#Healing from Childhood Trauma: Navigating Adult Relationships

[myimperfectlyperfectjourneyllc]

How Childhood Trauma Shapes Adult Relationships: My Personal Story

I’m sure you already know that childhood traumas often ends up have long-lasting effects on our lives (including our friendships, romantic relationships, and how we connect/interact with colleague and and co-workers). Now, In this week’s blog post, I will share my personal experience with avoidant/dismissive attachment, and neglect/anxious attachment. Plus, I will also discuss how these traumas…

[elicathebunny]

EMBRACING YOUR INNER CHILD.

(BASED ON HEALTHLINE)

Understanding your inner child is recognizing a representation of your early self or a symbol of youthful dreams. Dr. Diana Raab highlights that awareness of your inner child can evoke memories of carefree years, offering a way to cope with challenging times. However, not everyone associates childhood with joy, especially if they experience neglect or trauma. In such cases, the inner child may feel small and vulnerable, with buried pain resurfacing in adulthood. Healing your inner child is essential for addressing distress in relationships and meeting your own needs. - Healthline

Listening to Your Inner Child:

After establishing a connection with your inner child, it's crucial to pay attention to the emotions that surface in triggering situations.

Recognizable feelings may include anger, abandonment, insecurity, vulnerability, guilt, or shame.

Identifying childhood events tied to these emotions helps understand recurring patterns in adult life.

Writing a Letter to Your Inner Child:

To initiate healing, writing a letter to your inner child is recommended.

Reflect on childhood memories, providing insights or explanations for distressing circumstances not understood back then.

Ask questions like "How do you feel?" to maintain an ongoing dialogue.

Meditation for Inner Child Work:

Meditation enhances self-awareness, aiding in recognizing emotions triggered by specific situations.

It helps in getting comfortable with unwanted emotions and practising acknowledgement.

Loving-kindness meditation and visualization are suggested for connecting with your inner child.

Journaling as Your Inner Child:

Journaling from the perspective of your inner child helps recognize unhelpful patterns that originated in childhood.

Recall specific age-related emotions through visualization and express thoughts freely to understand inner child pain.

Reconnecting with Joyful Moments:

Embrace relaxation and playfulness to heal the pain of a childhood lacking positive experiences.

Incorporate small pleasures, enjoy fun activities, and cultivate a sense of wonder to rekindle positive emotions.

Leaving the Door Open for Healing:

Healing is an ongoing journey, and staying in tune with your inner child is essential.

Cultivate awareness, continue listening, offer love and compassion, and work to heal any remaining wounds.

Therapy for Inner Child Work:

Therapists can create a safe space to navigate emotional turmoil and develop strategies for healing the inner child.

Cognitive behavioural therapy may focus on present experiences, while psychodynamically oriented psychotherapy specifically addresses inner child work.

[iravaid]

Oh man, now after reading your reply all i can think about is tommy in his twenties, having reached a place where he’s been through rehab and a whole bunch of therapy and has more knowledge of autism/aspergers and a greater understanding of mental illnesses and disabilities in general after having been forced to confront his own trauma and his struggles with addiction and whatnot, etc, reflecting on his relationship with simon and their childhood and all the mistakes and baggage those memories carry, and trying to reach out and talk with simon about it all, except of course simon doesn’t want to hear it at all, because the past should remain in the past, why would you go digging up things that best remain buried and forgotten?? And if that weren’t enough to send him running for the hills, tommy’s subtle comments about the autism thing would definitely get his fight or flight instincts kicking into high gear, because, sure, he might be awkward and blunt and not great in social situations, but that’s fine, that shit doesn’t matter in the military, not when he’s this damn good at his job, and it’s not like he gives a shit about playing the politics game and climbing up the ladder until he can laze about in some cushy office chair rubbing elbows with the brass or whatever, so it’s fine, he might be fucked in the head but he’s not sick or anything, he’s not some sort of nutcase, he’s not

Augh, absolutely, there's something very interesting in the concept of Tommy ultimately ending up better adjusted (relatively) than Simon by the time both of them are adults. Especially regarding self acceptance and unpacking the ableism they were raised with. I'm going to enter headcanon delusion land because we know next to nothing about Tommy so a quick warning on that lmao, but, we ball.

Although Tommy has had this immensely rough start, struggling with addiction and the feelings on inadequacy that might arise from living in his brother's shadow all his life, he's also been given the space and counselling that equipped him with better coping skills and vocabulary to both verbalise and recognise what happened to him and Simon as kids. I like to also think that, for a myriad of reasons and a myriad of people, Tommy has made that conscious effort to heal as well, to improve and try his damndest to break the cycle of abuse (even if that effort was ultimately cut short by forces far outside his own control.).

I'm not trying to say that Simon himself is actively perpatuating it, but he's had next to no guidance regarding the navigation of his own trauma, nor mightn't he fully recognise how deeply a 'bad childhood' might have effected him. I also see Simon's joining the army as both a blessing and a curse for him, because it probably did save his life: he got away from his dad, got strong enough to cast his father out of his home and life, got enough money to support the family that mattered to him and step up to be the 'man of the house', in his eyes. But it also, predictably, created a kind of situation where Simon got caught up in this machismo echo chamber/mob mentality reinforcing the more aggressive/violent aspects of himself in this wild cycle of adrenaline and dopamine and psoitive reinforcement for a mission well done. Rinse and repeat for two decades, and there's a guy with a lot of his self worth tied up in conventional but ultimately detrimental masculine qualities; where he's possibly too proud to recognise he's actively hurting from the things that happened to him as a child, let alone reach out to anyone in order to begin processing it in a constructive way. Why should he? He's Lieutenant fucking Riley.

It's a very interesting contrast, to me, that while Simon is the one who started out the more stable of the two brothers, the script is flipped between them when Simon returns from Roba's captivity. I wonder if Tommy feels a sense of eagerness to repay the debt he feels he owes Simon, for the former taking care of him during his recovery as a teen. I wonder if Simon feels resentful for 'losing' his place as the Riley patriarch/protector/provider to his younger brother, who got married and had a son and carved a place in the community for himself, all while Simon was running from his issues on some battlefield, in turn being greviously harmed by it and now has to battle with his own recovery.

They have such capacity for very deep love, they're connected both by their brotherhood and by the immense hurt their father caused. They also hold as deep a capability for harm and anger against the other, "This is my brother and I need a shovel to love him." kind of deal. Idk, ghost of their father still lingers where the skin is thin, and their shared proximity makes it seep. lol, lmao even

Augh, but I'm rambling, the thought of Tommy trying to gently broach the subject of autism/being autistic, and Simon having that kneejerk reaction of hypervigilance, aggression, anger at being 'accused' of such a thing, man. A constant cycle of trying to reach out and rejecting and reaching out and rejecting!! If only they had more time, maybe something kinder could have happened

[martyrdeer]

GONE NOW

synopsis: apolline dubois lives in the shadow of a haunted past, caught between the fragments of her childhood grief and the bittersweet love she finds as an adult. she navigates the world after her innocence becomes shatters by loss and unspoken questions. decades later, as a woman, apolline's life is marked by the lingering pain of a failed relationships and death. apolline is forced to confront her own doubts and longings for the future. amidst the weight of loss, love, and self-discovery, apolline’s journey becomes a delicate balancing act between healing and repeating history, as she grapples with the complexities of love, memory, and identity.

tags: my original characters!! this is based on the album, “gone now” by bleachers. mentions of parental death, childhood trauma, grief and bereavement, emotional distress, alcohol use, death, war, and mental health issues.

word count is 1.7k!!

Apolline Dubois presently resides in the in-between. In her cursed reveries, she’s in the derelict gymnasium that clung to her abominations, scrutinizing her adversaries with their accolades. It’s 1995, and she’s in the midst of suffering from bereavement. Her innocence spoiled two hundred and nine moons ago. In the horrors of her mind, she recalls the covetousness. How her hazel eyes looked greener, and that the grass wasn’t lusher on the other side. Twenty years later, scowls carry on towards her classmates scurrying around with their fathers. It was everyone’s first day in second grade. Apolline’s seven-year-old self pondered why all the fathers were there. Were they always there and she just wasn’t so hyper-aware before?

As her humor expanded with age, the jest was that Kim’s Videos closed and their wives were at home in front of their television sets, treating the Iran–Iraq war as their source of entertainment. Until she loses her memory as her grandparents did, she’ll recapture the girls and their fathers brushing past her, beholding her as a brave, endangered zoo animal. She stood in her Greg Maddux jersey, denim shorts, and light-up sneakers with Velcro straps on display. Gossip surrounded her, speaking of her father’s passing. They also seemed to assume she had turned reticent. The truth was, Apolline had nothing to speak about anymore, and it was not like anyone would care to listen.

The winter sun shattered her utopias, leaving her fatherless in no man’s land. Now, in the blaring warmth shining through the windows, she forced herself to be phlegmatic—a concept her mother taught her that early June. She had to give up being a Micawber quickly. Looking back, she was glad her mother stripped her delusion away, yet her yearning for imparadise never halted. She was only a child. All the hope she held at that age disintegrated. Rolling thunder had cursed her bedroom.

Her mother saw the magenta color under her eyes and the sweat on her Hello Kitty bed sheets from nightmares. She didn’t even recognize her daughter. Apolline soon shared a bed with her after that. It was the cheapest thing next to a family psychologist. Seeing all the Sarahs and Angies with their fathers, she prayed for a universe where everyone could feel her pain. And on a Sunday, Mickey Mantle left. With that, Apolline watched everyone rushing home to pray as she was being taken off the exhibit.

When she wakes up from that misery, she reposes in the bed that was once her lover’s. Seraphina Parker. Seraphina was a Texan librarian who escaped to New Jersey. Apolline met her at a book club hosted by the Allentown Library. She later exited the club because of how it transformed into an ongoing scuttlebutt instead of discussing literature. Yet, she lingered in the languid corner where she absorbed herself in thrillers. Seraphina viewed her as a seldom treasure, different from how previous people had. A reserved camaraderie blossomed before a New Year’s kiss. Neither of them knew if their fondness or wine made them maudlin. At first, they dismissed it as asexual. No deeper meaning.

But soon, the two women found history repeating itself. Drunken kisses led to rendezvouses at the art museum nearby. Analyzing the paintings revolutionized into surveying each other when one of them was sautéing for dinner. The aroma of the Duck Breast with Blackberry Port Sauce soon attracted a fleeing mutt. The dog followed Seraphina to Apolline’s bed when she found her other half reading the newspaper. Five years of that true bliss, what life should always be like. It was the stillness that they both utterly deserved.

But one tragic summer, Apolline lied to her sweetheart’s face. She watched all the nights go blue. Seraphina caressed her cheek, reassuring her that it was mutual. That no one was pointing the blame. She told her that as she ransacked the apartment and took the dog. Now, Apolline rots in her frigid bed in alien adobe. She had to learn to behave when the children at 42 woke her up & her upstairs neighbor’s first dates with men. On their six-month anniversary of the breakup, spoke to strangers again. And while she was at it, she visited her mother. Over tea and chess, Apolline’s mom saw that familiar fuchsia shade underneath her eyes.

Her recovery was excelling until she ran into Seraphina at a wedding. The bride was Seraphina’s secretary. In the final months of their relationship, Apolline got closer to said secretary. When the former amours locked eyes, they both gifted each other a heart attack. Avoidance was a common occurrence throughout the night. Along with hard booze. With five tequila shots in her, Seraphina approached the monster under her bed. Apolline was frightened to move.

Not desiring to provoke the archrival. Her mind was fogged with conflict. The need to kiss the woman she once adored or get cruel revenge. But Seraphina’s hand connected with her forearm and allayed assumed disquiet. And Apolline wished she wasn’t herself. All of the negative feelings she believed she had harbored boiled to the surface. And how she hated that Seraphina knew her.

The aftermath of seeing a past flame at a place where love was turning over a new leaf numbed her. So her secondary home became Sticky’s Bar. She regarded herself as unripe for dating yet. However, as she was guzzling her scotch, someone targeted her. That someone was Ella Martinez. An enervated Los Angeles beach babe who missed winter. Apolline saw her face and hands colored in the sun. Right there, she understood. Love was a currency, a shimmering balance act. They both laughed at that.

Ella stole the air out of Apolline’s lungs & made her feel it. Nine months in and she got her. This was everything better and more compared to Seraphina. This enchantment reformulated them into adolescent fools. High school should’ve been like this. Ella was a moonlighter who, bafflingly enough, still had leftover time for her. On the nights she remained in Apolline’s bed, her lover would study her in trepidation. Would they stay up late while fighting? In her dreams, she’s the guilty one. She imagines Ella growing sick of her. Rolling her eyes as she ignored her despite sharing the same bed. Now she’s stuck in the storm. Ella’s hand forever’s all she wants. Apolline silently begs her not to take the money as she falls into a deep slumber.

The universe must have decided that Apolline was too over her head in heaven when her sobbing mother called. She was watching Clueless with Ella when her phone buzzed. As the news echoed through her head, she began standing on a wire. Her best friend disguised as her great-grandmother had passed. After the call, she had Ella pinch her to wake her up from this dream. She refused the reality. She was still alive. She watched the television being shut off and wept into her girlfriend’s arms. They both waited for the night to pass but cussed out the sun for coming up all over. Through the nausea and tears, Apolline cashed her checks and packed for the wake.

In Chico, California, Apolline and Ella sat close in a corner of a small church. The memorial was a jest in her eyes. The hippie pastor was singing songs while being barefoot. She gripped Ella’s hand to limit the frustration. Apolline was sitting in the cold, eyeing all the visitors. She was truly lost without her favorite person. Her face was meshing with every stranger she laid eyes on. All she wanted to believe was that she had a chance to see her great-grandmother in heaven. But her atheism got the best of her. Instead, she initiated to blend in with everybody. Knowing everybody lost somebody.

All of Apolline’s heroes got tired. And Ella’s serenade cooed her at her worst. Every memory of her heroes that she couldn’t remember was one she was unable to forget. Her farewell to Chico was bittersweet. Her great-grandmother’s words circulated in the darkness as she drove out of California. How nothing ever truly dies. In that transient moment, Apolline sensed betrayal. Her hero sold her a lie. A sarcastic promise she took to heart. To continue her great-grandmother’s legacy, she hoped to be something better yet.

A year of torpor slips away like a bottle of wine. From her uncomfortable lounge chair, Apolline gazes at Ella in her black dress. She wipes her glasses to see the beauty in front of her clearly. Her inner monologue tells her it’s worthless. To hope for it all, to involve the government in her relationship. But she has been waiting for this before her comprehension of eros between women. As she scrutinizes the love of her life, nothing has changed her so deeply as Ella has. Will it feel like thunder? When their long drive is over?

The way Apolline proposed was not the ideal plan. She hadn’t even bought a ring yet. Ella had picked her up from Sticky’s Bar. Apolline welcomed alcohol into her veins to flush out the agitation. She knew it was hard to cherish a tortured soul like her. And she wanted to get right for her. The bar owner rang Ella to get her drunken idiot. When a flushed grinning Apolline was carried out by her possible fiancé, her world suddenly seemed okay. On the car ride home, Apolline slurred out, “Honey, let’s get married.”

Their wedding was on an autumn evening in Languedoc-Roussillon. The environs were butchered by Ella’s pictures of it from her parents. It was a diminutive ceremony, and neither of them had much family. Apolline had forgotten about all her struggles when an angel gifted the panorama of Ella strolling down the aisle. Thereafter their “I do”, they lingered in France for the long-awaited honeymoon.

They became spoiled children with the elegance. They also ignored what their frontal lobe was hinting at, unsure of each other’s wishes. And their return to New Jersey was what they expected. An uneasy jadedness in their home. Incompetent to even consider sleeping at midnight two weeks subsequently, they both knew it. Sooner than later, Apolline gave her goodbyes and headed back to where her heart was with her wife. She figured everything was gone now, only to find it once again.

[blissfulalchemist]

How much does your OC's background and origin affect their approach to relationships? Are there specific insecurities or preferences that lead on from their past?

Oh it effects them a lot! Some more than others but I'm a bit of a developmental psych nerd and I love seeing how your attachment style effects you, how one tries to counter act this, or any number of influences effect how one navigates relationships and reactions to things throughout your life. You will find this with almost all my ocs that there was something that carries over that effects their relationships both platonic and romantic. There's a bit of a ramble of Sib, Demos, and my XVI girls below the cut if you're interested. But yeah the tl;dr is yes my ocs pasts and backgrounds effect how they navigate relationships because I love looking at the developmental psychology of it all!

Someone like Sib is a nice example in that she craves attention but in a very validating way to her because her parents were not giving her that validating attention. Her father was very distant and didn't seem to act like he care about her life at all, while her mother cared too much and while she paid attention to her it was invalidating as it was only really positive if she behaved how she was supposed to. Being with the Scions who acknowledge and praise her non-lady like behavior was the best feeling in the world to her! In romantic relationships she very much tries to cling and keep herself around because she has had her first love disappear on her, her brother vanished, and there were plenty of other adults and their children that would be gone suddenly because they worked for her family, the moment that Thancred seemed to show more interest than just sex she held onto it until HW. Her past effects how she even interacts with Thancred and Minfilia in ShB because she's seeing her childhood self in Minfilia and her father's behaviors in Thancred and well she's not happy about that at all, but it creates enough of a mess that Minfilia has to lock them in a room so they can work their shit out and not have her be in the middle of it. By Endwalker though she's working through it and putting the new behaviors to the proof.

Demos is someone that had very secure attachments as a child and it shows in how he's able to keep a cordial relationship with the Scions when he's not really keen on joining. But more so it shows in how he knows both his and Yugiri's feelings towards one another but can set them aside for the time being because it just isn't the right time for them to have a relationship in that way. There's a secure knowledge that when the time is right they will come together, but until then they can be independent of one another. There's trust there and a healthiness to how he sees relationships that comes from him having his needs met as a child from his parents that he's still close too. They let him have an independence but were there to guide and comfort him when it was needed. Granted there are other non-relationship things that are effected by his upbringing but that's not what we are discussing here.

For my xvi girls, Clídna had a lot of trauma related to SA and isn't very keen on touch unless she initiates it or she really trusts a person. Jill was her ward and she was still fairly young so it didn't effect their relationship until they meet up once again. With Clive, he was the one person that didn't reach out to her first, he was always polite, and very quiet, she was able to just sit with him and not be the social butterfly she was to keep herself safe, and it was just such a sense of safety that she has a very hard time sleeping more than a few hours without him. Alma on the other hand clings to the two people that (consciously) knew the least about her past because she has such a hard time acknowledging what happened to her parents and what she saw. Her family teachings in the healing arts brought her back so to speak because it gave her mind something to do and focus on because the more she sits with things the more likely she is to get stuck in her own head and spiral because she just doesn't talk about it. And while its easy enough to not say she's in a relationship with Joshua, because they both decided it was best to keep it on the way down low, it is also harder because much of Alma's love is in touch, because it was a big way that she was comforted when she was younger, so there is such a drive and restraint to not casually reach for his hand when walking or hugging him, that by the time they can be in the Hideaway together she is taking advantage of being able to do such things.

[harmonyhealinghub]

Healing Your Inner Child: A Journey Towards Emotional Wholeness

Shaina Tranquilino

October 17, 2023

As we navigate through life's challenges and responsibilities, many of us carry unresolved emotional wounds from our past. These unhealed wounds often originate from childhood experiences, shaping our beliefs, behaviours, and relationships as adults. The concept of healing your inner child offers a powerful way to address these deep-rooted issues, paving the path towards emotional wholeness and self-acceptance. In this blog post, we will explore practical steps you can take to embark on this transformative journey.

1. Acknowledge the Existence of Your Inner Child:

The first step in any healing process is acknowledging that there is an inner child within you who requires attention and care. Recognize that your younger self still exists within you, carrying all those emotions and experiences. Allow yourself to reconnect with this part of you without judgment or criticism.

2. Create a Safe Space for Self-Exploration:

Creating a safe space for self-reflection is crucial when delving into your inner child's healing process. Find a peaceful setting where you feel comfortable expressing your emotions freely. Consider journaling, meditation, or seeking professional support to help guide you through this introspective journey.

3. Identify Past Traumas and Limiting Beliefs:

Take time to reflect on your childhood experiences and identify any significant traumas or negative events that might have impacted your psyche. Explore how these incidents may have shaped your beliefs about yourself, others, and the world around you. By gaining awareness of these limiting beliefs, you can begin to challenge them effectively.

4. Practice Self-Compassion:

Healing your inner child requires showing compassion towards yourself in ways that perhaps weren't offered during your formative years. Embrace self-care practices such as nurturing activities, affirmations, forgiveness exercises (including forgiving yourself), and treating yourself with love and kindness whenever possible.

5. Reconnect with Your Inner Child:

Allow yourself to tap into the childlike wonder and innocence that resides within you. Engage in activities that evoke joy, creativity, and playfulness. Embrace hobbies or interests that once brought you happiness as a child. By nurturing this connection, you are providing your inner child with the love and attention they may have lacked.

6. Reparenting Yourself:

Reparenting involves fulfilling your own emotional needs by giving yourself the care and support you longed for during childhood. Be attentive to your feelings and emotions, validating them instead of dismissing or suppressing them. Cultivate healthy boundaries, self-discipline, and self-compassion as part of this healing process.

7. Seek Professional Support if Needed:

Sometimes, healing deep-seated wounds requires professional guidance from therapists specializing in inner child work or trauma recovery. These professionals can offer valuable insights, techniques, and tools tailored to your unique journey towards healing your inner child.

Healing your inner child is an ongoing process that requires patience, compassion, and commitment to self-discovery. By acknowledging their existence, creating a safe space for exploration, identifying past traumas and limiting beliefs, practicing self-compassion, reconnecting with your inner child, reparenting yourself, and seeking professional support when necessary – you can pave the way towards emotional wholeness and lead a more authentic life filled with love and acceptance.

[denimbex1986]

'The 2023 film, 'All of Us Strangers' enchanted festival enthusiasts. However, the absence of an Oscar nomination posed a separate challenge. Now, let's take a closer look at this film that has garnered critics' acclaim, raced from one award to another, and secured a special place in the hearts of moviegoers.

'All of Us Strangers', directed by Andrew Haigh and starring Andrew Scott and Paul Mescal, unfolds the story of a gay couple.

Adam (Andrew Scott) is a solitary television scriptwriter living an isolated life in London. Despite initially hesitating to invite his drunk neighbor Harry (Paul Mescal) into his home, Adam eventually gives in to Harry's persistence. As their relationship progresses, they navigate through various events and embark on a life together. However, Adam is eventually confronted with Harry's death, forcing him to sever ties with his reality. Throughout this process, the ghosts of his family guide him. After accepting Harry's death, Adam embraces his spirit, and they peacefully fall asleep together, lost in a beam of light accompanied by music as the screen fades to black.

Scott portrays Adam, a struggling scriptwriter inspired by his past, grappling with a screenplay as things haven't been going well for him lately.

The film initially focuses on Adam's face reflected in the windows of the flat in the twilight of London. Adam immerses himself in the music of his childhood and sifts through a box of family treasures connecting him to the distant past. However, he appears detached – in the echoing, neat but cold apartment, almost empty in a Ballardian tower block, emphasizing his loneliness.

A gentle relationship blossoms between Adam and his neighbor Harry, the only other occupant of the building.

During a research visit for a script Adam is writing, he goes to his childhood home in the suburbs of Dorking. There, he encounters his deceased parents (Claire Foy and Jamie Bell), who remain unchanged, unaged, exactly as they were 30 years ago when they died. Scott balances the film's supernatural elements with emotional equilibrium, and the entire cast complements him in this harmony.

As the bond between Adam and Harry strengthens into a potential future together, Adam is continually drawn to his unresolved childhood trauma of the past.

Time doesn't necessarily heal all wounds. Instead, it makes them deeper and more debilitating. Adam can't rewrite the moment his parents were killed in a car accident. However, he can recognize them not as a bullied and beaten child but as an adult gay man.

The excellent, highly sensitive screenplay is adapted from the novel "Strangers" (1987) by Japanese author Taichi Yamada.

The 2023 film is not the first adaptation of the book; the initial one was Nobuhiko Obayashi's 'The Discarnates' in 1988. However, Haigh has left his mark on the story.

The use of the real childhood home for scenes between Adam and his parents emphasizes the emotional connection between the director and the material.

There are clues in this film that connect director Haigh to his previous works: it establishes a link with his second feature, the gay romance 'Weekend.' It also shares the sense of a window to the past and the cyclical nature of time, disrupting lives with the discovery of a lost lover's body preserved in ice, as seen in '45 Years.'

On the initial viewing, we can guarantee that you won't escape the film's heart-wrenching emotional impact.

We believe that watching the film once is not enough to fully grasp it. The complexity of Emilie Levienaise-Farrouch's composed music harmoniously strengthens the film's meaning. The mastery of Jonathan Alberts' seamless editing subtly guides us through parallel timelines and simultaneous moments in Adam's life within a cityscape. In essence, we can say the film's success is a collaborative effort.'

[diamondbehavioralhealth]

The Impact of Childhood Trauma in Adults

Understanding the far-reaching effects of childhood trauma on adult life requires empathy, insight, and effective coping strategies. We acknowledge the importance of addressing past traumas to nurture holistic well-being and resilience. In this section, we delve into the enduring effects of childhood trauma on adults, examining the signs of suppressed trauma and strategies for coping and healing. Through therapy, support networks, and self-care practices, individuals can embark on a journey of self-discovery and empowerment, reclaiming their narrative and building a brighter future beyond the shadows of their past experiences.

How Childhood Trauma Shapes Adulthood

The impact of childhood trauma often extends into adulthood, affecting various aspects of life. Whether stemming from loss, neglect, abuse, or other adverse experiences in early life, these effects may surface over time. Unresolved issues buried deep within the psyche can significantly impact emotional, mental, and physical well-being.

Indicators of suppressed childhood trauma in adults may manifest as:

Challenges in forming and maintaining relationships, including trust issues, intimacy struggles, or fear of abandonment.

Low self-esteem and feelings of worthlessness, shame, or guilt rooted in past traumatic experiences.

Emotional instability, such as intense mood swings, difficulty managing emotions, or recurring anxiety and depression.

Adoption of maladaptive coping mechanisms like substance abuse, self-harm, or disordered eating patterns.

Intrusive memories or flashbacks triggered by unrelated stimuli, causing distressing recollections of past trauma.

Avoidance of triggers associated with childhood trauma, leading to efforts to steer clear of certain situations, people, or places.

Physical symptoms such as chronic pain, gastrointestinal issues, or headaches linked to unresolved emotional stress.

Recognizing these indicators is the initial step toward recovery from childhood trauma. Therapy, support groups, and self-care practices offer avenues to confront and process these experiences, fostering resilience and well-being in adulthood. Seeking perspectives from others with similar experiences can also be beneficial.

Navigating Childhood Trauma in Adulthood

While confronting childhood trauma in adulthood poses challenges, it also presents opportunities for growth and resilience. Acknowledging the influence of past experiences and their lingering effects is crucial. This acknowledgment often involves confronting difficult emotions, experiences, and coping mechanisms established during childhood.

Therapy provides a safe environment to explore and address these experiences, understanding how past trauma shapes relationships, beliefs, and behaviors. Building a strong support system outside of therapy offers validation, encouragement, and a sense of community.

Engaging in self-care practices like exercise, mindfulness, and creative expression aids in emotional regulation, stress reduction, and self-awareness. Despite the challenges, the journey toward recovery empowers individuals to reclaim their narratives, foster meaningful connections, and lead fulfilling lives beyond the aftermath of childhood trauma.

[t0pitium]

Navigating the Unforgiving Loneliness of Unaddressed Trauma: A Path to Healing and Connection

Life's journey is shaped by the experiences of our early years, and childhood trauma can cast a long shadow, profoundly impacting emotional well-being and adult relationships. The scars of untreated trauma can lead to persistent loneliness that feels unforgiving and isolating. In this comprehensive guide, we delve into the intricate link between unaddressed trauma and adult loneliness, exploring the reasons behind it and offering a holistic roadmap for healing and transformation.

The Complex Link between Trauma and Loneliness: Childhood trauma can manifest in various forms, from abuse and neglect to accidents that shatter a child's sense of security. These experiences reshape the brain's threat processing mechanism, leading to hypervigilance and an inability to trust others. Survivors often struggle with emotional closeness, intimacy, and trust, culminating in deep-seated loneliness fueled by a cycle of avoidance, self-destructive behavior, and fear of vulnerability.

Attachment Trauma and its Lifelong Impact: Attachment theory underscores the profound influence of early relationships on adult personality. Childhood trauma, especially from caregivers, can result in attachment trauma, impacting self-esteem, trust, and the ability to form healthy bonds. These survivors often fear intimacy and experience insecurity, perpetuating patterns of isolation. Without a foundation of healthy relationships, loneliness persists, hindering personal growth and connection.

Understanding the Core of Childhood Trauma: Childhood trauma leaves an indelible mark, rewiring the brain and altering perceptions, especially concerning relationships. Trust becomes elusive due to trauma often originating from untrustworthy adults. Absence of consistent support creates an internal struggle, affecting the ability to feel safe. The impact of trauma varies, from isolated incidents to sustained toxic environments.

Healing the Unforgiving Loneliness: A Comprehensive Guide

Seek Professional Help: Connect with a therapist specializing in trauma to navigate complex emotions. Therapy provides a safe space to explore past wounds, challenge distorted beliefs, and develop coping strategies.

Embrace Vulnerability: Overcome the fear of intimacy by taking calculated risks to connect with others. Open yourself to new relationships, guided by the understanding that not everyone will hurt you.

Cultivate a Growth Mindset: Adopt a growth mindset, believing in the potential for change and personal growth. Challenge fixed notions of loneliness and actively work toward building meaningful connections.

Foster Self-Love: Reclaim your self-worth by acknowledging that trauma was not your fault. Self-love and self-awareness pave the way for understanding, healing, and ultimately breaking the cycle of loneliness.

Gradual Social Reintegration: Begin with small, manageable steps toward social interaction. Reach out to friends, explore hobbies, and consider joining support groups to connect with like-minded individuals.

Mindful Self-Reflection: Engage in regular self-reflection to identify triggers, thought patterns, and behaviors stemming from traumatic experiences. Mindfulness practices offer a platform for understanding emotions, regaining control over reactions, and processing feelings.

Build a Supportive Network: Surround yourself with a compassionate support network. Cultivate relationships with friends, family, or support groups that provide empathy, validation, and a safe space to share experiences.

Rewriting Your Narrative: Work with a therapist to reinterpret your past trauma, empowering yourself and highlighting your resilience. Transform your identity from a survivor of trauma to a person who thrives, fostering a sense of purpose and connection.

The journey to healing from the isolation of unaddressed trauma requires courage, dedication, and a comprehensive approach. By embracing professional help, vulnerability, and a growth mindset, you can break free from the chains of loneliness. Mindful self-reflection, a supportive network, and rewriting your narrative further empower you on this path. As you combine these steps, you move closer to a life enriched with authentic connections, self-discovery, and a sense of purpose that transcends past pain.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

TW: COCSA & CSA

Desperately seeking advice.

About two years ago, I started vaguely remembering some incidents from childhood in which I was sexually abused by both an adult and another child (separate incidents). It really messed me up for a while to remember but I’ve done a lot of journaling and writing to work through it a little bit and for the most part I am fine.

However, recently some more memories have started to emerge and it’s really really messing with my head. My sister is about a year and a half older than me and we used to play house a lot when we were kids. It was usually very innocent. But some fuzzy memories have made me feel extremely guilty and disgusted with myself. I was maybe 7 or 8 and going through a phase where I was heavily sexualizing things- not necessarily sexualizing myself but looking for erotic stories and images and the like- looking back now, this might’ve had to do with the things that happened to me. A few times when we played house it would get to a weird place. We never removed clothing but boundaries were definitely crossed. My memory is extremely fuzzy but to my recollection it was almost always my idea. I am now terrified and disgusted that I might have been the abuser in a COCSA situation and i can’t remember it in enough detail to make sense of it. I just feel an overwhelming sense of guilt and disgust and i want to throw up every time i think about it. our current relationship is mostly good and normal. i can’t bring this up and make things awful and weird. i have been reading up on COCSA and survivor’s stories and i don’t know what to do and i don’t know if i actually did something terrible and unforgivable.

Hi anon,

I'm so sorry about what you've been through. I'm glad to hear that journaling has been helping you process your experiences. Please know that your feelings are valid.

This situation is complex, because on one hand there is some level of responsibility and accountability to take, but it's important to remember that you were also a child and your prefrontal cortex was actively developing, which is responsible for judgment calls and decision making. So while it's appropriate to feel guilty about what happened, it's also worth understanding that you may have been too young to fully comprehend the gravity of your actions to begin with. Reaching a place where you can have some forgiveness for yourself can be a necessary first step in healing and moving forward from this experience and the feelings surrounding it.

Though your sister may not want to discuss it, you may want to consider thinking of a way you can approach discussing this with her, if you feel an apology is appropriate in this situation. Even just writing out your thoughts may provide a therapeutic catharsis for you to process your feelings.

If you can access or afford it, a mental health professional such as a therapist can help you navigate your trauma, gain useful insights into self forgiveness, process your feelings surrounding perpetrating COCSA, and guide you along your healing journey.

I hope I could help and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[risehealingcenter]

Dating Someone With PTSD: What to Know and How to Navigate

If you are dating or in a relationship with someone who suffers from PTSD, you may be wondering how you can help or what you can expect. You already know there is much to love about your partner and that they are much more than their trauma. You also see how they are hurting and struggling. There is absolutely hope and there are effective ways to treat trauma and PTSD. Together, you can work towards more effectively managing symptoms and ultimately towards healing, so that a new sense of security and freedom can be found in the present.

PTSD is not just for war vets

Many times I have spoken to a therapy client about a PTSD or complex PTSD diagnosis fitting and been met with confusion partly because of the media tendency to exclusively depict PTSD as something that happens as a byproduct of war. In addition to experiences like rape or serious accidents, anything that someone experiences as deeply threatening can cause PTSD-like symptoms. Another working definition of trauma is too much too soon or too little for too long - when our coping skills and nervous systems are overwhelmed or we experience physical or emotional neglect.

What is traditional PTSD?

Traditional PTSD can arise from a single traumatic event or traumas that happen in a short amount of time.

What is complex PTSD?

Complex PTSD is caused by chronically experiencing traumas, oftentimes in childhood (for instance, consistently not getting physically or emotional needs met or experiencing physical or sexual abuse or ongoing bullying).

Individuals who have complex PTSD are sadly more susceptible to developing traditional PTSD later from single incident traumas, as they have less neural networks and experiences of safety internalized that can act as protective barriers.

PTSD symptoms may include

Avoidance

Your loved one is likely to avoid anything that may act as a trigger for their traumas. They may avoid talking about their traumas or any people, places, or activities that could serve as unwanted reminders. Substance use or constantly trying to stay busy and distracted can also be ways to avoid unwanted thoughts or feelings.

Intrusions

Your partner may have intrusive memories of the event, this can look like flashbacks, nightmares, or unwanted images that negatively impact their life. This could also look like somatic intrusions - where their bodies suddenly have a response that feels similarly to how they felt during the traumatic moment.

Thinking Patterns

If your partner is suffering from PTSD, they are likely to struggle with negative self-talk and a negative worldview generally. They may feel hopeless about the future. They could also struggle with memory, including not remembering many aspects of their trauma, as this can be an unconscious protective strategy. Trauma can lead to a sense of detachment from self and others and a sense of emotional numbness.

Reactivity

Someone with PTSD is likely to be easily startled, to be in a state of hyper-vigilance and on the lookout for danger. Your partner may be more irritable or quick to have an angry outburst.

All of these symptoms can be viewed through the lens of nervous system dysregulation, or being stuck in states of fight, flight, and freeze or moving between all three.

The gift of co-regulation

As a partner to someone suffering from PTSD, you have the ability to greatly help your partner through something called co-regulation. As social creatures, we look for cues of safety and danger from others, particularly from those we are most strongly attached to, typically our parents when we are kids and our romantic partners when we are adults. Helping your partner to find calm in their nervous systems through co-regulation can be incredibly healing.

Ways to co-regulate and help soothe your partner

● Use a calm, warm, and loving tone of voice

● Use gentle eye contact and smile at your partner

● Say simple and soothing statements to your partner that show you are with them to communicate safety

○ “I see you”

○ “I’m here for you”

○ “I hear you”

○ “I’m safe”

● Use reflective listening skills and validate your partner when they share with you. Ex: “So what you're saying is __________? Is that right? That must be really hard.” “Tell me more”

● Help your partner know that it is okay to have big feelings and that you can stay with them as they feel. Resisting or suppressing feelings usually only makes them bigger and more persistent. Feeling emotionally attuned to and seen can be incredibly calming. Avoid toxic positivity or minimizing your partner’s feelings.

● Use supportive touch if your partner is receptive to this. This may look like hand holding, hugging, cuddling, or back massages (check to make sure these aren’t triggers).

● Breathe slowly together as you hug or hold hands and face each other. Try and make your breaths match each other and have extra long exhales (try breathing in for 4, holding for 7, and breathing out for 8)

● Toss a ball back and forth together (this requires being in tune with one another and the repetition and focus can be soothing. This can also help someone to escape a flashback and return to the present.)

● Go on walks together

● Ask: “Is there anything you need from me right now? “How can I help?”

Learn your partner's triggers and boundaries

Communicate with your partner about what is triggering for them so that you can best support them in those moments (for instance parties where there are a lot of people). Understand if there are certain sexual or physical boundaries that could be triggering and respect any boundaries that your partner needs. Together, you may be able to soften those boundaries with exposure and with creating a new experience of safety in these moments, but this should be at the pace your partner is ready and highly collaborative. Maintain an open dialogue about what they may find helpful when triggered or when they experience flashbacks

Help to create a calm home environment

Predictability, stability, and routines can be calming and help your partner’s nervous system to feel more settled. This may mean doing rituals together, like cooking or eating together at a consistent time, having morning coffee together, or going on after work walks together. Don’t discount the impact that our senses can play in helping us to feel safe. Consider paying attention to your lighting, play calming music, light scented candles, and minimize clutter.

Putting your own oxygen mask on first

Dating and loving someone with PTSD can be hard. It is painful to know that our loved one is suffering and it can feel like a lot of pressure to fix it for them.

Know that there is only so much that you as their partner can do, especially if you are emotionally depleted or dysregulated yourself.

Take care of your own needs, work on learning self regulation skills and also confide in your partner and allow them to be a source of co-regulation for you when they are able to be. Lean on other supports in your life, like friends or family to help fill your own emotional cup up.

It may feel hard to reach your partner at times if they are numb or retreating. If could feel like you are walking on eggshells if their PTSD manifests in a quick temper. You can both have empathy and also not allow yourself to be mistreated. You may need to set your own boundaries at times - “please lower your voice, I can’t engage well with you when you're speaking like that to me. I will need to leave the room if you continue.”

You may benefit from your own therapy to help you more effectively navigate the stress and challenges that you may be facing in your relationship.

Encourage your partner to get professional trauma treatment

PTSD is serious and as much as your love can be a source of healing, your partner likely needs professional trauma treatment to truly get the relief they need from their trauma symptoms and to not spend their lives avoiding possible triggers.

As trauma lives in the nervous system and body, therapies that are body-based and not only cognitive are needed for PTSD treatment. EMDR is a gold standard treatment for trauma. Other modalities and approaches that can be highly effective, especially when incorporated with EMDR, include parts work, attachment-based therapy (particularly for childhood trauma), and somatic approaches. Therapy that incorporates mindfulness, acceptance of feelings, as well as calming exercises (like breathing strategies) are also helpful.

At Rise Healing Center, we incorporate all of these modalities and approaches, as we aim to treat trauma in the most effective way possible. If your partner lives in California, consider having them book a free consultation call to see if our practice might be a good fit for them.

[pumpkin-the-girlie-girl-vixen]

So Let’s Talk…

For many adults, the mere sight of a pile of dirty dishes can trigger memories of their childhood trauma, leading to feelings of anxiety, shame, or worthlessness. Even if they have the skills to complete the task, their emotional landscape can create barriers that hinder their ability to follow through. This struggle can feel isolating, as it may not be readily apparent to others why a seemingly straightforward household chore can provoke such intense feelings.

The journey of healing from an abusive childhood is complex and often filled with setbacks. It involves unlearning negative thought patterns, building self-esteem, and developing the ability to advocate for oneself. For adults who experienced this kind of upbringing, simply knowing how to do the dishes isn’t enough; they may need to navigate their emotional responses to the task first.

To foster a healthier relationship with chores for all children, it’s essential to teach them in a supportive and encouraging environment. Here are some key approaches:

1. **Model Positivity**: Adults should model a positive attitude towards chores by showing that they can be a part of daily life. Use language that frames chores as a shared responsibility rather than a burden.

2. **Encourage Autonomy**: Allow children, regardless of gender, to take ownership of their tasks. Instead of enforcing chores through punishment, help them understand the importance of contributing to a communal space.

3. **Provide Guidance**: Teach children how to do chores by guiding them through the process rather than forcing them. For example, you can turn washing dishes into a fun activity by making it a game or incorporating music.

4. **Normalize Mistakes**: Make it clear that making mistakes is part of learning. This helps children develop resilience and reduces the fear of failure that can stem from abusive environments.

5. **Open Communication**: Encourage children to express their feelings about chores. If they’re feeling overwhelmed or frustrated, creating a safe space for those emotions can help them articulate their needs and develop healthier coping mechanisms.

6. **Celebrate Achievements**: Recognize and celebrate the completion of chores, no matter how small. Acknowledging their efforts can boost their confidence and reinforce positive behaviors.

7. **Teach Life Skills**: Emphasize that chores are essential life skills that contribute to a healthy lifestyle. This includes teaching the benefits of maintaining a clean space for mental and physical well-being.

By using these approaches, we can help children build a healthier relationship with chores, reducing the likelihood of trauma manifesting in adulthood. The goal is to create a nurturing environment that fosters independence, self-worth, and emotional regulation, empowering individuals to tackle daily tasks without the weight of past trauma.

When it comes to teaching children about chores and responsibilities, especially in sensitive contexts where trauma may be a concern, there are critical practices to avoid to prevent further traumatization. Here’s what NOT to do:

1. **Do Not Use Fear as a Motivator**: Avoid threatening or instilling fear as a way to get children to do their chores. This can create anxiety and reinforce negative associations with responsibilities.

2. **Do Not Yell or Berate**: Refrain from raising your voice or using harsh words when a child does not complete a chore. This can be emotionally damaging and may trigger past trauma.

3. **Do Not Punish for Mistakes**: Making mistakes is part of the learning process. Avoid punishing children for errors in completing chores, as this can lead to shame and fear of trying again.

4. **Do Not Dismiss Their Feelings**: If a child expresses fear, anxiety, or frustration about chores, do not minimize their feelings. Acknowledge and validate their emotions, showing understanding and support.

5. **Do Not Overwhelm Them**: Assigning too many or overly complex tasks can lead to feelings of being overwhelmed. Keep chores age-appropriate and manageable to help them feel successful.

6. **Do Not Compare to Others**: Avoid comparing a child's efforts to those of their peers or siblings. This can create feelings of inadequacy and pressure, making them reluctant to engage in chores.

7. **Do Not Ignore Individual Needs**: Every child is different, especially if they have experienced trauma. Do not assume a one-size-fits-all approach; tailor chores to fit each child's unique capabilities and emotional state.

8. **Do Not Make Chores Gendered**: Avoid assigning chores based on gender stereotypes. All children should learn to contribute to household tasks, reinforcing that these responsibilities are not gender-specific.

9. **Do Not Present Chores as Punishment**: Chores should not be framed as a consequence for misbehavior. This can associate responsibilities with negative experiences, pushing children away from taking part.

10. **Do Not Neglect Positive Reinforcement**: Failing to praise or acknowledge a child’s efforts when they complete a chore can diminish their motivation. Celebrating small successes helps build confidence.

11. **Do Not Force Compliance**: Forcing a child to do chores without their willingness can lead to resistance and resentment. Encourage participation rather than demanding it.

12. **Do Not Ignore the Importance of Teaching**: Simply telling children to do chores without explaining the reasons behind them can lead to confusion and frustration. Teach them about the importance of contributing to the household.

By avoiding these practices, you can help create a nurturing environment that fosters a positive relationship with chores, promotes emotional well-being, and minimizes the risk of further traumatizing children.

When supporting an adult who experienced trauma related to chores or responsibilities as a child, it's essential to approach the situation with sensitivity and understanding. Here’s a guide on what to do and what not to do in order to help them navigate their feelings and encourage healthier behaviors:

✅ What To Do:

1. **Listen Actively**: Provide a safe space for them to express their feelings. Listen without judgment and validate their experiences and emotions.

2. **Be Patient**: Understand that healing from trauma is a process that takes time. Be patient with their progress and avoid pushing them to overcome their fears too quickly.

3. **Encourage Open Communication**: Foster an environment where they feel comfortable discussing their feelings about chores and responsibilities. Encourage them to share their triggers and concerns.

4. **Offer Support, Not Pressure**: Offer to help with chores or responsibilities without imposing pressure. Let them know you’re there to support them, but allow them to take the lead in what they are comfortable with.

5. **Normalize Mistakes**: Remind them that it’s okay to make mistakes and that they can learn and grow from them. Emphasize that everyone struggles with tasks at times.

6. **Celebrate Small Wins**: Acknowledge and celebrate their efforts, no matter how small. Positive reinforcement can build confidence and motivate them to continue facing their challenges.

7. **Provide Resources**: If they’re open to it, suggest resources like therapy or support groups that specialize in trauma and mental health. Professional help can be incredibly beneficial.

8. **Model Healthy Behaviors**: Demonstrate a positive attitude towards chores and responsibilities by engaging in them with a sense of calm and positivity. Your behavior can influence theirs.

9. **Encourage Mindfulness**: Introduce mindfulness techniques or grounding exercises that can help them manage anxiety when faced with tasks that trigger their trauma.

10. **Respect Their Boundaries**: If they express discomfort or resistance to certain tasks or discussions, respect their boundaries and don’t push the issue.

🚫 What Not To Do:

1. **Do Not Minimize Their Feelings**: Avoid dismissing or downplaying their feelings about chores. This can make them feel unheard and invalidated.

2. **Do Not Pressure Them to Conform**: Forcing them to engage in chores or responsibilities before they are ready can lead to increased anxiety and resentment.

3. **Do Not Compare Them to Others**: Avoid making comparisons to how others handle chores. This can increase feelings of inadequacy and hinder their progress.

4. **Do Not Use Guilt or Shame**: Avoid using guilt or shame to motivate them to complete tasks. This can be damaging and may trigger past trauma.

5. **Do Not Assume You Understand**: Everyone’s experiences of trauma are unique. Avoid assumptions and instead ask questions to understand their perspective better.

6. **Do Not Criticize Their Efforts**: Critiquing how they approach tasks can be discouraging. Instead, focus on encouragement and support.

7. **Do Not Ignore Their Triggers**: If they mention certain tasks or situations that trigger their trauma, do not disregard these. Acknowledge and take their triggers seriously.

8. **Do Not Avoid the Topic**: While it’s important to be sensitive, avoiding the topic altogether can prevent healing. Engage in gentle conversations when they’re ready.

9. **Do Not Enable Avoidance**: While it’s important to be supportive, don’t enable avoidance behaviors. Instead, gently encourage them to face their challenges at their own pace.

10. **Do Not Forget Self-Care**: Supporting someone with trauma can be emotionally taxing. Ensure you also practice self-care and seek support if needed.

By following these guidelines, you can create a supportive environment that helps the individual navigate their trauma while fostering healing and encouraging healthier behaviors over time.

[andystanberg]

I don’t really know how to begin this tbh, and so sorry if this is out of pocket and way too personal of a thing to say, but I just finished reading your fic closed doors and cars in garages and man did it hit me. My parents are currently going through a messy divorce and a legal dispute surrounding past child abuse, and this fic really just got it, yknow?

I won’t draw too many assumptions about you, because I obviously don’t know your life, but this one line you wrote read that Jake “[didn’t] know how to explain to Rosa or Terry that someone can make coffee in a way that says I’m mad at you” was such a perfect embodiment of the difficulties adults face meandering relationships when childhood abuse has you overthinking every minute interaction in every conceivable circumstance.

From your writing, you must know someone that has gone through this, or you are that person yourself; but either way I just want to say thank you for putting this piece of work into the world as it made me feel so completely and utterly seen.

Save to say your amazing writing earned a follow from me.

Thank you for taking the time to write this - it's incredibly touching and I'm glad that you could connect with my writing like this.

This past year, I've been morbidly fascinated by how much our parents impact how we navigate relationships as an adult, and a lot of my writing (although not posted here) has centred around generational trauma.

For a really long time, I held a lot of anger towards my mum for certain things that happened in my childhood and teens, but after living out of home for a few years now I also feel a lot of sorrow for her. It's extremely hard dealing with that dual resentment and sympathy towards your parents. My mum had me quite young, and as I approach the age she was, I honestly don't know if I would have done better.

I still don't excuse her actions, but also, a lot of healing needs to be done before I ever think about having kids.

Anyway, all this to say thank you very much for reaching out and enjoying the fic <3

[iravaid]

I love your writing so much, your Simon Riley in Situations series is probably one of my favorite works in the entire fandom!!! The way you write tommy and simon’s relationship gives me so much emotions lol, like even though it only comes up a couple times in the entire series there’s just so much there! That flashback we get in in the desert was just a brief glimpse, and yet it was so much more powerful than how they were written in the entire canon comic (which might not be saying much because that comic left a lot to be desired, but still) It had me imagining their relationship as kids, and how tommy probably had a much easier time navigating their dad’s moods while simon struggled to pick up the social cues and unspoken meanings behind words and stuff like that, and how tommy, as a kid growing up in a pretty ableist society who had probably never even heard of autism until his teen years, would probably get frustrated with simon and not understand why he couldn’t just say the right things when he needed to, why he couldn’t just do what he needed to do to not make the situation worse (and simon feeling the same way and wondering why he couldn’t just know how to smile and say what people wanted to hear, like tommy) (This ended up being long and rambling but your fics just give me so many riley brothers feels lol XD)

Oh shit!! Thank you so much!!!! I'm so happy you enjoy this series, especially the relationship between Tommy and Simon!! It's genuinely so interesting to me and has a lot of potential to be built upon, considering how little there is for them in the comics (both a blessing and a curse let's be honest).

Augh, yeah, them as kids has a lot of emotional oomph, especially if taken the way I have, in all essentialities, taken the characters in my grubby mitts and gotten lint all over them. Tommy probably was the golden child in this family, Nigel played a lot of games in tormenting his kids, and I imagine turning them against each other, or at the very least Tommy against Simon, was one of them. I wonder if that dynamic might have changed when Simon left, leaving Tommy to be the only child in the house and no longer having a 'weird' older brother occupying the role of scapegoat (and protector, in his own way). In the beginning, I can see Tommy hating Simon for leaving, it's easier than hating his abusive dad at this point.

Things do change for the better, and in all honesties I can see Tommy getting therapy/counselling as an adult and learning how to become better adjusted and look back on his childhood with a trauma-informed lense, equipped with a kind of knowledge and vocabulary Simon doesn't/refuses to have. Internalied ableism definitely informs how they process their trauma and percieve therapy, and for Simon this is another brick in that wall after growing up the 'strange' one in the family that just doesn't get it. This is another thing he doesn't get, and it's a source of anger for him.

I imagine there is a lot of frustration for Tommy in the things you mentioned above, which is a dynamic I love love love, considering Autistic Simon growing up in Manchester in the 80s/90s at this point would be. A Lot for both of them, for different reasons. I imagine it would serve to emphasise that feeling of isolation Simon feels in this series, and I would go so far as to say Tommy doesn't hear the word 'autism' until he's an adult/in his 20s. Before then it was always alluded to, or people saying 'he's rather... odd.' about Simon with a strange expression on their faces. Autism and Asperger's (it's an outdated term now, but one that was used then) were very stigmatised and you were seen as there was something wrong with you or you were 'slow'.

God but their potential brotherhood when Simon comes back and kicks Nigel out of the house, and helps Tommy heal. I really love the complexity of their relationship, how two brothers who survived an awful childhood have different ways of coping and healing from it. Again, all in our collective heads, but I'm happy the comics only gave us the bare bones to play with. We'll grow our own meat, with blackjack and hookers.

I really want to write/am in the process of writing a fic set in Tommy's POV, waiting for his brother, beginning from Simon being announced missing after he's caught by Roba, to him being found and returned home, and ending just before That Scene. I want to explore their brotherhood through Tommy's eyes, how disparate some parts of them are and how similar others have ended up, as well as play on a theme Ghost haunting the family well before Simon is returned and believes himself dead. I'm unsure how it'll end up, but the goal is a 20k oneshot. Hopin to work on it in earnest in August, when Art Fight is over :D

Again! Thank you so much for this message! Had a big grin reading this, I'm so happy you liked those fics! Hell yeah!

[lonestarcounselingcenter]

Healing and Growth Through Personalized Online Therapy Solutions

What Is Online Individual Therapy?

Online Individual Therapy for adults is a modern approach to mental health care, offering personalized sessions with licensed professionals through virtual platforms. This form of therapy provides a safe and confidential space for individuals to explore their thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. Whether dealing with anxiety, depression, stress, or unresolved trauma, online therapy caters to diverse needs with convenience and flexibility.

Unlike traditional in-person therapy, online therapy allows adults to connect with therapists regardless of geographical barriers. It also removes the stress of commuting and provides an added layer of privacy for those who may feel hesitant about visiting a clinic. Many adults find this approach more adaptable to their busy schedules, ensuring they receive the support they need without compromising other commitments.

Addressing Childhood Trauma with Specialized Counseling

Childhood trauma can have profound and lasting effects on an individual’s emotional, mental, and physical well-being. Services like Childhood Trauma Counseling in Colony are designed to help individuals uncover, process, and heal from the traumatic experiences that shaped their early years. This form of counseling delves into the root causes of current struggles, enabling individuals to break free from patterns of pain and emotional distress.

Trauma experienced during childhood—whether due to abuse, neglect, loss, or other adverse experiences—can manifest in adulthood as anxiety, trust issues, self-doubt, or difficulty maintaining relationships. Counseling in this specialized area provides a structured and empathetic approach to understanding and overcoming these challenges.

Professionals offering Childhood Trauma Counseling in Colony utilize evidence-based techniques such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), trauma-focused therapy, and mindfulness practices to help clients navigate their healing journey. With consistent support, individuals can reclaim their sense of self and develop healthier coping mechanisms.

The Benefits of Therapy for Adults

Therapy offers numerous benefits, from emotional healing to personal growth. Online Individual Therapy for adults focuses on helping clients gain insight into their emotions, identify unhelpful patterns, and build resilience. It empowers individuals to take charge of their mental health and improve their overall quality of life.

For adults dealing with the lingering effects of childhood trauma, therapy can be transformative. The combination of online therapy and specialized services like Childhood Trauma Counseling in Colony ensures that clients receive tailored support for their unique needs. These services help adults not only address unresolved issues but also develop tools to navigate life’s challenges with greater confidence and clarity.

Why Online Therapy Is a Game-Changer

The shift to online therapy has made mental health support more accessible than ever. Online Individual Therapy for adults offers flexibility, allowing clients to schedule sessions at their convenience. It also opens up opportunities to connect with therapists who specialize in specific areas, regardless of their location.

This approach is particularly beneficial for those who might feel intimidated by traditional therapy settings. The comfort of being in a familiar environment during sessions can make it easier for individuals to open up and engage fully in the therapeutic process. Online platforms also ensure continuity of care for clients who frequently travel or have demanding schedules.

Choosing the Right Counselor for Your Needs

Selecting the right therapist is crucial for a successful therapeutic experience. Whether you’re seeking Online Individual Therapy for adults or Childhood Trauma Counseling in Colony, it’s essential to choose a professional with expertise in the areas you wish to address. Look for licensed therapists with a track record of working with clients facing similar challenges.

A good counselor should create a safe, non-judgmental space for exploration and healing. They should also employ evidence-based approaches tailored to your unique goals and circumstances. Take the time to research and ask questions during initial consultations to find a therapist who resonates with you.

Embracing Healing and Growth Through Therapy

Therapy is not just about resolving past pain—it’s a journey toward self-discovery, resilience, and fulfillment. For adults, Online Individual Therapy provides an opportunity to tackle current struggles while gaining deeper insight into themselves. For those affected by early trauma, Childhood Trauma Counseling in Colony offers a path to release long-held burdens and step into a brighter future.

Investing in mental health is one of the most empowering decisions an individual can make. With the availability of online and specialized therapy services, support is closer and more accessible than ever. Whether you’re starting your healing journey or seeking to enhance your emotional well-being, therapy is a powerful tool to help you achieve lasting growth and peace.

[drkarenhawk]

The Impact of Childhood Experiences on Adult Mental Health

Childhood is a formative period that significantly influences an individual's emotional, mental, and psychological development. The experiences we have during these early years, whether positive or negative, often leave a lasting impact, shaping how we navigate relationships, handle stress, and view ourselves as adults.

Dr Karen Hawk Psychologist Gilbert, a psychologist specializing in childhood trauma and adult mental health, emphasizes that understanding the connection between childhood experiences and adult well-being is critical for fostering healing and personal growth. In this blog, we’ll explore how childhood experiences shape adult mental health and discuss ways to address and overcome these influences.

How Childhood Shapes Mental Health

Childhood experiences act as the foundation for our emotional and cognitive development. They influence how we perceive the world and interact with it. Here are some ways in which these experiences can shape adult mental health:

1. Attachment and Relationships

Early relationships with caregivers are crucial in shaping attachment styles, which influence how we connect with others in adulthood. Positive experiences with responsive and loving caregivers often lead to secure attachment, fostering trust, emotional intimacy, and healthy relationships.

However, neglect, inconsistency, or abuse during childhood can result in insecure attachment styles, such as:

Anxious Attachment: Fear of abandonment and a constant need for reassurance.

Avoidant Attachment: Difficulty trusting others and a tendency to avoid emotional closeness.

Disorganized Attachment: A mix of fear and desire for connection, often stemming from trauma.

These patterns can manifest in romantic relationships, friendships, and professional interactions, often leading to challenges in maintaining healthy connections.

2. Stress Responses

Childhood experiences influence how the brain develops and responds to stress. Children exposed to chronic stress, such as living in an unstable home or experiencing neglect, often have overactive stress responses. This can result in heightened anxiety, difficulty managing emotions, and a tendency to feel overwhelmed in adulthood.

Conversely, children who grow up in supportive environments often develop resilience, which helps them handle stress effectively and bounce back from challenges.

3. Self-Perception and Self-Esteem

Children form beliefs about themselves based on how they are treated by caregivers, teachers, and peers. Positive reinforcement and encouragement help build a sense of worth and confidence. On the other hand, criticism, neglect, or rejection can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem.

Dr Karen Hawk Psychologist Arizona explains, “Negative childhood experiences often become internalized, creating core beliefs that shape how individuals see themselves and the world. These beliefs can influence everything from decision-making to how one handles failure or rejection.”

4. Trauma and Mental Health Disorders

Adverse childhood experiences (ACEs), such as abuse, neglect, or exposure to domestic violence, are strongly linked to mental health issues in adulthood. Research shows that individuals with a high number of ACEs are at greater risk for depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and substance abuse.

Trauma during childhood can alter brain development, particularly in areas related to emotion regulation and memory. This can lead to heightened sensitivity to stress, difficulty forming healthy relationships, and challenges in managing emotions.

The Long-Term Impact of Positive Experiences

While much focus is placed on negative childhood experiences, it’s important to acknowledge the lasting benefits of positive experiences. Supportive relationships, stable environments, and opportunities for growth help foster resilience, emotional intelligence, and self-confidence.

Even in the face of adversity, having at least one stable, nurturing adult in a child’s life can mitigate the negative effects of hardship. This protective factor often provides a foundation for developing healthy coping mechanisms and a sense of hope.

Healing from Childhood Experiences

The good news is that the effects of childhood experiences, whether positive or negative, are not fixed. With awareness, support, and intentional effort, individuals can heal and create healthier patterns in adulthood.

1. Understanding the Root Causes

Exploring childhood experiences with the help of a therapist can provide insight into how they influence current behaviors and thought patterns. Understanding the root causes of emotional challenges is often the first step toward change.

Dr Karen Hawk Psychologist Gilbert notes, “Self-awareness is empowering. Once you understand how your past affects your present, you can begin to make choices that align with the life you want to create.”

2. Rewriting Core Beliefs

Many individuals carry negative core beliefs formed during childhood, such as “I’m not good enough” or “I can’t trust anyone.” Therapy, particularly cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), can help identify and challenge these beliefs, replacing them with more balanced and empowering perspectives.

For example, someone who grew up feeling unworthy due to parental criticism might work on affirming their value and celebrating their accomplishments.

3. Practicing Emotional Regulation

Childhood trauma or neglect can make it difficult to manage emotions in adulthood. Learning strategies such as mindfulness, deep breathing, and grounding techniques can help regulate emotional responses and reduce feelings of overwhelm.

4. Building Healthy Relationships

Healing from insecure attachment often involves practicing vulnerability and trust in relationships. This might mean setting boundaries, seeking out supportive and understanding individuals, or learning to communicate needs effectively.

Dr Karen Hawk Psychologist Arizona emphasizes the importance of therapy in this process, stating, “Therapeutic relationships provide a safe space to explore and practice healthy relational dynamics, which can then extend to other areas of life.”

5. Fostering Resilience

Resilience is the ability to adapt and thrive despite adversity. Engaging in activities that promote self-growth, such as learning new skills, pursuing hobbies, or volunteering, can help rebuild confidence and a sense of purpose.

6. Seeking Professional Support

Healing from the effects of childhood experiences often requires professional guidance. Therapists can provide tools, techniques, and a safe environment for processing emotions and creating lasting change.

Conclusion

Childhood experiences play a significant role in shaping adult mental health, influencing how we relate to others, handle stress, and view ourselves. While negative experiences can leave lasting scars, they do not define an individual’s future.

Dr. Karen Hawk reminds us that healing is always possible. “Your past may have shaped you, but it does not have to dictate your present or future. With the right support and effort, you can break free from old patterns and create a life that aligns with your true potential.”

By understanding the impact of childhood experiences and taking steps to address their effects, individuals can cultivate emotional well-being, build healthier relationships, and achieve personal growth. The journey may be challenging, but the rewards are profound.