#I HAVEN'T POSTED IN FOREVER I'M SORRY
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How does that sound?
#art#illustration#fanart#comic#dhmis#don't hug me i'm scared#dhmis yellow guy#dhmis duck guy#dhmis red guy#dhmis lesley#yellow guy#duck guy#red guy#(Lesley only gets the one tag. sorry girl)#happy late dhmis birthday !#I meant to post this on the tv show day but it took longer to draw than I though it would..#I think it turned out nice though :]#I didn't use a reference until I was on the coloring stage (and also for the background of the 3rd panel) though#so if anything's off that's why#I haven't drawn these guys in forever but they're still very easy for me to draw :]#little bit of a different way of drawing them here also#I wanted to change it up a little :]#fav posts
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birthday boy 🎂
#river dipping#theodore doe#matthias evanoff#a burning house to live in#echthroi#ts4#ts4 edit#simblr#ts4 screenshots#theo i hope you're having the most insane birthday sex rn i hope it's ******** and ***** and ***'** **** *** **** ***** :)<3#sorry i put off making your birthday edit for so long that i had to pivot and post this edit instead of the one i wanted </3#...very funny how similar this is to that LAST render i posted... well so WHAT!! if i think matthias looming is sexy!!#this is based on a photo that everyone was drawing their ocs as so really it's not MY fault he's back there clinging and being a freak#actually if y'all want this pose lmk... i'll share it but fyi it's only meant to be seen from the waist up and idk how it'd look#on a sim that doesn't have the same muscle mass and like. bulk. that matthias has......................................#just got rock hard after typing that... anyway.#HAPPY BIRTHDAY THEO <333333333 LOVE YOU SO MUCH I PROMISE I'M GONNA KEEP WORKING ON THE //ACTUAL// BIRTHDAY EDIT!! like .#posted abt this on the sideblog but the real edit i have planned for him is making me lose my fucking gourd#and it'll probably take me :))) a few more days to figure out#expect a depressing theo-as-a-teenager edit eventually tho. with writing!! accompanying it!!#matthias's face has changed again btw 😭 i redid it almost immediately after i posted that first render attempt so he looks DIFFERENT!!#i posted screenshots of him in cas just the other day on my other acc and he looks so good in them i might post them here too#oh and!! this edit looks massively different than my last because this screenshot was taken with a new preset i made specifically for#the real birthday edit i'm working on... it's a hallway scene so i figured out depth and density to get this really cool fog effect#i'm really excited for it!! in my head the way it looks makes me crazy but idk if i can pull it off properly. but like i WAS SAYING!!#new preset is sooo sexy after i post this i'll reblog with the before and after to show you how good it looks even w/o any editing#like. the colors....... literally have always wanted a preset like this i'm so glad i spent yesterday fucking around with it#ALSO!! i've been doing those oc/ship dynamic templates for fun recently so i might post a few of them here soon#realize i'm rambling so much in these tags bc i haven't been here in forever kfjnkfjhn ummmmm. let me stop.#EVERYONE WISH THEO HAPPY BIRTHDAY RIGHT NOW 🫵‼
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Erm so I recently got into ff7 a few months ago and my brain is very obsessed with EC Sephiroth (or just Sephiroth in general). Been doodling him and the P0 team a lot to get me through this past semester of college. Now that I'm out for the summer, i'll be doing it even more :3
Making this blog just so I can post all my silly sillies...
#sephiroth#ever crisis#final fantasy vii#glenn lodbrok#Lucia lin#ff7#ff7 ever crisis#I'm sorry I haven't posted on this site in forever#I just want to ramble and draw stuff from a mobile game lol#I've notice a lot of folks here call him “miniroth” and that's adorable :3
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Done with our favorite Spider-Boy! Spiderling? Spider... What was his name again?
Avengers paper cutout 6/?
#avengers paper cutout project#art#sorry it's been FOREVER since I did a thing for this series lol#lowkey I've had this done for like... a month... maybe 2 months...?#and just didn't post it because I wasn't 100% happy with it#but well. when someone has a bad day and you want to cheer them up a little you can't be chasing perfection I guess#I also want to do more bird art soon!#just haven't been feeling creative lately due to Certain Life Events:tm:#but today was the first decent day I've had in a while where I didn't go home and then immediately fall into a doom scroll spiral on the co#the couch#stupid tag word limit#anyway yeah hopefully you'll be hearing a little more from me soonish#and by soonish i mean like another 2 weeks probably...#look even when I'm feeling decent I am SLOOOOOOW at this lmao#uhh anyway there's only natasha left out of the OG6 so she's up next#actually probably similar color scheme for peter assuming it'll be a black gun on the hourglass bg#but I kinda hate the black lol it makes the edges look so bad!#we'll see maybe I'll find a picture of her with a different looking gun and use that as an excuse#enough tag rambling I need to post this and then get ready for bed lol#hope y'all enjoy my silly little art#which i guess is kinda seasonally appropriate now??#IGNORE MY RAMBLING UP THERE THIS WAS MY SECRET PLAN ALL ALONG MHM MHM I PLANNED THIS SO WELL
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Viktor: Is everyone ready for the concert-- Is that EYELINER??
Yuuri, rubbing near his eye: Phichit insisted I put some on so I don’t look ‘out of place’. Does it look okay?
Viktor:
Yurio: …Viktor, no--
Viktor: *lunges at Yuuri*
Yurio: VIKTOR, WE’RE IN PUBLIC
#yuri on ice incorrect quotes#yuuri katsuki#viktor nikiforov#yuri plisetsky#sorry i haven't posted in forever i've been sick for over a month and it's been Awful#and i'm still sick :(
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plz write talking charlie through an orgasm i’d actually scream and cry🙏🏾😞
plz dont cry ! i love subby charlie STOP (i was listening to california by lana whilst writing, no correlation to fic)
california🌴- c, walker ,,
tears streamed down his face as you continued to ride charlie's cock. his face was snuggled in your neck as he sniffled and moaned.
"aw baby, are you crying?" you looked at your pretty baby, slowing your motions before halting them altogether. swiping his tears away, you silently told him that it was okay and he could talk to you.
"i just, i just don't know how to take it," he whined, face flushing in embarrassment.
his head fell back into the crook of your neck as he pathetically rutted his hips up into yours.
"shh, doll. it's okay... just feel it, ok? just let yourself let go... there you go... that's it," you finally continued to move your hips. he listened to your words carefully.
you wanted to try something. as he was lost in the euphoria that was your warmth throbbing around his cock, you began to shift your hips in a specific shape.
the first letter of your name. then the next, and so on and so forth. it took a second but charlie caught on. "h-hold on momma, are you... spelling your name?" he looked up and you through hazy eyes.
you just smiled brightly at him. "it's the name of the only person who can make you feel this good, right?" you nodded at him. he nodded rapidly with you.
the thought of you rolling your hips to meet his in such a meaningful way clouded the boy below you's head. "mmm, mommy! i'm gonna cum!" he'd admit with his eyes tightly screwed shut.
"look at me, you got it. come on, you can cum for me... it's okay... cum inside me," you guided him through his release. the little choked whines and whimpers that faltered through his moans were music to your ears.
his seed shot into you and you couldn't imagine a better feeling. you met your own release not a minute later.
"th-thank you... thank you s'much."
tags; @themostintellectualblonde @dreamtofus @wannabe-indie-sleaze @insanelycrazyanddelusional
#charlie walker smut#charlie walker#rory culkin#scream#scream 4#scream smut#i haven't posted in forever i'm so sorry#exams have been hell i swear#kai's got mail <3📑#nonnieees💗#kaia writes charlie
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i have a strict no discourse policy for this blog but i did just get an extremely funny Discourse Bait ask and it is killing me not to share it.
anon, why would you ask me, a shrimp blog, about what makes a gay man attracted to someone
#for the record i am neither gay nor a man#also for the record i am very behind on answering asks and posting my own shrimp and i'm very sorry <3#my house flooded twice then i went on vacation then i got engaged then on two trips then my house flooded again then my ac went out#long story short i haven't had a normal day since....may?#so sorry and thanks for sticking around ily#not shrimp#i think i am going to keep this ask forever in my inbox it's truly something
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what i think would happen if bowser jr and bowletta met
#CACKLETTA U ARE FAMOUS 2 ME FOREVER#bowletta#cackletta#bowser jr#bowser#super mario bros#smb#mario bros#ok like genuinely what are the tags for mario posts LOL#mario & luigi#mario & luigi superstar saga#superstar saga#ok.. that's probably enough#epics art#also this is a redraw of a comic i drew like 2 years ago that looked like shit so i've been wanting to redraw it#i 100%'d 3d land n bowsers fury again ^.^ for the 2nd and like 10th time respectively lolll#and i started replaying 3d world#so i'm in a big mario kick rn.. i should replay superstar saga for cackletta maybe#or pick back up on my playthrough of partners in time i still haven't beaten that#sorry for rambling in the tags so much omg
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Ermmm welcome back ig
Hi guys sorry for disappearing for like 3 trillion years – I was not only busy with finals , an apprenticeship and Art Fight – BUT it's summer break so I'm BACK ....... and not just with Saw cuz I was getting into Death Sentence a bunch while I was inactive
So here's a small art dump since I was doodling a little during my absence and forgor to post them !! (Some old and some new - mostly Death Sentence tho !)
That's all for now ! Might post more later ... ESPECIALLY since it was Joey's birthday on the 6th .... late birthday gift .... Joey Darley you are alive in my heart
#saw#sawposting#art tag#art#digital art#saw fanart#art dump#adam faulkner stanheight#adam stanheight#adam saw#lawrence gordon#dr lawrence gordon#lawrence gordon saw#death sentence 2007#death sentence fan art#Billy Darley#Billy Darley Death Sentence (2007)#Joey Darley#Joey Darley Death Sentence (2007)#Heco Death Sentence (2007)#billy the puppet#peter strahm#special agent strahm#agent strahm#saw 2004#HAVEN'T POSTED IN FOREVER I'M SORRY#Back on the grind tho#Death Sentence Saw Summer sweep >>>>>#Nick Humes Death Sentence (2007)#ngl I forgot about him
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(CLOSED) thank you so much I've secured the baldi plush. >:)
they'll be $15 each and i'll take 5 slots (closed now) i only use p4yp4l, dm me if you're interested
examples:
(they'll be more like the first one, the second is a few weeks old)
#i haven't done comms in Forever bare with me....idk if anyone will be interested but : 3#opening these bc. I Need to buy the baldi plushie. and i have 13 days left. if i'm not able to get this one I'll actually explode#self ship#self ship commissions#self ship community#ship commissions#chibi commissions#commissions open#self ship comms#f/o community#OKAY SORRY FOR SPAMMING TAGS * DISAPPEARS *#dulce posting
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The Mind Electric - Animatic
Starline AU belongs to @totaleclipse573
My goodness I'm so nervous to post this but I'm gonna be brave and do it anyway. Inspiration struck me like a lightning bolt yesterday and I rushed to make this as fast as possible. I have visions in my head for how I would do the whole song, but I'd only want to do that if I could use the actual audio. (I couldn't figure out how to just record it off of YT (there was a specific edit of the song I wanted to use) which is why I ended up singing the section of the song I wanted. If I ever figure it out, I may possibly reupload this and/or do the full version. *shrug*)
The editor kinda ate the quality a bit so separate pictures along with the original sketches are under the cut!
#I'm sorry it's so short :(#gaaaaaaaaaaaaa this is so nerve wracking#i haven't made an animatic in FOREVER#The last one I made was like. my Afterscene animatic on YT#where I predicted what the post credits scene for Sonic 2 would be like#and let me say that the video editor on my new computer is SO MUCH better than the one I was working with before#it's actually got a timeline for one thing which makes it really nice#aaaaaaanyway time to go back to anxiety#i have realized I can apparently only draw eclipse (or anyone for that matter) from one angle#there are exactly 4 arts I'm 100% happy with here#though i am really proud of that last one with shadow#but trying to draw eclipse from behind is really really hard#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#okay enough rambling hope you like it Total!!!!!#Sky Queen#Sonic the Hedgehog#Sonic AU#Starline AU#Eclipse the Darkling#Dr. Starline#Shadow the Hedgehog#art#my art#traditional art#animation#tw flashing#tw glitch
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listening to chappell roan while i pick out today's outfit for class to ensure maximum serving
#omggg i haven't posted in forever 🙈#sorry about that. i became a uni freshman#thinking about starting like a little diary series or a whole sb dedicated to this era. we'll see#🪽 — just angelposting ༉‧₊˚.#girlblogging#this is what makes us girls#just girly things#this is a girlblog#just girly thoughts#just girly posts#girlhood#i'm just a girl#hyper feminine#girly things#pinterest girl#it girl#dream girl#femcore#femcel#the female gaze#girl blogger#gaslight gatekeep girlboss#uni#college#🪽 — the dossier of an angel ༉‧₊˚.
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hiiii ^^ beastlife fishie analysis. spoilers ahead. etc etc
okay so. the main point of this is simple. I don't think the salmon head cursed c!fishie. Explaining that is the harder part I think. also i'm going to refer to the salmon head thing in e5 as "the incident" from here on out because frankly i think it's funny
Let's start with the incident. The big day. etc. What happened? Why did it happen? Obligatory third questioning statement? Well. She was gifted the salmon head for her birthday by kiwi(or like. someone in the kiwibird system. -bird system. the birds). Immediately upon receiving it she relives parts of season one and fishie herself doesn't really acknowledge it. The other players definitely notice but im not caught up enough in any other pov yet to like have thoughts on that I'll come back to that point someday. Fishie seems shaken, sure, but she moves on so quickly, especially considering what happened just there. 37 seconds of standing frozen, unresponsive. she recovers in 5 seconds. And seeing how she reacts later on to realizing the memory situation--if she was aware that happened, she would probably be concerned by it. She puts it on for a brief second at the end of the party and takes it off immediately. She's otherwise normal -- well. as normal as she is otherwise up to that point. Because that is also how she acts with pretty much any salmon head, even just kiwi herself.
I raise: Episode one, about 8:20 in. The slow zoom on kiwi as the static overtakes every other noise. This is the *exact* same behavior displayed when fishie receives the salmon head, albeit without actual concrete old video footage style flashbacks. In episode two (28:55ish) the same thing happens when she looks at the salmon head in moch's house, but this time there is technically a flashback -- kiwis grave. Fishie moves on immediately and doesn't acknowledge her behavior at all, and, seeing as it is fishie, im inclined to believe that means she does not know she is doing it. Fishie (when alone) will discuss all of her problems in immense, and usually misguided detail (bestie i promise kiwi doesn't hate you???) to the audience and/or herself. I mean she's not alone in episode one, and it is technically presession, and i guess getting struck by lightning is a decent distraction from your problems, but in episode two? She is completely alone. There is nobody with her. She went looking for moch and moch is not there. She still doesn't acknowledge the fiveish seconds she is completely frozen. This happens again and again with kiwi and salmon heads.
And then that leads you to e5. The incident. She's. well. she's doing worse. 0:50. "This will distract me if i leave it up." This is the first mention from fishie herself about how fucking weird she's being, and even then she doesn't seem concerned. I think she does not realize she's being so so incredibly weird about it. If the static and freezing is what's referred to as "distraction" then keeping it in her inventory makes it worse actually so it wouldn't really make sense unless the way it is distracting her is NOT the. well. whatever the fuck is wrong with her (affectionate). After she puts the head on there's the static all the time but for a short brief amount of time she's like significantly more normal and i don't really know if that means anything i just think it's really funny.
And then we all know what goes on during the incident i'm not analyzing this video frame by frame. um. i could. but i am not going to right now. And then she has the conversation on the table with kiwi where she like is normal for 5 minutes. Like genuinely the most. i guess stable? fishie's thought process is is like in the moments directly after the incident. She is immediately understanding with the antikiwi situation, they come to an agreement that they're like. okay now. "thank you for everything and im so sorry i couldnt do more" / "it was short, but it was nice" "i knew what i was getting into when i married you" etc etc and then they kind of rush it at the end because people won't stop dying. But then fishie is fishie and takes it in the complete opposite extreme (from. um. whatever was wrong up until now. to "oh kiwibird must secretly hate me because" and then there's no real good reason she's just like that) and it's also an issue. And i think the season two memory thing is also a part of that but this is so long already and so i'm not going to get into it rn. So bringing all of this back to my original point: the salmon head was not the cause of the curse(?) because she's been so weird all the time forever and the salmon head thing was just like. an effect. of whatever went Wrong(tm) in the season transition. like the head was a vessel to Be Worse about it but i feel like it would have worked with any salmon head she got her hands on and that it happened to be kiwico was a coincidence and also that the head wasn't cursed at all there's just something deeply wrong with fishie s3 in general and uh yeah 👍
I'm so sorry this is so disjointed i had a thesis statement and everything. alas
#whisp whispers#fishie beastlife spoilers#since i had to rewatch videos these tags will serve as going insane about details i missed that were irrelevant to the post#i could make a whole thing on the parallels between fishie and bree. 'at least im not the only one with a troubled love life' yeah i guess#this is taking me ages to finish because if i think about beastlife fishie too long it genuinely spikes my heart rate#i think there's something wrong with me#fishie and bree both leaping at the oppurtunity to trade with their exes is so funny to me#someone should do indepth research about the way fishie interacts with dingo because i haven't been paying attention to it#by 'someone' i mean me because i'm the only one who can do that. other beastlife fan if you see this. holds out hand do you want#to make an analysis post with me .......#i appreciate kiwi trying so hard to do bug facts because bree's moth take is toooo insane for him. we can yes and the alien bit he draws th#line at incorrect moth facts though#'im neutral this is just fascinating' <-really funny in retrospect#*this is also taking so long forever because i keep distracted by whatever the fuck is wrong with everyone that i can't remember how to lik#put things into words#for what is a housewife without a house and no longer a wife?#'sorry guys it's just gonna be a lot of decorating today' YOUUUU. YOU. (<quote from beginning of e5)#ratchelor pad guitar riff is horrid on 2x speed. never do this what i'm doing right now#one of my irls is still in awe of the 6person boogie kill (or rather how nobody noticed fishie preparing the 6person boogie#is it boogey or boogie#does oku falling off a pillar and dying in the middle of fishie lore also count as a fishie proximity death#fishies curse is that people won't stop dying in the death games#also hiiiii fishieeeee you said you enjoyed analaysis. um. this one went a little off the rails i think and is more theory than analysis#posting this and disappearing off the face of the internet. cringe is dead but like. i mean you get it
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you go to a lesbian blog and find it says women only!! no men allowed!!! and go oh! excuse me, um, what about other lesbians? plenty of lesbians are genderqueer... and they go well, okay, go fuck yourself tim chop off your sweaty dick and stop calling yourself a lesbian. you do not have a dick, actually. you think about that fact often, even though it does you no good. you do not tell this person that.
you go to another lesbian blog and it says women only and you try again, and this time they change it to wlw + nblw only (non-men who love non-men :D). and you'll say hey i appreciate that but gender's not really that cut and dry for a lot of people. someone could be both a man and nonbinary, for instance. i just worry that you're looking at nonbinary as a generic third gender, or an extension of womanhood. i mean yeah you include nblw in your tags but all your posts are about pussy-havers exclusively. what's with that? and they say go fuck yourself you pervy man pretending to be a lesbian. you tried to sneak in but i won't let you.
so you go to a lesbian blog with a dozen or so posts about queer people needing to be more weird about it and you sigh in relief. but you still see the men dni. that's odd. hoping for the best, you say hey! i know you mean well but please maybe don't put men dni at the end of the lovely posts on your lesbian blog bc some lesbians are men. and they'll be like ok!! well you're allowed ;) and you say no that's not. no. some men are lesbians not just me. you think about your own dicklessness and wonder if that's why you were given entry. and you add that even if male lesbians are allowed, there's no indication of that. how would anyone know without asking? and they're like ohh gotcha gotcha well men dni + this is for sapphics only!! and you'll be like ok well that treats the concepts of men and sapphics as mutually exclusive identities and i just told you that's not true and you agreed with me so.. i don't think that solves our problem. and they're like. ok. fine. men dni but genderfluid and multigender people are allowed! and you're like no see that's. that's still the same thing.. you're saying the same thing just with different words. if you don't want men to interact but you're fine with multigender/genderfluid/etc ppl interacting then you either don't see them as Real Men (because they don't reach a standard of Full Manhood) or Complete Men (because they're only Part-Time Men), both of which suggest that they are, in some way, not men or less-than men, which is invalidating and defeats the point of the exception in the first place (accommodation) OR that you don't really mean the dni which is confusing and inconsistent and makes guydykes feel weird and uncomfortable and excluded from the lesbian space you're trying to cultivate. and they're like um. ok. so. cishet men dni? and you're like well i think that makes more sense, but what if someone identifies as both a cishet man and a sapphic? again, if we're trying to accommodate the genderfucky populace then that has to be a possibility that is considered. and they say god you people are never happy. what do you want me to do? what am i supposed to say to keep the right men out? and you pause. you empathize with the need for a space free from dudes trying to fuck you straight and feminine. dudes who watch lesbian porn and joke about what they'd do if they were allowed into girls locker rooms. who look at you like a piece of meat, and like someone who looks at women like pieces of meat in the same way he does. you get it. you know. you want a space where you can be sapphic, too. that's why you came to these blogs in the first place. you brace yourself and you say well i don't know that there are "right men" to keep out. i don't know that there's any single label that would accomplish whatever it is you're trying to accomplish. you could go for "sapphics only" or "queers only" and i think that might be the closest thing to what you want, but it's never going to be perfect. creating any exclusive space is going to shut out people you didn't account for, and the broader the label, the more people will be shut out that you didn't want to shut out. and what about people who don't know if they're allowed? what of questioning transbians, where are they supposed to go? and, frankly, i think i might rather my dykey posts get read and appreciated by a gay guy who sees me as a man than a woman who only sees me as a sacred womb, pure from male perversions or violence or whatever. i think community might just be more complex than a dni can handle. and they look at you and say i don't want to not have a dni. i think you're too permissive. you can't just "what about" or microlabel your way into everything. go fuck yourself, i bet you're not even a lesbian anyway. go find a real problem to get mad about.
you go to a lesbian blog. you ignore the men dni because you know you probably don't even count to them. or maybe you do count and, out of respect for your manhood, they'd shun you accordingly. you try to feel okay about that. you scroll past dozens of posts about mediocre men and gagging at straight friends' boyfriends and how gross and undeserving men are of the beautiful women they couple up with and how all women should be gay so they can get treated right and and and and and. you finally find a post about curling into someone you love and feeling at peace and try to lose yourself in it. you know that feeling is what unites you, what makes you belong. you try to focus on it. you think about carding your hands through a butch's hair or lacing fingers with a femme and feeling warm and loved and more yourself than you ever have before. like this is who you're meant to be. you read about lesboys and butch boytoys and genderfucky dykes and big hairy deep-voiced wonderful women (like you want to be someday, like you wish you could make yourself) and you try to ignore the men dni underneath each and every post. and you daydream about meeting someone kind and earnest at a lesbian bar even though you don't think any such bars exist within three states of you and you can't drink and don't want to drink because you need to be in control of yourself at all times so you don't fuck up like you're always about to and here in the nonexistent lesbian bar you feel wanted and safe and in good company. you picture your ideal, happiest self. it is a mistake. ideal-you has a goatee. not the mascara one you smear on and call drag even though you know it's not drag, not really, the beard you call drag because you think everyone would look at you sadly if you told them it was just to pretend you had something out of your reach. a beard that's soft and that you grew and that cannot be smudged away if you get too comfortable with it. the dream shatters. your people pull away from you, their scoffs mixing with the mind-numbing gay girl bedroom pop you learned to settle for just to have something that almost resembled you, they all pull away and turn their backs and do not look at you. you're too close to being a man now, even though you're the same amount of man as before. and they know you're not supposed to interact with men, not as you would with dykes, at least. and it sours. it's all your imagination, all in your head, but it sours.
you sigh. you think about how small you are. how short, how narrow, how feeble. how your voice pitches up when you talk to strangers because it's easier to speak quietly when it carries more, and because you're nervous. because it's a chore to talk, like everything is. you think about testosterone. you think about how your family would look at you, the questions they would ask, your answers they would only pretend to accept. the uncomfortable glances and whispered questions they'd try to hide from you. you think about how small you are, and how small you will always be. how you don't know of a way to fix it, but even if there was one, no one would want you anymore. you'd be the only one thinking it made you a cooler dyke. you think about how you don't even want a T-voice all the time, how you'll never be able to switch it at will, because you don't know how and can't bring yourself to figure it out. you think about how your throat closes around every hint of your own attraction. how wanting is perverse, how wanting is invasive, how wanting is embarrassing and too vulnerable so it must stay anonymous, as an online witness, and how you can barely manage to form or maintain friendships because your brain makes you pull away, always spinning out and struggling to recover from the simplest of interactions. how they'll all leave you and you won't chase after them at all and how that will hurt them. how stuck you get. how it looks like nothing's holding you back, how that frustrates everyone who thought you were going to be more than you were. the people you love who understand except when it comes to being ghosted, being shut out. how you don't want to hurt them. how you can't tell them that because you're stuck. how you turn to stone when touched, how you never reach out, how you lose your speech and can't look at people, how your autism is fun and sexy until it becomes real and you never see them anymore, how much you longed for someone who knew everything without you having to explain, and who loved you anyway. how unreasonable you know that is to expect of anyone. you think about that not-even-real lesbian bar. you think about how you still can't drive. how you can't leave your home on your own, without dragging somebody into helping you. how you can't leave your body. how you can't leave your manhood behind.
you think about finding another lesbian blog and ignoring everything. about skimming it for the parts you can juice some meaning from. the parts men ignore and don't understand, and how typical of you it is to do so. or the parts where you're not welcome and you should accept that, because it's for lesbians only. how you are a lesbian anyway. how you're meant to choose lesbian or man, how each is a betrayal of some kind to yourself or your people, your family, your lovely strangers, your rare friendly acquaintances. about the parts that tell you you're not wanted, that you're ugly and lazy and gross and insert yourself everywhere without even asking. about the parts that tell you you are hated, and how lesbians are above it all by rejecting men. how lesbians are each blessed miracles. about the parts that say you should be ashamed of being whatever twisted confused freak you are, of everything, of looking and wanting or not looking or not wanting, of picking and choosing instead of taking it all in with a smile. after all, shouldn't you take it? or is your ego too fragile, as men's so often are? aren't you tired? good. we're not here for your consumption. and we sure as hell don't want your company or "community" or whatever. didn't you read the sign? no boys allowed. and if you want to come in you have to make up your mind. as if you haven't told them the only answer you have. you're both. you're both.
you know you broke the rule by interacting.
but it gets lonely sometimes. you wonder if they know.
#before i maybe get yelled at:#1) no i do not think ppl are evil for having men dnis no i do not think these are all equal transgressions even#though there is an overlap that should be examined that i think is based in a degree of lesbian separatism + exclusionism#2) yes there are lesbian blogs and people that are cool about genderfucky people. i'm not talking about them#3) this is a stylized vent post about trying to find lesbian content on tumblr that isn't like this. all these dnis/rules are ones i have#encountered. no i do not literally tell these people to change their dnis to suit me. the conversations are symbolic and ideological in#nature. if i find a blog with men dni i generally go somewhere else. it's about emotions. it's about my feelings on that it's not literally#about dming someone demanding they change things. it's not about demanding that You change things or else you're a bad person.#4) it is about the conflicts and hypocrisy and inconsistency of strict and exclusive sexuality labels persisting in gender-diverse spaces#and how it affects me as a lesbian who is a man who is a woman who is fucking whatever else. and yes it is about transphobia too.#5) it's about how lesbians feel the need to exclude men and how i think efforts to do so fail and hurt ppl and are often misguided#tht i think also comes up in like. bi lesbian/mspec lesbian/gaybian discourse. i'm not any of those myself but it seems like there's overla#6) if this post seems whiny and sad and insecure that's because it probably is. i have a right to be all of those things.#7) no i do not think all lesbians are man-hating assholes. i am a lesbian. i love lesbians. i love dykes and most of them are fantastic ppl#i just think the general bullshit of the world leads to this defensive thing that ends up hurting others in our community y'know?#8) i get that my perspective/experience is a bit unusual and many lovely ppl haven't considered it. that's part of why i'm sharing this#nyarla dni#<- sorry man it's too vulnerable. gonna keep this one to the internet-only folks#adding this wayy later but a crucial part of the experience i Almost talked about it this but never explicitly did was that like#the measures ppl take to 'defend against men' are often deeply transmisogynistic as well. obviously#and when i see that it hurts me too. not that it hits me the same way when strangers assume im a trans woman and hate me for it#but it doesn't feel good to see transphobia at all. i focused on how that relates to other kinds of transphobia#namely transandrophobia here but like. it's all connected. lesbain separatism + exclusionism relies on both and they aren't always#distinct experiences. ime. anyway trans ppl i love all of you forever#i just thought me writing “*turns to the camera* and trans women exp this too.' wouldve been too much even for this post#i figured the audience would like. know that. and so far it hasn't been an issue. i have not been yelled at thanks guys 🫶
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Zdrada drawing :3
#i haven't posted art on here in forever#helltaker zdrada#zdrada helltaker#zdrada#helltaker#she's so pretty i love her#I'm sorry if you followed me for rtc content lol
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hi loves i have neglected mx info since i've been on vacation i will hopefully be back on a normal schedule soon <3
#mädch rambles#god i haven't posted on there in forever im SORRY when my schedule gets busy it just is hard to keep up!#ALSO i recently got off orientation at my new(ish) nurse job#i started working in the operating room earlier in january and its been a long orientation since its something totally new but#i love it and i'm workin by myself so it's been a learning curve but having a good time!!#for vaca i visted my aunt and uncle's small lake cabin w my bf and the rest of my family i really just unplugged it was so peaceful!#and just this past weeked my bf's parents visited so i was hosting them too so just a lot going on but !!!!#hopefully will be able to post on mxinfo soon and make some gifs on here in the upcoming week/weekend! been wanting to gif aespa's new stuf#also maybe gif some other mx stuff just to get back in the swing of things lol every time i want to come back on here thers always so much#to catch up on but ANYWAYS!!!!!!!!!! see you guys soon xx
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