#I am very out of the loop these days...
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Wondering if.... We should make a muse roleplay account..... We sort of miss our roleplay days. We used to roleplay on Deviantart! Did you know that! Deviantart had a roleplay community back in the day... Maybe it still exists, but Tumblr is my home these days.
It would probably be the most logical to have one big account with different muses or else it would get... cluttered! I think...
But it sounds like fun... I miss it, I miss it.... It's always nerve wracking doing all the setup and wondering if it's worth it! But I'd really like to interact with others as well... I will have to mull it over...
#dolly's rambles#decicions decisions!#we would do so on discord too but... i do not know where a lot of those communities reside!#I am very out of the loop these days...#We'd love to do Wally and Barnaby as muses though...#Maybe myself too... as a treat! and Julie... Beloved Julie!#also I fear a lot of interactions with children... Not that children are bad of course!#I just enjoy being able to talk to people more in my age bracket!#It feels a teensy bit less awkward that way...#I think id like to do so but ill have to think some more on how i would like to do this...
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Names revealed and returned. (context)
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#red vs green saga#ouyang zizhen#jin ling#lan sizhui#lan jingyi#Nameless red disciple#*Tin can crumpling sounds*#[The Nameless Red Disciple] has forfeited their name. Ouyang Zizhen is green now.#Thank you to everyone who participated in the poll! Everyone campaigned very hard! I am glad to see the final result was rather close B'*)#Nameless red disciple is sticking around still but to a lesser extent. They need to go on a gender quest now#I hope most people saw the red vs green poll. Or else this is even more wild and wacky than intended#This comic changed so many times and I'm still not sure it's as funny as I hoped it would be...oh well.#Jin Ling may one day need to go on his own gender quest but thats many years in the future#for now JL is so out of the loop on everything. He is aware gay people exist and thats it#I was looking back at old comics and noticed that LSZ and LJY were frequently standing drawn very small in the bg reacting to things#so heres a little throwback to that era B*)#This fills in for the part where the juniors fight the living corpse hoard. So there's at least a sliver of canon timeline going on#We're getting so close to the end of season 1! In retrospect I have spent too much time on this arc *even with* cutting out several comics#it's all a learning process!
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I had a single thought about how Mumbo K. Jumbo kind of reminds me of the Doctor and my brain worms said that this thought will be what my mind is solely focused on developing for the next 5-8 business days.
Anyways, Hermitcraft AU set in the Dr. Who universe with Time Lord Mumbo, human anthropologist Grian who is very confused as to how he got wrapped up in time travel shenanigans, Grian’s sister Pearl who is very concerned as to why her brother keeps disappearing for several days at a time, and the rest of the ensemble as various Whoniverse natives that live on a giant spaceship together called the Hermit Craft.
#if nobody hears from me for several days it’s because I caved and started writing a fic for this#also if you guys have any ideas as to what species that everyone else would be please add on to this#all of my dr who knowledge comes solely from 11 so I am very out of the loop#hermitcraft#dr who#mumbo jumbo#grian
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so has anyone talking about this yet, or... cuz it was in that latest news video on the amazing digital circus. and uh... i took a screenshot of it.
#the amazing digital circus#does this mean something? does it mean nothing? does it just look cool? we'll find out eventually... just not today :3#keep in mind i am also very sleepy today specifically#i had to make sure i recorded a show for me mother and there's been. SO MUCH STUFF TODAY. WHAT.#so it has been an exhaustingly exciting day for me in particular#i feel like this might turn out to be a recording of a character's voice opposed to THIS being an actual character#i might be wrong though. i'm always willing to admit i'm wrong#anyway it's too soon to really say anything! so for now let's wait patiently and hang out! :D#also caine was weirdly adorable in that video what the hell#OH MY GOD. AUTOPLAY WAS ON DESPITE ME HAVING A SPECIFIC SONG ON LOOP AND NOW I'M LISTENING TO DIGITAL HALLUCINATION#HELP (joking tone)
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"careful, or i'll quote that"
#adamandi#was going to be normal but then this scene popped into my head and played on loop and like#guys this scene just makes me Miserable. they're so friends now they're so happy and funny and then later in the show#she manipulates him and he tries to kill her and like. my god beatrix vincent friendship. omg.#im so. it kills me. i realise these arent the most accurate character styles but i Had to get it out. oh my god. literally the other day i#i was like ''oh haha im not going to directly draw scenes from the show im going to be Thinky and Extra'' but no actually sometimes the#the scenes from the show just hit. this line the delivery the Situations it kills me. im so hnnghghf about them#something also maybe about rewatching media knowing the whole plot and the extra Tragedy it all brings also. like to know the ending will#break your heart (but be also some sort of stunning catharsis) and to watch it all!!! again!!!! aaagh.#fun facts about the first time i watched adamandi proper after looking through the tumblrs and half-spoiling it for myself.. i went in with#the strangest assumptions of portia dies/ vincent makes a virus that kills the other nominees instead of actually stabby stabby and the#new invented biological thing would make him the winner a-la frankenstein style //. quincy cuts off his hand????? i am not sure where any#of these came from T-T but im glad i was wrong on literally every count.#miscellaneous brainrots from re-watching.. in the very very start i think vincent is wearing a mask in word to the wise?? like it was probs#a covid safety thing but it makes me go teehee for some reason. like the whole infectious thing was foreshadowed LMAO (approx 35 seconds in#also the balloons. and the admin. and the balloons. the way it's horrific and the balloons gently rain down#and you can see them bounce in the stunned silence. ooo that little detail. what a moment.#also at this point? i have been noticing the little inconsistencies in actions btwn shots but a) they're not seeable unless you're looking#Closely like i was for specific moments as references.. and b) it makes u think about the inconsistency of theatre as a medium and how nth#is ever delivered the same two ways which is really just !!!! to me. smth smth so so many ways to intepret characters and how everything is#always in flux every single cycle. theatre medium my beloved.#last side note from now: i am so abnormal about the marmorius society members who were phaethon nominees in their own right and instead#perished helping ambrose with HIS project. like. that is some sort of love there isn't it? like???? yes they're all bullies and awful but.#i've been reaching tag limit really quickly with all the recent posts. rambles i guess. so so many thoughts. well actual tags now i guess!#vincent aurelius lin#beatrix valeria campbell
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on repeatttt playlist my dear @moiorchidea tagged me for something similar i can’t find the post but okay isn’t it sweet when we all share our playlists! tagging @gstringsurvivor @wantbytaemin and @milflover3000 if you wanna and also kat do it again if it changed… Kiss and love and peace
#okay now the song explanations#1. song of the summer i’m afraid 2. TVOJA RIBA JE ISFOLIRANAAA i am again very afraid shes talking abt me#3. perfect song in all aspects saay just sa(a)y the words and i am yours#4. harry and charlotte fucking for the first time in satc aka the hottest scene in the wholeeee series#5. ana’s fault.#6. Very fun i looped isfolirana and bebisiter on a run 🏃🏼♀️#7. and 8. kat’s fault. Found both on playlist she made and i’ve been loving them ever sinceeee#the END#there was von dutch on here few days ago when grace told me abt how i would love charlies album (correct) that’s one i would shout out#tt
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Whenever I see someone being transphobic on twt in a bridget thread i reply with three pictures of my mains: ky kiske from ac+r, ky kiske from rev 2, and ky kiske from strive.
it self selects for people who actually play the game. it’s canon that he’ll fight off transphobes with the blade. and if they actually played guilty gear they’d get the underlining messages
While it can be really funny to bully these guys back, please keep in mind that nothing you can say or do to these people will hurt them or waste as much of their time as what they say will stick with you or waste your time. It might be funny to send them a bunch of Ky pictures, but what they're doing is laughing that the only response the people they hate can give them is sending a bunch of pictures of anime boys.
The only thing that works is blocking them. They've turned being an asshole into a recreational sport and getting any sort of response in return is a victory for them.
#asks#Unfortunately I was an asshole on the internet once (not a vicious transphobe just a basic internet asshole)#I know exactly how these people function because I was there once...#When you don't take the person you're arguing with seriously it's very easy to laugh at every single thing they do#Which is what these guys are doing. It doesn't matter how well thought out the counter argument is. They don't care and they won't care#All you can hope for is that they're young and they grow out of it (I did)#I feel bad for them because I think about what led to me being like that decades ago. Are they going through the same thing?#I was like that because I was in a hopeless situation and hated myself and hated everyone else#People arguing back just proved my point that everything sucked and my hate was justified#It's an awful feedback loop. People being kind to me felt disingenuous. Why should they be kind? I hated them. They had no reason to be nic#I had to get to a point where I was willing to help myself crawl out of that pit before I let anyone else even get near me emotionally#I still remember the day when I realized I was being a fucked up little shit to everyone lol#Early June 2011. It was sunny with no clouds and there was a cool breeze. I was listening to In This Moment and I realized#'What the hell am I doing? Do I want to be like this forever? Get your shit together man'#It was a slow process from there but I did get out of it. Slowly. Very slowly.#There's a lot I did that I regret and can't ever apologize for because it was so long ago and the names and faces are gone now#Apologizing at this point would be selfish and only for my benefit anyway. I can only hope that what I did didn't hurt people permanently#Anyway. I've never talked about this on here before because it's the kinda shit that gets put on callout posts out of context#So. I am laying my naked soul bare and raw for the sake of underlining my original point: Internet trolls don't care
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the more i hear previously undiscovered (to me) gen alpha slang the more i morph into an old man on the inside and the more i believe as humans we all are just saying shit recreationally
#the fuck is aura. the fuck is skibidi.#<- NO ONE EXPLAIN TO ME PLEASE! i like my ignorance in this case i think its funnier and also i dont want to be Cursed#bluebird.txt#their treacherous gen z slang vs our glorious gen z slang#im kidding but also no im very much a cranky hypocritical old man. i know what i am.#'old man' and im not even a little bit old but one day i will be ! i am ready for that day ive been training my whole life#by just being very out of the loop
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Ray's After Ending is so funny because for a good chunk of it, most of the RFA members are knocked out by V's sleeping gas (Saeran is immune, Saeyoung isn't present bc he was kidnapped by his agency under his father's orders and MC wakes up in like an hour) but the game has a call feature where you can call the characters and it would be a waste if you couldn't use it bc the characters were unavailable so instead they have other people pick up the call (Jumin's driver picks up Jumin's phone, Jumin's father picks up Zen's phone, Yoosung's friends and mom pick up Yoosung's phone and Jaehee's coworkers pick up Jaehee's phone) and we do get to learn about the characters from outsider's point of view but it's so funny to me that these people are visiting their loved ones and suddenly the phone rings and they decide to just. answer it. and start talking to this stranger they've never met
#prince's talk tag#maybe its not actually weird people just pick up their loved one's phone call for them but i personally wouldn't#i cant stop thinking about how its Jumin's father that uses Zen's phone like Chief Han what were you doing in Zen's room??#i know they needed to assign somw character to Zen and he's not on speaking terms with his family#but I would of thought Chief Han would go to Jumin and the driver could go to Zen#does this mean something? am i thinking too hard about this?#also rip yoosung his friends and mom lowkey kinda dragging him in their call with you#and with the friends since one of them is a girl one of the options is like 'A girl?!?! are you dating??' and shes like 'no lolol'#'he's nice but i dont see him like that'#the main thing that made me make this post was thinking about Yoosung's mom saying how Jumin calls her sometimes and sends her holiday gift#like!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! idk man that just plays on a loop in my head#i know thats like a very professional thing to do. Jumin was raised to please people in a business capacity#and the he cares about the RFA so yea it makes sense. im sure he has gifts sent out to companies his works with#and I'm sure if the other members had a good relationship with their parents hed do the same with them#but in the RFA Yoosung and I guess V are the only ones with parents they talk to#idk if he sends a gift to V's father tho bc we never talk to him#but man. while i know hed do it with the other members if he could just the fact he does it with Yoosung is sweet#and it makes the part in Seven's route where he calls Yoosung's mom about her son's dilemma make sense to me bc they do talk once in a whil#so its not too out of the blue when he does it i guess#but man can we talk about how awesome Jaehee is? bc her coworker that picks up her phone spends every call gushing about her#like we knew she's great at her job but man hearing her coworker talk about her fills me with such love and admiration#and she's apparently really loved by the other assistants too like they all gush about her#jaehee is the best character in the game im not joking around#they wanna get close to her but bc she's their boss it's hard T_T#and the one that picks up the phone wishes Jaehee knows she was the one that stood with her overnight when she wakes#Yuni (the assistant you're talking to) says she would of quit the job had it not been for her#LIKE!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAA!!!!#it was a nice way to use the call feature during the first two days of the characters not being awake to answer#and even though this is supposed to be the last thing you play before completing the whole game#you still learn something new about the characters you've known since day 1
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sometimes u just gotta listen to the paul simon radio on spotify and be like. i am a middle aged dad
#today's gender: middle aged dad#this is not MY dad but it's somebody's dad#my dad listens to metal#well. he listens to everything actually. he's very musically diverse. but i'd say like 80s heavy metal is his *thing*#anyways. when hall and oates rich girl comes on the paul simon radio i am absolutely transported to childhood#bc my mom would play their greatest hits cd on loop in the car every day for months until she'd swap it out for our queen 3 disc hits#i used to sing rich girl while gazing out the window on my way to and from school and imagine the meanest rich girls in my class lmao#vic.txt
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the 'I feel like shit, what do I do' list
pro tip. if you're fighting the existentialist dread, the rsd 'everyone secretly hates me' spiral (my old friend), the finals week dread, whatever is bothering you: a list of things to do that probably won't fix it, because nothing is ever a one-and-done fix, but you'll be slightly less miserable.
-pet an animal. no animals nearby? soft blanket, sweater, whatever. Get some sort of comforting sensory input. Change into comfy clothes if you can. Try to minimize bad physical feelings, because that helps the mental ones. ESPECIALLY MY AUTISTIC FRIENDS WITH SENSORY ISSUES. As an autistic, it's funny how many problems can be solved by taking off the bad textures.
-watch youtube. I have a playlist of stuff to watch while crying/panicky/overall bad. Will it fix me? No, but it's hard to cry when you're watching someone play gta5 but chat controls the mods or whatever. (personal go-to, motion sickness folks may not like it). But when you're feeling better, start a playlist of things guaranteed to make you laugh or feel better. Watch a video of frogs or something.
-Look over the basics. Have you eaten real people food and not just a handful of almonds or something? Find something to eat. If you're in depression mode and cannot make food, then eat the ingredients separately. Cannot make yourself make a sandwich? Well, just eat some bread and peanut butter and a banana and you've basically eaten a deconstructed sandwich which still counts as a meal. Also, find microwave recipes. I'm partial to mac and cheese in a mug. Have you drank water? or liquid in general, no need to be perfectionist with it? Showered? Try to get that out of the way. Because, as it turns out, taking care of your physical body deeply helps your brain issues.
-if you can, then moving around or exercising allegedly helps. Chronic illness folks, disregard this one, we can keep sitting around because maybe don't add joint injuries and syncope to your issues.
-talk to a friend if you can. Try to choose someone who will uplift you, though, and not someone who will talk about their issues if you don't have the headspace for it. Which sounds cold, but sometimes your own shit is already way too much and you cannot balance other people's issues. Self care is not selfish.
-Knock something off of your to do list. One, distraction. Two, having future responsibilities weighs on you, so it can be good to try and get stuff out of the way so it's one less thing to worry about.
-turn social media off for a bit. tumblr and discord are wonderful but it's also just another thing to be keeping track of and sometimes you need to disconnect. Note that disconnecting and isolating are different things. You SHOULD disconnect for a bit and have you time. You should NOT ignore your friends and people who reach out to you to check on you. And here's a secret- if nobody checks on you? Before you go down a spiral about how nobody cares, consider this. That thing you're feeling right now? Tons of other people feel it too and chances are someone is not leaving you on read out of hatred, but rather they just have all of The Horrors to deal with and they just can't right now, but it's on their list.
-Finally, do a hobby. Draw. Write. Play an instrument. Do something. Guess what? When you're in this headspace, you're probably gonna hate whatever you end up making, and that's okay. It's not about what you made, it's about the fact that you sat down and tried to do something creative with your time. Did you make the mona lisa? no, but you made something and something is better than nothing at all.
#sources are trust me bro but also i'm a heavily therapied individual and this is all very deeply ingrained to me at this point#like I do pretty good these days but this is all of the work behind it. these are the habits and reasons I'm doing better now than HS#start building these habits and start learning to combat negative thought patterns#i won't tell you how to identify them because i am not a therapist but please do keep your therapist in the loop#so they can help you identify and challenge bad thoughts#write out bad thoughts as you get them#notes app that shit#and bring it to your appointments
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gallbladder-free since '23 babeyyyyy let's fucking goooooooo
#hello surgery went well#it was mildly terrifying because it was my first time getting surgery#and there is the fact that my finnish is unfortunately still nowhere near a level where i could communicate with ppl#especially in a medical setting so that had me worried#but everyone was extremely nice and spoke english wish me#the doctor even whipped out her german which threw me for a loop but was also really nice of her#the hospital gown + robe combo made me feel very jedi-adjacent#so that was fun#it also went rlly fast and i was home by early afternoon#spent most of the day napping but i had to flee the bed for a bit#the pain is not so bad? they gave me painkillers and they're doing their job#i just need to take it easy the next 2 weeks#but yea i am HYPE that this stupid bag full of the devil's gravel is finally out#also shoutout to my partner who is the best and sweetest and whom i love and appreciate the most on this planet <3
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Not me crying because I had a really bad beginning of 2023 and signed up for a program that would proceed to make the rest of my 2023 rough and I spent the whole first three months of 2023 trying to pick myself up and motivate myself like "I'm gonna make it through this year if it kills me" and well look at that I made it
#timeline for anyone not in the loop:#Late 2022: Moved a thousand miles from home to Oregon for a new job. I love LOVE the area.#new job gives me very nice salary so I get myself a nice apartment all to myself#January 2023: Company I moved for decides to close Oregon location. Offers me choice to relocate again to CA this time#*panic because I can't afford my apartment without that salary and I'm still on a lease for 7 more months. Also I love Oregon so much*#*continue to panic because there are no other companies nearby doing that same type of niche work so I'd be giving up my career if i stay*#February: Ultimately decide to stay in OR and figure it out. Look into my options#March: Sign up for an accelerated program to learn software engineering#Interview for it and get accepted. Take out loan to pay rent so I can stay in apartment where I'm settled and comfortable and can focus#My last day at my old company comes and I am officially unemployed#April: Start the program. Most bootcamps are 3 months. This one is 7-8 months. Up to 11ish if you struggle and need to repeat some sections#It's like 70-80 hours a week of commitment to both classes and homework#Mentally prepare myself for the rest of 2023 to be hell and possibly early 2024#Still no idea how well I'll pick up software engineering so I might struggle and take up to 11 months#May through November: thankfully it turns out I'm really good at picking up the logic. I successfully complete in 7 months#December: My brain shuts down for a bit to rest and recover. Still unemployed but feeling optimistic and ready to hit the job hunt#Bring it on 2024. Bring it on#mine#memories
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Next week is high school computer deployment; Powers That Be obviously want all the high school librarians working because these are our students. We get paid extra since the days are outside of our contract.
I’ve been feeling guilty for only signing up for 3 out of the 4 days, but I’m mostly helping out the others since my kids don’t attend. (I ran the numbers and my school has something like 75 signed up versus 300 - 2,000 per other high schools.)
Anyway, the job station assignments came out in email and........
THREE ???? of the five of us are not listed anywhere ???
And the one other librarian is only listed for ONE DAY’S shift ???
What the heck is happening???
#we've known these dates since like February#one was wanting to retire so like I get it maybe he did so but WHERE are the other two?#I am very puzzled and a little put out bc like...#this deployment is our job#did everyone quit and get a different job or something#forever out of the loop#so this shall be interesting#no wonder they were begging for volunteers on two of the days they have only 2 people doing a 4 person station#work
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what the heck is going on in bsd oH my god i am so far behind >.<
#bsd spoilers#possibly#the season is finished now right???#i’m so out of the loop :(#but i did see some very concerning tiktoks and let me tell u right now#if another one of my faves is dead n gone i am going to hurl myself off the roof LOL#idk idk idk i have to catch up#i’m even further behind on jjk#i need to have a marathon clearly HA HA#anyway~ good morning#pls have an awesome day <3#clari chatters
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sometimes i forget how distinctly american my mother is, and how we are generally a product of our surroundings
#personal#just found out she’s pro-military!!! and she was accusing me of being anti-military because of watching x files. like girl i am 10 episodes#into this show. i have had these views for a Long time (VERY specifically about the us military). and im just like. damn. like yeah of COURS#it’s not plastered everywhere. ‘give me some peer reviewed articles’ i would but i just cant bring myself to get the energy to get stuck in#this exhausting npd abuse loop again (sounds exaggerated but im basically falling for exacerbating the situation. which is why it’s always#hit me the hardest i guess. because she Will just straight up either not mention it ever again or just simply deny it. and i’m not exactly#educated enough on the subject to remember specific points. my memory has been destroyed BECAUSE of this kinda shit and i cant recall decent#argument points anymore. not that i even particularly want to!!! read up on all this shit!!!! oh and even realizing that she was Definitely#seeing me as an Extreme. like girl what. i forgot that npd does that#reminds me of how. she’s very liberal. she was the one who got me out of the closet in the first place (bc i wouldnt do so myself)#and yet the other day. i swear she said something that was almost terf rhetoric#FUCK i HATE that my memory has already scrambled it. fuuuuuck and here i thought my memory was coming back#but it was something along the lines of implying that men Would try to get into women’s shelters etc in a skirt or smth and i#i just stopped talking i was so shocked#god. sorry didnt mean to vent lmao but im. hhh im just Tired yknow?#mandont
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