya tenma is literally just widely accepted fanon and is not actually canon and y’all need-#-to stop being pressed about it#does this count as a rent lowering gunshot lol. it kind of is#anyway yeah I’m chilling with toy.akasa and to.yasaki. i don’t ship em really but they’re fine. yallre just insane#really sucks tho. bc I love thinking of them as siblings but the other fans who talk about them as such are constantly throwing fits#so now I don’t even wanna like it. i barely even wanna see it. and it’s sad#anyway I’m just repeating myself by now#so thanks prsk fandom for being so obsessed with discourse that you ruin the things others love 👍
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i find it rlly funny when i make a character and i’m just like. tumblr would love them. tumblr would be all over this character. why isn’t tumblr obsessed w them already. and then remember they exist only in my mind :(
#my character birthday i love birthday he’s one of my favorite characters i’ve ever made and i know he would be a hit on tumblr lmao#his name is birthday and he’s the birthday boy and it’s his birthday!#and also he’s devastatingly lonely. and lowkey got theseus’ shipped. whoops.#and also lilith. tumblr would adore lilith.#called the ghost of the wasteland and her existence is largely only rumored. was a genetic experiment to create something that#could survive the nuclear wastelands that cover the majority of her world. they succeeded but she escaped and now lives in those same#wastelands. is incredibly codependent w a very morally grey dude who was a black market test subject for poisons who escaped around the#same time as her and they ended up relying entirely on each other for survival for years and know each other better than anyone#but struggle to connect in any way that isn’t solely to keep each other alive when they’re older.#he never talks about his past and she is almost entirely nonverbal and doesn’t rlly want to find a way to tell him about hers.#she also realized after she escaped that she prefers to be referred to w she/her pronouns after her existence being viewed as#something instead of a someone and choosing that for herself is one of the first choices she ever made for herself and who she is.#and she’s only a side character in the story and mostly just haunts the narrative but yknow i should incorporate her more because#wow i love her actually. she’s dope as hell XD#dandy talks#my ocs#can’t talk more about birthday even tho i love him just as much because one of my friends has my tumblr and i’m using birthday#in a story i’m writing w my friends for fun and i don’t wanna spoil anything more than i have lmao. but yeah birthday is so cool lmao
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