#but we just get along so well together? he was homeschooled like me? he’s an lotr fanatic (as in he’s read the books)? he has OPINIONS

[sailforvalinor]

.

[babydollmarauders]

BALLAD OF A HOMESCHOOLED GIRL — JACK HUGHES

jack hughes x fem!reader

summary: in which y/n goes on a date with Jack and thinks she made a complete fool of herself

notes: obviously inspired by Ballad of a Homeschooled Girl by Olivia Rodrigo, not proofread and written on extreme sleepiness. (3.6k words)

third dates.

my mother always told me to have them in group settings.

she said the first date is to get to know each other; the second is to learn how he’d treat you in private; the third date is to learn how he’d treat you in front of his friends.

most guys seem to get intimidated when i ask about joining a hang out with his friends for the third date, but Jack was different. i had told Jack on our first about my rules.

first date in a public setting, but alone.

second date in private, his apartment or mine.

third date with a group of friends.

i hadn’t expected him to take it so well, nodding along as though even without context, it made sense. he didn’t ask for clarification, which was good because i had learned after my last relationship not to give any; lest they’ll act like a gentlemen in front of their friends until we start dating.

i honestly didn’t expect Jack to contact me again, fully awaiting the discovery that he’d ghosted me, possibly even blocked me to keep me from talking to him again. but then he texted me tonight.

“i know it’s last minute, but third date tonight? me and some guys from the team are going for drinks, would you wanna come?”

and now here i am, walking into a pretty secluded bar to meet Jack and about half a dozen other professional hockey players. to say i’m nervous would be a massive understatement.

i spent at least half an hour trying on various outfits, but nothing felt right. every article of clothing i tried on had something wrong with it; whether it be that it didn’t fit quite right, or it didn’t match the occasion, or i just deemed it didn’t look good on me, something was always wrong. so i finally settled on a nice sundress, despite the chilled air of the evening.

“y/n!” my head turns in search of the voice that called my name, locking eyes with Jack, where he sits at a high top table with five other guys. “i was starting to think you’d stood me up!”

my eyebrows furrow as i walk over to him, stopping at the end of the table. my stomach ties in knots at all of the eyes on me. i hate attention.

“why would i do that?” a few of the guys chuckle at my question, but i’m not sure i understand what’s so funny.

“i was joking.” Jack clarifies.

oh.

embarrassment washes over me and i can feel the blood rushing to my cheeks, but Jack just smiles sweetly, rising to his feet and pulling out the chair beside him.

“oh, thank you.” i take a seat and he returns to his, his hand settling on my knee as one of the guys begin to speak.

“so, you’re y/n?” my eyes go wide, and i glance over at Jack but he’s looking over at the other guy. “i’m Luke.”

“nice to meet you, Luke.” i give the curly headed boy a tight smile, “so, you play with Jack?”

the boy grins, nodding his head, “i guess you could say that.”

everyone snickers, and i fear i’ve made a mistake of some sort. my blood runs cold; i hate feeling like i’m on the outside of some giant inside joke.

maybe this was a mistake.

Jack squeezes my knee, and i look over at him with subtly pleading eyes, silently begging for him to save me.

“Luke is my younger brother, but he does play on the team with me.” there it is. that’s where i messed up.

“oh, i’m sorry.” i’m not sure what i’m apologizing for, but it seems like the right thing to do. i glance back at Luke, “i knew Jack had mentioned your name before but, he’s mentioned so many names that at this point they all jumble together in my head.”

Luke just shakes his head, waving it off. “nah, don’t worry, it’s okay.”

after that, i decide it’s better to go quiet; only really speaking when spoken to. i can’t embarrass myself if i’m not saying anything.

“hey.” Jack’s voice is soft, and at first, i don’t even realize he’s talking to me, until i tear my eyes from who i now know as Dawson, who’s telling a story with wildly gesturing hands. “do you wanna go get a drink?”

he nods his head over towards the bar, and i nod, desperately in need of something to ease my nerves, “yes, please.”

Jack and i rise from our seats, his hand going to my lower back to stabilize me as i stumble. my cheeks go red, but i decide it’s better not to acknowledge my clumsiness.

“and i— where are you guys going?” Dawson cuts himself off, drawing attention to Jack and i’s retreating pair. “did i bore you, y/n?”

i stop in my tracks, freezing up as guilt takes over me.

“i- what? n-no! Jack-” i stumble over my words in a panic, attempting to reassure him, but apparently i didn’t help my case.

“see, Merc! poor y/n even finds your story stupid.” John laughs and i shake my head wildly.

“no! i found it interesting!” Nico snickers at my words, his hand coming up to cover his mouth.

“interesting. that’s one way of putting it.”

oh god, i made it worse.

“guys, leave her alone.” Jack speaks up, rolling his eyes at his friends before he turns back to me. “c’mon, ignore them, they’re just raggin’ on you.”

my brows thread together in confusion, but i nod nonetheless, allowing him to use his hand that still rests on my back to guide me over to the bar.

“i’m sorry about them.” he sighs as we reach the counter, waiting for a bartender. “they have a stupid sense of humor.”

“no! no, it’s fine!” i assure him.

it’s not them, it’s me.

i’ve never been great at picking up on social cues, perhaps due to my odd lifestyle as a child.

when the bartender reaches us, Jack orders another beer before looking over at me, “oh, can i just get an aperol spritz, please?”

Jack hands over his card and when he gets it back he turns to me.

“i gotta run to the bathroom, are you okay waiting for the drinks? i’ll be back in a second.” i nod and he takes off towards the restroom, leaving me alone.

“so, you like him?” apparently not alone for long.

i turn my head in surprise, only to find Luke standing beside me. he asks the bartender who arrives back with Jack and i’s drinks for another beer and the man nods.

“hmm? Jack?” Luke nods and i smile looking down into my glass. “yeah, i really like him.”

“see, i said so!” my face scrunched in confusion as i look back at him.

“you said so?” i question.

“yeah! Johnny was trying to say you must not like him because you aren’t being very flirty, but i told him- i said you obviously like him if you’re on a third date.”

flirting.

i’ve never been great at that. and i haven’t needed to be, Jack is the one who approached me first, he’s the one who asked me out and he hasn’t given any indication that i have any reason to have to flirt to keep his attention.

“oh.”

Luke pays for his beer before retreating back to the table with a low “see you in a few.”

i’m quick to tear my phone out of my pocket, glancing over towards the restrooms for a moment to make sure my date isn’t coming back before making a quick google search.

this seems impossible.

“hey.” Jack reappears beside me and i hastily lock my phone, looking up at him as i go to slide it back into my pocket. but the combination of my fidgety hands, quick movements, and not paying attention to my surroundings doesn’t end well.

before i can even blink, my hand is knocking into my glass, the drink sliding off the bar top and onto the floor, shattering upon impact.

“oh my god!” i squeal, jumping back from the broken shards. i glance down at the mess before looking back up at Jack. “i am so sorry!”

i turn to the waitress who comes rushing towards us with a broom and towels, apologizing profusely and offering to clean it up myself.

“it’s no problem, happens all the time.” she tells me with a smile, but i still bury my face in my hands.

i’m making a fool of myself.

“can we get another aperol spritz?” i peek through my eyes at the sound of Jack’s voice, watching as he hands the bartender his card again.

“i am so sorry, Jack.” my voice is low and whimpered, my shoulders rising as though to protect myself. “i just wasted your money and made a huge mess.”

Jack smiles softly, shaking his head as he chuckles, “don’t worry about it. it’s seriously okay, y/n. accidents happen, don’t beat yourself up about it.”

i nod, but i truly feel horrible now.

this was a mistake. i should’ve just stayed home; watched a cheesy romance or read a true crime novel and gone to bed early.

the bartender hands me the new drink, and i thank him before Jack leads me back to the table.

“everything okay?” Timo questions as we return and Jack just nods as we settle back in our seats.

“yeah, just a little accident. it’s all good.” the guys chuckle but all turn back to their previous conversation, somehow now on the topic of the wildest things they did in school.

i stay silent, hoping and praying to any higher power that they don’t involve me in this conversation, but my luck runs out pretty quickly. although i’m not sure i’ve had any tonight in the first place.

“what about you, y/n?” Nico is the one to rope me in, “what’s the wildest thing you did in school?”

“i- uh-” i internally cringe, mentally preparing myself for their jokes, “i was homeschooled. so, i didn’t really get to do anything crazy like you guys.”

“ohh, you’re a homeschool kid.” Luke nods as if it makes sense.

“did you know that statistically speaking, homeschoolers are more likely to graduate than public schoolers?” John pipes up, and i shake my head.

“really?” Jack questions, his nose scrunched cutely in disbelief.

“no, i- uh, i didn’t know that.” John nods at my words.

“yeah, look it up!” he points to my phone, which never actually made it to my pocket after the broken glass fiasco and now resides face down on the table.

i pick it up and Jack and Dawson, who both reside on either respective side of me, lean in to see my phone screen, eager to find out whether their teammate is correct.

but when i unlock my phone, my eyes grow wide and i’m eagerly attempting to swipe out of the current window, but it’s as if the world is against me because this is the exact moment that my phone screen decides to freeze.

“does that say ‘how to flirt?’” Dawson chuckles and i bite my lip, giving up and slamming my phone face down onto my lap as the table bursts into laughter.

i’m blushing like a mad woman, squeezing my eyes shut as i bury my face into my hands for the second time that night.

“aww y/n, you really let John get to you, huh?” Luke teases, and i feel like i could cry of embarrassment.

everything i do is tragic.

suddenly my seat is moving, scooting further to my right, before an arm is spindling around my waist. i let my hands lower just slightly to peer up at Jack, who wears a happy grin, his cheeks tinged pink.

he glances down at me, smiling even wider when he sees that i’m already looking at him.

it’s like a cat’s got my tongue, too stunned by the overwhelming mortification of the situation to even get a word out to explain or defend myself.

but Jack doesn’t seem to mind, pulling me into his body until my head is against his collarbone as he changes the subject; bringing up a story about he and his older brother trying to free an infant Luke from his crib when they were younger.

i’m quiet as the group speaks, most of them speaking over each other, which in turn makes others get louder to try and be heard. my head aches and i need a break.

“i’m gonna go to the bathroom.” i whisper, freeing myself from Jack’s hold as he nods in understanding.

“okay. are you okay?” i give him a small smile, reassuring him that i’m fine before i leave.

my hands rest upon the bathroom sink, my eyes glaring into my reflection in the wonky bar mirror.

“get it together.” i try and tell myself, but it comes out in more of a whine.

why am i like this?

i run my hands through my hair, making sure it’s volumized, and heave out a sigh before i make my way back out of the restroom to join the table again.

on my way back, i can’t help but smile at the sight of Jack laughing with his friends.

he seems so carefree.

but i should’ve been watching where i was going, because halfway to the table, i’m tripping over someone’s heeled foot, landing on my knee on the hard ground.

“oh shit!” Jack’s voice echoes over the loudness of the music and bar-goers, and i can hear multiple chairs screech across the floor. “y/n, are you okay?”

oh god, i wanna curl up and die.

“yeah, i’m fine.” my voice is wavering and weak, so over making an idiot of myself tonight.

Jack appears in front of me, holding his hands out to help me up. his skin is soft as i slide my hands into his, allowing him to pull me up to my feet.

his friends stand behind him, a couple biting back laughs, but the others wide eyed in concern.

i let Jack guide me back to the table, and when i sit down, he’s kneeling in front of me, inspecting my knee for any immediate bruising or marks.

i sigh and he looks up at me, worry settled into his expression.

“that was a hell of a tumble.” Timo snickers, but he sobers up quickly as his eyes meet Jack’s, “you’re okay though, right?”

“physically? yes. mentally? questionable.” the table laughs, but i didn’t mean to joke, which only makes me press my lips together.

Jack finally deems my knee okay, settling back into his seat and letting his arm rest over the back of my chair.

“what were we talking about?” Jack asks, effectively diverting the attention away from my fall and back to the conversation from while i was gone.

“cheating.” John states, taking a sip from his beer.

i let out a little laugh, thinking he was just joking, but i sober up as i realize nobody else is.

“oh, you were serious.” i bite my lip as he nods.

“right!” Luke exclaims, “so people are saying he cheated on her?”

“yeah,” Dawson nods, and i’m a bit lost, “which i don’t understand, because all he did was hold hands with the other girl. we don’t know anything other than that. holding hands could have so many different meanings.”

i take a big gulp of my drink, listening intently as the guys debate cheating and what counts as cheating.

“i think, if one of you guys cheated on your girlfriend, i might ‘accidentally’ knock your teeth out on the ice.” Nico tells them, making the guys and i laugh. “i’m serious, you’d be bag skating until you physically drop from exhaustion.”

and like word vomit, before i can stop myself, i’m speaking, “my friend recently cheated on her boyfriend, and i can’t tell if i should tell him or let him find out on his own.”

their heads turn to me and i shrink in my seat as i realize what just escaped my lips.

“oh my god, i’m not supposed to be telling that to anyone.” my hand covers my mouth, and a few of the guys laugh at my actions.

“you should definitely tell him.” John shrugs, “he deserves to know.”

“i thought so too, but if i do tell him, does that make me a horrible friend?” the guys all start shouting different things along the same lines.

some telling me it doesn’t make me a bad friend, while others telling me that i shouldn’t be friends with her anymore anyways.

“has she done anything else?” Luke asks, and i scrunch my nose.

“cheating wise, no: just one drunken kiss with some guy.” i start. “but she told him she was sick to get out of meeting his parents.”

i clap my hand over my mouth again, shocked that these secrets are just tumbling out of me.

“fuck, i shouldn’t be telling you guys these things.”

the guys cackle and Dawson changes the subject, apparently just remembering a story of something that happened to him back home over the summer.

i remain quiet for the next fifteen or so minutes, just listening as the guys go back and forth, telling stories of their summers, until i feel Jack’s hand on my shoulder.

“hey, i’m heading home, do you want me to drop you off at your house?”

i eagerly accept his offer, happily willing to leave now and avoid paying for an uber during surge pricing. the both of us bid goodbye to his teammates and his brother, who says he’ll hitch a ride back to the apartment with Dawson, before we head out to his car.

i smile as he opens the car door for me, allowing me to climb in before he shuts the door again and jogs around the front of the car, slipping into the drivers side.

i don’t need to give him my address, our second date having been at my apartment, so i just clasp my hands tightly together in my lap, both of his on his steering wheel.

“i had fun tonight.” he tells me as we pull up to my apartment building.

“yeah, your friends are nice.”

not a complete lie. they are nice, i’m just not sure i got along with them, or more so, that they liked me.

“can i walk you up?” i accept his request and he exits the car, running around it to open my door before i get the chance to.

i mentally prepare myself on the silent elevator up to my apartment, readying myself to have him tell me that he doesn’t think we fit.

i was awkward tonight, breaking a glass, stumbling over my words, tripping, googling things that should be common knowledge, and telling secrets i had no business telling.

i couldn’t think of any worse ways to ruin a potential relationship.

when we reach my apartment, Jack stops me in front of my door, and before he gets the chance to belittle my dignity any further than i, myself, already have, i’m speaking up.

“i completely understand if you don’t wanna continue this.” i sigh, finding sudden interest in my shoes. “i made a complete fool of myself tonight.”

“why would you think i don’t wanna see you again?” he sounds hurt, his finger hooking under my chin and pulling my head up to look at him.

i chuckle lowly, “you can’t take me anywhere. every time i go out, it’s social suicide.”

“so you’re a bit clumsy and you need time to click with my friends and their humor, so what?” he shrugs, “i think you’re cute. and i’m incredibly honored that you wanted to flirt with me.”

i groan, my face flushing, and i tip my head back to look up at the ceiling.

“oh god, that was so embarrassing.” i whine.

“it was sweet.” Jack chuckles, pulling me into his chest. his arms wrap around me and i melt into his embrace, his chin resting on top of my head.

“i really like you, y/n. and tonight may not have gone the way you would’ve liked, and i can respect that, you’re allowed to feel that way, but i really liked it. i got a chance to figure out more about you and what you’re like, and it only solidified that i’d really like to keep getting to know you, see where this could lead.”

my head snaps up to look him in the eyes, “you would?”

he giggles at my actions, nodding his head. “yeah, i would.”

his head dips down and i suck in a breath as his lips near mine.

“can i kiss you?” he questions, and i nod.

“yes, please.”

his lips slot against mine, moving in sync and pulling me even closer to him if it’s possible. his hands slide up to cup the back of my neck, his tongue tracing my bottom lip and i part my lips to allow him entrance.

what starts slow and passionate, turns into something hot and heavy. i huff as he pulls away, my lips chasing after his and making him smile.

“do you wanna come inside?” i ask him, my voice low and sultry, and his eyes darken almost instantly.

he smirks, answering only by taking my keys from my hands and unlocking my door, leading me into my own apartment.

“ya know, i don’t think you needed that google search. you’re pretty good at luring me in all on your own.”

[lincolndjarin]

Best Kept Secret

chapter twenty six : crucifixion

ao3 link ✿ series masterlist ✩ main masterlist ✧

pairing : bodyguard!Din Djarin x afab!princess!reader

rating : 18+ mdni

word count : 12.7k

summary : judgement day.

warnings: major character death, above canon typical violence, very brief references to suicide, torture, body horror (briefly), feelings of despair, blood, wounds, general kodo grossness, vomit (reader vomits several times, it is never described in detail), language, angst, brief smut, pregnancy, death, reader is not doing well in this like she's at a breaking point, i may have missed some so feel free to let me know.

a/n: please read the warnings on this chap! it's the most serious of the bks updates, definitely a bit more intense than the rest. gonna work on getting 27 out within the next few day. i've been terrified of releasing this chapter since i started writing it so once i post this i'm going to dig a hole and sit in it and hide for a while lmao.

i changed my editing style so if there's spelling errors lmk!! apologies in advance!!

“My room is too big.” 

He bursts into genuine peals of laughter and you gently smack his arm.

“Don’t laugh, it’s a serious issue! My room is enormous.” You’re giggling along with him now, it’s the hardest you’ve ever heard him laugh. You both just laugh for a few minutes, as if each other's company is the most amusing thing in the world. 

Once your giggles fizzle out you wait another moment before breaking the silence. 

“Where did you grow up?” You can’t see him but you can sense where he sits in the darkness, you crawl forward so you’re sitting between his legs, your own legs wrap around his waist. “I’m just curious.” 

“Aq Vetina.” You can’t recall anything about the planet. You aren’t even sure you’ve heard of it. 

“Do you remember your parents well? You don’t talk about them very much.” You put your hands on his shoulders, ever so slowly moving them up to his neck until you’re cupping his face. 

“I’ll never forget them.” He whispers. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. We can’t change the past.” You rub your nose against his, bumping them together as you hum and nod. “My mother loved ships. We didn’t travel, we never had a reason to, but she would take me outside and we’d watch ships fly past. I could never comprehend how she knew the name for all of them, it blew my mind.” You wrap your arms around his neck, staying silent in hopes that he’ll continue, he so rarely speaks so much. “My father worked a lot but he always made time for us, he was always home in time to say goodnight to me. He was always around when I needed him, he always provided for us. On his day off he’d spend the whole day cooking, I’d sit on the kitchen counter and tell him what my mother and I had done that week. When she’d come home we’d all eat dinner together.” 

“You sound like you were a happy child.” You can’t help but smile. 

“I never had reason to be otherwise.” He says it so matter of factly that you don’t doubt it for a second. He was loved. It only makes you smile wider.         

“What were you like, as a child?”

“Well behaved.” You immediately begin laughing once more. 

“I find that hard to believe.”

“Believe it. My mother homeschooled me, she always made sure I had manners. I wasn’t particularly athletic or talkative so I didn’t play with other kids a lot. It was just me and mama.” He sounds far away, it makes you want to hold him close and never let him go.

“So what did you do all day?” Your tone has softened significantly. 

“I would sew.” 

“Be serious.” He’s the one who laughs now at the disbelief in your voice.

“I am! I would sit with my mother after my lessons and we’d sew.” His fingertips dance along the back of your neck as he reminisces. 

“What kinds of things?” You don’t tease. When you really think about it you suppose such a hobby is fitting for him. A task that requires precision and care. 

“I would help her make clothes and blankets that she would sell most days. On the weekends she’d let me do whatever I wanted so I would practice my embroidery.” 

“My heart is actually about to explode out of my chest, you’re so cute.” You put on a mocking tone but the thought of such a thing really does make your heart clench. “Little Din Djarin stitching his name into his clothes.”

“You’re a cruel woman.” He leans forward, knocking his forehead against yours, almost as if he were reprimanding you. 

“What sorts of things would you embroider?” Your tone goes back to genuine, you could listen to him talk about himself for days and you’d never get bored. 

“Whatever my mother wanted. I would ask her what I should do and then I’d stitch it onto her blanket or the hem of her skirt. Mostly flowers, she loved daisies.” You’re pretty sure one of your ovaries literally popped at the thought of a little boy with dark curls and big brown eyes sitting beside his mother and embroidering a daisy onto her skirt. Your heart flutters a bit as you think of the necklace he got you. The silver outline of a flower you now realize is a daisy. “If he was ever gone for more than one night for work my father would bring her daisies, one for each day he was away.”

“Do you still know how?”

“I used to fix Grogu’s clothes when he ripped them but I haven’t done much else since I was a boy. He says it with finality but you carry on, not wanting him to stop talking. 

“What were their names? Your parents?”

“Clara and Arin Djarin.”  

“Those are pretty names.”

“What was it like for you? You said you had seven siblings right?”

“Eight actually.” You think of them now. There were eight of you and your parents' love for all of you combined wasn’t even a tenth of how much Din’s parents loved him. 

“Do you like having a big family?” He lifts you off of his lap, laying you back down as he crawls on top of you, laying against your chest. 

“I love it. I miss my siblings everyday, do you think we’ll be able to visit them someday?”

“If it’s safe to, of course we will.” He tilts his head, if you weren’t in darkness he’d be looking at you. 

“I wish they had visited here. They would have loved you.”

“You think?”

“Are you kidding me? The younger ones would adore you.” You tangle your finger in his hair, scratching his scalp. “Kids just naturally like you.” 

“They just haven’t learned to fear me.” You frown when he says it like a fact.

“I think it’s more than that.”

“Yeah?” The hopeful tilt to his voice has you leaning down to press a kiss into his hair. 

“Kids are intuitive, they can sense that you’re a good person.” He tenses up as you tell him he’s a good person. You know exactly what he’s thinking about now, how he punched your husband and then refused to leave. 

Neither one of you wants to talk about that though, not today. 

“What kind of room would you want? Since your current room isn’t to your liking.” He’s quick to change the subject and you let him.

“In all honesty, I like the cabin, I wish we could just live there.” You run your fingers through his curls as you think about it, gently pulling through any tangles.

“My cabin?” His voice is full of uncertainty as he pulls back a bit.

“It’s nice.” You feel a bit defensive, you consider the cabin to be the closest thing you have to a home. “Can you imagine getting to stay on Naboo? We could spend our mornings walking the market.” You rest your hand on the back of his neck now. “We could get jobs in the city, and then at night we’d come home.” 

“To the cabin?” He still sounds rather skeptical of your hypothetical future. 

“I’d cook dinner, you’d do the chores.”

“The cabin’s a bit small for us.” 

“We’d make it a bit bigger, add a few bedrooms, we don’t need that much space.” 

“A few?” He turns his head, his lips brush against your collar briefly as he kisses you there, freezing up when you speak again. 

“At least two, one for us and then some for any little Djarin’s who might need space.” With that he sits up entirely, his legs straddle your stomach.

“Little Djarin’s?”

“And Grogu, he would come live with us as well.” 

“You’d want him to live with us?”

“Of course, he’s a little Djarin.” Your hands rest on his thighs now as he seemingly ponders above you. He hums to himself in silence for a moment and you can’t help but grin at how seriously he’s taking all of this. 

“How many?” He finally speaks again and you laugh at the bluntness of his question. 

“Kids?”

“How many would you want?”

“You go first.” You haven’t ever talked about this sort of thing so you want to gauge his answer first so you don’t scare him too much with all the kids talk. 

“Maybe five? Or six.”

“Six?” Your voice pitches up immediately and you feel a rumble in his chest as he laughs. 

“Or five.”

“How about two, counting Grogu.” Turns out you didn’t need to worry about scaring him off. 

“How about three?” Three is manageable. 

“Counting Grogu?” 

“Counting Grogu.” He seems satisfied with that. 

“I suppose we could have three, you’re the one who has to build all the extra bedrooms.” 

“I don’t mind.”

“I’d work at the library and you’d work in a shipyard, we’d take turns staying home with the kids.” You pull him back to you, taking his hands and dragging him to lay his head on your chest once more.

“I’ve got enough savings, neither one of us has to work if you’d like.” It sends a twinge of pain to your heart how real this conversation has become, knowing that this exact dream isn’t possible. 

You could always make parts of it real.

Someday. 

“I’d want to work, to get out of the house, but you could stay home if you’d like.”

“When they’re still ik’aad, at least for the first few years I’d want to be with them.” He’s going to be a wonderful father. 

“Then I’d work, not long hours, just enough to get me out of the house, when I come home I’d give you a break, you could do the shopping and I’d watch the little’s.” 

“We’d go as a family, I wouldn’t want ‘a break.’” 

“You’d want to wrangle three kids in the markets?” You scoff in disbelief but he continues to sound completely serious. 

“They’d be well behaved.” You seriously doubt that. 

“What about either one of us makes you think our children will be well behaved? Is Grogu well behaved?” 

“We’ll manage.”

“They’ll be wild.” They will, not they would. 

“And smart.” He sits up again, hovering above you to give you a quick kiss. 

“And happy.” There isn’t a doubt in your mind that your children would be happy with Din as their father. 

“You’d really want to live here? I could build us a house anywhere.”

“I like Naboo, at least everything outside of the castle. I don’t even mind the castle, I just don’t care for the people inside it.” It’s true, somewhere along the way this place grew on you immensely. You love the city and the people in it. “And they’d get to play in the garden.” 

“I would build you a cabin anywhere you wanted, and I’d plant you a new garden.” He kisses along your cheeks and forehead as he speaks. 

“You wouldn’t need to plant me a garden if we lived here.” You insist. 

“We can’t live here, mesh’la.” He rubs a small circle with his thumb against your cheek. “This is too serious now, we’re supposed to be relaxed today.”

“When did we agree on that?” You muster up a weak laugh. 

“It was a silent mutual agreement.”

“I’m plenty relaxed.” You mumble. He buries his face in the crook of your neck, his stubble tickling you as you let out an airy giggle. 

“I’m actually very tense and I think we should take a break from all this talking and take care of that.” He mumbles against your shoulder.

“Oh?”

“Mhmm.” He emphasizes his point by pressing his erection against your hip, you hadn’t even realized that this is where he was going with that. 

“How long have you been waiting to jump me?”

“When we started talking about the five kids I was gonna put in you.” He continues to nip at your neck and shoulders as he speaks. 

“Skipping the agreed upon three and going straight to five already? You’re not even going to attempt to negotiate for four?” 

“So you’re open to four?” He pulls back and you can hear his smile. 

“Let’s start with one and go from there.”

“Right now?” His hips stutter down a bit against yours. 

“Maker, you’re insatiable.” You both burst into another fit of laughter. 

“What’s the worst thing that could happen?”

“I could get pregnant, and considering the lack of sex I’ve had with my husband I’m sure that might raise a few eyebrows.” 

“It would never get to that point, when we’re in the clear with this whole Kodo mess I’m getting you out of here.”

“Like… actually leaving Naboo?” 

“Exactly like that. I’m gonna take you far away from here when this is over, gonna keep you all for myself.” His hands move down, giving your hips a squeeze. 

“I’m already yours.” You laughed, rolling over to be on top of him. He’s right, if you’re going to leave anyway then what’s the worst thing that could happen? 

You never talked about that night after that. 

When everything sorted itself out you realized how crazy your fear had made you. You couldn’t just leave. At least that’s what you’d told yourself, now you feel like an idiot for not holding him to his words. It wasn’t realistic, you both knew actually leaving would take so much more preparation than a few whispered ideas during a time where neither one of you was in any position to be making such promises. 

It was just talk.

Lysa came to get you from the dining room. 

After everyone left you had no motivation to move, you just stood there, frozen in time. After a few hours she found you, she had taken your hand and walked you back to your chambers. She held your hand, she kept you upright when you threatened to crumble. And when you felt a wave of nausea ripple through you she rushed you to the fresher, a hand on your back as you threw up all over again. 

You sat breathlessly on the tile, Lysa rubbing your back.

“Gods, I’ve been nauseous since the wedding. Even before everything fell apart.” It’s the first words you’ve spoken since they took Din, your stomach is still churning. “This has never happened before.” You groan, you’ve had many moments of upset throughout your life, but none that made you physically ill. Lysa looks almost painfully worried. 

“Ma’am… is there a chance you might be…” 

Kriff.

You never talked about that night after that. 

Maybe you should have. 

You both did a lot of things during those days. You had been so angry, and he had done everything in his power to ease that anger, to keep both of you as happy as someone could be in your situation. 

You shouldn’t have used that as an excuse to be reckless. 

“I’d like to go to bed.” 

“Of course.” She helps you to your feet, walking you back to your room, you turn to her one last time before you close the door. 

“I’m sorry. Elaine never should have gotten involved in all this.” You’d trade places with her in a heartbeat if you could. 

“It’s not your fault.” She truly seems to believe that. 

Except it is. Elaine never would have found herself in this situation if she hadn’t so often been helping the two of you keep your secret. 

“Goodnight, Lysa.” 

“Goodnight, princess.” 

You lay on the bed, unable to bring yourself to sleep in the closet. 

It’s cold. Colder than Hoth, as you stare at the ceiling in your far too big bed in your far too big room. Even bigger now that it’s just you. 

You let your hand roam down your torso to rest on your stomach.

Just you, hopefully. 

☆

You’re now having nightly dinners with Kodo. 

You don’t get any respite from him, you just want to stay in bed. You’re nauseous and tired and your head hasn’t stopped spinning since that night. A million thoughts a minute. 

Where is he?

Is he okay?

What the fuck can I do about it?

Mostly that. 

The worst part is your lack of a plan. If the roles were reversed Din would have already rescued you and you’d be living happily ever after. 

But that isn’t how your story is going. Instead you are alone, with no scheme on how to get to him. It’s only been three days but it’s driving you insane, you have never known such hopelessness, it’s maddening. To sit alone in your room all day, staring at the ceiling until Lysa comes to dress you for dinner. Neither one of you ever speaks, afterall, what would you say to each other?

“I’m sorry the love of your life had been sentenced to die?”

How morbid. 

Not that you’re above being morbid. 

You think about it often. How easy it would be to drive your dinner knife into Kodo’s throat. You’re seated beside him now at dinner, both of you at the head of the table, joined by the rest of his family. 

The thought of killing him is the only thing that brings you peace these days. You’ve never once in your life been violent until now. Din is good. He’s a good man. In every way he is the opposite of your husband yet Din is the one locked away, Maker knows where, while Kodo is being rewarded. 

It doesn’t make you mad, it makes you furious. 

It makes you want to poison his wine. 

But you don’t have poison. 

And you can’t put yourself in danger. Because you feel fundamentally different, and even if you refuse to think that such a thing is possible you know you wouldn’t just be putting yourself in danger. There’s more at stake now. 

That’s what you tell yourself to stay calm, a feat that is getting harder by the minute as you’re sat beside Kodo who is currently bragging about how he defeated a Mandalorian. 

“They aren’t as strong as you think they are. Under the armor they’re weak, pathetic.” 

It took six battle droids to keep him down. You didn’t even get near him. 

“Some people just need to be taught a lesson, don’t touch what isn’t yours.” He sneers and the rest of the table erupts into laughter. “I certainly taught that horned bitch a lesson as well, you all should have seen what they brought me last night.” 

You perk up, this is the only thing they’ve said in days that truly matters to you. You’ve heard nothing about the current state of either of them until now. 

“What did they do to Elaine?” Everyone’s head turns to you, all their expressions look as if you’ve announced something treasonous but Kodo smiles as if he were explaining something to a child. 

“She was properly punished, the way someone who observed such a crime with no intervention should be.” He puts his hand over yours when he says it. 

You don’t ask for any follow up. 

You don’t think you could stomach it, so you stay silent for the rest of your meal. When you’re finished you stand, the rest of the table is starting to pour more drinks but you simply lean down, mumbling something about being tired before giving Kodo a quick kiss on the cheek and dismissing yourself. 

You’re waiting for the night where he joins you in your chambers, after all his father is dead, but it has yet to happen. He had told you that once he was king he would be in need of heirs but he seems happy enough with his pleasure houses and you’re more than grateful for the women you entertain him so you don’t have to. 

So you return to your chambers alone, peeling off your gown before burying yourself under the covers. 

Sleep evades you as you toss and turn. You aren’t even tired, there’s too much going on in your mind, there’s no room for exhaustion. After about an hour you manage to drift in and out of unconsciousness, earning a brief reprieve from your anxieties until a sharp knocking has you jolting upright. 

You don your robe, rubbing sleep from your eyes as you rush to the door, you’re too tired to wonder who might even be bothering you at such an hour as you pull the door open. 

Lysa?

“We have to hurry, ma’am.” She grabs your arm, frantically tugging you into the hall. 

“Lysa? What are you doing? Are you okay?” 

“I am fine, but we don’t have much time.”

“Surely you have enough to tell me where we are going.” 

“Do you want to see him or not?” 

Din.

You nod, taking her hand as he rushes onward, stopping at each hall to peer around the corners until you make your way to a servants stairwell, skipping several steps in your descent until you run out of stairs. You’ve never been down here, you didn’t even know there were dungeons until recently. 

It makes your stomach twist in knots the moment you stare into the darkness. 

“Are there no guards?” You whisper, squeezing her hand.

“Not for the next hour, I’ve made sure of it.” She begins walking down the poorly lit corridor, pulling you along behind her. 

The stone floor is damp and it smells of mildew. Your bare feet are already freezing after just a few steps.

Every cell you pass is lit from the outside with a hanging lantern, they’re mostly empty, but you catch glimpses of movement out of the corner of your eye every now and then. In all honesty you’re doing your best to take in as little as possible, you don’t want to think about Din being down here in such a place, but there’s one element you can’t ignore. 

The wailing. 

Someone is weeping, a low, sorrowful song filling the vast maze of halls and you realize quickly you’re heading in its direction, Lysa tenses beside you as you continue on. You’re about to turn one more corner when she abruptly stops, turning to face you.

“He needs to eat.” She removes a fistful of rations from her apron pocket, shoving them into your hands. 

“He hasn’t?” He’s been down here for three days. 

“He won’t… let me.” You pause, cocking your head to the side and she gives you an apologetic look when she turns. “He won’t let me uncover his face.”

Oh. 

“I’ll feed him.” You nod slowly, tucking them into your own pockets before turning the corner. The contents of the cell immediately on your right have you stumbling backwards but Lysa is not swayed, pulling a key from her pocket, unlocking the door quickly before handing it to you. 

“He’s two cells down, on your right.” She doesn’t look at you as she rushes in, pulling a roll of bandages from her dress. “Shh… it’s okay, I’m here.” Her voice goes soft as she kneels beside Elaine. You can’t help it as you step into the entryway of the cell. 

Well, you’ve found the source of the wailing. 

She’s sat on a cot, curled in on herself as Lysa carefully peels back a series of soiled bandages from her face. 

“I’ve got you, it’s just me.” She continues to make an attempt to sooth a rather hysterical Elaine as she peels back the final layer of bandages and your stomach flips. “You’re okay, love, I need to change these.” You don’t know how Lysa is so calm, even in the darkness you can see the extent of her wounds. Now you know what they brought Kodo last night.  

Both eyes. 

“She was properly punished, the way someone who observed such a crime with no intervention should be.” 

Oh gods. 

You’re worried you may collapse as you watch Lysa tend to her with no hesitation, cleaning them with a careful hand before she begins to redress them. You can’t bear to watch any longer as Elaine begins sobbing once more. You try desperately to force the sight of your mutilated friend from your mind as you count down two more cells before quickly fumbling for the lock, letting it hit the floor as you take the lantern outside the door off its hook, bringing it into the dark room. 

It isn’t like Elaine’s cell. 

There’s no bed or interior light, it’s terribly dark and fetid, his cell running deeper than her’s. It takes a few steps for you to finally illuminate the room enough to see him. 

Maker. 

What have they done to your Din? 

You don’t hear Elaine anymore, there isn't a single thing that could distract you from the scene in front of you. There is nothing but the sight of your kar’ta. There’s too much for you to worry about, you don’t even know where to start, you’re frozen in place, a small part of your brain refuses to recognize the man before you as Din at all. He shouldn’t look like this. 

Armorless. 

They’ve stripped him of any clothing you recognize, the thought alone makes you nearly lose your dinner. 

They took his helmet, replacing it with a linen sack.  

Did they see his face?

You briefly have to shut your eyes, taking a deep breath as you take in the rest of him. His clothes are too thin, he must be freezing, they’ve dressed him in a cotton tunic and trousers that end just below the knee. You can see just how beaten and bruised he is. Unlike Elaine he’s in chains, kneeling on the floor with his hands shackled, taut above his head. You swallow the lump in your throat and finally crouch down in front of him, setting the lantern down beside you as you reach out to place a hand on his chest.

“Din…” Your voice cracks and the moment you come in contact with him he flinches back. Suddenly you know how Lysa held it together so well with Elaine, she just had to. You can’t fall apart, who would care for him now if you did? “It’s me, just me. Just me.” You whisper and place a hand over his heart but withdraw it quickly when he trembles under your touch. You ache at the sight of it but more than anything you’re confused, it only takes a moment for you to realize the issue. 

He doesn’t have his helmet. They’ve not only left him here blind, but deaf, of course any touch would frighten him. 

He assumes you're here to harm him. 

You lean in, careful not to come in contact with him as you speak clearly and loudly. 

“Din?” His trembling stops instantly. You find it a bit troublesome how much worse his hearing seems to have gotten in such a short time, you’re half tempted to reach under the bag to make sure he still has his ears. 

“Sarad?” Oh, Din. His voice is terribly small and it sends you forward, wrapping your arms around him as you pull him into an unreciprocated embrace. 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” You make sure to speak loud enough for him before pulling back, placing your hands against the fabric covering his face. 

“Are you okay?” He coughs a bit as he asks and you almost laugh at how ridiculous the question is considering the state he’s in. Are you okay? 

Technically no. 

But far better than he’s doing. 

“I’m perfectly fine, what can I do for you? Are you hurting?” You feel his face through the bag as you look down across his body. It doesn’t look like there’s been any permanent damage outside of a pretty nasty cut on one of his legs. 

“Don’t worry about me.”

“Now’s not the time to play the hero, Din.” He flinches a little and you calm your tone immediately. What the hell did they do to him? “Just let me help.”

“How’d you get down here?” 

“Lysa, she says you aren’t eating.” 

“She’d have to lift my- the bag to do it.” He sounds apologetic, as if you could ever fault him for following his creed. 

“It’s okay… may I?” You bring your hands to the hem of the bag but his head turns sharply.

“I- I don’t want you to look.” 

You have no response. He’s always wanted you to look. 

“I just, I don’t think you wanna see the condition I’m in. I don’t want your only memories of my face to be this.” He whispers when you don’t respond.

You should have looked when he asked you to. You should have done a lot of things differently. 

You shouldn’t have waited so long to look. 

You shouldn't have waited so long to tell him you loved him. 

You should have just let yourself love him. Why did you fight it for so long? It seems silly now. If you could do it all again you would have just taken his helmet off the first night you met him and you would have married him right then and there. You would have left Naboo that night.

And you would never keep any of it from him. You would tell him how important he is and how loved he is, you wouldn’t make him wait. 

Even now you can’t help it though, censoring yourself out of fear. Do you tell him about how nauseous you get every morning? About the way Lysa stares at your belly when she does your makeup? 

No. 

It wouldn’t do either of you any good, not when he’s in this situation. 

You take hold of the edges of the bag once more, gentler this time. 

“I’ll close my eyes.” You lift the fabric completely off of him, setting it in your lap as you simultaneously shut your eyes. You keep one hand on his face, using your thumb to find the corner of his mouth as your other hand fumbles to open a ration bar. You feel him part his lips as you feed him. He’s barely chewing, eating quickly and swallowing most of it whole. “Have they fed you at all?” You whisper as he finishes the first bar in a matter of seconds, his teeth lightly scraping against your fingers before you withdraw them, tearing open another bar.

“No.” His voice is still soft as you go to feed him once more, opening each package until he’s eaten them all. 

“Are you still hungry? I could see if Lysa has more.” 

“I’m okay.” You let your head fall forward, resting your forehead on his. 

“What else can I do for you?” 

“Nothing. Being here is enough.” 

If you had felt helpless before it was nothing compared to this. This is more than helplessness, it’s despair. 

“I’m sorry.” You pull yourself further into his lap, wrapping your arms around him in the process. 

“Hey… none of this is your fault.” It certainly feels like it is. Why does he keep comforting you when he’s the one shivering and alone down here? 

“Please, there has to be something I can do to help you.” 

“There is one thing.” You almost open your eyes, you're so relieved, you just want to ease his pain. 

“Anything. I’ll do anything.” 

“I need you to promise me you won’t look.”

“Won’t look?” Your eyes are already closed, you couldn’t look any less if you tried. 

“When they do it. I don’t want you to see it- it won’t be pretty.”

When they separate his head from his body. 

“I won’t.” You can’t deny him this, you’ll give him anything he wants. “Do you know how much I love you?” You whisper before leaning forward another inch to kiss him. 

The question is genuine. It terrifies you to your core to think that he may not know just how much you love him. 

“Of course sarad.” He murmurs against your lips until you let your head rest on his shoulder, fighting back tears. 

What do you say now?

What do you say to a man condemned to death? 

“I love you.” You mumble into the thin fabric of his tunic. 

“I love you too.” After a moment more with him you hear metal jingling as Lysa locks Elaine's cell once more. You quickly pull back from him, pulling the bag back over his head, once you know he can’t see you anymore the tears flow freely. Lysa steps into the cell and you remove your robe, wrapping it around him, immediately he begins to protest. 

“Mesh’la, you can’t leave this here.” His voice is strained and it makes you sick to think he started crying once he was out of sight as well. 

“Please, y-you’re gonna freeze.”

“They’ll know you were here, sarad’ika.” 

“Din…” You’re practically babbling as Lysa removes your robe from his shoulders, an apologetic look on her face as she grabs your arm. 

“Ma’am, I’m sorry, but we need to go.” Tears sting your eyes as Lysa urges you to hurry but you don’t want to leave him, you want to stay, no matter the consequence. You pull away from her, wrapping your arms around his torso. 

“You need to go.” His voice is urgent through the fabric as you cling to him tighter. 

Would it be easier to just stay? Get caught and join him at the executioners? You’re genuinely considering it when you feel your stomach churn once more and you’re reminded of the exact reason why you can’t stay. Before you lose your nerve and shatter completely you lift the bag, just enough to give you an eyeful of his split lip and bruised jaw as you gently lean in and kiss him one more time. 

Doing everything in your power to remember exactly what it feels like.

The curve of his lips and the shape of his chin, the overgrown stubble brushing against your skin as you press your face harder against his, desperation taking over as you taste salt on his lips. You hold him as long as you can, until you hear Lysa urging you to make haste once more. 

“I love you.” You press your forehead to his through the fabric, feeling the familiar shape of his face against yours. 

“I’ll always be yours.” 

That was the last thing he was able to say before you let Lysa drag you out of the dungeons. 

☆

It’s like everythings suddenly back to the beginning. 

You wake up alone, you go to bed alone, and you wander the castle alone.

There is no plotting or scheming to free Din. 

Even if you were a trained killer or bounty hunter, it would be more than difficult to get him out of the dungeon and on a ship off Naboo. It would be even harder to do so when you’re one of the most recognizable people on the planet. 

He is buried deep beneath the ground and there is nothing you can do about it. 

After all, you're just a doll. 

You don’t know when it happened but all your clothes are blue again. Every dress Lysa fetches from the closet is a different shade of blue and all your nightgowns are the color of the sky. A personal brand put on you by Kodo. It’s clearly more than just a preference now, it’s a reminder to you and everyone else that you’re his. 

And time blends. 

You know a date was set right around the time you visited him. One week until Kodo’s coronation and two until the execution. His first public event after being crowned king will be a death sentence, how fitting. 

So you wake. 

And you sleep. 

And you walk. 

Kodo never replaces Din and you haven’t seen Leo since that night, so you’re completely alone. It’s like he’s rubbing in the fact that you’re powerless. There’s no need for you to have a guard, you can’t leave. If you tried you’d be escorted back in an instant. 

You tried to convince Lysa to let you see him again last night. 

“Please, just a few minutes-“

“I’m sorry ma’am, it’s just not possible. The only reason I was able to get you down there the first time was because the guard that usually lets me in was working nights, he won’t be working nights again until next month.”

Din won’t live to see next month. 

“Is he eating?”

“He won’t let me-“

“You need to insist. Tell him I insist, and tell him you’ll close your eyes.” 

She pins back a bit of your hair, leaving half up and half down. You both bask in the silence for a moment.

“I’ll make sure he eats.”

“Thank you.”

That had been the last conversation you had with Lysa. 

She doesn’t come to dress you in the morning. You think nothing of it and dress yourself in the gown she’d laid out last night. It’s a bit difficult, putting your coronation gown on on your own but eventually you manage, when you’re fully dressed in the obscenely decadent blue fabric you begin to worry. 

You have no reason to assume that everything is fine. It would actually make sense for this to be a worst case scenario situation, everything else in your life is right now. 

You’re about to leave in search of her but you decide against it. Sitting at the vanity and doing your makeup as quickly as possible, the last thing you need to do right now is give Kodo a reason to be upset with you, you have to be presentable. You smear the shimmering blue eyeshadow across your lids before rushing out of your room. 

The halls are full. Servants move quickly from room to room, cleaning every inch as you carefully push through the crowds, making a beeline towards the dining room. 

Kodo is seething when you push open the large doors. 

He stands at the end of the table, shoving an armored guard as the veins in his neck jut out in his rage. 

“Where could she have possibly gone? She’s blind. You’re telling me some blind bitch outsmarted my entire guard?” 

Your heart flutters at the thought.

They escaped.

Your hope is shattered the moment Kodo begins speaking again.

“At least we still have the Mandalorian… I want security tripled, guards stationed outside his cell at all times.” He continues grumbling for a moment until he realizes you’re there. “Happy coronation day dear wife! I’m afraid we’ve had a rough morning here, somehow in the night the Togruta girl escaped, do not fret, we’ll find her.” 

God's you hope not.

Even if things are worse than ever regarding Din there is one flicker of light in that darkness. Lysa got Elaine out. Knowing that almost puts you at ease.

“Happy coronation day.” You actually manage a smile when you look at your husband, it’s weak but it’s genuine. You want to be mad that they didn’t help Din escape but you just can’t be. You know they most likely tried but if the roles had been reversed and you could only get one of them out you wouldn’t hesitate. 

So there is no animosity. Just a flicker of happiness for them.

They got out.

☆

You were under the impression that a coronation was a happy event. Yet when you step out onto the castle steps it seems to be quite the opposite. 

They look miserable. 

All of their faces are sullen and dejected. How shocking, no one is excited about Kodo being crowned king. He didn’t have any of the outside of the castle decorated or made presentable in any way. No one reacts when Kodo reads from an ancient looking book until a crown is placed on his head. 

A moment afterwards you’re instructed to kneel and a tiara is placed onto your head. 

The audience is silent and you feel shame when you stare out at them.

Even if you don’t have very much power you still feel as if you’ve failed them. The feeling follows you when you’re directed to the dining hall with Kodo.

“I have a couple gifts for you, wife.” His twisted smile makes your stomach turn as you enter the dining hall, now decorated with blue and gray banners.  

“A gift? You shouldn’t have, my king, I- I didn’t get you anything.” You feign remorse as you take a sip of the wine in front of you on instinct before spitting it back up into the cup. 

“That’s more than okay, you’re my gift, sweet wife, all mine.” The thought of such a thing makes you sick, you smile despite yourself. 

“That’s very kind.” You’ll only ever be Din’s. No amount of blue fabric and faux smiles can change that. He snaps his fingers and a large box is brought to you by a servant, they set it directly in front of you on the table. You look at Kodo who nods, sitting back in his chair as you stand, the box is wrapped in checkered blue paper, a large bow adorning the top. Your hands tremble a bit as you take hold of the edges of the ribbon, tugging on them until the bow slips free, much to your surprise the entire box falls open, the sides collapsing giving you an immediate view of the contents. 

The silver, shimmering contents. 

Din’s helmet. 

Polished like new, it sits before you, and the room suddenly empties. It’s as if you are completely alone, despite all the eyes that are most definitely pinned on you right now. Your hands continue to shake as your fingers wrap around the beskar steel, like you would when you held Din’s face, lifting it to glare into the visor. 

Empty. 

You can’t help but stare at your own emptiness reflected back at you. 

You want to hold it close, press it to your forehead but you’re snapped back to reality by the grating sound of Kodo’s voice breaking you from your focus on the helm between your hands. 

“That’s only one of your presents, open the next one.” He hisses gleefully. 

You set the helmet down, realizing there was another, much smaller box underneath it. Silently you scoop it up and cradle it in your hands. It’s a larger than a ring box, it just barely fits in your palm as you ever so gently open it, swinging the top open as if it were a tiny treasure chest.              

Huh.

It takes a moment.

You aren’t exactly sure what it is you’re looking at at first but when it registers your entire body tenses up, your grip tightening on the gift box. 

Bloody and pink, a tongue. 

Of course you know better than to assume Kodo would give you any old tongue. This is a special someone’s tongue. 

No, no, no, no, no. 

You had loved his tongue before anything else.

He can’t do this, he cannot do this to you.

You had fallen for his sharp wit first, it was what drew you into him. His sweet words had won you back, his declaration of devotion.

Now you hold all of that in the palm of your hand. 

“What do we say?” His nasally voice breaks through your mental anguish. 

No.

“Come on, where are your manners?”

Please. 

“Thank you.” Your whisper is nearly silent as you struggle to keep down the scream bubbling in your throat.

“What was that?” 

You clear your throat. 

“Thank you.” 

He makes you take it with you. You don’t bother telling him you won’t be attending the coronation ball in a few minutes, it’s not like you’ll be missed. 

In one arm you’re cradling his helmet, in the other the little blue box. 

You set each one down carefully onto the bed, even if it’s a bit demented these are the only parts of him you have left. You stare at the little box. 

You have never been hateful. 

Kodo made you into this. You are full of hate, for most things at this point. You hate your husband, you hate your room, and most of all you hate the little blue box on the bed. 

And the music starts. 

It must be deafening in the hall for you to hear it from your room but it’s there, loud and demanding of your attention. 

You’re moving before you even have a chance to think about it, in a few quick strides you’re standing beside the vanity, your hands gripping the top of the mirror as you pull it down in one swift motion, the contents spill everywhere and the glass shatters in an instant, shards splattering the floor but you take no time to process it. 

You move on to the next thing.

You yank each drawer from the dresser, throwing them to the floor, clothes strewn about until it’s light enough for you to push the entire dresser over. In your frenzy you go about the room toppling every stupid fucking table over. So many fucking end tables in  one room, and you throw everyone to the floor, trinkets and vases clattering to the ground as you destroy the room. You get a rush of adrenaline as you lift one of your nightstands and throw it against the wall leaving a small dent but more importantly the force of it makes anything hanging on the wall tumble to the floor, glass frames shatter. 

Your chest heaves as you stare at the carnage.  

And it isn’t enough.

Your face is wet with tears and your hands with blood from cuts you didn’t feel upon your skin as you tear open the closet door, the pile of blankets mock you from the floor, you grab them, your vision now blurry with tears as you pull them out of the closet, throwing them onto your bedroom floor. When you return to the closet you’re in a frenzy, you tear at the fabric before you, yanking each and every dress off their hangers, ripping what you can.

There is nothing else for you to do, so you destroy everything you can get your hands on until the only thing left untouched is your bed, left in pristine condition as you let out a small sob. 

Maybe you are a hateful person now. 

You feel as though you have every right to be at this point. 

You step over the shard of glass, giving your bloody hands a glance before wiping them on your gown.

Happy coronation day. 

You sit on the bed, your trembling fingers wrap around the helmet, now that you’re alone you waste no time to hold it against you face, until your body just gives up, too tired to stay awake anymore.

☆

A guard wakes you in the morning, knocking on your door, when you answer it they tell you Kodo requires your presence in his chambers.

You dress in a blue gown that you don’t look too closely at. Stopping at the fresher on the way, rinsing the dried gore from your palms, wincing as you clean your wounds. None of which seem too deep. 

You want to cut Kodo’s tongue out, to make him feel it. But you know that sort of thing would be an impossible task. So you daydream about it as you walk. You’re more than displeased when you open the door and are greeted by Leodall. You hadn’t seen him since that night and from the looks of it he wasn’t expecting you. He swallows loudly when you step inside Kodo’s room.

Normally you’d be curious, you’d probably take a look around but your eyes refuse to focus on anything but Leo as you scowl at him. 

“Why’d you do it?” You don’t hesitate to ask, you have no idea how quickly Kodo will be joining you. 

He simply stares at you, shame apparent on his face.

“You owe me an explanation at the very least.” You cross your arms in front of your chest as he clears his throat. 

“I thought he’d reward me.”

You laugh. A harsh dry sound 

“What could he have possibly given you that you couldn’t have just asked me for?” Your gaze never softens and you’re practically seeing red as you stare at him.

“I thought he’d give me a lordship.” 

You can’t help it as another crisp and pained laugh slips past your lips. 

“You thought Kodo would raise your status? I thought you were supposed to be smart.” Is he an idiot? “He doesn’t see servants as people, if you wanted such a thing you could have asked me, maybe I could have done something.” 

A glimmer of something similar to hope flashes through his eyes. 

“Would you- would you consider doing so now?”

“You cannot be serious-” Your expression goes from fury to disbelief as you stand. 

“It seemed worth asking.” He puts his hands up defensively as you storm up to him, poking a finger into his face. 

“You slimy little weasel, it should be you on the chopping block, not him. If it were up to me I’d have them put your head on a spike.” The words pour out of you like venom. 

“I would be nicer to me if I were you.” He sneers and your incredulity only grows. You can’t help it, you scoff in his face. 

“I would rather die.” A part of you really means it. 

“You might if you aren’t careful, I saved your life by letting Elaine and your Mandalorian take the fall, I could have told the king that you were a willing participant. I saw the two of you together, I read your little rules. He never forced himself on you. I wonder what Kodo might think about that.” You aren’t a fighter, you’ve never so much as thrown a punch in your life but you grab him by the collar of his shirt and slam him into the wall, the back of his head hits the stone and you don’t feel an ounce of remorse as you do so. 

“Do it.” You tilt your head to the side, almost as if you’re taunting him. “Tell him.” Any of the confidence he briefly had is gone in an instant. “The moment you do I’ll tell him that you’re covering your tracks, and that you made a pass at me. I wonder how Kodo would reward you for trying to touch what’s his?” Leo’s head turns as you both hear Kodo’s piercing voice in the hall. You release your grip on his shirt, brushing off your gown as you turn towards the door. Kodo and three others make their way into the room as Leo coughs behind you. 

“Dear wife, I have another gift for you.” He takes a step to the side, gesturing at a line of three people you don’t give so much as a glance. He doesn’t even seem to notice the obvious tension in the room. “A new staff!”

“I don’t need a new staff, I’m fine on my own.” You abandon the pleasantries. You’re in such a state of upset right now, what's the point? 

“You’re the queen now, staff is required. These three will replace the ones you've lost in a week, until then Leodall will be training them intensively to tend to your every need. Two guards will also be assigned to you but I promise they will be much less loathsome than your Mandalorian.”

All five of them will be trained to keep an eye on you. To report back to Kodo, after everything with Din you should have known he’d keep you on a shorter leash. 

You barely look at them. 

You hate them. 

You shouldn’t, they’ve done nothing wrong, but you hate them. 

You give each one a quick up and down, naming them in your mind. 

A BD-3000 droid commands the most authority just based on how she stands so you mentally note her as Elaine's replacement. You’ll call her new Elaine. 

New Lysa is a pasty young blonde woman with rosy cheeks. You truly wonder how well informed she has been on your circumstance. She’s smiling from ear to ear and seemingly couldn’t be happier to be here. 

And new Leo is somehow even more nervous looking than actual Leo, practically shaking like a leaf at the sight of you. The bags under his eyes are worse than your own. A lanky thing with messy brown hair. 

There’s no reason for you to fight this, Kodo always gets his way so why bother. So you nod. You don’t pretend to be grateful this time, instead you shove your way past all of them, content to return to your room and never leave. 

☆

The morning of the execution comes before you’re ready for it. 

Of course you didn’t sleep last night, how could you?

You dress yourself, apparently your new staff isn’t starting until tomorrow, not that you mind another day to yourself. You manage to find something that isn’t blue, a gray dress trimmed with gold, the closest thing you’ll find to funeral attire. No one else will dress with any respect for him but they can’t stop you. Your vanity is destroyed so you don’t bother with your hair or your makeup, you simply don’t care enough. 

For the most part you feel nothing when you open the door, only emptiness until you look down. 

Someone left you a small vase of flowers. 

You pick them up, taking a closer look but your heart skips a beat when you do so.

Daisies. 

After a few short breaths you throw the vase into the wall across from your door, tiny shards of porcelain fly everywhere as two servants at the end of the hall give you a look of horror. Your shoes crunch over the remains of it as you make your way down the hall and to the entryway of the castle. 

Kodo insists that the two of you get to see him first. 

You’re sweating wildly out on the steps as you wait.

Long before you’re ready for it they bring him out. 

A shivering skeleton of a man with a linen bag over his head, immediately bile rises in your throat. Kodo is grinning ear to ear when his legs are kicked out from under him and he’s forced to kneel.

Kodo himself reaches forward and tears the bag off, too excited for any decorum or finesse. 

You gasp as you stare down at the broken man before you.

In all honesty he isn’t at all what you envisioned. 

His eyes verge on being hazel; they're such a light brown. You’d always pictured them to be nearly black. It doesn’t matter what color they are though, when you see the tears forming in his lash line you flinch, clutching the ring on your necklace to silently let him know silently just how much he means to you. 

He’s a mess. 

You don’t like looking at what those weeks in the dungeons did to him and the last thing you need to do right now is empty your stomach on the palace steps. 

He’s too thin. Far, far, too thin, it’s like his entire being has shrunk down. He’s hollow.

Your breath hitches when Kodo grabs a fistful of his dark hair, forcing him to turn and stare at the crowd. They must have cut it while he was down there it’s a mess, jagged edges and shorter than you’re used to. 

“This man has committed an act of treason against the crown.” His voice is loud and booming as the city goes quiet. “For such a crime he shall face the proper punishment.” He yanks him downawards, you watch in horror as Din’s head hits the stone, an incoherent mess of sounds pour from his bloody mouth and you have to look away. 

He didn’t want you to look.

You remind yourself to try and calm your breathing. You can hear the scuffle as they drag him to the guillotine, placing his neck into the wooden divot, your heart threatening to beat out of your chest as you turn to look. His eyes are everywhere but on you as he looks at the people around him, desperately pleading for his life. Not a single person so much as glances at him, afterall, it’s just nonsense, no one can understand him without a tongue. 

You can’t stand it, you almost cover your ears but you manage to resist as Kodo puts an arm around your waist, pulling you close to him. 

“You’re welcome, sweet wife.” He whispers, his breath hot and wet against your ear. 

Fuck it. 

You don’t suppress the shudder in your spine as you shoot him a look of disgust. In a matter of moments everything you care about will be gone, why pretend any longer.

A bellowing chime plays from a nearby clock tower and you know it’s time, you straighten up as you stare at the guillotine in abject horror. 

This is it. 

Your chest rises and falls in sharp short bursts as everyone prepares themselves, a hush forming among the crowd on the street. 

And it begins, a chain reaction that you cannot stop now that the executioner has his ax raised above his head.

You had expected more. More time.

A part of you thought that time would slow, that you’d have a chance to stop it. 

But no. 

There is no epic fairy tale moment where the sun glimmers off of the blade and the executioner raises his ax, giving you this perfect moment to run to him, to shield him from the inevitable, to beg them to take you with him. 

That moment never comes. 

You barely have enough time to close your eyes like you promised him. In one unbroken motion the rope is cut, the blade falls and boom. 

Just like that, he’s gone. 

When you hear the metal slicing through the air you squeeze your eyes shut, hearing only the wet crunch as it cuts through flesh and bone. A soft, squishy thud when his head hits the stone. 

In fashion with your decision to no longer hide your disgust from Kodo you vomit. Bending down you puke onto the stones, spraying your own, and Kodo’s feet. The triumphant smile on his face vanishes as he realizes what’s happened. You wipe your mouth on the back of your hand, refusing to look at Din’s limp body as you give Kodo one last look of detestation before turning around and running back into the castle, not caring what anyone thinks anymore.

The moment you’re inside the reality of it all settles in as you feel tears falling wildly as you run up the steps to your room.

☆

You have been good, and kind, and in return the maker rewarded you by killing the love of your life. 

So when you stand in the center of your demolished room you do the only thing your body can do at this point. 

You scream. 

From deep within your stomach, you scream, loud and raw. 

If anything was left unbroken in your room you’d be throwing it at the wall. But there’s nothing so you scream. 

You shriek.

You howl. 

And you wail.

You scream until there is no more noise. Your voice, like the rest of you, gives up. 

You aren’t sure how late it is when you finally stop. You’re tired and it’s dark outside and your throat is raw. 

And you lay on the floor. Because the bed is too big, and too cold, and the closet is so empty. So the only place left to sleep is there. You lay on the floor with no more tears to cry and no more sounds to scream as you stare at your bed, only from this angle can you see a rectangular shape under your bed frame. 

You wipe your nose with a stray piece of fabric before slowly crawling over to it, you sit on the floor and when you retrieve the item a brand new lump forms in your throat as you stare down at the box Din had bought all those days ago at the market. 

Your failsafe. 

With quivering hands you open it, staring into the small space containing a mess of items but what catches your eye is a piece of folded paper with your name on it. You take it between your fingers, opening it, careful to not let your tears fall onto it. 

Sarad’ika,

If you’re reading this then I’m afraid things aren’t going all that well for me. There are plenty of possible reasons as to why I’m no longer with you, but what’s important is that I plan on doing everything in my power to get back to you. There is only one thing in the galaxy that could keep me from your side, and if that is my fate then this box will ensure you’re taken care of. 

The most important thing is for you to get off this planet. I have included a few possible plans for you, do what you have to to survive. Elaine will help you escape. 

You can seek out Greef Karga on Nevarro. Tell him Din Djarin sent you, tell him what’s happened and he will see to it that you are cared for. Explain our circumstances and I am certain he will provide you with safe lodging. 

Tatooine is also an option. You’ll find a Mandalorian there by the name of Boba Fett, he will not turn you away. You will be protected there, if you need to relocate for some reason after that he will help you locate the Mandalorian convert. Show the Mandalorians your ring and you will be cared for the rest of your life, the convert will protect you. 

As an absolute last resort there is a planet located in the Outer Ring called Ossus. There is a school there, taught by a man named Luke Skywalker. I doubt he would be eager to take you in but you must insist. Bring the chainmail, they’ll know who sent you. Take care of each other. 

In this box you will find enough credits to get you off planet and take care of you for several months, a year if you’re frugal, I suggest you take a few jewelry pieces to pawn off for extra credits as well. You will find a small chainmail shirt, and a necklace of mine. 

And lastly you will find your vibroblade. 

Protect yourself. You’re strong, and more than capable of doing so.

I have one request for you, please, I will only ask this one thing of you. 

Be smart. 

You are the smartest and kindest person I have ever had the honor of knowing. Be smart, take care of yourself. If the roles were reversed I know that I would go to extremes to either get you back, or find justice for you. And all I can do is ask that you do not attempt any such thing, the only thing I would ever want for you is safety and happiness. 

So seek those things out. 

Be safe. Be happy.   

I was lucky to know you, and even luckier to be yours. 

an ner kar'taylir darasuum, 

Din

All my love. 

You flip the paper over, desperate for more, more Din, but all you find is scrawled coordinates to each location. Your fingers sift through the items, everything he promised is found inside but you latch onto the blade. Laying back down on the floor you clutch it between your fingers as you think of Din.

Din, who was yours.

Din, who they took from you.

Who Kodo, took from you. 

And your grip on the knife tightens. 

☆

Two guards stand outside your door round the clock now. 

They never follow you or come into your room but they’re there, silently watching as you direct all your anger at your new staff. As promised Leo trained them to be as persistent and infuriating as he was. 

When the two new girls come to fetch you in the morning you can’t help it when you scream at them to leave you alone and to stop trying to clean the ever growing mess of things. 

It doesn’t matter that it isn’t their fault, you can’t stand the sight of anyone. 

All three of them try. New Elaine and Lysa show up three times a day, trying to dress you and squeeze their way past you into the room but after enough shrieking they always leave you be. 

New Leo usually tries once or twice a day, you don’t even look at him. You always stare at the floor, when he tries to speak you give him the same treatment as the girls, screaming at him and slamming the door. 

Why should you let them in? You know what they are. They’re here to spy on you, to be Kodo’s eyes while he’s busy being king. They’re easy to evade. When you leave to fetch yourself food or a book from the library you easily outrun them. The two girls are worse at navigating the castle than you were when you first arrived and new Leo has a bad leg, sometimes he’ll make attempts to limp after you but they’re always unsuccessful. 

You think of nothing, day after day because there is nothing to think about. 

Except for the fact that Kodo took your future away from you. He took everything from you. 

If you thought time was blending before Din’s death nothing could have prepared you for now. You don’t track the days as well, you keep your curtains drawn and only leave when you get hungry or start to think of Din. The last thing you need to do is have another screaming fit so you keep him locked away in your heart, an ache that’s always there that you don’t address. 

One day, in a fit of tears you took your knife and decided on a whim to kill Kodo. You didn’t care about the repercussions at that point you just wanted him to suffer but the moment you opened the door you nearly tripped, stumbling backwards the guards didn’t so much as glance at you. 

Another vase of flowers.

You’re tempted to just kick them down the hall but you can’t help yourself when you lean down to pick them up. 

A bouquet of blue lilies. Your nose twitches at the sight of them, out of the corner of your eye you see new Lysa and new Elaine approaching so you take the opportunity to slam the little glass vase into the stone floor. Glaring at them when you do before returning to your room. 

☆

Maybe it’s been three days since Din died. 

Maybe it’s been three months. 

You aren’t sure.

You aren’t sure when you made plans to kill Kodo either but suddenly you have them. A fool proof way to get him alone. 

And suddenly you’re dressed for the first time in, well, however long it’s been. In a baby blue nightie with a robe you march out into the hall. The guards watch in silence as you walk away, your bare feet scampering down the stairs until you find yourself watching the main entrance. Waiting for your loving husband to make his nightly trip to a pleasure house, a trip that is typically accompanied by guards. 

You grip the handle of the knife in your pocket as you wait until you finally hear footsteps approaching. 

“Kodo, honey?” You step out from behind the stone column, holding your robe closed as you bat your eyelashes at him. He stumbles around drunkenly until his eyes focus on you. 

You’ve only used your voice for screaming for so long you sound meek, exactly as you want to right now. 

“Wife?”

“I thought maybe you’d like to join me tonight…” You hold a hand out towards him, putting on a sickly sweet tone of innocence. His mouth twists into a grin. 

“I knew you’d come around eventually.”

He doesn’t question where you’re taking him, he simply follows.

What a joke. 

You pull him up the stairs, you know from hide and seek where to find an empty room so you guide him there in calculated silence until he trips a bit, laughing to himself as he stutters.

“I knew if I got rid of the Mandalorian you’d realize how much better I am than him.” The statement doesn’t sit right with you and he can see it on your face, even in his drunken state he can sense your confusion. 

You both stop, you’re above him on the stairs as you turn and stare into his eyes.

“You- you knew?”

He simply nods, that sickening smile of his is plastered on his face. His icy blue eyes shimmer with delight. 

“How long?”

“When Leo told me I remembered everything. That little altercation in the hall when your boy knocked me out came right back to me, from there it wasn’t hard to figure out.” Your eye twitches as he speaks.

He knew you loved him and he took him from you anyway.

Any hesitations you had are gone as you nod, pulling him onward until you reach the large vacant tower room. He’s so drunk you decide to just drop the voice, pointing at a spot on the floor. 

“Lay down.” You mumble, reaching into your pocket once more.

He eagerly does as he’s told, laying down on the cold stone, you take a deep breath, in one swift motion you grab your knife, holding it behind your back as you toss your robe aside. He gives you a toothy grin as you ever so slowly walk to him, standing above him before sitting, straddling his waist. 

You look him up and down, one last time. 

Your loving husband. 

One of his hands plays with the blue lace of your nightie as you collect yourself. You look up at the ceiling briefly. 

I’m sorry. 

Not for Kodo, but for Din. This is exactly what he didn’t want you to do. 

You aren’t a killer. And you aren’t hateful, but a person can only be pushed so far before something breaks. 

Be smart. 

You think of Din’s note one last time before you bring the blade out in front of you and slam the blade into Kodo’s chest. 

He makes a sickly wet sound, coughing as he stares at you in shock.

You remove the knife, the hot steel cauterizes his wounds, there isn’t so much as a drop of blood as your face twists with fury and you bring it down again into his stomach now. 

How dare he look surprised by any of this. 

After what he took from you? He deserves galaxies worse. 

So you remove the knife. 

And you stab him again.

And again,

and again,

and again,

and again,

and again.

Until there is no more shocked look on his face. You don’t have a snarky remark or a statement to commemorate your revenge, you’re all used up at this point, all you have is this, this stabbing motion. 

He didn’t even have a chance to fight back.

You crawl off of his body, sitting on the stones as you toss the knife to the side, waiting for a rush of euphoria. 

But it never comes. 

It doesn’t feel as good as you thought it would. 

Staring down at Kodo’s lifeless body. You let yourself crumble. Collapsing down onto the floor, gasping for air as you sob. 

This was never going to bring him back. 

You lay there on your hands and knees for quite some time, just wailing, because what else are you supposed to do right now? You realize far too late that this was never an act of malice, some demented and shattered part of you thought that this would somehow bring him back, that it would give you peace. 

They won’t execute you. 

You planned this exactly so they wouldn’t.

Kodo didn’t tell anyone about your relationship with Din in much detail, not enough for them to assume that you could be with child. Everyone will assume that it’s Kodo’s. They won’t kill you, they can’t. 

Not if they think you’re carrying Kodo’s child. Now that Kodo’s dead, there’s no one to tell the royal family that you never consummated your marriage, your child is the most well protected person on the planet. The future monarch. It’s almost funny, you haven’t permitted yourself to think about the stirring within you as a child until just now, in this moment of weakness. A child, your child. 

Who will most likely grow up without a mother because of the decisions you've made today.

You bite your fist, swallowing a scream as you sit back on your heels. 

Your child will never know how loved they were. Your little one will never get to sit beside their mother while their father teaches them to sew. You put your head in your hands as you wail, no longer caring who hears. Your fate is sealed, what does it matter? 

You don’t turn when you hear someone coming up the stairs. When they pull you into their arms you try uselessly to shove them away. Your vision is blurry and filled with tears as you stare up at the unfamiliar figure now holding you. They rub your back, drawing swirls and stars against your spine as they pull you closer. 

“It’s okay, I’ve got you.” They mumble into your hair. You dry your eyes hastily on your sleeve, confused by the voice you’re hearing, it’s painfully familiar, on instinct you wrap your arms around their torso, pulling yourself into their lap as you both sit on the floor beside Kodo’s body. “You’re okay, I’m here.”

“I’m- I’m sorry.” You whisper against the stranger's shirt. You knew you weren’t hateful. You’re certain of it now because even though he took quite literally everything from you, you still feel bad when you look at Kodo. 

A large hand cups your face, pulling you back to their chest so you can’t see the corpse anymore. 

“I didn’t mean it- I- I didn’t mean to kill him. Well I did but I just-” You begin to ramble as a fresh flood of tears begin sliding down your cheeks. 

“Hey- hey it’s okay. I know you didn’t mean it. We gotta get you cleaned up, okay? I’ll take care of this, I’ll fix it.” Their arms tighten around you, giving you a reassuring squeeze. You finally find the courage to look at your companion and it takes a moment for you to even realize who you’re looking at. 

New Leo. 

Why would he help you? You treat him like shit. When you look at him he looks like he’s about to cry and for the first time since Din was taken from you drop the walls you’ve put up and you let yourself feel bad for him. You show an ounce of kindness to him because in all honesty he’s the first person to make you feel safe since the night Din was taken from you. 

A lighthouse while you sail through a storm.

So you hug him. 

You pull yourself closer to him and you offer him a comfort you haven’t known for days.

“I’m sorry… for all of it, but especially the flowers, I should have told you, I just- you wouldn’t let me and the guards wouldn’t let me in without your permission and you just wouldn’t look at me.” He begins to mumble his own apologies, sending a surge of confusion through you. 

You furrow your brows, pulling back once more giving him a perplexed look as you search his nearly black eyes for some kind of answer. 

And it clicks. 

All at once it snaps into place and you want to say his name, so desperately, but you’re terribly afraid of being wrong. 

And then he smiles. A soft smile that makes you feel okay and you don’t even care if you’re wrong and you don’t care if it doesn’t make sense you just have to ask.

“Din?”

☆

a/n : yeah so uhhhhh yeah uhhhh this is the first chapter i've ever written where im actually very fond of the writing and nervous about the plot stuff so im gonna go hide?? and just vanish for a while lol

//

I don't have a tag list anymore !! follow @lincolndjarinnotifs for updates!!

[prapaiwife]

High school frenemy!!!

First off I think no one I mean no one was ready for the engagement of what high school frenemy had did. I see people saying that this was all planned for the show to get the hype it had gotten but it wasn't. This was such an organic growth of success that happened each week. And it kind of sounds crazy to say when you look at the cast! I mean they're two main leads skynani both have a huge following of their own and have done a lot of acting in their careers prior to even being together. And so they're pretty well respected! And then now with sky joining gmm and to meet nani again and be in hsf it was as if their career just catapulted exceptionally. I can't go on about how much they both deserve this I remember when it was just starting out and the show didn't have that much engagement barely any promo for the beginning. But as episodes went on the trends the engagements the hashtags everything started to become louder. Sky and Nani we're doing events more and more every other week press tours in between were more frequent. They truly earned the success so much, skynani have said they didn't expect people to care let alone love their show, a show about friendship or bromance. And yet now they're going to have their own fan con next year of February! have two shows for them the second one literally being by popular demand lol literally being filmed the week before the conference because it was a no brainer that these two need to work together for as long as they can. To have seen this growth happen in real time has been so crazy and yet stressful yet fun lol. Their chemistry on screen is something that everyone in that whole building up in gmm can't even really put into words let alone the fans so 😂😂 like it's just unfathomable with those two on screen for 16 episodes that was amazing!!! And again these two have acted prior to their careers and yet it feels like their careers have seemed reignited with this. Especially Nani because he's been in shows that done seemingly well people still talk about F4 and homeschool every now and then Wednesday club maybe lol and he has said to himself that he can't believe it it's like a pinch me moment for him truly honestly he was really emotional today in tears expressing his gratitude and his gratefulness for all of this. And for sky he's so happy to be here! to be having someone that he can call his partner that he gets along with so well who he understands and vice versa and can confidently says is his friend. Saint and shin relationship being able to heal from it's past wounds and move forward has been the most heart-wrenching but as well the most heartwarming story to have seen🤧 those two characters will always be characters that I cannot forget.

Now the finale in of itself was action packed as they said I think everyone's characters'stories have wrapped up really well. The show focuses so much on family, forgiveness, and of course friendship it touched me so deeply because I know how important it is to have relationships and doesn't always have to be the romantic ones just the platonic ones. But to have that friend whether it is a group or just that singular one person it's all meaningful. All that has been said about friendships and how to take care of them we all heard this before but it doesn't ever really hurt to have that reminder. Now we wait until the fan me and then into the new era for their shows and I can't wait to see the way it's just going to be more than what it is now it's just going to get higher and higher for them 🤧

[softxsuki]

TW: verbal abuse and I think info/trauma dumping, I'm so sorry if this is uncomfortable.

can I have an urgent request? I have a verbally abusive family and the worst is my dad and older brother. Every thing sets my dad off and I think my older brother shows strong signs of antisocial personality. I have so many insecurities that my brother is the root of and I'm scared to even talk about him to my parents because he always flips the table. I feel I have no one to tell this to because I'm homeschooled and don't have friends and the only person my age i spend time with is my cousin. At the same time I feel I'm just complaining because sometimes there's moments we get along and ik that so many other people have it so much worse. Again so sorry if this is info dumping but can I request mitsuya takashi comforting a fem aligned reader in a similar situation?

Mitsuya Comforts Reader Who Has Problems At Home

| Pairing: Mitsuya x Fem!Reader | Genre: Comfort, Fluff | Post-Type: Headcanon | Word Count: 820 |

Warnings: Insinuating verbal abuse (I don't think I actually said that's what it was though), reader feeling alone, crying, feeling like her family are against her

Note: Hello :) sorry for taking a while, life is a little hectic and my writing motivation has run down the drain, but here we are. I hope this provides you with some comfort! I find that even though we don't have these characters physically here to comfort us or go to, reading about the does help me. And also the possibility that maybe one day we'll meet someone who will fill this role in our lives, to be our person to make us feel safe and loved. I hope that happens for you one day as well <3

Mitsuya:

It had happened again, another day when your family had made you feel completely horrible about yourself

Needing to step out for some air to clear your head, you do just that, ignoring your families yells, you bolt out the doors

The tears wouldn’t stop falling down your face as you walked whenever your feet would take you, not realizing where you were headed until you got there

Toman’s hideout…a place Mitsuya had been urgently trying to keep you away from when he wasn’t around

Even if the Toman members wouldn’t hurt you, if any rival gangs showed up, you’d be dragged into their scuffle

To your luck, it had started to rain as you glanced at the temple in front of you, leaving you drenched as a few Toman members ran past you, fooling around–a complete contrast to how you felt 

And that’s when he saw you there, alone and crying

With a shake of his head, Mitsuya makes his way over to you, throwing his coat over your head, before gently taking your hand and leading you somewhere more private and dry

“What’re you doing here? I thought I told you it was dangerous going out alone, especially at this hour,” he sighs, looking up at the gloomy clouds, it was already sunset, but the cloudy day already made it darker out that it was supposed to be

He gently reaches up to wipe some stray tears from your face

Even without you saying it, he could already tell what was wrong, it was a common occurrence in your household and he hated that there wasn't more he could do to help you aside from taking you with him and living together once you both graduated

“I have no one, Takashi. I’m all alone, and everyone in that house is against me,” you cry, leaning into his touch

All he can do is hold you tighter against himself

“Let’s get out of here first”

He takes your hand and leads you away from Toman’s hideout, keeping his jacket over you to stop you from getting wet, allowing the rain to soak him instead

“You have me, y’know,” he says quietly, tugging you along with him. “There’s not much I can do now, considering our age, but just say the word and I’ll take you with me. My mother’s hardly home as it is, and Luna and Mana love you…they’d all be thrilled to have you around. You know how much my mom loves you as well”

You smile softly at his words, but shake your head. “I appreciate the offer…maybe when we’re older and if you still feel the same way, I’ll accept it. For now though, I can handle it…even if it looks like I can’t,” you sigh, looking up at the clouds, allowing the rain to hit your face, allowing you to feel something other than hurt and frustration

“I know I’m being overdramatic. There are people out there who have it ten times worse than me, yet here I am crying…It’s not like things are bad between us all the time, just sometimes. I can get through a few more years”

He reassures you that you’re not being overdramatic. No matter how miniscule your problems may seem compared to others, the people you were supposed to trust and love the most in this word hurt you, and that was more than enough for him 

In the meantime, he’ll focus on what he can do for you 

Leading you back to his place where his mother was just heading out for work, he gently guides you in, his mother waving goodbye to you before taking you to his room where he gives you a pair of dry clothes to change into so he can put your own clothes to dry

You spend the rest of the evening entertaining his sisters, who are a great distraction–they always compliment you and say how pretty you are

Time with Mitsuya and jumping into his own little world was your escape from the confines of your home that felt suffocating sometimes–your boyfriend always knew how to cheer you up and lift you out of that darkness–it was reassuring knowing that despite everything, at least you’d still have him to run to

He insists on you spending the night as soon as your own clothes are dry and you change back into them, claiming you needed to go back home before your mother started freaking out about where you were

Though it was daunting having to go back to the place you dreaded, you felt a little lighter as Mitsuya and his sisters walked you back home

One final kiss to your cheek and cute hugs from his sisters made you certain that things would be okay

This wasn’t forever, and you knew whatever awaited you in the future would be better than this, you couldn’t wait for it to come

Posted: 10/27/2024

[larcenywrites]

Raising Kids Together | Headcanons

young!Tony Stark x Reader

Warnings: very mild sexual references

Family Series: 1 2 3

💠Somehow, you've both survived newborns and terrible 2's, but now your once tiny babies are causing not-so-tiny chaos! Even Tony can hardly keep up with them!

💠If you two have been in a room together for a while, it means no one has been watching the boys, and that you're probably about to hear yelling, breaking, or you need to go on a hunt around the house for them 🙃 you can hardly have any time alone without something happening! Just when you think you're both getting into bed early, and perhaps with a few frisky kisses 😘, they're busting through door and climbing on the bed, or it sounds like one was thrown out of bed and is now screaming for both of you 😥 Either way, it has Tony flopping back to his pillow in defeat and groaning right along with them.

💠After a quick pout, though, he usually tells you to get some rest and he'll go check it out 🥺 with one more kiss before he goes 🥺 but even though he told you to stay, it's nice to sneak over and watch him put the kids back to bed ❤ 

💠And catch him on the way out 😏

💠But for the most part, the boys are really good kids! And Tony is still settling into his role as a dad, but besides the occasional pouting he's become a very good parent! And definitely nothing like his own father when Tony was that age. In fact, he welcomes their interruptions when he's on the phone or doing paperwork at home 🥰 you've probably found them preferring to play with their cars in his office and right along his desk, or even asking to their nap in there! You can't tell if he's so tolerant because he's a loving pushover, or if parenthood suddenly granted him all that patience and goodwill 🤨

💠But he does get a little snappy when he's working on a car or a machine. Please don't touch anything! Or break anything! Or wander out of sight! But he does let them "help out" by handing him tools or sorting through and separating varying sizes of nails in the toolbox... yay?

Hey, at least it keeps them distracted for a while-- for both your sakes! Sometimes there are things that need to be done without so many distractions, and the boys love spending time bothering with their parents! It's a good problem to have, but not when they're literally wrestling on top of dad while he's just trying to watch the nightly news, or when they're throwing socks at each other on laundry day 😐

💠But despite it all, the two of you manage to get every day done 😊

💠Except the first time you're ever gone for a few days, or heaven forbid a week or more, and he's in charge of watching the kids... by day 3 they're all just going feral. The tv hasn't even been turned off once, Tony is probably trying to figure out how to get mud out of the carpet, and

💠"Daddy, can we have another popsicle?"

💠"...sure, bring me one too." This is everyone's third popsicle, and dinner has consisted of chicken nuggets and macaroni every night. And probably lunch too... but breakfast is probably cereal and hopefully fruit? Tony can cook a little bit, but he's both tired and too much of a pushover. If that's what they want, then he wants to give it to them! But the only reason they aren't all sick by the time you get home is probably because his mother either stopped by and found out, or Tony realized he's actually really bad at this on his own and needed her help :( And not without a quick scolding that you wish you'd caught when Maria called to tell you all about it 🤧

💠Honestly, the kids are probably partly acting out because you're gone, and they know that Tony is distracted and a pushover... well, at least they're adorable! And maybe it shows that you both need some more parenting tips 😅

💠You'd think it'd be easier when they're at school all day, but Tony insisted on hiring tutors to homeschool the kids, at least for now, but while that sounded like a decent plan, sometimes the boys try to homeschool the teacher instead 😅 sometimes they know more than she does after reading the entire textbook in their free time and would rather learn ahead now, and sometimes they're busy teaching her all about Dragon Ball Z lore between lessons! So now you guys still have them all day, (or just you when Tony is at work), but at least they aren't bothering you for once 😌 the teacher loves it though! Her listening and playing along takes a lot off of your plate, and it's good for the kids :)

💠But you don't get much time once the teacher leaves. They get their assignments done within minutes, and as soon as the teacher leaves (well, sometimes), they're reenacting Godzilla vs King Kong in the living room for the 20th time, except this time it somehow ties into the American Revolution? And then they're outside digging holes all evening because they can't remember where they buried Darth Vader. And then they have to fill those holes. And then when Tony tries to get them inside, he either ends up helping them or they end up wrestling him to the ground!

💠That's pretty much every day 😅 Except for when they go to the park! Tony is kinda like everyone's big brother when they go, pretty much every Sunday afternoon! They all get socialized, Tony gets some sun for once, and you can decide to stay home and get some alone time for a few hours

💠Tony doesn't even know anything about sports! Yet he's out there playing baseball and basketball, and teamed up with Rhodey, their ridiculous rules and silly requirements make everyone laugh, which makes them both pretty popular with all the kids! And unfortunately for Tony, a little too popular with the moms and older siblings… maybe it's time for a ring around that finger.

💠Either way, they get tired out by the evening, and also covered in dirt and a new bruise or two! After a bath the kids usually put themselves to bed 😴 and your kids being fast asleep means you get to join Tony for his bath 😏 except for the days he sneaks brings Rhodey home 😑 who's also tired and probably falls asleep on your couch after dinner...

💠If the kids let him! They absolutely love dad's best friend! But unfortunately, however, you can never get him to babysit for longer than a few hours 😔 Come on, Rhodes, weren't you Tony's roommate? Surely you can handle this :/

💠But when you both need a break from all this? Send them to spend the night with the grandparents for the weekend! They seem to behave a little better, and they seem to have fun just being in a different environment! The only time they start being terrors is when you and Tony have both been on vacation, and it makes them a little cranky after 3-4 days :(

💠And if you take them with you? They'll be asking to go back home after 3-4 days 😓 Unless you go to Disney World. Then they'll be pitching a fit when it's time to leave, but honestly you guys are probably upset too 😭 and it probably ends up being just one more day… and somehow in that one day they'll manage to drag every pillow and blanket onto the floor for you to pick up. Again.

💠And again, at least they're adorable :) Just like Tony, it gets them out of trouble more times than you'd care to admit 🥰 And they know it 🥰 Especially when they either stick up for each other or just straight up admit to it... with big ol' eyes and sorries 🥺 or apologize to each other without even being told to 🥺 

They really are good kids! They just get carried away with the fun and the chaos! It's a Stark thing 😘 And just like their dad, they'll eat up the attention and kisses 🥰 In fact, they've already learned to be manipulative little shits and hide behind Maria in order to avoid getting in trouble, because she'll be too busy doting on them 😑 

💠You can't even trust Jarvis! He'll even tell the boys to hide and will damn well keep their location a secret! But he's allowed to have his fun! He did the same thing with little Tony! He just misses those days! However, when the coast is clear, Jarvis does sit them down and gently scolds them. He'll hear their side of the story too, of course! Even if it just because they don't wanna go home, and are being annoying by hiding from their parents. Usually after a quick talk, they come right back to you! Suddenly all gentle-natured and apologizing 🙄 but... how could you stay mad :( 

💠Definitely not Tony when he's already packing them over his shoulders and spinning them around! And luckily, they're too busy laughing to protest being packed into the car 😮‍💨

💠And let's be honest, seeing him be so good with the kids is really fucking hot 😏😘

💠But if you're hugging and kissing on Tony... the boys have to be involved in it, too x) 

Family series: 1 2 3

[bokettochild]

honestly, I half feel like I just met and danced with a fae

Every year, the local home-school population gets together for a few dances: the Spring Fling and the Fall Ball. These are for kids 13+ and alumni under 21. Once you hit 21, you can't go for risk of someone smuggling alcohol or smth

This year, a guy from my graduation class and a friend of his put on the Snow Ball, for alumni of college age, and the current generation of homeschoolers.

I never got my senior dance, because The Plague. I never got my alumni dance because of A Creep. I was determined to go to this one.

I expected to spend it alone, found I knew several people, many I didn't know wanted to talk to me, and then, on the dancefloor, I met The Fae.

Guy is dancing like he's done it all his life, giving girls the waltz of their lives, nothing like the basic box step happening everywhere else. Long hair, a messy beard, and a feathered cap all put me in mind of a mountain man of some sort, and the vest and shirt sell the look further.

He asks me to dance. I say yes, because I'm not dumb, and I ain't pretty either, and getting asked is rare. As usual, I ask for my partner's name: "Is there a name to go with the moves?"

He smiles. "Guess it."

I've heard this story before. "Rumplestiltskin," I try, and he laughs. He doesn't answer me though.

When I try again, all I get is "I'll tell you at the end."

The night continues. I hang out with my gal pals, dance with a few guys who ask, or groups who are short one member.

Rumplestiltskin asks me to dance several times more, and responds when I, or others, call him by the name I guessed.

The man adds flare to every dance, has rizz to the roof. I'm no skilled dancer, but we managed, and I think I did quite well when, at the end, he asked me for the final waltz. His tip to me was to just meet his eyes and dance, so I did.

He sang along to nearly every song, staring me down the whole time.

The song ends, the dance finishes. I ask for his name. He tells me that the night isn't truly over, just the dancing.

By now, his name has already been betrayed by his friend, who brought him, but this is a game. I must pay it to the end, and so I do. The night finally ends as cleanup begins.

He approaches, offers his hand for a shake and thanks me for the fun. He then finally gives his name, throwing an arm around my shoulders, easy as you please as he does so. We say our goodbyes amidst light laughter and some small exchange of wit and chatter.

I drive home, feeling as though I've bee to a fae court, surrounded by a double dozen glittering ladies and a strange fellow who posses charm, wit, and a taste for mischief, as well as secrecy.

I'm tired. It's like 1 am, but if someone told me I danced with a visiting fae, I think I'd accept it. It's just that sort of night.

[sinnohanvulpix]

Goh is neurodivergent and you can’t change my mind

Since today is Autism Acceptance Day, this is the perfect time to look back on Goh’s iconic moments throughout Journeys and how they support my headcanon that he is autistic. This is also @pikatrainer99​‘s headcanon, and we collaborated to make this post. And yes, we are both autistic, and we are allowed to encourage acceptance through this headcanon. If you’re not autistic and you disagree with any of this, then kindly leave.

With that out of the way though, let’s start with episode 1. And, oh boy, is there a lot to unpack! Just in this episode alone, we can see that Goh has a clear special interest in Pokemon, which brings him so much joy to talk about (which I can totally relate to). We also see that he lacked some social skills, didn’t understand social cues, and infodumped about all the different Pokemon they encountered as he didn’t understand that his role was to be the listener, not the teacher. But the biggest thing that stood out to me was when he said that he didn’t need friends, and it’s later revealed that he had been avoiding going to school. This seems to imply that something happened at school that made him stop going, which is unfortunately not uncommon for autistic people to go through (I would’ve gone through that if homeschooling wasn’t an option for me). So instead, he spent all his time on the computer doing Pokemon research.

Fast forward 4 years later to episode 2, and we see that Goh still finds just as much enjoyment in Pokemon research, with still no interest yet in making new friends. That is until he meets Ash, who was one of the first people he met who loves Pokemon just as much as he does. Because Goh still didn’t understand how friendship worked, he announced to him “I accept you as my friend!” As adorable as this is, it’s not the typical reaction to meeting someone, and I’m glad that it was Ash he said this too and not anyone else.

But episode 3 is when I really started seeing myself in Goh, as it was the first to show his insecure side, which likely developed from multiple instances of being misunderstood. After having one small argument with Ash, Goh became convinced that their friendship was completely over, that he messed it up. He even starts tearing up while muttering to himself, “so you’re one of those people too...”, which shows just how much having Ash as a friend means to him. Fortunately though, since Ash is so forgiving, he quickly forgot all about the argument and helped reassure Goh that they’re still friends, much to his relief.

After episode 3, the evidence became a little more spread out, but we can clearly see in multiple future episodes that Goh’s friendship with Ash hasn’t “changed” his autistic-coded traits. We still see many of these traits throughout the series, especially his fear of being rejected (which I headcanon as RSD, aka Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, which is commonly linked with autism and ADHD). This was most prevalently seen throughout episode 22, when Goh became convinced that Raboot didn’t want him as its trainer anymore and would live a happier life without him, which fortunately turned out to be untrue as Raboot came back for him. This was seen again in episode 101, when Goh saw Grookey getting along so well with the wild Grookey and Thwackey they met that he thought Grookey would be happier living with them. But once again, his beloved partner came back, reassuring him that they do belong together.

Speaking of the Galar starters, we also saw in episode 62 that Goh has trouble identifying his emotions, aka alexithymia (also commonly linked with autism). During a childhood flashback, after he had lost interest in playing with the other kids, his teacher asked him why, but Goh was unable to answer as he didn’t know why himself. Even in the present day when he reassured Drizzile that it’s okay not to know why it’s feeling this way, he began to tear up without knowing why. Something tells me this is something that he’s always needed to hear, whether he realized it or not.

And of course, we can’t talk about Goh’s insecure side without talking about episode 32. Even though we knew by the end that it was all a misunderstanding, Goh was convinced for three whole years that Tokio had intentionally broken his promise and abandoned him. This experience heavily traumatized him, which we can clearly see as his encounters with Ariados and Pineco bring back the memories of his time with Tokio and the painful emotions he associated them with. Not to mention this took place a year after episode 1, when he was already uninterested in making new friends. Seeing his first close friendship end this way definitely contributed to his distrust in others and unclear grasp of how friendship works, even after the two eventually made up.

This was even shown as late as episode 135, the penultimate episode of Journeys. He spent the entire episode trying to find the courage to tell Ash that he wanted to go on his own journey... only for Ash to casually tell him the same thing. Goh felt so betrayed by this that it led to an emotional outburst, which I can honestly understand. I wouldn’t want my dear friends to make this kind of casual announcement either. This proves that even after all this time of bonding with Ash and growing as a person and trainer, Goh still has much work to do when it comes to understanding social relations, which is a lifetime commitment for autistic people.

Fortunately, Goh has still managed to find much fulfillment on his journey. Not only has he finally gotten to embrace his deep passion for Pokemon, but he’s also formed multiple friendships with Pokemon. In fact, Pika and I believe that the reason he wants to catch ‘em all (apart from working his way up to Mew) is because he feels more comfortable befriending Pokemon than people. Pokemon don’t judge him the way people do, so it makes perfect sense why he would want to have friends in his life who won’t betray him.

Overall, we’re both super happy that we got to spend three years following the journey of one of the most relatable characters in Pokemon history. Goh will always be one of our favourite characters, and we’ll always look back fondly on his many iconic and relatable moments ❤️

[cranberrv]

i think it’s finally time to fill u guys in on my roster LOL.. be prepared for blood sweat and tears

geography:

his name is geography cuz i met him in geo class for the first time! he looks like a skinny matt dillon w lighter hair, and he’s literally 6’1”. i used to like him sososooso much and when we sat together in a desk change i went feral!!!1! he’s sooo funny and i lowk miss when he was normal cuz he used to be so cute and awkward but now he’s so weird and immature ughhh. he asked me out last semester and i said no and i kinda regret it but idk i wanna like him so bad cuz i literally liked him FIRST but ig hes more like a friend. we argue a lot (teasingly) and its sooo obvious hes flirting with me and its so cute but i dont know.. maybe high school sweethearts maybe not (bye pov him to our future kid “ya ur mom liked me first then rejected me and then hated me and now likes me again and we r married and we had you”)

riverdale:

hehehehe hes so cute! he is blonde and goes to the school im transferring to and hes totes my type! (but then again my type is toxic red flags) we snap a lot and i quickadded him (whoops) but ive had my eye on his forever because his pfp on tiktok is so cute and we have mutual friends and i have been waiting for him to appear on my quickadd for forever! he wants me to move to the new school and thats sweet and he apologized for losing our 50 day streak :((( he was like “whoops mb” and i was like “abt what lmao” and he said “for losing our streak!” like awwwhhh u care! hes lowk depressed (i stalked his reposts) and he doesnt do super well in school but i can help him! hes my moms fave boy

mickey mouse:

i added him as a joke cuz hes only a couple years older than me and hes related to a celeb i like and i found his snap and he added me back and we’re snapping me full face and stuff. hes SO cute and i only just met him but he seems so sweet i stalked his insta

jeremiah:

dw thats not his actual name its an inside joke! anyway the way i describe this is gonna sound like true love but i swear its not hehehe <3 ive known him since gr6 and we instantly clicked on a canoe trip and got along sooo well, talking to him for the first time is a core memory. we were homeschooled together during the pandemic and we started liking each other and it was middle school so it was obvs so innocent and adorable! he got me flowers and chocolate for secret santa when we were 12 :(( i lost feelings but he liked me for a whole year after and i promised we would date in high school and now its high school and i broke my promise. i feel bad lowkkk.. but anyway i heard me might like me again! we have been kind of distant recently because he became one of the “cool kids” and i became one of the “popular girls” so ig we’ re in super similar and close circles but idk we never talk. i ran into him at the gas station and hes still so cute tho

person d:

thats who i left jeremiah for LMFAOO we met in gr7 and he was in gr8 and i was instantly head over heels, he has a big nose and dusty brown hair and brown eyes and hes so cute awww :(( we barely talked in middle school but then we added each other and started full on talking! he was soooo sweet but he had his days when he was kind of a jerk. we argued a lot and i think he thought it was teasing each other but it does get a bit tiring. we stopped talking for a bit but were kind of back again, its so off and on. when its good its so good.

[thedawningofthehour]

If Draxum had raised Gale then it would be a normal separate AU, which wouldn't hurt me as much since at least no one would be actively trying to keep the brothers apart (EW Shredder doesn't count because he's brainwashing his turtle too). What's more, in most separate AU's Draxum wants them to meet. And now I absolutely want to know what your version of that AU would be.

Because that's the part that bleeds me, for me, turtles are a package deal, you either get them all or you get none. I don't care if Draxum is trying to conquer the world as long as all the turtles are together and I think I just explained why my AU exists.

My whole basis for doth was literally a separated AU but with all the angst of having developed that brotherly bond and having it snatched away. With every other separated au, even ones where they were originally together and kidnapped/lost as older children, (like Leo and Mikey in EW, and there is one fic where Draxum kidnaps Donnie at a young age whose name I can't remember now) the bond still isn't what it is in the show. And it's ironic mentioning slushie's au, since that was one of the stories that inspired doth. I basically looked at that and went "I can make that more emotionally wretching." I wanted MAXIMUM angst, and this was how I decided it was best to deliver it.

An actual doth separated au, hmm. Well, first of all we have to overlook the fact that Donnie named himself here, realistically Draxum would have named him something else, (probably after some heroic Yokai or maybe his father or something) but for simplicity's sake I'll continue to call him Galois. A lot of it really depends on how Gale ended up with Draxum and what went down when the turtles were separated. Splinter could see that there were four turtles, did he think Donnie died in the blaze? I could see him becoming even more depressed if that was the case, trudging along to care for his remaining sons but always feeling the gap where his fourth kid should be. (he might have even resented April a bit, feeling like she was taking the spot his 'real' daughter/fourth son should have occupied) He probably wouldn't have told the boys about Donnie-until he was confronted with evidence that he survived the lab explosion, and then honestly it's a 50/50 shot whether he'd go murder a goat right then and there or jump straight to denial, because there's no way he could have just left his child with that nutjob for thirteen years.

If he saw Draxum take Donnie for himself, there's no way he'd leave that alone. He'd make sure his other boys were safe, but he would go at Draxum with everything he had to try and rescue his son. Maybe that's the situation he'd go back to Big Mama for, knowing she could keep his other kids safe and help him get his last baby back. Draxum would probably have to go into hiding.

On Draxum's side-I mean, like in doth, he'd go from 'warring warrior scientist' to "I love my son and if anything happened to him I'd kill everyone in the world and then myself" in about three seconds flat. Gale would do exactly one (1) cute thing and he'd be a goner.

Logistically, Gale's upbringing would be pretty much identical to the backstory Draxum fed him in doth. He would have been very hesitant to take Gale out in public, homeschooling him and, after realizing how intelligent he really was and giving up on the whole 'warrior and protector of humanity' thing, training him to take over as his scientific successor. They'd have a very close relationship, Draxum would probably be a little more affectionate, and Galois a little less.

I also don't know if he'd be the only one by the time the show rolls around. The ooze used to create the turtles was destroyed and Draxum didn't back up his notes apparently, so the formula was lost. He could have theoretically used Gale's blood to try and reverse-engineer the ooze, (something he does actually try in slushie's au) but it would be a question of if he was willing to use his son like a lab subject. He's very uncomfortable with the notion, he wants to maintain a separation between Galois and the crimes against humanity he regularly commits in the lab, and even something like taking his blood for a mutagen experiment feels like the first step down a slippery slope that Draxum is terrified of going down. But this Draxum would also still be on the 'army of elite warriors' things, plus he's enjoying this whole dad thing. He kind of wants more kids.

When he does realize that the other turtles survived, oh yeah he'd tell Galois everything and try to convince them to 'come home' to him. I don't think he could ever bring himself to harm them, knowing they're his son's brothers. Draxum and Gale would probably try doing what the fam is doing in doth, reverse-kidnapping his brothers and trying to make the case that Lou kidnapped them first and Draxum is their real father.

I still kind of wish I had set this story up just from Gale's pov after waking up from the brainwashing, treating his memories like they were real and having the truth slowly revealed through interactions with Leo and the fam. Most of the story would be missing then and the ending wouldn't really make sense, but that would have been SO COOL.

[accirax]

📚💛https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=YpvZr_SJ6QE💛📚

Even though I'm not the biggest fan of Fiore and still have my gripes about how Alec treated his son (despite me liking him a lot more & having some sympathy for his situation before and after the divorce), I won't lie, all of their little moments together in this finale were incredibly sweet and fun to watch~ ^_^ Each one of those scenes (especially Alec piggybacking her on the way to the airport) put a smile on my face because they were just *so* (unfairly) adorable/wholesome! <3

That being said, the feeling is pretty conflicting tho... I mean, I am happy the two were able to make up and find solace in each other, but at the same time this just makes me feel even worse for Daniel. 😟

I mean sure, Cheryl might've recovered after the divorce and is already getting over Alec, but that wouldn't mean he would. We already know how badly a divorce can mess children up mentally/emotionally, and I don't doubt that he's probably still missing the guy. So imagine being in the place he is and then seeing all of *that* on your tv. Your dad showing more care & concern for, and actually looking happier with some other kid he only had only known for 2 years (the same kid your dad said he wished you'd be more like). That's gotta do some deep damage to someone's self esteem/worth, especially at a young age.

(Hopefully he'll find a good therapist in the future, and that his mom will do a better job than Alec ever could (though it probably won't fill the void completely).)

OK getting back on topic- this one image raises a LOT of questions in my head, and I'm sure I'm not the only one.

One of two things is possible here: Either Alec has made the dreams of a million fans come true and has actually canonically adopted Fiore (and is likely homeschooling her), OR, he somehow managed to pull some strings behind the scenes and became her personal tutor (that way she wouldn't have to spend as much time around the nuns at the boarding school, which would give her just a little bit of peace, even if only temporarily). It really could go either way (Ik a lot of fans are already claiming it to be the former); it could be that the Jared & co wanted to leave it up to personal interpretation, but I'm hoping maybe we'll get some solid confirmation in a future cast & crew Q&A stream. Or maybe, if the TomJake spinoff does well enough, they might consider making spinoffs for the rest of the cast, and then we'll know. I'm hoping they will~ ^_^

Alright I'm done rambling, have a good night/day!

i know, the two of them were so sweet in the finale! as i said when i first watched the finale, i know that they were probably over-amplifying the extent to which Alec and Fiore would realistically get along/be happy in the context of the series so far to bribe fans of their dynamic into liking the finale and/or really make sting for Riya seeing everyone else be so happy... but as i also said, i am not immune to that bribery.

but it is definitely a bittersweet "victory" whenever you think about how Daniel feels (or will feel, when he's a bit older) about the whole shebang. the whole thing is easier to swallow-- intentionally so, i imagine-- because Daniel isn't really a real person. We don't know anything about him other than a name, an age range, and a couple of anecdotes. he's just a plot device meant to illustrate how terrible of a father Alec is with a normal child. however, if you ever do start thinking about him as a real-life figure, then yeah, pretty much everything regarding Alec's actions becomes really fucked up and tragic.

i was also puzzled by that picture too! specifically the geography of it all. Fiore is listed as Italian/American, and Alec as British/Turkish. their home countries don't line up at all, so where was this image taken? given that Fiore appears to be doing schoolwork, i imagine it must be close to wherever she's attending school. did Alec come to visit her in Italy/the US? if so, why is he using that short visit to help her with her homework?

that's why i sort of took it as a low-key confirmation that maybe Alec and Fiore are now living together, just because I don't know why they would be in the same place taking the time to do Fiore's homework if they weren't pretty committed to each other. it's certainly not confirmed, though, and i wouldn't take it as such until we get an official confirmation. i also hope there's another livestream to answer this and other questions. but mostly just so that there is another livestream, because i greatly enjoyed listening to the last one!

[cellard0ors]

Travis returns the next night with a plan.

He brings a few sandwiches and some really cool toys he has. Nothing is terribly fancy, but he's hoping maybe they'll catch the mermaid's eye and convince her to come back to the shore

He's read fairy tales with mermaids, more often than not, they're from the sea. But he knows what he saw down at the lake. It was a girl on land and a fish in water - or well, half a fish.

He'd seen both her legs AND her fin. She was a mermaid and he was going to prove it!

...to himself, mostly, considering he has no one to share it with. Ma and Pa don't want much to do with him and Chris is too young.

He's homeschooled, so - he doesn't meet kids his own age that way and the ones he knows through church would no doubt object to this.

And, even if they didn't, he's not friends with any of them so - he's on his own.

He reaches the water's edge a little after nine pm, a pack slung over one shoulder. He sits down and draws out the sandwiches, toys, and a flashlight and he waits.

Time seems to just creep along and - not wanting to be bored - he draws out some comic books he has. It was hard work for him to get these, as his Ma considered them blasphemous.

Luckily, his Pa - while not his biggest fan - was a little more lenient when it came to such things. Although Travis has the sneaking suspicion his father only slips him the comics out of fear that his boy will be too soft.

Reading about superheroes and tough guys might 'man him up' or something, so he's allowed them in a discretionary manner.

As such, Travis is deep into the latest issue of Spider-Man when he hears the first ripple on the water's surface. He wants to look up - more than anything! - but he forces himself to be casual.

No doubt fishing for a mermaid is no different from fishing for actual fish. Best not to pull at the first nibble.

Travis waits and is rewarded with more sounds from the lake. He carefully peers over his comic, glasses coated in condensation from his breathing, but - sure enough - there she is!

Same silky hair, same eyes. He wishes he could pick out their color better. He slowly lowers the comic and he draws out some of his toys.

A few matchbox cars, an eight ball, and a slinky. He makes sure she sees the slinky move - metal coils shifting back and forth enticingly in his hands before putting it down.

Very slowly she swims forward. The water barely moves, her pace so slick. Once closer, her head rises enough that he can see her mouth again and he gives her a smile, "Hi!"

She doesn't respond, but she doesn't run away.

So far, so good.

"Um. It's me again."

Her eyes flash in a way that suggests it was dumb of him to say so. Well... she's not wrong. He rubs at the back of his neck, "Llllarlllaalaa, right?"

This gets an outright laugh and the girl spins, tail flicking the water and he laughs too, "Yeah, sorry. Guess I'm butchering it."

"You're trying."

Travis's eyes go so wide they hurt, throat squeezing right, "You can speak?"

She nods and he scowls, "Then why did you-!"

"Not supposed to." She counters, "Especially not to humans."

"So, you-?!" Travis stops but then stalls, because he has about a million and one questions, but he doesn't know where to begin. Luckily, she does, "But I already broke the rules once, so-?"

She shrugs and he just clamps his mouth shut - both upset AND happy. She points to the slinky, "Can I see?"

"Oh? Um?" he holds it up again and she edges ever closer. He can see her much better now. Her eyes are so blue. Her hair looks brown, but with tints of gold - he wonders what it might look like if it were dry.

As if reading his mind, she sighs, "I wish I could get out - but I don't have clothes."

"...you know what clothes are?"

Again, that look that says he's dumb. He presses his lips tightly together in annoyance, "Okay, well, why don't you-?"

"We don't need them where we live." she flicks her tail in his direction, sending a few droplets his way and he lets out a sound of disgust. She laughs again and - for whatever reason - he can't help himself and he joins in.

They laugh a bit, but then she looks sad, "I...I should go."

"Wait!" Travis holds out a hand, even though she's had yet to turn. She stops where she is and he clears his throat, "Uh - if you come tomorrow I-? I could bring you something to wear?"

(It comes across as unsure, because he's not really sure if he can, but-!)

"Then maybe you-? You could come up here?" he slings the slinky around some, the wind whistling through the metal, "Check this thing out?"

Her lips swish from one side to the other and then, much to his surprise and joy, she nods. He lets out a pleased whoop and she laughs, shaking her head, "Same time tomorrow."

"Yeah!" he gets to his feet and she's about to go when he calls out, "Oh! Wait, wait!"

She stops again as he asks, "What is your name?"

"I told you." She laughs and this time he shoots her the 'you're dumb' look, but she takes no offense, if anything laughing harder, "I just said it in our language."

"Okay, well - how do you say it in my-?!"

"I'm not sure." she keeps laughing, "Guess I'll leave that up to you."

And with that, she turns and gives him a good view of her tail and fin as she swims away. The light - while dim - is perfect enough to pick it up. A dazzling array of gold, red, orange, and flecks of green. Like a sunfish.

She's a lot like the sun - the mermaid. Larllur-? Or was it Lallaurllle-?His face scrunches up and he runs how she said it through his mind, over and over. Trying to remember exactly how it sounded - what name would be similar, what name would work.

Lalu?

Larell?

No, no...

And then it hits him.

Laura.

Her name kind of sounds like Laura.

Laura...

Travis runs the name over his tongue like he's tasting it.

Laura.

Grinning, he nods to himself. Well, she said it was up to him - so, Laura it is.

[ruminate88]

My upbringing and the way I interpreted it: Leading me to be emotionally abused

I grew up in a mostly positive but Christian home. Both parents extremely giving and forgiving as well. I watched them help people out my whole life and never ask for anything in return. I watched them make friends and lose friends. Watched them serve our church and total strangers that would visit. My parents always held out their hands to everyone who needed it. I saw that and believed “love” and “charity” was the most important two things in the whole world.

At 15, I was homeschooled because I did so terrible in school AND we had to move in with my grandma who has dementia. Both my parents had to work so during the day I took care of my grandma…. Also, my brother needed help with his kids so I began to help raise his kids. 7 years my grandma lived with dementia. She would hear and see things. She would forget where her purse was and accuse me of stealing it. Her dementia was called “Sun Downers” which means her mental didn’t really act up till the evening time. A total of 11 years, I pretty much raised my bro’s kids.

I was nurturing, I was extremely forgiving and use to putting other’s needs before my own. I was taught in church that Jesus suffered for others AND turned the other cheek when people mistreated him. I was literally the perfect candidate for insecure, jealous and selfish men. I was willing to put their needs first and that’s what they wanted. I was a people pleaser to a fault. I was willing to forgive so fast. So I let so much happen to me that I not only didn’t understand WHAT was happening but didn’t realize how it would affect me years later.

I also had a horrible porn addiction from the time I was 15 till well into my 20s. I would stop for a season because it made me feel so much shame but then start it up again. I confused “love and forgiveness” with “sex and lust.” I wanted a man I could just spoil so badly. I wanted a man that wanted my “love and affection” more than they wanted air…. I wanted a man that just wanted to hold me soooo tight and feel all my love. I wanted us to just be so madly crazy in love. Movies and tv shows portray this but it’s not real. Porn is not real. I was very twisted and confused about “love” in my 20s.

When I met Cody and he lovebombed me, wow. That was the most intense experience I’ve EVER had!!! Cody was telling me he was “obsessed with me” and saying “I love you” 24/7. Oh my gosh!! We were texting “I love you more, no I love you more” just constant intense proclamations of love. It was SO CRAZY that I sat on my bed reading his text and my stomach turned. I was SICK!!!! I wanted to throw up. I wanted to cry my eyes out. It was too good to be true. 🤯 I couldn’t eat and I didn’t sleep. I talked to Cody 24/7 and it was more than I could handle. However, it was EXACTLY what I had dreamt of. A man that could tangle himself in me and not let go. A man that could just be all over me and be in heaven with me. It was sex and lust, not love. I just was so confused on my way of thinking back then. 🥺❤️‍🩹

When Cody randomly dumped me, ouch. It was a huge shock and rocked my world. It made NO SENSE and sucked like hell. He made me so unstable and anxious. I became very desperate and clingy. When Cody came back at the end of the summer and “took me back” wow. I instantly forgave him and did whatever he wanted. He talk about us moving in together and I didn’t agree with it, I wanted marriage but I went along with it becuase I was too desperate and anxious to say no. I didn’t want him to leave me again….

Eventually, Cody ghosted me 😱 after all the talk about “moving in” and uh, I died that night. I was a zombie for months. I hated myself and didn’t know how I would get on with life. I met Andrew less than 6 months later though and it took time but eventually I started to let my guard down and Andrew also love bombs me. Wow…. I still didn’t know what “love bombing” was and becuase I was so hurt by Cody, Andrew made me feel amazing again!!! I started to believe I’m falling in love with Andrew and trying to make plans to meet him. I’m picking out our baby’s name and I’m ready to give Andrew everything ❤️‍🩹

Andrew’s actions didn’t match his words and he always acted so “busy” and said it wasn’t a good time to tell our parents about our relationship or date in front of friends. I was very hurt that he was keeping me a secret but was too desperate and anxious still to demand anything from Andrew or stand up for myself. Andrew would never break up with me which confused me yet he acted like I was bothering him but at random moments, would praise me and make me feel so wanted by him. He would cry to me “he’s not good enough for me” but was the one making me feel unworthy. I constantly felt paranoid that he’s cheating and hiding things from me.

Andrew would often ignore me in the relationship for days and put me in isolation but I always forgave him when he came back. I had nooooo idea it was “abuse.” I was totally in the dark of everything and just way too nice and naive. Taking Andrew for his word. Giving him the benefit of the doubt but also knowing like Cody, he can leave whenever and hurt me… So, being afraid for Andrew to “leave me”, I kissed his butt so hard and praised the ground he walked on. I treated Andrew like he’s a king and a celebrity! I truly thought Andrew was so special and felt so unbelievably shocked he “wanted me” like I knew it was all too unreal and thought Andrew was way more attractive than me…. Hah I thought he could date prettier girls than me. I sadly compared myself to his exes and thought they were prettier than me too. 😓

I had major self worth issues that I did not recognize or address. I was just so use to taking care of people, putting their needs before my own and serving people. I just misinterpreted my whole childhood completely. I found out the hard way, Andrew was using me and lyng to me and I made it all too easy for him. The way I treated him like a king. I wanted to give him the world…. 💔

Today, I still struggle to love myself but I know and believe God is love and loved me. God gave me purpose to be on this planet and while I believe God still calls us to “love and forgive” people, no where does the Bible say people please and to stay with someone who lies, cheats and abuses you. I think God would want me to remove myself from manipulation and to NOT retaliate. I don’t believe God wants me to get back at my exes or try to make justice. I’m still learning and trying to understand where the line is drawn.

Ultimately, forgiveness is a process. Daily unraveling the lies told to me by porn, tv and my exes. The toxic messages I received and the people pleasing. This “big grand love” I wanted so long isn’t in people. It’s not on this earth. I KNOW God protected me from Andrew even though I thought I loved him and it’s been hard to fully accept and let go. I’ve been far from perfect and I don’t expect my exes to be perfect. I still care about their souls and what happens to them…. I know they will never probably want good for me, idk that for sure but seems that way.

Healing from Cody and Andrew has been super painful and hard. I’ve failed so many times. I’ve had so many emotions and feelings towards them. One minute I’m angry at them, anther I’m irritated, I’m sad, frustrated and sometimes I miss them 😆🥺😓❤️‍🩹 sometimes I just wanna run and hug them. I do believe they’ve had trauma at some point becuase why did they traumatize me??? Some days I beat myself up saying “it’s not that bad” then other days I think, “oh you’ve been traumatized, you have to rest and take it easy.” Ugh. Which is it? Hah

Real love is not crazy, intense or sickening. It’s not fleeting or chaotic. It’s not an overwhelming feeling. REAL LOVE seems to be peaceful, honest, long lasting and gentle. Seems to be a choice more than a feeling. FORGIVENESS is also a choice and an action word. To forgive the abuse, you have to believe in the power of forgiveness but know it’s not a magical fix all. It’s work. But what work is involved to heal from toxic relationships?? For me, it seems to be resting, confronting the abuse and lots of reflection. Spending time alone with yourself in a quiet space. Forgiving yourself as much as you forgive the past.

Taking it all one day at a time ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

[ifiwereawriter]

I know this is meant to be a "writing" blog, I know, I just need an anonymous safe place to vent right now or imma be screaming, crying, or throwing up pretty soon.

So this is about love. Relationships. Boy drama. *Rolls eyes* of course it is. That's pretty much the only thing you yell to your diary about.

Anyway, I have NEVER been in a relationship. I am in my mid twenties. I grew up super conservative Christian homeschool etc. I'm pretty much scared of social interaction and especially scared of guys. So about 3/4 a year ago, my fam took guy A on an interstate trip with us. I won't take a long time to tell the story BC you don't need that, but the bare bones of it that are relevant are: him and I got along, we shared a moment when I got real and told him my family dynamics and some really personal stuff about my life while I was fricking painting my nails and sitting on a trailer and no one else was around. Then, the trip was over, things were a bit weird but friendly until he called me beautiful. And this freaked me the Frick out. I liked him as a friend but not the something more that this CLEARLY implied. Then I just real-life ghosted him as well as I could and he probably picked up on it bc I was actually giving him the silent treatment/cold shoulder which I totally regret in hindsight but at the moment I was so angry with him and freaked out. He went overseas too and I was desperately praying that he would find a girlfriend in his hometown lmao.

Cut to tonight and I have been thinking about guy A because guy B is on the scene now (I will tell that story soon). And guys A is at the event I go to, and he is being super sweet with the kids and everything and I think about him. But at one point, I see him walking with a girl who is there who is prettier, cooler and closer in age to him than me and guys, if I didn't feel crazy at that. Like, if I truly don't like him I would be happy if they got together but dang it kind of ate me up and set me off a bit. Like I couldn't. And tonight I'm eating some cup tapokki and I can only think back to the time I had tapokki with guy A. It was the only time I've had it before tonight and we were eating at a Korean restaurant on our family trip with just two of my brothers and if was probably the most datelike thing I have ever been on. So I like him??? Do I even know what I like? And even if I liked a guy wholeheartedly, I would STILL be too much of an inexperienced self-shameing pussy to act!

So guy B is a handful, and not a very pleasant one. I know him through my social circles and I genuinely find it painful to talk to him. He is a great listener, and so am I. He just draws me out so badly because otherwise he leaves the conversation on the most awkward pauses and he just unsettles me for SURE. So that's the scene. I don't like talking to guy B and while he has characteristics I admire, in general I do not like his lack of social awareness. Cut to, my Dad tells me someone has come to him weeks ago and asked if he could 'get to know me better'. I still live at home and did I mention, super Christian conservative parents? He doesn't tell me who the guy is but after a couple of hints I am certain it is guy B. I cannot think of a single other person it would be. And damnit. I don't want my dad to say 'no' of course, I don't believe in that, but I literally do. not. like. this. guy. at. all!

So now I am feeling extremely self-conscious about this guy and he was at the event tonight and I spent the whole entire night trying to avoid him. My dad got a call from an unlisted number while I was talking to him and he left to go pick it up. I look over and Guy B is standing across the room on. his. phone. He was probably asking for my dad's answer since it had been the amount of time my dad said he wanted to wait. Damn it.

Now I am eating comfort food at home after all this. And posting a stupid ramble about it on my side account. FML tbh. Boys, you can't live with em, you can't live without em, amiright? I need therapy.

[bunnyscar]

Taking A Walk

“Whoa, slow down, Pete!” Sam cried, pulling with all his might on the dog’s leash. Pete, a great big mastiff, lunged and strained towards the dog park, eyes lit with frenzied excitement. Sam’s neighbor had not been kidding when she had said that Pete was not walked enough. He acted as though he hadn’t seen the light of day for weeks. At last, they made it into the park, and Pete was allowed off the leash so he could race around the enclosed grassy area.

With a sigh of relief, Sam leant back against the chain-link fence. “You might have helped,” he panted in annoyance to Kye, who stood next to him like a dark cloud. He wore his usual black clothes, and his face was full of doom and gloom. He glared at Sam.

“And why did you bring me along? I’m not a dog that needs walking,” Kye scowled.

Sam groaned. This again. Sam had only wanted to help out their neighbor, who had a big work project this week and needed someone to walk her dog, or else he would never get out. As Kye’s caretaker, the only way Sam could do that was to have the vampire go with him. Kye, however, hated walking. He hated being outside unless there was good reason to, and in his mind, walking a dog was not good enough. As a result, he had sulked all morning before they left and glared at Sam’s back all the way to the park.

“Because we have to be together, remember?” Sam replied irritably. “And it wouldn’t hurt you to think about other people, sometimes, you know? Ms. Ginger really needed our help.”

“She could have hired someone else to walk her dog. Aren’t there professionals that do that kind of thing?” Kye grumbled.

“Look, you need to get out too,” Sam argued. “Even vampires can’t just stay cooped up in the house forever. That would be as bad as if you were stuck in the Ministry,” Sam said, then immediately regretted having brought it up.

Kye glanced at Sam, then hunched his shoulders and looked away. “Yeah, I guess,” he mumbled. There was an awkward silence.

“Sam, is that you?” a girl’s voice suddenly spoke. Sam turned in surprise, to see a girl with long brown hair walking up to him, a small brown dog trotting along next to her.

“Lily?” he said in surprise. He hardly recognized her, since she had always worn her hair up in pigtails in middle school, but the more he looked, the more certain he was it was one of his school friends.

“Fancy meeting you here!” Lily exclaimed. “What are you doing here? Did you get a dog?”

Sam shook his head. “No, we were just helping to walk our neighbor’s dog,” he explained, motioning to Pete, who was still romping around in the grass.

Lily cocked her head. “We?” she queried.

Gesturing to Kye, Sam said, “This is Kye, my adopted brother. Kye, this is Lily. We were friends back when I was in public school.”

Kye nodded to her uncomfortably. “I had no idea you had adopted a brother,” Lily said in surprise.

“Well, it’s only been in the last year,” Sam said.

“I see,” Lily said. Pete suddenly ran up, a stick in his mouth, and placed his paws on Kye’s legs, looking up at the boy with puppy dog eyes. Kye scowled, but took the stick and threw it. Both Pete and Lily’s dog shot after it, racing to be the first one to retrieve the stick.

“How are you doing, Sam? It feels like it’s been so long since I saw you. You should have reached out, you’re still in the same city even if you’ve switched to homeschool,” Lily commented.

“Oh, err, I guess I got busy. Sorry,” Sam apologized.

Lily laughed. “No worries! I just thought it might be fun to get together again sometime. Are you enjoying homeschool?” she asked.

“Yeah, it’s not bad,” Sam said. “How is everybody else?”

They stayed at the park a while, Sam and Lily catching up, while Kye threw sticks for the dogs and listened. A couple times, Lily tried to include him in the conversation, but Kye often answered with short sentences and didn’t seem to want to engage. Sam apologized, saying that Kye was rather shy. Lily did not seem to take offense, though.

“Well, I should get on home,” Lily finally said. “Here, boy!” she called, her little dog running over to her. “Stay in touch, okay?” she called, waving goodbye and leaving.

Sam waved goodbye, and he and Kye collected Pete and headed home. When they had almost reached their house, Kye asked, “Sam, do you miss going to school?”

“I guess I do somewhat,” Sam answered, puzzled. “I mean, I do miss my friends sometimes. And it was nice having an actual teacher there. Why do you ask?”

Kye shrugged and muttered, “Never mind.” Sam raised an eyebrow, but didn’t press further. Was Kye upset about Sam talking to a friend from school? No, why would that bother him? Or did it have something to do with what Sam had said about being cooped up? He would have to ask Kye more later.

At dinner, when they had almost finished eating, Kye suddenly said, “I want to go to school.” Sam’s spoon fell to the table with a clatter, and he gaped at Kye. His mother looked up from her stew in surprise.

“What do you mean, Kye?” she asked.

Kye shifted in his seat uncomfortably. “I want to go to public school, not homeschool. I want to...see teachers and make...friends,” he said hesitantly.

Mother smiled. “Well, I don’t see a reason to not go, as long as you’re sure you’re ready. We can talk with Mr. Steven and see what he thinks. Summer break will be coming soon, and if we decide to put you both in public school again, we could register you for the next year,” she said. Kye nodded.

Later that evening, as both boys prepared for bed, Sam turned to Kye and asked, “Kye, I’m sorry about what I said earlier today. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad about always staying home. You don’t have to go to school just because of that,” he said.

Kye shook his head. “No, you were right. I haven’t been thinking of other people. I’ve just been thinking of what I want. And I can’t just stay inside all the time, I’ll have to learn eventually how to live outside of the house and how to be around other people. Now’s as good a time as any to start learning,” he responded. “Besides,” he said slowly, “you really did seem to enjoy talking to Lily. Maybe—maybe with your help, even I could make friends.”

Sam smiled and put an arm around his brother. “We’ll both make new friends,” he encouraged.

Kye nodded slowly and murmured, “Yeah. And you know, maybe taking a walk once in a while is not so bad.”

Previous || Next

[wandaluvstacos]

Chapter 28 of Good Investment is now up on my Patreon!

Good Investment is available at the $5/month tier. People who pledge $5 a month have access to not only Good Investment but The Sponsors series (ongoing), Pretty Things (complete), May the Blood Run Pure (complete), and Kept Man (complete), along with the $1/month tier books, the Reflections trilogy (ongoing) and The Halfwife (ongoing).

Adri Schvaneveldt has always felt split between two worlds. In one world, they are the adopted child of a large and conservative Mormon family. In another, she is the CEO of a burgeoning fashion empire that pushes boundaries. But in order to be the latter, Adri first has to find the funding. After gaining a hefty following as a social media influencer/model, Adri has the potential customers– if they can get a reliable production model pounded out. And that means a bit of groveling at the feet of investors, most of who have never even heard the term “non-binary”.

But Adri lucks out with Gideon Snow, whose youth and open mind bring much needed funds to make Adri’s dream of diverse, accessible fashion a reality. Of course, lifting a newborn company to its feet is no small task, and late nights drive Adri to occasional stays at Gideon’s nearby house, where their relationship begins stretching beyond business. Adri knows they can’t put an entire business venture at risk for the turbulent whims of their heart. But reason doesn’t always win out.

Excerpt:

“Ah, here it is.” Gideon turned the laptop so Adri could see the screen. On it was a photo of him and Tiffany at a train station in Copenhagen, with Gideon in his newly-acquired bomber jacket.

“This is you?” Adri asked, leaning in closer to see the picture. “You’ve got long hair and a beard!”

“My Jesus days, yeah.”

Adri giggled, finding immense pleasure in this. “You look very punk rock. What happened to that?” They gave Gideon a pointed once-over.

“Ah. Well, you see, there is an age at which every white man takes a good hard look at a cardigan sweater and thinks—I will look good in that.”

Adri snorted, then started laughing, resting one hand on his arm as they used the other to half-cover their mouth. They were so fucking cute. The only reason Gideon told half of his stupid jokes was to make pretty girls laugh. He was glad he hadn’t yet aged out of it.

“You do look good in cardigan sweaters though,” Adri chuckled.

“That’s your Mormon damage talking.”

Adri laughed again, snorting a little.

“Anyway, this was how I dressed back then. And that’s the jacket.”

“I can see why you liked it. You look very dashing.”

“Thank you.”

“And that’s Tiffany?” Adri asked, pointing to the similarly bearded person standing beside Gideon, though she’d shaved her head down to a buzzcut at the time.

“Yeah.”

“How’d you two meet?”

“I used to hang out at this coffee shop that a lot of Americans would go to. She was a year older than me and in a study-abroad program, so we met there. We had a lot in common, beyond just a shared interest in computers. She’d grown up in rural Idaho with prepper parents. They were big conspiracy nuts and they homeschooled her up until high school, so she was sheltered and sort of an outcast like me. She dropped out of college and decided to stay in the Netherlands with me, so we went to the university there together.” As he spoke, Adri flipped through the files in the folder, most of which showed Gideon’s travels at the time. Tiffany was in some of them, but so were a lot of other friends that Gideon had fallen out of touch with. In one, Gideon straddled a bike with a pretty brunette riding sidesaddle on the back, her purse cradled in her lap.

“Who’s that?” Adri asked with a lifted eyebrow.

“Ah. Chloé. My girlfriend at the time. She was French. She barely spoke any English, and I barely spoke any French. But it’s fine, cuz we honestly didn’t do much talking.”

Adri snorted. “Ah. I see.”

“It’s a good thing, too, because I think the only reason she liked me is because she didn’t have a fucking clue what I was saying.” It had been a long time since Gideon had thought about her. She was fun and he’d enjoyed their time together, but he’d hardly known anything about her except how to finger her to orgasm in the bathroom of a train to Turin, Italy. Valuable knowledge, sure, but he couldn’t even recall her last name.

“Sounds like you were quite the Casanova.”

“I was a goofball American kid up to do anything with anyone. You find people to hang out with pretty easily.”

“It sounds amazing. I’m a little jealous. While you were off traversing Europe at nineteen, I was stuck trying to talk to strangers in the DC area about Joseph Smith.”