#I AM A FREAK PERIOD

[techwearfreak]

i love being a little attention needy freak. i crave attention and love and affection AND i am a freak six ways from sunday.

like look at me

what im into is not illegal nor do i and/or we have any of the big three paras but its not . normal. like its strange and freaky as fuck and everyone would call me weird for it if i was open bout it. thats why its a secret im takin to the grave. except for like our fp who shares the same freakiness with me (except i am winning the freak contest)

i love being a freak !!!! thank you one of our exes that tried to call it as a insult. you have began the origin of something awful. me

[lucabyte]

i feel like people are sleeping on the occam's razor situation of how buckwild it is to outright accuse a guy of being a clone of your friend even if you DO have a lot of circumstantial evidence. there's other options is what im saying. they could just be like. a guy. that's a sensible deduction. you should explore that deduction. ignore my shirt that reads I <3 RED HERRINGS.

i still think odile has the correct theory on lock but she's smart enough to know it needs like... a real smoking gun to be able to bring it up without sounding insane.

anyway. (mirabelle voice) i know its rude to speculate but has anyone else noticed the grieving? they seem to be grieving. does anyone have any thoughts on the grieving? i have some thoughts on the grieving.

[amywritesthings]

writers! do not! owe you! updates!

this is not tiktok. we are not content mills. we are posting our stories -- oftentimes short story or novel-length -- for FREE.

free. adverb / without cost or payment.

you get these stories (not content, they are actual stories people write out of their own blood, sweat, and tears) without having to pay a singular fee or monetary transaction. these authors often have day jobs or university or both. they even have families! children! pets! social lives! if we have other things going on or simply do not have the brain power, then we do not owe you our time nor our energy for updating our stories or wips or ideas we throw onto the dash or ao3.

i am fortunate that i haven't gotten a demanding anon in a minute, but i am so sick of watching my mutual writers get harassed about their update schedules. the ironic part is that you're only making us not want to write said update when you demand more. not ask, not hope, but demand.

learn some empathy, and above all else: learn to be less of an anonymous coward demanding someone's free time for yourself.

[land-of-solace]

tell me why I gasp and sit at the edge of my seat every episode as if I haven’t been reading the pjo books religiously for over a decade

[themintman]

I am filled with HATE and SORROW y'all know how like Nurm is my favourite character my number 1 guy out of any piexe of media ever I love him dearly which sucks cause he's pretty unpopular but whatever whatever. N I'm like "man I really want to see some new Nurm content but everything I find I've either seen before or I created ☹️" and then I. I go on tiktok and I KEEP seeing edits that start with a clip with Nurm in them and then haha surprise it's actually a Petra edit!! Cause it's ALWAYS PETRA GOD DAMN IT and I love her. I love Petra so much. She is a fabulous character but ohm y god I am tweaking. I genuinely started crying y'all I am not sane nor normal. I'm so normal about him. Oh my good god I am going insane I am 💥💥💥💥

[artbyace]

u know ur a freak when ur friends are like OMGGG THATS DISGUSTINGGG and ur like what and then they describe someone doing one of the Most Tame things ever

[moldypoff]

Sicc, thicc, and sad

[kate-the1975]

Guys, I’m being so dead ass rn. Is period smut a no go on tumblr or are people into that….cause like, I’m into that, but I don’t know if other people match my freak, RAHHHH.

LIKE SHOULD I POST HER OR WHAT TELL ME WHAT TO DO PLS

[sweetsapphicpeach]

Is this a safe space...

[frottinggg]

coughs up blood. ffxv.......

[nabaath-areng]

The weirdest part about FFXIV for me now is that for years I considered myself a newbie. I was always around people who had played longer than me, both legacy and not, and with it also being my first ever MMO they all seemed so experienced to me.

... And here I am now, forgetting that I am in a sense closer to all those players I looked up to back then. Year after year I've seen fewer and fewer legacy mounts and titles, and as time goes by I am more and more shocked by how many I interact with who describe Shadowbringers as "the old days". And not only that, I realize then that 5 years IS a long time, and that all the things I keep thinking of as new and flashy (Gpose, job gauges etc) have been in the game longer than they have not.

Mind you, I became psychotic less than a year into my FFXIV career, and then I spent nearly a decade after that trying to heal from both that as well as the paranoia it left me with, so in a sense the years 2015-2022 might as well not have happened in terms of me remembering them in a way that matters. My vague measure of time between 2014 to 2019 in particular is only possible because I memorized FFXIV patches, since the game was practically the only thing keeping me both sane and alive. I cannot tell you what I did IRL in November 2015, but I can tell you what I did during patch 3.1.

And I guess that's why it all feels so mindfucky to me? It's not like I can look back at my years in FFXIV like normal memories, so realizing that 10 years have passed in what to me felt like the blink of an eye, and then having to reconcile with my self perception and reality not quite adding up... it just makes it feel so weird? It kinda feels like waking up from a time bubble, where everyone else has lived normally and you have to adapt super fast to keep up with the changes you barely have time to process.

In a strange sense, many of the people I knew and loved at the time feel like fuzzy figures to me. Some of them I cannot even recall the names of, and some I remember nothing except for their names. I know they were real, because I have screenshots of us playing the game together... but it still feels very little like they're my own memories. It's not like amnesia, but I don't know how to describe it.

They're kind of like the Warrior's of Light who vanished during the Calamity as described in ARR. I know these people were there, and I know that they saved me when everything seemed hopeless... and yet when I try to recall their faces, all I see is light behind silouettes. When I try to say their names, they disappear on my tongue.

And it feels so shitty, because why wouldn't I remember people who were super close to me? But that was the nasty thing with being psychotic, I was so caught up with being constantly in terror, and being unable to determine what was real or not, that even the good things aren't more than vague flickers of light amidst the hopeless darkness I was in. I can barely claim to be the same person, because those years stole "me" for lack of a better way of putting it.

I feel like I came out of that situation a completely different person, someone who is ultimately more "real"... but that makes me question whether the people I held dear actually knew me. They knew a broken down person bearing my name, but I don't recognize that person at all. It was practically a stranger behind the wheel veering off the road over and over again and causing more damage to the vehicle itself.

And it sounds so stupid, I know, but FFXIV sincerely was my sole lifeline. It was the only normal thing... and yet it didn't shield me from the repercussions of losing my sense of self, as is evident in hindsight now that I'm out of the abyss that was my abode for years. It's like I fell asleep at 19 and woke up at 24, and suddenly I had to recalibrate the way I viewed myself and the way I no longer felt like I belonged with other people my age. And then another couple years were spent catching up and trying to "age" myself accordingly. All while fighting to rid myself of the paranoia and delusions that still had me in a chokehold.

And here I am now, running around in FFXIV, free from my delusions and my paranoia once and for all... all while still looking for the people that were around me when I had just started playing, and trying to process that the one safe place I had was just as fleeting as everything else in my life after all.

I should have known that, it's an obvious thing when spelling it out like such. But it shows me that despite having come this far, there's still a lot of work for me to do, and a lot of grief to come to terms with about everything I lost. Things that one may take for granted, that can never be reclaimed once it's gone.

[pilonciillo]

i genuinely don’t know how i’m supposed to act at my age

[anxiously-awaiting]

dont ask me what id do if fgo introduced a canon version of odile, or god forbid someone like oisin

[sevicia]

Last night I dreamt I was at my very 1st class of the year and we had to do like introductions or whatever and one of the questions was about movies you liked so I said "I like horror :]" and some guy sitting across from me started like bragging about watching super fucked up movies like "I can't really talk about them cause it'll freak you guys out LOL not many people can handle the stuff I watch 💪" and everyone (we were sitting in a circle) was like "OMG just tell us the name of it then" yknow trying to know what this super fucked up movie was and this guy just looks at us all smug n shit and goes "You guys probably haven't even heard of it cause it's so underground but .... it's The Conjuring 😏" and everyone freaked out like "NO WAYYYY I HEARD THAT ONE MADE PEOPLE FAINT OMG" and I just sat there looking around thinking "Where the fuck am I there's no way these people are serious" and then I woke up and breathed a sigh of relief 🫶

[sillybouquetoflillies]

i keep thinking i rly didnt go thru that much growing up, but idk, everytime i tell someone abt my life, they say i did and kinda just like sit in shock abt it. am i just internet brained or smth, or am i just dramatic?? i rly dont think ive earned a lot of the symtoms of someone who was traumatized that i have. or maybe i havent been in a safe place for long enough to process things??? i dunno. maybe someday far away in the future ill figure things out

[truetealtears]

Do you ever think about how Demyx was the first non radiant garden member in the organisation because it haunts me.

Like can you imagine they hand him instructions/paper work and it’s written in radiant garden’s language.

Axel: so what’s your first assignment?

Demyx (at his limit because he’s somehow expected to know and follow their social norms and language and what their figures of speech mean and have a similar level of education/scientific knowledge, etc from the moment he became conscious. While also coming to terms with being a nobody and they’ve never had a new member like this before so they don’t really know what to do with him): BRO FUCK IF I KNOW