#I can’t even get out of bed right now | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

rosicheeks · 2 years ago

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🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀 oooOooOoOoOooOoOoo you want to send me weed money so badly right now ooOoOoOOOooOoOooOoOoO 🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀🌀

Cashapp - $rosicheeks420

Venmo - @ wickednyx

#I’ve been stuck in bed all day and I just can’t find it in me to get up #even though I’m starving #but not like I have anything to eat even if I wanted to #I just want to smoke and be happy for a little bit #but nope #I’m broke #and incredibly sad right now #this living situation has been taking a fucking toll on me #can I go back in time and not move #that would be gr8 #ok ignore me #I’m super sad #and any tips will go towards my breaks and picking up #honestly at this point I want weed more than to fix my breaks #I can’t even get out of bed right now #how the fuck am I going to find energy to go to a car place and socialize #that makes me want to throw up just thinking about it #ya know if only my anti depressants were cheaper maybe I wouldn’t need weed #but since one of my pills went up to $100 idk how I’m ever going to afford that so I’m just going off of it cold turkey #which I shouldn’t do #but what else can I do #ok now I’m just bitching #was hoping venting would help a little #it didn’t really but thanks for listening #(also a reminder if you’re sending me a tip on cashapp i have no e in rosie just like my url it’s just rosicheeks)#shut up rosie

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pupkou · 3 months ago

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#i lost one of my grants for school because my mom got married and now we have to report her husbands income #despite the fact that he doesn’t even pay bills and every time we’ve ever gone out to eat he’s never paid #so i might not be able to live at school this year and i might have to live at home and commute all because she got married to a deadbeat #that they think is giving me money and contributing to our household when he’s not #he’s never even gotten me a birthday or christmas gift lmfao he’s not giving me tuition money or money for rent lmfao #anyways i’m getting in to bed i can’t do this rn #edit: and the worst part is i told her this would happen and that she should wait to get married until after i finished school #which i know isn’t reasonable and it’s very selfish but .. at least i was right #i hope i die btw

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the-casbah-way · 7 months ago

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grabs my computer screen and starts shaking it how to cure gender dysphoria HOW TO CURE GENDER DYSPHORIA

#kidding theres no way to fix it when it’s like this #everything i’d normally do to alleviate it makes it worse when it’s this bad #because it’s like wow look at you trying so embarrassingly hard to not look disgusting and failing miserably #i had to cancel my plans yesterday and today because girl i can’t go outside when i feel like this i can’t even get out of bed #looking at myself makes me want to VOMIT why do i look like this #i look back on old pictures of myself and try to work out what was different back then so i can replicate it #but people say i look exactly the same in those photos as i do now #and i remember taking those old photos and feeling ugly and dysphoric back then too #if i lean back into my more cis look i’ll get gendered correctly again which i want #but i don’t like playing cis man it’s not who i am and it makes me feel weird and gross #i just hate what i look like no matter what i do to my appearance #every single part of my physical self makes me feel really ill and anxious and bad and guilty #there’s not a single bit of me i can stand to look at when i feel like this #i feel like everyone who has ever seen me thinks i’m disgusting and ugly and horrible to look at #and i want to like hide forever but i can’t #it’s so hard to function like this #i hate everything about me so much #someone affirm my stupid dumb ass gender right fucking now i’m going to die

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iliveinprocrasti-nationn · 8 months ago

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one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else

#i have to sleep a lot. i’m at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more #I should probably be getting 10+ but i’m a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s #the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything #that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. it’s not ‘oh but i can push through it’ because i can’t without spending the next da #lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I can’t think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely don’t know how #get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers don’t have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to #and yeah it is a choice i’m making that’s true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not #be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told ‘but you are making choices about your life’ when i have lost so much #of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so.#literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in #bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it #into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it #but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i can’t go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted #any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself #not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isn’t freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha #usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I don’t go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day #because I still can’t. good days just mean i don’t want to lie down on the pavement when i’m going somewhere #I just. I don’t magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately it’s #just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway #this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this #bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school #vent tw #yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely #disability #chronically ill #i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because that’s all logical but there’s no way to explain what it’s doing to my body or ho #i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i don’t react well to #anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and it’s only getting worse #I can’t even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isn’t counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours #I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework

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steviescrystals · 6 months ago

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i seriously need to get a new job and start making money again asap bc i cannot keep living at home much longer it’s driving me insane

(wrote an entire essay in the tags without meaning to oops)

#i feel so isolated from everything bc i’m not in school rn but all my friends are and 90% of the ones who are in state go to the same school #so they’re all in the same town and here i am 45 minutes away #i never get invited to anything bc 1) my friends all tend to make plans really last minute #and 2) if we want to go out and drink - which we usually do bc that’s the stage of life we’re in rn - i’d have to stay the night with #someone bc i absolutely cannot afford a 45 minute uber home and most of my friends don’t like staying over / having people stay over #so i have basically no social life and it’s only gotten worse in the past couple months since i got laid off from my main job #not only did i love that job but i loved my coworkers and work was pretty much the only time i left the house and interacted with people #and without that job i can’t even do the little solo things i used to do to cheer myself up like go see a movie #or even just go for a long drive bc i’m broke (as in i have $17 in cash to my name and am like $1000 in debt rn)#so all i do is rot in bed all day and apply for jobs that i’m overqualified for yet still don’t get hired #i barely even leave my room bc i avoid my family which just makes me feel guilty bc i love my family #but they get on my nerves so easily and most of the conversations i have with my mom end in her lecturing me about something and me crying #and on top of everything it’s just straight up embarrassing to be unemployed and completely directionless about college and living at home #logically i know i’m still very young and it’s common to live at home when you’re 20 but literally none of my friends do #i had a couple friends who lived at home for the first 2 years after high school and went to community college but by now they’ve moved out #and they’re all at universities and either graduating this year or next year meanwhile the earliest i could possibly graduate is in 2 years #i should be finishing my junior year rn but i’ve only completed my freshman year #i hated the school i was at and planned on transferring sophomore year but long story short that didn’t work out #even longer story short i ended up doing a semester each at 2 different community colleges and failed all my classes both times #and took 2 semesters off so now i’m a full 2 years behind and even though my freshman year was miserable #i’m starting to wish i stayed at that school anyway bc at least i would be at a university and accomplishing something #plus theres a huge difference between staying at home for a couple years after high school then moving out later #vs living on your own right away then having to move back home after you’ve already experienced having your own space #and on top of everything i have an older sister who’s a literal genius and graduated last year #and a younger sister who just finished her freshman year at the school i hated but she loves it and got perfect grades and made friends #so they’re both thriving and here i am living with my mom and my 13 year old brother and just completely failing at everything #i’m just so miserable and obviously moving out again and going back to school wouldn’t magically fix everything #but at least i would feel like my life was going somewhere and i wasn’t getting left behind by everyone i know #i just have no idea how to move forward and i feel like ever since high school not a single thing has gone the way i wanted it to #vent

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littlewigglers · 1 year ago

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Do you plan on getting any non millipede friends

I do! I’d love to get some more isopods and raise some beetles from larva again. I’d also LOVE to get back into fish keeping my faves are bettas, shrimps, corydoras and kuhli loaches! Maybe a snake or gecko further down the line? But those are what I know the least about and would be most hesitant to get as I want any creatures I get to have the best care I can give them.

I’d say the only creatures on my never list are spiders, roaches, centipede, anything else that moves overly fast or has a bad bite/is venomous/poisonous. Probably turtles too just due to their life spans.

But millipedes and isopods are what I’m able to keep right now as I’d have to get some new tanks for anything else, as well as all the research I’d need to do to be comfortable keeping them.

Oh also I do have two cats I just don’t post about them here, and I plan to possibly get a third next year but we’ll see :3

#bug babbles #I’m pretty much up to keep anything once #but I’m also very aware of myself and I get excited about new things and then often get board about 4 months later #which is when I was fine getting isopods and millipedes as I thought ‘we’ll bugs only live like a year right #so even if I lost interest I’d only need to care for them a few months more I know now that some millipedes can 10 years but that’s alright #as Millipedes have become a key interest of mine so I feel comfortable getting more long lived species and more in general #for fish it’s just the money investment of all the stuff and then the time it takes to set up a planted tank as I just love them more than #fake plants I’ve done it twice before successfully and probably failed about the last 4 times #so I’ve not gotten to the actual grtting fish part yet due to that #I know I could fork out £200 and get the tank and fish tomorrow but that’s not what I want I want a planted tank so it’ll be on going #as for why no spiders my dad used to catch them and out them in my bed as a kid for years so I just can’t handle them as an adult #he thought it was funny and would toughen me up it sadly only made me nearly cry anytime I see one now #for roaches I’m just not interested #centipedes can have a nasty bite so I’d like to avoid them and anything that moves fast reminds me of spiders so it’s a no go

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angelofblackblood · 7 months ago

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I’m so tired.

#how do people make friends as adults #like I’ve been at uni 3 years #I’ve joined clubs #gone to events with people #cooked dinners and had takeaways sat in the living room #and yet somehow always seem to be an after thought #I’m literally a week away from handing in my dissertation with lots of work today #and the housing situation here sucks #and two people who I’ve been talking to about housing #who know how badly it all sucks #have put in for a flat of their own without saying anything #and I get it #it’s not really a shock cause like they’re a couple that can get a 1 bed and split the cost #they’ve been together 18 months #but I’m not even worth the talk apparently.#is it me is there something fundamentally wrong with my ability to make friends #or am I just really crap at picking people out #and like. they’re not awful people don’t get me wrong #but I also reckon if I went home from here for an extended period of time.#or left after uni #I’d never see any of them again #and apparently I feel badly enough about it all that I need to shout into the void here.#something that I do not do at all #but I have no idea what I’m doing now and finding somewhere new to live that is walkable to the uni is really difficult cause #for a uni town they sure don’t like students in any of their properties #I have so much work to do I should not be worrying about any of this right now #but I’d like to just play the switch instead and forget about this project or other people for a while #and I can’t cause this is due in on Wednesday and there’s still lots to do #and I can’t even complain about it to anyone cause they all talk to each other #a little circle of gossip that just goes round and round

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just-rogi · 5 months ago

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#I’ve been so fucking frustrated these past few weeks between insurance not covering my meds and having to jump through hoops to get my #injections and shit #but god ive been having crazy joint issues the past two weeks #yesterday I literally couldn’t get out of bed #I can’t sleep doing laundry is exhausting #I’m taking the max amount of ibuprofen my doctor prescribed and it’s not doing anything #it just hurts all the time #the weather is finally nice and I can’t do anything but lay in bed with the lights off #I had an event I had been planning for for MONTHS for pride #and at one point I had to stop and lock myself in my friends car for a half hour #just to cry because my hips and knees hurt so badly #I couldn’t even enjoy the after party because I just wanted to get home and lay down #I’m so frustrated not being able to do anything #I just want to get some relief from this shit and my meds can take up to 12 weeks to work #they were prescribed eight weeks ago but insurance denied them #because apparently they always deny immune suppressants the first time around and then approve of them to save money #I wouldn’t be in pain right now If my insurance just approved my meds in May #I can’t fucking adjust to this I was a competitive dancer I’m twenty two I don’t understand any of this #the last time I was at the rheumatologists after getting my injections I held the door for an older woman who also had arthritis #and I was all shaken up over my appointment and she was so nice but was in a lot of pain and when I said #‘I understand I’m sorry’ she just looked at me so genuinely sad and said ‘but you are so young?’ YEAH I am too young for this #I’m just so tired and so angry all the time and I’m sick of everything hurting when I’m trying to sleep #my best friend is traveling at

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theres-whump-in-that-nebula · 1 year ago

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Oh my god. You know it’s getting bad when you start doing things you don’t even want to do to procrastinate on something you really do want to do.

It would be one thing if it were something like a hobby; but the thing I want to do is also extremely necessary to my life.

#Hhhhhhngh #for three weeks I’ve been doing this #I’ve had all the time in the world #and I have a sneaking suspicion that I’m doing this out of a subconscious desire to prove to myself that I’m actually fucked up in the head #Which is already proof enough that I have that desire in the first place; but I keep going because it’s not enough #I only ever feel like I need care when I’m at my absolute worst #And suddenly after being so exhausted that I fell asleep at 7:00 some days; I’m staying up until 2:30 AM and waking up at 8:00???#and I feel fine and perfectly awake; but still can’t manage to get myself out of bed until 10:00 because Comfy #I sit and I read for an hour; then I go on my phone and emerge at 5:00 PM #If I go in the bathroom it takes forever to get back out because I end up talking to myself in the mirror about god knows what #I feel like I need some kind of�� idk… very strong stimulant in me so I can actually care about things #not that stimulants work like that; but I need to have some kind of catastrophic life event… to get beaten up or something #something to put pure fear and concern in my veins #It is summer and there is almost no chance of me getting kicked or catching a football in the wrong place #and I don’t have to run right now either #I could do something #I know how #But even that is a damned if you do damned if you don’t situation; because that ALSO makes me not want to do things #At least then I’d have a palpable (literally) excuse but uh…. I’m still kind of getting over the last time #I am on my phone all day and I recognize that’s bad; but the thing I need to do is to send an email… which is on my phone; so there’s that #hypocritical #idk there’s something about using limited supplies to deal with a problem that needs more and hoping for the best #it excites me #Makes me feel like a big boy who can handle serious situations #But if I create the problem then it means nothing except that I cannot handle problems at all #I should not have all the responsibilities I do because I am not entirely in my right mind #I am thinking about it though #It’s tempting #get behind me satan

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rosicheeks · 3 months ago

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#anyone know how to deal with overwhelmingly jealous and envious thoughts?#I just can’t stop comparing my life to other peoples #just went to my sisters new place #I would literally kill for a place like that #but I’m still stuck in my parents basement #not having a safe space to go #I eventually got over it while I was hanging out with family #but when I left I had to bump into a group of girls #all dressed up #looks like they were either going out or getting back from a club or something #and damn #I miss those days #I only got a taste of it very briefly before I was even of age #like 18-19 #and now I’m fucking 26 and I don’t have friends to go out and have severe social anxiety #when I see people like that having a good night or whatever #I just get so sad and jealous #I’ve been wasting the past 6 years of my life #literally just trying to survive #and then everyone else around me is actually living and enjoying their lives #obviously it’s not all sunshine and rainbows but they have the support system or a place or something to lean on when something bad happens #I have nothing #I have no support system #not able to heal or really live in my current place #been struggling to just get out of bed #trying ro figure out a job but when I can’t even get out of bed how the fuck am I gonna do that?#struggling A LOT right now #shut up rosie #delete

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pepprs · 1 year ago

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doing really bad in ways i can’t talk about which is making it worse

#just cancelled a meeting so i could cry in the office LMAOOOOOOO 🥰👍#purrs #the mortifying ordeal of my therapist being on her honeymoon rn 😹😹😹😹😹#i think i am just a bad person and my needs hurt people who need me. and it’s not fair to them and idont know what to do with that.#i think i may have to move out sooner than i am ready to and not listen to anyone telling me to keep waiting. this is not sustainable. it’s #not sustainable for my family because i hurt them with my needs. and it’s not sustainable for me to be unable to need and get what i need #without hurting them. i think what’s so hard about this is that i have to do it alone and everyone is against me doing it but i have to do #it anyway. i don’t know. i don’t want my sister to see this and get hurt. if you do see this im sorry i can’t be what you need. im sorry my #needs hurt you. but they’re needs. i have to be selfish even though my brain is screaming at me in your voice that i don’t. i just need to #escape it all. i am allowed to need independence and alone time and im sorry i was cruel about asserting it but i need to assert it and no #one at home understands why but I need to. im not talking coherently i just feel so wretched and sick to my stomach with guilt and grief and #frustration and shame and i have to facilitate a huge session in an hour and a half.#delete later #like my friends / mutuals / mentors / etc can tell me until they’re blue in the face that i am not a bad person and i deserve to live an #independent Life etc etc but none of you are actually in my house and you don’t see how it is and how i am the cause of all of it and how im #stuck and making things worse. and i can’t summon my strength or calm down or anything. i don’t know. i have to get ready for the session i #just can’t even think straight. my family is right and i am also right and i can’t assert my rightness over theirs. so im stuck forever.#if i could i would leave work early and go home but there’s no one to take me home and home is actually the worst possible place to be #right now LOLLLLL. i just need to curl into a bed and cry. also im about to get my period so thats probably why im like this lol

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diari0deglierrori · 1 year ago

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I need more social interaction. Human contact. Need to feel more normal about it. Is that too much to ask

#bro I can’t feel like that every time I see two people interact with each other #I got asked if I could move my car because they needed to cut the trees next to it #and then I said sure and got to look for my keys and the tallest told the other one ‘there are you happy now?’ but not the passive #agressive way you know it was like teasing and bumped their shoulders (is that how you say it?) and idk i was like aww that’s cute #doesn’t make sense does it #doesn’t help that I had a strange dream with someone who looked just like one of them right this morning #I’m pretty sure it’s because I woke up this morning and heard people and thought that’s probably them and then went back to sleep #but how long does it even take to completely fall asleep and dream and all #anyway I later had to get out of bed in a rush I’m not even sure I’m fully awake yet #splashed my face with cold water many times but I think I also need coffee ☕️ r something #I did not mean for that coffee emoji to be there wtf

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milo-is-rambling · 1 year ago

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I am so high I love you dabs I love you big bong rips I love you huge heavy bong I love you only having 20 dollars to my name and no plans but getting high and ignoring it I love you oh no I’m thinking about it

#I want to take an ice cold shower and scream and smoke a whole pack of cigarettes and lock myself in a closet for 72 hours in the dark with #no distractions to figure out what I actually want to do with the rest of my life and to face every bad thought I have and struggle to #ignore even years later like ugh I just need to be at the bottom of the ocean floating sinking alive dead in between for like a month and #then pull me back up and either I’ll be normal or I’ll be so fucked up they just put me back in there #like either way I am vibing at the bottom of the ocean (I have been desperately imaging a sensory deprivation tank all day)#(put me in a fucking sensory deprivation tank until something in my fucking brain rewires and I get worse or better than I am now this #inbetween stage is fucking killing me like what do you mean I’m not a horrible person but also what do you mean I struggle every day but I’m #normal but I have things about me other people don’t and alienate me to the point of near total isolation but also this is just how humans #are and I need to take meds and actively struggle to fit into a perfect little box of what a person should be like god damn I am so tired of #getting better and worse and better and worse and better and worse and better and worse and I’m miserable and I’m happy and I’m sobbing and #I know a month from now I’ll be depressed again or I’ll be the best I’ve ever been and it’s so fucking horrible to be in the middle stage #where I actually have to step up and admit shit is wrong and face it like why can’t I just lay in bed forever until I become the bed and not #like get a job and have a future. ugh. depression is so fucked esp bc most things in my life are normal I guess or like easier than my #friends like we all have seperate challenges but I’m the only one still living off their parents (ha. parent. forgot for a second.) and the #only thing wrong with my life is the mental health issues but I won’t step up and deal with it bc I feel like I’ve been depressed for so #long I like fucked up the foundational shit and like I know it’s fine but also I feel so behind and I feel like I’ll be behind and unhappy #forever even when im happy I know the next depressive episode is right around the corner and I give up again. ugh. I hate knowing that’s #what’s wrong with me but still not having the energy to step up and fix it. im so pathetic I want to cry. my brain is me but my brain is #destroying my life. anyways. im high and now im sad and have dry mouth. I think im gonna drink ice water and change into shorts+lay in bed)

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trashbaget · 2 years ago

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making big decisions is so difficult

#but i’m doing it 😭💗#i’m so proud of myself for recognizing that this is a situation that i can’t handle at this time and that i need to accommodate for myself #that i can’t keep burning every wick at every end and come out on top #i am absolutely buried under my stress and it has been so hard admitting that i am only making it worse by stubbornly holding onto denial #so ive decided to take time off school for a hWhile #so unfortunately that means having Difficult Conversations with people i don’t want to talk to #but it’s that or i continue like last semester and fail spectacularly at every corner and crawl through ashes to even get out of bed #so um #yeah #big decisions big deals and feeling heavy #but it’s the right move for me right now #shut up im holding the trashtalking breadstick #personal #i don’t usually tag that but super personal lmao

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feralwifey · 2 years ago

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I have a few days left before the baby comes and I’m starting to get really depressed because my body can no longer keep up I guess. I could sleep and eat all day. Even taking a shower is exhausting

#I want to take a long walk and sweat while I work out or something #that’s impossible right now I can’t even get up from my bed

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threnodians · 1 year ago

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nothing quite like having a prolonged anxiety attack and crying off and on for hours because your digestive system hates you and you can’t sleep

#kayleigh.txt #just. laying on my bed crying rn bc i have given up sleeping i have a headache now and can’t sleep anyway so fuck it #going to risk my job and call out without a drs note again because my digestive system hates me and i am fucking exhausted #digestive system was bothering me at work last night and it was Hell i do not want a repeat tbqh #whatever i just need to really get my shit together re: my work attendance #but if i drive right now i might die because i am. so. exhausted #could i do virtual urgent care??? yeah but i don’t fucking want to #they can’t do anything for my lack of sleep so what good will that fucking do #i literally took my sleep medication last night and yet #whatever i am. going to call out and then. idk i can’t sleep #and even if i could my family is here making a lot of noise finishing renovating the bathroom upstairs

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