#How To Save Relationship Pdf

[honeytonedhottie]

resources⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🗒️💕

to save for later and come back to, just sharing some resources that i use a lot and hopefully it could be helpful to u as well…💬🎀

FROM YOUTUBE ;

victoria's secret angel makeup routine (for black girls)

six easy hairstyles for school

inner work essentials

this resource has been rly rly helpful for me on my healing journey and its rly rich and in depth about how to go about ur inner work so i highly highly recommend it to anyone (QUICK PSA : a lot of these videos are about masculinity so if ur a girl like me its still a rly helpful resource and u could still use it, but if ur a boy it could help u too)…💬🎀

victoria's secret model workouts

FROM TUMBLR ;

you need to fix ur attention span

how to embrace being alone

how to be a whole new student this year

PDF beauty books

PDF BOOKS ;

How to Own Your Own Mind

Body Language Handbook: How to Read Everyone’s Hidden Thoughts and Intentions

How to Analyze People - Dark Secrets to Analyze and Influence Anyone Using Body Language

The Laws of Human Nature

Emily Post’s Etiquette, 18th Edition

The Amy Vanderbilt Complete Book of Etiquette: 50th Anniversary Edition

Secrets of the Millionaire Mind: Mastering the Inner Game of Wealth

The Million Dollar Mind

Stop Acting Rich: ...And Start Living Like A Real Millionaire

Thinking, Fast and Slow

Golden Rules

Ikigai: the Japanese secret to a long and happy life

Persuasion Tactics: Covert Psychology Strategies to Influence, Persuade, & Get Your Way (Without Manipulation)

Declutter Your Mind: How to Stop Worrying, Relieve Anxiety, and Eliminate Negative Thinking

Rewire Your Anxious Brain: How to Use the Neuroscience of Fear to End Anxiety, Panic, and Worry

Love Me, Don’t Leave Me: Overcoming Fear of Abandonment and Building Lasting, Loving Relationships

Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No

Give and Take: A Revolutionary Approach to Success

Do the Work!

[obikinbb]

✨Getting Better All the Time✨

Author: @grapenehifics Artist: @0bikinz Beta Reader: @somethingsteff

Word Count: 61,501 words Rating: Explicit Pairing(s): Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker, Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano Archive and Content Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Key Tags: Alternate Universe – Modern Setting, Alternate Universe – College/University, Graduate School, Teacher Anakin Skywalker, Graduate Student Obi-Wan Kenobi, Role Reversal, but not an age reversal, Anakin Skywalker & Ahsoka Tano Friendship, Good Friend Ahsoka Tano, Divorced Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker, Past Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker, Past Obi-Wan Kenobi/Satine Kryze, Post-Divorce, Bisexual Obi-Wan Kenobi, Bisexual Anakin Skywalker, POV Anakin Skywalker, Anakin Skywalker Has a Crush on Obi-Wan Kenobi, Awkward Anakin Skywalker, Canon Disabled Character, Age Difference, Older Man/Younger Man, Getting Together, Developing Relationship, First Dates, Pining, Mutual Pining, Flirting, Banter, Hurt/Comfort, Clothes Sharing, First Kiss, First Time, Anakin is Obsessed with Obi-Wan’s Chest Hair, Nipple Piercings, Obi-Wan’s Slutty Earring, Coming Untouched, Coming in Pants, Frottage, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Time Skip, Happy Ending Summary: The smart thing to do would be for Anakin to cut his losses, save himself the embarrassment, and break up with Obi-Wan now, before they even had a chance to get started. Beat the Christmas rush, as it were.

But then, Anakin had never been particularly smart when it came to matters of the heart. His broken marriage was evidence enough of that. “I still owe you that dinner,” he said.

Anakin Skywalker, twenty-five-year-old PhD candidate and recent divorcé, is putting himself through school by TAing a course for new master’s degree applicants. His neediest student is Obi-Wan Kenobi - sixteen years his senior, also recently divorced, and a little miffed at having to ask someone barely older than his nephew for help uploading a PDF.

At least, that’s how it starts.

[Link to fic] [Link to podfic]

[iridescentmirrorsgenshin]

thinking about how the Sumeru Archon Quest can be read as a metaphor for Alhaitham and Kaveh's relationship and their progression and going crazy

Alhaitham is present during the quest, whereas Kaveh is not, and this causes Alhaitham to question why Kaveh was not present in saving Sumeru. Relating this to their thesis, although it made many bounds for Sumeru’s understanding of ancient languages and architecture which held promise for betterment of the future, it was abandoned before completion due to their clashing of views and personal attacks of each other. Alhaitham repeatedly questioning why Kaveh was missing hints that Kaveh should have been a part of the Archon-saving plan, in that, Kaveh was missing from the betterment of Sumeru. Once again, an opportunity passed by for them uniting for a mutually agreed cause. This is due to the dissonance between them and their lack of successful communication.

In the Archon Quest, Alhaitham is present, ready for reconciliation, to work together, whereas Kaveh is missing, unaware of the chance of reconciliation. Kaveh believes that Alhaitham deliberately stirred trouble in Sumeru, rather than saving it, due to his flawed perception of Alhaitham – just as he believes that Alhaitham wants something in return for allowing Kaveh to live in his house, rather than it being an invitation for reconciliation, due to his flawed perception of Alhaitham.

This, in turn, creates a space in the narrative for the two to join together of their own accord, however, the two need to be in the same mindset for reconciliation. As established in Kaveh's Hangout and A Parade of Providence, this can be brought about by the mutual understanding that their clashes do not stem from overall differences in thinking, but their way of communication. Rather than their relationship being based on the opposition of their thinking, it should be based upon the potential that can be borne from identifying good in the balancing of viewpoints – which their thesis had achieved.

Their development as individuals ultimately lies within the other as they possess what the other lacks in order to fully complete their understanding of each other, and themselves. Alhaitham is the grounding for Kaveh’s ideals and the push for him to prioritise himself in his pursuit for happiness for “all” (as established within a parade of providence), whereas Kaveh is the breach in Alhaitham’s rationality and allows him to understand the sensibility of others around him, enabling Alhaitham to possess an enhanced version of his truth.

(Update: For more analyses like this, the essay this is taken from is now uploaded! It can be accessed here and here as as a pdf <3)

[librarycards]

Hey, if you have time, do you have any book recs or reading material directly about mental health of imprisoned people or mental health's relation to the prison industrial complex? Or, how to think about mental health and acts of violence/people who commit crimes while having an extreme mental health crisis? Thank you!

hi and ty for your patience on this! i do have some recs.

Links/readings:

Cal Montgomery, Stop The Shock: Torture in Massachusetts. I recommend, if you have the stomach, looking through the last 6+ years of advocacy around the JRC, and the use of shock torture against mentally disabled children, predominantly children of color.

Project LETS has a (limited) list of links for learning more about disability and Madness in relation to the PIC.

Pan Karanikolas, Imagining Non-carceral Futures With(in) Mad Studies (in the Routledge Int'l Handbook of Mad Studies [pdf])

Andrew Dilts, Incurable Blackness: Criminal Disenfranchisement, Mental Disability, and the White Citizen

J. Logan Smilges, Neurotrans: Thorazine, HIV, and Marsha P.

Zhou & Ford, Analyzing the Relationship between Mental Health Courts and the Prison Industrial Complex (check out their bibliography too!)

Autumn Miller, Against Productivity & Liberal Pity: A Case Study in Prison Abolition & Disability Justice

Books:

Liat Ben-Moshe, Decarcerating Disability - go here first tbh, Ben-Moshe provides a superb intro to this stuff.

Liat Ben-Moshe, Disability Incarcerated (her first edited book)

Nat Smith & Eric Stanley, eds. Captive Genders

Eric Stanley, Atmospheres of Violence

Shira Hassan, ed., Saving Our Own Lives

Emily L. Thuma, All Our Trials

And the OG: Jonathan Metzl, The Protest Psychosis

by no means is the above a full list, it's just some stuff I've used/have on hand. hope this helps get you started!

[quads004]

Please Start Archiving in the US

With current events, I think it is prudent that everyone, that is able to, needs start archiving shit. I am a former library worker but I do not know much about cybersecurity. If you do want to go down that route please research and keep you and your archive safe :). The more copies that are preserved, then the more likely it is that the media will survive. Even if you save only 2 files that is still important!

First, I will list how to create an computer archive and best practices, then I will provide a list of known targets and suggested materials to add.

You need somewhere to store your data most people will use their computer's storage drive but you need to have backups! Do not rely on cloud storage solutions, they require internet connection are vulnerable to data breaches, and the companies that store that data must follow any laws that the government may decide to pass. USBs or external hardrives are best options. CDs can be used in a pinch, but are more likely to degrade as well as having lower storage capacity then the previous options. Use whatever you have lying around, you do not need to spend money if you don't want to.

When saving data use file formats that are common and able to be read without use of a special software. (that means no .docx) PDF/A is the gold standard for archiving. It is a subtype of pdf that contains metadata, such as typefaces and graphical info, that ensure the files are read properly in the future. Adobe Acrobat is able to save and convert documents into PDF/A. PDFTron, DocuPub, and Ghostscript are all free or have free versions that create pdf/a files. PNG, JPEG2000, .txt, MP3, wav, are other common file types that the Smithsonian recommends for data storage. For a full list of types to use and avoid, see the sources cited at the bottom.

What are we archiving?

Please gather both fiction and nonfiction resources. Nonfiction collection ideas: Current news clips, local history of marginalized communities, interviews, biographies, memoirs, zines, and art pieces. Saving scientific research is incredibly important! In 1933, one of the first places they targeted was the Institute of Sexual Science. Lots of what was stored there was never recovered. Environmental science, trans and intersex health, and minority history will likely be targeted first. For fiction, the most commonly challenged books last year were: 1) GenderQueer by Maia Kobabe 2) All Boys Aren't Blue by George Johnson 3) This Book is Gay by Juno Dawson 4) The of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky 5) Flamer by Mike Curato 6) The Bluest Eyes by Toni Morrison 7) Me and Earl and the Dying Girl by Jesse Andrews 8) Tricks by Ellen Hopkins 9) Let's Talk about it (Teen guide to sex, relationships, and being a human) by Erika Moen and Matthew Nolan 10) Sold by Patricia McCormick I present this list so you have an idea of what is normally targeted. Books that describe racism and queer identities are most common, but other targets include any depictions of violence, drugs, sex. Use your personal archive to accumulate data that you personally are passionate about. The more niche a topic the more likely it is that other people will not have it in their storage.

Lastly, please remember as an archivist you are not there to determine if a piece is worthy of being saved. Just because you do not like or agree with the message does not mean it will be saved from being banned. All artworks amateur or professional are worthy of being archived.

Sources: ALA 2023 Banned Books https://www.ala.org/bbooks/frequentlychallengedbooks/top10

How to create a PDF/A file https://www.research.gov/common/attachment/Desktop/How_do_I_create_a_PDF-A_file.pdf

Smithsonian Data Management Best Practices and File Formats https://siarchives.si.edu/what-we-do/digital-curation/recommended-preservation-formats-electronic-records https://library.si.edu/research/best-practices-storing-archiving-and-preserving-data

[queeranarchism]

Hi! I saw your answer to the question about "Anarchist leadership" and had a followup question. My concept of leadership has been that the practical function of the role itself is how you described a "coordinator," and that the difficulties which anarchism seeks to address arise when team coordination gives way to that individual abusing the opportunity of coordination to divide labor unequally (IE less to themself) or ignore input on how work is done, by whom, or when. To put it simply, my idea has been that the difference between a "leader" and a "boss" is, at extremes, that a leader takes on as much work (or more) as the rest of the group and considers every opinion in the group before making a final decision, while a boss accepts no input and does no work beyond coordination.

My first question is this: When a group is doing work collaboratively, how does an anarchist structure address the potential roadblock of deliberation? If every member is required to provide consensus on a decision affecting the group, what is the method for decision-making when consensus can't be reached? The only option I know of is an individual whose job is making a final decision in a case where one or more individuals refuse to agree with the majority, which is undeniably an authoritarian structure, but are there alternatives that can effectively limit deliberation when there is only so much time available? In short, what is the anarchist method of making a concise decision on something that affects every individual present?

My second question is this: If an individual's responsibility is coordination, or even being the "final say" in deliberation (assuming there is no other option), what is the alternative to rotation of responsibility if there are no other individuals capable of accomplishing that? I recognize that rotation of responsibility is an effective way to avoid one individual being placed in a position where their coordination becomes critical to the function of the group, but there are scenarios where nobody else in the group has the capacity to organize and coordinate and one can't be provided. How does one avoid a power structure when only one person is capable of coordinating?

I also have a followup about how anarchism addresses human vanity & pettiness in both of these cases, but I can save that so you don't have to answer too much in one post. Thanks in advance!

I'm going to start with the simple part: what you describe as the difference between a leader and a boss is, in effect, the difference between a boss and a lazy boss. The authority is exactly the same. The worst bosses I've worked for were willing to work very very hard, they were still my boss and the fact that they worked hard changed nothing about that relationship. A person that has the power to hire and fire others is a boss. If a person can decide that I should no longer have a stable income, I am at their mercy. They are my boss and no hard work or cool attitude can change that.

As for forming consensus: if consensus can not be reached it means a decision that works for everybody can not be reached and to those committed to consensus it is vital to keep working, keep talking, go over all the possibilities, pros and cons, and unorthodox alternatives again until a consensus is reached. For those interested in learning that, i recommend A Consensus Handbook, Co operative decision making for activists, co ops and communities by Seeds for Change. Free pdf here: https://www.seedsforchange.org.uk/handbook

This book probably addresses a lot of your follow up questions. A vital thing to understand before you get started is that in order for consensus to work, there has to be:

No leader ad a commitment to dismantle power dynamics. Not just the pretense that there isn't a power dynamic. It has to be real. There can't be anyone with a 'final say', that's just authority with extra steps. A person with the power to have a 'final say' is a boss. There's no anarchism there. None.

An agreement by all participants to work by consensus.

Time and patience.

When people have spend most of their life not living with consensus, they will come in with attitudes that don't fit a consensus process. They will see the goal as 'reaching the decision that I already know we need to make' instead of seriously considering alternatives that others bring to the table. They will try to gain a majority for their plan instead of working with everyone in the group. They will try to get their way by blocking every alternative. It takes time, practice and experiencing the benefits of a consensus process for that attitude to change.

[klaineccfanficlibrary]

do you have any fics where they’re in HS or college and Kurt is in a bad relationship that Blaine helps him out of

I had a look at previous asks and here are some where Kurt is in an abusive or bad relationship, or has been abused, and Blaine helps him out - some are not set in high school or college, but I added them anyway. ~Jen

All You Needed Was Me by xCaellachx

Kurt attends the all men’s college Dalton Academy in New York. He meets Blaine who happens to be a first class jerk. But when Blaine decides Kurt should be his, will Kurt be able to resist him? Kurt has a secret and when Blaine finds out, the jerk in him leaves and the protector emerges. A/U Please read the triggers list on the first chapter. 

~~~~~

One In Four by SwingGirlAtHeart 

When Blaine finds out that Kurt’s not being entirely honest with him about who he is, things go to hell in a handbasket pretty damn quickly. Things in Kurt’s head were never as simple as they seemed.

Note: Part 1 of the One In Four series

~~~~~

Lessons Unlearned by BackwardsMuffin

Kurt’s mother had always stressed the importance of Stranger Safety. But now, hunched in the darkened room, with his limbs bound roughly behind his back, and a rope gag between his lips. Kurt wished more than ever, that he had really paid attention

~~~~~

Puzzle Pieces by LaurenEP18

Blaine is new to McKinley and immediately inthralled with one, Kurt Hummel. Kurt has had a tough life and now his facade is beginning to crack. Klaine, badboy!Kurt. Warnings: non-graphic talk of rape, talk of suicidal thoughts, underage drinking, language, sex.

~~~~~

Empty Nest Verse by @coffeegleek

Kurt is a runaway, homeless hybrid (fully sentient race.) Burt and Carole are empty nesters who see him sleeping under their porch.

Empty Nest started out as the simple description you see above. It was supposed to be a little ficlette and nothing more. Instead, it turned into my catharsis piece of the stressful life as a parent with a gay, POC young adult son and the dystopia that the U.S. has become for families like mine and the living nightmare for those that are far, far off worse. I do realize that it’s not everyone’s cup of coffee or tea, but I hope you give it a try.

~~~~~

My Body Betrays Me by EmilianaDarling

Kurt’s been in a secret relationship with his roommate at Dalton for months. That would be fine… if he wanted any of it. If he could say no, and if Dave would listen. If he were with Blaine, his wonderful friend from the school’s glee club, instead.

~~~~~

OSU!Verse by  JudeAraya

Kurt wouldn’t realize until much later, how lucky he’d been. How much he had needed, how empty and how much more alone he’d made himself by virtue of that need. With every anonymous boy, every nameless moment in a bathroom, in an alleyway, stumbling into his dorm room, Kurt had thought he’d feel more.

~~~~~

Hiding in Reflections by Zizichan96

Kurt is a high school student who is bullied every day because of who he is, but that is nothing compared to what happens at home, where nobody sees. Only now there’s someone who isn’t going to let him hide anymore. abused!Kurt BUT NOT BY BURT. Angst.

~~~~~

Porcelain by thatgleekychick

Blaine’s not thrilled about starting a new school his junior year. But in a matter of eight hours, he manages to meet two people who will change his mind, and his future. Kurt has a secret. And the more he pushes people away, the easier it will be in the end. Come graduation, whether in a body bag or an airplaine, Kurt Hummel is leaving Ohio for good. AU. Warning: Physical Abuse.

~~~~~

Iridescent by LaurenEP18

It had been two years, and still Kurt had not gotten over the tragic event that had left him with abusive foster parents and no hopeful outlook on life. He’d come to accept his existence for what it was, until one day he met Blaine. Will he be the one to see though all of the lies and save Kurt? Skank/Badboy!Kurt, Klaine. Warnings: abuse/violence.

~~~~~

Spoke Too Soon by blaineandersonsbooty [PDF only]

Kurt Hummel needs to get away from the horrible experiences that life has dealt him, so he hops on a Coach bus and rides it until he gets somewhere he feels his past won’t follow him. That place is Southport, North Carolina, a small beach town along the coast. There, he meets Blaine Anderson and his daughter, Izzy, both of whom will try their hardest to make their way into Kurt’s heart, no matter how hard he tries to resist them.

~~~~~

Lessons in Being a Man by Whatsername Lambert

Kurt is a beloved music teacher and, along with partner Dave Karofsky, proud father to 6-year-old Ellie. Blaine, his best friend, is a young Chicago lawyer who unwillingly becomes the leader of a statewide gay rights movement. When Kurt and Ellie’s home life turns violent as a result of Dave’s alcoholism, Blaine opens up his home to them. Brief Kurtofsky, Klaine later. 

~~~~~

[tianhai03]

You've mentioned before that Dante is uncomfortable with his demonic heritage, do you want to talk about that?

should probably start off by showing where exactly we see his feelings abt being half demon, so here's where i got that from (this is from pg 249 of before the nightmare, the dmc5 prequel novel. you can find a pdf of it here):

there are other instances in the series where we get hints of him being uncomfortable abt his own demonic heritage, but afaik this is the most In Your Face one. it literally says right there. "he was sick of turning into something else."

it took dante a long, LONG time to get comfortable with his own powers. he probably didnt feel comfortable with it until he got his SDT in dmc5, because this was from his first encounter with urizen. he's been living with his demonic blood that gave him powers, the same power that saved his and many other people's lives, ever since he was born, and yet he was never comfortable with it. i think a lot of people forget abt that very often.

people only see dante when hes the wacky wahoo pizza man, because he rarely ever lets others see the real him; the dante who is probably so sick of the demonic blood running through his own veins he hated seeing himself, let alone his demonic form. i'm sure throughout his life he wished he was just some normal guy very often. it's exhausting having to constantly try to hide yourself from everyone else.

but hey! everything's fine and good now because he found his family again in 5, he finally learned how to accept both his human AND demonic blood as parts of himself (and got a cool new demon form out of it), and he's now on his way to kicking more demon ass with his brother while they fix their relationship. life's finally starting to look good for dante and i'm sure he's happier now :)

[itmeblog]

WE ARE LIVE!

You can currently find The Unusual Courtship of Pax the Faerie on Amazon, Barnes and Noble and on my ko-fi! (In both EPUB and PDF)

And now I get to talk about it!

TL:DR This is how I wrote a novella with

Genderqueer faerie

A human who fae find attractive but not for the reasons you'd think

A couple that is endgame and a couple that is very much not not endgame based on two very different relationships with our titular character.

A deep and surprisingly thoughtful search for oneself and soul

A lot of religious references, just so many references

BDSM vibes

You can enjoy the madness with me. Below. Because this is not what I set out to write. I had intended to follow the standard romantasy script and determine if I wrote something that appealed to major markets if I'd manage to snag myself an agent. This is not what happened.

I wrote this book because I became fascinated by ACOTAR. It is imperative that I make it very, very clear, at the point that I started thinking about Pax, I had never read nor picked up anything written by Sarah J Maas. This story will make no sense if I did. I was only vaguely aware of her existence. I had heard some withCindy rants and then decided to get an overview from someone who genuinely enjoyed the book.

I went into this knowing it was a story about big, sexy, well-endowed men and a girl with perhaps too little fire power between her ears. It is also the book that I consider ground zero of the maleness ("he felt very male"? Girl what does this mean??) epidemic.

And I had questions.

If the fae are beautiful, sexy, and promiscuous then why have fated mates? Why make them stop being promiscuous? Wasn't that some of the fun?

If sex does not have the same weight in their society (presumably) then why is it saved only for romantic partners?

In a world where everyone can shapeshift why so much misogyny? If there is misogyny why do people not shapeshift or dress to pass as male in order to gain some modicum of protection?

Wouldn't it have had to develop in a completely different fashion than we're used too?

Why are the gendernorms so human?

Why would a faerie be interested (romantically and aesthetically) in a human?

So. Many. Straight. Faeries.

Why make the love interest the exception to the cruel nature of the fae when you can just make the human so much worse?

Angels???? ANGELS?????!!

NOTE: At this point I still had not picked up the book.

ALSO PROBABLY IMPORTANT: I am very aro.

Here's what I knew:

Horny

Faeries

Religion??

These are the rules I stuck to. So, while developing Pax, he was meant to be pretentious and very deeply wrong in her understanding of religion and the passages he quotes. I called a friend (from an old school Italian Catholic family, very old school) for some direction.

I explained the premise and she went, "no, you're not looking for passages, you're looking for the Ecstasy of St. Teresa"

This, my friend, is where things got out of hand.

This is the Ecstasy of St. Teresa

Considered one of the most risque statues of the Baroque period. Inspired by this

"I saw in his hand a long spear of gold, and at the iron's point there seemed to be a little fire. He appeared to me to be thrusting it at times into my heart, and to pierce my very entrails; when he drew it out, he seemed to draw them out also, and to leave me all on fire with a great love of God. The pain was so great, that it made me moan; and yet so surpassing was the sweetness of this excessive pain, that I could not wish to be rid of it. The soul is satisfied now with nothing less than God. The pain is not bodily, but spiritual; though the body has its share in it. It is a caressing of love so sweet which now takes place between the soul and God, that I pray God of His goodness to make him experience it who may think that I am lying" - St. Teresa of Avila

Needless to say I became obsessed, which is great because St Teresa of Avila was a fascinating woman who sat in Spain, a mecca of Abrahamic religions, during the Spanish Inquisition (there's a lot of overlap in beliefs here). And she wrote a lot.

NOTE: Very important, I had intended to write this as a sexy l'il romp with a slightly toxic pairing, k? Like Pax's infatuation was 110% meant to be a little tongue in cheek. I wanted this to be marketable, I wanted to maybe get published. Yeah? I went wrong immediately when I decided Pax would be genderfluid but shut up. It's fine. We're here, everything is queer, we are rapidly sinking into a mire of 500 year old esoteric religious subtext. You with me? Cool.

I read several dissertations on sensuality in religion as well as many many things about the unintentional yet constant eroticization of pain (it happens so much omg, I cannot look at crucifixes the same anymore). And the break down of St. Teresa of Avila's 7 mansions of the Interior Castle (which I've also read), which explains in detail how to find god within oneself. Some of these papers were 100s of pages long. The pile of research I did for this was honestly bigger than the phone books of my youth.

As I said, this got deeply out of hand.

It also became the foundation for Pax's personality and the lens through which he experiences the world. Note: the woman Pax falls in love with is very much not God, she is also very much not safe.

So now I have this very raunchy book about faeries, religion, and sex, and finally FINALLY only after I finished, did I attempt to read ACOTAR.

And I fucking overshot.

I overshot so, so, so far.

I was aiming for Mars and I've ended up on Pluto. When all you hear about a book is how explicit it is and how it's the fairy porn book you assume it's more than 2 scenes.

You assume a lot of things about those scenes and the responsiveness of the heroine. Tamlin if that was the best you've ever had... what pray tell was the point of making you fae?? Are none of your lovers responsive or could it be you're a pleasure dom? Please, little fae man who has wild spring orgies, speak to me. What is your story?

So now I have a novella with

Genderqueer faeries

A queer love interest

A human who fae find attractive but not for the reasons you'd think

A couple that is endgame and a couple that is very much not not endgame based on two very different relationships with our titular character.

Way too much sex

A deep and surprisingly thoughtful search for oneself and soul

A lot of religious references, just so many references

BDSM vibes

[arnamantle]

Last Chance to pre-order BURNAWAY!

hello there! It's been nearly a year since the successful crowdfunding of BURNAWAY: A ttrpg about Loss and Hope from the Ashes. A lot of writing, editing, layout and logistics have happened since then, and the result is going to be even better than I had been hoping for. Genuinely, this book is gonna look dope. If you missed out on backing BURNAWAY last year, or are just hearing about it now, here's one more chance to pledge for a digital pdf, a lovely softcover physical edition, and/or one of three limited 8x10 posters!

BURNAWAY is a lightweight, self-contained roleplaying game for three to five players. In the darkening days of a possible near-future, fire is still a common cause of lost homes and tragic deaths. However, not every spark is started by a flicked cigarette or a faulty wire. Some wandering spirits, whose sorrows lash them tight to this world, can become so distraught that their very ectoplasm combusts, starting a blaze wherever they seek to haunt; we call these troublesome phantoms embergeists. Regular firefighters aren’t trained to deal with this supernatural threat; extinguishing one fire means little when an irate ghost kindles many more at the same time.

Enter the Burnaways. A Burnaway is a professional, for lack of any other unifying factor, contracted by a private company to swoop in as soon as a report of an embergeist comes through. Burnaways come from all walks of life, though most are trying to leave dark pasts behind. Exceptional danger for unexceptional pay is a hard sell for anyone save those individuals motivated by desperation, personal atonement, or something else that’s worth walking through fire for. Disparate backgrounds bring together a team with all the skills needed to maneuver through blazing buildings, locate and rescue victims, and even exorcise an arson-inclined specter.

This is a game is about loss.

Fire destroys things we can’t ever recover, whether they be treasured possessions or beloved lives. Regardless of how much we try to prepare for it, we all inevitably lose things we care for, as lights that are snuffed out, leaving our lives darker in the void.

This is also a game about confronting and processing that loss.

When we suffer loss, we fill that void with grief. Sometimes, grief props us up and pushes us forward. Other times, grief threatens to pin us down until our pain buries us. But grief is an emotion, one which fades with time and care. Our relationship with grief determines what grief leaves us with when it’s gone. Grief gives purpose. Grief gives wisdom. Grief gives scars.

As a Burnaway, you are a thief entering the house of Death and snatching back its claim. However, what you leave behind is just as significant as what you choose to take. This is a game about choices; do you rescue the executive or the janitor? The priceless hard drive or the poodle dog? Do you leave your comrade bleeding out to banish the geist and save many others? Or do you leave it all in order to save yourself?

Finally, and just as importantly, this is a game about hope.

When we encounter situations in which we feel powerless or that suffering is inevitable, despair is a rational response, while hope seems illogical. Fortunately, human minds are illogical things, and thus we can find ways to carry on and heal even after an unbearable ordeal, even knowing there are more to come in our future. This is a game that encourages the exploration of these familiar feelings and experiences without denying ourselves the light that always returns from the darkness.

A huge thanks to all who have supported this project from the concept stage three years ago to this point of being a real ttrpg! And again, if this looks cool to you, you can jump on board here!

[soullessjack]

it’s been a hot minute since ive gotten critical but like. To clunkily summarize a lot of shit: the main problems with the babyjack au is that

1) a majority of the fandom have taken it a step beyond just being an au and either insist that it’s actually canon (it’s not) or call you a pdf-file for seeing jack as an adult (which he canonically is considered as). like one of the survey questions mentioned, the idea of jack as a baby is treated as the only acceptable way to view him and you will get pitchforked in the ass if you think differently. that’s what stops it from being a silly au where ppl are just having fun

2) the entire concept of it either banks on making dean and cas domestic dads with a baby-shaped accessory, parentifying dean so he beats the abuser allegations, parentifying cas and sam so they beat the bad dad allegations, etc. jack isn’t the center focus of it at all even tho the au is literally in his name. it’s not about what he wants (he canonically hates being considered a child & it’s narratively only ever used to belittle him) and babies in general are effectively non-characters in any given story bc they inherently lack agency

3) the persistent portrayal of jack as just some baby sitting on Cas’ hips means that his canon self (+ arcs + complexities + trauma) are completely erased & unaddressed bc again, this au literally rests on the premise that jack stops being an autonomous person and is instead essentially there to fix dean and save his marriage to cas.

4) canon age aside (which has been shown to not effect jack being perceived as a young adult by other characters), plenty of ppl in the fandom have pointed out that Jack’s traits & mannerisms are similar to autistic traits & mannerisms, just like Cas. those same traits are often used as an argument for him being “mentally a child,” and I really shouldn’t have to explain how that’s ableist, but this site has let me down on that before so here’s a summary: equating autistic traits & behavior (including unintentionally autistic ones) to childlike/toddler behavior is infantilization and infantilization is a major part/contributor of ableist rhetoric.

*it’s literally the same shit that happened with Entrapta from SPOP if you need another frame of reference. also, you may not be doing it intentionally, you may even be autistic yourself, but that doesn’t make it any less ableist as it is still just regurgitated sugar-coated rhetoric.

5) point number two and point number three both contribute back to, and perpetuate, point number one, and they all swirl around into a little vicious cycle of misinterpretation:

-> jack as a baby is the most persistent portrayal of his character -> his canon character/trauma/arcs/general autonomy are removed & erased in all capacity including fandom discussion -> the baby au becomes seen as “canon” & ergo the only acceptable way to interpret jack ->

*these interpretations also have a bad effect on how TFW are interpreted, based on how they parent jack. ie dean is most prominently considered an abuser or magically redeemed by babyjack, & sam is considered the uncle bc Destiel. cas however usually doesn’t have many criticisms even tho he should but that’s for another post. jack has almost zero autonomy or responsibility in any of his relationships with them bc he’s “just a baby” per the fandom’s interpretation; dare I say he’s not even really considered a part of TFW2.0 more than he is their adorable mascot/pet

capisce?

[housederiva]

wanting to write viago and rook stuff to expand how i see there relationship vs having to write viago save me bee

I need you to go to my pinned post and then click on the first link in it. It'll take you to a g drive that has a picture of my cat and several other things, you're going to download the pdf called Imperium Afternoons and then you're gonna read a specific story that involves Viago within it. You're going to take notes on every bit of his character that you find interesting or helpful

That's all I got I hope it's helpful dear listener

[iridescentmirrorsgenshin]

Kaveh and Alhaitham, Sumeru Bulletin Board (over)Analysis: Part 3

(This is a revamped version of this post, and is a reworked excerpt taken from my Haikaveh essay! If you're interested you can check it out here or as a pdf <3)

As according to their usual rapport, the two disagree over their differing philosophies, as in sensibility versus rationality, altruism versus egoism. This exchange is reminiscent of the catalyst of their argument. This is where Alhaitham’s assertion that Kaveh’s altruism in helping other scholars keep up with the work required for their project is redundant, as academia is not “charity work” and this method is ultimately ineffective in the long-term. This is due to Kaveh’s assistance being temporary and without his input, the helped scholar will return to producing work of their own capabilities. Overall, it is a short term solution, only serving to detriment Kaveh’s own progress, and therefore the progress of the project.

This correlates to Alhaitham’s metaphor of an idealist being akin to a swimmer, in that eventually, one’s stamina will run out in an effort to save others, resulting in being pulled down by others who are drowning, those which the idealist attempted to save at risk of themselves.

This act of altruism is not in line with Alhaitham’s egoism, and therefore is something to be opposed to. Contrarily, Kaveh opposes Alhaitham by asserting that rather than focussing on the self, more efforts could be spared to helping those around them, which he believes Alhaitham can afford due to his own abilities, as seen within Kaveh's Character Story 5. Alhaitham’s egoism denies the ideal of mutual assistance which Kaveh’s altruism aspires to achieve, and therefore is something to be opposed to (Alhaitham's Character Story 3).

This exchange not only serves to demonstrate the inflexibility of their thinking when it comes to opposing each other’s ideology, but also how the need to assert “correctness” over the other is detrimental to their communication. Rather than showing willingness to reach an alternative solution to a problem by the potential merging of ideals, the matter ultimately remains unsolved as a consensus cannot be reached. Where Kaveh is intent on “prove[ing]” his views to Alhaitham, Alhaitham shuts the dialogue down by claiming that Kaveh does not “understand” his own viewpoint, and thus their conversation is meaningless. In this Bulletin Board exchange, “correctness” is the barricade between recognising any potential in the others’ perspective in order to achieve a compromise.

Additionally, in this Bulletin Board exchange, another critical element of their relationship can be observed. Alhaitham’s particular concerns in Kaveh spending his money on “nonsense” highlights the underlying reason for this exchange. From this comment, the argument is recontextualised through Alhaitham’s intention for getting involved, as Kaveh prompts the workmen to take his money in order to help them out. When Alhaitham states that this is a meaningless action due to the inevitability of people rising or falling on their own accord, rather than solely critiquing Kaveh’s “impulsiv[e]” altruism, as Kaveh interprets, Alhaitham is directly contradicting his own comment – as he is interfering on Kaveh’s decisions.

This relates back to the metaphor of the idealist as a swimmer introduced within Kaveh’s Hangout. Despite Alhaitham expressing that it is the idealist’s fate to inevitably drown with those they risk themselves to save, Kaveh asserts that “someone” will reach out and save him if such a fate awaited him once more, as “someone” has already helped him out before. This is an allusion to Alhaitham, as similar language is used within Kaveh’s voice lines regarding Alhaitham “help[ing]” him out.

Just as Kaveh has asserted within his Hangout regarding "someone" helping him out once more, here Alhaitham has interfered in act of Kaveh’s altruism at potential risk to himself, questioning where Kaveh is acquiring the money for this endeavour. As concern is evidently the intention behind Alhaitham’s interference here, Kaveh cannot perceive this, and instead attempts to critique Alhaitham’s perspective in return, although Alhaitham states: “Make no mistake. I have never denied what you meant…” This response asserts that Alhaitham does not deny, but rather agrees with, Kaveh’s statement of “mutual assistance, fairness, and righteous anger” driving the world.

In lieu of this, rather than continuing the argument, Alhaitham claims that there is no point to it, as Kaveh does not understand what he is saying – as in, Kaveh does not understand his intentions in interfering being out of concern. He follows this up, regardless, by criticising Kaveh’s handling of his budget, as, evidently, Kaveh has offered to give his own money to these workmen, and refuses to pay for Kaveh’s drinks for that month. For Alhaitham, Kaveh’s lack of self-prioritisation leads him to impulsive altruistic acts which serve to jeopardise his own position, particularly regarding money. If Kaveh believes he can afford to give away money, when he remains in debt and having to live with Alhaitham, he can afford to pay his own tabs – appears to be Alhaitham’s takeaway from this exchange. Although, similarly to the exchange between them posted in Puspa’s Café, this applies to one particular month, insinuating that Alhaitham will continue to pay for next month’s tabs of his own accord (this is discussed further in the analysis of Puspa's Café message board).

The main argument, as well as the disagreement over the speaker of Kaveh’s quote, serves as a humorous exchange, but as a motif for communication it acquires a new meaning. The omission of there being an objective, correct answer to this particular debate serves as a parallel to their conflicting viewpoints, with the basis of their exchange being to “prove” to the other their “correctness” – here, it is in regard to Kaveh. However, “correctness” being the basis of their exchange, and thus, relationship, is challenged with Alhaitham shutting down the initial debate due to Kaveh’s misunderstanding of his meaning. Correctness, then, and its importance, is called into question within this exchange, with Kaveh being the one to chase it; his last message being that he would “prove” himself to be right.

At the core of this message is the idea that Alhaitham harbours an alternative ‘meaning’ than the one that Kaveh assigns to him: “… you don’t understand what I’m saying to you at all.” This is a meaning which Kaveh cannot see to understand due to his current understanding of Alhaitham. Despite Kaveh holding a belief that Alhaitham would reach out to pull him out of the water, as in, offer Kaveh grounding in a wrong-footed approach to chasing his idealism, as he has done before by offering Kaveh a place to live, here, this help is perceived as a critique on Kaveh’s philosophies.

Kaveh holds a notion that Alhaitham actively avoids interfering in the fate’s of others, and yet Kaveh is aware that Alhaitham has effectively interfered with his, offering him help when Kaveh’s choices rendered him homeless. This contradiction of his understanding of Alhaitham’s character is not questioned within dialogue, although he is aware of it, epitomised in the open-ended question: “But what could I possibly do for him?" (Kaveh: Old Sketchbook Page 112). This ties into the narrative proposed in the conclusion of A Parade of Providence, where a silence emerges in the text from Alhaitham stating that the issue of their relationship is not about “correctness”, thus implying for Kaveh to consider what the issue actually is – to answer the question previously left open-ended.

In this bulletin board exchange, Alhaitham has interfered with Kaveh’s act of altruism which is perceived as a critique of Kaveh and his ideologies, whereas Alhaitham asserts that Kaveh is misunderstanding him. This represents the standing of their current relationship, where Kaveh believes Alhaitham holds him in disdain, although this belief is incongruous with Alhaitham’s actions which show his care for Kaveh.

Alhaitham understands Kaveh’s thinking and the reasons for why he acts as he does, but he cannot articulate his concern in a way that Kaveh will understand, both out of Kaveh’s incapability of receiving goodwill, but also due to his logical manner of expression. Kaveh perceives Alhaitham’s concealed expressions of concern as personal gripes and criticisms of his beliefs, and therefore believes that their relationship is based on the scholarly principle of proving the validity of one’s philosophies (as seen within A Parade of Providence and Kaveh's Old Sketchbook). Alhaitham is invested in a personal regard, whereas Kaveh cannot see this due to his perception of Alhaitham and Alhaitham’s inability to communicate in a way Kaveh would understand.

[narcissistpsychopath-abuse]

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[likehephaestionwhodied]

Hi! I saw your comment on leatherdaddies/leather/kink at pride and you mentioned how this type of masculinity isn't meant to be performed for a het audience, and removing that framework is essentially hollowing out this type of masculinity. (?) I've been looking into modern media portrayals of non hegemonic masculinity and I was wondering if you had some good intro sources for leather culture? Based on the info in that post I'm wondering if there's some bleed through with pop culture/TV and the modern pop cowboy/space western but I could just be jumping to conclusions. At any rate would sill love and appreciate any recs you would be able to give--if not, totally understand! Either way I love the info that you added to that post a lot!!

It's like you knew I didn't want to be working on my thesis and have come to save me.

Okay so, it really depends on what you want for like "sources for leather culture" because if it's leather culture as it exists today put on your tightest Levis, and your heaviest leather boots and go to the local gay bar on leather night and make friends (easier said than done I know I've always lived in rural America, also pls don't go gawk leathermen we can tell) But if you want historic sources that I can help you with better.

The two books I cite the most in my thesis when it comes to leather masculinity are 1. Urban Aboriginals: A Celebration of Leathersexuality by Geoff Mains and 2. The Leatherman's Handbook by Larry Townsend.

The first is much easier to get your hands on than the second. You can just by Urban Aboriginals on Amazon or Thriftbooks or bookshops, probably even your local gay bookstore if you have one, it's still in print. I have the third edition I love that book SO MUCH it was originally published in the early 80s, and I use it as a reflection of the "golden" age of Leather in the 1970s.

Unfortunately, The Leatherman's Handbook and The Leatherman's Handbook II are out of print. That is not to say you can't get your hands on them. I spent an obscene amount of money to buy the pair on ebay. But also, I once found a Lesbian SM reader in my school's library, so you might beable to get it though an interlibrary loan? or maybe a pdf exists?

Another useful text that I cite quite a bit is Leather Folk: Radical Sex, People, Politics, and Practice, edited by Mark Thompson. This is an anthology of essays written by, you guessed it, leatherfolk both gay men and others. (I am assuming because of the post that you are most interested in gay leathermen)

Regarding the rest of your post on pop-culture portrayals of non-hegemonic masculinity (I am assuming you are using that term in an academic "I've read R.W. Connell" way, if not RIP, sorry again I'm working my thesis the first chapter of which is very "I'm Read R.W. Connell") I have one thing to say:

I am 90% sure only three of these men are gay, that only three of these men are intimately aware of the costumes they are wearing. David Hodo, the construction worker, Randy Jones the Cowboy, and Glenn Hughes. I wish I could find the photo of the three of them in their costumes with one very important detail, a single button of their 501s is undone. If you are a gay man crusing in the 1970s you own a pair of levi 501s that are so tight you have to shimmy into them, and you leave one of the buttons undone to make your dick bigger. You can also just tell when they're dancing who understood the assaignment.

I give all this information because the village people have such a weird relationship with the gay community. I haven't done a lot of work with them specifically so I'm sure someone is gonna read this and know xyz. But these guys are named after the west village, where gay men lived in new york, and got their start preforming for gay men. the costumes they wear are of course different types of masculinity idealized in the gay community. Their songs (at least the first iteration of the village people) are usually about gay things. YMCA is of course about crusing, but "San Francisco" from their debut is even more overt along side "Go West," "In the Navy," and "macho man"

I've inserted this video as a visual so when I say, "the three gay ones understand the assignment," you know what I mean, their performance is campy where, where the other two are missing that.

But deconstructing the Village people, or at least the three queerest ones takes an understanding of queer history. In the same way that the Leatherman is a "biker," the construction worker is not really a construction worker (this is not to say that Leathermen are not often bikers, they are) The construction worker is a "Clone" the promiscuous gay men of the 70s who wore Levi jeans, work boots, tight t-shirts, and flannel and solicited sex from other clones in public. Similarly, the cowboy might be a cowboy, but he might also be one of the hundreds of men who hung out at western-themed bars (closely related to leather) and are the prototype of the bear. All three of these particular queer masculinities resist the feminine archetype of queer men HOWEVER, when produced for mass conception, they are camped up.

I think that this would be an instructive place for you to start, I don't know that I can help with more modern pop-culture though.

[heylavellan]

a post by @stenshale had me thinking about my dalish gender headcanons again. bc i have a lot of thoughts about gender, sexuality, and relationships in non-human societies. a lot of the ideas for this comes from the pdf/book Elf Genders by Lucian Kahn. it really shaped how i explore gender in fantasy and sci-fi settings!

sticking my thoughts under the cut cause she's long.

i think it's important to explain what i'm talking about when i say gender here because it can mean a lot of things. mainly, i'm talking about the sociocultural construct and the behaviours of people associated with it.

my thought is that gender is a reflection of the dalish lore surrounding the gods (note: nothing to do with the da:i or vg revelations. specifically the body of dalish lore). it's already an important part of the culture, as the dalish get their vallaslin as part of a coming of age ceremony. why not take it further? the vallaslin are already a dedication to a particular god. it doesn't feel too far of a stretch to say that part of taking a certain god's vallaslin is encouraging young adults to emulate the great feats of the gods and their characteristics.

to me, this makes vallaslin more meaningful. it becomes an indication of the kind of person to your clan, not a job or caste as seen under the qun and orzammar. it also explains to me why hunters aren't always wearing vallaslin to andruil or ghilan'ain and why a crafter might not have june's vallaslin. it also adds an aspect of self-determination to gender -- you don't decide until you've come of age the path you will take.

gender isn't tied to reproduction, in this case. it happens outside of gender, but is an important part of relationships.

mythal

associated with justice, love, and protection. mythal elves are considered patient and good mediators. they dress plainly so they are easier to spot amidst the rest of the elves. others find them spineless and meddling.

mythal elves generally take whatever role the clan needs of them, though they have a preference for leadership, trade, or welfare. they use a variety of pronouns, though use feminine ones most often.

elgar'nan

associated with authority, creation, and light. elgar'nan elves are considered passionate and strong. these elves cover their faces until they've undergone a trial to prove their prowess. other elves find them conceited and rash.

elgar'nan elves believe they can succeed in any area, but usually end up devoting themselves to leadership, warfare, or crafting. they typically use masculine pronouns or choose to accept any as an indication of their mastery of self.

dirthamen

associated with history, memory, and family. dirthamen elves are considered loyal and determined. all dirthamen elves carry a list with things they deem important, though the relevance tends to be inscrutable to others. other elves think they're confusing and condescending.

dirthamen elves thrive in roles related to history, religion, and magic. they tend to use both masculine and feminine pronouns, with neutral being practically unheard of.

falon'din

associated with death, dreams, and magic. falon'din elves are seen as stoic and dutiful. these elves frequently leave the clan to learn more about the world but always return back to the clan. other elves think they are cold and unfeeling, but recognise that their duty is important.

falon'din elves thrive in roles relating to religion, warfare, and magic. they usually take neutral pronouns, though using other pronouns in addition is common enough.

ghilan'ain

associated with farming, navigation, and animals. ghilan'ain elves are seen as devoted and resourceful. many believe that these elves have a supernatural ability to sense where the clan is at all times. they like to get into arguments and have one-track minds.

ghilan'ain elves thrive in roles involving farming, logistics, and crafting. they usually take masculine or neutral pronouns to honour the role andruil played in saving ghilan'ain.

andruil

associated with hunting, combat, and forestry. andruil elves are seen as fierce and quiet. they are easy to identify in a clan due to the tokens and trophies they wear as symbols of struggles overcome. they tend to turn everything into a competition and struggle to turn off their vigilance.

andruil elves are largely considered to be combatants by outsiders, but this is not the case. an andruil elf is just as likely to forage and tend to the health of the land as they are to be a hunter or warrior. they excel in roles which emphasise warfare, logistics, and farming. andruil elves tend to take feminine or neutral pronouns to honour the relationship between andruil and ghilan'ain. masculine pronouns are practically unheard of.

sylaise

associated with community, artistry, healing. sylaise elves are seen as wise and empathetic. dalish consider them the heart of their clans. the absence of a sylaise elf in a clan is considered a poor omen. sylaise elves struggle with taking care of themselves and others consider them to be coddling.

sylaise elves excel in most roles. most dalish associate them with welfare, education, and art. like sylaise herself, many elves of this gender use feminine pronouns. neutral or masculine pronouns are rarer, but not unheard of.

june

associated with mystery, craft, and forging. june elves are seen as problem solvers and hard workers. these elves are considered fashionable due to the fine details in their clothing, usually intricate lacework or embroidery. these elves struggle with seeing the larger picture and have difficulties separating their identity from their creations.

june elves are commonly found in roles which emphasize art, crafting, magic, and trade. outside of these roles, they often have small side projects they are working on. they have no pronoun preference, and often will change them frequently to align with their most recent creation.

---

with vallaslin = gender, it has interesting implications for what being trans and nonbinary in this system means. being trans means changing gods. it is possible to remove vallaslin (solas trans ally <3). i imagine most keepers know how to remove it in case of infection during the vallaslin process or to ensure that youth who aren't ready can start with a clean slate. but there are probably folks who instead adapt their existing vallaslin to create something unique or emphasize their gender using the other social signifiers despite wearing the 'wrong vallaslin'.

nonbinary (non-octal, in this case?) elves are also interesting. perhaps an elf can't commit to a gender. maybe they want to reject it and keep their face bare. maybe they have a nonstandard vallaslin design dedicated to an emerald knight, an important ancestor, or another grand elven figure such as shartan. maybe they take aspects of multiple genders and have hybrid vallaslin (bigender up to octogender).

gender non-conformity is also intriguing. emphasizing 'unusual' traits or an alternative aspect of a god (mythal's aspect of vengeance, for example) or fulfilling a role not usual for their gender (a falon'din elf taking up leadership, for example).

---

it also made me consider what relationships look like. i can imagine that there are some types of relationships that are surrounded by some degree of romanticism. falon'din/dirthamen, sylaise/june, and mythal/elgar'nan might be idealised by those looking for life partners.

but then i was reflecting on how gender is quite divorced from procreation by virtue of being chosen in adulthood. it would make sense for poly relationships to be normal, with societal expectations that at least one partner is for procreation.

---

lastly, i think theres a lot of interesting ways clans and characters can interact with this. maybe in your version of thedas, this system is only prevalent in really traditional clans. or maybe traditional clans use this gender system and newer clans have abandoned the system. or they find somewhere in between.