#and im pride month too??? what homophobia!!!

[katyobsesses]

i'm so fucking tired i'm so fucking tired i'm so fucking tired i'm so fucking tired i'm so fucking tired i'm so fucking tired i'm so fucking tired i'm so fucking tired i'm so fucking tired i'm so fucking tired i'm so fucking tired i'm so fucking tired i'm so fucking tired i'm so fucking tired i'm so fucking tired i'm so fucking tired i'm so fucking tired i'm so fucking tired i'm so fucking tired i'm so fucking tired i'm so fucking tired i'm so fucking tired i'm so fucking tired i'm so fucking tired i'm so fucking

[zymstarz]

yeah sure that's how i'll [re]come out

[cas-writes-stuff-ig]

Cheering Her Up

f!/nb! reader x regina george (you love to make Regina feel better)

She calls you "duck" (ITS FUNNY/CUTE I PROMISE)

closeted bi Regina, and openly enby/lesbian reader

reader binds their chest with transtape/kt tape

secret relationship

cheering her up

Regina is taller than you

CONTENT: SO SO SO SORRY I KNOW IM WEIRD

Word Count: 1853

(Originally supposed to be a one shot)

kind of alludes to sex but not explicitly

Regina lets you write your own diss in her Burn Book, so Gretchen and Karen don't get suspicious as to why you're not in it. (a bit of transphobia and homophobia, t-slur/d-slur)

Past bullying and some self-deprication

Reader is a weirdo but Regina likes it

Reader likes classic rock and old hits, Regina pretends to despise it

She lashes out at you but its all good in the end :)

Reader likes to sing

Part 2 of Cheering Her Up (A Party)

a/n: this is a huge self-insert for me, I was really vibing to Bob Seger earlier (btw this is the second thing ive written in like 5 years spare me)

ALSO feel free to message or comment any feedback is appreciated 🙏

——————————————————————————————

Before the sophomore year, you were sure Regina totally despised you. She openly criticized any gay person she came across. Sophomore year, you were seated next to her in math and history, and you felt like you were going to be destroyed.

But when you came over to her house for a project, she asked "You have your first kiss yet?"

It caught you off guard. "Uh, no. Why?" your voice squeaked, although you knew she was a bitch. You were attracted to her.

She got close to your face and smirked, you could feel her breath on yours. "No reason," She grabbed the back of your head and kissed you. You didn't kiss back out of shock and Regina pulled away and went red, she opened her mouth to say something to excuse her actions, but you leaned in and kissed her again. That moment opened a whole new door for both of you.

After that, you and Regina got really close. Outside of the school halls, and in the comfort of Regina's mansion, you were secretly her best friend but also her friend with benefits. She isn't out yet either, she still has too much pride to be seen with a loser, but you don't mind waiting for her.

She was slightly nicer to you than others at school. She was actually pretty kind to you behind closed doors. She cared about you even if she never said it out loud. So about a month after you started hooking up, you were at her house and she handed you her Burn Book which was open to a blank page with only your picture on it. "I don't want Karen and Gretchen to get suspicious as to why you're not in it."

You could deal with the insults and the taunts, it never bothered you that much, so you wrote something that used to bother you 'Y/N L/N is a tranny dyke'.

The thing that did get to you was in 8th grade when you confessed to a girl, and she told everyone in your PE class that you watched girls change in the locker room. Everyone shunned you after that, but you grew thick skin. In freshman year you found your place amongst the loners and the nerds. You were content with it.

"Are you sure you want that in there?" Regina asked, what you wrote about yourself was harsh.

You nodded "Regina, I'm out of the closet already. It's a secret everybody already knows" You closed the book and handed it back to Regina and she tucked it away. "If I walk like a duck, swim like a duck, and quack like a duck, I'm probably a duck" She laughed at your joke, and you corrected yourself smiling "I mean dyke"

"You're so stupid" Regina replied, but it wasn't mean or full of scorn, she just shoved your shoulder. She changed your name to "Duck" in her contacts.

A week later you found out what your contact name was, you laughed at her a little and she got defensive "I'll change it then" and you quickly stopped laughing and took her phone.

"No no, keep it, please Regina it's cute" You yanked her phone out of her hand and tried to keep it away from her. You laughed again and ran around her room holding her phone, but she cornered you, pushing your chest, then your back hit the wall. You were breathless from running and grinned, though her face was stern. "I'm sorry, Gina. Please keep it, it's fine really"

The look on her face made you lose your confidence and you backed down, and handed her phone back, "Thanks loser" She tucked it back in her pocket, and she had a smug smile. "You're lucky I'm in a forgiving mood today" and tilted your chin up and kissed your lips.

After that day, it became one of your inside jokes, and "Duck" became one of your nicknames.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

That summer she invited you over to swim at her pool for the first time. "Hey loser, hurry up" she opened the door and led you to her pool.

You brought your only swim trunks and taped your breasts back to go swimming. She was in a tight bikini and she slipped in the pool, you took your shirt off, and she was staring at your body.

You weren't sporty, but you went to the gym, it's not like you had rock-hard abs, but you were toned and Regina hadn't seen you like that in the sunlight before, you beamed as you basked in the warm sun.

"Hey Duck, get in here" she beckoned you, you seized an opportunity to make a joke.

You bent your knees and flapped your arms a little walking back and forth at the edge of the pool "Quack quack" You giggled out. Regina cracked out a smile that evolved into laughter, her laugh warmed you more than the sunlight.

When you slipped into the pool, she was still laughing at you. "You're such a dumbass"

She splashed water at you when you tried to come and hug her in the pool. "Hey!" you yelped as the water got in your face and you splashed back.

After you just relaxed in the pool, you floated on your back, eyes closed, and sun-kissed skin. You didn't notice how Regina looked at you, but you heard water swish as she walked toward your floating body. You cracked an eye open, the sun was behind her making her look ethereal. Regina's blonde hair glowed, she looked like an angel, not the bitchy Queen Bee at school.

"Hey," you tried opening your eyes but just squinted.

She leaned down and said "Hey" back in her sweet voice and kissed you gently.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

The summer pushed you closer together, of course, she had her fair share of parties she went to with the Plastics. You were there at parties too, but you both only shot each other glances. The days she hung out with the Plastics, you missed her company.

You got your license over the summer and when you got the message that she was back home, you hopped in your Mini Cooper and drove to her house and picked her up. Though she usually drove you around in her Jeep.

"Where we heading today?" you asked as she hopped in the car

She ignored your question and her attention was on your music "Earth, Wind & Fire's 'September'? Really?" she criticized your music taste.

She buckled in and you said, "What's wrong with my music taste Regina?"

"God you really are a loser" she insulted, you could tell she was in a mood today. You were a little hurt but tried not to take it personally. "7-11 can you grab me a Diet Coke?" you nodded and started driving.

You skipped to the next song and what played was Bee Gee's "More Than A Woman" You smiled and sang along to it. Hoping Regina would get the hint you were singing it to her.

"Suddenly you're in my life, A part of everything I do. You got me workin' day and night. Just tryin' to keep a hold on you..." Your fingers tapped against the steering wheel and you moved your shoulders to the beat of the song.

She just groaned and pressed her temples, you thought she really hated it but from the corner of your eye, you saw a corner of her lip lift slightly. After seeing that you sang your heart out a little more at a red light you turned to her momentarily "More than a woman. More than a woman to me" and grinned wide.

"Hey! Keep your eyes on the road!" she pushed your head to look back at the road.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

At school when Junior year started, Regina and you acted like you two were nothing, you both devised a facade as to why you interacted at all. It was a half-truth, everyone at school thought Regina paid y/n to do their math homework. But you only did that sometimes, and usually just helped her.

Today when you met at her house she was upset about something. "Regina, what's wrong?" you asked worriedly.

"Nothing, stay out of it" she snapped at you and she stomped up the stairs to her room.

You followed her "Regina come on," she turned on her heel and looked at you angrily and lashed out.

"Why are you even here? You're not dating me, stop acting like it" She yelled at you.

You paused and your heart faltered "Regina..." you said quietly. She turned back around and she slammed her bedroom door. Regina crawled in the sheets and just went to sleep. You didn't follow her in. But you walked downstairs to her kitchen and opened her fridge.

When Regina woke up she smelled some kind of pastry downstairs and light music. She opened her door and crept down the stairs, as she approached the kitchen, she heard your humming.

The next song started to play, your back was turned and you were using her mom's apron and mittens, pulling out a batch of brownies from the oven. When you sang alone, you were cheesier and poured your heart into each song, then you placed the brownies onto a cooling rack on the island counter and pretended to hold a mic.

"Still like that old-time rock and roll. That kind of music just soothes the soul" You closed your eyes and turned around still pretending to hold a microphone "I reminisce about the days of old, with that old-time rock and roll" Regina just smiled stifling laughter.

But when you started playing air guitar, at the part with no lyrics. You heard her giggle and your eyes shot open, face reddening "Regina! You're up!" she just laughed at your incredible dorkiness and walked up to you, this was the highlight of her day.

You brushed off your embarrassment from getting caught when you saw how happy it made her. And you walked closer to her and continued to mouth the song and dance around her. Still wearing her mom's frilly apron. You took her hand and spun her around and she still laughed at your silliness.

You stopped and walked back to the counter where she followed, "Brownies?" you smiled.

"Yeah, sure" She sat down at the table and you cut two pieces out.

When you handed her a plate, she looked up at you and spoke softly "Sorry about earlier..."

You smiled softly and took her hand as you sat next to her "Its okay, don't worry about it" You let go of her hand and then asked, "You feeling better now?"

"Yeah, thanks duck" She leaned towards you and kissed your lips. "You're so fucking corny" Regina pulled away.

You smirked "You secretly love it"

"I do" She responded, you almost choked on your own spit at her admission. She reveled in your panic and took a bite of the brownie you made her.

Only you could make her smile like this, and laugh like this, you knew that, and you had your silent victory.

Part 2 of Cheering Her Up (A Party)

[wosowrites]

The Jacket (Alexia Putellas x Reader)

Warnings: None

A/n: based off requests from a few people.

Prompt: in which you love to ride motorbikes, and Alexia always steals your leather jacket. One day, after a game, she comes onto the field wearing it proudly.

Alexia was incredibly proud of you, proud of what you were accomplishing as a striker, proud of what kind of person you were. So the reason you kept your relationship private from the public eye wasn’t because she was embarrassed- she had had to reassure you about that once- it was because of how rapidly you were both growing, and how adding the painful, but expected homophobia to that list of things that came with fame, wasn’t a good idea. You had been together for nine months now, and both the spain and the canadian squad knew, as well as the barca squad. Alexia’s family knew too, and proved to be parent figures to you. You had never been close with your parents, them being conservative and homophobic. But the Putellas’ had taken you in, and that was how you liked it.

There were five things in life that you loved to no end. In no specific order, although you told Alexia she was first- you loved your beautiful ballon d’or winning girlfriend, football, indian food, stupid looking dogs and your motorcycle. Your vehicle was your pride and joy, along with a leather jacket that you wore a bit too much. The specific jacket Alexia had decided would go perfectly with todays outfit. Barcelona was playing against Real Madrid, and you left to go meet the team and the bus at 2:00, the game was set to starts at 6:15, meaning a number of things, but mostly that the bus left at 3:00 to be at the stadium at 4:00. You quickly kissed Alexia goodbye, who was still in bed due to her having gone out with childhood friends and only coming back at 1:00 in the morning.

"Im going now baby." You said to her, gently pressing a kiss on her temple. Her eyes fluttered a bit, and you knew not to say anything important to her right now because she was barely awake. "Mhm… will I see you before the game?" She asked, mumbling the words. "Probably not love," you said, brushing her hair out of her face. "Good luck then. I love you." She said gently. "I have an alarm for you for 3:30. Don’t sleep too late." You told her. She nodded sleepily and you pressed your lips to her half open ones gently. She smiled slightly, and then drifted back to sleep.

You arrived at the training ground at 2:30, parking your car and walking towards the group of players waiting outside. Barcelona was perfect weather right now, you loved it, it reminded you of home. You headed towards Lucy and Keira, two of the only other players who were native english speakers. You loved your team, but sometimes miss communication got the best of you. But they all knew that when you stated cursing and yelling in french, a language almost no one else on the team spoke, to either stay away from you or come save whoever you were mad at because shit was about to hit the fence.

You did a handshake with Lucy and the same one with Keira, the three of you having gotten very close over your year and a half at barcelona. You smiled at the rest of the girls who waved and smiled back. "Alexia coming today?" Lucy asked. "Yeah. She’s sleeping though. Long night." You answered. Lucy and Keira shared a look, then looked back at you with a teasing smile. "Wha- No! No not like that! Not like-" You looked around, blushing furiously. "Not like sex…" You whispered to them. "So you guys haven’t had sex?" Keira said rather loudly. You basically pounced on her, covering her mouth with your hand. "Shush!" You squealed.

You had always been a private person, and the girls all liked to embarrass you any way they could. "So you have or you haven’t?" Lucy asked, earning giggles from the other group of girls beside you guys, including Alexia’s close friend, Mapi. "We- of course we’ve done it. We’ve been together for months!" You said to them, earning claps and cheers from the group beside you. "I hate you all!" You yelled at them, a smile on your face betraying your words. Mapi translated to some of the girls who laughed. You threw your hood over your head, your cheeks still bright red. "Ahh, we’re just teasing! We love you." Mapi said, coming over close to you and throwing her arm over your shoulder, looking at you and laughing.

You arrived at Johan Cruyff stadium on time, the entirety of the team pooling out of the bus and into the grounds. You examined the pitch, talked with the group and then went inside to go over the game plan. You changed into your training jersey and shorts, put on your socks and cleats, tied your hair and did your pre game routine which consisted of listening to your hype playlist and walking through the stands before the fans got there. You did a full circle of the stadium in the top row by yourself and then came back down. Only 15 minutes later, music started playing loudly, and 15 minutes after that, fans started arriving.

The team walked out onto the field, Lucy upholding her tradition of going out last, and when you ran out because you were a bit slow, you ran out with Lucy, her grabbing your hand. You walked towards the right side of the field where two groups were doing a rondo to warm up. But as always, since Alexia got injured, you found her in the crowd and nodded at her. She nodded back and you smiled at her softly. It was your thing. You wished you could blow her a kiss instead, but you weren’t public.

Then, sooner than you knew it, the game had started.

1-0 win, goal by you. A crazy headed that you had dived to get, ending up in the back of the net. It was perfect, the crowd went wild, your team was ecstatic, and Alexia was looking at you with so much pride you thought your heart would burst.

"That was quite the goal," Alexia said to you, walking up to you, and hugging you in the least 'I’m in love with you' way possible. You smiled at her as you pulled away, but you were quickly distracted by her outfit. Blue jeans, a white top, and your leather jacket. "Ale…" you started saying, smirking at her. "That’s my jacket." You said. "Yes it is. I thought it looked good." She said, smirking back. "It looks very good. But I wear that jacket all the time. And there are people taking pictures of us… right now." You said, finding a camera and pointing at it. " Everyone’s gonna know. The fans- they’re…" You started saying. "Stalkers?" She joked and you barked of laughter. "No! Well… yes. But they’re intuition is good. They’ll just know." You said. "Does it matter? I mean I know it’s not what we wanted by I want to be with you and have everyone know you’re mine. The whole world. Fuck what they say, mi amor." Alexia said. "Really?" You said. "Yeah. But let them figure it out first. For… what’s the expression you always say?" She asked. "For shits and giggles." You smiled. "Yes. I dont underhand it. But for that."

You were scrolling on your phone, it was a day after the game and your head head was on Alexia’s lap as she looked through her own phone. You were scrolling through your for you page on tik tok when you saw a video. It was a video of you that Ingrid had taken as you walked down the street wearing black jeans, a white cropped tank top and the leather jacket. Following that came a few pictures of you wearing the jacket. Then, was a video a fan had taken of you and Alexia talking on the field, followed by pictures from Barca’s instagram of Alexia on the pitch. The caption read: sharing clothes are they now? I think they’re dating.

All the comments were agreeing, and just to be a little cocky, you liked the video. "Hey, Ale. Look at this." You said.

She watched the video and when she was done, she smiled down at you and pressed a kiss to your forehead. "They know." She said.

"They know."

[simpel-is]

ranting abt moonlight again bc holy FUCK THIS FILM IS SO SMART AND SO GOOD WITH ITS COLOR

this hyperfixation will drag me into the ground and i will happily go along

spoilers for the movie (if u havent seen it go watch it mf its pride month) also discussion about religion (kind of), homophobia, black masculinity identity and culture, ect ect

no because how tarell mccraney and barry jenkins used the color blue as a symbolism in this movie is SO FUCKING GOOD i feel like in almost every scene u can see a color being used in a symbolic way

in my interpretation at least, blue here represents both vulnerability, security with one's identity but also masculinity (in the sense how blue is used in society to represent men and masculine gender roles, the expectations that come along), and which meaning of the blue is used is colored (ha get it) by the context of the scenes

at the end we reach the conclusion that masculinity and vulnerability can co-exist without contradicting each other in the final sequence of little in blue moonlight but WE WILL GET TO THAT IN A BIT

in the beginning chase sequence little is getting bullied and chased while he wears a blue backpack -> the blue here represents the vulnerability, and how it paints a target on chiron to get bullied by other kids

even in subtle details like how juan drives a blue car but doesn't wear blue on himself, how teresa wears blue through-out the movie, how there's hints of blue in juan and teresa's home (in that scene where juan has little sitting with his front to the door but back to the blue, but we the audience can see it, smth tells me its supposed to be how juan is trying to put up a front to act as a reliable older figure for little which GUH JUST SHOWS HOW MUCH HE CARES), his house's walls and mother wore blue at the beginning scenes which shows when he was younger he could feel and project vulnerability into his own home at one point

during the little section, after the chase sequence little is shown wearing a red shirt while other kids, including kevin, wear white and blue. white here is sort of used as a neutral color of uncertainty and perhaps innocence, while red is the opposite of blue; it's invulnerability, but also insecurity and femininity (which lines up with how chiron's mother wears red in the scene she yells at him), and it shows how chiron is outcasted with the kids, bc of his quiet nature

during the chiron section, the bully wears red and black, contrasting against chiron's mainly light colored outfits. i thought a long time for what the yellow could stand for, and maybe it's there to represent whenever chiron feels love towards another character (teresa, kevin, in specific scenes with his mother) or that sense of escapism (when he was running to the beach at night), his shirt for 80% of this section is a plaid shirt with yellow blue and white sort of mixed up together and a blank white shirt inside

before and during the betrayal scene, he wears a white shirt with blue lines, no yellow anymore bc it felt like he doesn't need to imagine kevin's love for him only exists in dreams. it's reality now, and it makes things more clear for him and his identity (THEIR SHIRTS EVEN MATCH LIKE THEY COMPLETE EACH OTHER IM GONNA CRY.)

also it might be to distinguish when its masculinity or vulnerability but the shade of blue used during the revenge scene is a more teal blue while the moonlight blue is like a natural real blue without a tint of green (i could yap on abt how green is used but this is getting too much)

now during the black section of the film, yellow is first used to represent anxiety for chiron when he wakes up from the nightmare; that escapism and affection he felt for kevin and his mother now reminds him of what happened years ago. it still haunts him. and it also haunts kevin shown in the scene when he calls chiron to apologize (but at the center the lighting is blue. he calls in vulnerability)

as black travels back to confront his past and familiar ties, his mother now wears light blue which is contrasted against chiron's darker shade of blue shirt in the forgiveness scene (they're on different ends of the spectrum, but they're slowly healing, both on the same page of what they wanna do; heal from the past)

as the movie continues, the yellow in scenes slowly turns to represent familiarity and affection instead of anxiety, but the yellow doesn't look warm or as bright as before; there's still tension, things left unsaid. but at the centre, the focus point of these scenes, there's blue, and it isn't tinted by another color (the car drive scene, how blue light peeks in through the diner scene, when kevin changes into a blue shirt)

and the scene where black fucking says "you're the only man who's ever touched me." good fucking god.

he looks at kevin's shirt. he wants the blue. he wants to share the vulnerability with kevin.

when kevin holds chiron, the lighting is dark, and the yellow now is warmer, it represents familiarity and affection again. a lot of things are still a mystery to them, a lot still left unsaid, but everything feels familiar again in a new way, in a more intimate way.

and that fucking scene where little looks back in the blue moonlight, showing how chiron's vulnerability and masculinity don't have to contradict one another; he reaches security with his child self. he finally heals.

this movie is so, so beautiful.

[superspecial-awesome]

s0 queerosexual hcs. for pride month

basically my interpretation of the cast in this regard is that theyre a bunch of annoying queer teenagers who will never discover this about themselves because they live in 1990s japan and all think there's only gay and straight and that being the former is grounds to be beaten in the streets

Yugi: the only one who has his shit figured out. transmasc and bi and he plans on taking that to his grave. he has a strong preference for women though so that part never really comes up. "attracted to every woman ever and one guy i met at a gas station six years ago" disease. also bonus points anzu knows he's transmasc and helped him figure out binding and shit

Miho: huge lesbian but "oh no it's just that girls are objectively more attractive than guys everyone knows that, i just haven't met the right man yet, besides every girl wishes they could date women instead that's why bakura is so popular it's because he looks like a woman." I also like to imagine that in an ideal world, she'd fuck with genderfluidity

Bakura: aroace and agender transfem. he gives me he/it/any vibes. I think partly due to The Mega Autism he never really understood the deal with traditional masculinity so he feels disconnected from manhood as a whole and would be a lot more comfortable being able to exist as something entirely detached from gender. I also think the swarms of girls at all times made him view women as some sort of other species entirely and he's got a lot of deep-rooted misogyny going on about it, but tbh anzu and miho could fix him. and make him into the vague girlthing he always was

Anzu: Idk what label to slap onto her but I don't think physical appearance or gender plays any role in her being attracted to people at all. maybe like demiromantic asexual. but i dont think demi is the term im looking for. definitely ace though.

Honda: "WOW I LOVE BEING A MAN I LOVE WOMEN AND RULES AND ORDER I DON'T AT ALL FEEL LIKE I'M CURSED TO FIT MYSELF INTO A BOX THAT'S TOO SMALL FOR ME" and he believes that wholeheartedly and then wonders why he needs to constantly prove himself over things that don't matter to avoid his mental health crumbling to dust. I don't think he's trans though I just think he needs to chill out. also he's bi and poly and the single most useless hopeless romantic ever.

Jonouchi: bi but i think his refusal to accept that as a possibility has made him very aware of a lot of other things he has going on psychologically. like his homophobia has somehow made him a more self-aware and chill person. "honda put his hand on my shoulder for more than 0.5 seconds and my entire nervous system took a screenshot does this mean im g--wait no im just touched starved huh i wonder if that has ever impacted my poor decision making in the past." also him being used for the cartoon standard "guy wears girl clothes and likes it" joke is grounds for me to hc him as genderqueer. I could absolutely see him getting really into fem presentation.

Yami Yugi: gay gay homosexual gay

Kaiba: transfem in the super dysphoric way but will absolutely never find this out because any time she becomes remotely aware of something bothering her about herself she just looks in the mirror and says "no." i also wanna say arospec and aspec but idk she's fully either. i think if i wanted to give you an accurate idea of how attraction works for her i'd have to pull up the homestuck quadrants and i'm not joking.

Yami Bakura: agender is a way that's like "dude I'm a ghost in a ring who cares." If you called him a she he'd be like "what" and then after you got two words into explaining he'd go "nvm I underestimated the amount of shit I don't give about this." His sexuality is no time for dat goku

[worlds-oldest-teenager]

Kind of controversial but why are people acting like TSATS is Rick Riordan's first queer book? Like Magnus chase who? Trials of Apollo?

Warning ⚠️: Long rant under the cut. It's not very tsats friendly so please scroll if you don't want to read.

Idk it just feels like sometimes the fandom doesn't really view queer rep as valid unless it centers around romance. Completely biased as a toa fan but toa had so much rep. The bi mc, the gay geysers, the kindly old lesbian couple taking in unwanted kids, ace characters, characters struggling with comphet, characters crushing on people of the same gender and none of it being taken as something out of the ordinary. It just wasn't centred around romance.

The toa fandom has always been pretty small and chill with activity spiking everytime a new book releases. Then suddenly when Tower of Nero came out there were so many people. So what changed, what brought in so many people who weren't even interested in the premise of the book?

It was Solangelo.

I like solangelo as much as the next person (minus the year of seething rage when they were dominating the toa tag) but the way that people discount an amazing series about change, growth and overcoming abuse with some of the best casual queer rep I've seen and consider the only thing of value being a minor mlm couple with a few pages of screentime leaves a pretty bad taste in my mouth.

Magnus chase is another book. Alex fierro isn't perfect rep (stop calling Alex slurs holy fuck) but it was revolutionary to have a gender fluid character in a children's series and this was back in 2016. Fierrochase is pretty popular but I wonder sometimes if Alex and Magnus would be as popular as they are if they never got together. They're still not as popular as solangelo but in good faith that might be because people became too fatigued to read mcga.

It just feels sometimes that these books are viewed as lesser queer books just because there's no shipping or it's not a (I'm so sorry don't kill me ) heart stopper esque gay couple. Idk if im taking this too personally as a potentially ace *slides nsfw art under desk* person whose gender is wonky but it's just my thoughts on this.

But I just feel like the focus should be on the countries banning and censoring the book instead of people with perfectly valid criticism of it. There are so many of his books with queer rep and most of the criticism I've seen have come from LGBTQIA+ people that like these books or at least put the same energy into scrutinizing them too. Idk why people assume anything bad said about TSATS was a bad faith reading done out of homophobia.

All that being said, tsats is definitely being marketed as the first queer book. It's banned not very accessible in my country despite all the others going through- which sucks. It's being treated like the first queer focused book Rick has written and it's coming out at a bad time for everyone but especially people in the US apparently. So I understand why any reactions would be taken as the fandoms reaction to the first queer book.

So who is more homophobic? The person who doesn't like a queer book or the person who holds a queer romance as the pinacle of queer? The answer : no clue man it's complicated and it's sucks that we're all so on edge in these trying times that we automatically assume the worst. There's nuance that a smarter person than me can elaborate on but I am not he.

Sorry for writing something so divisive during pride month but it is a conservation that should be had and what better month than one celebrating queer identity and representation. Hope everyone has a great pride month and stays safe.

Peace and love ✌️🏳️‍🌈💜

[kingdom0fcards]

from one gay writer to another, i think nicholas would be the most supportive older brother

like imagine if u came out as trans mf would be so confused but extremely supportive !!! like yes go you!! want a haircut? no worries he'll give it to you (or buy you one. you insist on paying for it yourself but he's so annoying "NO I'LL PAY!")

and if you came out as gay? yes go date boys!! woo! boys yeah dick!!

if ppl shamed on you for being yourself (??? i seriously dont understand homophobia) he would b the first to throw hands like i mean actual fist fight the person bothering you

and then hug

or if you had unsupportive parents? he will be your parent idc cmon we're getting you a haircut and then ice cream

- self proclaimed 🍄 anon (i am your mushroom anon now im gonna be lurking in your askbox)

RAHHH I LOVE THIS !!!!

Mushroom anon this is the best shit

He would get so annoying (affectionate) about paying for literally everything; like you wanna go on HRT? He's paying for that shit you're not going into debt, haircuts and changing out your entire wardrobe? He's taking you to like 50 shops in one day to find out what you like !

I feel like this man would gladly go broke just to make you happy and shit

Go dick!!! Nick would fuckin go to target (or some shit idk) during pride month and buy literally every single cheesy shirt or thing that related to whatever kind of gay you came out as.

That mf would do to WAR to defend your fruity ass !

If he got into a fist fight he would be proud of it whether he won or not, he literally doesn't give a fuck because "I was defending you!"

Fuckin he would be your guardian or some shit in less than a heartbeat if your parents were unsportive (he'd probably fist fight them too ngl)

He'd try his best to get you to move in with him and get you everything you need and (I can not say this enough) would go broke helping you with your transition

Also I feel like his hugs are the fucking best like he definitely doesn't let go unless you want to let go

Thank u mushie anon you're a real one for this 🫡

[girlthativealwaysbeen]

it's been a year since i lied to you and told you that yes ive moved on so can we please be friends again. can you really blame me? i thought getting good at suppressing our memories from that one month meant moving on. i didn't know that i would feel a lump in my throat when you called me suddenly in the middle of a sunday even tho the plan was to talk once a week and we had talked only 3 days before. i didn't know i would feel butterflies in my stomach when i heard your laugh so close to my ear, but can you really blame me for being reminded of you giggling talking about the logistics of kissing on your study table?

but it's been another year since we've talked on the phone. those memories are so distant and blurry and full of light and happiness that i can't even believe they happened to me, it feels like they happened to a different person. so you don't have to worry, because ive moved on now.

remember when i used to tell you that i miss you so much i can't think about anything else, that i spend all my day reading our old chats? and you used to say, you need to stop and there are other people in the world? well, you don't have to worry about feeling uncomfortable now. i passed the exam i failed because i was too heartbroken over you. i go to tuitions and then i go to internship and i come home so late that all i do is eat and sleep. ive been doing better these days.

and you were right, there are other people in the world. but do you know, i asked a girl to come watch barbie with me, and she made a disgusted expression and said she'd already watched it and she hated it? this happened after we shared a coffee and realising we live next to each other and finding out that she watches kdramas and i listen to kpop. so surprising isn't it? someone who probably understands toxic masculinity and gender roles are fucked up still has internalised misogyny in her? nobody can compare to you, you lecturing me about feminism in tenth standard and your little book club with assigned reading as a thousand splendid suns and you having tears in your eyes showing us harry styles with pride flags in his concerts and you being mean and blunt saying i need to talk about my internalised homophobia. im starting to think you were one in a million and i was a fool to lose you, and an even bigger fool to have had you back and then lose you again.

but do you understand now? you told me you didn't, two years ago. i asked you, don't you understand that i was going crazy dealing with my psychotic family and i was depressed and tired and couldn't talk? and you said no, you're sorry, you really don't, you don't understand how someone can not share why they're sad to the person they supposedly love the most in the world. as i was writing this, daylight by taylor swift started playing. ironic, isn't it? there are many memories ive tried to erase from that one month, but this one i cannot forget- me coming into your room the night we planned and asking you if you're sure about this and is this like an experiment thing a oh what's kissing like thing or is it a we're in love with each other thing, and you smiling softly and saying girl yes i am sure it is one hundred percent a we're in love thing.

ive been getting better at sharing my sadness with my loved ones. my parents haven't stopped fighting, my dad shouted at my mom today morning because my brother lost the car keys, but it's okay, ive learned to tune it out. he only lives here for half a month, he stays somewhere else the other half so it's been easier to bear. my sister moved out, finally. ive been sad because of it but i know she's obviously happier there so it's okay. we have a neighbor and they have this tiny tiny annoying si kid she always comes to her house after her mom scolded her to sulk and watch tv with us. how is your little sister doing? i think of her when our neighbor devil comes. and how is your mom doing? are they settling in well to the new city? and how are you doing? have you been okay? we don't have to be exes trying to be friends again. but can't we just be childhood friends (if age 15 was childhood) who drifted apart briefly but found their way back to each other? please?

but it's okay, if we can't. cause like i said, ive moved on.

[pissfaggot-transsexual]

serious post tw? homophobia n transphobia and stuff

It's hard to find words for this that are more eloquent than "fuck, I'm scared" but like

I've known I was queer for a while, but I've only gotten comfortable in all of it this past year. Coming out to friends and family, finding more queer spaces, and all that has helped a shit ton. But I'm feeling, coinciding with all this shit around trans people now, like I've chosen a terrible time to accept myself? I feel like Ive gone through all that, especially more taxing stuff like coming out, just to roll it all back now that I feel less accepted by the world at large. Its maybe overreaction, but I dont feel alright just casually mentioning that Im queer anymore. Hell, other touchy aspects of myself like mental illness Im fine telling to people I know decent well, but telling them Im queer is off the table unless I know they are too. This feels ramble-y. And since queerness interacts with so many parts of myself, I dont feel alright acting genuinely, or dressing how I want, or speaking up for myself around causal homophobia. My whole ass family except for my brother is cool with me being non binary, but him being an ass about it stops me from correcting anyone on pronouns or whatever. That feels like a microcosm of what the world in general feels like rn. I know theres so many more people thatll accept me than there are assholes, especially online and anonymously, and Im hoping this pride month opens my eyes to that, but fuck if it doesnt *feel* like the opposite. I had finally gained that confidence to say 'fuck it all, Im queer and people will know it' and now Im scared to show that about myself again. maybe I just needed to get that outta my system, but I dont know if this feeling will pass anytime soon

[sadpeopledancing]

x

[777cherry-blossom777]

SPOILERS FOR STRANGER THINGS VOLUME 2

Ok here’s a list of why everyone is saying this volume was bad. (Part 3)

I’ll sort it into categories bc why not (each group is in a different post bc this is way too long)

CALI SQUAD 1

1. Their plot at first was so stupid. There was literally no purpose. They were running around trying to get the message about the military to El, WHO ALREADY KNEW. sure they didnt know that but at least give them a purpose!

2. When they did finally save El, they were absolutely useless. Sure Argyle got them the salt but the whole point of their group was El. Once again, the entire team relied on her. Like I said in part 2, the d&d game at the beginning really had me hoping for a new hero when Dustin rolled an 11 and got out.

3. Byler. I have soooo much to say on this but im gonna start with how the cast and Netflix themselves handled it. For the entirety of June (pride month) and before, they soaked up all the praise they were getting about finally making byler canon. From Netflix’s official account posting videos mocking El and Mike’s relationship multiple times, to the cast always confirming byler and being all giggly like it was going to be some happy ship, this was the type of queerbaiting I was definitely not expecting to see from a sci-fi YA tv show set in the 80s (the whole show is just gay, like not even counting the characters just the idea). In 2022. Do better.

4. Byler part 2. Yes Will is gay. Which means Netflix hinted at every opportunity that their ONLY TWO queer characters would be getting into a relationship and yet not only were they both still single at the end of the season, they were used to further straight relationships!!! Will’s pain and heartfelt monologue was just used to further the toxic straight relationship, and the painting scene was heartbreaking. Not only did we not even get a coming out scene (yes I get hes a kid but seriously with all the homophobia in this show they’ve said so many slurs its a little weird they cant say gay), but will was literally forced to watch as they excluded him from everything. Hes not a punching bag differ brothers, you cant make every bad thing happen to him.

5. Mike’s character. Related to reasons #2 and #3, but what is his excuse? He suddenly switched from a caring, protective friend (s1 and 2) to mean and shallow (s3 and 4). Out of nowhere he was awkwardly avoiding Will, his BEST FRIEND SINCE AGE FIVE, for no reason. Everyone said internalised homophobia, aka Mike using the classic ‘you make time feel things I shouldnt be feeling so im not gonna be around you anymore so I stop feeling this’ tactic. This would also explain why he never says I love you to El, and why the one time he did try to say it before volume 2 (in s3) he was awkward as hell and avoided the word completely. Seeing as this is apparently not the case, WHERE IS HIS EXCUSE?! He suddenly switched from treating Will like the light of his life to treating Will like shit. Ignoring him, excluding him, not even noticing him CHOKING ON TEARS WHILE WILL WAS LITERALLY SITTING NEXT TO HIM? No. That just doesn’t make sense with his s1 and 2 character.

Im gonna make another part for this group because I have more to say.

[femperials]

did dynasty elaborately use their last gay character standing being biphobic as an allegory for how demanding and ungrateful they believe their gay audience is? is this just another piece in a long-term pattern from dynasty to get back at their lgbt audience? am i giving them too much credit by thinking they’re smart enough to be that evil? let’s discuss. 

(this post will contain un-tagged talk about biphobia within the lgbt community as well as community infighting in online queer spaces. it’s pride month! if talking about those topics is going to (reasonably) bum you out, please skip this post at least for now!) 

this is the most negative thing i have ever written about dynasty and will likely be the ONLY post of its kind that i ever write. it’s impossible not to talk about the writing, cast, crew, etc of this show and be 100% just about the plots because there will often be overlap in terms of the how and the why of it. this will be the only post that i put here that focuses on critiquing the overall running of dynasty’s production and patterns of poor decision making over the course of the past five years. as i say on all of my fandom social media, often, i have overwhelmingly positive feelings about dynasty and find heavy comfort in it. if i want to write 4.1k words about something about it that has always felt a little ‘off’, im gna do that. :)

back during the final stretch of season 4, i distinctly remember talking with some friends about our feelings towards the show (as we often do) and while i'm possibly the least jaded in both my circle of friends and my online circles of other dynasty viewers, i do have some lines that i would absolutely drop the show like a hot pan for. 

they're SUPER distinct and clear lines that are less personally-triggering and moreso things that would feel distinctly like the writers either a) were intentionally trying to hurt certain demographics of their audience or, possibly just as bad, b) were genuinely too out of touch to realize the ramifications of. dynasty features plenty content that i find triggering on a personal level but as a general rule, i know that there is a separation between things that upset me individually and things that are related to doing more serious damage. sometimes these things overlap (an example, which i'll obviously be talking about liberally in this post, being homophobia, biphobia, transphobia, etc). so, while i have certain things that i wince away from every time dynasty shoves at us - looking at you, the beaten-to-death horse known as 'people being drugged against their will as a comedy trope' - i put up with it.  

as a sidenote, i think that the twitter timeline during episode 5.15 was a really great example of what sorts of buttons people won't allow others to push. the biphobic comment in the episode was hurtful enough for bisexual people to have to hear at all, but on top of that, the who - what - where of it all was even more insidious than it may have seemed on a surface level to people who saw their mutuals talking about it without being part of the dynasty sphere.

in 4.15, we were introduced to eva. she was cute, she was fun, she was there to be fallon's new assistant (funnily enough, the replacement for allison - the only canonically wlw character at the time since amanda wouldn't appear until the following episode), and then of course, to be a foil for falliam. the concept of there being any credible foil to falliam was ALREADY laughable at this point. i'm not even going to bother touching on how deeply predictable and boring the very concept of the writers thinking any of us truly believe they would do anything interesting or dangerous with them. i was bopping along in season 4, minding my business, discussing my theories with my friends and other people online and hehe-ing about how boring the eva-likes-liam thing was when i woke up in a cold sweat one night with a horrifying thought: what if the writers shake things up for fucking once in terms of falliam? what if this won't be their 500th predictable stupid storyline? what if eva is going to try to break up falliam because she likes fallon and not liam?

it turns out i was giving them too much credit in that department, so i lived to keep watching the show another day. that had been my own paranoid theory that i immediately jumped into the groupchat with to say ‘ok i found it, i found what i would stop watching dynasty for’. they were already pushing the stalking angle with eva and fallon’s previous stalker had been the only east asian representation on dynasty ever. if they said ‘ok lets do that storyline again but with a creepy predatory GIRL KISSER’ i think i would have had to tap out. 

another sidenote - i love hearing about people’s ‘what i would stop watching dynasty for’ moments. everyone’s different thoughts are so different and every time someone has told me one of theirs its usually something i didn’t even consider, but realized their fear of it happening was definitely still rooted in logic based on the way certain storylines go in this show.

dynasty's relationship with its lgbt audience has always been shaky at best and borderline emotional terrorism at its worst. from the outright refusal for a wlw character (which even then, was still a bit of a 'gotcha' at the audience) until its final stretch despite long ago having shifted from a series about the scandals of business with social and emotional stories woven in to a nearly sitcom-esque y.a. romance, or the fact that sammy jo is literally the last gay standing, the lgbt viewers have long resigned to a state of refusing to expect anything and shitposting about it for fun to keep things light. it's a cw show. plenty of the audience for dynasty - cishet AND lgbt - have experienced them before. for the lgbt audience, we're all seasoned veterans when it comes to navigating passive-aggressive feedback from the production teams and sometimes even cast members, not to mention the blatant and aggressive homophobia from other fans who don't fit into the same minority groups that a lot of us do and have no lived experience to draw any empathy from.

i think a lot of writers for television - a lot of which are specific to the cw though if i were to start naming examples from their recent catalogue, i would be here all day - learned fairly early on that blatant homophobia causes outrage which obviously causes buzz. this makes for great television writing because it very much gives the straight audience something to be surprised by and interested in. often the best of the self-proclaimed straight allies often for some reason love to see an act of homophobia and yell "i am NOT like that, by the way!" without doing much else, but it makes them feel good at the end of the day nonetheless. they get to think about the hardships that lgbt people face for a few minutes, go "oh jeez, how awful" which obviously makes them incredible people and there you have it. this is great news for television writers, as being the writer puts you in a position to 'make up a guy and then get mad at him' (for the record, this is bad when people do it random political discourse, not in television for the most part. 'make up a guy and ___' is sort of the basis of writing, that isn't the issue here). the thing is, those scenes where lgbt people face discrimination are not 'feel good' moments for the lgbt audience, usually. just like in real life, the other shoe dropping where the writers add in a little "and then the homophobe gets his just desserts" doesn't really heal the shock or hurt for anyone except their straight audience. when i get yelled at or threatened in public and a well-meaning ally steps up and tells the person harassing me to go fuck themselves, i still just experienced being harassed. i may be thankful to the person who used their power to help me, but i still was, for a moment, in a position where i needed help. 

homophobia exists, obviously, and shows set in the real world will obviously have moments where it is appropriate to weave it into the story. no one is arguing this much. the issue is that certain shows, and dynasty is not the only show that deserves this critique, will not have any real intention to dedicate time or care to this issue. i've spoken a lot about how i prefer that the newer seasons of dynasty stop trying when it comes to touching on serious issues because their track record of trying to do things tactfully hasn't been good since season 1. 

the other side of this blade is that we've now experienced two instances of anti-lgbt rhetoric from within canon, and both times it has been from lgbt characters.

in season 2, we had beto - cristal's brother who is aggressively homophobic specifically towards sam but plot twist! it was because he was into sam and was just shamefully closeted all along. audiences pushed back HARD against that across social media and explained why the rhetoric that lgbt people are really our own worst enemies was so dangerous - the cast or crew obviously didn't comment, which they generally don't so that wasn't strange - but the cishet audience did make sure to put on their best meat-gargling britches and let the lgbt audience know that if we were so unhappy with what we got, we could go watch something else and leave them alone.

in season 5, we got the pride party episode. i call it the pride party episode because while the actual pride party took up maybe about 8 total minutes of screen time, it was what the cast and crew posted the majority of their behind the scenes content from and it was obviously meant to be the draw as it did air during pride month.  for those who haven't watched yet or have been scouring for spoilers after seeing the tweets and different social media posts talking about it, here's your context:

sam begins to feel like he's an irrelevant gay in atlanta so he enlists the help of kirby and culhane to throw the biggest pride party of the weekend and get his status back. kirby and culhane put together a big party but same is unhappy with it (in their defense, his 'theme' was call me by your name / twink / leather daddy realness. with a drag performance. i think that since THAT was such a word salad of gay terminology that make no cohesive sense together, they just assumed he didn't know what he was talking about and was going to be cool with rainbow streamers and edm). he blows up and refers to culhane as a 'bad ally' and calls kirby 'just gay whenever it's convenient' - both comments he later apologizes for in the same breath because they were OBVIOUSLY on the same level of offensive (he also, at one earlier point, refers to them as allies together and while i don't know if it was intentional or not, it kind of felt more like a writers flub moreso than a dig at kirby but i could be wrong. kirby was sam's token straight for so long that it might just be muscle memory). he gets a quick pep talk from angeria paris vanmichaels and admits that he was actually just insecure about his gayness.

i've already said that it's harmful for straight people (though gay people also parrot this rhetoric too sometimes) to either make jokes about or outright seriously claim that people who perpetuate the most homophobia are insecure or closeted gay people. add on top of that that dynasty has now TWICE ‘addressed’ homo/bi/transphobia and both times have been by lgbt characters. i’m also in the conspiracy-theory camp of believing that fanworks for dynasty have, in the past, influenced the direction of the show or inspired plots and tropes used, and while kirby anders was always an icon for the wlw audience since before she was even introduced, fanworks that featured fan-interpretations of her as a wlw character often weren’t shy about talking about the implications that that would have if it were to fit into the canon of the show. some headcanons and fan-created works became common use among the wlw fandom and while they had no basis in canon they were considered ‘canon’ in the fan-verse where kirby was wlw - all of this pre-wlw-canon kirby, of course. a personal favorite in a lot of wlw fanworks for dynasty was the concept that alexis carrington, historically not a homophobe, would be perfectly okay with her daughter (either or, depending on your persuasion) dating another woman - but NEVER if it were kirby, turning the homophobic character trope on its head.  

what distinctly stood out to me once the smoke cleared from hearing the most wattpad-villain-esque overused line of biphobia from, again, the ONLY remaining gay man on the show, was exactly why sam saying it was so much more unsettling than just your run of the mill ‘homophobes are just mean gays’ tropery. earlier when i mentioned that the lgbt audience of dynasty tend to approach things in a sort of resigned way, i probably should have clarified that ‘expects nothing good’ comes in a wide range of flavours, spanning from ‘cautious but refusing to be hopeful’ (shoutout to kamanda nation) all the way to ‘blatantly giggling at all of the cw’s attempts to garner interest’. my dynasty twitter timeline and groupchats leading up to ‘the pride party episode’ since it was announced were a constant stream of shitposting and sarcastic claims that it would be a trainwreck that everyone was deeply excited to watch happen (“the cw is kicking the air right now demanding to know why they still aren’t allowed to say the f slur after putting a rainbow border on their page”).

there are plenty of common biphobic talking points. like every single group within the lgbt community, lack of understanding or empathy for one another who have different experiences than we do can cause ignorance and hurt. in my personal opinion, ‘queer discourse’, as its often all lumped together as, can do its part to help us educate one another on our own unique histories and experiences while it can also be a jumping-off point for hatred and circular, senseless arguing. also in my personal opinion, when it comes to queer discourse, or more often than not, community infighting, it should be entirely left up to those groups involved. i will listen to and value the opinion of someone that disagrees with me (to a reasonable extent, obviously) who i share a space with over the opinion of someone who agrees with me but has no idea what they’re talking about. for this reason, i obviously do not care about cishet opinions on queer issues. the internet evolves and expands incredibly quickly. online queer discourse used to be mainly reserved for deep tumblr: sideblogs and instant messages and google docs with links to talking points and sources in case one was ever backed into a corner in an argument. now, queer discourse has become such a massive part of the average twitter experience (not to mention tiktok) that its caught the attention of cishet people in a very strange way. not only have people with zero lived experience began to pay attention to what inter-community issues that the lgbt community are discussing, they’ve also pushed themselves into the discussions.  

it's not difficult at all, nowadays, for any straight television writer with a twitter account to not only a) find an lgbt issue to exploit clumsily for a quick plot or b) find an lgbt issue to exploit to have their audience do the fighting for them. a personal favorite example of mine is 7-season CW hatecrime The 100. their mistreatment of lesbian character lexa and wildly archaic use of the dead lesbian trope (which, while overlapping often, is not to be confused with the bury your gays trope) upset audiences on a catastrophic level. the interesting part, though, was that the bisexual female lead would go on to endgame with the male cishet lead in the wake of the death of her lesbian love interest. this was obviously upsetting to the lesbian audience for the obvious reasons that being brutally killed off (in a very specific way, too, which is worth looking up if you’re interested in queer fandom history) in order to make room for another m/f relationship. however, any lgbt person who has spent more than a few minutes in literally any queer discourse space online would be privy to the fact that lesbians and bisexual women can sometimes carry a certain tension when it comes to discussions about validity. this is not a queer discourse blog and i’m not going to delve into the talking points surrounding this, but it is important for me to point out that those talks DO take place in a lot of queer online spaces, and since online fandom is often a relatively queer space itself, the discussions do bleed together sometimes. that’s why it was so genius (in a sociopathic sort of way) for the cast, crew, and writer’s room of the 100 to listen to the lesbians crying about the representation being yanked out from under them and go “you hear that, bisexual audience? the lesbians are mad because YOU aren’t gay enough for them on this show.” 

i didn’t watch the 100. i was about to start it the week that they killed off lexa which i personally think was one of the top 10 bullets dodged in history. but EVERYONE in online fandom spaces, myself included, knows what happened and experienced it in some regard. the 100 became a piece of history for the resulting terrible pr that they got for the writing choice as well as their unprofessional and batshit insane handling of the aftermath. the cw to this day has never made a mistake so serious again but the lasting effects of pitting one’s lgbt audience against each other to avoid accountability has never left, and the cw specifically is famous for its use of audience infighting to avoid effort and quality when it comes to lgbt storylines. sam’s biphobic comment hit hard in that way, because the writers got to throw that in and step back and go “whoa now hey it wasn’t us! it was the gay guy. obviously!”

and his phrasing, “gay when its convenient” - while also not an uncommon biphobic soundbite - was hilariously something that dynasty’s lgbt audience have been saying for years. after steammy was wiped off the map as a couple and sam was written into a few forgettable guy of the month romances with minimal screentime to keep cashing in one being able to put SOMETHING in the ‘we promise we have diversity’ montages that the cw keeps getting fucking clowned for posting (seriously, why do they keep posting those ads? i have NEVER seen a healthy comment section under one of them) they finally seemed to find their footing to utilize rafael de la fuente’s talent in a meaningful way. his drama work is unreal. he manages to hit his comedy beats even when the writing is clearly below him and elevates it every time. this of course had to come at the cost of dropping a lot of the romance from his storyline which would be perfectly fine - perhaps even welcome especially in these later seasons - were he not the only opportunity for the mlm audience to have someone they can relate to.

dynasty’s cishet audience commenting about how the moment amanda was canonized as wlw that it was ‘too soon’ to start putting her into relationships was the usual level of tone-deaf and blatantly un-self-aware that lgbt audiences have been putting up with since the dawn of time. 

‘gay when its convenient’ has been something that the lgbt audiences have been accusing dynasty of since the first season came and went without a hint of fallon carrington looking twice at a girl, after liz gillies said that she could definitely see fallon as a bisexual woman. dynasty's answer to lgbt people asking for representation - PROPER representation - has always been met with either crumbs (rip allison!) or a sort of weird derisive 'here's what we have for you - YOU are actually VERY stupid for thinking we wouldn't give it to you and i think that says more about how miserable you all are than it does about us as a television show' vibe. fallon's offhanded comment about 'having always had a thing for princess frostine' in 2.12 was not a 'win' for bisexual representation, either. at the time, it almost felt like a smug little slap in the face to the people who were flooding online anonymous forums to scream and cry "STOP saying fallon likes girls" at the wlw audience. rewatching it even a day later felt like a slap in the face to the lgbt audience who claimed that the show didn't have enough queer characters. the line meant nothing and went no where - it was just a reminder that "she's right HERE you blind idiots, stop asking us for more gay women". 

pre-kamanda, dynasty consistently told us that we had all of the representation we needed. we have a gay guy who pops in to say random gay-isms (who was once a success story about an undocumented immigrant from an abusive household that struggled and cheated and did what he could to survive among billionaires) once or twice per episode, and we have fallon, who sometimes slaps women on the ass as they walk by, or whatever. the lgbt audience came up with our own ships and our own silly in-universe ideas to keep us busy while we sat through whatever new trope the writers wanted to half-ass with falliam for the majority of the episode. and, since we thought, only having historical patterns to base our expectations on, that we were never going to get anything, we let our own fan-canon and faux-theories get wilder and sillier despite the usual obstacles whether that was the writers making them moot with canon on accident or the literal cast of the show mocking us publicly based on their own misunderstanding of the concepts at hand (as an aside: cast and crew’s of shows and movies interacting with fanworks is not only their given right but also often very welcome. that being said, at the end of the day it was never for them, though that is a topic for another day).

kamanda was not only a breath of fresh air in terms of finally having something a little more lighthearted and fun without feeling like a waste of time to focus on, but it brought back audience that had long-since jumped ship (often around early to mid season 4).

even then, there was something sort of ‘off’ about the whole feeling. these aren’t my personal opinions because i didn’t see amanda’s introduction, kirby’s wlw canonization, or kamanda in general anything other than an (embarrassingly fucking late) agreement to finally give the wlw audience what we’ve been asking for for the last five years: real (fictional) women in a real (fictional) relationship, a privilege granted to literally everyone else on the show since the very beginning, in a show that had increasingly dropped most of its plotting to focus solely on romance and interpersonal relationships. i did however see static and enter discussions about the a) aggressive cancellation season last-ditch attempt to be relatable and b) a redirect of the wlw audience’s attention away from firby - arguably the most popular dynasty ship behind falliam, pre-kamanda. i’m literally still in the middle of a giant unhinged post about the history of firby fandom and its eventual replacement by kamanda so i’m not going to go into a lot of detail about it here. the main takeaway there is that the way in which dynasty hands us our representation often feels like we’re supposed to feel bad about it once we get it. not in the ‘here’s representation but they’re BAD’ way, but in a ‘how dare you have ever doubted us, why are you even here if you’re so angry with us’ sort of way. i would consider that my own paranoia and overthinking and just assuming that i’m feeling sorry for myself had i not realized across multiple platforms how widespread that weird ‘guilty’ feeling is when it comes to being lgbt in dynasty fandom. 

the biphobia is the core issue at hand - full stop. bisexual audiences did not need to hear something like that and especially not coming from a show that consistently backs out of touching on real-world issues by claiming that the show is meant to be an escape and therefore wouldn't be fair to the audience. the bisexual audience do not qualify for such escapism.

however what this obnoxiously long rant of a post is also poking at is that sam's biphobic comment not only shocked and hurt the bisexual audience but it added to an overarching message that the lgbt audience have been having yelled at us by dynasty for the past five years, usually RIGHT whenever we feel comfortable and safe, and that's that sure, this show is going to upset us sometimes but that's the real world, and symbolically, we really only have ourselves to blame.

[heartof-kings]

hello hello its pride month and im queer and know a tidbit of history. im gonna talk about the UpStairs Lounge Arson Attack.

!!WARNING FOR HOMOPHOBIA AND MURDER!!

On June 24, 1973, a gay bar caught on fire. 32 people died and 15 people were injured. It was a purposeful attack by Roger Nunez, who was kicked out for harrassing people and later seen buying lighter fluid. Few of the bodies were identified, and even fewer claimed. And do you know what happened to those who were identified? They were, disowned and fired from their jobs. Even the dead. The survivors too. And the police made no arrests. A local radio show joked about victims’ ashes being kept in a fruit jar. Nunez later CONFESSED and nothing happened. THE COPS NEVER DID ANYTHING.

TLDR: COPS ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS AND NEVER HAVE BEEN. STAY SAFE.

[ahh-fxck]

Warrior's Blues Chapter 12: A Chance

IT IS DONE! After months of work and overcoming hurdles due to chronic illness and Life Stuff, I can finally and with great pride present to you the next chapter of Warrior's Blues. In which Geralt and Jaskier finally reconnect, and Yennefer gets to meet the Pegasus!

Rating: M

Tags: See Ao3

CW: Internalized homophobia, depression, PTSD

Tag list:

@astouract​ @smolpoe​ @yes-im-the-violin-girl @ladyknight-keladry @your-lordsherlockholmes-posts

Let me know if you would like to be added/removed from the tag list!

Geralt blushes and Yennefer grins wickedly. Then the kitchen door opens and Jaskier pops out, wiping his hands dry with a towel.

“Hello, hello, sorry about that! Welcome!” He greets them somewhat breathlessly. “Welcome to the Pegasus!” His eyes widen as he sees Geralt and a flush creeps up his cheeks. He drifts to a halt holding a towel awkwardly in one hand, his normal patter abandoning him as he sees Geralt standing at the end of the bar.

Geralt’s head comes up and he too freezes, swallowing hard. Jaskier is just as beautiful as he remembers, soft brown hair falling into his bright blue eyes. He is wearing a white button-down, open just a little too far to be modest. A thatch of dark hair peeks out of his shirt, hinting at the broad strength of his chest beneath. He’s wearing denim shorts that land just above his knee, far more modest than the ones Geralt first met him in, but the way they fit his waist… Geralt sucks in a breath, forcing his eyes up again. He spares a quick glance for Yennefer, but all she does is give him a nudge. He turns back, heart hammering, and dithers. Death he can face down fine, but this? Oh fuck.

“Where did you put the coffee?”

“It’s in the fridge.”

“The f- Why the fridge?” Geralt bites down on the urge to cuss at the last moment, pinching the bridge of his nose to quell his irritation.

“Because it’s out of the way.”

His lip draws back off of his teeth in a brief snarl and he takes a breath to speak. Her violet eyes flick up over the newspaper and bore into him. He stops. He scans her, noting the set of her jaw, the tension in her shoulders, and decides complaining about his coffee tasting like onions just isn’t worth it. Grimacing, he bends over and rummages in the tiny fridge for the beans instead. As he straightens he hears the crinkle of the newspaper being raised again.

The motions of the coffee ritual are soothing for him. Even the tiny, stupid hotel coffee maker is weirdly calming, reminding him of the hundreds of times he’s wrestled with a new machine while Yennefer reads the paper on the bed. It makes him feel normal, like he’s just waking up for a day on leave and making coffee with his loved one. Like the sky hasn’t fallen after all. He finds himself absentmindedly asking about what’s in the paper today, and Yennefer responds like she always does, reporting on her morning readings with a healthy helping of sardonic commentary.

Geralt smiles to himself, letting it wash over him. He automatically murmurs a reply every now and then without really thinking about it, leaning on his elbows to watch the coffee percolate. The little machine bubbles and hisses, filling the room with the aroma of roasted beans. Dark oily droplets form, rolling as they grow, and finally, drop into the pot with a splash. At first, there’s just a dark scattering of splatters in the bottom of the pot, but Geralt watches as they run together, forming a larger and larger puddle until it fills out and reaches the sides of the pot. Watching the dark liquid crawl up the inside of the glass is meditative, and Geralt indulges in his enjoyment with a contented sigh. Yennefer is well past being accustomed to him staring at the coffee pot and gave up trying to stop him years ago. She continues her commentary, needing only the occasional grunt from Geralt to let her know he is still listening.

When the coffee pot finishes percolating it lets out a last few coughs and puffs of steam before settling into silence. Geralt waits until it’s fully done before straightening, grimacing as his joints pull with morning stiffness, a reminder that he’s not as young as he used to be. He pours them both coffee and brings Yennefer a mug, kissing the top of her head. She breaks off and tilts her head up to smile at him, reaching out to place a hand on his chin to draw him back down and brush her lips across his own.

The corners of his eyes crinkle warmly as he straightens, and he strokes his big hand across her curls affectionately. She smiles, turning back to the newspaper and lifting her coffee to her lips as he walks away to get his own cup. The bed creaks a moment later as he settles in next to her with his book, coffee in hand. They settle into a companionable silence, broken only by the turn of a page or the sound of coffee being sipped.

The silence is broken a few minutes later by a grunt of amusement from Geralt. Yennefer’s cool feet have snuck their way under his legs, chilling his calves where she has shoved them for warmth. He lowers his book to find her nonchalantly watching him from the corner of her eye, a smile pulling at the very corner of her lips.

“Is this a hint?” he asks, setting aside his book.

“Of course not, why would you ever think a thing like that?” Yennefer murmurs archly, but her statement is belied by a wicked little twinkle in her eye. She wiggles her toes against the warmth of Geralt’s skin and he chuckles, setting aside his mug and grabbing one of her feet with his freshly warmed hand. She groans happily and he gives her foot a long squeeze.

“Uh-huh, I see how it is.” He shakes his head and holds his hand out for the lotion she has on her bed stand.

“I simply don’t know what you’re talking about,” she says innocently. She hands over the lotion nevertheless, then settles back and gives her newspaper a shake to straighten it out.

“Hmm,” Geralt hums, his shoulders shaking with a silent chuckle. He greases his hands and picks up her foot. His strong thumbs move in slow sweeps down her muscles and tendons, kneading the soreness away. Yennefer melts with a sigh, the newspaper drooping as a look of bliss spreads across her face.

The contented silence returns, deeper this time and full of warmth. There’s nothing but a quiet morning in front of them, no aim for the day except to try and relax. As Geralt works they fall into a reverie, enjoying being close to one another. The grey light of early morning through the windows warms to a bright buttery yellow, gilding the austere room's corners and edges.

The shrill ring of the phone cuts through the quiet, startling them both. Geralt looks to Yennefer, who nudges him with her foot.

“You’re closest.”

Shrugging, Geralt grabs the phone off of the bedside table nearest him, expecting the hotel staff on the other end of the line.

“Hello?” he says, sounding bored.

“Hello, it’s Jaskier! Is this Geralt?”

Geralt freezes as if someone has just dumped a bucket of ice water down his shirt, as elated as he is terrified. A flush races up Geralt’s neck and his mind goes blank. Yennefer lowers the newspaper and gives him a curious look. Then, as he shoots her a helplessly embarrassed glance, her eyes begin to dance with mischief.

“Hello?” Jaskier tries again, a note of apprehension creeping into his tone.

Geralt grunts as Yennefer kicks him lightly, feeling a curl of irritation as his mind hiccups back into motion. He grabs her foot to keep her from doing it again, and she grins. Clearing his throat he cuts her a quelling look, trying to ignore the burning in his cheeks. Her eyebrows arch with amusement and she settles back to let him talk.

“Yes. This is Geralt,” he replies abruptly, his tone overly formal. He winces. It sounds like he's taking a call from a colonel, not a lover.

“Oh thank fuck, I thought I had the wrong room number.” Jaskier gives a breathless little laugh that quavers at the very end, betraying his nerves to both of them. “I hope I didn’t call too early?”

“No, you didn’t,” Geralt says. The sound of Jaskier’s voice cuts into him like sunlight into ice, making him worry he’s going to melt into nothing.

“Good, good. I’m glad I caught you. Is this a good time?”

Geralt glances at Yennefer. Her violet eyes are dancing as raises the newspaper in front of her face, indicating that he should ignore her presence. A smile starts pulling at Geralt’s lips and he squeezes her cool foot, glad to have her near. “Yes, this is a good time.”

“Great. That’s great. Ah, so how have you been? Everything going ok?”

“I’m fine,” Geralt replies guardedly, “Uh, things are ok…” he trails off, his throat closing up. He shoots a look at Yennefer, dying inside as he imagines what an idiot he must sound like. Yennefer lowers the newspaper to meet his eye, giving him a surprisingly gentle look. The expression is so out of character that it startles Geralt a little bit, pulling a small but real smile out of him.

“How are you?” he asks. He closes his eyes, letting his head thump back against the wall. In the background, he can hear the noises of Jaskier shifting around, one of the kitchen stools dragging on the floor and then squeaking as he settles onto it.

“Head absolutely full of thoughts, and wouldn’t you know it. Oh, lord.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah… I uh. Your wife called me out. Hoo boy, she is a force of nature!” Jaskier chuckles nervously and Geralt snorts.

“She is that,” Geralt agrees, cracking his eye open to glance at Yennefer. “You called back anyway.”

Yennefer smiles behind her paper, rubbing her foot against his leg. Geralt cracks a half smile, reassured. He strokes his fingers along her leg, his eyes drifting closed again to focus on Jaskier’s voice.

“Yes…” Jaskier’s voice becomes tentative. “Look, Geralt. I really like you… I’d like that chance to talk with you if it’s still an option? Would you be available this morning to do that? Or- or really any morning this week, it doesn’t matter-”

Geralt’s eyes pop open, his hand tightening on Yennefer’s shin. Jaskier likes him. There’s something electric about hearing it aloud. He reels, his body jarred by a heady mixture of panic and delight.

“Today is fine,” he cuts in, feeling like he’s bitten into lightning.

“Good!” Jaskier exclaims, sounding more surprised than he probably means to. “Good, uh…” he trails off with a little wobble. It sounds like he’s fidgeting. Geralt can just see it in his mind’s eye, Jaskier turning a pen back and forth between his clever fingers while he sits at the kitchen island. It’s cute, and oddly, the image makes him feel better. At least he’s not the only nervous wreck.

Jaskier clears his throat and begins again. “I thought… how would you feel about meeting at the bar for breakfast before everyone gets in? There’s a waffle maker there. I could… I could make waffles,” he finishes weakly. “I make very good waffles.”

Geralt hums, a smile crinkling the corners of his eyes. He hesitates as he thinks it over, watching Yennefer out of the corner of his eye.

Too nervous to sit in silence, Jaskier starts talking again, practically babbling now.

“It’s quiet and private, I thought… uh. It might be better than my house or a restaurant or something. Unless there’s somewhere you’d feel better about of course,” he continues, starting to trip over his own words in his haste to get them out, “I’d be happy with anywhere I just want you to be comfortable-”

“Stop.” Geralt rumbles, warmth creeping into his voice as he cuts Jaskier off before he becomes incomprehensible. He didn’t think it was possible for someone to be more nervous than he himself is, but Jaskier sounds like he’s coming to pieces too and Geralt finds it oddly charming.

“The bar is fine,” he adds, then squints as Yennefer gives him a skeptical look. He squints and gives her one right back.

“He’s taking you where?” Yennefer sits up straight, the newspaper drooping.

Geralt rolls his eyes. “His bar.” Instinctively, he tightens his hand on the receiver as he eyes her, noting the mounting look of pure mischief on her face. Sometimes he wonders if this is what it’s like to have a sister.

“His what? I thought you were going to talk-” She breaks off. “I swear if he’s just going to get you drunk-”

“Yen!” Geralt cuts in. He scowls, putting his hand over the receiver.

“No! Who the fuck does he think he is? Give him here.”

“Fuck off.”

“Fuck off yourself,” she snaps back. Then she eyes him, a smile tugging at her lips.

“Besides, you owe me. Not even a ‘dear friend,’ letter to let me know you were alive-” she pokes him in the ribs with her toe. He rolls his eyes, but the way he begins to grumble tells her she’s won.

“Fine,” he capitulates. Today he’s going to give her this one, because she’s scared and wants to protect him. Besides, if Jaskier can’t take the heat now he’s never going to be able to take it. He takes his hand away and turns back to the phone.

“Sorry about that,” he sighs.

“Is everything ok? I thought I heard Yennefer-”

“She’s sitting right here, we were having coffee.”

“Oh! Oh lord,” Jaskier says, “I didn’t realize- I can call back another-”

“Stop. The hotel room is the size of a postage stamp, now is fine.”

“Oh. Uh, i- is everything ok?” Jaskier fumbles, trying to recover.

“Everything’s fine, She just wants to talk to you. Do you have a minute?” Geralt’s stomach does a little dip at the tiny pause Jaskier gives.

“Of course,” Jaskier replies as evenly as he, a person masquerading as someone who is not thrown in any way, can manage.

A mixture of relief and chagrin floods Geralt. He hesitates, putting his hand over the mouthpiece again.

Yennefer holds up her hand before he can speak, her expression more serious now. “Give me this and I promise I’ll be good for the rest of the day.”

“You’re never good for the rest of the day,” Geralt snorts, but his scowl warms.

“Fine, I’ll try much harder than usual.” She holds out her hand, giving him her very best charming look. And she is, if nothing else, very charming. Geralt sighs and hands over the phone.

“Be good.”

“Mmm.” With the merry twinkle returning to her eye, she takes the handset from him. “Julian, good morning, how are you?” She asks, her tone businesslike.

“Yennefer,” Jaskier replies cautiously, trying to conceal how nettled he is, “I’m fine, and yourself?”

“Delightful,” she says with the finality of a closing book. “Where did you say you were taking Geralt?”

“My bar.”

“You're getting him drunk at eight in the morning?”

“Well, as a matter of fact, I was planning to feed him waffles,” Jaskier replies, a smile creeping into his voice, “But if you’d like me to marinade him before I send him back to you…”

“Don’t you dare,” Yennefer snaps, but there is the barest bit of humor in her tone. Good for him, he has a spine after all.

“Why your bar? Don’t you want to be seen with him?”

Jaskier huffs. He’s still mildly annoyed, but he’s becoming accustomed to Yennefer’s temperament quickly.

“Of course I do! I just thought it might be nice to talk someplace private, and my house didn’t seem right.” He pauses. “Boundaries,” he adds with a note of dry humor.

Yennefer snorts, a look of amusement softening her eyes. “That better be the reason,” she threatens.

"I swear on my giddy old aunt, darling," Jaskier laughs.

A smile tugs at her lips. “Where is your bar?”

“It’s down by the docks… why, do you need directions? You’re welcome to come to see it too if you’d like.”

“I would, as a matter of fact.” Yennefer replies, pleased. She’d been half expecting the spoony idiot to try and shut her out, but here he is being kind. She winks at Geralt, whose scowl has softened somewhat as he listens to the two of them banter.

“Do you have pen and paper?”

“Yes,” she replies, pointing to the pad and pen on the table and making grabby hands. Geralt passes her the pad silently, watching her like a hawk. Yennefer ignores his scrutiny merrily, jotting down the directions as Jaskier gives them to her.

“Great,” Yennefer says when he’s done. “When do you want me to drop him off?”

“Anytime after eight-thirty is fine. The drive from your hotel shouldn’t be far.”

“No, it’s not,” Yennefer agrees, studying the directions. “Do I get a tour of the bar? I’ve heard so much about it.”

“Absolutely! You’re welcome anytime. Food and drinks are on the house. You’ve been halfway across the world trying to find Geralt, the least I can do is make you feel at home,” Jaskier replies in his very best charming tone.

A little smile quirks Yennefer’s lips. “Thank you. See you shortly, Julian.”

Jaskier gives an irritated puff, but before he can properly react Yennefer hands the phone back to Geralt.

“Yen!” Geralt scolds, taking the phone from her.

Yennefer laughs, heading for the bathroom.

“I regret nothing, and you’re welcome. I’ll be driving you over as soon as I’m ready to go.” She wiggles the stationery pad at him. “I’ll see you in a moment.” Then, before Geralt can say anything else, she shuts the bathroom door behind her.

Geralt frowns. “Sorry about that,” he grumbles again, boiling with chagrin and hoping that Jaskier doesn’t hate him.

Jaskier laughs. “It’s all right. I’d ask if she’s always like that, but…”

Geralt snorts. “Yeah, you have no idea. I love her though, she’s good to me.”

“I can tell. That woman cherishes you, terrifying though she may be. I must confess I don’t entirely know what to do with her myself, but I shall endeavour to keep her happy nonetheless. And in the meantime, I am looking forward to showing her around the bar.”

“You are?” Geralt asks, finding himself relaxing slightly.

“I am! Perhaps it will take away some of the mystery for her, put her at her ease or something. Besides, I get to show off my darling.”

A crooked smile softens Geralt’s face. ”Good. I think she’ll like seeing the place. Get a sense for what all the fuss is about.”

“Ooh, has there been fuss?” Jaskier hums, a flirtatious note entering his voice.

“Hmm. A little bit of fuss,” Geralt grunts, embarrassed.

“All good fuss, I hope?”

“Mmm,” Geralt grunts again, too embarrassed to speak. There is a little huff of air on the line, and when Jaskier speaks again Geralt can hear the smile in his voice.

“All good fuss on my end too, darling. I can’t wait to see you again. I’d better let you go so I can get on the road, all right?”

“Okay. I’ll let you go, then,” Geralt says, seizing on the chance to end the conversation before he combusts.

“Drive safe!” Jaskier trills. “See you in a few.”

“Ok. See you soon.” Geralt drops the phone back into the cradle, flustered, then sits there looking at it stupidly for a long moment afterward. He doesn’t know what to do with his hands, with his feet, much less his feelings. They are swirling all over the place, elation and hope and terror all warring for his attention. Unable to sit with the sensations, Geralt abruptly stands and begins to pace the room.

Yennefer scoffs when she emerges from the bathroom, hair bound back and makeup crisp. “Geralt, you’ll wear a hole in the carpet. Why don’t you get your shoes on instead?” She walks past him to don her shoes, absolutely unimpressed by his distress.

The direct tone of her voice cuts across Geralt’s rising nerves. He pulls up abruptly, then looks down at his shirt and pants. The shirt is blue, and it’s paired with a crisp new pair of denim jeans. “I don’t know if I should be wearing this, Yen.”

“Maybe not for a date, but you two are just going to talk. All you need to do is stop looking so stiff.” Yennefer’s lips press together in a look of amusement as she comes to a stop in front of Geralt. She grabs his collar, violet eyes sparkling, then starts to unbutton his shirt. He reaches up to stop her, but she swats his hands out of her way.

“Stop. That was clearly a cry for help. Hold still.” She opens the shirt to expose his undershirt and chest just enough to be tasteful, then rolls up the cuffs of his sleeves to expose his forearms. He ought to be more comfortable like this anyway out in the summer heat.

Geralt grumbles and mutters as she fusses with his shirt, but when she turns him to the mirror he subsides. The look might be more informal than he’s used to, but he has to admit Yennefer knows what she’s doing. He rakes his eyes up and down the image in front of him, his nerves compelling him to find something to complain about as a way to deflect from how worried he is about seeing Jaskier again.

Yennefer, seeing what Geralt is about to do, cuts him off before he can get started. “You look handsome, Geralt. Are you going to argue with me or are we going to get moving?”

Geralt huffs, turning away from the mirror. “Fine. It’s fine. Thank you, Yen.” He stiffly bends to grab his shoes, avoiding her gaze. Yennefer gives him a sharp look, only relaxing after she sees that he’s getting his shoes on without further argument.

“You’re welcome,” she says. “Let’s get you over there before you chicken out. If you think you’re going to put me through all of this and then back out at the last second…”

As Geralt pulls his laces tight, he shakes his head and breaks out into a crooked, affectionate smile. "What did I do to deserve a friend like you?"

Yennefer smiles slightly, turning to gather her own shoes and keys. “Made a wish in the wrong well, I should think. Let’s get out of here.”

Geralt rises to follow her, tucking his wallet back into his pocket as he heads for the door. She struts across the hotel like an elegant black bird, her heels clicking on the marbled floors of the lobby. Geralt trails in her wake like a big, uneasy dog, hewing close to her heels and surveying the people around them with suspicion. He follows her to the parking garage, feeling the hairs on his arms go up as they enter the concrete structure. She unlocks the rental car and he hesitates, grimacing at the chemical odor. As he sinks into the seat a flash of memory hits him- sweaty-palmed and grimy, back pressed against a concrete column, surrounded by the odor of cars and the sulfur stink of explosives- When she closes her door he jumps as the parking garage booms.

Yennefer slides in on the driver side, noting the tiny jump. A furrow appears between her brows. She’s accustomed to him hiding his fear better than this. He must be even more stressed than she’d given him credit for. As she pulls out of the garage and onto the street, she glances at him. He’s gone blank, a faraway expression in his eyes. Her stomach twists uneasily.

“Looking forward to seeing your idiot again?” she asks, hoping to take him out of whatever place he’s gone to and bring him back home. A little smile pulls at the corner of her mouth as he reanimates, losing the frozen look on his face and scowling.

“Stop calling him an idiot, Yen,” he grumps, trying to conceal his ill ease at having to be called back to the present by covering it over with a bad attitude.

Yennefer smirks, pleased to see that her ploy to ground him is working. “Well?” she needles, trying to keep him talking.

Geralt hesitates, picking up on the careful way she’s watching him. “Yes,” he admits, his defensiveness crumbling as he realizes that she’s scared, too. “I thought he wasn’t going to call back.”

“I wouldn’t have stayed in town if I had any doubt he was going to call you,” Yennefer cuts him a look. “That man is hooked. As much as I’d love to hate him, I have to admit it’s cute.”

“Don’t call him cute,” Geralt grumbles, embarrassed.

“Oh no? What can I call him then?”

“His name, for starters.”

“What, Julian? I certainly do.”

“Yen,” Geralt growls.

Yennefer laughs. She changes the subject, playfully ignoring his frustration. “It’s good that you two will get a chance to talk. Are you nervous?”

“No!” Geralt snaps reflexively, then stops, pressing his lips together. Yennefer gives him a knowing look out of the corner of her eye and Geralt sighs, slumping back against his chair.

“Yes,” he sighs. The just-bit-lighting feeling still hasn’t left him, rattling his insides until he isn’t quite sure who he is anymore. It’s so bad his lips feel numb, his chest hurts, even his damn hands are cold. If he didn’t know better he’d worry he was about to keel over and die.

“Don’t let it make you choke. You’ve got this.” Yennefer says, which is about as reassuring as she generally gets.

Geralt snorts, cracking a hint of a smile. “Thanks,” he replies dryly, “That’s helpful.” Oddly enough, it is. Teasing him like this is Yennefer’s version of moral support and he feels loved.

“You’ve got this.” Yennefer says firmly, her lips turning up in a teasing smile. “Besides, if he breaks your heart, I’ll kill him. And then we’ll find you a better boyfriend.”

“I don’t know if I even need a boyfriend, Yen.” Geralt replies before he can even think about it, an old defense mechanism springing into action. “It could get complicated. If this falls through maybe I should just leave it,” He opens and closes his fist a few times, scowling at it. “Maybe I shouldn’t even do this. I shouldn’t be dragging our family into this lifestyle anyway.”

“Lifestyle?” Yennefer scoffs. “Stop! How many times have we been over this? You needing a lover isn’t some kind of crime against humanity! There’s nothing to be ashamed of and the people who told you differently are garbage.” She glances over at him, nudging him as his scowl deepens.

“My opinion matters more than theirs does, and you know what I think?”

Despite himself, Geralt finds a smile turning the corner of his mouth. “Could I stop you from telling me?”

“Absolutely not.” Yennefer flashes him a quick grin as she stops at a light, flicking on the left turn signal.

“I think you deserve a full life, lover and all. You might piss and moan and deny you have needs, but I’ve had front-row seats to how lonely you are. You deserve to be fucked silly by someone who wants you, kochany. You deserve a chance to fall in love.”

Geralt swallows hard as his chest constricts, squeezing the rattling energy that’s already burning him up from the inside out. Some flailing, kicking part of him struggles to accept what she’s saying. He wants to tell her how terrified he is, how he feels like his world is turning inside out, but he doesn’t have the words. Instead, he looks out the window, studying the pedestrians as they wander along the streets in their brightly colored summer clothes.

The idea of falling in love is one he doesn’t give himself room for, it’s true. It’s too loaded. There are too many ways that pain could get through the cracks in his armor and devastate him. Too many dangers to him and whatever man might have him. It’s hard to believe there could ever be a world in which he could fall in love without it being a disaster.

He startles as Yennefer’s cool hand brushes against his. He turns to look at her as she takes his hand and squeezes it, giving him another unexpectedly compassionate look. His chest compresses harder and he grimaces, fighting to conceal his fear and pain. Yennefer slides her fingers along his arm and he twitches, giving away his tension. She purses her lips, weighing him.

“You have a right to be afraid,” she says, her cool voice cutting across the silence between them. “You wouldn’t be having a reasonable reaction to your circumstances if you weren’t.”

Geralt looks over at her, yellow eyes full of guarded surprise. He’d been expecting to be scolded for his fear, to be told he’s being an idiot. He draws his brows together and she smiles. Then she looks sideways at him, catching his eyes. She hesitates, then looks away with an oddly embarrassed expression. He watches as a complicated array of little expressions flicker across her face.

“Listen. I’m going to tell you something because I think you need to hear it, but I don’t want to have a big talk about it and embarrass us both. Got it?”

Geralt hums a cautious acknowledgement. Yennefer looks at him out of the corner of her eye, then curtly nods and fixes her gaze firmly back on the road.

“I’m proud of you. You’re being braver than I’ve ever seen you be, kochany. I can see how fucking scared you are to go talk to this man and you’re doing it anyway, and I didn’t ever think you’d have it in you. You want love badly enough that you refused to leave the city until he called, and you got into this car even though you look like you’re turning inside out. I think you’re here because some part of you hopes that everything you’re afraid of is wrong. I want you to know that I love you and I’m going to do everything I can to back you up.”

She lapses into a tense silence, her jaw working. Geralt goes quiet as well, feeling his cheeks begin to burn. He nods his thanks when he’s able to muster the composure. She acknowledges him with another short jerk of her head, unable to give him more.

Geralt feels himself relaxing incrementally in the silence, Yennefer’s words seeping in through the cracks of him and bringing unexpected softness to the painful places they touch. He strokes his fingers against the pile of the carpet on the car door, focusing on the feel of the tiny fibers. It’s odd to realize it, but she’s right. Some part of him hopes, against all reason, that something might exist beyond his years of isolation and misery.

By the time Yennefer has pulled up the car Geralt has reached a kind of calm. He feels wrung out and dizzy, experiencing the uncanny sensation that he’s floating as he steps out of the car and onto the empty sidewalk. The street is lined by brick buildings. It’s nondescript but charming in a run-down industrial New England sort of way. Yennefer gets out and locks the car with a click of the key fob, scanning the street. She gestures with her chin at a sign swinging in the breeze a short way down the street.

“Is that it?”

Geralt glances around, taking a deep steadying breath.

“Yeah. That’s it over there.” He points. The sign is black with a white winged horse rearing on it, done in the style of an old English pub. It bears the legend ‘PEGASUS’ at the top, and on the bottom beneath the horse, ‘EST. 1986.’

Yennefer squints at it for a moment, then nods silently to herself. She walks around the other side of the car to join him on the sidewalk, giving him another of her famous measuring looks. “Ready?”

She looks so fierce, but she is so slight, and Geralt can’t help but to crack a smile. He isn’t ready, he’ll never be ready in his entire life, but he’s also not about to let this woman roast him about chickening out. So he extends his elbow with exaggerated courtesy, his smile widening slightly when she takes it. They turn and proceed up the street together, Geralt taking care to match his pace with hers.

“Thanks for being here,” he says, almost too quiet to hear. He looks to the patchy sidewalk in front of him, embarrassed.

“You’re worth it,” Yennefer squeezes his arm. Her heart warms a little as Geralt gives her one of his special smiles, the shy kind she only rarely gets to see. It makes his eyes dance and when they do that, he is beautiful. She smiles privately to herself, falling into a thoughtful silence as they close the remaining distance to the bar.

Geralt stiffens when they stop in front of the door, feeling a cold rush of nerves wash from the crown of his skull down to his feet. It’s dark wood, polished by years of use, and there’s a little wedge stuck in the corner of it to keep it open. Before the nerves can swallow him whole he knocks. The noise booms into the bar.

“Come in- oh, balls!”

There is a clatter from the kitchen as Geralt pushes through the door, followed by the sound of breaking glass. He startles, but then a quick peal of laughter echoes out of the kitchen followed by a blue streak of rather creative invective. The tension leaves his body as he realizes that Jaskier is fine. Clumsy, but fine.

“Hold on, darlings, I’ll be right out! Let me just clean up my mess, I swear I can’t be let out in public some days...”

Geralt and Yennefer exchange an amused glance as Jaskier’s muttering becomes inaudible behind the kitchen door. They walk into the club together, blinking as their eyes adjust to the dimness. They walk over to the end of the bar, looking around the dark room. Yennefer tilts her head up, examining the fairy lights, the framed pictures, the art, taking it in without comment. Geralt becomes more and more tense at her side, his body winding tight as he waits for the flood of disparaging comments he’s sure will come. Noticing this, Yennefer smiles and points out a picture of a naked man facing away from the camera with his arms crossed in front of his face, positioned so that the eye is drawn down along his back to the curves of his ass and muscled thigh.

Beneath it is the legend: Gordon Hanson by George Platt Lynes, 1954

“Nice arse,” she says.

Geralt does a quick double take, looking between her and the picture. He stares at her. She arches her brows at him, her eyes warm and teasing, and he tentatively lets out the breath he was holding.

“Maybe,” he admits. There have been too many drunken heart-to-hearts between them; there is no use denying it. Besides, he can tell that she’s trying to diffuse some of the tension by yanking his chain.

“How about that one?” She says, pointing to one of a man in a swimsuit holding a rapier. His legs are long and smooth, and his well oiled muscles shine in the sun.

Bob Mizer - model unknown - date unknown

Geralt blushes and Yennefer grins wickedly. Then the kitchen door opens and Jaskier pops out, wiping his hands dry with a towel.

“Hello, hello, sorry about that! Welcome!” He greets them somewhat breathlessly. “Welcome to the Pegasus!” His eyes widen as he sees Geralt and a flush creeps up his cheeks. He drifts to a halt holding a towel awkwardly in one hand, his normal patter abandoning him as he sees Geralt standing at the end of the bar.

Geralt’s head comes up and he too freezes, swallowing hard. Jaskier is just as beautiful as he remembers, soft brown hair falling into his bright blue eyes. He is wearing a white button-down, open just a little too far to be modest. A thatch of dark hair peeks out of his shirt, hinting at the broad strength of his chest beneath. He’s wearing denim shorts that land just above his knee, far more modest than the ones Geralt first met him in, but the way they fit his waist… Geralt sucks in a breath, forcing his eyes up again. He spares a quick glance for Yennefer, but all she does is give him a nudge. He turns back, heart hammering, and dithers. Death he can face down fine, but this? Oh fuck.

Jaskier is the one to break the freeze, throwing the towel aside and striding towards Geralt. This jars Geralt back into gear and he steps forward to greet him. They meet behind the bar and Jaskier reaches out to grab Geralt’s shoulders with a radiant smile on his face. There’s a moment of almost painful hesitation as they drink in one another’s faces like it’s been years rather than days since they’ve seen one another. Then Jaskier leans in and gently draws Geralt into a tight embrace, pulling him close and pressing his cheek to Geralt’s.

Geralt stiffens in surprise and Yennefer tenses, ready to bite Jaskier’s head off, but what she sees next stops her in her tracks. Geralt hesitates, then turns his face against Jaskier’s cheek and wraps his arms tight around him. With a deep sigh, he presses his nose against the delicate skin behind Jaskier’s ear, stirring his lover’s fine hairs and making him smile. They melt into one another, eyes sliding closed.

“It’s good to see you,” Jaskier murmurs softly, breaking the silence. “I missed you.”

“Hmm.” Geralt hums his agreement. “I missed you too.” He noses softly into his skin, rushing with the heady pleasure of his scent and the feeling of his solid warmth. It’s even better than Geralt remembers, the delight of it thundering in his veins until he can hardly think straight.

Yennefer watches Geralt’s face, seeing the pleasure and longing there. The initial surge of protective anger she felt ebbs and she finds herself struggling to hide a smile again. It feels like some secret gift to see this moment, something Geralt would normally have hidden from her. She holds her breath until they part, not daring to move lest she break the spell.

Geralt opens his eyes first and remembers Yennefer at the end of the bar. He shoots a guilty look over his shoulder, stiffening, but Yennefer gives him a slow wink. Heat races up his neck and he turns his face back against Jaskier’s cheek to hide an awkward half-smile. He wraps Jaskier even tighter in his arms, giving him a heartfelt squeeze before letting him go.

Jaskier squeaks as the air is crushed out of his lungs unexpectedly. He gives a happy wiggle and when they part he is flushed and beaming. He gives Geralt a fond look, then seems to remember himself because he steps back with a start and straightens his shirt.

“Goodness, I’m being a terrible host! I’m sorry, Yennefer. Hello! Welcome to the Pegasus. Please consider it your home away from home.” He steps back and flourishes a bow. Yennefer rolls her eyes. Geralt snorts, a little smile stealing across his face despite himself as he watches the two of them interact. Jaskier straightens, all unaware, and tosses his hair out of his eyes.

“Ready for the grand tour?”

“Please. Then I’ll be on my way.” Yennefer says, giving the two of them a thoughtful look. She’d come prepared to raze Jaskier to the ground but Geralt looks content right where he is, and Jaskier... he’s many things, but he doesn’t read as a threat. He’s more like a big puppy dog, so happy that he’s practically wagging.

“No, please, you’re welcome to stay as long as you like,” Jaskier assures her. “Can I get either of you coffee?” He clasps his hands together, raising his eyebrows.

“Sure.” Geralt hums. Jaskier spins away and Geralt returns to the end of the bar, leaning on his elbows next to Yennefer. He reaches out and gently enfolds her little hand in his huge one, giving it a squeeze. She’s not entirely sure which one of them he’s trying to reassure, but the closeness feels good. Squeezing him back, she gives him a little impish smile as Jaskier claps his hands and vanishes through the swinging steel door.

“What?” Geralt arches an eyebrow, eyeing her.

“Big day.” Yennefer teases, then leans up to kiss him. “My Geralt, all grown up and having a real talk with his lover…” Geralt snorts as their lips brush together, smiling.

“Don’t tease.” He murmurs, then bumps his head affectionately against hers.

Yennefer hums, pleased and quite unapologetic. As Jaskier bustles back out through the swinging door juggling three cups of coffee she spots a streak of her lipstick on Geralt’s lower lip. With a crooked smile, she reaches up, smudging it off with her thumb. Geralt kisses it affectionately on the way by, his eyes warm, then turns and straightens to take his coffee from Jaskier. Yennefer does the same, giving the mug a sniff. She wrinkles her nose.

“Sorry, it’s not as good as what I have at home.” Jaskier apologizes, taking a sniff of his mug and shrugging. He looks at Geralt first, lip still slightly reddened from the rubbing, then at Yennefer. A bemused look crosses Jaskier’s face, followed by a sentimental little half-smile. It warms his heart to see their love even though he doesn’t understand their relationship, not even a little bit.

“Better than the joe at the commissary.” Lifting the mug to his lips Geralt takes a sip, then shrugs. He steps back, allowing Jaskier to walk by. His golden eyes trace along Jaskier’s back as he slips past, lingering for just a moment too long on his ass. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Yennefer’s cheshire grin and he quickly looks aside at the sink as if it's fascinating. Oblivious, Jaskier sets off across the club. He gestures at the walls as he goes, indicating the art on the walls with a sweep of his long-fingered hand.

“Most of the artwork on the walls was done at my house before the club was even open. Some of it, though…” he taps a piece on the wall outside the dry storage room, a wild oil painting of a nude male figure in a flurry of dance, “is for sale. I let local artists do shows in here sometimes.” Shrugging, he turns to see if Geralt and Yennefer are following him. He flashes another brilliant grin at Geralt over his shoulder as he does.

Geralt belatedly follows Jaskier, ignoring Yennefer’s violet eyes as they glitter with amusement. Yennefer falls in beside Geralt, walking at his elbow. Jaskier leads them up the stairs to the balcony with Yennefer close at his heels. At the far end, there are several booths with tables. The walls up here are festooned with art as well. At the other end of the balcony there is a little living room area set up with comfortable, squishy couches and chairs arranged around a central table. There are several lamps to provide more light, and in the corner is a little bookcase with games and books stacked in it. Geralt only realizes he’s lost track of what Jaskier is saying when he turns around to face them again as he gestures at the couches.

“...And that’s the quiet corner. People usually come up here to take a break, but now and then someone breaks out a mean game of Pictionary.” Jaskier eyes Geralt thoughtfully, noticing how pale he is. A little frown draws down between his brows as he ponders how to lighten the mood, then he smiles and turns with a little flourish.

“But that’s all boring, all the good stuff is downstairs. We’ve got a full service kitchen, a proper lounge, a stage, even a dance pole.” He waggles his eyebrows playfully, pausing with his hand on the railing. “Shall we?”

Yennefer breaks into a grin as Geralt coughs, slipping her hand through his elbow and starting towards the stairs. She can practically hear his circuits frying and it’s surprisingly cute. They trail down the stairs as Jaskier leads them onto the dancefloor. He points out the doors to the two storerooms, one of which contains his office. Then he leads them deeper into the club.

“Order window for the kitchen is there, backstage is here. Backstage is a very strong word, it’s an overcrowded closet full of props and a mirror, but it does what it’s supposed to.” Jaskier gestures at each location as he walks, eyes alight with pride and more than a little wry humor.

“And here,” he turns and stops in the far corner of the club, making a grand gesture, “is the stage! We host comedy, drag acts, sometimes we even open early and host plays. It’s great fun.” The stage in question is barely more than a raised area of the floor, but there’s a stripper pole on one side of it and some glittery rainbow curtains form the backdrop.

Yennefer pauses to take the stage in, the look on her face becoming more impish by the second. Geralt doesn’t see the look until too late, but nevertheless he feels an itching sensation that somehow, mischief is on the way.

“Do you know how to use that?” Yennefer asks innocently, gesturing with her chin towards the pole. She takes a sip of coffee as Geralt shoots her a sharp look out of the corner of his eye, ignoring him with a merry twinkle. Jaskier turns back to look at her, eyebrows raised.

“I do…” He cocks his head to the side, not sure what to make of this question. “Why?”

“Well then, ” Yennefer replies with her, gesturing with her coffee mug. “Don’t leave us in suspense.”

“Yen.” Geralt growls, mortified.

Save for a gentle, playful jab to his side with her elbow, Yennefer ignores Geralt again. Instead, she continues to give Jaskier an arch look of expectation.

Jaskier looks between the two of them, wavering. Geralt looks uncomfortable but vaguely hopeful, not that he would admit it, and Yennefer looks like a cat with two mice under one paw. Jaskier shrugs. Fuck it, why not? Setting aside his coffee at a safe distance on the stage, he steps up to the stripper pole and rubs his hands together. Luckily he’s wearing shorts today, which means a simple inversion ought to be easy.

Jaskier spins around the pole with a look of concentration on his face, getting his momentum going, then hoists himself up. With a deceptively fluid motion, he flips himself over and grips the pole tightly between his legs then eases back. He feels the pole speed up as his center of gravity moves further away and gives out a whoop, unaccustomed to the sensation after so many years at the door.

Spreading his arms and giggling Jaskier lets himself fall back, hanging from his legs and spinning as his shirt rides up around his chest. Then he allows himself to slip down the pole with great care, coming to a rest on his hands and flipping unsteadily over them. He staggers as he finds his feet. Then he straightens his shirt, nods, and breaks into an embarrassed little grin as he bows before them. Yennefer scoffs with amusement. Geralt hides his burning face behind his coffee mug, taking a long drink.

Jaskier makes eye contact with Yennefer and she chuckles. She’s enjoying the effect that the gentle ribbing is having on Geralt. It’s keeping him from panic and amusing the shit out of her, a win-win as far as she’s concerned. Her eyes twinkle as she meets Jaskier’s gaze, and he shares a tentative, private little smile with her while Geralt studies the art far up on the walls with intense fascination.

“Looks like you’re out of practice.” Yennefer notes coolly, taking another sip of her coffee.

“I am!” Jaskier admits as he retrieves his mug, slightly out of breath. He rakes his hair back into place and grins. “It’s been a while. Come! Here’s the lounge over here.” Without further fuss he heads off the stage, waving at two doors on the back wall on his way by. “Bathrooms are over there, by the way.”

On each door is a full-length poster image of a jellyfish. They look to be the same species of jellyfish, but no further information on the supposed sex of the animals is provided. Geralt smirks when Yennefer makes a questioning noise. Jaskier pauses by a table in the lounge area, turning to look.

“A marine biologist friend printed those out for me,” Jaskier explains, eyes glittering with playful malice. “The building codes demanded that we indicate one restroom for each sex, so we did. Not my fault that most people aren’t familiar with Rhopilema esculentum, hmm?”

Yennefer’s eyebrows go up as understanding dawns. “Ah.”

“Mm. Anyway, the lounge over here is where people do most of their relaxing. It’s also where the club holds AIDS clinics once a month. Rapid testing.” Jaskier spreads his hand out to indicate the space. There are a few free-standing tables with chairs on top of them, and in the back corners of the room are black vinyl booths.

The lounge has black tile floors and chrome accents on the furniture and tables. Along the back wall is a little ledge, on which are stacked pamphlets from various health and outreach organizations. On the wall itself are two bulletin boards. Among the obligatory lewd post-its are various community announcements including musical instruments for sale, roommate searches, and bake sales. Yennefer pulls away to look at the board while Jaskier points out the back kitchen door. When Yennefer looks up, Jaskier pushes it open.

“Come on through here, I’ll show you the kitchen.” He beams at both of them. Geralt follows Jaskier through the door into the kitchen, pausing to hold the door for Yennefer. Jaskier immediately starts chattering about the kitchen as they walk through the neat little space. It’s all polished steel, ceramic tile, and white plastic and it smells of fried food and bleach. The faint hot metal odor from the waffle iron sitting nearby drifts to them as they cross to the other door.

They push through into the space behind the bar, Geralt’s favorite part of the whole building. Jaskier looks over his shoulder and catches Geralt’s eye, and Geralt realizes he hasn’t been listening to a word he’s been saying again, too busy drinking in Jaskier and the club. He feels half-drunk on all the new information, a pleasantly fizzing sensation. He smiles tentatively at Jaskier, hand tightening on the warm mug in his hand.

Jaskier leads them out the end of the bar and closes the low swinging door behind them. He stops at the end, polishing off his coffee as Yennefer and Geralt turn to face him.

“And that’s it! That’s the grand tour of the Pegasus. You’re both welcome here anytime.” Tossing his hair out of his eyes, he fixes them both with a winning smile. It falters slightly when he sees Yennefer’s cool expression, but then she cocks her head, and the very side of her mouth quirks.

“Thank you for the tour.” She says, stepping forward and placing her empty cup of coffee on the counter next to Jaskier. She steps back, turning to give the two of them one last, lingering look.

“I won’t keep you gentlemen any longer, I have my own business to be getting about while Geralt is here.” Her violet eyes track him, searching for signs of impending meltdown. Now that she’s about to leave he looks a little nervy, but that happy flush is still across his cheeks and pinking the tips of his ears. She conceals another smile, a small tension at the back of her neck easing as she sees how hopeful he looks despite his stress. Nerves or no, it looks like he’s got business to attend to.

“Page me when you’re ready for me to pick you up.” Yennefer turns to face Geralt. She gives his arm a reassuring squeeze with her strong, cool hand, tipping her head to the side and catching his eye. “Take your time. I won’t be waiting on you.” Dealing with emotional breakdowns has never been Yennefer’s strong suit and she has been feeling sorely taxed by the last few days. As much as she loves Geralt, getting some time to herself will be a relief. She holds his eye until she’s sure he understands, giving him a serious look.

Geralt looks down at Yennefer, just as serious. His golden eyes play over her face, taking in the tiredness around her eyes, determined set of her jaw, the curve of her painted lips. She’s still so beautiful his heart skips a little when he looks at her, his closest friend, his soulmate. It scares him how much he wants to send her out the door, but there’s an itch under his skin now that he just can’t stop feeling. He darts a glance at Jaskier, who has busied himself washing the empty mugs in the sink, then nods solemnly at Yennefer.

“Okay. I’ll try not to be too long.”

Yennefer fixes him with a keen look. “Take your time, Geralt.” Her eyes follow Geralt’s until she finally gets him to make eye contact again. When he does, he can see a warning in her violet gaze. Yennefer’s been in the front seat watching him fuck himself over and rob himself of joy for years, and she is over his shit. If he fucks himself over again, especially on her account, she’s going to come down on him like a ton of bricks and they both know it. Sucking in a deep breath, he nods.

“Okay. See you in a bit, neshama shelì.” He feels an unexpected spike of warmth as she squeezes his arm reassuringly one last time. Yennefer steps back and turns to Jaskier, who looks up from drying the mugs.

“See you soon. Treat him well or I'll kill you.” She smiles sweetly as Geralt rolls his eyes and Jaskier blanches slightly.

“I promise I will treat him with the utmost of care,” Jaskier sputters, flustered.

“See that you do.” With a soft huff of amusement, Yennefer turns away and walks out the door, her heels clicking on the tiled floor of the club.

In the silence that follows, Geralt and Jaskier turn to look at each other. Geralt gives him an awkward look, rolling his shoulders back and squaring them as a way to avoid stuffing his hands into his pockets. His stomach fills with butterflies to see his lover standing behind the bar again, just as tall as he remembered and twice as gorgeous. Jaskier wrinkles his nose and drops the towel on the counter, coming to lean his elbows on the bar.

“Hey.”

Geralt blinks at him, caught off guard by how blue his eyes are.

“Hey.” He replies, his voice rough. Embarrassed, he clears his throat. Jaskier’s smile widens to a grin.

“It’s nice to see you again. I’m glad you’re here. Ready for breakfast?”

Geralt relaxes slightly, relieved. He’d been a little worried that he’d have to dive right into the deep end and start… well… talking with Jaskier. About their feelings. Just the thought makes his skin crawl uneasily. He’d come braced for it, and he knew he’d have to eventually, but being able to put it off with a little bit of breakfast sounds like exactly what he needs right now.

“Sure.”

Jaskier slaps the counter lightly with his hand and spins away, heading for the kitchen. “What do you like on waffles? Do you want anything to drink?” He moves like he’s in his element, confidently pushing through the kitchen door without waiting for Geralt to answer. Geralt knows that Jaskier can hear him even in the kitchen though. Between the swinging door and the nearby order window, it is fairly easy to hear a raised voice in the quiet club.

Geralt hums, scanning the liquor bottles on the back wall as he thinks. Something is comforting about the jewel-like display, amber, green, and blue bottles set against a softly lit backdrop. His hands remember the cool hard glass of the bottles, the dampness of spilled liquor droplets on his fingers as he mixed drinks. The memories are surprisingly solid, leaping out of the fog surrounding them. Surprisingly happy, too. He smiles crookedly.

“Do you have preserves?” He calls. There weren’t any behind the bar, he would have remembered that, but he had barely been in the kitchen.

“Will strawberry do?” Jaskier calls back. The waffle iron hisses as he pours batter, flips it, and pours again. He flips it one final time, then sits back to watch the timer.

“Strawberry’s fine.” Geralt replies, eyes still on the bottles. He hesitates for a moment, then gets up and walks behind the bar. Immediately he feels more at home, the black rubber mats under his feet springy and comforting. He starts inspecting the placement of everything curiously, noting the locations of things when they’re stored away, refining their positions on his mental map.

Jaskier emerges from the kitchen a moment later with two steaming plates in hand. Geralt straightens with a guilty look, but Jaskier winks at him and sets the waffle near him on the counter without comment. He pops a bowl of preserves down next to it with a spoon stuck in, then a can of whipped cream. Geralt relaxes as Jaskier settles in next to him, spooning preserves onto his waffle as if standing next to Geralt behind the bar is the most normal thing in the world.

Silently, Geralt begins dressing his own waffle. When he’d walked into the club he’d felt nervous. Now he feels weirdly safe. Jaskier passes Geralt the whipped cream and he eyes it thoughtfully. Why not? It’s not like he’s trying to keep in shape anymore. With a little shrug, he shakes the canister and traces an awkward swirl onto his waffle. When he hands it back to Jaskier their fingertips brush and Geralt feels a warm thrill go up his arm. Jaskier hums softly in response, almost inaudible, and gives Geralt an affectionate look.

“So… Waffles, then we talk. Sound good?” Jaskier asks, pointing at Geralt with his fork. His blue eyes are bright and kind and full of humor. This is awkward for both of them, and he’s trying to make the best of it. Geralt eyes him out of the corner of his eye, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. He appreciates the effort to put him at his ease. What’s more, to his surprise, it’s working.

“All right.” He rumbles quietly.

Jaskier goes to cut into his waffle, then stops.

“Oh! Did you want anything to drink? I’m sorry, I whisked your mug away without thinking about it, bad habit.”

Geralt snorts. “It’s fine. Just get me more coffee, that’s all I want.” He cuts into his waffle, blinking in surprise as the steam reaches him. The waffle smells lemony and rich. It’s better food than he is used to, probably better food than he deserves. It’s hard to turn down something this delicious when it’s right in front of him though. Taking a bite, he sighs quietly with pleasure. He looks up when Jaskier places a cup of coffee right by his plate. His hand is softer than Geralt’s, with long elegant fingers. Geralt eyes his hand for a moment, his tongue darting out to wet his lips, then his gaze slowly rises to meet Jaskier’s. He is smiling at Geralt, a soft, affectionate expression that steals Geralt's breath away. No one’s ever looked at him like that before, not that he can recall. He freezes, unsure of how to respond.

Jaskier, seeing him freeze, wrinkles his nose playfully and turns to his breakfast. Geralt blinks. He’s not accustomed to how perceptive Jaskier is and he finds himself appreciating it. As Jaskier eats peacefully beside him Geralt finds his body tentatively relaxing. They dig into their breakfasts side by side, enjoying the sweet silence of one another’s company. Words will happen later. For now, they have each other, and that is enough to be starting with.

[lesbiangiratina]

What do people do with playbills? Is it normal to keep them am i normal. Throwing out broadway playbills sounds like a sin. Am i supposed to throw them out? Do i have to throw out the pride month playbill too? And let homophobia win? Im not a theatre kid just a new yorker.