#I am learning to love myself
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I have been trying to appreciate myself more lately. When times get tough I tend to fall back on myself and be cruel to myself. I'm tired of doing that; not only is it unproductive, it harms me quite deeply in the long run. So, I made this page to appreciate my weird little self. I'm also trying to draw myself more accurately and realistically — rather than ideally — lately, because that too is harmful. Just know that you are important and that you should hold your own hand instead of biting at it. You are your body, you should care for it and listen to it. Nurture your mind. Put effort into happiness.
#I am learning to love myself#it's hard#but idc#I am going to make it happen#I am going to work for myself#to help myself#queer artist#art#drawing#sketch#queer#artists on tumblr#small artist#pencil art#sketchbook#sketchbook page#sketchbook spread#artwork#traditional art#traditional artwork#pencil drawing#self love#self care
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Excoriation tw, ocd tw, dermatillomania tw, depression tw
I’ve been pretty kind to myself about my excoriation/dermatillomania. It’s not like I want to be doing it, I’m in consultation with my therapist, psychiatrist and my general practitioner about it, I’ve been taking cbt classes for it, bought fidget toys to distract myself with, and am taking a couple different medications to help manage my feelings that lead to it…
But the nurses’s distress at seeing the extent of it broke my heart. I know it’s bad. No, it’s not bug bites. No it’s not allergies. No, it’s not a virus or a drug reaction. It’s clear to see my self-inflicted wounds are only in places I can easily reach. But I do know how extensive it is.
I’ve just been trying to keep myself alive the last few years. I’m doing much better than I used to, but I know without a doubt that my route to healing is longer and more complex than I would have hoped.
I think I buried my shame, and now it’s time to address it.
#trigger warning#dermatillomania#excoriation#ocd#depression#self harm#I do not choose these actions#I do not want to be doing it#but these childhood behaviors returned when I was at my lowest#I try to share positivity with others#because of how ducking much I need it myself#If I’m feeling sad it’s likely other people are sad too#And if I can help someone else while I engage in positive self talk#I will absolutely do that#I am learning to love myself#but it is hard#And my flaws are extremely visible#I want the world to be fair and kind and loving#and I can help make it that way by striving to be fair and kind and loving
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been trying to get back into animation
original gif below ^^ teehee!
#F slur#reclaimed f slur#You wanna know the worst part abt this#this is the first finished animation ive made in like 5+ yrs#animation#my art#turbo#turbo wir#turbo wreck it ralph#king candy#king candy wir#king candy wreck it ralph#Idk why i locked in so hard HEHRHEHHAHA😭😭😭😭😭😭 i just kept on adding more and more until it became This#abomination#i was even gonna make the background more polished and everything but then i was like Wait i actually dont care#this was so fun to make ouggjghhhmhmgjjdf i forgot how fun animation was!!!!!!😢😢😢 definitely going to be making more in da future#this was very experimental i just love putting myself on grinding duty and qorking on something like this for hours straight#i am so learning bros#ill post frames tomorrow bc its midnight and idk how many ppl are gonna see this rn but i cant just not post it immediately#wreck it ralph#SILLY TIME
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completely innocuous vash sheet :) fr practice
#my art#trigun stampede#trigun#vash the stampede#trigun vash#trigun stampede fanart#trigun fanart#vash fanart#STILL dont know the tags gomen ill do research one of these days#anyway . 4 gd days later hes finally done#here is what i am learning . i love his design sm. but jesus CHRIST#all the individual elements r so time consuming i want to tear my face off. im slowly getting more familiar w the arm but God.#im so peeved at how long this took but i am trying to cut myself some slack. remembering tht his design is a 24 hour endeavour#and i drew 4 of him#3 of which being fullbody 2 of which being foreshortened 1 of which being a Maid Dress#the price i pay fr self-indulgence.....the price i pay fr [redacted]#this started out as a treat fr me n it became my purgatory#but it is DONE and now i can look at vash in a maid outfit and tied up and jacket off turtleneck Out and shirtless and- *is shot dead*#anyway huge shoutout to mey rin black butler fr being the og Maid With Gun#stole the thigh bustle from a panel of her it was just too good#anyway take it enjoy the fruits of my labour enjoy him i am . exhausted.
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I know damn well I misunderstood the assignment but we roll, I'll understand it some day
It's killer and dust btw. If you couldn't tell. Which you probably couldn't.. forgor to say but shhh 🤫 Killers having a convo with himself..
..I kinda wanna change my url but idk to what
#I got this compliment once and I was like :3 bc I like compliments. then 4 days later I recognise the name and pfp on#on a tumblr I rlly rlly like bc they're super cool make super cool art and has super cool ideas and I'm just like woah they complement me s#so I search my notifications to find which post they complimented me on and I find out. they're following me. ummm IJWEHFOIWJ#i just can't get over this bc they're literally so cool what#anyways#I got two whole documents of canon dust things and one ao3 of canon things about killer#so I'm learning a way to do justice to the creators image while still putting my own twist on it bc I love fanon and that's how I grew up#I'm literally so passionate about fanon. specifically Gacha fanon bc it's literally so fun and no one else know that#like. literally everyone just like had terrible experience apparently idk how I didn't experience that#am I the only one who knows these characters still had lore Ben though unrelated to anything canon at all#anyways I'm rambling too much whoops#sans au#utmv#undertale au#sanscest#if u want#killer sans#dust sans#kist#if u want...#LOVE affair#teaching myself to use this tag too but eh#did you know Horror is more likely to be a part of the bad Sanses than Dust#Jesus fuck I rambled these tags to hell
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painty doodle from earlier this evening
#we love soushin and mirrors in this house#kostik draws#sou hiyori#midori yttd#shin tsukimi#yttd#kimi ga shine#your turn to die#fanart#i am genuinely surprised at how solid my rendering is here. well done me#shoutout to letting myself play with style because who give a fuck#didnt post it earlier because ive been switches georg but maybe now before bed#i really do want to learn to 'refine' pieces but i fear its not my calling#i sort of prefer more abstract and messy and shapey styles#this is about as polished as i get i think#its still very cute#god i love my tradition of rambling in the tags of my art as i reflect#oh right#eye contact#for da cw#because it is pretty intense
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Kim Kitsuragi the type of guy to spend hours on his own learning how to spin a pen around his fingers real quick, and when he feels like he’s absolutely mastered it he starts doing it around the precinct but he doesn’t make a big deal of it and if anyone comments on it he shrugs and says “it’s just something I picked up when I was a kid” but that’s a lie! he was up until three last night making sure he could do it without dropping the pen a single time.
#disco elysium#kim kitsuragi#he’s a loser!!! who wants to look so cool!!! I love him. such a guy#this is inspired by me and myself and I. I’m currently learning how to spin pens so I can bust it out randomly in conversations and then act#like it’s no big deal#I am also a loser
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The whole “be responsible not for other people’s feelings but to them” distinction is so so true… at some point you need to realize that other people’s insecurities really are their responsibility & dimming or contorting yourself to make them feel better helps neither you nor them. Firstly, bc they need to realize what they’re doing and grow up. And secondly, bc you’re not just compromising on a one-time thing. You’re comprising on who you are as a person. I don’t want to look back when I’m older and stay stuck wishing I held my ground despite people’s projections or asserted my presence more or didn’t apologize so much for who I am. I really just want to own everything (the good and bad) & continue doing what makes me happy
#This is something to bring up to the therapist for sure bc im not perfect on this yet#and i think that’s also another thing im learning to be less hard on myself for — just realizing im 21 and that having insecurities or weak#Spots still is literally okay. Making mistakes is okay. I beat myself up for this too much#I am not a horrible person for being young & learning how to live & no one will make me feel otherwise#This goes in the other direction too in the sense that I need to stop being apologetic of my accomplishments for fear of#Triggering other people’s insecurities. That is not and nor will it ever be my responsibility#I’m always going to be graceful w other people’s emotions but I’m no longer going to overcompensate bc it helps no one#And is not a marker of love for me to do so
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five stages of adeuce ft the trials and tribulations of ace trappola
#twisted wonderland#twst#adeuce#ace trappola#deuce spade#cereal tries to draw#ummmm. teehee.#jumpscare i spent more than an hour on something#i still. absolutely rushed thru but i mean i did some of it yesterday and some today#for SEVERAL hours#but i am so very busy and have a lot i need to do so i had to just#GET IT OUTTA MY SYSTEM one less thing to think about#but listen listen to me i love adeuce i love them so much theyre one of my og twst ships#and i love their ride or die bestie bond with yuu and grim it's SOOOO CUTE#i also love first year squad and i love basketball brothers and i love heartslabyul family#deuce is eating an egg in that first panel btw. sorry i dont know how to draw. well anything but especially silverware#and also hands. oh god. bu it's OKAY i dont HAVE TO make things PRETTY im . trying new things here.#IM TRYING I AM LEARNING IM EXPRESSING MYSELF VIA. IDK BLORBO SILLIES#ok that's enough going thru it in the tags i love my silly sons i hope u love them too#bc i need more adeuce FOREVER !!!!!!!!!!#directly inject heartslabyul content into my brain please theyre my favorites forever and ever and ever#[smash bros voice] NO CONTEST#ace and deuce have such a funny relationship. like why are you like that LOL kjdfldsjfkls#ace writing a Get Out Of My School letter to juice. real 2 me. i made that joke for jamil/azul once#but it's true for anyone at nrc i think actually. ok that's ENOUGH i need to go to BED GOODBYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#also i was gonna use text tool to also type the dialogue but it looked weird n out of place w/my sloppy drawing so i had to freehand AGAIN#SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Yeah yeah I do like fucking while borderline breaking them and making us hurt, but I also just above all love and want to have gentle time with him, a sweet loving time where we have some fun before bed in our own home we've made together
I want to cuddle and have our sweet little everyday evening of cooking and resting, maybe taking a walk, before being all snug and comfy like little pigeons in a cacoon or nest of all our plushies and softest blankets in bed. Slowly flirt and kiss before eventually halfway through watching a movie, my hands are under his shirt as we kiss and lick and bite at each other softly.
Both of us a fucking needy mess of love yous and moaning each others names and cute petnames, before I have him whimpering under me, taking my cock, hugging each other as we both make each other feel as good as possible. Cumming at the same time before cuddling and praising each other, knowing we have the rest of our night and life to take our time and take it softly
#xochimilli writes#🫀puppy#lol big ass fucjing emotional love fueled rant at the bottom of the tags lol <3#soft bd/sm#my puppy#puppy sub#trans ns/fw#t4t ns/fw#nsft puppy#bd/sm daddy#pup nsft#queer nsft#bd/sm master#bd/sm blog#queer love#trans nsft#soft daddy#soft kink#soft nsft#queer ns/fw#ftm top#ftm dom#ftm nsft#bd/sm pet#t4t nsft#bd/sm kink#crying ! (positive) i wanna be with him for a billion years and love him and learn how to love him better every day and improve on myself-#-for us and make a fucking home with herrrr aaa aaaAAA I am#-i am emotional outta fucjing nowhere lmao literally at a party n having my heart expkode in bits i wanna be a good lover and a good partner#-i wanna be the best for themmm waaa waaaa cryign i wanna be good and do my best cause he deserves the best and i wanna give him it all AAAA
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Can Tulip speak? I love her (and Kian and his dads!) Love the AU and your art!
Tulip can't speak vocally (her noises are mostly croaking/squeaking/screaming etc. Your normal assorted amphibian noises) but she and Kian (and subsequently Hob) are learning how to sign! It's both very endearing and mildly alarming and made only marginally more difficult by the fact that Tulip doesn't have an actual chin. 💕
Thank you for the ask!
#dreamling dads!au#dreamling#kian gadling#tulip#my art#kid fic#catch me trying to learn bsl so i dont make a total ass of myself#let me know if i am tho#i love them your honor#ask#ask reply#anonymous
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the only thing keeping him alive are his cartoon physics
#smoking#tw smoking#turbo#turbo wir#turbo wreck it ralph#my art#i keep making somewhat high effort shitposts#as in it takes me days to finish#i just love making everything i do a learning experience no matter what it is#i love living and laughing and loving abd learning 🌏#Yes i am going to utilize Turbo smoking 500 cigarettes as a way to educate myself on how to crosshatch and draw him in a diff style. Ok👼👍#ignore the peculiar anatomy...im working on it 👷#wreck it ralph#SILLY TIME
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i loved the colours in this scene too much not to do a redraw
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#megumi fushiguro#megumi#fanart#jjk fanart#screencap redraw#(fr those of u who missed the announcement i am fresh off s2 i finally finished it like. this afternoon H)#ws floored by the art the animation th frame drops the intensity n grittiness of it all....literally in love the whole time#with megu also <3 lov him <333333#but re: th redraw . i cant believe i was given the opportunity to Not draw extra rabbits#and i ignored it to draw extra rabbits#smth smth work harder not smarter...smth smth make ur own life difficult n complain abt it ...#none of that matters tho look at MEGU#u kno maybe colour theory is onto something bc this screenshot goes SO hard#me; having art as my One hobby since childhood: wow maybe blue and orange Are complementary :0#i keep learning the same things over and over and kicking myself fr it not sticking ever gjhdj
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I’m so happy with how much I’ve improved my relationship with food
#ive loved and learned so many new recipes lately#been trying out different things every week#trying to find healthy alternatives#but also allowing myself to have treats and snacks when i crave them#ive not been labelling food as avoid anymore#i enjoy it when i want it#just make sure everything in moderation#my protein oat cheesecake is by far mh favourite recipe iv learned honestly the best breakfast#but considering my issue with binge eating or not eating enough am really happy im finding a balance lately#its been nice to eat and enjoy food#i know with me gaining 16kg in the last year i was really freaked about food#but ive gained muscle#good weight#i am healthy#just because the number went up#it doesnt mean its a bad thing#but yeah ive been doing so good with it and having so much veg protein and loving the carbs#im so glad food isnt scary anymore 🥰
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Fucking kill me I'm not ready to go back into Art School
#my stuff#art school#my class is awful#we make teachers dislike us#I was a shitty student last year let's see how this one goes#fuck I just wanna bury myself underground and stay there#music school art school#they're all great I love learning things#but they're just so FUCKING exhausting#and I'm so tired lately. I don't know why#but I am#I wake up tired I spend the day tired go to sleep and the cycle repeats the next day#what the fuck is wrong with you body#jesus christ#vent
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I have made a stickrr
Aww, look at him! Ah, it seems like he has something behind him- But, i mean, you wouldn't want to disturb him, right? (:
It came out good for the first time i think, hehe
And of course my object show style integral oc bc she is already everywhere and i show no signs of stopping
Also yes this is my work laptop. Yes it glows in the dark. I have no shame certified
#this is so stupid. i love them.#sorry for not posting my uni-s are fking killing meeeeee im just tryyying to surviveeee~#also i changed my profile like... what is that... top picture?#it is now kinito-themed and a spoiler for something im (still!!!! T_T) working on#btw. you could say my integral oc is... i n t e g r a l everywhere i do#sorry. i will see myself out now-#anyways. real tags#kinitopet#kinito the axolotl#kinitopet fanart#kinito fanart#kinito pet#should i tag this with like object show stuff?#nah. probably later when i will post officially about my setting/ideas#of whish i have a whole damn lot#spoilers - understanding of integrals is not required. but you will learn--#i am such a nerd on my god#this fandom gave my a choice of any object or symbol in existence. and i chose an integral. even i want to bully myself#prosto cup of art
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