#He has always been like damn
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Billy deserved to see Steve in his cute little outfits that he had on in s4 and also to rip them off of him
#He really went looking fine af to Billy’s grave KNOWING how it would make ghost Billy feel 🙄🙄#What a tease you are Steve!#harringrove#Steve looked BEAUTIFUL#He has always been like damn#But he was such a cutie patootie#steve harrington#billy hargrove#stranger things#billy x steve
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reaching a point where im liking my art and range and flexibility with styles (kinda !) and stylization and its like ok now what do i do with that. I wish my ocs were more interesting/that i could MAKE them so...!
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#ive hit a wall with talon bc i feel unsatisfied with what i cobbled together as soon as i shared it#and al has always been Just a Guy but now it just feels embarrassing that he is...#like if ppl asked me stuff about him. like he's my husband thats all#i qish i was a good writer in this sense#my imagination isnt even grand enough to make compelling plot for my actually kinda interesting ocs like#talon or vee + cosme etc 😭#i dont make ocs bc i dont have those Ideas#im not smart or like worldly or creative enough to make such things ykwim#thsi actually gets more embarrassing as i get older too like damn im stupid!#always thinking about when i was little and a therapist asked me to come up with a story#about a series of images and i couldnt do it </3 i always feel like that even today#(even if half of that was bc i was too embarrassed to try)#talkys
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Vanha Kauppahalli date: en full, a 2 minute 50 second masterpiece...
Primetime Panthers | 11.6.24 (x)
#aleksander barkov#matthew tkachuk#florida panthers#2425#the global series is a gift#“alright talk to me what do we got?” with the camera following behind them makes it seems like theyre spies doing reconnaissance#the start to a thriller where they got sent to finland stake out for intelligence#maffhew not even waiting for sasha to answer before hes asks about chocolate#“the purple one you always bring” maffhew has been charmed by sashas leaving choco in stalls as gifts when he comes back from finland huh#you can tell he says that with depravity of a man who finally realises he doesnt need to rely on his supplier he can get it himself now#“uh oh [laughs] okay... what is this?” maffhew was not prepared for all the food to already be ready for him he just hopped off a plane and#expected to have to wait more and did not and absolutely does not trust the situation in the same way you get romantic candlelit-dinnered#and youre like alright whats all this then whats your angle what are you doing#“this is salmon and rye bread 😄” “(with the eagerness to prove hes smart and engaged) so is that 👉” “(charmed) and so is that 🫱”#“ill try your favourite first” GURL RELAX OKAY SETTLE DOWN YOURE IN A NEW COUNTRY JUST CHILL MAN#“salmon and rye bread—thats the famous one 🤓” [sasha nodding along because he has to reassure maffhew but also hes in the middle of eating]#maffhew choosing the most inopportune time and you can TELL sasha is like [swallows quickly] because he wants to answer but also BIG BITE#“herring” “herrin' 🤠?” “eating all this her-RING” no notes#“is this just another salmon on rye bread” he says with hope because he likes salmon but also disappointment (he wants to try more foods)#“different salmon? smoked?” the amount of questions hes askijg because hes so terribly engaged he wants to know and sashas like [shrug]#he has to get an A+ in experiencing finland which is normal to want and possible to achieve#“i still love your country though” and sasha explodes into the mirthful grin ive seen in my life like he just won the damn jackpot#he speaks at 100 mph like please take a deep breath sweetheart youre excitement is papable but PLEASE#THE WAY HE GETS SO UNSURE WHEN HE MENTIONS BARKY HATES THAT FOOD WHEN HE LIKED IT SO MUCH#MAFFHEW YOU CAN GET A PASSING GRADE IN EXPERIENCING FINLAND IF YOU STICK TO YOUR GUNS I PROMISE#SASHA HELP A GUY OUT HERE MAN THROW HIM A BONE#SASHA ONLY LAUGHS AS MAFFHEW THROWS HIMSELF INTO A TIZZY OVER THIS YOU ARE SOOOOOO#the chuckle when sasha mentions he had runebergin torttu in school... id like to know what was funny there#we call out sasha for being too lovesick and laughing at all of maffhews “jokes” BUT HES JUST AS BAD???#“what the hell do i do with this thing?” MAFFHEW HAVE YOU NEVER SEEN MERENGUE IN YOUR LIFE???
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SAID HE LIKES CRAZY GIRLS,
BUT HE HATES WHEN I ACT CRAZY,
IT TAKES TWO TO TOXIC!
FINALLY!!! Finished these pics of jinx I’ve been working on!!!!! HOLY SHIT, these took so long…. But finally… they’re done… pls enjoy this art of my beautiful princess w a disorder. Featuring alternate colors for the big pic and also a closeup! Cuz I rlly like how both the lines and coloring on her face turned out… like the pink gradients w her eye… her deer in headlights expression,, like uve just startled a raccoon digging thru ur trashcan and r two seconds away from getting mauled.. m proud of it!
#arcane#league of legends#jinx#jinx arcane#arcane jinx#doodles#hate and love how hardcore I relate to jinx…#little sisters w dependency issues.. + a whole lot of other issues#anyway the ‘he’ in the ‘crazy girl’ lyrics is in my mind referring to both vi and silco lol#I’m sORRY! I keep seeing ppl hardcore pitting these 2 bad bitches against each other#and it’s like… silco is objectively. morally worse than vi.. vi is not like. a ruthless crime lord#vi IS 100% trying her best and loves her sister. but she still screwed up w jinx#and silco ALSO truly loves jinx. but also screwed up by fucking. trauma bonding w her ghgh-#like.. silco is too close. he’s like. yes go apeshit jinx I support and love you and understand u no matter what fucked up shit u do.#were the same. and that’s beautiful!!! I love how supportive he is…#but its like.. silcos too close. he just became a new person for jinx to glomp onto and base her self esteem around after vi left#and he doesn’t manipulate that on purpose but. he DOES effect that girls mental state. cuz he needs her too#meanwhile vi is too far away… she thinks she knows who jinx is. but jinx has changed… time marches forward. she’s not that little girl#anymore#and nOW! after the finale jinx has NOBODY TO BE CODEPENDENT W..#her mental state has always been so tied up in how the ppl she puts on pedestals view her#and now there’s no pedestal anymore. she knocked down the statues. she’s alone…#it’s interesting….#anyway I’m not trying to say vi is as bad as silco at ALL. just that she’s an equally important building block in jinx’s mind#that has made her into the fucked up lil person she is today. and I think that’s neat.#lol anyway! I’m hyped for season 2….#aLSO GOD DAMN THIS GIRLS OUTFIT IS COMPLICATED. WHY DO U GOT SO MANY BITS N BOBS JINX??? I mean I get it accessories rock.#but u take so much time to draw ghfhg- require so much brainpower#aLSO ADDENDUM. while silco is objectively morally worse than vi his relationship w jinx is genuinely. like. makes me emotional ghgh-#its not perfect. or healthy. but… it’s. the both of them. being seen. and accepted. and loved and understood.. and I love that shit.
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Damn, Spam, did the cake taste that bad? - bad joke. Sorry you're havin' a rough day. We're here if you need to talk, or if you just need a distraction.
#his mascara streaks lmfao sighhh#that is THE FIRST TIME of 61 ASKS he has said thank you. by the way.#yeah the 60th ask was him bawling his eyes out what about it#wooo 40 till 100#god /pos#you guys have done really well and have been really kind to him so I think its finally deserved#[you've got mail!]#spamton#spamton g spamton#deltarune#deltarune spamton#deltarune chapter 2#this is probably so bizarre to people just starting to follow ygm#like i cant imagine what its like to happen upon some of the gnarlier ones#in the 'your tags' tab LMAOO LIKE DAMN#sometimes i forget how many people follow me (not including those who dont follow my blog but follow ygm) and liikkke... yowie.. and then i#forget because i cant really comprehend that#i always forget about that to be honest im just being silly and i never realize how many people choose to stick along huh wuh#THERES LIKE 700 PEOPLE WHAT THATS SO MANY#like as a big number i cant conceptualize that in like#visually. in a crowd. so i cant really fully understand how many that is.#but thats a lot i know that much. hiiii. 700 bugs. 700 insects crawling around in here!!!#me when i ramble in the tags accidentally aha#your treat
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Omega! Logan who was born in the 1800s when secondary gender roles were very prevalent but it actually really suited him and he wanted to be a home maker and have a bunch of pups but he was always too big and hairy and and not seen as a good Omega. Alphas would sleep with him but never treat him the way they would a “proper” omega and they didn’t ever want anything serious because it’s like almost shameful to have a big hairy omega.
Then times change and Omegas start breaking out of the cookie cutter roles and they go into the work force and what not (feminism but it’s omegas) and Logan is very happy for them he thinks they all deserve the right to choose, but still no one wants him. And everyone expects him being an omega with the way he looks to be at the forefront of the movement to want the change for himself, but he doesn’t.
And over the years he toughened up and stops looking to start a family and put his dreams on the back burner to become what everyone expected of him.
And then everything happens and all the sudden Logan finds himself in a universe without secondary genders, where he isn’t a too big and hairy omega, he’s just some guy.
And unintentionally he finds his way into the role he’s always craved, where he takes care of the home and the dog while Wade makes the money, and it’s the closest he’s ever been to the life he wanted. He mostly retires from fighting and heroing, but now he’s ready for a new challenge. And being near Laura has only served to dig up that old desire and instinct he tried to bury so long ago
And I mean, even if the mutant hate wasn’t as bad as it is in Logan’s old world there was still a time here not to long ago when mutants were ran out and scattered around the world. And now with the people at Xavier’s working on getting the Mutants back into the city trying to re group with their still dwindling numbers. I mean Logan and Wade should help with the mutant re population efforts, who better to do that then two very eager immortals who can heal from anything and with a whole gang of friends around them for free child care.
#I just think Wade should get Logan pregnant over and over again#barefoot and pregnant Logan#and all the old x men coming back to the city#and they heard that a Logan from a diffrent timeline is here#and they see him and he’s freaking pregnant and holding a baby he just had a few months ago#and he’s happier then they’ve ever seen him#and Wade is just so damn happy to keep getting Logan pregnant and having babies#and all their kids would have super cool powers#they get a lot of help with their gaggle of kids but all the kiddos know they are so loved by their dads#ugh just Logan having given up on this dream so long ago and then he finally gets it after he thinks his whole life turned to shit#and he’s finally treated like an omega with a loving alpha that he’s always wanted#and hes not even in the omegaverse anymore and wade isn’t an alpha#feminism isn’t about all women going into the work force#it’s about the ability to choose#Logan fully supports omega and women’s rights#i might delete this later#sorry about this post#omegaverse#omega logan#poolverine#deadclaws#and Wade always wants to show Logan off#as like the hottest guy ever#and Logan who has always been treated like something to hide is just giddy with it#and he’s getting properly dotted on and cared for in bed#and after so Long of logan being treated like something to hide something to not been seen in a relationship with#he would never let Wade feel that way#he thinks wade is so handsome#just the absolute perfect alpha despite not even being an alpha#plz DM me about poolverine im going crazy
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look! its 99% of the dressrosa arc in one picture! (luffy grabbing an immobile and severely injured trafalgar law before running straight through anything in his path iiiiin order to violently dethrone the nation's king!!)
one piece is the ever
#one piece#whhooo should i draw next ... (if anyone)#Also HEY! long rambles in the tags. be warned#one piieeeece!! my favorite character will always be law. he holds a special place in my heart. (aka. all of it.)#rosinante and doflamingo are very nearly tied with him though#if law was my surgeon i'd come out of the surgery with all of my organs missing i think. such are the dangers of violent pirate captains#ive been meaning to rewatch punk hazard but i fear i cannot sit through the vergo/law scenes again. can law get one (ONE) day of peace#ohhh i also like dellinger where are my dellinger fans at#my caption is satire btw i adore dressrosa .its definitely my favorite arc pacing be damned#Ouh also i hope my arts improved!! i think it has (though ive not practiced perspective so i feel it looks a tad wonky)#digital art#art#monkey d. luffy#trafalgar law#dressrosa#pixylpaws
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oh noooooo no now is not the time to go into that ck spoilers tag some of y'all have some FLAMING HOT TAKES and i'm riding the high of joy right now
#SO SORRY YOU CAN'T HANDLE THAT THE JOHNNY LAWRENCE SHOW ENDS WITH JOHNNY LAWRENCE WINNING#god damn this fandom sometimes like i'm aware of the layers and the nuance and how flawed this show is#but this show has been and has always been about JOHNNY so yes it does end with him getting everything he wanted and deserved jfc
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#sonicmovie3hype#sonicmovie3#movie sonic#sonic wachowski#sonic the hedgehog#our lil skrunkly blue space alien hoglet is now all grown up 🥹#It's called character development buddy.#love that he can do both 🥰#you’d be surprised what trauma does to a person#The power of Character Development#We’ve come so damn far in this trilogy- or should i say… QUILLOGY 👀👀#my son#shadow broke this lad wtf did he DO?????#“What I had to.”#He just a silly little guy 🦔#the pure look of fucking hatred in Sonic’s eyes shadow definitely did smth HUGE#get a lil guy that can do both#Floofy Sonic or Angy Sonic?#is it too much to ask for both?#a cinnamon roll that can also kill you#this is like that one markiplier tweet#like “Look at the Glowup” or something 😂#Sonic: wait sorry this is the third movie silly personality on pause give me a sec-#Shadow definitely killed Tom or Sonic thinks he did#OUR LITTLE GUY IS GROWING UP 🥹#Sonic has always been like that!#He acts so goofy and full of himself only to be the most heroic kind hearted person the next!#It’s what I absolutely love about him! 🤩
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guys i know i joke saying i like older men. but DAMN.
#sigh. let’s see if i can compress this#guy has been coming into work (ex-work. got fired on friday. y’know my asshole boss? yeah yeah that’s why even my *ex* coworkers have all#reached out and said how bullshit it was) and i’ve. really liked talking to him#emotionally intelligent. he reads. attractive. etc etc#anyways my (ex) coworker ran into him tonight and she was so bold as to get his number for me#so. i texted him.#and damn yep conversation is good and easy and everything i like#he asked me out for a drink. i asked him how old he was cause … i had a feeling he was too old#guys he’s 35#that’s FIFTEEN years older than me.#please like i know this irl. i know there are healthy relationship age gaps#but i’ve always said 8 is my max. 12 if he’s the perfect guy husband material#graduated with a girl. her dad is 17 years older. sweetest guy ever#but. i don’t think i should go through with this#lindsay.text
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It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry
( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)
(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)
#I just realized I can call him dad easier than my real dad and now I understand why am I so damn attached to him#I always knew he was a parental figure for me#but now I connected the dots#How when u have an absent dad and a d34d mom a guy shows up in ur life#that tells u life advice that both of ur parents failed to do so#and makes u feel safe the first time in ur life#ofc ud become attached#i know for sure its unhealthy how much i love and miss him#he occupies most of my thoughts honestly#But how could i not cling to him so much when he was the only one who gave me hope in life#i try to keep going and even tho he is not here i keep telling myself whatever he taught me. i keep reminding myself he wants us to live an#bloom and be free#and that's what ill try to do#but you know somedays i wish i could just disappear and be wrapped in eternal happiness#its so fucking hard to pull yourself out of the slump man im so fucking tired im so so tired#somedays i wish id have the courage to off myself but i know that deep down i want to live and ive always wanted to live but i have no idea#how to live. i feel like i finally found a purpose and someone i love. but at the same time im always doubting myself and im scared of losi#g this little hope again and i know i should cherish and use it instead but each day i have this anxiety because rn i have nothing else if#lose this i seriously will lose everything atp. but ill still try bc rn its this or death so i should try im just damn tired yes anyways#sorry for being depressing some days just dont work out but thats okay#yes at the same time i want to get out of my head and try to find some friends but i cant deny that im highkey fucked up and i just cant le#go of my past and i still feel like that helpless unloved kid and idk how to form relationships this way. i dont trust myself at all so idk#how to trust others. and i feel like in order to find ppl that would love me i have to overshare abt my whole lifestory bc it still dictate#my life heavily. and since i met this band its better cuz im learning to deal w it and i want to heal from everything but yes at the same t#me who would wqnt to be friends w. someone that has like a year of life experience and 18 years of depression lol#so yes its complicated. bc i have friends but im like the funny friend. the one that is as shallow as puddle and has no problems but honest#y im genuinely sufferint qnd have been sufferinz all my life so i want to come out of my funny friend role. but that wojld mean i have to t#ll the shit i went through to all my friends but tbh it would be so random so ye. i do have a plan though. how it could work. But yes im ti#ed have been tired for 7 years now. But this time around i hope i can successfully get out of this torture cycle lol.#ok sorry this is what happens after puberty guys i could beva research case for a damn mental institute atp xdd
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me when the boy savior the boy saved everyone: 🤯🤯🤯
#me when the boy savior loops time over and over and over to keep the girl he hates and loves and grieves and forgives from killing herself#me when the boy savior risks everything and pushes time beyond its limit as the entire city sits paralyzed around him so he can save them#me when the boy savior who serves as an atlas figure and monolith for all that has happened in zaun + to jinx and has harbored so much#jaded anger as he’s yearned and grieved for all that could have been while pushing himself to fight for better things finally gets to fix#part of what went wrong (saving jinx and choosing to see her as someone who can change Again <- feeling that is part of what Made him so#cynical in the first place bc his friend was Gone and how is a kid supposed to grapple w that while still trying to be a beacon of hope??)#and solidify himself as the last and only hope in the end (which is what he always was and always was going to be) <333#my arcane s2 criticisms are glaring but i still have ekko goggles on#ah shit i just remembered the firelights were snubbed in favor of the half baked jinx revolutionaries. damn.#like don’t we remember why he was the boy savior in the first place. ah fuck. damn.#nvm i can’t think about it i’m going to get mad 😭#anyways.txt#arcane spoilers
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Essay on heartbreak points
Just thinking of LBH pining over SQQ along the novel before he finally gets the man
Pre-abyss LBH wants SQQ, but the thing i see in him is not just wanting him, carnally sexually or otherwise, he wants SQQ’s attention and approval bc he admires him, its as simple as that. Og goods already had his admiration just bc he was a great cultivator, he was elegant and beautiful and worked hard af, it was like…if a polished stone like jade was used to hurt rather than be the soft, warm and flawless concept of beauty - that chinese media usually uses -. But then the cold showed a soft inner core! Yes! Our dear transmigrator took over and confused the hell out of t he poor LBH that still struggled to excuse SJ’s behavior. Then though, SY took care of him with love and with smiles, using mdoern sensibilities to measure things like care and affection…and I think that some of those discrepancies between a hellish setting and a soft oblivious SY must have been quite jarring to LBH. He sees someone that believes in inherent good and is passionate and silly, knowledgeable and kind, and can’t help but want to be close! He admires him so much!!
Still pre-abyss, not only LBH admires the heck out of SY, he is also his shizun, and i don’t forget about his teacher kink but im talking about the dynamics of it instead of anything sexual. LBH knows and firmly believes that his position is way below that of SQQ’s, he is protected and cared for, but he longs to protect and care for as well right? Because he has seen that SQQ is powerful but not above everything, because he is knowledgeable but not all-seeing, because he may be taken advantage of by someone crafty that doesn’t deserve his kindness. LBH pretends to fall and be weak and helpless when it’s convenient for him, but he knows he has to take every advantage he can bc he needs to be strong enough to protect SQQ, because the world has shown him that there are many dangers and that someone not of a peak lord’s status isn’t worth to marry (idk how much about this airplane would have put into his work, but lets remember that ancient chinese marriages were a very foemal and important thing that involved status and wealth, not just love). Let’s remember our bun has also been a street rat and probably saw many things at one point or another! We can only speculate and write fics about that last point, but the street is not a good place to be, especially in a PIDW setting. Also, bc he wasn’t strong enough, quick enough, bc his family had no power or money his mother died, it’s as hurtful and as plain as that for him, even if he knows (does he though?) that it’s not his fault.
Onwards to the abyss! It’s shit. That’s what it is. Shizun who he admires, respects and loves above everything, who told him that nobody was intolerable for the heavens went against every fucking shit he said and coldly forced LBH into the abyss. What the actual fuck SQQ (affectionate), you gave him so many issues fr. I can only imagine how confused the poor LBH must have felt when his Shizun yet again changed tune like this in a way he can’t fully explain this time, even more so, he could try, but it wouldn’t change the fact that LBH is currently in the worst place ever because the person he loves with his whole heart threw him there (and possibly wanted him to stay down there? to become one of its creatures? To die? He has no idea???). LBH has strived to be good, to be worthy in his teacher’s eyes since he entered the sect and he has just gotten proof that he isn’t and will never be even though he had the hope of getting there despite everything. It’s just filled with heartbreak and i think that the system only deducted SQQ’s current total points bc he literally had to die to be deducted any more and LBH can’t have him dead and the system knows that extremely well! It also gave SQQ a scenario push remember? And that was only for LBH’s benefit istg, SQQ had no idea.
and talking about death! Funny thing isn’t it? It’s ridiculous that SQQ dies so many times (srsly bro, wtf - again affectionate) but I believe that the first was the most traumatic for LBH. SQQ doesn’t sneer at him like a disgusting mucus but instead is afraid of him! LBH worked hard to just see SQQ again, to reunite the courage to talk to him and ask him if he regretted what he did, to show him he was a good person and that he had power now, that he could impress him and protect him (he has lost a lot of his own self-esteem base and i do believe that’s part of where heartbreak points come from) the person whom he values the opinion of the most -the only one even- thinks him a beast and an unredeemable demon…and when he tries to peove himself not that, the only thing SQQ does is run away from him, to decide to be silent and refuse even LBH’s (biased) kindness. He wouldn’t even take LBH’s robe! Imagine that you love someone and that someone hates your guts and refuses to even acknowledge that they hurt you, oh, and all this while an evil sword is fighting to take advantage of your negative feelings. Post-abyss is also shit, just a bit better bc LBH has the illusion of control, he thinks he can still control the situation and is slowly losing hope of shizun understanding him. But the illusion shatters when SQQ self-detonates to save him. The one he supposedly hates. LBH is probably just eternally confused in sv now that i think about it lmao *pats consolingly*
post death 1 (actually 2 for SY): LBH thought he knew shizun, then he realized he couldn’t explain everything shizun did. Then he tried to ask, not even for a full explanation, just to know if shizun really did hate him (bc LBH truly doesn’t care at that point what SQQ does or what SQQ’s reasons and actions were as long as he still loves him, smhw he is so…) and got instead a blow up in his face, coupled with other ppl’s accounts of SQQ mourning him like he was actually truly dead, missing him and finally he sees SQQ sacrificing himself for him. This surely must be enough fpr LBH right? Well…not really, SQQ could have been sacrificing himself to protect the ppl around him - LQG is there and we all know that LBH is mildly sus of him at this point, it will get worse later when LQG is the one coming by every fucking day to retrieve SQQ’s corpse so mhm…its possible LBH thought they had something (not necessarily romantic) at some point, or that LQG and the other ppl were important enough to sacrifice his life for. Not only that, but shizun was not rejoicing when he came back, he never said anything. He killed himself in everyone’s pov -but SQH’s-without explanation, in the most tragic and confusing way of all, saying he would repay LBH…lets also remember that repaying someone can mean completely cutting ties and leaving with a clean slate. And the only actual thing he did was show LBH he didn’t have actual control over the situation and that it was possible to be completely powerful and still lose the ones you love and care about. Idk (or don’t remember haha…) the moment LBH started building the bamboo house in the demonic realm, but it says a lot about what he wants and what he dreams about, the most probable things he is feeling at this point is desperation and melancholy, nostalgia. He longs for the days where he was secure in the knowledge of Shizun’s affection for him, no matter what kind of affection it was, but at the same time is bittersweet because he knows that shizun will never love him foe who he is and that drives him mad with heartbreak that is just building up over time. He will also feel incredibly guilty over SQQ repaying him with his life, because all he ever wanted was basic communication but Shen ‘i am so emotionally repressed i can’t even tell what I’m actually feeling’ Qingqiu obviously thought he was being hunted for revenge. So rip LBH, he wanted an explanation or just a simple ‘i regret it’ but what he gets is confusion, a corpse he has to reanimate asap, and incredible guilt + more damage to his self esteem
Then SQQ comes back and doesn’t even try to search fpr him? And everything becomes a huge mess quite quickly. But. Luo Binghe watches his shizun go back to his martial family and interact with them in a way that he doesn’t interact with LBH anymore. LBH gets his face rubbed with the fact that what he strongly wishes for (going back) is impossible because he made the mistake of being born. Which, would demoralize the strongest of us honestly. And uta been so long since i read sv that I don’t remember much, but im sure that LBH can’t even think that SQQ does care for him, the trauma and insecurity, the abandonment issues have grown so big that they are like a bull in a china shop, ready to shatter everything in short range. Its only when SQQ gives his life (LBH does not know this but he is aware that SQQ would not have used papapa to save the world with just everyone) and gives him something he kept for so long - and that LBH himself thinks is precious despite being worthless - that he understands a bit that shozun may not hate him so much. I’m surprised that heartbreak points weren’t so used or that we didn’t get reminded of them through the story, because it would have given us an inkling of how LBH was feeling, but also spoilers and SQQ’s obliviousness, i imagine that at the end of sv they would have been lower than what they were (in truth) at the IAC but not completely gone
finally, i think that heartbreak points could be used to gauge how traumatized poor LBH was at eaxh point in time, but also to measure the state of his self esteem and the level of hope he had according to the way SQQ acted along the novel. I think that the points were all gone at some point (i eont remember anymore -cries- ) but i fullly believe that post canon Binghe still has heartbreak points and a whole lot of issuws that start to slowly disappear as thwir relationahip progresses. The only thing is that LBH still ties his own worth to SQQ’s opinion of him, and he will have heartbreak points again if he misunderstands SQQ st any point (unlikely but still).
Anyways…
THIS POOR BABY BREAKS MY HEART! He was terrible but he was also very human and truly, he deserves good.
Sorry about the rambling essay! :D
#luo binghe#svsss#character study#kinda#im just rambling about LBH’s love and obsession with SQQ#I’ve always said that sv is funny from SQQ’s and SQH’s pov but from everyone else’s is a damn tragedy#this is why LBH’s poor heart is like a maiden’s lol#he is a dramatic little shit but he has reasons to be iw what im saying#random thoughts#rambles#mentions of death#canonical death i mean#Essay on LBH’s suffering haha oops#the usual#do tell me if i got smth wrong or forgot ro add#its been so long since i read sv i wanna buy a copy so bad#i may add more to this
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yknow it's interesting how, for all his talk in s3/4 of not wanting arthur to idolize him, john is... arguably doing something very similar right back.
and it's entirely understandable. john has just been pulled back from his absolute lowest point, and not even through his own determination or sacrifice or whatever, but because he chose to sign his best friend up for a capricious god's games without his knowledge so he could be with him and on earth. he was probably hoping they could have at least a little bit of a breather before kayne's deal started causing new problems. just a little time to ease himself slightly out of pure caged-animal survival mode, to be with the person who helped him find humanity and be reassured that he hasn't completely lost what little of it he had.
...and then he actually gets there, and realizes very quickly that Something Has Gone Very Fucking Wrong in the short time he's been away. john doesn't even know about larson's daughter yet, he has no fucking idea why arthur is so desperate to hunt this man down that he's ready to throw their life away in the process. he needs to believe that arthur has changed, in some fundamental way, and that said change can be reversed. if john just finds the right words, if he can get it through to him that what he's doing is wrong, he can bring his friend back. because if arthur drowns he's going to pull john right down with him, because how is he supposed to keep hold of his barely-recovered morals when he's stuck with someone so hellbent on throwing them away?
when john talks arthur down after killing uncle it is legitimately caring abt his friend, ofc, but it's self-motivated, too. How could they have won? We're nowhere near finished. read as i'm not lost, i'm not damned, there's still a chance for me to be better.
he needs arthur to not be a monster bc otherwise, john has to be one too, and he can't bear that.
#the nemesis speaks#mv liveblog#malevanalysis#malevolent spoilers#are these words good. am i making sense. i feel like i'm not quite hitting the thing i'm trying to convey#fuck man. part 26 is such a fucking gut punch every damn time#like obviously john sees his own fall from grace in the dark world in arthur's fixation on larson#but i wasn't expecting to hear him draw such a direct line between the two#and ofc john's wrong here. arthur's ''nature'' hasn't fundamentally changed. he's not actually gone mad or anything#that violent vindictive streak has always been there. john's seen it! it came out with the widow and faust at least#but it's never been louder than it was in addison. losing john and going thru the town and then finding out abt larson's crimes#all sharpened it to an extreme#and given john's had an unspecified amount of time in the dark world probably remembering mostly the arthur he knew last#the one who recited poems from his past to comfort john and literally died trying to protect him#it's such a jarring difference. basically the polar opposite of the arthur he wanted to hear from#anyway e26 arthur ilysm <333 all of the emotion is sooo well done. makes me sick i adore it#girl you are KILLING IT! girl i don't think it's MOVING ANYMORE. girl you can STOP BITING
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Woe, unfinished, mildly edited, fulfire fic tid-bits be upon you
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Like a magnet, his optics kept drifting back to Misfire's face. His stupid, strangely charming face.
For a short while, after Clemency, it had been that face that haunted some of his nightmares. His recalls blurring the lines between the strange reality of Misfire's hands reaching into him to lock his fuel pump back into the very spot he'd pulled it from, and the fear that just as easily he could pull it out again. They had been bloody dreams. Dreams that had him startling awake, gripping his chest in the vain attempt to close what wasn't open, before spending the rest of the day avoiding Misfire's optics.
But now things were different. Not Misfire's face. No, that hadn't changed much. But Fulcrum's dreams had definitely changed. To say the least of what all rolled around in his processor as he slept nowadays.
Some of those newer dreams had crept to the forefront of his mind as he sat there on the couch, staring as the lights of the screen reflected dully across Misfire's plating in hazy blues and greys.
The lighting made his colors seem muddy and faded, but Fulcrum didn't really care, nor did he care to think what it made himself look like. He was too busy bringing an empty engex can to his lips while he watched the crinkle of Misfire's nose as he barked a laugh at something Fulcrum didn't catch onscreen.
He'd started noticing it months ago, all the ways the silvery mesh of Misfire's face would scrunch up with his emotions. Those little crinkles along his optics and nose when he laughed or glared. The creases indented along his cheeks when he grinned. Fulcrum found himself quietly logging away these little details. Idle notes and observations that had suddenly started piling up in the corners of his processer.
He… He'd never really done that before? He'd never really noticed those sorts of things in other mechs.
The faces and expressions of his past colleagues never seemed terribly important. All the details of every smile and frown were never worth filing away, outside of few notable moments where those expressions reflected his work performance. But besides the smile that meant promotion, and the frown that meant he'd screwed up, nothing else was noticeable. Nothing was worth remembering.
But now the memory of every genuine laugh that bubbled out of Misfire sat comfortably besides memories of warm joyful optics that Fulcrum found himself collecting every time Crankcase cracked a rare half-smile for him, or when Krok placed a reassuring hand against his back, or the times Spinister spontaneously pointed out something odd but ultimately nice about his stupid frame.
He didn't really know why he was doing it, memorizing all these mundane little things, just to have them flit through his processer randomly. Maybe it was because those expressions, those details, felt… comforting? Comforting in such a strange and unfamiliar way. But, a good way. A good sort of strange, much like the mechs themselves.
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He had stared for a long moment, the credits and their rolling tune playing somewhere in the background as Fulcrum stared back. But Misfire was never one for personable silence, even as the sound of some likely long dead Iaconian orchestra filled the room.
"What is it?" He asked, a small chuckle escaping him as he brought a hand to his face, "Don't tell me I've poured it all over myself again."
It had taken Fulcrum longer than usual to unstick his glossa from the roof of his mouth as he watched Misfire run a thumb over his lips, but eventually he had coughed out a small, choked, "No."
That had earned him an odd look at first, but with their fields loose and open, Fulcrum could almost feel the exact moment something clicked in Misfire's mind, as the idle comfortable static he projected in pulsing waves evened out into something openly curious and almost subdued.
It wasn't often Fulcrum felt him that clearly.
Misfire tended to keep his field fairly close, though, maybe not as close as the others did, what with how Crankcase kept an iron grip on his, and how Krok's always held an air of strained control, even when it slipped from him. But still, Misfire's was always hard to read, no matter the reach or depth of his field.
Even then and there, with it loose and unfiltered and buzzing with the engex running through his system, there was an ever present undertone of something indescribably jumbled about him, like too many feelings at once, each too vast and hurried for Fulcrum to really feel or understand.
It always seemed to stir the passive anxiety Fulcrum must've been forged with when Misfire's field brushed against his own. As facing the indescribable vague mess of Misfire felt like trying to untangle a pile of live-wires he couldn't even see.
It was almost frustrating in a sense, the need to try and sort and understand what wasn't even his to begin with. But at the same time it was almost exciting as well. It was like a game, like a puzzle he had yet to solve.
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Finally letting his own can go tumbling to the floor to join Misfire's, Fulcrum had brought a hand to cover his face as he drew his legs up and leaned back against the arm of the couch, trying to suppress the fit as the sly look slipped from Misfire's face at the sounds.
While Fulcrum had laughed, and… snorted, embarrassingly, he had felt Misfire's field change again, brushing something fizzy and almost warm against his plating as Misfire's features softened.
"I'm looking at you," Fulcrum had said then between gulps of air, letting his hand fall from his face as he reached out to poke at Misfire's chest, "Dumbaft."
His finger had lingered over the thick plating there for maybe a little longer than necessary, drawing Misfire's attention as it slid down a little before pulling away.
Looking back up again with his helm angled slightly, Misfire had followed the sight of his hand leaving his plating to where Fulcrum let it fall between them.
"Wow…" Misfire had chuckled a little dryly, "I was gonna make it real easy for you. I was going to say something like, ''Do you like what you see?'' or-… or something like that. But now you've ruined it. Good job."
Meeting Fulcrum's optics again as he pulled his own hand back from Fulcrum's shoulder, he brought it to rest between them as well.
"And you're laughing at me," He said next, faking a small pout as his hand drifted closer to Fulcrum's, "Which totally ruins the whole vibe I was going for really. I mean, it's sort of hard to be all nice and suave-like when you're being laughed at. Total vibe killer. Bit of an ego killer too if I'm being honest. So thanks for that loser, thanks for saying I have a funny face."
With Misfire's fingers brushing distractingly past his own, Fulcrum didn't think before the words stumbled out of him.
"I like your face."
It came out almost matter of fact sounding, Fulcrum's laughter having died down while Misfire complained about it. But at the same time the words felt so simple, they came out so easily, and in a weird way they felt nice to say. But Misfire's optics had widened in surprise, his frame frozen and his field suddenly struck quiet, and despite the engex numbing his usual nerves, Fulcrum felt a sudden pang of anxiety because of it.
The silence in Misfire's field was terribly alien. It felt wrong, and something in Fulcrum spiraled to think he had caused it. But slowly, almost as if it were creeping forward, an odd almost scrutinizing uncertainty fanned outward in a careful wave. Misfire moved with it, leaning closer as he searched Fulcrum's expression for something.
"Oh yeah?" He'd said lowly then, and that sly look returned. But that vague uncertainty didn't fade with it, if anything, Fulcrum felt it strengthen. Caught between what he saw, in Misfire's easy smile and dimmed optics, and what he felt, in the growing hollow distance within their fields, Fulcrum found himself frowning and pulling back.
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Growing frustrated with himself, and wanting that feeling back, he had pushed forward, shifting onto his knees as he reached for Misfire's face before the other could pull away from him entirely.
"I like your face." He said firmly, maybe too firmly. His expression still drawn into a frown as he pressed his fingers into Misfire's helm, brushing his thumbs across the silver mesh he'd been staring so intently at before. "I like your optics, and your nose. I- I like the way you smile. When you really smile, and when you laugh. I do. I'm not lying."
And oh there it was again, that little curl of warmth in Misfire's field. Almost a tangible thing, like a brush of ventilation, but Misfire wasn't venting. His mouth hung open ever so slightly, but no breath left him as he stared at Fulcrum with widening optics.
Spurred on by that tiny bloom of warmth, Fulcrum chased after it with slightly slurred words and clumsy hands as he tried to fix whatever he'd done wrong, hoping with each word that Misfire might soften and smile again.
"I like your expressions, and- and I like your voice," He said, glancing down at Misfire's parted lips, and laughing softly, nervously, as he continued, "Even when you say something so stupid. I like- I like the way it sounds. I like your accent, I like the way it makes your words sound. I- I like your- your mouth?"
Once more that weird but nice feeling settled in Fulcrum's chest. Those simple words felt good to say. It felt like a weight off his shoulders, like an admission he'd been waiting to say. About what and why? He wasn't really sure. But the warmth grew, and Misfire took a sharp vent inwards, and that felt right, so Fulcrum kept on.
"I like your helm," He said with a smile, reaching up to brush his fingers over the jutting finials there, before dropping his hands to settle lightly over Misfire's chest. "I like your frame, the colors of it. I like your-"
Before he could finish, Misfire was surging forward, knocking their helms together and nearly bruising the mesh of their noses as he tried for, and just barely missed, Fulcrum's lips.
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👁👁👍
#just gonna go ahead and share this before i think too hard about it and chicken out lol#idk. this has been sitting unfinished for a while now. but i'm fond of it and keep going back to re-read it. so?? yeah. idk#maybe i'll get around to finishing it. i like writing out all the like. sensory stuff with this. lots of neat stuff to try with em fields#also fulc being a very earnest drunk lol. and mis trying to be all casual and smooth despite balking in the face of it bcs he's a hot mess#i dunno. i think the og idea behind this was kinda turning the reassurance around to mis. just sorta breaking him down with nice words#fulc is usually on the receiving end of comfort and reassurance. not always. but enough so that it had me thinking bout it other ways round#idk. ultimately its like. just slapping mis with a mild praise kink and seeing what happens when fulc just says nice things to him#the bar is so low for them. fulc is like 'i like your face' with conviction and mis is half-way to keeling over bcs. damn. he needed that#my fav flavor of this is just them approaching romance from two drastically different angles. not on the same page. different books lol#mis plays it all like a surface level game. he's just trying to keep things light and airy. but fulc is going right for the kill#also hitting fulc with the demi romantic/sexual beam adds another fun layer to it all-#-this isnt his playing field. but he's sure as hell winning without really knowing why#ok. i've been up for way too long. was on sick dog duty overnight. its like 8am now and i haven't slept a wink lol#so if there's errors or smth sounds off. idk. pretend you didn't see it. ill fix it later. or i wont. idk. toodles <333#(also this is barely the tip of the iceberg fic wise. depending on how i feel bout this after a nap? might share bits of the big ghost fic-#(-cause that ones at like. 24k-ish now??? and thats only the 1st chap and half of the 2nd. its the fulc sees ghosts concept on steroids)#fulfire#my writing
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When you're the emperor of an entire nation and undoubtably have countless very important things to do...
...but you instead drive over to your friend's estate deep in the mountains to surprise him, just to be a normal person for a little while.
(Aka he's hiding out so he can nap in the arboretum for a couple days.)
#ffxiv#sketch#emet selch#solus zos galvus#oc#atticus van simularus#tsukiko and amako are there too just very... very tiny#poor atticus not realizing he's essentially getting affectionally garlean head bonked -by a god-#has to put up with the magical ascian bullshittery emet is capable of- not limited to this old man suddenly getting random bursts of energy#I will always love the concept of emet accidently getting way too into character or attached and it biting him on the ass#old evil not-wizard visits his longest living henchman#discovers henchman now has a pair of twins that he considers his children#has to go through the emotional whiplash of 'hehe i am a godfather now -> wtf am I even thinking'#tsukiko also gets to have the heart attack a year later that the old man she's been nonchalantly talking to is the god damn -emperor-#to her for a very long time he was just the weird old man that would nap under their willow tree all day aka “mr.galvus”#I always write and draw emet and atticus' dynamic together so happy but damn does their story make me so sad#regent basically has to beg atticus not to look into who emet-selch was because he knows it would basically destroy him#and like how I write him and emet- regent also accidently got way too attached to someone who was initially just a stepping stone
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