#im like three minutes from a full breakdown
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xysidhequeen · 1 year ago
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I was in a car for 14 hours because, if anyone is unaware, I recently became aware of the fact that the man who was my father in everything but blood passed away in 2020. I am NC with that side of the family, and for my own physical and emotional safety, I had to cut everyone off. I couldn't chance reaching out and leaving a trail for my abusersers to follow. Not when I already had to change my number three times and move four times just to ensure they couldn't find me.
That didn't mean I couldn't visit his grave, though, and I did. It was. Hard. Seeing his grave made it real. Up until that point, I could tell myself it was a trick or it was the wrong man, until I saw that grave.
But, I spent 14 hours in a car, had to see the grave of someone I loved. Perhaps the only family member on that side I still loved at all. And now I'm once more stuck in insomnia. It's been, 30hours no sleep because my body can't handle stress in any capacity and is now throwing a full blown tantrum.
There's not much of a point to this post. I'm not aiming to garner sympathy or pity. I just needed to talk about it even if no one sees it. I don't like to talk about my issues to people close to me, I don't like to complain. Sometimes, it's easier to let these things out when I'm hiding behind a fake name and a fake face.
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grif-hawaiian-rolls · 4 months ago
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Anyways the “essay” about the energy sword to character development pipeline below the cut
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Ok so like yea tucker-crunchbite-junior is, obviously, the first instance of the sword-quest-companion theme/trio that im like, rattling in my head rn
Tucker finds the sword, crunchbite shows up and theres the “quest” that challenges tucker both in the false intent (you need to be the hero) and the true intent (SA leading to Junior which is not handled well but it IS important) which is a push against tucker’s character thus far in that he’s the comic relief, make everything a sex joke archetype— he doesnt take it seriously, he doesnt see himself as important beyond getting just enough recognition to be “hot” and now he’s made to be the so called “hero” and the true plot puts him in the one position that he probably never thought could be him. Bc he wants to get laid so… yeah. Pushes his character if you give it like three seconds of critical thinking and not just the standard “haha alien baby bullshit” (that said, i do enjoy fics that explore crunchbite more and play with the potential of the “joke” shitty character into someone less sinister, but im doin my best to stick to canon rn)
And JUNIOR, oh man, because theres the thing that really solidifies this for me like
The dude who doesnt care doesnt bother is all jokes and ‘man whatever’ energy is a dad, and it starts with him trying to avoid it but he really fucking quickly steps the FUCK up for Junior and its the start of his development that people are like “oh he learns to be a leader on chorus” which i mean kinda yeah but he never struck me as a Leader even on Chorus even tho he does decidedly lead, its not the same as when kimball leads or when wash leads or carolina
He’s leads as a dad bc he is a dad
Not always a good one, but he’s trying and yea sometimes that means being the asshole, sometimes that means screwing up but it also means you fucking care and you take responsibility and you put yourself in danger first (the rescue mission, leaving the lieutenants behind)
And that doesnt start on chorus! Its the most evident there sure but
it starts with junior
It starts with him going after tex to protect his son, it starts with him trying to be a diplomat so they stay together, in sending junior away so he is safe while tucker buys time protecting the temple, it STARTS with him looking at church and going “leave my kid out of this” and yeah the way rvb was written and approached does Not take that seriously bc it wouldnt and if it did it would be a very different show but the implications are there and its acknowledged with tucker’s photograph of junior with his 5th grade basketball team (“i know right? Who carries actual pictures anymore” -tucker) which i could go on about THAT too but suffice to say its very clear that tucker cares so gd much about his kid and yeah his character development isnt super linear but you can basically pinpoint when it starts with the sword and junior
The second run of this trio of things is actually grif which is admittedly, a stretch, a big ol reaching for straws (okay, TECHNICALLY grif is the third run, but i’ll address that in a minute) largely a stretch bc grif… does the pattern backwards
This IS S16 stuff so if ur a shisno paradox hater i respect that, i however am gnawing on it with everything i have and will be going feral so this is your warning thank u for reading the tucker side of it mwah appreciate ya
Anyways
Grif does his plot backwards during timetravel shenanigans
He gets the alien companion/friend who contrasts his character first in Huggins
Grif is a loyal friend, but he is lazy, even after s15’s breakdown and apparent change of tune, he’s still looking to take the path of least resistance, avoiding the call, trying to keep things from moving
Enter Huggins: zippy, full of energy, excitable and just so different in that she is not only so proactive she puts herself in danger (which helps everyone in the long run/plot but its the principle) but shes so fucking lonely
As far as she knows, her family is dead, except for muggins who is so dettached from her, he might as well be a coworker and not her brother
Compared to grif, who has a family even when he tries to push them away (the reds, the blues, KAIKAINA) but hates taking action
Huggins is the start for grif’s arc of “it sucks but someones gotta do it” which in their case is best shown as the trudge across the bottom of the english channel which is so fucking funny to me but it really pushes both of them and puts them firmly in the friends category
Huggins cant zip ahead without grif, grif cant stop moving because huggins wont let him, so they find their little balance of gas vs brakes and together they cruise along p well
The actual push of the “quest” is grif having to be the one who steps up (kinda like tucker but its to the left) he’s the one who starts getting everyone together again across the timeline, even if he is very,,,
Well he’s very Grif about it, but it is still fundamentally, the change in character
Tucker isn’t a always good dad, Grif isn’t always a good instigator of action
But theyre trying and theyre working on it and grif’s arc suffers a Little from being so late in the show and thus not having much of a parallel to pull on but you could argue he gets the parallel from s15 anyways with the refusal of the call (from fake church/loco) and rescue mission but i hesitate to call that a parallel bc its literally back to back but an argument could be made for it which i love
Enter part two: the alien quest giver
“Wait wasnt that huggins”
NOPE huggins was alien companion! The Bestie in grif’s case,
The alien fetch quest comes from atlas, in that stupid wishing sequence but cmon it wouldnt be rvb if the character development wasnt sandwiched inbetween obnoxious gags and stupidity
The quest is less important here admittedly bc again, with grif doing this in reverse its not the challenge to his principle character that it was for tucker, his connection to huggins was the challenge, and this becomes the final push into the development, the “you have a role, now play it” that gives grif the final shove into Doing Things literal!! And his prize? For this character development arc? An alien sword
And thus the inverse version reaches an end, sort of (im pissed that technically he loses his sword, im also ignoring that he loses it in canon bc he fucking earned it okay this is a bit of canon i will ignore and loophole my way around it)
And now we track back to Chorus and to the second iteration of the sword-quest-companion plot
Locus
Now okay i will admit this is conjecture and pepe-silvia-on-corkboard-with-red-string fuckery at this point but hear me out okay!
He gets the sword with Felix’s death. We know this. What we dont know is how the fucking hell he gets off Chorus! We just see him show up later with A’rynasea. The vaguely alien (maybe sentient?? AI? Its implied with the way he addresses her but we literally have her for like two episodes) ship that seems to be the driving force (literal) (bc shes his ship) behind his chosen redemption arc where he pushes himself to help others at no apparent benefit to himself, but because it is, and i quote “the right thing to do”
Arguably, Santa could be Locus’ quest giver, seeing as how he is the one who triggers the whole shift in view for Locus in the first place and that is, technically, what crunchbite does and what atlas finalizes for grif! But the problem is we simply dont have enough of A’rynasea to draw the parallel between her and Locus as personalities, as companions for it to work for me??? But that might just be me overthinking? But it does make Locus’ version is a bit messier depending on who you consider his quest-giver but as far as I’m concerned, he’s still on his quest snd its just up to interpretation if A’rynasea is his companion?? or if theres a secret third alien for Locus that we never wouldve seen even if they planned for that bc its red vs blue and im just delusional about locus and his role in plot and this is just me firing concepts blindly into the sky at this point like - yeah i could still theorize what kind of companion characterization i think locus would work well with bc its more about the wielder than the companion in this sense (sorry junior and huggins i love yall i promise) but thats a completely separate rant at this point and not nearly coherent enough at this exact moment to add it PLUS its ridiculously self indulgent and only marginally canon compliant/adjacent but i will never not be amused by this very specific plot beat happening enough to draw these parallels, as tenuous and vague as the parallels are
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luwukass · 11 months ago
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OKAY TRACKLIST BREAKDOWN!!!!
so i have now had breakfast and coffee and my brain is on and FUNCTIONING lets get into this
putting a break here incase youre scrolling and dont wanna read all of this lol
so first things first i was watching tiktok and people were making a big deal about how its split up into sides similarly to midnights now i do believe that taylor posted the back cover of the vinyl and that the cd will be different but i could be wrong. even if it is split up like this on purpose on every physical copy this does mean that it is a two LP album instead of one like midnights
one vinyl (both sides) can hold up to 44 minutes of music on it so we can roughly estimate that the full album will be about an hour and a half long now if each side is 22 minutes long each track on side a, b and c should be about (if each song is in equal length) 5 and a half minutes long. side d has 5 songs on it so some of those might be short to fit in the manuscript
i have also seen people compare this back cover to the back cover of lover which is absolutely breaking my heart and im sure thats not gonna be the last lover comparison i see about this album
okay so lets dive into this track by track
SIDE A
track one: Fortnight (feat Post Malone)
okay so first of all this is obviously not a reference to fortnite the video game but i think all of those jokes are funny as hell. the fortnight shes talking about here is a reference to the measurement of time as seen down below google states that fortnight is a british term for two weeks.
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according to wikipedia fortnight is derived from the old english term fēowertiene niht, meaning "fourteen nights".
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now onto post malone i actually listen to some of his music from time to time. he mostly does do rap but his most recent album austin (which is coincidentally also taylors brothers name, but is also post malones real name) is listed on google as alternative rock, indie pop and synth-pop. so im unsure of what vibe post will bring to the track. i think its also surprising she placed one of the two collabs as the opening track. i think the vibe for this track will probably be either a story about what happened in a certain two week period or about what is going to happen in two weeks from the songs time standpoint (if that makes sense lol)
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track two: The Tortured Poets Department
A TITLE TRACK!!!! now obviously we dont know much about the album yet so we cant really try and figure out what the title track will be about so im just gonna do a little yippee for having a title track
track three: My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys
this is a Whole fucking title good lord the only thing that really comes to mind when i think of this title is the lyric in better than revenge where she says “soon shes gonna find stealing other peoples toys on the playground wont make you many friends” which is if im not forgetting anything the only lyric as of now where she’s referred to being someones partner as someones “toy” but that lyric itself is a metaphor for relationships being playing on a playground. this will probably be a sad or angry song about how her ‘boy’ goes around breaking/hurting his favorite ‘toy’ aka taylor
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track four: Down Bad
okay now down bad if you dont know is a slang term to describe how badly you have fallen for someone (mostly used in a more sexual nature in my experience than romantic) so this song will probably be about how badly she is for the love interest of the song
SIDE B
track five: So Long, London
alright new track five lets go! so this is obviously seeming to be a reference to track 11 on lover, london boy. now like taylor said when she announced it this album has been a secret for two years so we dont know when these songs were written or who they are about but i feel like it is safe to say this song and most of the other will be about said london boy [i personally do not care who a song is about and it is not taylors job to tell us who a song is about and that isnt the point of her music, but i will be commenting on the joe breakup bc that seems to be a large idea of this album so far] i can see this probably being about the break up and possibly sampling some music from london boy like she did with cornelia street and youre losing me
track six: But Daddy I Love Him
okay so the first thing i thought of when i read this track title is the scene from the little mermaid where ariel is fighting with her dad over the eric statue and im gonna be honest i dont remember the plot points in order of this movie BUT i do remember when taylor dressed up as ariel for her new years party in 2019. so given what we know this will probably be a song about maybe her fighting/arguing with her dad over how much she loves the love interest of the song regardless of who he is/how he treats her
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track seven: Fresh Out The Slammer
okay so im not sure what this song will be about bc i dont think taylor has ever been to jail before so it would probably be metaphorical type of “im back bitches” type of song im assuming this might be a bass heavy maybe more rock leaning song and if it is a “im back bitches” it might be about the amount of time she was single for with the ‘slammer’ being her old relationship
track eight: Florida!!! (feat Florence and the Machine)
alright so as we all know this album has been in the works at least for two years but we dont know when each song was written so take this with a grain of salt but the tampa eras tour shows were the first shows after the news of the joe breakup dropped. so this song might be about her feelings during those shows. for those that want to know these were the surprise songs for the tampa shows in order.
night one: speak now and treacherous
night two: the great war and youre on your own kid
night three: mad woman and mean
SIDE C
track nine: Guilty as Sin?
okay so my main curiosity about this track is the question mark in the title because guilty as sin isnt much of a thought provoking title to me but that fact that its a question is interesting. the current vibes im getting are that this might be a more sexy song? but i have no idea here
track ten: Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me?
okay so THIS is giving big taunting energy like “aww who would ever be afraid of little ol me 🥺 youre afraid of me?” which im Hoping thats what the vibes are bc that would HIT but i can also see it being completely different as well
track eleven: I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)
oh my GOD this one sounds like its gonna be sad. so this is obviously a reference to the common seen online phrase “i can/could fix him” which as ive seen is normally used towards people who are attracted to hot fictional characters that usually have a lot of emotional baggage or are villains (i saw it a lot when ballad of songbirds and snakes came out about young snow) so this song will probably be about her promising that she Can fix him and really will despite ‘him’ being broken or maybe even possibly a bad partner
track twelve: loml
so i saw and rb a post earlier about how its very interesting that this is already an acronym which i completely agree with because taylor knows we are no strangers to turning her song titles into acronyms. so loml does usually mean love of my life but i think because its already an acronym it might be something different (i saw someone earlier say it might be loss of my life instead of love)
SIDE D
track thirteen: I Can Do It With a Broken Heart
this one i think will kill me personally. i think this one will probably be about her continuing to go on with life (and possibly the eras tour) post joe break up i think this one will either be a sad song or a light beat ‘picking myself up on my feet’ song
track fourteen: The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived
this has so many implications but personally i think the interpretation shes gonna use for this song will be about how the said man is small emotionally and just as a person (i doubt she will talk about physical shortness in height or other areas)
track fifteen: The Alchemy
now im gonna be so real here i have no idea what this one will be about google says that alchemy is an older version of chemistry so maybe she will talk about the chemistry or alchemy she has in her relationships?
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track sixteen: Clara Bow
alright Clara Bow! okay so i dont know much about old hollywood so i am NOT the person to deep dive into what this song will be about but all i do know about her is that she was The “It” girl of the silent film era so im assuming this song will probably be like the lucky one and talk about the rise to stardom and being the Biggest Star Of The Time
track seventeen(bonus track): The Manuscript
alright so after looking at the definition of a manuscript this is the PERFECT bonus track?!!?!?! so a manuscript is normally a piece of work that is written or typed out but isnt officially published which is just genius for having it be a bonus track that probably wont be on streaming (if not for a long time) i have no idea what itll be about but i love that mastermind
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that’s pretty much all of my thoughts as of currently PLEASE let me know what yall think and what theories yall have for this album i am SO excited for april 19th 💕
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rustedpipe · 1 year ago
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things that happened on degrassi but i make them about riverdale
they had cheryl say cuckoo bananas one time, zig novak was heraldo, and also vanessa morgan was mike dallas's baby mama so like clearly there's existing connections here. and just like riverdale and degrassi writers-- i love putting characters into situations. so. without further ado..... things that happen on degrassi (tng & next class) that should've happened on riverdale.
betty pelts dodgeballs at jughead during gym class after he is vague about going on a date or not
dolly zoom on archie's face as fred says "your mom is gay"
betty and gay kevin have a fight while filming a fake commercial for unisex cologne for class
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^ this with gay kevin
reggie does elaborate business deals with locker trading so that veronica can have the best one
archie sending veronica flowers with a card that says ”you rock! xoxo archie”
jughead choking and needing the heimlich but refusing to let gay kevin give him the heimlich because it would mean gay kevin has to touch him.
betty getting into an actual violent physical fight with blood with a random girl at school
youtube
^ okay go watch this video right now you only need to watch like the first minute exactly. the rest is completely optional. i have several scenarios in mind here:
- idea one is gay kevin having issues with fangs for the billionth time and so when in doubt kiss archie? - idea two is something jarchie related either betty or veronica is the dylan here . - IDEA THREE IS DYLAN=JUGHEAD GAY MARCO=ARCHIE. SO WHEN IN DOUBT KISS REGGIE?! - but also. the very first episode of riverdale is veronica so when in doubt you kiss betty. okay like realistically the scene is not like that but i think they shouldve let betty say "so when in doubt you kiss betty." for me personally. she would not fucking say that but i want her to
veronica and jughead go to the college admissions fair while extremely high.
RAS plays a similar role to kevin smith and gives advice to cheryl about being gay
kangs toxic poker game. what more can i say
veronica: as you and jughead’s closest friends- jughead: oh actually i don’t really like you. veronica: SHH!
natasha bedingfield performs at prom. archie gets to dance his heart out and cry a little to unwritten. and pocket full of sunshine woah oh
toni gets so much into vampire books that she makes out with cheryl and thinks about vampires too hard and bites her on the neck (this would be a great reference to vanessa morgan's time on another canadian teen show my babysitter's a vampire and also i think we should let toni be a little crazy for fun)
lgbt mixer at la bonne nuit. nothing crazy happens on the degrassi episode but i just wish it had happened on riverdale. like maybe veronica and kevin sing same love or born this way. (again that did not happen on degrassi just using the fact they did an lgbt mixer at the teen speakeasy as a jumping off point.)
when jughead gets hired by tabitha at pops, he immediately burns down the restaurant. they then go to a casino in niagra falls and get vegas-style married
cheryl adopts a pig (that later destroys her house) instead of coping with being alone
reggie attends a meeting about homophobia brought on by locker room bullying and someone explains the definition of internalized homophobia and he says out loud "im a homophobe" and starts crying
jughead poisons bret with stuff that makes you throw up. this involves cups being switched and a reference to roman history (but in the riverdale version betty supports and enables it)
jughead writes a story about a girl getting stalked who has a protective boyfriend trying to stop it but he makes the ending be that the boyfriend realizes he can never protect her from the stalker so he kills her. and betty is like dude um what that is insane. and hes genuinely like what it's just a story. later jughead ends up still not being able to figure out an ending and burns the script on stage while having a breakdown
they have to build rube goldberg machines for class. it doesnt matter who i just want this to be something
fp and alice wedding where bughead break up and get back together like five times about it
core four smokes weed during 2x14 The Hills Have Eyes (degrassi had an episode where teens were unsupervised in a cabin. Just Like.)
gay kevin does a gay musical production of romeo and juliet.
some film guy that jughead adores comes and does a guest lecture and so in order to impress the guy he smokes weed with chic and makes a terrible insane short film to show said film guy
timeskip jughead does mdma at an artsy party where people are very high and painting with their bodies on the walls and floors. in order to avoid his problems.
gay kevin wears a beret at least once
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^ bughead texts
veronica sings triangle tra la le la by patsy cline while in the midst of one of her 'reggie or archie' moments
betty gets really into axe throwing with lesbians (the pretty poisons) in the woods
unfortunately i cannot find a video uploaded of gay tristan performing it but. gay kevin voice riverdale you make drama look! so! good!
veronica trying to tank her father's mayoral campaign by being gay with betty and outing hiram as a homophobe
reggie: for the last time i'm not gay. or homophobic. just missing my best bro....
jughead won't shut up in class so cheryl cuts off some of her hair and then asks jughead to hold the scissors for a sec. and then she raises her hand and tells the teacher jughead cut her hair
beronica has a heartfelt moment about admitting feelings for each other and in the middle of it reggie walks up to them with saddest look on his face and says "am i hotter than archie? be honest. actually don't." and then walks away
veronica comes out to avoid political backlash and the word gets around to hermione who tries to comfort her by saying "no one's gonna believe you're gay. it happens to all powerful women. even hillary"
cheryl and veronica have a fake trial in class over twitter beef
cheryl auditions for a boy part in a play directed by gay kevin. gay kevin initially says no, but cheryl points out that it should be about relating to the pain of the character, not gender. gay kevin agrees and says that he is going to play the part himself because no one understands what he's going through better than him, right?
i'm constructing a reality where fangs is dating gay kevin when he is in the infamous bus crash but instead of dying he goes into a coma. and gay kevin is loyally by his bedside until he snaps like three months in and hooks up with moose. the night he does that, fangs wakes up from said coma.
veronica, speaking to reggie: even though we're a toxic couple, i really miss you and i want our break to be over.
betty has a terrible reaction to weed and someone finds her sadly eating slices of bread from a bag saying “i thought the bread would make me less high but it isnt working”
and finally, and crucially, they should've done a shark in the water style promo for at least one of the seasons. thanks for tuning in.
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itzynabi · 1 year ago
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together
summary: in which someone talks to eve
set: 3 nov 2018
word count: 3.1k
warnings: talks of depression & mental health, mention of food. pls tell me if i missed anything
an: the gif is mine. if im being honest, this was a very self indulgent scenario of things i wish i was told, but it was surprisingly hard to write bcs i had no idea how i wanted to be comforted. anyways, i hope you like it! words im bold are english. feedback and reblogs are much appreciated 💐
eve’s masterlist
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A plate of food was placed in front of Eve. “How are you feeling?”
She looked up at her brother as he sat down opposite her at the table. “...I’m not sure.” She could tell he wasn’t satisfied with her answer, but he didn’t push it. Thankfully.
Following her breakdown five days ago, Kibum became very involved in her life. Every morning and night, he would ask her how she was feeling; she had to write in a journal — she didn’t have to show him anything she wrote, though; they went on walks together with his dogs. He wanted to help her.
“I’m going to meet up with Taeyeon today. You’re going to training, right?”
Eve shook her head. “The trainers are still sorting out whatever the problem is. But I’m gonna go to a dance class with Chaeryeong and Ryujin. Then we’ll get lunch and they have to do homework, so we’ll go our separate ways.”
“Okay.” Kibum nodded. “On your way back, can you pick the dogs up from the day care centre? I’ll send you the address.”
“Okie dokie,” she agreed. “Can we eat now?”
“Yes. Yes, we can.”
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Ryujin groaned as Eve massaged her shoulders. “Everything hurts.”
The three girls had finished their dance class at a studio. It was their first time going to that studio, so they didn’t know what to expect, and they quickly realised how under prepared they were. The two hour class started and ended with thirty minutes of cardio to ‘help with their stamina.’ Or so they were told.
Chaeryeong returned to their booth with a tray full of their food. “My legs felt like jelly when I was fetching the tray,” she told her friends.
“It’s only my back that’s sore,” Eve said. She stopped massaging Ryujin — causing the girl to groan louder — and turned to face their food.
Chaeryeong slid into the booth, groaning in relief when her legs stopped paining. “You’re lucky, unnie.”
“How isn’t everything sore for you?” Ryujin asked, taking her soda.
Eve answered as she sorted through all of their food, giving each girl their meal, “I did this type of stuff in strength and conditioning for ballet. It wasn’t really cardio focused, but everything would get worked out and exercised.”
Chaeryeong slumped against the booth. “I should’ve gone to your school. Then I would’ve been so strong.”
“Even the teacher said she has good muscle,” Ryujin commented, dipping one of her chips into tomato sauce.
Eve picked up a slice of her potato and bacon pizza. “I’m only strong because I actually work out,” she said before taking a bite.
“We also work out!” Chaeryeong argued, sitting up so she could start eating her cheeseburger.
“But unnie works out every week,” Ryujin pointed out as she took the gherkins out of her hamburger, putting them on the side of her plate, “we work out once a month. Sometimes once every two months.”
Chaeryeong nodded in agreement. “True. She could be a national athlete with how much she works out,” she joked with a giggle.
Ryujin nodded, also giggling. “She should do women’s footb–”
She stopped speaking as the intro to La Vie en Rose started playing from the restaurant speakers. Both her and Chaeryeong glanced at Eve, who was too busy enjoying her pizza to notice. She looked up from her plate when she noticed the silence at the table.
“What’s going on?” She asked, putting her pizza back on her plate. She looked around the restaurant in confusion before hearing Eunbi’s part of the verse playing. “Oh.” She simply said, returning to her pizza with an indifferent shrug.
She hadn’t told anyone about her mental breakdown, but she knew her friends knew that something was up with her. Eve tried to conceal the way her hand trembled slightly by using two hands to eat her pizza.
“You don’t have to, like, act weird around me,” she said when she noticed how Ryujin and Chaeryeong were trying — and failing — to pretend they weren’t watching her.
Chaeryeong chuckled awkwardly, fussing with her hair. “We’re not acting weird.”
Eve rolled her eyes dramatically with a groan as she put down her pizza. “I flopped my way out of debuting in IZ*ONE. It’s not the end of the world. I’m okay. You can talk about the group, or the song, or anything — I won’t freak out. It’s not a big deal.” Even to her own ears, it sounded like she was trying to convince herself of what she was saying.
“Well, yeah, it’s just… I mean, you really wanted to debut, Nabi unnie. And we were all voting for you and everything and… It’s just a bit awkward because you don’t seem sad but you also do?” Ryujin said, scrunching her face more and more as she spoke. “You haven’t said anything, but we can tell that something’s upsetting you.”
Eve sighed. “It’s just the normal disappointment that comes with not getting something you wanted. You guys know what it’s like, you both didn’t get to debut through the survival shows you were on. I’m dealing with it in my own way, but I’m fine. Besides, I don’t want you to feel like you can’t be proud of your sister,” she told Chaeryeong. “I didn’t debut, but she did. That’s great!”
Ryujin nodded slowly. “Acting like this must make it harder to get over it, right?”
“Yep,” Eve said, popping the last P. “It’s almost suffocating.” She stole a chip from her friends’ plates, trying to lighten the mood again. She knew she succeeded when Ryujin took one of the cubes of potato off of her pizza and Chaeryeong took a sip of her soda.
The three girls finished eating their food as they talked some more. Within another ten minutes, they had finished their food and had left the restaurant. They stood outside the building, watching as cars drove by.
“Well, it was nice hanging with you guys,” Eve said, knowing that Ryujin and Chaeryeong were going to do their homework. “Enjoy doing your essays.”
Ryujin and Chaeryeong shared a look before the former girl stepped closer to Eve. “Unnie, we’re not going to do homework. We’re… We’re going to the company.”
Eve blinked repeatedly, shaking her head. “What do you mean? There isn’t any training. There hasn’t been for a while.”
”It’s because we’re not training, we’re debuting,” Chaeryeong said. “That’s why there hasn’t been any training. Just like when TWICE sunbaenim and STRAY KIDS sunbaenim were preparing for their debuts.”
“Oh,” Eve said, not knowing how to react. She felt a bunch of conflicting emotions. “Um… I’m happy for you!” She weakly cheered. “You guys are… gonna do so well. Um, I have to go fetch Commes Des and Garçon now, but… Wow! Congratulations! Really. Bye.”
She turned around and walked away, not waiting to listen if her friends were going to say anything. She quickly went to fetch her brother’s dogs and returned home. She put some dog food and water in their bowls, still thinking about what Chaeryeong and Ryujin told her.
Eve truly didn’t know how to feel about it. She obviously was happy for them — who wouldn’t be? But she was also… jealous. She worked insanely hard to be good at her craft, but it wasn’t enough. Jinyoung wasn’t kidding when he said that her performance in Produce 48 would affect whether or not she would debut in the new girl group.
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Kibum entered the passcode to his apartment, walking in. “Thanks for coming, noona,” he said as Taeyeon walked in behind him.
“It’s okay,” Taeyeon waved him off, “don’t mention it. By the way, where are Commes Des and Garçon?” She asked, noticing how the dogs didn’t rush to greet them and how they weren’t in the living room.
Kibum frowned as he looked around the room. “I don’t know. Nabi said she’d fetch them. Maybe they’re on a walk?” He poked his head into his room, not noticing how Taeyeon went to open Eve’s bedroom door.
“I found them,” she whisper-shouted. She heard Kibum walk towards her until he was standing behind her, staring at the sight in front of the both of them: Eve curled up in bed with both of the dogs in her arms as she slept. Garçon wasn’t facing them, and therefore hadn’t seen them, but Commes Des was staring right at them. Both dogs were awake, watching over Eve as she slept.
“Was she crying?” Taeyeon asked, noticing dried tear streaks on Eve’s face. She started walking forward, but was stopped by Commes Des growling.
Kibum groaned, “Why are you growling? What’s the problem?”
Commes Des squirmed his way out of Eve’s hold, standing just in front of her as Garçon turned around to face the two idols. Eve stirred softly as Commes Des kept growling.
“Bro, chill,” she mumbled, raising her right arm to gently stroke his back. “Relax.”
“He was about to attack me,” Taeyeon joked, nodding her head slowly and squinting her eyes in the way she usually did.
Eve sat up slowly, still holding onto Garçon. She yawned as she fully woke up and rubbed her eyes. “What’re you doing here, ahjumma?”
“Kibum-ah asked me to talk to you,” she answered, pointing at the man.
Eve simply blinked. “Are you my therapist?”
Taeyeon chuckled, walking fully into the room and sitting down next to Eve. “I’m not your therapist, no. I’m just… here to talk. About whatever you want.”
“I’ll be next door,” Kibum said, turning around to walk away. Garçon and Commes Des followed him out of the room, probably so they could force him to play with them.
“Do you want me to close the door?” Taeyeon asked, pointing at it. Eve hesitated before nodding and Taeyeon got up to close it before returning to sit next to her. “So…”
“So…” Eve echoed. “What did ahjussi tell you?”
Taeyeon sharply inhaled. “That you broke down–”
“True.”
“–, that your depression is worse–”
“Yep.”
“–, and that he’s worried about you and doesn’t want anything to happen to you.”
“Yeah…”
“Oh! Also that you wrote a song.”
Eve nodded. “Oh, yeah. I did. Would you like to hear it? Or read the lyrics? I didn’t actually record it, so…”
Taeyeon nodded. “Yeah.”
“Okie dokie.” Eve stood up and walked to her desk. She ruffled among the many papers lying all over the desk, letting out a soft ‘Ah-ha!’ when she found the exam pad she wrote the song on. “I wrote it in English, but I wrote a Korean version of it,” she told Taeyeon as she walked back to the older girl and handed her the exam pad.
The room was quiet as Taeyeon read over the lyrics, only the sound of her flipping the page to fill the room. Eve used the time to observe Taeyeon. She knew that Taeyeon also had depression — she sang about it. It was through talking with her and Jonghyun that she realised she might have depression. She went to a psychologist to get diagnosed, but didn’t see the point of going to therapy because she felt it wasn’t serious enough for therapy.
When Taeyeon was done reading, she closed the exam pad and put it down next to her. “Well, that’s… Well, it’s sad. Do you want to talk about it?”
“There’s not much to talk about really,” Eve said with a shrug. “I mean, it’s all clear.”
“Okay. Then can you tell me why you were crying?” Taeyeon asked, gesturing at Eve’s face.
Eve visibly hesitated. “Um, my friends are debuting. That’s why there hasn’t been any training. The company stops training when a group is preparing for debut to stop the chances of the song or choreography being leaked. I found out today when we were eating lunch. It was just… PD- nim told me he wanted to debut a new group. He told me that my performance in Produce 48 would affect whether or not I debut in the group and… I didn’t make it into the group so… Yeah.”
Taeyeon’s eyebrows furrowed. “I’m sorry, Nabi.”
“You don’t have to apologise for anything. It’s not your fault. I should’ve done a better job on Produce 48, it’s my fault.”
“It’s not your fault,” Taeyeon told her.
“Yes, it is. I was the one competing, I was the one that performed, I was the one that didn’t do her best. I’m the one that’s at fault,” she said, feeling herself get emotional again. “I’m happy for my friends, but I feel like…”
“Like that should be you?” Taeyeon finished for her, Eve nodding.
“I’m not saying they don’t deserve it, I just want it for myself,” she explained. “I’ve been a trainee for so long, I’ll never debut at this point. I should just switch to becoming a full-time ballerina. I can audition for the national ballet and–”
“Woah, woah, woah.” Taeyeon waved her arms around. “Nabi, you’re going to debut. You just need to keep going.”
Eve scoffed. “Unnie, I’m not debuting. It’s been six years, okay. I’ve showcased everything that I possibly could — I have nothing left. The company’s probably going to cut their losses and just tell me to end my contract. I wouldn’t fault them or anything. I pretty much embarrassed them. So, I’ll just reinvent myself and do bal–”
“Why are you so adamant on giving up?”
“Because I’m tired!” She exclaimed. “I’m tired of everything. I just want to stop.”
Taeyeon wrapped her arm around Eve, squeezing the younger girl’s shoulder. “Agi-yah, I know it’s hard right now, but it’ll get better soon. Unnie promises. I’m here, Key’s here, everyone’s here. And we’re going to support you, okay? Just hold on a little longer.”
They were silent for some time as Eve calmed herself down. From outside her room, they could hear Kibum trying to bargain with the dogs to get them to let him rest. “I don’t know what’s wrong, it’s… Something is broken,” Eve said. “I’m broken.”
“You’re not broken,” Taeyeon comforted. “I know it feels that way — I know that’s what your brain is telling you —, but trust me, Nabi-yah. You’re not broken. All you need is to get help — professional help.”
“Oppa said the same thing. We’re in the process of looking for a therapist that won’t tell me it’s all in my head.”
‘I mean, technically, it is all in your head,'' Taeyeon joked, trying to get Eve to smile. “It’s a mental illness. In your mi–”
“I get it, oh my goodness.”
Taeyeon chuckled. “You know I’m here for you if you need anything? We’re in this together, okay? I don’t call you Kim Maknae for nothing, so come to me whenever. I know what you’re going through — I’ve been there. I won’t leave you to go through this alone. We’ll take it step by step by step by step. You’re doing so well and I can see your hard work.”
Eve nodded. “Thank you, ahjumma. It means a lot.”
She squeezed Eve’s shoulder. “It’s no problem. And you do realise that when you go to therapy, you’ll have to talk about your feelings, right?”
Eve groaned, throwing her head back as Taeyeon cackled. “I’m not looking forward to it.”
“Just pretend your therapist is me and you’ll be fine.”
“But,” Eve started, her voice slightly more uncertain, “I’ve, like… Like, I’ve…”
“Yeah,” Taeyeon encouraged.
Eve sighed frustratedly. “I don’t know, it’s… I’ve basically, like, found a way to mould my life around my depression. It isn’t constantly bad or anything like that, but it’s there. And I know how to go through life while being depressed, you know? And… I guess, I’m just… Who am I without depression?” She asked, not actually expecting Taeyeon to answer. “When I went to that psychologist, he told me that I most likely started feeling depressed when I was twelve and subconsciously found a way to, like, ignore it, or whatever, but he could see the effects it had on me. He said the reason it was getting more apparent than before was because I was feeling more and more stressed and he gave me ways to manage them. And I follow the tips, and I do the stretches and meditations, and I’ve, like, reworked my personality around this depression thing, and… I don’t know who I am,” she finished, panting lightly.
“I relate to that,” Taeyeon said after a minute of silence. “You spend so long being depressed that you can’t remember who you were before you were depressed. Or, you do remember who you were, but it’s so similar to who you are now that you start to wonder if you’re actually depressed. So then the question becomes, ‘Is it that I’ve been depressed for longer than I realised?’ Or it’s, ‘Am I even depressed enough to warrant seeking help?’ Or, it’s ‘Am I even depressed at all?’ And honestly, Nabi, I don’t know what it is. I so badly wish I could tell you the answer, but the truth is, I’m also figuring that out. Like I said, we’re doing this together. So, if you find out the answer to that question first, tell me,” she joked.
Eve nodded with a chuckle. “Okay, okay. I have no more questions to ask now,” she said.
“Yeah? I find that hard to believe, but I’ll take it.” She stood up, removing her arm from Eve’s shoulder. “Let’s go out there. We bought you a cake. And, hey. If you’re not added to that debut in JYP by the end of the year, I’ll use my connections to have you debut solo. Or I’ll add you to Red Velvet.”
Eve rolled her eyes as she stood up. “Why would you add me to a group that’s been active for four years? I appreciate the sentiment, but seriously?”
Taeyeon scoffed, opening the door. “It’s the thought that counts,” she whined as they walked into the living room.
Kibum looked up as he threw a toy for Garçon to chase after. “Are you done?”
Taeyeon nodded. “We talked and talked.”
He shifted his gaze to his sister. “Are you feeling better?”
“Yes, actually,” Eve said with a deep exhale. “Ahjumma said things that I needed to hear. Thanks for arranging this.”
“Of course, you don’t have to mention it,” he said, sighing as Garçon put the toy back in his hands. They all watched as Commes Des stalked over to Taeyeon, the idol picking the dog up.
“I heard there’s cake.”
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an: i dont go to jype so idk they actually stop training when a group is preparing for debut, but i thought it would be a cool thing to add/write about
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tagging: @seolboba // @ateezivy // @ateezjuliet // @cafemilk-tea // @smh-anon // @alixnsuperstxr // @cosmicwintr // @girlzwfun // @txt-yaomi // @moongrlz
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©️ kim nabi
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bunnieclit · 5 months ago
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idk what else to say besides life's been fucking my fat ass lately 😻
butttt my sons been doing amazing and gaining more weighttt (he's completely fine dw just born 2 weeks before my expected due date so lil mans a tad bit below average on his body weight)
so lil update
lost 4 pounds that's it😭 since having my baby im always so hungry ive binged three times since having him and literally never feel full after ik i gotta fast to shrink my stomach back down but my bf is so persistent about me eating especially at dinner he's completely caught on to the fact that i have a problem we've gotten into several arguments recently over food around me not eating/not eating enough but i am trying harder than ever to focus on my health my mindset has changed a lot since becoming a mother of course i want to be thin again but not more than i want to be alive which is new lmaoooo
sooooo srry 4 the rant but i gotta get this shit off my mind
i feel so alone and empty when i'm home alone sooooo almost all day every day ik i gotta learn how to drive so i can have some sort of life outside of my room i sit here and just overanalyze all my relationships and every lil interaction with my bf i feel so bad bc he works sm and comes home excited to see me and the bby and im so bitter and cold for lik the first 30 minutes then snap out of it cuz literally WTF i wait around for him to get home lik a dog and by the time he gets here im in a terrible mood and for whatttttt he's so good to me and understanding :( im trying so hard to be better for him the last thing i ever want to do is push him away from me he's my world
i had a full blown breakdown on sunday when my family came to visit our bby but thank godddd i sped off to the garage before they noticed anything was wrong but me it's just since having the baby i can't even stand the way i look
me and my bf do this bs were we take pictures of each other naked looking stupid and it's never bothered me b4 we always send them back and forth when he's working but he took one on saturday and the second i saw it i wanted to puke i didn't even recognize myself i looked disgusting but i didn't make a big deal about it until sunday
it was all I could think about throughout the day i kept going back and just staring at the picture so by the time he got home i was so hurt i barely talked to him when my family got there he was being extremely standoffish and wouldn't even come into the living room where we all were which is extremely unlike him so i went over there to apologize and ask him if he was mad at me
ofc cuz he's the best bf told me no he's just confused and doesn't know why i'm acting like that i completely brokedown sobbing telling him about how the picture made me feel and i know he didn't mean any harm by it but that i just hate myself sm and don't know how he could love me looking like this but he's ofc so reassuring and supportive i felt so much better afterwards
he's way older than me so he's extremely against plastic surgery but told me last night that after we have our second child he will pay for me to get a tummy tuck bc he can't stand to see how my body is affecting me anymore
likk thank you sirrrrrr😻
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escargot4free00 · 1 year ago
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Tonight was one of the few  times I’ve walked alone in the streets on Paris since my arrival as it gets dark/is dark. After a heavily emotional day, saying goodbye to my best friend who I won’t see in a year, and cleaning the house for hours finding copious spider dens and dealing with water problems amongst other things, being exhausted and anxious almost to my wits ends. I tried to keep my cool the entire day. As I decided to trek to the other side of Paris, to stay my brothers’ house, I find that I’m locked out, with two heavy bags and having forgotten to eat dinner. I am so hungry, but the closest supermarket closed 5 minutes earlier. So I take my bags and walk to the next supermarket, with 10 minutes to spare before all the grocery stores would be shut. It’s still light outside and im walking as super paced as I possibly can to make it in time. Each street I walk down is crevice filled with men, who blatantly stare and talk at me as if I was a kind of prey. I don’t think I saw one woman out on the street. On the corner of the supermarket as I approach the sliding doors, three boys are playing soccer, and one of them keeps staring me up and down up and down, until he charges at me with his entire body weight with the ball, throwing himself on top of me so as to literally assert his physical dominance. He bows me kisses and tries to brush his weight against me again but I quickly bolt between the supermarket doors. The only woman I see walking around is a homeless woman who I have seen around. She didn’t make eye contact with anyone. As I get to the counter the man at the checkout creepily winks at me. I had to instantly look down from the overwhelming discomfort and shudders in my spine. He suddenly holds up a bag of chips that I had taken and begins yelling « did you rip this open « . I say no of course not - like ,,,, no I didn’t rip the fucking chip packet before buying it and giving it to him at the fucking checkout. Why would I do that. He signals for the security guard who towers over me. He tells him to take me to the cameras to check for whether I opened the chip packet on screen. I am literally on the verge of a full breakdown as he’s just yelling at me, swiping between screens showing sections of the supermarket. I repeat myself over and over that I didn’t rip the fcking packet open, that would make absolutely no sense, I was paying for it either way! They keep me there until they decide they're ready to stop giving a fuck. Just making sure I have just enough exposure to enough people, humiliated and in tears. They shove the packet into my chest and say they’re closing so I have to now pay. They tell me not to come back but then give me a smile and a wink as I leave. At this point I’m genuinely depleted, im so tired. I walk a 10 minute longer route so I don’t have to face the men through the smaller streets. On my alternative route, with 2% on my phone, I receive 4 different men at different points blatantly yelling at me, telling me I should go home with them, asking for a kiss, telling me not to walk so fast and asking why I don’t look at them. 
I’ve genuinely never felt myself get to the point of completely defencelessness in the presence of men. But when we have no options but to cop it or bare the potential dangers of reciprocating and verbalising your discomfort and anger, then we’re essentially just fucked. 
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chilapis · 8 months ago
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hi lapis! i hope this isnt bothersome, but i thought i should tell you, today i found out my f/o has an official perfume too, and all i could think of was your extensive and detailed (and impressive) breakdown of tartaglias. my bf is a fellow hoyo character, luke from tot, which im not sure you know of, but generally personality wise hes quite energetic and positive, with angst and gloominess hidden and unprocessed, but thats .. irrelevant. the top notes of the perfume have lemon and orange, and there is apricot in the heart (?) notes, which i think does suit him quite well. as well as spearmint? which i did not know you could put into perfume. and lily of the valley, and then amber and whatnot in the base notes. to my understanding the top notes arent what it mainly smells like?? im not knowledgable about this stuff at all so i dont know what scents mix well or whether if they have like themes or symbolism, i feel like ive been losing my mind reading articles about different notes and the composition of scents. i am still very lost, but i feel like your post gave me some direction, so thank you!
anyway, hope youre doing well, and also that this isnt too weird of a message to send, as we have been mutuals for only some time <3
- @lov3dream
Oh goodness, this isn’t weird or bothersome at all — it’s been such a thrill to read. I haven’t really ever indulged in any other MiHoyo games, but I have briefly heard of Tears of Themis so I do have the briefest idea.
First thing? Don’t every think of something as not holding potential to be a perfume note; it’s mostly chemical compositions that are used to achieve those notes or accords, or wrung out essences. It is truly insane what you’ll find in the notes of perfumes sometimes. That said, taking all provided notes into consideration, that certainly smells refreshing — citrusy, minty, with a slight warmth and sweetness to it. I’d say the way fragrances smell have a-lot to do with many different factors. Namely, if you put it on yourself or such, it might smell different on you than it might on someone else because different people tend to pull different notes of the fragrance more strongly based on their own body’s natural scent.
As for the notes; notes are usually divided into three categories, top, middle, and base. Most people usually smell the perfume in that order too; meaning that you might smell the top notes right off the bat, the middle notes when it’s been a few minutes and it’s settled in, and the base notes when it’s been a while and it’s just lingering now. Of-course this isn’t a rigid rule and sometimes the base notes are so strong that they hit you as soon you spray. I feel like it depends on the general/full make-up for scents to work together? Not to mention Memo again (can you tell I have a favourite house yet), but their Italian Leather fragrance literally has Tomato leaf in it. Tomato leaf. Can you imagine making that work without making yourself smell like soup? No? Well, they managed it somehow and it’s honestly not a bad scent, though it’s not something I’d personally wear due to my own tastes. It’s actually quite nice. Scents do have themes and symbolism however; most people are a stranger to that so you don’t have to worry about it, as the average person is more or less just concerned about smelling good rather than smelling like or representing a particular style or feeling.
Articles can be really confusing though, I get that, because certain things are just, much easier to understand in conversation than in a pre-written article. I promise you don’t have to do this alone though; I could help you navigate scents and themes a little better? You can message me if you need any help and are confortable with it, I wouldn’t mind at all. This is such a sweet message either way though, good luck and I hope you’ve been seeing to your needs and taking care of yourself!
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anything-viva · 1 year ago
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sorry i just need to rant about this bc i've fucking had it. here's the big lies she's told me off the top of my head, kinda tmi but idc.
like she said she got pneumonia when she was nine and her parents refused to take her to the hospital, nearly killing her. funny thing, whenever i complained abt my cramps she'd bring up how hers used to put her in the hospital. (way to center the conversation on yourself, btw!) she wouldn't be old enough to drive when she first started getting them, so who took her to the hospital? i went to school with her, i live five minutes away from her, never saw ambulances that often! curious!
that's also part of the reason why i didn't get my shit checked out for so long! "oh, it's not as bad as rachel's so it's no big deal. i should just shut up and bear it." i can hardly stand up for ten minutes without pain now. THANKS! I CAME TO MY BEST FRIEND FOR ADVICE AND YOU LIED TO ME <3
btw her periods aren't even that bad. she gave me the thinnest fucking pad that would hardly last me three hours on a bad day like that. SHE CLAIMED IT WOULD LAST TWELVE! FUCKING LMAO! she didn't belive me when i laughed and told her it wouldn't last. if your parents refused to take you to the hospital when you nearly died, why would they take you if your periods are that light? like if your outer signs are so minimal, they wouldn't take you!!
said her dad took the lock off her door and creeped on her. HER DOOR HAS A LOCK, THERE IS NO DAMAGE ON THE DOOR!!! also the way she described it sounded exactly like an anime trope. shes a MASSIVE weeb, so i think she got it from some shitty anime she saw.
she said she's saving up to move out of her abusive household yet she splurges money like crazy. her room is full of anime figurines and unused wiccan shit. i really don't think she's actually a wiccan, she would've used those candles but they showed NO signs of use! as soon as we get together she starts talking abt buying lingerie and stuff from spencer's. aren't you saving up???
she says she can hear demons when her ears start ringing- babe, you have tinnitus.
and the constant constant "how do you think i feel?" she says i can tell her anything, but whenever i complain it's almost always "hOw Do YoU tHiNk I fEel" unless im on the verge of a fucking breakdown
said to my face "i haven't gotten fast food in months!" I WAS IN THE CAR WITH HER WHEN SHE GOT THEM? LIKE LMFAO? i wouldn't really care how she eats, but the audacity to lie to my face about something I SAW?!
she lies about getting commissions CONSTANTLY. made some fucking ridiculous lie up abt getting a comm from some rich lady who owns property at the tip of florida, supposedly over 100 manatees live there! No the fuck they don't!!!!!!! do you think i'm stupid?!
most recent example happened tonight. she hung up some of her paintings today at the gallery and claimed afterwards she got two offers on them? no the fuck she didn't, they were some of her worst paintings. i was there most of the time, i likely would've heard it!
i think that last bit is bc i got more attention than her. we were seated at the same booth. i talked a LOT to the people who were interested in my art because i can hold a conversation!
that's why she started making up shit abt commissions and getting jumped. OH MY FUCKIGN GOD
SHES BEEN DOING THIS AS LONG AS IVE KNOWN HER AND I ONLY JUST REALIZED
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EDIT I FORGOT ABT THAT ONE TIME THIS SUMMER SHE SAID HER DAD TOOK A THIUSAND DOLLARS FROM HER BANK ACCOUNT. GOOD GOD I FORGOT ABT THAT. MY MOM AND BROTHER WERE THERE.
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koishua · 3 years ago
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𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐨 !
ENHYPEN REACTING TO YOU JAMMING TO THEIR TAYO SONGS!
taglist: @junityy @igyus @intokook @leavethemonsteralive @iuwon @envirae @fairyjunn @rutosruru-world @daystiny @luvholicz @imdamconfused @renjunvrse @honeyseungz @dweio @rae-blogging @ikigyus @enhyseob @jitaros @jdyunvrs @yunntext @yourlocalhotgf @strwberrydinosaur @mark-lees-world @beomgyuv @chileangring4 @99swinwin @jakeycore @99outros @heejojo @thekinkpopstandsforkrackheads @strqyverse @tyongishs @jiminisyourangel @yutaalove @yangianwon @icywhatim @sunshine-skz @hwallswrld @twntycm @sooblvr @injanggarden @whoe-dis @thegracerammy (click here to be added)
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[⌗] 𝗵𝗲𝗲𝘀𝗲𝘂𝗻𝗴.
screams. is scandalised. the sheer betrayal he feels
poor boy just wanted some good ol’ affection from you when he came to your doorsteps
gulps in fear when he hears a vaguely familiar tune coming from some room in your house, but then pushes the fear back in his head  
my man SERVES
vocals and dance and rap and all that jazz. he is there to be a fabulous showman. 
is going down for the next two or three business days afterwards. mentally too drained im sorry he can’t function
rest of the members are under the cut !
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[⌗] 𝗷𝗮𝘆.
why do i feel like he will just 1) gulp, 2) sigh, 3) and join right in to your popping moves for billy poco lmao
as much as he feels tired of the song, he does enjoy the sick beat pffft-
will probably turn it into a show and do the entire pizzaz and all haha
add a few jazzy partner dance section to the “oh oh oh oh oh” part and we’re so done gahh even i’m tired thinking about this
[⌗] 𝗷𝗮𝗸𝗲.
you best believe he is absolutely over the amount of times he has already spent mouthing ta- tayo ta- tayo by now besties.
he will breakdown and cry
okay not necessarily cry
but when he steps into your room with hopes of relaxing from the hectic day, only to see you busting moves to the god awfully happy song, he will nope right tf out of that place bahaha ;-;
mans just not okay wbk
he is traumatised. help this boy pls.
[⌗] 𝘀𝘂𝗻𝗴𝗵𝗼𝗼𝗻.
he doesn’t know if he should laugh or cry bc you’re cute, but you’re also yelling out the full lyrics to his first tayo song
decides to just stay there for a few seconds, smiling to himself because you’re so gosh darn into it and he would feel bad for disturbing your fun
but he is out after thirty seconds max. 
he has had enough of it.
god knows how many times he has been forced to go through the pain.
[⌗] 𝘀𝘂𝗻𝗼𝗼.
sunshine boy 1000% joins in on the fun and makes the whole experience just immaculate and divine.
will bust out a random disco light and hang it up somewhere in the room out of nowhere and find his bluetooth speakers to have it on loop
neighbors will think you are possessed
but you’re just aggressively double headbanging to billy billy poc-
it somehow turns into a workout idk how tho bahahaha
[⌗] 𝗷𝘂𝗻𝗴𝘄𝗼𝗻.
somehow doesn’t even hear anything and walks inside with his headphones
isn’t going to do anything about his s/o absolutely losing it while doing the air guitar and aggressive arm pops 
he just plops somewhere randomly and scrolls on his phone.... randomly pulls out his headphones to tell you about something he found, but then hears the ‘gaegujaengi kkoma bus <3’ and slowly
very slowly, subtly, puts his music back on and dissolves
[⌗] 𝗻𝗶-𝗸𝗶.
listen.
he thinks it’s cute and all but. oml. if he had to listen to a single more second of that song or dive off your second floor back outside, he would do it in a heartbeat
BUT
but!!! when he sees you dancing,,,
his inner child and competitive side gets to him
and now it’s just a bunch of kids trying to outdance each other 
im sorry, you’ll be dead tired after having billy poco on loops for forty eight minutes rip to your ears, brains, and muscles.
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thunderon · 3 years ago
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{{ You said you have road trip stories? I live for road trip stories! What's your favorite one? Or which one are you least ashamed to share, if you don't have a favorite?
i could write a novel about my multiple horrible no good very bad roadtrips (that i remember fondly) but i think i got a story from my most recent roadtrip this summer. a lot of people think im kidding when i tell this story but it’s unfortunately 100% true
i actually think i mentioned it on this blog before, but i’ll set the scene: me and two others are driving through the mountains late on day 2 of our No Preparation Spontaneous Roadtrip and we take the “scenic route” (and by that i mean we get totally lost).
we’re about an hour up the mountainside and none of us have phone service and have no way to find our way back down so we’re just speeding along the roads trying to find our way out. our driver (who, let the record show, is not a good driver) is getting very stressed out. i mean she’s got a white knuckled grip on the steering wheel and is jerking us back and forth along the mountain roads. im riding shotgun, feeling vaguely nauseous, and we got someone else in the backseat lying down because our driver’s erratic driving is making her so carsick. things could be going better. the situation is already less than ideal, but things went from bad to worse when a 300 lb bear sprints onto the road.
now let me share something with you: you think you know fear when you see a 300 lb bear charging at your car. you know you know fear when the driver hits the gas instead of the brakes and suddenly you’re riding shotgun in a car hurtling 60+ mph at a charging bear.
it was such a scene: the driver is screaming and grabbing me like ive somehow suddenly developed the ability to magically stop us from hitting this fucking bear and so she’s half hanging on my arm, foot still on the gas, and i swear i set the world record for The Most “Oh Fuck”s Said in Three Seconds right then, and meanwhile our third person lying down in the backseat doesn’t know what’s going on but she shoots up when she hears the commotion and BANG we hit that wholeass bear with the full force of a mid-sized sedan driven by a woman with an apparent deathwish.
well we had so much momentum from our driver’s questionable choice to accelerate rather than brake, we manage to run OVER the bigass bear. which honestly i would have thought would be physically impossible to do if i hadn’t been there. i mean our car literally goes up over the bear (who gets bounced around under our car) and we slam down on the other side and run halfway off this narrow mountain road and the driver swerves onto the side and we’re all sitting there for a second just trying to process what in the fuck just happened and the driver is has this exact expression:
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… and then we hear a blood curdling scream from our passenger (who had no idea what was going on) and me and the driver of course whip our heads around to see what the fuss was about. now let me share something else: you experience an emotion beyond fear when you run over a bear with a car…. and then the bear gets up.
the driver (making her first good decision of the day) decides not to stick around for bear vs car: round 2, thank you very much, and guns it. we shot back onto the road and put some much needed distance between us and the very angry bear we just hit.
about a few minutes after hurtling down the road nearly twice the speed limit the adrenaline wears off and we stumble upon a wide enough place to kinda pull off to the side. the driver is fully having a nervous breakdown and so i hop out to assess the damages. the bumper is cracked and out of place, the license plate is totally bent back etc. but luckily it’s not too bad (all things considered) and my extensive history of owning shitty cars finally paid off and i was able to fix the bumper up enough to prevent it from scraping the ground.
eventually some kind folks gave us directions down the mountain and we got into the nearest town after dark and of course no mechanics shops were open at that time so we had to quickly find ourselves a place to crash (we ended up staying in the third worst motel ive ever been to in my life, but that’s a separate trauma for another time). our roadtrip ended shortly thereafter but hey. we got a good story outta it.
tl;dr we picked a fight with a bear and i think everyone lost really. the car, the bear, and especially us.
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captainstarkky · 4 years ago
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Doom at Your Service - An Appreciation Post
Before starting this lengthy post about how I love this drama, I would just like to commend the writer - Im Meari. She has done a wonderful job with this series. I am sad that Episode 10, which was supposed to be the most meaningful episode - had the lowest ratings in Korean media.  But still the whole drama as a while was a masterpiece. What can I say? It is philosophical and poetic at the same time. It entails too many meanings and it has born too many questions.
For me, the whole series is the journey to acceptance.
And Myeol Mang represents that.
When we are faced with an imminent death or destruction, our first reaction is to get angry, frustrated. That’s a normal emotional response to a bad news for humans. If you are in the right head, you will obviously cry or either space out, unable to talk for a few minutes. That is how we get frustrated, that is how we get angry.
And remember what Myul Mang said?
“No one could love me. Everyone either resent me or wants me. Or some fear me.”
It roughly translates to layterm as: ‘...everyone resents me’ (no one wants to die) “...wants me” (some wants to die)... “or some fear me.” (everyone is afraid to die)
That’s quite familiar, right? Hmmm? Now proceed.
Now there is actually a theory that talks about grief. It is a psychological construct that has been proposed to explain why people react the way they react when posed with an information they can’t accept. It is a theory of Elizabeth Ross. She called it the 5 Stages of Grief.
According to her, whenever people experience a life changing event - either death, divorce, end of relationship - a person experiences grief and to get out of that, one needs to pass through stages. It is personal and does not entail timelines and schedule - which is harder for someone who has a terminal illness.
Now, some of you might ask: Why and how did you correlate both?
Simple. Because Myeol Mang is destruction. And Tak Dongkyung is dying - she has three months to live, to be specific, she has 50 days to live as of the 10th episode. Therefore, we can say that Tak Dongkyung is currently in this five stages that I’m talking about. 
The story is all about Tak Dongkyung accepting his faith: which is her inevitable death.
By the way, a bit of a trivia, Doom at Your Service wasn’t the only drama who discussed this theory. If you are familiar with Last Romance, the story centers with the theory as well. 
There are five stages of grief as per the theory.
Denial
Denial is the stage where a person still cannot accept the fact that he/she is dying. She may be redirecting her attention elsewhere or she’s just ignoring the fact that she is.
Actually before episode 10, Tak DongKyung is still in the spectrum of denial. She doesn’t accept the fact that she’s dying. Not talking about it is the indication. She prepares to die - writes a bucketlist, clear out whatever is holding her in the world, assures her brother, etc. - but in reality, she doesn’t want to die. She is still in the process of denying the fact that she is dying.
She is basically pushing the idea of Myung Mang to the back of her mind.
That’s why, Myul Mang wants her to speak it out. He wants her to accept it with all her heart; because that’s the only way she could fully love him.
That is also the reason why the Deity told her to LOVE HIM ‘because I created them for you, humans.’
You’re not supposed to hate death and destruction. Because in the end of everything, we are doomed to end anyway. So we got to accept it. We got to love it.
Denial is probably the hardest stage to get over to because you know that there is still a lot you can do before you finally accept it out. That’s probably the reason why she stayed there for the longest time.
Anger
Anger is when you finally considers the idea of dying - but rejects it out. No one wants to die. And if we are faced with the fact, it is only natural to get angry. But to whom?
Tak Dongkyung hated Myul Mang. And she actually makes her point on this fact during the early episodes. 
She blames him for everything - for a moment.
She might’ve been thinking: why me? And honestly I don’t blame her. Out of all the 7 billion people, you are chosen to have a hundred days to live. If I was her, I would get angry too.
But a little food for the mind: Tak Dongkyung isn’t really angry at Myul Mang. She just want to blame someone for her misfortunes, for her cancer. I mean, she is still young and has a full life to live, she still has to take care of her brother and marry him off a good woman, then all of a sudden, she got cancer. All those plans ruined just because of a few words. And a cocky guy shows up outside her apartment announcing that he’s doom - etce tera, etce tera. Again, If I was her, I would be angry at Myul Mang myself.
Because anger helps us cope.
Although she’s pass that stage now, she certainly have his fair points when it comes to getting angry at our Doom.
Bargaining
Bargaining is a temporary truce. We want our life back so we tend to do everything to get it back. Even if we have to bargain with a demon or something. Some people goes back to their faith, some people risk all their possessions to their doctors. Bottomline, we want to have a chance. A fighting chance.
The second Tak Dongkyung entered the contract with Myul Mang, she already started bargaining.
She started thinking what could be her wish. Even if she never materialized them, she thought of them. So since we are talking about wishes, here are her possible wishes:
People would forget about her when she die.
Wanting to live
Happy Ending
For Myul Mang not to get hurt when she’s gone.
End of the world.
But isn’t the wish supposed to be directed to self?
No not necessarily. If you’re in the early stages of bargaining, it might be the case. But as you move to the later stages, your perspective changes and your wishes will center more on your loved ones. You will want them not to get sad when you pass; or good health for them; good fortune. And that will eventually lead you to the fourth stage - which is depression. Because you know that your wishes for them could never come true.
Depression
This is the interesting part.
What is depression? It is the feeling of immense hopelessness especially in her case that she is dying. The fact that your short life will not leave a mark and the fact that you won’t be able t see your loved ones again - that sadness - but to the greater length. To the point of you not being able to function properly in the society.
Where did the depression start? It did not even show in the whole series.
Oh no, it did.
This is the reason why this drama is for those people who can understand social cues - therefore, intelligent people. If you haven’t seen it then it’s a good time to rerun the drama on your laptops.
Tak Dongkyung has always been depressed. She wouldn’t wish the end of the world if she is not.
From the death of her parents, from the constant thoughts of being a burden to her aunt, from her missed interviews, from his brother stopping college, from her sexist boss, from her cheating ex, from her cancer. Everything is just depressing. 
But why can’t we see it?
Depression is a psychological issue. She might present herself as a happy person but there’s no guarantee that she feels the same inside.
That makes sense.
And do you know what’s the peak of her depression? The moment she knew about her sickness. 
The same day she met our handsome Myul Mang.
Acceptance
Acceptance is not necessarily a happy or uplifting stage, for it only means that you are finally in the stage where you have finally made terms with your fate. It is the stage where you’re staring to realize that ‘ah, it’s really here.’
And that, my friends, is the goal of the drama.
Tak Dongkyung who’s always scared, sad, and hated her life must accept it. She must be able to accept her fate and herself. She needs to accept Myul Mang. Her death.
And to be honest, she is making a whole lot of improvement compared to when she was on the previous episodes. She was truthfully falling for Myul Mang and it means that she’s slowly accepting her death.
We can hear her say:
“I’m not scared anymore...”
On the teaser after Episode 10. It can only mean one thing, she is a step closer to acceptance.
Tak Dongkyung’s journey to self-acceptance still is not ending. She still have a few more days.
Technically, she’ll die. But I hope she will not and she will end up with Myul Mang in the end.
With that I would like to make a point: This drama is for philosophical people.
If you cannot understand what is happening, then it’s obvious that you will not be watching it. If you want skinship and lots of cute scenes, then you can watch this - Seo In-guk and Park Bo-young serves us just enough - but you still won’t get it.
You’ll think that it’s going nowhere and eventually drop the drama because all you want is fluff and love story.
I hope it’s not like that.
Just like everyone who shares their thought and theories, breakdowns in here, let us try to read between the lines on what it really wants to tell us.
You will enjoy it, I promise.
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reidsconverse · 4 years ago
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memories • spencer reid
Spencer Reid x Reader
Warnings: none! just 4000 words of pure angst
This was an old fic reworked to be about around spencer so its taking a lottt of creative/artistic liberty with the character, so it kinda sucks im sorry! 😁
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Every moment you had with him was one to be remembered and cherished for better or worse.
It had been a few weeks since Spencer had officially ended things, he had moved all of his stuff out of your apartment and now it seemed as if he had never even existed in the same place as you, as though you two were strangers. That is had it not been for the images of memories the two of you held. So, here you were sat alone in your room, your only company the half-empty bottle of wine and photographs of the two of you which sat strewn carelessly across your floor.
You picked up a picture and stared at it realising you both looked so happy. His arm was wrapped around your shoulder, a cup in his hand and his signature grin sitting across his face. Your head was leaning against his shoulder, the smile on your face reminding you of how free you had felt that night, you had never felt happier and you recognised that night as the night you realised...you were so in love.
"We should have a party," Spencer yelled despite there being no one else other than the two of you in the room.
"Right now?" You looked at him as if he was insane, not only was it completely out of character for your boyfriend but also, it was 1 am on a Wednesday and although your friends weren't those with a regular schedule you presumed most of them would decline a house party in the middle of the week.
"Yeah right now, c'mon doll I'll call Derek and some of the others and you call your friends." His hand was already on his phone texting Derek before you could protest so you followed his instructions and went ahead and invited your friends before getting up and preparing for this impromptu party.
It had only been 10 minutes when you heard Derek and some others open the door shouting for Spencer and you walked over with a grin on your face, "Hey D, Spencers being a diva and redoing his hair, he'll be right down." You said, rolling your eyes as Derek pulled you into a hug, he may have been Spencer's best friend but he thought of you as a sister and always treated you as such.
"Well I have look good for my girl," You heard Spencer say from behind you quickly placing a kiss on your cheek before doing his weird handshake with Derek, "Hey, thanks for coming'."
The three of you made your way to the kitchen to grab some drinks and greet some more guests who had congregated in that area and before you knew it, you were 4 shots in, feeling way past tipsy and in the mood to dance.
"Hey Spence," You said walking over to where he was now sat, a cup in his hand as he held a conversation with JJ and Emily about something that you didn't care too much about. You waved a quick hello to the girls so as not to be rude and then placed your head on his shoulder to let him know of your presence.
"Hey darling, you feeling good?" He turned his face and flashed you a wide grin before wrapping an arm around you to pull you close to him. He enjoyed being near you whenever he could, when he was away he would long for the days where all he did was sit and hold you close to him regardless of what the two of you were doing, so now whenever he had the chance he would hold you close.
"Feelin' great Spence.. wanna dance with you..."  You said pulling out of his hold and grabbing his hand leading him onto the 'dance floor', which was just the open space in your living room. He laughed and quickly finished his drink, discarding the cup somewhere in the room and held you as you both danced to the music playing through the speakers.
After a couple of songs, you both made your way to get another drink and get a break from the crowd, you sat at the kitchen island and passed him a drink."You know, considering you're a genius, I would've thought you'd be able to coordinate a bit better."  You said teasing him about his choice of moves which had essentially been him waving his arms in the air attempting to be in tune with the music.
He looked at you in fake shock and scoffed, "Yeah well it was still better than whatever you were trying to do." Referring to your horrendous attempt at trying to be sexy which in truth was never going to be anything but embarrassing. You stuck your tongue out in a childish manner causing him to laugh and quickly move to place his lips against yours giving you a soft kiss.
You jumped down from the counter after pulling back as a couple of your friends walked in and struck up a conversation about nothing interesting yet you made the effort to look engaged as Spencers's arm slipped over your shoulders and you placed your head against his shoulder.
"Hey guys, look here." You both turned to see your friend Harry, as always with a polaroid camera in his hand. You and Spencer gave each other a quick smile before grinning wide for the camera, both your faces full of love and happiness.
You sat there thinking about how quickly things can change, the people in the image you held so young and naive to the struggles the future would hold. Taking another sip of your wine you skimmed through some more pictures before stopping at one that held a bittersweet meaning. A picture that was taken a few days after what had been your worst fight, you both looked happy but all you could think about the events leading up to the image being taken.
It was your and Spencers 5th anniversary and he had promised he would make it to dinner. You hadn't seen each other in weeks because he was away on a case but he had promised he wouldn't miss this day, he had asked for permission from Hotch to leave for a couple of days so he would be there. "No excuses, No ifs and buts...I'll be there babe. I promise."
But there you were, alone at a table for two. The look on the waiters face held nothing but pity as he walked over for the fourth time to ask if someone would be joining you. Finally, you gave up and shook your head to let him know you would be leaving and would like the cheque. You had never felt so humiliated walking out of the restaurant head held high but tears building up in your eyes and so you cried. You felt so broken, almost as broken as all those promises Spencer had made you. The word promise and sorry had lost all meaning in the last 5 years, simply a courtesy rather than meaningful.
The minute you got home your phone began ringing, it was Spencer.
"Hey doll, I'm so sorry I couldn't make it, the team wanted to go out last night and I kind of missed my -." He began to explain causing you to scoff, 'no ifs or buts' my ass.
"How could you?" Your voice cracking as you tried to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill for the second time that night. "I waited for 2 fucking hours Spencer, I felt like a fucking idiot."  
"What? What are you talking about?" His voice was full of confusion. "Didn't you get my text?"
"No, I fucking didn't. I didn't get a fucking text. But that's not the fucking point, You should've been here, you promised you would be here."
"Babe, I'm so -," He began but you knew what he was gonna say. The only conversations you seemed to have were stuck on a loop like a broken record.
"Save it. Don't say you're sorry when you don't mean it, stop saying sorry and show it instead."
"Look, I'll get on the first flight out. I'll see you in a few hours, I'll make it up to you I prom-." You hung up the phone before he could continue, his promise worth nothing to you anymore. Walking over to the couch, you fell asleep the minute your head rested against one of the many cushions populating the seat.
You woke up to keys jingling in the door, yet you made no effort to move from where you were. The sound of his footsteps got louder as he approached.
"Babe? I know you're up." He said, kneeling beside you making you sigh and sit up. "Babe, I'm so sorry. I fucked up."
You just stared at him, it might have been petty but you didn't want to give in to his apologies just yet, he had to understand just how much he had hurt you first.
"I couldn't care less anymore, Spencer. I just need to remember that I'll always come second to work and that's fine, it's important to you and I understand that." You got up and walked over to the kitchen to gather yourself.
"Babe you are the most important thing to me, I'm sorry-."
That was the straw that broke the camel's back. "Here we go again, Spencer there's only so many times you can say you're sorry before it loses all meaning. I'm sick and tired of this, I don't know if I can do this anymore. You're never here, you make promises you can never keep and I'm pretty sure you've told me you're sorry more times than you've told me you love me."
"Please don't do this. I love you." His voice was shaking, breaking down at the thought of you leaving him. He moved over to you and turned you so you were facing him. "I know this means nothing to you but I am so sorry. I've been so shitty to you and I know it."
"Spencer, I deserve better than this and I'm sick of forgiving you and acting like I'm fine with how you treat me, you might not mean it but it fucking hurts. I love you so much and I know you love me but would it kill you to put me first for once in your fucking life."
This annoyed him, the lack of sleep and being overworked leaving him less patient and more irritable, "That's not fucking fair, you knew what you were signing up for when you started dating me, I'm doing my fucking best. I go to work for US, to support US. If I could devote all of my time to you if I could, but I can't and it fucking kills me. You can't understand how much I miss you when I'm not here."
Tears welled in your eyes seeing him breakdown, unable to keep up the unbothered facade you had on, "I just...Spence, I miss you too. It hurts not being able to be near you and so when you're not there when you promise you will be, it hurts it really fucking hurts not to mention it's terrifying, how am I supposed to know you're ok if you do shit like that."
He pulled you into his arms as you sobbed into his chest, all the emotions you'd kept bottled up during the argument letting go. "I know baby, I'm so sorry I hurt you. I promise, and I mean it this time, I won't let you down again. I love you." He mumbled into your hair, slowly kissing your forehead whilst consoling you and holding you like he never wanted to let go.
The two of you went to bed that night in silence, not a word was spoken until the next day wherein Spencer switched off his phone and dedicated the whole weekend to you and only you. He kept his word once he had to leave, always fulfiling his promises, never pushing you to the side and communicating with you always. The two of you felt strong again, you were happy.
You put your glass down and walked out of your room and began pacing around the living room, pictures of you and him still up on your walls, the walls that no longer belonged to the both of you. You thought back to when he asked you to move him, how nervous he was and how excited you were.
It was movie night at Spencers house. Each week he invited everyone over to watch a film, everyone taking it in turns to select a film. This week Emily had chosen Midsommar, a film you were yet to see so you were excited. You were sat beside Spencer on the loveseat, his arm around you and your face resting against his chest, a blanket covering you both for extra comfort. You looked up and saw Derek and Penelope lay spread across the floor whilst JJ and Emily sat on the sofa. Bowls of popcorn and sweets were scattered around the room and beer bottles were piling up. It was nights like this that you wanted to treasure forever, for the first time you felt like you had a family, people to call your own, people you could trust.
"Watcha thinking about?" Spencer asked, glancing at you and realising your mind wasn't directed at the movie anymore.
"Nothing, just really lucky to have you in my life," You reached your hand up to hold his face and gave him a soft kiss. "I love you."
He pulled you in closer if that was even possible, "I love you too."
"Ugh, get a room." Derek groaned making you both chuckle.
Spencer responded by throwing some popcorn at him, "Aw is someone jealous, don't worry you'll find someone soon enough."
Derek murmured a quiet, "Fuck off" before turning his attention back to the movie, making everyone laugh.
The movie ended shortly and everyone was discussing what to watch next, you were in the mood for a comedy but Derek wanted to watch Die Hard for the millionth time. After several minutes of slight arguing, you finally decided on rewatching Moana for the 12th time.
Everyone was pretty much settled, drinks refilled, popcorn replenished and everyone back in their positions. Emily was about to press play before JJ stopped her, "Wait before you start I'm kinda cold can I borrow a sweater?" She asked Spencer.
"Yeah sure, take one from our room." He said casually like it was normal but it made your breath hitch in your throat, did he just say our room? As in, yours and his. Unofficially he wasn't wrong, it was your room as much as his, you spent pretty much every night here making having your own apartment redundant, but he hadn't yet asked you to move in with him. You couldn't help the small blush on your face and the way your lips turned upwards at his words. It made you happy knowing he thought of it as something for both of you.
"What has you so happy?" Penelope asked in a teasing tone, she'd picked up on Spencer words and knew exactly why you were smiling.
You just stuck your tongue out at her and looked up at Spencer, "Our room huh?" You asked making him smile.
"Yeah I mean, you're here every day, maybe more than I am. You should just move in at this point." He let out a little laugh after he said leaving you confused as to whether he was being serious, so you just laughed along and waited for JJ to come back so you could start the movie.
A couple of hours later almost everyone was half asleep, everyone apart from you and Spencer. You began making your way to his room followed by him carrying the blanket he had taken from his bed. The two of you went about your night routine, Spencer had insisted on keeping at least half of your things at his place hence why you never had to leave. You quickly changed into one of his shirts which fit you just right and climbed into bed where he was already sitting, reading a book.
"Spence, were you being serious...earlier when you said I should move in?" You asked him, making him put down his book and look at you.
"Would you like that? You don't have to say yes but I would love it if you moved in. The mornings when I wake up and you're still next to me, are the best mornings. Honestly, knowing I'm going to wake up next to you makes falling asleep easier. Plus Tesla and Edison love you, maybe even more than they loves me." He asked, the mention of his fish making you laugh despite the fact your eyes were welling up, what had you done to deserve the sweetest man to walk the earth.
You shifted yourself so you were straddling him and held his face in your hands, "I would love to move in with you." You answered placing a soft kiss to his lips.
"I love you so much," He said as you moved back to laying down next him. "You make me the happiest man alive and I'm so lucky to have you."
"God, Spence you gotta stop before I start crying, I love you too." You said, as he laughed and pulled you into a comfortable sleeping position.
"Goodnight love." He mumbled, already falling asleep.
"Goodnight Spence." You responded, closing your eyes and beginning to drift off but not before saying, "By the way, the fishies definitely love me more."
You hadn't realised you were crying until a tear fell onto the frame you were holding. The image just as blurred as the memories it held. You carefully placed the image face down onto the table rather than placing it back up. Making your way to the sofa, you got your phone out and glanced at the image that had left you in this state. A picture of him and her, his hands holding hers as tight as they once held yours, the grin on both of their faces wide. He was happy, only it wasn't because of you anymore. You closed your eyes again, remembering how it all ended.
He had been distant since he had come back from this last case, he had been away for almost two months trying to catch this unsub and you had thought he'd be more excited to come back to you and finally be home. But he hadn't spent more than 10 minutes with you, the only time the two of you were in the same room for longer than that was when you fell asleep. Recently that had also stopped, he spent more nights away from home and at clubs with Derek and Emily , only coming back once he knew you weren't there. It was killing you but every time you questioned it he shrugged you off, telling you he loved you.
You wanted to scream at him if he loved you why isn't he showing it, why does he refuse to acknowledge you. You knew he was lying to you, he didn't love you anymore, you could see it in his eyes, how he never looked at you as he used to, he never held you like he used to. It was killing you and you knew you should ask him but you also knew that would lead to conversation you didn't want to have, an ending you didn't want to happen. So you kept quiet, went about your day and didn't question his actions, you had decided you would rather have the worst of him than not have him at all.
But that didn't last long. A few weeks later something happened, something you could ignore. Spencer had barely been home, only coming back to grab new clothes and leaving again often returning at 4 am or not all. The nights you spent alone, his side of the bed going cold broke your heart bit by bit. But you weren't ready for it to completely shatter, the images Penelope sent you of him holding that girl, a little too close, a little too tight, a little too much, start to fill your screen causing a lump in your throat and tears threatening to spill. You walked to the kitchen, surprised to see him there, he was sat at the counter head in his hands and a coffee in front of him.
"Spencer, what fuck is going on?" You all but shouted.
"Shh, my heads killing me." He said, burying his head in his hands attempting to block you out.
"You fucking asshole." You screamed at him, the pain and hurt evident in your broken voice as you tried your best not to cry.
This made him look up, far quicker than he should've causing his head to fill with pain and throb, but he didn't care, the memories of last night were coming back he knew he had fucked up. "I-I'm sorry, I was drunk and she was just there, nothing happened.
"You're sorry? Are you fucking kidding me?" You said, moving away from him as he got up to come closer to you. "No, don't fucking touch me. I'm done."
"What? No look I'm sorry, it won't happen again, I love you." The words were said, but the tone held so much uncertainty you couldn't tell if he was trying to convince you or himself.
"No you don't Spencer, not anymore. I know you don't and I've been lying to myself, saying that I'm ok with it when I'm not. I love you so much but I can't keep hurting myself by pretending like we're fine, We're not fine, we haven't been for a long time. Yes that fucking hurts, I thought we were forever, I thought we were going to grow old together and have kids and show them that we were soulmates. I thought we were perfect but we aren't."
"I never wanted to hurt you, I love you so much but-" He started with a sigh.
"You're not in love with me anymore..." You finished for him
"I'm so sorry. I wish things were different, I wish I could control how I felt. You were everything to me, I really did picture a future for us but things changed, I don't know why and I don't know how. You don't deserve this, I'm so sorry."
"I know Spence, I know." You moved closer to him and he held you like it was the last time... because it was. "I'm sorry too."
You pulled away from him."I'll grab some stuff and go stay at my mom's for a few days. I just need to find a new place to move my stuff to." You said, trying to brush some tears away but failing as they kept falling.
"No, it's fine. I'll go, this is just as much your home as it is mine. I'll stay with Derek for a bit, you take your time sorting stuff out ok?" He said, using his thumbs to attempt to wipe away your tears. You sighed but nodded knowing he wouldn't take no for an answer.
You sat down as he went to the room to gather some things, your mind reeling from the last half hour. How could so much change in such a short period of time, years spent together thrown away so quick.
"I'm done, I'll get going ok?" He said placing his duffel bag down beside by the door.
"So this is it huh?" You said, with a sigh. You felt him walk towards you and take a seat next to you.
"The last 10 years have been the most incredible time of my life, you put up with so much of my shit and loved me unconditionally and I can't thank you enough for giving the eager 25-year-old who wanted nothing more than to impress you a chance. I'm never going to stop loving you, you know that. I'm never gonna forget about you, my first love, the first woman to capture my heart. I'm so sorry things didn't work out like how we'd imagined them. If I could change how I feel I would, I wanted nothing more than for this to be a silly phase, for me to wake up one day and feel how I felt again. But it didn't happen and it fucking sucks."
"I get it, Spence, you have to do what makes you happy and I'm not gonna stop you. I'm just sorry it wasn't me that could give you want and need, but you're gonna make some girl out there very happy if you're even half the man you were when you were with me." You gave him a soft smile as he stroked your hair and kissed your forehead.
He stood up and walked to the door. "Call me when you're ready ok? I love you." He turned and gave you a soft smile before picking up his bag and walking out the door.
You just broke down, you don't know how long you sat there sobbing your heart out but it felt like forever. Everything hurt so bad you didn't think you'd ever feel any emotion other than heartbreak for as long as you lived.
You took a deep breath as your hand hovered over the delete button on your phone, it was time to move on just as he had. As you released the breath you were holding, your finger pressed against the button, deleting all the pictures you had with him and you felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders and the realisation sunk in.
You loved him so much, but he wasn't yours to love anymore.
He was just a memory.
-
tagged: @gcblers​ @187-reid​ @mgg-theprettiestboy​ @mggbler​ @snitchthewitch​
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youranxiousnerd · 3 years ago
Text
Showtime Thoughts
bc i am in love with julia lester
spoilers below
First off, why is this episode so short?
ngl i forgot mazzara was a regular
ricky ded besties
awww nina and the letters 
she looks very good in her dress
ashlyn and ricky look so good
“We’re screwed!”
ash and ricky are too funny like where were they this season?
chaotic and pretty best friends
sidenote, why did they go see north high’s production? 
oh my god ricky and nina are talking
SEBLOS IN THE BACKGROUND
i am taking what i can get
RICKYS FACE WITH THE CARD!!!!!!!!
my favorite part of the episode
his makeup looks very good
he looks very good
as @organic-guacamole said, he is very pretty
its been like three minutes and it already is so chaotic
yessss kourtney’s mom!!!
so howie and kourt are fine? gah since when?
“look for the shortest fork” mood
I CANNOT TAKE EJ SERIOUSLY HE LOOKS LIKE AN ANGRY BIRD
big bird ej comin at you
oh
PORTWELL DATE
wait isnt this ejs last show? is he going to miss his last afterparty for a date?
true love bitches
GINA MY LOVE
“Is he with us?”
NORTH HIGH SET OUR BEST BOI ANTOINE ON FIRE APS GET READY
seb being a supportive boyfriend is everything i needed
jenny is frazzled
i love how all the techie turned actors are nervous at some point during the episode
REDLYN CONTENT
awww thats so cute love the callback!!!
ooo howie is here
love how the writers leave a cliffhanger and then close the book before it turns to tragedy with one line
mazzara and ej, thats it
jenn what
why is mike there?
that was so unnecessary like aren’t mike and jenn over?
LILY
“did we forget to build a moat around the school” 
let ricky be single challenge
she just said “lol” i cant
props to ricky for keeping calm during the show after he saw mike and jenn
ah so lily is a child of divorce?
“lily scram”
RICKY AFTER THE CURTAIN OPENS WHY IS THIS FUNNY
STOP MAZZARA IS THE VOICE OVER
HE SOUNDS REALLY GOOD
how did ricky do that so fast-
put on gloves over the cast, makeup, and a mask?
i dont work with costumes 
AMERICA EXPLAIN
The one scene we get from the show...
Yay Steph!!!!
“Big Red has not thrown up in twenty minutes” ashlyn’s little smile
“she heard wrong”
someone please explain how spotlighting the judge is a good idea it makes it seem like things went wrong
“Carlos is a seasoned professional” honey carlos is on the verge of a mental breakdown
“He says help
Communication
Seb translating for Carlos is beautiful dramatic, yes, but im right. 
im so proud of them. they go from not talking for a week to seb being able to tell how carlos is feeling based off a stoic expression.
SOULMATE SHIT
IM SORRY NO BOP TO THE TOP CALLBACK
LIKE NONE
WHO WANTS TO RIOT WITH ME?!?!
wait so carlos goes from on the verge of a mental breakdown to full on performing and speaking?!?!?!? Speaking well too, not stumbling.
he looks so comfortable on stage when not even ten minutes ago he looked like he was going to vomit?
h e l p
ashlyn’s little laugh!
NINI IS A FORK IM LAUGHING THIS IS GREAT
big red lookin’ at his girl
ricky what are you doing?
ASHLYN AND GINA
I QUIT THEY’RE ADORABLE
GET IT KOURTNEY
howie’s little mouth drop
i cant with sebs costume i should not be laughing how is he able to do a kick line
ASHLYN MY LOVE
be our guest was enjoyable. it had a lot of moving parts. frankie and dara sounded really good. it’ll probably grow on me the more i listen to it.
is it just me or did be our guest lack some energy?
NATIALIE IS SO AGGRESSIVE
awww gina bb
portwell!!
“my mom sent me jordan fisher”
big red and ricky!!!
...what is big red doing? has he been faking sick?
“PLEASE EVERYONE REMAIN IN THE SAME ROLE YOU STARTED IN” 
BEST LINE OF THE SEASON OMFG 
alright what the hell is up with howie?!?
kourtney is so excited and then downer howie comes to ruin it
nina just write “thanks for being the best bro and glad youre not dead”
btw kourtney and gina look really good in their costumes
ASHLYN!!!!
SHES SO PRETTY THANK YOU
redlyn!!
gina and jamie!!! 
he looks so proud
glad gina gets to see her family!
cute scene, jordan is a nice addition!
RICKY AND THE BOWL
julia lester is killing it with the vocals
big red is so in love
seb bouncing in the costume 
“she’s never looked at me that way before” evil smirk
PORTWELL GLANCES
my heart fricking stopped when carlos went on stage 
being early on your cue/missing is awful would highly not recommend
a bop to the top callback after this would have been perfect
those harmonies!!
THEYRE SO IN LOVE
ummm phone call?
CHIPS BIG SCENE
...why wasn’t seb cogsworth? 
alright that was really good. everyone (even the backup) sounded really good. portwell rights! ashlyn rights! kowie rights! acting rights! 
so mazzara and jamie?
Ashlyn is the perfect Belle fight me
“Eat it Zackey Roy!” how about “yay kiddos, nice job!”
ej’s little dance
“bc you’re ginas brother” 
he is enamored by her it is adorable
EJ CASWELL RIGHTS
“hey, jordan fisher, would you like to f up one of three stableish ships in hsmtmts?” “sure, im in!”
ej!!!
aww hopefully he doesnt take the conversation too heart. they both like each other so much.
Portwell is so enjoyable to watch.
return of the bro
ej go get your girl dont worry about her brother please
SOMEONE TOUCHED THE PROPS
all hands on deck
“Can you just jump off something high”
I seem to remember Ricky falling from something high last episode, is that correct? 
She tells this to one of her most UNSTABLE kids
Oh shit
Miss. Jenn
Wtf
like what the actually hell
look at the kids faces they’re heartbroken
Miss. Jenn why. You’re stressed about the show, but you’re not performing it. They are. They have to worry about lines and cues and pitches, not you. Miss. Jenn has literally gone at the kids this season. Opening night speech too Ash and Ricky, shutting Seb down, that comment. She has become obsessed with the Menkies and North High. It has gotten really bad. These kids have put everything into this show, even their relationships (both platonic and romantic) and that is how you repay them? 
I didn’t think they would address this, I lost hope after last week but I am so glad they’re going too.
Someone send Seb after Miss. Jenn please, let him rip into her, he would do very well.
Miss. Jenn is supposed to be the role model and she just told a kid to jump off something high.
nina has been a godsend this episode, props to her!
haven’t been the biggest nini fan this season (off and on for me), but she was very behaved this episode. 
if there is anything the east high kids are good at, it’s bullshitting their way out.
“aim for my face” character growth
I KNEW IT
LILY WHY HOW WHEN WHY 
WTF THEY END THERE I CANNOT WITH CLIFF HANGERS
I liked the episode. Didn’t love it, but liked it. I really wish we got to see more acting, like we didn’t even see Big Red and E.J go on stage. Not even the iconic yellow dress. Some of the drama is so unnecessary, like why Mike and Jenn? What is with the Kourtney and Howie drama the writers insist on having, can’t they just be happy?
Besides the whole harness incident (burn that harness and mask it is causing so many problems) the production went very well, too well. This is East High we’re talking about.
Promo thoughts because what
oo they’re sneaking, maybe Big Red’s thingy
YES ASHLYN GETTING THE LOVE SHE DESERVES
oo Kowie confession?
portwell please be okay
what is up with carlos’ hair?
so seb, miss. jenn, and carlos scene? this has the potential to be very beautiful.
“It’s not over” not this again... 
i’m thinking carlos and seb are going to talk to miss jenn.
Sidenote, if we do not get a good seblos scene I will riot.
Hopefully Miss. Jenn apologizes with a billion sorrys
rini you just broke up please dont get back together 
im scared
if it is a scene where they close the book i will be very happy
Are we getting a flash forward scene? I’m pretty sure Miss. Jenn said Menkies aren’t till two plus weeks after the show.
We know based off the promo pics Ej and Gina are at the cast party, what went wrong?
Wait do we not get to see the finale of the show?
We better see the goddamn transformation
how does lily home and core four song fit in? im more curious about the lily one.
In conclusion, I am not ready for this to be over and the transformation needs to be sent to hell.
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Shower Friends (Miya Atsumu x F!reader)
The dorm you live in has co-ed bathrooms. Why that’s remotely a good idea is beyond you; and recently, your precious shower time is being interrupted by a certain blonde haired setter for the volleyball team. When he lies to his teammates that he has a girlfriend, somehow you get roped into his scheme.
genre(s): college!au, fake dating, angst, fluff, mutual pining, enemies to lovers (kinda), eventual smut  words: 2.2k
a/n: and here we are at the end, tbh im a little sad this fic is over, it was so fun to write and i am DEFINITELY more in love with Atsumu than i was before
one | two | three | four | five |
Epilogue 
Four years have passed since you and Atsumu finally got together, and this is the third year in a row he has an away game scheduled on your anniversary. It’s hard for you to actually be mad, he can’t control his schedule. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be disappointed.
And Atsumu hates that he’s let you down again. Wanting more than anything to finally spend your actual anniversary together instead of substituting for an early or late celebration. You’re a good sport, and he loves you for that, supporting him and his volleyball career without complaint despite his long absences and track record of missing important events.
Though the night before he’s set to leave, you’re sitting beside him on the couch, tucked under his arm while the two of you watch something on the TV. For the past few minutes, you’ve been fiddling with his shirt between your fingers and he knows you’re gathering the courage to say something. He’s pretty certain he can guess what it’ll be about too. And all he can do is brace himself when he hears you huff.
“What if you mysteriously came down with something?” You finally say.
He has to laugh at that. “That’s pretty diabolical of you.”
You shrug, already feeling silly you brought it up at all. It’s not really a big deal, but it’s been three years since either of you were even in the same country on the day you swallowed your pride and stormed into his dorm room to confess to him. Sue you for being a bit put out by it.
“Did you poison my dinner or something?” His heart lifts at the small chuckle he gets out of you from that.
“No, but don’t give me any ideas.”
He rests his cheek on the top of your head, eyes still on the TV as he jokes, “Besides, ya think they have any chance of winning without me?”
He feels your smile against his chest, then jolts at the jab you give him in the side. But still you say, “They’d be nothing without you.”
Pulling you into his lap, he cradles your face in his hands and looks at you seriously. And even after four years, you’ve never gotten tired of the way he looks at you—still like you’re the most beautiful person he’s ever laid eyes on.
“I’m sorry,” he says sincerely. “I know it sucks.”
“It does,” you pout.
Pressing his forehead to yours he murmurs, “I’d be with you if I could.”
You love these intimate moments with him, when you both let your teasing natures fall away and all that’s left is how much you love each other. Even after four years, it’s still abundant, and somehow still growing every day. So, you sink into his embrace and reply, “I know.” And you do. That’s what makes it bearable. Knowing that even though he’s off in some exciting country, playing the game he loves—there isn’t a minute that goes by that he doesn’t think about you.
“You gunna watch the game?”
It so happens that this year, his game landed on the exact date of your anniversary. When he’d found out, he’d vowed to make you proud; to make him being away so often worth it to you. And it makes his heart swell when you say without hesitation, “Of course.”
So, a couple days later as he’s about to leave for the airport, he tugs you to him, lowers his lips to yours and kisses you as if he’s going off to war or something. He knows it’s a bit overkill, but he doesn’t really care. He wants to do everything he can to make it up to you. And damn, is he slapped in the face with how much he loves you when you finally separate and you tease him, “Sheesh, you’ll be back in a couple days.”
His response is to kiss you again and again muttering between kisses, “Gotta get my fill now to tide me over.”
He only leaves when you’re practically shoving him out the door. “You’re going to be late!” He reluctantly let’s go of you, hefts his duffel over his shoulder, takes his suitcase in hand and heads down the hallway towards the elevator. On his way there, you shout, “Say hi to the boys for me!”
He smiles smugly, winking over his shoulder at you. “Will do.” Knowing full well his teammates are extremely jealous of him because of you. And why yes—he absolutely does love rubbing you in their faces.
Once he’s out of sight, your smile falters as you shut the door and turn to your now empty apartment. A sadness falls over your heart that’s familiar but unwelcome. You have to find something to distract yourself, otherwise you’ll just let yourself wallow, which you know Atsumu wouldn’t want.
On the night of your anniversary, you eat dinner at Osamu’s restaurant as you normally do on the nights of Atsumu’s away games. You sit at the bar alone, watching the game on the many TV’s around that Osamu always has on the sports channel when Atsumu is playing. Tonight, you notice Osamu chats with you more than he normally does, and you’re certain he’s picked up on your somber vibes.
He even sits at the bar next to you, talking with you about the game and doing an excellent job of distracting you from the hole Atsumu always leaves whenever he’s gone. Tonight, that hole feels even bigger than it usually does.
“He’s playing good tonight,” Osamu notes, his trained eyes fixated on the TV. No matter how many games you watch, or how often Atsumu talks about volleyball, you’ll never have the same understanding of the game that Osamu does.
Chin resting on your palm, you glance at him from the corner of your eye. “Is he?” To you, it always looks like Atsumu is playing well.
But you like listening to Osamu’s technical breakdown of his gameplay and aren’t opposed to helping his endeavor of distracting you. “He’s tuned in,” is all he says by way of explanation.
You watch the TV with newfound interest, noticing that Osamu seems to be right. Atsumu is normally pretty focused, but tonight whenever the camera shows a closeup of him, the look in his eyes is razor sharp. And yet, he’s still making those insane plays that catch his opponents completely off guard. You can feel your pride bubbling up in your chest like it does every time you watch him play, quirking your lips upward into a small smile.
You love how much Atsumu loves volleyball, and whenever you can you go to his games here in Japan because watching him on TV is nothing compared to in person. Plus, it’s way more fun getting swept up into his arms in the heat of the moment after a win than several days later when the excitement has died a little.
You watch Atsumu the rest of the game, noting how the closer they get to match point, the more tenacious he becomes. But unlike other times, when he gets too excited and starts making insane plays that might not work, he seems to be dialing in even further, pulling the best out of all of his hitters even when they’re at the end of their rope. You at least know enough about volleyball to appreciate just how amazing that is.
To your delight, the Black Jackals win, and as usual several of the players get interviewed afterwards. Somehow, Hinata and Bokuto are still full of energy despite playing a full match, speaking excitedly to the interviewer. The coverage switches to Atsumu’s interview, and you can’t help ogling him a little bit. He somehow manages to look good, his hair damp from sweat but eyes gleaming from the adrenaline of the match.
And as you suspect, like Hinata and Bokuto, he’s pretty amped after the game. Amped enough that he completely ignores the interviewer’s questions and looks right at the camera. Immediately, you’re struck by the feeling that he’s looking directly at you. “I’ve only got one thing to say and that’s happy anniversary to the lovely lady I got waiting for me at home.”
The interviewer flusters, changing gears quickly and trying to get Atsumu to comment more on his relationship, but all he does is give the camera his signature smile and a wink before turning his back to the screen and rejoining his celebrating teammates. You don’t hear what the interviewer says next. You’re pinned to your seat, stunned, until your natural reaction is to burst out laughing at his proclamation.
Osamu just eyes you curiously, a small smile splaying across his lips as you say, “Only Atsumu—I swear.”
He shrugs. “Hey, you picked him.”
“Yes,” you laugh. “Yes, I did.” And you really wouldn’t have it any other way, no matter how long or how many times he’s apart from you.  
You leave shortly after the coverage of the game has ended, bidding Osamu goodnight and thanking him for his company and hospitality. He waves you out, and once you’re on your way home, you’re suddenly overwhelmed by the loneliness you’ve successfully kept at bay until now. The thought of climbing into a cold bed that feels too big when Atsumu’s not there settles into the front of your mind and it’s hard not to spiral into the sadness that’s been looming over you all day.
You sigh, wrapping your coat tighter around you, trudging towards your apartment that you know is going to suffocate you with its silence. You know it’s pretty pathetic missing him so much, feeling sorry for yourself that you’re alone once again on this day, but you can’t help it. The hope that next year will be different is nearly gone by now, your determination to refuse to accept it finally broken.
Entering the dark apartment, you toss your keys onto the counter and make your way to the living room, fully intending on spending the rest of the night mindlessly watching some TV show until you fall asleep. Subconsciously, your thoughts wander to what Atsumu is doing right now. The team usually goes out after games, especially ones they win. And it’ll be a day or two until they leave wherever they’re at, so they have plenty of time.
Part of you aches at the thought of him out, having a good time with his team, while you’re here—alone, watching some lame TV show and feeling sorry for yourself.
What you don’t know, is that Atsumu has forgone the celebration tonight. In fact, he’s rushing to the airport to catch his late flight back to Japan. He booked this flight the day after he found out he was going to be gone again. He might not make it back in time to be there on the actual date, but he hopes the gesture is enough.
On the flight, he thinks about your reaction, imagining your laugh and beaming smile at the sight of him. Daydreaming about sweeping you up into his arms and kissing you until you’re both breathless and dizzy keeps him awake, though he doubts you’ll be when he arrives. That’s alright, he perfectly happy surprising you in the morning too.
He gets back to Japan in the early hours of the morning, and when he enters the apartment, he finds you fast asleep under a blanket on the couch, the TV casting a faint glow into the room. He smiles softly to himself, allowing himself a minute to appreciate how adorable you look. Leaning down, he finagles his arms beneath your shoulders and legs and hefts you into his arms to carry you to the bedroom. To his surprise, you don’t wake up. Instead, you mumble quietly, and his heart nearly bursts at how even in your sleep you press closer to him.
Tucking you in, he kisses you lightly on the forehead before climbing under the covers beside you. Pulling you into his arms, you fit nicely in his embrace, and he falls into an easy sleep.
~
In the morning, your eyes flutter open, blearily looking around and realizing you’re now in the bedroom. When did you move in here? Did you put yourself to bed last night without realizing it? It’s then that your eyes snap open at the realization that the apartment smells like breakfast. Heart thundering against your chest, you throw the covers off you and head towards the kitchen so fast you almost trip in the hallway.
Upon seeing Atsumu standing at the stove, his back to you, it’s hard to keep your feet under you. And without your permission, tears well up in your eyes so fast that a few drops are already sliding down your cheeks. You sniff to try and get a hold of yourself, which gets Atsumu’s attention.
He whips around to find you standing at the entryway of the hallway with tears streaking down your face and immediately his heart softens. “Happy anniversary, love,” he says by way of greeting.
You can’t stop yourself; your feet move before your brain can catch up with them, throwing yourself into his open arms. He squeezes you tight, and then your lips are on his, your fingers tangling into his hair pulling him closer as you slot your body against his. He can’t help chuckling at you, despite thoroughly enjoying this reaction to his surprise.
“I’m trying to cook breakfast,” he says between kisses.
You don’t think he’ll be very hard to convince to abandon the eggs on the stove. With one hand, you turn the burner off. “Don’t care,” you say, pushing him back towards the bedroom.
He happily obliges.
~
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Can we get some more tfp megs with his bratty s/o? Its been to long
hell yeah you can, let's fucking get meggy fucky.
"No. No, hell to the fucking no, you giant metal dildo!!"
Megatron winced upon hearing his love. He was about to go check out a mining project, when she suddenly seemed VERY displeased. What was new, honestly? He sighed, handing the data pad to one of the vehicons.
"Send this to Breakdown, have him look at it and report back to me, I'm going to be...busy."
The vehicon nodded. He was about to greet his queen, when she pushed him away by his face, nearly sending him to the floor. Megatron folded his hands behind his back, bowing a bit to meet her eye level.
"Odd, you usually only torment ME, rather than the vehicons. What's made you so cross, darling?"
"YOU DID! Do you have any FUCKING idea why I'm even upset!"
"No, I don't."
That seemed to be the wrong answer. She smacked him right across his face. Her wings were at full attention, and she was damn near frothing at the mouth.
"You dirtied the rug in our room you IDIOT! Do you know how hard it is to clean the fucking thing after you get that earth soil on it?!"
"But you don't clean it, love, the vehicons-"
She smacked him again, this time on the other cheek. He winced, rubbing the spot. The ballbearings on this little fem was something else, and it made quite the heat in his panel.
"I didn't ASK what the vehicons do! I'm telling you what YOUR DUMBASS DID! YOU brought stinking EARTH DIRT into our room! The room that I fuck you in! Ugh, you're covered in it, aren't you? You're no better than a damn spark rat!!"
She was yelling like a banshee, making quite the scene, and as such, many optics were on them. She always did like to make a show of things, not that he minded. It was the same song and dance they always played together.
"Darling, earth dirt isn't anything too bad, Knockout even says-"
"OH YOU FUCKING CUCK STICK! Don't you DARE bring him into this! That's fucking it, you, with me, NOW, or I swear to fucking Primus you'll be in the doghouse till you RUST."
Megatron knew she meant that threat. He sighed, and followed her back to their berth. He looked around the room. Spotless as ever. He looked down at her, shrugging.
“Well. Where is it?”
“They cleaned it.”
“...so why are you so upset-”
“BECAUSE YOU WON’T EVEN SAY SORRY! And I’m JUST nice enough to have you apologize in public like a fucking pansy. So, say sorry.”
“Say sorry..for the mess...that’s been cleaned?”
His love would and could get mad at him for anything, but this was something else entirely. She looked at him as if HE was crazy, throwing her arms in the air.
“YES! You MADE that mess! What if I got some on my pedes? What if it’s in my vents?!”
“I’m not going to say sorry for a mess that is no longer there, Love.”
The one thing she could not STAND, was him refusing to do as she said. He was expecting a good lashing, and that was EXACTLY what he received. In the form of a shockstick right to the goddamn neck. It made him cry out in surprise, and sent him falling forward. He was lucky he managed to catch himself without falling face first on the berth. However, her smacking him with the damn weapon, right on his back, was just the thing that made him finally fall. She. Was. MAD.
“Stay like that, but open your fucking legs. NOW!”
The way she barked at him. So loud and so demanding. He couldn’t help but feel excitement run up his spine. He obeyed, spreading his legs, and keeping himself just how he was, as she ordered. He heard her fiddle with something, before she finally went up to his side, lifting his face up in her talons (which costs SO much to upkeep. He knew, given the fact that he fucking paid for it).
“You’re going to say sorry. I’m going to make YOU say sorry.”
She nearly through his face away, as if in disgust. She walked away, only for him to feel her pop open his valve panel. She stroked his folds for a moment, scoffing.
“Ugh. Of course you’re all wet already. When are you not wet here? This whore valve of yours is constantly ready for my punishment.”
She dipped her talons into him, three of them, somehow NOT tearing up his insides, but it was still nonetheless quite strenuous, enough for Megatron to lift his aft up a bit, wanting more of her touch.
“Always making fucking messes. And not even saying sorry like a decent fucking mech. I cannot believe you. You WANT me to pump all these fluids out of you, all over our bed sheets. I can’t believe I’m stuck with you. You fucking rat.”
She pulled her claws out of him in just a moment, clearing her intake.
“Turn around. All fours, like a dirty dog. Now.”
Megatron did as she commanded, and was able to see the camera she had recording. He wanted to ask what it was for, but she didn’t look like she was in the mood to answer questions. Once he turned toward the camera, he wasn’t met with a 'good boy' or 'good job', but rather, another jab with the shockstick, right to his neck cables. He cried out as it damn near seared his frame.
"Aft up, body down. Optics forward."
He did as he was told, and she got up right behind him, opening her spike panel and rubbing her spike against his wet folds. Her spike was small enough as it was, but Megatron's valve was HUGE. You'd think because of this, he wouldn't be able to feel any arousal. You'd be wrong. She dropped her shockstick, and dragged her long, sharp claws down his back. Not gently, not carefully. But the same way one would drag their nails on a chalk board.
And Megatron loved it. He gripped tightly onto the berth, glossa hung out and, rather vocally, thanking her for hurting him. Even as he felt the energon at his back slowly seep past his metal, he was terribly, and ph so awfully aroused at the pain. He felt her spike push inside of him, and despite the massive size difference, he damn near overloaded when he felt her enter him. Size did nothing in comparison to her aggressive, violent personality. Even feeling her thrusts against his mighty hips was enough to make his valve drip.
"Look at you. Absolute degenerate. You just sit there, make a mess, and piss. Me. Off. Look at the camera, and say I'm sorry. Now."
"I'm s-sorry."
"Did I marry a bitch??? No. LOUDER."
She swiped at his back, making energon flow and sparks fly. And holy SHIT was it absolutely sexy to Megatron.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry I'm so sorry! I-i made a mess and im sorry!"
"You gonna FUCKING behave?! You gonna listen to me now, you son of a fucking bitch?!"
"I will! I'll listen! I SWEAR I'll listen! I'm sorry! I'll be clean, I swear I'll be clean after this, PLEASE!"
Megtron was good at one thing in heroptics;begging. And thats exactly what she did while she fucked his valve, and make him howl loud enough to be heard through the entire ship.
Someone HAD to know who was in charge, afterall.
-----------------
"THAT'S Megatron's mate? She's a damn cutie."
"Keep it in the panel, Wheeljack."
Team Prime had received a signal from a decepticon. Apparently it was Megatron's sweetspark, who had 'something vital to give them'. She stood right where she said she said she was going to be, dressed in not only the fanciest wool jacket you've ever seen, but with fluffy boots to match. She was small, and even Arcee had to agree with Wheeljack; she was cute as hell. The kinda fem that would get lots of attention at Maccadams.
"It's ABOUT TIME you showed up! Ugh, you've been making wait!"
"Only a minute late, sweetspark."
"One, don't sweetspark me. Two, you can take the flirts, and wreck your aft with it. Three, I'm messing up MY new boots on this DISGUSTING earth dirt! It's DISGUSTING! and four, just shut the hell up, and take this."
She handed over a camera, and Arcee looked it over, curious.
"A...camera?"
"Yes. Go home, give it to your dumb boss, have him watch it."
"That's it?"
"You're in my PRESENCE. This, along with the camera, is more than enough. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm bleaching this goddamn outfit."
She walked off, and Wheeljack whistled.
"Hoo. This must be pretty important. Not that I'm complaining, she's a little viper~"
"Long as your flirts are heading her way and not mine. What do you think is in this?"
"Vital info, maybe? Or maybe a sex tape."
"Wheeljack, be serious. No way is that on this."
"You never know, Arcee."
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