#erling haaland

[mentalbaddiex]

[sl0wdiver]

The Footyblr Political Matrix

Welcome to the thing that has consumed my life for the last few months. I've decided to plot every footballer and manager this site loses their shit for on a political matrix.

Not a political spectrum - I really can't be arsed to guess their left/right leanings. Instead, we have a matrix, measuring:

Political Ideation (vertical axis) - How do they see the world? Do they have good ideas or bad ideas?

and

Political Intelligence (horizontal axis) - Do they have a clue what's going on? Could they make an argument for anything?

These judgments are based on their actions both on and off the pitch.

Disclaimer

This document is the result of years of careful, thorough analysis. It is 208% accurate. If you disagree with it, cope. I have a degree in Politics. The position of your favs on here does not affect you.

A lot of women's football players are left out of this as I don't want to pit them against men. The ones that are on there are there for a good time!

Best viewed on desktop!

______________________

Edits 05/03/24: amended Bounou's description to say "Emerging Arabian figurehead"

[moo-siala]

NIGHT IN THE MALDIVES — ERLING HAALAND

PAIRING: erling haaland x wife!reader

SUMMARY: you’re enjoying the maldives with your husband and he’s trying to convince you to go skinny dipping with him.

CONTENT: smut (+18), p in v, erling being a little shit, not proof read

NOTE: sorry for the wait! like i mentioned before, tumblr was being annoying and wouldn’t let me verify my email but hey! we’re here now! this is another repost from my old blog.

you and erling were spending the break in the maldives to celebrate your two-year anniversary. you had visited the maldives for your honeymoon, and erling knew how much you loved it. wanting to surprise you and create even more special memories, he chose to return to this beautiful destination that was filled with nothing but love on your last visit.

the water, the sunset, the tranquility, and the privacy were the things you cherished the most about the place. you could enjoy the sun, the beach, your book, and your husband without having to worry about a single thing. well… unless your husband had something in mind, just like right now.

erling was trying to convince you to skinny dip with him. more like he was begging you to skinny dip with him.

"erling, i said no" you giggled,

"why not? we have our own private pool" he pouted, giving you the cutest puppy eyes.

“stop it with the puppy eyes, they won't work this time" you rolled your eyes.

"you sure?" he smirked.

“very, so stop trying manipulating me" you said as you turned the page of your book.

"fine" he whines and made his way to the pool.

"your loss!" he said again after a few minutes as he stuck his tongue out at you.

“you’re a child” you shook your head trying to contain the laughter.

—

after an afternoon spent reading, tanning, and playing in the water with erling, you decided it was time for dinner. the sun was setting, casting a golden glow over the beach as you made your way to the restaurant.

the meal was delicious. as you were finishing your dessert, a thought crossed your mind. you recalled the question erling had asked you earlier in the day. a sly smile spread across your face as you considered your master plan, the anticipation of its unfolding adding a spark of excitement to the evening.

when you got back, erling said he needed to use the restroom. great, you thought as you made your way out to the pool. you left your phone in one of the chairs and proceeded to take off the dress you had chosen for the evening along with your underwear. you got in the water and swam by yourself for a little bit before you heard erling calling your name.

“in the pool!” you said, making your way to the edge of the pool and resting your arms there.

“what are you doing?” he chuckled.

“wanted to go for a swim” you smiled at him as he was oblivious to your lack of clothing.

he smiled and stared at you for a few seconds, and that's when he noticed. you were in the pool, yes, but he didn't recall you putting a bikini on. he smirked and got a bit closer.

"you're naked aren't you" he looked at you, biting his lip.

“why don’t you come in and find out yourself?” you smirked.

you had never seen erling get rid of his clothes that fast.

he got in the water and grabbed you by the waist, pulling you into him and meeting your lips in a hot and passionate kiss. you kissed back and ran your fingers through his blonde locks.

“just do it already" you moaned between kisses when he squeezed your ass.

"so desperate" he cooed, wrapping your legs around his waist.

erling pressed your back against the pool gently and slid his length between your folds, you bit your lip and wrapped your arms around his neck. he grabbed your waist and started pounding into you, making you whimper.

“keep going, pretty girl, i want to hear you" he groaned softly as he increased the intensity of his thrusts.

erling knew exactly how to treat his woman. he knew what you liked and where you liked it, which made the sex even better.

he kept pounding into you as his fingers found your sensitive bud and his mouth found your right breast.

"erling" you moaned as you felt your orgasm building up,

"that's it baby girl, cum for me" he encouraged you as his movements became faster but sloppier, sending you to heaven and back. you let out one last moan as you came, erling following behind a few moments later.

“fuck, i love you” he groaned before kissing you.

“i love you more” you said, panting and leaving a soft kiss to his lips.

needless to say, that night in the maldives was really special.

a few weeks later you found out you were pregnant with your first child. erling insisted it was because you made love under the moon in the maldives. he also joked about naming the baby maldives, until you sent a pillow flying his way.

[underwater-i-will-go]

favourite moment btw

[kraeki]

roomies turned rivals

[luvneymar]

princess treatment pt.3? with mbappé, richarlison, and erling haaland? :)

# PRINCESS TREATMENT 3! — footballers! (final!)

— SUMMARY: you show off the princess treatment you get from your footballers boyfriends! (part 1) (part 2)

CONTENT: fluff, footballers being simps, light jealousy, sensual themes, just cute stuff overall!

PARINGS: earling haaland x fem!reader, richarlison x fem!reader, oliver giroud x fem!reader

NOTE: someone asked for giroud content so I combined it with this lol! any examples of this do not represent of the body type, race or ethnicity of the reader! tysm for reading! 💕

RICHARLISON DE ANDRADE — dollar bills!

Recently you saw a trend on TikTok where girls would hold their hands out to their boyfriends, friends, brothers or literally anybody to see what they would do.

Richarlison was currently playing video games with his friends on FaceTime but fortunately you placed your camera in the room before he went in & you’ve been recording ever since.

You were holding your phone camera in your hand as discreetly as possible to not alert your boyfriend about the challenge your trying on him. “Baby? are you in here?” You peaked into his gaming room spotting him on his chair as he shouted at Neymar for something in among us.

Hearing your voice his head whipped around and he opened his arms signalling you to come over, you shuffled over giving him a hug as his head was pressed onto your stomach & hands were wrapped around your ass.

Once you both pulled away your challenge had begun as you stuck out your palm standing there with a bright smile, at first he hadn’t noticed anything as he turned back to the computer screen.

Until you were standing there for a good 30 seconds & he spun his head around to look at you quickly before looking back at the screen, he took his hand off the mouse taking your hand flipping it over to the backside of your hand & giving it a kiss.

He turned back to the screen until he realized you were still standing there; cheeky smile on your face palm still stuck out in-front of you, he chuckled as he dug through his pants pulling out his wallet.

“Richarlison? Are you still there?” Neymar called at alerting him that the new round had started.

“Yeah I’m here hold on.” He replied back as he fished through his wallet grabbing a huge stack of cashing & placing it in your hand along with his black card. “Happy?” He asked looking up at your face which was filled with surprise.

You hadn’t expected him to give you this much money let alone any at all as you assumed he’d just take your hand & place it on his private parts. You scoffed happily curling your fingers over the stack. “Definitely, but what will I even do with this much money?”

“Whatever you’d like baby, it’s all yours.” He answered turning his head back to the screen & unmuting himself on face-time. You gave him a quick kiss pulling his face towards you before walking away checking your phone to see if the footage was recorded.

You edited the video a little before posting it captioning it with: “HE’S SO SWEET 😭😭” Seconds later likes, comments & replies came flooding in about how Richarlison was the perfect boyfriend.

OLIVER GIROUD — first class!

“You’re so excited baby have you never flown out of the country?” Oliver chuckled watching you practically fly out of the valet car that was escorting you to the airport tarmac.

Ever since you complained about how you haven’t gone on a vacation in a while that very day Oliver booked your dream vacation paying for unnecessary expenses like tour guides & other things; as-long as it made you happy he thought.

“I have! I’ve never been to the Mal Dives though.” You answered pulling his arm to get him out of the car, you both didn’t need to worry about your luggage since Oliver paid for it to be flown before-hand.

“I’m coming babe hold on, you’re gonna rip my arm off.” Oliver laughed as he stepped out of the car turning his head to look at what you were staring at all starry eyed.

“Look, it’s a private jet. Just for the two of us.” You rambled on about the jet standing in-front of you both, you were used to Oliver spending a fortune on you whether it was cars, jewellery or even 1000 roses but a whole jet was much different.

“I know, do you like it?” He asked as he placed his hands in his pockets leaning back and forth between his heels and his toes. “Are you kidding? Who wouldn’t like this.” You laughed in disbelief.

“I’m glad you like it, c’mon baby let’s board the plane before they leave without us.” Oliver took your hand into his as he directed you towards the plane, you greeted the flight attendant who was waiting for you at the entrance as she guiding you both to your seats.

Once you both were settled in your chairs chatting happily about your upcoming adventures a flight attendant had came around with a cart filled with expensive looking drinks & desserts. “Champagne or Club Soda?” She asked with a smile.

“Champagne please, babe what about you?” You turned to look at your boyfriend who was staring at the window as he unconsciously caressed your knuckles with his thumb, you squeezed your hand bringing his attention back to you.

“Hmm? Oh, I’ll have whatever your having.” He leaned into kiss you on your cheek before turning to stare out the window again continuing to stroke your knuckles, you smiled turning back to the attendant,“2 Champagnes please.”

As the flight attended walked away Oliver noticed that you had a particularly slummed look on your face, you were just jumping around in joy so seeing you down worried him.“Are you okay?”

“Yep! Just thinking of what we’re gonna do when we get there.” You sent your signature “i’m fine” smile his way continuing you tap your feet against the empty seat right in-front of you as you looked back down to face your feet.

“You look worried though.” He let go of your hand using his freed hand to pull your face towards his forcing you to face him, seeing his eyes filled with concern made you sigh before continuing, “Yeah it’s just, how much was this trip?”

His face soften hearing what you we’re concerned about, you both had fight’s about money in the past & about how Oliver spent way to much money on pointless things,“Oh, don’t worry about that baby.”

“I have too, you can’t go broke because you wanna please me. I’ll be fine with whatever you provide.” You admitted in a quiet voice turning your head to face the window across from your aisle. “With my profession I’ll go broke the day you go bald.”

“What if I go Bald tomorrow?” You wanted to laugh at his joke but it was quite hard knowing you really could go bald tomorrow & Oliver could become broke, after all nobody knows what could happen.

“You wouldn’t, what I’m trying to say is. I spend this money to make you smile, whether it’s a large purchase or small it’s for you. In this case; a private jet just for my princess.”

Hearing your boyfriend be so adamant about you spending his money & not thinking of you as a sugar baby or a gold digger relieved you greatly. Yes, you both were dating but you weren’t a mind reader, for all you know he could be planning to kill you.

“Alright then, on that note; I could get used to this. Fast.” You pushed your insecure thoughts to the side as you settled into your seat properly reclining the seat, feeling in all the luxuries to the max. He chuckled at your childishness as he wrapped his arm around your shoulder pulling you in.

“Get used to it baby, you’re stuck with me, my jet & my money forever.”

ERLING HAALAND — giant teddybear!

“I told you not to eat so many sweets before went on the ride, no wonder you almost threw up.” Your boyfriend reminded you as he leaned over helping you walk throughout the winter carnival without collapsing.

Seeing that his good friend Jude had gone recently to the Winter Wonderland you decided it be good for the both of you to go as well, until it wasn’t. It was either Erling was too tall for some of the rides or you chickened out just looking at it.

But seeing as you were low-key being a party pooper for your boyfriend who you basically forced to come to the attraction you decided to go onto the wildest ride there was available; bad, bad idea.

Erling had bought you almost every single foot item you looked at for to long filling your stomach much faster than you’d like, by the 4th taco you ate you were ready to unbutton your pants & burst.

“It was fun wasn’t it though?” You groaned out patting the shoulder of your boyfriend signalling him to slow down as you felt as if you were going to barf, he slowed down waiting for you to gain your composure.

Seeing as you took a little longer than usual he bent down pulling your body on his back giving you a piggyback ride, you on the other hand smirked into his back tucking your legs around his waist. “All apart of my plan.” You muttered into his neck taking in his scent.

“Did you say something?” Erling asked as he begun to walk passing by multiple food-stalls that just the smell of the food made you sick, you wrapped your arms around his neck & placed your head in the crook of his collarbone.

“Nope! Nothing! Don’t worry about it baby.” You whispered into his ear closing your eyes in the process, as Erling walked past multiple stalls you closed your eyes feeling peaceful almost falling asleep till you jolted up after feeling as if you were falling.

As you opened your eyes you looked around seeing that the entrance was just a few miles away, something also caught your eye; a stand with gigantic teddy bears. “Baby?”

“Hmm?” he hummed, waiting for you to say what you needed.

“Can you win that for me before we leave?” You asked him patting his shoulder to get him to slow down so he didn’t walk right by the stand.“Win what?”

“The giant teddy bear.” You slid down his back and turned towards the stall pointing to the humongous teddy bears.

“You’re such a child, fine.” Erling walked towards the stand grabbing a few of the tennis balls on the desk as he backed away throwing them at the targets scoring on each one of them.

The man at the stall handed him a giant pink bear almost the size of you leaving Erling to walk back to you giant big bear in hand stupid grin on his face, you took the bear out of his hand giving it a big squeeze. “Thanks baby.”

“What should I name him?” You asked as you both continued to walked towards the exits hand in hand, hearing that Erling turned to you looking at you weirdly, “You name your teddy bears?”

“Of course! Since you won him for me I’ll name him, Erlie.” You smiled at him squeezing his hand, Erling chuckled at your ridiculous as he bent down to give you a kiss on your forehead.

“You’re too cute, but Erlie is a horrible nickname love. Makes him sound like an old man.”

[nosugarallspice]

Hey I have an idea for a story :) could u do a Erling Haaland smut, where he is kind of shy and careful to touch y/n‘s body, because how small and sensitive she is compared to him?

Sure! // I hope you like it <3

Minors DNI!!

Word Count: 385

~~

“Is this okay?” Erling asked as he hovered over you. Both of his arms resting on the sides of your head to help support himself.

“Perfect.” You smiled, leaning up to kiss him, your hands snuck up his back, pulling him down against you.”

“Y/n.” Erling warned, looking at you.

“Don’t worry,“ you whispered, cupping his face in your hands and leaning up “you won’t break me.” You giggled before kissing him, again.

—

“Fuck, you’re perfect.” Erling moaned, his massive hands grabbing onto your hips, holding you in place as he fucked into you.

He remembered to be gentle, taking his time with you, easing you into things. It took a few minutes for you to adjust to him but once you were comfortable, he wouldn’t let go, he was going to ruin you, and that’s exactly what you wanted.

He towered over you completely, compared to him, you were extremely tiny, but the size difference was everything to you.

“You like this, don’t you?” He murmurs, his arm extending and gripping the headboard, driving deeper and harder into you.

“Yes.” You moan, staring up at him, your tiny hands resting on his lower back, digging deep.

Erling’s eyes watched, completely mesmerized by you, by the way your tits bounced with each thrust, the way your eyes flutter shut and your lips part as you moan.

“I’ve been thinking about you all day.” Erling whispers, his face buried in the crook of your neck, continuing to rock his hips against yours. His hand slid down your leg, pushing it against him.

“Yeah?” You moan, arching your back, pushing your bare chest against his. Your hand now tangled in his hair tugging gently. You could feel him nodding against your skin.

“Been wanting to have you like this, for a while now.” Erling moans as his cock goes deeper inside you, the tip brushing against your sweet spot.

“Erling.” You whimper, your cunt squeezing him.

His hips began to move faster, slamming against you. The headboard slightly hitting against the wall. “I know, love.” He kisses your shoulder, rutting into you as his release approaches.

Your moans became more consistent as your orgasm took over, tightening your grip on him as you cried out his name.

Erling followed along, releasing his load deep inside you.

[whorekneecentral]

Christmas On The Farm

Erling Haaland x Fem!Reader

Warnings: family christmases, stealing a tree, use of an axe, getting caught, soft boyfriend erling, a few cheesy moments, fingering, oral (f!receiving), overstimulation kinda, penetrative sex (p in v), nipple sucking, creampie, getting caught in a different way :)

Word Count: 2,357

Author's Note: omg it's the big mannnn, anytime I think of erling, I think of the farm so here we are lmao - also this is for pookie too sorry lmao all her bfs are in here

merry smutmas series

--

Erling takes you home to spend the holidays at the Haaland Family Farm and you two end up being the only ones there. 

"Are we going the right way?" You look over at your boyfriend, the man driving through the snow.

Erling nods, "I promise I know where I'm going." He laughs, the wind shield wipers make a squeaking sound, brushing the snow away as he slowly makes his way up the road. He turns into the driveway, the snow really coming down as he parks the car.

"It's freezing!" You shouted, running up the front porch stairs to unlock the door. Erling rolls his eyes at your theatrics, getting the bags out of the car before following you into the house.

The door shuts behind him, Erling shaking the snow off of his hoodie.

The two of you had ventured up to the Haaland family farm for the holidays. His siblings and parents were supposed to meet you guys there but due to the snowstorm, their flights were canceled. They would be arriving on Christmas Eve rather than the 18th like the two of you so that left it up to you to get things ready for the holidays.

It takes the two of you an hour to defrost and get comfortable, Erling rearranging things to his liking and you were relaxing on the couch, finally glad to have your boyfriend to yourself and not have to fight for his attention during the season - though you had to give it to him, he balanced everything in his life perfectly.

"We should decorate," he announces, coming into the living room from the kitchen. You look at the man over your book, "okay, with what?"

Looking around, the house lacked Christmas spirit big time.

Before you could gather yourself, Erling's got you over his shoulder as he walks down the hallway. "I can walk, you know!" You say through the giggles, holding onto him.

He smiles, putting you down at the end of the hallway. "Where's the fun in that?"

You roll your eyes at his childish ways, letting him walk into the room first. The room was used for storage, all sorts of things packed away in boxes and containers. You flipped the switch, turning on the light as he looked around. Eventually you two found the boxes marked for Christmas - ornaments, garland, lights etc.

One by one you moved the boxes into the living room and you started on your tasks.

Erling braved the cold; something that never really bothered him - having his Norwegian blood and all - and strung the lights around the porch railing and roof.

You were working on the inside; wrapping the staircase in garland, changing the curtains to the red and green ones, hanging mistletoe, replacing the regular throw pillows for the holidays ones and things like that. Eventually Erling came back in, helping you with the rest of the tasks, a few miscellaneous things to do here and there around the house.

There was one box left, the big label on the top read ornaments.

"We need a tree," you looked over at him, your hands on your hips.

Erling smiles, "you look.. very wife like."

"Thank you, I guess," you laughed, "but we still need a tree. Do you guys have one somewhere? Did we forget it in the room?"

"You mean like.. a fake one?"

"Yeah, duh." You looked at your boyfriend, the look of confusion on his face. "We don't have one in the house but there's one outside."

"Okay where is it? In the barn or?" You trailed off, waiting for an answer.

"No, we can just cut one down." He says, tossing your hoodie to you. The sweater lands on your face and you move it, looking at the man like he was insane. "I'm sorry, we can.. what?"

"Cut the tree down. There's a few at the back of the property. It stopped snowing so we can make it and be back before it gets really dark."

You put your sweater on, looking for your coat. "Have you ever cut a tree down before?"

Erling shakes his head, putting his own coat on. "No, but it can't be that hard."

He was out the door before you could protest. You really had no choice now, did you? You followed the man to the barn, he pulled an axe out of some trunk and handed you a giant torch light. It was the blind leading the blind, the two of you trudging through the snow to find a Christmas tree.

Sometimes you really wondered what went through this man's head. Then you wondered if you were right in the head, following him through the snow in the dark to find a tree.

You find a few, settling on the biggest one you could get without it being too heavy to carry or too big for the house, and Erling started swinging the axe.

You took a step back; you trusted him but not when it came to chopping a tree down in the dark.

It reminded you of when you were a child, your father yelling at you to hold the light one way while he's doing something and you held it a different way.

So there you were, dragging a Christmas tree through the snow with your boyfriend. "Move faster," Erling says and you grumble.

"We don't all have superhuman strength, you know."

"Just hurry up, babe," he told you.

You grumble again, trying to move a little faster but between the thick snow, the heavy tree and holding the light, it was a little hard to do.

"What's the rush anyways ?"

"Well," he starts and you know that tone; something was wrong. "It's actually the neighbour's tree."

"WHAT?" you stopped, turning to face him. "WE STOLE A TREE?!"

He laughs, nodding for you to keep walking. "It's not that serious babe, just keep walking."

Sometimes you really wondered how you ended up with him as a boyfriend, but the fact that he made you an accomplice to Christmas tree theft is outweighed by how good of a boyfriend he is.

Despite all your huffing, you help him get the tree into the house in the snow off of it. It took about an hour of sorting for you two to settle on a theme for the tree; the classic red, green and gold. The ornaments hung off the branches, Erling strung the lights around the tree before finally plugging it in.

The two of you admired your work, his arms wrapped around you as he hugged you from behind, his chin resting on your head.

Your own hand rests on his, "I cannot believe you made me steal a Christmas tree."

Erling laughs, "is it really stealing though ? The tree is out in the open sooo.." He trails off, making you laugh. You turned to face him, your hands holding his jaw, "you're ridiculous."

He leans into you, kissing you softly. "'Tis the season for giving, baby."

"Yeah, sure."

"Speaking of gifts," he starts, his hands moving to rest on your lower back, pulling you flush against him. "I have one for you."

You brows furrowed, "it's the 18th, babe. You're a whole week early." Your head tilts to the side as you look at your boyfriend. The man smiles, shaking his head as he leans down to kiss you.

It clicks, you realize what his gift is.

"Oh," you giggled, the two of you shifting to the floor. "I like this kinda gift," you whisper, his lips moving to your neck.

"I knew you would," he mumbles into your skin, his cold hand slipping under your shirt. "Erling!" You shrieked, wiggling away from him.

The man smiles, "sorry."

He sits against the couch, watching as you undress in front of him. The leggings sliding down your smooth legs, pooling by your ankles before you step out of them, you pull off the sweater and that leaves you in the same blue set Erling loves so much.

You reach behind to unhook your bra but he stops you, “leave it on.” 

He pulls you by your waist back to him, his hand slipping down to rest on your ass before giving it a smack. You’re quiet, looking down at your boyfriend on the floor. 

“I like this,” he tells you, fingers rubbing over the blue lace. 

You smile, “I know.” 

He pulls you to lay on the floor, he’s sat between your legs with one on either side of him. You’ve propped yourself up on your elbows to look at him. Erling pulls the panties to the side, his eyes fixed on your pussy and he gives you no warning, pushing his fingers into you. The sound leaving your mouth was like heaven on earth to him. 

His fingers curl upwards, your back arching at the feeling. 

“Baby, please.” your hand reaches down to wrap on his wrist but he swats your hand away, managing to pull both to rest on your stomach and his free hand over your hands, pinning them to your stomach. 

You try to wiggle your hands away from him, trying to grab on something. “Behave.” He tells you, adding another finger.

You subconsciously spread your legs, giving him more room. Erling's cheek presses to your inner thigh, watching as your face twists, pleasure all across it and your hands stop wiggling, he smiles, satisfied. 

Erling can feel your eyes on him, he reaches for the blue lace you’re wrapped up in and tugs it down your legs, letting it fall to the floor with the rest of your clothes.

He shifts to lay on his stomach between your legs, leaving a trail of kisses as he works his way up to your cunt. 

Your eyes meet his, he knows you’re looking. He wants you to look at him. Your hips buck when you feel his tongue against your clit, your hand gripping on his hair. 

He knew you like the back of his hand, gripping your thighs to keep them in place as his tongue lapped your clit. Your hips buck, your way of saying you want more and Erling gives in - he always gives into you. Two fingers in you and he glances up to see your head tossed back onto the pillows, eyes fluttering shut and your free hand groping your tit. 

Between his fingers and his tongue, your orgasm was teetering on the edge; he knew that much. 

He pulls his hands away, the sticky fingers on your thighs. A whimper leaves your lips at the loss of fullness. 

“What- why’d you stop?” You asked, pouting at your boyfriend in disapproval.

Erling sits up, patting his lap. “C’mere.” 

You manage to pull yourself up, your legs feeling like jelly as you move yourself onto your boyfriend’s lap. Erling's hands resting on your lower back, fingers dancing up and down the curve of your spine. They run up once more before they stop on the clasp of your bra. 

He unhooks it, letting the straps slide down your arms and land on your lap. He brings his hands around to your stomach, once again his fingers slide up your soft skin before resting on your tits. 

“Erling,” you call, eyes fixed on him.

He hums, his focus on your tits rather than anything you had to say. Gripping his chin between your fingers, he finally looks at you. 

“Please,” you mumble, the desperation all over your face. Erling smiles, there's a look you've seen a million times over on his face.

You’re up on your knees, hovering over his lap, your hands under you as you undo his pants. Erling helps you, pulling them down enough for you to sink down onto him. Your hand rests on his shoulder, giving you a moment to gather yourself before starting to bounce on his lap.

You look at your boyfriend, watching as he kisses down your chest, over your tits before his lips wrap around your nipple, tongue lapping over it. Your hand tangles in his hair, his name falling from your lips.

Your back arches a bit, pushing into Erling. His hand moves from your hip to your other tit, fingers pinching your nipple, twisting and rolling it softly between his thumb and index finger. 

“God,” you breathe, a hand raking through Erling's blonde hair. 

You rock your hips forward and Erling's head drops back into the couch, his eyes fluttered closed.

“Fuck, you’re perfect.” His hand pats your hip, “made just for me.” He tells you, your lips on his neck -- a trail of marks and sloppy kisses being left along his neck.

Erling can feel the way you were clenching around him and he knew you were close; you knew he was close, his eyes closed and head back.

His hand reaches between the two of you, his fingers finding your clit once again. “Oh my god,” your hips bucked, his fingers matching the pace of his hips, your body rocking back and forth to get the most out of your boyfriend. 

“C’mon sweetheart, want you to cum for me.” He says, knowing it won't be long more. 

He knew you like the back of his hand, every look, every touch, every movement, he knew you.

Between the two, he pushes you over the edge. The knot in your stomach comes loose and your boyfriend watches as you cum. The wetness wrapping around his cock, and with a few sloppy thrusts, Erling follows behind you. 

The two of you are holding onto each other like the other is going to disappear, giggly and love drunk. Your boyfriend peppers kisses all over your face, your arms wrapped over his shoulders.

It wasn't until there was a knock on the door that you two froze, looking at each other. "Erling?!" The voice calls from outside.

His hand covers your mouth, your brows furrowed and eyes widen as you look at him. His lips are by your ear, "it's the neighbour."

You move his hand, whispering back to him. "The lights are on."

"Shhh, they'll go away if we're quiet."

You look at your boyfriend, lips pressed together in an attempt to muffle your laughter. He really did make you wonder sometimes.

--

taglist: @nosugarallspice  @evieepepi08 @mimithepooh @koufaxx @dannyramirezwife-simpaccount @topguncultleader @molliemoo3 @aisharmi @mamako23 @ac3may @lewislcver @miahgonzalez16�� @books-and-netflix-pls  @wibi96 @bwddermilch @pedrisgatorade  @clarasenchant @sainzluvrr // @trentsfav @trentsmyfave @noturbabe22

[amirasainz]

Hello. I've put ina fee requests because I love you writing. Would you be able to write one where baby sainz is in a relationship with Erling Haaland and the boys absolutely dislike it and but there is Actually nothing they can do or stop it. Thank you 😊

So, I honestly know nothing about him, so I kind of improvised. Enjoy reading and send some rquests -XoXo

Prince Charming

Why does this happen every time? First it was Dominik, then it was Paulo and now this idiot. Erling Haaland. With his stupid blonde hair and stupid football job.

The drivers were sat grumpily around the room. Each one of them had try to scared him away Individual. For example:

"Woah, ohh no. I'm so sorry" said George. But heavens sake he was anything but sorry. However when he saw Haaland waiting for Amira in front of the Ferrari garage, he knew he had to do something. So with his nice and warm tea, he "accidentally" tripped right on Haaland's shirt. "Oh no. Your shirt. Maybe you should go home and never come back" George said it so quickly it came out like a witch curse. "Ah, don't worry mate. Nothing that hasn't happened before. Thankfully, I always keep an extra shirt in my bag in case of something like this" Haaland replied nicely. "Yay" George muttered sarcastically.

Or the one time where Yuki had to throw knifes during cooking and he nearly cut of Erling's head. But not even that made him stop hanging around Amira. The only thing he said was: "I think you dropped this, mate" picked up the knife and gave him a friendly smile. Yuki only glared back at him.

And let's not forget Lando's attempt at starting rumours about him. That one was a bit extreme. But luck seemed to be on Haalands side. Because no-one, really no-one cared in China about a man called Erling Haaland.

The drivers truly tried everything to get rid of him, but he was like an evil cough. "I tried to convince my father that he was bad news for Amira" Carlos admitted. "What went wrong" asked Daniel quietly, almost as if he was afraid about the answer. "He told me that my abuela like him. And what my abuela says is law in our home" he said defeated.

"Did-Did we truly just los her on a boy that runs after balls like a dog" Charles asked. He looked really traumaticed. The only thing Max did was lay a hand over his shoulder, a silent form of comfort.

Erling Haaland. The man that bagged Amira Sainz. Number 1 enemy at the paddock

[mentalbaddiex]

stop tryna kiss & focus on the game

[taasgirl]

planned / jude bellingham

summary: jude an y/n are aaaaall about soft launch, until a certain grealish ruins it

jobebellingham Proud of you brother. Birmingham will always love you #bvbbound

view comments...

judebellingham Lots of love little bro 🫶

user4562829 their love for each other >>>>>>

bvb Welcome home starboy ⭐

ynusername up for some german lessons @ judebellingham

judebellingham ja bitte!

ynusername you're getting there...

ynusername i don't wanna leave home :((((

view comments...

maddygrech please don't leave me here with the eshays

ynusername oh god. good luck

jobebellingham God when can I come over 🙄

user272937 always was always will be 🖤💛❤️

liked by ynusername

liked by judebellingham, jobebellingham, gioreyna and more

ynusername us.

view comments...

user3452893 strangely cryptic...

user1280282 100% confirming that she's a wag

user0927652 anyone else here from that one tweet?

user5793723 HOW IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT HOW IT SAYS 'US'?

erlinghaaland Hearts for everyone. Thank you to everyone who came out tonight, a biiiig 3 points on the board.

ynusername sigh.

erlinghaaland fine take him back 😳 liked by judebellingham

judebellingham Germany is black and yellow!! 🖤💛

username456297 yn and jude this, yn and jude that. LETS FUCKING TALK ABOUT ERLING AND JUDE

liked by ynusername

view ynusername's story

flowers for my pretty guy <3

ynusername is it really a date if i'm not ordering pasta?

judebelligham idk if you're scamming me but pasta should not be $40 a dish

user563920 WHAT THE FUCK????????? user019373 TEARS DOWN MY FACE RIGHT NOW

maddygrech my pretty girl

jackgrealish i wonder who was taking these photos 💁

user65283 he's so unserious omfg

judebellingham some photos with some of my favourite people 🩷

trentarnold66 nice to see that you've done me dirty

jobebellingham i hear you. look at my eyes smh

user672939 SOFT LAUNCH I REPEAT SOFT LAUNCH

jackgrealish i wonder how y/n is feeling now that you've finally posted her

jobebellingham JESUS JACK ITS A SOFT LAUNCH

judebellingham's post is unavailable

judebellingham i think i'm gonna love you a long time @ynusername

ynusername @ jackgrealish we wanted the soft launch to last longer gosh

jackgrealish DON'T BLAME ME I CAN'T KEEP SECRETS

jobebellingham idk what she sees in you

judebellingham 🍆

user458274 yeah they're my parents fr

ynusername i really wanted to drag out the soft launch but @ jackgrealish had different plans...😶

jackgrealish I DID YOU GUYS A FAVOUR STOP BASHING ME

judebellingham my beautiful girl 💗

user567822 NAWWWWW

user682629 ok they cute af

Let me know if ya'll like this ❤️ Jude and y/n got me cheesing

[bluechestercity]

Some celebration pics 💙

[trentrub3n]

GARDENER

[oddvanilla]

i love football memes so much

[threelionsgirl]

my borussian heart is crying

[crushedbyatree]

Nobody move!