#I am NOT getting enough sleep tonight
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All I wanted was some domestic farm jalex but here I am crying because there’s a spider in the bathroom
#NAH CUS THAT THING HAS A DIAMETER OF ONE AND A HALF INCHES#AND ITS NOT LIKE SPINDLY EITHER THAT RHING IS BUILT#ABSOLUTELY FUCKING HORRIFIED#neon has bug phobia#(I recognize that spiders are arachnids but continue to hold my belief that arachnids should be part of the bug family)#neon has arachnophobia#neon has entomophobia#but like fr#like actually do not come into my dms talking about insects I will have a panic attack like actually#I have nightmares it’s bad and awful#I am NOT getting enough sleep tonight#hear me out#I play the sims#in the dark#im not gonna do it I need to sleep#and my mom will murder me#which is hilarious because im an adult and she does the same shit#but whatever#hnnnnnnn#okay fine but only to get the cas done#neon plays the sims#neons jalex farming sim
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We ( @pumpkin-fairy02 and I ) took Sabine to watch a charity dog show in the park, she was absolutely amazed by all the potential friends in one place! 🐶🐾
#Sabine should sleep well tonight 😂 and so will I 😴#Sabine did not enter the dog show but she thoroughly enjoyed cheering on the dogs she had already met#Ootd#Cannot thank the bestie and the beastie enough for getting me out of the house! What a lovely afternoon#Even if I am once again suffering for it. But this time bc unusually intense hay-fever 🤧#satans knitwear#Pupdate (puppy update)
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*drumroll*
it is time
@please-help-this-little-lesbian @ameliaandreas3 @theballadofthesunandthestars
#hunger games au#whoop whoop#i finished my sections of the next chapter in lolling and my fic#so now#it's one chapter of eclipsed !!!#but not tonight because i am exhausted (was not able to get to sleep until 3 am last night. ugh.) was only able to muster enough brainpower#for the bt chapter#anywho imma go watch my vampire comedy horror show after refilling my water bottle ^-^
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good news: i am feeling way better overall, the antibiotics are doing their job & i am way thankful for it. i've also got some appointments to keep up on the og issue & dealing with this has put me on the fast track to getting / keeping insurance!
bad news: i do think i got sick from sitting next to a little girl in the er & that is kicking my ass so everything in my life is way behind right now. i want to write, but i have to clean house before i clean drafts lmao
#ooc.#tbd.#personal.#i did have a post tht i ended up deleting abt what is actually going on#but it is personal / gross so i didnt want to talk abt it on the dash#im hoping however to maybe tend to some messages tonight#but im making soup & i've been sleeping like a ton which has put me on the right track to feeling better#i am however frustrated w the amount of sleep i need from a mix of being sick & recovering from the original issue#+ i am extremely frustrated because a lot of groceries went bad because i was not well enough to cook w them#++ i am even MORE frustrated because the whole apartment has kind of fallen apart bcs my partner is not helping w chores#which is like okay because he works & i dont rn i am just starting to feel insane bcs the dishes stink & the fridge stinks & litter stinks#plus i also when working go in & out of phases of doing chores it just is a lot to handle to have such a nasty space & be helpless abt it#i am hoping to get enough energy in me to deal w it today tbh
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Happy Out of Touch Thursday
Out of Touch Thursday- Class Acts Style
#out of touch thursday#class acts#out of touch#brandon rogers#alex rimmer#chad damiani#mr ball#claire atlas#morgana ignis#this killed me- i simply had to clip it#i want to know which one of them has the tumblr account lmao between this and all the refs in helluva yall best be knowing they know#anyways#i love class acts and i love tv30 and i love tumblr and my heart is full and i am sleepy#i had to uninstall ark on my pc to have enough storage space to export this#pc gaming is not what it fucking used to be#all these games charging double digit GB space- who do they think they are?!#anyway#i need to sleep#i queued this#its 10:55pm est on wednesday currently#hi futurte#furute#future#oh god#i cant spell at alllll#ok nighty night#why do i always type a billion tags#if you are still reading hi ily#get some sleep tonight fren
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feeling like the girl who is gonna be ok rn
#going back home for an incredible trip in the mountains. gonna sleep in my bed and play on my puter again. going to my parents tonight. even#if im not that happy to go back to work i am lucky enough to have a job that pays my rent. i have amazing friends. got a tattoo and will get#more. cherishing the things i have in my life rn#.txt#tw disgusting positivity
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Bought a stupid suit thing. Disgustang.
#speculation nation#i got it on sale but it was still kinda expensive. ughhhh#hates every part of that. it's so stiff and uncomfortable and unnatural feeling.#but business professional is the recommended attire... so to that i went...#felt bad staying so close to close but the employees were nice about it at least. and i still got out b4 they closed (barely)#i wanted to go shopping earlier today. in between class and orchestra. but allegedly attendance is required in the lab.#so i went. didnt really feel like attendance was taken. but i still went.#still gotta finish prepping my resume but i dont think itll take Too long... i got a template to follow#from my web coding class actually. bc we just happen to have a resume building assignment this week.#so by working on my resume im working on the lab!! yay!!!#except im not doing the lab resume rn. just the normal resume. the template is still helpful tho.#also need to do a bit of research into the companies that are there and the interview style thingie#GOD this is going to be a whole hassle. i dont wanna wrinkle my stupid suit so i shouldnt stuff it in a bag.#and i dont wanna BIKE in the stupid suit. so im thinking of driving up to campus. forking over the money for guest parking#do the stupid career fair then drive back home to change and then go back up to campus on bus or bike in time for bowling#hopefully. we hope. nonzero chance of having to miss bowling and web coding classes tho. depending on how long i spend at this thing.#ultimately career bullshit is more important than one day of bowling so like. whatever.#but i still want a reward for sucking it up and going to the stupid career fair anyways. even tho i Really dont want to.#im already planning on skipping my first class. he made it sound like it would be fine + expected. so we can go to the career fair.#and that opens up a good amount of time so. doing that. and then hoping i can make it to bowling class...#it's funny to imagine if i didnt have time to go back home to change. me showing up to bowling in a suit.#im not doing that tho. this shit was too expensive to risk it doing physical activity.#BLARGH i am so supremely grumpy going to this thing. i dont want to. at all. i hate all this Professional Attire bullshit.#but i need to... and i already went thru the hassle of getting the damn suit... might as well just go.#i will simply pout and grumble the whole way. until tomorrow where it'll be full social smiles and whatever the fuck.#need to get enough sleep to make talking easier. no time for any fun stuff tonight.#need to find my damn. razor. bc i need to shave my little mustache thing probably. for 'professionalism'. ugh.#kicking and screaming this whole way. man i dont think i even own an ironing board. gonna have to hang the shit up and hope for the best#longest sigh imaginable... i just wanna write....... or play video games...... wahhhh#at least itll be over tomorrow. but then i will have to do presentation stuff for thursday. ughhhhhh
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it's been multiple years and the house has burned down zero times but every single time we light a fire in the woodstove i am SO paranoid it'll go wrong. it was installed diy by someone who figures things out as they go surely it's going to kill us
#quil's unholy underworld#no one else seems worried about it ever just me#my mom's like quil go make sure the fire's got enough wood we don't want it to go out#meanwhile i'm (mentally) like actually going out sounds great. how about i get a bucket of water#and it's predicted to be extra cold tonight so she's like what if ☝️🤓 we let it burn while we sleep#and i'm like. i have not told you how paranoid i am so i cannot stop you#but also i am dreading it#we can just use blankets we don't need fire#please#an unwatched fire. through the night#shaking n crying#i know the heater's a little broken but cmonnnnnnnnn#we're fineeeeeee
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ohhh man almost done another 1k words this session and i still need to do a bit more to consider myself 'done' for this point in time. we're at 11k words now. i hate myself. i hate everything. i want to cry. but it's fine
home stretch (i hope). we'll see
#bee blabs#oh i also forgot to mention that hey ho i have a family event today#so that just ruins everything#bc i'm using tonight to write#then i'll prolly get hardly enough sleep to be charged enough to deal with Family#it's fine (it is not i have no idea how i'm gonna work around this)#esp bc this goddamn fic is due too#like when tf am i gonna send that in if i'm out pre much all day#we don't know !!!!#we just have to wing it ig (cries)#and sonic movie 3 is out today and ofc i can't see that either and idk when i'll be able to do that#the plate. it is full#i have so many things i need to or have to or want to do and they all be piling up
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#vent#vent post#cw negative#Seven’s Public Diary#wish i wasn’t so fucking worthless and useless and stupid and selfish and mean#i am just so goddamn sick of my own bullshit. but i never change#i’m so tired of being weighed down by my 56492 mental illnesses. i don’t like being like this#my sleep schedule is so fucked up again and im tired of this constant cycle#this constant fight and endless effort to stay on a goddamn routine#all i want for christmas is a goddamn consistent sleep schedule#i hate sleeping through the day and being up all night but it’s like my body was fucking built for that or something#i don’t like it!! i want to be an early bird who goes to bed at 8pm and wakes up before the sun rises!!! but im the exact opposite!!!!!!!#i wish i just didn’t need to sleep at all. that would be the ideal. so many problems would be solved.#no i Really wish i just had the ability to fall asleep and wake up whenever i actually Want To instead of my body calling the shots#fell asleep at 9 this morning and im so mad that i didn’t get up when i was woken up at 11#a 2hr nap would’ve been fine and i would’ve made it through the rest of the day and been able to fucking sleep again tonight#but noOOooOoOo i had to give in to the allure of my warm cozy bed and fall back asleep for 9 more goddamn hours#now once again im too awake and rested to be able to go back to sleep. but once morning rolls around im gonna be exhausted again#and i’ll either give in and attempt to take a ‘nap’ and it’ll turn into a 12hr sleep again#or i’ll have to like. walk laps around the fucking house just to keep myself awake through the day#and i’ll be super irritable as a result and make everyone around me miserable too#but everyone is already beyond fed up with my issues and behavior. rightly so i guess. so i lose either way#god there was so much stuff i was gonna/supposed to do today#i don’t know how much longer they’re gonna put up with me being such a deadbeat#you think that’d like. motivate me to get my shit together or something but no. i’m addicted to being unconscious i guess#sleep feels so fucking good. until i wake up. which is funny bc it’s all nightmares and stress dreams anyway. why do i even enjoy sleeping#i guess bc for the first few hours after waking up i experience some modicum of relief from my other mental illnesses’ symptoms#like a soft reset.#and it’s the Only thing that gets rid of my migraines so god forbid i get one of those bc then i Have to sleep regardless of the time of day#anyways! :) that’s enough whining for one vent post. time to go do something productive
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dear gods i adore horror tbh but i am way too sensitive to it
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#idk how to describe 'sensitive' rn i'm dying in the head i should be asleep but Man!!!!!#i search up tons of horror stuff for funsies. movies uhh creepypastas stories real life events etc. fun!#BUT it freaks me out wayyy too much. bcs i really don't deal well w Those feelings of paranoia.#my imagination too good i was scared at night going to sleep bcs i'd imagine what to do if an intruder came in from the bedroom door#or bathroom door and think of how i'd escape Death.........#Did Not Help my area before was kinda yk. chillax. chillax meaning grassy tree-sy backyard overgrown trees#old-ish in a filipino chill neighborhood that isn't very fancy ?????? idk.#and the fact one time my dad almost died and someone standing close to him Did die so. haha. traumatized from that.#I WASN'T THERE..... but i rmbr my dad coming home and the news absolutely terrified me. anyway!#wow... rambling on tumblr at 3 and a half am... Nostalgic.#anyway yeah i love love love horror stuff but i am !!! so bad w them !!! like jesus christ i adore resident evil and bloodborne#is my whole bloodline. or something. but i can't even watch my twin kill 1 zombie in a re game Demo (she can't do it either)#and i can only make it to killing the first monster in bloodborne and explore a tiny bit where there are still no enemies. god.#AAAGGGGHHHhhhh ... and the first point of horror in omori then i stop playing for months...... even tho i rlly wna play more :((#2024 ........ cmon... i will try to overcome my fears more.#i've improved somewhat at least! ...from when i was younger. like. man. i could never stay in night-time in games ever.#ffxv? nah i always have to travel at morning. only when i got strong enough that daemons were nothing to me did i stop#getting scared. ouuughhh... and i always try to be stealthy in games........... for many reasons ofc but 1. Scared#okay i shut up now. apollo rambles of tonight: done and over!
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I had a very tiresome day and I’m totally worn out but I saw a lot of good Palestine posts that I’ll try to reblog soon and in the meantime, everyone who sees this should go look at the free Palestine tag (and participate in the global strike, do whatever you can to get governments’ attention and force them to stop killing people).
#my post#personal#the tags are just me talking about myself so you should go read the free Palestine tag instead lol#I had to go to the dentist urgently for pain and it was very stressful but at least it’s over now#hopefully I won’t get covid 😅#I did have energy to call my reps and I’m probably gonna try to do that every day this week#I always do it at least once a week now but maybe if I’m annoying enough they’ll pay attention?#you’d think being a good person and standing up for human rights would be motivation enough but alas#and I’m not buying anything of course#I don’t have a job or school to strike from#I wanna organize events but I am so goddamn tired all the time#especially tonight#I’m about to go to sleep and it’s not yet 9 pm (for context I often stay up until like 5 am)
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There Is Someone In My House And They Know I'm Here They Saw My Car On The Driveway I've Been Living Alone In The House For The Last 2 Days I'm Not Ready To Meet A Roommate I Don't Want To Put Pants On Or Get Out Of Bed And I Haven't Even Gotten To A Beaded Row On My Knitting Yet
#my sibling just called and said that the tattoo shop in town is taking walk-ins for the next hour and a half anf asked if they should get#their first tattoo right now. and our parents hate tattoos and our extended family fucking hates tattoos#oh my god i'm too young to have raised a 20 year old i'm not ready for these kinds of questions#and i haven't even gotten to a beaded row on my knittinggggggggg and that was the only thing getting me through work today :(#and it's my bedtime in fucking 20 something minutes and i'm not gonna get to one tonight and still get enough sleep before work and my baby#sibling might be getting a fucking tattoo how am i meant to sleep in these conditions!#girl. the stress.#a post
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#unhappy#disappointed#generally sad#feeling a bit alone#i want to cry but stupid testosterone won't fucking let me#everything is wrong right now#i have nothing and am nothing#it's like that saying would ya miss me if i was gone#idk if these feelings are from my migraine meds but man it's kicking my ass tonight#vent#maybe i should go to sleep#tomorrow's a new day#i don't think this is a 911 moment yet#i just need to relax and idk remind myself the world isnt against me#but it's hard#when i miss out#i waste my time#i just hope#how do i always take a backseat#in everything#i can't even get a kob thatll pay me enough#so im just a big fucking burden and now THAT is making me cry#sorry internet strangers#bye#what am i even doing anymore
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Me listening my SteinSpirit playlist
Strangers by Ethel Cain plays
#Im acting like I didn’t put it myself#anyways I wont elaborate the song is good#also out of context I think I can finally sleep early tonight wish me luck#so it was a fucking lie#its 4 am guess whos awake#I think I need some external help to sleep#NOT FAIR NOT FAIR#GET THIS MORTAL SHELL OUTTA ME I AM NOT MADE FOR SLEEPING#ITS BORING I COULD BE DRAWINF I COULD BE MAKING CUTE SCENERIOS IN MY HEAD#I COULD MAKE OCS I COULD BUILD OCS#INSTEAD I HAVE TO BE AKF 8 HOURS MİN EVERYNIGHT!?#damn humans suck I wanna go back#anyway time for my forced afk session hopefully 4 hours is enough
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I don't want to be up right now 😔
#i am. so sick of waking up at 4 o clock in the morning.#last night i was like ok tonight i will get to bed at a reasonable time so im not tired!#lay down at 8:30. dont fall asleep until after 10.#i like never get anywhere near enough sleep on these nights so im just sleep deprived two full days per week#this will have no long term consequences. surely i am not sacrificing my health for a grocery store job#anyway.... just needed to bitch lol#mine
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