#I always return to it when I feel sad
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Okay but this
I love this page so much
I'm crying
#I always return to it when I feel sad#because I love them so much#They are so cute#all of them#Astral looking at the list and being sad that he is not in there is my favorite thing#with also the fact that Yuma says to the others that Astral is sad about not being in the list#He wants to be included!#and the fact that immediately he asks Yuma what is a phantom member has me in tears#Astral stop being so adorable I can't love you more than I already do!#This is also a very useful list to remember all the surname of the Numbers club#except for Cathy because she has no surname for unknown reasons#she is just Cathy#astral zexal#astral yugioh#yuma tsukumo#kotori mizuki#cathy katherine#tetsuo takeda#takashi todoroki#tokunosuke hyori#yu gi oh zexal#yugioh zexal#ygo zexal#zexal#zexal manga
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OH NO I'VE JUST REALIZED SOMETHING. It's so obvious how did I just catch it.
So Lestat and Armand meet up earlier in Memnoch the Devil, and Armand is wearing all denim and is super dusty. Lestat sees him and lovingly thinks about wanting to clean him up, do his hair, etc. Armand responds 'yeah, you're always wanting that, back in Paris you wanted to perfume me and comb my hair and put me in velvet and embroidery'. (see here for excerpts)
WHEN LESTAT GETS BACK NEAR THE END OF THE BOOK ARMAND IS WAITING FOR HIM! Wearing velvet and embroidered lace! He has left his hair down and uncut like it was back all those years ago in Paris, only it's cleanly washed. (see here for excerpts)
He.... he gave himself the Lestat-likes-it-when-I-look-like-this makeover while Lestat was out.
#lesmand#the vampire chronicles#memnoch the devil#armand#lestat de lioncourt#!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I FEEL CRAZY. I FEEL CRAZY.#is it romantic? is it deeply sad? i keep swinging wildly between the two#on the one hand it's so fucking cute imagining armand giving himself a little makeover thinking how much lestat will like it when he return#on the other hand.... always always always molding himself into whatever style of object is desired by the men around him.#cute. and also. agonizing. it can be both i guess. that's the joy of armand.#i am sure this is not groundbreaking scholarship but i'm new to these books ok let me gasp at things everyone else already knows#rose reads tvc#interview with the vampire
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smth smth about 'the thing that the character did that you thought was rly rly funny in the moment is actually linked to a terrible trauma that lies within said character.' or wahtever.
#jrwi show#jrwi fanart#jrwi riptide#gillion tidestrider#made this within a short span of wahtever bc i gotta go up to the mountains for my stupid gay job tonight n im trying#nnot to frrRREAAAK THE FUCK OUUTTTTTTi dont wanna work but. get that bread we fuckin shall i guess#ONWARDS TO THE FISH TORMENT!! sometimes flowers feel pain when you trim them before their blossoming. atleast i imagine so#i used to draw gillion with loooong hair tied into a big ol braid. and then it was confirmed that he had short hair when he was little.#AT FIRST I WAS SAD. but then i realized the duality of. when they were little. gill had short hair. edyn had long hair.#AND NOW THEYRE OLDER. and gillion has long hair. and edyn has short hair#both mirroring eachother. looking up to eachother. subconsciously or not. they most certainly care. and most certainly miss eachother.#GILLION ALWAYS LOVED HOW LONG HAIR LOOKs. atleast i imagine so. he hasnt cut it since he left the undersea. sure he wanted to go back home#but even at the very start. he knew he was free in some way now. free to grow out his hair. an adventure would await him before he returns.#he knew it would be a while. so he cant let this go. he cant let this sought-after hair-length get cut away from him again#not yet. not yet. i like to think he loved music too. I SAW SOMETHING INTERESTING A BIT AGO#i see alot of ppl commenting on my baby gill comics like;'i wouldFIGHT this teacher i wanna KILL EM i want them DESTROYED#all very good and nice sentiments! i LOVE the energy here! and it would be nice. to have that catharsis#but the story of young tidestrider is not a story of catharsis. it is a story of agony and being so so small and so special and also so dum#and sucking so bad. and just being a kid and doing the things that a little kid does and so many tired tired people reacting badly to it#youre supposed to be the hero that will save us. our world hangs in the balance and you are the one who tips the scales.#YOU are supposed to SAVE US!! you NEED to SAVE US! CAN YOU PLEASE STOP SQUIRMING IN YOUR STUPID CHAIR!!#you'd think that young tidestrider ought to prevail. and be tucked someplace all safe and sound.#elders gone missing and rotting in a jail. their cultists nowhere around. but theres no happy endings. not here not now.#this tale is all sorrows n woes. you may dream that justice n peace win the day. but thats not how this story goes#BIG ideas for this lil baby gillion series. if anything i make ever gets disproven im killing myself in a well as to poison a water supply
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When someone says JohnLock is canon in *insert adaptation* but it's just one-sided, unrequited love johnlock
#irregulars johnlock#im talking to you#i got fooled by this gifset of john saying he always loved sherlock and then proceeded to watch the most fucked piece of johnlock i have#ever consumed. it was bad enough that sherlock didnt return johns feelings but for him to love someone else? i....wow. hurted like hell#granted there was only one season and there was a possibility that maybe it would turn diff but for the season we got it was so painful#i cried when watson talked about watching sherlock fall in love with someone else in front of him omg#and yes i just finished watching the irregulars (i love the paranormal detective genre) but the johnlock part just made me sad#sherlock#sherlock holmes#john watson#johnlock#the irregulars#bbc sherlock#the private life of sherlock holmes
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last day at parents house and i am so sad, i don’t want to leave :(
#— ai rambles#this is my special safe place where i always feel like a little girl no matter how old i am#and :( just :( i don’t want to leave yet#esp when i look at mom and she is barely holding her tears#and sometimes she tells me ‘why don’t you come back here’ …… and part of me wants to return#bc :’) yk :’) my parents are getting old :’) and i want to spend more time with them :’)#the other day i was watching some records from like 10+ years ago and i was like damn :’) they rly did grow old#it hurts my chest :’) i love them sm#i am making myself even more sad now ok i stfu
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ppl are never gonna give me the same amount of thought and care i put into them. at some point i have to be either okay with those terms or just pull myself back.
#em talks#realizationnn things#except my bf and my bsf and my sister hehe.#i think i always care abt ppl a lot and give them sm and when i get nothing in return i feel sad#but like i should just move on!#even tho it means losing friendships
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i think about these deduction notes a lot.
#its so sad. he's giving it his all in everything he does. 20 years even#he's such a tragic character to me. that's one of the reasons why i like him a lot#i will continue to say this - he always gave his kindness and perseverance to others yet nobody ever returned it back to him#and that's why he snapped. can you blame him when nobody cared?#~ rambling#of course this is not to say i condone his act of exploding the golden cave. its just something to look at and feel pity for
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I would absolutely love for at least one of my friend groups to completely go all out for me for my birthday. The way girls at school get huge sashes and gift baskets from their friends. I've never really had that. I've never really had a group of friends band together to do something super special for my birthday aside from getting on call with my two best besties to play roblox. Which i guess is a bit disheartening because I've organized stuff like this for several people. I've put together calls so we could all sing happy birthday to someone and celebrate with them. Hell, not even a birthday celebration, but i once organized a going away party with my entire friend group for one of our friends who was moving to another state, because i loved them i wanted to them to know they'd be loved and missed by us. It would be nice to be on the receiving end of that but also it feels really silly to just Ask my friends to plan something special for me cause 1. Those are supposed to be surprises 2. I know it is My birthday and I have every right want to be treated like the center of the universe but I still feel very selfish asking people Hey can you make this day all about me and put effort into it please. Also it feels less genuine when people have to be Asked to celebrate me yknow. Idk maybe the realization that I'm turning 18 years old is finally fully kicking and that's what's got me down lately but man. For my birthday I really just want to know that I'm loved and wanted and not a nuisance that pisses people off every time I open my mouth
#Also and this is where I get really annoying but most of the time I don't get gifts from people who aren't my family#My last birthday i got gifts from two people out of my several friends and friend groups who really didn't do much#Other than wish me happy birthday or my two friends who always get on roblox with me#Which is also disheartening because i try to make gifts for everyone for their birthdays and christmas#If it's not something huge like the animatic and the animation meme and the attempted pmv I made then it's a thoughtful art piece#And if it's not that then it's at least singing them happy birthday and giving them a hug and letting them know I love them#Which I'm not gonna stop doing and I will never stop doing#I have too much love in my heart to ignore someone's birthday out of spite and I do not make things expecting something in return#Even if someone never ever gives me a birthday gift I will still give something to them every year because I don't want to be bitter#But I guess it just gets tiring after a while#Trying to do everything for everyone while barely anyone puts in the same effort for me#Again I'm not gonna ask anyone for a gift cause 1. Selfish 2. Disingenuous if it needed to be asked for#I guess I just wish more people valued me enough that they'd already do all this stuff for me#Make me gifts and treat me like I matter the most#Because I know i try to do that for everyone else#Idk I still feel selfish saying all this but also it's My 18th Birthday I think I deserve to be a little selfish#Man I need to go to bed midnight is always when I get ungodly sad over things I have no control over#harry osborn or whatever the fuck the new generation says /j
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every day I think abt this one fic I used to follow like the gospel from 2020 WRITERMILK WHO WROTE FUCKTOY ON WATTPAD U MADE ME WHO I AM U GOT ME INTO FANFICTION I LOVE YOU
#no idea what scandal happened that made them delete all their fics but GODDDDD I MOURN THAT FIC EVERY DAY#context it was a nanami x reader x gojo fic#gojo was a fuckboy who played with readers feelings while she didnt notice that nanami was pining after her the whole time#it was so sad bc she was ADDICTED to how gojo made her feel and she spent almost every night getting black out drunk at the club#wishing that hed want her the same way she wanted him#almost every time this happened nanami would be there to comfort her but eventually it ruined him too#seeing the woman he loved continue to keep ruining her life for him and always just hope hed fix everything#so the one time he tells her he cant be picking up her broken pieces anymore she reaches her breaking point and uhhhh#suffice to say bad things happen at the club that night she ends up in hospital#during her recovery though nanami comes back to her bc yeh he cant leave her like that cmon#gojo also starts to visit too realising that he should have cared a lot more#suffice to say yn eventually starts to return the same feelings for nanami but its a difficult thing bc#he obv doesnt want to suddenly overwhelm her with his feelings bc she went through traumatic stuff#eventually he takes her on a date when shes better and things just CLICK SO PERFECTLY#then gojo decides to confess 😭😭😭 what a mess#but omg yn finally has broken free of her previous feelings for him and she knows that being with nanami is the right choice for her
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HOLD ON YOU CAN'T JUST SAY THAT NANA 1... WHAT DO YOU MEAN
#i'm really upset rn that i can't figure out which way she's talking about the unrequited love going?#she's talking about nana 2 getting married to ren and trying to help her pick up the certificates#but does she mean 'maybe... yes this must be unrequited love' about her not loving nana 2 back???#or does she think SHE loves nana 2 but nana 2 doesn't love HER back?#or is she actually just referring to ren and nana 2???#in context i feel it makes more sense that she means she does believe nana 2 might love her now#but she doesn't feel the same which would be SO SAD#but unless nana 1 has changed quite a bit character-wise i feel it'd be almost more in-character for her to think she loved nana 2#and it wasn't returned??#but then at the same time she's gone through some shit and it never really got fully resolved between them when things went sour???#so if their feelings for each other aren't matching up totally anymore i can kinda see that too?#and it's like i was thinking... that nana 1 had to grow up in certain ways and finds nana 2 too immature in certain ways now??#arghhh this is why reading fan translations can be rough sometimes i feel they aren't always as clear#i will have to wait for the library to loan me this volume to check that version too....#13readsmanga#nana spoilers#nana#p
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im still thinking about yesterday when after the cinema i mentioned than when i get home i'll help one girlie from uni with her project because she's stuck to which one of my friends asked why am i helping some random girl instead of my roommate
#the thing that actually angers me the most is that first and foremost why should i do that#my response was that my rommate is not doing this project#but to be fair it's mostly because i always feel after helping her#takes my help for grated and can't even say thank you. zero understanding for the fact that i forfeited my free time for her#when i get the choice to help her or someone who yeahvi know only briefly but who is genuinely trying and it just doesn't work who asks for#help and thanks for when it's given to them then i don't mind going for the latter person#me helping is my good will and putting on the second plan my own things to do and my free time#the least i expect in return is understanding of the fact that i decide to spend this time on that person to help them#and not laughing it off or treating as some minor thing well it wasn't a minor thing to me#especially that when i need help i don't have anyone and have to take time to find solution myself#to be fair i don't know if im more angry or sad at this point#im slowly coming to a conclusion that i actually don't like being around my friends and don't like how they treat me#but i so don't want that to be true that im still trying and each time it turns out the same#sigh#the lady in those development/therapy meetings said that i should change people around me but easier said than done to be honest
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im in love w him not only bc of who he is as a person nd how drawn i am to his personality, but also bc i feel like he's the only one who has ever wanted to see me. who i am, like deep down. he's the only one who i feel like i've ever connected with, in an easy nd genuine way. the only one who i feel has ever gotten me. he's the only one who's ever made me feel like we actually have a connection we're both in on, bc i havent had to pretend or put up a fake front for him bc he wanted the real image of me.
#unfortunately he has his own shit to deal w#so bc of one thing that was actually a mistake from me#he misjudged it nd saw it from his own perspective nd didnt understand mine#nd thus concluded that he saw me wrong nd didnt actually know who i am#nd then he had decided that so strongly he wasnt wven open to hear me out or try to understand what that situation was for me#that made me very sad nd hurt nd like#he doesnt actually like me as much as i like him#bc i would always always ask him nd hear him out before jumping to conclusions#i have asked him abt this but he is a wall nd doesnt wnna talk abt it#nd i cant force anyone so... yeh. it is what it is#i wish that we had the connection where he wanted to understandwhere i was coming from#instead of being like ughshe isnt the perfect image that i had constructed#so now im writing her off completely bc she doesntlive up to my expectations#but... my heart just loves him sm i can look past that#however... that is meaningless when i dont even know what he feels for me nd i cant get an answer out of him#maybe he doesnt wanna tell me bc he doesnt return my love nd he knows i'llbe hurt nd he'll risk losing me as a friend#i'd never stop talking to him tho.. that is the worst part#if imginna get over these feelings#i need to hear it straight from him. i need him to tell me thatno i am not in love with you#then i need to never talk to him again nd never lookat his social media#then it will hurt a lot but after a year or so i will only feel empty nd not hurt when i think of him#but i am tooweak to be the one to stop talking to him now#my entire day revolves around him nd i know its unhealthy but idk how to stop#since this obsession is unrequited i dont actually wanna feel it#but i have no idea how to stop#god this is driving me insane wtf is wrong w me??
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the perspective of looking at new jersey apartments again makes me glad im living where im at now, honestly ... ^^ ''
#i SO wish i could hop over there though ... the price of living is SOOO high and the pay doesnt match even a little#its bad everywhere .. but new jersey's got a special kind of sickness like that because of its nyc proximity#everyone lives there and commutes to the city like 1.5hrs away for the better pay . but i just lived there lol#i feel like compared to here everything in jersey's tinged an ''old'' way ..#i dont know how to describe it but EVERYTHING from the stores to the apartments has a ''grandma's house'' feel#a ''hasn't been updated in 40+ years'' feel#and austin's so new and booming. apparently. but i agree it doesnt have that old tinge to it#the apartment im living in isnt new. but it isnt old either. it doesnt have the feel to it#i thought it was just nostalgia speaking but looking at nj apartments today was like. oh wow. its nice to know im not going crazy#this same apartment in nj would be SO SO SO much more expensive. people here complain about prices (they SHOULD. its bad)#but looking at where i was and why i HAD to move elsewhere .. i remember now yknow. this place is a luxury i could never have had in nj#which doesnt mean its good. its sad. i wish things were different. i DO .. sort of .. wish i never moved out here to begin with#but im glad im here. i feel like ... you know when a hero goes on a quest and makes friends along the way and then .. doesnt return home ..#even though the quest was supposed to be a transitory period .. yknow .. maybe im just home now#atleast awhile longer. im happy calling here home awhile longer#i do kinda miss that old tinge to it. i always said everything in nj was like .. ''tinged yellow '' .. and it really is. yknow.#i just need to put some antiques and lighting into my apartment. lol. feels just like home
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i wish I died by 18. what am i still doing here
#i feel so utterly pathetic for ever having yearned for a sense of belonging at all#only stupid people want what they can never have or something like that#my older sister is my mother's daughter and my younger sister is my father's daughter#and i am a ghost in the kitchen#-> im so fucking dramatic SCREAMING#no but my parents love me. they were shitty for my formative years but in the past two they've been really good to me#better late than never. but also i have always felt so alone#fundamentally i am a melancholy person. which is why i daydream about drowning in bodies of water#sometimes i also daydream about an angel pulling me out of the water but that's when im feeling extra insane.#idk gn im fine i knew this would happen#i know that after throwing myself into hours of studying having to return to my thoughts. alone. in my bedroom.can get sad fast#z.post
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*peppers my turtletitanshipping playlist with some break up songs because of the inevitability of them having to part ways when the time portal is completed*
#in my mind its like. an amicable split? they both knew mikey wouldn't be there forever. they were content to just have some fun#not realising just how well they'd click. and that it might even turn into -gasp- feelings adjacent to love#they knew there would always be an end and it's no one's fault things have to go down like this. it's just hard to say goodbye#especially knowing that it's goodbye for good.#for some extra spice to this sadness... after mikey returns to 2005 theo tracks down where 2105 mikey is buried and brings him some flowers#sits down by his grave and murmurs 'hello again beautiful.'#or is that too sad :3c#i mean what do u even do when ur summer fling leaves the current time forever and u know you'll never see him again BUT you found his grave#what do you do???? do you visit???? or do you not because you know you were only a tiny little scrap of his very long life?#is it weird to visit? when you only knew each other for about a year?#is it inappropriate to bring him flowers and talk to him as if you're some mourning spouse when you were casual boyfriends at best?
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a sumi haircut variation ive been testing out. i wanna say its a bit post-canon, not too far off, maybe a year or so. hasnt quite figured out what to do with herself yet, but shes getting there. only a little ways away from graduation.
#the clock chimes at midnight#selk.art#okay because im going stir crazy in my beautiful mind here. i forgot where everyone in the royal ending went so ive just kinda been doing a#post canon au based entirely arnd sumire and the only person whos really gone is ren. the others are in school and stuff still lol#ANYWAYS she and ren start dating a few weeks before 2/3 and after they restore the world its a very tumultuous start considering ren#immediately gets sent to jail. even after he gets out theyre both grieving akechi + it feels like theyre just going through the motions.#everyones like omg we could tell this was gonna happen! and it makes them uncomfortable for reasons they cant articulate#ren is using sumire to get over akechi + sumire is modeling rens identity + both see akechi in the other and are sad abt it#on top of all that they get into a huge fight when sumire learns rens leaving in like. a month. and she didnt know.#(he genuinely didnt realize she didnt know but gets bitchy in return)#they try to make it work long distance for a month/two but eventually mutually breakup (both a little bitter but agree to remain friends)#overall its a cute relationship with um . very odd undertones.#anyways she still wears her hair straight up or straight down during all that point. HAHAHA remember this is abt hair!#after ren leaves she latches onto ann + ryuji who are still going to school w her. and after the breakup simply bc#ryuji is a Boy and sumire is a Girl and They Enjoy Being Around Each Other they both reflexively think abt getting together#sumire starts to imitate him (bc for some weird reason she keeps wanting to be like boys!) and ryuji is like am i breaking bro code rn..#nothing ever happens bc neither actually wants to date the other and ann is always hanging around but its an odd time for everyone#she bleaches the tips of her hair for a little bit but its so small when she gets it chopped off its like nothing happened lol#this is probably around third year when ann/ryuji have graduated and the only thief around is futaba.#and. please nobody kill me for this. i think the two have interesting thematic similarities but the ship between them has always felt like#pairing the same-age spares to me. and i havent read anything thats convinced me of its full potential yet.#that to say i think theyre friendly but not super close. so sumire has to learn to just. exist by herself for the first time in years.#like i said this is probably when this actual haircut starts getting used. shes figuring it out!#after she graduates shes the first one to find akechi again and theyre both doing a lot better and become very close.#they move in together! platonically! unless...? but thats not the point! akechi helps her realize shes transmasc at which point she gets a#real short haircut. i cant decide. theres one thats like a curly haired bob almost and one thats shorter + looks kinda windswept#and thats all the haircut hcs i have for her postcanon timeline! spreads hands jazz hands. not all the timeline hcs but my thumbs r tired.
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