#SCREW IT ILL DO IT ANYWAY

[honey-tongue]

Okay! After rewatching pmmm for the first time in about 10 years, what are my thoughts?

(This will be all over the place and probably really long. Formatting? What's that?)

I'll start with the ending! It's very emotional and bittersweet. It puts enough emphasis to show how major Madoka's wish is. Not in terms of the universe, but in terms of Madoka's existence itself. And everytime she's asked if that's what she truly wants, she's says she's fine with it. Even with her heartbreaking goodbye with Homura.

And the ending tries to be a little ambiguous where this will go. Madoka's hope that Homura will remember her reminds me of Kyoko's hope that she can bring Sayaka back. Granted, Madoka truly hoped for that and wasn't trying to give false hope like Kyubey did. But still! Idk if it was intentional but it's cute! We also see after the credits (I never saw this part :0) was Homura walking to some wraiths and Madoka's aura(?) Telling her to do her best and her little smile is cute. :) Apparently those wings weren't supposed to be there, one of the staff just put them there because it looked cool lol. Anyways! Everything is supposed to be all good now! Right? It seems all good now!

Well... I'm gonna read the wraith arc soon after this and before rewatching Rebellion. (Rebellion will always confuse me lol.) But... I dunno! It wraps up a little TOO nearly, huh? It makes sense why people hated Rebellion and like how it ended. And some people like bittersweet endings, that's fine. But... It just seems a little TOO okay. We all know Homura wasn't really happy. Duh. But she's definitely less cold and she's smiling! That looks good! Kyoko and Mami are alive! That's good! Sayaka got to see the dumb boy play his violin and got some closure! That's good! But, again, this all just seems a little TOO fine. Like, how Madoka felt about how she'll forgotten and only a concept. She's just like "yeah! That's fine! That's okay with me! :D" I can't buy that. Not without that being a front or a result of feeling PUSHED into carrying this heavy burden and combined with her low self esteem and self confidence.

Madoka, like the other girls, was completely exploited. That's just a fact. You'll never make me believe otherwise. No normal person with a good mindset would wish that upon themselves, that doesn't have some form issues within themselves. Not to mention how Kyubey LITERALLY FORCED her into seeing things she didn't want to. You really think it didn't bother her? Just like my post about Sayaka, this dumb cat KNOWS what he's doing. Madoka has a kind heart, obvious she wants peace and goodness for everyone. We see and hear this time and time again, so it really hurts seeing that used by the magical system to try exploiting it for their own gain. And it sucks that this very system, that has caused so much pain, in fighting, abuse, instability, is the way to fix it all. But, I suppose that's how it is in the real world too... Anyway, Madoka was in a vulnerable spot, just as Kyubey wanted. Like he's scripting all of this just to push her. And I just have to emphasize that I don't buy Madoka being fully okay with this. Girl just wanted to be good at something, to give something amazing to this world and she thinks the only way to do that is to become a concept of law. People argue that "she wanted this" and yeah, maybe I'd fall for it too if I had all this information pumped in my head by Kyubey PLUS the whole events of the anime itself with Mami, Sayaka, and Kyoko dying and Homura almost dying.

Oh, my Homura... Babygirl. I'll add that Christina V was SO good at her emotional parts, honestly. It's a good reason to watch the dub! Idek what to say about Homura that I haven't either said irl or liked other people's posts about. But God... The whole ending is about hope. I GET IT. I GET IT. But there was just... It felt so wrong seeing her act okay and I guess that's the point of the darkened eyes at the end, mayhaps? I get how Homura feels selfish now, because even I feel selfish about wanting those two together after seeing how "okay" things are. ;_;

(I GOT DISTRACTED AND STOP TYPING RIP ILL DO MY BEST TO CONTINUE.)

Going away from the ending, Sayaka is such an underrated character oh my God? It felt like she was stealing the show sometimes lol. I don't understand how she's so hated. I mean I do, but I feel people see her wayyy too surface level. I almost started loving her more than Homura! Crazy! Her arc always will break my heart. It's the main reason I didn't rewatch it for so long, it's just so... Depressing and relatable as time goes on. (I first watched in like... 2014ish) Her English VA is so good too! Especially in the quiet moments when her voice is breaking. Ahh

!ALSO I DONT REMEMBER HATING KYUBEY THIS MUCH. Obviously, I didn't like him before, but I don't know if like, life has changed me or anything be I just wanna 😡😡😡 everytime he was on screen after they find out about the soul gems. I will NEVER understand how people can find it in their hearts to sympathize with him after seeing all that he's done to be manipulative. Like, did we watch the same show???

And Kyoko! She doesn't get much screentime but ah! What a doll! I forgot she ever interacted with Madoka! She's so sweet to her despite hardly speaking with her to begin with. Literally every magical girl wants to look out for her and I just 🥺💜💜!!! Honestly, her adamant stance on never wasting food hits harder now that I've actually experienced going without food. I remember not caring much about her when I first watched, but she's so fun! And normal lmao. Probably the least messed up in the cast. And I LOVE the idea of her and Homura having a solid friendship. The way they interact in rebellion and the way they get along in the show is refreshing. I'm sure Homura appreciated not having to babysit her as much as the others.

Overall, this was painful. :) Episode 8 was the most painful one, if I'm being honest. Sayaka breaking down plus Homura's emotional outburst HURT. I kept having to pause from watching it because I just couldn't handle it. Also, because I watched the dub, I didn't get to see something's be translated.

This was when she became a witch and :((( she felt so bad for wanting to be acknowledged. My heart...

Sighhhhh.... But those are my thoughts. Is it just as good as when I watched it? Even better! I feel like as an adult, I understood the concepts and explanations way better and have a better appreciation gift the themes it tackled and the way it was written! I low-key hate it now though because for now, I feel oddly... Bad for wanting Homura to pull Madoka down. I never felt bad about it and now I kind of do? I feel like the "Homura is evil and everything was fine before she interfered" people are infiltrating my brain. Oh no... Well! Time to watch Rebellion after I read the wraith arc. Maybe that will help me not feel so insecure with how I feel.

Also this was really all over the place, I can't seem to fully sit down and write this out like I did with my Sayaka vs Madoka post. My brain is truly a mystery.

[surreal-duck]

midoyuzu is canon to me because of you

thank you anon..... im doing my part.... still havent recovered from the dream live interaction they had so heres doodles from last year of that. i cant believe they did that

on a separate note ive been kinda having mixed feelings regarding enst as a whole and while i dont think ill stop like. making/interacting w fanwork and such ill most likely step back a bit as well. even if it isnt new the racist shit that happyele's pulling really does suck ass, the fact im also really fond of akatsuki myself aside im sure its doubly worse for lots of other fans

[lazaruspiss]

Do you have any Dick and Catalina thoughts? Ideas for how it could’ve been better handled? Aspects that you wish got more explored in fan works?

ways it couldve been better handled: if DC higher ups let the author write her damn story instead of interrupting what was supposed to be a full and proper storyline with a batman crossover event

aspects that i wish were more explored in fan works: dick still sees catalina as a person, and a person he failed at that. one of the huge catalysts for things getting worse for dick's mental state was the death of one of his villains, so i don't understand the fics that treat killing catalina as the solution. that kind of resolution is beyond naive to me, not just in terms of dick's story but in terms of abuse stories as a whole. killing the abuser can be cathartic, but it can also be unsatisfying and pointless and counter to what suits a story.

i got sidetracked a bit, so back on topic. dick has a big heart, and cares for catalina beyond a simple "murder is wrong" angle. he tried to be a mentor to her, and sees himself as her murder accomplice. it's not just about not saving blockbuster, it's about not saving cat. to him, it's not just his fault a man is dead, it's also his fault that a woman he was supposed to help crossed a line like that.

[unnonexistence]

havent been on the computer much all weekend because i've been dealing with some eye strain but i'm experiencing newmann withdrawal so. time to try printing out one of my fics and editing on paper i guess

[dufrau]

Work belts without chicago screws or snaps so you can change out the buckles are useless and should not exist. IN MY OPINION.

[graham--folger]

okay the thing about alien 3 is it's so grimdark in comparison to the other two. there's no real sense of hope. ripley's convinced she has to die. all the prisoners have no way out and their best possible ending is in taking the alien with them. just thinking back to alien 1979 and how even though nearly everyone was dying there was still a chance for ripley (and jonesy) to escape and get a "happy ending". in aliens there was a chance of ripley surviving alongside hicks and newt. but alien 3 erased that possibility and took all the hope with it. idk it just feels so resoundingly hopeless even though ripley "wins" by killing herself and the alien with her. but even then we know that wasn't successful either because of alien resurrection. it's just kind of funny how they like to totally throw away the previous movie plot for the sake of a reboot but in doing so thematically butcher the franchise

[mechcity-skyline]

@d-buggers-org HEY SO LIKE WHAT IF I HIT YOUR LOVECORE DESIGNS WITH THE RPG BLAST HUH?!

[eggbagelz]

Oh btw im writing my first ged test tomorrow. Wish me luck

[semiotomatics]

i wish i could enjoy literally anything rn

[asummersday]

when will my writing motivation return from the war 😭

[sheriffthompson]

hmmmmm. what if. i bring back the red army trio.

[hellishmeru]

I have no clue how posting on Tumblr works but I'll try my best since I wanna share some of my writing....

[singswan-springswan]

practicing more backgrounds! went wayyyy out of my comfort zone on this one but it was super fun!! experimenting with a different style and lots of new techniques on the drawing app. such range!! God bless Adobe Fresco!!!

[29121996]

and also paramors tickrts

[steampoweredskeleton]

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Ignore

[autisticlee]

brain decided to unlock a lost memory of the grumpy old lady at my sisters school where I volunteered once in a while when i was in high school and had a day i didnt have school but my sister school did. literally every time this lady saw me after I pieced my nose told me she hopes it never heals and gets really infected and I have to take it out. her greeting to me wasn't hi how are you. it was is that thing on your face infected yet? said I deserve to get really sick and be hospitalized for piercing my nose. hopes I lose my nose to it. hopes it gets stuck on something and rips a hole through my nose. or she hopes someone beats me up to teach me a lesson by ripping it out of my nose. she even threatened to rip it out herself. I deserve bad things like that because I dared to pierce my nose. also since this was a catholic school and a catholic lady, of course she told me i'm going to hell for it because her god forbids that kind of thing 🤪🙄

no one told her to stop either! they just let her bully me! before that she was pretty decent i think besides telling everyone what to do and getting mad at random things. but she was never directly mean and hostile at someone like that. but all because I had a nose piercing suddenly, she was so rude and mean to me. a child! I was 14 or 15 at the time. and it seemed to piss her off that I didn't respond to those mean words. I was bad at talking and completely stunned. what could I even say? thought it was a joke at first but it never stopped. she was serious. so she'd say worse thing every time. like i'll never have friends and will be alone my whole life or won't get a job ever because I pierced my nose. it went from insulting my nose piercing to insulting me and my life. makes me wonder if she put a curse on me because despite never having any issues with my nose piercing (besides it closing up when I took it out for a day a couple years later) I don't have friends and cant get a job even without a piercing 😅

but why do some people think it's ok to tell someone they hope something really bad will happen will happen to them because they do a harmless thing they don't like????? especially to a child! another chapter in the series of growing up with the most unsupportive and hostile adults ever who all bullied me and wished harm on me. could never trust any adults. grew up being made their enemy. never got help or kind words or protected in any way. and everyone wonders why i'm such a disaster now sighs.