#I HATE chronic illness
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Me: *has be tired syndrome*
Me: god why am I always so tired
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how do i forgive myself for losing so much time?
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Dearest readers it has again come that time where I was sick for several weeks and now am behind on bills and they’re turning off utilities. So uh.
If you want art? Writing? Want me to literally sing for you? Shoot me Literally Any Money and I’ll hop on that request asap.
I’m still missing work for doctors appointments and didn’t get scheduled much at all this week so I’ll have some free time.
Idk hav art to stare at and covet or something-
#I need to make like $250 by Friday#I’m stressed as fuck yall#I HATE chronic illness#luckily the pills are REALLY helping and I think this is the end of it#but right now I’m playing finance catch up after missing so much work#Not whump#art
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I love the idea that the eggs can shapeshift but it isn’t really something they can control. When they are sad or scared they are eggs. When they are angry or aggressive, they are dragons. When they are happy or just being kids, they are humanoid.
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#my legs hurt so much#it’s just a bone deep pain that doesn’t go away when i lie down. it just settles#i hate chronic illness#personal
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I had fun at the party. Everyone liked the cake, there was a lot of funnies that made us all laugh, my grandma seemed happy. But I feel like booty and it's gonna take me a week to recover just in time for two more parties and yeah 🙂 I'm not gonna feel good until January probably 💔
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nausea is kicking my ass at the moment 🥲😭 it's been bad today, I feel gross and sick and just bleh :(
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Why is my face so hot am I having another mono flare
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Mmm gotta love when my pcp basically says “it’s not all in your head” as if she believes some of my pain is. I love just breaking down at the doctors bc no one fucking takes anything I say seriously and I just sound like a broken fucking record saying the same thing over and over again. I’m in pain, I’m constantly exhausted and can’t wake up, I have debilitating dizzy spells that leave me unable to breathe, I have headaches every day of my life, I’m so fucking depressed, please help me, please help me.
#jtxt#jvent#im so fucking tired of doctors#im so fucking tired of my existence man#im just a fucking burden to everyone I know#I hate chronic illness
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you don't have to be glad that it's not worse. that goes for everything. disability, trauma, mental illness, grades, finances, whatever. you're /allowed/ to be upset that things are the way they are. you don't have to be grateful for your situation - bad is bad. somebody else's suffering doesn't make yours less painful. it's okay to be angry
#my mom tells me that my disability could be worse all the time . god i hate it#disability#chronic illness#trauma#recovery#thor speaks
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save me weed gummy
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text could never portray the scream i wish i could let out
#fuck#everything#fuck this#fuck me i guess#fuck this place#fuck this life#blow it up in fucking flames#actually bpd#actual bpd#bpd feels#bpd vent#bpd#bpd problems#bpd awareness#chronically ill#chronic illness#childhood trauma#chronically disabled#chronic pain#add all the trauma tags bc the trauma never fucking stoppsss!!!#trauma#killing myself#i hate everything about eveything and there is NOTHING I CAN FUCKING DO ABOUT IT#i suddenly understand those people kill everyone and then themselves#pleasseeee god if you can hear me now#it would be a really good fucking time not to laugh
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I hate it here
#chronically ill#chronic illness#chronic pain#chronic fatigue#autoimmune#doctors will say I’m pretty sure you’re just anxious#it’s not too concerning#endometriosis#pots syndrome#i hate it here
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Brain fog feels like cotton balls behind your eyes, packed so tightly that it's pressing on the inside of your skull until it hurts and just might push your eyes out. It makes words feel like you have to wade through molasses just to get from one to the next. Your train of thought hasn't even left the station yet because the conductor fell asleep
#this is one of those things that makes no sense if you've never felt it#I'm trying to nap and the head pressure is so uncomfortable#chronic pain#chronic illness#disability#actually disabled#fibromyalgia#spoonie#me/cfs#chronic fаtiguе ѕуndrоmе#cfs#cfs/me#brain fog#long covid#pots#pots syndrome#postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome#i hate this
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*stares at disciple SQQ falling into the abyss au*
oh you are so "SY-is-SJ" coded. You are so "fell into the abyss and suddenly remembered that oh i've been Shen Jiu this whole time, not just Shen Yuan. we are one and the same". you are so 'crumbling under the weight of the system and being in the abyss and the despair of never really being free and having suffered in both lives' built. you are so 'scrambling to come to terms with your existence and battling with which life is really yours, only to realize that they both are'. You are primed for going off the rails.
I'm so normal about this guys. i promise.
#svsss#mxtx svsss#svsss au#shen yuan#shen qingqiu#scum villian self saving system#scum villian#svsss role reversal au#IF I MAKE IT SY-IS-SJ THERE'S NO STOPPING ME FROM MAKING THIS AU QIJIU. LIKE IT MUST BE QIJIU IF I GO THAT ROUTE.#grinding my teeth. grips you by the shoulders tightly#the angst of YQY finding out SQQ fell into the endless abyss and falling into a despair that he couldnt save him AGAIN. him trying to go#through hell and high water trying to get him back. him and LBH are losing their shit. also the idea that YQY existed in SY's world too#not as an older brother but as a close childhood friend who was there for him for years up until their HS years where something happened#that caused a falling out. but YQY keeps trying to rekindle that friendship and never can in that world bc SY dies before they can reconnec#SQQ realizing that he misses YQY like a limb and thinking that if he sees him again he'll demand answers for his supposed abandonment but#also he just wants to hug him. just once. and then maybe punch him. not in that order. its the doomed soulmates guys. its the reconnection#obsessed obsessed obsessed. like HMMMM. SQQ knows YQY's fate from the book and the idea makes him so nauseous he has to sit down#bingqiu is fantastic but ALSO. QIJIU. 'SY-is-SJ' is decidedly perhaps my favorite trope for the time being if only for the pure and utter#self-hatred SY and SJ are going to inflict on each other. its about the mental breakdown guys. especially with chronically ill SY.#SJ hating SY for being sick. for being a shut in. they are a reflection of each other they ARE each other and they hate themselves#holding back from going off the rails about 'SY-is-SJ' au combined with him falling into the abyss#'no light no light' by florence and the machines is this au guys. ive decided it now
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genuinely fuck all my family members that made fun and keep making fun of my pain and don’t take me seriously. then something bad happens or i get finally diagnosed and they’re like “omg why didn’t you tell me sooner???” YOU ALWAYS TOLD ME I WAS EXAGGERATING.
#vent#disabled#chronically ill#fibromyalgia#chronic pain#chronic fatigue#chronic illness#sorry but i am so angry at my dad#how dare you say these things#AND YOU’RE ALSO DISABLED#bitch make it make sense I HATE YOUR ASS
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