#I am 25 and single and so lonely and all my friends are moving away | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

danielxricciardo · 3 years ago

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Prompts

1. "Hi, my ex just walked in. Would you hold my hand please?"

2. "I didn't expect to see you here."

3. "Have you seen this dog?"

4. “That mouth of yours, does it ever stop making noise”

5. “Seven minutes in heaven is for virgin teenagers”

6. “Slam that door one more time and I’ll shove my foot straight up your cute ass”

7. “Jesus! Knock next time would you”

8. “You have money go and get yourself a hoodie that’s not mine”

9. "I hate roses, I thought you knew"

10. "Do you think I am an angel? Ha"

11. "I wanted to sleep but someone decided to die"

12. "I can kill you right now, what are you talking about?"

13. "Hi, I am lost, can you come after me?"

14. "When I first saw you I wanted to date your best friend"

15. "I am so funny and you are just jealous"

16. "If I have to choose... no"

17. "Stop breathing like that!"

18. "I just did my nails"

19. "I'm the best driver în the world"

20. "Will you marry me?" "No"

21. "I think I broke my arm" "So?"

22. "I think I love you" "Thanks"

23. "My arms are lonely, don't you think?"

24. "Apparently we are dating"

25. “Well it’s kind of hard to move when you’re sitting on my lap”

26. "Those things you said yesterday, did you mean them?"

27. "If we elope, you think they'll kill us?"

28. "This is yours"

29. "You can’t just kiss me, laugh and then walk away."

30. "Are you using ass as a pillow?"

31." I find your lack of faith disturbing."

32. "And I took it personally"

33. "In here I am the boss"

34. "Oh, bite me!" "Where?"

35. "What will you do if we break up?"

36. "Where is my T-shit?"

37. "This is no time for sarcastic comments." "There is always time for sarcastic comments."

38. "I’ll keep quiet, you won’t even know I’m here."

39. "The way you flirt is just awful"

40. "Don’t be fooled. I’m the epitome of mess."

41. " If you are on TV should I congratulate you?"

42. "And this, is why we can’t have nice things."

43. "That's what he said"

44. "I am scared of your boss"

45. "You should know, a lot of girls have a crush on me"

46. "Everyone is afraid of you"

47. "If I'm watching that movie one more time I'll lose my fucking mind!"

48. "I thought being on vacation will be stress free"

49. "My parents don't trust you"

50. "I don't think I should give my last name so easily"

51. “I really wish I could unsee that.”

52. “Who would’ve guessed we’d be sharing a room.”

53. “I feel like you have an unhealthy obsession with me.”

54. “Nah he’s fine, it’s the other one you really got to watch out for.”

55. “I have a suggestion.” “I’m not taking my clothes off so forget it.”

56. “You’re the genius, why don’t you tell me?”

57. “Have I ever told you your accent makes me swoon?” “Really?” “No.” He/she smiles. “ that’s why I’ve never told you.”

58. “I’m alive? How am I still alive?”

59. “You’re crazy! I love it!”

60. “Never have I ever is about to get a lot more interesting.”

61. “What did they do?” “Dude. They did the do.”

62. "You can’t keep pretending it didn’t happen, cause guess what? It did!"

63. "Well this is awkward."

64. "Im too sober for this."

65. "Im pregnant." "Wall done, Virgin Mary!"

66. " I want to protect you."

67. "Kill that spider and maybe I'll forgive you"

68. "I have no one to go to the wedding"

69. "Don’t you dare touch _______!"

70. "I thought you were dead!"

71. "This is, without a doubt, the stupidest plan you’ve ever had. Of course I’m in."

72. "Take care of you, please"

73. "If your best friend single?"

74. "Just remember, if we get caught, you’re deaf and I don’t speak English."

75. "Why does everyone assume we're a couple?"

76. "Im craving something sweet" "Are you pregnant or something?"

77. " What is the magic word?" "I'll kill you în your sleep"

78. "When I see you my knees get weak"

79. "Finally you're single. Can I take you on a date?"

80. " So, I guess you don’t do after hours?"

81. "I know what I'm doing, I've watched two whole seasons of Grey's Anatomy."

82. "I can't believe I'm stuck here with you right now."

83. "Okay, this did not go as I planned it in the shower."

84. "I'm not going to sit around and watch you destroy yourself."

85. "You were my best friend"

86. "You did what?"

87. "Can you just pretend to love me for a second!"

88. "You are enough"

89. "Take the shirt off"

90. "Your nickname is bitch"

91. "What do you want to watch?" "You"

92. "How could you ask me that?"

93. "Your mouth does this thing and I can't resist it"

94. "Are you allowed to drink?"

95. "I said Im done, leave me alone!"

96. "Don’t raise your fucking voice at me”

97. “Yeah, I remember the drill”

98. “Tell me again, slowly this time, why that dog is in my bed.”

99. “Gave you so much, but it wasn’t enough.”

100. “You and me, we were destined to fall apart.”

101. “No, you don’t know who you are until somebody breaks your heart.”

102. “I want to tell you everything. The words I never got to say the first time around.”

103. “It’s better to feel pain, than nothing at all.”

Song lyrics prompts

1. “It’s the little things about us, that I love so much.”

2. “Last night I told you I loved you // woke up blamed it on the vodka”

3. “It’s a better place since you came along”

4. “You make me love the things I hate “

5. Just a paper sheet and half a cigarette are left in my hand

6. Your faith walks on broken glass

7. "And can you teach me how to dance real slow?"

8. "I'll throw away my faith, babe, just to keep you safe"

9. "One night, you won't forget the rest of your life"

10. "We only said goodbye with words"

11. "I'll try to give you love until the day you drop"

12. "I like the pretty boys with the bow tie"

13. "Lets get drunk forget what we did"

14. Your kisses lift me higher

15. When you're ready we can share the wine

16. "And if you don't love me now you will never love me again"

17. "Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?"

18. "When there's nothing to lose and there's nothing to prove"

19. She's the kind of girl who only asks you over when its raining, just to make you lie there catching water dripping from the ceiling.

20. Now I understand, you're a human, and you got to lie, you're a man

21. The good and the bad times: we've been through them all.

22. Now I ain't educated but I sure ain't stupid

23. I grew up in the shoes they told me I could fill

24. It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep

25. A lover would just complicate my plans

26. And in the morning, i’ll be with you, but it will be a different kind

27. My heart is yours, it’s you that i hold on to

28. And with one kiss, you inspired a fire of devotion that lasts for twenty years

29. I let go of my claim on you, it’s a free world

30. I’m in my bed, and you’re not here and there’s no one to blame, but the drink in my wandering hands

31. Cause you gave me peace and i wasted it, I’m here to admit that you were my medicine

32. Oh, dear diary, i met a boy, he made my doll heart light up with joy. Oh, dear diary, we fell apart, welcome to the life of electra heart

33. For you, I would cross the line, I would waste my time, I would lose my mind

34. Is it really me you're missing?

35. Remember that night?

36. How many times can I break till I shatter?

37. As long as I breathe, I’ll call you my home

38. "You wouldn't know love if it crushed your fucking chest."

39. "When we scream our lips don't make a sound."

40. "Please don't let me sink, wrap your arms around me and carry me home."

41. "This hasn't torn us apart so nothing ever will."

42. "A long time ago we believed that we were united."

43. "I miss the person that you were but I don't miss you."

44. "If home is where the heart is, why do I feel so fucking heartless?"

45. "I can't live, I can't breathe with or without you just go away."

46. "I'm not afraid to die, I'm afraid I'll survive and have to watch you suffer."

47. "I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away."

48. "I'm not like you I just fuck up."

49. "All because of you I believe in angels, not the kind with wings, no not the kind with halos. The kind that bring you home when home becomes a strange place."

50. "I just want to go to sleep and never wake up again."

51. “I wish people liked me more.”

52. “How could I ever love someone else?”

53. “I guess you’re getting everything you want.”

54. “She probably gives you butterflies.”

55. “I hope that you’re okay.”

56. “I defended you to all my friends.”

57. “I never cared about what they say, only care about me and you”

58. “Either way i’m gonna lose, so i’m just gonna keep on loving you”

59. “You know i’m bad at communication, it’s the hardest thing for me to do”

60. “Iwas your lover, i was your friend, now I’m only just someone you call when it’s late enough to forget”

61. “It’s fucked up but it’s true that i love you like i do”

62. “Well we both had nights waking up in strangers beds but i don’t wanna, don't wanna, i don’t wanna give up yet”

63. “Tell me I’ve got it wrong somehow.”

64. “I’m begging for you to take my hand.”

65. “I can’t make it go away by making you the villain.”

66. “He feels like home.”

67. “I’d be breaking all my rules to see you.”

68. “But I know you’re not scared of anything at all.”

69. “When can I come back?”

70. “I’m ready to owe you anything”

71. “I’ll always look best in your head”

72. “I know you know it’s wrong, but I’m ready”

73. “All I ever want is breaking me apart.”

74. “Let's talk sweetly like all our love is false.”

75. “You put a fire in my heart, painted blood on my stars, gave me faith.”

76. “I wanna meet your girlfriend, she sounds nice.”

77. “How is kissing me so wrong?“

78. “Can’t you see that I’m already yours?”

79. “I’ve been losing track of the romantic sh*t I’m tryna say but basically I love you"

80. “I don’t wanna be your friend, I wanna kiss your lips, I wanna kiss you until I lose my breath”

81. “I apologize for all your tears, I wish I could be different but I’m still growing up into the one you can call your love”

82. “I’m out of my head, of my heart, of my mind cause you can run but you can’t hide, I’m gonna make you mine”

83. "I never loved someone the way that I love you"

84. "It's the way that you know what I thought I knew, it's the beat that my heart skips when I'm with you"

85. "I hope she gettin' better sex, hope she ain't fakin' it like I did, babe"

86. “I know we’re young and people change and we may never feel the same”

87. “I can’t change the world, but maybe I’ll change your mind”

88. "You don't own me. Don't tie me down 'cause I'd never stay."

89. "Leave everything that is worth a single cent and just take me instead."

90. "And then I got you off your knees, put you right back on your feet, just so you can take advantage of me."

91. "Hey, I can't let you go with nobody. Cause I love you, baby."

92. "Tell me that it wasn't my fault and that I was enough for you."

93. "We were good at faking forever, I get it, whatever."

94. "Cause you had your chance and you blew it. Yeah, you ripped it up and you chewed it."

95. "Well, I'm too busy for your business. Go find a girl who wants to listen."

96. "Stop looking at me with those eyes, like I could disappear and you wouldn't care why."

97. "Oh, we could do whatever you want, but boy, don't go falling in love, you can't stay with me, all you'll ever have is one day with me"

98. "I pray the medication slow me down, but that shit doesn't work when you're around"

99. "Told her that I loved her once and now she'd kill for me"

100. "What the tell were we? Tell me we weren't just friends"

Who I write for

Formula 1

Daniel Ricciardo

Lewis Hamilton

Max Verstappen

Charles Leclerc

Esteban Ocon

Carlos Sainz

Lando Norris

Lance Stroll

Sebastian Vettel

Mick Schumacher

Pierre Gasly

George Russel

Football

Erling Haaland

Jadon Sancho

Giovanni Reyna

Jude Bellingham

Julian Brandt

Marco Reus

Roman Bürki

Emre Can

Mats Hummels

Leon Goretzka

Joshua Kimmich

Kai Havertz

Mason Mount

Christian Pulisici

Ben Chilwell

Gerard Pique

João Félix

Ianis Hagi

Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain

Trent Alexander-Arnold

Virgil van Dijk

Jens Petter Hauge

Martin Ødegaard

Alexander Sørloth

#f1 imagine #f1 x reader #imagine #fanfiction #formula 1 #football #my prompts #soccer #erling haaland #daniel ricciardo #max verstappen #charles leclerc #carlos sainz jr #lando norris #lance stroll #lewis hamilton #premier league #bundesliga #grand prix

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spike-and-faye · 4 years ago

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Hello, I require your infinite wisdom please!! :O So I just finished cowboy bebop and I am so confused like who the fuck was Julia. WHAT was Faye's past. I literally never process tv shows and the bebop was not immune to my stupidity LMAO like... I guess the ending just really confused me, from what I gathered Spike and Vicious were friends? But then they weren't? And Julia dated Vicious but also Spike? And he? Went after Vicious even after Julia had died? I am Confusion. Please help. Thank u...

Oh BABEY I am so glad you asked! :) Be prepared for a long answer and I apologize in advance for how incoherent it will probably be.

ALSO Please note: this show is fucking complicated. I have watched it all the way through several times a year, every single year, for over a decade now, and I am *STILL* finding new shit every time I watch it. It's packed with symbols, motifs, allusions and underlying themes that are just so rich. It is so extraordinarily well-written that it could give a lot of classic literature a run for its money. I'm literally working on an in depth literary/film analysis my husband lovingly calls my Manifesto on the series right now. SO PLEASE don't beat yourself up about not catching everything on the first go round.

HEY BTW for anyone who hasn't finished the show, please know there will be MANY spoilers ahead!

Anyways ~

1. Spike / Julia / Vicious:

The information we get on Spike's past, including Vicious and Julia, is pretty limited considering how big of an impact they have on the story. We get our first glimpse in Session 1: Asteroid Blues, then again in Session 5: Ballad of Fallen Angels, Sessions 12 + 13: Jupiter Jazz, and Sessions 25 + 26: Real Folk Blues. I recommend reviewing these episodes for you Julia and Vicious fix.

What we know:

Spike and Vicious were both members of an organized crime syndicate called the Red Dragons, which is roughly analogous to the Yakuza or the Mafia. Their positions in the organization are not clear, but there are some images alluding to them being hitmen, and they likely rose up in the ranks as they were close acquaintances of Mao Yenrai, a Capo of the Red Dragon.

Spike and Vicious were close comrades. Spike taught Vicious everything he knew about fighting, and the two had a deep trust in each other. Which Spike fucked up ….

^^Vicious looks hot asf here

Julia was Vicious' lover/girlfriend. One night in 2068 (three years prior to the time we watch in the Bebop) Spike is injured, presumably from a syndicate-related fight and he passes out in front of her door. She takes him in and nurses him back to health and he SIMPS HARD for her. We’re all but told he's in LOVE love with her. They start an affair, and Spike tells her he's ready to abandon the whole life - the syndicate, Vicious, Mao, all of it - and they could run away together.

WELL Vicious finds out about this whole affair, and is DOUBLY betrayed because his literal best friend and girlfriend have been having an affair, and tbh I think he was just as jealous of Spike's attentions as he was of Julia's. (Whether or not it’s a sexual thing for Spike … well … I have my own headcanons about that). SO when he finds out they're going to run away together, he gives Julia an ultimatum: you can either kill him, or I'll just kill you both. Spike had written her a letter about meeting him in the graveyard to start their new life together, which she tears up to hide his location from Vicious. (This is the falling ripped up pieces of paper we see in Spike's flash back in Session 5).

^^ r/gifsyoucanhear

**NOTE: There are those who disagree with this view, (looking at you Cowboy Bebop wiki) instead suggesting Vicious and Spike were buds in the past, but then hated each other once they were both considered as potential successors to Mao. That's why Vicious wanted him dead, and he was enlisting Julia (who he didn't necessarily have a romantic connection to) to help kill Spike since he knew Spike loved her. Personally, I think there is plenty of evidence that Vicious also wanted Julia, and in fact was already with her, when Spike started seeing her. If you want me to cite my sources please send an me an ask about it :)

Spike gets the idea, whether by her just not showing up or word around the syndicate being like YO Vicious wants you dead. Despite Vicious' ultimatum to Julia, he was gunna kill Spike either way. SO he sets up an ambush, and SadBoy™ Spike walks intentionally into their trap. Somehow, he doesn't die, though the entire syndicate thinks he did. (Note Annie's reaction to seeing him alive in Session 5). It’s also implied that this is where he lost his eye.

HIS EYE - possibly the most important symbol in the show so I do have to mention it. In episode 26, he explicitly explains to Faye that one of his eyes only sees the past. (PS this isn't dissimilar to Jet's arm… we can get into that another time). Basically, he's constantly living halfway in the past and halfway in the present, and describes the past like a dream he can never wake up from. Because dysfunctional or not - the syndicate WAS his family. (Again - see his relationship with Annie, Mao, and Vicious (prior to Spike's betrayal)). It's his reminder that Julia didn't run away with him, and that he'd left behind that life for her. (He didn’t know she was being threatened until the final episode). Basically Spike is hyper-fixated on what he had and what could've been.

Not long after this, Spike starts bounty hunting because like? What else is he going to do. He doesn't care if he lives or dies but if he has to be alive, he may as well be able to eat. He joins up with Jet Black on the Bebop.

TL; DR: Spike stole Vicious' lover, Julia, so Vicious made Julia choose between her killing Spike or Vicious killing them both. She instead went into hiding and Spike thought he'd been stood up. He fake died and got the hell outta dodge.

2. What was Faye's past?

Ok let me start by saying Faye is my wife and my life. HOWEVER I hated her the first time I watched this show circa age 13 because I thought she was annoying/vain/shallow (also because #internalizedmisogyny lol am I right fam). Good news! She is all those things! But she's also very lonely and scared and an amnesiac and secretly a sweetie and she realizes she loves the crew of the Bebop like family.

SO my wife's backstory:

she was born in the 1990s (#only90skidsremember). There's some debate over her race/nationality, but due to the images of her hanging out in Merlion Park in Singapore, my bet is that she's Singaporean. She comes from a wealthy family with a big house, and we see some utterly *adorable* film of her as a child/young adolescent in Session 18: Speak Like a Child. I cry everytime </3

^^ Holla for the representation

In 2014, circa age 20, she and her parents were going into space when the shuttle they were on had some kind of malfunction/accident and it killed an unknown number of people, including her parents. At the time, the technology didn’t exist to be able to save her, so she was put into a cryogenic sleep state. Meanwhile, the Lunar Gate accident occurs, breaking up the moon and causing rock showers on Earth's surface. Most people died, moved to Mars, or settled underground.

She wakes up from her cryogenic sleep in 2068. (Also the year Spike leaves the syndicate.) She's 'woken' by the corrupt Dr. Bacchus who plans on charging her for the years and years of medical debt she's accrued. (See Session 15: My Funny Valentine.) Luckily a lawyer takes interest in her case (Whitney Haggus Matsumoto) and tries to help get rid of her debt. The two fall in love, but turns out Whitney is a Scumbag. He's actually Dr. Bacchus's nephew, and faked his death, writing Faye as the sole inheritor to his will. This means she'll take on all his debts. So baby girl has LOTS of debt at this point.

In the intervening years prior to her joining the Bebop, she gambles, cheats, gains a lot of street smarts, and adopts a very seductive character to get her way. She joins the crew on the Bebop in Session 3: Honky Tonk Women.

TL;DR: Faye is Austin powers

YIKES this is so long I am so sorry. Bitches are obsessed with this show. (I am bitches)

3. The Ending

Okay I'm going to present this in the way, in my scholarly opinion, would be correct, though there are SO many interpretations other than simply 'Spike died :/".

To understand the plot of the last couple episodes we actually have to go back to Session 5: Mao is instructed* to sign a treaty with a rival syndicate called the White Tigers. (*He's instructed by The Van (Council of identical creepy old men) who are the actual head of the dragon. I think we only see them in Session 26.) Well - Vicious is a Bastard Man and he and his fellow mutineers blow up the White Tiger guys' ship and slit Mao's throat. Before he dies, Mao is like "Gotdamnit if Spike was still here this shit wouldn't have happened." Later in the Cathedral battle, Vicious explains to Spike he killed Mao because Mao 'lost his fangs'. He planned on killing Spike for good her, IMO, so there'd be no rival to take over as Capo for the Dragons.

^^These guys are The Van btw

THEN in Session 25, the Van basically catches Vicious and is like “you killed Mao and now you have to go to Time Out.” The Van also decides to just kill everyone associated with Vicious, just 2 B safe. That's why there's a big ass shootout at the Loser Bar where Jet and Spike are chilling, drinking, (missing Faye and Ed and Ein lol) and Shin (younger brother to Lin, who's helping Vicious overthrow the Dragon) explains all this to Spike. OH and PS JULIA IS ALIVE AND HERE IS HER LOCATION :). (**Notice Spike's reaction at this point is different than his reaction in Jupiter Jazz when he hears there's a Julia on Calisto. Much less excited… hmm…).

SO THEN you know we get some flashbacks of the past as previously explained *and* Julia just happens to run into Faye. She recognizes that Faye is one of Spike's friends from the Bebop (she was keeping tabs on him it seems) and picks her up. Faye doesn't know who Julia is but is like damn bitch I'm a little gay for you. (I mean … that may just be my bi ass projecting, but Faye is REALLY struck with her. Look at how she describes her to Jet, I mean come on.)

Faye's like, 'we should team up' and Julia says 'no thanks but also tell Spike to meet me at *the place*'. Meanwhile back on the Bebop Spike and Jet are talking and Spike goes on about some dream woman who was his other half. (We assume he means Julia … I have my reasons to doubt this … I have a lot of angry DMs about my opinion here lol but I just do not give a fuck (: I can expand on this in another post or you can refer to the title of my fucking blog haha) Personally, I think Watanabe personally left this specific scene open ended, the same way he does with the ending and various other things.

more like SIMP Spiegel

ANYWAY Faye comes back to the Bebop to tell Spike about Julia, and Jet gets intel from a former cop buddy that there's some shit going down with the Dragons. (Again, the Van is hunting down everyone ever associated with Vicious, including your pal Spike). Bebop is attacked, Faye tells Spike what's up with Julia, and he heads out.

PAN TO VICIOUS chained up - about to be executed - but what's that!? It's a bird!? It's a pla- no it's just a bird. (With one glowing red eye … hm … reminds me of Spike, also the drug Red Eye. Pls let me know if you have any thoughts on this). Just a bird with a BOMB! Explosion (RIP bird c. 2065 - too soon), Vicious kills the elders, his buddies show up and are ready to go fuck shit up.

this show could not be more of an aesthetic

MMMPhhh okay RAINY CEMETERY. Spike and Julia. She draws a gun, explains why she didn't meet him that day, and then hugs him. Now Spike is not *great* at showing his emotions but he literally just stands there. Maybe it's a stoic expression of how sad he is that he never knew she still cared, when it seemed like she dumped him. Maybe he's finally getting some closure on his past. Maybe the past doesn't mean the same thing it used to. (I'll elaborate later on this).

They go to Annie's to get stocked up on stuff, she lets them know she denied knowing Spike was still alive and hey also the Van was assassinated by Vicious and his guys so. Watch out for that. Then her shop is surrounded by Vicious' guys and she dies :(. Spike and Julia escape to the roof, but she's shot and dies in Spike's arms, and says 'it's all just a dream' :(. (Refer to: Spike living in a dream of the past).

Anyway Jet SAID he wasn't gunna go after Spike but. Jet's parental instincts kick in (oh yeah he was shot in the leg earlier btw) and he goes to Sitting Bull to see if he knows where Spike is. He basically says yeah Spike's about to die somewhere. (I want to do a further analysis on all the Sitting Bull scenes.) Well conveniently Spike returns to the Bebop, eats, tells his story about a tiger-striped cat. (At one point Jet asks if he's going there for her, and Spike is like well she's dead now so whatever). THEN we get to the scene where Faye is like HEY YOU CAN'T GO OFF AND DIE ASSHOLE and he's like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I 've been living in the past so I might as well see if I'm living now. (**This will play heavily into my interpretation of the ending). Faye is pissed, shoots the ceiling and he goes off to the syndicate headquarters to fuck shit up.

He basically John Wicks his way through the building, Shin dies, he and Vicious have the big boss battle and whatnot. He kills Vicious and stumbles back out down the stairs and says "Bang!" and collapses. We pan to the sky and see a star fade away.

Well that explains the plot … now here's what I think happened!!! ALSO may I mention, anon - you picked up on something I feel like a lot of people miss out on. Why *did* Spike go back to kill Vicious if Julia was already dead??

Basically, once it became clear that anyone associated with Vicious was being killed, Spike knew they'd hunt him down, and they weren't beneath Kill-Billing their way to him, (i.e. systematically destroying this companions to get to him). And for all his apparent indifference - he really loves his new found family. Jet is literally like an older brother to him. Ed is a little sister. Ein is well … a very good boy. And Faye? Well the relationship is complicated, and I'm not going to get into the 69,420 reasons I ship them here, but I think it is beyond argument that he really does care for her, even if that just in a filial way. He didn't want the syndicates to kill them for their association to him, or in order to get to him. So he did what he had to do to protect them. *AND NO* I am not saying that he didn't love Julia. But it was clear that his desire was no longer to run away with her. I think he genuinely loved and cared about her, but at some point between Jupiter Jazz Pt 2 and now, he accepted that their time together was over. Now he had a new raison d'etre, which is the Bebop.

I think at this point Spike has 'woken up' to reality (as he implied to Faye in their final conversation in episode 26: "Look at these eyes. One of them is a fake, because I lost it in an accident. Since then, I have been seeing the past in one eye, and the present in the other. I had believed that what I saw was not all of reality...I thought I was watching a dream that I would never awaken from. Before I knew it, the dream was all over." (This is from the sub btw I'm too lazy to look up the dub transcript.) He wasn't going there to die, he's going to find out if he's really alive. This line is fucking cool and everything - but it's implications are multitude. I won't go into them all here but basically : what makes him alive now is that he's free from his past. He's alive because he has this new family and protecting them is all he really wants now. Spike was protecting Jet, Faye, Ed, (and Ein) by going and facing the entire syndicate, knowing that their lives would all be in danger.

SO - did Spike die? Well again - Watanabe has purposely and artfully left this open ended. Well, if we're following the symbolism from Sitting Bull, then yeah, the man is as dead as disco, and wouldn't that be a fitting ending? BUT at the same time, Spike always refers to having 'died' before (meaning when he was ambushed by the syndicate, and they all thought he died, and he pretty much did). Don't forget that in movie (takes places roughly between episodes 22 + 23, and yes, was made AFTER the series but whatever) he like .. DIES dies. He goes to the afterlife and everything. He wakes up to find he's chilling with Sitting Bull, who's like nah it wasn't your time to die yet. So the fact Sitting Bull confirms Spike will die in the final episode, means yeah, Spike is pretty much dead.

BUT -- okay now hear me out -- could this death in the final episode be a death to his previous life? The person he was in the syndicate? Now that he's extinguished the Red Dragons for good, is it not possible that its merely *that* life which has ended? That's the optimist in me saying that, but if it keeps me from staying up all night crying, I guess it'll have to do. Watanabe definitely wants to leave it up to the viewer, so whatever you think, I feel like there's validity to it.

WELL any anon, sorry for the fucking lecture - and believe me, I could've said MUCH, MUCH more - but I enjoyed this question. I always love talking about this show so please all you fuckers feel free to message me or send an ask about anything any time. I am really slow at replying because #life'sAbitch.

Love you all.

SY,SCB <3

#sorry for the long ass rant #i could seriously talk about this all day.#i even trimmed this down so much #cowboy bebop #fuck man this show is everything #spike spiegel #julia #faye valentine #jet black #vicious #radical ed #ein #<3 #spoilers #rant

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sorry-i-ship-drarry · 3 years ago

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39. Cuddle me in

Prompt used- Leaning on the others side| fluff | tired and stuck because of a mission, harry and draco comes across their past revelations |

" so I contacted the team and they won't be able to find us a back up team until morning. They said everything is mess there, apparently robard is high on some shit so. Anywho, we'll have to find ourselves a place to stay for the night " draco told harry as he chucked his wallet into his back pocket and wand over his belt loop.

Harry swished his wand, drying both of them up before tucking away his wand too " and how are we supposed to find a place in his barren place ?" He aggrieved

" well not my first choice either harry, we've got to walk until we find something " draco commanded as he started to walk forward slowly.

" why can't we just apparate?" Harry groaned following him

" because for one you dumb idiot, you've already been hurt, which by the way are you sure isn't hurting enough and secondly, where would we disapparate to ? We can't get out of here until we're sure it's safe to leave. Obviously robard wouldn't appreciate of us just escaping " draco rolled his eyes

" one, I'm fine. You've already done the honours of bandaging it with a cloth and secondly didn't you say he's high on some shit, he wouldn't know if we disapparated to some place better" harry groaned.

Impatiently draco turned around, halting his steps, exhaling exhaustingly " look I'm just as tired as you are. I too want to just go home and take some damn fucking rest but we can't apparate mainly because they keep a trace on us. They'd know we escaped this place. So please just do me a favour and silently walk with me without throwing another fit "

" whatever " harry rolled his eyes and walked past draco.

Draco cursed harry under his breath, being absolutely done with his bratty behaviour but nonetheless followed him.

They must've walked for almost 25 minutes when they finally found a bus stop.

" we can take a bus to the next more settled place ? What say ? According to the map here, the nearest would be river town" harry read from the map.

" sounds fine to me. When does the bus arrives?" Draco asked as he sat down on the lonely bench on a boring dark night.

" it's 9:15 right now according to my watch, so the bus would come around by 9:45 " harry sighed as he collapsed down next to draco.

" that bloody long " draco huffed.

" well we did miss a bus from 10 minutes ago so "

" if we could've just reached here on damn time " draco groaned, his head thudding back over the back of the bus stop wall.

" doesn't do good to dwell upon what's gone" harry said as he too pushed his head against the wall on his back

Draco hummed staring up at the ceiling, enjoying the momentary silence.

" can I ask you something ?" Harry asked after a few minutes of silence to cut the boredom. Draco had almost shut off his eyes when he lowly sighed, humming for him to go on.

"why did you had to be such a prat back in school ? Like there's nothing wrong with you anymore, you're nice, people like you, but you just bullied the hell out of people earlier! Did you enjoy doing that ?" Harry asked curiously gazing at Draco on his side.

Hearing the question, draco uplifted his head turning to harry" by people you meant you ?"

" me, my friends. Gryffindor's " harry frowned in approval.

" well I didn't bully gryffindor's as much as I bullied you and your friends. I never did it a lot quite frankly but I understand where it's coming from. However I do wish I had a better answer than I was just a stupid kid " draco shrugged

" stupid kid till you were 15 ? Really ? Doesn't seem so! I mean as far as I remember you were really sharp, you still are but still"

" yeah, I was just a stupid kid that's all. Although I did hated your guts, the praise you got for being the chosen one, how everyone just sort of moved away for you to walk upon kind of thing. Which of course was the time I never thought rationally about how it also created some really unrealistic expectations for you. Always thought you had it easy until I heard about you being on the run during the war " draco explained gazing forward with a small wrinkled smile over his face.

" oh yeah, what changed you mind when I was on the run?" Harry grinned curiously.

" I just sort of- I don't know understood a little. A large part of me wanted to just run away which by the way was what I thought back then, I had no idea you were on a mission. Well when were you not quite frankly. Anyways, when the news of you being the undesirable no. 1 Started printing out and how I sat through all the dinners of listening people framing your death, It just occurred to me then that even if I felt you had it all, there were people so aggravated to take all of it away from you. Think I was always a bit jealous until now I'm just jealous of how great friends you have " draco ended with a small smile turning his head towards him only for a moment before pressing his head back against the wall.

" see I always knew you weren't that bad " harry jokingly poked draco sides.

" it tickles, don't " draco chuckled

" if you would've been this nice during the first year, I would've shook your hands " harry said as he leaned a little over draco's side in a friendly manner.

Draco smiled at harry. It was in moments like these that draco remebered that harry isn't the person he always thought he was, it was then when he realised that harry was infact just like him, just a bit different and that maybe, he could allow himself to like him, if a little bit.

" mine is understandable, why were you a jerk ?" Draco asked

" because you were a jerk. You just always had to prove you were better and it just always made me want to put you out. Stupid rivalry " harry smiled, resting his eyes out of exhaustion.

Restless draco too shut his eyes for a few moments when without thinking and without looking he asks " do you think, If things had been right, if we weren't such assholes, you'd want to be friends with me ?"

Harry remained silent for seconds, that draco had almost assumed he had fallen asleep until harry continued " it's hard to imagine that way. You being you, me being me. We would've been terrible friend's but even if we wanted to, I think we would've hit a rough patch where we would've had to go separate ways and I don't think either of us would be able to handle that "

" and why is that ?"

" because what we would've been would not had been ordinary " harry yawned as he allowed himself to lean over draco comfortably, taking draco by surprise but didn't try to push harry away whatsoever.

" we're extraordinary then ?" Draco asked smirking, tilting his head a Little towards harry.

" not we, you " harry yawned again before draco heard his breath fading to sleep. And he didn't try to wake him up again, out of sheer embarassment of blushing at Harry's compliment or out of shock, draco didn't know, he didn't even wanted to.

When the bus finally arrived, Draco only woke harry for a couple of minutes until the got on the bus and occupied the last seats and then allowed harry to sleep again. Frowning to himself, draco realised he didn't feel the weight over his shoulder. He turned his head to see Harry's head over the sleeping person besides them. Unsatisfied, quietly and gently draco made harry lean over him. If draco had only known, harry had smiled in victory at the small gesture.

It took them almost another half and hour to finally reach a motel to stay in, much to their disadvantage Only a single bed.

" come on we're adults, we can share, can't we ?" Harry asked still a bit sleepy from before.

" I mean- i-if that's what you want. I could sleep on the- well- chair " draco stuttered, blushing. Thank goodness for the dark red room.

" nonsense. Just take a side and we'll just collapse" harry sighed.

After much contemplation, they finally decided to share the bed, draco taking the left side while harry got stuck with the right. Tired from the mission and travel, draco had almost falled asleep when he heard hustling on other side of the bed.

" whats up you kicky ?" Draco hummed

"I- nothing" harry sighed but didn't stop hustling.

" what is it ? " Draco asked again, turning towards harry now.

Harry looked at him, pondering over and over whether he should tell or not, until he decided, not much worse could happen so " I need an extra pillow "

" are you sure ? Your neck would probably hurt-"

" it's not for that" harry sighed " you see, I always hug a pillow to sleep, it's embarrassing I know, but I just can't sleep without it " he added.

Draco from 10 Years would've chortled to death but now, he fondly smiled at harry before he sat upright and called the reception for an extra pillow.

" thank you "

" what happened ?"

" yeah- they don't have it. Something about laundry " draco replied, putting off the phone away.

" nevermind then " harry sighed as he turned his back to draco and tried to sleep again.

Draco felt almost thumped by the way harry felt, until he couldn't believe he suggested something so outrageous " we could cuddle for a while. I mean I am a cuddly sleeper so won't be a problem to me. Unless it's awkward for you "

Harry turned around grinning before nodding, kiddishly. Moments later, harry and draco had finally tucked under the sheets, close enough when harry put his arm around the front of draco's and asked " would you do something for me ?"

Draco hummed.

" remind me to seize my moment tomorrow morning before it's too late " harry replied

Draco smiled knowingly " I will "

And then just before sleeping harry whispered " you're shit at lying by the way "

Draco smiled in his half Awaken state, knowing he got caught but for once, it didn't matter. For once, lying was worth it..

Requests open

Unedited

Day 38- set it up, break it up | Day 40- just keep swimming

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wistfulwatcher · 4 years ago

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Hello I saw your tag on that "im 25 and dying post" please tell us how it got better for you. Im 26, still living with parents, currently having a fight with my boyfriend, and i still have a year until I get my bachelors. The comparison to everyone younger than me is killing me.

I'm really sorry to hear that you're struggling, but I hope you can take some solace in the fact that that post has a lot of notes and you are absolutely not alone in feeling the way you do! I can certainly try and share my experience, but unfortunately I think the biggest factor is just time (and like, a buttload of self-reflection).

I moved back home after college and worked full time at an administrative job I was doing during school breaks. I majored in psychology and anthropology in college, and was planning to eventually go into forensic psychology, but wasn't interested in going straight into grad school. So I did that administrative job for about a year, and tried to find something that was a bit more stable and at least semi-related to my field. I did end up finding a new job when I was 23 - stable, semi-related to my field (a psych/research background was required), and decent pay (especially as I was still living at home). Exactly what I needed, since I still wasn't ready to start looking into grad school.

I was doing pretty well, until I started getting comfortable at that job, and then I started getting hit with the "I'm not doing enough," and "I need to look into grad school," and "will I ever find a boyfriend?" (friendly reminder that 23-year-old me thought she was straight, yikes), "how will I afford to move out, I have to save my money and do it soon!", "I'm not doing anything but watching TV, I'm wasting my life," "I'm lonely, but I'm too tired to try and make friends," etc., etc.

But it wasn't constant. I'd have a flurry of those questions and fears, and then days where I was just living life and doing my job and taking care of my dogs, without any of that. And I don't think I felt good or particularly comfortable those days, it was more like I just wasn't actively thinking about it, like when you feel "good" after a physical pain goes away and you're just normal.

Eventually, I started thinking about all of these concerns I had, and the fact that it felt like it was URGENT whenever I thought about them. It felt like I needed to get my shit together immediately. I also started to acknowledge that there was this big sense of guilt around those concerns; I was too old to be living at home, I was too old to be single, I was too old not to be starting a career. I felt like I was wasting my life (cue the guilt), and I realized that part of why I felt like I was wasting it was that I felt like I was missing milestones I wouldn't be able to do at a later time because the older I was past "normal" the more humiliating it would be to try (cue the shame and embarrassment, hard).

I also started to doubt that I wanted to go into forensic psychology. More importantly, I started to seriously doubt that I wanted a "career" at all. My job (as I kept that same semi-related to my field one) was absolutely a job, not a career. And I think this was a huge tipping point for me, because a career had always been a given in my life. I'm passionate about what I'm interested in, so it literally just never occurred to me that I would be content with a job. I also started acknowledging that I had some messed up associations about being content with a job meaning that I was lazy (because the only way to be ambitious is with a career and, more damaging, a lack of ambition is fundamentally bad).

Now, I need to clarify that all of the above occurred over the course of years. I was constantly seeing "friends" (i.e., of the facebook variety) go to grad school, start careers, get married, buy homes, etc. And with all of that alongside the entire mess I've outlined in the above paragraphs, it was really, really, tough. It gets hard to find a foothold in better thinking, I believe, when seeing all of these people (some younger) doing things "right" was really just compounding my guilt and shame. (I feel like it's worth mentioning, too, that I was always "an individual" growing up, march-to-the-beat-of-my-own-drummer, yada yada. I feel like that's worth pointing out for others who may be in the same boat, because I think it can lead to another layer of shame in comparing yourself to those around you - especially if it's a big part of your identity that you DON'T do that, because I think it's inevitable as you get older, and you're looking to reach these milestones that prove you're an adult.)

So, here I am, acknowledging that I feel guilt and shame about what I'm not doing. And suddenly I ask myself my first really important question: Do I want a career? The question hot on its heels is: Do I want to go to grad school? Honestly, my answer is no. There is nothing in me that's excited by the prospect. But what, does that mean I'm just going to work my job for the rest of my life? How is giving up going to make me feel better about Not Doing Enough?

As I'm opening this door (remember, years), three things happen: 1) I realize I'm gay, 2) I watch Dirty 30, 3) I start playing D&D.

First, realizing I'm gay. Woohoo! Not only was this exciting because girls are amazing, but it made me seriously look at myself. Realizing I had spent 25 years assuming one thing about myself that turned out to be completely wrong made me question everything for a while. I started to ask myself, "Do I really like this?" more often, which seems like a really obvious question, but I'm not convinced that it's one people ask themselves consciously all that often. But once I did, I realized how freeing it was to answer, "No," and move on to something I did like.

Second, I watched Dirty 30, the Grace Helbig/Mamrie Hart/Hannah Hart movie. It feels dramatic to say that it changed my life, but the older I get the more I honestly think it did. Mamrie Hart's character is a dental hygienist who is freaking out about turning 30 and feeling very much like that text post I reblogged. But (spoilers), at the end of the movie, she decides that she loves her job (job, not career!) because it's comfortable and she has fun at work, and that it makes her happy. She has other things going on, but the idea that a character in a film is content with her job and choosing to "settle" into her life as-is and she's genuinely happy about it? I honestly can't think of a single other time I've seen that happen on-screen. I still think about that ending very often. And after seeing it, I started to ask myself another question regularly: "Am I happy?" Again, this feels pretty obvious, but I think there is something incredibly empowering about making sure you are happy on a regular basis, instead of just assuming that you're fine until something hurts.

Third, I started playing D&D. This is not a plug for D&D! (Well, maybe a little.) One thing that happened to me when I started to get into the urgent-guilt-shame-confusion mess of my mid-20s was that I got very much into a routine of go to work, come home, sleep, go to work, come home, sleep, be totally brain-dead on the weekend, repeat. I found it very difficult to feel creative because I was just wiped, and as all of my creative outlets (gifs, fanfic) are self-motivated, it was really easy to brush them off. I ended up starting Critical Role (this is also not a plug for CR! well, maybe), and I wanted to give D&D a try myself. (I was VERY lucky - my best friend happened to be listening to the Adventure Zone at the same time I started CR, and she wanted to try to run a game. The stars truly aligned!)

I started playing, then DMing, and found that it was a great fit for my interests. I used to be a theatre kid, and I was getting to act again (something I didn't realize I was missing). I was getting to build and flesh out characters, which is what I love the most about writing fanfic. I was also discovering that I was stretching myself - world building and plot had never been my strong suit, but as a DM it became the majority of my creative effort. It gave me soft deadlines with people I didn't want to let down, and it made me truly social again for the first time since college. Essentially, it was filling in all of the gaps of what I felt lacking in my life. This isn't a D&D plug because it wasn't D&D specifically, but rather a hobby that satisfied what was missing in my life. For example, I didn't realize how isolated I was before D&D until I had regular interactions with friends, and that isolation absolutely made the urgent-guilt-shame-confusion worse.

D&D gave me that final push to realize that I was OK with having a job and being passionate about hobbies instead of trying to fit myself into a career, because I was getting out of that hobby what I had been convinced I would get out of a career. I started to really value that I could punch out and go have fun doing exactly what I wanted to do. (It feels so obvious as I type this, but it took me a long time to get here! Sometimes it really is that simple!)

The above is specific to my job vs. career struggle which may not be in the mix of things you're struggling with. But what I do think is universal/can be your take away, is that sometimes you just have to actively choose to let go of the pressure to be doing things. Which, I know, sounds so much easier than it is (and part of why I think it just takes time/is part of growing older). But I think it's something that can be worked at over time, by checking in with yourself about what you feel, why you feel it, and what you need to make yourself feel better in the present.

It's been 6 years since I started that semi-related job, and I'm still there. I still live with my mom. I'm still single. My circumstances have not changed since 24, but honestly? I'm OK. When I check in with myself about it, I do enjoy living with my mom and our dogs (even though I'm 30 and "real" adults move out). I am happy more often than I'm not (much more, actually!). I have a job that allows me to be done after 8 hours, and I have hobbies I look forward to doing each night (and the energy to do them, most of the time). My weekends are free to play D&D with my friends and laugh until I cry. That is what I've worked out as my definition of what I want life to be right now. You'll notice it includes none of the "milestones" that those younger than me have hit.

As I noted on that text post tag, I still struggle with this. I definitely have days where I think, I'm a mess, I'm not DOING anything. It's hard. But time does help, those days become fewer and farther between.

I know that was probably a hundred times longer than you wanted it to be, but I did want to illustrate just how much of a process it is. It takes time. My summary advice is to check in with yourself often, be honest about what you want and what you need, do not let anyone else define where you "should" be. And if you aren't living life how you want to be, identify what you can do (however small) to make yourself feel like you're getting closer.

#ask #me #personal #i am so sorry this is a novel #i hope that it helps you even a little!#can you believe i can write about myself for 2 hours? embarrassing lmao #long post

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damienthepious · 3 years ago

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this bitch a long one. this week’s other LKT offering! horny yearning via lyrically specific music.

heart beats best (the playlist)

[spotify] [the actual fic]

01. Showyourself - Montaigne // 02. Do I Wanna Know? - CHVRCHES // 03. Stay With Me - Better Love // 04. Crane Your Neck - Lady Lamb // 05. Bad Ideas - Tessa Violet // 06. No Face - Haley Heynderickx // 07. Monster - dodie // 08. Drive Slow - ADDIE // 09. The Thunder Answered Back - Gabby’s World // 10. Mezzanine - Lady Lamb // 11. The Moon Will Sing - The Crane Wives // 12. Company - Daisy the Great // 13. Distractions - Wild Painting // 14. R U Mine? - Ratwyfe // 15. Choices - To Kill A King // 16. 1996 - Wild Child // 17. Honeydew - Small Talks // 18. Lost - Liza Anne // 19. Waiting on a Ghost - Left at London // 20. Moon Song - Phoebe Bridgers // 21. Rearview - Beach Bunny // 22. Vacation Home - Whitehall // 23. You Are the Apple - Lady Lamb // 24. Baby No More (acoustic) - Anjimile // 25. Things We Never Say - Bad Bad Hat // 26. midnight love - girl in red // 27. Please You - Montaigne // 28. His Hands - Blegh // 29. Bottles - Little Image

[lyrics breakdown under the cut because i’m! a disaster. and this is a long ass playlist and i have thoughts about every single song. i think i was kidding myself to think this would be less effort than just Writing. Subject to future change when i find yet more songs that suit this frickin story. there’s lots!!!]

01. Showyourself - Montaigne - Show yourself, shadow, I'm lonely / Show yourself / I don't know how to take care of me alone

02. Do I Wanna Know? - CHVRCHES - So have you got the guts? / Been wondering if your heart's still open / And if so, I wanna know what time it shuts / Simmer down and pucker up / I'm sorry to interrupt, it's just I'm constantly on the cusp / Of trying to kiss you / And I don't know if you feel the same as I do / We could be together if you wanted to

03. Stay With Me - Better Love - Come stay with me another night / Don't overthink / Oh, I know I just met you / But you're clouding all my dreams / Go on and set me free / I wanna see you tomorrow / Are you thinking of me?

04. Crane Your Neck - Lady Lamb - We ripped off all our clothes and this included all our jewelry / And we ran hand in hand back when you brought out the beast in me / The parts that are dormant, I wish to set them free / And in the clarity of this night I make myself believe I can sleep easily alone

05. Bad Ideas - Tessa Violet - I don't know what compels me / To do the very thing that fells me / I wake up, still high on you / But by the night, I'm crashing through, so

06. No Face - Haley Heynderickx - Tell me what's wrong here / Is it the bridge of my nose / Or the backs of my skin / Is it the pull of my hips / That you couldn't let in

07. Monster - dodie - So maybe I will talk to you / The only way I know how to / Mhm, you've said your speech / Mhm, through sharpened teeth / You break the rules and spikes grow from your skin

08. Drive Slow - ADDIE - The rush that I feel when / Our hands are intertwined / We're always together / It kills me that you aren't mine

09. The Thunder Answered Back - Gabby’s World - So here I sit, I've come to rest some weight upon your little chest / You free-for-all, you wrecking ball / Hovering next to your bed, to lay waste to your healthy head / You spider web, you dance of death

10. Mezzanine - Lady Lamb - How I ache, I ache in the pit of me / I awake, awake with this fear in me / How it makes, makes a fool out of me / With its knife how it carves the seeds out of my heart / For to plant in the soil for to feast

11. The Moon Will Sing - The Crane Wives - We could have been anywhere, anywhere else / Instead I made a bed with apathy / My heart knew the weight / Ten years worth of dust and neglect / We made our peace with weariness / And let it be

12. Company - Daisy the Great - Tell me the truth if the truth means I'm better / Than I am in my head (I am in my head) / I hate what I want because I can't have it / I want your company

13. Distractions - Wild Painting - I'm here lyin next to you / In my mind, you're all that I really want / Claws and the marks on my favorite shirt / Got me feeling the motions, I didn't know / I had for you, you thought you knew / But you didn't / And I didn't at all

14. R U Mine? - Ratwyfe - Looking into your moonlit eyes / You look so enchanting tonight / I get scared when I see your face / ‘Cause I don’t know why you would ever stay

15. Choices - To Kill A King - He's on your doorstep / He's laden with flowers / This garden is freezing, teasing / You're leaving me for hours

16. 1996 - Wild Child - Sometimes it's more than I can take / I try to hold on 'cause I always run away / Just want to see you at the end of every day / Guess if I lose, I'll love you anyways

17. Honeydew - Small Talks - Honeydew / Don’t take it personal cause I love you too / But not the way you want me / I adore you, but not the way you want me to

18. Lost - Liza Anne - I'll be lost if I love him, lost if I won't / And I can't muster up the courage to say it's best that I leave / I can't muster up much of anything when I'm feeling you breathe

19. Waiting on a Ghost - Left at London - I was in love, I couldn't stand you / I could move on, I never planned to / Now I'm in the kitchen just making a meal you won't eat / And cooking exhausts me but I thought I'd try to be sweet

20. Moon Song - Phoebe Bridgers - You couldn't have / Stuck your tongue down the throat of somebody / Who loves you more / So I will wait for the next time you want me / Like a dog with a bird at your door

21. Rearview - Beach Bunny - Underneath all apathy / You're woven into my tapestry / Did you ever love me at all? / Sometimes I start to lose control

22. Vacation Home - Whitehall - Sometimes, I feel like I'm a house / By the shore, oh I don't wanna be / Some kind of resort for you when you get bored / You know me, I'd rather be / Some place where you can feel happy

23. You Are the Apple - Lady Lamb - You devoured my heart / You devoured my heart like it was strawberry cake at a birthday celebration / But I still need your love / I still need your love / I need your love / I need your love / Yeah, yeah, yeah / I still need your teeth around my organs

24. Baby No More (acoustic) - Anjimile - Am I / Not supposed to hurt you? / Am I / Not supposed to make you cry? / Damn, I / I just don't know good loving / The right way

25. Things We Never Say - Bad Bad Hat - Wish I knew what you were thinking when you kissed me on the floor / But I’m not sorry that I let you, or that we did this whole thing wrong / And I never say I love you, but I meant it all along

26. midnight love - girl in red - I hope that the right time one day arrives / So I'll be willing to let this die / Able to look you right in the eyes / Say I'm not your consolation prize

27. Please You - Montaigne - I'm going to sit here in the dark / And hope one day I make my mark on you, it's all I long to do / I belong to me and to my heart / I hope one day that I can stop, can stop, can stop / Trying to please you

28. His Hands - Blegh - You're too real for me / You should go to something better / I'll give you to someone better / I have friends that'll be on earth for longer / I have friends that won't feel like monsters

29. Bottles - Little Image - I loved you, I loved you / Woah-oh / Did you love me? Did you ever love me? // Or anything anymore? / You bottle your love so tightly

#elle's playlists #heart beats best

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lookintotheunknown · 3 years ago

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Pregnancy is hard. And lonely. I know it’s worth it. I cannot wait to bring another child into this world. I can’t wait to see my son be a big brother. I can’t wait to see my husband love another child. I can’t wait to feel those tiny fingers wrap around my finger and feel my heart explode with love.

But pregnancy…is hard.

I feel so alone. I feel so sick all the time. Every single day, I just can’t wait to go back to bed. I have to get up and work and take care of my son, and all I want to do is sleep. My house is a disaster. My husband is doing a wonderful job trying to keep on top of things, but he doesn’t have it in him to keep on top of things the way I do usually. The mess makes the depression worse.

No one cares to reach out and ask how I’m doing, even when they know how hard pregnancy is on me. And I feel like I’ve complained enough to those who have listened.

I have so much guilt. Mom guilt because I’m not as active when it comes to playtime anymore. I’d rather sit on the couch and watch my husband and son play. Wife guilt because I am barely surviving. My husband has to do just about everything, and gets nothing back (obviously he gets a baby out of it too haha, but I mean short term). Friend guilt, because I barely remember to ask people how they are when I’m throwing myself a pity party.

I woke up this morning and the first thought was - I really hope I feel well. I really want to get the dishes done and my laundry put away. I really want to be productive at work. I really want to clean up my son’s toys. I really want to get some things put away.

Instead…I haven’t done anything today besides work. I don’t want to move because I feel like I will throw up. I don’t want to eat because food makes me feel sick, but my stomach is growing. I just feel miserable.

25 more weeks to go. And I seriously cannot wait to meet this bundle of joy. I will never regret this. I just wish I could enjoy life at the moment too!

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ateezmakemeweep · 4 years ago

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richboy!seonghwa (part 26)

word count: 5k

angst, fluff, smut

(part 25) (series masterlist)

you had spent the first half of the night crying. full on ugly crying, tears streaming down your cheeks and your sobs muffled into whichever boy was comforting you at the time.

mingi had proved to be the rational one. still sweet and gentle in the way he comforted you but also trying to get some coherent words and thoughts out of you. "you need to talk to us so we can help you, y/n. you'll feel better then."

but yunho understands that sometimes, crying it all out helps. that getting all of your hurt and anguish out in the form of sobbing is sometimes the way. thought his heart does hurt thinking about how much you've cried these past months, surprised that you have any tears left in you.

though how can you not?

with seonghwa's brokenness and dejected spirit in your mind. the way he drank himself into his most vulnerable state and confessed to how lonely he's been these past months.

with the way yeosang had acted so defensively and didn't seem to trust you. how neither of you contacted each other and now left you with the feeling that everything might be over.

for your own self, how you feel so much guilt and sadness for both of the boys. how the pit in your stomach is only grower larger and larger, feeling like after all of this time, you still haven't made a choice.

the choice you thought you made the second you decided to date yeosang, if the way you were just a second away from telling the boy you loved him was any indication. but now the way he reacted hurt you, him throwing your obvious confusion and past mistakes in your face so easily.

because while you don't believe kissing either of them was a mistake, being more open and honest in the first place might've saved everyone a little bit of trouble. the trouble that now you can't help but feel responsible for.

"it wasn't only you," mingi's quick to say, his large hands dabbing at your wet cheeks. "yeosang knew of seonghwa's feelings and seonghwa came on way too strong the second he met you."

it's words you've heard the boy say multiple times and usually, they slightly comforted you. but now it only makes your heart tug at the awfully messy situation this all had become. you think the worst part is that it could've destroyed a friendship, had yeosang and seonghwa not already been through so much together.

your tears finally stop after a few more softly spoken words from mingi but eventually his blunt and abrupt "enough fucking crying, y/n," snapping you out of your pity and shameful breakdown.

yunho eyes snap to the boy, his face twisting into one of shock. "mingi..." the boy says lowly, his eyes softening as he looks at the boy in disapproval.

"i'm not being a dick, y/n," he says, wiping at your wet cheeks one more time before taking your hand in his. "i'm just so sick of seeing you cry over this."

"and you think i'm not?" you whisper-yell, trying to keep your voice down to not alert your parents. "i don't know wh-what to do. i still don't know what to do, mingi. i've had fucking months to get it together and i'm still sitting here crying like an idiot. i'm toying with both of them like a selfish bitch and both of them are gonna tell me-"

"stop," yunho says, his deep, commanding voice causing your eyes widen; you've never heard him talk like that. he rises from your chair in the corner and sits on the other side of you, placing his arm around you and tugging you into his broad chest.

"listen to me. you're not gonna call yourself that again. we're gonna talk everything out even if it means staying up all night to get your head on straight again. okay?" he eyes mingi who's watching both of them carefully, smiling softly at the boy as if to say that's how you approach a crying teenage girl.

the three of you talk until your throat is raw, explaining to them how much it hurt you to see seonghwa like that. how you couldn't physically leave him at a bar drunk and upset when you knew you were to blame; and even if you weren't to blame, you couldn't allow that.

"but like i told yeosang, i would've done that for anyone. like if it was one of you, obviously. so i don't know why he had to throw that in my face!"

mingi and yunho smile softly at you, one of their large hands coming up to pat down your messy hair.

"i know, sweetling. he knows that too," yunho tells you, "he probably just felt threatened and scared."

"but why?" you cry out, looking at the boys with a baffled expression. "i was literally about to tell him i love him and now he's upset that i went to pick up our fri-"

"wait, what?" they both blurt out, yunho's eyes lit up with happiness and surprise as mingi's mouth is dropped into an o shape.

"yeah," you say, nodding your head a shy smile makes it way on your face; you suppose you'd never said that out loud before. "i really felt like i was ready to say it, especially on our trip together. but now with this, i don't-"

"one fight doesn't mean you don't love him anymore," mingi says, "you either love him or you don't."

you take a moment to think about his words, remembering all your good moments with yeosang. from both ski trips and your time at school and on all of your dates and times at his house.

and you think, even given the way you guys first met an were with each other, that the good outweigh the bad. he brings out a spark in you that you were always too scared and timid to show. he pushes you to go out of your comfort zone and will tell you things you need to hear even if they're harsh.

"i-i do," you eventually find yourself saying, a happy feeling fluttering in your stomach as you admit it aloud.

because when it comes down to it, if you guys broke up over this, you'd be devastated. if you guys broke up at all, you couldn't imagine seeing him and being okay with not talking to him, not going home without him and never being able to laugh with him on his couch.

"okay, good," yunho says with a smile. "that was one of the two things we have to settle." the blonde looks at mingi with a leading look, the redhead rolling his eyes slightly at his....friend.

"why do you make me say the hard stuff," mingi growls.

"because you're the mean one. i'm the nice, soft spoken one."

you giggle when see mingi's eyes narrow at him, affection and care even obvious in his 'angry' expression.

you know tonight is a time for you to get your shit together, so everyone can move on from this and maybe every interaction won't be these two boys comforting you. but you can't wait for the moment you can finally ask them what's been going on between them.

because you know it's something.

"whatever," mingi says, the growl in his voice not all that biting or scary before he turns to look at you. you see his eyes soften as he looks over your face, bringing his hand down to rest atop yours again.

"but then we have to ask, what about seonghwa? do you love him too?"

you lick at your lips anxiously, almost wanting to laugh at this. because you're just a group of teenagers sitting in your bedroom at 2 am, crying and talking about love like you guys know anything at all. but it truly feels like everything is so intense and serious; because what love is more passionate than those of naive high schoolers?

your mind wracks over the not so simple question for a few minutes. you think about your memories with seonghwa and the pang in your heart tells you you care deeply for the boy and the memories he's given you. you love that he was there for you and helped you and was kind to you.

but that might be the difference. the cliche, well-known idea of loving someone versus being in love with someone. but that feels like the only way to describe yourself in this situation. describe why not a single part of you wants to hurt seonghwa, why you've maybe been dragging your feet through all of this and finding it so incredibly hard to deal with.

because even after tonight, you don't wanna make the choice. consider what seems like the most obvious choice in the universe but knowing that's not what you want. because who wouldn't pick seonghwa? it seems as if right now, you should be leaning towards him.

but the way your eyes well up with tears is the first indication to everyone in the room that, while you might love him, it's not the way you love someone else.

so the second half of the night is spent coming to terms with his decision, laying right in the middle of yunho and mingi as you tell them about the first time you met seonghwa and how much he helped you in 4th period. how pretty much before you could defend yourself or say something back he was always there. how gentle and delicate and soft he always was with you.

the stories are such sharp contrasts to your beginning ones with yeosang that it should place some doubt in your mind.

but when your eyes are finally threatening to shut, your mind fogging with sleep and drowsiness, your last remaining thought is you hope you wake up to a message from your boyfriend.

and just a few hours later, that's exactly what happens.

the second your eyes snap open, you sit up slowly, yunho's heavy arm around your waist holding you down, before you reach out and grab your phone. it's barely eight in the morning but you already have two messages from yeosang and one from seonghwa, your heart falling into your stomach at the sight.

because both of the boys had said the same thing.

seonghwa:

-> i'm sorry.

yeosang:

-> i'm sorry, baby.

-> can we talk?

you let out a shaky breath, rising out of bed quietly as you pad over to your chair in the corner and decide how to respond. a quiet, almost pained groan leaves mingi's mouth when you click into your messages with seonghwa, looking at the boy with your eyebrows furrowed.

and then your heart nearly explodes when you watch yunho reach out in his sleep, his hand stretching out until it finds mingi's. you can't seem to look away as yunho's thumb unconsciously calms the boy, soft gentle strokes that causes mingi to roll over and move himself closer to him.

it's all so natural and instinctual, you can't stop the tears from pricking your eyes. you're even half tempted to snap a photo but decide against it, wanting to talk to the boy's first before you start taking their photos with the sole purpose of seeing them blush and hide into one another.

you look down at your phone and swallow the lump in your throat, your thumbs twiddling over the screen.

you don't know if he remembers anything he even said, if he only woke to san's concerned gaze who told him a...minute version of what happened. it's why you only respond that it's okay; you wanna say so much more, apologize yourself and assure him that he didn't do anything wrong, but you know now isn't the time.

seonghwa needs time to himself and you need time to talk with yeosang. which is why you respond to his message with a short "yes," his immediate text back asking if he could pick you up.

you text yunho and mingi in your group chat that you went to yeosang's and that your parents still know they're there (you made sure to tell your mom in the event that she walked into your room and saw the two large boys spooning on your bed).

yeosang's familiar car pulls up in front of your house as you sit on the couch with luna, stroking her white fur while trying to consider why you never thought to blame her. because if it hadn't been for her antics, you would've never wound up in seonghwa's backyard. but then she purrs on you and it's all over, petting her neck one more time before shooting up and out your door.

any hesitance and nervousness you feel when you sit down in yeosang's car vanishes the second you close the door. because when you turn around, he pulls you into his arms. it's a slightly awkward hug, given the console in the middle of you, but he couldn't wait any longer after the nightmare that was the past ten hours.

"i'm sorry," you hear his deep voice say quietly, "i'm so sorry for what i said. i was a fucking asshole and i didn't mean any of it."

tears prick at your eyes because of all the scenarios you thought of happening, this was the best possible case. knowing you guys still had things to talk about and feelings to confess but getting apologies and regrets out of the way immediately. not holding on to any anger or animosity.

"i'm sorry, too," you mumble into his neck. "i-it wasn't fair of me to say that and not listen to yo-"

"you don't have to listen to me, you can make your own decisions," he says as he pulls back, taking your face in his hands and running them over your cheeks. "i was just being a fucking pussy and thought you...wanted to be with seonghwa."

your lips can't help but quirk into a smirk at his vulgarity, shaking your head as your gaze meets his head on. he's looking at you so intently, eyes boring right into yours as they hold all the emotion and stress from the long night, even with you now in front of him.

"no," you say softly, shaking your head as you take his hand in yours. "i care about seonghwa but i..." the words are right on the tip of your tongue but you don't think this is the right place to say it. in the car, two seconds after making up from a fight. "i wanna be with you."

he tightens his hold on your hand, bringing it to his mouth to place a chaste kiss on. the smile he gives you makes your stomach flutter and swoop, no hint of the painful knot that was torturing it all night.

"thank god," he sighs out, "i thought...i wanted to..." you watch him struggle with the words and don't know it's for the very same reasons you were just struggling with. "just...thank god."

you smile and lean over to place a peck on his cheek, pulling back and immediately flushing when the low growl of your stomach erupts in the car. he raises his eyebrow playfully at you, your lowly spoken "shut up," causing him to smile.

"how 'bout we get breakfast?"

your breakfast date was fun and relaxed, given the circumstances. he drank half of your juice and you accidentally doused his waffles with too much syrup, both of you swatting playfully at the other. but the second you get to his house and take a seat on his sofa, you know the talk isn't over yet.

because when things are said like that in the moment, it's important to know if those are hidden thoughts that you've been keeping from each other. it's why you're the first to prompt the question and start the conversation, even though you just wanna bury yourself in his chest and take a well-deserved nap.

"does...the fact that i kissed seonghwa still bother you?"

he isn't even thrown off by the question, the sharp inhale he takes more at the reminder he spit that out in a fit of rage. it was that comment that made his blood boil, not at the fact he had to remember that fact, he remembers it everyday because of the impact it once had on you and him and his best friend.

it was more so that he used it against you, knew how much it upset you and how much you struggled with it but still decided to throw in your face. and for that, he's always gonna feel like an asshole.

"no, baby," he says, voice soft and sincere. he sees you give him an unconvinced look, your head cocked to the side with your eyebrow raised. "i'm serious," he continues, "i knew back then that...that was a possibility. in case you forgot, i used to have to watch you and him be all over each other."

your head falls to your chest despite his teasing tone, a tiny sigh leaving your mouth causing him to frown. he places his under your chin to lift your head, leaning forward to press a kiss to the tip of your nose.

"i was kidding, love. i promise, though, it doesn't bother me. i...only said that to be a dick. because i was feeling threatened and scared."

"like a pussy," you mumble lowly, not being able to control the smirk pulling at your lips. he snorts as he shakes his head, squeezing your face ever so slightly as he does so.

"like a pussy," he agrees, the chuckle that bubbles out of his mouth contagious. but then the laughter stops and his eyes soften, remembering the comeback you said that gave him a hard, aching blow to the heart.

"in case you forgot, he was saving me from you. because you were always the one being an asshole to me and making me cry."

because he couldn't even deny this part of it. he was an asshole and he did make you cry and seonghwa did save you from him every single time. in the library and on the ski trip and even on new years when he fucked up again.

which is why it's baffling to him why you're choosing him. why you're still with him when it's obvious seonghwa should be the one you're with.

"y/n," his deep voice utters quietly, knowing he was gonna speak by the way his eyes were currently roaming your face.

"what?" you squeak, the constant change of the mood today nearly giving you whiplash.

"i'm sorry i was such an asshole to you, in the beginning," he says. because while you guys joke that he's an asshole now, he knows he was an honest to god, true asshole. mean and conniving for no other reason than that that's how he was fighting his feelings for you.

and it's such lousy, juvenile excuse. but it's the truth nonetheless.

"i hate that i've made you cry so much," he hums, trailing his finger across your face gently. you swallow at the delicacy of his touch, warm and familiar and so gentle like he thinks you're gonna break at any moment.

"it's okay, yeosang," you mumble, your glossy eyes meeting his as you feel your throat grown thick with emotion. "i-i know you had your reasons."

a humorless laugh leaves his mouth as he shakes his head at you, feeling his heart pang again because "no reason would justify it, y/n. i was a dick and you shouldn't let me off the hook so easily."

you narrow your eyes at him, turning your head to the side as you take in his words. "what should i do then?" you eventually ask, "dump you? never forgive you?"

"yeah," he mumbles lowly, feeling in his heart and soul that's what he deserves. he shouldn't get to have you when you have other..suitable options. he shouldn't allow himself to accept your kindness and graciousness and affection. he should tell you to leave him and never look back but, because he's not a suitable option, he's too selfish to say that. "something like that."

"well i don't want to," you say firmly, knowing in that obnoxious little of head of his he's probably making up excuses as to why you should want to. that the way he's treated you should outweigh how is he now and probably some other nonsense about how he shouldn't accept your love. because that's what it is.

"because i love you. and i'd be really sad if you made me break up with you just because you're deciding to be a-"

"what?" he asks, his heart stilling and body freezing at what he thinks he just heard.

"what?" you parrot, trying so hard to contain the smile threatening to pull at your lips. but you can't help it, the look of absolute shock and disbelief on his face is far too funny.

"what did you just say?"

"that i don't want too?" you ask, met with a firm shake of the head.

your eyebrow raises in mock confusion. "that i'd be really sad if you made me-"

"y/n," he says warningly, very much on the verge of passing out or exploding.

your small, teasing giggle rings through the pool house and he'd wanna reprimand you if he wasn't in such a flustered state. because there's no way you said that. he had to have misheard, just hearing what he wants to instead of a very obvious-

"i love you," you repeat, the words still foreign and weird on your tongue. but it feels good to finally say it to him, a sad, sick part of your brain wondering when the last time he heard that was.

"why?" he asks, his mouth slightly agape as he eyes you warily. warily like someone trying to protect themselves, save themselves from being hurt by something that could potentially make them crumble and really break into pieces.

but you have no intention of doing that.

"because i do," you tell him, scooting closer to him to straddle his lap and wrap your arms around his shoulders. "so don't tell me to break up with you again or not forgive you," you warn, "because i won't listen and you're not the-"

his lips crashing on yours stops the words from leaving your mouth, smiling into the kiss as you pull yourself closer to him. the kiss itself says everything he hasn't yet, his hands coming up to your cheeks and pulling your faces impossibly closer.

you guys have kissed a lot and this is probably the most passionate. no dominating tongues or threats to make you shut up or an underlying notion to tease the other. just your lips connecting and fitting together like it was meant to happen, your giddy smiles and giggles against one another lips eventually being the thing that makes you pull apart.

"i love you, too," he says, his forehead leaning against yours as he tries to catch his breath. "i don't know why you love me but i know for sure that i fucking love you."

your cheeks warm at his words, your stomach and heart fluttering as you bury your face shyly in his neck. because you hadn't thought about how'd you feel hearing the confession back and it's made you a whole lot more flustered than you thought.

"all the things we've done on this couch and that's what it takes to get you shy?" he laughs against your head. you poke at his stomach harshly and he narrows his eyes, pushing you down quickly as a surprised squeal leaves your mouth.

he's hovering above you for a few seconds before your lips collide again, his tongue teasing to slip inside your mouth that you eagerly open for him. your hands travel up to his hair and you pull him closer by the strands, his small groan vibrating against your mouth before he pulls back.

his eyes roam over your red lips and flushed cheeks, your wide eyes looking up at him with such happiness and love he still can't grasp the fact that this his life. can't grasp that fact that someone like you would want, love, someone like him.

"i love you," he blurts out again, your smile widening at his deep voice uttering that word again.

"i love you," you say back, feeling yourself grow shy again. but it only causes him to laugh, his hand reaching out so his finger can graze across your pink cheek.

"i can't believe you said it first," he says in disbelief, feeling confident just yesterday that he was gonna be the one to crack.

"i can't believe you tried to get me to break up with you a second before," you retort, narrowing your eyes at him in disbelief. his hand gently trails along your jaw, running along your parted lips before he taps you on the nose.

"i still wouldn't blame you if you-"

"shut. up." you say, his eyes widening and a smirk on his face at the aggressive way you say. but it's not as aggressive as the way you sit up, push him back and jump right on top of him. he lets out a strangled groan at your weight on him and you can't help but giggle, placing a peck to his lips before you ask if you can take a nap now.

and that's how the rest of the day goes. your body on top of yeosang's, head on his chest while your legs lay between his, as the both of you sleep soundly. you both needed it after the restless night of sleep you'd gotten, far too concerned about fixing your issues and getting back to this very spot.

it's why when you guys wake up hours later, the winter sun already long gone, he asks you to sleepover.

"please, baby," he whines, his voice still deep from sleep and rendering you completely unable to say no. "i need you, tonight. i wanna wake up to you."

you bite your lip at his uncharacteristically sweet words, smiling as you place a peck on his cheek. "you said the l word five hours ago and you've turned into a sap," you tease.

and any other day, he wouldn't allow you to get away with that. but he's feeling far too lucky and sentimental tonight, still half convinced you're gonna turn around and say never mind.

but of course, you don't. instead you agree to sleep over and wiggle excitedly, jumping up to see if he has any popcorn for a movie marathon you guys just have to have.

and at a new personal record, it takes you both until twenty minutes into the third movie to completely abandon it in exchange for a heated make out. you're laid out below him in just his t-shirt, moaning at the feeling of him kissing down your neck and rubbing at your exposed thighs. you push him backwards when it takes him too long to touch you where you want him to, straddling him with ease before you, without hesitance, pull his shirt over your head.

his eyes widen for a second, thrown by the action, before you press your lips back on his. you both are eventually only in underwear, his hardness right under your soaked thong as you rub against him purposefully.

"i-i'm ready, yeosang."

the boy's eyes widen at your words, immediately shooting up like you aren't riding over his leaking cock and making his body pulse with arousal.

"what?" he asks breathlessly, looking over your flushed body and messy hair. "are-are you sure?"

"yes," you tell him eagerly, "i promise."

"baby, if this is because we said i love you it doesn't mean we-"

"it's because i want you to fuck me, yeosang," you tell him, hazy eyes looking right at him as you do so. and that's all he needs to shut off the tv and throw you over his shoulder.

you giggle and smack his back until he throws you down on the bed, pulling at his boxers until his cock springs out of them and his body hovers over yours. he presses a deep kiss to your mouth before he trails down to your hickie-covered neck, licking over each and every one before he latches on to your nipple.

you cry out at the feeling, more wetness pooling between your thighs as you whine his name.

"gotta wait, baby," he says, moving to the other and causing you to throw your head back with a loud moan. "we're gonna do this slow." and slow it was, his lips inching himself further and further down your body until he was finally face to face with your core.

he rubbed his finger over the wet patch, humming in satisfaction when he hears your breathy sigh and quickly takes the waistband between his fingers. you feel yourself exposed to the cold air before his mouth attaches to your clit, your cries and moans of his name only getting louder the more he eats you out.

he sticks a finger in you to stretch you before adding another one, curling them just moments before the flicking and lapping of his tongue makes you scream out as an orgasm rips through your body.

he gives you a second to catch your breath before he's hovering over you again, taking you by the wrists and putting your hands above your head. "are you sure you wanna do this?" he asks gently, bending down to kiss you again. "we don't have to."

"i'm sure," you say, nodding your head with your flushed face and glossy eyes. you can still feel how wet and ready you are for him. "please."

you remember him taking your hands in his and intertwining your fingers as he entered you, the slight sting causing you tighten your hold on him. but then the pain passes and you're whining out again, getting off solely on the feel of him stretching you and his loud grunts echoing through the bedroom.

neither of you hear how the headboard starts smacking against the wall nor the way your moans and grunts and groans get louder and louder as the smacks get more persistent.

you only remember crying each others names at the same time, the feeling of him releasing inside of you the final straw in causing your eyes to roll back into your head. you're slightly aware of him pulling out of you and pressing a kiss to your forehead, leaving the bedroom to get a wet cloth and a glass of water.

"are you hurt, love?" you hear him ask, wincing only at the surprise of the warm towel between your thighs.

"no," you tiredly mumble, "good. re-really good." you smile lazily when you hear his laugh bounce off the walls, the bed dipping before his arms wrap around your waist.

"you're right," he mumbles into your skin, loud smacks of his lips kissing you causing you to laugh softly. "really good."

you turn in his hold and smile up at him, mumbling your last "i love you" before your face falls into his chest and sleep finally takes over your body. he mumbles his response over and over again, even when you're sleeping and completely unaware of it.

because he loves you and you love him and it's the first night he's peacefully fallen asleep, with a smile on his face, in this usually very cold, very dark bedroom.

(part 27)

#the way i'm contemplating a yungi spin off #jk aha #unless #seonghwa #yeosang #seonghwa angst #yeosang angst #yeosang fluff #yeosang smut #ateez #ateez fluff #ateez angst #ateez smut #seonghwa series #ateez series

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one-abuse-survivor · 3 years ago

Note

hi there! I have found out about this blog for 3-4 days and ever since i couldn’t stop thinking about it because it may be the best place for me to vent, sorry if i don’t specify the tw ahead, i don’t properly know how to classify which type of abusive parents i have so, it’s indeed a long ride and, before it gets too long, here i go:

lately, I have been feeling like I am nothing but a broken child although I'm almost 20 years old(and I feel like a 90 years old granny sometimes) because of how deprived I was to live and experience my teenage years to the fullest due to an overwhelmingly strict household that constantly prohibited me from doing things or told me all my life I wasn’t capable, won’t make it, I'm too weak and now that I'm an adult, I feel like I'm like a decade behind my peers since all I have is crappy mental health and addiction to social media. besides that, I feel extremely insecure about quite every single adult responsibility since I hardly can accomplish anything, and I'm permanently frightened that my parents were right, I am nothing but useless. seriously, I wish I was fearless and just went there and get things done but I'm stuffed with fear and self-consciousness since I don’t even remember if my family in general ever had a glimpse of faith in me. at 14, I thought it all would pass and I would figure out my life far away from them while enjoying my youth but now I still feel the same if not worse because the time is passing too fast and I threw my “golden years” away. no friends, no job, no nothing. anyways, thank you very much for making a room for people to vent and it saddens me to say that because I won’t wish it on my worst enemy but I hope someone can resonate with it so I can feel less lonely.

stay safe, thank you.

Hi! I'm glad you found this blog. Don't worry about being unable to specify the tw, it's completely optional ❤️

If you'd like a label for your abuse, I would say your parents constantly calling you useless and weak and telling you you'd never make it in life, as well as being controlling to the point you couldn't experience your teens like your peers, is emotional abuse. And I'm really sorry you had to go through this, nonnie :(

I can relate to this in a way, although I feel like I've luckily grown out of the feeling that I've "thrown away" my best years and now I'm finally able to feel like the best is yet to come. If it helps you at all to hear this, I'm 23, I moved in with my (non-abusive) dad this year, and I've never had a job either. It's pretty normal where I live if you're a uni student, but I still feel terrible about it from time to time.

Western societies tend to put youth on a pedestal, and this can be very damaging to everyone, but especially to people who spend their teens and/or early twenties struggling with undiagnosed disabilities, trauma, or mental illness, and also to marginalised youth. But even people who don't particularly struggle with any of these things often feel like they "threw away" their teenage years because they didn't look like "supposed to"—ie, they didn't look like they should according to mass media stories, where characters live their best adventures during those years, or find "true love" or success in those years, and then settle down in their early or mid-twenties and never have something exciting happen to them again.

I know at least one person my age who has expressed very similar feelings to yours. I've heard them say things like: "my life is over. I'm almost in my mid-twenties and all I've done is lose all my childhood friends and be mentally ill. There's nothing in life for me anymore." And I'm sure many, many people sadly feel this way too. So you're definitely not alone, sadly 😔

What I usually tell myself is that all those stories about characters having their golden years from ages 15-20 are just that—stories. Fiction. In real life, being a teenager sucks. High school is usually nothing more than a fever dream full of drama and stress that you forget a few months after you graduate and would never go back to. Your 20s are... weird, because it's the first time no one is telling you what path to follow and you suddenly find yourself racing against your peers to reach this imaginary goal called "success" that doesn't really mean anything. And even though I haven't reached those ages yet, I know for a fact life keeps bringing things your way in your 30s, 40s... All the way up to your 90s and 100s.

You can make incredibly close friends at 50 who are by your side for the rest of your life. You can fall in love at 30, at 60, at 80, or never in your life. You can find a new career path or hobby at 45 and change your life completely. Some queer people come out of the closet at 60. Some people in their 30s and 40s don't have a stable job and just work wherever they can. You can move to a new country and adopt your first pet at 65, and you can get married for the first time at 70. And, if you ask people of any of these ages what the best years of their lives were, I'm sure the vast majority of them would NOT say the 15-20 age range was their favourite. Because at 15-20 you barely have control over your life. You're still dependent on your parents for most of that time, almost always still studying, and still trying to figure out who you are and what you want in life.

I know it's really hard to believe, but it's normal to not keep your school friends in your 20s. It's normal to not have a job yet. I've met people in uni who had never kissed anyone and were fine with it. I'm 23 and I've never tried alcohol, and I'm fine with that, because it's just not something I'm interested in. My dad met his current wife when he was in his late 50s and this is the happiest relationship he's had in his life. Life doesn't end at 25. New things, good and bad and unexpected and life-changing, will come your way for as long as you're here, because we never stop growing, changing, learning, discovering ourselves, meeting people, and finding new things that bring us joy. We never stop having first times in life. Most importantly, there is no point in life where you can safely say "okay, the rest of my life is going to look exactly like it does right now."

There is no happily ever after in real life. There is no “if you haven't succeeded in life at this age, you never will”. You've got time. You've got your whole adult life ahead of you. And I may not know you, nonnie, but I have faith in you.

I hope some of this helps to hear, even if I'm sure you already know a lot of this rationally. And I really hope you can feel a little bit less lonely. I'm sending the biggest virtual hug your way ❤️

#Ask #Abuse #Abuse tw #Abusive parents #strict parents #Emotional abuse tw #Trauma tw #Alcohol mention

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onthesandsofdreams · 4 years ago

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Under The Storm

Pairing: Cassian x Jyn Rating: T Summary: Cassian knows he has a soulmate, after all, he bears the white tattoo on his right wrist that reads, ‘What a weather, huh?’ Words: 1721 Notes: Using the prompt ‘Soulmate’ from @dailyrebelcaptain‘ Valentine Day Celebration. Tagging: @mousedetective

Read @ AO3

Cassian knows he has a soulmate, after all, he bears the white tattoo on his right wrist that reads, ‘What a weather, huh?’

And while it is not the most clear of answers, because well, it’s about the weather, it brings him some form of comfort knowing that there is someone out there for him. Someone who will match and compliment him. Someone he can be happy and someone to love.

He has always wanted someone to love.

Even knowing his words, he has dated, because who knows if she or he would be the one. The tattoo will only change color once he has found his mate, and while he has heard those words, the tattoo remains white and has not changed. It has been heartbreaking, but he has dealt with it as best as he could.

He’s currently very single and looking. Hoping against hope that he will find the one he is meant to be in the next face, in the next heart or soul. But thus far, he has had no luck. But he refuses to give up or give into despair. Something inside of him tells him to keep going, that his special someone will find him as soon as they are able to. He believes in love, and he believes it will find a way.

And that way comes in the most unexpected way.

There is a massive storm coming to town, and he has already gone shopping and he is prepared to spend the rest of his day indoors. But then, as he is putting his groceries out, he realizes that he has forgotten to buy more dog food. Kay is running low and he will have to brave the storm and go out and get it. He doesn’t have it in him to leave his dog without food.

So, he grabs his parka and an umbrella and begins making his way to the store. He makes it there, buys what he needs and as he is making his way home, the rain turns into a downpour. He quickly seeks the shelter of a bus stop, he will have to wait for the rain to lessen before he can move out, his umbrella is already bending, a clear sign that is both old and about to break.

And he’s been there for a minute, when a woman arrives there, she’s holding her case atop her head, valiantly trying to avoid getting wet. It doesn’t work. She smiles when she sees him and says, “What a weather, huh?”

No sooner than those words leave her mouth, his wrist burns and, to his side, the woman curses and lets her briefcase fall to the floor. He is reeling, and he somehow manages to put the dog food down and lift his sleeves. The tattoo has changed.

Whereas a few moments before it was white and plain, now it’s deep blue with storm clouds around the words. “Uh.” Is all that he manages. And when he turns to see the woman, her eyes are wide and she is also cradling her right wrist, a matching tattoo can be found there. “Sorry?” He tell her.

Her eyes are wide, “Shit.” She says. “You’re my soulmate?”

“I suppose?” He is still very much dazzled, because his brain is not working very well right now. “I’m Cassian. Cassian Andor.” He offers his right hand.

The woman nods, “Jyn Erso,” she takes his hand and a slight electric shock runs to both their arms. He knows that she feels it because he sees her shiver at the same time he does. “Well, what a way for us to meet, huh?” She teases, not letting go of his hand.

“Indeed, in the middle of a storm, beneath a bus stop. What are the chances?”

“I don’t know,” it is only then that she lets go of his hand. “But I assume they’re very small, I mean, had my umbrella not breaking, I might have kept walking.”

And isn’t that a crushing thought? The idea of his soulmate just walking by, not stopping, never knowing is one he doesn’t like very much. “While I am sorry that you got wet,” he says slowly. “A very selfish part of me is glad your umbrella broke.”

Instead of being angry, she snorts in amusement. “A romantic notion, but I guess, given how we are just meeting, that is not too off. Look at us, two strangers trapped under a storm, meeting our soulmate just by chance.”

“Does it bother you?” He asks. He needs to know where he stands, if she wants to get to know him and perhaps, pursue a romantic relationship further down the road.

“It should,” she admits. “But I find that I’m not too bothered, it could have been worse.” Then, she leans forward, a smile on her face and with a spark in her eyes, “Unless you’re a serial killer, in that case, I’m going to tap out.”

It’s his turn to snort, “No, not a serial killer. I’m a book editor.”

“Oh thank god. And also, sounds fun. Any big names that you know?”

“A couple, have you heard of Bodhi Rook?”

Her eyes widen comically, “Have I? I have all his books, don’t tell me you work with him.”

He smiles. “He’s a really nice guy, I can get you a signed copy of your favorite book. I’m sure he won’t mind.”

Her eyes shine bright at the prospect, “I’d love that. Thank you.” She smiles and her smile comes easy, as if they had known each other forever. “I teach music, currently trying to get my students ready for a singing contest.”

“Oh?” He’s intrigued, he likes music and he has always enjoyed a good choir. “High school or college?”

“High school,” She answers easily enough. “They’re pretty great, but they tend to either take it over serious or not serious enough. But hey, it’s fine.”

“I should hope so. Got any pets?”

She shakes her head, “I don’t. But I can see you do, what breed?” She points at the dog food at his feet. “Is it a fancy one or a mutt?”

“A fancy one that was rescued, actually.” It was true, he had managed to find a local husky rescue and now he and Kay were pretty much inseparable. “A husky. He’s quite the drama queen. But he’s my best friend and just makes life so much better.”

“Good, I’m glad.” She then hesitates, takes another look at her wrist and then looks at him straight in his eyes, “Have you waited for long?” She points at his wrist. “Or were you hoping we never meet?”

“I have waited,” he won’t lie to her about it. “I got the tattoo when I was five, it’s been white until today. And truth be told, I wanted to meet you. Because I a romantic sap if you will, but I wanted to find that one special person who could compliment me and be a good match. I heard the words so often, but it never changed, and I didn’t want to give up and give in.”

She looks away and ruminates his words for a long time, he lets her, he doesn’t want her to feel pressured, but he won’t lie and pretend that he didn’t want to meet her. She’s still looking away when she speaks again, “I heard the words myself, but nothing changed. And I was ready to give up, they’re such common words that I wasn’t sure if I’d ever meet you. I lived my life and hoped for the best.”

“As did I. I never sat and waited. I lived and loved, but there was a big part of me that hope, that wonder, ‘will he or she be the one?’, so yes, I am quite thrilled that you are here and have the tattoo. But I will understand if you wish to walk away.”

It was that that caused her head to snap and turn to look at him. “No. I want to get to know you, I want to be your friend first. Truth be told, my life has been quite lonely and I’m tired and right now, I’m feeling quite selfish, because I want to call you mine and never share, is that terrible?”

He shook his head, his lips curling at the corners. “No, I think it’s quite human. For all the friends I have, it’s been lonely too. Almost as if there was a you shaped hole and no other could fill. How strange that is?”

“Not strange at all,” it was her turn to reassure him. “It makes sense, you’ve been waiting for me for a long time, and I’ve look for you for almost the same… what age are you?”

“I’m 30.”

She nodded, “And I’m 25, so you have waited since you were five for me. I’m here now, and Cassian Andor, I want to get to know you. To be your friend, possibly lover and love further down the road.”

Her words brought a smile to his face. “I would like that. Just because we’re soulmates doesn’t mean everything will be easy. I’m sure we’d be like all couples. But I am very much looking forward exploring ‘Us’.”

“As I am.”

While they had been talking, the rain had slowed and then fully stopped. He looked at the lack of rain and opened his umbrella and offered his arm, “Would you like me to walk you somewhere?”

She grins as she takes his arm, “How about we go for some coffee? There’s a great place two blocks away. And they make absolutely delightful pastries too. My treat.”

“Very well, coffee and pastries, off we go.”

It is only that she remembers what he’s bought and frowns, “Won’t your dog be hungry?”

“No, he’s got food for the day, this is back up in case he ran out.”

“Alrighty then, let’s go for that coffee.”

They walk under the umbrella out of the bus stop. And while the skies have not cleared, there’s no rain and some sunlight is coming through the clouds. The wind is chilly and the street is completely wet, but as they make their way to the café, both their hearts feel lighter at the promise of a tomorrow.

#drcvalentinescelebration #dailyrebelcaptain #RebelCaptain #therebelcaptainnetwork #cassian x jyn #jyn erso #cassian andor #rogue one #rogue one fic #au: modern #au: soulmates

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years ago

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Survey #375

“why do i see her, the never-ending night / why do i see her, wearing nothing but the dark?”

Who’s one person who changed how you viewed something? I hold Rhett & Link responsible for "curing" my homophobia. I went through a phase where I shipped them like CRAZY, and they're still my "OTP," and it really made me question why I had such a disgusting belief. The switch was officially flipped when listening to their podcast with Hannah Hart, who discussed growing up as a lesbian surrounded by homophobia. Let me tell you, it felt fucking good to let that repulsive belief go. It was my former religion that tied me to it, but it could no longer be an excuse to me, even when I stayed Christian a while longer. And here I am now as a bisexual woman who wants to deck younger me dead in the face. :') Were you ever scared of driving? What scared you about it? I am TERRIFIED of driving. I'm most scared of getting in a wreck and killing somebody, something I would never. Ever. Ever. Forgive myself for. I'm also petrified of, once again, getting in a wreck and I wind up paralyzed from the neck down. The most memorable time that you skipped school, what did you do? Nothing very exciting. What was the last topic you did thorough research on? Why? Toxic masculinity for an essay in college. What is a dish you absolutely love, but hate to prepare yourself? I don't cook, so. Of the many different American accents, which one is your favorite? New York. Is there anything hanging from the doorknob in your room? No. Why did you move to where you’re living now? Because we had to get out of our former house because the growing mold problem was a health hazard (especially for Mom, given her then-recent cancer diagnosis), and our family friend newly owned this house as a part of the former resident's will. Said resident knew Mom as well and the house problems, so she wanted Tobey to help us into this house anyway. What’s your opinion on wearing pajamas in public? Do you yourself do that? I literally couldn't care less. I do it a lot. Do you usually fill up at the same gas station? No; Mom just pays attention to the price. Are you currently looking for a new job? No. I don't plan to until I'm done with TMS therapy. Are any of your relatives musicians? No. Have you ever had an asthma attack? Thank goodness no. My mom has asthma and I have seen her have an attack, so I know they're terrifying. Have you ever been in a hospital and not felt safe? There was one occasion during a psych hospital stay that my roommate had WILD anger issues. She would explode out of seemingly NOWHERE, to the point once or twice she had to be put in solitary because she would literally scream and damage shit, like throwing tables and such. She scared the piss out of me to the point I finally plucked up the courage to tell the nurses that I needed a different room. What’s the highest fever you’ve ever had? I don't remember. Have you ever been hospitalized for a day or more? At psych hospitals. I think my shortest visit was just shy of a week. Have you ever had surgery? Two. Are you lonely? I'm admittedly very lonely. Are you mad at someone right now? No. Do you eat late at night? I sometimes need a small midnight or so snack because I cannoooooooot sleep when my stomach is growling. If I'm in basically any sort of discomfort, I have extreme trouble sleeping. Who do you miss? A lot of people. I miss Jason, Megan, Mini, Hannia, Emily, Journee... I don't feel like dwelling on those I've lost. Who do you admire most? Mark. If you could transform into any animal what would it be and why? Maybe a cat. Quick, agile, stealthy, majestic, well-equipped to defend itself... sounds pretty good. Are you more artistic or mathematical? Definitely more artistic. Which supermarket do you usually shop at? Wal-Mart. When was the last time you went to McDonald’s? I'm not sure, but it's been a while. Maybe around a month. What was the last chocolate bar you ate? I believe I had a 3 Musketeers because I was really craving one. Who was the last person you talked to on Skype/video chat? The woman who was doing my evaluation to determine if I was a good fit for TMS therapy. Can you remember the first time you ever talked to the person you love/like? Does he/she remember? I think I might have a vague idea, but I don't really remember. Would you be able to have a relationship with someone you didn’t find attractive, if they had a nice personality and treated you well? Yep. It sounds cheesy, but I do mean it when I say a beautiful inside blossoms into the body itself for me personally. Does the last person you kissed have brown eyes? Yes. Have you ever really liked someone to begin with, then changed your mind about them? I guess you could say Girt, because I had a pretty big crush on him when I started HS. We were just friends for way too long that when we finally dated years upon years later, it felt much too weird. He really was my "brother from another mother" by that point. Has anyone ever told you that they wanted to spend the rest of their life with you? Aaaaand he left. :^) If you decided to dye your hair, would you choose to go lighter or darker? Lighter. I want to dye my hair pastel colors so very badly. Do you know what the Enneagram is and if so, what’s your type? INFP. Do you listen to Mayday Parade? I only know "Terrible Things," which I positively adore. Do you have trouble falling asleep at night? I have an extremely hard time sleeping at night. It's honestly one reason I sometimes sleep so much during the day. Are you on a laptop, desktop or phone/iPod? A laptop. Have you ever been so angry that you screamed out of nowhere? I've screamed into a pillow. What’s the longest movie you’ve ever watched? I dunno, maybe over three hours? What was the last thing you watched on Netflix or Hulu? I have no clue. What do you think about your current relationship status? I mean I miss being in love and having someone who sees a future with me, but I know in the deepest part of me that it's wiser that I stay single until I figure some things out. Of most concern, I don't have a job or even a confident sign I'll have one soon, I'm not in school headed for a career, I don't drive, I don't cook... I'm a liability, financially and in other ways. It wouldn't be fair to my partner or even myself to go into a relationship with a heavy risk of heartbreak because I'm taking too long to get to where I want to be. I'm 25 now - if/when I get into a relationship, I want forever, and I'm not wasting time on anyone for almost inevitable failure as romantic partners. I want to AT LEAST have a steady job before I enter another relationship. How many people have you kissed? Three or four. Do you go out on dates? I have no one to go on a date with. Do you kiss on the first date? I never have and probably wouldn't, but I guess if things went very well and I was really into the person, maybe I would. What’s the farthest you’ve gone with someone? Doing to do. Would you rather receive a stuffed animal, flowers, or chocolate? I'd really appreciate any. I think flowers are sorta overrated though honestly, like someone ripped some healthy flowers from their roots and doomed them to a quickly-approaching death, but society still has a part of me thinking "oh that's sweet." I think more than anything, I'd be crazy over a meerkat plushy. Or would expensive jewelry just be fine? You really don't have to do that for me; I don't really wear much jewelry at all anyway. Odds are you'd be wasting your money. What’s the cheesiest romantic gift you’ve ever received? I don't know. Do you like romantic poetry? Yessssssssss. Have you ever been rickrolled? I'm unsure. Do you like bologna? Yeah. It was my favorite lunch meat as a kid. Have you ever had a nose bleed? Yes. Have you ever puked on a fair ride before? No, because I don't go on rides that generally induce that sort of risk. What animals have you ridden? Just ponies. What is your parents' idea of grounding you? Taking away my access to the computer. Dragons or unicorns? Dragons! Do you wish vampires existed? Uh, no. At the moment what is your favorite song? I'm going through another phase of really digging "Castle of Glass" by Linkin Park. Have you ever been pantsed? No. What is your favorite magazine? I don’t read any. Did you ever like Barbies? Do you currently like Barbies? I never really was, I just played with them when my little sister wanted to. I was more into playing with my dinosaurs and Pokemon and stuff. I'm not into them now, either. What’s your favorite hit song right now? I don't know what songs are "hits" right now. What’s your favorite element? (fire, water, air) Fire, aesthetically. Have you ever been to a wild party? Nah. Do you put on a robe when it’s cold? I don't own a robe. Is the last person you kissed gay? She's demisexual. What breed was the last dog you saw? She's some sort of hound mix. We think there might be dalmatian in her, too. What type of day are you having? It's been all right. I'm just REALLY not feeling this damn heat. Driving an hour and back to the TMS office in a car that has no A/C is agony. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced? It's been pierced multiple times, and I want to do it again, but this time with a nostril hoop versus a stud so the goddamn thing stays in. Do you prefer warm or cold weather? I have an incredibly strong preference for cold weather. Fuck the heat. Like just 70*F is "too hot" to me. Who was the last person you talked to in person? My mom. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? No. Do you like rain? Yes, but I don't like being caught out in it. I just like looking at and listening to it. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them? Yep. Do you like to cuddle? If I really like you and it's not too hot, yeah. Are you shy? I'm excruciatingly shy. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you? Hunny, I'd do that for free. Which do you like better- zebra print or leopard print? I'm not really a fan of either particular pattern on anything but the animal. Do you have any stickers on your car? I don't have my own car, but Mom has one that allows her to park in her old school's parking lot. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars? No. My sister Misty, tho

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''her silent language'' by dark tranquility

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danielxricciardo · 3 years ago

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Original prompt list

1. "Hi, my ex just walked in. Would you hold my hand please?"

2. "I didn't expect to see you here."

3. "Have you seen this dog?"

4. “That mouth of yours, does it ever stop making noise”

5. “Seven minutes in heaven is for virgin teenagers”

6. “Slam that door one more time and I’ll shove my foot straight up your cute ass”

7. “Jesus! Knock next time would you”

8. “You have money go and get yourself a hoodie that’s not mine”

9. "I hate roses, I thought you knew"

10. "Do you think I am an angel? Ha"

11. "I wanted to sleep but someone decided to die"

12. "I can kill you right now, what are you talking about?"

13. "Hi, I am lost, can you come after me?"

14. "When I first saw you I wanted to date your best friend"

15. "I am so funny and you are just jealous"

16. "If I have to choose... no"

17. "Stop breathing like that!"

18. "I just did my nails"

19. "I'm the best driver în the world"

20. "Will you marry me?" "No"

21. "I think I broke my arm" "So?"

22. "I think I love you" "Thanks"

23. "My arms are lonely, don't you think?"

24. "Apparently we are dating"

25. “Well it’s kind of hard to move when you’re sitting on my lap”

26. "Those things you said yesterday, did you mean them?"

27. "If we elope, you think they'll kill us?"

28. "This is yours"

29. "You can’t just kiss me, laugh and then walk away."

30. "Are you using ass as a pillow?"

31." I find your lack of faith disturbing."

32. "And I took it personally"

33. "In here I am the boss"

34. "Oh, bite me!" "Where?"

35. "What will you do if we break up?"

36. "Where is my T-shit?"

37. "This is no time for sarcastic comments." "There is always time for sarcastic comments."

38. "I’ll keep quiet, you won’t even know I’m here."

39. "The way you flirt is just awful"

40. "Don’t be fooled. I’m the epitome of mess."

41. " If you are on TV should I congratulate you?"

42. "And this, is why we can’t have nice things."

43. "That's what he said"

44. "I am scared of your boss"

45. "You should know, a lot of girls have a crush on me"

46. "Everyone is afraid of you"

47. "If I'm watching that movie one more time I'll lose my fucking mind!"

48. "I thought being on vacation will be stress free"

49. "My parents don't trust you"

50. "I don't think I should give my last name so easily"

51. “I really wish I could unsee that.”

52. “Who would’ve guessed we’d be sharing a room.”

53. “I feel like you have an unhealthy obsession with me.”

54. “Nah he’s fine, it’s the other one you really got to watch out for.”

55. “I have a suggestion.” “I’m not taking my clothes off so forget it.”

56. “You’re the genius, why don’t you tell me?”

57. “Have I ever told you your accent makes me swoon?” “Really?” “No.” He/she smiles. “ that’s why I’ve never told you.”

58. “I’m alive? How am I still alive?”

59. “You’re crazy! I love it!”

60. “Never have I ever is about to get a lot more interesting.”

61. “What did they do?” “Dude. They did the do.”

62. "You can’t keep pretending it didn’t happen, cause guess what? It did!"

63. "Well this is awkward."

64. "Im too sober for this."

65. "Im pregnant." "Wall done, Virgin Mary!"

66. " I want to protect you."

67. "Kill that spider and maybe I'll forgive you"

68. "I have no one to go to the wedding"

69. "Don’t you dare touch _______!"

70. "I thought you were dead!"

71. "This is, without a doubt, the stupidest plan you’ve ever had. Of course I’m in."

72. "Take care of you, please"

73. "If your best friend single?"

74. "Just remember, if we get caught, you’re deaf and I don’t speak English."

75. "Why does everyone assume we're a couple?"

76. "Im craving something sweet" "Are you pregnant or something?"

77. " What is the magic word?" "I'll kill you în your sleep"

78. "When I see you my knees get weak"

79. "Finally you're single. Can I take you on a date?"

80. " So, I guess you don’t do after hours?"

81. "I know what I'm doing, I've watched two whole seasons of Grey's Anatomy."

82. "I can't believe I'm stuck here with you right now."

83. "Okay, this did not go as I planned it in the shower."

84. "I'm not going to sit around and watch you destroy yourself."

85. "You were my best friend"

86. "You did what?"

87. "Can you just pretend to love me for a second!"

88. "You are enough"

89. "Take the shirt off"

90. "Your nickname is bitch"

91. "What do you want to watch?" "You"

92. "How could you ask me that?"

93. "Your mouth does this thing and I can't resist it"

94. "Are you allowed to drink?"

95. "I said Im done, leave me alone!"

96. "Don’t raise your fucking voice at me”

97. “Yeah, I remember the drill”

98. “Tell me again, slowly this time, why that dog is in my bed.”

99. “Gave you so much, but it wasn’t enough.”

100. “You and me, we were destined to fall apart.”

101. “No, you don’t know who you are until somebody breaks your heart.”

102. “I want to tell you everything. The words I never got to say the first time around.”

103. “It’s better to feel pain, than nothing at all.”

#my prompts #story prompt #prompt list #fanfic prompt #writing prompt #dialogue prompts #writers block #writing ideas #fanfic ideas

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jentlemahae · 3 years ago

Note

hi! I am here to inquire about the plot of dream verse 💓

under the cut bcs i got carried away

EP 1: Dive Into You

It is no secret that 20-year-olf Park Jisung was born in luck. He was the full package – tall, handsome, smart, good-hearted, skilled at sports, and extremely rich. His family had found wealth 25 years before, when his grandfather (Park Haru) started the hot sauce business that would become the most successful hot sauce business in South Korea – DREAM FLAVOR. No one knew exactly how he had done it, as it seemed to have happened in the blink of an eye – people always asked him, but all he would do was wink and say, ‘I just had a spark of good luck’. But no one knew how true that was.

Jisung always looked up to his grandfather, and trusted every single word that came out of his mouth. His step-father (Jae-yi), however, had a much different opinion on the old man. He thought Haru was a total nut case, always nagging him obsessing over that damn candle. Truth be told, he did sort of have a point. Haru had a candle he was extremely secretive about, which he kept in a locked room beside his bedroom. You know, the “normal” place where people keep candles. As he was growing up, he always told Jisung that the candle was actually far more precious than it seemed, and that he should never let it blow out. A bunch of popicocks, as his father would say, but Jisung never forgot it.

He still didn’t forget it on that cold day of early May – that is, the day his grandfather died. Some people say death isn’t lonely, but that’s exactly how Jisung felt. Haru was not just his grandpa – he was his role model, his teacher, and most of all, his friend. On his will, he decidedto give Jisung a key to the candle’s room with a note that said, ‘I’m giving my spark of good luck to you and ONLY you. Use it well’. Jisung was torn because he wanted to trust that the last words his grandpa said to him were meaningful, but he couldn’t help but think, ‘What’s this old nut saying?’. Nonetheless, he took the key and went into the ominous room, with nothing but hope as his company. The candle was burning in the center of the dark windowless room, untouched and unsettling. It was just a normal candle you could find at a local market, yet something about the flame made it impossible to look away. Unsure of what to do, he decided to just leave and go home to try to forget about the whole thing. Yet, the trembling flame kept haunting his dreams for the entire night.

The next day, Jisung’s father decided it was time to move into Haru’s house and turn it upside down, with no care to the fact that the body of Haru was almost not even cold yet. He wanted to clean each room, but he couldn’t get into the candle room. Jisung was unsure of what to do – he did think his grandfather was bananas, but he also didn’t want to disrespect the only legacy he had left him. So, he refused to give up the key, and instead offered to clean the room himself. After dusting every inch of the area, he opened the door to let some air in. But as the wind was roaring outside, a sudden violent breeze came through the door and blew the candle out. Jisung rushed over and then ran to get a box of matches, to try to light it up as quickly as possible. However, no match seemed to work, as the fire appeared to refuse to burn again. With a wretched feeling in his gut, he immediately left and went back home to take a nap, trying to tell himself that it was nothing big. Boy, was he wrong…

When Jisung woke up from his nap, the sight that welcomed him was not what he expected – a young boy with blue hair and a green hoodie was sitting on the floor across from his bed. ‘Hi, I’m Mark’, he said – simple words that scared Jisung to his very bones. Raddled and very confused, Jisung decided to call his 5 friends – Renjun, Jeno, Haechan, Jaemin, and Chenle – and asked them to come over, hoping that together they would be able to make sense of the situation. But alas, they did not. As they watched Mark ravaging Jisung’s fridge as if he hadn’t eaten in a decade, they tried to come up with a game plan.

However, quick-tempered Haechan quickly lost his patience, and told Mark either he left on his own, or they were going to call the police. At which Mark looked at Jisung in disbelief and asked him if his grandfather hadn’t told him anything about him. Utterly confused, the boy shook his head, and so Mark told his story to the 6 googly-eyed friends…

Mark was 500-year-old spirit, born under the Joseon dynasty. Once he died, a witch bounded him to the candle – whenever someone lit it, Mark would bring good fortune and money to their family as long as the flame was burning. If it was blown out, the fortune would stop and Mark could wander the earth freely until someone new lighted it again.

The 6 friends exchanged a look and knew they were all thinking the same thing – they had to light that candle up once again.

(end of ep 1, now I’m gonna go more quickly omg this is so long I’m genuinely sorry)

EP 2: Rainbow

Mark overhears a convo between the others and becomes aware of the fact that they want to put him back inside the candle, but obviously he doesn’t want to. So he makes a pact with them to have 3 days of freedom, and he plans on stealing the candle in the meantime. He wants to go to the beach, so the 7 of them go on a road trip.

The 7 of them do some bonding and Mark tells them more of this story. He was born in a family of slaves and had grown up seeing all the injustices inflicted upon his people by the hands of the hierarchs. So, one day he decided to take matters into his own hands and began retaliating, by stealing from the royals to help his family. But his anger for revenge couldn’t stop at just stealing – he wanted the blood of those who had hurt his people. So, when he died, the witch put him there as a punishment for the murders.

They find out he’s a nice guy so they don’t want to put him back into the candle, as they realize he should have a chance to live too. So Mark tells them there is a way he can be out but still have access to his powers – they need the help of the witch who put him there. Obviously she’s dead by now but her power ran through her family, so she must have a descendant who is able to help them.

EP 3: Diggity

The witch who put him there was called Man Wol Lee and, as they find out, was an ancestor of Haechan. He doesn’t have magic but his twin sister – Hae-soo – does. So they go to her and try their best to convince her (Mark is the only one who manages to get through to her). In the meantime – Haru’s business (who is now in the hands of Jisung’s father) begins to go into trouble + Mark is staying as Jisung’s house (as he’s usually by himself anyway since his parents both work a lot) so the two have a lot of talks and stuff (e.g. Mark explains that when the candle is lit, he is stuck in a limbo called the Dreamverse – i.e. a place stuck between life and death where he has to face his own worst nightmares + tells him how he had met Haru). Anyways, they get Hae-soo to try something witchy so she channels Man Wol’s spirit with a spell book they found (and that Mark translated since he knew old Korean). They find out Mark and Man Wol used to be lovers (uh) in the old times, and she was the one who killed him and then forced him into the candle because she wanted to stop his lust for blood. She tells them the only way to free Mark is to bind someone else to the candle, to replace him.

EP 4: Irreplaceable

(+ Mark starts being mean to Hae-soo bcs he’s mad at Man Wol) They conclude the person they lock up should be a bad person + they don’t wanna kill them so they should find someone who justdied. So they go to the hospital but don’t find anyone (un)worthy enough (they know bcs Mark see what someone has been like while they were alive bcs of a spirit thingy).

*some shit happens*

They discover the candle got stolen. They search for a while, but then Mark disappears – someone must have lighted the candle again.

EP 5: Be There For You

Hae-soo does a locator spell so they’re able to find the candle, and discover that it’s now in possession of Vincenzo Cassano, one of the biggest mafia bosses in South Korea (he had heard of the candle’s powers and he wanted to use it). The 6 boys go to him to try to blow the candle out and free Mark, but they get caught and are taken hostage (they are taken to a storage area near Vincenzo’s house). Thankfully, Hae-soo followed them and blew the candle out, so Mark goes to free them but when he’s about to kill Vincenzo to protect Hae-soo, he can’t bcs spirits can’t kill the people who used to “own” them, so Jisung throws himself in the middle and gets shot instead. To stop him from dying, Hae-soo puts him in the candle.

EP 6: All Night Long

They realize Vincenzo has fled and has taken the candle. So there are two “realities” in the episode.

On one hand, there’s Jisung who is in the Dreamverse. There he sees a world exactly like his true reality BUT everything goes wrong – his grandfather is alive but tells him he’s a disappointment + his mother dies at Jisung’s hands + Jeno, Jaemin, Renjun, Chenle and Haechan force him to kill Hae-soo + they then try to kill him so he has to run away.

*BACKSTORY: Jisung’s father died before he was born + then his mother re-married but then she dies as well when he was 16 + Jisung never got along with Jae-yi and even less after the death of his mom

On the other hand, the others are trying to figure out how to bring Jisung back. Hae-soo and Mark contact Man Wol to ask her more information – she tells them they can enter Dreamverse (with her help ofc) and can help Jisung find an “exit”, which Mark couldn’t use since Man Wol made it impossible for him to access to ensure he would not escape. Jisung can use it bcs the prison world was not created for him. Jaemin, Jeno, Renjun, Haechan and Chenle go to Vincenzo’s house to try to find something to track him down (since the locator spell doesn’t work). But when they go there they find Vincenzo’s dead body and no trace of the candle.

EP 7: Rocket

Two “realities” again.

Mark and Hae-soo go in Dreamverseto rescue Jisung (they find him first and the two mend fences). They convince him they’re real (bcs he’s kinda going bananas and can’t distinguish the Dreamversefrom reality) + they take him to the exit which is a door located in the middle of Dreamverse – the door is the door to the ‘candle’s room’ at Haru’s house. They go there (struggling bcs the others try to stop them + it takes a lot of energy for Hae-soo to keep them inside so she’s weak) and manage to get out (yay!).

Jaemin, Jeno, Renjun, Haechan and Chenle look at the CCTV (Haechan hacks into it) but they can’t see who killed Vincenzo (bcs there’s no cameras in that room) BUT there’s one in the garage so they can see the car of the person who killed him à the car plate! They recognize it so they know who’s the owner. They go back to Hae-soo’s to find them all out + tell them who is the killer (and has the candle) – Jisung’s step-father, Jae-yi.

EP 8: Hot Sauce

Jisung is out BUT he’s not human – he’s a spirit, both alive and dead at the same time (so he can’t feel touch and stuff, that’s important for later). + Jisung has a talk with Hae-soo to thank him for saving her life and apologize for putting him in that situation. He replies that he’s the one who’s thankful bcs she saved his life. They kiss <3 but Jisung can’t feel anything so :(

So Jisung, Jaemin, Jeno, Renjun, Haechan and Chenle go to Jae-yi’s (which is actually Haru’s) house and try to find evidence of him being linked to Vincenzo – Jisung still doesn’t wanna believe it, but they find evidence. Mark and Hae-soo contact Man Wol and explain to her the situation and ask if they can put Jisung’s father in there without killing him. She tells them there’s a way to do with just a drop of his blood + explains the spell to Hae-soo + tells Mark she forgives him. So they go face Jisung’s step-father: there’s a fight and yadiyadiyada but they manage to put him inside so yay!!!

The “owner” of the candle is now Jisung. He decides to use the fortune to continue Haru’s hot sauce business – he puts it in a box (the one from the life is still going on mv). Mark is a human now so he can go anywhere but decides to stay in Seoul and experience life as a normal college student. Jisung and Hae-soo kiss again <3

EP 9: Life Is Still Going On (BONUS EPISODE)

It’s 7 years into the future. Everyone meets again at a dinner thrown by Jisung.

Jisung is the CEO of DREAM FLAVOR and the company has grown even more + he’s engaged to Hae-soo who is doing her medical residency to become a surgeon + Haechan and Chenle are now starting a tech company together (about keeping you safe from hackers etc) + Jaemin is a surgical resident as well + Jeno is now a soccer player in the national team + Mark is getting his second Bachelor’s

They eat and chat + Jisung tells Haechan and Chenle he’s giving them the candle bcs they need the luck more since they’re starting a new business. So he blows it out + the episode ends with Haechan lighting it again.

-FIN-

Thanks for reading omg this was fun :DDD

#im not crazy i just like writing #if anyone reads it.........ily <3 #btw this has not been proofread + i wrote it bcs i was bored right after hot sauce #<3 #anonymous #sophie ask

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midnight-lightning · 4 years ago

Text

Missed Calls

Bucky barnes x Reader

Warning: Character's death, Desperation, Sadness (hopefully)

You opened your eyes and had no idea where you were.

It was dark, however a small amount of moon light that fell through the small space in between the curtains enlightend your room a little.

Then you smelled the bitter scent of alcohol and the peaceful moment between sleep and awakening crashed down, returning the painful memories and headache all at once again.

You didn't remember how you had reached your bed yesterday, if you had even reached it at all or if Steve had to carry you back in your room, after you had fallen asleep somewhere else again, which had happened too often these last time.

But on the other side you could also remember that you in fact didn't get the chance to get drunk as you planned because Steve that ass of a friend had taken your bottle of wine away immediately after he noticed the red glass in your hand.

He didn't know it had already been your second.

Or was it your third?

Either way the thought made you grin a little even for moment.

Yes, you weren't drunk, but god you wished you were, not to feel this endless pain anymore...

If you'd only knew where Steve hid Tony's supplies...

You stood up but midst your movement you lingered. Your eyes went back down to your phone which was frantically clung in your right hand.

Your damn phone... in the last days it had probably become your most hatred and simultaneous your most treasured belonging.

It had been one month already... it felt like a whole life time.

You dropped your head back into the pillow, pulling the blanket above your head.

The sudden bright light of your phone made you close you eyes in pain but you didn't need to see the screen of your phone anymore.At least five times at day, five times at night, sometimes even more often depending on how you felt.

That's why your fingers had already automated every movement to find the right page and press the right number in your contact list.

You held your eyes shut when you brought the phone up to your ear, feeling your heart bumping through your chest, the sick feeling rising again in your throat.

And even though you've done it nearly a hundred time somehow you still flinched when the first ringtone chimed in.

One time ...

A second time...

A third time...

By know you had gotten to the point where you just wanted to throw up or just punch anything, anyone. Or both.

The fourth time...

After the fifth time and as always exactly 25 seconds-

"Hello?"

Your heart stopped.

"Here is Bucky Barnes and ... I'm not available right now, so - leave a message? Yes... good bye. Why are you laughing, Steve?"

"I'm not laughing!"

You could hear Bucky sighting, then he chuckled and then it seemed like he was saying something else but it was cut off by the beep, signalising to speak on the mailbox.

Your heart ached by the sound of his voice, his little laugh.

The memory of that day suddenly flooded into your mind, when you and Steve finally convinced him to make his own mailbox and honestly it was one of the cutest memories you had of him.

The chuckle at the end was because of something you said and he had given you THIS smile, the smile you adored, the smile you would do anything to see again.

You didn't cry. Though you wanted, you felt like crying, but you guessed by now even your tears were tired.

Suddenly you realised you'd waited way too long to say something now and all at once you got angry with yourself.

With an annoyed huff you pressed the hang-up button and kicked your sheets off with your feet's before you sat up straight in bed.

What were you doing...

It's in the middle of the night, you should be sleeping, and not calling someone who will never even hear the messages, yet alone would pick up the phone ever again.

This is pathetic. So pathetic.

Sitting on your bed you opened the curtains - a little bit too forceful.

Shining down at you was the moon in its full beauty, somehow you got the feeling it was watching you in full judgement.

You weren't blind, nor deaf if all. You saw the worry in their eyes, the whispering when they thought you couldn't hear, and above all there was the pity.

This goddamn Pity. God, how you hated it.

He was the man you loved, not only with your heart but with your soul and your whole being.

But no matter how much you suffered, how much you felt like your heart is being ripped apart again and again every time you look behind only to see an empty place.

No matter thow often the thoughts of a future without him hurt so damn much - you weren't the only one who was in pain.

Right now nearly every single person in the whole world is experiencing the feeling of loss, grief and pure desperation in a completely new way.

The world it broken and honestly you saw barely any hope for the future. Thanos made sure of that.

And No matter how often Steve brought one of his speeches about hope, destiny, solidarity and never failing to mention 'moving on' at least three times, even he had moments in which he broke down. Felt like giving up.

You could see it in his eyes, he was broken, he felt like he let them down, the whole world, every single human being, his best friends.

So yeah, every lonely night you find yourself here in this room, staring up to the sky, talking to Bucky on your phone. Because even if he's gone forever, he was an for ever will be your pillar, your anchor.

You're telling him what's going on in the world, what you had done this day, how Steve keeps up in this mess, trying to help people, Natasha never giving up and that there still wasn’t any news about Tony, if he’s still alive or long gone like all the other.

But tonight was none of this times. Somehow you felt a strange emptiness when you stared up at the pale moon, pleading for answers or some help.

But like always the moon stayed silent.

"I-I honestly don't even know what to say anymore. I just wanted to-" you began suddenly, your voice sounded hoarse."To hear your voice again...

Steve said what I'm doing isn't right, that I should try and let go... 'move on' like he expressed."

You let out a dry laugh.

"Honestly I think it's the only words he said in the last time. But Buck I- I can't. I can't let you go. Just like that. You, I-I don't know. I just miss you. So damn much." The last part was only a whisper, barely hearable.

His death had broken something inside of you and you knew I'd would never heal again.

And Bucky was the only thing that could put you back together.

"Listen. I don't care if people say I'm crazy that I'm talking to you, to the moon, to what ever is there... but maybe you do hear me. Wherever you are. I know this wouldn't be what you wanted for me. Sitting here, crying like a little kid. And you have no idea how angry I am with my self that there's nothing I could do. Nothing. I'm constantly thinking of all the possibilities we have left, what we can do and none of them is ever good enough.

But you know what? I was thinking about it for a quite time actually and I guess I will be joining Steve tomorrow in his self-help group. Or at least I will try. It won't help me, I know that but maybe I could help others, maybe I would be feeling like I'm doing at least something."

You nodded. Maybe...

A cloud suddenly clustered in front of the moon, making the room go darker again.

And with the darkness your loneliness returned

You reached under the pillow on the side where Bucky used to sleep, grabbing his shirt he wore at night.

When you curled your self in the sheets on his bedside you pressed the shirt against your chest, holding it like it was the only thing keeping you alive.

And with his scent around you, you closed your eyes. Escaping into some more peaceful memories.

There’s got to be a way...

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes imagine #avengers #avengers imagine #marvel imagine #marvel #james buchanan barnes

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