#I am mentally physically and emotionally tired

[copperbadge]

I've been pretty fortunate that usually my use of medications has been positive, in the sense that I don't often get side effects and the dosage works pretty well from the start. That roulette wheel was probably due for a spin, I guess.

The mental health struggle this year has been a lot, as I think has been probably evident from the blog. It's never been a threat to my safety, but it's been difficult. The Adderall was so initially helpful in sometimes invisible-to-me ways that it allowed me to see where a lot more problems were that couldn't then be unseen. And some of those can't be brute-forced by personality alone.

So, I've been trying clonidine, which is a blood pressure medication that also seems to help some people with ADHD emotionally regulate, particularly with anxiety and RSD. I got a skin patch for the lowest dose extended-release, but it didn't seem to do much other than give me dry mouth, so we just upped the dose this week. Possibly not the most ideal week to mess with meds, between the holiday and the dating stuff, but I didn't think it was a problem.

I'm pretty sure it's acclimation, but I also think my Adderall wore off yesterday just as the upped dose kicked in physically and messed with my blood pressure -- I ended up a bit shaky and nauseated at Thanksgiving, and had a great time as long as I was sitting down, but couldn't eat much and went home early when I got tired. I'm still not feeling super steady this morning but I think it's fading.

And honestly, I had ugly nightmares last night so it could be that, too. I kept dreaming I was being followed and had to run into traffic to escape, then I'd be about to be hit by a car and wake up, and then I'd fall asleep and it'd repeat.

So, it's an odd mix, I had a really great time at Thanksgiving but a rough night, and a rough morning but I'm looking forward to seeing friends at a different event today. I do have some sleep medication (I don't like it much) so I may take some tonight. And I am definitely prescribing myself lots of couch time with the cats this evening.

[xysidhequeen]

I was in a car for 14 hours because, if anyone is unaware, I recently became aware of the fact that the man who was my father in everything but blood passed away in 2020. I am NC with that side of the family, and for my own physical and emotional safety, I had to cut everyone off. I couldn't chance reaching out and leaving a trail for my abusersers to follow. Not when I already had to change my number three times and move four times just to ensure they couldn't find me.

That didn't mean I couldn't visit his grave, though, and I did. It was. Hard. Seeing his grave made it real. Up until that point, I could tell myself it was a trick or it was the wrong man, until I saw that grave.

But, I spent 14 hours in a car, had to see the grave of someone I loved. Perhaps the only family member on that side I still loved at all. And now I'm once more stuck in insomnia. It's been, 30hours no sleep because my body can't handle stress in any capacity and is now throwing a full blown tantrum.

There's not much of a point to this post. I'm not aiming to garner sympathy or pity. I just needed to talk about it even if no one sees it. I don't like to talk about my issues to people close to me, I don't like to complain. Sometimes, it's easier to let these things out when I'm hiding behind a fake name and a fake face.

[isfjmel-phleg]

"Business Office" is one of those terms that maybe we don't need to abbreviate

[brand-new-me]

Can’t sleep. I haven’t had a good night’s sleep all fucking month. I’m gonna start screaming I swear.

I don’t think this would affect me as much if I wasn’t used to being able to effortlessly get 8-10 hours of sleep per night. But goddamn. This sucks.

[bigwhoppercheeseburger]

Tired tired tired. Why am I SO tired? Psychically, mentally, socially. I am SO drained and no one notices. All I have is my Tumblr, Pinterest, cai and Spotify keeping me going fr. I wouldn't wish this God forsaken horrendous feeling on my worst enemy it's like an empty black hole inside of me that's sucking all my energy out. I want to cry but nothing comes to my eyes and I feel worse because I can't even cry over my own issues. Fuck my life and fuck this world.

[stunt-lads]

Im exhausted yall just tired

[quiet-compassion]

.

[wearily-confused]

I was talking with my bestfriend ystrdy and there was too much to tell and i realized that oh no wonder I am so tired when there are soo many things going on in my life (and going wrong as well)

like just be kinder to yourself, sometimes even you dont realize you have too much going on until you start talking about it

[katyobsesses]

i'm so fucking tired i'm so fucking tired i'm so fucking tired i'm so fucking tired i'm so fucking tired i'm so fucking tired i'm so fucking tired i'm so fucking tired i'm so fucking tired i'm so fucking tired i'm so fucking tired i'm so fucking tired i'm so fucking tired i'm so fucking tired i'm so fucking tired i'm so fucking tired i'm so fucking tired i'm so fucking tired i'm so fucking tired i'm so fucking tired i'm so fucking tired i'm so fucking tired i'm so fucking tired i'm so fucking tired i'm so fucking

[poeticdevastation]

Hello Tumblr

No I am not d34d

There's an ask or two I've been meanin' to get to for a while but they might end up long so I've been procrastinatin' a bit.

I've got a lotta stuff goin' on irl n' cleanin' I'm tryna finish up before the weddin' is all.

[whimsicaldaydreamss]

ⁱ ᵃᵐ ᵉˣʰᵃᵘˢᵗᵉᵈ

[tfshouldidohere]

so many levels of drained and tired and absolutely fucked up rn

[oflgtfol]

sigh. i have seasonal affective disorder

[wollfling]

.

[merrilark]

I am sooooooooooooo capable of keeping on keeping on. I can work on a low tank and be tough and productive and not let my fickle emotions get the better of me!

I'm so strong and tough and hard-working!!!

[grantwilson]

they should invent a sleeping that makes you wake up feeling well rested and not like shit