#I DON'T KNOW WHY... but so many people interpreted this as an insult

[sergle]

hi sorry to bother. i'm trying to find this one drawing that i'm like 99% certain you've done of like, the default appearance of every white queer person regardless of labels. like some short haired androgynous bespectacled person who you know at minimum 3 of. and everyone kept saying that 'that's literally me' because of course it is. did i just vividly make that up. i cannot find it with tumblr's notoriously bad search function. i wanted to make fun of my boss and like 5 separate other people i know.

YUUUUUUUUUUUUUP THAT WAS ME you are not crazy. this was the art

this is the post this is another version of the post

[themildestofwriters]

I'll never understand Tamlin antis who are so tied up in their hate for him they just straight up refuse to acknowledge one of the big twists of ACOWAR when interpreting his actions *during* ACOWAR.

Like, I'm not saying you have to like the guy, but G-ddamn. It's almost wilful ignorance how they ignore the fact that he was a double agent the whole bloody time.

There's also the fact that, quite clearly, in Feyre's narration no less, his motivations are further explained as an intense drive to protect his people from Hybern. Like, why are so many people caught up on the whole "He whipped his sentry!" thing when you have Feyre right there telling us that the only reason he did it was to prevent Hybern from thinking he was weak and therefore it would be better to conquer Spring rather than simply ally with it.

The book outright tells you why he whipped his sentry and yet this idea perseveres that Tamlin... what? Couldn't handle being questioned? I don't understand. The book tells us why he did it. Why are we still making up reasons for why he did it?

Tamlin is wearing a mask in ACOWAR. He needs to pretend to be a leal hound of Hybern's order. He can't do that, however, if he is constantly taking issue with everything Hybern does or wants him to do. If he wants to maintain his alliance, he needs to show himself to be strong in the way Hybern views strength. If he wants to be a double agent, he needs to earn their trust. He can't do either of those things if he's constantly fighting over tortured mortals and accused sentries.

It doesn't help that half the trouble Tamlin is having maintaining this mask is directly caused by Feyre putting him in situations where he must choose between the alliance and his status as double agent or doing the right thing in that moment. He wouldn't have had to whip the sentry if Feyre hadn't let Ianthe steal the keys (and, yes, Feyre *let* Ianthe do that, because she watched the whole thing happened and could have intervened at any time), and had Feyre not provoked Ianthe by committing Divine Fraud.

For as much as Feyre says she wishes she could have prevented the whole thing, she's lying to the sentries and she's lying to herself, because the sentry was whipped because that's what Feyre wanted. She wanted to destroy Tamlin's relationship with his sentries and this whole situation was all but set up by her for that purpose. Feyre gets to act like the champion for arguing against injustice — an injustice she let happen and provoked for her own ambitions — while Tamlin is condemned because whipping the sentry is the only way to protect his people from a worse fate, and the only way to continue his role as double agent (which played a major role in the downfall of Hybern itself).

I don't know. For people who seem to like the series so much, they seem awfully keen on just ignoring whole swaths of context so they can make up reasons to hate a fictional character. It's really annoying to, because they can't just be quiet about their fanfiction. They gotta bring it up everywhere, even in serious discussion about the series, and they'll insult you for your takes solely because Tamlin is "abusive," as if that changes anything.

[vroomvroomwee]

I don't know if I'm the only one, but after season two I've noticed a horrible rise of aphobia in the Good Omens fandom. Just to clarify it's not the cast and crew's fault for this, nor is it the result of A and C "finally" kissing on screen (a kiss does NOT mean they aren't aspec despite what many people are saying)

There's simply been a staggering amount of fans, posts, comments not necessarily about hate towards headcannoning the two as aro or ace, so much as there has been a rampant wave of erasure happening. And yes aphobia doesn't just mean outright insults and hate crimes, it also comes in the form of dismission and inconsideration. Of acting like ace and aro identities are a disgrace or something inferior. Like aspec people are unimportant and something to be pitied.

And I think it's mainly due to new fans joining the fandom who only joined because they heard about two "men" kissing. Now, I too love my fair share of queer rep in media, but when someone is new to the fandom, the least they could do is research. Research the book, research past posts, research the fandom itself and what people generally stand for, instead of barging in and acting like the place is there only for them and demanding a thousand more kisses in season 3 with several sex scenes (yes I've come across a dozen of those people by now. No they were not joking)

The more fans the merrier because the show is incredible and beautiful and lovely and everyone should be able to watch it, but please for the love of God have respect for other fans.

And that's why I think it's so important for other fans to call this behaviour out, because guess what? A and C are supernatural entities with no concept of gender or sexuality, at least not one that aligns with that of humans, and they're STILL up for interpretation just as they've always been. As much as people love their own headcannons and want them to be respected they should also give that same courtesy to others (even though you might "not like it" but that's another conversation entirely)

[bisonaari]

I don't know if it has been done here before because I don't look around, but I have thoughts about the album and I need to share them with someone or I'm gonna go INSANE

Put your tinfoil hats on for my analysis of everything around People's Champion under the cut (probably people have talked about it and I'm just gonna repeat stuff, be warned)

So I've been a bit insane about People's Champion and I've started to think super hard about the order of the songs. I think, in my opinion, that the songs are arranged to tell the story of his life and career from right after UMK 2023 until now.

Ready To Go: This is where we start. Just post UMK, people didn't fully believe in him yet. I remember people saying "oh yeah sweden is sending someone who already won esc, but we're sending… Jere from Vantaa????". Hence the chorus, where people want to see him fail. But he's ready, he knows that he can do it. He's gonna go through and give his EVERYTHING. The mood of the song is really hopeful, with big intense guitar.

Cha Cha Cha: Do I need to explain this one here? I'm still not over this hahaha, I don't think I'll ever be. But this is where events take a turn for him, hence why it's so early in the album, even though it's his biggest song. Because he has so much to say after Cha Cha Cha happened.

Takavoltti: This is where things start to fuck up. He doesn't want to stay on his butt now that he has achieved celebrity and starts to take on so many, many gigs. A lot of us were worried for his health when we saw how much he was performing during summer 2023. But in the song, he says that he only saw opportunities and he just had to continue to take them. It takes a toll on his body. It starts to hurt, but he goes through it. That mad man. Also a couple of times in the song, people ask him to do stuff. Like a little circus monkey. And he just ends up hurting himself.

Ruoska: The bad comments start to really get to him. In the video, Erika and Käärijä are both dressed and perform as aliens. They've completely been striped of their humanity. They're just gimmicks that you can insult anonymously on the internet. Who cares anyway, they chose this life for themselves. It's their own fault. While the previous song was still a bit on the funny side, this one digs straight into the hardships that they feel. There is no more humour, only pain.

Kot Kot: He's still doing too much. While everyone has gone home, he's still drunk on the dancefloor, trying to reach out for friends who were wiser and left. He's being dragged out of there against his will, because he's so stubborn. Pushing through isn't working anymore, and people around him aren't letting him hurt himself anymore.

Skit: An appointment with a therapist. Käärijä is being cut off CONSTANTLY by the therapist, who can't see Jere as a patient. He sees Käärijä, the star. Even when he's trying to seek help, he isn't listened to. Because he's not human anymore for people at that point.

Autiomaa: Käärijä is breaking down. In the video, the therapist from the skit is taking a picture of him during the appointment. The feeling of loneliness and emptiness is around him all the time, omnipresent, eating him alive. He just wants someone to see him as a person, to listen to him, to help him with the void.

Sex=Money: At that point, you know, might as well. You're not human anymore, who cares. Why not try to get some money selling your ass. Who's gonna care anyway, sex sells and that's what people want to see, right? He made so much money on onlyfans, the press is acting shocked that he would even do that. The song is back to a bit light-hearted. My interpretation would be that he just finds the situation ridiculous, and that's why we're getting humour back in the lyrics!

Bananas: I'm not sure how this one fits in my theory, but we're SO back for humour. Kääriä is getting better. I think that in this one he found resolve to just continue going on. He's annoyed because people still only see him as an object, but he has to go through and live his life. Show must go on.

Huhhuhhei: Quite interesting to put a love song in this timeline in the story. But I think it's because he wants to live in the present, and not in anxieties from the past and the fear of the future. He doesn't know if the person sharing his bed is still gonna be there in the morning, but whatever, it's not important. Tonight, they're his and that's what matters. Thinking of tomorrow isn't gonna bring anything good.

It's Crazy It's Party: He's still stuck in the parties, they're around him all the time. He's still doing a million gigs in Finland and in europe. And just as the song is quite close to Cha Cha Cha, he's back at the beginning, the situation hasn't changed much. But this time, by the end, he goes to the party again, by his own will. And this time, he has people around to party with him.

People's Champion: We're back babes. This song is a love letter to people who love him. This is a great wrap around for this album. He's just remembering how everything went, from the start, until this point. Going through every point and emotion we've been through with him during the album. But in the end, he IS people's champion. He did it. He made it. And even with all the hardships, he's with us, when our hearts all sing together. The last line of this album that isn't a chorus is "Thank you everybody, I love you".

What a journey

So something that you have noticed that I've talked a lot is how people don't recognize Käärijä's humanity. He has been made into a kind of creature of gimmicks. You can ask him everything, you can say everything to his face. Whatever, he's a celebrity, not a person.

And this is where that cover is a GENIUS move.

On the cover, there are NO gimmicks. No bolero, no bowl cut, no bare chest with a tattoo. Just his face. You HAVE to watch his face, there is nothing else to see. You have to watch his emotion being raw, he's crying. This is not a pleasant cover to see. And I know, I've had spotify open on his face all day friday while I was working, it felt awful. But it makes you do something.

You have to acknowledge his humanity. And there's no way around it.

I love Käärijä

[allthinky]

OFMD fans on Bsky and to a lesser extent here are suggesting that we need to come together as a fandom, get over the divisions, etc. and in principle I am well in favor of that. The last thing we need is to show up as unhinged as we try to get the show picked up somewhere and Season 3 ordered.

But. A lot of folks were really harmed by the bullying, the name-calling, even doxxing? (I missed that, luckily, but certainly have been accused both of bad faith arguments and hatred for Izzy. [Ha. He's not real, for one thing -- also, he was drawn to be hated, right up until the middle of Season 2.] It's whatever. I've been trained in both argument and advocacy and can show up pretty...blunt? But still don't think people should encourage others to actually kill themselves over a tv show.)

I do think healing the rift is important. But.

It's not more important than respecting BIPOC and queer folks. I won't stop calling out racism and misogyny/homophobia where I see it, or at least suggesting that we can and should do better, especially for this show. For this show, omg!

That's the thing: for me, OFMD showed up not only during Covid but also during a huge life upheaval. One that made me incredibly cynical about the odds of justice anywhere in the world. And it said, in every episode: cruelty is wrong. Misogyny is wrong. Homophobia is wrong. Trying to protect your family, trying to become yourself, trying to make amends for your wrongs: these are still good. You can still choose a family, a life, a way in which you fight racism, colonialism, patriarchy. You may find only a grubby little band of weirdos, but they will make your life good. And also, late bloomers can still find true, queer, love.

I love how so many fans have recognized this and are willing to fight for it. But when there are fans who decide that Ed or Stede are clearly the bad guys, or need to suffer! Or that S1 Izzy is the good guy, or Izzy "deserved" a better ending ... These takes pull me out of the little home that the show built for me. I know, rationally, that such interpretations don't actually threaten what the show is, but they still pain me in a way I'm not sure I can fully explain.

(Worse yet, the attachment some folks have to Izzy seems to mirror my own attachment to the crew and the themes. We're all just unhinged. I can't help but feel it's messed up to love Izzy so much he should be front and center, when we finally had a show where the white masc dude wasnt front and center. Even while I think people have the right to enjoy what they want to enjoy. And who doesn't enjoy that little rat, losing when he thinks he should win. It's perfection!)

By 2.4 or whatever, Izzy is fine, he's learning how to be family, he is still a mess in all kinds of ways but whatever. He can be their dick. Their nightmare. Fine. But make him the "hero"? That's an insult. He can do heroic things -- as we all can -- but it's not his story. It's just not, and man, it feels good that someone else gets to be the hero for a change.

I'm really putting this here for my own edification. This isn't meta, this is just: why is allthinky so touchy about OFMD? I'm not done, but I'm done for now.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

HI RAVEN!!!! 🤔 kinda a random thought not really but would you consider ace and sebek to be like? RIVALS? or to have a strong dislike towards eachother compared to other first years/students? 🤔🤔 haven’t read much sebek stuff or book 7 so maybe it’s just the way I interpret things……..

🤔🤔 for me at least I feel like ace brings up sebek especially a handful of times? and to bash on him too or at least poke fun at him. can’t think of a lot off the top of my head but in ace’s birthday jacket vignette he picks at sebek specifically when going thru dorm choices. WHICH LIKE……. I DUNNO ITS GIVING VERY “I BEEF W HIM” VIBES. I figured it could just be because he’s a fellow first year but ?? jack or epel don’t get mentioned when he was talking about their dorms so i’m not sure 🤔

👁️👁️ but I wanna hear your take on it!!! are ace and sebek ACTUALLY beefing or was it all just a headcanon??? 😭😭 hopefully I didn’t yap too much. btw

Sorry for the lack of screenshots; I don’t own all the relevant cards in EN and didn’t want to include screenshots sporadically 💦

But!! I did my best to cite where I’m pulling my information from (main story, vignettes, etc.) and directly quote from the official localization. Hope that’s okay!

I mean… Sebek is pretty much always pissing off his peers because of the condescending way he talks to them. It’s no wonder why he rubs people the wrong way. As for Ace, he has indicated that he finds Sebek to be a pain in the ass. I don’t know if I would personally call it “beefing” though?? I see it more as Ace just wants Sebek to shut up and chill out (though Sebek would definitely shout at Ace and fight him) 😂

Point is, I don’t see Sebek having a particular disdain for Ace (he is abrasive toward everyone), but I do see Ace having a particular dislike for Sebek. They aren’t “rivals” in the same way that Ace and Deuce are, as Ace and Sebek don’t really compete for anything or get into many instances of bickering—at least not from what we see. That might just be a product of Sebek being formally introduced later than the other first years, but even counting vignettes and event interactions, it’s still pretty one-sided; often we see Ace commenting on Sebek but not the other way around.

According to Ace in 7-11, he knows Sebek because they’re in the same Magic Analysis/Enigmics (EN writes this class as both of these so it can get confusing) elective. He also implies (in 7-34) sharing other electives with Sebek. This means Ace has regular direct experience with Sebek compared to the other first years (except maybe Deuce?)… ie more opporunities to be annoyed by Sebek’s arrogant loner attitude.

Ace reports (again, in 7-34) that “[Sebek] insults people like, all the time. He even says stuff right to my face when we're in the same group, like, 'Don't you dare slow me down, human!' And he always finds some way to make every subject about Malleus, then drones on and on about how great he is." In regards to those intense feelings about Malleus, Ace says "[Sebek] takes it to a whole other level [...] I can see why people would idolize [Malleus]. But, like, you don't have to make it your entire personality, y'know?" Ace repeats these ideas in his Birthday Boy vignettes. “[Sebek]’s always yelling something or other about his precious Malleus. Oh yeah, and he talks down to us for being human. Dude's a total fae fanboy.”

In Sebek's School Uniform vignette, Sebek yells at Ace for running in the halls. Ace responds by calling him an "uptight nag" whose yelling will disturb other students. Ace also points out how pathetic Sebek comes across as after witnessing him trip over himself to apologize to Malleus. “Dude, nothing you say's gonna impress anyone after that sorry sight.” When Ace tries to leave the scene to make it to class, Sebek shouts at him. “You wait just a minute! I'm not finished! COME BACK HERE!” It should be noted that Ace is someone who always tries to find shortcuts or ways to get out of work whereas Sebek is strict and diligent. Their mindsets and values naturally clash.

This, I think, is a very good summary of most people's problems with Sebek. Ace is just saying what's on everyone's mind--and this makes sense for Ace's character, as he has consistently been the type of guy to call others out. He also encourages Yuu to do the same (in his Birthday Boy vignettes). This detail at least implies Ace finds it amusing on occasion to tease Sebek for his shortcomings.

We see Sebek’s behavior in class for ourselves in his Dorm Uniform vignettes. Ace actually appears in them too, remarking that Sebek is a “loudmouth”. This is something he echoes in his Birthday Boy vignettes; “Loudmouth doesn't even begin to describe him.” When Sebek starts arguing with his group members (some mobs) and refusing to work with them while simultaneously extolling Malleus, Ace says “Here we go again with Sebek and his ‘liege’… Man, imagine being grouped with that guy who […] All he had to do was play nice and let [the mob students] help. He CHOSE to make things harder. How does that guy even function in society?” Side note: In Ace’s Suitor Suit vignettes, he calls Sebek the “number-one worst contender” for a groom. Ace clearly thinks Sebek is unfriendly and annoying in areas extending beyond academics or school life. This is, of course, in addition to Ace finding his loud voice grating.

Later in the same vignettes, Ace and Deuce are forced to sit close to Sebek in the crowded cafeteria. Sebek insists to Lilia that his classes are going well, to which Ace starts snickering and reveals the truth: “Dude... No problems whatsoever? You've got nothing BUT problems, bro! Haha!” Deuce pitches in: “He got into a loud argument with some classmates during our defensive magic lesson. He called his groupmates ‘burdens’ and insisted on doing their entire project by himself.” Ace then says Sebek must think highly of himself and gets annoyed when his words are taken literally. “Do you not understand sarcasm either?” He tells Sebek to fix his attitude, but it doesn’t seem to work. Ace sighs and says he’s just wasting his breath on this.

Sebek’s Dorm Uniform vignettes illustrate Sebek’s general struggles to get along with all of his classmates, not just Ace or Ace specifically. Deuce notably also calls Sebek out for causing trouble for his peers, even stating “[…] as an aspiring honor student, I can't condone your behavior. Having confidence is fine and all, but you shouldn't make things harder for others. That's just being obnoxious.” Sebek pisses off the other first years in 7-34 too, calling them “shallow” and making a terrible first impression. Ace, who is also present, says that no one wants to be chummy with him anyway—not if he’s going to act like that.

In conclusion, Ace has explained his rationale for disliking Sebek many times over. Rather than saying Ace has a problem with Sebek, I think it would be more accurate to say that Ace has a problem with Sebek and is simply relaying the opinions that everyone else holds directly to Sebek’s face. (He gets annoyed that Sebek takes none of it to heart though.) As for the other party, Sebek chides Ace no differently than he would anyone else stepping out of line, not appreciating Malleus, or… just existing as a human 💀 He doesn’t seem to have issues with Ace other than his lax attitude (which could also apply to many other characters such as Leona).

In my opinion, Ace and Sebek are not rivals (at least not major ones), nor do they have specific beef with each other outside of one-off instances or whenever Ace is in the mood to lay down The Truth and embarrass Sebek. I see Ace and Deuce as your classic rivals and Sebek as like… a villain of the week who cameos here and there after his first appearance to cause shenanigans.

[superkooku]

Dionysus' iceberg

This post is what remains of an initially very long rant idea. That means there will probably be a part 2 😏.

Here's the reason for my title :

In theory, you can stop there since my meme pretty much summarizes my complaints. But since I like ranting, I'll continue 😈

The tip of the iceberg

When you think "Dionysus", which words come in mind first ?

Probably "wine", "party", "alcohol" "fun god".

These words are what most people remember about Dionysus. And yes, I'm not going to deny, they fit.

Unfortunately, my problem comes with the fact that 9.5 times out of 10, Dionysus' personality will exclusively revolve around these aspects.

Since the issue is about modern adaptations and perceptions, I'll use a modern term.

I'm sure most of you are familiar with flanderization, right ? If not, the link to TV Tropes' article on the subject is available.

Many adaptations fell into that trap for, I think, every single Olympian.

Hades, god of the dead, lord of the Underworld = Satan, evil death god, darkness and sorrow

Aphrodite, goddess of love and beauty = Superficial bimbo who only cares about her pretty face

Zeus, king of the gods, lord of the sky and thunder = 100% pure God OR more recently : evil king god who constantly abuses women.

The gods are stripped of their complexity to fit simpler and more "digestible" characterizations. It doesn't help that the cultural context surrounding them is also taken away...

But this is about grape boi, right? Well, Dionysus is no exception to that rule. In fact, he might be one of the worst cases.

So far, he was never really portrayed in an "insulting" light, like Apollo in Lore Olympus or Hades in the Percy Jackson movie. Fortunately.

But, from all the popular adaptations I've seen, none of them manage to portray Dionysus ! None ! Does that make them automatically bad ? No, of course. It's just something I noticed.

God of war ? Doesn't appear, only mentioned

Disney ? Don't even try 🤣. Just a drunk goofball. Yes, that includes the fantasia segment and Hercules.

Lore Olympus? Well, he's a baby for 99.99999% of the time, so it doesn't count. But he's still a quiet little Gucci bag for Persephone.

Hades I ? Just a nice guy. But hey ! He can give us useful boons ! And I like his sass.

Maybe he'll do more in Hades II. They're usually more accurate than most, right ? Though that's not a very high bar. And they know about Zagreus ! Surely that's a good sign, right ?

Nevermind...

Here's what all these adaptations tell us :

Dionysus is the god of wine, feasts and parties

He's an Olympian

He likes to get drunk and party 🥳

And that's it.

Again, I'm not blaming anyone, but if the myths stopped with those three points, wouldn't everyone wonder why he's even an Olympian ? I sure did when I was a kid.

We have the god of thunder, the goddess of wisdom and war strategy, god of music/arts/medicine/100 other things, the god of the oceans ! Many cool gods !

And some drunk dude. He's not given any particular power, except the power to stay super passive no matter the stakes ! If the story revolves about epic godly fights (which is often the case), he's absolutely useless.

Heck, Hades II even actively depicts him as a pacifist who can't handle war. While he's not physically a weakling, he sure psychologically is.

Why is this a problem ?

I am not going to beat around the bush: this gives us a very incomplete and incorrect perception of the god.

Even the things that aren't forgotten about him (like his link to wine) aren't explored.

The thing with Hades II (that's the last time I'll mention it) is that it tries to deepen the flanderized version of Dionysus. He's not stupid, but afraid. He drinks to forget his issues.

While this characterization can be very interesting taken separately, we must remember that this isn't an OC, but an interpretation of a cultural figure.

It must be accurate ! While I can accept some liberties, I think that those should mostly be an extension of the original material, not a total deviation.

Dionysus isn't a scared little boi or a stupid drunkard you can manipulate. In fact, that's quite the opposite. And he's not afraid to get his hands dirty.

(even if the "dirt" in question is the blood of his enemies).

Under the surface

Though it's rather "stuff you can find on Wikipedia". Or by reading the myths.

More about it in part 2 of the rant...

It'll be about theater, madness, travels, link between mortality and immortality and... pirates turning into dolphins.

The actual interesting stuff about Dionysus.

Edits :

1. Thanks to @st4riel-the-w1tchling for clarifying the situation about Percy Jackson. I made my own research about BoZ. My opinion is basically still the same. Again, nothing terribly offensive, but nothing that interesting for Dionysus either.

2. I made part 2 a while ago, might as well add it here :

[lihyot-am-chofshi-beartzeinu]

This was sent to my main but I didn't want this putrid shit on my aesthetic blog. @trudgemank99, I'm going to try to explain this as best I can without insulting you.

Zionism is not a fascist ideology, and it is not responsible for an "ongoing genocide".

You don't even know what Zionism is. Seriously, you and others like you straight up don't even know what it means. You don't know its history, you don't know its cultural and religious significance, you don't know its politics, you don't know how it has saved so many Jewish peoples' lives over the 20th century. How dare you apply your own made-up interpretation of it to give you an excuse to go around harassing Jewish people on the internet?

You know how I see you? I see you as a Nazi. Because you have replaced "Jew" with "Zionist" in your vocabulary, so that you can get away with the same hatred of Jews that has festered within society for thousands of years.

You claimed in that other thread that you cared about the Palestinians. But you don't, because instead of, oh, I don't know, donating to charities or uplifting Palestinian voices, or even supporting joint Israeli-Palestinian peace movements like Standing Together, Women Wage Peace and A Land For All, you chose to desecrate the images of dead and grieving Palestinians who are victims of the tragedy of the conflict to "prove" it was a genocide (it's not; the ICJ ruled that Israel must take steps to prevent actions that could be considered genocidal. War and civilian death is horrific enough on its own; you gain nothing by misrepresenting what it is.)

You couldn't even name a single person in those pictures when I pressed you. I don't even know if those photos were of the conflict, because you didn't link to any reputable sources or date the images or name the photographer. For all I know they could have been pictures of the devastating war in Syria, which have taken on a second life with people attributing them to Gaza. Either way: how dare you use the dead as props. They were real people with real families and friends left behind to suffer - they are not your "gotcha" gore card to play on the internet.

Despite all of that, I don't hate you. I don't hate anyone. I don't want anyone to die. I want the conflict to end but I am realistic about why it occurred and why there is no ceasefire yet (hint: it's because Hamas keeps refusing ceasefires, because they want to send as many Gazan civilians to their deaths as they can). There is nothing I can say or do on my blog that will work towards an end to the conflict, and nothing I can do or say in my real life that will end the conflict - because I don't have a direct line to Netanyahu's office, and calling my local politicians here in Australia will accomplish fuck all. Because Australia doesn't influence Israel, just as Israel doesn't influence Australia.

So how does ranting incoherently at Jewish people on Tumblr save Palestinians? Go on, answer how screaming at me demanding I call it a genocide helps anyone.

I'm not defending Israel. I don't need to. What I do talk about is fighting Antisemitism and anti-Zionism - because there is no difference between them anymore. You and people like you might keep using the word "anti-Zionist" (something that I consider to be grossly inappropriate and culturally appropriative, actually) but we all know that, deep down, you're just Jew-haters.

If you can't admit to yourself that you are operating on a basis of incoherent hatred for Zionists (aka Jewish people who believe in the existence of a Jewish homeland in our ancestral land of Judea; something, by the way, that is fully compatible with the existence of a Palestinian state) then I'll do it for you: you are a Jew-hater.

Oh, wait! You did admit it:

Thank you for this mask-off moment. Truly.

[starz222]

alhaitham — mahal kita

synopsis your group project takes a weird turn

contains fluff. translations are in parenthesis. not proofread. modern au

notes this lowkey short but this has been on my mind for so long

you were assigned a group project by your teacher on the cultures of various nations. it was just a matter of going to see them since there were 3 people in each group and you were placed with the other two who shared a dormitory. 

you walked over to alhaitham and kaveh's shared dorm after getting dressed comfortably for your project. as soon as you open the door, you’re welcomed with an apartment that combines two distinct styles and aesthetics.  it was a perfect representation of alhaitham and kaveh, they both stood out but clashed with one another.

“oh, you’re here.” al haitham walks into the living room wearing his pajamas. his gray hair is messy and his shirt is unaligned. “i told you they’d get here early!” kaveh shouts from their kitchen, “y/n, do you want some coffee? and i’d like to apologize on my roommate’s behalf.” he scoffs and rolls his eyes at al haitham. “sure, thank you, kaveh!” you take the cup of coffee from his hand at sit at the table.

“look at him, cutting our time shorter!” kaveh huffs, “what do you mean? i’m right here aren’t i?” his roommate speaks from behind. “can we just get done with this already?” al haitham takes the seat next to you. you begin to discuss the project with the two of them. you talk about how you can format the project and what else you should add, and speaking of cultures, you bring up an important factor in culture.

“i don’t speak that many languages,” you say, “but you speak lots of different languages, right?” you turn to al haitham, and in response he nods. you ask, "can you say something in one of the languages you know?” 

“alright”, he accepts your request. “mahal kita, y/n. gustong-gusto kita, kaya ako nalang yung dapat piliin mo.” (i love you, y/n. i really really like you, that’s why i’m the one you should choose.)

kaveh spits out the coffee he’s been drinking and looks at al haitham like he’s gone mad. what did you just say? he speaks with his eyes and his shocked look. “why? what’d he say?” you turn to kaveh, the two of them weren’t even hiding how they were practically having a conversation about what he said in front of your face. “he said that—” kaveh stops once he locks eyes with his roommate. those eyes looked like they were hungry for blood! at least, that’s how kaveh interprets it.

“nevermind– he just swore at me in tagalog..” kaveh sulks and looks away, wiping the coffee from the corners of his lips. “yeah, you’re an ass sometimes.” al haitham crosses his arms. oh, this bitch is really going to insult me? two people can play that game. he leans in and whispers in your ear, “he said that he really likes you.” and leans back to take a look at your expression. you argue, “that’s not true. he would never—”

“it’s true.” al haitham cuts you off. “i do like you. kahit di mo ko mahal, mamahalin pa rin kita hanggang kailanman." ( even if you don't love me, i'll still love you forever.)

-

truth be told, the only reason why al haitham looked like he hadn’t gotten any sleep was because he didn’t. he couldn’t go to sleep as his mind filled him with a mix of emotions hitting him everywhere all at once. worry, anxiety, anticipation, happiness, you name it. he hoped that kaveh would be able to lighten the mood and make him less awkward around you than he already is. he barely got any sleep because he couldn’t stop thinking about you. 

when he saw you just standing there in his home, he rubbed his eyes to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. he refocuses his gaze on you, and fuck, you’re not his imagination. lucky enough his roommate helped him escape unknowingly. but then again, brought him to confess his feelings to you.

-

“....mahal din kita?” (i love you too) your entire face heats up, you look at kaveh. “did i say it right?” he’s just staring at the two of you with his mouth agape, “will he be okay?” you ask al haitham. “just give him a few seconds.”

he slams his hands on the table, “what the fuck just happened. i’ve been sitting here the entire time?!” 

[forestdeath1]

Sirius’s early maturity as a result of family views and traditions. Romantic and sexual behaviour

18+

First of all, I'd like to leave a link to this meta by @artemisia-black so I don't have to write the same things that are already covered. The part about boundaries is especially important.

Next, I'll add my perspective.

1. Most likely, Sirius couldn't be a playboy or casanova due to the social organisation of their society + his personal attitude towards boundaries of other people, including women, as described in the post above.

2. However, that doesn't say much about his sexuality and romantic behavior.

More likely JKR wanted to make him straight and prone to non-committed relationships, but canon itself says nothing about his sexuality and I think everyone can read him as they want. Honestly, I personally don't care who Sirius is sleeping with/not sleeping with in people’s HCs. I care about his personality, and his sexuality doesn't change anything about his canon characterisation, so I don't particularly see the point in arguing about his sexuality (straight/gay/bi/ace/whatever) with foam at the mouth. (And he is not queer coded.)

But there is some interesting things that I’d like to discuss.

1. First of all, why the playboy/casanova version seems the most untenable to me, besides what was written in the post above?

A bit about the school and society:

In my opinion, for the WW, it's quite illogical for a student to have a large number of sexual partners. Firstly, with whom? In some fanfics, Sirius finds a new partner almost every week and fucks someone every night. Where does he find so much time for casual sex at school/during the war and where do so many people wanting casual sex come from? No matter how handsome Sirius might be, not all girls and boys are willing to have casual sex. Most people want relationships, not casual sex.

So in my view, if in your headcanon Sirius never got out into the Muggle world of the 1970s, then he couldn't have had a large number of casual sexual partners at least in school, although the playboy reputation could have been there. To have that reputation, you don't need to do anything, just being charismatic and attractive. Reputation often precedes the person. Maybe that's why Remus said 'he always got the women'. They just paid attention to him. But if we consider the WW, especially the school, there's simply nowhere to get 'many partners' from.

2. Ignoring a girl as evidence of a certain sexuality.

The fact that Sirius ignored girls' glances at him doesn't say anything concrete. But it's often cited as an argument in favour of his homosexuality and/or asexuality.

But in reality, it can be interpreted in any way. As asexuality/homosexuality or simply as a demonstration that he really was attractive to many people, but Sirius himself, accustomed to such attention, no longer paid attention to the constant attention to him. When a person knows his attractiveness from his youth, he will not pay attention to every flirtation or every person who looks at him with lust. Often such attention can even be annoying.

Also, this character was probably well aware of his attractiveness and could see it in other people. The comments about Snape are very vivid. If appearance is not at all part of a person's values and they doesn’t pay attention to appearance, then a person is unlikely to insult someone based on their appearance - it’s usually a blind-spot. But attractive appearance, given by nature, are often seen as something that can't be taken away, it's always with you, and so the attitude is simple — if you can't wash your hair, fine, it's not that important. And knowing about his attractiveness and constantly receiving a lot of attention from other people – the value of this attention diminishes. A person just no longer pays attention to it.

That’s why he might have simply ignored the girl who was looking at him with interest (who had been studying with him and probably had been looking at him with interest for more than a day).

3. The age of consent. Early maturity. TW Underage.

The age of consent in the Muggle UK is 16 years old. And in the WW, people become adults earlier, at 17. However, Pollux became a father at 13. Cygnus became a father at 13. What was the age of consent? When did they get married? Was there even a concept of age of consent in the wizarding world? Perhaps their age of consent was 12 (given that in 1275, the first age of consent was set in England, at age 12 and only in 1875, the Offences Against the Person Act raised the age to 13 in Great Britain and Ireland, and the International Statute of Secrecy was signed in 1689, it's possible that wizards are still stuck with laws from that time). Or maybe Pollux and Cygnus got married later. For example, at 15 (17-2). Or maybe they have no concept of age of consent at all and there is no prohibition on marriage before reaching legal age, so they could get married whenever they wanted. Considering that marriages are magically contracted without the involvement of authorities, this option seems viable.

I'm not here to judge fictional characters, I'm discussing facts from the canon. There is every reason to believe that for some families in the WW, "maturity" came much earlier than it does for us now, and it wasn't nonsense. Rather, it was casual liaisons that were condemned as something that could cause unwanted pregnancies. But not marriage and sex itself before the age of 17.

Even in our time and in our society "an estimated 55% of teens have had sexual intercourse by age 18". These percentages have gradually declined since 1988 when 51 per cent of female and 60 per cent of male teens have ever had sex".

Your right to consider this something bad and refuse to write/speak about it, but it was, is, and always will be a part of teenage life, and judging by the Blacks, in the WW, the attitude towards this was quite... "old-fashioned", if it concerned marriage and childbearing.

I am inclined to believe that it was the Blacks who had this attitude towards early marriage and early childbirth, and therefore towards early sex, BUT not casual sex, because nobody wanted unwanted pregnancy.

And this could have influenced Sirius's attitude towards himself, his sexuality, and how mature he considered himself. Sorry, but when your grandfather became a father at 13, as did your uncle... well, you definitely look at growing up a little differently. He put up Muggle posters too because his parents were annoyed not by the fact that he was a 14-15 year old thinking about sex (although he might not have thought about it at all, he just knew it would piss his mum off), but by the fact that he was thinking about sex with mudbloods, which horrified his parents.

Just imagine what must be going through the mind of a 14-15 year old who decided to piss his parents off. What would James do? Well, paint the room red. Put dung bombs on the head of everyone who walked in. What did Sirius do? Erotic posters (women in swimming costumes are erotic posters to their world).

In my opinion, this says a lot about all the Blacks and the fact that they have some peculiarities in their family dynamics. Where did he even get the idea for this, if Sirius and the Blacks were innocent in their attitude towards teenage sex and growing up? I can totally see them yelling at him after these posters 'if you get someone pregnant, you'll really regret it!'.

The posters themselves don't say anything about Sirius's real intentions or his sexuality – he could have just put them up to piss her mother off, knowing that it would annoy her, or he himself might have liked them.

Meanwhile, James and his parents probably had a different dynamic, and they probably treated James as a child for much longer. So James matured sexually in his mind later. His parents probably didn't even talk about such things. And considering that they went to a conservative school, then further than kissing for him at 15 was probably not even a topic, if they even got to kissing.

Most likely, Sirius's 'early maturity' and all these posters are exactly the result of intra-family traditions and views.

4. It's confirmed by Word of God that he didn't have a girlfriend, but…

If we consider only the books as canon, then we don't know anything about his girlfriend/boyfriend, and he could have had some romantic relationships, because the canon itself doesn't say anything about it.

But I'll specifically analyze the case with 'Word of God':

Well, Sirius never had time to get a girlfriend, let alone marry.

Sirius was too busy being a big rebel to get married.

This means only one thing: he didn't give any commitments. That's it. It doesn't mean anything more than that. He could have had no partners at all, meaning he could have been focused only on friendship. Or he could have had a sexual partner (of any gender) without commitments. One or more. Who mutually wanted this. And these relationships didn't take up much of his time.

Non-committal relationships can be with sufficient respect for the partner. This doesn't make the character a Casanova/Playboy/fuckboy.

In the monoromantic concept of serious relationships, respect for the partner is often perceived only within the context of monoromantic relationships. But that’s not the only option. In non-committal relationships, there can also be a lot of respect for the other person's boundaries because the person isn't lying about their attitude (unwillingness to have a serious relationship), does not pile on false promises and usually does not confess eternal love. But playboys and casanovas can often lie to get someone into bed.

The view on purity and filth is very interesting, but in my opinion, purity for the Blacks is conceptually not the same purity as for the upper class in the Muggle world raised in a Christian reverent tradition. Purity is primarily 'noble blood.' To be pure is to be noble, and Sirius has his own understanding of nobility, not based on blood purity. For him, honor and nobility mean being loyal to friends, being honest, not betraying, and that's why he uses epithets of impurity for Peter. Peter lacks nobility.

As I said, having one/several partners without commitments doesn't automatically make the character a playboy and casanova – in other words, it's not about the Erot of perverted Aphrodite – people who love only the body, not the inner world (seeing people as objects, ignoring the person as a whole).

So, taking into account the Word of God, I actually see only two options.

He didn't have sexual relationships at all/tried it and didn't like it/ wasn't interested/ found it not very interesting or just was more focused on his friends and other things in his life.

Or the second option – he had non-committal relationships, which were always based on respect for the partner, but it was never like 'my girlfriend/boyfriend,' more like sexually-friendly relationships where he treated his partner not just as an object for sex but as a person.

The third option, if we discard the Word of God – he could have had regular monogamous romantic relationships of any nature with any gender, as there's nothing in the canon about his sexuality.

As I said, I don't think it fundamentally changes anything about his characterisation, so no matter what his sexuality is, he should retain his canon personality traits.

[messymindofmine]

Fandoms and Marginalized Communities

Before I say anything, I want to make it known that everything I say, I am saying as Muslim WOC. I am also saying it as someone with a best friend who is the reason I got into Lone Star to begin with. This best friend is a gay, Jewish man who is also a recovering addict. One of the first things he said to me about the show was that it felt like TK Strand was written especially for him. However, my friend (who was in the fandom since the beginning) left a while back because he finally decided he was sick of feeling unsafe in the fandom. This was a feeling he had since the beginning that had gotten progressively worse.

As disappointing as it has been since s4 to see the way people turned on Carlos, I do appreciate how many people are calling it out. Even though I don't come from the same background as Carlos, I do know what it is like to come from a culture that pushes you into a heteronormative role and so I can empathize with Carlos on his reasoning for marrying Iris and then keeping it a secret even if I wish he had told TK sooner. But then of course he felt like he couldn't because when you have spent your whole life feeling like you could be rejected for revealing something about yourself, it's extremely hard to move beyond it.

That said, I do think it is important as a fandom to talk about reactions we have to characters and why we need to check our own biases. I'm not saying that people have to agree and love every single thing that Carlos does but we can and should give grace to him and consider why he is doing something. It is deeply problematic to assume that he is going to be a bad, neglectful husband the way people were prior to 5X05. Same with how people reacted towards him in s4. You can be upset about a character's decisions while also being compassionate about why they are behaving that way. To go "well they suck and are bad" and interpret every single thing they do with the worst-faith interpretation is deeply problematic when discussing a character of color.

I have been having conversations with the friend I mentioned before about all this stuff and one thing that he said to me that has stuck with me is how one big reason why he left the fandom was because he kept seeing people bring up the ableism TK has gotten since the start of the show in conversations about Carlos and racism and to him it felt deeply insulting because it felt like those people were just using ableism as a way to deflect from the conversation about Carlos and not because they actually care about the issue. Especially since so many of them are the same ones that never had anything to say about the ableism in the past and even indulged in it before s4 when they turned on Carlos. @paperstorm and I have also talked about this and how it's so frustrating that when a conversation is being had about racism, people who have never cared about ableism before will bring it up as a weapon. I do feel like it is extremely important to have conversations about ableism in the fandom because just like racism, misogyny and homophobia, it has been an issue in every fandom I have ever been a part of but bringing it up in the context of a conversation about racism towards Carlos is not the right time and only serves to diminish the seriousness of ableism as an issue. It is not a weapon to be used to deflect and silence people who are hurt by how Carlos has been treated since s4.

That said, I do want to acknowledge the frustration and hurt that I know a lot of people are feeling when it seems like conversations about Carlos are being had in a way that conversations about TK have never really been had. There are people who have talked about TK and ableism but those conversations have been on a pretty small scale. I get the hurt because I feel it too seeing big blogs talking about Carlos and racism and even unintentionally making it seem as though TK has always been favored by the fandom because he is white. I know that it can be hurtful to see people say that Carlos is only getting hate because he is no longer perfect for TK as though TK wasn't the one on the receiving end of hate since 1x02. It is important to acknowledge that Carlos was put on a pedestal right up until s4 and defense of him was done at the expense of TK. When 3x13 aired, people were outright accusing TK of cheating with Cooper and just generally hating on him because they felt he made Carlos sad by excluding him. This was actually deeply triggering for my friend because he is in recovery himself. Let me tell you, it was painful for me to see how much it hurt him seeing the way TK was called selfish and all kind of other things because it is something he has to live with on a daily basis in his own life. There have been so many times since the show first started that people have said things about how Carlos deserves better and how TK just doesn't love Carlos as much as Carlos loves him. How TK gets all the care and attention and he never does anything for Carlos. How TK gets special treatment from the fandom. All of these things and so much more. And then in s4, when these same people turned on Carlos and started using TK as a weapon, it became too much for my friend and he left the fandom. I know he is not the only one who did so for the same reason.

I just wish that people would understand that conversations about TK and Carlos can both be had and we can even talk about how bigotry towards different groups are ultimately the same in the way they are perpetuated. That is to say, it's not always they obvious ways of using slurs but in the way of microaggressions. I also think it is important when defending Carlos to not ignore the hate TK has gotten. I'm not saying we have to bring it up in detail in every conversation but simply just not making it seem like TK gets favored. There was a double standard against TK right from 1x02 and it's not fair to ignore that. Actually, even the way people weaponize TK is a big microaggression. To act like somehow he has no agency in his own marriage and that he is going to fall apart if he doesn't have Carlos' attention is a big microaggression because it leans into this idea of addicts being selfish and weak. The TK that exists in the show is the opposite of both these things and it is just as offensive to speak about him as though he is those things as it is to make Carlos out to be a terrible, neglectful husband.

Overall, we all need to be more careful about how we speak and write about characters. And even if our only intention for wanting a character to make a mistake is to maximize angst, we need to be careful about how we project our desire for angst. Wanting Carlos to mess up because the angst potential of it is exciting is still a microaggression both because it villainizes him unfairly and because it takes agency away from TK. The same applies the other way round too. Wanting TK to mess up for the sake of angst (as has happened) is also a microaggression because it villainizes him unfairly and it takes agency away from Carlos. When we talk about characters that represent marginalized communities of any kind, we need to take these things into consideration. We also need to listen to others when these issues are called out. If your response to someone pointing out something that is offensive is anger and deflection, that is on you. As someone who has been in this fandom since the beginning and has seen people leave because they feel unsafe for any reason, I don't want that to happen to anyone else. We can have fun and escape real life in fandom while also calling things out. We can also call out one issues without ignoring or minimizing others. I know it can be a hard thing to balance sometimes but the best thing for us to do when it comes to situations like this is to be open-minded and willing to learn and grow ourselves rather than lashing out at others for speaking up about something that hurts them.

[spidertroupeart]

Not gonna lie, we need more GOOD UNDERTALE AU outcodes... ya' know, the guys who go around the multiverse doing stuff with their own specific goals

I mean, we definitely have them, but it's sad that the last "Big" outcode to ever reach a greater audience was this sad mistake of an Error clone.

I mean, I'd highly suggest looking into stuff like Stitchau, Poppy's story, the ALIVE AU and No!sansverse (which is basically a take on the sansverse that de-sansifies the OUTCODE sanses, this sad sack of rooftop swordsman brainrot included), but it's unfortunate this guy gets more publicity than these three... we need more input from the community.

I don't want to insult or spread hate about undertale outcodes, AUs, or what have you; a lot of them were made by people who were genuinely trying to do something interesting- and unfortunately, everyone's favourite character at the time (and still the majority of the fandom's, probably) was Sans, so he always got the most attention. I can't complain a lot about that, considering I myself am also incredibly guilty of favouritism.

What I think is that a lot of what people were doing could be better expressed and made more interesting if different characters were used, and it didn't become a confusing mess of "Wait. Who's from where??" for me, personally. My brain is very small and can only handle so much.

But, along those lines, I'll share my thoughts that went into Ink!Chara and Ink!Asriel, to try and better make a point- the void, or anti-void, whatever it may be, is a neat concept, but I never really understood it myself- so I kind of made my own interpretation of it with my minimal knowledge.

The whole thing behind these two was that it's stated in-game that no one knows what would happen if a human and monster soul fused- so for all we know, the fusion could be incredibly unstable. Perhaps game-breaking. And along the lines of not knowing what would happen, it's even less known what would happen upon defeat- considering that a monster soul cannot persist for long after death (provided said monster is a boss monster), and a human's can persist for God knows how long.

What if this contradiction led to a huge bug in the already unstable game, and in order to save itself from a crash, the game just. Completely drops the souls? Shoves them out of the way to get everything working again once they were no longer active. We know for a fact that both Chara and Asriel (now Flowey's) souls are seemingly gone, so why not do something with that?

Ink!Chara and Ink!Asriel are separate entities from basegame Chara and Flowey, in that they are their souls and only their souls. My point is.

There are so many ways to make these outcodes more interesting (at least to me) just by using different characters and throwing things at the wall. Once again, nothing against the originals; without them I wouldn't even be having these ideas.

Apologies for this long and unstructured ramble, I've been wanting to properly talk about my inks for a while now lmao

[nonegenderleftpain]

There are few things I hate more than "Jewish ally" anti-theists and atheists that spout complete bullshit about Judaism and our supposed beliefs as though they know better than we do what we believe. When we talk about cultural xtianity, this is the kind of shit we're talking about.

"You might not believe in hell but most Jews do, my ex-xtian interpretation of your holy texts is correct despite thousands of years of information on the subject, here's a video telling you that you're wrong." Spent several posts calling non-religious people "freethinkers," and continuously dodged the question regarding the harm eliminating religion would do to so many cultures. Not to mention going from "I think the world is better without religion" to "you have an anti-xtian bias that I don't like" as though there's not a reason for that.

Ex-xtian atheists - you need to address and unlearn your xtian belief that your way is the only right way. That you are objectively correct and everyone else is just ignorant. That you know better than the religious minorities you are addressing. People like this want an excuse to talk down to religious minorities under the guise of polite language, and if you don't want to be associated with them, you have to put in the work to not be like this. I say this as an ex-Catholic, and a former anti-theist - do better.

If you are making objective assertions about someone else's religion that you have not studied and cannot answer basic questions about, you're not being critical of religion, you're being an atheist supremacist. If you pull a "gods are more harmful than helpful" like this person but cannot tell me the impact of Kali or Sàngó on their respective cultures, you are not being critical, you're ignorant and self-absorbed. If you have not studied religion, you do not know what you are talking about, and if you are only accepting xtian interpretations of other religions as true, even as a basis for hatred of religion, you're just a xtian with a new wallpaper.

If you are advocating for anti-theism, you are advocating for the cultural genocide of hundreds of different cultures around the world. If you are advocating for anti-theism, you are inherently anti-Jew. And if you are talking over Jews when they correct you on your blatant misunderstanding of our culture, only to call us *liars* when we counter your misconceptions, or call out your cherry-picked sources for why you know better than we do, you're not just an asshole, you're an Antisemite.

I took this conversation in good faith, hoping that the ignorance was born from misunderstanding instead of malice. I should not have been so kind. And if you're going to come onto this post and whine and cry about "not all atheists," or "cultural xtianity isn't real," save us both the time and block me. I'm done entertaining atheists that will not acknowledge that y'all don't know better than the religious minorities you are insulting by assuming we're all just blind sheep being lied to by some hierarchy that doesn't exist outside of certain religions. My partner is an atheist. I was for a long time, and I chose to return to religion on my own. I'm still an atheist, but I am also very religious. I'm the "smart Jew" that ex-xtians love to talk about; enlightened and no longer clinging to the supernatural. And I'm telling you that you're a fucking asshole and I associate more with the most spiritual Orthodox Jew than I ever would with someone who thinks atheism makes you superior.

[empressofdiamonds]

Hi moira! I'm 25 yrs old going on the first date of my life in a few days and I wanted to ask: what sort of green flags should I look for throughout and after the date to know if he's someone I would want to see again? what sort of gut feelings do you get after leaving a good date? thanks <3

Hey, that's exciting for you!

I'm more all about dynamics rather than strict checkpoints when it comes to relationships, because not everyone is the same, not two dates are the same.

Below, I am listing some questions, this is not a quiz but a self-introspection exercise.

Is he...:

Calm? Focused on you? Not making you feel like you're wasting your time or his time?

Asking questions about you? Is he interested in what you're saying? Is he opening up conversations?

Making you feel secure? Is he making necessary steps to ensure your safety? Is he saying some weird stuff that could be interpreted differently?

Stable on his own convictions, beliefs, values? Does he have good values that align with yours? Are there differences of values between you two, and if yes, how do you feel about it?

Polite in his manners towards you, employees and other people? Is he talking about others in high respect?

Does he still talk about others in respectful manners even if he doesn't like them that much? Generally I don't ever tolerate people that insult others, even if the other person was awful. I prefer if it's more of a "This person wasn't the greatest person to be around" instead of "this person is a lowlife b*tch". High value people will still respect others even if they're awful, what they will do instead is just not be around them, simply.

Taking care of payments, organization, etc of the date itself? Is he ensuring dating is child's play for you? Dating's goal should be to woo you.

Ensuring you're enjoying the date, without being insecure about it?

Are you...

Feeling relaxed, not stressed about anything about the date?

Not feeling in doubt about him? No doubts, no "maybeee", no "I don't know..."?

Feeling a good dynamic between you and him?

Feeling secure, safe, well surrounded?

Excited at the idea of spending time with him, enjoying his company?

Feeling satisfied after the date?

Feeling respected by him? Did he make things about himself? Had he manners? Did he address to you respectfully? Did he respect your consent when necessary? Did he respect your boundaries?

Feeling aligned with who you are, what your values are? Are you feeling yourself bending upon your own values?

Feeling insecure about retaining his attention? If yes, why exactly?

There's so many more questions but the main, principal point to consider is to be finely tuned on your own emotions and feelings. If you're feeling some negative emotion, PAUSE and ask yourself what's going on.

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hi INFJ here. I have self-worth issues probably due to being small and petite. I'm shorter than most of my family members and many people on the street. This makes me feel insecure and unable to defend and protect myself or loved ones and look efficient and trustable. One reason is that I think it can make me an easier target to take advantage of, insult, boss, dominate, threaten, harm, punch, fight, not take seriously or disrespect.

I generally try to be peaceful and nice or at least neutral to people. But occasionally I face people or situations where I may be disrespected, insulted or provoked in some way. Or situation where I have to choose to stand my ground or be a pushover.

The problem is that I am not confident in my abilities to handle these kinds of situations correctly, and usually engage in avoidant strategies and then later ruminating and self-blaming.

In awkward situations like rude drivers or road rage, rude clerks or office workers, mean coworkers or etc, I try to convince myself that avoiding confrontation is the best and the safest. Cause I never know what these people could do. Also, having a confrontation or standing my ground may cause a terrible emotional reaction in me, which can stay in my mind as a traumatic memory forever, and it may also change people's impression of me which I may regret. Or the person may find me an easy target due to my small built and may start attacking and beating me.

I wish I were taller, stronger and more charismatic, so people wouldn't dare doing any of those things to me. I also wish I could be better at confrontation, awkward feelings, handling interpersonal issues, insults or mean people correctly.

My mind is often occupied with these kinds of thoughts and regrets. Seeing other people being used or disrespected, hearing their stories, or watching movie characters being bullied, abused, beaten or not being able to stand their ground triggers or aggravates these thinking patterns and makes me more anxious.

Even my family members want me to be more confrontational and assertive or even a bit aggressive.

So, I think my interpersonal skills are not enough for adult life. Here's why :

1_ I'm small-built and also shy and introvert, which probably makes people think of as an easier and weaker target. And I wouldn't be able to defend myself against a taller and stronger person.

2_ I'm afraid of my awkward emotional reaction towards people yelling at me or insulting me. But avoiding confrontations and not standing my ground can also make me blame myself.

3_ I tend to care about fairness, and lack of it within the society can make me furious. But society and people are not always fair.

4_ I care about what other people might think or say behind my back, and its impact on my reputation or future. So by people-pleasing or at least not bothering people, even if it means not defending or asserting myself, I try to stay under the radar.

5_ And I don't really know when I should just let it go and de-escalate or keep quiet, avoid, stand my ground, fight back, insult back, etc.

I have read books, watched youtube videos, but I still haven't been able to fix this problem or change myself. I sometimes think it means I might have mild autism and these deficits can never be fixed. Other times I relate it to high Fe and low Se (due to being an INFJ).

I really need your help. Where and how should I start?

----------------------

Do you know the story of The Ugly Duckling? I interpret the story as being about perception, specifically, how easy it is for perception to be wrong, as well as how quickly a minor flaw in perception can escalate into a majorly faulty belief system. It sounds like your perception has been distorted and now you hold faulty beliefs that need to be corrected. Since you lack self-confidence, you tend to catastrophize - your mind always jumps to the worst possibilities.

You say self-worth issues are "due to" being petite. This is a faulty belief. If being petite causes low self-worth, one would expect every petite person to have low self-worth. Is that the case? Not at all. A lot of people are below average height and live fine. In fact, you'd be surprised at how many well-known people are/were actually quite small in stature, just off the top of my head: Gandhi, Prince, Danny Devito, Sabrina Carpenter, Peter Dinklage, Judy Garland.

If being petite is not the actual cause of low self-worth, then what is? "Worth" relates to the method you use to make value judgments, so if you are always coming to unreasonably negative judgments about yourself, there is a problem with your value system. Do you believe that a below average sized person has less value than an average or above average sized person? You must believe it, otherwise, you wouldn't think that you are worth less than others, and you would not wish to be bigger and taller in order to be worth more.

Perhaps you don't personally believe that petite people have no value, so you claim that it is "society" which believes they have no value, and you are a victim of society. Is that true, though? Or is this another faulty belief? You said smaller people get bullied because they are easier targets, so, it's not because they are worthless - that's an important difference. Bullies chose you because they couldn't handle someone their own size or bigger. Therefore, the bullying did not have any relation to your self-worth; what it actually reflected was the bully's cowardice.

Why is it that many petite people don't get bullied? Some of it is down to luck; perhaps you've been unlucky in meeting lots of jerks throughout life. But some of it is down to your attitude. The impression that you leave on people plays a big role in how they approach you. For example, when you look down upon yourself, you teach others that it's okay to look down upon you too.

If you are always anxious and cowering in fear, treating every person as a potential threat, what does that communicate to people? Unfortunately, it communicates that you are an easy target. If you are always expecting to get dominated and bullied, you're more likely to attract bullies to your doorstep. Physical size isn't actually as important a factor as how you present yourself to people. When INFJs haven't developed Fe properly, they don't have a realistic view of how they come across to others.

Don't get me wrong, this isn't about blaming the victim. The people who bullied you were wrong. You don't deserve mistreatment. The problem is that bullying is a form of trauma, and trauma distorts the mind. It makes you hypersensitive to social threats, even seeing threats where there are none. And it also makes you hypersensitive to the things that you were bullied about, in this case, your physical size.

The other day, I had to hire someone to do household repairs. On the day of the repair, this tall dude arrives and could barely fit through the door. As he was walking down some stairs, he bumped his head on a lower part of the ceiling that he didn't notice because he was carrying a lot of tools. I felt so bad for him and I tried to monitor his head safety thereafter. Unfortunately, he's had lots of experience hitting his head on various things.

With your past experience, all you can see is how being petite is a "deficiency". As such, envy blinds you to the possibility that being larger can be a curse and being petite can actually be a gift. This repair guy was often admired for his stature, but he actually viewed his tallness as a "deficiency" all his life. From his perspective, smaller people have a great life because they don't always feel like they're in the way and can easily fit comfortably into any space.

Everyone has sore spots. Sore spots are things you feel insecure or hypersensitive about because of a perceived (psychological or physical) deficit. However, what you haven't understood is that what gets classified as a "deficit" is often a mere matter of perspective. The lesson of The Ugly Duckling story is that his perception of himself was wrong because he had been misled to believe that he was abnormal and deficient by others. This story teaches you that what one person experiences as a "deficiency", another person might experience as an "advantage".

Thus, the key to overcoming your hypersensitivity is to learn how to change your perspective, aka cognitive restructuring, which is something Ni+Fe can easily do. If you can't do it, then it indicates there's something awry with your function development (unhealthy Ni tunnel vision + Fe overindulgence). Your perspective seems very small and very rigid, so it's time to expand and adjust it.

Sure, people can be mean, and society can lead people to value the wrong things, and that's what you focus all your attention on. However, most people aren't mean, and society can't touch your personal values within. You always have a choice as to i) how you respond to mean people, if at all, and ii) whether you adopt the twisted values that society tries to inculcate in you. An important aspect of growing up into a full-fledged adult is learning how to think for yourself, which includes being able to challenge and change faulty beliefs/values and adjust your perspective as necessary to get closer to the truth.

Being bullied often keeps people trapped like a child, feeling helpless and powerless. "Power" doesn't come primarily from physical size, rather, it comes from the mental belief in yourself. Instead of getting lost in victim mentality, acknowledge that there are things within your power to change that would improve your situation. You said yourself that you lack interpersonal skills. Well, I have good news for you: skills can be improved through step-by-step learning, study, and practice. Start with whatever seems most pressing for you, perhaps enlist the help of a therapist. For example, I have discussed most of the following before in relation to developing healthy Fe in INFJs:

emotional intelligence: you could learn how to handle your feelings and emotions better, in order to communicate about them in a more reasonable and matter-of-fact way

optimism: you could learn to approach people in an empathetic and encouraging way, with positive expectations, in order to influence them to be positive to you in return

assertiveness: you could adjust your values to believe that you are equal to everyone else and that your existence is just as legitimate as anyone else's, which would help you stand up and advocate for your needs better

self-confidence: you could improve your communication and conflict resolution skills, which would help you feel more confident and exercise better judgment during social interactions

self-defense: although the majority of people aren't physically violent unless extremely provoked, it might help you feel more physically powerful and better prepared for confrontation by learning self-defense or martial arts

social support network: you could expand your network of friends and supporters so that you feel less alone and have people to rely on in times of stress or danger

self-work: you could use other successful petite people as inspirational role models; observe how they succeed in commanding respect and admiration and learn some lessons about how to show people the best of yourself, rather than only focusing on what you hate about yourself

It is a fact that you are petite, and facts should be met with acceptance. Trying to deny the facts will only get you lost in wishful thinking (unhealthy Ni), as well as the toxic shame of an inferiority complex (unhealthy Fe). Once you're able to accept the facts, then your mind can move forward into adopting adaptation strategies. No matter what your sore spots are, it is important to understand that they are not a curse and they are not meant to ruin your life. Confronting your sore spots and learning to live with them successfully is precisely how you grow as a person. However, you won't be able to benefit from your sore spots as long as you keep trying to reject them and wish them away. They are an important part of you. Improving self-worth means learning to accept and love yourself, which means ALL of yourself.

[valworth]

I do think that Wrightworth's popularity makes the AA fandom slightly uninhabitable. I'm by no means the first person to say this, but it sure is on my mind. This isn't to say I don't understand the appeal. I do. They have some incredibly strong moments and are an interesting, compelling couple. They are also both massive bitches, which is tremendously fun. My issue lies more so in how inescapable it is.

I think both Phoenix and Edgeworth deserve the grace to be interpreted apart from each other. They are individuals, with massive lives outside of the other. I think it's really insulting when some can't bear to think of the two apart, god forbid in other relationships, for more than five seconds before they have to make a joke about how they're the most important couple. We get it. Can people talk about something else, though?

Not only that, but I yearn for more varied and nuanced depictions of their relationship, if we're using them at all. My request will always be to make it fail. They're so compelling as a failed couple. I mean, god. You, on an obsessive whim, shape your life around chasing this guy. This guy you knew for a year in elementary school. You have other reasons, but always in your mind, there he is. This thing that's just out of reach, a goal to pursue. Then it happens. You get him, and you win, and it's everything you dreamed. And then it isn't. It just doesn't work. Plain and simple, cruel and real. You're not a good couple, and it crumbles, and every time you see him from that point forward, you have this pang of anger. This feeling of betrayal. You were not what I wanted you to be.

Then there's the inverse of that. The feelings that come from being a trophy, a conquest, an item. They both lack the emotional intelligence to talk about and navigate their own feelings, with Phoenix running head-on into everything with reckless abandon, refusing to question his own motives, and Miles having a tendency to detach himself from his issues as hard as he possibly can. It's such an interesting, flawed basis for a relationship. That's just my take, though. It's how I like them, and no one else will ever be beholden to my interpretations!

I get AA is escapism for a lot of people, and if that's how it works for you, total respect. But I crave variety, god I do. It's not about being right, it's not about being wrong, I just think there are so many ways to play with these characters and the fandom is stuck in a rut of samey-same content, both happy and sad. I'm not here to shame you for liking what you like, either. I'm pretty esoteric. I mean, Jesus. There's nothing less welcome in the AA fandom than a self shipper getting between Wrightworth. I don't mind doing my own thing, and I'm happier with fewer eyes on me anyway. If my stuff upsets you, that's okay.

That being said, I think I'd have a much easier time being around the fandom if people treated it less like there was a way to interpret the games correctly. The general fandom consensus is suffocating at times. Escapism can be dangerous if you don't know how to handle threats to your perception of a made-up world. I don't mean that to be condescending, I've just been there.

It was a breath of fresh air to leave the AA fandom for a while and focus on something built upon 18 years of fan-interpretations, with no right answers. Where every artist's version of them feels drastically different. It made me realize how silly this all is. It also made me remember how sad it was that when I joined the fandom and started trying to share my opinions on certain Phoen-ish ships, a popular AA blogger publicly ridiculed me and let their followers harass me. I just don't understand why the AA fandom compels people to feel like they have to be correct about everything. I've had to be very careful not to let feelings like that sour the whole franchise for me.

I myself have veered into that territory, and it's why I don't like writing this post. I don't want to be that person. I think everyone should be able to give each other space to do what makes them happy. If common fandom interpretations are what you like, then go with those. If you're like me, though, and you've ever been nervous to share headcanons and analyses that are unpopular, this is me telling you I think you're great. Say what you want, make what you want. It doesn't have to make sense. It doesn't have to be right. People might be mean about it, but you still deserve the right to self-actualization, even if no one else likes the things you do.

It's more important for you to post what you want than for others not to see it. If you're not hurting anyone, you can always rest assured that you've no reason to entertain their ire. From the bottom of my heart, just get silly with it.