#anyway im rambling too much im gonna try to write a fanfic. no way in hell im drawing rgg in public LMAO

[yuukei-yikes]

I just read the ask answer about shintaro getting softened by seeing kano all vulnerable and ayano not accepting her role in all this and omggggg

shintaro’s expressions are so complex but you can tell some of that hurt him too - and not just from what kano said!!! I can’t imagine how bad it must feel to hear ayano scream that he and kano are toxic for one another when all this started cause she had baby fever for a guy she was broken up with!!!!

I kind of hope she gets to hear him tell her that wasn’t okay either, like I get it but that’s a little too far right?? though he’s also kind of a pushover so who knows. but I imagine finally hearing it from him would snap her out of it again.

anyway sorry for the ramble I usually don’t send asks but this got in my brain so bad you’re really good at writing compelling character drama!!!

((also idk if we’re still doing this but while i am not fully team kanoshin i think they’re slightly healthier for eachother than shinaya but that’s mostly because the way she confronted shintaro about the baby thing kind of rubbed me the wrong way period like girl that’s kind of messed up to ask an ex no matter how close they are to you - anyway i just think they’re kind of dooming themselves to “being together for the kids” and that’s unfair to both of them and the kids in a way. it’s always about the baby and never about how shintaro or ayano or kano or literally anyone else feels!!! anyways!!!!!!! thanks for the brain worms lol))

getting the expressions i draw called "complex" makes me kick my feet and twirl my hair. i have a very simplistic artstyle but i do put thought into the expressions. i tend to change them a lot while making comics heh.

BUT YEAH shintaro's Not particularly focused on how messed up it was for ayano to ask him to have a kid together, like he knew it was messed up and in the very first comic he thinks that but he did also say yes. so he's not gonna just throw that on her face because he's taking responsibility for his actions

(since this became a fanfic basically by snowball effect, the first few comics are short and i even skip showing shintaro saying yes to ayano. i would've done it differently now and added more stuff. but eh whatever!)

but again, shintaro's not thinking of past things and he's trying hard to stop stressing over the choices he's made and instead on the day to day and how to handle said choices. sadly he's *gestures* stuck between ayano and kano who make this very difficult. and shintaro's kind of a weak little man like im sorry he's a good guy and all and he's very serious on his principles and whatever the hell but. but he really just folds immediately if kano or ayano come onto him. really the source of all his problems is being horny and a push over. like have you seen shintaro kisaragi in canon. i believe im writing him a little more put together cause he's a grown ass man but. he's like that you know.

shintaro and ayano got to a point in their friendship where they sorta tried sweeping under the rug their rocky relationship. that's why there are unresolved feelings. after they broke up, i think they spent some years drifted apart, and slowly began getting closer later on without ever talking about it again.

i dont wanna say Much of my thoughts cause like. it'll come up in the comics lol. me when drawing it takes long so i can't talk about it💔💔💔 jk tho i love drawing it i seriously have a lot of fun in the process. ever since like part 12 or 13 or whatever ive been trying to make it more polished with like actual panels and stuff so im having fun experimenting with that, having always been a very fast doodler that doesn't really Think about that sort of stuff, now im surprisingly very into it looking somewhat nice. i love you drawing, the hobbie. my life would be empty without you... but anyways yeah i hope ppl will like the next one😏

[namgyunation]

I JUST HAD A HEART ATTACK OF MY GOD THE addicted to the drama FAN FIC KILLED ME. !!!! (In the best way possible) It’s the best nam gyu thing I ve ever fucking read …I was waiting for smth like this for soooo long! Oh my god you re such a FUCKING AMAZING WRITER ! I almost cried ohmygod so so well written… I’m begging you don’t stop. Maybe do a part two or even more fanfics like this. His character is so well written and you portrayed how he could be in a relationship perfectly. So when you feel like writing again maybe add more stories like this . Ok im done with my ramblings I love you bye 🧎🏻‍♀️🫶🏻

comments like this literally fuel my fire so MUCH u have no idea... thank u thank u thank u... u are so effing kind i really do appreciate it what the hell 😭😭😭 <3333

so thankful that u enjoyed the fic and took the time to send me a msg about it, and it makes me especially happy to hear that someone enjoys the way i interpet + portray him LOL i'm like weirdly picky abt shit for some reason so i'm glad to hear it resonated with someone else even a little bit

i have a tendency to favor side characters that don't get as much attention / backstory as the others and then im like...... fuckkkk i need to overanalyze them and make up my own backstory for them right NOW!!! i have so many thoughts about nam-gyu's character fr..

when i imagine a pre-game!nam-gyu, i honestly feel like he's just a regular ass guy.. a pathetic, timid, insecure loser + an asshole, yes, but not to the point of being genuinely evil, which i think ppl are quick to say in order to sum up his character. i really do feel that despite his issues with himself and how he treats people that we see in the show, when he's taken out of those extreme, desperate conditions, he is capable of having his good moments within a relationship like any other normal human being! he's just another dude in a tough spot going through some funky shit.. and i also just have so much curiosity abt why tf he acts like that... like damn that behavior had to have come from somewhere 🤷🏻

anyways LOLLL i'm drifting far away from the ask, but heh.. do NAWT worry im working on—hopefully—another long fic right now >:) i might end up splitting it up into segments though bc if i try to write it all in one go i might just never end up posting it. i posted a little snippet of it somewhere on my blog, but it's a fic detailing more of how i imagine nam-gyu's life before the games to be + how he would meet and then eventually end up dating his s/o.

and for fics in general, i'm gonna try to keep writing up until at least the third season comes out!!!

ANYWAYSSS LEMME SHUT UP OMG.

Thank u smmmm again for this msg i really appreciate it... more stuff to come for SURE! if u ever have anything specific in mind pls don't hesitate to send me a rq and i'll try to do it to the best of my abilities <3333

I LOVE U TOO ANON!

[misha-moose-dean-burger-lover]

microdosing on coming out to my friends by recommending them one queer lit after the other

[ofmermaidstories]

merm...bkg hunger games au....

okay so here are my initial thoughts:

1) im actually probably way too into the hunger games to be having this discussion lmfaoooo. im too into it, it’s too perfect, i love it too much. it is basically the pinnacle of all YA and i will fight literally everyone on that.

2) so with the first point in consideration, are we talking like a strict 1:1 AU? Setting it in New America/Panem? Districts with distinct specialities? Commentary about reality TV and modern entertainment entwined with like, the trauma that comes with war and trying to break free of generational curses and etc etc etc? RE: reality TV, I do think we could probably modernise that just a teeny weeny little, to include like, idk, some bullshit about how we’re always under constant surveillance and how we no longer have the time/option to be unavailable (because we’re so connected!). and since we’re like, apart of an actual fandom, maybe we could throw in some stuff about how our more privileged/sheltered audience members would engage in like, stan culture about all these dying kids, LOL. Shipping wars that ends bitterly because one half of the pairing like, idk, clubs the other to death LMAO. Real People Fanfic and the culture war that would come from that (people having a problem with RPF of the tributes bc they’re real people, but like also conveniently like… forgetting they’re real people who are being forced into a death match). would we throw in a line about Reader and/or Bakugou discovering self-insert Gamefic? lmao no wait i made myself snort, we’re absolutely keeping that LMAO. anyways im gonna cut myself off here bc otherwise i will ramble on, but that brings us to point numero-threeo—

3) i recently rewatched Battle Royale (a “random” class entered wins a yearly lottery then dumped on a remote island where they have three days to murder each other—all in the name of keep the status-quo, etc etc, also this is somehow a solution to sky-high unemployment rates etc etc etc.). if we kept the Quirks then like, you could spin it as a dystopian AU where people are fearful of quirks being too powerful, so then ya death-match children are pulled from hero classes and we make Reader end up in there accidentally or something, and oh no! they’re also quirkless (and defenceless hehe).

4) idk. i know i was like hehe i like war! but like, i don’t know how to emphasise how much i love the hunger games LMAO. and how that love sort of translates into the same fierceness i feel about BNHA, when it comes to fanfic—that the canon characters have certain inevitabilities you have to honour. just like no matter the universe, we are always going to need a Bakugou who’s centered around his friends (Deku, always, in any capacity. Kirishima, the first equal he had. Shouto, his frustrating Bestie <3), to me the hunger games works as well as it does because it’s war through the lens of relationships. Gale as the danger of unhealed anger, Peeta as choosing peace—like… that’s the magic of THG to me, and i just…… like…… what are we gonna do with the relationships, with a BNHA cast? 🥺 What would Bakugou be? Do we start with a Bakugou who’s still in Bastard Mode? Has he gone through his canon growth by the time he and Reader meet? If he has, then how was that facilitated in our new world? Did he and Deku end up in the same game? Survive together somehow? How many of their peers and friends do they lose, or does that come later on? How do we fit Reader into that dynamic naturally? the romance in THG happens through like, a need to play the game, play it up for the cameras, but it’s born out of Peeta’s very real feelings for Katniss, that started when they’re kids, and I’m not a childhood friends-to-lovers person (writing wise). The “romance” (if u can call it that) in Battle Royale is probably more culpable to what i do (vague awareness of each other/one-sided crush, grows as they prop each other up) but… idk!!! idk!!!! we could just write up Bakugou and Reader sharing a cave and making out over a festering wound but like…. idk!!! i believe in earning our kisses. 😌 show me the build up in the war-torn society first, and then maybe we can have a kiss later on, lmfaoooo.

[your-local-uwu-artist]

okay so i got another video essay idea BUT I SWEAR T H I S TIME i think ill manage to complete the script (yes thats what i say everyt ime fnsdjkafl) anyway

if youd like to hear more its under the cut (kirby related btw uwu)

warning its all very ramble-y

setting the bar low and keeping the tone more so to just discussing something i like so i dont get to ambitious with the analysis

so a while back i read this awesome poggers fanfic called "being a knight is easy (and so is pretending to be one) by @/azzie-tangerine

its REALLY GOOD

and ive already had plans for a potential series discussing completed novel length fanfics so it could be snazzy!!

most notably though sense its written work thatll help me to not go crazy ambitous with the anaylsis: i ussually just have SO many thoughts that its hard to write down, so im hoping that covering a written work instead of something with a visual element, will help my thoughts to be more manageable sense like, i dont have as many of those entire essays over itty bitty details stuck in my head sense i dont have as much of a grasp on the itty bitty details of the written word

like bassically, because im less savy with written work my brain wont go so absolutely primal artist instinct mode feral lmaofnsdjkalfhdsk

anyway, ill want to go over all the art and fanart the author has done and recieved and maaaaybe if i gain the confidence see if i could talk to/interview the author?? (i had the confidence to compliment them on anon but that was it nfdskja )

gsoh this post is so un structured

uuhhhh heres a link to the fic

Being a Knight is Easy! (So is Pretending to Be One) - Chapter 1 - Azzie_Tangerine - Kirby (Video Games) [Archive of Our Own]

if you read it: it would be super helpful to me if you could maybe lmk your thoughts and takeaways on it? or wanna talk about it with me more

its nice to have other peoples thoughts to bounce off of when writing a review/video essay/anaylsysis/random guy on the internet goes feral over kirby characters having emotions video

so anywayyy snfskjdfk ummm if anybody would have any video edting software recs that would be GREAT too~ (as well as its nice to know who would be willing to proof read my scripts)

okie so

currently i guess my "to do list" for starting up this idea is to reread the fic wile writing notes along the way: and joting down comments and quotes

during that ill also work on organzing my thoughts into topics/categories

i dont want to worry to much about structure, art, and the such until i have more work to show

anyhow! while im chaotically chatting i might as well kirby animation update too!!!

im having a hard time deciding where to start with the lines: at first i was gonna do a non anti-aliasing basic brush so itd be easy to color but i really wanted a bit more texture so im currently trying to get all the backgrounds lineart with that: in which ill than go along with the character animation and color whenever its most convenient too~

and sense i can heres another wip!

a bit of a pause on this piece: ima try to find some lineless scenery speedpaints to give me more of an idea of how to go about with this

[crossovereddie]

Thoughts on Gallavich Hall of Shame

Wow okay this is the latest I’ve ever posted a weekly recap and I feel awful about it but mom life amirite? I’ve seen a lot of negative posts about this episode( maybe I just follow the wrong people) so ngl I’m kinda worried about watching it. Ugh. This is why I try to not look up things until I’ve had a chance to recap because I hate being influenced by other people’s opinions BUT I’m gonna try my best to find the positive things in the episode and keep this light hearted and fun like I’ve been trying to do all season! Okay I’ll shut up now and get right into why you’re really reading this post:

Oh baby Gallavich :(((((

THEY WERE SO LITTLE

Bitch don’t even say the word divorce

They’re sitting side by side playing a game together 😭😭😭😭

Mickey loves blowing ian pass it on

Oh fuck I forgot that belt move ian did 🤤🤤🤤

Nob job lmao

MID GOBBLE

ugh Ned was the most disgusting piece of shit

Who are those two exes wtf

I don’t know their names but I forgot I never watched any episode Mickey wasn’t in lmao

WAIT A WOMAN WHAT THE FUCK

Wow Mickey Milkovich really deserves so much better

Compilation of Mickey saying fuck THANK YOU

Omfg s4 Mickey was actually perfect

“Course you will. That’s your whole fucking MO” oh shit..

Wow remembering the past is really making me hate ian again lmao

Just when I started loving him for once

But then I remember how much he’s grown and I love him again

Fuck the writers tho

Let me write Gallavich please I’d do a much better job

Okay y’all really made it seem like Mickey was super offensive with his bipolar comment

I’m bipolar and hate when people use the term lightly but cmon guys that was nothing

He even called it a bipolar episode. He didn’t say anything offensive at all omfg. I was over here thinking he called him a psycho or something.

Some of y’all just gotta stop watching and stick to fanfics or something.

“I wish I never met you.” “Me either” THEN THEIR FUCKING WEDDING FUCK YALL NOW IM IN MY FEELS 😭😭

They’ve been through so much wow

Okay I need to see Mickey wearing a fanny pack

THE RING AND THE FLASHBACK STOP

GIVE MICKEY AND IAN A BABY

Fuck I need to rewatch the wedding

“Stupid gallagher” same

Mickey giving the Fanny pack back my boy is such a Good Samaritan wow I raised you so well I’m so proud my perfect son

SHIT I JUST REALIZED WHAT SONG IS PLAYING FUCK THIS YALL IM OUT 😭😭😭😭😭

Oh gosh I thought we were done seeing ian Gallagher’s dance moves

Why would they put us through that again

“Stupid Milkovich” you watch your mouth

But we love when a man learns from his mistakes

Now kiss

Mickey is beautiful damn ian is so lucky

Now this is the type of flashback I like to see

MICKEY SAYING HES SENSITIVE DO YALL REALIZE HOW BIG THAT IS?!

Ugh I love him so much

I’m so proud to be his mom

Okay unpopular opinion but I actually love that little how’d your bipolar tirade go how’d your stealing shit go

If you’ve been with someone through their rock bottoms you’ll understand how not offensive at all that interaction was

They both said things they felt bad about saying and now they’re having a bit of banter about it

“We work well together”

GUYES THEYRE ACTUALLY TALKING THINGS OUT THIS IS HUGE

They needed space after feelings got hurt but now they’re coming together to make up and actually talk things over

They’re learning and growing apart AND together

They both had the horrible childhoods and they’re doing their best

It takes years and years of therapy to work through deep rooted issues like that. I’m STILL seeing a therapist twice a week and I still have issues.

Just imagine. They’re how old? Mid to late twenties and neither of them have properly dealt with their issues and mental health problems. You can’t expect them to be the perfect couple you read about in fanfics. Yeah shameless is over the top but it’s a tv show that has stayed on the air for 11 seasons BECAUSE of how over the top it is. Stop expecting these characters to be healed healthy woke changed characters from one season to the next when they haven’t even properly dealt with their issues and it would honestly be very ooc if they did deal with their issues in a healthy way

I wish they would but that’s not the shameless way.

Well that was a long rant but honestly it was needed

Ugh I hate reliving terry this is the worst my heart is breaking

I skipped fast

Terry is definitely worse but yeah they’re both pieces of shit

Shit I forgot how abusive frank was

They both deserve so much better

They’re so cute oh gosh

We love communication

Okay but fr taking a bath with your SO isn’t as romantic as people think or maybe I’m just not a romantic lmao

Unless it’s a big bathtub with leg room

Mickey has the best lines

He’s so funny 😭😭😭

Mickey loves being manhandled✨✨✨✨

Honestly? I really think they would be really into some safe consensual bdsm play and they deserve to have that

PICK HIM UP IAN PLEASE ITS WHAT HE WANTS

fucking love you

I love you too

MUTUAL I LOVE YOUS ARE MY FAVORITE THING

IAN LOVES TO DO THE THUMB THING I CANT

HE DID IT EIGHT TIMES IN THREE SECONDS I COUNTED

they’re so perfect for each other :(((

A kissing compilation 😭😭

THE S7 VAN KISS HAS MY HEART

I still want a scene of Mickey making fun of Ian’s black hair

THE WEDDING 😭😭😭

I’m in tears again

THE KEY CHANGE WITH IAN SAYS MICKEY STILL GETS ME 😭😭😭😭

“Now?” HOW DOES ONE WORD GET SUCH A BIG REACTION FROM ME

I deserved to be at that wedding 😭😭😭

“But not these newlyweds” damn right

THE BLOOPERS

I love them so much

I LOVE SEEING NOEL AND CAM AT WORK

What a treat

SWEET LOVING MOUTH

THE THUMB THING AGAIN

JUST FOR ME

I MISS SEASONN FOUR MICKEY I WANNA GO WATCH HIM NOW

I love Mickey more than anything 😭😭

Okay that was so much better than I was expecting! I know I ranted a lot and I’m probably gonna get some angry comments and messages but I honestly don’t care. Have your opinion and I’ll have my own and if you wanna discuss things like adults I’ll reply but if not then I don’t have time for the negativity. My boys actually communicated and didn’t self sabotage for once and I’m so proud. I love not being as invested as I used to be because now I can actually enjoy their scenes! Anyway it’s late where I’m at and I haven’t been getting much sleep so I’m gonna stop rambling. Let me know what you thought of this episode! Oh and real quick! I noticed I got a flood of new followers in the past two weeks so i just wanted to say feel free to send me messages on and off anon! I like talking to y’all! I promise I’m nice lol! Okay bye I love Mickey so much!

[playedwright]

For the fanfic asks: I want to hear EVERYTHING about tell me about the dream

JDKFJSKJDJSF bear w me this is probably going to be rambly <3

i started thinking abt it first when i got to s6 in my rewatch bc i knew vaguely about cas’s reconnection with claire in s10 and i wanted to kind of explore it in an earlier setting before she’d had a few years to kind of stew in that and i also wanted to do a little bit more justice to claire’s character development. i really did not expect it to be as long as it ended up being i thought it would be 10k max when i wrote the first scene but that sure was not right💀

one of the first scenes i wrote was the part where they’re at the cabin and cas realizes he’s in love with dean. i wrote it a couple days after evermore was released and i remember that clearly bc it was the line “barefoot in the wildest winter” that inspired this scene lmao.

trying 2 think of other fun facts!! umm. title came from richard siken as many of my titles do. at abt chapter 3 i think i started considering tmatd my whole spn fix-it so it was abt there i started planning ahead for sam coming back. i originally had a plan to include a phone call on dean’s birthday where the person on the other line didn’t say anything to start foreshadowing sam but then i changed my mind and decided i didn’t want him to be out of the cage and alone that whole time. i spent wayyyy too much time stressing about unnecessary plot holes and trying to work them out before writing them but since spn didn’t i guess someone had to❤️

i finished my watch of the whole show before i finished the fic so i knew before it ended that i’d be continuing it to give them jack bc he was my Son and i was making myself physically ill not having him there HDKSHDKSHD

OH after i decided that i was gonna make cas go to stained glass classes i came home from work one day and there was a package addressed to me that i didn’t remember ordering and when i opened it it was an spn tshirt with tfw and stained glass bc love of my life wifey @hyruling ordered it for me as a surprise🥺

ok last one off the top of my head but i could talk abt tmatd for ever if y’all have more questions im just brain empty all the time BUT ANYWAY i stressed a lot abt ending it the way i did bc things were still kind of unresolved (even tho i Knew i was gonna continue the series) but then i Remembered a common trope in my writing is endings that feel earned even if they’re not what’s expected and i felt like i’d done that w tmatd so i settled myself fbbdksjdk

ask me questions abt my fics

[inknose]

mdzs read diary part IV, the end

It’s inspiring how much self care wwx is gonna finally get now that his husband will go along with whatever he does, so he’s gotta look out for lwj’s well being if not his own. that is emphatically the STUFF

dragging my hands down I face as I read this, after all these chapters of getting up close and personal with ghouls bleeding from every orifice, slaying ancient beasts, rebelling against the entire cultivation world, the two of them are absolutely paralyzed by middle school crush sleepover math

chicken

he actually drew kissy doodles .... he....

IDK I THINK I JUST DOCUMENTED THIS PART CUZ I WAS STILL SCREAMING you cant expect me to have very useful things to say at this point

this is torture you are both so mushy you are so GONE

This part really stood out to me, it’s an attitude I feel like wwx implies with his inner narration a few times but most clearly says here: he’s not one for allowing himself to exaggerate how bad his circumstances are/could be even a little bit - he’s already lived through some extreme low points and found a way to keep going, so he never makes sweeping statements about what he couldn’t live without (Inner JingYi: you’re supposed to say you’d be lost without him here!!!) Instead he seems to accept as a given that being alive doesn’t guarantee him any pleasantness or joy at all, and as a result his feelings toward being in TRUE LOVE are surprisingly pragmatic, but also colored with such gratitude. There are a lot of things in the novel that struck me, like this, as being just a little to the left of familiar tropes/sentiments, and were more touching for it. Whether it be the influence of culture difference as opposed to what I’m used to reading in most western romance stories, or MXTX’s unique outlook, or a combination of both, it was really refreshing and made me pause over it. Not “I can’t imagine living without you” but “I could be living without you, but instead I get to be with you and I think that’s the best thing that could happen.”

ADJFDKFJ THE UST BEING SO STRONG THAT EVEN THE VILLAIN COMMENTS ON IT IN THE MIDDLE OF EXECUTING HIS EVIL PLANS IS ONE OF THOSE THINGS THAT WILL NEVER FAIL TO MAKE ME LAUGH MY ASS OFF. hes like god damn! here I thought I had problems

it was at this moment that I realized we were doing this Now... I’m still recovering. What a scene. I am so glad I saw the most incredible fanart soon afterwards, bc the fact that someone has already drawn a perfect comic of this part means I don’t have to

I love you so much, you are so annoying, you are perfect... I like how he’s been experiencing openly requited love for all of ten minutes but he’s already figured out how to weaponize it to piss people off

doing!!! his!!! job!!!!!

ahh... it’s a really good story. JGY is a great character. One of the most interesting differences for me between drama watching vs. novel reading experience is that without an actor to bat his vulnerable doe eyes at you and smile faintly with his cute dimples, the book does not go much out of its way to try to lull the reader into a false sense of security around him or *endear* him to you the way the show does. But just by seeing events through wei wuxian’s POV, its still enough to evoke pity or understanding towards him. The overall impression is a bit more detached though, there’s less emphasis on the spectacle of how he could manipulate everyone closest to him and more of a general feeling of resigned tragedy that everyones the worst on this bitch of an earth.

I CANNOT DEAL WITH YOU FOR EVEN ONE MORE SECOND!!!!

I clearly paused to take note of less and less parts at the end & the extras due to: a) too excited to reach the end b) too spicy to photograph and c) too sleepy cuz I kept reading in the middle of the night. but I absolutely took the time for Bro We Are Teens appreciation corner:

I’d absolutely read 40 more extra chapters of their monster-of-the-week field trip antics.

god... poor Jin Ling now basically has to deal with divorced parents that talk shit about each other to him whenever he is saying with one of them. except they are both his uncles. just a disasterhood of all uncles from start to finish. AUUUGH wei wuxian and jiang cheng have fucked me up completely, I dream of them reconciling but I also REFUSE to believe it would ever be easy. let me know if theres a fanfic that absolutely tortures you for decades before they hug

HAHAHA oh no this man ain’t making it to immortality thats for damn sure. HE’S JUST GONNA TRY AS HARD AS HE CAN HIS WHOLE LIFE NOT TO LOOK AT HIM BUT THEYRE *MARRIED* SDLKFJSF ohhhh it’s too funny, like... the mundane domestic family drama IN the fantastical swords and sorcery setting is what really ratchets up these things from amusing to fucking hilarious I think

aaaa the end... final random thoughts? No not final, I would like to please keep discussing at length and exhaustively, all the time please - CQL has gotta be one of the best TV adaptations I’ve seen. ANY adaptation of anything would be lucky to be so good!! reading the novel has just made me appreciate it even more.

- I don’t think I can do justice to what I find most fascinating about comparing the two versions briefly, to do that I need to get drunk and ramble at my friends for hours but... the condensed version is something like this. Really all the significant differences between the two versions (besides the ones which can be attributed to censorship and therefore aren’t worth discussing) are a side effect of the structure of how the story is told - there’s barely anything changed arbitrarily. Aside from having a cold opening, the drama sticks to a very linear version of the story, and I think for a TV show or film, that’s probably the best way to do it. We see everything, we get shocked and tricked and betrayed and surprised along with the characters, we feel the biggest impact at the climactic scenes having experienced all the build-up. The novel on the other hand is not only much more non-linear in WHEN we learn bits and pieces of information, but that information is also obfuscated under wei wuxian’s multiple layers of Unreliable Narratoritis, which are as follows: 1) difficulty remembering things because of personality/avoiding painful memories/actual memory loss, 2) No Homo Goggles still on, and 3) a wry sense of humor that makes the reader unsure of how much they can trust his attitude toward things, especially near the beginning. The experience of reading is a puzzle the reader has to mentally piece together through all of the above listed camouflage, and the puzzle itself is a three-sided mystery: One - How Bad of a guy was Wei WuXian really, and how exactly did all the bad stuff in his life go down; Two - wangxian epic pride & prejudice gambits; Three - political murder mystery. (I love stories like this btw... though I fully admit I’m glad I watched first this time bc it might have taken me a long time to tackle otherwise.) Because of this, where the drama wants to pull you in and submerge you in all the most potent emotional parts, the novel in direct contrast deliberately side-steps around these things and asks that you hurt yourself by filling in the blanks. In fact the more intense emotions and painful memories involved, whether it be his relationship with jiang yanli, his DEATH, the darkest days of war times etc, the more the novel evasively withholds details. I actually really like both styles of storytelling but each one is obviously way better suited to its medium. ANYWAY.... THATS BASICALLY WHERE MY BRAINS AT WHILE IM READING GAY SWORD WIZARD BOOKS

- The extras are so saturated with domestic married bliss that it’s a good thing I stopped taking pictures because I’d just take a picture of every page. this is too much for me to take... I did jump the gun a few times and read a few fanfics while I was still mid-read of the book (I tried to hold out but alas I am mortal) and at one point after finishing I was like “wow what fic was it in where lwj says something cute and wwx kisses him in public but they’re in the corner of the restaurant so no one really sees... OH NO WAIT that was actually in there.” and ... and that’s the LEAST OF IT... *stares into the distance* theyre married wow

- I ofc couldn’t help but see a few vague blogs beforehand so honestly I was braced for something like, wildly ooc for the sake of porn to happen in the extras... I definitely appreciate how the incense burner porn interludes could be uhhh a lot for many people and not my personal cup of tea in terms of smut however [here follows the words of a poisonous frog who has dwelt her whole life in the rainforests of BL] the concept is also surprisingly SWEET SDFLKJF like wwx sees lan wangji’s darkest mixed-up violent teenage fantasies and he’s just like aww babe you had a crush on me!! just... good for them

- I swear I’m not gonna rehash every cute married thing they do but wei wuxian grading papers in the tub........................rEALLY GOT ME

- I want to Draw - ok thats enough if I keep going I’ll just write “wei wuxian grading papers in the tub” seven more times probably

[askmicrowaveayem]

OK SO. first of all, hello, skull you may recognize me from my sudden and aggressive engagement with your main, lol. one of my friends recommended AYEM to me 2 weeks ago, and every night since then ive been bingeing. first AYEM. then MG. then i scrolled to the bottom of MG's askblog and worked my way up. then, the big project, MAYEM's ao3 mirror which proudly boasts well over 580k words.

i finished that tonight. at just before 2am.

as i type this, its 4am.

i aggressively scrolled to the bottom of This blog and read everything (except the rp logs)

im leaving off for tonight, but all thats left are the boink bits and a couple of the extras linked in the archives.

aggressive reading at unholy times established, time for some opinions!!!!

yallre great writers, and i really enjoy all your writing and art and characters. (seems im in the minority of not immediately latching on to rage, though. sorry fandom and baseball i just simply think goop is clearly the best gaster :p. vk and kid tie a close second though so maybe thatll make up for my heresy)

im really glad you two are still around in 2020, even if you might not be too active anymore, and id love to keep reading more if you ever put anything else out!

(after reading what ive missed anyway.)

i have to say that this was one of the best sets of fanfic/rp ive read, ever. definitely the best in the undertale fandom so far (but thats not saying much, my ut fanfic days were spent in the abyss known as wattpad. i shudder to remember trying to find a non-xreader.) good job, both of you.

as its already taken 15 minutes to type this horribly long submission-rant, im gonna leave my rambling here

(ps skull since it seems youve been the one seeing most of these, bug baseball to read it too, its absolutely directed toward Both of the amazing people who made all this possible)

------------------

((Wow, I applaud your dedication because that is... a lot of reading. I know our output was pretty insane when we did this, so you have some serious stamina to get through it all.

I hope you went to bed afterwards and didn’t have anything to wake up for the next day. lol

Thank you so much for the compliments, I’m sure Baseball will see this too. It really means a lot to us that people enjoy what we’ve put into the world.))

[jewpacabruhs]

hi guys! so this post is gonna be a rambly mess but fuck it, here ya go. if u dont wanna read all of it, u dont have to; skip down to underneath the tl;dr in bold text for the important bits :)

(there’s a brief & non-graphic mention of a triggering topic in the next paragraph. please be sure to skip this next paragraph if the thought of suicide is going to upset you.)

alright. so i didn't share this originally, but i spent some time in a psychiatric unit this month. suicidality related. 1000% unrelated from anything online, i've just struggled with depression for a very long time & shit happens. i didn't intend to share that at all & i certainly don't want pity; i'm telling u guys bc my time in the unit was extremely eye-opening, and i have some insight to share. since i've gotten out, with the help of my newest anti-depressant (fourth time’s a charm lol), i'm seeing the world in a better light & i finally have the energy to and the interest in exploring what it has to offer, which frankly i've never had before.

with that has come the realization that i’ve come to do something very unhealthy, and i want to break out of it. and that’s how much i’ve come to rely on my fandom life. i don’t want to get too candid publicly, but mental illness took a lot from me, and i lost most of my life, my future, and my options in the last few years. next year will involve a lot of working on rebuilding things. but in the time that i let things fall to pieces around me & i absolutely couldn’t get out of bed, i had a phone and i had a laptop. so when i couldn’t get up and physically face the world, i built up a new world online.

and i don’t think that’s a completely uncommon experience. most people are able to better manage things, and evenly juggle real life with an internet life (like i did back in middle school), because most people can’t abandon their real lives entirely like i managed to; but i do think a lot of people nowadays rely on their fandom life and their fandom friends when their irl situation isn’t ideal. and that’s an excellent coping mechanism in theory, but i think it’s debilitating in the long run.

forgive me for sounding like an old person, but i’m a heavy nostalgist and a bit of an anarcho-primitivist in that i resent modern technology's influence on society - but that hasn't stopped me from letting it be a big part of my life out of accessibility. the internet kept me occupied during my low points, and i became dependent, but i've realized i don't wanna live like that anymore. i’m vaguely grateful that it usually kept me busy enough that i wasn’t thinking the bad thoughts as frequently, but more than anything, i’m resentful that my grasp on reality got lost somewhere along the way, and i let time get away from me, too. because, again, an internet life should be a fun hobby, but when it’s a lifestyle and it becomes an excuse to avoid dealing with our real lives, bc our real lives aren’t as rewarding or as exciting, then it’s unhealthy.

everything’s at our fingertips these days, but i deeply believe human interaction, fun, and fulfillment shouldn't be spoon-fed to us through a screen. it's easy access, sure, but at the end of the day, is it any way to live? compared with how much world there is to see, i’m no longer satisfied with the thought of sitting behind a screen for another five years. i used to be, when i had no hope and no drive, but not anymore. i’m not gonna let myself settle for staying busy with the thing that takes the least amount of work & movement. not only because i’m a whole ass adult who needs to start sorting my shit out for the long run, but also because i deserve better.

and it’s fucking hard! especially for those of us who are neurodivergent. i dropped out of school three fucking times due to crippling social anxiety and utter lack of ambition and energy. i lost all my friends through that (making friends post-school is hard af); the thought of having to go out and remake friends makes me wanna fucking cry. i have a hard enough time making friends online, i’ve even come to struggle with correspondence thru text & email. phone calls? outta the question. but that’s therapy shit, and i know i’ll get there. i just have to stop putting life off by staying in a comfort zone.

and it’s interesting; depression and anxiety really took everything from me, and while i was dwelling in my own misery, my adhd worsened and decided to make my entire brain revolve around my fixations, so i didn’t have to deal with my own life. can’t think about how much you wanna die and how much you can’t function in society if you’re busy thinking about a ship you like or a character you find interesting. so i latched onto the safety of that. aggressively. problem with that is that once you let your “happiness” (as much of it as you can feel in the midst of your depressive episode, anyway) revolve around an interest, that’s all you have. so you become dependent and reliant, and that’s never good, especially if you’re someone like me who feels pathetic & ridiculous when you realize it’s all you can bring yourself to care about. 

and i think that’s what i realized in the psych ward (where there’s legitimately nothing to do; i did soooo much more thinking than usual, and i already think too much haha); mental illness will try to fuck up your lifestyle, so you have to eradicate the things that’ll let that happen in the first place. for example, like i said, my adhd tries to counteract my depression by making me hyperfixate and/or hyperfocus on something else to protect me from bad personal thoughts, and that’s good in theory (doing something you enjoy when you feel bad, to distract urself, is the number one most basic coping skill you learn), but i can’t do it in moderation, i let it run my life, and that’s made me worse in the long run. so i have to force myself out of that completely and not let myself fixate on things that make me happy in the short term, but don’t ultimately further me as a person. having fixations helped me through some awful times, but now i need to force myself to grow up, you know?

and while tumblr and other social media is an excellent way to indulge those fixations, it’s an aggressive enabler, in more ways than one. what i mean by that... okay, so while i’m the type of person who self-destructs while unhealthy, i do occasionally lash out. and i know some people completely explode rather than implode when they’re not doing well. and that’s how you get discourse, i think. because when mental illness makes us care much more about our interests than we ought to, and someone has a differing opinion about that interest, the instinct is of course to attack, if you’re that kind of person. i don’t think i am, but depression and boredom go hand in hand, and i might be inclined to care more about discourse than i would if i were healthy, purely because it’s entertaining and something to do. 

that’s a long winded way of saying, while i stand wholeheartedly by my past positions, i do regret starting shit in the first place. i’m not the kind of person who genuinely cares about much and i have little to no sense of morality (im a chaotic neutral bastard), so the fact i was bored enough to start shit really goes against my character and says a lot about how bad i’ve been. so i apologize for all that. but, again, i think that's just what happens when something is truly your everything. and i think the chronic negativity of modern fandom is a result of how damn seriously we all take it, because we care so much and we’re so dependent. fandom’s supposed to be fun, but it’s just too damn stressful this way.

idk my point in sharing all this, but i do think it'd be cool if this kinda got yall thinking. even if you don't engage in discourse, if fandom is just one of your only consistent sources of happiness, that's not healthy either. we all gotta break out & exist more & louder & more positively. and unfortunately i think tumblr fandom (and maybe all modern fandom) is no longer a place that encourages positivity and health.

but for all my criticism, i do just wanna say how eternally grateful i am that i was fortunate enough to meet the people i call my best friends through tumblr. they're my family, truly, and all the bullshit in this fandom has been worth it simply because it brought them to me. i love them to death and i always will, even if interests change, even if we grow apart, even if we quit speaking entirely in the next few years, i love them with my whole heart in a way that transcends a simple fandom friendship and i'm so glad we bonded over sp in the first place. that’ll never change.

i will also always love south park itself. now that the cat's outta the bag about my hospital visit, i can brag about my most pathetic and obsessive accomplishment; the fact that i've never let circumstance stop me from watching a new south park as it airs, and i've now watched sp on 1) an airplane, and 2) in a psych ward. i win for most dedicated fan tbfh. dsjkf & i'll keep that tradition, and i'll still watch this stupid show til it ends! it'll always hold a special place in my heart, & kyman's still my most meaningful & long-term ship. i'll never stop loving it. 

tl;dr

so, to recap; for 2020 i'm making myself step back from fandom (not just sp fandom, but fandom in general) and quit letting my world revolve around my fixations so i can enjoy the outside world a little more, mental illness be damned, and the first step is gonna be quitting tumblr. this blog won't be deleted and i may occasionally post (maybe when next season airs) but you're absolutely free to unfollow bc this'll be a mostly inactive blog. i’m also unfollowing everyone, so mutuals, please don’t take that personally. 

i will, however, try to write more prolifically, bc fic writing is something i'm able to do in moderation & enjoy, and i hope to get back into it. so if you'd like, you can keep an eye out for any upcoming fanfic i may post - my ao3 is leere. i also have snapchat, instagram, & twitter my mutuals can ask for asap (bc ill be logging out for good by the afternoon of the 31st, which is tomorrow) - though i'm not very active on any of them. still, if you wanna have access to me, i’ll be there.

i want some connection to the fandom still, albeit without letting my life revolve around it, so i'll be starting a new open-to-the-public kyman discord server! the post with the invite for that will go up soon. nvm im too anxious  

thank you for reading, thank you for the good times (thnks fr th mmrs), and i hope everyone has a good 2020! 

[abnormalpsychology]

The Bully (part one)

[HAPPY VALENTINES DAY EVERYONE! Ya boi is excited bc I’m uploading my first-ever fanfic!! @joshua-rush-fanpage I hope you like it! This is part of the Valentines Day Friendom Gift Exchange. I wrote quite a lot more than I expected to, so the tag #myfanfic on here will be where you can find the rest uploaded later today. Sorry about the spacing errors— I originally wrote this in a google doc and Tumblr was being weird when I tried to fix them. I really really hope you like it! The first part is utter shit as a warning but it gets better!!! Hopefully I write more stuff soon, but here’s a little GHC to warm your hearts for now. I can’t believe I’m leaving a long, shitty, Wattpad-ass Author’s Note for the whole world to see but here we fuckin’ are. I also did not think I was the Soulmate AU type, but ALSO here we fuckin’ are. Meme mutuals please don’t think I’m lame I PROMISE IM COOL UwU. Have a lovely day even if you don’t read anything besides my ramblings. Thanks for making a community where I feel brave enough to finally post some writing I’ve worked hard on. I’m very grateful. <3 @swingsetboys Thanks so much for arranging this.]

Kids normally started thinking about their soulmates and deciphering their marks once they got their first crush, but Cyrus Goodman was different. He’d been worried about love all of his life, and the more he thought, the less sense it made. Trusting fate was generally put forward as the best way to deal with soulmate-related issues, at least before you met them, but Cyrus was finding that trusting fate was remarkably more difficult than all of the online articles and books in his parents’ offices made it sound. He wondered sometimes if he maybe was the universe’s first-ever mistake, a legendarily big screw-up, and this was a concern that was difficult to express without simultaneously concerning everyone else around him.

Cyrus’ mark was in what he had decided was the worst possible place it could be— his back. Two solid pitch-black handprints were indented into his skin so he had to twist around in the mirror to even glimpse the peculiar birthmark, like a two-year-old’s art project smushed across his skin or a crude frat party drawing etched on during a hangover was supposed represent his hope for the future and the person he was supposed to love more than anything. He’d always felt weird about it. The question that was tied most to it, the great white whale, the million-dollar-Jeopardy one, was what the situation could possibly be that would cause the mark to light up, to fill with color, when it made contact with his future spouse’s skin.

They’re gonna... push me? It was still, after years of contemplation and stomachaches, the best theory he had. The first way the person he was supposed to find eternal happiness with was by them trying to hurt him. That sure didn’t sound like love to him.

How would he make them angry? What would he do wrong?

The thought was his shadow, and the more he thought about it, the more confused he was. He didn’t want to make them angry, though! He wanted the person he was destined to spend the rest of his days with to like him right off the bat. He wanted the happy ending that everyone got.

“It’s fate,” Buffy had said and shrugged at their final summer sleepover before seventh grade began. “I mean, you can’t do anything to change it, Cy. I’m pretty sure you can’t fool the system by covering it with a tattoo. Since you always try to be as nice as possible anyway, I think you’re doing all you can.”

“Yeah.” He squinted. Maybe I’m just not good enough at being nice.

Buffy rolled her eyes, seeing through his words. “Cyrus. You really need to stop forgetting how cool you are. It’s annoying.”

“Thanks, Buffy, I just hope my soulmate understands my annoying… ness.”

“That was a joke—“

He gasped, shooting up with wide eyes. “What if I annoy them too much and that’s why they push me? What if I’m the one who ruins it?”

“Cyrus, I’m fairly certain that you would never be destined to spend your life with a total jerk. You may be weird, but that’s why soulmates love us, dummy. That’s why we love you.”

The two exchanged a smile, and Buffy reached around to squeeze his hand with her comforting smile.

“You’ll know when you see them anyway, because that’s like the whole thing. So… I don’t know. Maybe the push will be an accident or something. If it helps, I’ll personally remove the toenails if anyone who messes with you.”

“Well, I think,” Andi interjected like the voice of God from above, staring at the pair from her position of power on Cyrus’ couch. “You should stop worrying about something completely inevitable. It’s coming, like it or not.”

The boy let out a yelp and rubbed furiously at the goosebumps blooming on his skinny arms. “You didn’t have to phrase it like that, Andi!”

“Seriously,” Buffy agreed, eyes wide and unfocused. “Yikes.”

“It shouldn’t be scary. You two should really trust yourselves more. Future us will all make good decisions, I’m sure of it. Mostly. Probably.”

She leaned over to look down at her two best friends, reduced to frightened messes at the thought of someone who loved them, and deeply did not understand.

“I trust future Andi, at least. You two are weird.”

She stuck a bookmark made of old newspapers into the John Green book she was skimming, one of Bex’s favorites. She’d explained earlier about how since her older sister would be coming to visit her for the first time in practically forever, she had better know something about what she liked. Although from her various annoyed growls that echoed from above every once in a while, her friends could tell Andi’s tastes maybe differed from the latter’s.

“Real life isn’t that dramatic! Certainly isn’t as dramatic as this Augustus”—she gesticulated to the paperback copy—“thinks it is! What’s even going on in this book?”

She wrinkled her nose in disgust, setting the book down by the lamp.

“Yeah, whatever.” Buffy turned to look doubtfully over her left shoulder at her other best friend, from the spot on the calming maroon carpet where Cyrus was French-braiding her curls. “If you think all this soulmate crap will be totally drama-free, all relaxation and games, Andi, you’re kidding yourself. And it’s middle school.”

“You might want to rethink your position here,” agreed Cyrus, twirling a lock dastardly between his fingers.

A beeping sound came from the kitchen as butter filled the warm air, clashing with the rosy scent of the aromatherapy stuff Celia insisted on spraying everywhere before anyone else entered the house, even though it was just Buffy and Cyrus. They’re very well-behaved, Andi would always say, even though one was now swatting like a kitten at the other. True friendship.

“Stop that! Grow your own facial hair so you can stop using mine!”

“Low blow,” Andi commented.

“Never!” He fell backwards onto the carpet with a grunt as she attacked him with her fringe scarf, smacking her opponent with swift malice. Andi got up to go get their popcorn from the microwave, hopping easily over the destructive swarm of thrashing limbs on her floor.

The two broke apart, close to the door now. Like wrestlers, the kids sprinted to either corner of the room.

“Every time! This is why I don’t let you braid my hair, Cyrus!”

“You underestimate me! Now I have a secret weapon!”

A shadow rushed forward and cackled menacingly, a beautifully stitched pillow in shades of pink and red held aloft to decimate his friend.

“No! Bad Cyrus!” Andi scolded from the kitchen. “I made that for Bex!”

“This isn’t a Western!” Buffy yelled, hands up in surrender. “You aren’t going to tie Andi to the train tracks, no more!”

Cyrus pouted mutely, savoring the power, then conceded mercifully. “Ohhh-kay.”

“Maybe that’s why your soulmate will push you,” Buffy laughed. “You attack them, viciously, in a war of pillows.”

His face fell again, the weight of worry and insecurities returning instantly.

“Dammit.” Buffy sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. Maybe I will... I’d demolish them, anyway.”

The three collapsed onto the couch together once Andi returned, mutely chewing their popcorn, their feathery Cold War forgotten. They could still hear cicadas outside. It didn’t quite feel like school yet, and something about that made the night seem more important, more meaningful, and made them all the more grateful for the other people who they felt like they could tell anything.

“Soulmates are weird to think about, though,” Andi added. “I mean, it’s not something you can teach in school or anything. How one person is made for another. I think it’s pretty crazy. Although I bet Augustus and Hazel would disagree.”

“Yeah, love’s simple until you think about— like— what if they die before you meet them?” Cyrus said, the years’ worth of anxiety seeping into his words. “Assuming it isn’t a fate thing. What if you’re the first one to prove it wrong? Or… you don’t know if you like that type of person?”

“Well,” Buffy chimed in, shrugging. “I mean, people always do, so…”

The trio fell quiet.

“Like soulmates or not, we can agree the marks are freaky as hell?”

“Absolutely.”

“At least you don’t have your mark in as weird a place as me.”

“Buffs, yours is on your hand. That’s not that weird.” Cyrus reached over her back to lightly touch the white splash of color across her right palm, and she jerked it away fast as if she was scared of it going off like a bomb. “High-fives happen all the time.”

“I know, but why would future me let anyone touch my hand? That’s not allowed!” She shivered dramatically. “Ugh. Can you imagine me all… stupid and love-struck? That would be remarkably awful.”

“Middle school,” Cyrus said, nodding sagely. “It changes all who experience it.”

“Well,” Andi whispered, suddenly solemn. “I guess we’ll find out if it changes us too.”

“Guess we gotta trust that the Future Good Hair Trio will make good choices. Soulmates or otherwise.”

The three looked around.

“At least we’ll have each other. No matter who comes, we’ll at least have each other.”

[ephemeralfuture]

A forward regarding my love for Lance: why I love him like I do

So I've been looking the Official Paladin Handbook and fhe Coalition Handbook, a place where characters are ratcheted up to their character to ten and since Im a Lance and Shiro stan I definitely went and read all the Blue and Purple handwriting, which-- as an aside is super like texting quirks from Homestuck? And I really appreciate it.

Anyways, Lance was at peak arrogance in both the Coalition and Official Handbooks and looking at his stats he's pretty low in everything, the only other person who is lower than him in strength is Pidge, but she caps her intelligence. Lance is almost annoyingly arrogant and full of machismo in the handbooks, and watching him make self claims in the show make me gently chide him. Yet I'm still into his character, knowing that while he's never gonna shed that embarrassing machismo I'm interested in how his actions bolster his growth.

Like, as we all know Lance is at a significant disadvantage when we compare him to his teammates. He's not exactly remarkable in any way, not even in personality and yet his ability to change and adapt and learn from his remarkable teammates is what makes him pretty special.

We all know this, this is how we all love him but in fanfic I notice how we try to inflate his emotional intelligence or agility or marksman skills despite his average intelligence, agility or strength. Thing is, while we know Lance to be a relatable character I feel like Langst really thrives on Lance's insecurities being inflated just a little. Like, all the positive self talk in the world isn't going to stop making him feel like he's just not good enough, and I love the idea that the team with all of Lance's idolizing don't think that Lance's incompetent, not really, but they do know Lance's strengths and the only person who doesn't really know is Lance.

All of this rambling is peaking to me saying that Lance is just my dad and my Dad's experiences could just directly mirror Lance's future experiences. It just further proves that Lance is peak relatability.

Okay, here me out: I have a pretty rocky relationship with my father. I'm pretty sure he won't recognize me for a boy and his blatant disregard is infuriating and thinking about this as I write this I kinda don't want to compare Lance to my dad, but in the end Lance is just my dad, which is why I recognize and relate to him so much.

My Dad was just a skinny little nobody from Venezuela who went to a tiny newly titled research one University. He got to work at the national bureau of standards and was in the right place at the right time. He chose physics because he thought Engineering was Too Easy. He was surrounded by remarkable people from the top universities, he was sure that he wouldn't be able to relate or catch up but Dad had the innate ability to adapt and he knew how to fake being a remarkable person. In the end, he admitted to some of these remarkable people that he has no idea what he's doing and in the end, they said "Me too."

I love the idea that Lance will in the end tell his teammates that he was lost the entire time and his teammates will either be like, "oh yeah, Same." Or be generally understanding about Lance's averageness. Or even better I like the idea that these above average people think that Lance is remarkable for being average.

So yeah I like lance a lot and another Langst fic is coming up soon! I got two requests in my box about bad things happen bingo and Im just gonna finish the general Langst fic then start on my bingo card.

[booksong]

Fic Writers Week 2017: Day 1

Prompt: Words of Validation

First off, let me state what will be obvious to most fellow writers--I love literally each and every comment I get, knowing that someone was moved or excited enough about what I wrote to put that effort in.  Seeing that comment notification always makes my day brighter, whether it’s on my most popular fics or one with only a handful of hits.  If you are someone who’s ever commented on a fic of mine, know that I read it and loved it and appreciated it so, so much!

That said, there are definitely a few comments that go that extra mile, and become the ones that inspire you, comfort you, and that you reread so often you basically memorize them.  I’ve copied a few here below the Read More.

-There are few better moments in the fanfic writing life than when you participate in a fandom gift exchange, and your recipient leaves you a comment with their reaction.  From my Akisae fic Hazard Label:

i can die happily now thank you SO MUCH for writing this for me, this is so perfect and nbd but im gonna like, liveblog this while i read bc you deserve a long ass comment about how good this is. u deserve everything in the world for this fic, tbh

"Akiteru couldn’t imagine anyone being in charge of Tanaka Saeko" ok but same.... i love this line so much it's so in character im dead

WTF IM SO....... I CANT DEAL....... “You know, when Kei-kun blocked Ushijima’s spike that first time, I thought you were going to fall over the railing. I was seriously preparing to grab your jacket and save your life.” AND RHE NWXT PART??????

IM.... IM SO EMOTIONAL I LOVE SHY FLIRTING “And the first thing I thought, after I was sure you weren’t going to die, was that I really, really wanted to kiss you.”

also i love how akiteru is practicing with karasuno and playing with his brother... tbh that means a lot to me, and their relationship... god this is so good

“I keep telling you, I kinda like dating a girl who can kick my ass.” me too akiteru, me too. i love girls like that. they could kill me and i'd say thank u, honestly. saeko is rly high up on that list...

also YES I LOVE THE 10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU type, omg saeko actually reminds me of kat a bit, tbh... i can totally see it. i wanted to cringe at the pet names but it was so cute that i couldnt do it. its just. im dead now... i love u for this thank you so much i appreciate this

RIP Mairin (1997-2016) Cause of Death: this fucking fic

- I’ve been absolutely blown away by the positive reception to my first Daisuga fic, Add New Contact over the past couple years.  Here are just a couple of the many fantastic comments it’s gotten:

I have been grinning at my phone for the past ten minutes because this is so CUTE omg! Possibly the cutest thing I've read all year. Daichi is such a lovesick NERD and I love how he keeps trying to rationalize what he's doing. (In his defense though, I would break my phone to see Suga too.) And Suga sneaking into Daichi's phone may have made me laugh. I would say I want more of this, but it ended so perfectly! Thanks for sharing!

I reread this fic for the third time and honestly idk why but this time it makes me cry (r u even serious) it has been a while since i read haikyuu and them fics or doujin (since the Yuri on ice fever) and i've kind of forgotten how much i love these two. Think i cried just because now i remembered how cute those two are and GAHHHH I LOVE YOUR WRITING STYLE SO SO SO MUCH i can't even express how much i love this fic in words???? Like it wouldn't ever be enough to say how much i adore this fic gdi, yes daisuga has been my fav otp since who knows when, but this fic makes me fell A LOT MORE for daisuga than i have ever been. They're so in characters and all of the dialogues and inner thoughts are so sweet and just, reALLY REALLY THEM. your characterization is perfect and honestly if i should ask for more, then i really want more daisuga from you, 'cause really, your writing style. Geez. I LOVE IT SO MUCH. You make me ship them even more and ghhhhhhh this is surely one of my all time favorite fics in the universe. And no i'm not exaggerating at all. Please never stop writing stuffs. Thank u for existing and for making this fic exists love u bless u 

I've been having a really rough time, but this fic made me smile so big and so much, I could barely stand it, ahaha. Thank you so much for brightening my day with this adorable fic. You wrote every character so well, and it just solidified for me just how much I love DaiSuga. <3

Thanks again!

- Finally, comments that are given to my works that are more about character-study than shipping, or that I put a lot of personal feelings into, hold a special place for me.  I wrote Things We Forged in the Fire as a celebration of Morgiana, one of my favorite ladies, and reading that my characterization resonated with people really touched me:

This is absolutely perfect, you really capture the ferocity and gentleness of Mor, I'm a bit jealous of you. Also the alimor was divine, subtle and sweet, mutual respect is such a key component of their relationship, yet it's left out a lot.

Anyway this is going down under one of my favorite Magi fics (don't have ao3 account) Keep up the good work!

I love this story! I really don't leave comments in archive of our own because of the need to leave an email address but, this story just needed to be commented on how fantastic it is. I have just been reading Magi and I also believe that Morgiana is one of the most bad-ass character ever! And, you are also correct that there are not many stories that are dedicated to Mor (or to Mor and Alibaba as a pair) which is quite sad.

I like the way that you described Mor and Alibaba's relationship. It was not forced and I really appreciate that because even if AliMor (is this correct?) is my "ship", sometimes some stories just fail to capture the mutual respect that Alibaba and Morgiana have for each other. Also, grammatically, I did not find any mistakes (though I'm not an expert in that particular area) and your use of words was simple and understandable yet it also captures what you want to convey to your readers.

I really hope that you would be making more stories about Morgiana (she's such an under-appreciated character!) or about her and Alibaba (since this is my ship after all. Hahaha). Are you considering making a multi-chaptered story for them? (*blinks at you with puppy eyes). I would definitely read them. More power to you and may you write more stories for Magi! And, happy new year! :)

So basically, comments help keep us writers going, and we love your enthusiasm and excitement.  Never worry that your comments are annoying, too long or short, too full of caps lock, too ramble-y, or not detailed enough.  We love them all!  

[saunterfics]

picture this: dadsona jumping in craig's shower after a workout 👀👀👀

(I’m gonna answer the asks I’ve gotten these past two weeks in this post so it’ll be under the read more. I apologize I’m terrible at responding bc I always think I want to respond with more specific things to requests but maybe I shouldn’t keep hoarding asks…)

Craig would be so surprised lbr. But if you’re implying shower sex, then yes. Somehow instead of smexy I can only think of…angst…? Like 1) Craig might actually be annoyed bc he’s always so busy and he has a lot of work and stuff to get to after a shower so like, please, don’t? or 2) he does indulge in you and damn that was HOT but then he realizes he spent too much time there and starts to criticize himself for leaving River alone for too long, etc and blames himself for not being disciplined enough now that he allows himself to relax and actually be with you…? He’s someone who probably thinks too much bc he’s trying to set the bar so high and seriously. He needs to chill. 

Anon said: Will you write more Ddadds fanfics? Maybe something dirty, rough, fast with Robert? Or include some kinks, like chocking (with your hands) or rimming with any other character? 

Yes…maybe? I should? I just got really busy and haven’t been playing the game and then started losing the inspiration? I also usually browse tumblr on my phone, which doesn’t have blacklisting, so I’ve been avoiding it tbh because I am into Craig and also Robert, and tbh I like consuming content about Robert more, but I’d noticed quite the increase of Joseph/Robert stuff in there and I’m really not comfortable with that pairing so I’d rather not chance seeing it. Idk, the extent of my distaste for that kinda hit me all at once so…sigh. It just also feels very fetish-y too so that really nags at me. 

Anyways. Choking? Seriously? Hell yeah. Holy shit. I’m not into rimming myself, and I’m just indifferent to it so I don’t think I have the abilities to make it good. And something rough, fast, and dirty with Robert will most likely be when Dadsona is just “a tad” tipsy and he’s riling Robert on with dirty talk and esp calling him “daddy” and Robert just growls and holds you down but you’re just smirking up at him and continue to tempt him and he just. Can’t fucking handle you Jesus fucking Christ. (I also like someone’s hc I saw a while back about how Robert doesn’t actually enjoy sex all that much seeing as if you ever have sex with him he just chucks you out the window and all) so I like the thought that Robert slowly gets into sex more because he’s into you and it’s fun and Robert likes games and he quite likes the control play that you guys get into. 

Anon said: Concept – Robert getting hella excited to show dadsona his whole knife collection and the story behind each one ,,, what do you think

I think it’s cool…? But I personally would be more like “uh okay” tbh (I’m not a good partner to have let me tell you straight)…I’m not creative so I can’t think of what the cool stories would be behind his knives? Especially if there isn’t much to go off of on why he has them? I also don’t understand the notion of collecting things so…i’m sorry. 

Anon said: SO EXCITED FOR MORE KNIFE DAD, the first time dom robert stuff was super hot and endearing but i am so ready for FEELINGS, i can’t even tell you. (also don’t worry about the roseph requests, your writing should be for you first and foremost ❤︎)

I’M SORRY IF I’VE DISAPPOINTED YOU IN NOT PRODUCING MORE KNIFE DAD IN A WHILE. Anyways, thank you?? First time Dom!Robert will always be super cute in my heart. I had a lot of feels earlier this month but then it kinda got…knocked down several levels because of the Roseph stuff and how uncomfortable it made me? Like, it came as a shock with how much it affected me. I’m still kinda shocked, to be honest. So thank you for understanding that I want to avoid that. 

Anon said: I literally need an crave more Robert with a daddy kink

Lol same. Sorry, but I don’t really have inspiration for it right now? Unless you can give me a more specific scenario?

Brooo, im so glad u made that post abt roseph, some1 had to fckin say it 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

;n; It’s good to know that some people feel the same way. I really don’t like abusive relationships especially under the guise of hot hot BDSM (there’s a reason why I specifically say that I do not write hate!sex, which is a distinction from rough or angry sex). It’s also intriguing to me that most of the people I know who identify as male similarly want to indulge in Dadsona/one of the dads instead of pairing the dads together. I mean, I can’t say much because I try not to interact with the Roseph shippers, and I don’t really look into the other dads, but it’s another reason why it feels fetish-y to me bc why is Roseph hot…? I don’t really want the answer to that I’m just rambling bc someone is on my perspective. 

Anon said: i respect and understand your interpretation, but i personally feel like joseph/robert (roseph) are heavily implied to be exes? like, joseph kind of breaks robert’s heart because minor spoilers: there isn’t really a happy ending with joseph’s route - it always ends with him running away and using mary for an excuse. actually, something quite interesting happens if you date robert twice before going on joseph’s third date - a confrontation of sorts.

Thanks…? Sorry if I’m curt in my reply, but are you trying to voice your opinion in this discussion, or is this a justification on why you ship Roseph…? Because I’m taking it the latter way, and my response will be under that impression. The immediate response I had was, “So what?” because I did express that I don’t like certain implications that Robert was still involved with Joseph, etc. in addition to separate issues that I have with the fact that there’s no way Joseph/Robert can be in a healthy relationship whatsoever, unless I make Joseph a more mature man (than he canonically is, given that he leaves Dadsona in the end regardless, in his route). The fact that they’re implied to be exes means nothing other than add to the fact that Robert is emotionally wounded on many levels, and that he has so much to heal from. It only makes me sad, because this man already seems to be the type who is hard to open his heart, so then you’re telling me that he did open his heart to Joseph, only to have it broken terribly with the lame excuse of “I love you, but I don’t have the balls to leave my wife, whom I have a deteriorating romantic relationship with and that we are not attempting to repair” which implies “you’re still only second place to me, at most.” Not to mention the implications of what it would mean if Robert was previously involved with Joseph, and still is best buds with Mary? Was he still best buds with Mary when he cheated with her spouse? So you’re saying that it’s possible that Mary doesn’t know any of this, and Robert is hiding something this big from her? How much of a burden is that on his shoulders? (Although tbh, I’m more inclined to believe that Mary knows all this shit - she’s not a moron, she’s quite the intuitive woman - and she bonded with Robert over the fact that Joseph is a shit and really, I don’t think she and Joseph are in love anymore. They definitely still care, but the “in love” aspect of romance, that’s not there anymore. But the fact that there are also fan content that depicts that Mary knows and just kinda glosses over the issue by not reacting makes me uncomfortable, as well.) So basically, even if Joseph and Robert are exes, that doesn’t change anything imo. It only solidifies my belief that Joseph needs to man the fuck up and deal (and the fact that I think the game writers really failed in, in terms of representing the complexities of a relationship. They seemed to be on the right track, and then it turned to shit with the only excuse I’ve heard being “why would you want to be a homewrecker” and that’s not valid given that they gave Joseph a route). But anyways, about Joseph, that’s what it means to be an adult - relationships are complicated and there’s no black and white. You’ve got to work with that and keep moving. 

[tayegi]

Equilibrium is blowing my mind 😮😮😮 I never expected jungkook to suddenly turn into some possessive psycho jerk 😨😨 I really hope he gets his shit together. What the flying f*ck 😱😱😱 In fact It'd be cool if Jin suddenly showed up with food and The OC leaves that chaotic relationship for food 😂😂😂😂 EVRYONE WOULD PICK FOOD OVER RELATIONSHIPS. right ? Am i the only one lol *cries*

AHHHH THANK YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE FOR THEIR LOVELY ASKS!!! IT’S GOOD TO KNOW THAT PEOPLE CAN HAVE HEALTHY, NON-PROBLEMATIC REACTIONS TO GROSS, CONTROLLING MEN! 

THANK YOUUUU AND MORE UNDER THE CUT: (i’ve grouped all your asks here because I unfortunately don’t have time to respond to every one, but i have read them all and appreciated every line <3 love you guys) 

Anonymous said:Sorry for being late to the party lol, but I just read the new update of Equilibrium and I felt so fucking anxious and scared for the oc. I don't know how in the hell, some ppl find jungkook's actions hot when he is literally being psychotic and obsessive. Especially the part when he told her 'You'll regret it', he's basically threatening her there. It's obvious the whole relationship they have is toxic af and it only seems to be getting worse as time passes. Apart from that, have a nice day!

Anonymous said:OMG EQUILIBRIUM 11 Omg I still have goosebumps, like Jungkook was being so fucking possessive it scared the shit out of me. Even tho It was a shitty move for the oc to not attend his graduation, she still could had attended but that phone call... I don't want this to turn into some creepy murdering fanfic LOL. Ughhh Jungkook what is even going in your mind? I'll be looking forward to the next chapter! xx :)

Anonymous said:Dude, you did such a great job at writing o/c's anxiety in this chapter. I try not to be bias toward her, but it's really hard since the story us in her pov. I got seriously grossed out by JK, man. I was so uncomfortable with the whole morning ordeal. 😩 And his threat at the end?? I know it's a story, but I had my friend-instincts kick in and I just wanted to shake her and be like "PLEASE LEAVE THIS RN PLEASE" (1)

Anonymous said:(2) And I'm curious about how Jimin would react if he knew how JK was acting. He has this idea that JK is a perfect boy, but if only he knew...But, at the same time, they all have this distorted view of one another, huh? We see Jimin as Mr. Perfect cause that's how o/c sees him. I guess it goes into that whole "unreliable narrator" thing? I'm just writing what thoughts the chapter has provoked. I absolutely love how u pay attention to detail in this story!! Awesome job as usual, mane 😊🙆

Anonymous said:Jungkook needs to take a moment to realize how miserable and uncomfortable the OC is like my goodness. Things have gone waaaaaay downhill. Especially for the OC. Also Jungkook actions are just kind of creepy??? And just like so unhealthy. I know it can be really hard to get out of a relationship, and she still loves Jimin and all, but the OC needs to just get out of there.

Anonymous said:omg jk is becoming such a possessive creep like reading the last part gave me chills tbh. they all need to realize that this relationship is v toxic and dip out of it. i kind of expected this to become what it is from the beginning but you still added twists to it that caught me off guard, thanks for being a great writer lu

Anonymous said:oh man that last chapter. just really fucking scary.... i went back and reread the end of ch.10 to recap and it makes me wonder how far y/n's willing to go for what's "worth it" in exchange for her own personal well being. because fuck, what jungkook is exhibiting is extremely concerning. as always your writing is amazing! thank you for using your free time this way, i'm sorry people are being gross and rude. you don't deserve that kinda shit, lu :(

Anonymous said:I genuinely love how you describe the OC as a trapped bird, and seeing how Jungkook reacted to everything is actually causing me to fear for the OC's well-being. I just want her to exist the whole relationship and just hook up with sunshine, can do no wrong hobi instead of the possessive junglecock and the passive Jimin :/ just my thoughts. But you're an extremely talented writer and your PhD is more important than smutty fanfic, so take all the time you need <3

Anonymous said:Ok first of all what the hell at ppl asking u for quick updates cuz ive lived with phd students they literally have a never ending to do list and im so amazed at ur ability to find time to write unbelievable. U go girl. And 2ndly, the claustraphobia u mentioned that oc was feeling. That was so detailed and even i felt like i was in her place. And jk..uve characterized his possessiveness so well and i got so mad forgetting this was a fictional character i was ready to throw a chair

Anonymous said:eek jungkook is making the equilibrium relationship so unhealthy somebody punch him

Anonymous said:Jungkook makes me so uncomfortable and I can actually feel the claustrophobia that OC feels .-. Overall, really excited for the next parts and can't wait to reread to see if I can find more theories. Thanks for the new chapter!

Anonymous said:ch 11... HOLY FUCK SHE NEED TO GET OUT JK IS LOONEY!! you really know how to make a story really good dude. super excited for updates!! i'm really curious about jimin's thought process about all of this. you've given a really good insight on kook and oc but jimin is still a little hard for me to figure out, i assume that's coming soon? i feel for oc, i want to protect her and tell her she's stronger and smarter than all of this. she's worth more than all of this craziness!!! GIRL POWER!! lol

Anonymous said:Holy fucking shit everything is so messed up in equilibrium like !! I love it and at the same time i cry because of the way you describe the oc's feelings I SWEAR I CAN FEEL IT TOO HOW DO YOU DO THAT? I can feel everything, my heart is pounding so fast now. Im so into it and i just want her to run away from this toxic relationship and take care of herself first like i know she loves jimin to the core but she is more important my heart clenches at every exquisite word you writE THANK YOU SO MUCH

Anonymous said:The story is really great I love how original your writing is I don't even see the characters as Jm an jk Which allows me to see how disgusting they all let themselves be treated in the relationship, a lot of the times I feel like readers are blinded by the image of an idol it changes their perspective honestly even if it was just one person who was lying about loving the other it would still be just as horrible I'm really curious as to what's even going on and how you are going to continue it❤️

ahmie-cat said:I feel so sad for the oc in equilibrium. Jungkook don't own nobody! How dare he claim ownership on the oc! I will fight him any day! I'll fight for the oc's freedom rights. Lols, just kidding... But really all of the characters are so sad...

Anonymous said:Honestly in the earlier chapters i really liked Jungkook but now hes just scaring me. The way the OC reacts to all his actions is so relatable thats exaclty how I would feel in her situation. This is crazy I dont even know how this fic would end I love it so much

Anonymous said:I was the anon who recommended you watch wfkbj and I'm so glad you like it!! :) ALSO the latest chapter of equilibrium was so good oh my god;; it's just ramping up like tenfold and while I was reading it sometimes I just had to stop and take a breather bc of all the tension lol. Honestly I don't even know how the oc is dealing with jungkook rn bc his behavior would chill me to the very bone I would have to get out !!! Anyways as always thank you for updating <3 it was great as usual 😘

Anonymous said:ah goodness, it was autocorrect that changed jungkook to jongkook! maybe next time i'll just use jinglebook to refer to him instead thens ahahahah. "goodness gracious, jinglebook is hella possessive that i'm actually really scared for y/n :s"

Anonymous said:GIRL THANK YOU FOR UPDATING OMG IM SHAKING IN MY CHANKLAS JUNGKOOK IS SO DELUSIONAL AND I WISHED OC WOULDVE BEEN STRAIGHT UP WITH HIM AND LIKE IDK NOT MILK ON HIS CRAZYNESS IM JUST SO ANXIOUS TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT SORRY FOR TYPING IN CAPS

Anonymous said:So, uh. Equilibrium Jungkook is fucking terrifying....

Anonymous said:I hope the oc in equilibrium leaves the relationship. It's so unhealthy and I feel like she might develop some type of mental illness or just be very stressed and anxious if she continues the relationship.... It's just a fanfic, but man, i'd hate to be in her position... I feel like crying Lols. Is this what you intended?? Haha.... It's really good so far I'm looking forward to what happens next. I feel like there'll be a good moral to the story. *Fingers crossing.

Anonymous said:Damn wtf jungkook behavior is freaking me out 😳 "you'll regret it" like wtf crazy people say shit like that

Anonymous said:jkzldlzlldz TF IS HAPPENING I'M SO CONFUSED JK IS CRAZY WTF OMG

Anonymous said:the characters in equilibrium seem to have never been in an actual proper relationship so the fact that they seem to have lasted this long is by sheer miracle. It's also probably why their worst aspects are even more apparent like jk's obsessiveness (which btw yikes boy yikesss) they literally all need to walk far far away from each other cause they a mess but I do wonder who's gonna be the first to do it cause it's all so complicated now, sorry for rambling I just love this fic so much!!

Anonymous said:What the ever loving monkey fuck is wrong with Jungkook. See, i was okay with him being jealous of Jimin because that's normal. I was moderately okay with OC agreeing to Jungkook's terms because she wants to stay with Jimin. I AM NOT OKAY with his sociopathic tendencies and how obsessive he's become. I think he's mistaken OCs genuine kindness for romantic interest at one point. And the thing that scares me the most is how Jimin seems to have no idea what's going on right under his nose as well

Anonymous said:Bruhhhh jungkook is legit fucking scary but the story itself is amazing and complex im gonna reread it right now

Anonymous said:Equilibrium is getting really interesting!! I'm kinda worried tht ppl read sentences like "Even a domesticated pet needs a taste of freedom" in context with her just /looking/ at jimin and think 'oh how romantic' tho. In every scene between her and jk u can practically feel her discomfort and fear and his possessiveness and how he's abusing her. I would normally stop reading a fic like tht bc I don't like it when the ppl are written like that bc they are real after all but I'm super hooked (1/2)

Anonymous said:(2/2)now and I am also really curious as to if and how they all are gonna get out of that situation or if jk kills her before they can just bc she takes care of a literally puking-everywhere-bedridden jimin. I'm also curious how Jimin is gonna act towards y/n now that they're alone and if he even noticed the toxic stuff that's happening between her and jk or if he didn't even notice bc jk kept him "happy" (idk how else to put it) so yeah. Keep up the great work!! Have a nice day xx

Anonymous said:GURL YOU NEED TO RUN FAST AND YOU NEED TO RUN FAR. It sucks that Jimin doesn't like OC romantically, but he's just using you to stay with JK. But JK... that shit is gonna hit the roof soon soon and it ain't gonna be pretty @.@

Anonymous said:Hey Lu, thanks for taking the time to update again~ Regarding the story...Jungkook is incredibly terrifying, like I had to step away a few times as I read because I just want the reader to leave so badly. I wish she would just be like "peace out". Everyone should just leave this situation and say "peace out". Even though I know the feelings are so complicated between all of them, it's just such a shit show on fire :( . Well done on setting everything up though. The tension is insane!

Anonymous said:Ugh I honestly want to slap Jungkook so hard. Possessive little shit.. As always your writing is amazing. Thank you for the update.

Anonymous said:OC, JIMINS DICK ISNT WORTH AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP GTFO THAT SITUATION GIRL IM SCREAMING

Anonymous said:JEONS FUCKED IN THE HEAD. HE WAS CUTE AND ALL AT FIRST BUT THEN IDK GIRL, I FEEL SORRY FOR JIMIN AND OC. I DONT EVEN KNOW WHATS HAPPENING ALL I KNOW IS I LOVE THIS AND I CERTAINLY LOVE YOU! IS HE PSYCHOTIC THO? FEELS LIKE JEON WOULD KILL ANYONE WHO DARE TO TOUCH OC..

mirajoey said:MY GAWDD!! Jeon Jungkook has gone mad😱 i pray for oc's safety

Anonymous said:i am terrified by jungkook's actions and NOTHING in this whole damn world is going to excuse what he is saying and doing in equilibrium. WHERE IS YOONGI DITCH THEM ALL Y/N AND GO FOR YOONGI. and today, i have been going through some really misogynic shit today and it felt so freaking uncomfortable and i was so angry and kind of frightened...i do not know how y/n is able to act like a normal person with jungkook around who is being very possessive and psycho-like

Anonymous said:When I first saw you updated Equilibrium I almost yelled "IMMA BUST MY LEFT NUT" (I was really excited lol) and now I'm lying here in a puddle of emotion really scared for the OC lol. I adore your writing so much, thank you for writing these xx

Anonymous said:JEON YOU CREEP. Man this is all such a disaster BUT I LOVE TO WATCH THE DRAMA UNFOLD. Anyways it was a great chapter and I am so e x c i t e for the next part to start. You da best 😆

Anonymous said:This is what your writing does to people, this is literally the only time I've ever dislike Jungkook that much in a fic. I wanted the OC and Jungkook together, but now I really thing all 3 should go their separate ways. Jungkook's possessiveness is getting too much, it's too obsessive. I feel sorry for her, but at the same time her own fault as well. As for Jimin who knows he may not be as oblivious as we think ?! He is using the OC to get with Jungkook in the first place.

Anonymous said:Equilibrium OC should just pack her fckin' bags there is no happy way out of this one

Anonymous said:(1/3) Right before I read this I watched this British PSA music video about abusive relationships, where a pregnant woman was choked to death by her boyfriend as she was trying to leave him and I feel like these people who romanticize these types of relationships forgot that this actually happens IRL. This happens to real women and men and some of them don't make it out alive. And when they try to defend it by saying "it's just a story, it's not real" it's very real for some people.

Anonymous said:(2/3) And the fact that the OC is having trouble sleeping and feeling this anxiety. And the that Jungkook didn't fell any sympathy/empathy for Jimin while he was ill, it just doesn't sit well with me. And the OC isn't innocent either. So afraid to shatter what's left of the already crumbling illusion she's built up. The need to keep the fantasy of this relationship with Jimin that I'm not sure existed outside of her mind. I really do enjoy this story and how you portray the characters.

Anonymous said:(3/3) The isolated relationships between the three of them is very realistic. I've seen some of my close friends go through similar situations. And it's hard to get out once you're in.Anonymous said:I cant believe anyone in their right mind is sympathizing with Jungkook in Equilibrium?! The way he is with Y/N makes me so uncomfortable, esp with his “You’re all mine” crap and being so “in love” with her when all he wants is to have her under his control even tho he thinks it’s love. Jimin too, the way he’s down to have Y/N in the relationship since JK wants her but she wants Jimin.. also I’m glad ur fanfics exist since they can give some girls a perspective on what’s NOT okay and NOT love

Anonymous said:' And if I find out you let someone else touch what's mine... you'll regret it' - I kept on reading this over and over but each time it makes me cringe more, the fact that he constantly calls her 'mine' is so fucking off, like as a kookier Stan in rl , I felt really bad for jungkook but now I find it so hard, this relationship is taking a big twist that I did not see coming and it's getting abusive real quick.

Anonymous said:(Cont last) I stood firm in my decision. On the last day that we talked, he finally understood why. It was only then he realized his mistakes, only then did he cry & apologize for everything. He tried to convince me to give him a chance but the time for that has already passed. We are officially over. I loved the guy, you know? and deep down, I know there's good in there. But I can't risk my heart and soul anymore. I'm sorry this has gone out of topic, I just needed to get it off my chest.

Anonymous said:(Cont.) When he got mad at me for one minor thing, he will accuse me of cheating and call me demeaning words. Our relationship was always on his terms. I was always the one apologizing & making an effort to make him happy. I paid for all our dates. Just wow, I'm stupid. After a fight early Feb, I got tired of it all. I broke up with him and that process took 7 fucking days in which he tried to convince that my reasoning was wrong and that he was right. My gut feeling was telling me to leave.

Anonymous said:just finished reading ch 11... yikes. like YIKES. oh my, I'm honestly very worried and scared for the oc. reading it actually made me anxious and nervous lol. that relationship is a nightmare oh sweetie no, she needs to leave asap

Anonymous said:(Cont. Part 3) I felt caged. I always had to inform where I was, who I'm with, are there guys going to be at the event I'm going to. If there were guys, he didn't want me to go. I couldn't even get a regular update from him where he was and couldn't check on his phone. As I said, I was being stupid. I tolerated all of his bullshit. When you're in an abusive relationship, you won't realize it immediately. He'll come off sweet and only wanting to protect you and your relationship.

Anonymous said:(Cont. Part 2) to the red flags he showed early in the relationship. He didn't want to me talk to any guy who wasn't a family and asked me to delete all the guys in my Facebook account. Stupid me did so because I believed him when he said that "It's not because I don't trust you, it's because I don't trust the people around you." I stayed loyal to him but he was always paranoid that I was cheating on him. When we broke up, I learned he was talking to lots of girls that's why he was so paranoid.

Anonymous said:I got curious and read Equilibrium. All I can say is whoa! The anxiety and fear that I felt was so visceral; it made me fill ill. I've recently broken up with my ex, who was like that - subtly emotionally and mentally abusive. I am fairly young, naive, and inexperienced in relationships. I had a low self-esteem. Growing up I felt that I was unattractive and no one would like me. He was the first guy to really pursue me and I guess I was so hungry for love and affection that I turned a blind eye

Anonymous said:oc's anxiety is getting worst in equal... 😞 i hope she gets out soon. i agree, SEND IN MAMA JIN! lol kook is getting crazier each chapter i'm getting scared for her well being 😟☹️😦. SHES WORTH MORE THAN THIS CRAZINESS!! 💔 side note, thank you for sticking to it, i know it's not easy. and thank you for updating. i always look forward to your work ❤

withlove-sydney said:Tbh I was worried that this story was gonna take a disturbing turn after jk revealed that he was purposely trying to keep jimin away in chpt 10 and this chapter just confirmed how toxic he is. I agree with that other person tho I'm glad that you're the one writing this because I trust that you won't try to romanticize this at all. My ex was really possessive like jk and its not cute or sexy at all. I ended up so scared of him and when I see similar things in fics it gives me chills...

btsninetyfiveline said:I just want to say thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for the relationship you're portraying in Equilibrium! It's soooooooo important to have stories that show abuse and possessiveness in an unhealthy light! I'm so tired of these "you looked at another guy for 5 seconds in the club so now I'm gonna take you home and show you who you 'belong' to" narratives. It's so important to address and educate young girls on signs of an emotionally manipulative relationship! 💕

Anonymous said:Hi Lu :) how are you? I love how you put out your stories unexpectedly, its always a pleasant surprise. Chapter 11 is so well-written (like all your work ofc).You set up the suffocating atmosphere perfectly with images and metaphors, like Oc's suffer is so real. I am really concerned about oc's mental health... in this chapter we see that she isn't in a good place and I am scared of what is yet to come. Thank you for your hard work. xo

Anonymous said:After reading chap 11, i feel so bad for the oc. Even reading about jk's possessiveness/threats makes me feel suffocated ;-; Though I'm excited for what's going to happen after he leaves for his trip hmm.... once again thank you for the update, Lu! :-) I'm really loving the pace of the story so far.

anonymouspseudonymous said:There's this anon that said "this ain't your ordinary fic where they all compromise and be happy" and i cannot agree more. Although, even if I get it that people hate JK for being cray, you have to punch Jimin as well hahaha idk man this is fucked

Anonymous said:I'm reading ch11 of equilibrium and the part where she wants to touch jimins face but jungkook has a tight grip on her wrist restricting her from doing so is so symbolic of their relationship and how she wants jimin so badly but jungkook is holding her back from him almost keeping her hostage in a way. Anyways I really enjoyed this part it gave me goosebumps so thank you for sharing your work with us even though you don't have to! You owe us nothing so I appreciate everything you give us💓💞💖💕

Anonymous said:I'm glad you don't tolerate the bullshit that jungkook isnt as bad as the protagnonist. People need to hear that that shit is toxic and manipulative. People are brainwashed into thinking it's romantic and okay. When it's absolutely not. No the protagonist isn't free of fault but she isn't being obsessively creepy.

Anonymous said:I think people tend to gloss over the fact that it IS an obsession (unhealthy and actually rather terrifying) and not actual "love" because they like the idea of someone doing anything to stay with them. But even in wanting to stay with someone, there have to be limits. You shouldn't end up losing yourself to someone if they want you as a person, not as just an object or a way to get what they want. There is a line between devotion and obsession, and people seem to ignore that all too often.

[jarchieriverdale]

I'm writing a Riverdale fanfic (Jarchie mainly, with Beronica on the side) which is one of my first proper fanfics ever. Any general tips or maybe even just tips for being brave enough to actually, you know, share it? I'm feeling so awkward about this entire thing!

Can I first start of with saying: so much kudos to you for wanting to put your fic up! Fandoms getting new fics and writers is always a huge YES because we always need more & definitely welcome it ^_^(This definitely ended up being really long, but I made a list further down if you don’t wanna read all my rambling. I’m not sure what specifically you’re feeling awkward about, but I covered a bunch of stuff :))

Reading this I was like, I’m probably not the best person to ask because I have really bad anxiety ?? but then I was like, actually, you know, that’s why I’m probably one of the best people to ask because HOW the HELL do I manage to do this despite that? And honestly it involves a lot of self-talk + bravery + a fuck-it-I’m-gonna-do-it-who-cares mood. And I have a feeling this post is going to be rather long, but I’ll just talk through my own experience and what I’ve told myself, and maybe it’ll help you (or someone else) as well. :D

(I decided to put this under cut IT’S SO LONG IM SORRY (& if you’re on mobile I’m even more sorry t_t) 

I’ve actually been writing stuff for YEARS. I started fanfics in middle school, before that I was writing my own little stories. Little me in primary school and early middle school, so badly wanting to be a writer (I RP’d a lot between 07-10 as well). But I never shared my writing. SOMETIMES with close friends, if I bought up an original story and they were interested I would send it to them. Otherwise, I wasn’t about to share it with anyone. ESPECIALLY not my fanfics when I started. A lot of my earliest have gone unseen by the world (and myself for years). I’m sure this may apply to a lot of people if you’ve written stuff for years, regardless what type of writing it is. I don’t know if you’ve written other stuff before anon, but if you haven’t that’s okay because we all gotta start somewhere & if you want to share it right away that’s one hell of an achievement and damned awesome. On the other hand, if it’s taken a while, that’s great too. Either way, sharing can be one hell of an anxiety inducing situation.

Okay, so when it came to finally posting stuff up, I’d definitely been writing a while, but at this point I knew I really wanted feedback on my writing, and to see if people enjoyed it, so that was a huge factor in me sharing it online. I’d never find out what people thought if I kept it to myself forever. Critique can sometimes be tough (just before my ImperialRemnant account on AO3 I wrote fanfic elsewhere and definitely had “this sucks” reviews - which isn’t so much a critique, but actually being a dick because they weren’t helpful - and definitely had fics that did rather terribly - still do - but it’s all a learning process & you eventually get used to it).

It’s also important where you post it, AO3 would be best of jarchie and beronica, as well as tumblr. Fanfic.net usually does better with gen fics. They’re the only ones I use, although I have accounts on some other sites I still gotta go on.

So I’ll go through things you should remember if you’re nervous about putting up fics (and things I have to remind/tell myself constantly):: 

1. I’ll start with the fact you’ll definitely get reviews/comments/critique like I said previously. But most people are REALLY REALLY nice, so don’t freak out (I tell myself, as I’m trying to rationalise), and I haven’t had anything terrible since making my ImperialRemnant account on AO3 or fanfic.net. And there are always times your fics won’t get any comments at all– and that’s fine too! I’ve had that happen to me, and in the long run, it doesn’t feel like a huge biggy??Also, sometimes people aren’t gonna like what you do and they’ll say that, but that takes me to a second point–

2. It’s not your problem if somebody doesn’t like something. This is really important to know. You wrote the fic because it’s a concept you wanted to write, and something you really wanted to share and that’s amazing. You put tags on everything in your fic, so the person will go in and know what to expect, so if somebody does say something, then it’s like… “it was in the tags/summary? Why did you read this then? Wtf?” then 0% your fault. (Tagging’s important guys! I do find it hard so if you do too then try! You’ll usually be fine). 

3. In regards to quality of fic, there’s definitely is a lot of amazing stuff out there, and that’s overwhelming. But you gotta know, there’s a lot of bad stuff too. I hate to say it, because it’s the nice thing to say all fic is good, but the reality is that’s not true. Your fic may not be the best (hey it may be damn amazing I haven’t seen it xD), but there’s a damn good chance it’s not going to be the worst either. Say to yourself this fic isn’t terrible, it’s fine. Your quality will improve over time anyway when you grow as a writer (Lord forbid there’s stuff from a year ago I published and I’m like… why did I do that…but that brings me to the next point).

4. SOMEBODY WILL LOVE YOUR FIC, I GUARANTEE THIS. I didn’t know this at first but learnt it quickly and have to remind myself EVERY TIME. Even if, later, you’re going “oh god that fic was a dumb idea”, there will be someone, at some point, who will have loved it and enjoyed it and wished there was more. It may just be one or two people but goddammit your audience is always gonna start small, and if it stays that way it will always be worth it for someone (that someone can be yourself too!). The best feeling is when somebody gets excited from your updates (HUGE reason why people should leave comments if they love a fic, because there’s a lot of people who are passive readers even when they love love LOVE a fic & just leave a kudos, definite issue. But I hope as a fandom we can not be like that?).

5. Your writing is not going to be perfect to you, it’ll never be perfect, you’ll be sure there’s a way something could be written better, but maybe you don’t know how to make it better (especially if you don’t have a beta!). I never expect fics, when I go in to read them, to be perfect. No writer is perfect, even properly published writers. You’re going to have to tell yourself it’s the best you can do RIGHT NOW for THIS fic. Put it through an editing program maybe if it’ll make you feel better (I use prowritingaid sometimes?) or leave the fic and go through it later. It’s gonna be fine.

6. Don’t expect much at first. Sometimes first fics can be very successful for people, but there’s a shit-ton of people where this doesn’t happen and it takes a while. When I first put fics up on AO3 they only got less than 10 kudos or something? You will eventually write something that a lot of people may love, but it can take a while. I think… well I’ll give you an example with the Star Wars fandom– I first wrote TFA & Kylux on AO3 before The Force Awakens had even come out, so obviously I didn’t get a lot of attention. When the movie came out, there was few fanfics but I was already there so a lot of people would read my fics (dunno if they liked them, but since they were some of the ONLY ones that existed they didn’t have much choice ;P). If you’re writing fics in a growing fandom you might be more likely get more attention later on your fics, if only because there’s few choices. Some of my fics still have barely any kudos, but I have nearly 60 fics and they’re gonna be a hit or a miss (& they eventually gather more kudos overtime, so even the worst fics have at least a few). With Jarchie, I was actually surprised I got as many as I did, but this fandom’s in the process of growing and I assume a lot of people are reading all the new fics?? It’s probably good for you actually, to right now put a fic when people are reading it and into it. 

6. It gets easier. Man, I ain’t even kidding, the first time I was putting up a fic I was freaking out like mad, going back and forth between the tag, mouse hovering over the publish button, re-reading a billion and ten times. It was ~kinda~ easier in a fandom where nobody was reading the fics because you definitely don’t expect much, but there were a couple of people who definitely enjoyed the series I was writing once I’d put some stuff up. And as time went on, it got much more easier. There’s a huge gap of time I didn’t put any fics up and it was hard to update again, but now that I did it, it’s once again easier to do it. I still have internal battles with myself over it, but it’s quicker to get over it and much easier to win. 

7. I forgot a note so I’m just gonna add it quickly. But if you’re really weird about it, you can first send it to a friend to look over, or a mutual or something. Or, since I myself never could do that, just tell someone about the idea– and I suggest telling someone you know won’t make a negative comment about it. Sometimes a “that sounds interesting” or “that sounds cool” can be even a little helpful. If you’re lucky, might even go a long way.

Honestly, my mind goes through a whole lot of panic, and sometimes it just takes a good mental day, and some excitement about the concept of my fic, to be able to be brave enough to finally put something up. I usually have low expectations when I share it (being a pessimistic person by nature, so as not to disappoint myself), but I’m like… somebody’s gonna like it at some point, it’s not the worst fic I’ve ever seen, it’ll be okay. And if a fic doesn’t do well, then you just need to put it behind and move on (repress memories haha). Leave it up, don’t take it down, somebody may eventually come across it and love it, but there’s no harm done having fics that don’t do well. It might just be that it’s not gonna appeal to most people, and that’s okay.

At the end of the day your fic’s gonna be okay. There’s a bunch of amazing, unique, horrendously weird, terrible, awful fics out there and the last thing you need to feel is awkward. I know this ended up being a monster of an essay but I hope it’s helped, even a little.

tl;dr? No need to feel awkward, sit yo ass down and just fuckin’ do it. Shit’s crazy.