#I STILL LOVE THE STACHE THO

[hischiersgirl]

GABE GOAL AND INTERVIEW YUM

he looks so GOOD.

and as much as i loved the stache, i feel like he looks more cutie without it😚

[graff-aganda]

YESSSSS SOMEONE WHO LIKES MASH YESSSSSSSSSS

OMG haha..!! MASHheads of the world, we must rise. 💪😤

[ghostytoad]

* Fun n' Games *

ROTTMNT Boys x GN! Leo-esque reader who enjoys drama, making jokes, and being overall awesome

Summary: The Hamato brothers unexpectedly fall for the smug, but genuine, fun-loving reader despite their egocentric habits

Headcanons for: Leo

GN! Reader; Romantic; Fluff, Mild Angst || Words: 2.3k

Raph | Donnie | Mikey | Bonus!!

Leo:

oho, hello good lookin'~ it's nonstop flirting and banter from the minute they met and it's not going to stop anytime soon

finally! someone who has a sense of humor and can appreciate a good one-liner or two! and they can dish it out as well as they can take it? be still, my beating heart!

leo genuinely finds it to be a gift from the gods that y/n shares his brand of comedy and will not let up on it when he's around them

the romantic tension between y/n and leo is so thick that he could probably slice through it with his odachi - it makes his brothers sick to have to listen to all the schmoozing but leo ADORES the flirting praise

the boy would bend over backwards for y/n; he'd sell his prized jupiter jim collectibles for them if they asked him to (maybe… he'd probably still keep one or two tho)

there's an unspoken and ongoing (very friendly) rivalry between them; leo and y/n are constantly looking to one up each other and it's getting to ridiculous levels of competitive; they won't stop until things hit "deadly" levels and one of them almost ends up getting hurt

even little everyday tasks become a competition for the two of them, there's just no end to their games

grocery shopping? betcha i can save more money than you! pizza night? i can stuff twice as many pizza slices in my mouth than you can. hanging out in donnie's lab? hoo boy, i guarantee i can make him snap first.

it's the bane of donnie's existence, considering he's the target of most of their shenanigans; if he has to endure another one of their "who can ruin donnie's day" games, he swears it'll be the start of his villain arc

mikey's the unofficial score-keeper and peacemaker when things get too heated between the two of them; although he's more likely to stoke the flames than intervene… he just happens to enjoy watching them get carried away (not that he'd say it to their face). definitely enables the chaos to a terrible degree

"no way, you know i totally had that game last night before you went on to blow up my spot with your little tackle! next time we portal our way onto the superbowl field mid-game, i'm leaving YOU on the sidelines and scoring that touchdown solo!" (concerned raph sounds in the background)

they've absolutely plotted to portal their way into "hard to access" places like the white house or splinter's secret lounge room, but raph and donnie made them promise not to do it for very different reasons (donnie doesn't want to have to bail them out if they get stuck and raph is just being raph)

leo and y/n's carefree attitudes combined has landed them into trouble with the law a few times, both in new york and the hidden city

together, they're banned from like 10 different places and they're legally not allowed within 100 feet of any magicians; leo's only explanation for that is "we couldn't tell if it was part of the costume or if the guy actually had a barber-stache and how were we supposed to know he was blind?!". to this day, no one knows what he's talking about.

leo would absolutely hide the evidence of a crime for y/n; he ain't no snitch either and he's not going to let his bestie take the fall for something that TOTALLY wasn't their fault! more than likely, he'd blame their antics on hypno or if it's something not so bad, splinter.

senor hueso has an entire wall dedicated to leo and y/n: The Wall of Failures and Stupid Mistakes That You Will Surely Learn Nothing From

it has photos of all the times leo and y/n went on a fun little adventure and ended up being taken hostage by a villain, thrown in jail, or overall just beat up (they're mostly selfies and yes, leo is smiling and posing in all of them)

he would never let y/n get into any major trouble and he has the common sense to remember that y/n is only human, so at the very least he knows not to do anything too dangerous when they're around; he's reckless but he doesn't have a death wish

"i'm all for a good espionage mission and all, but this is big mama we're talking about! i say we sit this one out and wait for another chance to come along so we can try on these rad bellhop uniforms."

the two of them have made it a point to announce their arrival anywhere by doing the team rocket motto; occasionally mikey or april will join in as meowth. they have the costumes to match and will inexplicably be wearing them every time they do it.

they truly enable the worst in each other; raph insists on tagging along as the unofficial babysitter to every little hangout because of their chaotic nature, meanwhile donnie has protocols for every possible "doomsday" scenario they could initiate with their little stunts. zombies or accidentally reviving the shredder is at the top of that list.

matching outfits are a big must for leo; someone as UH-MAZING as y/n is absolutely worthy of leo's impeccable fashion sense and there's no way he's gonna pass up a chance to twin with y/n. if they refuse to match with him for whatever reason, he will pout about it for days.

whenever leo is sad or feeling a little down, y/n is the first person he goes to for a little cheering up. they somehow know just what to say to make the boy feel like a champion. and no, he didn't give them a script to read off of! (he totally did)

even with all the flirting and pick-up lines, leo still dreads the thought of ever admitting his feelings to y/n; he's a confident turtle, sure, but that's just the face part of being the face man. he's secretly an insecure mess when it comes to them

will become a flustered mess if y/n genuinely compliments or praises him; he'll stutter for a good minute or two before finally snapping back to his suave cool guy persona (which doesn't fool anyone, he's OBVIOUSLY crushing hard)

after an unfortunate night of misadventure, leo's forced to confess to his feelings AND his crimes

Well, some adventure this was turning out to be.

"Get in there! Y'all got the right to keep yer traps shut!"

Yep. What a real swell time.

Being hauled away in a prison ball, headed to the Hidden City Police Headquaters, all the while Big Mama's men chasing close behind.

"So much for the adventure of a lifetime." Y/N hissed bitterly as they tugged and pulled from the tangle of limbs they found themselves in, trapped inside the small bubble with Leo tightly packed alongside them.

"Well, maybe if SOMEONE weren't such a slowpoke, we'd have made it back! And I'd like to say for the record, you are the WORST lookout. Maybe next time try to keep up, will ya?" the turtle spat back with a scathing glare.

Y/N could only muster a hearty scoff as they balled their fists, unable to throw a punch from how they were positioned. Their heel found a suitable landing in the direct center of Leonardo's plastron and dug in with a stomp, eliciting a pained groan from him and a satisfied smirk from Y/N.

"If you weren't so cocky, we might've ACTUALLY pulled off your little stunt! But nooo, Leo just HAS to get in the last word!"

"OHO, pot calling the kettle black now, eh?" Leo wore his signature smug expression and attempted to jab a digit into Y/N's forehead. Given the way his arm was caught between his bent thighs, he only managed a slight graze before opting for a flick instead.

The two bickered and took shots at each other throughout the trip, much to the chagrin of the arresting officials steering nearby. It was gonna be a long night for everyone.

At the station, Leonardo and Y/N were placed into holding together, both of them choosing to sulk in silence on opposite sides of the confined room. It wasn't until Y/N was being processed that the question of what to do with the human came up for the arresting officers. With Leo's odachi confiscated, it wasn't like they could just send Y/N home on their own, but they couldn't leave Y/N in the same cell as powerful, human-loathing yokai. Leaving the pair to stew in their anger, the officers left to deliberate on Y/N's fate.

Silence followed. Neither one wanting to give in to this bitter game of chicken, Leo instead let out a loud, exaggerated sigh.

Silence.

Irked by the lack of response, he threw his head back and gave a loud, guttural groan of frustration.

"Right. So you aren't talking to me." he rolled his eyes and forced his gaze back onto Y/N, who sat indignantly across from him on a cold cement bench, their knees held close to their chest.

Not even a glance back.

"Oh, come on! You can't actually believe this is my fault! If anything, you should be mad at the guard that threw us out and called the cops! He's the one who got us in this little mess!"

Nothing.

The silence tore at Leo's chest, his heart thumping heavily against his plastron as he dejectedly sat back against the cold wall. It was unlike Y/N to ignore him like this. With every second, the stillness became unbearable. This little adventure was truly a disaster, not just for the predicament the two found themselves in but also for the lengths Leonardo had gone to ensure Y/N would have a good time. So that HE would have a good time with them. It didn't matter to him that they could be facing time in prison. That whole deal was practically child's play to the mischeivious mutant. It didn't even matter that they faced a total ban from the mystic city itself. It was the fact that he might've dashed any chance he had of winning over Y/N's affections.

'You just HAD to fuck it up, didn't you? You had to go out and be an asshole!' a booming inner voice fed into his insecurity and the crushing weight was enough to curl the red-eared slider into a fetal position, his lower lip quivering as he fought back tears.

"I…" a sniffle broke Leo from the spiraling despair he'd been wallowing in, unsure if the sound came from him.

"Am I… holding you back, Leo?"

Another sniffle and this time, he was sure the sound came from across the room. Peering over at the source of the sound, he found Y/N curled in on themselves, little hiccups causing their small form to quake and shudder. They were crying.

"Y/N?" Shifting from the bench, Leo took a few hesitant steps towards them as his hand ghosted across their shoulder before pulling away. His face wrought with guilt and worry, he debated scooping them up in his arms and holding them tightly to him right then and there. But he couldn't bring himself to do it. The thought of rejection stopped him in his tracks.

"I don't know why I do it. Why I try so hard to prove that I deserve to be around you." Y/N continued, their voice muffled as they buried their face in their knees. "I'm- I'm just a human. I'm not as strong. I'm not as quick. I can't compete with you and your mystic skills. I can't even keep lookout for you!"

"What? Y/N, no, you got it all wrong! Yeah, you're a human but I-"

"Just stop it! Stop!" Forcing back a loud hiccup, their head shot up to meet Leo's concerned gaze with a fierce, stubborn glare.

"You DON'T have to feel sorry for me and you DON'T have to keep me around! So why? Why keep me around when all I do is drag you behind?"

Their narrow eyes locked themselves with his, desperately searching his expression for any hint of pity. All Leo could do was chuckle, his concern melting into fondness.

"I don't feel sorry for you. Sure, you've looked better but I was so afraid I was the one holding YOU back."

"H-Huh? Me?"

"Y/N." The turtle sighed as he plopped himself down beside them, allowing their back to rest against his side as they unfurled from their little ball of sadness. "You ARE a human, yeah. But do you get how cool that makes you? You can do so much more than I ever could! Look, I might have my good looks, my mad skills, and my amazing charm, but you have that and more in… whew, in spades and for you, it's practically effortless."

As Leo moved to wipe a tear from Y/N's eye, he cupped his other hand on their damp cheek and with a tender tap of his thumb, he parted their lips slightly and moved in to plant his lips softly against theirs. The ghosting of his lips left enough room for Y/N to pull away if they felt uncomfortable. Instead he was nearly knocked back with the full force of Y/N's lips crashing against his, their body leaning over him and practically trapping him underneath their warmth. Leo's hands held firmly onto Y/N's sides and he eased himself back against the cold of the bench, breaking the kiss to let out a soft chuckle.

"I love y-"

"Well, well, well~ Looks like someone owes me 3 months of chores." a familiar, taunting voice hummed not too far from the two.

A jingling of keys had them both whipping their heads towards the now-open cell door, spotting the unmistakable, cocky face of Donatello leaning against the bars with crossed arms.

"D-Donnie?!"

"Yeah, yeah, you two can get back to your little makeout session. But I thought you'd like to know I paid your bail, you're welcome." He waved them off as he began down the hall. Some adventure this turned out to be.

Bonus comic: Leo definitely used his one phone call to call Señor Hueso

[midnight1nk]

So, this week's episode...

[Spoilers below cut]

save me SMG4 episode save me

(the following is my live reaction:)

moo-stache moo-stache moo-stache

why do I feel like Pedro's going to be here?

"bruh Pedro was just a one-time thing." they literally killed off Mickey, ANYTHING can happen

KAIZO YOU'RE BACK HI

OMG please tell me someone from the Team saw this fan animation and put it in the episode as a nod to the animator, that would be awesome!!!

btw great fan animation, go check it out if you haven't [link]

YAYYYY, c'mon Mario you gotta spend time with your brother :)

also I need to find a playthrough of this game while I work

whoops my hand slipped [*makes 4 say "I should've chosen the USB over you, 3"*] :)

Hey Shroomy :D ....oh *western spaghetti flashbacks*

like seriously, I can't hear that audio the same way again

helicopter helicopter (copter)

oh hey swag *he fades away* NOOOOOO

well, digging did (mostly, sorta) help the last episode

OMG HI HI HI MY SILLIES

Three, why are you here if you think it's stupid? unless... 🫵 🏳️‍🌈⁉️

it's giving "I'm only here to support my boyfriend's interests", like I'm starting to believe that they truly are dating behind the scenes

they're on a date, your honor 💙💜

and there they go bickering again smh /affectionate

I'd like to think that ever since Four drives a forklift, that's just his method of transportation. screw the car, we're taking this baby out for a spin :)

Mario, you need to be ✨forklift certified✨

sorry, just Three's gayass poses give me life

actually yeah why is the line not moving?

the boys :)

also that walk animation tho

HOW LONG IS THIS LINE?!

also c'mon Three, show us your dance moves :D

oooooh that editing i love that

THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING

now that they've mentioned it, why are there so many conventions happening at the same time? hmmmmm *game theory theme starts playing*

SMG3: "Maybe they're lining up to go to your mom's house. That line's usually pretty long." DAYUM THREE

"the line doesn't end" ayo wtf????

shroomy, you've eaten mushrooms before and you had no problem with that

....it really is the end of the world huh

ONE WEEK LATER?!?!?!?

"there is no end" "the end will come" me, sitting in the corner: hmmmmmmmmm

whelp, it's confirmed, I kin Four now

Three's not going coo co crazy, he's just vibin' :)

THIS IS WARRRRRR

this whole fighting scene omg it's SO good!

....WOTFI? ok no :P

AWWW THAT WAS ACTUALLY SWEET DUDE

CAN WE PLEASE GET A HUG? FOR ME SPECIFICALLY?

.... yeah uh Boopkins, you're going to have to explain what the hell you mean by that

not that it's surprising, we've been through a lot. just another Tuesday (or Saturday in this case)

MY HEART CAN'T TAKE ALL THIS FLUFF

HUG HUG HUG

THAT'S MY BOYS

RAVE PARTY [*dances*]

....sonic, is that you? sorry, my mind is still in the sonadow generations phase so I can't unsee them

:O wait, Boopkins, what did you mean by that?

MARTY?!?!? WTF

SMG4: "Don't worry, Mario. There's one way we can fix this." Beat the shit out of him...? YEAH I KNEW IT HAHA

*explodes*

and congrats to samgagmincho for your art featured at the end credits 🎉

.・-: ✧ :--: ✧ :-・.

This was a fun episode, I loved it!! Seeing my boys is always a plus and I appreciate the return of some side characters. With how the world is right now, I really needed this episode. So, thanks Team, for keeping my spirits up.

I just enjoyed watching my silly little guys doing silly little adventures. Traffic is a nightmare so I don't blame Mario in the slightest. Anyway, 3 and 4, how was your date? /silly

Can we just talk about the animation? It was so good!!! You really see the quality they put in, especially in that fighting scene. I didn't expect MARTY of all people to be the cause of all this. I honestly thought it was going to be a gag of something harmless just being in the middle of the road for no reason (like a turtle or smth) and the Crew being like "ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!" but NOPE, Marty was here and apparently A SORCERER?! I really shouldn't be surprised, what am I talking about here. And ofc the OG duo immediately beating the shit out of him is so fucking funny to me. He didn't die (I know that), but he's definitely going to be more relevant in the future.

...puzzlevision 2? ok I'm sorry

SMG4 show and jokes aside, I hope you all are ok. No matter what happens, we'll stick together. Don't give them the satisfaction that they want. You aren't alone, and we'll keep on fighting.

Going to be a Sonic fan here, Sonic 06 is famously known to be... augh. But there is a good moment with Shadow that I think is relevant now:

Mephiles (the villain of the game): "It's futile. The world will betray you. Why fight at all? Why risk your life for those who will persecute you later?" Shadow: "If the world chooses to become my enemy, I will fight like I always have."

Take care, my dear fellows, and I'll see you all in my next post!! Hmmm, there is "no end" [*game theory intro plays*]

[dorkydegeneracy]

9-1-1 8x01 Brain Dump

The premiere and those articles have made me crazier than ever about this lovely show.

Yes, I am still having heart palpitations about what episodes 4-6 could be. Hope I am not the only one!

These episodes hover around Eddie's/Maddie's 100th episode.

Episode 4 is 100 episodes since their introductions in 2x01, but I am positive that there are a few episodes where they did not appear (Athena Begins maybe, I'm not really sure tbh) which may shift the count.

One of you lovely individuals out there have probably already done an exact computation. Let a sista know if you can!

Anywho, this Maddie, Josh and Buck scene in episode 6 is really racking my brain. It looks like this is the beginning of Buck realization✨, or at the very least Bummy bones🦴🦴. Which is good progress!

Coincidentally Eddie also shaves the stache in episode 6, which we assume is tied to his sexuality. At this point, with limited information I can't possibly imagine what else the mustache could be about besides that. Maybe it has something to do with being a lapsed Catholic, or even him trying to figure out who he is without Chris. But relating those themes to a mustache is a much bigger jump than relating this very homoerotic mustache to his sexuality.

Oliver also let us know that episode 5 is a big episode for Buck. It is both goofy and sentimental. Which, I don't think it's possible to make a goofier episode than the one I just saw but I digress.

Ironically, episode 4 is the one I feel like we know the least about. It's titled No Place Like Home. I highly doubt that Chris is coming home this episode. This is likely about Bathena finding a home, Bobby returning to the 118, and maybe Mara. I do think that Chris and Eddie will be on speaking terms by the end of the episode tho.

I do think that the tensions between Buck and Tommy begin to manifest themselves by the end of the three part opener.

Guys I have made it through the hiatus without pulling out the clown core. After last night, I am in full garb y'all! Pounds of white powder and the biggest red shoes imaginable.

[pouzzzy]

it's a rare day that i miss writing about video games for the internet but the new dragon age trailer has me feeling insane

i haven't been this excited in a while!! i pulled out my journal like i'm still getting paid a salary to write about games lmfao. these are my notes:

varric is OLD!! silver fox heyo, look at that biker dad 'stache!

harding looks incredibly good and i'm so happy for the ppl who were feening for a dwarfmance

neve and lucanis are from the book tevinter nights! both were cool altho neve was slightly cooler imo. i was hoping for a neve companion! lucanis should scratch a lot of ppl's itches tho

i say this as an asian person: bellara had me HOOTING and HOLLERING. we've never had an east asian companion!!!! and she's an elf to boot!!!! she will never not be in my party except when she absolutely has to take a break.

i have a hard time talking about davrin without word vomiting because he's gonna be so INTERESTING, like he uses a sword and shield, he's DALISH, and he's also a warden???? if u can't already tell i'm an elf shill and i'm muito excited for this dude, he will also be heavy in the rotation.

also there was a griffin????? i was so ready to keep freaking out about the companions but then i did a double take and was like oh there's just a fucking griffin, and it looks like a baby???? like is that your son, sir, is that your baby??????? hello??????????

i was so ready to disregard emmrich bc he's just like The Old Man but in my experience these kinds of characters end up being the ones i love the most, see: Vicar Max in outer worlds, so i'm fully ready to ride that old man until his sciatica acts up

taash is a shortened version of the word "ataashi," meaning glory, usually in the context of dragons! fitting and appropriate, and yeah we're eating, we got a lady qunari! i do know that some people are about to be very weird with her so i just hope her characterization is well-rounded enough to combat this lmao

[todayimfour]

IMMEDIATE FOLLOW-UP Please share Little Sun CG Moon thoughts as well please!!!

EEEEEEEE REGRESSER SUN HEAD CANNONS/kinda

This is in response to this post where I made a Cg Sun and Lil Moon Agere Board with lil headconnons bc I got inspired

Also sorry there's not much Moon... I uhhh don't have an excuse and I just realized that now. Sorry :3

- he's so high strung all the time, being smol is genuinely an escape for him. He's a carefree older toddler 3-6

- HE. LOVES. CRAFTS. (Supplies) paints, sequins, buttons, beads, twine, thread, glue, glitter, markers, crayons, pencils, you name it he's got a stach of it at his disposal at all times. Ready to make a *very pretty* mess hopefully on a piece of paper.

- he does his best to clean up after but there's usually a residue or a few markers that got left behind.

- he's kinda stubborn in a not bratty way.. ex: if he's hanging out with his favorite Glamrock, he never wants to leave! If he's building a block tower, he'll make the tallest one ever!! If he's got a crayon in his mouth and Moon tells him to spit it out, how can he? It's the best flavor!! That's a waste Moonie.. fiiiinneee :(

- he like to draw his friends and one time someone turned it around and said "imma draw YOU" it turned a playfull fight on who can draw who faster. (Side note, true story. I heard from friend after and I have his drawing if people wanna see it I'll ask him if it's okay I'll edit it in here)

- HES SO SILLY AND PLAYFUL. his favorite games are follow the leader *bonus points if the leader doesn't know they're the leader* he loves hide and seek too but sometimes he forgets to tell anyone that they're supposed to seek and then he gets sad

- he likes looking at balloons but hates when they make that gosh darn *balloon noises* they spook him when they pop too

- his favorite Glamrock is Monty. Full stop. No debate. No one's been able to get him to explain why, not even he knows, sometimes we just have favorites!

- no paci for him, he's a big boy!! Buuuutt... There's no shame in thumbs when he gets reeeeaaaalllllllyyyyyy sleepy and thinks no one's watching.

- speaking of: KEEP AN EYE ON HIM AT ALL TIMES!! Wether it's making a mess or climbing too high up on the jungle gym, if you don't keep an eye on him always he'll get up to something... He usually comes clean before anyone notices tho

- if you need him to sit still, GOOD FREAKING LUCK, but you may have some success with those ASMR slime videos. Don't let him watch too long tho because he may try to use the video as a tutorial.

- he absolutely loves those kids crafts kits you can buy at Walmart or target, never reads the instructions tho. It's usually just a fun time anyways, having a product at the end isn't necessary if he gets to be silly and make a mess.

~If this one feels more thorough than the lil Moon head cannons that's because it's a lot more accurate this time.. our alter Sun does regress sometimes and he's read though this for me to confirm he's okay with sharing and that's it's accurate! Some stuff that includes IRL friends have been made anonymous for their safety~

[dewphomet]

OH! I just re-ran into your art and I have a question: do you draw Aether and Phantom with vitiligo-type spots? Or is is just fun skin/fur texture?

Anyways, I love you and I love your art!

Oh this is a fun one, thank you sm for the question!

First of, Phantom, His spotting are most definitely vitiligo! I have yet to post a newer drawing of him but, I have thought about giving him white ish patches along his hair/eyebrows/stache aswell to make it more obvious that his are from that and not just a pattern you know? Similarly, My cumulus has vitiligo! funnily enough I did a little sketch of her recently but I have yet to be quite content with my Ghoulette designs, they're definitely coming soon-ish tho 🙌

Aether's however, are not from vitiligo, I often base my ghouls on some sort of animal or creature to take features from and for him I just happen to base him on cows since they're one of my favorite animals lol, his are totally just a pattern but, I have thought about the idea of them being able to move around almost like a lava lamp? Thought that'll be a little tedious so, for now, is just lil spots for a big man

Still, I'm happy you enjoy them! ⛧

[toomuchracket]

as the anon who met matty, he is tall. I genuinely think all of his bandmates are 6’2” plus. so he seems short. But no I think he’s prob 5’10-5’11 minimum. Like he towered over me and looked like such a cutie tho.

I’m a Stache fan sorry. Also some people said he dyed his hair? He didn’t. He’s still a glorious and gray daddy except his fucking arms are huge. I hope that fuels your fantasies like it did mine.

stache grey hair big arms yeah daddy is RIGHT. molly if ur reading this prof matty is here alive well and with us also we love and miss u and hope ur good. but yes mattyyyyyyyy i am so delulu anon thank you for sharing <3

[whatthefishh]

my last ask reminded me ab the thot i forgot ab lol:

facial hair

**I JUST READ YOUR REPLY AND YOU DON'T LIKE MUSTACHES???? 😭**

uhhh -- well, i write a lot of steven/miguel fics so i don't explore the facial hair aspect of oscar (even though he has the most iconic staches and beards out there) so let's discuss + lemme get you on the 'stache train with me:

Exhibit A: Llewyn Davis

this hot fucking mess has zero right to look this good. dude was literally on the verge of passing out and/or crying the whole movie. also his beard is way too well kept for him to be homeless.

tell me you wouldn't enjoy the beard burn he'd leave between your thighs or holding onto those cute curls eeee --

Exhibit B: Nathan Bateman

THIS BALD BITCH (ok -- peek at the vein in his arm...) literally doesn't need to be bald but he probably thinks he's too big-brained™️ for hair or something idk.

he could literally kiss me until my whole mouth area and chin turn red and i wouldn't care 😭. he'd probably be a dick and rub himself all over me just to irritate my skin (i'm sensitive) then tease me ab it after.

let's face it, dude would look magnificent eating ice cream (or dripping with heat as he lifts his face from my -----) uhhh ok next

Exhibit C: Blue Jones

yeah, he looks like a slut. i mean the porn stache really just staples the word "pimp" onto his forehead. he's definitely more into himself than anyone else and he looks like a class A pervert, but i'd still hit it tho 💀

NEXT!

Exhibit D: Duke Leto and Jonathan Levy

i put them together bc of their full beards and hair. both give off 'have a family but still ready to fuck' vibes, but jonathan is softer and domestic 🥺

look at those beards and how well they frame his lips, it's like he's FORCING you to look 🫠 AND THE GREEYING HAIRRR EEEEE I NEED

LAST ONE -> EXHIBIT EEEEE: THE FUCKING BEARD HE HAD DURING THE TF PRESS TOUR

"this is powerful"

"clean shaven 5 days ago" -- ok but why would he say that??? does he wants me to collapse??? does he want to be bitten???

i genuinely lost track of the reasoning behind this ask (i'm sleep deprived and deliriously screaming ab this man) idk if i like facial hair or if it's just irresistible on him...either way i wanna feel it everywhere 😵‍💫

Omg em!! I absolutely adore beards especially Oscar’s!!! It’s the moustache only look that I’m always eek about and yet I still pine after Blue Jones 😂😳

I need to watch Inside Llewyn Davis still, I know I’ve got some catching up to do but his beard does look ridiculously well kept for a homeless guy you’re right.

Nathan Batsman’s beard is something I’m a very open whore about yes to the carpet burnnnnnnn

Jonathan levy is the perfect example of just like… ‘Messy academic hot man that I want to make even more of a mess of’. That’s a type, right? Adore. Esp the greys!!!! I love the fucking greys!!! Father of my children!!!

The god damn TF interviews ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️

He said that because he wants you to know that he knows exactly what he says and does to us.

Yes to facial hair especially on Oscar. Just the stache on other men get the fuck away from me 😂

[evansbby]

My controversial hot take(ish?)

I think Lloyd is kinda hot and realistically I like reading about people like him but...oh my god he just sucks😭

Still smash but would cry while doing

(Hope your having a lovley day!!<33)

-💌

that’s like a pretty popular take tho i mean people on here love Lloyd!

for me it’s like… the acting was kinda not that great mainly bc the script for that movie was pretty bad too and lloyd’s lines were kinda cringey which prevents me from liking him 💀 also I don’t like his stache and haircut

[hawkesque]

hey sorry to ask this on your non-art blog but i was wondering if you could explain the process and decisions you make when - and im not sure if im saying this properly because im still new to art - you apply stylistic choices to anatomy? i love your art and what im curious about is how you make your anatomy stylistic while retaining their recognizability? do you feel that there are certain details about a reference that you should capture to retain that more than others? thank you for your time! i hope this made sense!

anon you're lovely. i'll try and answer this the best i can, but--crucially--i have very little in the way of actual artistic training and have truly been making shit up this whole time, so grain of salt for everything i say! (under the cut because its long)

firstly i wanna say 2 disclaimers:

i have been doing art/capturing faces for a Long Ass Time (i think art's been my main hobby for...nearly a decade now?). i'm only "good" because i have a shit ton of practice. art always takes time and effort, there isn't like. A Key to doing it perfectly

i don't always get it right! i only post the things which turn out the best! i have a ton of poorly done drawings that look nothing like the person i'm trying to capture.

alright, that being said. there are certain features i try to get right for any person i'm trying to capture: face shape/jawline, nose, eye shape/tilt/distance, eyebrows, and lips (or lack thereof). yes this may seem like all the features. it is not tho.

after that i look for anything else that stands out: for BJ, for instance, it's his ears, the shape of his forehead/his hairline, and the particular kinda down-turned/hangdog look of his stache (he is SO hard to draw without it, for me), and for Hawkeye it's his cheeks/laugh lines when he smiles (the lines around his mouth and his crow's feet), his occasional double chin, and his brow ridge.

and these aren't things i ever render in like, insane detail...just little lines following the contours of features and indicating that they're There usually does fine? for stronger features like face shape/nose/etc it takes a bit more intentional doing, for me, but i still tend to just do The Outlines. (it might be helpful to pull up a reference and just trace whichever features stick out the most to you, and go from there)

after that its a lot of trial and error. like, a LOT. for me it usually takes several passes with several different references at different angles/with different expressions, or a while of looking at a person (so like. binging a show, or being friends with someone for a while), or both, in order to get a feel for someone's face and be able to draw it consistently.

(to illustrate this point and also embarrass myself, here are my first ever attempts at drawing Hawkeye right after i started MASH in 2022, vs a much more recent attempt:

as you can see i was fucking struggling. lmao. again it's all about time/practice/familiarity)

after a while of trial and error, you'll start to get a feel for which features you want to emphasize--it won't be the same for every character, and you probably won't emphasize all the same things another artist would. and the specific way you capture/emphasize features will be unique to you! here are some more artists with similar(ish) stylized styles you should check out and get inspo from (i certainly have), in no particular order: leescribbs, loopnoid, steadbox, tinyufoboss, averysartblog, pherredraws, and a ton more i'm probably forgetting (sorry)

you don't have to do everything i do (or everything anyone else does) with your own stuff, this is just how i personally do it. i wish you the best of luck with your art journey, anon! i hope you have fun with it!!! :-)

[the-sentimental-spymaster]

Prophet mentioned board dynamics and I think it's really funny to think about

My board and thoughts (barring spoiler at 8)

The Wry Functionary, Furnace, Virginia, The Gracious Widow, and Sinning Jenny.

Three of those are susceptible to the Midnighter super-power of free bribery.

The Widow, obviously- but she hides as best she can. Virginia loves her weekly payoffs. Wry is the most casual about it, and is more just enjoying the expensive wines I pour him.

Sinning Jenny wishes it was still a charity charter- and is a badass that I can't win over in some arguments.

Furnace is a fun character and I (rarely) sometimes use her insta-win button to win over Jenny (like for getting Luxuries up!). I'm the weirdo that has a stache of Queen and Epaulette mates at all time tho

For actual dynamics, 60% of the board is bribed every meeting and Wry has some... disagreements with Furnace and the Widow. They butt heads more often than most of the board, but all is smoothed over with a whisper in the right ears and some good food.

Or, you know, letting Furnace pull the strings for a second once I've convinced her - she's damn good at organizing people, wouldn't you believe it.

[yeschefthankyouchef]

someday i will be caught up on this story, not today, but someday lol. although i almost don’t want to be caught up because i so look forward to reading these chapters and i’ve loved having a new one to read everytime i get the chance.

“It had been a year and it still wasn’t easy to look at any pictures of Mikey without feeling like your chest would cave in”

ooooomph. i felt that one in my chest. you have a stellar way of putting emotions that i’ve felt into words.

“She looked back down at the picture, your bright smile staring back at her as Mikey and Richie leaned in to kiss your cheeks. A fond memory of the three of you the night of your senior prom.”

STOP IT RN this is so goddamn cutie. nat is such a queen for making sure that this polaroid didn’t get shoved to the back of the closet and got a spot on the mantle as it deserves. i totally understand baby for wanting to just shove it all down, but you’re right, she needs to feel it as it comes so she can process it and move on.

“But at the end of the day, it was just you, an apartment full of memories, a voicemail you were too scared to ever listen to, and the shadow of your grief following behind you.”

oh goD NOT THE VOICEMAIL. so scared to find out what that entails.

“Too inebriated to unlock it you had essentially thrown yourself against the glass until it finally gave way to the weight of your body and you ended up face down covered in glass and the pool of your blood.”

holy shit. i knew it was going to be bad but i feel so sad for baby - this is next level stuff. for both her sake and for plot purposes (gots to get her in carmys vicinity) i’m glad she’s back in a place with a support system. AND HER OVERDOSING? she really is spiraling in a dangerous direction. nat(and pete) is the unsung hero of this story, and i didn’t know it was possible but i love her that much more. also i really love how you aren’t trying to sugarcoat any of the dark themes, you’re embracing them and aren’t afraid to get into the nitty gritty reality of it all.

“All you had at that moment were your racing thoughts and the regrets of a life you had almost ended too soon.”

this is a beautifully haunting sentence. that is all.

“Never thought I’d see the day you were nervous in front of me Baby,”

ITS HAYDEN WHAT!!! i was worried for baby for a second there. i love that he’s back in this. he was such a stand up guy before and his pretense is going to make carmy have to put in that much more work (if there’s one thing i love it’s a groveling man)

“Uh, the porn stache sure is a uh choice,”

curious to know if you have any face claim for hayden? like this line painted a vivid image of hayden in my brain and i’m curious who you see him as!

“You’re not just hiring me because we went to prom together, or as a favor to Natalie are you?”

we love a self sufficient queen!

“She knew Cicero would be there in the next hour, and that the money problem was their biggest issue in getting the new restaurant up and running.”

ahhhh i’ve been wondering where we were falling back into the story and i LOVE that you chose here, carmy is a bit more established in himself and the bear and the staff will all also be pretty established. can’t wait to see baby and syd interact fr. (i am a lil nervy about claire tho i can’t lie)

“You hadn’t realized how much you needed a hug from Richie until you were snuggly pressed against his chest, the warmth of his body helping to relax”

richie absolutely would give the BEST hugs, this is 1000% fucking canon to me. i will die on this hill.

“Sorry uh, big fan of your work. But uh, how do you play into all this.”

you definitely nailed syds tone - i love it already!

“Bullshit.” The sound of Carmy’s voice startled you, sure he had been speaking this whole time but it's not like you were paying that much attention.”

stay out of this carmy the adults are talking

“Carmy was also sure you didn’t have that scar a year ago, nor the smaller one that was carved into your upper lip.”

yikes so he doesn’t even know? he’s that far removed now? my boy is absolutely going to say something stupid like when her mom died and he DIDNT KNOW. they never learn.

“Your voice trailed off as your confidence continued to plummet, Carmy’s blank eyes doing nothing to quell your nervousness.”

sometimes i want to punch his sexy little face

“But he knew while you were here, in Chicago, surrounding yourself with him, the two of you would be given equal opportunity to put this years-long game of cat and mouse to an end; it was just a matter of who bit first.”

THIS LINE HAS ME SO GIDDY OH MY GOD. i feel like we just entered act ii of the story and i am beyond excited about it. god this is just so good and i am on the edge of my seat the whole time.

chapter four | to burden natalie berzatto

masterlist | ↢ previous chapter | next chapter ↣ |

pairing: platonic!natalie berzatto x f!reader | slight carmen berzatto x f!reader | slight the bear crew x f!reader | male!oc x f!reader |

summary: your lack of competent decision-making after mikey’s death puts natalie in a compromisng position.

warning(s): substance abuse | overdose | grief | self-sabotage | angst | humor as coping mechanism | one mention of ativan | unintentional self-harm | blood | hospitals | scars | mention of treatment centers | rehab | recovery | thoughts of relapsing | appreciation of natalie berzatto | avoidance of grief | selfishness | memory loss | unhealthy grieving mechanisms | PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF I MISSED ANYTHING!

wc: 8.1k

please remeber you are responsible for your own media consumption. if any warnings trigger you DO NOT READ!

The smooth music filtered out of the record player, a rich voice singing through the house painting the atmosphere with a calm vibe. The two occupants were gathered in the living room, sifting through the last of the boxes that contained small decorations and keepsakes. Discussing what would look best where and what should have been left behind in the move.

You looked over your shoulder to check on Nat, her sudden silence cause for concern. Circling over to her you realized what had stolen the words from her lips. You maneuvered to stand behind her, looking over her shoulder at the framed photo in her hands, the two of you silently reminiscing.

You placed your head on her shoulder as she let out a quiet sniffle, her emotions heightened due to her condition. “You looked so beautiful that night,” you let out a quiet laugh before moving to stand next to Nat, eyes still focused on the framed Polaroid in her grip.

It had been a year and it still wasn’t easy to look at any pictures of Mikey without feeling like your chest would cave in. You hadn’t seen this particular picture since his passing, the grief too much, all memories painting your west coast apartment shoved into a nondescript box.

You understood now why it was so important to label your boxes when moving. If the box in front of Nat had some type of label on it, you knew for sure it already would’ve been shoved into the dark recesses of your closet.

“You can just put that one back in the box,” you left Nat’s side to continue going through your box, pulling out the book designated to sit on your coffee table.

Natalie watched you from her side of the living room, a small scowl painting her face as she watched you so easily disregard a memory that had once been so special to you. She looked back down at the picture, your bright smile staring back at her as Mikey and Richie leaned in to kiss your cheeks. A fond memory of the three of you the night of your senior prom.

Looking back at you one last time Nat let out a sigh before walking over to the mantle and setting it on the corner, visible for everyone to see. She understood how much Mikey’s death affected you, but there was no way you could heal from the hurt if you never allowed yourself to live in the uncomfortability of grief. It was something you had to want for yourself.

Nat had half the mind to keep digging through the box, eyes catching on another memory. Not wanting to sour the first night in your new home, she replaced the cover, doing her best to act as though she wasn’t curious about the box of memories.

The doorbell rang as you were looking for a place for the picture of you and your mom at your college graduation. Carefully sitting it on your coffee table you made your way to the door making sure to grab your wallet on the way. You opened the door to see the pizza delivery person standing there, giving them the money and a tip before thanking them.

“Oh that smells delicious,” you laughed as Nat followed behind you to your decent-sized kitchen. The two of you grab plates and a slice of pizza before heading to your couch.

Setting your plate on the coffee table, you left to quickly grab two wine glasses and the sparkling cider Natalie and Pete bought you as a housewarming gift. Stopping to grab a bottle of water from the fridge for Nat just in case the cider upset her stomach before taking your seat on the plush couch.

“I’m happy you’re home Baby.” Your eyes met Nat’s before you moved to pour yourself a healthy amount of sparkling cider, ignoring Nat’s laugh at the full glass in your hands. You raise your glass in a mock toast, at least one of you was happy that you were back.

“I guess it's good to be back. Nice to be around people that care about me,” the grateful smile sent Nat’s way as a form of thank you.

Natalie deserved more than a pathetic smile and both of you knew it.

You had been relatively alright after Mikey’s death, which came as a surprise to everyone. Your impromptu stay in Chicago after the funeral was a way for you to keep an eye on Natalie and Donna, occasionally helping Richie at The Beef when you could.

But you had to return to your own life eventually, and when you did shit spiraled out of control for you.

People always drone on and on about the five stages of grief and how it affects everyone differently, and you never thought that statement to be more true than when you stepped foot in your apartment upon your return from Chicago. Grief is supposed to come and go, you were doing everything that everyone was telling you to do. Following all the steps, checking all the boxes. Forcing yourself to try and heal, to feel your emotions as much as you would allow yourself to.

But at the end of the day, it was just you, an apartment full of memories, a voicemail you were too scared to ever listen to, and the shadow of your grief following behind you.

You experienced all the denial, anger, bargaining, and depression and you waited and hoped for the acceptance to come. But all that ever came was the cycle of grief replaying in your life like a bad dream.

You had thrown yourself into your work, anything to forget about the pain Mikey’s ghost left behind. And when your psychiatrist recommended a prescription to aid with your anxiety, you accepted. Anything to escape the shadow of a man you once knew appearing in your apartment on late nights.

But then the prescription wasn’t enough, and the alcohol you once used to numb everything had lost its edge, your days just turned into functioning as best you could. And then there were times you couldn’t even remember the previous day, the last five minutes, falling asleep on the couch.

You had become dependent; dependent on the alcohol and the drugs, and the way they made things all better for a short time.

And then you had woken up in the hospital one day, with no memories of how you got there, no care for what happened to you.

The figure in the chair next to you helped you to escape the fog in your brain. The woman you had known your whole life looking down at you with a tear-stained face, her hand tightly clutched around yours, her presence all the more confusing.

The silence in the room was too loud for you as you just watched the blonde, the lack of emotion on your face breaking the woman down even more. When the doctor came in to explain what happened it shocked you. Not because of the severity of the situation, but because you couldn’t remember a thing.

The theory was that you had been mixing prescription drugs and alcohol for some time, a truth you already knew and were purposely partaking in.

You were at your apartment after work winding down from the long day, pregaming for a night out with your co-workers. The Ativan you had taken earlier at work already put you at ease. You were trying to get to your patio for some reason but had trouble with the sliding glass door.

Too inebriated to unlock it you had essentially thrown yourself against the glass until it finally gave way to the weight of your body and you ended up face down covered in glass and the pool of your blood.

Not fazed by your injuries you collected yourself, glass and all. Grabbing your keys from the counter leaving to whatever destination you had in mind. Somewhere between removing yourself from the mess of your ruined sliding door and stumbling out into the hallway, you swallowed two more pills.

According to the reports, a neighbor found the mess of your body in the hallway, making it a mere few inches from your door before your body succumbed to the deadly cocktail swirling inside you.

In October of 2022, 8 months after Michael’s death; you would overdose.

You were broken from the haze of memories as you felt a dip in the couch. Natalie came to sit right next to you head resting on your shoulder, you gently laid your head on top of hers. You owed Nat your life.

A quiet sniffle left you, losing the battle to keep your emotions under wraps. “You’ve done so much for me Sug, and I…I’m sorry if I haven’t shown you enough appreciation.” You felt Nat’s arms wrap around you, squeezing you into a side hug as the two of you sat in each other’s presence.

It was no secret that without Natalie and Pete, you might not have been experiencing this moment. You for sure wouldn’t have gotten your shit together if you were still all alone on the West Coast. Nat had gone out of her way to find the best treatment facility on the East Coast for you, it had been decided that you would make the move back to Chicago when you were released.

So while you were away facing the consequences of the darkest moments of your life. Nat was at home picking up the pieces of your life while also trying to keep hers intact, not that you realized or cared back then.

Nat and Pete sold the family home that was still in your mom's name, nobody needed to ask to know that it wasn’t healthy for you to live in or across the street from a museum of memories. The couple got you a good deal on a quaint home not too far from them, the leftover money put towards the rest of your savings.

Natalie Berzatto, a miracle worker in your eyes had somehow pulled strings to get you an interview with the Tribune. So yeah, you owed Nat a lot more than placating smiles and cheap pizza.

“Are you sure you’re ready for tomorrow?” You shifted positions at Nat’s question, the two of you now sitting criss-cross applesauce, facing each other on the couch. You gave a small nod, fingers playing with your fuzzy socks.

“I don’t have much of a choice,” you let out a small laugh. “I can’t expect you and Pete to babysit me forever.” You smiled up at Natalie, the prospect of writing again caused a sense of excitement to stir within you. It felt like the only thing you had left, the only thing you were still good at. Although you had almost completely fucked up your life, you still had your writing, and that was a start.

“Maybe we can meet up for lunch after?” You didn’t want to celebrate too soon, you hadn’t even got a job yet, but the idea of a lunch date with Nat sounded like the best form of indulgence you had allowed yourself in a while.

The night continued with the two of you talking, Sugar doing her best to catch you up on all that you missed sans any mention of a certain blue-eyed baby brother she had. As the night began winding down the two of you cleaned up the mess of your dinner, before you sent Nat on her way with promises to fill her in after your interview tomorrow.

Making sure your kitchen was cleaned to your liking, you made your way into your room to begin settling in for the night. A knit crew neck you had meant to return to its rightful owner once upon a time, becoming the basis of your pajamas after a relaxing shower.

Settling into bed you couldn’t help but lie awake, mind racing with all the different scenarios that could play out tomorrow. This was your first night alone in your new home and the reality of just how alone you were slowly began to sink in. You knew Nat would always be there for you if need be, but she had her own life to live, the beginnings of a family in her near future.

All you had at that moment were your racing thoughts and the regrets of a life you had almost ended too soon.

You sat in the lobby of the Tribune leg bouncing nervously as you waited for your meeting with the editor-in-chief, resume, and copies of your work sitting snugly in your tote bag. You knew Natalie had already sent over your information, but your nerves forced you to believe that being over-prepared would be necessary.

The sound of the receptionist calling your name caught your attention. She was standing a little ways away from you waiting for you to follow her, you gave a nervous smile before rising from your seat and following the rhythmic click-clack of her heels down the hall. As you watched her walk in front of you, you thought you may have been a little underdressed in your casual street clothes, but you forced yourself to push your thoughts aside. They’d be judging you for your backlog of work, not your choice of attire.

The receptionist lead you to a corner office, the frosted glass of the exterior providing a sense of privacy. Ushering you into the empty room she let you know that the editor you’d be meeting with would join you shortly. You sent her a small thanks before walking into the room, eyes catching on the minimalistic decorations scattered around the office.

Your feet lead you to the wall of windows situated behind the desk, the view reminding you of an office you had occupied so many months ago. You looked out over the Chicago skyline, it still felt so surreal to be back in this city.

The face staring back at you something you were still learning how to get used to. The scars that decorated the right side of your face were healing up nicely considering how deep some of the glass had gone.

You jumped at the sound of the door closing, someone entered so swiftly you hadn’t even heard them, or maybe you were just too wrapped up in memories of a past life. You hurriedly turned from the window not wanting to seem rude, the man who had entered the room caught your eye before gesturing for you to take a seat at one of the two chairs in front of his desk.

You felt a little less concerned about your fashion choice as your eyes followed his Levi-clad legs as he settled into the chair behind his desk. You could feel your nerves returning, not knowing what to expect from this interview. In the most humble sense you had forgotten what being interviewed felt like, not having to go through the process since getting your first big journalist job straight out of college.

“Nervous?” Your leg stopped bouncing as the man’s voice met your ears, a shy smile curving your lips.

“Here I thought I was being subtle,” you tried to joke hoping to relax yourself a bit. The responding chuckle helped somewhat, so far the man sitting in front of you didn’t seem like too much of a stickler.

“Never thought I’d see the day you were nervous in front of me Baby,” you tried to control the look of disgust you felt begging to paint your features. You were grateful for Nat’s help but you were sure this was a mistake.

“I’m sure HR has their hands full with you.” You mumbled, the roll of your eyes showcasing your irritation. “Thank you for the opportunity sir, but I don’t think this is a good fit for me.” You reached out to the chair next to you where you had sat your tote bag wanting to get out of there as quickly as possible.

“No wait,” the sound of the rolling chair moving rapidly caused you to stop, seconds away from rising from your chair. You turned your attention to the figure in front of you eyebrows pinched together.

“It's me, Hayden,” your brows furrowed even more, your mind searching your memory for that name. “I…uh, I took you to senior prom. We met in our creative writing class that same year.”

You felt your eyes widen as your mouth formed the shape of an ‘o’, eyes darting to the pristine nameplate facing you on the desk. The name ‘Hayden Ivanovski’ staring directly back at you.

“No fucking way.” The whisper traveled easily through the silent office, Hayden’s echoing chuckle caused you to let out a small one of your own. “I’m sorry, it's just nobody but close friends and family even call me that anymore. And, I really wasn’t expecting to see you.”

You watched as he nodded, you could see it now. The boy you once knew in the maturity of his face, hadn’t changed much but it was enough that you wouldn’t easily recognize him if he passed you on the street.

“Uh, the porn stache sure is a uh choice,” your hand raised to gesture to your upper lip, you couldn’t help the smile curving your lips.

Hayden laughed head dropping as he resumed his seated position. “Divorce makes you do crazy things,” your smile faltered, you hadn’t meant the quip as an invitation to discuss any personal grievances. “No need to look so sad, it was mutual.” He shrugged the topic off like he hadn’t given it a second thought in a long while.

You nodded your head distractedly, “Enough about my failed marriage, how have you been?” You gave him a small smile, mind going blank as you thought of the best route to take this conversation.

“I uh, almost died five months ago,” the laugh ripped from Hayden’s chest, the last thing you were expecting to hear. You watched as he found your eyes, his smile disappearing as he took in the harrowing look on your face.

“You-you’re not serious are you?” The question almost caused you to laugh.

“As serious as my overdose was,” you watched as Hayden shifted in his seat, the air easily became uncomfortable. “Sorry coping mechanism.” You laughed the topic off, you had assumed Nat told him when she booked you this interview.

“So um, when does the interview start,” your leg began bouncing up and down again, the nervousness returning. If you hadn’t already made a bad impression you were sure exposing your less-than-stellar life choices definitely lost you the job.

“Nat didn’t tell you?” You stopped your brows from pinching together, the constant frowning sometimes the tiny scar between your eyebrows. “I don’t need to interview you, you’re an amazing journalist. I hired you the second Nat told me you were moving back. That is if you want to work here.”

“You’re not just hiring me because we went to prom together, or as a favor to Natalie are you?” Nat had helped you to get your foot in the door, you had wanted to secure the job because of your merit.

You watched as Hayden quickly shook his head, “While it is nice to reconnect with you, we need some experience in our newsroom. I know before your uh… incident you were working as a travel journalist, and the pay here wouldn’t be the same. But you’d still have full control over the stories you write, although you might not write as often as you’re used to.” You nodded along listening to his explanation. The fact that this was happening failed to resonate with you.

“So, the position of Managing Editor is yours if you want it.” Hayden sent you a small smile awaiting your response, he did his best not to focus too long on your scars as he stared in your direction.

“As long as I can write and edit then I will happily work for you,” the large grin spreading across your lips stretched the small scar stitched into your upper lip.

The smile on Hayden’s lips matched yours as he walked around the desk to shake your hand. The two of you sat there going over the expectations that your new role required, Hayden explaining the environment he tried to uphold at the paper.

You finished the meeting off with a tour of the floor the Tribune occupied, the one you’d mostly be working on. The two of you caught up a little as he input you into the system and created your badge so you could easily come and go as you pleased. You learned that he married Marlene Buchanan, a girl you went to high school with. The ink of their divorce still drying after only being finalized two months ago.

He invited you out to lunch but you had to rain check explaining the plans you made with Natalie promising the two of you would work something out in the future. He walked out with you, the two of you parting ways once you left the lobby.

You stood on the sidewalk taking in the crisp Chicago air. Your life was finally starting to feel like your own again, and even though you had only secured a job, the inevitable weight of doom that followed you was beginning to feel a little lighter.

Natalie was pacing in the office quickly moving to close the door as the chaos sounding through the building caused a headache to form. She knew Cicero would be there in the next hour, and that the money problem was their biggest issue in getting the new restaurant up and running.

The urge to call you was immediate after speaking with Cicero. Nat knew how much you cared about this place, and regardless of what anyone else thought she wanted you to have a say in any decision they made now that you were permanently back in Chicago. And she’d be lying if she said the reserved funds that came with you weren’t also a reason to invite you to this meeting.

Shouts could be heard through the door as she finally made her mind up, you two had plans for lunch anyways so you could just meet her and the two of you would leave together. Any excuse Nat could think up to call you would help her.

Sighing she scrolled through her contacts before forcing herself to press on your name and just call you. She listened as the phone rang, part of her hoping you didn’t answer her call, the hope immediately dying as your voice sang through the speaker.

“Nat, hey! I was just about to call you,” She smiled at the light tone in your voice, a tone she hadn’t heard in quite some time. “We still on for lunch?” The question caused her to take a deep breath, it was now or never she either asked you or she didn’t.

“Yeah of course. Uhh but would you mind meeting me at The Beef?” She was hoping the question came across as nonchalant, she called out your name as the line went quiet, sure you had hung up on her.

“Nat, I’m not sure I’m ready for that,” the apprehension in your voice made her feel guilty for even asking you in the first place.

“Listen, Baby, I know how you feel but we’re making a big decision today and I feel like you deserve to have your input heard,” she waited for a minute before continuing. “If it triggers you we can leave immediately, no questions asked okay? I just…this might be good for you.” She bit her lip as she waited for your response, she would be okay with whatever you decided but at least she had put the opportunity out there.

“I think I can be there in 45 minutes,” the tired sigh that escaped your lips matched the way Nat was feeling.

“Thank you, Baby.” She listened as you said your goodbyes before hanging up the phone, Nat was sure if she didn’t already have morning sickness she would’ve thrown up from that phone call alone.

It was exactly as you remembered it. Not that you had expected the exterior to change in the year since you’d been there. Although not physically changed things felt different, it no longer felt nostalgic as you stood there looking at the newspaper-covered windows. You could feel the anxiety eating away at you, the sick part deep inside of you wishing you had something to numb your feelings.

You could hear the faint sound of an alarm blaring with how close you were standing, the sound helping you to focus on the things you could control. You hadn’t come all this way just to look at the old building’s facade, and part of you didn’t think you could take disappointing Natalie by walking away. Nat wouldn’t have been disappointed in you though, but since your accident, you were scared to ever see that look in her eyes again.

The deep breath of fresh air filling your lungs helped to cool you down a bit. The pairing of your puffer jacket and scarf felt a bit suffocating.

In through your nose out through your mouth, a few more deep breaths were all you allowed yourself before forcing your hand to grip the door handle and step foot into a building that might haunt you for a lifetime.

The constant screeching of the alarm was so loud it made you glad that it drowned out the sound of the bell ringing above the door. Your eyes traveled around the restaurant, it was the same but it wasn’t. Little things missing telling you that some type of work was being done.

“As I live and fucking breathe!” The loud voice you would recognize anywhere drawing your attention to the dining area, Richie’s large figure taking up the doorway.

You shared a small smile with him. Subtly adjusting your scarf to cover the most noticeable scar lining your face, you watched as the older man took steps to close the distance between the two of you. The tall man quickly pulled you into a tight hug.

You hadn’t realized how much you needed a hug from Richie until you were snuggly pressed against his chest, the warmth of his body helping to relax you. The unconscious thought crossed your mind that you might have never experienced one of these hugs again if you hadn’t made it to the hospital in time.

The love Richie was pouring into the hug caused your eyes to water, Mikey’s passing bonding the two of you, the loss of someone you both loved so much bringing the two of you impossibly closer. But not close enough for him to know the path you had taken after. And not close enough for you to want to burden him with being just another addict in his life.

He pressed a gentle kiss to your head before pulling away, the annoying alarm still blaring at full volume. You stepped back to give him space, “You been fucking around in the crawl space Richie?” The question paired with your signature grin as Richie let loose his boisterous laugh.

“Of course, you’d fucking know about the alarm.” Richie’s disgruntled mumbling met your ears.

“Hey, Richie, could you please turn that goddamn motherfuckin thing off?” The voice of Cicero filtered through your ears. “It’s making me insane!”

“My bad Uncle J, Baby just walked through the door and shit like a ghost. Fucking Mikey booby trapping crawl spaces and shit.” He poked his head back into the dining room to let the occupants know he somewhat had the situation under control.

“Mikey’s fuckin Kevin McCalliper-,” The responses correcting Richie caused you to let out a small giggle, the noise bringing a smile to Richie’s lips.

You continued standing with Richie as he spoke to somebody on the phone, the long one-word password he gave made you chuckle. Pretending you knew how to help Richie was an excuse to not join the conversation going on in the back for a while.

While the blaring alarm was causing your ears to ring, the loud noise was a buffer between your impending thought and the inevitability of being back in this restaurant. The sudden quiet was the only sign that you would have to face a now unavoidable situation.

“Here lemme take that,” Richie reached out expecting you to give him your scarf and jacket. You hesitated, your wardrobe feeling like a sense of armor for the time being.

“Uh, I’m actually pretty cold. Thanks, Rich.” Your hand shot out to pat his bicep, head jerking in the direction the voices were coming from. “Sugar in there?” You didn’t need Richie to reply to know the answer.

You followed Richie’s lead as he headed to the back, taking a deep breath to still your nerves, not all too sure what you were getting yourself into. You watched as Richie pulled up a chair next to Cicero for you, taking your tote bag out of your hands as he gestured for you to sit. You smiled politely, giving him a small nod as you moved further into the room.

Three out of four familiar faces stared back at you, the look on Nat’s face indicating how much it meant for her that you showed up.

“What is this an intervention?” You made the joke as a way to cut the tension that had filled the room, the silence felt even louder as Nat said your name in a reprimanding tone, the joke not being funny to her one bit. You shrugged before moving to sit in your designated chair, shooting a small smile to the dark-skinned woman who was eyeing you from across the table. Your eyes easily avoided the blue ones you knew too well.

You listened as Nat cleared her throat, all attention focused on her. “So uh, I invited Baby here because I think she deserves to be a part of this decision.” Four eyes flashed to you as you awkwardly adjusted in your seat. “And, um she has a decent savings account.”

A snort left your lips at Natalie’s rushed words, her ulterior motives for inviting you here reminding you a bit of her mischievous brown-eyed older brother.

“Sorry uh, big fan of your work. But uh, how do you play into all this.” Your eyes drifted to the unknown woman, a smile played at your lips, a feeling of shyness sweeping across you at the fact that she had any idea who you were.

“Family friend.”

“Old acquaintance.”

The three other people at the table looked between you and Carmy, eyes darting back and forth at both of your explanations. You couldn’t help the cackle you let out, missing the look of panic shooting through Natalie’s eyes. You couldn’t recall a time you would ever describe your relationship with Carmen Berzatto as an acquaintanceship.

“Baby is a close family friend,” Nat interjected before any other response could be given. “A friend we should be thankful for even considering investing in the restaurant.”

Your eyes finally found Carmy’s having a hard time taming the smile threatening to spread across your lips. The false confidence you were exuding helped you not overthink the situation you were in.

The conversation picked back up where it had left off after you entered. You sank into your seat shoving your hands into your jacket and tucking your chin into your scarf as you did your best to pay attention. You couldn’t help but let your eyes travel across the mostly empty dining room, memories of a life that no longer felt like your own clawing to overtake your senses.

Up and down, up and down. The tick you gained while in recovery helped you to remain in the present your leg working overtime as it bounced to keep you focused.

The voices talking around you are drowned out by your wandering thoughts. Thoughts that had you re-evaluating your relationship with Natalie.

It was no secret that you had become a selfish person after Mikey’s death, every decision you made was to benefit you, and if someone else somehow benefited from it then good for them.

That was the reason you stayed in Chicago so long after the funeral, telling yourself that the remaining Berzattos needed you, that you were staying to make sure they made it out of the deep end alive.

But that was a lie, you stayed because you were too afraid to face your own emotions, afraid to face your grief head-on. Even now you could say you stayed behind to ensure Donna and Sugar were okay, but deep down you knew that you stayed because you didn’t want to be alone.

You helped Richie at The Beef because he needed you, needed to know he wasn’t alone. In all actuality, it was you who needed them, you who had become dependent on people grieving just as much as you.

The same could be said about your substance abuse after returning to your reality. The idea of never being able to talk to Mikey, see Mikey, or hold Mikey was all just an excuse you used to justify your indulgences.

You constantly told yourself that it wouldn’t be fair to burden Sugar or Richie with your hurting, that they didn’t need to babysit you while trying to heal themselves. That when your memory became spotty and you missed more than one of Sugar’s calls, it was because she didn’t need to put up with you and your problems.

And then unintentionally or not, you became Natalie’s problem. Not even letting her brother’s grave grow cold before you forced her to face the idea of losing another person she spent her whole life loving.

You pleaded with the universe for Nat to wipe her hands of you. To let you waste your life away and rot like you were starting to. To turn her back on you, because how could you so easily fall into the same vice as Mikey knowing how much it affected him; knowing how much it affected the people who cared for him.

How dare you pretend as though no one would give a shit if they had to bury you mere months after putting Michael to rest. How fucking dare you be so selfish.

There were nights in bed where you’d lay awake questioning your intentions. Had you purposely thrown your life away because you knew Natalie would come to your rescue? Did you somehow manipulate Natalie’s good nature into digging you out of a hole you were so far gone in you couldn’t bring yourself back from?

You always got on Natalie about putting herself first, and how she needed to stop stretching herself so thin for everyone else. And then you went and almost fucking died, and you forced her to take on a role she had been playing her whole life.

You had willingly ruined your life and forced Natalie to face the consequences.

If there was one thing you learned in your recovery, it was that getting clean, staying clean, and becoming a healthier better version of yourself should never be done for someone else. You had to want it for yourself, but damn if seeing Natalie’s face didn’t push you to get your shit together you weren’t sure what did.

“500,” you weren’t sure where the confidence to speak up came from, not even entirely sure what the balance in your savings account even was. Your unfocused eyes now staring directly into Natalies. “That’s my offer.” You quickly glanced around at everyone else unsure as to what they were even talking about but needing to put your stake into the game.

“Like $500..or,” your attention turned to the other woman, her voice trailing off indicating that she indeed was asking a question.

A chuckle parted your lips as you shook your head. “No, I mean 500K.” You made sure to look at each person across from you individually, instilling how serious your offer was.

“Bullshit.” The sound of Carmy’s voice startled you, sure he had been speaking this whole time but it's not like you were paying that much attention.

You scoffed, eyes rolling in tandem with the sound. “I thought you needed money Carmen,” the name slipped through clenched teeth. You turned to face Nat. Your final numbers would be decided between the two of you, “Nat?”

“100.”

“450.”

“120.”

“375.”

“200,” you hesitated for a minute. The triumphant smile on Natalie’s lips caused your eyes to narrow.

“250, or I walk.” You leaned forward hands moving to lay flat atop the table, a small smirk played on your lips. Your leverage was total shit and Nat knew that there was no way you’d walk away from this project.

“Deal.” The smile on your lips faltered as you faced Carmy again, his annoying crystal blue eyes staring daggers into you.

Clearing your throat you slumped back in your seat, hands moving back to hide inside your pockets. The meeting finished on a good note without a hitch, with the restaurant gaining an extra 250K to put toward inevitable expenses.

You quickly stood from your seat moving to escape any awkward reunion that may have sprouted between you and Carmy. The interest in meeting Carmy’s partner was pushed to the back burner as you made your way through the restaurant, looking for the one other person you wanted to speak with at the moment.

Maneuvering through the kitchen you found Tina not too far from what you remembered to be her usual station. You leaned against the wall watching her work, the effort she was putting into saving burnt and rusted pots bringing a small smile to your face. You shrugged off your jacket and slipped the scarf from around your neck.

“Need some help?” The hesitation in your voice was evident. You weren’t sure where you stood with Tina, you knew how she felt about Mikey and how much his choices affected her. The thought of relaying the past few months to her was too much for you to think about at this moment, you had time, and when you were ready you would confide in her. But for now, there was no point in ruining a much-needed reunion.

You watched as Tina jolted, not prepared to hear your voice. “Ay, dios mío!” Tina turned to you hand raised above her heart, eyes wide. “Why the fuck are you sneaking around the kitchen.” You listened to the older woman’s voice scold you before making your way in her direction.

Not giving her another second before throwing your arms around her, you probably should’ve made sure it was okay, but there was nothing like a mother’s endearing hug to let you know that everything would eventually be okay.

The two of you stood in each other’s embrace in the middle of the kitchen. Neither of you said a word as your quiet sobs began to echo off the walls. You were crying for Mikey, and for yourself, and for all the lives the both of you had ruined, whether they knew it or not.

You were apprehensive to step foot back in this establishment so soon. But it had easily shown you all the things your life would have missed out on had you not allowed Natalie to get you the help you needed.

Carmy’s head perked up as he noticed you exit the kitchen with Tina. His irritation began to rise as he laid eyes on you, Sugar had blindsided him with your arrival. He hadn’t even known you moved back to Chicago, let alone that you had any interest in getting The Bear up and running.

You looked different. His eyes immediately caught the obvious scar tracing along your jaw. The tip of it started a few centimeters below your chin before meeting your jawline and finding its end just before your ear. It was a gnarly scar and he knew for sure the amount of stitches you needed must have been painful.

Carmy was also sure you didn’t have that scar a year ago, nor the smaller one that was carved into your upper lip. He would’ve taken notice, you can’t spend 48 hours with someone and not be able to recall all the puzzle pieces that were specially made to create them.

He watched the two of you approach the group at the counter, you hanging a little farther back than probably necessary, pretending to occupy yourself with the bare walls. Carmy might’ve smiled at your awkwardness if he wasn’t so confused by your presence.

A distracted farewell to Tina left his lips as he tried not to be so obvious in his study of you. His eyes refused to meet Sugar’s as he could feel her watching him, watching you.

Sydney’s return gained his full attention, forcing himself to focus on something else other than his thoughts that were racing and full of you. The clearing of your throat as you finally made your way to stand next to Sug had all six sets of eyes focusing on you.

You didn’t just look different. From the very few interactions the two of you shared and Carmy’s constant people-watching, you seemed like an altogether new person, the confidence and surety he was used to seeing in you was dull.

“I don’t mean to impose, but I was kind of hoping I could take on a more involved role in all of this?” Carmy’s eyes squinted as your hand raised in a flourish to signify you were talking about the restaurant.

You were met with silence. Carmy was too distracted by being in your presence after a drought without you, and Sydney still hadn’t even been truly introduced to you.

“Shit, sorry.” Your hand shot out to shake the woman’s hand as the two of you introduced yourselves. Although she read your articles, mostly your profile stories highlighting various chefs, it was different to be formally introduced to the person behind the stories.

“I uh, actually read most of your articles.” Carmy watched as you brightened up a bit your writing something that would always bring you joy. “I had to cancel my subscription though.” The sound of your laugh went straight to Carmy’s heart, he hadn’t realized how much he missed the delicate sound until hearing it again in this moment.

“I actually have a proposal for you three,” you paused, making sure everyone was paying attention before continuing your explanation. “What if I highlighted the renovation? I was..uh…before,” you had to stop yourself and take a deep breath to ground yourself.

“I was profiling The Beef and Mikey before he…yeah. Um, so I was thinking I could maybe continue that with The Bear,” you stopped to make sure everyone was following along, sending Carmy a small smile before continuing. “We could profile the team, give people a behind-the-scenes look into the renovation, and who’s behind it. I would publish it, it would be great PR and might help to fill seats.”

The following silence made you feel insecure about your proposal. “Maybe just give it a thought. No pressure or anything uh just let me know if there's any interest.” Your voice trailed off as your confidence continued to plummet, Carmy’s blank eyes doing nothing to quell your nervousness.

You turned your attention back to Sugar, a silent plea to leave in your eyes. She nodded “Uh, Baby and I had plans so we’ll be heading out.” You sent the two chefs in front of you a forced smile before hurriedly returning to the kitchen to pick up your jacket and scarf you left there. Call it cowardly but slipping out through the kitchen’s back door seemed to be in your best interest.

The fresh air whipped against your face like a blade, and the immediate change in temperature helped to relax you. There would never have been a perfect time to make your return to this restaurant, and maybe it wasn’t how you things to go, but you felt an immense pressure off your shoulders.

The hard part was over, you made it through the door, walked past the remnants of Mikey every time a specific spot reminded you of him.

It wouldn’t always be like today, you knew that. Some days would be harder than others as you worked through your struggles and allowed yourself to feel the loss of Mikey. One step at a time, it was cliche but it was really how you had to live your life from now on.

Being around Carmy would continue to be hard for the time being. You had essentially watched his brother deteriorate, watched as his mind no longer became his own. And you too had almost become a victim to the whims of your drug-addled mind.

You wouldn’t force a relationship with him and would make him privy to your shortcomings when you were ready. But you told yourself you would be okay if he wanted nothing to do with you, the choices you made would not be easy to come to terms with. And if Carmen Berzatto decided he was finally done with your constant disappointment in his life, you’d just have to accept it.

The sound of Natalie’s footsteps pulled you from the labyrinth of your mind, a small smile sent her way as the two of you made your journey far from this lot of memories.

Carmen stared at the outlines they had hung along the walls, eyes following along with tasks that needed to be completed to open in six months.

He didn’t want to admit it but he was a little bummed out that Sugar returned to the restaurant without you. Any small glimpse, or interaction he could get with you he would swallow like a man starving. The chef stood there doing his best as his counterpart gushed over meeting you, doing his best not to cringe at his two worlds colliding.

Carmy wasn’t sure if he could keep it professional while you worked alongside him on the renovation. Sure you would be doing your own thing in tandem with the work that would get done. But surrounding himself with you in an already stressful time in his life and an even more stressful environment wasn’t something he was prepared for.

He let his mind wander, thoughts of what happened to you in the year since your visit drowning him. Carmy had no clue what happened after you left that night, no clue what had seemed to connect you and Sugar more than you already were.

Seeing you again made his chest hurt. Seeing you was like a hot poker being shoved through his heart, unbearably comfortable but all so warming at the same time. He wanted to know you, know what had changed you since the last time his fingers had traced your skin.

Carmy knew the two of you were nowhere near as close as you had once been. Unsure if you’d ever share a connection like your past one. But he knew while you were here, in Chicago, surrounding yourself with him, the two of you would be given equal opportunity to put this years-long game of cat and mouse to an end; it was just a matter of who bit first.

a/n: well…here we are. i know this might read like baby’s life is just gonna be sunshine and rainbows from here on out but i can promise its not. she is a deeply flawed character with a lot of shit to figure out and a half baked relationship with everyone’s favorite chef won’t fix that. i’ve been around addicts my whole life so i have an understanding of what they can be like, i want to iterate that in no way am i romanticizing addiction. my personal experiences with functioning/addicts DO NOT make me an expert on this topic in anyway, but i do use those experiences to write for baby. i’m always here if anyone needs to talk. i hope you all enjoy <3

taglist: @hawkins-2000 @elliesbabygirl @allbark-no-bite @anakinswh0re3005 @rexorangecouny @thecraziestcrayon @fruitcupsworld @nishinoyahhh @lilylovelyxo @ridingthehotmessexpress @noas-ark @jadeittic @hellokittyever @luvr-bunnyy @sxgees @fandomhopped @is-this-a-febreze-commercial @kravitzwhore @chanluuvr @readingwiththereids @chims-kookies @ladygrey03 @ferida-kahlo @wanderlustnightwanderer @how2besalty @armydrcamers @jointherebellion215 @jackierose902109 @blkbxrbie-esther @ajordan2020 @head-slut-in-charge @magnet-girl @thebookwormlife @sevikasblackgf @writers-hes @senassn @bunnysthngs @khena @kailyn-g05 @ovaqma @fire-treasure-iii @frequentnosebleeder

unable to tag: @gcidrvsh @awatt31 @cauliflowerpatch

[spider-shoes-archive]

riveting discussion going on

[ID: a screenshot of a series of discord messages.

sorrow like ceaseless rain: "consider tho: is mr montoya Famous for his stache? is it his Brand? the mumbo jumbo mustache is not just a Mustache, it is a symbol. what have we as a society come to if mr mumbo jumbo does not win this incredibly consequential and real tumblr poll"

"(i. i did vote for inigo montoya. cuz. well. i am a sucker for the princess bride. but i wanted to be silly)"

"someone post that on tumblr. propaganda /hj"

spanada [EVIL]: "have you considered: while inigo montoya is not famous for his stache, he would still not be inigo montoya without it. and he has had more influence than anyone else ever will even jesus. he transcends time. him and his stache will outlive everything you've ever loved"

sorrow like ceaseless rain: "someone get in here and talk about egg man i don’t know anything abt him"

spanada [EVIL]: "no egg man is winning he doesn't get this honour"

end ID]

[captainpommy]

i kind of forgot this blog existed but just wanted to let people know i spent all 2400 crafting materials i've been saving for months on this ugly little bitch <3