#I am at the same time fascinated and horrified

[asmuchasidliketo]

Apart from the "if you're feeling depressed suck it up and remember you must always look your best" this is pretty good. However, I find a big (and surprising, giving the source) problem with this: there is no talk about sanitary products.

I mean. Kotex. You sell them. Why not use this edutainment video to advertise your brand?

Especially if it can help young girls plan their days.

Thinking of the graphic novel Pucelle (sadly not translated in English, afaik) by Florence Dupré la Tour - the biographic story of child and teenage years of a girl with little to no sexual education... despite being born in 1978.

...Okay, here's a terrifying concept. A co-production between Disney and Kotex.

[dcxdpdabbles]

It's all Fun and Games Kids! Part 2

#HolidayRequests First off absolutely love your work and I'm so happy to show that by sending my support. I am not at all requesting all three just one of them. So dealer's choice. Congratulations! It's Triplets!, It's all Fun and Games Kids, or the Missing Half

Danny was buying some groceries when five armed men rushed in and demanded everyone to get on the ground. He stood by the milk, watching in fascination as the men gathered everyone near the back.

It didn't seem any of them were affiliated with big rouges, which could mean this was either a gang-related power grab or a couple of men looking for a quick buck.

They were likely taking hostages because they had messed up their big getaway and were now trying to make desperate leverage against law enforcement.

"I said get on the ground!" A man shouts behind Danny seconds before he is smacked with the butt of a gun. He hits the ground with a slight oof, but otherwise, he is okay. The same can't be said for his milk carton.

It splats in one large puddle, landing on the side and ripping a hole in the bottom corner. Hmm, that was a cheap carton. He should consider switching over to a different brand. He is then dragged to his feet and led towards a group of cowering people.

They were pushed against the vegetable bins and ordered to sit right under them so their backs were against the wood and the guards could limit their movement. It was brilliant, too, as being under the bins made it harder to see them for anyone attempting to rescue them.

Danny is shoved next to a trembling woman under the tomatoes, holding her hands against her mouth, muttering something low in Spanish. He doesn't know enough to translate what she says, but he figures it must be a prayer.

He offers her a smile. "First time?"

The look she sends him could have curdled dairy. He gives a small laugh, crossing his legs and getting comfortable. She returns to his prayers, and the two don't speak after that. Danny watches the armed men and realizes they're not new to this but aren't good at it.

These are the type of men who joined gangs for glory. The kind that would report violence at the drop of a hat and didn't care who they hurt in the process. Or worse, they enjoyed when they hurt people in the process, even if those people had nothing to do with them.

Danny frowns after a while, realizing that the men haven't looted them or emptied the cash registers. What were they after?

The store employees were all moved from the back of the store, their matching lime green uniforms an eye sore. They all wore the same horrified expressions as the group was forced to sit between the tomatoes and the onions.

The youngest one, a teenager who looked no older than eighteen, was wearing a black shirt with stripped lime lines, and Danny quickly figured out he was the manager. He was sobbing quietly, bruises on his face and around his neck indicating that the armed men had identified him as well.

Danny felt a spark of protective rage.

The manager sat beside Danny, so the Halfa scouted over, eyeing the men with the guns as he carefully slid his hand into the boy's palm. It was a testament to how scared the poor kid was when all he did was curl his fingers around his, tears rolling down his beaten face.

It made him wonder why, seeing as the other shoppers and employees did not have any indications that they had been attacked. It couldn't have been retaliation for trying to be a hero. No offense to the teenager, but he didn't strike Danny as someone brave or stupid enough to try to fight back.

If anyone, he looked more like someone who would hide in situations like these.

That's it. He realizes, watching how the men make head gestures at the manger. This isn't some off-chance hostage situation. This is a revenge plan. The kid's the target and these idiots are too low in command to realize it. No way they would have brought him out here if they did. Someone will come for him soon.

The teen had dark raven hair and the same pale skin as Danny, but his eyes were as black as coal compared to Danny's aqua blue. It might not work, but he was better equipped to handle whatever they threw at him until the bats or the police arrived.

He carefully lets go of the hand in his hold, running his fingers up the arm of the teen, keeping his eyes trained on the gunmen. He's doing it slowly, worried any sudden or fast moves will convince them to pull the triggers on their assault rifles.

The boy's breath hitches but thankfully doesn't blow their cover. The tremble in his limb has increased, and Danny wouldn't have felt bad about it had he not been on a time crunch. Eventually, his fingers brushed against the short sleeve of the manager's uniform.

"Listen carefully. You were just here to buy some groceries. You never worked here." He whispers, curling his fingers around the fabric and turning the polo shirt intangible. He pulls it right off the teenager's body in one quick swipe.

It slides off the boy's skin like water, and the second he slides it through him, Danny returns it to solid, letting it settle on top of his clothes. He quickly covers the teenager's naked chest with his own long-sleeve shirt, using the same method.

The boy's mouth drops, but he doesn't get a chance to respond before the armed men walk over to them. Danny pushes his head down, hoping to hide the bruises while hunting his own, using his hair to curtain his face.

Just in time, too, because the Halfa is yanked to his feet by two of the men, who sneer at him, and he lets the proper amount of whimpers when they backhand him and bang his head on the bin.

Danny is dragged out of the room while the third man threatens the people. He'll come back for them the second he has a chance.

"You thought you could hide in Gotham, Eric?" One of the men hisses, "After what your Daddy did? Half of my boys are rotting in cells for life because of him! "

Eric was likely in witness protection or had wronged a powerful man he shouldn't have. Maybe he was in an organized gang and had ratted someone out. There was no way Danny was letting these men get away.

They drag him towards the back, where a group of similarly dressed men and women are waiting. Glances at everything through his hair, wondering how long he had before someone realized they got the wrong person.

Maybe they wouldn't notice before they shoved him into the ain't oven; they were obviously planning on burning him in. Which would be the perfect place to shift into Phantom out of prying eyes. He had spent months chasing Batman as a regular love-stroke citizen.

He couldn't let all those dramatic swoons and pathetic flirtations go to waste by revealing he was a powerful meta now! Plus, how else would he be rescued by a hero if the man knew he could just do it himself?

He was forced to stand in the room with two guards gripping is his shoulders hard enough to bruise. Danny doesn't raise his gaze away from his shoes, so even though he knows someone is standing near the oven to give him a dramatic monologue, he won't look.

A minute passes before someone clicks their tongue.

"Nothing to say, brat!?" A kick to the back of his knees has Danny falling to his knees, gritting his teeth to stop himself from going ghost immediately. "Do you know what I'm going to-"

Whatever the man was going to say was cut off by a figure launching itself from the ceiling railing and kicking him in the back of the head.

Danny flinches as a body drops right next to him. There is a splash of blood as one of the men wails. Danny offers him a cheeky grin once the man rolls over and looks up into his face.

His wide eyes are stomped on by a dark boot surrounded by a fluttering cape, and the second pair of hands on his shoulder vanishes. Danny listens to the sound of battle, keeping his hair in his face and his eyes on his folded knees. He could get up and hide, but where would the fun be?

His favorite pass time has arrived.

"Are you alright?" The familiar voice growls, but Danny doesn't respond. It was too far away. The man needed to get closer.

Eventually, the boots and the cape returned to his line of vision, a hand slowly reaching for him, and Danny flung himself toward them. He must have caught the vigilante off guard because when Danny wrapped his arms around the legs, he did not dodge in time despite the jerk that indicated he was moving.

Dramatically, Dann wailed, still on his knees, pressing his cheek against a muscular thigh. "Batman! You saved me! I was so scard but you came to rescue me!"

A hand landed in his hair, pushing Danny away. That only made the ghost in him grin as he fought to hug the man closer. It must have been a shock to find that Danny had a lot of strength despite his young appearance.

"Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. I was so scared!" He bawls, hiccuping for good measure as he rubs his cheek against the meat of Batman's left vastus laterlis. The man must do insane squats.

"Get. Off." Batman grunts, now using both hands to try and push Danny away. It's too bad for him; Danny has super strength. "Let. Go!"

"Mr. Fenton, everything is alright! You don't have to be afraid. Please let Batman go." Spoiler shouts, appearing in Danny's line of sight. He almost breaks character to pout at her intrusion. He can't, though, as that would ruin the game. So he lets her gently pry off his arms and helps him to his feet.

He shoots Batman with looks of undying devotion, though, which might have actually made the Dark Knight shudder, and that was all he wanted in life.

"You have real bad luck, huh?" Spoiler comments, rubbing his back like a small, scared child.

"I just wanted some milk for my Oreos." He hiccups, wiping at his eye. He then ends a watery smile towards Batman, who is helping Red Robin and Robin secure the gang that had snuck into his city. "But I did get to see Tall, Dark, and Daddy, so today is not a total bust."

"I'm going to be sick," The girl in purple mutters under her breath, and Danny nearly loses it right then.

He is distracted by Eric rushing towards them, a look of hero worship on his face as he slams into Danny with a loud but sincere "Thank you!"

Phantom purrs from inside his protective core. He should shop here more often. This place is a riot.

[lenaellsi]

One thing that really gets me about the opening with angel Crowley is that he's not just excited by how beautiful his stars are, or how fun the process of creation is, or how impressed he's made Aziraphale. He��s not in it for the glory or the aesthetics. He’s actually horrified by the idea that the universe will just be "fancy wallpaper" in the future, even though Aziraphale assures him that humans will "marvel" at his creations.

What Crowley loves about his stars is their potential. He is building, essentially, a nursery. Most of the universe's stars, he explains to Aziraphale, will come pre-aged--but his are just starting out! After they're given time to grow, who knows what could happen! Good or bad, black holes or new constellations—there are so many possible futures ahead of them, and Crowley can’t wait to see what happens.

And then Aziraphale tells him that he knows what will happen: those stars will never grow up. They will never shine or burn out or implode or become anything new. They’ll be destroyed before they get the chance.

"You can't kill kids."

“Whose side are you on?” “God’s, of course!” “Same God that wants me to whack the kids?”

"People die." "They do, don't they?"

“Great pustulant mangled bollocks to the Great blasted Plan!”

"Don't test them to destruction."

"It's always too late."

"Nothing lasts forever." "No, I don't suppose it does."

This fear has been chasing Crowley since before the beginning. It’s what caused his first doubts, put the first traces of gray in his wings. He’s been raging at the futility of watching beautiful, complex things be damned or destroyed for his entire existence, and that’s why he seems to the audience and to Aziraphale to be a mess of contradictions.

He loves to follow the trends of the times, but he clings to his classic car in an era of planned obsolescence for vehicles. He lives in an ultra-modern flat, but finds his greatest comfort in the unchanging security of aziraphale’s old shop. He hates the idea of killing children, but is willing to see a child die if it preserves the rest of the universe and foils the Great Plan. He “goes too fast,” but his most unique and notable power is that he’s learned to stop time.

Crowley hates predestination. He hates divine intervention and the removal of agency. Crowley, the architect of free will, is constantly torn between his love of change and choice and potential and his terror that everything will be destroyed by an unstoppable, incomprehensible higher power. That’s his driving conflict in the way that Aziraphale’s is learning to find his own path without following Heaven’s rules, and I am fascinated to see how it resolves.

[misseviehyde]

SHADOWS

My ex-boyfriend James is sooooo fucking weak and pathetic. I hate and despise him with every part of my soul. He is everything that is wrong with men these days. Indecisive, overly sensitive, small and pathetic. What a fucking loser.

His twin brother Jason by comparison is a God. He is the man I now desire. Once I despised and hated Jason, but now he is everything I seek in a man. Tall, strong, rich, dominant... he makes me so fucking wet. My new boyfriend is a total Alpha. The longer I stay around him the more feminine I feel. I love what he does to me.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me explain how this all started...

Once I was the nerdiest girl at school. It seems insane to say it now, given how popular I am, but there was a time when I couldn't name six fashion designers or contour my makeup or suck off three boys at once in the cheerleaders locker room. I was a fucking loser.

Terrible skin, flat chested, nerdy glasses and goofy teeth. No. I was once plain little Melanie. I even had ginger hair. No wonder everyone bullied me. Popular rich bitch Madison didn't even exist. I was a fucking nobody.

My life consisted of science fairs, anime and role-playing games. Not the fun role playing games where you dress as a sexy school girl and get railed by a hot guy... no... the loser ones where you pretend to be an elf.

To my shame I was even into LARPIng. Live action role play. Each Friday night, me, James, Jason and our other buddies would go into the local woods to play.

We would run around the woods pretending to be on adventures. Fuckkkk it was so pathetic, I feel a major ick just thinking about it.

Jason wasn't the God he would later become at this point. He and James basically looked the same. I don't know why I had chosen James as my boyfriend. I guess he was slightly more confident and had asked me out first. He and Jason basically looked and acted the same though. Many people couldn't even tell them apart. Even me sometimes.

Then Jason found the shadow and everything changed.

As part of our role playing experience we sometimes brought props along and Jason had found this creepy looking glass bottle in a charity shop. It was opaque and stoppered with a wax cork. Perhaps it held a liquid of some kind? Sometimes it looked like there was something dark swirling inside, but it was kind of hard to tell.

We needed a prop to represent an evil demon that was trapped in a bottle so Jason had brought out the bottle.

As usual the group had split up. It was dark now and I was on my own. I had on my favourite druid costume (ughhh so fucking fugly) and I was creeping through the woods under the moonlight.

Suddenly I saw Jason through a gap in the trees. He was on his own too and carrying the bottle. I headed towards him, he hadn't seen me... in fact he wasn't really paying proper attention to his surroundings, which is maybe why he suddenly tripped over a tree root.

The bottle span from his hands and smashed against the ground with a musical tinkle.

I had a perfect view of everything. Jason was lit by the moonlight, his scrawny body shivering and his eyes wide with fear as a rolling mass of black shadows erupted from the smashed bottle and flowed towards him.

I wanted to scream but my voice had left me and I could only put my hands to my mouth like a parody of some dumb anime girl as the shadows flowed into Jason. Black smoke forced its way down his throat, into his nose. It wrapped and enveloped him, melting and merging into his body.

Then it was gone.

But the scene was not over.

Jason let out a cry, or maybe it was a moan. I watched in horrified fascination (and now I'm happy to admit a little bit or arousal) as I watched him change. Jason... my God... was being born.

Muscles rippled and swelled under his skin, causing his shirt to rip and his fantasy style breeches to bulge. He tore his top off to reveal a rippling six back and toned muscles as his skin flowed like wax and he changed and transformed. He grew taller and bigger, more handsome too as his face became more masculine and his hair cut more stylish.

Grunting and grinning Jason ripped off his pathetic role playing costume and stretched confidently. He was entirely naked now and I gasped in arousal as I saw his magnificent ass and his perfect cock. As I watched it was growing. Ten inches of thick white meat now hung between his huge thighs and I almost salivated as I beheld his perfect manly body.

Jason confidently stretched his body, clearly enjoying how it felt. He grinned perfect white teeth and his eyes, once mild and nerdy shone with ambition and dark desire. He clicked his fingers and there was a wisp of smoke as a stylish black shirt and designer jeans encased his new perfect body. He now looked like a male super model and he strode off through the woods chuckling, leaving me breathing heavily and wondering if I was losing my mind.

***

I ran through the woods. Back then I was ungainly and lacking athletic ability. Whereas now I hit the gym daily and can bend into nearly any position (especially when fucking) I was a fucking loser, so I made quite the noise as I crashed through the trees.

James and the others soon found me and I garbled what I'd seen, but they all thought I was still role playing.

"Babe, it's a cool story, but one detail that doesn't work. My stuck up bullying brother doesn't play with us. He thinks we're losers."

I gawped at James. I thought he was joking at first, but as we spoke it became clear he was serious. The shadow had changed Jason, but it also seemed to have changed everyone's memories of him.

I had no idea why I hadn't been affected. perhaps because I had witnessed his transformation directly or something.

James and the others couldn't understand why I was so upset and worried. The shadow had looked evil and I was worried my boyfriends brother was now under the control of something wicked. I decided I'd have to confront Jason directly and see if I could aid him, so I told the others I felt sick and left to go immediately to James and Jason's house.

James started after me, but I quickly lost him in the woods. I didn't want him to see what had happened to his brother. I was sure I could find a way to save Jason.

Haha, what a fucking idealistic moron I used to be.

***

I arrived at Jason's to find the house had changed. There was now a pickup parked at the front and the house was larger and clearly more expensive. Entering the house I found it was better decorated and I nearly had a heart attack as I entered the kitchen to find Jame's Mom and Dad.

Michael, the Dad was now a handsome looking business man wearing an expensive suit. Linda, James Mom had transformed from a homesy kind Mom into a haughty and beautiful MILF. She looked stunning!

Neither of them paid me much attention, they clearly recognised me as James girlfriend. The sneer and look of disgust Linda gave me left me cold. I can't blame her. Linda is now a major icon to me and we are the BEST of friends. She loves me like a daughter and I've learned so much about manipulating and using men from her. But back then I was a dork dating her loser son James.

But that was soon about to change.

I found Jason in a room I'd never seen before. A personal gym.

He was stripped to the waist, his muscles rippling as he pumped iron. He turned and grinned at me as I entered.

"Well well well. My brothers dork girlfriend? What the hell do you want Melanie?"

"I saw everything Jason. I saw that weird shadow enter you. We have to get it out of you. What have you done to your Mom and Dad? This isn't right."

Jason grinned. "Ahhhh. So you saw it? So you remember the old me? Haha you have no idea Melanie. No idea how good this feels. The shadow within me hungers for power and pleasure. It serves no other purpose but to give me what I want. It can change things, people too. Anything that falls under my shadow can be twisted to serve my whim. I am a fucking God now."

I watched nervously as black shadows seemed to spread around Jason as he spoke. The air rippled with potential and a cold numb feeling spread through my body and my soul. Jason grinned as the light seemed to be sucked out of the room and I was drowning in darkness.

"You could be so much more Melanie. You're such a fucking dork, just like my pathetic brother. I always wanted you to be MY girlfriend and now I have this power you can join me. I won't force you, I want you to join me willingly. A taste of this power and I think you'll want more."

I gasped falling to my knees as the shadows surrounded me. All the warmth and kindness and love inside me was suddenly numbed. It was like the shadow was feeding on my positive emotions... perhaps it was.

The dark shadows enveloped and wrapped my nerdy body. Tempting whispers invaded my mind and I felt Jason's presence beating down on me and willing me to give in. The shadow wanted to change and corrupt me, but it would only do so if I wanted it to. Jason hadn't lied.

I don't know if you've ever been offered something so fucking delicious and perfect that even if it came at the cost of your soul you'd jump at the chance... but when that moment finally arrives, it's pretty hard not to succumb.

I'd seen what the shadow had done to Jason. It had turned him into the perfect example of masculine perfection. It could probably do the same for me, but make me the ultimate girl. All I had to do was let it in and surrender to the darkness.

I'd seen girls in magazines, on TV, on teenage drama programs. I'd always wondered how it would feel to be a Queen Bee... a head cheerleader type. What must it be like to be so pretty you can get whatever you want? How would it feel to be a bitch?

"Yes... change me," I groaned. "But only a little... I just want to be a little prettier."

I gasped as my body suddenly ached and I felt the shadows begin to change me. I ripped my dorky glasses off and felt my brace snap as I spat out the metal to leave perfect white teeth. My red hair turned a sexy black and my pale spotty skin tanned as my body toned.

It felt so fucking good.

"Don't you want more Melanie? Don't you want to become a real fucking bitch? If it feels this good to go a little of the way, why not let the shadows take you all the way?"

Jason had a point. The more I transformed the more I wanted to transform. As I felt myself become more popular and beautiful, the further I found I wanted to go.

"Yessss mmmmore," I gasped feeling the shadows pour down my throat and into my body. I could feel Jason in my mind now, his fingers manipulating my pleasure receptors and his thoughts becoming my own.

"That's right Melanie. You don't want to be a dweeb anymore. You want to go all the way. You want to be a fucking bitch. Say it."

I shuddered as delicious throbs of pleasure pulsed through my body. "I... mmmmmh, ohhh yes, I want to be a bitch."

"That's right Melanie. Let's picture a girl. Let's call her Madison. She's everything you want to be isn't she? Thin, pretty, bratty and spoiled. She's the kind of girl that has a new outfit every day, that all the other girls bow down to. I want you imagine how hot she looks. Nice tits, a toned body, ultra-feminine body language. So different to the dork you are. Are you picturing her?"

I was picturing her. I was thinking of every mean bad girl and bitch I had ever know in real life or in the movies. I was picturing Madison and boy was she fucking hot.

"Now say it. Say you want to be Madison. You want to be the bullying popular Alpha girl."

My pussy was wet, my already partially transformed body felt so good. I needed more... I needed the shadows to corrupt me completely.

"Yessss I want to be Madison."

I screamed and orgasmed as I said it, feeling the shadows flowing into me and destroying Melanie forever. All the kind gentle nice parts of me were consumed and the shadows pumped me full of evil, mean bratty thoughts.

Melanie died in that instant and I... Madison... took control.

Long bitchy nails shot out from my fingers. My face became meaner and even prettier, soft pouty lips curving into a bratty grin. My clothing became designer, my handbag expensive and my personality became that of a spoiled rich bitch.

Reality rippled and changed. Only Jason and I would remember the old me. It was as if Melanie had never existed and only I had been born.

The shadows withdrew, but they left their mark. I was a fucking evil bitch now, devoid of mercy. I only cared about myself... oh and Jason of course.

"How do you feel baby?" he grinned, towering over me in his Adonis body.

"I feel amazing baby," I grinned. "In fact I want to thank you for being the best boyfriend ever."

I giggled and sank eagerly to my knees. My long nails looked so hawt as I unzipped Jason's fly and his huge ten inch dick flopped out.

Moaning I began to pump and suck his cock. This was who and what I worshipped now. Jason had taken me from that loser James.

"Yesssss, good girl," grunted Jason as he put his hands gently on my head and pushed me deeper onto his cock. "You're my slutty bitch now and I have everything I ever wanted."

I just gagged and gargled happily, I fucking loved my man's big cock.

I couldn't wait for him to cum. I needed to taste it...

***

And so that is how I ascended from being a fucking pathetic loser into a Goddess myself. Jason is the Master of the Shadow and so long as he holds that power I am his willing accomplice.

Soon after the transformation James came home. He no longer remembered I had ever been his girl, but that didn't stop me and Jason fucking loudly next door and laughing about the little simp jerking off in his room next door.

I felt so evil and perfect. Being Madison was like a perpetual state of orgasm. The meaner and nastier I was, the better it all felt.

Sometimes I wondered what would have happened if James had smashed that bottle instead of Jason? Perhaps he would be the Alpha stud with the delicious bitchy girlfriend.

But it was just idle speculation. The shadows answered to Jason...

And I answered only to the shadows now.

THE END

[revelboo]

Invisible Monsters Pt 2

Lost Light Megatron x Reader-forgiveness

• One arm still cradling the empty cube, the other stretched out over the bar so his cheek can lay on it, you’re caught in a mix of pity for Trailbreaker and indignant anger that Swerve had just kept serving him. You hadn’t known what to make of the fact that they could get drunk or that Swerve and Whirl both find drunk Trailbreaker hilarious. Most of the time. They’d both lost interest as soon as he made the inevitable buzzed slide to depressed muttering. You’d watched the whole mortifying show with the same horrified fascination usually reserved for truly awful train wrecks.

• And at some point, Whirl had ditched you. Leaving you with Trailbreaker since there’s no way to get off the bar top Whirl had plopped you on without a broken neck. The big mech’s been silent long enough that you think he might finally be recharging, but you still keep well out of his reach.

• Neck craning to stare at Swerve on the other side of the bar, you wait for him to remember you’re still trapped. Because the only way to get to him is by climbing over Trailbreaker’s arm and hoping you don’t get swatted in his drunken stupor. No thank you.

• You’re relieved as soon as you spot Rodimus entering the bar and you lift an arm to get his attention. That grin as his optics light on you makes your stomach drop, though. You know that look. Sure enough, the red and orange mech was looking for you. Probably for something you’re not going to like. A certainty that grows with icy dread as he comes over, reaching for you.

• For a heartbeat, you tense and seriously consider taking your chances with the passed out drunk. Shoulders slumping, you allow the co-captain to scoop you up. “There you are,” he says, voice cheerful which set off all sorts of alarm bells. And then he’s walking with you trapped in his servos.

• “I’m not going to like whatever this is, am I?” You ask, clinging to his servos as his quick stride almost makes you fall. A grin is your only answer and you groan. It’s going to be bad. Definitely bad.

• As soon as you spot the massive, intimidating form of Megatron on the bridge, you wilt. Especially as Rodimus heads right for him with a cheery, “Hold this for me,” and thrusts you at the huge mech. Heart nearly stopping as Megatron instinctively reaches to catch you as you fall a foot or so into his hands with a yelp.

• Surprised to say the least, Megatron cups his hands around the tiny form that’s just been dumped into his hands. “Rodimus,” he growls, as the human glares at the younger mech.

• Backing away toward the door of the bridge so Megatron can’t try and give you back, he folds his hands behind his back. “Remember that asteroid field I piloted us through?”

• “The one I specifically said not to fly through?” Megatron asks, servos starting to curl into fists when a little hand lands on one. Startled, he glances down at you in his palm and forces himself to relax before turning his attention back on Rodimus. “Yes. I remember.”

• “Oh, good. Great,” Rodimus’s optics dart to you in Megatron’s hands. “So on a completely unrelated note, apparently one of the engines is now inoperable. Gotta go.”

• And he bails, leaving you in the former warlord’s hands. That jerk. “Seriously?” You growl, anger faltering as Megatron looks at you. And sure, he’s been gentle with you so far, but he’s huge and Whirl’s told you stories. Horrific, traumatizing stories that don’t quite mesh up with what little you’ve seen of him so far. This mech isn’t some bloodthirsty monster. He’s just a perpetually exhausted adult having to deal with nonstop stupidity. And he is tired if the way he vents with a soft growl is any indication.

• Casting about, Megatron isn’t sure what to do with you now. Set you down and let you wander the halls or just wait until Rung or someone else remembers to look for you? Anything but hold you in his palms as you look up at him with wariness, but not hate. You should despise him for what he’s done to your kind and your world. So why don’t you?

• Seeming to resign yourself to being stuck with him, you curl your legs up under you. Make yourself comfortable in his grip. “He looks up to you, you know.” The soft words surprise him as he frowns down at you in his hand before heading to his chair. It feels almost blasphemous to cradle your warm, little body and feel the steady beat of your heart against his servos. Something soft that was never meant for him.

• “Hardly,” he says, tensing as you jump lightly from his palm onto the arm of the chair to look around. “They’re all afraid of me.” Like you should be. Such a fragile thing, you shouldn’t fearlessly meet his optics. The almost sympathetic, wry twist of your smile as you spread your arms and walk to the edge of the flat surface, cuts him.

• “Everyone makes mistakes,” you tell him, head tipped up to study the empty vastness of space. Huffing softly, he sinks back in his chair. You dare sum up all the wrongness as just a mistake? He can’t understand how easily you can forgive and move on, but maybe, short lived creatures have to be able to let go because of just how short their lives are. Maybe they can’t afford to cling to old grudges. Or maybe it’s just you in particular.

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[gallifreyanhotfive]

Random Doctor Who Facts You Might Not Know, Part 20: Academy Era Edition

Please note that some Academy Era info is dispersed throughout the other parts as well; I just wanted to make one dedicated to these nerds. I am not repeating stuff from other parts (purposefully, there may be some accidents, but I'm trying not to repeat things like Koschei teaching Theta hypnosis or like the hyperball team) or including some basic info I think are decently well known (like Torvic or the Gallifrey Academy Hot Five). ;)

The Master's real name is 32 letters long.

As students, Theta and Koschei enjoyed building time flow analogues to mess with each others experiments.

Koschei once gave Susan a toy which was actually a communication node that he could use to find the Doctor and Susan if they ever left Gallifrey.

Theta and Koschei also used to sneak out of the Academy to drink with Shobogans. On one such occasion, Koschei picked a fight with six drunk Shobogans.

Theta's name day and Otherstide are on the same day.

Koschei often hypnotized people as a joke. He was never punished for it.

Drax had a home-made skimmer that he would often use to go to his House rather than stay in the Academy dormitories. He'd also give Jelpax rides home because they lived close by.

Koschei was in charge of organizing the end-of-term parties, but the Eighth Doctor remembers that they weren't very good.

While at the Academy, Theta and Koschei traveled to Gallifrey's past in search of Valdemar, an ancient entity and Old One, but they found nothing of Old Ones. Theta was horrified by Valdemar's power while Koschei was fascinated.

When Vansell broke his leg while climbing Mount Cadon, Theta created a localized time bubble with a sonic wrench and two lengths of twine. This accelerated the healing process, and it was healed in two minutes.

Koschei and Theta also once traveled to Machasma and used sonic agitation to get out of a tight spot.

Theta Sigma came fourth place in the Time Lord Academy Sprint Championship.

Millennia had a natural gift for temporal engineering, and Theta believed she would one day make great intellectual achievements.

Tebediatroculozan attended the Academy at the same time as the Deca. He was incredibly clever but also envious of the Doctor for the adventures he had. The Eighth Doctor helped him move past this jealousy.

When Koschei stared into the Untempered Schism, he noted with much contempt that the Time Lords who had taken him there all refused to look at it themselves.

Mortimus is likely about 50 years younger than Theta Sigma.

The Second Doctor recalled that Koschei enjoyed being scared of the dark too much.

The Toymaker had Theta play Capture the Flag and thought that Theta had cheated.

When the Toymaker was using Rallon's body, Rallon had enough influence over his personality that the Toymaker had a sense of "good and evil." When the Toymaker went against the Fourteenth Doctor, he was no longer using Rallon's body, so this was not the case.

Theta was Borusa's teacher's pet, and Borusa favored him over other students. Later on, the Doctor would believe this was why the Master was bitter towards him.

In fact, an unproduced story's original script originally had the Doctor’s grandfather be named Borusa, but it was later changed to Pandak.

While at the Academy, Koschei befriended Salyavin and manipulated him to gain access to the restricted libraries. He wanted to steal The Worshipful and Ancient Law of Gallifrey but could not find it, and Salyavin took the blame for his wrongdoing.

Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28

[bwat5-blog]

Worlds Apart: Vi & Jinx, Part 1

**Spoilers For All Of Arcane**

By the time we begin the story of Arcane, the world we are thrust into is already one stained by oppression, violence, greed and neglect. The people of Zaun, downtrodden and hungry, march on the Bridge of Progress to demand equality. It is in the ensuing slaughter, that we first meet Violet (who we will call Vi for the rest of this post), and her little sister Powder (will start calling her Jinx when she "becomes" Jinx).

Surrounded by fire and death, we watch these poor children stand alone, death all around them, as the gilded Enforcers of Piltover continue to exterminate their people. Vi initially standing tall, holding Powder's hand while the small child sings out into the night, a song we later learn their mother used to hum. The smoke clears enough to reveal the body of their mother herself, and at that Vi sinks to her knees crying, held by her sister.

This incredibly tragic and horrifying moment in time is both our introduction to this world, and to Vi and Powder. Their relationship is one of the central pillars of this story, having an effect on seemingly every aspect of this tale. It has touched people for many reasons, those who identify more with Vi, those more with Powder and in turn Jinx, and those for whom a tale of two sisters trying to hold on to what matters in a world poisoned long before they were born, will be impossible to forget.

As seems to have become my custom, I will be going through what I believe to be the pivotal moments that impact their relationship, good and bad, and trying to delve deeper if I can into how they develop as sisters. These will focus on the impact to Vi and Powder specifically, so for those looking for the more individual impacts or to the broader world, I may have discussed it in other writings. This is very, very long. I do apologize for that. But that's why I am breaking this into two parts. I think as one of the driving forces of this story, cutting corners on my exploration of their relationship would be disrespectful to the people who worked so hard to bring us this story.

A Second Chance:

It is during the sisters short few years with Vander, that we are given a glimpse into the potential of who they could have been. Vi is older, and so is more hardened to the world, but even then so we see a lightness to her during this time that we will never see again. In powder we see a gentle soul, clever and kind. With a fascination in the unknown, before her intelligence is turned to ways to harm. Until the tragic end of this act, even with all the darkness unfolding around them, we are shown two sisters who have found strength and hope in each-other.

Throughout this time in their lives we see the on-going bullying and belittling of Powder, primarily by Milo. And each and every time, Vi stands up for her, picks her back up, assures her that she is not weak and it's her differences that make her strong.

As she is older and the leader of her siblings, Vi is in a stage of her life where the core tenants of who she is are forming. This is primarily illustrated through her lessons at the feet of her adoptive father, Vander. And although we are focusing on the sisters relationship with each-other here, these lessons impact Vi's decision making and by extension her relationship with Powder for the rest of their lives.

They are not all in the same scene of course but for ease I have listed those I see as most important below:

"When people look up to you, you don't get to be selfish.. whatever happens, it's on you"

"Who are you willing to lose?"

"You've got a good heart, don't ever lose it"

"Take care of Powder"

It should also be of note in understanding Vi, that while these conversations were taking place, she gives us a piece of herself that is deeply telling of one her core struggles. She says that she grewup knowing she was lesser, but that she wants Powder to have more and is willing to fight for that. Vi is at most sixteen, and telling us that she wants to be for her sister what she grew up knowing she was unworthy of. To be the shield, and never the shielded.

The tragedy will alter the course of these sisters lives could be said to be the fault of many characters. But ultimately, Silco begins this tragic chain events when he murders the sheriff of Piltover to install his own puppet, murders Benzo, and takes Vander.

The events encompassing the attempted rescue of Vander, ending with his apparent demise, as well as the deaths of Milo, Claggor, and the separation of the sisters, is the second time they will have their entire worlds ripped from them through the violence of those don't care who they hurt. Something I would like to note that is often mischaracterized by fans, is the manner in which Vi left Powder at their home at the missions start:

Milo's dialogue in episode 1 suggests the Vi never leaves Powder behind normally

When Vi instructs Powder to stay this time, yes it is true she says Powder is not ready which hurts the younger sister's feelings. However, Vi has been ruminating on her duty to protect those she cares for since her talks with Vander. She just saw Vander taken, and saw at least the aftermath of what the shimmer mutated Deckard did to Grayson and Benzo. And what does Vi actually say?: "Your not ready... your all I have left, I can't lose you. " she then gives Powder the famous blue flaire, promising "wherever you are light this and I''ll find you.." She is extremely tender with her sister, and clearly does not want to place her in danger.

While on her own, Powder becomes extremely upset. We see her screaming, hitting her head, preparing to destroy a monkey bomb that has failed her. Until she remembers, preparing her pilfered hex-tech stones and setting off to save her family.

Ultimately, it is impossible to know if the rescue really was going to succeed before Powder's intervention. But to all appearances, they were seconds from freedom. Powder was a frightened little girl trying as hard as she could to save her family. She didn't do what she did out of some malice or willful disobedience. It was clear she was terrified of losing her loved ones and not being able to do her part. Her intentions were pure. But intention is irrelevant in the face of extreme grief and fear. and so we come to the incident that changes the sisters relationship forever.

As a triumphant Powder rushes to Vi's side out in the street, declaring her monkey bomb worked, eager for her older sister she looks up to to know that she helped, she is violently brought face-to-face with the consequences of her victory. A sobbing Vi, over Vander's body, Milo and Claggor destroyed. Vi strikes her, grabs her roughly, and calls her a JINX, leaving that little girl who wanted to save her family sobbing in the street.

Vi goes around the corner, ignoring her sisters screams totally lost in her pain and grief. She almost instantly looks, seeing her little sisters blood on her hands, and tries to return, but it is too late. Marcus materializes out of the dark, and Vi vanishes into the bowels of Stillwater Prison. At at most, sixteen years of age.

Much has been said by myself and others, addressing the bizarre anti-Vi sentiments that cropped up since the end of season 2. And Vi's treatment of Powder in this moment is often one of their talking points. Once more, with feeling:

Vi is at most sixteen

She barely survived a fight with multiple armed adult criminals and a shimmer mutant

She has watched her brothers and adoptive father die second before they were free, and all seemingly because Powder didn't listen

I am NOT saying that treating Powder that way was right. It wasn't , and Vi knew that given her almost immediate reaction and attempt to reach her. What I am saying, is placing the blame on a sixteen year old girl for lashing out in a moment extraordinary loss, is lunacy.

Powder, left all alone, sobbing in the street, has had everyone of her insecurities and doubts laid bare. The sister she idolizes hurt her and abandoned her, and because of Powder's own weapon she lost everyone else.. As I said in a previous post, mentally and emotionally, she is an open wound. Leaving her vulnerable and fragile, when Silco arrives.

A World Apart:

Because of the violence and depravity of others, the sister have been apart for seven years. And those seven years they themselves have changed like the world around them. We must have an understanding of who they have become, to speak accurately on their relationship moving forward.

Vi:

Vi has been falsely imprisoned in Stillwater, being beaten and abused for seven years. She went in as a grieving teenager, the loss of her family and the violent ordeal she had just been through still raging in her, and had her entire world frozen in this terrible place. The last time she saw her sister, she was the little girl Vi had left there, bleeding and screaming for Vi to come back. As we discussed earlier, even when she was younger, Vi did not believe herself to be someone people fight for. She is the one who does the fighting. Always the shield, never the shielded. Now lets return to Vander's lessons for a moment in regards to how she believes she has failed:

"When people look up to you, you don't get to be selfish.. whatever happens, it's on you"---- Vi does not, cannot consider her own grief and pain in that moment she struck Powder. It doesn't matter that she lost her father to. It doesn't matter that she was in pain and afraid. She failed Powder and that's all that matters.

"Who are you willing to lose?"--- After Vander's lessons, Vi hesitantly asks her siblings if they know she wouldn't take them on a job they couldn't handle and they answer without hesitation that they do. Even though it is their decision to help. Even though it was Silco who took Vander, and Powder who set the bomb (don't worry we will cover Jinx's suffering over this), Vi made the call to go knowing it would risk lives, and will always carry their loss.

"You've got a good heart, don't ever lose it"--- Vander said this to Vi with pride, when Vi attempted to turn herself in and spare her family and the people of Zaun from Piltover's wrath from the heist. Even though she was so young, she tried to intentionally send herself to prison to spare those she loved that pain, which drew Marcus and Grayson to them. Vander came to take her place and stop her, leaving him vulnerable to Silco's abduction. Vi acted out of a desire to save her people, and lost everyone.

"Take care of Powder"-- Obviously related to the first lesson but this goes so much further. Vi's determination to get to her sister, to be there for her and make things right overrides her judgement in many situations, and when she comes face to face with brutal reality of who Powder has become it is extremely difficult for Vi to make peace with.

Vi's self-perception as having failed her family in these ways drive her transformation into the woman we meet when Caitlyn Kiramman comes looking for answers. And note, I say her self-perception, not reality. Vi was sixteen. The guilt, horrific death, and tragedy she faced can be laid at many characters feet but not hers. She was a child caught in the middle of events that began far beyond understanding or control. But as I have said, grief and guilt are the furthest things from rational, and her internalization of this trauma shapes her going forward:

"When people look up to you, you don't get to be selfish.. whatever happens, it's on you"-- Vi's journey to believing she is deserving of happiness for herself, not putting anyone else first, is one that will characterize her entire arc as we watch her neglect herself in favor of others.

"Who are you willing to lose?"-- Several times throughout the story Vi attempts to take on threats alone when she doesn't have to. She jumps Sevika in the street even with Caitlyn there. She goes after Sevika and Silco alone at the end of the season as well. And even going into season 2 we see her offering to hunt her sister down by herself, before joining the strike team and even then sent away Maddie, Loris and Zeb before confronting jinx. She doesn't want to cause anyone else to die.

"You've got a good heart, don't ever lose it"-- This speaks to Vi's negative core belief: "I choose wrong every time, and because of it it. I've lost everyone" Now we don't hear her say those words until season 2. And it's not as simple to trace to her actions. But ultimately her doubt in this part of herself, in the worth of this part of herself is what feeds into the others. But as the story progresses, we see her shown time and time again that her willingness to believe in people and her love is not a flaw.

"Take care of Powder"-- This is really what we are about to dive into, but I will say this much. Vi's emotional struggle in accepting that "Powder" as she knew her is no more, and accepting that she still has a sister in Jinx is one of her greatest struggles. And it really gets into the idea of Vi trying to do her duty as an older sister, no matter what that might mean

Finally, after years of hopeless suffering, immensely changed, Vi descends into Zaun with Caitlyn at her side. determined to find her sister.

Jinx:

The changes Powder goes through are, undeniably tragic. Silco takes that broken, angry and traumatized young girl into his arms and makes her his daughter. He takes all of her negative feeling, and rather than giving her a way to work through in a healthy manner, he weaponizes it. He tells that sobbing angry little girl "We'll show them all" only moments after hiding the knife he used on Vander. And was planning to use on her. And while it seems clear that Silco did come to love her as a daughter in his way, he did everything in his power to bury Powder, so that all that was left was Jinx.

Jinx herself, is a series of contradictions. For explanation purposes, I will break her down into three sections.

The Warrior-  We see in her immediate introduction after the time skip she has in a way.. become just as strong as her sister told her she would be. She is a ferocious fighter, wielding an arsenal of custom bombs and firearms, and has gained a reputation as someone to fear.

The Daughter- When she is with Silco, she still behaves in a much more vulnerable way. She is very physically connected to him, wanting to sit with him or lean on him, and often speaks without that signature attitude we have been getting so far.

The Fractured- The evidence of her trauma and pain is still very much a part of Jinx’s life. We see her violently break down after thinking a pink-haired firelight is Vi, killing the woman and firing her gun at everyone on the airship. We then go on to see her, haunted and tormented, seeing the specters and hearing the voices of her family who died in that explosion. The guilt of that, still heavy in her heart and mind twisting her and threatening to break her. We get bits and pieces alluding to this not being a new development either such as the one below:

While making the report of Jinx’s breakdown, Sevika says “She’s a problem and we all know it”—Clearly suggesting this is at the very least not a single incident, and more likely part of an-going problem

After losing everyone she has ever had in her life, Jinx is driven by her desire to prove herself to Silco. Her fear of looking weak to him and being seen as not useful exacerbated the taunting specters of her fallen family. In a desperate bid to regain his favor, she launches the attack to steal the hex stone, killing six enforcers and drawing the attention of Caitlyn Kiramman.

Inner Strength:

In another post, I discussed the concept of the strength in this story and the way in which it is explored. When discussing the character of Jinx and her childhood as Powder, a quick review is necessary:

As a child she was taunted by Mylo and Claggor, and teased for being smaller, weaker, and unable to contribute in a fight. They encourage Vi to leave her behind for these reasons. Her beloved gadgets are also insulted and she herself laments that they will never work

Vi encourages and believes in her. Tells her differences are what make her strong. Tells her that while Vi has her fists, Powder has her gadgets, and they will work someday.   

Vi leaves her behind on the rescue. And while from an outside perspective that was absolutely the correct decision, Powders feeling of inadequacy and being unable to fight for her family drive her to go anyway, and in the resulting tragedy she believes that her sister who believed in her, has abandoned her as well.

So in summary: Feelings of not being strong enough to help her family as a child, comingled with her fear of being left behind or abandoned, drive her into a situation where her sister who believed in her left her after she tried and failed to help. Enter Silco.

“You need to let Powder die, so the fear of pain will no longer control you.. your strong now, like you were always meant to be. Jinx is perfect”

Silco took that broken little girl and yes, he made her strong. She learned to fight, her bombs became lethal, her prowess with a gun only grew, she became fearless in a fight. But in telling her to let go of her past when she was never able to heal, he inadvertently trapped her in a cycle of violence and self-delusion trying to live up to a standard she would never be able to achieve

Reunited:

Finally, after years apart the sisters find each other when Jinx lights up her flare, and Vi comes to her out of the mist. It seems perhaps that things will be okay, at first. Vi embraces Jinx who after a moment falls into her big sisters arms crying. Vi finally gets to apologize to Jinx letting her know she never meant to leave. Jinx tells Vi she has changed and done things, and while of course Vi doesn’t know the full details she accepts that and reassures her sister they had to what was needed to survive. It is only when Caitlyn appears that things begin to sour. Now, a few important things of note:

While Caitlyn is investigating Jinx, she has come for the stone primarily, which she did not tell Vi about.

Vi knows Caitlyn is investigating Jinx but never told her they were sisters.

Despite not actually knowing anything about why Caitlyn was with Vi or what their relationship was, Sevika intentionally plants the seed in Jinx’s mind that she has been replaced, and that Vi has not returned to any concern or love for her sister, out of a desire to destabilize her

Things get very tense, Jinx’s fear and her paranoia spin up aggravating her, and just when Vi seems to be calming her the firelights arrive. Resulting in Jinx being left alone, again. And in addition to not having her sister, she has lost the stone she needed for Silco’s desperately sought after approval.

Aftermath:

Vi-

In the aftermath of their reunion, we find Vi taken to the firelight base with Caitlyn. After a moving reunion with Ekko, she learns that the firelights consider Powder one of the fallen. Ekko insisting that Jinx is Silco’s because she wants to be. Not has to be. And confirms that she and Silco have harmed many of their people. Vi for her part resists in every way,  insisting that Powder is still in there somewhere and she can help her.

Jinx-

Having been left alone again, Jinx is in a very bad place. We find her arguing with the voice of Mylo in her head. We watch a heartbreaking and disturbing sequence, in which she is trying to overrule the voice that she knows Vi was there for her, but with every spike of pain she gets more and more manic until she focuses in on Caitlyn’s name.

Also important, is Jinx’s confrontation with Silco. Like Sevika earlier, he poisons Jinx against Vi and Caitlyn, assuring Jinx that Vi does not care about her and has come for the stone. Silco then goes on to remind her that Vi left her, even though it was not her choice, and guilts Jinx over the fact that he raised her and gave her a home. Which is ironic, given that he is the reason she lost her last one.

The Bridge:

Our involved parties converge on the bridge of progress, the site of Jinx and Vi’s first life altering tragedy. Jinx watches from a hiding place as Vi bids farewell to Caitlyn and Ekko, intent on returning to the undercity to continue her search for Jinx. Of note:

Vi once again insisting she can save her sister to Ekko

Despite Vi and Caitlyn’s growing relationship, and Ekko’s insistence that Jinx is beyond help, Vi chooses to go back in alone, ignoring her own wants and feelings and safety.

“When people look up to you, you don’t get to be selfish”

“who are you willing to lose”

As jinx watches from high up, the specter of Mylo taunts her about Vi and Caitlyn’s feelings, with Jinx insisting “it was only a goodbye hug.. she wouldn’t do that. Not again”

It is only once Jinx sees that they have the stone, the symbol of Silco’s approval, that she launches her attack which in turn brings Vi running back. Jinx kills several enforcers including Marcus, and then locks eyes on Vi holding a wounded Caitlyn. Silco and Sevika’s manipulations, coupled with Jinx’s fears and resentment sent her into a spiral, seeing Caitlyn’s face etched with false sinister expressions she opens fire on Cait and Vi, only stopping due to in the intervention of Ekko, and her eventual grenade detonation.

Aftermath:

Vi- After helping a wounded Caitlyn back to her family home and finally having a moment in peace, Vi and Caitlyn finally talk about Jinx. Much is said, but what is important here that even as Caitlyn tries to assure Vi that when Jinx went through and has become, what is Vi focused on? Her failure. Her belief that she abandoned Jinx and left her to the monster that took her. Notice that even after Jinx almost killed them, Vi isn’t angry.  She isn’t labeling her sister a monster, she is lamenting her failing in protecting her sister from the fate that has transformed her.

Jinx- Dying from her wounds, Silco rushes Jinx to none other than Singed himself, who sets to saving her life with Shimmer. This will of course effect her character for the rest of her life, but in regard to she and Vi’s relationship this is what I will point out. During a moment of lucidity, she is hallucinating Vi being there, reassuring her she is strong, telling her how sorry she is. In this moment of extreme pain and fear, even after what just happened Jinx  is emotionally reaching for Vi. Then Caitlyn appears, Caitlyn who has never actually wronged Jinx in any way, but who Silco and Sevika have turned into the boogeyman in Jinx’s mind, and the hallucination turns to hurting Jinx, and she is left terrified and screaming as the procedure continues.

The Dinner Party:

This scene is really all about the relationship between Jinx and Vi, so I hope I do this justice because there is a lot going on. There is a very important exchange in the beginning. Vi is tied up in the dark. Prowling out of sight, Jinx explains to Vi that while Silco always believed he made Jinx through his lessons, Vi made Jinx. But when Vi tries to apologize, Jinx explains that it was Vi’s voice when things were the worst, picking her up, urging her on that kept her alive. People have of course taken this to mean Vi’s lashing out all those years ago in grief and pain is what sent Jinx down this path. But listen to what Jinx is saying. Vi didn’t put her on the path. She helped her live through it.

Jinx has abducted Vi, Caitlyn, and Silco, bringing them to the sight of Vander’s death at a long table decorated with the dolls she has kept of her dead siblings. Jinx seems to have finally seen the light when it comes to Silco, until she makes an offer to Vi. Kill Caitlyn, and you can have Powder back. When Vi refuses there is a violent confrontation in which after hesitating to shoot Jinx for Vi’s sake,  Caitlyn is knocked out by Jinx, followed by Silco and Vi fighting for her very soul, all culminating in Jinx killing Silco to save Vi’s life.

There has been much talk of Vi’s trying to bring Jinx back to remembering who she was as being selfish and harmful. And I will grant you, the animation in this scene alone shows us a new specter rising over her driving her further down. But lets take a step back for a moment and consider a few things:

“Jinx” is a name born of childhood trauma and pain fashioned by Silco into the dangerous young woman she has become. Calling her Jinx is one of the things Vi feels worst about and is in this moment trying to remind her of the people who loved her and that she still loves her.

The “self” Silco is demanding that Jinx actually is, is this violent, fractured, cruel girl. I am not arguing that holding on to who she was is what is best for her. It clearly as not and the show takes care in crafting one its many lessons teaching us that something you have to let go in order to move on. But Vi is trying to remind her of everyone who loved her and that she still does, while Silco is encouraging her to murder her sister and embrace this broken version of herself that he accepts.

Vi is not a psychologist. She is deeply traumatized woman in her early twenties trying to save her sisters soul. And yes, part of Vi’s insistence that Powder HAS  to be in there somewhere is due to her own trauma creating a resistance to change. But her determination to help her sister is not born of her own selfishness. Let’s take a step back here and take an absolutely barebones look the version of her sister she has encountered since she came home, who Silco insists she really is:

Prior to Vi’s release assisted Silco in his criminal operations, exposing people of the lanes to Shimmer and killing firelights for trying to stop him

Murdered six enforcers and stole hex tech, launching the bridge blockade and renewal of open issues between Piltover and Zaun

Stuck a machine gun under Vi’s chin

Killed several enforcers including the sheriff of Piltover, all before trying to kill Vi and Caitlyn and as far as they know killing Ekko.

Abducted Caitlyn from her home and told Vi she “can have powder back” if she kills her

On-going signs of mental illness and disturbance, talking to herself, screaming, muttering

So, while I can agree that Vi’s hardline belief that she was still who she used to be did not help her in the battle of her mind, if you can honestly say Vi was wrong for trying to save her sister from Silco’s vision of her, that is not a point of view I can understand.

This nightmarish dinner party concludes as Jinx “accepts” who she has become, and after a tearful apology to Silco, fires the missile that will take the lives of Caitlyn’s mother and two other councilors, opening the door for things so much darker to come into their lives, as a screaming Caitlyn and horror stricken Vi watch, unable to stop what is coming.

To those of you who were willing to read all of this I appreciate it. I know it's a lot. But I started doing as a reaction to the startling lack of literacy and true understanding of these characters and their stores. How could i phone it in on such an important piece of that?

If any of you are so generous with your time as to care I hope to do part 2 over the next 2 or 3 days depending on my work schedule. Thank you and take care!

[lemon-natalia]

Nona the Ninth Reaction - Review

firstly, i just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has taken an interest in and encouraged me in doing these liveblogs! this has been such a fun project to work on, and reading these books for the past nine months or so has been a bright spot in what has otherwise been a relatively tough period of my life. i’ve really enjoyed getting to theorise about all of the lore of these books and make horribly ill-advised emotional attachments to inevitably doomed characters

more fun statistics that no one asked for: this liveblog was the longest, at about 20,000 (!!) words. my GtN liveblog was 12000 words for comparison. i have no excuse other than i like to talk

NtN definitely was an interesting diversion from the other two books so far. it wasn’t exactly a breather, since it was still incredibly heartbreaking and horrifying, but it was fun to see a part of the worldbuilding very different from what we’ve seen before. as much as I missed both Harrow and Gideon, i liked that it gave other characters time to shine outside of interacting with them. it was fun to see more of Palamedes, Camilla, and Pyrrha, and how those characters act in a vastly different environment to the Nine Houses

although NtN was essentially telling two different narratives, John chapters vs Nona’s, it still didn’t feel particularly disjointed - i think it was thematically held together by being a bit more grounded than the other books so far, sci-fi and fantasy elements notwithstanding (contemporary issues like climate change and nuclear war, & John’s world being a setting far closer to our own vs Nona’s domestic life & very real problems of living in a warzone)

i also loved getting John’s perspective in the chapters narrated by Harrow, his point of view and recollections were equal parts funny, terrifying, and fascinating. he’s certainly got a … unique perspective on the world. it was just a slow horrifying journey trying to figure out how the world ended, knowing that it was doomed but not exactly how it happened

Muir really has a talent for endearing you to a protagonist, and Nona was no exception, I absolutely loved her, and just, her whole story and how tragic it was physically hurt me. i also wasn’t expecting to get as attached as i was to Hot Sauce and the school gang - i hope we get just even just a mention of what happens to them in AtN

tldr: 11/10. reading this series is like the emotional equivalent of voluntarily getting stabbed in the heart repeatedly. i have absolutely no clue what I’m going to do with my life now that this is over for the meantime, other than go crazy in a locked room with a red string conspiracy board trying to figure out whats going to happen in Alecto the Ninth

speaking of, obviously its not a pressing issue since to my knowledge there isn’t even a release date yet, but i’m not sure if i’ll do a liveblog for Alecto when it comes out? on one hand the most fun bit about liveblogging has been the reaction from everyone who’s already read the books and we’ll all be in the same boat of not knowing what’s going on when Alecto comes out, so i don’t know how much of a point there is? on the other i would very much enjoy doing it anyway, and i’m a perfectionist so it would be nice to have completed all of the books like that. so i guess it depends on how impatient i am to read the whole book when it comes out lol

[savagewildnerness]

What an idiot - I meant to post this to my blog, not in the community!

One thing I love about TVL book club is how afterwards your mind continues to think about things in a new way, sparked by the fascinating conversation. Now, I am aware I can overthink myself into madness. But that said...

I was thinking about Marius-Lestat-Armand...

And about how Marius immediately (well... not quite immediately, but... comparatively so) comes to Lestat's rescue, soon after he goes into The Earth, whereas he abandons Armand for centuries... It is a thing I always found hard to forgive Marius for.

But thinking on it makes me wonder whether some of leaving Armand to his own devices might not be in love for him? (If we can call the twisted thing Marius is to Armand truly love??)

Anyway, first of all, Marius clearly does see some of his self in Lestat. Secondly, had Marius not rescued Lestat at this point, Lestat may actually have died (???) he was such a young vampire to go into The Earth, that would he have ever been able to rise again without some being saving him?

But at the same time... Marius literally pulls Lestat from The Earth. He can read Lestat's thoughts, so he very well knows the level of grief and despair and aloneness and existential crisis and loss that led Lestat to Go Into The Earth. But what does Marius do? Yes, he takes him home and gives him knowledge, as curious Lestat has been requesting... but also, he shows him Those Who Must Be Kept with no warning to Lestat about what he is about to be confronted by; with zero prior explanation... and when Lestat is indeed horrified and desperate to escape, Marius forces him to stay and to greet Those Who Must Be Kept more fully and more personally/intimately and reverently; almost as if knowing he once stirred Akasha, he may hope his mini-me (as he perceives Lestat) might do similarly?

Maybe Marius is desperate by this point? None of us can truly imagine existing for 1800 years, let alone caring for the sentient but unresponsive beings that are Those Who Must Be Kept for all of that time, and the challenge/burden of that. And maybe Marius is so accustomed to them that he cannot himself comprehend the full horror of them. Maybe in seeing himself in Lestat e forgets that Lestat at this time has still only existed for 30 mortal years - not as long as Marius had when he was first made a vampire?

But anyway - Armand. What would it have done to Armand's mind to see Those Who Must Be Kept. Armand has a very different mind to Lestat and Maruis (and I do not believe Lestat and Marius are as alike as Marius would like to believe, or would like Lestat to believe either, but that aside...). I was thinking how to Know Those Who Must Be Kept might have driven Armand to a scenario like in Memnoch The Devil, potentially. And so, perhaps in part, keeping Armand away from that *was* a protection. Not all minds can bear the vast *unknowing* that is what Those Who Must Be Kept are. Lestat is always questioning until he reaches the level of existential crisis and even he can barely cope.

I'm not sure exactly what I'm asking/saying here. It's as simple as that really I guess - in staying away from Armand, is Marius in part actually trying to protect him? In bringing Lestat to see Those Who Must Be Kept, is Marius in part actually not doing Lestat a kindness, but rather doing damage - either as he simply sees himself too much in Lestat or as he doesn't personally know Lestat yet, so he can be curious about him without worrying about him as he must one he already loves?

I have MANY confused thoughts on Marius. Including how he likes to portray himself as a lover of humans as Lestat does... yet even as a mortal he doesn't actually talk about any love in his life, or anyone loving him or being close emotionally to anyone. Rather he gets joy from intellectually observing humans and collecting interesting people who he keeps at arm's length... That couldn't be less Lestat. And Lestat loves that Marius is A Immortal Man... yet, actually this is way less human than vampires Lestat has been around - it's a way less human position than Armand or Nicki, really - no? Where he currently resides, the way he is connected to the humans there is that they think Marius A God. That's not in any way existing amid society in how Lestat desires.

And yet, Marius is SO old, could he be another way?

I also wonder, with the themes in Rolin's adaption of IWTV, the ways they could like Marius being born at literally the start of Western Civilisation with the fact that had Events at that time gone differently, Civilisation as we know it would literally have been ENTIRELY different than it is now. It would be so interesting, I feel if they could. Though I cannot quite think how they could do it.

HMM... I started on Is Marius actually trying to protect Armand by staying away from him and ended on Let's think about how The Entire Centre of Modern Civilisation would be utterly different if things had been different in Marius' mortal days....

And it isn't even 8am yet on a Monday morning... hahahahahaha!

Well... NOW it is 7am on Wednesday and you can tell HOW TIRED I AM AT THIS POINT IN THE YEAR in that it took me 48 hours to even notice I posted this in the wrong place.

When can I go into The Earth and simply sleep. Rest. ????? *shame bell*

[veespee]

Firebrand HCs

Firebrand is like,,, one of my favorite characters, and he's not talked about enough. (and i don't support Ad*m R*sner btw)

-LOVES goth literature. He 100% reads Edgar Allan Poe every morning while drinking black coffee. (if they can eat or drink in the Collective realm)

-Also loves goth music. I just generally HC him as a goth. I feel like he'd love Bauhaus especially, and maybe London After Midnight, Christian Death, but also mostly classical music. He'd be more of a traditional goth.

-He has a complicated relationship with HABIT. He doesn't like him, he probably can't even handle him. HABIT is loud and pretentious, he needs to show off how great he is and how powerful he is, while Firebrand doesn't need to do all that. He's quiet, he speaks just a few words, and that's all you need to know how knowledgeable he is. And i feel like HABIT respects that, in a way, and of course Firebrand respects HABIT for the fact that he saved Firebrand from the Collective. So there's just,, mutual respect, i guess, but they definitely wouldn't get along just hanging out like friends.

-I feel like his face would look pretty horrifying with how burned he got, but like… in a tragically beautiful way? Like sure, his face is deformed and burned, but that was something he had to suffer through. And from that, he got knowledge. And with that knowledge, he strived to help his other versions, so they wouldn't end up like him. He shows them how deformed he looks, encouraging them to not make the same decisions and end up like him, which i view as,, tragically beautiful, i guess? It's bittersweet, that he uses his appearance and trauma to teach his other versions not to make bad decisions. (hence the quote: “I am now something that I shouldn't be. A rogue god. I belong, and yet I don't. An abomination of existence. Trapped in this awful form.”)

-Def has written poetry before. Or a book. I just feel like he loves literature in general, and after being kept in the Collective for so long, in isolation, that's his only way out. He tries to keep his emotions inside, and writing is the only way to get his emotions out without going insane basically.

-He has a fascination with humans and mankind. Not in a positive, but not in a negative way either. It's more… curiosity, and some respect, but also some resentment. He's curious about what humans could accomplish, as he watched a lot of things evolve. (i'm not sure for how long Firebrand has existed, but i'm assuming since the Collective was created, which was in World War 2 so let's just say 1940s.) He watched scientific progression, he watched society socially progress, but he also witnessed war, genocide, opression. He's fascinated with it, as time is linear, unchanging in the Collective realm, while for humans.. they move, they change, they evolve. He can not. His purpose is one, to do the Administrator's dirty work, “stuck in this awful form”, “a rogue god”.

thank you for reading!🖤

[saintsenara]

Oh, and kind of a follow up but, thoughts on Harry/Ginny/Voldemort or even just Ginnymort?

thank you very much for the ask, anon!

now, i'll admit to being quite fond of a bit of tominny [or, to give it its proper name, gin and tonic] but i think the more interesting thing to do here is to take you specifically asking about hinnymort and ginnymort seriously and assume that we're talking about the adult lord voldemort. no nose and all.

because i regret to say that how ginny would interact with this version of voldemort is something i spend a disturbingly large amount of time thinking about. and this is largely because i think it's really fascinating that she's the only person in canon [other than hagrid and myrtle, neither of whom the narrative particularly cares about] whose torture comes at the hands of tom riddle in young and pretty form and whose hatred of voldemort is - therefore - not hatred of the horrifying voldemort who brought the country to its knees in the 1970s and is determined to do it again, but of someone she considered her best friend in the world.

i'm always really struck by harry's insistence when breaking up with ginny at the end of half-blood prince that he's afraid she's at risk from voldemort if they stay together, because this is one of the only examples prior to deathly hallows of him demonstrably thinking of tom riddle and lord voldemort as a single continuation of the same person. in both chamber of secrets and half-blood prince, harry - however begrudgingly - is interested in and sympathises with [and, let's be real, fancies...] the teenage voldemort. his sympathy vanishes when voldemort comes for his job interview with dumbledore - that is, when he begins to look like his adult self, who harry is only afraid of and enraged by.

i think something really interesting can be done with that in terms of thinking about how harry's fear of the voldemort ginny's at risk from doesn't square with her own experience. harry's trying to keep her safe from the eldritch monster; ginny finds him considerably less scary than the beautiful boy who was her best friend.

and there is also the fact that there seems to be no evidence that the non-diary voldemort actually knows who ginny is. one of the things which really stands out in the first chapters of deathly hallows is just how wrong harry is about needing to go it alone for his friends' own protection: nagini has evidently not been briefed to expect hermione in godric's hollow; ron isn't identified by the snatchers who capture him after he leaves the horcrux hunt; and the vast majority of the order, including the adult weasleys, are free to continue working until at least april 1998.

and so i think it's quite interesting to think about how ginny is probably going to be less bothered by finding herself entangled with the adult voldemort - after all, he's so obviously evil that there's none of the wheedling his way into her trust which got her into such trouble with tom. she can just go with the flow...

and - of course - this experience would be very different from how harry's going to react to finding himself as the third in this triad. i actually think ginny would find it easier to talk to a voldemort she never felt any inclination to trust. harry very much would not. his interest lies with the young voldemort, who he can convince himself might be salvageable. i don't think he's rushing home from the ministry for cuddles on the sofa...

what does voldemort get out of the arrangement? apart from the opportunity to live rent-free in grimmauld place and leech off harry's riches, that is...

well, his whole.... vibe with harry is obvious, and he does have a canonical fondness for bolshy women with great hair...

but i think it's also arguable that ginny also possesses lots of qualities he canonically values - above all, the fact that she clearly has a bit of a vindictive streak. i am absolutely certain that diary!tom plays on this in order to make her all the more vulnerable to manipulation surrounding the basilisk's attacks [i.e. reminding her that she was complaining about how annoying she finds justin finch-fletchley the day before he's petrified, convincing her that she's the person responsible] and i am also certain that the secrets he uses to strengthen himself are her most violent and unpleasant ones.

bellatrix's capacity for casual cruelty is clearly one of the things voldemort particularly likes about her - and, indeed, there are more similarities between hinny and bellamort in canon that i imagine was jkr's intention [she never gave up on voldemort either!]. i actually think you can write yourself fairly plausibly into a scenario in which voldemort becomes quite fond of ginny, and ginny becomes reasonably happy to listen to him complain about harry's taste in interior design and how everyone who works for the ministry is insufferable.

harry's getting through it by screaming into a pillow at regular intervals. and - y'know - because of the whole soulmates thing.

[corviiids]

back in your asks unfortunately you can’t get rid of me. i’m going to keep enablign you.

you bringing up the kr version of hurricane and the martyr complex light has in it is great bc what fascinates me about hurricane as a song is how radically different it is in different languages? as we all know in the manga light has this horrible visceral reaction to what he’s done. he looks like he’s gonna be sick when he has that guy hit by a truck. when ryuk turns up he admits that he’s been losing weight and barely sleeping. but the musicals differ so massively in how light is portrayed? because in english light seems to have this very strong sense of justice from the start - in where is the justice he denounces the corporations corrupting the legal system and asks “how can we turn away and say that’s just the way things are?” and then in hurricane he hardly seems upset at all by what he’s done. he seems vaguely surprised at how easy it was and then turns around and sings about how he’s got this insanely strong, perfect, untraceable power that he’s going to use to deliver righteous retribution. BUT then the jp versions of witj and hurricane are much less certain and light seems more horrified and then hopeful. the focus is on creating a perfect world, not necessarily punishment. he’s more a glass half full kinda guy. and then it changes AGAIN in the kr. it’s so fascinating he is a completely different version of himself in all three versions and i just need to ask. what are your opinions on this. am i making this up. do you understand how my brain is firing

you are NOT making this up and i DO understand how your brain is firing. listen. listen. in that same post about light/achilles (intertextual comparison not ship) (although?) and prompted by a response from someone else cool i reposted these tweets (which you have literally just seen because i shoved them at you but ill post them again so everyone can see)

to me it is like, very key that every iteration of light yagami SEEMS really different. in their behaviour, their values, what it takes to push them to acting and how they react, etc - obv you've brought up light as he appears in the three most well known languages the musical exists in, but i also am a huge fan of comparing his animanga self (already two different iterations to an extent) with the tv drama, which has maybe the most distinctive version of light out of all of them and which i BELIEVE? drew criticism? but i am not 100% because i was not here for this because i watched death note for the first time in fucking february. because i am hip with the kids. #rad

anyway this is part of a much larger ramble of mine that i am not really doing justice here but i actually really like that that version of light is so incredibly different - and yet he really isnt, somehow, because he ends up not only at the same ending but recognisable as the same person. that's what i think is so interesting! these differences are undeniably there and they're BIG - as you said, between musicals he ranges from being a vengeful guy on a power trip to being an idealist with a martyr complex, and you'd think those are two totally different sets of core values. between animanga vs tv drama he goes from being this cool and collected hyper prepared cynical idealist to being a depressed nihilist who's working extremely hard to shed his own ability so he doesn't have to deal with the pain of caring. again, these seem, and factually are, completely different sets of values.

and yet they're actually perfectly reconcilable. every iteration of light no matter how distinct and no matter how much their core values seem to oppose or contradict each other ends up reconciling into the same guy partway through the story, where all of these different directions he's been going in all converge. his priorities even out - regardless of if it was the power trip that came first or the desire for the perfect world, they balance ultimately and coexist. regardless of whether his idealism led him to bitter radicalisation or nihilism, they also balance ultimately and coexist. is light affected by his first murder? yes - how does it show it? that differs, but none of the lights are actually deluded enough to think that murder is good. they all think it's bad but defensible and justifiable and then visibly cope with that fact in different ways. light looks like a VERY different man depending on which of his values are being pushed to the fore in a given interpretation, but all that really does is serve to spell out exactly how complex he is internally once you watch them all converge at around similar points in the story, even when at the barest and most uncharitable interpretation he just looks like a maniacal serial killer with a delusional god complex. this is why i like him so much unfortunately

also none of this applies to netflix light who is irreconcilable and irredeemable. and white

[faun-the-fawn77]

Chapter 1 - "𝔾𝕒𝕞𝕖 𝕆𝕗 𝕊𝕦𝕣𝕧𝕚𝕧𝕒𝕝"

"Are we the hunters? Or are we the prey?"ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ Word Count: 2.5k Chapter Warnings: injuries, swearing Note(s) at the bottom! <Previous: Prologue - Next: Chapter 2>

Hanging upside down was only fun for so long. Feeling my blood rush to my head was nauseating. The only thing that kept me from passing out was watching the blurred upside down figures of the spider demon, Rui, fighting with Tanjiro.

Watching the fight between Tanjiro and Rui was both fascinating and horrifying. Tanjiro Is a strong kid but Rui is faster. Demon's are nearly perfect beings. The wounds that Tanjiro inflicted on the demon did nothing as it just healed seconds after. My heart was beating out of my chest and I choked on air a few times thinking Tanjiro was going to get a death blow. I know he lives but it's still scary to see in real time.

I wanted to help somehow. Nichirin weapons are the only thing that can hurt a demon. I looked around the floor for a fallen slayer's sword but no luck. I huffed in frustration. The only thing available to me right now is my pocket knife. It wasn't nichirin and it was too small to cut through even the demon kid's neck but it's really all I have right now.

I maneuvered the arm that wasn't held as tightly as the other, shifting it to reach back. I usually kept my pocket knife in back pocket. I'm actually surprised nothing fell out of my backpack or pockets considering I am dangling upside down. Brushing the thought off, I reached into my back pocket. I felt the metal of the knife graze my fingertips. I tried to reach more in hopes of just being able to slide the blade up so I could grasp it easier.

Finally grabbing hold of the knife, I shuffled my arm up so I could open the knife. I glanced up to see Rui was still distracted with fighting Tanjiro. I can't remember if the demon could feel his threads getting cut but it's now or never. Tanjiro needs help and if I can distract them for long enough for Tomioka to get here then I'm golden.

I brought the blade of the sharpened knife to a thread. I kept my eyes locked onto the spider demon and cut the thread. I waited a bit to see if anything happened and...nothing. I watched as Tanjiro cut through threads, Rui producing more in retaliation.

He can feel threads being broken but because I had cut mine at the same time Tanjiro did, the spider didn't notice. I smirked a bit at that and made sure to time me cutting the threads around me to when Tanjiro sliced the ones attacking him.

The last thread around me was cut, dropping me unceremoniously to the hard forest floor. Pain shot up my spine at the landing causing me to groan a bit. My bandages that I had put on earlier were falling off. I grumbled and swiped them away as I got to my feet. I swayed a bit as my blood rushed back down from my head. I could feel a trickle of blood leave my nose that I wiped away.

I looked up just in time. Threads from Rui's fingertips were surrounding Tanjiro. It was like time slowed as the strings enclosed around the injured slayer. I gripped my pocket knife, the metal design of the handle digging into my skin. My feet moved on their own, sprinting towards Tanjiro who was trying to block with his broken blade. I felt my body jump on its own, gaining air.

My arm moved on its own accord. My knife was held up, the moonlight glinting off the blade as it was swiped from left to right. I hoped that even with this small blade I could cut through some of the threads.

What I didn't notice was the words being mumbled from my mouth.

"Breath of the Dragon. Sixth Form: Tail of Thorns"

A burst of orange light erupted from my blade, blinding for a few seconds. Opening my eyes, I saw a scaled tail swishing through the air. The appendage looked to be made of fire. The heat from it was so much that I felt like I was sitting in a sauna fully clothed. Spikes trailed down the back and sides which led to lethal looking blades at the end of the tail.

My heart was racing and I could feel steam escape my throat, as if I had a fire burning in my lungs. I couldn't feel my nails extend into claws and dig into the palms of my hands. I couldn't feel my canines lengthen either, cutting into my bottom lip. I almost didn't notice my eyesight get sharper, clearer. I could see every ember fly off the tail that sprouted from my pocket knife. I could see every string that the demon kid controlled and produced.

Hearing Tanjiro's heart stutter at the sight almost distracted me. It was beating irregularly from the panic he felt. I could hear Rui suck in a gasp at the sight of the giant flaming tail swish around a bit.

The tail was a bit longer than that of a car. I noticed how it was idling, as if waiting for a command or something. The thought of it cutting through the spider demon's threads crossed my mind and with that thought, the tail raised itself and swiped through the threads, disintegrating them at the touch of the flames. The fire burned through all the strings that were touching, Rui letting them go at the last second to avoid the deadly flames.

Everything was quiet. Tanjiro looked like he pissed his pants and Rui was glaring at me with a frown on his lips. My lungs felt like they were on fire. It was getting harder and harder to breathe with every breath of air I sucked in. My hearing was no longer as good and my eyesight went back to the shitty vision I had before.

"Are you a new demon of Master Kibutsuji?"

The moment that name spilled from his lips, I looked up. Tanjiro looked at the demon before setting his eyes on me, watching me. Why did he say Muzan's name? What was he asking? The anger in the spider demon's eyes simmered to that of confusion. I could see Tanjiro visibly shaking, probably thinking that he'll have to fight two demons.

I opened my mouth to respond when I choked on the steam still coming from my lungs. I coughed and hacked, trying to gain air. I dropped to my knees, a hand holding my burning throat. My eyes were watering and black spots were dotting the edge of my vision.

If I die from this I am going to be so upset.

With the little strength I had, I looked at Tanjiro. His eyes screamed confusion and fright as he stared at me coughing my lungs up. I reached a hand out and that's when my vision decided to go black. The last thing I felt was my head hitting the rough ground of the forest floor.

It was silent. Tanjiro was looking at the woman with alarm. Her head made a sickening 'crack' as it collided with a rock. His heart was racing and his stomach was in knots. She wasn't a demon, his nose caught a whiff of her humanity. He could barely smell it through all the smoke around her. It was so suffocating, like he was stuck in a burning building.

Rui was looking down at the woman with confusion and disdain. If she was truly a demon then she wouldn't have passed out. He also would be able to sense if she was. He watched as the woman's chest rose and fell with shallow breath's. Someone so powerful was stuck in such a weak body. How pitiful.

After a few moments, Rui turned back towards the young demon slayer. He rose his hands and before Tanjiro could even defend himself some way, Nezuko appeared in front of her brother, taking the brunt of the attack. Her blood spurted out. She groaned a bit, still in her stance to protect Tanjiro. Rui dragged her towards him via web and went on his long speech about family.

It was a long fight. Nezuko ended up being tied upside down like the strange female was before. She used her blood demon art to incinerate the strings and Tanjiro used Sun Breathing! His celebration didn't last long when the decapitated demon kid caught his own head and placed it back on. The anger from the spider demon was palpable.

"I haven't been this angry in a long time..."

Rui raised his hands and with the utter of his blood demon art, Tanjiro covered his head. The sound of the strings slicing through the air could be heard as the descended onto Tanjiro. Before the strings could get even inches from him, they were cut.

Tanjiro looked up. Tomioka Giyuu stood with his back to Tanjiro.

"I'll take it from here." And with that, Tomioka was thrown into battle with the lower moon.

Tanjiro was quick to crawl towards his injured sister who happened to land next to the unconscious foreigner. Tanjiro rolled the girl to her side to see if any of her injuries were in need of a bit of help.

Steam was coming from the cuts scattered across her face as they seemed to close themselves up. Tanjiro furrowed his brows at this. When demon's regenerate, steam never comes the wounds that are closing. He also thought back to that breathing style she had used. Her eyes turned slitted, like that of a demon but he could still smell that she was human.

When that tail appeared from her small blade, even she looked surprised. It's like...she wasn't expecting that to happen. The tail was huge and, if swung wrong, surely could've decapitated both him and that lower moon.

If she isn't a demon, then what was this girl?

"Who is that? And why are they dressed so provocatively?"

"And they're arms? They seem to have been in battles before!"

"Look at their face! i have never seen someone so young with that many piercings!"

My head was pounding. The voices around me were speaking in a language I couldn't understand. The ground I was on was rough, like I was face first in gravel. The muscles in my arms were straining from being held behind my back. And my fucking head hurt like a bitch, did I mention that?

I groaned, trying to sit up. When I went to pull my arms forward I was met with resistance. That's when I opened my eyes. It was bright. I was laying on my side, facing an old style Japanese house. Tall trees with bright purple flowers were almost surrounding the estate. When I looked to my left I saw the passed out figure of Tanjiro, also tied up, and being beaten by the kakushi.

Tanjiro...

Oh my lord. I forgot I was dropped into this universe.

I tried more frantically to sit up but with my arms tied behind my back, that made it a bit harder. A set of hands grabbed my shoulder's and helped me sit up. I looked over a bit to see a familiar flame patterned haori.

"I'm so glad you're awake!" God, his voice was even more soothing to hear in real life. He turned me to face the rest of the Hashira. Seeing them all, I almost cried. They were all talking, breathing, and just... alive.

"Are you okay?" I turned towards the voice. Uzui was looking at me with a frown on his lips. I tilted my head to the side, my brows furrowed as I tried to see if I recognised any of the words he said.

"Sorry, I don't speak Japanese." It got scarily quiet after that. I gulped, grasping on to a rock that my fingers could reach as each Hashira stared at me. That's when I heard that growling voice walk into the circle.

"A foreigner? What the hell is someone like that doing here?" Sanemi being able to speak and understand English was a shock. Why would that asshole ever learn that anyway?

"You can speak English?" The Wind Pillar looked down at me with a glare. Nezuko's box was under his right arm. He stepped closer towards me making me want to scoot closer to the bright Flame Pillar who was still behind me.

"Why are you here? What was that breathing style you used back on that mountain? And why in the hell are you dressed like that?" My head pounded more at the loudness. I glared at him from under my lashes.

"My name is (Y/N) (L/N) and I'm about ready to shove my foot up your ass if you do-"

"Nezuko!"

All heads whipped towards the bruised and beaten demon slayer. I watched as Tanjiro tried to free himself to get to Nezuko. I did end up scooting back into Rengoku to try and get away from the commotion as much as possible. A warm hand was placed on my shoulder, their thumb rubbing soothing circles on my skin. My racing heart calmed down at the comfort.

Sanemi brought out his blade, the sun hitting it just right and blinding me for a second. Asshole.

He smiled menacingly at Tanjiro, stabbing through the box that Nezuko was hiding inside of. I watched as he pulled his sword out, blood dripping from it. I frowned at that. Could this guy be any more of jerk?

Tanjiro yelled out at that. He sprinted towards the Wind Pillar and headbutted the shit out of him. When I tell you that the sound from that was deafening, I mean it. I actually felt concerned for Sanemi until I remembered how he treats his brother.

A laugh escaped my chest at the sight. I tried to keep quiet but then I heard Mitsuri laugh as well and that's when her and I looked at each other before descending into full belly laughter. The grip on my shoulder tightened a bit which caused my to shut my mouth. I saw Uzui glancing at Mitsuri which seemed to shut her up as well.

Tanjiro grabbed onto the straps of his sister's box and landed a few feet away from the injured Wind Hashira. He glared at the heavily scarred slayer with anger and hurt.

"If you can't tell the difference between a good demon and a bad demon, then you don't deserve to be a Hashira!" As Sanemi got back on his feet, the pillar smiled evilly. He growled something that I couldn't hear. Before the scarred jerk could make a move, a young voice called out from the porch of the estate.

"The master of the mansion has arrived!"

The girl was quite cute. Her hair was a bright white, whiter than Sanemi's. Her eyes almost looked lifeless but when she caught sight of me, they sparkled a bit. She turned back to look at the entrance of the estate, waiting for her father to step through. I could see the tall figure of Ubuyashiki Kagaya making his way to the porch of his mansion.

Rengoku stepped from behind me and kneeled at my left side. He gently guided my head to bow down at their master. I stared at the rocks in my line of sight and let out a sigh.

Well, let's hope all goes well in this shit show, huh?

SURPRISE!!! I have today and tomorrow off and I wanted to write so I decided "Why not post this chapter?" And that is exactly what I did. Hope you all enjoy! I'm going to be writing up Chapter two now cause that one is gonna be an info dumper.

I'll have to write out battles eventually but considering that reader wasn't part of the last bit of that battle, I decided to skip it. This one was short and I'm sorry but I want to make the next chapter longer with the Hashira meeting and Ubuyashiki meeting Reader. I felt that if I put it in this chapter then it would be too much info at once.

TAGLIST:

@eris-rose-86

[vickyvicarious]

Okay, so this is one of several (I believe?) timeline errors in Seward's accounts. It happens in a few other places but I think nowhere so egregiously as here, with a week of time added in since yesterday's date. I recall that last year there were theories about Dracula affecting Seward's mind in some way, similar to how he affects Renfield and Lucy. While those can be fun to play around with, I'm certain the 'official' explanation is simply that Stoker got mixed up on his timeline and failed to notice that he'd added a week between the 19th and 20th.

All that's backstory though. Because it has only been a day for us, it's perhaps easier to miss, but if we assume the timeline mentioned in the actual text of the entry is what Stoker was envisioning, then... Renfield has seemingly been chained to a wall and in a straightjacket for a week straight:

For the first week after his attack he was perpetually violent. Then one night, just as the moon rose, he grew quiet, and kept murmuring to himself: "Now I can wait; now I can wait." The attendant came to tell me, so I ran down at once to have a look at him. He was still in the strait-waistcoat and in the padded room, but the suffused look had gone from his face, and his eyes had something of their old pleading—I might almost say, "cringing"—softness. I was satisfied with his present condition, and directed him to be relieved.

That's... I didn't really put it together last year, too caught up in the actual dates we're given, but. That's horrifying.

I love the delivery of Renfield's "now I can wait." But something about the amount of time it took makes it so creepy and so sad. He's been raging and fighting for a week, and it's only now when he can finally calm himself enough to go back to his more strategically placating approach towards his captors. (And it seems the moon has prompted this change within him... more thoughts on that later.) Indeed, only when he does so does he regain any semblance of his former freedom.

"They think I could hurt you! Fancy me hurting you! The fools!" It was soothing, somehow, to the feelings to find myself dissociated even in the mind of this poor madman from the others; but all the same I do not follow his thought. Am I to take it that I have anything in common with him, so that we are, as it were, to stand together; or has he to gain from me some good so stupendous that my well-being is needful to him? I must find out later on. To-night he will not speak.

I think this passage proves how Seward's view of Renfield is very tied to his own personal feelings, and is thus anything but professional and objective. In the past, he's been overly indulgent of Renfield when he wants to discover a new madness that he can put his name to, and has even been tempted to go further; in his previous entry he felt hurt by Renfield ignoring him and then escaping, and lashed out with dismissive assumptions of delusions he must be having, and locked him up/restrained him. Apparently, kept him restrained until he resumed his former more placating behavior. Seward is fascinated by Renfield partially out of ambition, and partially out of this idea that they have some kind of bond or he has some unique understanding of Renfield.

And yet that idea upsets him too. He knows that he himself is abnormal in some way, perhaps is very conscious of or worried about this fact, and kind of scoffs at/dismisses the idea that Renfield might view him as someone who is on the same 'side' or understands his perspective. It sort of feels like Seward wants Renfield to be open with him and confide in him but only in a respectful way that acknowledges him as mentally/status-wise superior. If Renfield treats him as equal to the attendants, that is failing to acknowledge his superior status and intellect and training. If Renfield treats him as an ally opposed to the attendants, then that implies the two of them are of equal status and that Seward's being viewed as mentally on a level (and thus mad at least to an extent) rather than superior. Even as it partially soothes his hurt feelings the idea kind of upsets him, and he kind of scoffs at it.

The last possibility he brings up is that Renfield is using him. But Seward tests that right away and it doesn't seem to go anywhere yet: the cats that previously were Renfield's greatest desire today do not interest him in the least. I keep feeling like there's a weird balance of Seward being very willing to see Renfield as very calculative and secretly harboring murderous plans, but at the same time not having much ability to recognize when he himself is being manipulated by Renfield. Like this pleading/cringing behavior. On the one hand he has definitely noticed it is a deliberate action in the past, but at the same time he seems to consider it an indication that Renfield can be 'managed' again and set loose from his padded cell/restraints. (Not that I think releasing him is a bad idea, but it is an interesting disconnect from how Seward has kind of looked at it in the past, I guess?) Seward often notices when Renfield is trying to get something from him but doesn't necessarily refuse it, or still lets his own emotions/ambitions influence his response. I feel like it comes down to a lot of ableism in his faith that he is smarter/more able to see through and manage Renfield, and thus can afford to sometimes indulge Renfield's efforts to use him. Meanwhile I feel like Renfield has deliberately played into that at least sometimes in order to get his own way, and Seward doesn't recognize how clever he actually is.

Happy thought! We shall to-night play sane wits against mad ones. He escaped before without our help; to-night he shall escape with it. We shall give him a chance, and have the men ready to follow in case they are required….

I love the way he pauses and then says "happy thought!" He truly is just having a sudden idea, and his curiosity is overwhelming his ethics/common sense here. Honestly, in this entry? It reminds me a lot of Dracula once again. I can easily see Dracula thinking this to himself with a few minor changes.

Perhaps on May 15th, before reminding/taunting Jonathan never to sleep outside his own rooms. Or even better, on June 29th when Jonathan asks to leave right then and he gets his wolf idea:

Happy thought! I shall to-night play predator nerves against prey ones. He tried to escape before without my help; to-night he shall have the chance to escape with it. I shall show him the door, and have the wolves ready outside in case they are required….

...look, I'm just saying, Seward is super creepy this entry.

[marigoldbaker]

so i am endlessly fascinated by the space river is occupying in her first episode with eleven. the doctor abruptly turns into the worst version of himself around her. she represents a lack of control over his own life -- he usually gets to pick and choose the people who enter it, but she is not someone he would have chosen to stay! she has an edge, she knows things that he doesn't, and she not only does not tell him but cannot tell him what those things are. she knows more than him in a way that he can't argue his way out of, and i would say that the eleventh doctor ESPECIALLY is not comfortable with not being the Specialest Boy In The Room. he's biting back because he wants to put river in her place and show her that she isn't actually as smart as she thinks she is, which is horrendous, but at the same time it is coming from this place of obvious insecurity.

and god help me, i thought i was not gonna get shippy with it (which was stupid because i have loved these two since middle school) but i think that the insecurity stems from the fact that he isn't her doctor. we saw that in her very first episode!!! she keeps on mentioning her doctor with all of these big cartoon heart eyes, and the way she treats him is very much "well, you're going to be him someday, so i guess i have to put up with you." i don't think the doctor is very used to smart people looking at him and finding him lacking in a way that is out of his control! and he's able to usually delegitimize the people who don't like him by saying "well, you obviously aren't smart and i don't like you either," but he doesn't have THAT to fall back on because he KNOWS that future-him trusts river enough to tell her his name!! so he is in this nebulous, horrifying space where his hearts are/aren't in the hands of a woman he does/doesn't trust, and he likes to be in control of his dynamics with other people. he wants to be the one who can get in his box and fly away. river is one of the very few people who can get through to him wherever he is. he wants soooo badly to show her that she's not as smart as she thinks she is because then he can prove that he's her doctor. and he hates that he wants that. so he tells himself and everyone else that he doesn't like her.

[separatist-apologist]

I just read an article in that guy who murdered two women. Absolutely horrifying. All the booktok crazies fawning over him reminds me of the women that would write letters to Ted Bundy while he was in prison.

I wasn't gonna answer this because I felt like I said what I needed to say and like, I was just preaching to preach but THEN while I was asleep, an anon came into my askbox to accuse me of not being a girls girl while intentionally missing my point. I blocked them before I thought of a good comeback (tragic) but like fellas is it anti-feminist not to stan a man who killed two women because (and this is so important to me) he hates women?

I'm gonna put the rest of this under a cut with a heavy trigger warning for domestic violence, I just want to say it and then I think I'm done talking about it because it's genuinely so disheartening.

Anyway, I think sometimes I get nervous to answer these kinds of asks because as a therapist I should know better than to speculate on people and what they're going through and whatever else, but as a person, its like...do you want to be picked that badly?

I think we all know by now that I work in DV and all the people fascinated with men like this fuck me up because like..."oooh what makes him tick, I want to talk to him, why did he do it-" and for me, I sit on the opposite end talking to survivors of violence asking the same questions with hollow eyes, with shaking hands, with safety plans meant to buy them just enough time to get out of their house so they aren't killed. I still think about some of the people I spoke with who didn't survive it.

When I was in grad school, I took a summer internship at the local DV court helping survivors with orders of protection. The system was set up better than a lot of other courts, but its still the legal system, you know? With all its flaws. My job was to flag for lethality based on what I was reading in the OPs and then reach out directly to survivors to help them navigate the process, connect them with resources, and sit with them in court. And I still remember this one particular woman who's situation was so desperately dangerous. We did a safety plan- and at that level, a safety plan isn't like, "remember to take your keys and wallet with you when you go", its "don't go into the basement or bathroom if he's in the house with you because there are too many hard surfaces, exposed pipes, and basins of water that making killing you easier. Go to a bedroom or closet because strangling a person is really hard and takes time," like THAT kind of safety plan. Anyway she thanked me, I remember this so well, she said thank you and I told her I'd call her the next week with an update and over the weekend he bludgeoned her to death.

And I guess I just don't think there is anything fascinating, interesting, or otherwise unique to men like this (obligatory yes I know women kill/abuse too). They're everywhere. I saw another post about how some podcaster is trying to get him on to talk to that guy and its like, why don't you just call up one of your friends' exes. Like. If you've got more than one female friend, you've probably got a friend who has experienced violence at the hand of a male partner, call him. Talk to him. Ask him why he did it, let him give you his made up story about trauma and sadness and oh life is hard because whatever whatever.

That's my thing. Books, movies, tv- they're not making people like this, and I'm not condemning people for what they enjoy in fantasy spaces. I am condemning it when you bring it out of those spaces and side against the women who were violently murdered because, and this is so important to me (did I say this already??), he HATES women. You are not special. You cannot fix him. He's not smart, or interesting, or fascinating and the having an attractive face is literally just chance and not something inherently moral.

And like, lastly, when you prop these men up and give them a platform, you signal to EVERY man just like him that there is something special and tragic about him. You let him play the victim, you let him rewrite the narrative, you shift the blame of his actions off of him and onto the people he hurt. Like with this particular man, you also side with a white supremacist so what are you saying to all your BIPOC/Jewish friends/mutuals, you know?

Anyway. That's my self-righteous rant, I guess.