#I can’t ever be normal about my interests ever

[spacecatdraws]

oh. this is interesting…

random personal lore drop below

(tldr: I don’t believe I can be a real system but I’m sure as hell not normal)

TW: (minor mentions) gvns, r@p3, d34th, (major mention) su1c1d3

I called myself endogenic because I don’t qualify as traumatized.

let me explain.

I’ve had anxiety, depression, ADHD, and other unidentified issues for my whole life. I roleplayed because it was my escape, life made me want to stop living so why would I stay there? When I was writing or drawing I was those characters, buried in their minds, filling in their bodies, but something would pull me back to reality and I’d feel it crumble. Some characters stayed longer than others. Slowly, I found out they weren’t character’s I had just made up; they were my theriotypes. I left it at that, that I was just a polytherian. But I’m not my types. I share a body with them. I have conversations with them, they care about me, we cuddle as best we can when there’s only one body to share. I love my parents. I love my friends. But life has always been terrifying to me. Sometimes things I’d never experienced would make me cry and hyperventilate. Gunshots make me freeze up and stop breathing. Mentions of sexual assault, of rape, of murder make me want to throw up and cry. Child abuse and childloss make me vengeful like I have nothing but rage. Labels and rules make me sick and dizzy. Poisoning and sickness make me feel like I’m drowning in them. I can’t recognize myself sometimes. My body isn’t mine. I always assumed I was just an odd therian. i learned about systems, and they described the things happening in my head. Some days I tie the door to my room shut because I want to starve and die and crumble so badly. But I always said to myself “my family and friends are fine, so I can’t be traumatized. It’s all in my head, and I’m a failure and a faker for ever thinking that I could be anything else. I’m just being a poser and hurting these people who have been through so much worse.” I believed so deeply that my issues were insignificant and that I didn’t have nearly enough mental problems to be a true system. I said to myself “I don’t have trauma. So I can’t be a DID system. But system is so comforting of a label, so I must be endogenic, and therefore I shouldn’t talk to anyone about my issues because I will just be taking away from people who truly are traumatized.” I never felt like I belonged in supporting spaces because I never got raped or shot or manipulated by my family or friends, even though those things dragged flashbacks from lives I never had, memories from the others in my body. My parents loved me, and my friends cared about me, so I wasn’t traumatized. I have no trauma, so I didn’t deserve to be in those spaces.

There are six of us. The host tries their best to take care of us, but takes out their emotions through cutting and starving themself. This isn’t my body. These aren’t my parents. I can tell these people care, but they’re not mine. I can’t remember what I did for most of the day. It’s all just fog. Fog and static.

If all endos are fake and posers, then I must be one too. Even though I hear my packmates, the others in this body, I love them so dearly, and I can feel their limbs and the memories are so strong it hurts me physically.

I can’t be truly traumatized, right? Not if my family was good.

Not if my friends were nice.

Even though this world makes me want to hang myself…

I don’t count as traumatized enough to be a true system.

I am nothing but a fraud.

ENDO LORE?????!????

[fatliberation]

another reason I’m not interested in coaching anyone (even well meaning folks) on how *not* to have a bad gut reaction towards fat people is that I simply cannot relate. I have never once in my life felt disgusted by fat bodies. I held false beliefs about health and fatness, I have poor body image because of the assumptions people make about me, but I have always felt very fondly of fatness and fat people for as long as I can remember. I know it’s almost normal to have had to work through that disgust - in fact it’s so normal that I thought there was something wrong with me for feeling the opposite about it. I’m proud of everyone who has done the work to overcome their negative feelings towards fat bodies, but I just can’t imagine ever hating fat people.

[qwardivior]

DEMON BUSTERS!! — About Nezuko

Next Part>>

<<Previous Part

And so, the long awaited Nezuko post has arrived!!! Sorry for the long wait everyone, I had to work out some lore stuff and this kept getting delayed, so let’s just get right into it! In case you don’t know or need a refresher, in this modern kny au the Demon Slayer Corps has updated and rebranded into the Demon Busters! People have been dying to demon attacks at alarming rates so to make their jobs easier they’ve been running ad campaigns! However this installment is a little different as this is NOT an ad campaign! To protect Nezuko they did not run an ad campaign on her. Instead, this is known as an ‘about’. Several other characters will be getting an about section but let’s start with our favorite girl Nezuko!

— Lore Dump Incoming!!—

In this au, Nezuko got turned on her birthday. It was supposed to be a fun celebration, she would spend the night at her friends’ house and then go home the next morning to help her family prepare for New Years. Of course when the day actually came, there were complications as Tanjirou would not let her go for whatever reason, stating that he had a “bad feeling” about it. But nothing ever happens in their small town! In fact, the biggest event in a long while was their father’s death a couple months prior. Eventually, after some back and forth they just chalked it up to him being paranoid and she was able to go.

It wasn’t just paranoia. Nobody knew that anything was wrong until the next morning. Tanjirou had gone to pick Nezuko up since nobody had heard anything from her, and was met with a gruesome sight. Just like in canon, Nezuko was the only survivor, but she seemed to be a little off… Firstly, she had tried to attack Tanjirou before quickly coming to her senses after a man called Giyuu Tomioka appeared, stating that he was a “Demon Buster” and she was a “demon” and that he had to slay her. And secondly she no longer had a taste for human food and just slept all the time! Luckily, nobody was slayed, and the siblings were instructed to find a man named Sakonji Urokodaki, Tomioka’s teacher. But they couldn’t just leave! Not after everything. So they came to an agreement: because Nezuko was able to quell her hunger and more or less function like a normal human, the two would go home for now, and then Tomioka would come to pick them up at a later date. As it turned out, in order for Nezuko to get her humanity back, she’d have to become a “Demon Buster”. A perfect way to bring in the new year..

In this au Nezuko keeps her humanity and is more of her own person. This makes it easier for her to get around and get info from other demons easier. She also conquers the sun slightly earlier, but we’ll get to that later. She wasn’t able to really show herself to her family that often until she was able to learn how to disguise herself from none other than Yushiro. Her having a sense of self and a personality separate to Tanjirou also allows for them to go their separate ways a bit more. Of course they stick together but it’s not like Nezuko is bound to the box. They have missions that sometimes requires Tanjirou to go completely solo, thus Nezuko is left to her own devices.

Overall, I really want to explore Nezuko’s character more and there’s so much more to her than what can be explained in a single post. I guess you’ll just have to tag along to find out more huh? This will also allow me to expand more on her relationship in regards to Zenitsu. In canon, it seemed a little one-sided since we weren’t able to get Nezuko’s point of view, but in this au I want to show more mutual interest so it doesn’t come off as weird as it did in canon. This also allows her to make her own friends (read: Muichirou, Senjurou, Genya, and more). Nezuko is a very fun character to explore in this au and I can’t wait to show you guys more!

Also did I mention that a lower moon is seeking to kill her? No? Oh, my bad.

———

Hey! Thanks for sticking around. Sorry this one took a while! After this we will most likely be getting Tamayo and Yushiro!! Inosuke and Kanao will have to wait a little bit longer because I still have to figure out things lore/design wise. As for Hashira, the next one will either be Giyuu or Shinobu! That’s all for now and thanks for all the support on this au!! Feel free to ask me about anything lore-related! I’ll see you in the next one!

[xxiiam]

All caught up ! ☆

Wk - 3.6k I got carried away with the plot instead of the pron

Nerd!kento x Mean bimbo!reader | female reader | soft dom! Nanami | college au |

Note : my brain so rotted , need nerd bf starts to bite on the bars of my enclosure .. some conversation based off of irl stuff lwk lwk lwk starts to bite the walls 🤭

you never thought all that much about studying or being academically successful, smart wasn’t something people would describe you as. You weren’t too upset by this fact because everyone says , “college isn’t like high school bleh bleh bleh” , “this attitude will have to change in college meh meh meh”

Well that attitude got you to be the sorority president of Nu Zeta . Okay so did you actually give a fuck about popularity or being the Regina George? No … buttttt since the academics are lacking , being the president of the most popular sorority at college looks just as good on your resume… probably…

You majored in business but you didn’t know it would be such a sausage fest ! And don’t get started on the guys that are there . They’re in total nerds or like try hard wannabe jocks that never went D1 and try to impress you even though they tore their acl and are super insecure about it.

But one is different, normally the silent nerd types always seem to be the biggest manipulative , nasty , cheating SLUTSSS..but kento nanami .. he was different . You’d never share this admiration to his face because you don’t wanna inflate his ego . More than it probably already is because he’s a big nerd yeah but like he makes it sooooo hot ?????

The only chance you get to see him is class since like he’s a total recluse hermit type and doesn’t show up to parties..not that HE would ever be invited , but stillllll .

You’ve never spoken to him per say , a couple of snarky comments he might’ve heard but that’s it . Until , today you had to get a partner for a mock pretend business that you had to write about and do a PowerPoint on to be graded on and yadayadayadaaaa . You just figured your professor would put you with someone but he said to make things more interesting you had to pick someone who you would actually want to invest in a business with.

You assumed you’d just pick on of the minority of girls since girls stick together but then like a miracle from the higher above , you heard a man clear his throat behind you . “Excuse me , y/n” . A voice you didn’t hear often but you still swung your head around to listen to , then you locked eyes with the stoic , quiet , embarrassingly nerdy Kento Nanami. You raised your eyebrow , his face began to flush as your gaze burned into him . Clearly he didn’t think this through all the way. “I was just thinking..you know this project you will get an easy grade if you work with me since I practically get A’s on everything…like I have a 95% average”

The corners of your glossed lips began to curl into a smile , “are you trying to pitch yourself so I’ll work with you?” Your eyes fixated on his tired hazel eyes that were shielded by his stupid nerd glasses .. that made him really cute too. He furrowed his brow and stammered , “well, it’s just that to be a sorority president you have to keep on top with your grades so I wouldn’t want you to fall behind since you know you’re not the best academically” . You scoffed at him , “excuse me?” He nervously gripped at his desk with clammy hands , “no- that’s not what I meant. I just wanted to help. I can be of good use” . You grinned at him , “you want me to use you?” .

His eyes widened before he shook his head once more , “I meant in the context of-“ “whatever blondie, I can’t have you snoop around my sorority who knows what kind of pervert you are so I’ll just come to your place Friday night, yeah?” You smiled at him once more before pulling up your phone number and holding your phone up to him . To which he quickly scribbled down your number , pushing his glasses up , “Friday is good” he gave you a flushed half smile before you turned your back to him and collected your stuff and leaving your class. Isn’t he just the cutest?

As you sat around in the lounge with some of your sorority sisters your phone buzzed , normally notifications didn’t bother you since you’d hear the same buzz many times throughout the day . But the message on your screen peaked your interest.

unknown number : hey this is Kento Nanami, the one from your business class. You called me blondie. You might remember me as that.

You : omgggg blondie

Blondie : You can just say my name too..

You : nahhhh it’s better so people won’t know I associate with business nerds LOLLLLL

blondie : you don’t want to be associated with me? Should I not include my name on our project?

You : LOLLLL ur so cute I was jk

Blondie : I see, my mistake.

You : wtvvrrrr wyd rn blondie

Blondie : brainstorming ideas for our project and well studying. I don’t really do much else really.

You : show me send me ur snap

Blondie : snap?

You : snapchat? R u Amish do you not know what snap is?

Blondie : I don’t really use social media , haha .

You : could tell

You : make a Snapchat account!!!! I luv sending snaps it’s fun

Blondie : okay. I have made one , it is kento.nanami

You : kk !!!

You got so wrapped up in the conversation you even convinced this nerd to download Snapchat. You even giggled at how formal he texted , “what’re you laughing at y/n?? Are you watching insta reels?” One of your nosey sorority sisters asked as she pressed to your side wanting to watch Instagram reels with you , “nopee not right now lia I’ll send you some soon. I’m gonna go up to my room now see you all tomorrow” .

Being president of the sorority meant that you got the privilege of having a bedroom to yourself . You wouldn’t mind sharing but it meant having a guy over would be a million times more difficult . Luckily since you don’t have to share means that any male suitors can get down and dirty with you in private.

You slumped down onto your bed and awaited as Mr Kento Nanami to get off of his high horse and add you back !!!

Your phone buzzed once more..

Kento added you as a friend!

You rushed to your phone and began typing telling him to show you his plans . This was really an excuse to see if he would send any snaps of him .. in his room … with his stupid glasses on.. shirtless?

Kento sent you a snap

And it was just a photo of his hand pointing to his own personal whiteboard in his room .. point…his hand . Indirect hand pic , tut tut tut kento nanami the man you are. The sleeves of his white button down shirt rolled up to his elbows , veins decorating his arm in a subtle manner. His forearms filled out his shirt nicely , you began to wonder how well his biceps did too. Your eyes were fixated on the screen , day dreaming . Does he think it’s weird that you left him on open for so long? Why do you care?

You snapped him back a photo of you laying on your bed , sticking out the tip of your tongue at the camera . Like snaps that you send to your sorority sisters . he left you on opened for a minute , is he analyzing your snap too?

Opened for ten minutes .

Okay , maybe you were a bitch and said snarky things when he was in earshot BUT TEN MINUTES ARE YOU SHITTING ME? You sighed and began snapping the other boys on your phone hoping they’d entertain you for the night.

By the time Friday rolled around , you and Kento had talked like twice and messaged like once . You weren’t that big of a bitch were you? WHY WAS HE TOTALLY IGNORING YOU? You kept yourself busy with your presidency plans and planning darties and regular parties . After class when walking out you saw the same blonde man standing there , was he waiting for you?

“BLONDIE HEY” you said in a singsong tone but still very loudly it looked like it had startled him , he pushed his glasses up with his thumb and middle finger, he half smiled at you yet again . He proceeded to walk over to you , “do you wanna ride?” . “On college campus? Blondie you’re dirrrttttyyy” you grinned and began to laugh at your own joke , he looked away and shook his head , “no no I meant to my apartment..so we can work..on the project, our project..together?” . You had totally forgotten, “ohh yeah no totally, why don’t you live on campus in the dorms?” You said while you began to walk , “do you want me to walk five feet behind you or something?” He asked in a serious tone , you couldn’t help but laugh at him . “Are you serious , no blondie.. no one is even around , now hurry up and answer my question” . He took a few strides forward to begin walking next to you , “I don’t like dorms..people invading my space, I have a roommate but he has his own bedroom so I’m not too bothered. It’s just how I like things. You know?”

You rolled your eyes , you could’ve answered the question for him that’s how predictable it was , “yeah and you also just hate people that’s why you never text me” . He pushed his glasses up once more , “no..I just thought you didn’t want someone like me to text you because of like..reputation” . You couldn’t help but roll your eyes at him yet again , “don’t be stupid blondie you seem pretty cool even if you are a loser virgin nerd”

“Loser virgin? I’m not-“ you put your hand to his face shushing him , “whatever whatever which one is your car blondie” he pulled out his keys and unlocked the white car in eye view , when walking in front of it he stopped before opening the door for you . Well mannered , smart , tall , polite . You could cream in your thong from just these interactions.

On the ride there you noticed kento kept his hand on his thigh whilst driving with one hand , you hand the urge to move it onto yours but that might weird him out . You wouldn’t want to scare him off .

The project you both managed to get through a significant amount , nowhere near done by any means but still a lot of work was done . By kento..mostly . You just sat on your phone for the majority and chimed in on any creative ideas he asked you for your opinion on . “Are you gonna help or just sit there or are you gonna actually help with any of the work?” Kento finally asked , anger bubbled in his tone but his stoic expression never wavered. You grinned , “no I like seeing you work , plus I wouldn’t be much help. I’d be more of a nuisance than help.. I’m not really good at stuff like this , talking presenting sure but actually doing the work is so bleh”

He hummed and his eyes darted around your face , “how about I teach you..an easy way to do things, it’ll be easy trust me” he motioned for you to sit closer , you were now shoulder to shoulder instead of sitting from across the table . This tension , it might not exist to him but to you .

YOU WANTED THAT DICK.

After a while things actually started to stick into your brain , things actually made sense when kento explained how to do everything to you , showing examples from his work to compare with yours . In comparison his notes were so detailed yet concise it made everything seem so easy . So simple. “See you can do it. I don’t see why you had such a negative outlook on it even though you hadn’t even tried yet” . Your face began to warm , he believed in you . He looked up from your work to your face , “blushing?” and this time you were rewarded with a full smile.

“N-no..I..I don’t-“ you stammered , while your face began to grow more red with embarrassment that he managed to get such a reaction out of you . Embarrassed by your childish reaction , to blush and stutter . The president of a sorority wouldn’t react like this by some loser nerd.

“Hm? Can’t get your words out?” The smile plastered on his face he was basically mocking you but why was it soooo sexy? You hid your face in your hands to hide from the embarrassment, “don’t hide I like seeing you like this..I don’t think many others get to see you in a state like this. It makes me feel good , plus you look cute like this” Kento’s babbles didn’t help much , you were still very embarrassed .

you kept your face hidden until you felt a pair of firm hands on your wrists pulling them from your reddened face . “I like this y/n…not the front that your sorority sees.. I like when you get shy . It makes you more human.” Your faces were inches apart , your breath hitched . “I don’t like you seeing me like this..makes me nervous you won’t see me the same” you admitted . He stared at you once more , he was contemplating.

“Would you slap me if I tried to kiss you?”

“…no”

His large hands moved to your face his lips crashing against yours . For some reason this felt right , a passionate kiss , something so rough by someone so quiet. This felt right . His nervous hands moved from your face to your waist , pulling you into his lap . His lips broke away from yours , he began to kiss down your jawline . “Sorry, just wanted you closer to me..needed you closer. Is this okay?” .

“I like it , stop worrying blondie I like when you take initiative like this” you said as your hands ran through his blonde hair . “ say my name” he said practically begging as he began to kiss your neck . “Kento..I want more..” you said not being able to look at him , the embarrassment of him getting you so flustered. No boy had ever gotten you so stupidly feral like this.

You just wanted him to rip your clothes off already. It’s almost like he could read your mind , your shirt was taken off so quickly but Kento latched his mouth back to your collarbone and he continued to kiss you. He wanted to get a good look at your assets but you finally looked down at him to notice that his glasses were all fogged up, his lips were swollen from kissing you and his cheeks were a cute pink color. He removed his glasses setting them on the table , “sorry, you’re just really pretty. I always thought it…can I take this off?” He asked nervously but you were too caught up staring at how attractive he actually was. Well you thought that yes , but his bone structure with his glasses off his face is so chiseled . But you thought the glasses made him look so much cuter.

He nervously took your bra off watching as your tits spilled out of it. His dusty pink cheeks intensified, “sorry for being so forward , I’m just really excited” but you shook your head at his apology , “I told you I like you taking initiative..I get nervous in situations like this, even if I try to hide it but, you make it impossible to hide it from” . He gave you that same smile , it made butterflies start to circulate your stomach like they were on a wash cycle . He hiked your skirt up and moved your thong aside before he began to separate your folds that were collecting an embarrassing amount of wetness , just from kento’s words and kisses . Is this really all that it took to get you this worked up?

His thick fingers began to slip inside you, even though you were so wet it didn’t distract from just how thick his fingers were . As they began to curl up inside you , you arched your back against the table . You slapped your hand over your mouth to muffle your whimpers but kento just removed his fingers from you which made you start to clench around the sudden emptiness that left you shaking your head , “no no Kento I don’t want you to stop” you whined which made him smile , “then don’t cover your mouth I wanna hear how much you like it” . You nodded , “I will I promise I will” , “you’re so good aren’t you?” Which you nodded in response as his fingers returned inside you , the sounds of your moans and the sounds of kento finger fucking you. But the feeling of him hardening under you made you all the more desperate and you could tell he felt the same way.

“Are you gonna let me fuck you properly now princess?” He asked as he lifted you up onto the table that was still littered with your project and other pieces of paper he used to study with . “Ken- wait the project” you said gripping onto his broad shoulders , he shook his head , “I don’t care I can make up for it if it gets destroyed , I just care about you right now” he said like he was hungry , he rushed to unbuckle his belt . You laughed at how much he wanted it , how strange it was to you that someone wanted to have sex with you this much. Although you really hadn’t known each other that long , he wasn’t an immature boy . He was a man.

He lined himself up with your sopping wet hole that was practically begging to be fucked at this point , as he began to thrust inside you , you couldn’t help but squirm and wiggle around . Whatever thickness you thought you had experienced from his fingers only intensified with his dick . WHO KNEW NERDS WOULD BE SO HUNG

You were chanting his name like a mantra , your eyes fixed in the back of your head . Your tongue began to lol out of your mouth , kento grabbed your ankles and brought them to his shoulders so he could fuck you deeper . In all honesty you still weren’t adjusted to his sheer girth , you were sure he was leaving an imprint of the veins on his cock like a tattoo inside your cunt.

He grinned as he began to feel you pulsate around him , watching you struggle to take all of him made him want to watch your alter ego unravel more , the more he fucked himself into you. “I wonder how all those dumb jock frat boys would react knowing that you secretly love to be fucked by a..what was it that you called me?” .. he watched in awe as you struggled to even formulate simple structured sentences , “mmn- I..I called…mmn loser…mn..kento” you tried to speak but struggled to even think of what to say , he smiled , “so close princess , you called me a loser virgin”

You were wrong , no loser nor virgin could fuck you like this . How could this quiet boy secretly be able to fuck you so good , so good you might cum. Cum? What a man is actually gonna make you cum? But kento was smart he knew you were close so he put his thumb onto your clit making small circles it made your legs interlock tighter around kento , toes curling and everything . He made it seem so effortless , he knew exactly how to please you.

If soul mates were a thing, maybe he’d be yours.

NO

DONT THINK THAT

THE DICK CANT MAKE YOU THIS DELUSIONAL.

“It’s okay baby..just let it go cum on this dick I’ll take good care of you . None of those athletes or frat boys can make you feel this good can they?” He said softly but it was a complete juxtaposition of how much he was slutting you out . You couldn’t take it anymore , the knot in your stomach finally snapped and your the muscles in your legs began to tighten and vibrate . Leaving your legs shaking and tears streaming down your face , completely ruining the makeup you so desperately wanted to keep on. But kento stripped it all away everything you do desperately wanted to keep hidden from him he just managed to reveal everything about you.

Nerds weren’t so bad after all.

You were kinda glad you got caught up with one.

[neon-danger]

my baldurs gate hyperfixation is getting bad enough that I’m thinking about bard!alex and rogue!jack on an illithid adventure

[bondagebimbo]

LOVE when the pharmacy decides to fucking dick around with my meds so badly that now I’m off my mood stabilizer, my pain meds, and my fucking birth control (in a few days) because they’re insisting I should have extra fucking bottles of each one and I DONT because they don’t let me pick up more than a one month supply of narcotics at a fucking time so do explain where these extra bottles are, hmm ????? and they didn’t have enough caplyta ordered last time to even give me my usual 3 months supply of that so … ???? get your fucking heads out of your asses and give me the fucking meds you owe me ??? like ??? but I’m in a nasty headspace right now so if I call the pharmacy this morning, I’m going to be that cunt ass customer they bitch about all day because this isn’t the first time they’ve done this. in fact, the first time, they straight up committed insurance fraud by marking one of my scripts as filled and picked up WHEN, IN REALITY, THEY FUCKING LOST THE SCRIPT AND HAD NO RECORD OF IT BEING FILLED OR PICKED UP IN THEIR SYSTEM, BUT YET, MARKED IT AS SUCH AND CHARGED MY INSURANCE AN ALMOST 8 GRAND FOR THE FUCKING 3 MONTHS OF MY MOOD STABILIZER THAT I. NEVER. RECEIVED. I’m genuinely about to report this entire pharmacy to the pharmacy board because I’m so fucking done with this place. it needs to be shut the fuck down because you’re telling me, out of an entire pharmacy, y’all share the same IQ point AND dead brain cell, collectively ??? then don’t fucking work in healthcare where people rely on you to know your shit and keep track of their fucking meds because you’re just constantly making shit worse on people since you can’t seem to not fuck around with these meds and not ‘lose’ scripts. fuck out of here.

and I’m pretty much out of weed, which is usually my back up pain management method, without the money to afford a delivery order by their cut off time to order in 3 hours because I just paid my fucking bills and have SOME to go towards it, but not enough for delivery to be free, and I’d still have to walk my ass to one of the ATM’s nearby because they don’t accept my bank as a prepaid method OR any of the cards I have on my person. 🫠

I can literally feel my back spasming and seizing on and off while I’m laying on my fucking side, I’ve had a migraine with a stupid ass aura for almost a week now because chronic migraines fucking suck and i was REALLY hoping this one would be over by now, my muscle inflammations that my pain meds are supposed to limit are already beginning to start their itching deep in my muscles so soon they’ll blossom into a whole fibromyalgia fucking episode and become entirely inflamed, my joints in my hands fucking hurt because of the dreary weather so I really need to get into a rheumatologist at some point soon as well and get that shit figured out, I’m nauseas as fuck from all the pain, and I’m moody, hormonal, and just feel like fucking death physically.

I’m just. I give up.

this shit is exhausting and painful and so mentally fucking taxing to constantly deal with and I just want a fucking break from all this fucking shit. I wish I could just … not exist … for even just a little while with how fucking painful existing actually feels right now 🫠😭

[valoflunar]

Michelle by sir Chloe but its pandora staring at Dorcas MESMERIZED even though she knows she shouldn’t be because she’ll never be more than ‘just friends’ with Dorcas and the affection between them will always be nothing more than platonic even if she so desperately wants it to be more than that and the slim chance she had is no longer there because Dorcas is now with Marlene and she feels so bad for being in love with Dorcas because god she’s with someone else and she’ll never be hers and-

[sailforvalinor]

.

[inkykeiji]

I AM SO EXCITED FOR UR CHAT GAME LFKOSOSKZOQKSHI EACH TIME U TALK ABOUT IT I CRYYYYYYY

I AM SO EXCITED THAT U ARE SO EXCITED i have so many ideas and i’m really really really eager to get feedback from everyone who’s interested in it so i can move forward in a more productive manner!!!!!

ha ha ha every time i talk about it i cry as well bcoz it literally makes me want to jump off a roof sometimes lol 。ﾟ(ﾟﾉД｀ﾟ)ﾟ｡ but i think ultimately it will be worth all the work n tears

[peapod20001]

LMAO QUICK. WIPE YOUR TEARS BEFORE SOMEONE SEEEESSS YOUUU

[13personalities]

why is it that I’m the only one mentally insane in my household? Why do I, the eldest daughter, feel like a weirdo and a freak among normies? Why is it that I struggle to calm myself whenever I hear so much as a mention about something I’m wildly invested in? Why is is so easy for my siblings to follow their little Christian values as I hide my inward deranged self?

[atlafan]

…

[seonghwaddict]

save a horse, ride your best friend — song mingi

in which your best friend can’t believe you’ve never ridden a dick before, so he takes it upon himself to teach you.

best friend!song mingi x fem!reader. requested by anon. genre. slight fluff. smut. best friends to friends with benefits. warnings. explicit sexual content mdni, inexperienced!reader, thigh riding, fingering, use of a dildo, big dick!mingi, multiple orgasms, unprotected, creampie, swearing, nicknames (baby, angel, pretty). wc. 4k. rating. mature.

lilo’s notes. this was requested a while ago but i’ve been putting it off because… i’ve never written anything about toys being used so uh, i was worried about the pacing and stuff. i wasn’t sure if you meant for them to be in an established relationship, so i went for the fwb route. IMPORTANT!!!! i lost access to my google account bc of a stupid mistake, if you sent in a request through my google form and would still like me to see it, please send it as an ask <33 i remember a few of them, but do send yours in just in case!!

listening to. need to know, doja cat // if u think i’m pretty, artemas // moonlight, kali uchis

masterlist.

it was a regular saturday evening. you were on a video call with your best friend, mingi, talking about anything that came to mind as you each ate a bowl of ramen as if you were really in the same room. he really only lived a couple buildings away, a two minute walk at most, but actually joining you in your apartment didn’t cross his mind until something interesting was brought up.

you weren’t sure what led to the conversation, but somehow it steered into the direction of something less innocent as you found yourself talking about an embarrassing date you’d gone on a while ago. recounting the story, laughing together, soon turned into a conversation about what each of you like in bed.

“oh, it’s just amazing,” mingi laughed as he gulped down a mouthful of water, momentarily pausing his rambling about how much he loves it when someone rides his dick. he ran a his hand through his short, washed-out pink hair, “honestly, my favourite thing ever since it probably feels just as good for whoever is, y’know, riding.”

based on everything he’s said so far, you came to the conclusion that he was more into giving than receiving, that he got off on seeing all the pleasure he can give his partner. so, it made sense he’d choose to mention the fact that riding him would feel good. not that you would know.

“can i admit something?”

he looked up from his bowl, sharp eyes looking almost hopeful as he nodded.

you looked around your kitchen jokingly, pretending to make sure no one sense was listened as you leaned closer a whispered, your hand cupping the side of your mouth.

“i’ve never done that before.”

his jaw dropped at that, letting out a small laugh. “you’re kidding.”

“no, really,” you insisted, going back to eating casually as if you were having the most normal conversation in the world with your best friend, “i really haven’t done… much, so i can’t confirm or deny your theory.”

“huh.” he leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms as he thought for a moment. his head tilted and it was then that you felt how warm your cheeks felt, how your thighs were pressed together under the counter. of course, he was well aware of the fact that you had much less experience than him, only knowing about two people you had slept with. but damn. he clicked his tongue and shook his head ever so slightly. “that won’t do.”

furrowing your eyebrows, you opened your mouth to ask him what he had meant by that. he beat you to it before you could get a word out.

“i can… teach you, if you want?”

you blinked at your screen, resting your wrist on your countertop and gripping your chopsticks a little too hard. a silence followed his offer, though it wasn’t awkward. in fact, he could see you genuinely considering it as you thought it over. eventually, you gave him a tiny nod.

“i mean,” you shrugged, shifting your eyes away shyly, “sure, i guess. why not?”

he grinned, trying to hide it as he shoved a mouthful of noodles into his mouth and shoved his bowl aside. he chewed, swallowed then got up and made sure to bring his phone with him. you recognised his hallways then bedroom as he walked through his apartment. “i’ll be there in like 15, i need to buy something on the way. just wait there, and where something comfortable and… um, accessible.”

you nodded, despite your confusion, and he hung up. accessible? you looked down at your clothing—or rather, lack thereof. since you were home and not expecting anyone, you’d settled on wearing just a shirt you stole from mingi that was too large for him and much larger for you, and panties. you lifted the hem of the worn shirt, assessing how much of your dignity you’d lose if he saw your pink hello kitty undergarments that you only wore if you were doing laundry.

you could already hear him giggling at the sight.

groaning and cursing under your breath, you dropped the shirt and sped to your bedroom to dig through your closet in hopes of finding something a little more appealing. after making a mess of one of your closet’s drawers, you finally pulled out a pair of less offensive panties. they were made of soft cotton; a muted light blue with thin white lace trim, the cut shaped more like a bikini than what you call your grandma underwear.

deciding they were flattering enough, you slipped off your hello kitty pair—ignoring the embarrassing amount of wetness creating a wet patch right where it was pressed against your core—and replaced it with the new pair. as you untwisted the waistband and adjusted it to fit properly, your doorbell rang and you froze on the spot before pulling yourself together and heading to open the door.

the walk to the door felt abnormally long as you stumbled over on wobbly knees. admittedly, you were a little nervous. sure, there have been times where you wanted to do some more than friendly activities with mingi, but you never actually thought it was happen. yet here you were, opening the door for him so he could come in and show you what being a cowgirl feels like.

“hey,” he greeted you softly, stepping into your home and closing the door behind him. you noticed a small plastic bag in his hand, eying it curiously as you watched him kick off his shoes and hang up his coat. once that was of the way, he took one of your hands in your free one and pulled you to where he knew your bedroom was.

once there, he set the bag down on your bedside table and dragged you to stand between his knees as he took a seat on the edge of your bed. he looked you over, lingering on the familiar t-shirt.

“so you’re the one that took this shirt, huh?” he quirked an eyebrow, glancing up at you as he released your hand and brought both of his to your hips. his thumbs caressed the curve of your waist over the shirt. “it was my favourite.”

you laughed softly, “clearly you didn’t care enough if i was able to keep it for three years without you noticing.”

“you little thief.” his nose scrunched as he glared at you jokingly, giving you a gentle squeeze.

“if you really want it back, you can always take it.”

“nah, it’s fine, keep it. it looks cuter on you anyway.” he took a breath and gave you another once over, humming appreciatively when he moved his hands up higher, dragging the shirt with it until he caught a glimpse of your panties. you tensed, caught off guard by how close he felt. “i need you to relax a little, how about i help you loosen up, yeah?”

you nodded, averting your gaze but returning it to him when you felt him pull you onto his lap. he slotted one of his legs between yours, easing you down to straddle his thigh. his hands ran up and down your sides and few times before resting on your bare thighs, your breath stuttered and he held back a smile.

“are you still okay with this?” he asked quietly, absentmindedly playing with the hem of his your shirt. “if i do anything that makes you uncomfortable, just tell me and i’ll stop immediately and we can just watch a movie or something, okay?” when you only nodded, he continued, “i need you to say it, please.”

“i’m okay with this,” you muttered in return, resting you hands on his biceps, “and i’ll let you know if i need you to stop.”

“good, now…” without waiting any longer, he leaned forward to attach his lips to your neck, his hands slowly beginning to rock you back and forth on his lap.

you sucked in a sharp breath and clung into his arms a little tighter, your stomach fluttering at the feeling of your clothed cunt on his firm thigh, your panties dragging against your clit with ease thanks to how wet you already were. he lifted you slightly as he pulled you towards him, pushing you down as he pushed, the varying pressure making your lips part in a soft whimper. he nearly groaned at the sound, moving his lips right below your ear.

“you know,” he rasped between the licks and kisses, “i can’t deny that i’ve wanted to fuck you for a long, long time now.”

“r-really?”

mingi chuckled as he pulled back to look at your face, half surprised and half needy. he noticed that if he relaxed his hands, you’d continue grinding against his thigh.

“yeah, really. i mean, look at you,” he glanced down, one of his hands lifting the hem of your shirt to watch you ride his thigh slowly, a dark wet patch forming right where your leaking pussy sat. he bit his lip, “you look so perfect… and i bet you’d feel perfect, too.”

you nearly whined at that, fucking yourself on his thigh just a little faster as he sucked a dark mark right above your collarbone before returning to mutter dirty words into your ear.

“i know practically everything about you and your cute little body, you know. better than anyone else,” one of his hands inched it’s way up your thighs, brushing against the edge of your panties, “i’ll make you feel so good, angel, i promise.”

“mingi?” you whimpered, prompting him to lean back a little to look at you with a curious tilt of his head and a raised brow. “if you don’t shut up and kiss me right now, i might lose my mind so… please.”

his beautifully plump lips stretched into a smile as he wasted no time in practically pouncing forward and smashing his lips against yours. it started a little slow as you got acquainted with each other, despite the fact you could feel a nearing orgasm as a knot in your stomach drew tighter with each roll of your hips, but soon the kiss turned hungry.

he groaned into your mouth as you let his tongue explore, making you let out a quiet moan. mingi knew he wouldn’t be able to kiss anyone ever again. you, his best friend of all people, had the most inviting lips he’s ever felt. so inviting, so perfect and so soft. he thought everything about was soft. his hand slipped just under the edge of your panties as his other one made your grinds slow down.

you didn’t mind the slow pace, knowing just a few more rocks of your hips would have you tipping over the edge. but he evidently had other plans as he finally made your hips still completely. you pulled away from his lips with a pout. if you were trying to make him feel bad, it backfired terribly.

all he could think of as he looks at your swollen, red, wet, pouty lips is how much prettier they’d look wrapped around his cock. but he could save that for another time.

“there’s no need to rush, baby,” he chuckled, wiping some saliva away from your bottom lip.

eventually, when he was sure you had calmed down enough, he lifted you off his lap a little and turned to lay you down on your back, pressed against the comfortable mattress as he kneeled on the edge. he gripped your knees and bent them, pushing them closer to your chest with his eyes zeroed in on where your slick was leaking through your panties.

with one hand keeping your knees together and elevated, he ran his other over the fabric, pressing down on where he knew your clot would be and elicit a sweet little moan as you squirmed beneath him. he thought you were so cute like this, you looked so flustered as he gave you nothing but featherlight touches where you needed him most. for now.

“don’t get all shy on me now,” he cooed as he glanced up and noticed you covering your face with your hands, “let me see you, pretty.”

he didn’t continue his touches until you finally removed your hands, giving him a nice view of your abused lips and round eyes, pupils blown wide with lust in a way that had something stirring in his abdomen. and his pants.

he let down your knees for a moment so both of his hands could slip under the waistband of your panties, slowly pulling them down your legs. he actually moaned when he saw the strings of arousal clutching onto the fabric as he dragged it away, snapping when he got too far.

“you’re so pretty, baby,” he murmured, watching your entrance squeeze around nothing, making more slick drip out.

after tossing it aside, he wasted no time in getting your knees back to the previous position and running his fingers through your folds.

“oh, fuck,” he groaned, eyes squeezing shut for a moment as you let out a moan when he tapped against your clit, “you’re soaked.”

he glanced up at you, wanting to see your face as he slowly pushed in too fingers and catching a glimpse of your hard nipples poking through your shirt. your face contorted for s fraction of s second before relaxing, your head tipping back against the mattress as you let out a whine.

he choked back a moan at the tight walls around his middle and ring fingers, the fingers of his other hand digging into your thighs. “sh-shit… you’re so tight. i’m gonna have to stretch you out first, okay?”

you nodded mindlessly, too distracted by his fingers prodding at your sweet spot to care about any words he may have said. but you furrowed your eyebrows and lifted your head when you felt both his hands leave you, finding him reaching for the bag. your curiosity outweighed your disappointment as he pulled something out.

it was a dildo. about as thick and long as the biggest person you had before, and made of what looked to be transparent silicon. your insides tightened at the sight, somehow the thought of him seemingly buying this just for you turning you on even more.

he returned to kneeling at the edge of your bed, leaning down to loop his arm around your waist and lift you up to place a pillow under your hips before letting lay back down.

“couldn’t find one my size, but this should be fine,” he held the dildo and ran the tip through your pussy, collecting wetness as you shuddered, “my cock will just have to stretch you the rest of the way.”

you breath hitched at the implication of his words. so he was bigger than that? your thighs pressed together at the thought of being completely stuffed by him. he chuckled, separating your knees enough for him to have a clear view of your pussy, pulsing and dripping and begging for his attention.

he began slipping the toy into you, filling you up inch by inch and watching your needy hole stretch around it and swallow it up. the sight had him choking back a moan, biting down on his bottom lip.

the stretch had your back arching and pushing yourself against it desperately, feeling like that alone could get you to finish. it only took a few deep strokes for your pussy to get used to the size, squeezing and writhing around it until you couldn’t handle it anymore. your arousal coated it quickly and seeped out with each stroke, squelching sounds filling the room that shot straight to his dick.

when you finally came, your toes curled and your body twitched as you let out a string of and whines and moans, little curses slipping between. he watched with fascination as you came undone right beneath him, not wanting to wait any longer to be inside you. he shoved the toy deep inside you, leaving it there as he leaned back for a moment to discard his clothes, slipping his hoodie and sweatpants off.

when you were brought back to your senses, you found yourself on his lap again, straddling his hips this time as he sat with his back against your headboard. you felt his erectile straining against his boxers and pressing against your core. you couldn’t help but rock your hips against his slowly.

“do you ever ride your pillow?” he asked suddenly, voice dropped what felt like two octaves lower than his regular tone. your eyes widened at the question but you nodded. he nodded too, his hands finding your ass and helping you grind against his clothes length. “this is a lot like that, except you have something in you… and it’s more of an up and down movement… and i’m obviously not a pillow… still, there’s really no right way to do it, just go slow and you’ll figure out what works and what doesn’t. plus, i’m here to guide you.”

he gave your ass a squeeze as if to punctuate his sentence, massaging the soft flesh in his palms. when you felt ready, you dropped your hands from his shoulders to his boxers, palming his length a few times before hooking your fingers into the fabric and dragging it down until his cock sprung out.

he definitely wasn’t lying when he said it would stretch you more than the already-big dildo. he was definitely a lot bigger than anyone else you’ve been with, well over average. you nearly dropped at the sight, wrapping your hand around him and jerking him off, eyes fixated on the angry red tip leaking precum as you passed your thumb over it.

the muscles of his abs rippled and squeezed as your worked your hands on his cock, his head thrown back against the headboard and letting out stuttering moans. all the sounds he made encourage you to sit up on your knees, guiding him through your folds and whimpering as you finally sank down on him carefully.

the two of you moaned at the same time, him at how well you squeezed around him and you at how well he stretched you. you stopped when you reached just halfway, unsure whether or not you’d be able to fit more. his hips jerked slightly as his hands squeezed your hips.

“come on, baby,” he moaned softly, looking up at you with encouraging eyes, “just a little more… we can make it fit, right? just breathe.”

you nodded and as you took a deep breath, he used his hold on your to sink you further down until he finally bottomed out. he cursed silently, the back of his head finding the headboard again as you whined and dropped yours onto his shoulder.

you felt his tip pushing against your cervix, the new feeling making a lump form in your throat as you blinked back tears. this time it took a while to get used to the stretch before you tried grinding back and forth. it was slow, almost painfully so. he was amazed that despite stretching you with two different things, you were still so unbelievably tight, hugging him in a death grip as your raised your hips an inch before dropping down again.

your soft noises were muffled by his shoulder as your hands rested on his biceps, panting and squeezing gently as every inch of him dragged against the sensitive spongy patch in your walls every time you grinded on him. soon enough you were able to lift yourself to his tip and drop all the way down, your wetness letting him slip in and out with ease.

still, you kept the pace torturously slow, savouring each bounce and grind. his hands had left your hips at some point, exploring your body under your shirt, massaging your breasts and tweaking your nipples. he lifted the fabric but kept it on your as he watched your tits bounce temptingly, your puffy pink nipples making his mouth water as he pushed himself forward to take one into his mouth.

your hips stuttered as he sucked and nibbled at your nipples, throwing your head back and arching into his touch as your grinds grew sloppy. he felt your decreasing pace, using the hand that wasn’t teasing your other breast to guide your hips once more. he angled you slightly differently in a way that made your clit press against his pelvis each time he bottomed out, the speed of your grinds picking up quickly as his hips bucked up to meet yours.

his lips detached from your bruised breasts with a popping sound as he leaned up to capture your lips in his once again. it wasn’t much of a kiss, more teeth and tongue and moans and groans than anything else as you swallowed each other’s sounds.

you finished first, pushing yourself down hard and stilling, filling yourself with his throbbing cock and pressing your clit against him. he held you tightly, burying his face in your neck to suck at all the spot he knew would get your to writhe. many tickling fights contributed to his knowledge on all your sensitive spots.

your body twitched as you returned to bouncing on his length, your juices looking at his base. the overstimulation burned a little, making your thighs and knees quiver, but you were determined to get him to finish too. and by the looks of it, it shouldn’t take much longer.

“shit, baby,” he said, halfway between a whimper and a moan, fingertips digging into your hips as he threw his head back in bliss, “‘m so close— fuck, you feel s-so good.”

his chest rose and fell with shallow breaths, bottom lip caught between his teeth. his cheeks and the tip of his ears flushed a deep red, his plush lips a few shades darker and coated in your mixed saliva from your kisses. as you adjusted the angle of your hips, something in him snapped, grabbing your hips tighter and taking over. he took over your movements, thrusting his hips up desperately as you fell forward onto his chest with the sudden change in intensity. his tip pushed itself against your g-spot continually, another knot tightening in your stomach.

the wet sounds of your cunt and your skin slapping against his egged him on until finally he felt like he couldn’t hold back any longer.

“baby, p-please— fuck— please, can i cum i-inside you?” he begged through a groan, “i— please, angel, i-i can’t wait any longer.”

you nodded against his chest with a whine, you were on the pill anyway. not a second later, he released into you, filling you up with stuttering hips. he pulled you down, flush against him and keeping you there as he emptied himself with softly muttered curses, his head dropping to press open-mouthed kisses to your shoulder.

it felt new to you, the warmth making you squirm until you came again without warning. it was much weaker this time but still enough to make you shake in his arms, panting softly after letting out a strangled moan against his skin.

after a few long moments of trying to recover from the shared orgasm, he lifted his head, one of his hands cupping your chin to tilt your head to look at him.

“so,” he started, lips stretched into a smile, “how’d that feel?”

“fucking amazing.” you rolled your eyes at how smug he looked after your confession, not protesting as he leaned forward to kiss you.

this one was much softer than the previous kisses you shared, much more tender. it was a lot shorter too, he pulled away first to rest his forehead against yours.

“yeah?” he whispered, kissing the corner of your lips, “just wait until i hit it from the back.”

networks. @cromernet @wonderlandnet @cultofdionysusnet @pirateeznet

permanent taglist. @ad0rechuu @sankatchu @mlink64 @yeosangsbb @seonghwasbbgirl @likexaxdaydream @dreamingofyeo @yalyallic @yunhoswrldddd @coffee-addict-kitten @thunderous-wolf @chngbnwf

[bakudekublogblog]

i hear you and I agree with everything you’re saying and I also miss izuku’s thoughts about kacchan but also izuku also looks at kacchan like this

It's horrible to be utterly convinced that Katsuki is in love with Izuku without really being able to say definitively that Izuku is in love with Katsuki...aghh there's so much to say about certain hints and very overt things for Mr. "Kacchan Bakugou" but I feel like I haven't seen...or more accurately heard how Izuku feels. I know he loves him but Is he in love with him? Can I say that without thinking I could be wrong? No I don't think I can...but damnit! The parallels to other straight and gay couples in media is so interesting like the Berserk ref in cover 37...or the pretty constant references to taro cards...Izuku the devil in between togachako's lovers ((WHAT DOES THAT MEAN SERIOUSLY)), the three of swords in the blackwhip explosion...the "WAH--CCHAN!!" ref to a romance trope as well as to Blue Flag...the "share a crepe with" line also potentially Blue Flag..."TROY" and the battle being referenced OUT THE WAZOO with Achilles and Patroclus playing out almost exactly as the Illid described ((Literally THE most famous couple of gaybos in all historical literature--they are well known for being speculative lovers! It's mentioned in English classes when you read it))...Katsuki's parents...Katsuki's parents...the way other manga like "name I can't remember..." where they would reference MHA outright with the girl falling down and then refusing to take the male lead's hand to get up. It feels like so much but also nothing at all because all of it (( no matter how overt)) is STILL being read into from subtext. idk I think I just needed to vent.

[fuitygummy]

I know most memes about mental illness are more like a coping mechanism or a way to raise awareness and visibility or to connect with people who feel similarly

But when I lay down at night and think about how much my mental illness impacts my daily activities and how it worsens significantly my quality of life…they just don’t seem that funny anymore because they’re too real

[luveline]

Hiii!! Could I request a bombshell reader x Spencer where someone (a local police maybe) says something rude to her about her appearance or something and normally it doesn’t really get to her, but something snaps and she kinda shuts down/is rude to Spencer until he coaxes it out of her? Sorry it’s long I had an idea and ran w it loollll

ty for requesting angel! confident fem!reader, 1k

Spencer shouldn’t expect his colleague to hold his hand, especially one so confident. What sense would that make, a woman as established as you are, who smiles without a lick of worry nor smugness, wanting to hold his hand? 

But you do it all the time, is the thing. In the car on the way to crime scenes, in the hallways of the office, under the round table. It started as a tethering for his distractedness, when one day he’d wanted to talk but hadn’t had the presence of mind to walk at the same time, so you’d taken his hand and led him to the office. You’ve been taking it at your discretion ever since.  

Spencer knows something is wrong —you haven’t tried to hold his hand all day. And even if you aren’t interested in him romantically, Spencer has come to crave the touch. He’ll accept platonic hand holding. Anything, really. 

“You’re staring very deeply, Dr. Reid,” you mutter, shades from your usual lightness. 

“I’m thinking.” 

“Aren’t you always?” 

“About you.”

“Well,” you smile fleetingly. “You should always be thinking about me.” 

“You’re truly humble.” 

His joke doesn’t land, it crashes and burns; your smile fades completely into a short, sharp line. Your gaze moves back into the restaurant, waiting for the team's food order in silence once again. 

Spencer’s pinky finger twitches across the gap. 

“Is everything okay?” he asks. 

“Fine.” 

You stay quiet, Spencer worries. He takes the bags before you can when they bring your food to the collection desk, two lumps of heat he holds to his thighs as you begin the walk back to the hotel. Tonight, the team will pick at their food together and rehash the same arguments they’ve been making all day, filling in each other's gaps, and tomorrow the work will start again. He can’t have you this unhappy again tomorrow. 

“You’re amazing,” he says, watching you turn to him from the corner of his eye, “you know you are, we all do, everyone who meets you. I know you don’t need me to tell you that, or to feel better, but… I’m here for you. If you want to talk. It’s been a hard couple of days, and talking about traumatic events as they happen and directly afterward make them easier to recover from.” 

“I’m not traumatised.” 

“Upsetting,” he corrects. “Having a shoulder to cry on is good for you, and I can be that shoulder. You know, if you need me to be.” 

He can’t know this in the moment, though maybe one day you’ll tell him, further down the line when the hand holding is better defined, but you look at him and you love him. To know Spencer is to love him. Or at least that’s how you’ve always felt. You’d love to cry on his shoulder about what transpired that morning if it weren’t embarrassing to think about, you’re upset over a throwaway comment made by nobody important. 

Spencer offers his company earnestly. He stammers. It’s amazingly sincere, as he usually is. He won’t mind if it’s embarrassing, he’ll just listen. 

You clear your throat. “I know I’m not to everyone’s taste. I know that the way I… present myself isn’t what most men like. People love confidence, but not when it’s bossy, not when it’s– when it’s vain. And I am vain. I think about my appearance a lot, I think I’m beautiful most of the time, I try so hard to have that be true.” You eye him thoughtfully. “Do you realise that?” 

He shakes his head gently, one ear toward one shoulder and then the other, as though balancing. “Sort of. I know you put effort into your appearance, but I also assume a lot of it to be natural.” 

“Right, well. It’s not natural. Not really. My natural beauty wouldn’t be all the beautiful to most people. And I’ve accepted that, I know what I like about myself, and–” You’re losing the thread of your point, an upset creeping into your melodic tone and turning it ragged. “When people tell me they don’t like how I look now, I guess it hurts because I know they wouldn’t like me before, either, and I feel defeated because I know I can’t win.” 

“Who said they don’t like how you look?” Spencer asks, confused, on his way to annoyed. 

“Officer Friendly.” You look to your shoes, watching the steps you take. “Guess he wasn’t as nice as we thought.” 

“What did he say to you?” 

You shrug. “Same story. He doesn’t like girls who wear makeup. Doesn’t like uppity women.” 

“Did he call you that?” 

“What are you gonna do if he did?” you ask without malice. 

“Morgan’s teaching me self defence for a reason.” You smile at his light joke, though it doesn’t last. He transfers the takeout bags into one hand, the other held out to you, his fingers sliding down your arm to your wrist. “You know you’re beautiful, with or without makeup. And you’re not uppity, you’re out of his league. There’s a difference.” 

“You’re flirting with me.” 

“No.” He wishes he had the wherewithal sometimes, but this isn’t flirting. “I’m being honest with you. Men like that don’t like you because they know they’ll never, ever have you, or anyone like you. There isn’t anyone like you,” he adds, sliding his hand into yours. 

He squeezes all your fingers together twice in quick succession. 

“Don’t let a jealous chauvinist halfwit make you think you’re not good enough,” he says. 

You curl your fingers around his before he can take his hand back. Slowly, you squeeze his hand. Then, smiling, you let him go. 

“I’ve never heard you say something mean like that,” you say. “Halfwit. That’s crass.” 

“I was going to say he’s an asshole, if that’s better.” 

Your laugh echoes off of the sidewalk. “That’s perfect. Say something meaner.” 

The insult he uses next doesn’t bear repeating.