#I am no longer mentally ill now<3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[threnodians]

everyone’s like “it’s okay to take a few days to process and grieve but then you gotta fight back” but like. what if i’m tired. what if all of the anxiety leading up to and now following this election has drained me entirely. i need to do everything possible to keep going and not spiral into a horrific depression, and if that means dissociating and playing video games to distract myself as much as possible for the foreseeable future than so be it.

[odetolovers]

hello 💃

[themoonsbeloved]

Making this again

Please do NOT tag as *D*@ATIONS*

I've had little luck with my previous post so I'm making another one, this time condensed.

I am a south asian muslim woman who's been really struggling with mental illness (Complex PTSD) and chronic fatigue syndrome, and as a result have not been able to find or keep a job for the last 3 years. I'm at a point where my mental and physical health is so bad I can no longer keep trying to find a job and am now entirely dependent on my henna bookings as a henna artist, as well as current various sessional work I do in the community. I'm also a carer for my grandparents as of recently due to their health being really bad, so technically I am doing 4 or so different jobs despite everything. None of these are consistent enough to make regular income, and with how bad my health has been lately its been a struggle to maintain these jobs.

I was supposed to be hired last year by my friends boss as my last hope on finding an ideal temporary job which works for my disability and financial needs, but due to circumstances and his incompetence I'm left hanging waiting for him to contact me, despite reaching out multiple times and being told I will eventually hear from him soon. I now no longer know if and when he will ever get in touch with me as he does need workers, but my current mental and physical state means I can't do anything else.

I'm now reducing the amount of money I need for just my weekly therapy (£25pw) and lazer hair removal sessions, usually around £350-£400 for 8-10 sessions if there's a deal on (I suffer with severe hirsutism/pcos and body dysmorphia). This is all to just help me function and not succumb to my mental illnesses and harm myself the next few months, as these are the things I really rely on currently to not get worse.

Thank you so so much to those who did send money on my last post, please share if you can't give anything.

£0/£300

I will post the links in the next reblog

[geezmarty]

and if I say aa2 is my favorite out of the phoenix wright trilogy. it has franziska von karma. it has phoenix smoking 5 packs a day going through his worst seasonal affective disorder yet. it’s got edgeworth coming back from the dead/doing his one year of guided meditation in europe like I am no longer mentally ill wright why are you looking at me like I killed your parrot we can do court chess again now. pull yourself together. it has possibly top 3 of gumshoe’s most insane and epic moments. it has yet again phoenix getting bullied in court by like three women simultaneously. introduces perfect baby angel pearl fey. fire extinguisher induced amnesia tutorial. franziska von karma is there I can’t stress this enough.

[rey-129-fan]

Gotham-Amity Co-op AU Part 3

Part 1 | Previous | Next

“Hola beauties, and welcome back to Fashionable History, I’m Paulina,”

“And I’m Star, and on this channel, we teach you how to be at the height of fashion, no matter what time period you find yourself in.”

“Now for our long-time viewers who missed our community posts, you might be wondering about the change in location.  Well, we are moving up in the world.  That’s right, fam, we are officially-

“College girlies!” The two shouted into the camera.

“Ah, such a big step,” ‘Star’ sighed.

“Indeed it is.  And to celebrate, let us dress up like we’re going to meet the queen of fashion herself: Marie Antoinette!”

***

“So you would think it would be hard to demonstrate Amity Park’s weirdness while no longer living there, but you would be wrong,” a black man said into the camera while walking down a hallway, his glasses fallen ever so slightly down his nose.  There were voices in the background progressively getting louder.  “You see, Danny’s mentor popped by this morning, and apparently, he decided that the perfect way to tutor Danny and piss off his bosses at the same time was to allow a bunch of college kids to summon a historical figure of their choosing to discuss their area of expertise.  Once a week.

“Jazz got to go first.”

The black man stopped in a doorway.  Much clearer in the background was a woman’s even voice.  “And Jazz, being the future psychologist that she is, picked the most sex-obsessed man in history.”

The camera flipped to show a young red-head sitting across an older man with a white beard in a blue three piece suit.  In the background was a younger man, his blue eyes glazed over as he sat there sipping from his mug, his head of black hair bobbing as he fought to stay awake.  Really, it wouldn’t gather a second glance, except for the tiny detail that the older man’s skin was as green as a sunburnt person’s was red.

“-indeed homosexuality is not an illness, and in fact the only link between it and mental health has been observed to be caused by familial and community reactions.”

“That is good to hear.  Indeed, many people throughout history were homosexual, and a lot of them did not show any other signs of mental illnesses.”

“It is.  However, with the recent pushes for public acceptance of those not heterosexual, many have come forward with sexual orientations beyond just hetero and homosexuality, including those that are attracted to both men and women at the same time, as well as those who experience no sexual attraction or are completely repulsed by the idea of anything sexual.”

The camera flipped back to the first man.  “She is explaining how psychology has developed in the last 100 years without trying to rip apart Freud’s work.

“This isn’t even the first time something like this has happened.  Occasionally, we’d get guest speakers that would turn out to be some famous author or pioneer in their field.  It’s how our English teacher got his copy of the Tempest signed by the original author.  I think this might be the first one that won’t end in a raid by government idiots in white, though.

“So yeah, we occasionally get to talk to dead celebrities and don’t bat an eye at it.  Amity Park is very weird.”

***

“Danny!  You left your cups in the sink again!”

“How can you tell it’s mine?”

“They’re glowing green and you’re the only one that drinks ectoplasm!  Now take care of them before you bring the food to life again!”

“Fine…”

The camera pans over to a goth woman giving the camera a flat look.  On screen, there’s some text that reads: ‘When your boyfriend forgets to clean off his dishes after his mildly radioactive smoothies.’

***

“Urgh!” Just die you stupid, lazy skeleton!”

“How long is this attack going to be!”

“I don’t care, because when it’s finally my turn, I am going to stab the dust out of this depressed sack of bones!”

On screen was a couch, and on that couch sat 3 young adults, two women and one man.  One of the women was Valarie Gray, US National Taekwondo Silver Medalist, was jabbing her thumb down on the d-pad of her controller, lips pulled back in a snarl.  The other was Samantha Manson, more known for the TikTok channel Our Strange Lives.  The man was a muscular blond.  All three were focusing on the screen, their eyes emitting faint light and Valarie’s teeth seemed to be getting sharper.

Quietly a blond woman walked on screen, a backpack slung over her shoulder.  The woman was Star Strong from Fashionable History.

“You guys are still streaming?”

“This boss is stupid difficult and Manson and Gray are the only ones willing to play.”

“What happened to the guys?”

“Fowley, Wes, Singh all had work.  Fenton got to the first boss and then lost it because ‘Goat Mom just wanted to protect us’ before getting a call from his lil sis asking for help.  Kwan is working on a lab with a guy from his chem class, and Kyle passed out a couple hours ago.”

“Stop dodging!”

“Wanna play?”

“Can’t.  Going to the library to study for a calc exam I have coming up.  See you guys later.”

“Later.”

“FUC-”

***

“And so, with this polaroid image, we have evidence to prove that-”

“Hey, Wes, do you have something I can use for a collage?  Oh sweet, thanks bro!”

“What?  No!  Kyle!  Get back with that! That was the proof I was going to use to prove the existence of Yetis!”

“Oh damn.  This is some nice creature work!  Danny, your friend has an incredible costume, man!”

“Thanks, Kyle!  I’ll pass it on!”

***

Tim paused the video right as Wesley Weston stood to chase his older brother.

There.

The red-head’s eyes had a slight glow to them.  Tim clicked over to the other images he had gathered of the Amity Park teens, all with their eyes glowing or other signs of something inhuman.

Tim had been introduced to this group by Stephanie when she found a martial arts demonstration Gray did that involved breaking multiple boards, all several feet above her head.  Stephanie had meant it as a ‘check out his cool person doing what we’re doing,’ but Tim noticed something.  All the boards were being held by seemingly the same person- or at least people dressed very similarly.  And not in a way where they’re sitting on a ledge above Gray and are switching out the board each time she broke one.  More that there were multiple companies of the same white glove all holding a board and all floating several feet above where they should have been.  That was already a little weird, but it could’ve been some special effects or just a uniform.

No, what caught Tim’s attention was the quick glimpse of the face of one of the board holders.  It was youthful- late teens- but with paper white hair that showed no signs of bleaching.  Now these features would have been a thing to cement the mysterious person in Tim’s mind.  But it wasn’t that.

No, what got Tim to do some digging to find out about a previously unknown supposed hero from a small town that has been blacked-out by the US government, was his eyes.

His calm, glowing Lazarus green eyes.

***

So we finally get a taste for the shenanigans our liminals are up to. Sam, Tucker, and Danny all share a TikTok where they show off how weird the other two are and how weird their town is. Wes is trying to prove cryptids exist, which Kyle ruins. Dash has a gaming stream that most often Kwan joins in on, and Paulina and Star do dress history. Oh, and Valarie is a national taekwondo because karate has only been an event for one Olympic games, but taekwondo has been an event since 2000 and Val seems more like a kicker than a thrower. Plus, I actually took taekwondo when I was younger.

We do get another Bat showing up at the end. There is absolutely no plot, however, so who knows where this is going. Certainly not me!

I'm still looking for names (please, I need them). As for majors:

Jazz-Psych (obviously)

Kyle- Liberal Arts (I wanna put him in accounting, but Liberal Arts works for now)

Tuck- Comp Sci

Danny- Poly Sci, minor in Astronomy

Sam- Double Poly Sci and Environmental Science

Val- Criminal Justice

Dash- Undecided (both me and him)

Kwan- Pre-Med for now, though he wants to do Child Development/Education

Paulina- Fashion Marketing

Star- Sports Science

Mikey- Music

Wes- Journalism

[worldchampgameco]

I've been trucking away all winter on my next big project, BLOOD BORG, and I'm one month away from hitting go on Kickstarter IT'S LIVE ON KICKSTARTER NOW so I wanted to share it here.

Blood Borg is a vampyric gutter punk ttrpg built on the sturdy back of swedish doom metal rpg MORK BORG, inspired by early 00's vampire media like True Blood and Buffy mixed with punk nihilism like SLC Punk and Uncle Peckerhead.

This game reflects a lot of similar themes of one of my favorite other releases, Cybermetal 2012, in that it focuses on the lives of everyday people who are objectively not heroes who struggle to survive in an antagonistic world. Cybermetal was intended as a reflection on my 30's and current way of life: finding community and trying to do good by one another. While writing, I sort of discovered Blood Borg is a reflection of my 20's: the idea that we are young forever and never going to die, running through alleys at 3 am to nowhere, pulling day-old bagels from the dumpster like we discovered gold, and yet feeling the discordance of chronic mental illness compounded by the regular pains of growing up and the futility of fighting back against the inaccessible systems that run the world.

A longer more involved artist statement is one of the hidden stretch goals for this project, I'm excited to write at length about what these things mean to me and how they are cooked into the systems of the game.

I'm really proud of Blood Borg and it does what a lot of my games aim to do: engage philosophically with what it is to be a person in a society, the importance of support communites, the otherness of being for better or worse, all while simultaneously being a gonzo blast of a game that is fun as hell to play.

APRIL 9, Blood Borg launches on Kickstarter. I'll have the beautiful hardcover book, a screen-printed variant cover, a bunch of fun merch, and more available. Visit bloodborg.com to pre-save and get notified on launch.

Blood Borg is designed/written by myself, Adam Vass, and illustrated by Mitchell Van Dyke in Grand Rapids, Michigan.

[themultifandomgal]

Kelly Severide- Finally

Kelly and I have been married for 3 years now. We met because of my brother Matt joining firehouse 51, then Kelly and I dated for many years before he proposed. Our wedding was a beautiful day and filled with so much love.

After a couple of years of marriage we decided that it would be time for us to start a family. Unfortunately this took a lot longer than expected. We even went to the doctors to find out if there was anything wrong. They just said that for some men and woman it can take longer and to come back in a year if we are still yet to conceive or if we struggle to carry full term.

Of course seeing negative after negative pregnancy test it really effects you mentally. So we stopped taking pregnancy tests so regular. We will only take one if I think I could be pregnant.

I wake up feeling off like I've drank to much. Headache and nausea. Rolling over I place my hand on Kelly's side of the bed, but I'm greeted by the bed being cold. That's when I remember that Kelly had to head off to work early this morning. I groan sitting up, my head spinning as I do, I swallow dryly feeling so ill. Slowly I crawl out of bed and go into the bathroom to get myself ready for the day. Thankfully I work from home so I don't have to go out anywhere.

I'm typing on my laptop when I have to quickly run to the bathroom to throw up. Which weirdly makes me feel immediately better. I clean my teeth getting rid of the nasty taste in my mouth and go back to my work.

I spend the next few hours working, but when my day of work ends I'm absolutely exhausted so decide to take a nap before Kelly comes back home.

This goes on for the next few days which does make me wonder if I could be pregnant. So while Kelly is at work I route around in one of the draws for some pregnancy tests that I bought months ago. When I find them I pee on the sticks and leave them on the back of the toilet before going back to work.

I forget about the tests for a couple of hours before I have to go to pee again. I pick them up not thinking that it will be positive, but when I see the little plus sign on all of the tests I am shocked. This is the first time I've ever gotten a positive pregnancy test, but still not wanting to get Kelly to excited I want to make sure that this is true. So that day I ring up my doctors and book an appointment for the next day. However I'm going to have to sneak out because Kelly is off.

The following day I wake up in Kelly's arms making me smile. I turn around to face him and brush some hair out of his face making him sigh and pull me closer

"Morning" he says in his gruff morning voice

"Morning" I reply placing a kiss on his lips "what have you got planned for today?" I ask

"I'm staying home and cuddling you all day. I've missed you" I giggle at his reply

"I've missed you to, but I've go a couple of jobs to do this morning"

"Like?"

"Well I have to go to the bank, then pop to the grocery store"

"I'll come with you"

"No" I say way to quickly causing Kelly to frown "I just mean it's going to be boring and you've been working really heard the past few days. Why don't you sleep in" Kelly frowns not buying what I'm selling

"What's going on?"

"Ok you caught me. I am actually getting you a surprise but I'm not telling you what it is so you'll have to wait"

"Ok? Why?"

"Will you stop asking me questions. Go back to sleep I won't be to long" I place a kiss on Kelly's lips before getting up and getting dressed.

So I'm pregnant! I run to the store and buy a gift bag, some dippers, wipes and baby bottles. I then head back home with all of the 'gifts' in the bag and head into the house

"I'm home!" I call out and Kelly is quick to greet me with a smile. He wraps me up in his arms causing me to giggle at his affection "go sit down for your surprise" he eagerly leaves my side and sits down on the couch still with a wide grin on his face "ok close your eyes" I say and he does. I place the bag on his lap and tell him to open. He puts his hand in and the first thing he pulls out are the packets of wipes

"Baby wipes? You trying to tell me to wipe my ass or something?"

"No. Keep going" next he pulls out the baby bottles. He frowns taking out the box of diapers. He looks at me still frowning, but a look of realisation crosses his face as I keep smiling at him

"Are you...? Are we...?"

"Yes. I'm pregnant" Kelly is up in an instant and spins me around then kisses all over my face

"I love you so much!"

"I love you to Kel"

"I'm going to be a dad"

"Yes you are. We're finally getting what we wanted"

[abysbal]

COMMISSIONS CHANGE

Hello everyone! I’ve recently hit a massive bump with mental health, so I’m changing commissions slightly. This isn’t affecting currently unfinished commissions.

I’m a mentally ill disabled transgender dude and due to my current mental state I’m able to / am being prevented by my family from getting a normal job, I’ve been unable to start testosterone despite getting things in place to do so because of lack of money. I’m meant to be getting a paid therapist soon to help with my mental health problems, but have been off my medication for 8 months now due to it linking with my current blockage brain wise. Commissions are Quite Literally the only way I get money and would appreciate any support I can get

Sketch Commissions:

These are now at a base rate of £5, I don’t have a lot of energy right now, but I can do sketches and I’d like to mainly focus on sketch commissions if I can help it

Example of a coloured and non coloured “sketch”:

Chibi Commissions:

Still at £10, nothing has changed here, these are easy for me to do (and I like doing them) so I don’t feel like changing them.

Icons:

still £20, but I’m only offering 3 slots, these take a lot of energy I don’t have in excess right now, and might take me longer than 2 weeks to finish

Actual Full Pieces:

These are now £50, and I’m again only offering 3, again, these can take me a while to complete, and will probably take me up to a month to finish, please only get one of these of you don’t mind waiting that long

Again, I can’t get a job, so any support is really appreciated and I’d be grateful if this was spread around or I got some commissions

Kofi link

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

Arcana Brainrot: Blog Rules, Masterlists, Playlist, & Requests Guidelines

Come chat on the Discord server!

Current MC ask game

BLOG RULES:

My inbox is always open for anybody to share their thoughts or ideas! This blog is largely archival now, though, so prompts will likely not get written.

I don't think it needs to be said but hate isn't welcome here. Of any kind.

Please also keep in mind that this blog is PG-13, so whatever comments you make on it will likely be seen by minors. I take their safety seriously, so if there's anything grossly X rated in the comments (I don't see why there should be) I will delete it. If you continue to comment things like that you will be blocked :)

With my older brother rant out of the way, please enjoy the results of me trying to cope with a truly Vesuvian obsession :D

MASTERLISTS: oldest to newest, I'll do my best to update as I post.

All quotes for Arcana characters sent in have this tag: #arcana brainrot quote collection

Because of the link limit for posts, you can find the masterlist for all full headcanons below:

The Arcana HCs : Brainrot's Masterlist

The Arcana HCs : Brainrot's Masterlist, Pt 2

And here is the masterlist for all my mini-prompts, answered ask arcana style:

The Arcana Mini-HCs: Brainrot's Masterlist

The Arcana Mini-HCs: Brainrot’s Masterlist, Pt 2

The Arcana Mini-HCs: Brainrot's Masterlist, Pt 3

The Arcana Mini-HCs: Brainrot's Masterlist, Pt 4

The Arcana Mini-HCs: Brainrot's Masterlist, Pt 5

The Arcana Mini-HCs: Brainrot's Masterlist, Pt 6

A masterlist for drabbles, with an explanation at the top for how they work!

The Arcana Drabbles: Explanation and Masterlist

All the recipes posted by the originals devs from the Arcana universe, with pictures of my own creation attempts and descriptions of how it went!

The Arcana Food

Worldbuilding/character analysis essays ^.^ (not a comprehensive list atm, unfortunately)

The Arcana Essays: Brainrot's Masterlist

Finally got around to fleshing out my self-insert enough to make him a proper MC/ OC!

Bainrot's self-insert MC (Drue)

Vesuviella: my first fanfic. don't get your hopes up (updated sporadically)

Summary: Julian decided to write his own version of Cinderella to be performed in the Community Theatre, and then recruited MC to help him cast the rest of the M6 in the leading roles. Chaos ensues. (There is no determined love interest, MC is friends with the M6 and M6 are all thirsty for MC.)

Vesuviella: All Parts

Arcana Brainrot Playlist: a compilation of all character song suggestions in one Spotify playlist, kept up to date!

Arcana Brainrot Playlist (Spotify)

Arcana Brainrot Playlist (YouTube)

REQUEST GUIDELINES - NO LONGER TAKING REQUESTS

Generally, I pick from what's in my asks and write what sparks inspiration. If there's an idea you'd really like to see written, you're welcome to message me directly about it! ^.^

I don't write about toxic/abusive relationships or dynamics between MC and the M6 (I get the appeal, I'm not judging, but it's not for me)

I don't write for M6 x M6 ships - side character ships are on the table, though!

All of my work is PG-13. (yes to romantic/sensual themes and references to painful experiences, no to explicit matter or glorified violence/pain/death/toxicity)

I'm willing to do research for topics I'm not familiar with, but there are plenty of things I can't write about just because I haven't lived it and I know an hour of research wouldn't be enough to be accurate (and respecting other people's experiences is important)

I am unfortunately very familiar with what it's like to have trauma/mental illnesses. That said, while I'm very happy to explore how that impacts MC and their relationships, there are some prompts I may take a very long time to do or just not write at all because they would mess me up

In general, keeping the prompt relatively short (a sentence to a paragraph) helps me organize them better! The same goes for asks sent with a visible blog - if I have questions, I can reach out to you for more details! ^.^

Both my asks and messages are open because I love hearing from new people! If you abuse that you will be blocked :)

All of the above points have reasons for them, and are therefore subject to change. If you have an idea that you'd really like to see and you're not sure about, just message me! I can either tell you why I can't do it or I can make an exception depending on the case

RELEVANT FANDOM HAPPENINGS

(I don't do drama on my page, but these are some posts that provide transparency and accountability for some of the things I've been caught up in)

To the Arcana Fandom, From Brainrot

An update on Rai/Kip

[dr-spectre]

What’s the different between hypnosis and brainwashed? Sorry, I just love your Callie obsessed and I don’t understand the different between the two

You don't understand the difference between the two? Don't worry, i got you.

Let's start off with brainwashing. In most definitions of it, it is described as pressuring someone systematically to adopt radically different morals, ideologies and behaviors via forcible means against a person's will, knowledge and consent.

Now let's get into hypnosis, it is described as a state of deep relaxation and focused concentration, where the subconscious is more open to suggestions and it's sometimes used as a form of therapy to treat addictions. It is not some stage act where you can get someone to get naked on stage, that's not how it works. It is not some thing where you swing a clock around and go "you are getting veryyyyy sleepy" and now you control someone's mind, nope, that is a common false assumption about hypnosis.

One of these terms is something used in therapy, the other is used in cults and political/military circles. The two are very different and have different connotations.

The main thing with brainwashing is that there is a forcible/ non consensual aspect to it where the individual doesn't want their mind to get changed. However in hypnosis, suggestions that are given to a person in a hypnotised state must not go against a person's will or morals otherwise the person will not listen to the suggestion, IT IS A VERY IMPORTANT DISTINCTION BETWEEN THE TWO!!!!!!!!! VERY VERY IMPORTANT!!!!

Brainwashing is against someone's consent while hypnosis REQUIRES consent and is not some form of mind control. That's the major difference between the two. Hypnosis is an altered state of conscious while brainwashing is someone's mind literally getting systematically reconditioned until the person's old morals no longer exist.

You can see now why i have problem with Callie being called "brainwashed" during Splatoon 2 because she canonically said to Octavio, "okay fine, I'll hear you out." You don't hear people who are getting brainwashed "yeah sure I'll hear out your points!!!"

You cannot use the word brainwashing for Callie's circumstance because her dialogue in the relationship chart literally goes against the definition of the word itself and using that word treats Callie more as a damsel or object rather than a character who just needs help. I'm tired of Splatoon fans and casuals pushing that word around towards my comfort character when there's a ton of evidence to say otherwise. I am getting REALLLLLLLLLL FUCKING TIRED....

"But Marie sai-" I know, she said "brainwashing sunglasses" in the English version I KNOW!!! From her perspective she would obviously think Callie was brainwashed by the shades, she has no other information to go off of, doesn't mean she is right and WE SHOULD BLINDLY TRUST HER PERSPECTIVE!!!!!!!!! YOU'VE EVER SEEN AN OVERREACTING FAMILY MEMBER BEFORE?!?!

Callie was hypnotised, full stop. Nothing more. Nothing less.

The whole "i remember" thing is not because the shades brainwashed her and removed her memories, it's just that Callie is in a mentally ill state PLUS in a hypnotic state where she's very concentrated and focused. The shades being shot off of her is like you writing an essay in class and someone smacks your eye. Callie looks like she has a headache and it takes a while for Callie to ""come back to her senses"" where she starts thinking a little bit more rationally. Her hearing the Calamari Inkantation floods her brain with good memories and positivity as the song has mysterious and mystical elements to it, Callie gets pumped up and all of that darkness in her head clears away and she goes "i remember! YEAH!!!"

The ONLY character you can argue was brainwashed in the Splatoon universe, is Agent 3. That's the ONLY ONE i may allow.

But even then they say "they have been hijacked." As in Tartar has taken direct control over Agent 3's body and it's not reallyyyyy brainwashing because Agent 3 was unconscious and probably had zero idea on what was going on until they woke up on the helicopter at the end of Octo Expansion.

What about Marina Agitando? Possessed by an ai after getting knocked unconscious. Not brainwashed or hypnotised!!! Marina was asleep during her time as Marina Agitando.

CAN WE STOP THROWING WORDS AROUND LIKE THEY MEAN NOTHING!?!? Stop using that word to describe "Splatoon character but evil." No. Enough. ENOUGH!!!!!!!! STOP!!!!!!!!! I AM GETTING SICK OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(I'm not yelling at you anon btw lmao. I'm yelling at everyone else, thank you for the ask!)

[thetreestumptherapist]

🎵YOU CAN'T TAKE THE SKY FROM ME!

So, I finished Firefly the other day and am just now getting to posting about it. I had started a draft while I was on like episode 8, but never got to publishing it.

My thoughts on and related to Firefly:

NATHAN FILLION

So, this is the show the internet is mad about. WELL, ME TOO!

Theme song ingrained in my brain within 3 episodes. Like, I felt like I knew it from a past life and couldn't remember the words but I knew it with my soul, type of ingrained. I studied the theme hard so I could sing along with it during the short time I watched the show.

(At episode 6) I like this show. Mentally I know this show is short. Emotionally I am just now getting deeply invested and setting myself up for heartbreak.

I need to go back and watch all the other Nathan Fillion things I have watched and look for all the references to Firefly that I missed.

(On the last episode and after the show) Gorram you Fox! Even Swiper has more decency than you!

In examining my own preferences of steampunky themes and apparently cop shows (Can't wait for Rookie season 7), I now need a steampunk cop show.

Having watched Warehouse 13 and The Librarians directly before watching Firefly, and seeing how well Fillion plays the aloof, loyal, caring, can't-keep-his-hands-off-the-really-cool/shiny-and-probably-dangerous-artifact type characters, I now need an Indiana Jones type adventure, but with Nathan Fillion. Infinite bonus if it has Alan Tudyk, Gina Torres, Adam Baldwyn, Jewel Staite, and Morena Baccarin starring in it. I would also love if Sean Maher, and especially Summer Glau could also come back. I really want to see Summer in a not mentally ill role, but she mostly does bit parts in stuff that I am not really interested in.

Individual thoughts *SPOILERS*:

Jayne needs to start thinking with his brain, and not the thing between his legs.

I absolutely LOVE when Mal threatens Jayne after he tried to sell River to the Fed's. "You turn on any of my crew, you turn on me" and "Next time you stab me in the back, have the guts to do it to my face" are beautiful quotes that I will be making a part of my personality despite not having a ship, crew, or having been stabbed in the back

It's interesting to see what aspects of Fillion's personality go with him from character to character. From Mal, to Castle, Cayde-6, and John Nolan. They all care deeply about their crew even if they aren't really good with showing affection, and I can tell that Nathan cares about his people too.

I haven't watched the movie yet. I have it, I just haven't watched it. I've also heard bad things about it. But, I plan to watch it anyway. If it ends poorly I will absolutely be making a headcanon.

I wish so bad that it had lasted longer, but alas, 14 fantabulous episodes, a movie, and our imaginations is all that we have.

Also, does anyone know of any good Firefly fanfics? I would love to read them.

[dinsdjrn]

gone, from austin | j. miller | part two

brothers best friend!pre-outbreak!joel x f!reader

summary: Joel Miller: the one that got away; right person, wrong time. Now you’re back in Austin and it hurts just as bad, as if you’d never left five years ago. [w.c. 2.4k]

warnings: 18+ Minors DNI, no use of y/n, light angst, Sarah is alive and well, f!reader, smoking, depression, brief mentions of a mental breakdown, implied cheating (not joel), ex-lovers to lovers, eventual smut, slow burn, lmk if i missed anything &lt;3

💌 a/n: FINALLY a part two? who am i?? anyways not sure how i feel about this story... but i know how i want it to end so ill keep going for that. lmk your thoughts &lt;3

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Part two | May 2002

You were a work of art, that’s the hardest part.

It had been three weeks since you had gotten home. You had become more than a bit of a hermit, looking and applying for jobs. You made yourself sparse in the house, you understood everything your brother did was an open invitation to you, but it was easier to disappear. It also gave you time to process, when you left Toronto it was a whirlwind, but now it was a dulling ache. Friends had reached out, wondering where you went, if you were okay. You gave them enough information so they wouldn’t worry, but not enough to come looking for you.

It was Friday morning, just like any other morning, you were searching through medical journals and websites looking for job postings. Search, apply, wait, and wait some more. It wasn’t very thrilling, but it was something to do to keep your head above water.

The alarm on your phone had begun ringing, 10 am, you reached into your desk drawer and took your meds. They filled a hole in your head you hadn’t known was there until you had a small breakdown two years ago. It was something only a few people in your life knew about, it wasn’t something you ever really wanted out there. There was almost a shamefulness to it, no one in Austin knew, and then one person in Toronto who knew about it was no longer welcome in your life. So you move on, continue as you have and hope that your ticket out comes sooner rather than later. 

A soft knock came at your door. 

“Come in!” You said, closing the desk drawer quickly. 

“Hey! Someone is at the door for you,” Kelsey popped her head in and smiled. 

You looked down at your Dell Med School t-shirt and Roots sweatpants and laughed lightly. 

“Is it anyone important?” You asked embarrassed gesturing to your pajama centered clothing choices. 

“I am sure they won’t even notice.”

You sighed and stood up, you lightly stretched and made your way downstairs. Just as the entryway came into view there was Sarah and Joel, Sarah with her backpack on and Joel shifting uncomfortably looking at the floor. 

“Hey guys,” you said, smiling at them. 

“Hey!” Sarah smiled. 

“What’s up? Shouldn’t you be at school already?” You questioned. 

“I had a dentist appointment this morning. We just came back to the house to grab my bag, but I wanted to see if you were around tonight,” She swayed, clearly hoping you’d say yes.

“I’m uh-, not sure,” You looked at Joel for guidance but he wasn’t paying any attention to you his sole focus was on Sarah. 

“I just really wanted to have that sleepover you promised! My dad is going out tonight and suggested it would be a good time for us to hang out and -“

“But only if you are available and want to,” Joel interrupted.

“Oh, yeah! That sounds like it could be fun. Why don’t I come over around 5ish and we can order some pizza?” You smiled at her. 

It would be much more comfortable without Joel there, you had felt like you were walking on eggshells when he would pop over to have a beer with Jake or help Kelsey fix things around the house. 

Joel nodded. 

“Alright baby girl, time to get you to school,” he began shuffling Sarah out the door. 

“See you tonight!” Sarah called over her shoulder. 

You waved at her in response and when the door clicked closed you pinched the bridge of your nose. 

“You know, she really did miss having you around,” Kels leaned against the doorway behind you. 

“I know,” You sighed, “I just don’t know what I’m getting myself into.”

“What do you mean? You’ve known her since she was just a little kid. You’re not getting yourself into anything except maybe forgiving yourself for hurting her.” Kelsey said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

“You don’t fucking get it! This isn’t a permanent solution. I can’t stay, I don’t belong here anymore! I don’t want to get her hopes up that I might by hanging out with her and letting things go back to the way they were. That will just hurt her again.” You snapped, a pang of annoyance in your chest.

“You being here and ignoring her, it hurts them both. You can talk a big game about how you don’t belong here, but this is your home, your family. I don’t know what happened between you and Joel, but it is clear he still cares about you. Is staying really the worst thing? At least thinking about it?” 

“They are not my family, you and Jake absolutely are. And you’re right, maybe this was home once, but it’s not anymore. All that’s left is a permanent scar of what could have been. Now, if you’ll excuse me,” You turned to walk up the stairs. 

Kelsey came and put her hand over yours on the railing. 

“Look I’m sorry if I overstepped. I only want to see you happy,” Her voice was soft and apologetic. 

You just nodded in response and made your way back up the stairs, once in your room you made your way to the bed and cried into your pillow. You knew the love for Austin was there, it had always been there, but so was the hurt. The pain would always be there too, it painted your soul in blues and grays. That’s the hardest part, how beautifully life painted your anguish here. 

The day came and went quickly, and you felt unprepared for your sleepover with Sarah. You knew it would be nice to hang out, do face masks and watch a few movies, but your anxiety was palpable. You were worried it would feel like grasping at a life you could’ve had, but were strictly denied. 

You made your way next door around five and before you could even knock the door had swung open and Sarah was pulling you inside. 

“You’re here! Finally, I’ve been thinking about what we could do tonight all day. Dad said he would call a few pizzas in, we went to CVS after school too! I got nail polish, face masks, and some weird snacks,” Sarah spoke excitedly. 

It gave you a bit of whiplash, barely able to even get in a few “Alrights” or “Sounds Fun”’s in. 

“Woah, woah, Sarah slow down,” Joel said as you made your way into their living room. 

He was sitting on the couch in a black t-shirt and Levis, his hair was wet and the messy ways were pushed off his forehead. He was still so devilishly handsome, he never tried too hard with his looks, but that didn’t mean he didn’t look good; it arguably made him more attractive. 

“A’right, I’m going to get outta here,” He put his hands on his lap and made his way to stand, “Tommy is gonna be here any second.” 

“Dad, did you remember to order pizza?” Sarah asked with a hint of annoyance. 

“Oh shit,” he felt his pockets pulling out his phone, “I’ll call on the way over to the bar.”

“Don’t worry about it, Joel. I’ll get it,” You smiled softly at him, pulling out your own phone. 

“Y’sure?” He asked. 

“Yes, yes, she’s sure, now, go have fun. We have a very important girls night to get started on.” Sarah shooed her father toward the door.

Joel just laughed and rolled his eyes, you shrugged in response. 

As soon as you heard the door shut Sarah came rushing back to the living room. 

“Sorry, he’s a mess,” Sarah laughed.

“I can see that nothing has changed,” You laughed with her. 

You both fell into a comfortable conversation, it was nice to see Sarah so happy. She was completely different then when you had left, yet somehow exactly the same. 

The night was spent watching cheesy rom-coms, doing face masks and nails, and eventually Sarah had fallen asleep in her pajamas on the couch. It was nearly one in the morning, you placed a blanket over her small frame and began quietly tidying the living room. 

The night had warmed your heart in a way you weren’t sure you’d be able to feel again. Sarah was such a light in your life for so long, and now she was turning into this beautiful and kind teenager. You had talked all about her school, Joel and Tommy’s shenanigans, and what’s been happening around Austin. She didn’t push you though, you had talked about Toronto and being away from home without delving into any fresh wounds.

 It was nice, it felt good to know when you left it wasn’t your last memory of Sarah. You worried for years it had been and you’d have to watch her grow through the lens of your brother, but here she was in the flesh. 

You sighed, putting the leftover pizza in the fridge and pouring any extra soda from your glasses down the drain. You went and checked on Sarah after you had finished cleaning up to make sure she was still sleeping. She hadn’t even stirred, so you took this as the best opportunity to step outside and have a smoke. 

It wasn’t something you were proud of, but was something that you would normally only do after particularly stressful days. Today would classify as one, you didn’t like fighting with Kels. That, plus the anxiety of coming to the Miller’s and not knowing what to expect, warranted a need to de-stress. 

You made your way into the backyard, only closing the screen door in case Sarah woke up, and placed a cigarette between your lips. Just as you were searching through your bag for a light a voice startled you. 

“Hey, I didn’t know you smoked?” Joel. 

Fuck, you knew he probably wouldn’t have been much later, but it felt pathetic to be sneaking a cigarette on his back porch. 

“Not often, but you’d be surprised how common it is in healthcare.” You said finding the lighter and lighting the end. 

He looked at you for a moment, and you realized maybe he didn’t want you smoking on his back porch. 

“Oh, shit sorry, you okay if I-“ 

“Oh, yeah, I don’t really care,” he hurried before you could finish your question.

“Cool,” you said. 

The silence grew uncomfortable between you two. 

“I, uh, didn’t mean to startle y’a there,” Joel said. 

“Oh,” 

“I just saw the light on and wondered if you were out here.” 

“And here I was…”

“Here you were,” He shifted, “You always loved it back here. Sitting looking up at the stars after Sarah went to bed.”

“Yeah, I think I missed the stars the most while I was in Toronto,” you sighed. 

“I always thought they’d’ve had more stars up there,” he looked up at the sky. 

You had finished about half of the cigarette and put it out, it wasn’t doing anything for you at the moment except make you want to shower. 

“Not in the city, it was like a shitty, colder, New York,” You laughed. 

Joel chuckled at your comment. He came closer to you and leaned on the railing of the deck with you. It felt almost suffocating, he was so close to you and it felt so intimate. 

“Y’know, we’re really happy you’re here,” He said quietly. 

“Joel, don’t…” you warned. 

“I mean it, Sarah never stopped asking about you. She missed you, this girl's night made her whole year.” 

“Joel, please,” you whispered, tears welling in your eyes. You already carried so much guilt for leaving Sarah with nothing but a goodbye. You knew he was trying to comfort you but he was crushing your soul with guilt instead. 

“I’m sorry darlin’ I just… always asked myself what if things were different. Where we would be, how would Sarah be different if you had stayed,” 

His words ignited a fire within you, one that burned in anger and resentment. Who was he to ask what if, when he gave no choice in whether or not you had a chance at finding out. 

“We could talk about maybes and what ifs until we’re blue in the face, it doesn’t turn back time. Doesn’t change anything between us. You made a choice, Joel, and so you don’t get the what if’s,” You snapped. 

He sighed and ran his hands through his hair. 

“I’m allowed to wonder,” He retorted. “You weren’t the only one hurt, y’know?”

“Well guess what, I wasn’t the one that wanted out when things got a little bit complicated.”

“Wanted out? You think I wanted out?! Fucking Christ, I didn’t want to hold you back. I have no choice but to stay in Austin, letting you go meant that you wouldn’t be tied down here!” His voice was quiet, but he was clearly irritated.

“I didn’t need you to let me go, I’m very capable of making my own choices. And if I had chosen to stay I needed you to tell me everything would be okay.” 

You weren’t speaking in a hushed tone like he was. You were frustrated, angry, he had completely backtracked on your breakup. Tears stung your eyes, you were frustrated and confused. 

“I’m done talking about this, Joel,” You said, wiping the tears away from your eyes. “You said your piece five years ago, and nothing is going to change that.”

You turned to head back inside, now that he was here you’d be able to walk back over to Jake’s and go to sleep. Make an attempt at forgetting this conversation ever happened and pretend your night ended with you and Sarah asleep on the couch. 

Joel grabbed your wrist before you got too far. 

“Please, just let me explain.” He pleaded. 

You pulled your wrist from his grip and left as promptly as you came. 

Your chest was tight and it was as if you could feel your heart shattering all over again into a million little pieces. The ghost of his love haunted you for years. He was still the same man you fell in love with, that much was certain. In that, it also meant, he was still the same man who broke your heart. 

And that was a risk you were not willing to take. 

To spiral out, to try and float, to see a friend, to see a ghost.

tags: @thetriumphantpanda @fruit-frogs @wand-erer5 @missgurrl @casa-boiardi @harriedandharassed @undrthelights @wishyoudaskme @reader-without-a-story @morning-star-joy @tightjeansjavi & once again sorry if i missed anyone or lmk if youd like to be on the taglist xo.

[grrw--boy]

•Sweat dreams•

Morpheus takes care of his sleepless lover♡ (morpheus x gn!reader)

Prompt: so many things got pilled up so you're unable to sleep properly for the last days, and morpheus decides it has been enough.

Tw: anxiety, trauma(?, fluff, comfort.

Its has been a hell of a month, maybe even a hell of years.

You'd haved never had a peacefull life, but lately life seems harder than ever, days feel longer and even more tiring, that not even the soft carress of my lover seems to erase the frown on my face.

Morpheus, dream, my love, he has always helped me feel normal, calm, wanted. So i cant help but feel guilty of being so distant from him lately, knowing full well he always tries to help me in any way he can.

But i cant really help it, can't i?

Work has been anything but gentle, with the amount of late doing work i have, im almost restless, not really taking breaks ethier.

Morpheus was anxious, scared even, he knew your work was tiring but this looks extreme.

Its been days since he saw you in your dreams before youd woken up a few hours later, and even in your own dreams you looked exhausted with dark eyebags and a marked scowl on your pretty face

So he had enough

Everyone has bad days so he though youll be okay in a few days, but it has been weeks, so he decided to visit you when he finally had time to. As this not only worried your fisical state but your mental state too.

He remebers years ago when youll end breaking down in his arms, telling him how you couldnt go on like this in tears.

He'd never wish to see you so sadly lonely again, it would personaly pain him too much.

So after he had remotily finished his work he was running to see you.

You where comsuded by another work fit at 3 am when you heard a knock to your aparment door, in confusion of who might be visiting, you shouted a wait to the door while stoping your work and rushing to the door*

"Who is it?" You move your hair to look more presentable trough your stress.

"Its me dear,-" at hearing his voice after so much time you open the door without second thougth, not letting him finish his phrase, seeing your certain tall, blue eyed lover.

"-morpheus." He chuckles at your eageress to see him, but quickly noticed your tired look, unsurpsingly.

"My dea-" "morpheus!, what are you doing here?, so late... is everything alright?" Your voice quickly changes to worry while you question the reason of his visit.

"No, no, dear, everything its okay i just..." he sighes before saying "missed you, we havent seen eachother in a few weeks and i have noticed you havent being coming to the dreaming a lot ethier" he finishes while coming inside as you opened the door more for him to come in.

"Yes i- i have been busy lately, im sorry love, i think i didnt realise we havent seen eachothee in that much..."

"Theres nothing to be sorry about my dear, i know you're stressed, i want to help you" he notices the amount of work in your desk "and its quite late too, you need rest, and love. come on to bed now" he holds your arm to the bedroom.

"B-but morpheus! Theres to much to fini-" "no, to bed now, tomorrow youll finish your chores, when you're well rested"

You sigh giving up, as you cant convice the dream lord of anything especially about your care, and because the offer didnt sound so bad.

Morpheus gides you into bed before turning of the lights in the office, going to laid with you and give you your well needed rest. He goes to hold you as you get more comfortable next to him, already feeling sleep taking over you while feeling dream kissing your forehead and rubbing your head as you cuddle with him.

Before you knew it you were magicly falling asleep in your lovers embrace, feeling some beat of calmness in a long time, before hearing some soft whispers of your lover, knowing youll get some enticing dreams tonight

"Sleep well my love, ill see you in a moment".

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

ALSO. this is completely unrelated to anything but one of my loose power ideas for ashe so far is just. straight up telekinesis (inorganic/non alive matter) w/ an upper range limit that's like a couple times his body weight.... terrifying!! fits w/ the fucking. structurally unsound house collapsing around them & his mom trapped & crushed & everything happening around them!! maybe the longer he has it running/the more strain he's under, the more powerful he gets & the less he's like actively aware of what he's doing (like labyrinth) & the more it just runs on autopilot (bad bad fucked up and bad and dangerous) & the less he's cognizant the harder it is to come back down (<- related 2 breaker shit somehow. ur turn. handing u the half finished thing make it work please :( )... trickster state ant death spiral.... kind of is similar a little bit to his stuff in canon if u stretch it a lot.... anyway not married to this at all just throwing stuff at the wall <33

I ALSO HAVE TRICKSTER THOUGHTS. OKA.Y. FUCK. so. thinking abt him as his Own Person......... i love u trickster....... i just got to the part where he's hanging out with the lil girl in her treehouse. just some dude!! :]]] ..... so. sliding across the table to lean in towards u pulling out my ballpoint pen & sketching out diagrams on my cocktail napkin.

^i think.... the trickster could be something like this. he could get to have some crazy master shit going on where he can control & affect other capes like the chaos demons in canon. alec if he had a greater range of control & could permanently or semipermanently fuck with ur brain settings etc. u see where im going w this.... i think he should get to control ashe :] PUPPET SHIT NOT EVEN FUCKING INTENTIONAL BTW im just kind of crazy abt this also. like. dinah situation except he isn't drugged out of his mind (well. maybe. redundancies) he's just always in his loose nuke fugue state & kept in the trickster's control, he's very handy! he likes this one, he's so useful, he doesn't wanna give him up! :) i have no clue How the trickster would find him in this scenario btw. i just think it would fucking suck for everyone involved <3333 anyway.

ALSO FUCKING ILL OVER ALL UR ASHE/TRICKSTER STUFF BTW. haven't said it bc all of that is in the mile long draft i'm still working on but believe me i am like shaking and sobbing and on the floor puddle of blood abt it all ur so right ab everything forever. ANYWAY. thoughts??

ohhhhh telekinesis and losing control of his telekinesis as he gets worse is REALLY good. yea yea yea I like that a lot. u are handing this to me to make sense of okay okay lemme put my brain into gear thinking about Scenarios. under the cut time before I ramble about nhw like a madman for the billionth time. trickster state ant death spiral is a sentence that will be in my mind all day today i just know it. why do we keep doing horrible ant things to our little guys (it's ashes turn under the solar death ray now)

okay his shaker powers manifesting as telekinesis is perfect for the tragic irony part of the power thing (which. can you tell I fucking love that little detail? god that's so fucking good. your powers will help you. theoretically. but watch out!! that's so fucking delicious and awful). he triggered in a house that was about to collapse, his mom crushed by whatever it was that fell on her, of course hed want to save her and get her out! but the irony and futility comes in waves where. 1) he lifts up the bookshelf or whatever it is and that doesn't matter because she's already crushed. 2) he can't even help her with his powers because they can only affect inorganic material. he can't move her (he's only 8, he's so small) . 3) he is in a state of extreme distress and these first two realizations are making it worse and. where is he? what was he doing? Who is he? who's that person on the ground? UGHAHHVHV. HORRIFYING.

altered mental states and hypnotism and not being able to control your actions and being made to do something terrible and not being able to stop it is such a uniquely awful type of fear, and I think that kind of fear kind of compounds on itself to make it worse once he realizes its happening? I think he doesn't notice the fact that he's losing control at first. he's getting stressed and pushing himself harder and wow! his powers are actually responding to that, he's getting stronger! awesome! but stuff just gradually starts getting more... blurry. floaty. he becomes less responsive to the things around him. someone calls out to him and it takes him longer than it should to process that, he doesnt immediately recognize the words or whos saying them. and like you said kind of eventually shifts into autopilot. it's almost like he's fading out of consciousness but he's Awake the whole time. he's just not Aware . which, in a fight that's happening in a big open space like the whirlwind fight for example. that's not Too bad because there's less of a chance he'll accidentally hit someone he shouldn't be targeting. in closer quarters it gets really dangerous really fast, it's really easy to pinpoint exactly where and when he starts losing control.

side note rq im imagining the way this would work on a team, with the others kind of constantly keeping him in check, making sure he doesn't go too far with his powers? thinking about the way Failsafe's powers work, I think he's always sort of dimly aware of his teammates in the background and when ashe starts to lose control he either a) his pain level goes fucking haywire and sets of all the alarm bells in dakotas mind OR b) he drops off the radar completely. unresponsive, it's almost like he dies, he just gets totally cut off from the pain sense so dakota can immediately feel something is wrong, looks around in panic thinking hes gonna find ashe on the ground but hes still just standing there using his powers (i cant decide which of these is worse. smile). so dakota makes it his unofficial responsibility to be Ashe's lock check in a fight, esp with his mover powers, he's able to get to ashe fastest and easiest without being hit by any stray projectiles. bear with me bc im weak for these types of scenes (picturingggg that scene with vex and percy at the end of tlovm....) where dakota just puts his hands on either side of ashes face and just talks to him like "come back to me, don't get lost, don't let yourself fall" etc etc can anyone hear me it's so dark in here. and that sort of thing works for them for a long time because its a direct physical outside interference, ashe is able to kind of wake up from his fugue state and turn down his powers and bring himself back to awareness because dakota can usually get to him before he passes the point of no return. usually being the key word here.

operating with the breaker stuff being trickster mode still (I'll get 2 ur other idea about trickster after this but let me live in the moment for a second) I think THAT becomes the point of no return. once ashe gets to an emotional/mental state where he feels like he's in a situation too similar to his trigger, the breaker powers kick in and he becomes totally unable to control his actions (maybe with practice and training he could learn how to control his breaker stuff but hey he was actively extremely discouraged from even thinking about using his powers for a solid 10-ish years of his life, thanks mark :) ) . still imagining this is trickster mode, that's where he shifts forms and becomes less Ashe and more Trickster. ashe is still in there somewhere, maybe, but it gets REALLY REALLY difficult to break him out of that state until he feels like the threat is gone and there's no more danger. which. because he can't distinguish or recognize individual people when he's like this, having three other REALLY Powerful Capes around him does not minimize the feeling that he's in danger !!! the wards trying to break him out of trickster mode directly would probably just make things worse or put themselves in danger.

power mechanic wise I get this feeling that breaker powers because they overlap with the other classifications so much, that means breaker forms can manifest their own powers that could fall under other classifications? so in Trickster form his powers become less shaker and more master? (hey more similarities with wibby I'm sure wibby feels really normal about this). i don't think you've seen trickster in an actual fight yet so im a little hesitant to tell u this but considering you've seen the my friend mr giggles part you're close enough that i don't feel too bad about it- aside from the chaos demon master shit I REALLYYYY like the trickster being able to manipulate his environment (breaker powers) but being limited to like. carnival bullshit. games. the big throwing knife wheel. the floor is lava but Real. using a giant pinwheel as a weapon. as soon as Circus was introduced in worm i was like THIS IS SOME TRICKSTER SHIT !!!!!!. i don't know why ashes powers specifically would manifest like that (maybe because he triggered as a young kid and it's his brain tapping into the childlike tendencies of seeing everything as a game, turning the horrible scenarios into "something fun" as fucksd up as that is, idfk) so maybe this leans more into the trickster being a separate person but those are most of my thoughts on him for now :]

WHICH LEADS INTO YOUR THINF REALLY WELL, TRICKSTER BEING A DIFFERENT GUY. which. I do ljke this because it's actually. closer to the case in canon and would make sense for us to tie into the implications for season 3 (being. extremely vague here but we could do some TERRIBLE shit w trickster for season 3 if he's a separate guy. smile) THE ONLY THING. STOPPING ME FROM FULLY AGREEING W U ON THIS (u know I looooovd the pain of puppet imagery I am so down for this torture) IS THAT. I DONT HAVE ANY OTHER IDEAS about how ashes breaker powers would manifest. or how/if/why trickster would be present for his mom's death (although I guess he doesn't necessarily have to be?) i think maybe the compromise here would be to give ashe the carnival shit breaker powers and have those just be His, while trickster can just be a separate s-class master who favors ashe specifically because he likes having control of those powers (because they're fun! "why him?" "i like this one. fits like a glove :)")

OKAY. FUCK. THIS TOOK ME LIKE 2 HOURS TO TYPE UP AND IM AT WORK NOW ILL MAYBE ADD ONTO THIS LATER IF I TJINK OF ANYTHING ELSE BUT. HI GOODMORNIGN IM GONNA SPEND MY WHOLE SHIFT THINKING ABT THIS

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for asking my husband to stop taking NyQuil?

My father in law came to visit for Thanksgiving and gave my family (me 30F, and our kids 2F, .5F) covid. It's hit my husband (31M) the hardest. He has a terrible cough that hurts and sounds awful. He can't sleep without taking NyQuil to suppress the cough. I am not able to take any medicine other than Tylenol for my headache, because I am breastfeeding the baby.

This wouldn't matter much because I am not nearly as sick as my husband, but I am not getting better because I am not getting sleep. Neither kid will sleep longer than 2 hours at a time, they take about 30-45 minutes to settle back down, and they usually end up waking in a staggered schedule that means I literally do not get to sleep the entire night. As soon as I lie down from getting one back to bed, the other will start crying. My husband will handle the toddler from 8-11pm, then takes NyQuil and doesn't wake up until after 10 the next morning. He is essentially dead to the world until he wakes up naturally. I am alone all night and morning with no sleep and two crying children. My mental health is tanked, to the point where I'm having intrusive suicidal thoughts for the first time in almost 10 years. I haven't had more than 90 minutes of sleep at a time in 5 days, and no more than 4 hours in a 24 hour period. I am incredibly lucky that I have unlimited sick time available at work.

My mom has been able to help us a couple of times when we were truly desperate, but she is disabled (and also has covid because she had my in-laws over for coffee while they were in town) and I don't want to ask too much of her because she truly can't spend that much energy on us without severe impact to her own health.

My husband will get no sleep without NyQuil. I won't get much more sleep since the baby only calms by breastfeeding, but if my partner handles the toddler wake ups I could get maybe an hour more sleep, and I wouldn't feel so alone.

Would I be the asshole if I ask him to stop taking NyQuil and we both so more or less sleepless?

INFO I couldn't fit in nicely but I can imagine people asking if this were a parenting circle: 1) he isn't a great help during the day already because he's sick. I'm doing most of the childcare and all of the cooking and cleaning during the day while he lays on the couch coughing. Him not getting sleep would not noticeably impact his daytime behavior. When we aren't sick, he is a stay at home parent and I work full time. 2) my baby is sick, this is not the time to sleep train her by letting her cry until she falls back to sleep. 3) My toddler up until this illness was excellent about putting herself back to sleep if she woke in the night. Now she is having nightmares and getting upset about her stuffy nose and crying at every little thing because she has sinus pain and doesn't understand it. She is too young to take decongestants and spits out any Tylenol we try to give her.

What are these acronyms?

[kremlin]

it really is alarming how bizzare and erratic and nonsensical my behaviors and actions have become and how much of a complete weirdo i am, not in a fun quirky way nor a dangerous and mentally ill way, it is certainly negative and probably a symptom of much more pedestrian but nonetheless very serious problems like a lifelong hardcore drug addiction and lifestyle that would make a doctors eyes pop out of his skull. i haven’t exactly been to a statistically significant number of psychotherapists to make a sample size but certainly a good amount of them, the more straightforward ones have admitted they do not know which direction to go anymore and all of them licensed to write prescriptions have stated that my issues are not something medication is suitable or feasible to address. when i wrote that post a few weeks ago about how my life has been a failure despite zero hardship and every possible advantage, i don’t think i made it clear that this isn’t upsetting from a “boo hoo i am sad” perspective but a “i could have absolutely and meaningfully contributed to society with my skills but i didn’t”. those words i wrote were absolutely true and after re-read and consideration things might be even fucking darker, the only fucking thing i want anymore, more than i’ve wanted anything in my entire life, is my own family and it’ll never happen for categories of reasons, you can’t be a deadbeat junkie and expect to have a healthy family, you cannot treat people the way i treat people and expect them to just put up with it forever, you cannot expect to meet women that are going to love you and want to start a family being in the shape i am and *certainly* not women that are able to have kids and still roughly around my age. it would be frankly a seriously unethical move to waste their time frankly because even a basic relationship probably won’t work out.

i’ve never in my life been as social and outgoing and fun as i am right now, never been closer to my parents and extended family, and never felt this lonely by a mile, even when i was in school and would go months without a meaningful non-coursework non-job-related interaction with someone.

it’s so fucking frightening and i am so sick of being this miserable and i don’t know what the fuck to do about it and the closer i look the blurrier it gets. this is a new thing in my life, i’ve never really even been upset for longer than 3 days. i think before this last year. i don’t know if what happened last autumn just completely broke me or the camels back. and please for the love of god do not think for a moment i am about to do the things usually suspected of people who say things like i am saying because i am not and feel embarrassed that i have to write that.