#I asked my IRLS about this issue and literally they said it’s fine .

[byakuyasdarling]

If I’m going to do comms in that new style I have to have other examples,,, might draw other S/I’s but very torn on drawing them with their skrunkles

it feels I am betraying a fictional man. Yes a FICTIONAL MAN. Trauma does weird things to you.

[the-moon-ate-my-stardust]

Okay literally no one asked but as a former Hobbit movie hater who has since experienced character growth, I feel compelled to share my thoughts on the movies on my gay little blog.

Listen. There are legit reasons to be critical of these movies. They were made on a rushed timeline, at time where CGI overuse was the thing and there are definitely unnecessary moments. But despite those issues, these movies still have a lot of heart and character and some really wonderful acting! To compare them to LOTR, is unfair I think because LOTR was such an unimaginable success and I truly believe no other movie franchise can do what those movies did. To expect the Hobbit movies to be the same caliber considering the behind the scenes drama and massive difference in timeline is just not it.

Truly I think that the Hobbit could have been much more than it was and it’s sad to see the amazing moments and realize that we could have had movies that were maybe closer to the level of LOTR, but that doesn’t take away from all of the great things that the movies gave us! Despite what he may be like irl, Martin Freeman was a great young Bilbo, Richard Armitage was insanely good as Thorin (despite the change in age) and the other dwarf actors brought a great sense of loyalty, brotherhood and shared loss to their roles. The music is still dope as hell and there are some beautiful shots despite all the CGI.

This is way too long and I’ve not said anything that hasn’t been said before but honestly, I’m so glad that I stopped hating on these movies and have seen the special things about them. Nothing will ever compare to LOTR, but that doesn’t make these movies bad. They’re fun, they’re emotional, they have great characterization and it’s super valid to enjoy them.

Final gay thoughts because I’m obligated, but I struggle with people who argue against Bagginshield with the whole “why does everyone have to make everything gay?” thing. Because Hollywood is so deeply homophobic that we see so little genuine queer representation, so forgive us for enjoying the chemistry we find and making it our own since our society gives us breadcrumbs. If you’re not into Bagginshield, totally legit and fine, but don’t hate on other people (especially queer people) trying to find some romantic love in media that we enjoy. Also no one can convince me that Richard Armitage wasn’t at least somewhat intentionally putting his queer energy into this role, I will die on this hill.

Anyway, TL;DR there’s no shame in liking or loving the Hobbit movies despite their faults and there are lots of things to appreciate and enjoy and I for one, am glad to leave my LOTR purist hater days behind me

[ticklethehomies2]

Lol cause I'm still upset. I'm just gonna rant about it here!

I genuinely despise being a queer man in this community. The way that cishet men treat me is just like awful sometimes and i'd rather they call me a slur. I'm just tired of the covert ways homophobia slips into things. Why are you so afraid I'll treat you the same way you treat women??? I never said I liked you. Or was interested in you. It couldn't be further from the truth actually.

I could feel the disdain from the screen. One dimensional characters until they see someone they deem fuckable and all of a sudden they have a personality. And this isn't just Tumblr. Can't believe this shit happens irl too (I'm being facetious). I would love to be there for my male friends but the way they shut me out because I'm not who they're romantically and/or sexually attracted to is so fucked to me. And I get it- if that's not what they're comfortable with then whatever. BUT am I allowed to be pissed off cause I know the reason is just rooted in homophobia??

Maybe this is the aroace experience of recognizing how FUCKED UP the world is for placing romantic and sexual relationships above all things. Especially with men who will treat their partners as caregivers and therapists (in an unhealthy way). But then men have high rates of su!cide... And mental health problems and substance abuse issues...

It hurts to be whittled down to a sex obsessed deviant or predator because I'm queer. I'm literally just some guy. I'm not entitled to your attention, that's fine, but don't confuse me trying to reach out or spark a conversation as me hitting on you or trying to manipulate you into doing things you're uncomfortable with.

I'm just here to try to connect with people on this silly lil blog. Not here to intentionally cause harm or make people uncomfortable. I just ask that people be a little kinder and think before they act.

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

https://www.tumblr.com/twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat/747358492889858048/sugurus-route-sounds-interesting-i-know-a-lot-of?source=share

is it just me, but if reader and suguru are in their twenties, i don't see the four year age gap being a big deal? and later on, it becomes even less of a big deal.

i get that there may be some moral deliberation on suguru's part with the growing up aspect, but for them to keep their relationship a secret forever? really? that's kinda weird imo and making a big fuss out of nothing

if they're like 24 and 28, why the hell do they have to hide? i literally don't get it at all. they're not doing anything immoral. and reader is not a child by any means, and it's not like they have some cognitive gap or anything. i just don't get it. maybe it's a cultural thing, and for you it's a bigger deal than it is for me.

obviously fourteen x eighteen is super fucked up and wrong, but we're not talking about that, my god

aaa and !!! as for riko !!!! kairo COOKED w the shoko thing.

i think... that this pairing makes a lot of sense! i think it makes more sense than riko x reader, tbh

i just... i don't see the need of turning every best friend friendship into a romance

like irl i don't want to fuck my friends (pardon me for being crude) and i will never want to fuck them, and that's okay. i'm perfectly satisfied with our friendships staying friendships, and the transition to a romance is not necessarily a signification of a 'higher-level' relationship

at the end of the day though, as others have said, it's your stories so you get to do whatever the hell you want to do with it

…. anon i talked abt this a bit in another ask but maybe you missed it so i’ll say it again :’3

(this got very long i’m sorry in advance 😔)

the gap itself isn’t the problem, it’s not a big deal in their twenties. the issue here is the way their dynamic started. satoru always viewed reader like a younger sibling, and it was the same with suguru. don’t you think that would be awkward for them at all? 😭 i think you’re focusing on the present point of their relationship which is fine, but their history as a whole is important too!! if you grew up with a younger kid who was crushing on you, while you viewed them as a sibling, wouldn’t you also feel weird about developing feelings for them later down the line? i definitely would!!

the important part is the shift in their dynamic, not the age gap (but i mention the gap bc it’s so central to their prior dynamic). satoru can’t bring himself to shift his view on reader, bc he still sees them as someone younger that he needs to protect. there’s a kind of power dynamic there that’s important to remember, and it was established when they first met. he’s older, he’s known you since you were a little kid, he’s spent all those years making sure not to give you the impression that he’s leading you on at all. satoru doesn’t want to break that pattern, and he views that choice as important.

so don’t you think he’d be kind of pissed if he found out suguru had gotten together with you? if he found out suguru had made a choice to break that pattern, when he was so adamant on not doing so? there would definitely be a lot of tension there. satoru literally spends the fic talking about how he thinks reader should be with someone better, someone closer to their own age, someone who they didn’t meet from such a young age — and then he finds out they’re with suguru??

like . there’s no way there wouldn’t be a fight there. i’m not saying it’d be the end of the world or their friendship or anything, but satoru would absolutely be upset with suguru. especially since he places him on such a high pedastal. it’s less about morality and more about convictions. there’s nothing immoral about them being together, but it goes against the convictions satoru’s found himself sticking to.

so!!! that’s the reason i think they would keep their relationship secret. to avoid that tension. i can’t see it being anything other than a sneaky summer romance. maybe in the future they could tell everyone, but i also just don’t see suguru/reader as an actual endgame couple in this au… i didn’t specify this in the fic but the two of them aren’t nearly as close as reader is with riko and satoru, since they only met when suguru was hanging out at the gojo household.

anyway!! that’s my take on that. again, the gap isn’t the issue, it’s everything surrounding their dynamic, and the history of it. bottom line is that stsg grew up viewing reader as a sibling of sorts, so of course any kind of shift from that pattern would feel strange. if you meet someone when they’re fourteen and you’re eighteen, i’d argue that it’s a lot weirder to not consider that part of your dynamic important when thinking of them as a potential romantic interest in the future.

like, imagine someone asking you and your partner for your age, and you tell them you’re 27 while your partner is 23. not a big deal, obviously!! but then they ask what age you were when you met and you have to say you were eighteen and they were fourteen. even if you quickly explain that you didn’t get together until you were both adults, don’t you think that would earn you some weird stares? it’s not immoral but it’s a delicate situation, and i think satoru would get angry at suguru for not handling it delicately enough from his pov. remember that satoru himself can only see it as totally normal like. a decade into the future LMAO. his view doesn’t have to be the same as yours or mine, but it’s satoru’s own view that’s important here.

….. hopefully that made it all a bit more clear 😭 sorry for rambling so much anon!! hopefully you’re still with me :’3 obviously you’re free to root for whichever couple you want, but i don’t see myself changing my stance on these two. it’s a fun what-if bonus ending and i think that’s more than enough!! nothing that’s meant to be angsty or whatever, just suguru and reader sneaking around a bit because they know riko and satoru will be angry.

AH ALSO one more thing !! :’3 i’d argue that there is a cognitive gap between reader and suguru. reader is 22-23 in the fic, suguru is 27. it’s not a big gap but the human brain doesn’t finish developing completely until your mid/late twenties!!

i just... i don't see the need of turning every best friend friendship into a romance like irl i don't want to fuck my friends (pardon me for being crude) and i will never want to fuck them, and that's okay. i'm perfectly satisfied with our friendships staying friendships, and the transition to a romance is not necessarily a signification of a 'higher-level' relationship

wait nevermind i also wanna talk abt this 💔 a bit more rambling incoming.

overall!! you don’t have to like riko/reader anon. that’s totally understandable!! a part of me also prefers them staying as friends and nothing else, and i’ve always hated the idea that romantic love is seen as stronger as platonic love bc it just . isn’t. platonic love can be and often is just as powerful!! canonically reader and riko are best friends, nothing else, but i still think they’d be cute in a what-if scenario, that’s all :3 if it’s not your cup of tea then that’s totally fine, none of the endings are canon anyway.

as for the sexual aspect 😭 i just wanted to point this out bc i never write any of my character dynamics with a sexual aspect in mind, even the romantic ones. sex doesn’t have to be a part of romance!! maybe you were just joking so i’m sorry if i’m reading too much into it, just wanted to mention it bc i do see it as important :’3 being lovers doesn’t equal to having sex!!

[my-castles-crumbling]

Cas babe, I'm royally fucked. The drama that is surrounding me rn is so fucking unreal.

So let me start from the very beginning, so I m a 16 yr old girl and i hv this really close guy friend let's call him J, so J and I have been friends since forever, like I don't even remember when I first met him. I have known him since I was born , like I have never known a life without J. And i love him like a brother.

Ok so fast forward a few years and now we're both 16, and we met this girl, Lottie she was a transfer student and we ( J , Lottie and I) had a few classes together. And slowly we develop a friendship.

Now the thing is that J has a crush on Lottie and he told me as soon as he realised it and me being the great friend that I am have subtly been wingwomaning him .

So, last week after English class (only Lottie and I have this class) , Lottie asked me out. Yeah, and I'm straight af but I'm an ally. So I was like what? But she was like i thought u were queer coz u give very strong queer vibes which is kinda true because I have a MAJOR crush on lily Rose depp and i hv always said that she could run me over with her car and I'd thank her and beg her to fuck me, (yeah I have issues.) And I also have bi friend who i jokingly call my wife bcoz when she came out ppl were being very homophobic and i thought that was the only way to support her. (i was 14 ok i don't judge me)

So back to Lottie I wa obviously s so very awkward I was like ohhh. And i told her in the politest way i could manage that I m straight af (bcoz i am) and I'm kinda flustered that she has a crush on me bcoz she is really pretty. And she got very embarassed and started apologising and I was like no no it's fine , it's totally fine. Yeah but she also kinda requested me not to tell anyone else that she's a lesbian bcoz she's not out to everyone, and I was like Of course .And now she has been trying to avoid me for the few days which anyone in her position would do tbh, so I don't blame her for that.

Ok so now bcoz Lottie is avoiding me she's also avoiding J by extension coz we both r usually hanging out together. So i already told u that J has a crush on Lottie so he was obviously not happy that she was avoiding us and i couldn't tell him why bcoz OBVIOUSLY.

And a little note abt my best friend he is extremely fucking extra , he is the biggest drama queen in the world like Sirius Black level of drama. So now his dumbass decided that he will ask Lottie out, and bcoz he is so fucking extra abt everything he is thinking of using the help of his teammates ( he's on the football team) to ask her out after the football match next Friday.

And in trying to convince him that he should not do it, but when he asks why i don't have any solid reason because it's not my place to tell him abt Lottie. So he's really planning everything to make the proposal perfect, and I'm stressing tf out.

I love J and i don't want to see him get hurt bcoz obviously Lottie is gonna say no, and on top of that it would be kinda humiliating bcoz the entire school and another school would be there. And I'm also worried that Lottie will think that I did this in purpose to embarrass her so now I'm stuck in a huge fucking dilemma.

And ngl I find this situation extremely fucking hilarious BCOZ WHAT IN THE WATTPAD LEVEL OF SHIT IS THIS? IS THIS SITUATION EVEN REAL? LIKE DOES THIS KINDA SHIT EVEN HAPPEN IRL???

pls help me bcoz I don't know what tf I'm going to do and i hv to do something before Friday or 😭😭😭.

omg I have to say- the way I was literally gasping throughout this story because...wow

So first, I want to say I think you were really sweet with Lottie. It sounds like you're a super kind person, and a wonderful ally <3

Honestly, I would probably talk to Lottie (if possible) and tell her that J is about to ask her out in front of the entire school, and ask her if it's okay for you to tell him that she's simply not interested. The reason I think this is the best option is because, either way Lottie will find out about J's feelings, so you can't really prevent that. This way, you're preventing embarrassment for both Lottie and J. Also, you're possibly protecting Lottie from attention by telling J you just "heard Lottie is not interested" because that doesn't out Lottie. AND even if J doesn't listen to you, you've helped by both preparing Lottie for what will happen and by sort of...introducing J to the idea that she's not interested.

So yeah. I think this is your best bet.

Keep me updated, I'm dying to know what happens!

(Also I am naming all the anons who write to me in case they want to write in the future, and I am using a random positive affirmation generator to do so. So I dub thee: caring anon. Enjoy your free tag!)

[iguessitsjustme]

Love Sea Ep 6 Thoughts

I’m going to preface this with I’m already grumpy. I am in pain and grumpy. And I have issues with this show on good days. But I got my popcorn, I got my drink, and I’ve got my pissy attitude so I am ready to watch. You have been warned. Don’t click read more if you think you won’t like what I say:

I haven’t even clicked play yet. Noisy neighbors go AWAY.

I forgot to mention I also have my beans. My delicious, delicious beans.

Rae vs. volume control. Who wins? The answer is that my ears lose. OW. Did not realize it was turned up that loud. The previously on almost made me deaf. That’s entirely on me. Lord god almighty as if I do not suffer enough as a result of nature, now I have to inflict harm upon myself by being so incredibly dumb as to have the volume turned up that high? No wonder I have issues hearing my coworkers saying things to me. The auditory doesn’t process because I don’t even give it a damn chance. 

I want the bag. I want that bag so bad. (I lost all of my bags a few years ago due to The Incident and I’ve recently started accumulating bags again and I want it. I want it on me. It is so incredibly blue. It is so much. Look at it. Friends that know me irl and are also reading this, isn’t that the exact type of bag I would use. I want it. So bad. Give me. Give me the bag. Where can I purchase this bag that probably costs more than I make in 3 months? Aaaaahhhh. I’ll shut up about it now. But just know I’m gonna be thinking about this until I get a bag that either looks like this or I like more.

I hate that every episode starts and ends with narration from a character. I hate it. I know a large part of it is that it’s not something I typically enjoy in stories and it’s my own personal preference but I also don’t think it works in this show at all. It’s trying to frame each episode as having a specific message or moral that it’s teaching and it is not landing the way it should be landing in order to be framing the show this way. The messages that it presents at the beginning and the end are good, but what we’re shown in the episode never truly matches what we’re told the episode is about. It doesn’t quite work. Also this week’s theme is “why do we find people adorable?” An interesting question to pose I suppose. I’d like it better in any show. Typically my answer is because people are adorable and they do good things for others and we want to see people being good and doing good. Especially the people we like. People we like as friends, as lovers, as crushes, even celebrities. We want to see these people doing good in the world and when they do…yeah. That’s pretty damn adorable.

What.

I take back everything I just said. How does the question of adorability lead into this episode title? Also…again…what.

I can see the argument to be made about jealousy being a sign of love but I do not trust MAME to make this argument. Personally, I fall on the side of a little bit of jealousy is fine and can be healthy in some cases, but I do not think jealousy is a sign of love. But I am also not the best person to talk to about this as I rarely like people and I never get jealous. Well not like that. I get jealous but not of lovers.

I may not be a fan of Mut because I think he sucks but credit where credit is due. Man can cook. I need to find someone that will cook for me. I mean, I’m a decent enough cook, but my issue is that I don’t wanna. 

Is that Mut...respecting Rak’s autonomy? And letting Rak decide to tell him for himself? Also Vie is a bad friend for wanting to just tell her friend’s business like that. I will share my business with anyone who asks. But you want to know about something going on in my friend’s life? Better ask them. The only time I ever talk someone else’s business is when that person is in immediate danger. But kudos to Mut for this. The bar is literally on the ground. Mut is above it and Vie is in hell.

PROBABLY BECAUSE VIE WON’T KEEP HER MOUTH CLOSED. Willing to tell some dude she’s met once your entire business. Rak get better friends.

Rak explaining his trauma to Mut and I’m just INHALING this popcorn. The carnage is unreal. I should be studied.

Maybe I should switch my snack to ice cream damn. I mean, we all been knew Rak was abused and his dad was shit. But still, poor dude. At least I don’t need to worry about the abuser being redeemed in this show (I hope). *glares at gmmtv and how they’ve been handling parents lately*

Y’all I just had to go wash my hands cause the popcorn made them so greasy. Tell me why when I got up out of my chair it was covered in popcorn carnage? What have I done. I’m a monster. I just cleaned my whole apartment and now I’m covering it in popcorn.

Vie cannot play tennis. Dear god my eye is twitching. Anyway moving on.

Give the translators a raise

WHAT. IN THE MANIPULATIVE TEARS. IS THIS. I hate Vie so much. With my entire heart and soul I wish to launch her into the sun.

That pissed me off so much I actually had to skip most of that scene. It is too hot for me to be that angry.

Who are these children? What’s happening now?

Oh wait that must be Rak’s niece. Okay I’m remembering things from multiple episodes ago that have barely been brought up since. Got it.

Meena is a smart girl. And this is why you inform children of these things. Even if you don’t give them too much detail. Still tell them who is dangerous and when to run. Good for Meena and good for her friend. I am not looking forward to this plot with Rak’s dad but we’ll get through it. And then we’ll launch him into the sun. All together. It will be a group project.

Rak do not act confused. You had to know what you were doing appearing in front of Mut wearing that after a fight. And after the last time y’all tried to fuck got interrupted.

I don’t know how I feel about this 13 year old describing her uncle as sexy like that. This scene is bizarre and strange.

Been a minute since those two fucked. Honestly that’s probably what 90% of that fight was about. Been too long for both of them and then they got interrupted.

I am not sure I would have titled this episode about jealousy. Cause yeah there was a bit of that but that's not what the episode was about. It’s not what it started on or ended on. It was just a bit in the middle.

HER GRANDMA ISN’T EVEN DEAD?????

Is anyone else on TikTok? Cause isn’t there this one guy that faked his mom being dead in order to sell his music? And also manipulate his then girlfriend? Is that what this show is going for? They want Vie to be like that guy. Who is everyone currently hates because he's literally such an ass. And who pretends like someone's dead to manipulate someone like that? I cannot even fathom. There is no world in which that is okay. They want me to want Vie and Mook together? I already didn’t like Vie and they just wanted to make it worse.

What an interesting episode. Again, I didn’t hate it. I might actually end up liking this show. I just need Mut to be like he was in this episode instead of how he’s been in episodes 1-5. This was great. Vie can kiss my ass. I hate her so much. And I want to like her. I want to like her so bad. I want to like her friendship with Rak. I want to be able to ship her with Mook. But I can’t. Because she is The Worst. For so many reasons. I’m gonna go lay in a fetal position on my couch now. Maybe start rewatching something. I need a comfort show.

[pryings]

TOA Anniversary Munday

thank you neffi for this template!!!

Celebrating TOA and the people who contribute to make our group what it is.

Repost, don't reblog. Only fill in what you feel comfortable sharing!

Happy anniversary, TOA! Here's to many more years spent together.

Name: ruaidhrí (said pretty much like the english name rory and if you want to spell it that way that's fine too, ik irish names throw people off)

Pronouns: he/him

Birthday (no year): 25th of october!

Where are you from? What is your time zone? i live in colorado and my timezone is MST

How long is your roleplay experience? i don't know exactly how many years since i sometimes have years where h don't rp but i've been rping on and off since i was 11-12.

How were you introduced to roleplaying as a whole? oh gosh, so ff.net used to have (maybe still has, i literally have not been on that site in ages) these like... forums? and i joined one for elder scrolls rp a little after oblivion came out. i was far and away the youngest one there but everyone was so nice in helping me turn my character into a proper oc with like... backstory, a real personality, etc. after that, i spent a lot of time using it to try and grow my creative writing skills.

How were you introduced to TOA? honestly i just stumbled across it randomly! i had just replayed a few fe games and was looking through some tags and thought it might be fun to try fire emblem rp (i'd done some on indie tumblr back in the day, as well as in an mfrp a little bit, but never fire emblem exclusive rp) so i sent arden to check it out and, well, here we still are.

Do you have any pets? simon (mini poodle), john hancock (tabby cat), and tim & geeb (fluffy black cats)

What is your favorite time of year and why? (Season, holiday, general period) early spring! i also like late fall for its temperature, but i dislike snow/sleet/wet socks so spring is preferable because it's not very snowy here!

What is your IRL occupation? blessedly unemployed (health issues have prevented me from working aha)... i used to work IT though!

Some interests and things you like/enjoy? i like birdwatching, reading academic articles about ancient civilizations, and making espresso drinks

What non-Fire Emblem games do you play? currently enjoying bg3 + doing a dragon age replay (in preparation for veilguard). outside current, i really like most single-player rpg type games (esp. with customizable character), stealth games (dishonored favorite), and Identity V is the first asymmetrical horror mobile game developed by NetEase for

Favorite Pokemon type & Pokemon: my favorite pokemon ever is alakazam (and its whole line) i've loved alakazam foreverrrrr! favorite type is steel, though! apart from my psychic baby most of my other favs tend to be steel types

Tell us some funfacts and trivia about yourself! oh gosh i'm so bad at fun facts...

- i can put both my feet behind my head but i can't touch my toes - my favorite non-ancient empire to read about is austria-hungary - my cat tim was rescued from Outside

How did you get into Fire Emblem? friend's cool older brother was playing a bunch of the games in a seemingly random order. when i'd hang out at that friend's house sometimes we'd sit and watch. i asked him to lend me some and he did!

What Fire Emblem games have you played? i have now played all of them! (last year when i answered this i hadn't technically played them all, but i'd seen playthroughs and watched let's plays of all of them at the very least)

First & Favorite Fire Emblem games: a bad translation of fe4 was first, por is still my favorite—but tbh there's not really one i dislike

List your 5 favorite Fire Emblem characters across the series! - KNOLL (promoted to number one he's my special guy) - reyson - canas - ashnard - pandreo

Who was the first character ever to make you go “ooh I like this one in particular” and why? Can be any context and reason! QUAN—i have such a distinct memory of seeing him come in but i don't remember my initial thought, only that he would have my heart forever

Any Fire Emblem crushes? 😳 vander. duessel. hardin.

If you’ve played (or are familiar with) the following games, who was your first S support? Who would you S support nowadays? - Awakening: first was sumia! i don't have a set nowadays because i've done a different one on each playthrough - Fates: first was xander, would probably still do xander if i were to replay - Three Houses: first was seteth, if i replay i'll go for hanneman - Engage: first was pandreo! next time i plan to do ivy though

Favorite Fire Emblem class? i like shapeshifter classes! beasts, dragons, laguz, etc. i just think they're fun to play with

If you were a Fire Emblem character, what would be your class and stats? Would you be playable? oh gosh, i'd be an infantry axe unit probably. middling starting stats but high growths if you really work at making me good (there would be heated debates over whether the necessary time investment would be worth it)

If you were a Three Houses character, what would be your affiliation? black eagles!

If you were an Officers Academy student, what would be your boons, banes and potential budding talent? axe boon, heavy armor bane, budding talent in faith magic (could be classed into an fe:a style war cleric and it would be my suggested goal)

If you were an Engage character, which nation would you originate from? i want to say brodia!

How do you pronounce TOA? 🤔 toh-ah

Current TOA muses: just knoll <3

Past TOA muses? robin, niles, almedha, reyson, hardin, iago, perceval, lachesis (i think that's all?)

Who was your first TOA muse? If you no longer have them, can you see yourself picking them up again? my first muse was m!robin and thankfully i am spared any temptation on picking him up as he is currently being written.

Do you believe you have a type of character you gravitate towards writing? (If you filled this out last year, has this changed in any way?) i'm kind of all over the place, aren't i? i like characters where i can poke at hidden depths but ones who aren't too closely guarded. i like characters who are shy, withdrawn, standoffish, guarded, etc. in some way but who open up when spoken to. i don't think this has changed since last year, i've been writing for a long time and kind of know my comfort zone.

Do you have characters or types of characters you don’t think you can handle writing, but wish you could? boisterous/loud and over the top characters always challenge me, but i've never really managed to make them work, which is a shame because i tend to enjoy lively characters!

What kind of scenes, situations etc do you believe you enjoy writing the most? (If you filled this out last year, has this changed in any way?) -i love writing threads where setting/scenery is a focus, where i get to sort of use the landscape as a bit more than set-dressing - i enjoy throwing my muse at characters who mistrust him for whatever reason, and like to explore the kind of slow, mutual understanding that comes from two people getting to know one another - i really just like putting him in situations in general, forcing him to socialize—he's a very withdrawn character so any excuse to have him meet new people is very enjoyable

Do you have any scenario in mind for your muse(s) that gets you thinking “man I hope I get to write this one day”? nothing specific! i have kind of an arc for him but it's loosely-defined right now

Favorite TOA-related memories? HAPPYLAND WAS SO MUCH FUN. sincerely i loved the interactions he had there <3

Present or past tense? i default to present, but adapt to what my partner prefers on this!

Normal size text, small text, no preference? small text, bolded dialogue. just easier for my eyes to take it in that way.

Got any potential muse delusions to share? 😉 oh gosh. i recently had to go down to just one muse because my health is not so good, but i will admit i already have a few delusions. if i can get myself back to a spot where i feel like i can write a second, someone may return.

[polyamzeal]

I don't know where I'm going with this, I think I just need to get it off my chest.

I'm a woman in a great, loving relationship with a man. However, I am also queer and would love to have more no-strings-attached sex with other women. Like, I'm not looking for a girlfriend or committed partner, but FWB would be nice, you know? Or, like, someone's booty call? That's not an unreasonable thing to want and *be open* with wanting, right?

But it's like, no matter how open I am about the fact that my husband would *not* be part of this (aside from like a quick convo so he can veto it if he's too uncomfortable for any reason), I get yelled at for being a unicorn hunter. I get banned from apps for being a unicorn hunter. I get underhanded insults about unicorn hunters in irl spaces. I get friends not wanting to be friends because I'm a unicorn hunter, even though I never hit on them at all. On top of that (and yes, I'm not a fan of this either, but it is what it is), my husband has a one-penis policy, so I get shamed and ridiculed for wanting to respect my husband's wishes, too. I don't want to be restricted to cis women only and I see how it sucks, but it feels kind of unfair that I get shit for respecting someone else's boundaries.

I guess I just wish people wouldn't act as if I'm trying to set them up with my husband when I'm not. When I'm specifically looking for things I don't get in my relationship and I openly state that aside from just saying hi to him once, they literally do not ever have to even be in the same room again. But nope, all I get is "unicorn hunter kys". The funny thing is that he finds women to sleep with just fine without ever getting these reactions, even when he mentions me. Hell, even when those women meet me, he's never accused of the same thing.

It sucks. I kind of wish my husband could just get over his fear of other people's genitals so I could just exclude cis women since that seems to be the major issue, but it's not fair to demand that he shifts his boundaries for my benefit so here we are. I guess I'm just asking this - am I really doing something reprehensible and unforgivable here? Am I just the perfect example of the cringe space-invading loser in a one-penis policy het relationship giving every polyam person a bad name by wanting to fuck a woman every now and then? Am I the stereotype of everything you shouldn't be? I've given up on all of this already and accepted that my husband gets the adventures and I don't, but I guess I just want a post-mortem on how much I fucked up here.

I swear I already answered this but it is in my inbox and I can't find a record of answer it so I am just going to blame Tumblr.

You are not doing anything wrong. I think the most important thing is just being upfront and honest about what you are looking for. Be clear and direct with people. If they insist on making up their own assumptions and accusations then their loss.

That being said, I do think your husband's OPP is quite troublesome. I don't know if I would phrase it as "respecting his boundary." I feel like a boundary would be more like "He doesn't want you to sleep with other penis-havers so if you do then he withdraws his consent to have sex with you until a week after you stop having sex with other penis-havers" or something like that where you can decide what you want to do and if it is worth it for you but how he reacts is on him. This just sounds more outright like 'rule' rather than a 'boundary'. Perhaps it is all semantics though.

Putting all that aside, I would say just be patient as you try to find woman that understand your situration. And are willing to trust you to work with your needs.

[the-fiction-witch]

I Will Eat You

Media IRL

Character Thomas

Couple Thomas X Reader

Rating Cute

I laid in bed wrapped up tightly with blankets and pillows trying to keep myself warm, keep myself steady so I didn't throw up or worse. I felt terrible so I did my best to try and settle myself to rest and relax. 

"Hey, little lady," Thomas spoke up as he poked his head through the door 

"Get out!" I whined 

"I know you're not very well, but if I may ask a little question?"

"What?" 

"Would we have... a little sexy time?"

"No."

"But before you say no!"

"I've already said no."

"But... please consider, I have been cleaning out the kitchen today"

"Really?" I glared poking my head out the covers "You feel so entitled, that you literally feel like you deserve a blow job for cleaning the kitchen?"

"I mean... I'm not gonna say no. But while I was cleaning I found some chocolate at the back of the pantry, and because it was almost out of date.... I ate it. And now have discovered it was that horny chocolate we bought and forgot about." 

"So now?"

"So now I can't think straight because my dick is overriding all over thoughts in my brain" 

"No. if it's that much of an issue go jerk off in the bathroom."

"But I wanna have fun with my little lady."

"No!"

"Fine" he sighed going back to... whatever it was he was doing before he came to the bedroom, so I got myself cosy and cuddly trying to fight away my sickness for what felt like a good hour or two "Y/n?" He cooed 

"Hummm?"

"Did you want a little sexy time now?"

"No thomas."

"Aww, please?"

"No."

"What if I just came and gave you a little cuddle to make you feel better?" He asks coming closer to the bed

"You come near me I will eat you" I warn

"Okay, what if I brought you a snack?"

"What kind of snack?" I asked poking my head out a little 

"Pringles, and jelly-filled marshmallows you're favourite"

"Where did you get marshmallows?"

"I found them at the back of the cupboard, they fell down the back you must have thought you ate them all" 

I took the marshmallows and pulled them into my little tent "You may sit. for five minutes"

"Thank you very much little lady" He laughs giving my forehead a little kiss as he sat "Also do you have any idea where the pup is?" 

"Here" I answered moving the covers to reveal our puppy lying with me inside the covers 

"Oh I've been looking for you" He laughed giving the pup a stroke 

"He's here making me feel better."

"Why do you get all the cuddles?"

"Because he knows I'm sick. so he's here to make me better."

"I'll cuddle you to make you feel better."

"No. You have ulterior motives" I glared 

"I mean... you're telling me the puppy doesn't? he humps stuff way more than I do."

"Not anymore, he's a good boy he doesn't hump things now he's had his appointment" I cooed "Maybe we should do that to you" 

"Nahh I need Mine!" He complained

"Do you? really?" 

"Fine, you get some rest." He smiled before he headed off elsewhere 

So I got cosy and cuddly trying to get some sleep for a good while

"Awwww... she's so cute, what a wute wittle wady, all sweepy" He cooed coming and petting my hair but I flicked my eye open to glare at him "ahhh! she's awake!" 

"What do you want?" I glared 

"I brought you McDonald. to make you feel better."

"Did you get nuggets?"

"Nuggets, chicken burger, milkshake and a happy meal as they have the cute toys you wanted. You gonna come out your little tent now?"

"Alright" I sighed getting out of bed but keeping the duvet and blankets around me as I shuffled away 

"Well... your out of bed" He shrugs "As I got you Mcdonalds... can we have some sexy time?"

"Later." I sighed

"YES!"

"But slow, because you move me around to fast and I throw up you cleaning the bed."

"Deal" 

[monorayjak]

I... it's getting hard to live like this. Hiding who I am to so many people. It hurts. I wrote a thing earlier today and I felt I summed up the feeling pretty well I think, reworded a bit to sound better:

"It feels like torturous self harm to be fully aware of who I am and yet imprison myself in a fortress of a false identity that's slowly caving in around me."

What I'm getting at here... I think... I think it might be time for me to come out to some people...and I really need some advice.

As of now, only four people IRL know about me, that's my therapist, my cousin (who was genuinely more like a sister to me), a friend at college (I knew they were extremely supportive and they had no connection to other people I know, so it seemed like a safe bet to tell her (I was right)), a friend I interacted with occasionally in high school who has since come out as trans herself (actually what got me to message her, saw her online and wanted to ask so I didn't misgender her or anything, and we got talking and I quickly realized she'd understand.)

At the moment, I'm still living with my mom, which is fine, I know she'll support me in her own way (she's queer herself, she has internalized issues, but she tries). I know my university I go to, despite having once been a "christian college," have opened up and been supportive of most of the students who do come out in one way or another. I know at least a few of the professors there who are absolutely trying to be supportive to everyone to the best of their abilities. My therapist knows, as mentioned before, but he is also... well, he ain't exactly a pro with gender and sexuality stuff (still a good guy, he just messes up what he's talking about here and there, like using masculine pronouns when he talks about a transwoman (largely I think its because he usually talks about them when they first started transitioning, and I don't think he thinks about gendering them correctly in reference to them coming out... if that makes any sense).

The issues... well, for one, I live in the bible belt. My extended family (who we are finally trying to cut ourselves off from now that the only think holding us together (my grandmother) is gone) lives all around me and the majority of them are.........well lets just say they really don't like my mom being gay, and one of them bullied a kid he was fostering because, in his words, "the kid's a fucking sissy!" Yeah... not a fan of that uncle. (In related news I am genuinely afraid of that man because he is very fucking clearly not mentally stable and has talked about killing himself and others before (while preaching at church!) and he is... really aggressive and has access to guns) I'm too poor to even consider leaving the state, and with... well frankly I'm a bit of a fuckup who really can't live on their own... yeah... fun times. Insurance may cover parts of things, but... honestly I don't even fucking know. Like I said, I know my mom will try to support me, but she is also... well, how do I say this? She tends to not know how to react to stuff. A large reason I don't talk about stuff with her is that she has a habit of turning it around into something about herself (not in a manipulative way, mind you. I just think she doesn't realize why it feels bad to tell her something like this and then have her break down a bit because I didn't tell her sooner or because she didn't work it out herself or anything like that). Basically, if I tell her, its either going to go one of two ways.

She reacts negatively and turns it around about herself and takes the moment to be hurt she didn't work things out or that I didn't tell her. (Literally once opened up to her when I was little (like 11?) about how much I hated myself... she said the next day she spent the entire night crying because she thought she failed... I understand what she was going for, but, honestly not something you should tell your kid who just opened up. Practically had it ingrained internally "If I feel bad, hide it. Because my mom will be devastated by it.")

She goes too supportive and expects me to be willing to open up immediately. Basically just forgetting she can't push me into being out and honest because it takes time to work up the courage.

Both of these options are... iffy. To say the least.

[yourtoradorasextendedwarranty]

It's kind of funny/depressing how many of the women I know IRL who were doing the whole "teach men not to rape" thing start claiming to be "non-binary". So men are at fault for everything wrong with society and women are incapable of doing wrong, yet they aren't women now?

There are definitely people who are going to resent me for this but~

I understand the sentiment of your post but one of the things that I want to kind of acknowledge is the fact that non-binary is in my opinion and identify a used by people who hate their biological sex. And nine times out of 10 it's always women. But what's more than that is the fact that I think that the idea of non-binary is stupid because what it encompasses is literally exactly the same as gender non-conforming.

And not to get into identity politics with that particular discussion. But to get on to your point, it's never been about "teach men not to rape". Because anyone with a brain stem nose that most humans throughout the entirety of History have known that rape is bad. We are very much taught that rape is bad. Mind you I'm sure there are some people on Earth who have never been taught the rape is bad and some may be taught that rape isn't a real thing.

I saw a video come out of India a while back I don't know in what providence, where they were asking women do they believe in rape. Several of them said that no rape isn't real a few said that they think rape is real but if it does happen then they definitely deserved it and exceedingly few had any negative understandings of it. Which blew my mind. To think that there are places on Earth where that's a thing. In the West though? Yeah no all of the men who rape know that it's bad. Unless they are literally just so mentally ill they don't know anything. And they just decided to take whatever felt good to them.

But to backtrack a little bit it also doesn't make sense to me that anyone would identify as non-binary in the first place. Purely for no other reason then they are like "yeah, like, I'm not inside of the binary". To which I normally have to respond to them actually yes you very much are. And not only are you but no one is going to view you is non-binary if they have a general understanding of reality and aren't insane. Hell most of the people who use the non-binary label don't even view themselves as non-binary or anyone else who claims to be such.

And look, if you're generally gender non-conforming that's fine there's no issues with that. But it doesn't matter if you say you're non-binary a person's going to look at you and go "that's a man", Or, "that's a woman". Because most of the earth still fundamentally views gender and sex is being the same because the terms have almost uniquely been interchangeable for decades. Although, I would be interested to see what the backlash would look like if all men stopped treating people who claimed to be non-binary like women. I'm sure the outrage would make 2020 look peaceful.

[thatnarcissisticfeel]

Hi! I’d like a little bit of advice, if that’s okay. I don’t have any close friends I can tell this to, but you seem to have a good head on your shoulders.

So here’s the gist: my FP and I have been on and off contact for about two years now, and last November I was under the impression that i was going to cut all contact forever. Fast forward until maybe two days ago, I see them checking out my story, and I miss them a ton so of course I say ‘hello what are you doing here silly goose. You’re not supposed to be here.’ And they say ‘I just wanted to check up on you. I’ve had a lot of trouble moving on.’

So we start talking again and they tell me they’re doing okay and that they realised some things that may make staying in contact a whole lot easier, and it HAS. Except for one thing.

We don’t have the same problems we did before but for this one issue: they’re addicted to their work and they don’t make time for me.

I don’t know if it’s just me being batshit needy or whatever, but it’s literally only been two days, and the lack of attention from them is physically painful. I don’t know how they’re doing on the other side of it and I’m too scared to bring it up, but all of our interactions so far have been very friendly and affectionate and fine.

However, if this need for attention and depression about not getting it ISN’T an overreaction, what do I do?

Their work comes first, I know that, and they know that. It’s non-negotiable, really. I don’t think they’ll make any changes if I ask them to spend more time together, or if they do, I’m scared they’ll get upset about it.

We also both know that I prefer spending a lot of time together.

Being with them but not “with” them is really painful for me, and it’s only been two days. I feel myself slipping into another depression already, the intense kind that I only ever got when we were in contact.

Should I ask to spend more time together? In the past, that sort of request would have made them really moody and avoidant, but since they’ve grown a little, I wonder if it’ll be okay.

We started out irl but then we became long distance, btw, so naturally spending time together is really difficult. It’s just that they’re always ALWAYS doing something else, even when they have free time. It just feels kind of pointless to hold my heart out for them when they’re not with me.

Is the problem me? Should we talk it out or should I just cut contact again?

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🍀 anon

Without knowing the full details of your situation, it sounds like they ARE genuine about missing you - while, albeit, ALSO having the problem of being obsessed with their work. And again, I don't know the full details of their/your situation. If they're genuinely in such an awful work environment where they have no time for other relationships whatsoever, that's one thing....but if they're using that as an excuse to choose work over you, that is very much not a cool move, in my opinion.

(And even if the first option is true, I'd like to believe that some sort of compromise can still exist? Like at bare minimum they could dedicate their breaks and time off to you??? I may be misunderstanding the situation, but it sounds like they're NOT doing that, in which case I am truly sorry, wtf.)

I don't think you're needy or overreacting at all. I mean, there's nothing wrong at all with being "needy" or "overreacting" - but even so, I still don't think that's the case, as your reactions are VERY human especially for a human with NPD. But I also understand (and also i applaud YOU for the fact that YOU understand) that their work does genuinely come first. I like to believe that's not a choice - because if it was a choice, and they'd consistently choose work over you, that'd def be a problem. But if something not in your or their control, God, I can totally understand and relate to how that's painful on ALL ends.

I don't think you're the problem at all, and I do think it is possible to negotiate in some way. Like I said, them dedicating their days off to you could be an excellent first step, and I do think you should try to bring this up/propose this idea in the most comfortable ways possible for you. Without knowing the nature of their work, would it be possible/make you feel better if you reached out to them through the day, just so you know they're there reading your messages and will respond to them when they get a chance? Or of course if the thought of being left on read/delivered makes things worse, obviously this is something you SHOULDN'T do, but if it's ok with you that may be a great way to help you feel more connected and give you a bit of an extra push to keep them in the loop of YOUR life.

I hope that helped - let me know if you'd like further advice!

[keeperofthesunandmoon]

Hey, anon who was asking about sending feedback here. Doing it not anon this time just to make any replies needed easier. Apologies in advance for the wall of text, I've tried to condense it, but I'm not the best at being concise. Also sorry if any of this has been brought up before.

First a couple technical issues I encountered. In chapter 7 I got the part about my mom taking care of me while sick, even though my parents were killed last chapter, then inversely when I went through again and saved them the dialogue option "“All my goodness died when he took my parents.” was available to choose.

Anyway onto the juicy stuff. So for the most part, I really liked the game so far, I thought it is a really good continuation of the story, and I'm definitely excited for more. But I obviously do have some notes, so here they are.

1) Being able to detect heartbeats isn't actually an accurate way of detecting bluffs (or lies in general). Heartrate raises if a person is excited or scared, and a good liar would be calm while lying. Plus with poker specifically, knowing your opponent is bluffing is only part of the equation, you still have to have a good hand, or be able to bluff yourself.

2) I feel like there should be the option to be opposed to control magic due to trauma rather than just general moral opposition, depending on the choices made. Like, at the very least, any MC unfortunate enough to have Julian Anderson as their birth father, probably has more reason to be averse to control magic than just "mind control bad cause it takes away free will".

On the same note, there are multiple instances where without player input, your character either uses control magic, considers using it, or sits there while someone else casually uses it. Which like, even trauma aside, if I’ve been picking all the “I think control magic is morally evil” options it seems weird my character would just casually use it to make someone forget a conversation, or be fine with their friends using it to get past airport security.

It also kinda sucks, for the above reasons, that in regards to the screening, your only options are let someone use control magic on you (whether or not you resist) or compel them first. Like I said, I feel like my MC would be very traumatized by the whole concept of control magic, and would very much not be on board with either of these options.

3) The jar of holy oil felt a bit like it came out of nowhere. Like I previously got the impression that holy oil was pretty hard to get your hands on, even for someone with the MCs connections, but then you just like have a jar of it in your bag I guess, no real explanation as to how it got there. Also IDK if this was intentional misdirection or not, so sorry in advance if it is, but because it’s first mentioned as an “unbreakable jam jar” directly after talking about the homemade snow globes (which are often made from jars), I thought the jam jar was the snow globe, up until you actually use it.

4)This one’s kind of a legacy issue from the previous games, so IDK how fixable it is at this point, but basically the game feels like it's in an odd situation when it comes to the MC, that I can best describe as being nonbinary inclusive, but trans exclusive. The game lets you choose the name/pronouns you want, but then the flashbacks just assume your character was still using the same ones back when they were a toddler (obviously there are people irl who do come out at a pretty young age, but, at least in my experience, that's the exception rather than the rule). Like obviously something to account for that could be added, but IDK if you can like update already published games, and if not adding it to the third game would probably introduce some weirdness, so IDK.

5) I’m confused as to what a “stereotypical drakaina” would be cause like a drakaina isn’t really like a thing in pop culture the same way something like angels and demons are, and the word itself is literally just the feminine form of the Ancient Greek word for dragon or serpent. Would it just be dressing up as a dragon? I realize this one's pretty nitpicky, I’m just confused.

6) In the dream sequence in chapter 8, the game seems to just like assume the MC and RO are able to have a biological kid together. I know that both it’s a dream sequence and also a setting with magic, so it’s not really a plot hole or anything per say, but I think taking that into mind, and maybe adding some text for situations where that might be in question, to explain that would be a good idea.

7) "…for the fact that the worst crime they’ve ever committed is jaywalking." I’m fairly certain forging a birth certificate is also a crime. /s

Thank you for the feedback! I've made some edits to earlier chapters based on it for next update

[domreader-headcannon-scenarios]

This might seem like a pretty out of the blue question but, how do you feel about characters that, due to trauma or a bad past, act very aggressive and/or distant to hide their fear of being hurt again?

I'm asking because, in addition to characters from series like Black Butler (Ciel), Vanitas no Carte (Vanitas) and TWST, a lot of people tend to ignore their pain just to focus on how bad of a person they are/were.

I was reading a Chinese manhua I borrowed from my friend at her place, and the main female is a girl who acts aggressive and has a short temper but it turns out that she's trapped in an unhealthy and abusive relationship with a man who's obsessed with trying to bring back his dead wife. Why is it abusive? The man makes her wear a pendant that he monitors her with, uses emotional and psychological abuse and manipulation, gaslighting, threats of r*pe and murder to control the girl's life and keep her as his bodyguard for fuck knows how long. All the while, he sleeps with and steals the souls of several people, convinced that his wife would forgive him for his infidelity (?) and cruelty.

According to my friend, a lot of people who read the manhua dislike the girl because, aside from her temper and bluntness, she slapped the main protagonist for trying to help her (he said "I'm here to help you. Stop acting like this." which triggered some bad memories. He meant no harm, mind you.) even after learning of her relationship with the man, saying stuff like "She's a powerful mage, isn't she? She'll be fine." or "She shouldn't have slapped him. This is her karma for acting bitchy."

So as someone with severe trauma and a lot of fucking issues, there is SO MUCH to unpack here if I get into detail so lemme put this here

Ok, so I don’t mean this to offend/upset anyone, and let me say, everyone responds to trauma differently, the brain isn’t programmed to handle lifelong trauma which can lead to acting out or doing odd things as trauma affects the mental state of an individual

Trauma actually is proven to mentally age children people far faster as it forces them to ‘grow’ faster (ex: Ciel, Jamil, Riddle) which can have a huge impact on their life (almost never good)

-

If you act aggressive as an adult and hurt people, it doesn’t matter the trauma, you don’t have an excuse to hurt others physically or mentally, you are an adult, how you acts is on YOU. I’m told I’m overly nice (especially for someon whose literally died briefly and was physically/mentally abused for my entire child hood)

In childhood acting out with violence is common especially when uncomfortable or scared is normal and expected as they have no controlling their emotions.

Adults are different, irl im distant for dozens of reasons but I don’t take it out on people, and yes I’ve verbally gotten aggressive when accidentally (or intentionally) triggered by someone but I have a brain so I know to fucking apologize since trauma doesn’t excuse such inappropriate behavior.

For instance, I have trauma that some of characters above have, and less than others but I HATE seeing people use it to excuse shitty behavior (Twst is a HUGE example of this)

People react differently to trauma, that’s normal but once your an adult, do know you are responsible for your own decisions, for what YOU do. For instance, that woman from a manhua (idk what that is/ hadn’t read) has no right to physically slap another individual (especially one openigly stating they are tryna help) she could have fucking said ‘no’ or ‘go away’ or WALKED AWAY. Honestly she’s just making me dislike her based on that (like what was the trigger? I obviously don’t know the situation but it just seems like she wanted to take out frustrations on him)

I’ve been r*ped, beaten/abused, neglected, etc. for 23 YEARS NOW (OBVIOUSLY NOT FIR EVERY SECOND BUT STILL). How many people have I hit because of it? 0 (minus the ‘trigger’ I had while I was defending myself once but it did nothing, actually made things worse) how many people have I yelled at? A fuck ton. How many did I apologize to? Almost all of them.

I don’t give a shit when you yell at people in an argument but know this, you’re trauma doesn’t excuse what you say and due, it’s a fucking burden you’re stuck with , that has no upside. Yelling/attacking people is turning you into the monster and making others miserable and guess fucking what? OTHER PEOPLE CAN HAVE TRAUMA. What if you just fucking lashed out at someone more broken than you? You feel good now?

Lashing out isn’t a good option, she didn’t deserve what happened to her, but she has no excuse for harming the hero AT ALL, trauma isn’t an excuse to attack others to help yourself, yes when scared you want to fight but, APOLOGIZE... What, did she think hurting him would stop everyone who will and has ever existed from asking her the same thing? What if that hero has trauma and had a breakdown? Is that still ‘ok’ for her to do? No not unless it’s her abuser.

Like with that girl, aside from being resurrected and a husband, I’ve been through all the trauma she has since I was a young child (actually a lil more since there’s a LOT I’ve been through she hasn’t but I’m younger). And I’ve felt with it, so many time since then and I have breakdown often. I’ve had people who remind me of my abusive father whose almost killed me more times than I can count and I have literally permanent injuries from.

It’s ok to hurt but it’s not ok to hurt others(without concent), I know I sound like a broken record but it’s important to remember to an extent you can control your trauma, get therapy or have someone you trust who you can talk to about your feels.

Basically it’s ‘an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth’ that will cause more issues and fix nothing

If someone slapped me for ASKING if they were ok, I’d fucking panic and cry, running the fuck away and avoid that person till I fucking die. Like. You hurt me for asking if you were ok. That’s not ok under any circumstances what the fuck? I’d rather die in a ditch than talk to you…at least the ditch won’t hurt me.

It’s just, so BAD to hurt someone over a circumstance like that, unless he racked her to the ground or smn that physical violence is uncalled for completely.

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[starrbar]

"Personal Red Flags": A weird conflict that arises when I as an anti-anti still judge people when they engage with fiction in specific ways.

(I have to name my essays okay? xD)

I had recently started thinking about this topic again, and I was curious about what other people in my "neighborhood" thought. So I wrote this as a discussion for other anti-antis basically, and posted it in a majority anti-anti/proship space.

CONTENT WARNINGS: Brief descriptions of noncon/rape rps and irl creepy/predatory behavior, discussion of kinks

We're all some flavor of "pro-fiction" or such here, as in we don't think liking something in fiction means you support/condone it irl, which extends to wanting a space like ours that is built around allowing us to host the kind of artwork that gets us weird looks (or worse) in more general places like Twitter.

With that said, I've never been of the opinion that red flags just don't exist? because that's just silly. Of course there are things that kind of tip my eyebrow up in suspicion sometimes, but when I've asked people in proship spaces what their general idea of those red flags are, they almost seemed afraid to provide anything. As if having some level of personal standards would make them as bad as antis or something.

I feel like a lot of anti-anti/proship people cling to the idea that there's NEVER a reason to be concerned about the way someone engages with fiction, because we've gotten so used to feeling attacked when people question our moral character over fiction. And I understand that! But I think the more measured stance, rather than "no, never" is the simple fact that it's important to look at ALL relevant factors when trying to judge whether somebody has malicious intent or is a danger to others... unless the factor in question is "they've literally already hurt someone", ofc.

That's such a basic thing that probably applies to almost everything, and I don't imagine that even the average person would disagree with the idea that you can't know everything about a situation from just one detail on its own.

I guess the issue here is that antis treat taboo kinks the way they treat homophobia, transphobia, racism, etc. The kinks themselves are seen as inherently evil, just like bigotry certainly is, and thus they see no use in looking any deeper into it. When you find out someone is a TERF, for example, you don't go "yeah, but they're nice to their dog and they gave to charity!" You... condemn them for being a TERF, which is an inherently harmful thing, period. Doesn't matter at that point.

But it's wrong to treat kinks the same way. I've never seen solid evidence that any kink does INHERENT harm the way bigotry does. Another factor has to combine with the kink to make it harmful or malicious.

Like, for example... having a foot fetish is fine, yeah? Giving a foot rub to a friend is also fine. Hell, giving a foot rub to a friend who consented, knowing that you have a foot fetish, is fine too! You were both honest and communicated your boundaries. Now, offering a "foot rub" while you're secretly getting off to what your friend thinks is an innocent gesture is... creepy... at best. The kink provides context that changes things, but only because the behavior mixes with the kink in an unsavory way. If the person instead had a spanking fetish or something, that wouldn't really be relevant to a foot rub, so both the spanking kink and the foot rub would be neutral things in that scenario.

With that said, my go-to thing that I find to be kinda suspicious has to do with the way some of my past roleplay partners have reacted to me commenting on their character's behavior. And ofc I don't mean that I scolded them for writing the character that way. It's not like I didn't ASK for the character to be like that haha.

But okay, so I once did a roleplay where my OC was kidnapped and raped by the other person's OC, and whenever I would go into the ooc chat and say, "Damn, that sure is fucked up!" or "Ahahaa it felt good to have my OC punch him after what he did!", the other writer would... get defensive?? Like, they would start arguing stuff like, "Well, he's really lonely, and your OC was just so beautiful and nice to him, and he didn't think she would say yes if he asked her out!" or they would be extremely averse to the rapist OC not getting a happy ending?? Not that you can't have the villain win in a story ofc, but this person talked about it as if her rapist OC deserved to get away with what he did, not just that it's what would happen in the story realistically. And... idk! Just... the way they talked about our roleplays was really uncomfortable and came off like they were mixing up reality and fiction.

In another roleplay I did with someone else, we wrote a scenario in which my OC was "punished" with gang rape for fighting back against their coworker. Which, yeah, I like "noncon as punishment" roleplays! But then the other writer would be in ooc chat trying to say that my character was being unruly or "well, she shouldn't have broken the rules", and like, never at any point was this presented as a "haha ikr she got what she asked for -wink wink nudge nudge" like kinky egging me on or anything. It was like he actually got offended when I said his OC was being harsh and twisted.

I come to these dark-as-fuck roleplays to revel in how twisted they are! So when my writing partner starts acting as if they don't realize that's what we're writing about, it's so fucky to me. The CHARACTER is supposed to make all these excuses and twist the narrative and gaslight my character, but the writer should have their damn head on straight!

And I probably wouldn't even go so far as to say that's a red flag that the person is literally dangerous, but at the very least, they sure are failing to read the room and it JUST FREAKING BOTHERS ME. It freaks me out when someone is unwilling or unable to step back out of the fantasy and talk to me in plain terms about what we're writing about.

When you can't even admit that you're writing abuse even when you blatantly are, I hate that. And come to think of it, I also hate seeing that attitude in media that I still love, because it makes the stories so much worse. (Heavily side-eyeing two of my favorite anime rn)

Anyway—

That's my personal "oh god, what the hell is wrong with you?" factor that I certainly don't consider worthy of like, a witch-hunt or anything of the sort, but it simply... drives me away from people who exhibit those traits.

It is NOT an "oh yeah, for SURE, this person is dangerous and needs to be silenced/deplatformed/jailed", it's literally just "bro, I'm kind of proshippy over here and even I think you sound nuts. Bye I guess". That's all! And it's okay to have those.

But I think we've gotten stuck in an environment where we feel like we have to morally justify why we dislike literally anything, which leads to people constantly doing that, which leads to me getting anxious just because someone said they don't like noncon—but they never said that they think people with that kink are horrible. I always ask for that clarification these days, before I go any further with someone. And it really, REALLY sucks that everyone feels so pressured to be in an all-or-nothing position on this whole proship vs. antiship thing.

Nuance is so important, but it's also scary because a lot of people will ignore it so that they can demonize you. And I hope I worded this post in a way that doesn't make anybody feel demonized if they truly are just enjoying a story or something. Honestly, if you and whoever you indulge in your kinks with are consenting adults and you're vibing about it and you're not hurting anyone, who am I to judge? Ya know?

BTW, with my above example, I'm not talking about people who just "stan" villain characters and say they did nothing wrong as a meme and say stuff like "I would protect them, idc!" I also don't see a problem with someone feeling bad for an awful character; feeling a pang of sorrow for them because they're suffering; feeling happy for them when they reach a goal that, in itself, isn't heinous; understanding them; getting into their head; etc. etc. there are so many ways to deeply connect with a nasty character that doesn't come off as genuinely DEFENDING them for real and making the same excuses their ilk would make for themselves irl.

I do all those other things I mentioned. Haha I think my recent post about Ellen would show as much. My friends do that stuff too, it's all good. Because it's very clearly just people enjoying fiction AS fiction and just, ya know, being overjoyed about their special little meow meows, or being fascinated with what makes them tick, or just enjoying a funny crack AU. I feel like the icky encounters I tried to describe above were just... a step past that, but they happened a long time ago, so I wouldn't be able to get like, screenshots or anything.

I just hope this made sense! I thought it was interesting, but I know it could have easily come off like I was being an asshole towards things I don't vibe with if I didn't make some clarifications.

I'm really interested in what other people may think of this or if other profic/antihara people also have these experiences.

[honey-tongue]

Okay! After rewatching pmmm for the first time in about 10 years, what are my thoughts?

(This will be all over the place and probably really long. Formatting? What's that?)

I'll start with the ending! It's very emotional and bittersweet. It puts enough emphasis to show how major Madoka's wish is. Not in terms of the universe, but in terms of Madoka's existence itself. And everytime she's asked if that's what she truly wants, she's says she's fine with it. Even with her heartbreaking goodbye with Homura.

And the ending tries to be a little ambiguous where this will go. Madoka's hope that Homura will remember her reminds me of Kyoko's hope that she can bring Sayaka back. Granted, Madoka truly hoped for that and wasn't trying to give false hope like Kyubey did. But still! Idk if it was intentional but it's cute! We also see after the credits (I never saw this part :0) was Homura walking to some wraiths and Madoka's aura(?) Telling her to do her best and her little smile is cute. :) Apparently those wings weren't supposed to be there, one of the staff just put them there because it looked cool lol. Anyways! Everything is supposed to be all good now! Right? It seems all good now!

Well... I'm gonna read the wraith arc soon after this and before rewatching Rebellion. (Rebellion will always confuse me lol.) But... I dunno! It wraps up a little TOO nearly, huh? It makes sense why people hated Rebellion and like how it ended. And some people like bittersweet endings, that's fine. But... It just seems a little TOO okay. We all know Homura wasn't really happy. Duh. But she's definitely less cold and she's smiling! That looks good! Kyoko and Mami are alive! That's good! Sayaka got to see the dumb boy play his violin and got some closure! That's good! But, again, this all just seems a little TOO fine. Like, how Madoka felt about how she'll forgotten and only a concept. She's just like "yeah! That's fine! That's okay with me! :D" I can't buy that. Not without that being a front or a result of feeling PUSHED into carrying this heavy burden and combined with her low self esteem and self confidence.

Madoka, like the other girls, was completely exploited. That's just a fact. You'll never make me believe otherwise. No normal person with a good mindset would wish that upon themselves, that doesn't have some form issues within themselves. Not to mention how Kyubey LITERALLY FORCED her into seeing things she didn't want to. You really think it didn't bother her? Just like my post about Sayaka, this dumb cat KNOWS what he's doing. Madoka has a kind heart, obvious she wants peace and goodness for everyone. We see and hear this time and time again, so it really hurts seeing that used by the magical system to try exploiting it for their own gain. And it sucks that this very system, that has caused so much pain, in fighting, abuse, instability, is the way to fix it all. But, I suppose that's how it is in the real world too... Anyway, Madoka was in a vulnerable spot, just as Kyubey wanted. Like he's scripting all of this just to push her. And I just have to emphasize that I don't buy Madoka being fully okay with this. Girl just wanted to be good at something, to give something amazing to this world and she thinks the only way to do that is to become a concept of law. People argue that "she wanted this" and yeah, maybe I'd fall for it too if I had all this information pumped in my head by Kyubey PLUS the whole events of the anime itself with Mami, Sayaka, and Kyoko dying and Homura almost dying.

Oh, my Homura... Babygirl. I'll add that Christina V was SO good at her emotional parts, honestly. It's a good reason to watch the dub! Idek what to say about Homura that I haven't either said irl or liked other people's posts about. But God... The whole ending is about hope. I GET IT. I GET IT. But there was just... It felt so wrong seeing her act okay and I guess that's the point of the darkened eyes at the end, mayhaps? I get how Homura feels selfish now, because even I feel selfish about wanting those two together after seeing how "okay" things are. ;_;

(I GOT DISTRACTED AND STOP TYPING RIP ILL DO MY BEST TO CONTINUE.)

Going away from the ending, Sayaka is such an underrated character oh my God? It felt like she was stealing the show sometimes lol. I don't understand how she's so hated. I mean I do, but I feel people see her wayyy too surface level. I almost started loving her more than Homura! Crazy! Her arc always will break my heart. It's the main reason I didn't rewatch it for so long, it's just so... Depressing and relatable as time goes on. (I first watched in like... 2014ish) Her English VA is so good too! Especially in the quiet moments when her voice is breaking. Ahh

!ALSO I DONT REMEMBER HATING KYUBEY THIS MUCH. Obviously, I didn't like him before, but I don't know if like, life has changed me or anything be I just wanna 😡😡😡 everytime he was on screen after they find out about the soul gems. I will NEVER understand how people can find it in their hearts to sympathize with him after seeing all that he's done to be manipulative. Like, did we watch the same show???

And Kyoko! She doesn't get much screentime but ah! What a doll! I forgot she ever interacted with Madoka! She's so sweet to her despite hardly speaking with her to begin with. Literally every magical girl wants to look out for her and I just 🥺💜💜!!! Honestly, her adamant stance on never wasting food hits harder now that I've actually experienced going without food. I remember not caring much about her when I first watched, but she's so fun! And normal lmao. Probably the least messed up in the cast. And I LOVE the idea of her and Homura having a solid friendship. The way they interact in rebellion and the way they get along in the show is refreshing. I'm sure Homura appreciated not having to babysit her as much as the others.

Overall, this was painful. :) Episode 8 was the most painful one, if I'm being honest. Sayaka breaking down plus Homura's emotional outburst HURT. I kept having to pause from watching it because I just couldn't handle it. Also, because I watched the dub, I didn't get to see something's be translated.

This was when she became a witch and :((( she felt so bad for wanting to be acknowledged. My heart...

Sighhhhh.... But those are my thoughts. Is it just as good as when I watched it? Even better! I feel like as an adult, I understood the concepts and explanations way better and have a better appreciation gift the themes it tackled and the way it was written! I low-key hate it now though because for now, I feel oddly... Bad for wanting Homura to pull Madoka down. I never felt bad about it and now I kind of do? I feel like the "Homura is evil and everything was fine before she interfered" people are infiltrating my brain. Oh no... Well! Time to watch Rebellion after I read the wraith arc. Maybe that will help me not feel so insecure with how I feel.

Also this was really all over the place, I can't seem to fully sit down and write this out like I did with my Sayaka vs Madoka post. My brain is truly a mystery.